Why Did They Choose the Affair Partner?
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- It’s a common question I hear from the betrayed spouse every day, “Why on earth did my spouse choose them to have an affair with? It just makes no sense, Rick!” Sometimes it just doesn’t. The person our spouse chooses to have an affair with can be mind-boggling. It can leave you at a significant loss of understanding as to why they chose who they chose. Rest assured though, there are reasons and helpful tools to understand their choice in an affair partner. While these answers may not solve all your problems in recovery, it can certainly provide insight and explanation into what feels like a sea of confusion.
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Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: www.affairreco...
I’m divorced now from my ex husband and I have moved on I won’t “TOLERATE” cheating! I deserve so much more!🌹
Carol Dudeck Hey, i rarely read such comments. Great you found your self-respect.
That pesky 20% 😞
The devil is REAL my friends
Don’t fall trap to the distractions
So true my friend
Thank you. This is my 3rd day after finding out my wife has another relationship and I simply feel like I'm dying, searching for answers everywhere. We are separated now and I am taking my time to wrap my head around it, trying to calm down and make the most mature and rational decision; but these feelings of sheer pain are new to me, I do not know how to deal with this. Your words bear so much wisdom. Thank you.
Im still in pain though its been awhile since D days. I will tell you that its hard as hell but you will get to another place. Please hang in there and remember that you are worth everything!
I rely on these vids! Samuel and Samantha are my examples!
I hear you loud and clear...it’s been 5 weeks since I found out about a 4 month Facebook affair...she won’t admit it was an affair because it never got physical. That’s BS.
@@rob4n12 lifting you all up in my prayers. Yes being cheated on is pure Hell
I'm 2 1/2 years from d day and it still hurts and it doesn't go away.
What if the spouse is the one that is chasing the other person? The affair partner? It’s not always the other person. I’ve been hit on and chased by married men. I DO NOT give into them. But he makes it sound like the other person is chasing the married person.
Thank you for this video, my wife was lonely as I was out a lot so decided to start posting tik tok videos for attention, of course it wasn't long before someone came along and gave her that attention. It was going on for about a month before I found out. She decided she loved him after such a short time and chose him over me. We were together for 18 years and have a great house, comfortable life and 2 beautiful children. It's so hard to understand why she would throw it all away for someone who lives 2 hours away and she'd known for a month. We never even tried to fix us. The pain is unbearable and we still currently live together so I have to sit there and watch her messaging him all the time, disappearing for hours to talk to him or even meet him. The part about him saying all the right things at the right time definitely feels like how he hooked her. I know she's to blame for looking and getting herself involved. It's getting easier with time but even after everything she's done to me and our family I still love who she was before. I hope when we sell the house and go our separate ways I can really get over her and start to heal
Sorry to hear about your pain - it will get better.. Keep watching affair recovery videos
. . . it will help you and your next relationship if your wife doesn't wake up and do the work to realise her mistake in lust.
I'm unfortunately in a similar situation
Wife did same, she posted on IG and even paid promoted her posts then she fell for someone messaging her. We have three kids and this man lives in Nigeria. She divorced me got engaged to him few months after.
@@michaelsmith1364 Something is clearly, really wrong with her. She is not well. 🤦🏾♀
Brother, just focus on yourself. Your health, your passion or career, and kids. My wife cheated after 28yrs. I was devastated. But I realized how much more I could get out of life after this. I doubled down on fitness, hobbies, and work. Found another girl. Now she wants to come back...imagine that. Stay strong King!
Sadly you don’t even have to be looking to find someone who is offering to do something inappropriate.
So true!
I certainly voiced the truth of that , to my spouse after d-day.
I purposefully set up my life for the security of my spouse . My goal was to provide him with the confidence that I was on his team only.
Had I known that he wasn't on mine, I wouldn't have made so many sacrifices to accommodate his insecurities and paint myself into a corner, only to be cheated on anyway.
It really is hard to get over letting my career go, putting aside my ability to produce an income, becoming co-dependant to support a weak ego , only to find out that I got betrayed anyway.
Super mad at myself for trusting a man to talk me out of working, only to be cheated on when I did.
I think an affair is much harder for a man to end when the AP has her own life and doesn't want the whole package. She's happy to have an affair and doesn't want marriage. Those kinds of affairs last longer and the man is kept interested because of her independence and he is kept worrying how to keep her interested in him. The wife has little to compete with there as she is predictable, her life is her family and him. I think women should keep their independence in marriage and their own interests and not give their entire lives to their partner. This helps in either scenario: 1. It keeps you interesting and your spouse doesn't see you as part of the furniture. 2. If you find he's cheated, at least your eggs are 'ot all in his basket and you don't feel your entire world has ended because of his affair. You can't be everything to one person. Don't make one person your everything.
Point well addressed.
I don’t think I completely understood what your saying, but the way I see marriage is, you have to be all in and become “one”.
Are you for just the woman’s “independence” in marriage? Is this an “open marriage”( for her but not for the man)?
I totally agree that's what I did 20 years kept my independence the whole time when the affair came up no problem leaving where as many others stay because they don't have the strength to leave
Absolutely agreed. Some women dont want the bad side of her ap. Sad but true😍😊
Then why get married in the first place??? If I could start my life over again, I would have never got married! Just get a good career and have fun !!!
I've never been married and no kids but now almost 50 I do want a life partner to have my back
@@cocogomez2278 married almost 42 years.... my partner has never had my back.... not even now after I know all.... and choose to try to heal our marriage. I would make very different choices if I had the opportunity
Me too. I love our kids we had together and wouldn’t change that for anything but If I had a time machine I’d be tempted because as much as I love my kids and adore them on the opposite side of that coin is the depression and the painful torture of what has happened to me since I’ve been married.
@@cocogomez2278,
If you want someone you can trust who will not stab you in the back, don’t pick a confirmed liar & cheater who is currently doing that to his wife.
Some do get married for ❤...
Starting counseling tomorrow. Wife cheated after 10yrs of marriage. Triggered by her mom suddenly passing. I filed for divorce so it’s pending but there’s no remorse. Tried biblical counseling but I think my wife is going mental. Gonna try the therapy but I think I just wanna end the marriage. I’m so hit and in so much pain. It’s been 6 months and after many times of claims of wanting to stop the affair she keeps going back. I can’t take this abuse any longer. I’ve been to the hospital twice so far for stress with multiple anxiety attacks. Lord help me, save me from this pain
Remind yourself that you were happy before you met your wife & you will be happy again without her. Now before you do anything stupid like starting to drink go join a gym and exercise to feel good.
You both need counseling. I went to divorce care for a year and also griefshare. You can find groups on line. Usually they are held in churches but they are 13-week programs and believe me they helped me a lot. My marriage ended up a divorce after my husband left me for another woman after being married for 30 years. There are always underlying causes to these things but some people can save their marriage and work through it. It depends on the two people and their willingness to try to see if they can stay together. It takes raw honesty and good guidance. I know the torture and pain and after 17 years now been divorced oh, I still have triggers and I still learn things on why my marriage ended. I was in the throes of a deep depression and I could not fight to keep my husband. The alternative for him looked better. He has been married to his AP now for 16 years
So sad my brother hope you ok after a year of trauma
You are so right in naming the places an affair can start. However; you left out Alcoholics Anonymous. I am shocked at the number of married AA members who "hook-up". They start as "just friends", then move to texting/talking on the phone, then lunch, and then either an Emotional Affair or a Physical Affair. I have witness this occurring.
You're right that happens to my husband.. Beginning it's just work related then they share problems texting, chatting, enjoying work together, going home at same time, eating and going to places they knew and set. Then emotional cheating started and what worse on that my husband blame me on doing this type of cheating... He begun hiding his phone deleting messages and call logs deleted sweet conversations were there and even drink together... It is so unfair that he blame me hurt me emotionally verbally and physically abused me..
The last one...mid life crisis! 2 months ago my wife of 18 yrs suddenly said she hasn't been happy for a long time and wanted to have a trial separation...called me controlling, said we aren't compatible, and that she hasn't been able to be herself. We hadn't actually gone through with the separation yet but a month ago I found out she met a guy 10 yrs younger than her, total lowlife who has 4000 Facebook friends, most of whom literally look like strippers. She has lied so much about so many things since then and gets angry at me for "snooping". She claims she cares about this person and really enjoys talking to him. I also found $1500 receipt for lip injection filler and $150 for eyelash extensions. I am planning on moving ahead with divorce because I don't think I can ever trust her again. And she shows no remorse
Same! My husband of 17 years turned 50. He had an affair last year with some 30 year old stripper! He started partying hard and just absolutely acting like he was a teenager.
We are still together but it's not going well. It pretty much obliterated our entire life. He's not the same person and now neither am I. Too much damage done!
Update
What about the married man or woman chasing the affair partner? Lying about there marriage
Yes
This is so dead on to my wife's motivations. I've called all of this!
Thank you for this explanation! It was important to me to understand why my husband betrayed me and choose the other person over me
Thank you for this video. Even though it hurts to hear some of the things that I went through, it reassures me some of the reasons why my husband cheated on me. This I believe is a part of the healing process to come face to face with the situation at hand. I have Jesus Christ as my Rock and Fortress, He will get us through it.
Amen
I would also have chosen not to marry…. So many reasons to NOT be married.
What makes it heart breaking with ur partner chooses a supposed best friend as the AP, there for tearing down every safety I 🤔 thought I had
Happened to me also. I’m sorry you went through that. Very few people know what complete and total abandonment feels like. I hope you are doing ok
My wife presented me with a divorce in June. Started to date the guy she cheated on me with before in July. She cheated on me 5 years ago. I only just found out this month she started dated this person. I've been needing answers and its been killing me not knowing "Why?".
Im sorry but you must forgive in order for you to move on, you dont have to let her know just know it in your heart that you forgive her. Write a letter to her tell her everything you need to say, keep it for a couple of days and then burn the letter. When answers are not there for you that's a way to get out of it. Good luck.
dont be mad at yourself too for overlooking it. none of what happened was your fault.
me too
We've only been married 5 years and I've given her an incredible amount of security. She is walking away from the marriage and refuses to have any conversations with me and the last 6 months.
The Affair Partner chose my husband it all started with asking him if he was single which he responded with that hes married "but its complicated" She used that as fuel to continue to pursue my husband and the night they went to the hotel she told him not to worry because "ONE night wouldnt hurt it wouldnt count" BUT an affair is never just ONE night. He told me that's what she said and some how he felt it was justified. I'm completely crushed and I feel my self slowly loosing sense of reality and sense of self.
I C I’m sorry to hear this I felt I was going crazy at one point my thoughts had stop being my own and I felt I was going crazy if you stay with him or not healing needs to happen spending time with God and this videos will surely help you heal even though you might not think so now.
I C - hi, welcome to the club. The same exactly happened to me. She was ugly, inside and outside and just wanted a man with better salary than her husband. Thank God she moved like 4,000 miles away when she lost the “game”. But I still feel no good about myself and I’m afraid I’ll never be the same cheerful person again.
My spouse will not take responsibility, we have had a rough year in our marriage. In his mind he does not think he did wrong having an affair, because we "were not married"...whoa, back up...did he get a secret divorce? Says did not feel married any longer & therefore it was justified. Just sick minded & hard for me to even wrap my head around it. He did finally file for divorce, but would probably continued behavior had not gotten caught.
I'm so sorry. I can imagine that had to be extremely devastating.
@@CaToRi- I hear you. My husband says that he misses the happy go lucky me. I told him you murdered that part of me when you cheated.
YES that’s exactly and my former spouse was insecure and refused to get any help or communicate!
Now it's been 4 months since i discovered that my husband cheated on me ( for 7 continuous months) i was on mission in another city i would come and go a lot he used this as an excuse to get them to bed .. the day i knew it i thought about suicide many many times .. and i thought that this feeling would never stop .. but i strated to write down anything and everything about whatsoever just to make it easy for my mind to process cause there was so much going on in my head .. now i could say i am happy and cheerful like i never been .. i am still with himbut i have changed a lot i have focused more on my self .. and i always make sure to surround myself by positive people ..
A note to any woman out there who us seeking help and feeling lost i send you a lot of love and i tell you not to worry because it's all going to vanish you just have to learn to LET IT GO and focus on YOURSELF AND YOUR VALUE AS A COMPLETE HUMAN BEING .
Thank you very much. For the message
Hajar Nadim is he still continuing with his AP until now?
thank you. hoping it comes tomorrow
Thank you for this, a lot of good information to help me process things.
My ex husband not only chose his affair partner he married her 30 days after our divorce was final.
Same problem here
How did you cope?
I’m so sorry Nellie! My prayers are going out to you. ❤️🙏🏾
🥺
I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is. Hugs
Yes. My wife chose a coworker 23 years her junior. He was 5yrs old when we met, 12 years old when we married and 20 or 21 when they had the affair. She hates when I mention that age gap.
19 year marriage She was 2 months old when we married. They have 2 children and we are not even divorced yet
@@susanhaines7358 38 year marriage. We were together 10 years before she was even born. I never felt really old till now.
I’m sorry but that is disgusting. Age gap’s revolt me, regardless of the gender’s. Mostly because I was molested at 12 by my 40 year old half brother in law. So the 12 year old notation makes me particularly disgusted. I honestly don’t know how anyone, but especially a woman, could do something like that. I am so very sorry!❤
@@susanhaines7358 mine was a month shy of our 21st anniversary (that I found out) but continued from about 15 years through 21 years of marriage. Though I doubt I will ever know the truth for sure. I’m so sorry.
so right my wife is the same person
Sadly I have a few of his aps to compare to each other. It took a few years to stop comparing myself to them, or feeling lesser than them.
One day I realised how similar All the women aps were in personality. They were basically the equivalent of an obedient working dog. Eager to please. Dying to be patted and adored by anyone. His type was a yes person.. A person he could easily manipulate to get what he wanted and get adoration from.
To feed his ego.
The aps were all women that other women don't like. They existed solely for male attention to boost their ego also.
Once I realised they were all shallow selfish women and nothing like me and I didn't want to be anything like them... I started to believe that none of it was my fault. These personalities found each other and its the 20% I definitely didn't possess!. Back in the day these types would have been hookers.
You pretty much described two of my EXes. I loathe these type of women now. Why did I bother? They were beautiful. They were fun. They tended to mirror my desires, goals, dreams... in the beginning. But they are severely broken on the inside. I can't lie, the ego boost and intimacy/love-bombing can be out-of-this-world amazing. There are popular memes and sayings as to why you don't ever want to marry or become attached to this type of woman. They will start to wear you down, and once they have gotten their fill, they will drag you down to hell and roast you over the coals psychotic behavior and manipulations.
They still are… whether they charge or not. Heck most do it for free today on instagram and the like. All starts with a crap father who taught them that their value was in their sexual appeal… that is why we’re seeing a crisis amongst middle aged women right now. Because our sexual appeal falls off a cliff in middle age, in comparison so the young teens they’re feeding off of online. Unless they’re a good man, who actually loves his wife, they’re being pulled by that sexual appeal. Sure there are plenty of good ones we never hear about, but for most of us here that simply isn’t the case.
My UfS chose her because she was easy to talk to….I’m not easy to talk to I guess
The reason they chose the AP was to fulfill a fantasy they have. Thats a cleaned up version for what I actually meant. When she says she's bored and unhappy, just means her behaviors are obvious and she knows she is about to get caught. Same with then men in the exact situation. It's selfishness
I understand the spouse and his/her affair partner are responsible for these cheating behaviors, but what about the wicked demonic spirits which fuel these actions? These demons that are hell bent on destroying marriages and households and using people to cause these extremely painful breakups of the family structure?
Why blame everything unto demons? Human beings have been given free will to choose either good or evil. Adultery is a choice, period
@@learntoplaymusicbyfskhanye9381 Yes!! "but the devil is here to steal' kill and destroy. He can send his 😈 to influence a weak individual.
@@learntoplaymusicbyfskhanye9381 there are demons there specifically for destroying marriages and families, he’s only telling the truth.
I rebuke all demons and spirits of of family destruction as well as any other form of destruction.
IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME AMEN 🙏……..REBUKE EM IN HIS NAME.
Sounds like marriage or committed relationships are impossible. So what is the point?
A good marriage is possible - even after infidelity.
Not PROBABLE - but possible. 💗
Exactly!!!!
My wife left me for another man. 😭
@Welcome's House I feel your pain..similar situation here
I’m sorry for this horrible thing.
God bless you. 💗
Also important if you can get counseling it’s massively important I was blessed I got mine for free it helped immensely!🙏
I felt like I was grieving a love one's dead,but it was the pain of the betrayal and that I trusted my partner so blinded that I didn't see the red flags.I feel in a better place now,after three painful months,but I'm getting insurance so I can get professional help It sucks that he denials any wrong doing because I just overheard conversations with his buddy about women and didn't recorded nor find any more proof.I'm hypervigilant and it may take a while before he does it again,I may need to walk away without them,just trust my guts.
You might choose a partner by how they make you feel, indeed. However, we are not signing up for a cheating partner. We are a victim to that part of it. There are many that choose a person out of how they make them feel and they do not experience a cheating partner. I don't agree totally that it is a shared responsibility. We are not responsible for others lying and deceiving us. Victimization is a very spectrum issue and we have to make sure to not say "you signed up for it".
But when the affair partner has met the wife and been introduced to the family and likes the family pics pretending to be a family friend, they def share the responsibility in the deceit.
Don't forget there's always the physically ugly people who will willingly be an affair partner to a person with an attractive spouse just for the sake of getting the ego boost they were able to pull someone's eye away from the prettier prize. This is all apart of what I like to call "The Tyranny of Ugly Chicks" but some unappealing men exhibit this behaviour too.
That happened to me...10 years older and much ugly "friend " that approached me already with this intention..
That's what my husband's ap was
Same
Cheaters usually tend to cheat with an uglier AP bc it’s not so much about looks than it is attention and thrill. I can think of at least 8 people where the AP was wayyyy less attractive than the cheated on spouse 😫 So stupid
What about the relationships derived from affairs that have lasted more than 10, 20 or more years … how are those classified ?? … Sometimes all the rhythm and reason in the world still doesn’t make sense … no matter how or why we think it happened .. regardless of what they’ve put us thru .. we gotta pick ourselves up and move on … learn to love ourselves more and hate them less .. otherwise we’ll have wasted what little time we have in our lives ruminating over their f’ng betrayal .. it ages you fast
Excellent video, very interesting and informative.
I'm debating on whether I should ask how many times my wife cheated. Should I ask?
I know this is late, but I wouldn’t, once it’s out in the open, that enough to deal with
How does the betrayed spouse get the jealousy thoughts/desires out of their head of what the unfaithful had with the AP? It seems an exciting experience. ?
9 years still feel it
What can we do? It's been 2.5 yrs and im still lost
Julie Petulla exciting experience?????????????????????
@@jayalexander6798 yes! It had to of been to risk it all! I want that too!
@@jayalexander6798very exciting!!
I'm the AP and the MM continues to pursue me. We haven't been intimate. But time together feels calm. I dont know how to get out because he comes to my door. Somedays I dont answer. He leaves small gifts. I care for him deeply but the statistics dont show in my favor.
Same dude lied about his gf then wouldn't stop coming round to my house. I ended up moving but he approached in the street aswell lmfao they are very persistent.
Coco,
You are correct.
The statistics are SO not in your favor.
The vast majority of married men don’t leave their wives for their Mistress.
Even when an A.P. does marry the cheater it doesn’t look good.
The divorce rate for marriages born out of infidelity is over 80%.
@@stacysnider4899 I know at least two couples that’s relationships derived from affairs .. one has lasted more than 20 years just living together .. the other almost 10 🤷♀️
I’ve been going through this for a month, found out through mutual friends and have been met only with denial. The AP is an absolute dud and I feel strange that I can’t be bothered to care at the moment.
This video isn’t fair I was lied to he told me he wAs a long time bachelor I never was with anyone already in a relationship before...he denied denied denied...I told his girlfriend to get him away from me..he wAnted me to be 100% committed to him but yes had been living with a woman for 20 years...had kids he never told me about??? Omg had me break up with my bf to be with him...told me he was going to marry me...have kids with me...wouldn’t go I asked him so many times...so I told his girlfriend...he never said sorry just blocked my number so I immaturely humiliated at him at work and then resigned...I have to get away I can’t believe someone would do this to me.
Before I went on a recent date, I looked the woman up online. I paid a few dollars to look into her past. It was money well spent. I suppose most people don't think about looking up people. People should rather that take someone at his/her word. Verify everything.
And what if she cheated and moved my friend in OUR home after kicking me out. How can they just throw a marriage away like that? Or throw their spouse out? Does this mean she hated the spouse if she did this?
My husband picked his because he was with her in the 70's and again in the 80's again in the 90's. We have been married since 1992. He told me everything about her. He got with her again when I got really sick in 2009. I was sick for over 2 years everytime he would go back to his hometown for at least 6 months. In 2011 he was gone again I found out he denied it then he said they were just friends and nothing physical happened and it was my fault for not being there for him
Hell's Bells i was drawn to my affair partner because of the abuse i realised that he carried the same energy as my mom and they have quite the same personality and they are both left handed and i did not know why i stayed but i needed to stay it felt like my survival depends on it and he treated me like shit just the way mommie did and i did cartwheels and handstands to try and please them but only got more devaluation it is so messed up to be attracted to those who will hurt you and still be grateful their in your life because they supply the drug you so desperately need which is the abuse and beatings they give to you and still make you believe you caused it when infact beating you up relieved their stress an anxiety
I read that once a decision has been made to have an affair. The person has already weighed the pros and cons and chooses to have an affair. They have already put more value on the affair partner.
Absolutely correct!
What do you do if you are sure your partner was the one who was trolling for the AP? I have seen the emails and texts which clearly show he was the one who went fishing with multiple women and persuaded them for attention and affection and intimacy. He downplays this and said it came from both sides and he realizes it was wrong but the APs were to blame as well. One AP ended up hospitalized with poor mental health after it ended. I can't help think he is a compulsive manipulator and there is no hope that he will ever be straight up enough for us to work things out. Anyone else in this situation?
I think you are right about him. You need to leave him and move on. I say this with compassion for you.
Yea Sounds Identical to my SITUATION and hes still tryna downplay everything which is a huge issue with Me I do not feel safe 💯
Yes! This was not mentioned in the video!!! It should been!
Same
How can you help me? This video is happening to me I need help to get my wife back from her affair. My kids and I we don't get the intention love from her anymore. My kids are hurt as well like me. Please help
So helpful!
Great words
This is super interesting
hmmm interesting. the trauma bond would explain my wifes affair partners. very informative.
this was hard to take in...
Why didn’t you mention that sometimes people change and grow from their spouse after so many years of marriage … when the spouse doesn’t choose to grow or explore in the relationship and let it get boring
This is one of biggest fears along with being cheated on but I have maintained that people that are bored in relationships just cant grow old and are always looking for fun.
Just remember on the outside other married couples can look like they are exciting but are probably bored as well.
@@mikef410agree! It’s extremely common
Me and my ex were together for 20 yrs ( not married) but last year he told me he was seeing someone else and long story short he chose the other woman even though he said the affair was only going on for a few months but after we had only been separated for 9 months I founf out on Facebook that she's 15 yrs younger than him and he married her and she was pregnant at the time of their wedding, i think she said the right things to him during the right times and he was dealing with a midlife crisis but i don't see that relationship lasting
I’m sorry you went through this. Sometimes,There is a better match out there.
Great video....!
5:40 is spot on
Why people are so needy...that's a developmental issue...
thanks you for sharing
with all respect with all respect thank you sir thank you sir
Adrenalin & Cortisol from the Excitement and thrill. Then the guilt and shame. Finally then dread and fear when they get caught. Oh and homeless and poverty if the other kicks them out of their life... This is why women are not going to like it 5 years from now. Freewill = Zero Excuses. Do unto others as you want others to do unto you...
Most married households rely on two incomes.
Could my unfaithful have also been the seducer?
As someone who frequently gets hit on by married men, I can tell you, yes or course. Married men are quite deviant in my experience.
Absolutely! That extremely possible
There's no doubt in my mind that my wife is being controlled by her boss which is a lead doctor at the VA hospital. and it's 60
My partner stopped being regularly intimate with me about 5 years ago, now we do it every few months. I love this man to death, but heres the problem. Ihave always been a once a day girl, as ive told him and proven to him, right at the start. Now he acts like im depraved while im steadily losing my mind. He gives hugs and tells me he loves me but he simply falls asleep at night. What makes it worse is that id give him a quicky when he asks but he wont feel compelled to return the favour. Ive also given up everything for this man even though he peomised me he'll support my career etc. again, we discussed all this right at the start. Now im a deeply sexually frustrated financially dependant partner. Ita easy to say "why do you stay" or whatever but believ me its not that simple. Were a blended family with 5 kids. So many little lives will be destabilised if i leave. Ive thought about buying a sex toy but due to past trauma from my 1st husband eho was very abusive, i don't insert any toys. What do i do? Bexome a broken woman or leave and break all gheir littlle hearts?
Damn that’s rough. So sorry to hear. I don’t have any helpful advice unfortunately. Is there anyway you can eventually start making your own money and setup a separate account? Maybe slowly gain some independence. And yes get a toy if you’re deprived. No matter the temptation, I’d advise against an affair though.
He chose her because she was his coworker and i had lost mu breasts and hair due to breast cancer.
Thank You
How about because the spouse gained a ton of weight and let themselves go to the point that there was no physical attraction
That's a problem yes, but one that can be addressed in communication or by leaving - not by deception. Justifying is not taking responsibility.
Men can’t have standards. That’s only allowed for women. Men should spend their entire married life providing for the wife and family without any expectation of their needs being met. Oh, you can mention them, but you’re selfish and shallow for expecting anything. No matter how much it kills the man to see his wife destroy herself by gaining an enormous amount of weight (let’s say tipping the scale at 300 lbs) the man should just smile, keep working, pretend life is wonderful and bury his expectations because they are shallow and selfish. That’s the way it seems 🤷♂️.
My ex wife had affair with ex bf. 2 years laters and still together :(
Same thing happened to me, it wast best friend and a fellow service member. I am devastated and hate myself beyond anything.
Dang brother my wife just did this to me this past friday dude
my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me with his ex.? I'm still indenial its only been a month but no sure if I'll ever get over it.
Emotions are triggered by hormones and women are controlled by their emotions & an affair is a dopamine high equal to getting hooked on heroin. If your wife has an affair with another man I can tell you this: She is never coming back to you.
The cold hard truth for the husband is: Your wife’s genuine desire belongs to another man, she won’t have sex with you because if she did she would be betraying the man she desires, her affair partner. She already knows you the husband, you are familiar, you have rapport, you are comfortable, you are predictable, you are BORING. While her affair partner in comparison is delightful, mysterious, new, novel, fun, hotter, smells & taste delicious, does different things in bed, while with him her emotions are triggered into feelings of excitement & possibilities.
Bottom line: It could take years for your wife to come down from the high of an affair & you will be forever her second choice.
This video confused me
My husband had an affair with a lady for the entire duration of our marriage. They worked together. I always understood them to be friends and was comfortable with this.
When she got a particular car, he convinced me to get the same car.
Eventually I found out.
I threw the rings in the dustbin 🤧 we don’t wear rings now.
Yall still trying to make it worth?
Same here !
Or maybe they are in love and happy?
What are the reasons for emotional online only affair ?!?
I had An affair for 16 years believe me it's hard work but I did love her to bits it's over now but happy in my life . but mis her so much