How to Detach Emotionally and Let Go of Control
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- Опубликовано: 1 авг 2024
- How to Detach Emotionally and Let Go of Control
Detaching with love doesn't just apply to relationships but situations in life where you need to check your expectations and desire to get control. Learn how detachment works and how to practice it in a healthy, loving way. #detachment #detaching #boundaries
Time stamps
00:00 Introduction
00:17 What is detachment?
00:39 Detaching emotionally helps you
01:35 When you can't detach emotionally
02:44 When you can practice detachment
03:24 If you are being mistreated
03:57 The more you recognize when to detach with love the happier you'll be
04:43 When your loved one is depressed
05:15 When a family member drinks too much
06:16 Expecting my relationships to last forever...
06:38 A common misconception about detachment
Here are a few ways to get extra support:
➡️ JUST RELEASED! Your Codependency Starter Kit
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✅ FREE journal prompts for codependency, self-care and boundaries counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
✅ FREE 30 Minute Training on Better Boundaries
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✅ FREE Relationship Checklist to assess your relationships!
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
📒 The Codependency E-workbook; Your Guide to Being Your Best Self counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
📒 Self-trust Solution: Journal Prompts for Loving Yourself counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
📗Healing Narcissistic Abuse with Self-trust E-workbook
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
Connect with me on social media!
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Michelle is a psychotherapist, codependency expert, and anger management, specialist. She’s been featured in The Daily Positive, BossMom, Psych Central, The Good Men Project, and Your Tango just to name a few. Her relationship recovery helps people go from relationships that don’t serve them, to learning how to trust themselves and create mutually satisfying connections that work. Michelle loves creating online products and courses on relationship skills, codependency recovery, anger management, conflict resolution, self-esteem, and self-trust.
Need more help? Get access to my FREE Relationship Checklist to assess your relationships!
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/relationship-checklist/
My favourite mantra is “Accept, don’t expect “ 🤗
Oh I love that!!
Detachment and boundaries go hand-in-hand. Sometimes a friend is a better phone friend
Yes! They do go together! Great point. I think detachment is a powerful boundary.
Me too….my sister & her husband are moving to another state….we’ve been in same city for 40+ yrs…. I was numb at first, now I’m going to detach in a healthy way
Oh that’s big - yeah sobering we don’t have a choice and I can hear the grief. Sending you a hug!
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you 🌺….it will be an adjustment, but I’ve survived worse
@@godzillamanstreb524 Yes, and you have the courage to do the work which says a LOT!!!
Wish I’d known this years ago it would’ve saved so much pain!! Thank you ❤
I hear you - I was there too :)
Love This helps me a lot especially at work because I tend to want to be like a Savior and it just shows me after healing from codependency issues, that I still have to heal more on the topic. I cannot save anyone nor do I want to. Thank you😊
Yes!!! You don’t need to save anyone - love that awareness!
Thank you. You explain it so clearly. I want to learn to do this more often.
Yes Judy! It definitely helps!
This is what I’m struggling with. I have detached physically years ago, but emotionally I haven’t
Yeah emotionally it takes effort to let go of that responsibility or anxiety over what others are doing.
Me too. I have an adult daughter who is married to someone with many narcissistic traits. One of their children is a scapegoat. It makes me emotionally and physically sick being around this family. I've tried to control/manipulate outcomes for almost 20 years by trying to FIX MYSELF, BLAME MYSELF. Have hit a bottom, and realize if I can't detach, I will self-destruct. I finally wrote a letter to my daughter telling her I couldn't be around her husband anymore. I kept the letter brief with "I" statements, and offered to share my feelings and observations with her if she wanted me to. I also said I was going to stay in my lane and never discuss her relationship wth her husband unless she asked me.
Yes, detachment with love is Phd spirituality. I may very well lose my daughter because I have chosen to take care of my own feelings of intense fear and dread when I am around them as a family. I let go of outcomes, but it's taken years to learn the important spiritual lesson that Love is spacious interrelationships, not chains of fear around each others' necks.
Good for you - it's so hard to detach from our kids no matter how old they are. You did what you had to do to take care of you - and sometimes with time the other person will come around but when they don't - I always take that as confirmation that I did the right thing. Detachment isn't a punishment it's self-care :) Thanks for watching and doing this work!
Thank you for your response...and yes, I never thought that if the other person doesn't come around it's confirmatiion that I dd the right thing.
Your videos have really affirmed the path I'm taking. I do bellieve it is "the road less travelled"@@MichelleFarrismft
Love this ❤
Thank you Leanna! I did another one on detachment ruclips.net/video/_EvezMjo8Vk/видео.html
Me too I have an issue with control big time. I'm seeking to fix this issue. Peace & Bliss 💜🙏🏾
Thank YOU for watching! Yeah sometimes wanting control is really about wanting safety.
@@MichelleFarrismft you're welcome that makes sense..
Yeah it's important not to judge ourselves but instead find what's behind that behavior. @@altheasherieel3724
Thanks
You're very welcome! Thanks for watching!
I need this
Thank you for watching Anna.
ME TOO!
Thanks Diane! You are in the right place! So glad you found me. :)
Me too!
Thanks for watching Freteisha! You’re not alone!
Me too me too!
Thank you!!! I hope this video helps in your healing!
I am going to have to do all these videos before the new😊. I am going to need to do this. Me too. I don’t have the power. I am writing this because it gets in my head. Stress me too. Ok got it on to boundaries.
Oh that's great, boundaries and detachment make a huge difference in relationships :)
Me too ❤
Thank you - you're not alone!
Me too…I have been with my fiancé for 7 years and he recently when thru a severe depressive episode. He’s gotten help and is so much better, but he started using cannabis again which may help in the short term but maybe not long term..having trouble detaching and letting him figure it out for himself, we have loved and supported each other through this and everything and we want our relationship to work but I need help not being codependent
You might consider joining Al-Anon- it's a free support group for codependency and dealing with substance abuse.
My codependent relationships with my 2 daughters has a foundation (i think) in making up for the deficient mothering they experienced. I assume responsibility for just about any negative characteristic they exhibit; i can exhaust myself helping them with their toddler children, even cleaning their houses (i admit i am very uncomfortable around dirt and disorganization so the cleanung is so i can tolerate being there as well, not just helping bc i feel guilty that theyre unable to balance demands... theyre both on the 40 side of 35).
While they both have expressed for several years now how much they appreciate me and love me etc I know we're not close so to speak; there's a lot under the surface.
In the meantime the last time I had a man in my life as a boyfriend was 15 years ago. I don't know how to have a mutually satisfying relationship; I really don't take care of myself very well so I wouldn't say I'm in a good place for a relationship. And I don't truly desire one but I'm old enough at 68 to know I'm missing something.
Oh my heart goes out to your big, generous heart! Have you considered Al-Anon? It’s been so key in my own recovery.
Me too
If you plant a tree, you can’t control how it grows
That's true! We can only control what we put into it. :)
Hi, sorry if this is unrelated, I was wondering are you willing to be a sponsor to work the steps of Coda?
Thanks so much but I’m not able to sponsor in Coda. I’d suggest going to lots of meetings and talk with people that have what you want but- thank you for asking.
me too
Thank you Michael! I'm right there with you!
How does this work when a person is in a marriage and they’re unhappy? How can they practice this and stick with it? What more should they do to stay sane and protect their peace?
Getting a lot of support helps. This is never an easy situation so it’s more about taking care of yourself and being light and polite. Hope that helps.
Me to
Thank you! So glad you found me! I hope you enjoyed it.
In a long distance relationship friendship with a girl in hong Kong, im in America. Talked everyday for two years. But she has super high expectations of me. Always jealous. Says i always played and hurt her. Its been going on for 6 months at least. It's so hard to let our conversation go but im so tired of defending myself
Yeah I know it IS hard to let go but maybe you can learn from this one? That’s the beauty of growth - you always get another chance to learn the lesson.
me to
Thanks for watching!
Me to I’m watching a second time
That's great! Repetition is the best way to learn!
Currently my best friend of 20 plus years is not speaking to me. She expressed depression and I supported her and also reached out to her sister to go do a wellness check. She is angry about me telling her sister which her sister already knew because of my best friend making a fb post about her mental health. I’m lost and don’t see where I went wrong
It sounds like you are a great friend. It’s not easy when others don’t understand our intentions. Maybe there will be an opportunity to talk with her when things settle down. Hang in there.
Hmm
Do you have a question?
Hi Michelle can you please help me because my mom and my dad keep fighting and I do not know what to do and it is scaring me so what should I do
This is a bigger question than I can answer here - you could start with Ala-teen a 12 step group that helps teens cope with addiction/dysfunctional behaviors. Let me see about some resources and I'll get back to you. Here is one ymhproject.org/resources/
@@MichelleFarrismftso are you saying I should stay away from then fighting
@@joshsaundh4851 do what you can to protect yourself and yes that would probably leaving the room but I would urge you to seek counseling.
@@MichelleFarrismft I agree because now my dad is telling my brother to leave like really and my brother feels like he did something wrong 😑 and my dad drinks 🍺 so do you think my dad should get help if he is like this to my family
@@joshsaundh4851 check out Ala-teen - it would be a good place to start.
Me too!
Thanks Renee!
Me too
Me too
Me too
Thanks for watching! I hope you found it helpful.
Me too
Thanks Tracey! Glad you visited my channel!
Me too
@@phyllisappenzeller5673 thanks Phyllisa for watching!
Me too
@@marcshaw6811 thank you! You’re in the right place.
Me too
Thanks Hilary, you're not alone!
Me too
Thanks Tom!
Me too
Thanks Helen!
Me too
Thank you Catherine!
Me too
Thanks for watching Jo!
Me too
Thanks for watching!