If you want more resources, click here to get my Relationship Checklist, 12 Journal prompts for Codependency and lots more! www.counselingrecovery.com/resource-library-access/
No matter what stage in life we are in, we will always end up getting hurt for being left out. But as you grow, you learn how to be ok with it even though it stings a little.
Yeah and to realize that other people don’t often have the intention of hurting us - feeling left out can be a childhood trigger that we need to manage. Love your perspective Ken!
I get left out at work every day, no matter where I work, every single work place that I have worked this has happened to me over and over again, and I end up getting in to a silent mode taking a back seat. Even though I am immuned to it by now over the years still it hurts, there is no escape, this is meant to be, I need to learn some new strategies to deal with this lonely feeling when I am at work.
You know if you’re willing I would look at your behavior- like what could you do to try to put yourself out there, initiate a conversation or telling a joke. Read on improving social skills. There are probably things you could try 😀 hope that helps!
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you I have tried initiating conversations, telling jokes etc, but still it's not good enough, so I then give up and end up silent. and then I realise what flows will flow... can't force people to include you
@@bevm8446 the other thing I would consider is if you feel comfortable - ask someone close to you if they have any feedback for you. Sometimes a trusted friend can help us see our blind spots. Just a thought 😀
I had to spend 15 days in hospital after a bad car crash. None of my friends came to visit me the whole time. They messaged me with kind-sounding words and trite platitudes like “thank goodness it wasn’t worse” and “stay strong”. I was so shocked. It was the loneliest 2 weeks of my life. I’m still trying to recover from my physical injuries and the horrifying realisation that none of them are really my friends. I have no friends. At least I know that now. It makes me sad and disappointed, but also wiser. And yes, I feel shame too as it makes me question what is so wrong with me that none of my friends felt I mattered enough to even make one single visit? 😕
But your friends is being there for you. So far, they texted you. Being there for you does not have to mean visiting you physically. That is a job for family members. Remember that family comes first so you can't expect your friends to make you a 1st priority regardless if your are healthy or not. Got to understand that having friends is not the same as having family members. When you get older, you will understand why. If your friends have a spouse and a child, you have to expect that they will make family a 1st priority over you. Your friend's job is not to hold your hand and pay your bills. Got to remember that your family members know you more then your friends. If your connections with your friends aren't that strong and they barely know you, all they will do is text you. If you expect your friends to be there for you, you have to already have connections with them. Otherwise without connections, they don't owe you a physical visit. Even on Xmas, don't expect them to buy you anything. If you expect anything from friends, it won't be pleasant and you will end up feeling lonely regardless. Them coming to you needs to be them coming to you at their own will. Anything that isn't a friend's job, I would not even expect or depend on any of them to do for me.
Thanks for sharing that. You make an important point because our differences can separate us and yet knowing that can help us advocate for what we need. Even sharing our fears can help us stay connected. Thanks so much for watching!
That kind of illness would not be the cause of the issue. If you have to isolate, it does not make you a terrible person. Those people just took advantage of you feeling ill. So if these people just happen to take advantage of your chronic illness to leave you, then they are not the right people to hang out with. If you had a good group, they would excuse your absence and send you a text saying get better. No matter your condition, healthy or ill, you got to find a good group of people who does not leave each other behind.
Thanks Michelle. This is a biggie for me and probably one of the hardest issues in dealing with in recovery. "Why did they choose somebody else over me?" is my inner child or "little Sue" which definitely goes back to childhood and probably related to co-dependency. I've been a good girl or I have done everything you have asked and now I am not included is how I used to look at it. Definitely a work in progress and trying not to take it too personally.
Thanks, Michelle! This video was very helpful to me, particularly in catching those disempowering assumptions and using positive self-talk to not take things personally when you feel left out.
My bestfriends have been excluding me from their plans lately. I don’t mind them doing whatever… what hurts is that they don’t even drop a text to ask if I’d be available. And that’s what matters to me. Because I always include them and ask them if they’d like to do something with me even though I know they wouldn’t enjoy participating. To me, it’s the idea of asking if they’d be interested, rather than making the assumption that they won’t. This has been happening for years now. And I feel like I should just cut these friends out because it’s hurting my feelings to have to see on social media that they are out and about having fun. What should I do? Mind you these are my childhood bestfriends… they have been in my life for 20 something years…
@@MichelleFarrismft yes… and the one time I did, they got very defensive about it and ultimately I ended up apologizing despite having been the one that got ditched? It’s weird..
Your video came through on time! This blessed me🥹😞thank you for sharing , I am so tender hearted and have experienced this a lot .. Many times I really have experienced betrayals in groups which brought on this trauma. God bless you and thanks again ❤️
Thank YOU for taking the time to comment - I think I'll do another video on this topic since so many people are relating to it. It IS painful but also another opportunity for growth.
@@MichelleFarrismft I mean literally I was just sitting here thinking about something that happened with same similar story you shared here that happened, how it hurted and I felt something was wrong with me for feeling that way because really they had no bad intentions. And this video popped out of no where as if the Lord was confirming . Yes please please keep Sharing on this because for me I am so sensitive when it comes to groups of women. You have a new subscriber!❤️
@@jesusislord6948 Yeah I hear you! What I realized was that feeling apart from the group was how it started. All I had to do is speak up and they would have been supportive. Not every group is like that but sometimes admitting our pain breaks that barrier.
Im in a friend group of 12, half are girls, half are boys. And i feel left out because we often go out in groups, boys and girls. And i feel like im in neither because they rarely invite me, but i feel they go out often. It especially hurts because we have been a friend group for 2 years, and we have done almost everything together, like literally everything.
I know this can be really painful. Sometimes it helps to be assertive and let them know that you really love being a part of the group ( in your own words ) and want to be included too. If they aren't receptive to that it may be time to expand your network and start some new friendships. Doesn't mean you leave them - just watch how much you rely on them. Hope that helps!
Thank you, someone said it. It’s way different when you have a partner, you have it easier. The pain of being single, overlooked and unwanted is always going to be the worst and incomparable.
Being left out n ignored/overlooked etc has been the focal point in my unwanted miserable existence and as an adult adoptive reject its nothing knew for me tbh 😐
I'm sorry, this is such a painful issue. Have you considered therapy or Adult Children of Alcoholics? ( Even if there isn't addiction in your family - you might find support around childhood issues which is often where we first feel overlooked.
I felt left out, so I spoke up to my friends about this. They both said they would make the effort to invite me to places, and they did… for a while. Until recently. Then some comments were made like I get jealous too easy, and I should just enjoy the time I get with them. Also started saying that everyone likes me so stop thinking in that way. But i voiced that I don’t mind not getting invited to everything, however, it hurts if I don’t even get I invited to anything. And recently they keep hanging out without me, on multiple occasions. So I don’t even know how to approach this or even if I should bother anymore.
Yeah that’s rough but I like that you are trying to work it out. What I do is consider the feedback and if there is anything I can learn from it. Then I have to decide if the friendship is forth keeping or adjust my expectations.
When it comes to friends, part of a responsibility here is keeping up with appearances. So far, they invited you but then you if you question them, they will look at you as jealous type. Once you are invited, you don't want to question them because you will sound ungrateful. If I were to get invited and I don't feel happy, I would of quietly leave. Once you address issue after they just recently invite you, they can choose not to invite you anymore. Once you feel the urge to question them and you are in a position where you are not happy in that group, just leave. Othewise if you don't leave, you will waste their time and you will end up miserable in that group if you don't detach. If you are the one initiating to make friends, they are in charge of you because they know it is your job to impress them. If you cannot do a good job, you have to accept the loss. When you interact with them, it is like an elevator pitch at a job interview. If you don't impress, you don't get in. So if you address it, it will sound like you pointed out their flaws which means they can exclude you. If this is too much pressure to impress them, mind as well leave so that way, they don't earn the right to call you jealous.
@hp2546 You bring up a good point - we need to be mindful of making assumptions and yet we all do it! That is the challenge - to be aware and willing to check out any assumptions.
I have no partner (at the time of writing) and when I want to share a situation like feeling left out, there's often nobody around I can speak to; friends not answering my calls/telling me they're too busy, etc. so step 2 seldom works for me.
Then it might be time to learn some skills or start a hobby. Meeting new people isn't easy for many BUT if you are willing to look at yourself and learn some simples skills, this can change for you! Here are a few videos that might help How to Make Friendsruclips.net/video/PzFWxsowIPY/видео.html and one on How to Manage Expectations in Friendships ruclips.net/video/DmNiOhZkG00/видео.html
I'm so sorry I know that can be a huge trigger. The good news is that you can work with the trigger to and finding the original source can be helpful. I know with PTSD there is likely a lot going on. I hope you are getting the support you need :)
When you go to church, it starts by not caring about the people there. Go to church only for god. If you invest yourself with people there, this is how they find a reason to leave you. So far, the people in your church barely knows you and does not want to build a connection with you. If you don't even enjoy solitude life, you will give them a reason to leave you. Don't depend on the people to give you attention because they view you as a stranger. If you go to church and forget all about the people's validation, then people at church will not have a reason to avoid you. Anyone can be alone but not feel lonely. Remember that your main goal of going to church is god. So if you attend church, do not go there for any of the people there. If you go there for the people, this is how you have trust issues. You go to church for you and god. Not for anyone else. So just don't go to church for socializing. Go to church just to for god's guidance.
When I go to church, I sit there until the preacher is done preaching, then I head home. I depend on nobody because I never went to church to be a celebrity or become popular. You got to have this kind of mindset. If you keep that mindset you will realize the church is not about having social life. You will see value in the church if you are going in there for yourself.
But what happens when you ask why you were excluded, if there was something that you did, and the response you get is a flat out lie that the event you were excluded from never happened, that you weren't excluded from anything because there wasn't anything going on, but you know for a fact that there was? That's what hurts. I tried to check it out, and I got a big old lie denying that I was ever even left out. I know I was. I SAW IT.
I'm sorry to hear that. I know this is very painful. That's one of the reasons I recommend 12 step programs so often - because they give us a place to practice being a part of a group.
YES! And feeling left out IS something we feel more often than other people intend it - of course it's hard to see that when the feelings are intense. Thanks for watching!
I have a tendency to people please or act like a person that I’m not because I believe the real me is always overlooked and judged as weird and ostrisized. I feel like I don’t fit in with my peers and my parents used to use my social life to blackmail me into doing what they wanted and they’d isolate me during adolescence and tell me that people are not to be trusted. I naturally like and click with people but I feel like it’s wrong to get close to others. I isolate myself now and an never myself because I feel like I will never be able to get close to anyone without getting hurt by either my parents or the people I try to fit into.
I hope you can get some help because you deserve to have healthy relationships. Counseling is great for that or joining a support group. I often recommend 12 step programs like Al-Anon, ACA or Coda for childhood wounds/codependent relationships.
I am in a boarding school now I really feel left out I am new here and I don't know how to handle this feeling I literally cry every morning ,noon and night. I really miss my parents . I am also not allowed to use phone which makes me so damn lonely now for the summer holidays I came here but I am still afraid to go to my boarding school will really miss my parents God pls help me
Is there a school counselor you can talk to abut this? Most schools should have one - check w its the school secretary. You need support and someone to help - please consider this.
@@MichelleFarrismft I tried this and they just comforted me by saying u need time But I really tried my best being with them it didn't work they just constantly ignored me I discussed it to my parents they gave one month if I am not okay in the boarding school for the June month starting the next Monday they said she will change the school But I really need to change it now I am so scared to go to my boarding school again
@@MichelleFarrismft I literally tried to convince my parents about changing school But it's not happening now it really feels like more than hell in my boarding school It's been a month I came to my home and conversing to them about the issue they aren't considering it as a big deal next week I am going again to my boarding school reopens next monday
@@vasupoobhathy I’m so sorry. Do whatever you can to get support and take care of yourself. It helps to stay in the moment as much as you can. This WILL pass at some point.
Ugh…I’m sorry. This is such a painful issue. Building self-esteem was key for me around this issue. And managing my expectations How to Manage Expectations in Adult Friendships ruclips.net/video/DmNiOhZkG00/видео.html
Jesus told his disciples that "you are sheeps being tossed amongst wolves". More than likely you are a threat to them, even your manager. But you need to be unbothered by this shenanigan. Know you have POWER that they don't have! They rather see you quit so they can continue feeing they have the upper hand.
Sometimes we may contribute to it by having certain behaviors but it’s important not to assume without knowing for sure. For instance, if someone gives me direct feedback about my behavior then I can consider that and decide if it fits for me. But sometimes feeling left out is more about how we feel and our own fears. Hope that helps.
@@MichelleFarrismft but I truly don’t understand the whole normal-vs-weird concept, especially when it comes to neurotypicals and autistics. Is it _factually_ true that the former are normal and the latter are weird, unusual, and different-different? Is it?
@@MichelleFarrismft truth is, _l_ have ASD, and apparently it makes me weird and less “in”, especially at work. Basically, I don't get along so well with my coworkers. They don't talk to me when I'm around, quiet. They don't invite me to their table when I eat alone. They're each other's friends/conversationalists. I don't *_think_* they mean to leave me out, let alone they're bad people. I don't think they're thinking of me at all during their fun. Of course, it might be _my_ fault. I have occasionally said unfiltered things before, so _perhaps_ I permanently made a bad first impression. This one girl is a great example. Seems to like everyone else but me. Oh, the fun, the playful sarcasm/joking, sneaking up on a guy who likes horror films and exchanging in Australian accents. When she talks to _me,_ she's pretty serious and, AFAIC, subtly firm or annoyed. She chatted with another worker while driving us to a venue; when it was just us two later, nothing. Now, I can't remember _what_ I said the first few days/weeks we met, but _perhaps_ it was the time I mentioned facemasks to a teen worker. Asked him if his school had to wear them, told him how they ironically make my nose feel congested when they're supposed to be protecting us. Not that I was going into depth about the sensitive topic; I was brief and casual. The girl was basically all, "Okay, John, that's enough. Let's not talk about that." Yesterday, she sounded a bit annoyed about my collecting things for a room that already had them. Didn't exactly sound *casual and respectful.* I snapped, "Did I do something wrong?" She was like _"What?_ No. I was just..." yadda yadda, I have to look into the room to see what's already there...something like that. But you know, it's hard to tell whether her information is matter-of-factly or stern and "anti-John." We were very quiet around each other that morning, and of course, she chatted merrily with the others the night shift.
@@johnrainsman6650 When you go to work, you should make work your 1st priority over social life. Your social time needs to be business related only. I mean look at your autistic side. You managed to get hired right. That is what matters. No friends still don't change the fact you work there. I mean there are people with autism who could not even get hired. So the way you fit in is be comfortable in solitude life and focus only on being a good employee. A good employee is not about how many friends you make. At the end of the day, you want to come home with a paycheck. Those coworkers will be your distraction especially if you don't even have a special bond with them. So you have to learn how to be comfortable in solitude life because if you aren't then people don't see you as a good catch. You have to give an impression you love yourself. If you make friends to get out of solitude life in a hurry, you won't make a good impression. So far you made a good impression in your job interview once before right? That is because you were not feeling lonely upon getting hired. You got to let that apply to you how ever long it takes.
If you want more resources, click here to get my Relationship Checklist, 12 Journal prompts for Codependency and lots more! www.counselingrecovery.com/resource-library-access/
No matter what stage in life we are in, we will always end up getting hurt for being left out. But as you grow, you learn how to be ok with it even though it stings a little.
Yeah and to realize that other people don’t often have the intention of hurting us - feeling left out can be a childhood trigger that we need to manage. Love your perspective Ken!
I get left out at work every day, no matter where I work, every single work place that I have worked this has happened to me over and over again, and I end up getting in to a silent mode taking a back seat. Even though I am immuned to it by now over the years still it hurts, there is no escape, this is meant to be, I need to learn some new strategies to deal with this lonely feeling when I am at work.
You know if you’re willing I would look at your behavior- like what could you do to try to put yourself out there, initiate a conversation or telling a joke. Read on improving social skills. There are probably things you could try 😀 hope that helps!
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you I have tried initiating conversations, telling jokes etc, but still it's not good enough, so I then give up and end up silent. and then I realise what flows will flow... can't force people to include you
@@bevm8446 That's true - you can only do your part by being friendly. If you keep putting yourself out there that may lead to something new.
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you, I will try
@@bevm8446 the other thing I would consider is if you feel comfortable - ask someone close to you if they have any feedback for you. Sometimes a trusted friend can help us see our blind spots. Just a thought 😀
I had to spend 15 days in hospital after a bad car crash. None of my friends came to visit me the whole time. They messaged me with kind-sounding words and trite platitudes like “thank goodness it wasn’t worse” and “stay strong”. I was so shocked. It was the loneliest 2 weeks of my life. I’m still trying to recover from my physical injuries and the horrifying realisation that none of them are really my friends. I have no friends. At least I know that now. It makes me sad and disappointed, but also wiser. And yes, I feel shame too as it makes me question what is so wrong with me that none of my friends felt I mattered enough to even make one single visit? 😕
Oh I am so sorry you went through that - those are tough lessons but I'm hoping you can find a way to build some healthy friendships in the future.
But your friends is being there for you. So far, they texted you. Being there for you does not have to mean visiting you physically. That is a job for family members. Remember that family comes first so you can't expect your friends to make you a 1st priority regardless if your are healthy or not. Got to understand that having friends is not the same as having family members. When you get older, you will understand why. If your friends have a spouse and a child, you have to expect that they will make family a 1st priority over you. Your friend's job is not to hold your hand and pay your bills. Got to remember that your family members know you more then your friends. If your connections with your friends aren't that strong and they barely know you, all they will do is text you. If you expect your friends to be there for you, you have to already have connections with them. Otherwise without connections, they don't owe you a physical visit. Even on Xmas, don't expect them to buy you anything. If you expect anything from friends, it won't be pleasant and you will end up feeling lonely regardless. Them coming to you needs to be them coming to you at their own will. Anything that isn't a friend's job, I would not even expect or depend on any of them to do for me.
Great video. I have a chronic illness and have found this to be a big issue for me. Then I isolate even more than my illness requires.
Thanks for sharing that. You make an important point because our differences can separate us and yet knowing that can help us advocate for what we need. Even sharing our fears can help us stay connected. Thanks so much for watching!
That kind of illness would not be the cause of the issue. If you have to isolate, it does not make you a terrible person. Those people just took advantage of you feeling ill. So if these people just happen to take advantage of your chronic illness to leave you, then they are not the right people to hang out with. If you had a good group, they would excuse your absence and send you a text saying get better. No matter your condition, healthy or ill, you got to find a good group of people who does not leave each other behind.
Thanks Michelle. This is a biggie for me and probably one of the hardest issues in dealing with in recovery. "Why did they choose somebody else over me?" is my inner child or "little Sue" which definitely goes back to childhood and probably related to co-dependency. I've been a good girl or I have done everything you have asked and now I am not included is how I used to look at it. Definitely a work in progress and trying not to take it too personally.
Yeah, that rings true for me as well. We are definitely as work in progress but you are doing it so well!!!
I can relate to this wound & I love your gentle acceptance approach. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us 🙏
You are very welcome! Thank YOU for watching!
Thanks, Michelle! This video was very helpful to me, particularly in catching those disempowering assumptions and using positive self-talk to not take things personally when you feel left out.
Yes! Thank you Shannon so much for watching! Catching our assumptions is powerful!
My bestfriends have been excluding me from their plans lately. I don’t mind them doing whatever… what hurts is that they don’t even drop a text to ask if I’d be available. And that’s what matters to me. Because I always include them and ask them if they’d like to do something with me even though I know they wouldn’t enjoy participating. To me, it’s the idea of asking if they’d be interested, rather than making the assumption that they won’t. This has been happening for years now. And I feel like I should just cut these friends out because it’s hurting my feelings to have to see on social media that they are out and about having fun. What should I do? Mind you these are my childhood bestfriends… they have been in my life for 20 something years…
Have you considered talking to them about it?
@@MichelleFarrismft yes… and the one time I did, they got very defensive about it and ultimately I ended up apologizing despite having been the one that got ditched? It’s weird..
@Perfumedmemoirs time to let go them. They are not your friends.
Your video came through on time! This blessed me🥹😞thank you for sharing , I am so tender hearted and have experienced this a lot .. Many times I really have experienced betrayals in groups which brought on this trauma. God bless you and thanks again ❤️
Thank YOU for taking the time to comment - I think I'll do another video on this topic since so many people are relating to it. It IS painful but also another opportunity for growth.
@@MichelleFarrismft I mean literally I was just sitting here thinking about something that happened with same similar story you shared here that happened, how it hurted and I felt something was wrong with me for feeling that way because really they had no bad intentions. And this video popped out of no where as if the Lord was confirming . Yes please please keep Sharing on this because for me I am so sensitive when it comes to groups of women. You have a new subscriber!❤️
@@jesusislord6948 Yeah I hear you! What I realized was that feeling apart from the group was how it started. All I had to do is speak up and they would have been supportive. Not every group is like that but sometimes admitting our pain breaks that barrier.
I have a husband and children and they make me feel left out. I'm remembered when something is needed.
I’m sorry - that’s such a terrible feeling.
Im in a friend group of 12, half are girls, half are boys. And i feel left out because we often go out in groups, boys and girls. And i feel like im in neither because they rarely invite me, but i feel they go out often. It especially hurts because we have been a friend group for 2 years, and we have done almost everything together, like literally everything.
I know this can be really painful. Sometimes it helps to be assertive and let them know that you really love being a part of the group ( in your own words ) and want to be included too. If they aren't receptive to that it may be time to expand your network and start some new friendships. Doesn't mean you leave them - just watch how much you rely on them. Hope that helps!
You have a husband and friends.
So you really don't know what feeling left out is like compared to someone who has been single and who has been alone.
While our experiences may be different I actually do understand what it feels like and it really hurts. You're not alone.
Thank you, someone said it. It’s way different when you have a partner, you have it easier. The pain of being single, overlooked and unwanted is always going to be the worst and incomparable.
Perfect timing. Good video
Thank you so much for watching!
I have felt like that a lot in life but currently very much so from my own family.
Yeah this is very painful - I hope these suggestions help. Thanks for watching!
Being left out n ignored/overlooked etc has been the focal point in my unwanted miserable existence and as an adult adoptive reject its nothing knew for me tbh 😐
I'm sorry, this is such a painful issue. Have you considered therapy or Adult Children of Alcoholics? ( Even if there isn't addiction in your family - you might find support around childhood issues which is often where we first feel overlooked.
At school im feeling left out, I dread partner projects.
Yeah you’re not alone. I hope these suggestions help.
I felt left out, so I spoke up to my friends about this. They both said they would make the effort to invite me to places, and they did… for a while. Until recently. Then some comments were made like I get jealous too easy, and I should just enjoy the time I get with them. Also started saying that everyone likes me so stop thinking in that way. But i voiced that I don’t mind not getting invited to everything, however, it hurts if I don’t even get I invited to anything. And recently they keep hanging out without me, on multiple occasions. So I don’t even know how to approach this or even if I should bother anymore.
Yeah that’s rough but I like that you are trying to work it out. What I do is consider the feedback and if there is anything I can learn from it. Then I have to decide if the friendship is forth keeping or adjust my expectations.
When it comes to friends, part of a responsibility here is keeping up with appearances. So far, they invited you but then you if you question them, they will look at you as jealous type. Once you are invited, you don't want to question them because you will sound ungrateful. If I were to get invited and I don't feel happy, I would of quietly leave. Once you address issue after they just recently invite you, they can choose not to invite you anymore. Once you feel the urge to question them and you are in a position where you are not happy in that group, just leave. Othewise if you don't leave, you will waste their time and you will end up miserable in that group if you don't detach. If you are the one initiating to make friends, they are in charge of you because they know it is your job to impress them. If you cannot do a good job, you have to accept the loss. When you interact with them, it is like an elevator pitch at a job interview. If you don't impress, you don't get in. So if you address it, it will sound like you pointed out their flaws which means they can exclude you. If this is too much pressure to impress them, mind as well leave so that way, they don't earn the right to call you jealous.
@hp2546 You bring up a good point - we need to be mindful of making assumptions and yet we all do it! That is the challenge - to be aware and willing to check out any assumptions.
Sick of the blame always being on the person gong through it. Vs people who exclude and ignore.
Yeah, this behavior is definitely hurtful - thanks for watching!
I have no partner (at the time of writing) and when I want to share a situation like feeling left out, there's often nobody around I can speak to; friends not answering my calls/telling me they're too busy, etc. so step 2 seldom works for me.
Then it might be time to learn some skills or start a hobby. Meeting new people isn't easy for many BUT if you are willing to look at yourself and learn some simples skills, this can change for you! Here are a few videos that might help How to Make Friendsruclips.net/video/PzFWxsowIPY/видео.html and one on How to Manage Expectations in Friendships ruclips.net/video/DmNiOhZkG00/видео.html
I just found this. I'm a combat ptsd patient and my church left me out and not even thinking of me. I'm so broken
I'm so sorry I know that can be a huge trigger. The good news is that you can work with the trigger to and finding the original source can be helpful. I know with PTSD there is likely a lot going on. I hope you are getting the support you need :)
@@MichelleFarrismft it's hard for me to trust anyone anymore after my attack. Thank you so much for your support 🙏
@@TACTICALMICHAEL hang in there! 😀
When you go to church, it starts by not caring about the people there. Go to church only for god. If you invest yourself with people there, this is how they find a reason to leave you. So far, the people in your church barely knows you and does not want to build a connection with you. If you don't even enjoy solitude life, you will give them a reason to leave you. Don't depend on the people to give you attention because they view you as a stranger. If you go to church and forget all about the people's validation, then people at church will not have a reason to avoid you. Anyone can be alone but not feel lonely. Remember that your main goal of going to church is god. So if you attend church, do not go there for any of the people there. If you go there for the people, this is how you have trust issues. You go to church for you and god. Not for anyone else. So just don't go to church for socializing. Go to church just to for god's guidance.
When I go to church, I sit there until the preacher is done preaching, then I head home. I depend on nobody because I never went to church to be a celebrity or become popular. You got to have this kind of mindset. If you keep that mindset you will realize the church is not about having social life. You will see value in the church if you are going in there for yourself.
But what happens when you ask why you were excluded, if there was something that you did, and the response you get is a flat out lie that the event you were excluded from never happened, that you weren't excluded from anything because there wasn't anything going on, but you know for a fact that there was? That's what hurts. I tried to check it out, and I got a big old lie denying that I was ever even left out. I know I was. I SAW IT.
That gives you important information about them - and yes that IS hard.
I feel left out every day.
I'm sorry to hear that. I know this is very painful. That's one of the reasons I recommend 12 step programs so often - because they give us a place to practice being a part of a group.
@@MichelleFarrismft
I was attending a CODA group for several years locally.. Unfortunately it disbanded due to lack of attendance....
@@RoadRunnergarage8570 Al-Anon tends to have a lot more groups especially online.
Thank you!!
You’re welcome!
Think it helps to say to yourself that you can handle that and happens to other people too
YES! And feeling left out IS something we feel more often than other people intend it - of course it's hard to see that when the feelings are intense. Thanks for watching!
I have a tendency to people please or act like a person that I’m not because I believe the real me is always overlooked and judged as weird and ostrisized. I feel like I don’t fit in with my peers and my parents used to use my social life to blackmail me into doing what they wanted and they’d isolate me during adolescence and tell me that people are not to be trusted. I naturally like and click with people but I feel like it’s wrong to get close to others. I isolate myself now and an never myself because I feel like I will never be able to get close to anyone without getting hurt by either my parents or the people I try to fit into.
I hope you can get some help because you deserve to have healthy relationships. Counseling is great for that or joining a support group. I often recommend 12 step programs like Al-Anon, ACA or Coda for childhood wounds/codependent relationships.
I am in a boarding school now I really feel left out I am new here and I don't know how to handle this feeling I literally cry every morning ,noon and night. I really miss my parents . I am also not allowed to use phone which makes me so damn lonely now for the summer holidays I came here but I am still afraid to go to my boarding school will really miss my parents God pls help me
Is there a school counselor you can talk to abut this? Most schools should have one - check w its the school secretary. You need support and someone to help - please consider this.
@@MichelleFarrismft
I tried this and they just comforted me by saying u need time
But I really tried my best being with them it didn't work they just constantly ignored me
I discussed it to my parents they gave one month if I am not okay in the boarding school for the June month starting the next Monday they said she will change the school
But I really need to change it now I am so scared to go to my boarding school again
@@MichelleFarrismft
I literally tried to convince my parents about changing school But it's not happening now it really feels like more than hell in my boarding school
It's been a month I came to my home and conversing to them about the issue they aren't considering it as a big deal
next week I am going again to my boarding school reopens next monday
@@vasupoobhathy I’m so sorry. Do whatever you can to get support and take care of yourself. It helps to stay in the moment as much as you can. This WILL pass at some point.
@@vasupoobhathy please ask the school for a counselor.
I would doubt then later on realize it was all about me. Alot of regret
It takes courage to do this work! Be gentle with yourself!
But what if you dont have any friends and never did 😢
Then it’s time to try and learn. I’d spend time on RUclips watching videos on how to make friends and how to be a good friend.
I have been left out since kindergarten…
Ugh…I’m sorry. This is such a painful issue. Building self-esteem was key for me around this issue. And managing my expectations How to Manage Expectations in Adult Friendships
ruclips.net/video/DmNiOhZkG00/видео.html
Jesus told his disciples that "you are sheeps being tossed amongst wolves". More than likely you are a threat to them, even your manager. But you need to be unbothered by this shenanigan. Know you have POWER that they don't have! They rather see you quit so they can continue feeing they have the upper hand.
Thanks for watching!
💫@@MichelleFarrismft
Where are you?
Northern California
@@MichelleFarrismft OK
Thanks
It's not you? What if you have ASD or autism?
Sometimes we may contribute to it by having certain behaviors but it’s important not to assume without knowing for sure. For instance, if someone gives me direct feedback about my behavior then I can consider that and decide if it fits for me. But sometimes feeling left out is more about how we feel and our own fears. Hope that helps.
@@MichelleFarrismft but I truly don’t understand the whole normal-vs-weird concept, especially when it comes to neurotypicals and autistics. Is it _factually_ true that the former are normal and the latter are weird, unusual, and different-different? Is it?
I wouldn't use "weird" to describe any specific traits because I think it's hurtful. Sorry this is not my area of expertise. @@johnrainsman6650
@@MichelleFarrismft truth is, _l_ have ASD, and apparently it makes me weird and less “in”, especially at work. Basically, I don't get along so well with my coworkers. They don't talk to me when I'm around, quiet. They don't invite me to their table when I eat alone. They're each other's friends/conversationalists. I don't *_think_* they mean to leave me out, let alone they're bad people. I don't think they're thinking of me at all during their fun. Of course, it might be _my_ fault. I have occasionally said unfiltered things before, so _perhaps_ I permanently made a bad first impression.
This one girl is a great example. Seems to like everyone else but me. Oh, the fun, the playful sarcasm/joking, sneaking up on a guy who likes horror films and exchanging in Australian accents. When she talks to _me,_ she's pretty serious and, AFAIC, subtly firm or annoyed. She chatted with another worker while driving us to a venue; when it was just us two later, nothing. Now, I can't remember _what_ I said the first few days/weeks we met, but _perhaps_ it was the time I mentioned facemasks to a teen worker. Asked him if his school had to wear them, told him how they ironically make my nose feel congested when they're supposed to be protecting us. Not that I was going into depth about the sensitive topic; I was brief and casual. The girl was basically all, "Okay, John, that's enough. Let's not talk about that." Yesterday, she sounded a bit annoyed about my collecting things for a room that already had them. Didn't exactly sound *casual and respectful.* I snapped, "Did I do something wrong?" She was like _"What?_ No. I was just..." yadda yadda, I have to look into the room to see what's already there...something like that. But you know, it's hard to tell whether her information is matter-of-factly or stern and "anti-John." We were very quiet around each other that morning, and of course, she chatted merrily with the others the night shift.
@@johnrainsman6650 When you go to work, you should make work your 1st priority over social life. Your social time needs to be business related only. I mean look at your autistic side. You managed to get hired right. That is what matters. No friends still don't change the fact you work there. I mean there are people with autism who could not even get hired. So the way you fit in is be comfortable in solitude life and focus only on being a good employee. A good employee is not about how many friends you make. At the end of the day, you want to come home with a paycheck. Those coworkers will be your distraction especially if you don't even have a special bond with them. So you have to learn how to be comfortable in solitude life because if you aren't then people don't see you as a good catch. You have to give an impression you love yourself. If you make friends to get out of solitude life in a hurry, you won't make a good impression. So far you made a good impression in your job interview once before right? That is because you were not feeling lonely upon getting hired. You got to let that apply to you how ever long it takes.