The fact he hasn't saved up enough to buy his own house in cash after living 15 years rent free shows that he's the sort of person who will never pay his own way.
Exactly! My oldest brother did the same thing with our grandmother while he was in his 30s. He did help her out a lot, but never worked a job the entire time. Then he moved in with our little brother, and only worked freelance when he was out of money, after that he couch surfed with "friends", and then wore that welcome out, moved into a storage unit, and started living on the streets for several years. He acts like it's impossible to do all the things the rest of the family have had to do. Take the bus? oh it's so hard. I did it for a decade though. There is NOTHING you can really do to get them to be accountable for themselves. They will help you out just enough to use you, but then they start easing off the helping.
Everyone chooses their struggle. Some choose the struggle of not making provision for their needs. Others choose the struggle of making provision for their needs. Lesson here is that we all struggle.
My husband is on same boat as the caller. Except both parents still alive and they wanted me and my husband to move back in to care for his 28 yo lazy couch potatoes brother. Once they both are gone, they still want us to continue to care for his brother. We refused to move back and refused to be part of their enabling plans. This is the shit some parents put their other spare kids in.
Selling the house will be horrible getting him to agree along the way. He will play victim all through this. I'd dangle a big carrot of his share of the funds to get him to be motivated to sell. If he stays there the house will be destroyed in a few years.
@@UncleDavesKitchen If mom left a will, they'll have to probate it to establish the brothers as owners in the chain of title. Then the caller can go to court as executor and request a court order for sale of the house, since brother can't buy him out. I wonder who's paying the property taxes and insurance? Brother may find half of that coming out of his sales proceeds annd the caller should tell him that to get him moving.
Mom didn't want to deal with these uncomfortable topics so she left it for the strong family member to take care of it after her death. I have something similar playing out in my extended family....
"Let us move in with you, Just for a week until we find our own place" Then after 6 months "You're not going to throw your own brother out on the street are you?"
To be fair it sounds like the girlfriend is complacent more than enabled or lazy. She works part time and pays what has to be paid but the brother has always lived free so she's complacent and does n't argue that they should be paying but rather acce9t an unfair situation that benefit her
@@akui88 But he doesn't get a cut if the mom didn't specify it in her will, and/or he was divorced from her. Relatives or ex-relatives who aren't in line for an inheritance don't get it. The executor has to settle the estate according to the will and the law.
i did the math 1,400*12 is 16K, that is the allowable gift amount a parent can give a child before they have to pay taxes on. i know this cause my parents are helping my sister pay off a student loan and i think 16K is the allowable per year per parent before u need to file "gift tax".
@@akui88 that is not true. You can gift 13 million before paying tax. The only requirement is that you report it when its above a certain amount per year.
Quit being nice and force the loser to sell to get your share. He is NOT going to stop his drug addiction. You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. Force the sale give him his share and walk,
I'm 54 and my wife and I are VERY worried about our future, gas and food prices rising daily. We have had our savings dwindle with the cost of living into the stratosphere, and we are finding it impossible to replace them. We can get by, but can't seem to get ahead. My condolences to anyone retiring in this crisis, 30 years nonstop just for a crooked system to take all you worked for.
I feel your pain mate, as a fellow retiree, I'd suggest you look into passive index fund investing and learn some more. For me, I had my share of ups and downs when I first started looking for a consistent passive income so I hired an expert advisor for aid, and following her advice, I poured $30k in value stocks and digital assets, Up to 200k so far and pretty sure I'm ready for whatever comes.
If you are not in the financial market space right now, you are making a huge mistake. I understand that it could be due to ignorance, but if you want to make your money work for you...prevent inflation
I feel Investors should exercise caution with their exposure and.exercise caution when considering new investments, particularly during periods of inflation. It is advisable to seek guidance from a professional or a licensed expert in order to navigate this recession and achieve potential high yields
Tracy Britt Cool Consulting was my hope during the 'bear summer' last year. I made so many mistakes but also learned so much from it, and of course from Tracy.
It can be tough. My brother lived his whole life in my father’s house. When dad died he left everything to my brother because he worried about him. My sister and I felt left out, but we honored the will. But it was hard to be friends with my brother.
Without even watching the video yet, the answer to the title is yes. If you have to ask the question and go as far to call Dave Ramsey, the answer is yes.
Sell it. He's lived there for fifteen years. That was plenty long enough for him and his girlfriend to figure out an alternative arrangement. Everyone knew mom was not going to live forever. As Jade says, it was never "his" house. If he cannot find an apartment to rent with the $200,000, that is not your fault. The arrangement with the father is just plain weird, and it would be best for everyone if it ended.
That’s what happened to that family a few days ago. 4 siblings. 1 lived with mom until she died. They teamed up on him and decided to sell. He killed everyone .
Like all drug addicts, Brother is quite the manipulator. Mom, Dad, girlfriend with disability check and now brother are all being played. Sell the house, give him his half and walk away. He is a grown man and if he chooses to blow the money that's on him. He has refused to talk to anybody to avoid being told the house is being sold. His "Anxiety Disorder" is being afraid of WORKING and being a responsible adult!
@@funtechu Yep because I’m a 36 year old grow man with two business. I own a check cashing store and insurance/tax preparation office in the Atlanta area. Imagine if I let something like anxiety or my PTSD from my time in the service get in the way, I wouldn’t be where I’m at now financially. If you need help, go get it. Go get help, stop making excuses and keep pushing. It’s that simple.
@@Hugo-Hernandez What people colloquially refer to as anxiety ("I'm anxious about this or that") is completely different than anxiety in a medical context.
Unfortunately, this same story just occurred on Long Island...the brother who was getting "kicked out" waited until all of his siblings came over to meet the real estate agent and he killed everyone and then himself
@@standingonmountain3975 It's a horrific story that just happened. The mother had put in her will that when she dies, they all need to sell the house and split it
To the enablers, read carefully. As I've posted before. My Dad enabled my brother. He made him weak or weaker. My brother died of a drug overdose two years ago. He was only in his late 40s, and he left behind a daughter. My brother could have had another 30 to 40 years of life. Say what you will, but my Dad is partially to blame. He enabled my brother in ways I would never do to my kid, AND it is my Dad who will have to live with those choices. And it's hard to call what happened a tragedy, because many times tragedies are unexpected. My brother's outcome was very foreseeable. My Dad and brother is a cautionary tale of how destructive enabling is. You may read this and disagree. Well, risk it then. Enable your kid, and let me know how it turns out!!
@@GAFB1122 I understand what you're saying. It's wrong to enable your children, parent, sibling. Unfortunately bad things can happen because of choices people make. But alot of people who are enabled DONT commit suicide, so you never know if your dad hadnt of enabled his son, if there still wouldn't have been the same outcome. It was your brother's choice to take his life. I'm sure your father NEVER wanted that. Unfortunately if we could all look ahead alot of us would make different choices, Like your dad...maybe even you would make some different choices. I know I would. I'm sorry for your loss.
100%! Addicts are master manipulators. They will NEVER change until they hit rock bottom! Letting them fall is the only hope for them to straighten out.
So the guy called and is not going to do anything. Dave tells him what to do and he says "yeah but".. Talking about it is ok I guess, but at some point he has to either take action or accept it.
Agree. People are underestimating how much she brings in. Veterans disability payments are based on the % of disability and without knowing her particular circumstance, according to Google the average payment is $2000/month. Add in even a part times nurse’s salary ($35-$50/h) she most likely bringing in at least 3 grand a month. She’s obviously enabling him so as not to be alone. Small apartment, minimalist lifestyle is doable. One day she may wake up though and “WTF, I’m injured on duty, slug it out as a nurse so my fkng lazy ass user boyfriend ……..”. And he’ll find himself with one less enabler.
I don't know Chicago but my thoughts "Sell the house help brother find a cheaper house to buy in his name only so he isn't losing his money renting it'll eventually run out ( the $200,000.00). If he allows brother to stay there things are going to start needing maintenance roof replacement, appliances break down, etc and brother won't have the money to fix them my sister just had to replace her roof $20,000.00. The her central air broke down $1,000.00 then a month later dishwasher broke down $500.00. Whose going to pay for those repairs? Anna In Ohio
It is but let's be honest a lot of people abuse the anxiety card. Especially now, people always use anxiety as an excuse for not getting ahead in life.
We have a similar situation. My mom rescued my sister many times and her dying wish was to not let little sister go homeless again. Little Sis would be on the street in weeks if we moved her out and split the value of the home with her. I am NOT the executor. The executor sibling is honoring my mom's wish. I mentally walked away from the 80K that would be my share.
"Hey Bro, Let us move in with you, Just for a week until we find our own place" Then after 6 months "You're not going to throw your own brother out on the street are you?"
I'm going to be in simpler situation when my father passes. I have 2 older brothers in their 40's that just never wanted to leave to home (Dad was fine with paying all their bills their whole life). My father has 2 houses and wants to leave the houses in all of our names when he passes. He knows they won't ever be able to afford the bills for that house due to one of them never having a job and the other only working ever working part-time at a grocery store. My father asked me to make sure the sure all the bills are paid and allow them to stay in the house. I told him I would rather let them have both houses if it meant I don't have to take care of them, I have more than enough money to take care of myself without needing the houses. if he wanted me to take care of them, he'll have agreed to leave both houses in my name and my name only. I would rent out the second house and use the rent money to cover the expenses for both houses and allow them to live there for free forever.
I am sorry to say this - but your dad is an a$$hole for this. You are not your brothers’ keeper. He created this mess and wants you to inherit it. Hard pass. I encourage you to not even do the second option, where your name only is on both homes. Somehow, your brothers will milk you dry.
Beware. Please protect yourself. This sh!t happens all the time. I want and need nothing from parents estate as long I don't get dragged into the train wreck of my siblings lives.
Before any of that happens, you may want to look into a lawyer.Because adults with developmental disabilities have lots of rights look into it!!!!!!! He's just not supposed to be able to pick him out the street as easily as he thinks he is trusting me.
Sounds like everybody's treating this brother like he's a baby..Dude needs some tough love and he will either sink or swim..but the enabling needs to stop yesterday!!
If the dad is going to be the enabler, let the dad pay the non-occupant brother for half of the house rather than engage in some convoluted scheme of paying rent on behalf of the occupant brother.
@@akui88 It wouldn't be a gift if the father purchased the son's share of the house. And you shared a common misconception about gifting. While gifts in excess of $18k must be reported to the IRS, the gift tax only applies if the lifetime giving exceeds $13.61M (could drop to $5.49M after 2025). Either way, that tax applies to relatively few people.
Proceeds from a house sale can go right into buying a new (cheaper) house doing this can have some good tax advantages and prevent the brother's half from being squandered
Theres more to this story than the brother is letting on!! Same with all these calls!! Theres gotta be a reason they haven't spoke in 5 months aswell!!
Lol damn, 3:25 The parasite that moved in with him😢😂. But yeah, the brother needs to move out, and if pushing him out is what he needs to get a wake-up call about life. Then so be it.
He’s executor of the will. The brother can’t indefinitely live there without getting the house in his name, because the house, taxes, insurance, is all in the deceased mother’s name. You can’t just take over a house. That’s assuming there isn’t a mortgage.
I don't think dad was actually giving this caller $1,400 a month, the way he phrased it as inheritance it sounds like dad was just saying when dad croaks, the caller will get that "rent" money in the form of getting more inheritance from dad than his brother gets. I'm guessing if the caller is his mom's executor, than his mom and dad must be divorced, otherwise everything would have gone to dad by default. Which means dad is trying to step in and dictate what happens regarding money and the estate and the caller and his brother, and sorry dad but thats not how it works, so it sounds like this caller has two uncooperative family members to deal with, ugh.
Just sell the house and move on! He’s going to waste too much time trying to reason with him. He’s on drugs never been held accountable and has had a mother, girlfriend and father that’s been enabling him for decades. He’s probably not going to change. And I don’t agree that enablers are really nice people. They enable people for purely selfish reasons. No one does anything for that many years unless it’s something in it for them. Most times it’s rooted in emotions.
I would think that helping brother secure and move to a new place would be the first step, not just waltzing in and ripping the rug out from under him. If he says that he's not moving, that's when you get a lawyer involved. He might not be an addict, and if he is it might be his doctor's fault and he needs help for that. There are people who take Xanax responsibly, and I didn't hear street drugs mentioned, I just heard anxiety. Yea he was enabled by the mother, but he probably understands that he can't stay in the house and just needs help with the next steps. I'd take that route first instead of dropping the bomb on him.
@@maverickspirit208 That's exactly what Dave said to do.Sit down and talk to him about working it out together.And if that doesn't work then you get a lawyer involved.
@cynthiawaldorf9353 nah, you're hearing things. He said, sit down, tell him you love him, but you're selling the house and move out. He said NOTHING about helping. He said get your brother to rehab so he can be back to normal magically and go back to work. Which doesn't work
Enabler parents: please leave the house to your child that you never made leave and divvy up the rest of the estate as fairly as possible to the remaining kids. I am in this same situation right now and my unemployed sibling has to figure it out. Sorry, Mom, I can’t take over your enabling caretaker role after you leave.
Brother has never been required to be responsible for himself. It's high time. It's a shame it took mom's death to get brother to act like an adult but maybe better late than never.
If your brother takes Xanax because of "anxiety" it means he's a drug addict. Those pills are not meant to be taken long term and they are extremely hard and can be fatal to get off of
I’ve seen this situation before. The brother will stay in the house and trash it so no potential buyer will buy it for top dollar. When trying to evict him, the case can drag out 1-2 years while the taxes and insurance is still due. A very bad situation indeed.
The brother will have 200k he won’t be out on the street. He and his gf can live elsewhere. The caller would be harming his brother if he continues enabling him. Get the attorney involved and force the sale. Do it today.
This. The reality is that the brother AND the girlfriend want to be dependents on someone else. Now that mom’s gone, they want this caller to pay for them. I’d be selling that house yesterday, give brother his half, and walk away. And I’d never give a cent to my brother in the future. He can sink or swim by his own choices, just like the rest of us.
@@katiejon17 right? This call almost gave me hives hehe. Gave me flashbacks of shenanigans my brother and I had to deal with with our squeaky wheel enabled sibling even before parents passed. Like when they had to have guardians due to dementia. It was not fun. Lawyers got paid well though lol
@Katiejon17 the brother living in the house is costing the other brother no money at all! He never once said that he was supporting him financially, so him living there rent free is costing him nothing. The caller just needs money
@@reese85but the thing is Reese that this was not his house 100% it is only half. Unless the brother living in the house can buy out the other siblings, legally it is not his to live in. This is exactly what happened when my grandfather passed away . My mom and my aunt had a house to split. My mom wanted that house for herself and her family so she had to buy out my aunt. Guess what my aunt did with that money. She bought herself a house cash!! No mortgage and is very happy with that decision. At first my aunt thought that my mom was being greedy but my mom and my aunt have different spending habits and my aunt could not keep up with the maintenance and taxes for the house so my mom didn’t want to deal with her. They are now both so happy with the outcome.
@Ria2Ria I understand where you’re coming from but assuming unlike your mother and aunt! None of them were living in the house with your grandfather at that time of her death! In this situation the brother has been living in that house for 15 plus yrs! So unless he, the gf or the dad is goin to the caller for financial help, let him stay in the house and it doesn’t seem like he or the gf is struggling with the maintenance or taxes, so I really don’t see the problem besides the caller needing money and idk how much money your mom and aunt received after selling the house but your not getting much of anything. Nowadays with $200k
By no means am I good at extremely emotional conversations; however, the book "Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" has given me a lot of tools to help address work and family situations where the immediacy of a decision has to happen and not having a conversation isn't an option.
Is the brother even going to be able to keep up with the expenses of the house without the mom? It's definitely a hard situation. Hope he doesn't blow through the house proceeds.
Umm, the family massacre in Long Island that happened last weekend is relevant here. The 60 year-old brother who has been living in the mother's house killed his 3 other siblings and his niece when they came over to list the house. Please be safe.
He is the executor, he can sell the house, kick brother out etc. He has to be able to destribute the inheritance. If it is in the house, it has to be sold, & funds distributed. The girlfriend is enabling too, she has military disibility & a part time nurse, paying the bills. Not a parasite.
@@jimmymcgill6778 if it was only the house, & not 50/50 split of the estate. People get confused, the will has to specify the specific property described legally. If it is 50% each of the estate of dad, then he can even if the estates only asset is the house. If it is the house then the executor can take it to the court to force a sale. Probate or after in civil court to dissolve a simple partnership
so the brother who was taking care of the mother and the house now gets kicked out because the brother who abandoned them all wants 200k. totally disagree with the answer to this call
This guy has some HUGE issues of his own, to deal with. He's so filled with resentment and arrogance. If he needs the money, as he claims, he's only marginally better than his brother.
If it’s true that save is retiring, I’m going to miss his straight-to-the-point advice. The others are nice, and smart, but they don’t have the directness and the real world common sense that Dave possesses.
@@CamFamX2 Lying about money is not grounds for divorce. Not in Christianity. The Holy Bible is clear, only sexual infidelity by the spouse is the reason for divorce.
@@komrad4lifeFinancial infidelity can be a source of emotional abuse. Think of it as a conduit of resentment. It can also be a type of abandonment, when you misuse assets that compromise the future stability of a spouse or your family. As such it passes for the Biblical reasons for divorce.
If the one brother's divorced is his ex-wife seeking part of the house money as part of the divorce decree, I didn't see it addressed as to when they got divorced. Also counseling doesn't always help with the disabled, it would depend how far gone his brother is, and there is no way he could afford to buy him out at what he probably gets in disability.
@@johnscott7210 it doesn’t make any difference, the law keeps inheritance separate even within marriage, as long as it isn’t co mingled. It’s really the only money that is safe from the almost ex.
This guy should move in with his brother and girlfriend. Walk around naked, plug up the toilet, crank up the TV real loud and eat all of the food in the house then your brother will definitely want to sell the house!
People in care to some measure never take responsibility for themselves. They cleave to the living arrangement like the barnacle on a ship's hull. As long as they are where they want to be the whole place can have the sewer backed up inside the house. They'll just hang car pine trees and won't use that part of the house anymore
The fact he hasn't saved up enough to buy his own house in cash after living 15 years rent free shows that he's the sort of person who will never pay his own way.
Exactly! My oldest brother did the same thing with our grandmother while he was in his 30s. He did help her out a lot, but never worked a job the entire time. Then he moved in with our little brother, and only worked freelance when he was out of money, after that he couch surfed with "friends", and then wore that welcome out, moved into a storage unit, and started living on the streets for several years. He acts like it's impossible to do all the things the rest of the family have had to do. Take the bus? oh it's so hard. I did it for a decade though. There is NOTHING you can really do to get them to be accountable for themselves. They will help you out just enough to use you, but then they start easing off the helping.
Everyone chooses their struggle. Some choose the struggle of not making provision for their needs. Others choose the struggle of making provision for their needs.
Lesson here is that we all struggle.
Yeah. And the girlfriend has been paying his bills for the last 9 years. He's going to have a rude awakening.
If the mom wanted him to live in the house forever, she would have left it 100% to him.
My husband is on same boat as the caller. Except both parents still alive and they wanted me and my husband to move back in to care for his 28 yo lazy couch potatoes brother. Once they both are gone, they still want us to continue to care for his brother. We refused to move back and refused to be part of their enabling plans. This is the shit some parents put their other spare kids in.
Selling the house will be horrible getting him to agree along the way. He will play victim all through this. I'd dangle a big carrot of his share of the funds to get him to be motivated to sell. If he stays there the house will be destroyed in a few years.
@@UncleDavesKitchen If mom left a will, they'll have to probate it to establish the brothers as owners in the chain of title. Then the caller can go to court as executor and request a court order for sale of the house, since brother can't buy him out. I wonder who's paying the property taxes and insurance? Brother may find half of that coming out of his sales proceeds annd the caller should tell him that to get him moving.
This!!
Mom didn't want to deal with these uncomfortable topics so she left it for the strong family member to take care of it after her death. I have something similar playing out in my extended family....
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care-it means you care enough to help someone face reality.
Truth!
This!
Beware... Brother will get his $200,000 and blow it in 6 months. Then he'll want to move in.
"Let us move in with you, Just for a week until we find our own place" Then after 6 months "You're not going to throw your own brother out on the street are you?"
@@stephengamber7000 that's the spineless way if that's how you want to live life
Tough shit
Ok Dave. 🙄.
@@adamseidel9780wow, your family must suck.
Brother and his chick have been enabled wayyy too much. Until you set boundaries, this will never end.
The chick can move in with me but the guy will have to figure it out on his own. 😂
@@BREEZYM6015ew what if she’s ugly ?
To be fair it sounds like the girlfriend is complacent more than enabled or lazy. She works part time and pays what has to be paid but the brother has always lived free so she's complacent and does n't argue that they should be paying but rather acce9t an unfair situation that benefit her
@@BREEZYM6015HILARIOUS!!!
Dave- “sell the brother”
😂😂😂😂😂
When Dave says Honey, you know you f up 😂
If the gf is a veteran, and working part time, she is getting 2 checks and is NOT depending on anyone. His brother is living off his gf.
The brother and his girlfriend are both entitled dependents.
So what.
@@firefly9838what do you mean "so what?"
He's mooching off of a house he doesn't own or pay rent on which he has no entitlement to.
He owns 50% of the house.... @@TommyTombstone
Can you imagine living 15 years for free, no rent, no mortgage. If he worked he could save soo much money.
Putting money over family…pathetic scumbags
Yes my brother did the same. He was rewarding by inheriting everything.
His brother won’t be penniless. He will have half the sale price of the house.
what about the father?
maybe he wants a cut too?
The brother will be penniless because he will run through that money like a 6 year old through a mud puddle in the rain
@@thegodblogger3812 then that's on him.
@@salihbbas Nooooooooo, reallyyyyyyyyyyyy? Clown ass
@@akui88 But he doesn't get a cut if the mom didn't specify it in her will, and/or he was divorced from her. Relatives or ex-relatives who aren't in line for an inheritance don't get it. The executor has to settle the estate according to the will and the law.
I know someone who enabled their son to death. She kept saying, “Am I supposed to let him live on the street?!” Well, now he lives in a coffin.
Well so be it, ones opinion of good doesnt mean good the other
Tale as old as time
Same here except Mom is the one in the coffin.
He does have his own place finally
So there is that
At least he will be comfortable 😂
Dave nailed it. Stop accepting the $1400 a month and tell dad to start giving it to your brother, because the house is going up for sale.
Enabling is not Christian. Being a Christian does not mean being a Doormat.
On Long Island some guy just murdered all his siblings and himself because of this exact issue, this week. Sad.
His dad taking the rent out of the “future inheritance” is a mess😭
i did the math 1,400*12 is 16K, that is the allowable gift amount a parent can give a child before they have to pay taxes on.
i know this cause my parents are helping my sister pay off a student loan and i think 16K is the allowable per year per parent before u need to file "gift tax".
@@akui88you don't have to pay gift taxes on that, you just have to report it
@@akui88 that is not true. You can gift 13 million before paying tax. The only requirement is that you report it when its above a certain amount per year.
Quit being nice and force the loser to sell to get your share. He is NOT going to stop his drug addiction. You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. Force the sale give him his share and walk,
And the attorney fees required to act against the brother will be subtracted from the brother's proceeds from the house. And let him know that.
It doesn't work that way.
Was in the same boat. What got me is you live there and didn’t do anything to keep it up. Brother can’t buy out 2 of us. WE are moving forward. Period
I'm 54 and my wife and I are VERY worried about our future, gas and food prices rising daily. We have had our savings dwindle with the cost of living into the stratosphere, and we are finding it impossible to replace them. We can get by, but can't seem to get ahead. My condolences to anyone retiring in this crisis, 30 years nonstop just for a crooked system to take all you worked for.
I feel your pain mate, as a fellow retiree, I'd suggest you look into passive index fund investing and learn some more. For me, I had my share of ups and downs when I first started looking for a consistent passive income so I hired an expert advisor for aid, and following her advice, I poured $30k in value stocks and digital assets, Up to 200k so far and pretty sure I'm ready for whatever comes.
If you are not in the financial market space right now, you are making a huge mistake. I understand that it could be due to ignorance, but if you want to make your money work for you...prevent inflation
I feel Investors should exercise caution with their exposure and.exercise caution when considering new investments, particularly during periods of inflation. It is advisable to seek guidance from a professional or a licensed expert in order to navigate this recession and achieve potential high yields
Tracy Britt Cool Consulting was my hope during the 'bear summer' last year. I made so many mistakes but also learned so much from it, and of course from Tracy.
She is really a good investment advisor. Was privileged to attend some of her seminars.that's how I started my own crypto investment
He NEEDS some good insurance on that house in case the brother burns it down xD
It can be tough. My brother lived his whole life in my father’s house. When dad died he left everything to my brother because he worried about him. My sister and I felt left out, but we honored the will. But it was hard to be friends with my brother.
Without even watching the video yet, the answer to the title is yes.
If you have to ask the question and go as far to call Dave Ramsey, the answer is yes.
Both brothers are broke. This should've been an easy decision but the caller is obviously benefiting from Daddys money too.
right lol
Couldn't he sell it to the brother/gf and they can get a mortgage for the other half of it? Also why doesn't the dad own the house?
Have the brother and his girlfriend move in with dad 😂😂😂
I'm just here for the comments
Sell it. He's lived there for fifteen years. That was plenty long enough for him and his girlfriend to figure out an alternative arrangement. Everyone knew mom was not going to live forever. As Jade says, it was never "his" house. If he cannot find an apartment to rent with the $200,000, that is not your fault. The arrangement with the father is just plain weird, and it would be best for everyone if it ended.
That’s what happened to that family a few days ago. 4 siblings. 1 lived with mom until she died. They teamed up on him and decided to sell. He killed everyone .
Yep I saw that.
Where did this happen?
That escalated quickly x)
I’m glad I’m a only child
@@MarxVsBakunin Long Island
Tell the dad to buy him out with the brothers inheritance.
Like all drug addicts, Brother is quite the manipulator. Mom, Dad, girlfriend with disability check and now brother are all being played. Sell the house, give him his half and walk away. He is a grown man and if he chooses to blow the money that's on him. He has refused to talk to anybody to avoid being told the house is being sold. His "Anxiety Disorder" is being afraid of WORKING and being a responsible adult!
Xanax is used for anxiety treatment. A real medical condition.
@@wiseoldowl7625
Amen!! I love how the brother over plays the anxiety card as excuse to do nothing with his life.
@@Hugo-Hernandezspoken like someone who doesn't know what anxiety is
@@funtechu
Yep because I’m a 36 year old grow man with two business. I own a check cashing store and insurance/tax preparation office in the Atlanta area. Imagine if I let something like anxiety or my PTSD from my time in the service get in the way, I wouldn’t be where I’m at now financially. If you need help, go get it. Go get help, stop making excuses and keep pushing. It’s that simple.
@@Hugo-Hernandez What people colloquially refer to as anxiety ("I'm anxious about this or that") is completely different than anxiety in a medical context.
This sounds fun! Those two are not going to leave.
Your brother isn't your problem. I mean 200k buys at least a 30 year old condo. A house in a lot of places.
Exactly, he could easily pay off a condo right away. Or at least pay like 2/3rds of the mortgage off with that.
They would be better off in a double-wide because condos come with monthly fees.
Nah, brother will take that 200K and buy a new Escalade, then spend the rest on Gucci and Louis Vuitton clothes.
@@truthserum5310, absolutely possible outcome.
In Illinois 30 days can turn into years thru the landlord tenant rules especially in liberal states like Illinois
Getting paid 200K to leave a house sounds great
Not if you got nowhere to go and possibly now gotta pay rent or get a new mortgage
The brother sounds like he only wants money…. He’s a jerk
@@HOLDXSTEELit’s his.
He thinks he’s entitled to whole house lol. Anyone in their right mind would be happy with 200k…cash!
@@JDmix123you realize he’s a bum if he’s reliant on his mommy?
Unfortunately, this same story just occurred on Long Island...the brother who was getting "kicked out" waited until all of his siblings came over to meet the real estate agent and he killed everyone and then himself
😢 WOW! That is awful!
@@standingonmountain3975 It's a horrific story that just happened. The mother had put in her will that when she dies, they all need to sell the house and split it
@@lauraellick So sad 😞
@@standingonmountain3975 oh yes....
To the enablers, read carefully. As I've posted before.
My Dad enabled my brother. He made him weak or weaker. My brother died of a drug overdose two years ago. He was only in his late 40s, and he left behind a daughter. My brother could have had another 30 to 40 years of life.
Say what you will, but my Dad is partially to blame. He enabled my brother in ways I would never do to my kid, AND it is my Dad who will have to live with those choices.
And it's hard to call what happened a tragedy, because many times tragedies are unexpected. My brother's outcome was very foreseeable.
My Dad and brother is a cautionary tale of how destructive enabling is. You may read this and disagree. Well, risk it then. Enable your kid, and let me know how it turns out!!
@@GAFB1122 I understand what you're saying. It's wrong to enable your children, parent, sibling. Unfortunately bad things can happen because of choices people make. But alot of people who are enabled DONT commit suicide, so you never know if your dad hadnt of enabled his son, if there still wouldn't have been the same outcome. It was your brother's choice to take his life. I'm sure your father NEVER wanted that. Unfortunately if we could all look ahead alot of us would make different choices, Like your dad...maybe even you would make some different choices. I know I would. I'm sorry for your loss.
100%! Addicts are master manipulators. They will NEVER change until they hit rock bottom! Letting them fall is the only hope for them to straighten out.
@@cynthiawaldorf9353 either way - enabling is wrong.
This is correct.
@@cynthiawaldorf9353 I don't think you read his statement. He said his "brother's outcome was very foreseeable." So, it's your word against his.
Christianity doesn’t mean doormat.
So the guy called and is not going to do anything. Dave tells him what to do and he says "yeah but".. Talking about it is ok I guess, but at some point he has to either take action or accept it.
$200,000 in Illinois can buy you a pay off house
Brother’s living arrangement is unsustainable in a long run. Brother and his GF can rent a small apartment and live happily.
How long is the "long run"? He stayed there rent-free for 15 years.
It's only unsustainable now because the mother passed away.
Agree. People are underestimating how much she brings in. Veterans disability payments are based on the % of disability and without knowing her particular circumstance, according to Google the average payment is $2000/month. Add in even a part times nurse’s salary ($35-$50/h) she most likely bringing in at least 3 grand a month. She’s obviously enabling him so as not to be alone. Small apartment, minimalist lifestyle is doable. One day she may wake up though and “WTF, I’m injured on duty, slug it out as a nurse so my fkng lazy ass user boyfriend ……..”. And he’ll find himself with one less enabler.
I don't know Chicago but my thoughts "Sell the house help brother find a cheaper house to buy in his name only so he isn't losing his money renting it'll eventually run out ( the $200,000.00). If he allows brother to stay there things are going to start needing maintenance roof replacement, appliances break down, etc and brother won't have the money to fix them my sister just had to replace her roof $20,000.00. The her central air broke down $1,000.00 then a month later dishwasher broke down $500.00. Whose going to pay for those repairs? Anna In Ohio
Never mind Chicagoland property taxes. $200K won't last 10 years.
Mental health is real
It is but let's be honest a lot of people abuse the anxiety card. Especially now, people always use anxiety as an excuse for not getting ahead in life.
I know. Dave and Jade acting like it doesn't exist. And most of these comments are too.
We have a similar situation. My mom rescued my sister many times and her dying wish was to not let little sister go homeless again. Little Sis would be on the street in weeks if we moved her out and split the value of the home with her. I am NOT the executor. The executor sibling is honoring my mom's wish. I mentally walked away from the 80K that would be my share.
Ouch. God bless your peace of mind. Good thing it's a sibling you care for and caring about mom's wish if it were not so, it would be worse than sad.
How is he gonna get his brother out to list and show the house for sale? I blame the parents for putting this man ( the executor) in this position.
So many Millennials are going to be going through this now or soon. It's not gonna be a fun time. This is why having a will is so important.
"Hey Bro, Let us move in with you, Just for a week until we find our own place" Then after 6 months "You're not going to throw your own brother out on the street are you?"
I'm going to be in simpler situation when my father passes. I have 2 older brothers in their 40's that just never wanted to leave to home (Dad was fine with paying all their bills their whole life). My father has 2 houses and wants to leave the houses in all of our names when he passes. He knows they won't ever be able to afford the bills for that house due to one of them never having a job and the other only working ever working part-time at a grocery store. My father asked me to make sure the sure all the bills are paid and allow them to stay in the house.
I told him I would rather let them have both houses if it meant I don't have to take care of them, I have more than enough money to take care of myself without needing the houses. if he wanted me to take care of them, he'll have agreed to leave both houses in my name and my name only. I would rent out the second house and use the rent money to cover the expenses for both houses and allow them to live there for free forever.
I am sorry to say this - but your dad is an a$$hole for this. You are not your brothers’ keeper. He created this mess and wants you to inherit it. Hard pass. I encourage you to not even do the second option, where your name only is on both homes. Somehow, your brothers will milk you dry.
Beware. Please protect yourself. This sh!t happens all the time.
I want and need nothing from parents estate as long I don't get dragged into the train wreck of my siblings lives.
Tough love, sell the house.
Before any of that happens, you may want to look into a lawyer.Because adults with developmental disabilities have lots of rights look into it!!!!!!! He's just not supposed to be able to pick him out the street as easily as he thinks he is trusting me.
They didn't say it was developmental if it had been he can go live in a Group home for free but of course not with the girlfriend
@georgewagner7787 it still falls into that category I was in the filednforn4nyears with lots of training, he just can't kick him out.
Good way to put it jade and ramsey
Thank you Dave
Sounds like everybody's treating this brother like he's a baby..Dude needs some tough love and he will either sink or swim..but the enabling needs to stop yesterday!!
That's what I said when I read Boundaries.
Dad can take $1,400/month and pay for a new apartment for his parasitic son.🤷♀
His dad isn't even giving him money, he's "moving" inheritance money from the other son to the caller. So who knows if the caller even gets the money.
Never mentioned if the brother was paying rent, the taxes, helped take care of his mother, nothing.
Which one? The one with anxiety was not working and the one on the phone did not mention that he was helping the mother.
If the dad is going to be the enabler, let the dad pay the non-occupant brother for half of the house rather than engage in some convoluted scheme of paying rent on behalf of the occupant brother.
It wouldn't be a gift it would be a purchase
@@georgewagner7787 It would be income.
@@akui88 It wouldn't be a gift if the father purchased the son's share of the house. And you shared a common misconception about gifting. While gifts in excess of $18k must be reported to the IRS, the gift tax only applies if the lifetime giving exceeds $13.61M (could drop to $5.49M after 2025). Either way, that tax applies to relatively few people.
@@akui88 stop repeating this falsehood
Doctors don't help someone suffering from anxiety to get off the drugs. They simply prescribe a different brand.
Proceeds from a house sale can go right into buying a new (cheaper) house
doing this can have some good tax advantages and prevent the brother's half from being squandered
Good luck on getting him out.
Theres more to this story than the brother is letting on!! Same with all these calls!! Theres gotta be a reason they haven't spoke in 5 months aswell!!
YEP.
This guy thinks that he owns all of the house.
Like what? What else might be going on?
That whole family is broke, thats why they're making bad decisions. Poverty makes human beings dependent.
Dependency makes people poor
Been through all that and talking to him will get you nowhere...easier said than done.
And any damage or cleanup costs (beyond a normal wear & tear) and attorney fees to get through the eviction will should come out of his portion house
Maybe the Dad & brother can help him buy a home with the leftover money?
Lol damn, 3:25
The parasite that moved in with him😢😂.
But yeah, the brother needs to move out, and if pushing him out is what he needs to get a wake-up call about life. Then so be it.
the caller seems to be very desperate for money.
How can he even sell and evict him, if he owns Half the House??!! Im lost
He’s executor of the will. The brother can’t indefinitely live there without getting the house in his name, because the house, taxes, insurance, is all in the deceased mother’s name. You can’t just take over a house. That’s assuming there isn’t a mortgage.
That's what I don't understand what Dave is talking about.
@@alyross2850 He said it was paid off. Him being the executor have nothing to do with selling the hose.
@alyross2850 he wouldn't be able to sell the house? With the brothers signature correct??
I don't think dad was actually giving this caller $1,400 a month, the way he phrased it as inheritance it sounds like dad was just saying when dad croaks, the caller will get that "rent" money in the form of getting more inheritance from dad than his brother gets. I'm guessing if the caller is his mom's executor, than his mom and dad must be divorced, otherwise everything would have gone to dad by default. Which means dad is trying to step in and dictate what happens regarding money and the estate and the caller and his brother, and sorry dad but thats not how it works, so it sounds like this caller has two uncooperative family members to deal with, ugh.
Yep, that's exactly what the dad was saying.
Just sell the house and move on! He’s going to waste too much time trying to reason with him. He’s on drugs never been held accountable and has had a mother, girlfriend and father that’s been enabling him for decades. He’s probably not going to change. And I don’t agree that enablers are really nice people. They enable people for purely selfish reasons. No one does anything for that many years unless it’s something in it for them. Most times it’s rooted in emotions.
This is completely off-topic, but I like Dave's jacket. Does anyone know the brand/model?
The only way this is going to work is to evict this bum. He’s been there too long and hasn’t had a job in years.
Brother does not have to sign papers to sell the house. Ask me how i know
True. Caller is executor
I would think that helping brother secure and move to a new place would be the first step, not just waltzing in and ripping the rug out from under him. If he says that he's not moving, that's when you get a lawyer involved. He might not be an addict, and if he is it might be his doctor's fault and he needs help for that. There are people who take Xanax responsibly, and I didn't hear street drugs mentioned, I just heard anxiety. Yea he was enabled by the mother, but he probably understands that he can't stay in the house and just needs help with the next steps. I'd take that route first instead of dropping the bomb on him.
@@maverickspirit208 That's exactly what Dave said to do.Sit down and talk to him about working it out together.And if that doesn't work then you get a lawyer involved.
@cynthiawaldorf9353 nah, you're hearing things. He said, sit down, tell him you love him, but you're selling the house and move out. He said NOTHING about helping. He said get your brother to rehab so he can be back to normal magically and go back to work. Which doesn't work
Bottom line. He will have to sell the house and he can establish a n account in a bank and put his part of the sale in a trust fund
Dave is awesome
Enabler parents: please leave the house to your child that you never made leave and divvy up the rest of the estate as fairly as possible to the remaining kids. I am in this same situation right now and my unemployed sibling has to figure it out. Sorry, Mom, I can’t take over your enabling caretaker role after you leave.
His brother has NO RIGHT to be selfish by keeping the house all to himself!
Brother has never been required to be responsible for himself. It's high time. It's a shame it took mom's death to get brother to act like an adult but maybe better late than never.
Note to a parent wanting to leave your children a house. Make sure you have your ducks in a row before doing so as this could possibly turn messy.
Sell the house to the dad for fair market value. Then caller gets his money and dad takes on the deadbeat son.
You’re wrong kid
@@PublicNuisance2K24 you're wrong son
@@julianduron5671 nice comeback kid
The Ramsey show is The Jerry springer of finances, i don’t get why people with these types of family problems decide to call Ramsey for an answer 😂
If he deeds the house over the brother will lose it anyway.
"Oh, there's my family" ... ha!
If your brother takes Xanax because of "anxiety" it means he's a drug addict. Those pills are not meant to be taken long term and they are extremely hard and can be fatal to get off of
It does not mean he's an addict.
For $200,000 your addicted brother and his girlfriend can get a fully-paid upscale double-wide. They won't be on the street.
I’ve seen this situation before. The brother will stay in the house and trash it so no potential buyer will buy it for top dollar. When trying to evict him, the case can drag out 1-2 years while the taxes and insurance is still due. A very bad situation indeed.
Remember Syosset, NY- same situation, 5 dead. Be careful
What was that?
@@hadenanderson563 Siblings inherited Mom's house. They wanted it to be sold. Brother killed three siblings and a niece. Then himself.
The brother will have 200k he won’t be out on the street. He and his gf can live elsewhere. The caller would be harming his brother if he continues enabling him. Get the attorney involved and force the sale. Do it today.
This. The reality is that the brother AND the girlfriend want to be dependents on someone else. Now that mom’s gone, they want this caller to pay for them. I’d be selling that house yesterday, give brother his half, and walk away. And I’d never give a cent to my brother in the future. He can sink or swim by his own choices, just like the rest of us.
@@katiejon17 right? This call almost gave me hives hehe. Gave me flashbacks of shenanigans my brother and I had to deal with with our squeaky wheel enabled sibling even before parents passed. Like when they had to have guardians due to dementia. It was not fun. Lawyers got paid well though lol
@Katiejon17 the brother living in the house is costing the other brother no money at all! He never once said that he was supporting him financially, so him living there rent free is costing him nothing. The caller just needs money
@@reese85but the thing is Reese that this was not his house 100% it is only half. Unless the brother living in the house can buy out the other siblings, legally it is not his to live in. This is exactly what happened when my grandfather passed away . My mom and my aunt had a house to split. My mom wanted that house for herself and her family so she had to buy out my aunt. Guess what my aunt did with that money. She bought herself a house cash!! No mortgage and is very happy with that decision. At first my aunt thought that my mom was being greedy but my mom and my aunt have different spending habits and my aunt could not keep up with the maintenance and taxes for the house so my mom didn’t want to deal with her. They are now both so happy with the outcome.
@Ria2Ria I understand where you’re coming from but assuming unlike your mother and aunt! None of them were living in the house with your grandfather at that time of her death! In this situation the brother has been living in that house for 15 plus yrs! So unless he, the gf or the dad is goin to the caller for financial help, let him stay in the house and it doesn’t seem like he or the gf is struggling with the maintenance or taxes, so I really don’t see the problem besides the caller needing money and idk how much money your mom and aunt received after selling the house but your not getting much of anything. Nowadays with $200k
By no means am I good at extremely emotional conversations; however, the book "Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" has given me a lot of tools to help address work and family situations where the immediacy of a decision has to happen and not having a conversation isn't an option.
Is the brother even going to be able to keep up with the expenses of the house without the mom? It's definitely a hard situation. Hope he doesn't blow through the house proceeds.
Umm, the family massacre in Long Island that happened last weekend is relevant here. The 60 year-old brother who has been living in the mother's house killed his 3 other siblings and his niece when they came over to list the house. Please be safe.
He is the executor, he can sell the house, kick brother out etc. He has to be able to destribute the inheritance. If it is in the house, it has to be sold, & funds distributed. The girlfriend is enabling too, she has military disibility & a part time nurse, paying the bills. Not a parasite.
No he can't. He said the will left it to both of them.
So he needs permission from the brother before he sells.
@@jimmymcgill6778 if it was only the house, & not 50/50 split of the estate. People get confused, the will has to specify the specific property described legally. If it is 50% each of the estate of dad, then he can even if the estates only asset is the house. If it is the house then the executor can take it to the court to force a sale. Probate or after in civil court to dissolve a simple partnership
@@greggpurviance7252 More then likely this is the only house.
The court more then likely will not force a sale. Because he have no other place to go.
@@jimmymcgill6778 doesn't matter. After the distribution it is a partnership that can be dissolved. He will have 200,000 to find or rent a place.
so the brother who was taking care of the mother and the house now gets kicked out because the brother who abandoned them all wants 200k. totally disagree with the answer to this call
He didn’t say that 😅
There should be some consideration for him caring for the mother all these years.
This guy has some HUGE issues of his own, to deal with. He's so filled with resentment and arrogance. If he needs the money, as he claims, he's only marginally better than his brother.
Why is the father giving this guy any money for rent? His brother owns half the house. Everyone is acting like it is just this guys house.
His living in the house for over ten years is a factor.
If it’s true that save is retiring, I’m going to miss his straight-to-the-point advice.
The others are nice, and smart, but they don’t have the directness and the real world common sense that Dave possesses.
Dave here talking about Christian values. While he's advised someone to simply divorce their spouse because of money in previous video.
Financial infidelity is a reason for divorce.
Not because of money. Because of a fundamental untrustworthiness of their spouse.
@@CamFamX2 Lying about money is not grounds for divorce. Not in Christianity. The Holy Bible is clear, only sexual infidelity by the spouse is the reason for divorce.
@@komrad4lifeFinancial infidelity can be a source of emotional abuse. Think of it as a conduit of resentment. It can also be a type of abandonment, when you misuse assets that compromise the future stability of a spouse or your family. As such it passes for the Biblical reasons for divorce.
@@FortuneSeek3rz Incorrect. Show me where in the Bible. With that logic, anything can be used as grounds for divorce.
If the one brother's divorced is his ex-wife seeking part of the house money as part of the divorce decree, I didn't see it addressed as to when they got divorced.
Also counseling doesn't always help with the disabled, it would depend how far gone his brother is, and there is no way he could afford to buy him out at what he probably gets in disability.
Inheritance is personal property, even within marriage. No divorce lawyer would have let the caller sign away a claim on a future inheritance
@@catherinewilke5583 depends if he inherited it before the divorce or after
@@johnscott7210 it doesn’t make any difference, the law keeps inheritance separate even within marriage, as long as it isn’t co mingled. It’s really the only money that is safe from the almost ex.
This guy should move in with his brother and girlfriend. Walk around naked, plug up the toilet, crank up the TV real loud and eat all of the food in the house then your brother will definitely want to sell the house!
People in care to some measure never take responsibility for themselves. They cleave to the living arrangement like the barnacle on a ship's hull. As long as they are where they want to be the whole place can have the sewer backed up inside the house. They'll just hang car pine trees and won't use that part of the house anymore
“His girlfriend pays all his bills”
Ladies, don’t be with men like this.