I've posted my video about what autistic masking feels like from the inside (from my perspective, a few studies and articles, and the many other anecdotes I've read from the autistic community online): ruclips.net/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/видео.html
Hi! I really like your videos, they're very informative, I learn a lot and have many of the traits that you mention. Could you please share how to get a diagnosis in the UK? I need to get tested because I'm quite sure I have some type of disorder whether it's ASD, ADD, OCD or even PTSD or possibly more than just one. What stops me is my fear that the NHS won't take me seriously and tell me that I'm just a quirky person or something like that. What should I do to get their attention and get tested?
I could certainly do with less empathy. I always feel like I can feel the feelings of everyone in our household. Feeling the feelings of 5 people is very overwhelming.
@@imautisticnowwhat Mine is as well but I have two boys, 16 and 22, and my elderly (and most likely autistic) Mother also lives with us. I think that 4 out of 5 of us most likely have ASD.
my empathy is really weird. i feel empathy for plants, asmr youtubers, animals, video game characters, book characters and tv show characters, but not anyone i know personally. also it's kinda hard in my household when literally everyone but me is undiagnosed asd. i'm diagnosed asd.
I have one area of empathy that’s really intense. Every time somebody’s shallow breathing with anxiety I can feel them holding their breath and it tenses me up while begin to breathe just like them. It ruins the day every time
Not only do I get embarrassed really easily myself, I also get second-hand embarrassment far too much. I can't watch TV show with practical jokes, for example, because they just make me feel so bad.
@@imautisticnowwhat Thank you both! I've never heard anyone say this. It's so so painful. As a child i would often hide under the table while watching telly. But those "funny" shows with footage of things that went wrong or set traps were simply unwatchable. My family enjoyed mr. Bean. Now i like Rowan Atkinson & some of his comedic routines are marvelous. Him singing Ode to Joy(i'm not a native English speaker & i do understand German) is great & i think that that bit of "Not the Nine o'clock News" about JC/MP with Atkinson as the priest is one of the best things ever. But mr. Bean made me walk in circles, flap my hands & do a 'funny walk' with my legs, before retreating to my room. I couldn't watch it. That footage of a little girl in a dress dancing/running circles in school was me. School was not sympathetic...
Agree so much! I don't understand practical jokes. I love comedy so much, stand-up comedy to be specific, but practical jokes don't fall in the same universe to me. Even certain episodes of like, The Office which I loved, I can't watch all the way through from sheer secondhand embarrassment.
Me as an 8 year old: I'm not normal, i think i have autism like my uncle, i much better like "the weird" kids in school too! Doctor: You cant have autism, you're a girl and you are functioning very well in social situations. Me as a teenager: Something is very wrong with me, and i don't wanna live in this flesh prison anymore! You sure I'm not Autistic? Doctor: You're depressed take these pills. Also you are still a well functioning individual, you cant have autism! Me as a 20 year old: That's it I'm not going to continue this shitty existence, i can't talk to other humans, i can't understand them at all, my feelings are all over the place, my thoughts are spiraling out of control, and i am having serious trouble with my anxiety! ARE YOU SURE I'M NOT BROKEN!? Doctor: Hmm.. You know what, you strike me as someone who has paranoid schizophrenia, it can unfold in your 20'ies after immense stress, and we can help you! With more medicine! Me: Anything is better then suffering! Give it to me! Me at 26: Something is wrong, i never ever felt i could relate to the others with my diagnosis.. The Medicine they gave, made me tired, but they didn't help my problem at all. I'm not in crisis anymore, but no thanks to the healthcare system, and every nurse i meet tells me i don't sound or feel schizophrenic... My sister's son *gets diagnosed with autism* My sister *gets diagnosed with autism* My sister: Have you thought about getting tested for Autism? Apparently we have 6 or seven family members all with autism and it can jump a generation or two, so might be why you feel so odd? Told you so.. I hope the doctors i had as a child are no longer working their field, because holy fucking shit the damage, not only me, but a ton of girls my age is struggling.. I am trying to get rid of my previous diagnosis in favor of the other, as i am NOT IN DOUBT that i have autism, i have ALL the things! I do all the weird things, but i mask, i hide it, i grew up in a hostile world where being different would make you the target, so i hid, not even my own mom saw (she was never home much either). These videos are very helpful! I'm 27 now, and i have to point out all my quirks to the person evaluating me, its nice to have these as pointers!
@@inigoimago Im so sorry to hear you going though the same, its insane how little awareness there has been on girls with variable mental illnesses. But I'm glad to hear you have a supportive husband and you are looking for an official diagnosis! Give him a hug for being a supportive husband!
I’ve always felt I had "too much" empathy instead of no empathy. I’ve also had problems distinguishing my own feelings from others people’s feelings.. Somebody would ask me: "how are you?" and then I would start talking about others people’s problems and I didn’t understand why they would then complain that I did not answer their question because I really thought I did.
Personally, I’ve felt like I see and feel the emotions of others, I just don’t have any idea what to do with any of it. Having experienced how profoundly unhelpful the usual neurotypical way of reacting to the emotions of others can be-for me, at least-I feel like that’s not what to do. But… what *to* do? I have no idea.
neurotypicals don't know what empathy is. for them empathy is when someone near them magically feels the same exact emotion they do at the same exact time. notice that that's actually just a form of solipsism, not empathy. when it comes to actually being empathetic neurotypicals need training. lots of training. they need it for basic things like: - interacting with their pets. - interacting with children. - interacting with literally anyone who's not from their hometown. - running a business in a way that doesn't treat their clients like vermin. - learning that the Holocaust was not okay. - etc.
I'm currently in the "holy shit" phase of realizing that I'm probably autistic, and this comment... omg. And this tendency is precisely why I'm struggling to talk to my husband (or anyone else) about my suspicions. I feel like they wouldn't take me seriously, especially since I've had a bajillion things come up with doctors that eventually come to nothing, because the symptoms are real, but they don't fit in any box. 😳
@@mamacantrix I hope you can find someone to talk to who takes this seriously and is willing to go through the effort of figuring things out with you. I wish you luck and courage on the rest of your yourney in this search and in life. ❤
The only reason I thought I definitely wasn't autistic is because of the "lack of empathy" narrative. I've always had "too much" empathy, so it seemed impossible for me to be even on the spectrum, despite having over 90% of all the other symptoms.
Lack of empathy is a myth. It’s the fact we are perceived to have no empathy, incorrectly. We are basically the opposite of sociopaths. Sociopaths are popular and manipulative, but have no empathy (people think they do). Whereas we have a lot of empathy and people think we don’t. It’s very hurtful and frustrating . . . Also the reason people discriminate against us.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST It's a different, less sophisticated, but fiercer kind of empathy. It's visceral. And the potentially much heightened senses makes even mild suffering really obvious and painful to the observer.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST as I understand it from what I have read sociopathic people have good cognitive empathy- able to intuitively predict how people may feel and think and behave in a given situation/context but don’t care (affective empathy) unless it somehow of benefit to themselves to care. Autistic people on the other hand often lack cognitive empathy but have strong affective empathy if they have understood the situation / picked up on the person’s emotions in the first place they care very much and will often put themselves out to help.
The thing is that I feel so much the pain of other people as mine that I can't handle them and I just prefer to wet a wall to not listen or see ... Specially when they use their pain as a source to fit in a social role where they play the victim seeking attention putting themselves in those situations... Or use their pain as topic to constantly say how everybody hurts them... I will completely ignore that kind of person.... But I feel their pain, and also of everyone close to me . That's why I keep the number of people I care about very small
Whenever I have meltdowns, I usually scream, curse, rage, and hit things. Before I was diagnosed with autism, I used to think I must be evil and would then be racked with guilt afterwards. Now that I know I'm autistic, I feel less guilty. I'm still usually exhausted after my meltdowns, though, and I have to rest.
I came across my baby book the other day - at age 6 I apparently started throwing things in anger a lot… I remember being old to scream into a pillow or punch it. I still want to break things and throw them, but I try to remember the pillow screaming or go for some less destructive BIG physical movements to move out that energy. I haven’t been diagnosed but I experienced some heavy trauma a few years ago (my partner killed himself in our home) and afterward have been wondering what is WRONG with me?? What am I so tired and burnt out?? And I am at the conclusion that I’m just unable to mask anymore for very long. The meltdowns are much more frequent and I get drained hard after a short time in social or (especially) new or unusual situations. I’m hoping that learning more will help me, like it seems it’s helping you, to not feel like a bad person or that something is wrong with me, but that there are certain things I need to regulate myself appropriately!
On the whole "lack of empathy" misconception-- one of my favorite portrayals of an autistic character is Ayda (Aida?) from Dimension 20. She comes across as very intense and even dismissive right at first, but you quickly find out that she longs to have friends and cares deeply and intensely about the people around her, and pretty much just wants to understand what's going on. I honestly cried at several points during her story just because it made me feel seen in a way that I really didn't expect. Like... just because I'm matter of fact and say things how I actually see them doesn't mean I lack empathy. In fact, being very matter of fact helps me understand things-- and I want to understand things that I have a strong emotional connection to! Identifying so strongly with her as a character is actually one of the things that has made me start going... "Wait... am I...?"
I asked my psychiatrist about being assessed for autism this week and she said "but you have friends don't you?" Like not really but thanks for making me aware of it. Lol.
my therapist diagnosed me as autistic a few days ago. She told me i was a hsp, and being a black girl it’s out of the norm to be diagnosed something like this. I’m happy i am, it makes more sense.
I love what you said about hyperfocus and chunking tasks! I absolutely hate the idea of having to do chores every day. I would much rather just do everything in one big go. Because once I get started on chores I can just keep going until they're done. It makes it hard to try and form new daily habits though. But I make up for it when I put away two weeks of laundry in one go or meal prep everything for the upcoming week in an afternoon.
Thank you for talking about autism and empathy. I'm 76 years old and finally seeking a diagnosis. I am a neaopagan Witch, and ever since accepting a world view that allowed for empathic experience, I have recognized myself as an empath. When I am with other people, I can become somewhat of an emotional chameleon. That's one reason I always thought I couldn't be autistic. I have always heard about the 'flat affect' or not emotional. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite, and have been criticized as 'too emotional.'I am extremely interested in the connection between autism and emotions, especially empathy. And animals? Love them so much. They are family. So are the plants.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and ‘general learning disorder’ back in the late 90’s, early 2000’s when I was a kid. Everything that was meant to help with ADHD, unless it was for an overlapping symptom, was not helpful and sometimes actively harmful to me and my mental health. The only time I realized what was going on, that it was likely not ADHD and instead Autism, is when I met and was with my now fiancé who has ADHD. Comparing, I see the similarities in those overlapping parts, but we have opposite coping habits that fit with our separate things. It’s been interesting to say the least! These videos have been so helpful to me, so I thank you for all of these! As I write this, I have just turned 30 today, and am going for a diagnosis as soon as I am able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. So people don’t lose faith just because of ‘how long’ it’s been. You’ll get there.
All the extroverts took up the appts to complain about breakups or something. It’s impossible to get an appt and they categorize autism as “low priority” even though we have one of the highest suicide rates. It makes no sense
I also use food as a stim so I like to eat things like popcorn, pomegranate or sunflower seeds individually, (in the shell), mini marshmallows, licking a big jaw breaker, etc things that you could eat a lot of and the total calories are low. I should add carrots and celery but I never really liked them enough to stim, (too much bitter flavor is distracting.) For me this helps a lot to have these kinds of foods around!
I have been researching autism for a few months now and i am 99% sure i have it. Even a psychologist said to me that i definately show symptoms but only a psychiatrist can diagnose. The only thing i don't relate with at all, that a lot of autistic people have, is not understanding others intentions, humor, metaphors, emotions etc. I am so good at these tings. Do you find that you have any difficulty with them?
Oh really! In the UK psychologists can diagnose (maybe just clinical psychologists...not sure!) I don't have difficulty with understanding metaphors or humour...and I'm super sarcastic! My whole family is. It took me a while to wrap my head around some idioms... and a lot of them just really annoy me for some reason, haha! I think I'm often quite good at noticing emotional shifts in the people around me, and perhaps intentions too, because I notice small details in general. I also feel like I absorb the energy of others, so their mood shifts really affect me. I do sometimes notice changes in expressions and then ask the person 'what does that face mean?' but generally I don't think I'm bad at reading people. Perhaps it's because I'm 26 and have had a lot of time to learn...but I also think some profiles of autism seem to involve 'less' social struggle. With socialising my biggest issue these days is getting burned out easily and just a desperation to get away and back to my interests!
I understand humor and metaphors. Sometimes, I think people like me when they don’t and vice versa though. Reading people and people reading you is never easy . Sometimes, you can learn patterns. So when you get to know someone, it’s easier. I certainly worry about what others think and have trust issues because of it. (Also, I grew up watching comedy and unknowingly studied it. I do hate sarcasm, because it’s usually never funny and unfunny people it more because they aren’t funny and aren’t creative enough to be funny. . . So sarcasm is a crutch)
I’m with you - I am undiagnosed but I highly suspect I’m on the spectrum - and I am HIGHLY sensitive to other peoples emotions. I’ve worked on this and I think that masking LESS has actually helped me come back into my own body and be less hyper-aware of other people.
YES. The first research I found that I really identified with was Dr. Elaine Aron's work on Highly Sensitive People. After finding HSP and identifying with it so much I got an ADHD diagnosis (in my 30s) but felt that wasn't the whole story... which brought me to you. This channel is helping me put the pieces together SO much. I have also been vegan for years, and I burned myself out badly working in animal shelters - I couldn't walk past the kennels of dogs who were *screaming* for attention and help on my way to do whatever task I was doing without it taking a toll on me. It physically hurt.
I relate to a lot of this. Not autistic though, likely inattentive ADHD. Dance is great, and I absolutely love breaking out in song randomly. I try to purposefully shift my habits a lot, like switching from biting my nails to cleaning underneath them. As for the empathy thing, it definitely feels like an 'all or nothing' problem, where either I feel nothing or it overwhelms me. Although, I am better at accessing it in a more moderate manner now. Its interesting how much my experience overlaps with an autistic one. I also know someone who has sensory processing disorder without the other ADHD or autism symptoms. Its fun to compare our experiences to see whats the same and what isn't.
I feel similarly. I think I most likely have inattentive ADHD and social anxiety, but I often see myself reflected in autistic people, which has been making me wonder.
Just found your channel recently and yes, I'm binging my way through your videos 🤣 RE: your comment about needing research on empathy levels. I've burned through all the info I could find on psychology, psychiatry, neurology, religion and spirituality trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me. Autism information that I could find in the 90's and early 2000's was fairly limited to just the extreme cases and low functioning, which is why I was incorrectly diagnosed with other things. Point being, while the socially acceptable medical world hasn't done much research on empathy, the spirituality world has. They refer to it as being an Empath. It's usually learned behaviour due to childhood trauma (keep in mind that our subconscious can be affected by things our concious mind didn't perceive as trauma, such as a divorce that may have been amicable or dysfunctional family members that we just assumed was normal family behaviour). It's a defense mechanism, a way of keeping the peace so to say, and a way to keep ourselves safe by knowing what's coming (when you learn to pay attention to those random feels). For me, I think my childhood trauma causing that extreme empathy to come up, helped me to mask like a professional actor. Learning to "feel the room" at home, helped me to do it in social situations as well. I was so good at masking, I even had myself fooled for decades. There's a lot of overlap between ASD and spirituality now that I think of it.
Your journey sounds inspiring and I think you're in the right direction. My two cents to contribute is: to me, it sounds like you're describing the fearful-avoidant attachment style in psychology. RUclipsrs Thais Gibson of PDS and Heidi Priebe have videos that might interest you or someone who reads this. And youtuber Therapy in a Nutshell teaches in a video series on how to deal with those emotional effects on you. Especially the video on 'dirty' or 'secondary' emotions taught me where to place a healthy boundary.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25, and it completely changed my life (and healed some of my self-hatred). Now at 41, I'm starting to feel the overlap between autism and ADHD is much more significant than previously realized. (It's also interesting to consider that when I was diagnosed, it was thought that the two couldn't coexist.) I honestly don't know if I'd meet the ASD diagnostic criteria, but in my specific case I don't think it really matters; what's more important is that I've found a whole new realm of helpful and relatable information through autism-focused resources such as your channel. In short: thank you so much!
1. I have definitely had some uncontrollable emotional outbursts before. For me it's in the form of crying when I get really stressed. I can't do anything but cry during those instances. I don't think I have ever blacked out or not remembered what happened though. 2. I used to bite my nails as a kid but I don't now. I can still be kinda fidgety in other ways though. Also yeah I've done the repeating phrases (or sometimes even just a single word). I've never flapped around a piece of paper or magazine but what I always did in school was shake my pencil with my fingers. Sometimes I would even start tapping the pencil on a desk and making a beat like I was playing drums lol. I think it was pretty evident early on how much I loved music... 3. I've never been diagnosed with other disorders like those but I know family members who have. 4. Yeah I'm definitely fascinated by psychology. I didn't major in it in college but I have taken a few classes in it and it's a personal interest of mine. 5. Yeah I've definitely had a lot of obsessive interests over the years. Animals is a big one for me, especially certain kinds of animals. Like I had a huge collection of stuffed orcas and toy lizards and dinosaurs. I loved watching animal shows/movies and I'd check out books about those animals from my school library. I loved watching Animal Planet and when I was in middle school Meerkat Manor was airing and I became obsessed with meerkats too. Then I got pet rats and became obsessed with rats. And I loved playing Zoo Tycoon. I didn't even play it the way it was intended most of the time, I just made the entire zoo a big animal habitat. Or wait until a lot of people come in and set dinosaurs free to attack them. And yeah, particularly in my teen and adult years celebrities have been a big one for me too, particularly music artists. I could spend hours just watching videos about a music artist I'm obsessed with, and I love collecting albums. 6. Dancing is fun I don't do it much now and am not really good at it now but I also took dance classes as a kid and enjoyed it. 7. Yeah I relate to this one too. I form very strong attachments to a few people. 8. I don't think I'm quite as sensitive as other autistic individuals but yeah I do have empathy. 9. I've never had an eating disorder but I was a quite picky eater as a kid. 10. Yeah I've definitely experienced that before.
Lol We've always called my son Little Sheldon. He's so much like that character! For me, it was actually throwing myself into research for my son. It took so long to get a diagnosis that I took it upon myself to start putting in place different things to help him (warnings before activity changes, for example). That was where I first stumbled upon a video about autism in girls/women being different and the more I looked into it the more my whole life finally MADE SENSE. I always described it as if life is a puzzle put together with pieces representing milestones. So many of mine never fit right, and putting autism into the story makes everything fit perfectly. ☺
I’ve got a horrible little mix of “massive amount of empathy” and “difficulty communicating social things (compared to information)”, meaning that I feel for people massively but can’t say anything to comfort or help them- stressing me out and making me go quiet, and then seeming like I don’t care when I actually care so much it can physically hurt
I relate to everything in this video. I’ve been suspecting I may be autistic with ADHD for a while now. Psychology has been a long term special interest of mine. I was enrolled in a psychology degree program until I dropped out due to meltdowns, burn out, and not being able to manage a full time job with school and life. 😣 I’m not in school anymore but I still struggle with managing a full time job and life. 😔 I’m also a vegan and animal rights advocate! I will be five years vegan this month. I’ve noticed this correlation within the autistic and vegan communities too 👀🐄💕
As far as empathy, I feel like a lot of people learn to shut down those emotions leading to a person who seems to not care about anything. That's basically what I did. If I open the floodgates I get so overwhelmed with feelings that I'll have a meltdown! I have to keep it under control, which makes me come off as cold.
I've got 2 children who I've become more and more convinced are on the spectrum. With the oldest, I always knew that she presented a unique set of challenges and behaviors, was extremely verbal -to a 'fault', even...I say that because her verbal skills are what has always got her into trouble. The "trouble" is always always associated with over empathizing And the inability to distinguish her own emotions from those of others. I figured out through my own intensive research that she tests very high on the ASQ and other diagnostic assessments. The challenge was to get the school to acknowledge she would benefit from a behavioral assessment. Even at the request of her psychologist, the school refused. This drove my motivation to understand to great heights. It was Through my research that I figured out she (both kids actually) likely were mirroring my own behaviors. When I spoke with my mum about my childhood, all the indicators were there. I was extremely particular about foods because of their textures, overwhelmed by smells, sounds and too many people. I loved lining up cars in order, toys in order, and did all this with my imaginary friends. Diagnosed with OCD for trichotillomania at 14...prob a misdiagnosis or at least one part of a missed dual diagnosis. But the early 90s did not attribute these to ASD or Asperger's. Through observation of my oldest, I realized she is a sensory seeker. Everything has to be loud. Heavy heavy footsteps, energy filled actions, loud music, everything Intense. Then I realized I was watching a more exaggerated version of myself. My late realization (at 38) of my own behaviors made sense of some things...if I had developed a more productive stim, maybe I would not have been fighting this current OCD level cigarette addiction. I realize now it's something I do to keep my hands busy, and probably impact dopamine levels.
The part about having a special interest in friends or just vibing with someone very much resonated with me very much. I had two very good best friends in my high school years. Like I wanted to just hang out with them all the time and I pretty much did, so it was a big nasty shock towards the end when They suddenly just. Stopped. and I had never felt so dejected and alone? And I finally really saw just how awful my home life actually was? It led to finding more special interests in online friendships, online games and youtube, writing stories... I just thought that I was a little overly sensitive (which tbf I am, so much empathy like holy hell that's another point), so I'm glad that this video kind of helped me make more sense of it :)
Oh boy the monologuing is extremely relatable. I would spend hours as a kid walking in circles around my driveway or backyard just monologuing or narrating stories to myself, usually making it up on the fly or conceptualizing a dream I had. As a kid my parents often had to chastise me to stop talking about it and listen to other people. My mom once yelled at me to “get out of cloud cuckoo land” and it upset me so much I wrote an entire poem about it. ….in hindsight a lot of this makes more sense if I’m on the spectrum.
What weird timing, I just got called for dinner when you were talking about having a hard time switching tasks and tend to get irritable when called for meals. I responded "be down in a minute" knowing full well I would be at least 3 minutes finishing the video before i could stop and eat 😂
That’s so interesting that you bring up the topic of veganism and autism. I have been vegan for 19 years and recently diagnosed with autism. I watched a lot of vegan advocate videos as well as more recently, videos about individuals with autism. I’ve never made the correlation, or saw the relationship between the two until you pointed it out in this video.
I don’t pinch my neck, but I do pinch my upper arm when I’m stressed. I also only recently discovered that walking on your tiptoes was also an autistic thing and I thought: "Oh, doesn’t every kid do that?" I’ve really done the tiptoeing as a kid and sometime still have the inclination to walk on my tiptoes (and not because I want to be quiet) as an adult now...
"It would have been picked up in school" oh my lord. I'm autistic, and have QUITE severe ADHD. In school i was just told i was bad, and acting different on purpose to make teachers and my parents mad. Apparently i was a scheming, evil genius villain at 8 years old
"Too much empathy", a resounding YES! Like you said, I'm the same, if my husband's mood dips a little, my mood dips too. Everything can be right in my world but if his mood is off, it's very stressful for me. Also, I used to be vegan as well but my health suffered for it, and now eating an omnivore diet makes me feel much better. Please don't be afraid to switch things up if you think it would be best for your health.
I'm not sure if these would count as meltdowns..... in 1st grade, I marked on my slate when we had not been told to and Jacob, who seemingly hated me, mouthed across the room that he was going to tell and I was going to get in trouble. I burst into tears, and I cried so hard that I threw up and got sent home from school. In 3rd grade, I got a 90% on a spelling test for the first time, and I remember crying unconsolably and getting scolded for it, because it was not a big deal. However, I also have perfectionistic tendencies.... so that probably played a part too. I was a big crybaby all through elementary school. I had at least one incident each school year. I do pick at my skin and lips all the time. I also have a gluten sensitivity and ate a lot of gluten, which resulted in sores and hives, which were itchy, so I'd scratch, but it is also a texture thing, I can't stand patches of differently textured skin. I also am known for talking and muttering to myself all the time. I didn't realize that was associated with being a stim. I talk with my hands and I do fidget with my hands, though I also tend to keep them near my lap and out of sight. At work, I have a roll-chair, and I often catch myself twisting side to side in it. Psychology is very interesting to me, both because I want to see myself and because I am a writer (nothing published) The interests... My imagination and stories and research for it. The Monologues. I still do that. I didn't really do dance, I wanted lessons as a kid, but we couldn't afford it. I am a klutz so as I grew, I was shy of dance because I thought I'd look awkward. My Freshman year, I was placed in the all-girls Show Choir, and I LOVED IT. We weren't doing acrobatics or what I considered racy moves at the time and it was fun and relaxing, even if I didn't pick it up quite as fast as the rest. I do not abandon my friends, even if I drift away and we don't really talk. I do form deep attachments. My wife, is my home. When I was away, when we were engaged, I didn't get homesick for a place, but for her. I was fine, until I sent my engagement ring back to the States for cleaning and repair.... I almost chased down the van and when I got picked up, the first thing I did after my mom hugged me was ask where my ring was. Once I had it back on my finger, I was okay... for a couple days. I am also Demi-Pan, so I don't do romantic things or feelings until I have an emotional bond. I was very empathetic as a child, and I think I've had too much burnout for a long time. I do have Hyperfocus! I didn't realize that it was an ASD thing as well as ADHD.
My husband and I are so grateful for your videos. More than anyone else's, they helped me to self-diagnose and then obtain an ASD diagnosis. I really admire what you do and how you do it, and hope you know what a difference you make in people's lives. xx
Shoutout to all my fellow trans folks in the audience here who might have some insecurities about what gendered autism traits they might have! Brains are weird, and gender is weirder. Your identities are valid no matter what some statistics on a chart somewhere might say! Stay strong folks!✨
Playing Sims, omg 😆 Also Minecraft and Stardew Valley. And when I was younger I loved horse and car toys. Definitely out in nature a lot and walking on my toes. Also pika (sp?) where you regularly eat things that aren't food. Growing up nobody thought I was autistic, just weird and annoying
I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 19 and ADHD around 27 but there was a lot of things that didn't cover. The 3 videos describe me so well especially me as a child. My neice who has traits like me that are different from other family members with ADHD asked ne if we have autism. I don't know what to do with this but this really explains things so clearly.
I can relate to a lot of this. I had delayed speech when I was little, although I'm not sure if that was another diagnosis for something else, and my meltdowns are often just me crying a lot, sometimes to the point where I breathe in deeply if it's really intense. Some of my teachers just assumed that I was emotionally or mentally challenged when I was little because of how easily I'd cry or get upset, but at least some of those were meltdowns. I also used to bite my fingernails when I was little. I never really though of it as stimming, but that would make sense. While I've stopped biting them, I'll still mess with hang nails. The special interest part is also quite fitting. I'll have my main special interests, often shows or video games, and then get so excited to talk about them. Sometimes I'll just watch clips of shows that I like or haven't seen before and get so excited for them too.
I am autistic and I hate hurting animals but my diet consists of cheese and egg (among other things) because they are safe foods. I am vegetarian but if I was not obsessed with cheese I would be vegan. (Not me eating just cheese on a plate as I’m typing this)
I took ballet for a year or two as a child and LOVED it. Only stopped because the teacher moved away and my small town didn't have another option after that. As an adult I started taking adult beginner classes, and I too have been thinking for a while now that it's MADE for autistic people. I love that this channel is backing up all my hot takes. (Another being that cats are autism-coded lol)
Most of the time I don’t usually feel like autism stuff fits me even though my friends who are diagnosed are very convinced I have it, but this one, I clicked on because I thought “oh this will give me insight on multiple perspectives of autism, I should listen to this for the future”, and im just sitting at midnight, in the dark, with my eyes closed, listening while stimming a lot, and overthinking about social things, because I’m starting school again soon and I’m worried I’m out of practice and will act funky and make people think things I don’t mean,and all because I just got out of a hyper-fixation and can’t get myself to sleep
One of the Autistic traits I do not have is food. Everything else but not food. I really love eating. I love cooked food and of course I have some food I don't like but everyone has that. I hate Coffee, strong alcohol, pears, vanilla noodles (heck who thought this meal is a good idea) and lasagna. I never had problems with textures or taste. I love eating trash as well as eating healthy food. You can make me easily happy if you would cook something for me
I always get hung up on meltdowns specifically because my immediate thought is "I almost exclusively experience shutdowns and not meltdowns" because that's largely what I remember. The only times I remember experiencing something that could have been a meltdown are... 1. One time when I couldn't fit all of the groceries my mom bought in the fridge, so I sat on the couch and ate some cake to make myself feel better while I waited for her to come home, then she basically accused me of being lazy and BSing the task despite how much I drove myself crazy trying to make it work, and then I snapped and cried and had to go up to my room to calm down. 2. I was supposed to pick up something from the store for my mom before going to therapy, and I think it was a very stressful trip (probably something about them not having what I needed and not knowing what to do about it), so when I talked to her on the phone to update her, I was really upset and wanted to go back home. All I remember was her yelling at me and telling me that I wouldn't be able to be a functional adult if something like that was bothering me (I was in college at the time, so yeah), and then I spent the first half of my therapy session sobbing because I was still so upset and stressed out. If I remember more, I'll probably come back and mention them, but those are the only two instances I remember that would even remotely qualify as meltdowns from my understanding. My default reaction seems to be just shutting down and not feeling much of anything.
OMG THE TASK SWITCHING COMIC!! That's such a great example of how I feel whenever I'm focused on something and my mom interrupts me. And she does that A LOT because she needs my help with a lot of things throughout the day, so I'm constantly irritable because I hate hate HATE being pulled away from whatever my brain was initially focused on.
I’ve watched a few of your videos and I had suspected I was autistic but watching your videos made me realize I definitely am , so thank you, I didn’t think having a definitive answer would change anything but I have this sense of relief and structure I can rely on now where so much just makes sense now.
I am a very new self diagnosed ASD person and I’m in the research step… your video enlighten me… I was a stocker when I was young, when I liked someone I was super intense and inappropriate 😅 never herd anyone to relate that with autism before and that makes lots of sense to me now… Also, I recently have research if there existed a disorder call or characterize by hyper empathy because I feel the world pain in my heart… Every straight dog, every orphan , everything emotional makes me cry and feel powerless 😢 … The stereotype for autism is so wrong, we can be hyper or hypo in all our senses that is way it’s an spectrum we are anywhere under that umbrella…
As a neurotypical person (as far as I know), it's interesting to relate to most of this, perhaps in a milder scale than expressed in this video. It doesn't make me wonder if I'm autistic, but it makes autism less "other" to me, it takes away that shroud of mystery that sometimes it's used to portray it. I interpreted this as, ok, these traits I relate to, autistic people have too, just more intense. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us.
Apparently ever since I was really young, I would "soothe" myself (my mom's words) by rubbing or touching my ears, especially my ear lobes. I still do it, and I'm aware that it probably looks odd in public, but when I'm really really invested, I can't help it lol. I was also constantly touching things I shouldn't in public, which earned me the nickname of "monkey fingers"??? Also have super proscribed, passionate interests in sociology, politics, and psychology (and the sims as a kid/adult lmao). Also been vegan for almost 13 years now (hearing you say that was very validating). Always liked being directed step by step on what to do if I'm supposed to do things a certain way, and I'm perpetually trying to figure out who I am because I've always felt off. I also definitely have safe and unsafe feeling people lol. Among lots of other reasons, these are why I'm seeking assessment for autism (and ADHD). Thank you for this video!!
I may or may not be bingeing your videos (thank you by the way) but I'm trying harder to watch people's faces on camera to practice for real life. And omfg the baby footage is amazing because you make the exact same expressions as you do now. Like you do this little purse/pucker of your lips when youre concentrating, stuff like that :)
When I was 11 years old, I was diagnosed with "possible" OCD, but doctors were mostly stumped and despite being in therapy since I was five for behavioral problems and an inability to adjust to the demands of grade school, no one could come up with an explanation or diagnosis for what was "wrong." Looking over all these traits, and experiences of others, it is so clear that autism is the best explanation. In home movies as a child, I'm stimming, unable to make eye contact/hardly paying attention to the social cues in my surroundings, or hyper-focusing - and they even figured out that I needed "time to switch tasks" and had meltdowns because I was overwhelmed with demands or surroundings, and that was the source of much of my difficulty in school. I wonder how autism was never considered. Just because I'm female and didn't have speech delays? I'm glad the understanding of autism has come such a long way since I was a kid.
When I was in high school I would talk about my frustrations and they told me that I was depressed/had depression. Yet I didn't think I felt that way. In fact didn't feel that way until my 20's. I very distinctly remember telling multiple dr's and teachers "but I don't FEEL depressed"
It's is good to raise awareness, trouble is this list might also be explained by the emotional dysregulation and hyper focus / distractibility of adhd, mixed with with social anxiety and depression. The field needs better definitions, and more data on mental health and neurodivergence in women. And women sharing their experiences after watching videos like this helps move the conversation forward. Thanks for posting this video!
On the empathy thing, I think I feel empathy very strongly, but also don't know how to show those feelings (or perhaps more accurately, early childhood bullying taught me to hide those emotions to the point that my instincts stop me from showing my emotions as a defense mechanism). I wonder if this may be part of where the stereotype of "non empathetic autistic people", we feel it so strongly that when we did show it, we were bullied and learned to mask it by bottling up all of our emotions. It's taken a lot of self work for me to learn how to cry at sad thing, not because I didn't feel sad, but because crying as a young boy is so stigmatized and pretty much all my other socializing is learned behaviors (masking).
I’m not sure that you’ll see this but oh my gosh. I was diagnosed with autism early this year and since then everything has been clicking into place, especially around my former two year relationship. I hyperfixated and obsessed over my former partner constantly, especially in the early days and in fact I was so obsessed that before we even got together back in 2022, I was imagining our wedding. Turns out he wasn’t as attached to me and we mutually broke up in February of this year. It wasn’t entirely mutual though because we didn’t see eye to eye on what the separation was. I thought is was a short break and he viewed it as an indefinite one. I have been dealing with extreme depression and s*icidal thoughts since our break up and I always wondered if some of my issues in the relationship were due to hyperfixating and autism. It feels kind of nice to know that’s a thing in autistic people. Anyways sorry about the life story haha just thought I’d share my experiences as an autistic person trying to find love I suppose lol
I think the reason I got so addicted to watching autism videos is because no one helped me figure out why I wasn't "normal". So I was so confused and had to start actually researching all the things I believed I was at any moment and autism just fits everything
i have been wondering a lot if i'm on the spectrum lately, i just discovered your videos and so far i've been relating to almost every single thing (initially hoped you would confirm i am NOT autistic, but it's quite the opposite) some things here make me laugh because i used to also do dance routines with my cousin in front of family as a child haha. i'm very into trying to understand myself too although not as much with psychology but with astrology (it's one of my special interests too) i'm also vegan, hyper sensitive and empathetic among other things. i was diagnosed with social anxiety a few years ago. i'm dealing with a lot of fatigue that has been going on for years and thinking it might be because of autistic burnout. hopefully i find some answers and help, but your videos are definitely comforting 🤍
I noticed you're wearing black milk leggings in this video (when cleaning towards the end) and are wearing a BM shirt in another video (can you tell what one of my special interests is 😂) - but the topic of black milk and autism came up in a group chat a while ago about how there seems to be a higher than usual level of autistic "sharkies" than the general population and how the fabrics and styles being generally stretchy and zip free and tag free etc, while also with their licensing being able to allow one to express some of their special interests and also a lot of people in the black milk community being "misfits" or outsiders makes it the perfect brand for autistic people!
I think the eating disorders associated with autism may be due to interoception issues where the autistic person may not realise they are hungry until they are ravenously so then may also have difficulties determining when to stop eating as their sensation of feeling full or not may also be affected.
Not "clinically diagnosed." Self diagnosed, but a few IQ mentioned traits. My sleep dr put it in my chart, i did not see it until 2 yrs later. My last psychiatrist who was also my therapist for 4 yrs while a resident told me to just say that i am. She could not diagnose, but saw it also. It has been so freeing. I was told i was borderline personality, depression, anxiety. While i do agree with depression and anxiety i disagreed with BPD. I looked at all 4 of them and none of them 'fit.' My mom told me that growing up she had to start preparing me for changes at least 2 weeks ahead or "all hell would break loose." She said i would not talk at school. They had to ask specific task questions like where the yellow block was... but if a teacher called on the phone i would talk all the time. I remember once that my teacher kept me after school to do a math problem that i couldn't do. This sent me into a meltdown. I recall it because it was the first and only time it happened and traumatizing. It was like i was not inside myself, but on the outside. I was at the door crying and hysterical begging her to let me go home.... a typical kid would probably bolt out the door... but i literally melted down. When she let me go i was so angry because my routine was ruined. As an adult it is similar. Like i am not in control of my body in a meltdown. I have lost it in the mental hospital and the regular one when i feel unheard. So many said i was attention seeking etc... (then why do i live alone and prefer to be alone if i want attention?) Now tho in the regular hospital last month there were a few nurses who were very patient with me. When i am in meltdown/shutdown i take the monitors off. If someone asks if they can put them back on i cannot answer verbally and automatically shake my head slightly in the no. So they say i am non compliant. Last month tho a few nurses would not ask and just put it back on and talking to me for distraction until i could verbally tell them what led up to it. It is like i lose the connection from my brain to my mouth. I bite my nails to blood. My mom picked at her skin. That weird about the neck... cause i do similar. I have pushed people away because of how much i care and how in tune to their needs i can get. I agree with empathy. It stresses me out. This is part of why i prefer to be alone or just with one friend. I have always been. I have to plan activities with 2-3 days to recover because it drains me.
Does anyone feel as though being in gymnastics with dance can be a way of stimming? Yes... eating disorders... Oh SNAP! I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 33~~ now I am 60~~ mother of 5...youngest is 28 with autistic qualities and also has ADHD and Down Syndrome~~~~ I am also a grandmother of 9~~ and a widow~~~ Lady~~ you have helped me look over my life and my loved ones as well~~ lol... when diagnosed with ADHD ... was told by a mentor, that she felt that I was also on the Autism Spectrum... yet... I HAD BEEN TRAINED to give "eye contact" as a child... Usually....looking into the others soul so to speak, and not necessarily hearing what they were saying.... intead, SEEING what they were feeling...the struggle has been real... to the point of gaslighting my own mind into " trusting" people I KNEW were untrustworthy.
So much of your points tick boxes for me. I’m only able to stay optimally calm when I have my own place to retreat to after using so much energy trying to detective skill the reactions/input of others in a day. I often forget to eat and push back sleep… but is that disorder or am I just being shit at scheduling? I go back and forth with it, totally a self-diagnosed aspie (adult in the USA, would it even be worth it to test?) but also just not a hungry person (gets me in trouble after multiple hours at a focus and the damn shakes/headaches start) - damn stupid human body limits.
I loved walking on my toes at home. It gave me so much enjoyment. My mother would tell me to stop doing it. Don’t know about myself and autism. Checking it out.
haven't even watched the video yet but saw the title of every chapter and yes I'm all of those!!!!!! feels like a cruel joke I'm just noticing all this now :(
Wow i relate to that switching tasks tendrils comic strip pretty hard! I have a tendency to put all my thoughts & feelings into others. Neglecting my own & the batch tasking. A lot of this resonated with me
(TW: reference to disordered eating) I wish I could be vegan...but having a gluten intolerance makes this a bit tricky when going out to eat or to dinner at other people's houses (lots of vegan dishes seem to be full of it). I already feel like I'm imposing on others by asking about gluten- and dairy-free options. 😔 Another food-related thought: is it common for some autistic people to feel constantly hungry or have difficulty with blood sugar levels (despite testing negative for diabetes)? I didn't have any particular food sensitivities or aversions as a child, but found myself feeling hungry a lot of the time - and often tired, too, as if I needed "re-fuelling" after a particularly gruelling sensory experience (e.g. school, socialising, going into town...). I'd get a lot of adults commenting on the amount I ate and how I'd "get fat" and regret it later in life...("It'll all pile on later, just you wait...") plus a couple of ex boyfriends saying similar in my teens...which led to some slightly disordered eating. 😕 (Sorry, didn't mean to turn that into a trauma dump, just sharing experiences and seeing if anyone relates!)
I’m the opposite when it comes to dancing but I struggle with feeling like I’m in my body and just feel clumsy and awkward when it comes to dance. I did find karate therapeutic probably because it was so structured. I was extremely shy as a child but would talk nonstop to my parents. I feel like I have empathy but often act as if I don’t. Like saying something that could come across as cold or uncaring or talking over others in social situations. I seem to be more hyposensitive where my wife tends to be hypersensitive. It’s weird how it can manifest in so many different ways but still be the same thing.
Wow, the point you made about veganism is interesting. When I tried to think about sensory sensitivities I couldn't find anything in my case, except for really disliking the texture of meat, which I always found really "boring". Nobody understood how I could call food "boring"...
I remember when I went to the beach for holiday. In the hotel I had been doing Turing puzzles and obsessing over them, and my mom asked me to go down to the beach and swim with her but my mind was still fully focusing on the really difficult puzzle I had been working on for an hr or so; so on the way down walking to the beach I was repeating outloud my thoughts to my mom, trying to help myself memorise all the sentences and layouts so I could continue figuring it out, and she did say I was being a bit over obsessive but idc, I love problem solving. Anyways once we got down to the beach my mom went to swim in the sea and I said to her I would be down soon. I must've spent like 20 min (i have no track of time) looking like a crazy person, because i was walking back and forth around in circles, staring at the floor, repeating my thoughts outloud, literally spinning around, rocking on my toes and balancing (i do ballet), shaking my wrists, snapping my fingers... 😭 Anyways when I did get into the sea I still wouldn't stop obsessing over it, plus I also have really bad sand sensory issues so was avoiding getting out of water and dealing with the texture. My mom ended up having to pull me out of the sea. Anyways after that we walked back and I immediately sat down with my pencil and book at the lounging couchs and proceeded to spend another 30 min or smth. Another thing lmao, was as a young child while my family put the tv on and sat on the couch I woild get up and dance around and jump flapping my hands and crawl on the furniture, lmao there's so many videos of me doing that, paying absolutely no attention to anything else. Relating to Ballet, I think what I love sm abt ballet is unlike other dances where it's like "do what you're body feels like", Ballet has extremely strict rules. As a perfectionist it works perfectly. It's the definition of knowing what to expect! Sorry I keep adding to this as I watch the video. I could write a whole essay lmao. Anyways, I feel when it comes to animals I have a deep connection obviously, but I personally have an issue with the fact that we care about animals because of their face or the fact they share physical human characteristics, but we forget plants are living. Kind of weird but I feel I have a very big empathy for plants and animals, someone who really opens your mind at things is Neil Degrasse Tysson. Especially his book "Starry messenger" It is such an interesting video and looks at the big picture.
12:36 this is how I feel too, and for me at least, I wonder if it's because I'm so used to absorbing pieces of other people's personalities to better get along with them so maybe I'm accidentally absorbing a bunch of their emotions too??? I'm like a freaking sponge 😑
Great content.. I’m a high functioning autistic.. People can think we’re selfish.. or even rude/blunt. We are honestly just so freaking smart we’re crazy. My obsession in certain interests is very crucial and important to me. My Spirituality is one of them I’m obsessed with it. How I organize and clean gotta be certain way my clothes /shoes is my biggest collection 🤦🏽♀️ “I just look at them” I love to learn from “only reading!” Anything other I will observe. I have wonderful insight… I have moods swings but only when I’m in the overthinking mode. Very intelligent speaker I am. I’m also obsessed with Auto Mechanics 🤷🏽♀️ Science. Technology and Literature I could go on about my crazy ass 🤣 I know how to deal with it tho. I’m Uniquely beautiful .
Does anyone else have a weird obsession with having to have all the pieces in a collection? Like, I have Vietnamese dolls, and every time I see one, I have to have it because it’s one I don’t have it already. Or I used to collect beanie babies, and specifically specific “collections” of them and I had to have all of them in a set, to the extent that I obsessively searched for every single one, even putting myself in to debt to obtain them all. Or like books… when I find an author I like, I have to have ALL of their books. Or I become obsessed with a topic and have to have everything I can find in it, books, movies, supplies. I start hobbies but once I have everything I could possibly need for that hobby, I’m no longer interested in DOING it, but I’m satisfied just having the stuff.
I’m trying to figure out if I have ADHD, autism, or both. The biggest things that make me doubt I have autism is that I feel like I understand social cues fairly well and I don’t think I have special interests. I often don’t know exactly how to respond in a social situation, but I can understand what the other person is trying to express. I also don’t specifically recall having special interests as a kid. I had things I would get obsessed with for a short time, which I think might count as a hyperfixation, but not really a special interest. I’ve always loved music and math, but I don’t think to the point of a special interest. I guess my question is for any autistic people is, is it possible to be autistic but not really have special interests? I relate a lot to most other signs of autism; I get very attached to people, I don’t like socializing with people I’m not very close with as it costs me a lot of energy and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say in social situations, I’ve found that most people I get close to are neurodivergent, I stim a lot when I’m very happy or stressed or feeling a strong emotion; and I definitely relate with feeling too much empathy. I’ve often felt like I’m just being self-absorbed when I’m very strongly negatively affected because someone I love is going through something difficult, but having a large amount of empathy would explain those intense feelings. I’ve experienced hyperfocus for sure, when writing or playing music. And I’ve been reading and watching so much about autism and ADHD so I definitely relate to that part of this video!
I'm in the same boat right now. I always dismissed the idea when it'd come up because I'm really good socially aside from extreme anxiety. The thing for me is that just because I'm good at socializing normally doesn't really mean I intuitively get it. I don't have a lot of memory of my childhood for other reasons, so I don't remember needing to learn how humans work, but I've been super interested with psychology and human behavior since probably middle school. I think it's been a special interest for me, and it's served me well to have that knowledge on top of the extreme social awareness I never asked for lol On the note of special interests (and other stuff too) I've been hearing that having both autism and ADHD can counteract and/or compound on each other, so the ADHD tendency to be interested in new things could make your special interests look different or just go for shorter periods. Ultimately I don't know if I'm autistic, so maybe my input isn't the most helpful, but you're definitely not alone.
this is me down to the psych degree and lifetime love of sims. I was diagnosed with adhd at 30 two years ago and thought oh great that explains everything well let me tell you i got my first office job and these people speak a different language entirely so the secret everyone knows but me is still alluding me except it's what i may have have known for awhile and didn't want to presume for fear of seeming like a self diagnosing attention seeker but i may (definitely) have autism and adhd (that's not even a question lol) Does anyone else eat the same thing for every meal? I eat cereal and granola three meals a day every day it used to be chicken curry and rice but one day it wasn't.
Hey. Thank you so much for your videos. You are describing some very relatable things. Thanks to your videos about PDA and autism in women I finally encountered something very relatable that actually describes how I've felt for much of my life. Most of what I had heard about autism before was from men and it felt very difficult for me to relate to. Though can we please stop with the "born female" bit. It is unnecessarily exclusionary and bioessentialist. I'm a trans woman. From the stories you tell, I've felt exactly the same as you in so many ways, since childhood. Even though I was "born male", "raised a boy", and forced to act like one. My childhood and adolescence were very traumatic because i was forced to repress my gender expression by my family. My dad would punish me for being feminine. In addition to being neurodivergent.
Oh gosh, I've just listened again and I can see why it could have been interpreted that way! Apologies. This was my third video and I was still getting used to talking on camera again, so I think I just phrased it poorly. I meant to include AFAB individuals rather than to exclude trans women. Trans women are always included when I say women or girls, so I think in my mind it saying 'girls' in the thumbnail was enough. Thank you for pointing this out - I'll try and make an edit to the video.
@@imautisticnowwhat don't be hard on yourself. :) it's fine. We all make mistakes, and you are doing great! I loved your video! I just wanted to point out a small thing that felt kinda shitty / out of place about it. AGAB shouldn't really matter. That's why I said "bioessentialist". The whole idea that being born with certain genitalia should somehow magically influence everything about your life, incl. your psychology, emotions, personality, taste and style, etc. ... is kinda silly don't you think? As for "including AFAB individuals" ... I don't think trans men would be particularly happy to be lumped in with women either.
I once explained to my classmates that in my experience autism is often not a case of lack of feeling, we feel too much and we don't know what to do with all this information. I often explain meltdowns as like a computer crash but the computer is your brain.
I know this series is a year old, but maybe someone will see this and can offer words of wisdom. I was dxed with ADHD at 27. The psychs gave me the autism self-report test but I was afraid of them thinking I was faking it all so I dampened my responses so they'd give an ADHD dx 😅 Sure enough they found ADHD but said that after discussion/analysis, I don't quite fit ASD. Instead I just have "trouble socializing and controlling emotions and reactions to external stimuli" or something... I think for me, a big part of the problem is that as a kid, I was a people-pleaser/goody two shoes, so even when I was having visceral internal reactions to the world, I would pretend I wasn't. So as an adult, I look back at my memories and I can't really tell what was me and what was potentially "masking" if that makes sense. Additionally, I have a reference point. My little sibling was dxed ASD/ADHD at 13, and our lives and reactions to the world are pretty different. The easiest way to describe it is that their autism appears more external/masculine while my "experience" is more internal/feminine. I've also been able to blend in with/adhere to societal expectations more than them. So I feel like exploring this at all is an insult to their lifelong intense struggles that I didn't go through to nearly the same degree, especially not socially. I don't know. Is it worth looking further into this, or do I sound like I'm grasping at straws? I feel like such an imposter for even considering it, something which I've been doing on and off for 10 years now 😓 I just can't shake the feeling that most people aren't experiencing the feelings I am. I related so much to the vast majority of what was described in this 3-part series and had examples to similar or lesser degrees of intensity, though certainly not everything. I dunno! Does it sound like I'm full of shit? Were the docs right? Or am I clowning for not seeing the connection? What more should I research? I've taken the tests and they all point to it, I've talked to my friends and they're all "calling it," but is there something else I can do? Seeking a formal dx seems like an expensive route when I just got told 6 mths ago I don't have it.
So there is a strange subdivision regarding empathy. I feel other’s emotions very strongly and for those that I care about their feelings can affect me. For those that I do not care about I can pick up their emotions (if I’m not actively blocking it) and not have it affect me. But no matter what I have 0 empathy for any emotion derived from the nonsense arbitrarily rules of society.
Should be seperated from inferior states in mbti, from depression, trauma and ocd I think the only sign to look for autism is in people you meet regularly. I saw today 3 girls, who were autistic just in street and i bet, they will not know. They made such face mimics like withput puberty masking there is no awareness of how they look, walk or are perceived I saw a teen, glasses on, who toe walked. When you drive regularly 80km and wait in a big city on stations for a train, you will see faster autistic women too. Masking often starts in puberty, when peer group, pressure, external attitudes, work, potencial partner want you to look good and acting more smooth. I also think the spectrum is very different with everyone. A thing with autism, adhd or hb is monotone voice. Or people who ask if you are stoned I actually rip off my lip overskin since 13 years in every stressed situation till you see blood sometimes. Stimming is also adhd, not autistic only, be aware of that. Its a form of emotional and sensory self regulation I will touch my whole skin softly and think its self care as regulating, i do not self bite nails Yeah and a sign: friends or ex partners are on a neurodiverse spectrum like adhd, autism, hsp, hb oftentimes and you think "others" are just boring
I’m strange in terms of the food aspects common to Autism. Because one of my special interests is Vegan cooking and nutrition, I don’t experience the picky eating/forgetting to eat traits at all. I always hated meat, I guess, but it’s kind of moot when you’re an ethical Vegan anyway. 😂
I've posted my video about what autistic masking feels like from the inside (from my perspective, a few studies and articles, and the many other anecdotes I've read from the autistic community online):
ruclips.net/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/видео.html
Hi! I really like your videos, they're very informative, I learn a lot and have many of the traits that you mention. Could you please share how to get a diagnosis in the UK? I need to get tested because I'm quite sure I have some type of disorder whether it's ASD, ADD, OCD or even PTSD or possibly more than just one. What stops me is my fear that the NHS won't take me seriously and tell me that I'm just a quirky person or something like that. What should I do to get their attention and get tested?
I could certainly do with less empathy. I always feel like I can feel the feelings of everyone in our household. Feeling the feelings of 5 people is very overwhelming.
Oh gosh, that must be tricky!! I'm so lucky that my husband is generally a very emotionally level person.
@@imautisticnowwhat Mine is as well but I have two boys, 16 and 22, and my elderly (and most likely autistic) Mother also lives with us. I think that 4 out of 5 of us most likely have ASD.
Are you an I_FJ? Mbti type
my empathy is really weird. i feel empathy for plants, asmr youtubers, animals, video game characters, book characters and tv show characters, but not anyone i know personally.
also it's kinda hard in my household when literally everyone but me is undiagnosed asd. i'm diagnosed asd.
I have one area of empathy that’s really intense. Every time somebody’s shallow breathing with anxiety I can feel them holding their breath and it tenses me up while begin to breathe just like them. It ruins the day every time
Not only do I get embarrassed really easily myself, I also get second-hand embarrassment far too much. I can't watch TV show with practical jokes, for example, because they just make me feel so bad.
Totally agree!! It's painful.
@@imautisticnowwhat Thank you both!
I've never heard anyone say this.
It's so so painful.
As a child i would often hide under the table while watching telly.
But those "funny" shows with footage of things that went wrong or set traps were simply unwatchable.
My family enjoyed mr. Bean.
Now i like Rowan Atkinson & some of his comedic routines are marvelous. Him singing Ode to Joy(i'm not a native English speaker & i do understand German) is great & i think that that bit of "Not the Nine o'clock News" about JC/MP with Atkinson as the priest is one of the best things ever. But mr. Bean made me walk in circles, flap my hands & do a 'funny walk' with my legs, before retreating to my room. I couldn't watch it.
That footage of a little girl in a dress dancing/running circles in school was me.
School was not sympathetic...
Same, it ruins a show for me if a character does something embarrassing.
Agree so much! I don't understand practical jokes. I love comedy so much, stand-up comedy to be specific, but practical jokes don't fall in the same universe to me. Even certain episodes of like, The Office which I loved, I can't watch all the way through from sheer secondhand embarrassment.
yes, the second hand embarrassment is so true, i always hide or skip through it
Me as an 8 year old: I'm not normal, i think i have autism like my uncle, i much better like "the weird" kids in school too!
Doctor: You cant have autism, you're a girl and you are functioning very well in social situations.
Me as a teenager: Something is very wrong with me, and i don't wanna live in this flesh prison anymore! You sure I'm not Autistic?
Doctor: You're depressed take these pills. Also you are still a well functioning individual, you cant have autism!
Me as a 20 year old: That's it I'm not going to continue this shitty existence, i can't talk to other humans, i can't understand them at all, my feelings are all over the place, my thoughts are spiraling out of control, and i am having serious trouble with my anxiety! ARE YOU SURE I'M NOT BROKEN!?
Doctor: Hmm.. You know what, you strike me as someone who has paranoid schizophrenia, it can unfold in your 20'ies after immense stress, and we can help you! With more medicine!
Me: Anything is better then suffering! Give it to me!
Me at 26: Something is wrong, i never ever felt i could relate to the others with my diagnosis.. The Medicine they gave, made me tired, but they didn't help my problem at all. I'm not in crisis anymore, but no thanks to the healthcare system, and every nurse i meet tells me i don't sound or feel schizophrenic...
My sister's son *gets diagnosed with autism*
My sister *gets diagnosed with autism*
My sister: Have you thought about getting tested for Autism? Apparently we have 6 or seven family members all with autism and it can jump a generation or two, so might be why you feel so odd?
Told you so.. I hope the doctors i had as a child are no longer working their field, because holy fucking shit the damage, not only me, but a ton of girls my age is struggling..
I am trying to get rid of my previous diagnosis in favor of the other, as i am NOT IN DOUBT that i have autism, i have ALL the things! I do all the weird things, but i mask, i hide it, i grew up in a hostile world where being different would make you the target, so i hid, not even my own mom saw (she was never home much either).
These videos are very helpful! I'm 27 now, and i have to point out all my quirks to the person evaluating me, its nice to have these as pointers!
@@inigoimago Im so sorry to hear you going though the same, its insane how little awareness there has been on girls with variable mental illnesses.
But I'm glad to hear you have a supportive husband and you are looking for an official diagnosis! Give him a hug for being a supportive husband!
I’ve always felt I had "too much" empathy instead of no empathy. I’ve also had problems distinguishing my own feelings from others people’s feelings.. Somebody would ask me: "how are you?" and then I would start talking about others people’s problems and I didn’t understand why they would then complain that I did not answer their question because I really thought I did.
Personally, I’ve felt like I see and feel the emotions of others, I just don’t have any idea what to do with any of it. Having experienced how profoundly unhelpful the usual neurotypical way of reacting to the emotions of others can be-for me, at least-I feel like that’s not what to do. But… what *to* do? I have no idea.
neurotypicals don't know what empathy is.
for them empathy is when someone near them magically feels the same exact emotion they do at the same exact time.
notice that that's actually just a form of solipsism, not empathy.
when it comes to actually being empathetic neurotypicals need training. lots of training. they need it for basic things like:
- interacting with their pets.
- interacting with children.
- interacting with literally anyone who's not from their hometown.
- running a business in a way that doesn't treat their clients like vermin.
- learning that the Holocaust was not okay.
- etc.
I'm currently in the "holy shit" phase of realizing that I'm probably autistic, and this comment... omg. And this tendency is precisely why I'm struggling to talk to my husband (or anyone else) about my suspicions. I feel like they wouldn't take me seriously, especially since I've had a bajillion things come up with doctors that eventually come to nothing, because the symptoms are real, but they don't fit in any box. 😳
@@mamacantrix I hope you can find someone to talk to who takes this seriously and is willing to go through the effort of figuring things out with you. I wish you luck and courage on the rest of your yourney in this search and in life. ❤
Hsp?
The only reason I thought I definitely wasn't autistic is because of the "lack of empathy" narrative. I've always had "too much" empathy, so it seemed impossible for me to be even on the spectrum, despite having over 90% of all the other symptoms.
Lack of empathy is a myth. It’s the fact we are perceived to have no empathy, incorrectly. We are basically the opposite of sociopaths. Sociopaths are popular and manipulative, but have no empathy (people think they do). Whereas we have a lot of empathy and people think we don’t. It’s very hurtful and frustrating . . . Also the reason people discriminate against us.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST It's a different, less sophisticated, but fiercer kind of empathy. It's visceral. And the potentially much heightened senses makes even mild suffering really obvious and painful to the observer.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST as I understand it from what I have read sociopathic people have good cognitive empathy- able to intuitively predict how people may feel and think and behave in a given situation/context but don’t care (affective empathy) unless it somehow of benefit to themselves to care. Autistic people on the other hand often lack cognitive empathy but have strong affective empathy if they have understood the situation / picked up on the person’s emotions in the first place they care very much and will often put themselves out to help.
The thing is that I feel so much the pain of other people as mine that I can't handle them and I just prefer to wet a wall to not listen or see ... Specially when they use their pain as a source to fit in a social role where they play the victim seeking attention putting themselves in those situations... Or use their pain as topic to constantly say how everybody hurts them... I will completely ignore that kind of person.... But I feel their pain, and also of everyone close to me . That's why I keep the number of people I care about very small
I love your description of dancing as socially acceptable stimming- the same could be said to apply to crafts such as knitting or embroidery.
Whenever I have meltdowns, I usually scream, curse, rage, and hit things. Before I was diagnosed with autism, I used to think I must be evil and would then be racked with guilt afterwards. Now that I know I'm autistic, I feel less guilty. I'm still usually exhausted after my meltdowns, though, and I have to rest.
I came across my baby book the other day - at age 6 I apparently started throwing things in anger a lot… I remember being old to scream into a pillow or punch it. I still want to break things and throw them, but I try to remember the pillow screaming or go for some less destructive BIG physical movements to move out that energy. I haven’t been diagnosed but I experienced some heavy trauma a few years ago (my partner killed himself in our home) and afterward have been wondering what is WRONG with me?? What am I so tired and burnt out?? And I am at the conclusion that I’m just unable to mask anymore for very long. The meltdowns are much more frequent and I get drained hard after a short time in social or (especially) new or unusual situations. I’m hoping that learning more will help me, like it seems it’s helping you, to not feel like a bad person or that something is wrong with me, but that there are certain things I need to regulate myself appropriately!
@@LaceyMyriah I'm sorry about your partner and everything else you have been going through. It sounds like you need a good therapist.
I was diagnosed with autism, but I was taught to feel shame about it. I still feel guilty, but I kinda had a grasp on it wasn't my fault
I find it hard to get attached to people. I think that years of dealing with rejection may have possibly made me emotionally callused.
On the whole "lack of empathy" misconception-- one of my favorite portrayals of an autistic character is Ayda (Aida?) from Dimension 20. She comes across as very intense and even dismissive right at first, but you quickly find out that she longs to have friends and cares deeply and intensely about the people around her, and pretty much just wants to understand what's going on. I honestly cried at several points during her story just because it made me feel seen in a way that I really didn't expect. Like... just because I'm matter of fact and say things how I actually see them doesn't mean I lack empathy. In fact, being very matter of fact helps me understand things-- and I want to understand things that I have a strong emotional connection to!
Identifying so strongly with her as a character is actually one of the things that has made me start going... "Wait... am I...?"
I asked my psychiatrist about being assessed for autism this week and she said "but you have friends don't you?" Like not really but thanks for making me aware of it. Lol.
Lol
my therapist diagnosed me as autistic a few days ago. She told me i was a hsp, and being a black girl it’s out of the norm to be diagnosed something like this. I’m happy i am, it makes more sense.
I love what you said about hyperfocus and chunking tasks! I absolutely hate the idea of having to do chores every day. I would much rather just do everything in one big go. Because once I get started on chores I can just keep going until they're done. It makes it hard to try and form new daily habits though. But I make up for it when I put away two weeks of laundry in one go or meal prep everything for the upcoming week in an afternoon.
Same. If I start cleaning I cannot stop. Or working on a project. I’m hyper focused on subjects.
Thank you for talking about autism and empathy. I'm 76 years old and finally seeking a diagnosis. I am a neaopagan Witch, and ever since accepting a world view that allowed for empathic experience, I have recognized myself as an empath. When I am with other people, I can become somewhat of an emotional chameleon. That's one reason I always thought I couldn't be autistic. I have always heard about the 'flat affect' or not emotional. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite, and have been criticized as 'too emotional.'I am extremely interested in the connection between autism and emotions, especially empathy. And animals? Love them so much. They are family. So are the plants.
The spinning was a constant thing for me. I always loved to spin and twirl and I still love it, it just feels right.
When I was a kid, the real magic was in a “twirly skirt”
I was diagnosed with ADHD and ‘general learning disorder’ back in the late 90’s, early 2000’s when I was a kid. Everything that was meant to help with ADHD, unless it was for an overlapping symptom, was not helpful and sometimes actively harmful to me and my mental health. The only time I realized what was going on, that it was likely not ADHD and instead Autism, is when I met and was with my now fiancé who has ADHD. Comparing, I see the similarities in those overlapping parts, but we have opposite coping habits that fit with our separate things. It’s been interesting to say the least! These videos have been so helpful to me, so I thank you for all of these!
As I write this, I have just turned 30 today, and am going for a diagnosis as soon as I am able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. So people don’t lose faith just because of ‘how long’ it’s been. You’ll get there.
All the extroverts took up the appts to complain about breakups or something. It’s impossible to get an appt and they categorize autism as “low priority” even though we have one of the highest suicide rates. It makes no sense
I have just recently realized that my binge eating when I'm having a meltdown could be a form of stimming
I also use food as a stim so I like to eat things like popcorn, pomegranate or sunflower seeds individually, (in the shell), mini marshmallows, licking a big jaw breaker, etc things that you could eat a lot of and the total calories are low. I should add carrots and celery but I never really liked them enough to stim, (too much bitter flavor is distracting.) For me this helps a lot to have these kinds of foods around!
I have been researching autism for a few months now and i am 99% sure i have it. Even a psychologist said to me that i definately show symptoms but only a psychiatrist can diagnose. The only thing i don't relate with at all, that a lot of autistic people have, is not understanding others intentions, humor, metaphors, emotions etc. I am so good at these tings. Do you find that you have any difficulty with them?
Oh really! In the UK psychologists can diagnose (maybe just clinical psychologists...not sure!) I don't have difficulty with understanding metaphors or humour...and I'm super sarcastic! My whole family is. It took me a while to wrap my head around some idioms... and a lot of them just really annoy me for some reason, haha!
I think I'm often quite good at noticing emotional shifts in the people around me, and perhaps intentions too, because I notice small details in general. I also feel like I absorb the energy of others, so their mood shifts really affect me. I do sometimes notice changes in expressions and then ask the person 'what does that face mean?' but generally I don't think I'm bad at reading people. Perhaps it's because I'm 26 and have had a lot of time to learn...but I also think some profiles of autism seem to involve 'less' social struggle. With socialising my biggest issue these days is getting burned out easily and just a desperation to get away and back to my interests!
I understand humor and metaphors. Sometimes, I think people like me when they don’t and vice versa though. Reading people and people reading you is never easy . Sometimes, you can learn patterns. So when you get to know someone, it’s easier. I certainly worry about what others think and have trust issues because of it. (Also, I grew up watching comedy and unknowingly studied it. I do hate sarcasm, because it’s usually never funny and unfunny people it more because they aren’t funny and aren’t creative enough to be funny. . . So sarcasm is a crutch)
I’m with you - I am undiagnosed but I highly suspect I’m on the spectrum - and I am HIGHLY sensitive to other peoples emotions. I’ve worked on this and I think that masking LESS has actually helped me come back into my own body and be less hyper-aware of other people.
YES. The first research I found that I really identified with was Dr. Elaine Aron's work on Highly Sensitive People. After finding HSP and identifying with it so much I got an ADHD diagnosis (in my 30s) but felt that wasn't the whole story... which brought me to you. This channel is helping me put the pieces together SO much. I have also been vegan for years, and I burned myself out badly working in animal shelters - I couldn't walk past the kennels of dogs who were *screaming* for attention and help on my way to do whatever task I was doing without it taking a toll on me. It physically hurt.
I relate to a lot of this. Not autistic though, likely inattentive ADHD. Dance is great, and I absolutely love breaking out in song randomly. I try to purposefully shift my habits a lot, like switching from biting my nails to cleaning underneath them. As for the empathy thing, it definitely feels like an 'all or nothing' problem, where either I feel nothing or it overwhelms me. Although, I am better at accessing it in a more moderate manner now.
Its interesting how much my experience overlaps with an autistic one. I also know someone who has sensory processing disorder without the other ADHD or autism symptoms. Its fun to compare our experiences to see whats the same and what isn't.
I feel similarly. I think I most likely have inattentive ADHD and social anxiety, but I often see myself reflected in autistic people, which has been making me wonder.
@@beardedbutterfly9089 Same here! I have SAD too, so I often wonder if I am autistic.
Just found your channel recently and yes, I'm binging my way through your videos 🤣
RE: your comment about needing research on empathy levels.
I've burned through all the info I could find on psychology, psychiatry, neurology, religion and spirituality trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me. Autism information that I could find in the 90's and early 2000's was fairly limited to just the extreme cases and low functioning, which is why I was incorrectly diagnosed with other things.
Point being, while the socially acceptable medical world hasn't done much research on empathy, the spirituality world has. They refer to it as being an Empath.
It's usually learned behaviour due to childhood trauma (keep in mind that our subconscious can be affected by things our concious mind didn't perceive as trauma, such as a divorce that may have been amicable or dysfunctional family members that we just assumed was normal family behaviour).
It's a defense mechanism, a way of keeping the peace so to say, and a way to keep ourselves safe by knowing what's coming (when you learn to pay attention to those random feels).
For me, I think my childhood trauma causing that extreme empathy to come up, helped me to mask like a professional actor. Learning to "feel the room" at home, helped me to do it in social situations as well. I was so good at masking, I even had myself fooled for decades.
There's a lot of overlap between ASD and spirituality now that I think of it.
Your journey sounds inspiring and I think you're in the right direction. My two cents to contribute is: to me, it sounds like you're describing the fearful-avoidant attachment style in psychology. RUclipsrs Thais Gibson of PDS and Heidi Priebe have videos that might interest you or someone who reads this. And youtuber Therapy in a Nutshell teaches in a video series on how to deal with those emotional effects on you. Especially the video on 'dirty' or 'secondary' emotions taught me where to place a healthy boundary.
YES wow, this was all so relatable.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25, and it completely changed my life (and healed some of my self-hatred). Now at 41, I'm starting to feel the overlap between autism and ADHD is much more significant than previously realized. (It's also interesting to consider that when I was diagnosed, it was thought that the two couldn't coexist.)
I honestly don't know if I'd meet the ASD diagnostic criteria, but in my specific case I don't think it really matters; what's more important is that I've found a whole new realm of helpful and relatable information through autism-focused resources such as your channel.
In short: thank you so much!
1. I have definitely had some uncontrollable emotional outbursts before. For me it's in the form of crying when I get really stressed. I can't do anything but cry during those instances. I don't think I have ever blacked out or not remembered what happened though.
2. I used to bite my nails as a kid but I don't now. I can still be kinda fidgety in other ways though. Also yeah I've done the repeating phrases (or sometimes even just a single word). I've never flapped around a piece of paper or magazine but what I always did in school was shake my pencil with my fingers. Sometimes I would even start tapping the pencil on a desk and making a beat like I was playing drums lol. I think it was pretty evident early on how much I loved music...
3. I've never been diagnosed with other disorders like those but I know family members who have.
4. Yeah I'm definitely fascinated by psychology. I didn't major in it in college but I have taken a few classes in it and it's a personal interest of mine.
5. Yeah I've definitely had a lot of obsessive interests over the years. Animals is a big one for me, especially certain kinds of animals. Like I had a huge collection of stuffed orcas and toy lizards and dinosaurs. I loved watching animal shows/movies and I'd check out books about those animals from my school library. I loved watching Animal Planet and when I was in middle school Meerkat Manor was airing and I became obsessed with meerkats too. Then I got pet rats and became obsessed with rats. And I loved playing Zoo Tycoon. I didn't even play it the way it was intended most of the time, I just made the entire zoo a big animal habitat. Or wait until a lot of people come in and set dinosaurs free to attack them. And yeah, particularly in my teen and adult years celebrities have been a big one for me too, particularly music artists. I could spend hours just watching videos about a music artist I'm obsessed with, and I love collecting albums.
6. Dancing is fun I don't do it much now and am not really good at it now but I also took dance classes as a kid and enjoyed it.
7. Yeah I relate to this one too. I form very strong attachments to a few people.
8. I don't think I'm quite as sensitive as other autistic individuals but yeah I do have empathy.
9. I've never had an eating disorder but I was a quite picky eater as a kid.
10. Yeah I've definitely experienced that before.
Lol We've always called my son Little Sheldon. He's so much like that character! For me, it was actually throwing myself into research for my son. It took so long to get a diagnosis that I took it upon myself to start putting in place different things to help him (warnings before activity changes, for example). That was where I first stumbled upon a video about autism in girls/women being different and the more I looked into it the more my whole life finally MADE SENSE. I always described it as if life is a puzzle put together with pieces representing milestones. So many of mine never fit right, and putting autism into the story makes everything fit perfectly. ☺
I’ve got a horrible little mix of “massive amount of empathy” and “difficulty communicating social things (compared to information)”, meaning that I feel for people massively but can’t say anything to comfort or help them- stressing me out and making me go quiet, and then seeming like I don’t care when I actually care so much it can physically hurt
Omg sammmmmeeeee
I relate to everything in this video. I’ve been suspecting I may be autistic with ADHD for a while now. Psychology has been a long term special interest of mine. I was enrolled in a psychology degree program until I dropped out due to meltdowns, burn out, and not being able to manage a full time job with school and life. 😣 I’m not in school anymore but I still struggle with managing a full time job and life. 😔
I’m also a vegan and animal rights advocate! I will be five years vegan this month. I’ve noticed this correlation within the autistic and vegan communities too 👀🐄💕
Happy 5 years :)
@@chloe2264 thank you! ☺️🌱
As far as empathy, I feel like a lot of people learn to shut down those emotions leading to a person who seems to not care about anything. That's basically what I did. If I open the floodgates I get so overwhelmed with feelings that I'll have a meltdown! I have to keep it under control, which makes me come off as cold.
I've got 2 children who I've become more and more convinced are on the spectrum. With the oldest, I always knew that she presented a unique set of challenges and behaviors, was extremely verbal -to a 'fault', even...I say that because her verbal skills are what has always got her into trouble. The "trouble" is always always associated with over empathizing And the inability to distinguish her own emotions from those of others. I figured out through my own intensive research that she tests very high on the ASQ and other diagnostic assessments. The challenge was to get the school to acknowledge she would benefit from a behavioral assessment. Even at the request of her psychologist, the school refused. This drove my motivation to understand to great heights. It was Through my research that I figured out she (both kids actually) likely were mirroring my own behaviors. When I spoke with my mum about my childhood, all the indicators were there. I was extremely particular about foods because of their textures, overwhelmed by smells, sounds and too many people. I loved lining up cars in order, toys in order, and did all this with my imaginary friends. Diagnosed with OCD for trichotillomania at 14...prob a misdiagnosis or at least one part of a missed dual diagnosis. But the early 90s did not attribute these to ASD or Asperger's. Through observation of my oldest, I realized she is a sensory seeker. Everything has to be loud. Heavy heavy footsteps, energy filled actions, loud music, everything Intense. Then I realized I was watching a more exaggerated version of myself. My late realization (at 38) of my own behaviors made sense of some things...if I had developed a more productive stim, maybe I would not have been fighting this current OCD level cigarette addiction. I realize now it's something I do to keep my hands busy, and probably impact dopamine levels.
I like this channel! It’s a good balance of giving us general info with personal reflections and relatable examples. Keep it up!
The part about having a special interest in friends or just vibing with someone very much resonated with me very much. I had two very good best friends in my high school years. Like I wanted to just hang out with them all the time and I pretty much did, so it was a big nasty shock towards the end when They suddenly just. Stopped. and I had never felt so dejected and alone? And I finally really saw just how awful my home life actually was? It led to finding more special interests in online friendships, online games and youtube, writing stories... I just thought that I was a little overly sensitive (which tbf I am, so much empathy like holy hell that's another point), so I'm glad that this video kind of helped me make more sense of it :)
Oh boy the monologuing is extremely relatable. I would spend hours as a kid walking in circles around my driveway or backyard just monologuing or narrating stories to myself, usually making it up on the fly or conceptualizing a dream I had. As a kid my parents often had to chastise me to stop talking about it and listen to other people. My mom once yelled at me to “get out of cloud cuckoo land” and it upset me so much I wrote an entire poem about it.
….in hindsight a lot of this makes more sense if I’m on the spectrum.
Oh my gosh....THE ATTACHMENT THING.... IS LITERALLY ME...
special interest in other people aaaaaa.... It's such a hard thing, can be really painful :{
What weird timing, I just got called for dinner when you were talking about having a hard time switching tasks and tend to get irritable when called for meals. I responded "be down in a minute" knowing full well I would be at least 3 minutes finishing the video before i could stop and eat 😂
That’s so interesting that you bring up the topic of veganism and autism. I have been vegan for 19 years and recently diagnosed with autism. I watched a lot of vegan advocate videos as well as more recently, videos about individuals with autism. I’ve never made the correlation, or saw the relationship between the two until you pointed it out in this video.
I don’t pinch my neck, but I do pinch my upper arm when I’m stressed. I also only recently discovered that walking on your tiptoes was also an autistic thing and I thought: "Oh, doesn’t every kid do that?" I’ve really done the tiptoeing as a kid and sometime still have the inclination to walk on my tiptoes (and not because I want to be quiet) as an adult now...
"It would have been picked up in school" oh my lord. I'm autistic, and have QUITE severe ADHD. In school i was just told i was bad, and acting different on purpose to make teachers and my parents mad. Apparently i was a scheming, evil genius villain at 8 years old
"Too much empathy", a resounding YES! Like you said, I'm the same, if my husband's mood dips a little, my mood dips too. Everything can be right in my world but if his mood is off, it's very stressful for me.
Also, I used to be vegan as well but my health suffered for it, and now eating an omnivore diet makes me feel much better. Please don't be afraid to switch things up if you think it would be best for your health.
I'm not sure if these would count as meltdowns..... in 1st grade, I marked on my slate when we had not been told to and Jacob, who seemingly hated me, mouthed across the room that he was going to tell and I was going to get in trouble. I burst into tears, and I cried so hard that I threw up and got sent home from school. In 3rd grade, I got a 90% on a spelling test for the first time, and I remember crying unconsolably and getting scolded for it, because it was not a big deal. However, I also have perfectionistic tendencies.... so that probably played a part too. I was a big crybaby all through elementary school. I had at least one incident each school year.
I do pick at my skin and lips all the time. I also have a gluten sensitivity and ate a lot of gluten, which resulted in sores and hives, which were itchy, so I'd scratch, but it is also a texture thing, I can't stand patches of differently textured skin. I also am known for talking and muttering to myself all the time. I didn't realize that was associated with being a stim. I talk with my hands and I do fidget with my hands, though I also tend to keep them near my lap and out of sight. At work, I have a roll-chair, and I often catch myself twisting side to side in it.
Psychology is very interesting to me, both because I want to see myself and because I am a writer (nothing published)
The interests... My imagination and stories and research for it. The Monologues. I still do that.
I didn't really do dance, I wanted lessons as a kid, but we couldn't afford it. I am a klutz so as I grew, I was shy of dance because I thought I'd look awkward. My Freshman year, I was placed in the all-girls Show Choir, and I LOVED IT. We weren't doing acrobatics or what I considered racy moves at the time and it was fun and relaxing, even if I didn't pick it up quite as fast as the rest.
I do not abandon my friends, even if I drift away and we don't really talk. I do form deep attachments. My wife, is my home. When I was away, when we were engaged, I didn't get homesick for a place, but for her. I was fine, until I sent my engagement ring back to the States for cleaning and repair.... I almost chased down the van and when I got picked up, the first thing I did after my mom hugged me was ask where my ring was. Once I had it back on my finger, I was okay... for a couple days. I am also Demi-Pan, so I don't do romantic things or feelings until I have an emotional bond.
I was very empathetic as a child, and I think I've had too much burnout for a long time.
I do have Hyperfocus! I didn't realize that it was an ASD thing as well as ADHD.
Wow this was like reading about myself!!!!
PETZ! I loved that series so much. Re-made so many fictional family lines into cats and dogs ; Silmarillion was especially great for that.
My husband and I are so grateful for your videos. More than anyone else's, they helped me to self-diagnose and then obtain an ASD diagnosis. I really admire what you do and how you do it, and hope you know what a difference you make in people's lives. xx
Shoutout to all my fellow trans folks in the audience here who might have some insecurities about what gendered autism traits they might have!
Brains are weird, and gender is weirder. Your identities are valid no matter what some statistics on a chart somewhere might say!
Stay strong folks!✨
There are only 2 genders. A man can never be a woman. Facts.
My gender is just being validated by these videos (I'm MtF).
Playing Sims, omg 😆 Also Minecraft and Stardew Valley. And when I was younger I loved horse and car toys. Definitely out in nature a lot and walking on my toes. Also pika (sp?) where you regularly eat things that aren't food. Growing up nobody thought I was autistic, just weird and annoying
I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 19 and ADHD around 27 but there was a lot of things that didn't cover. The 3 videos describe me so well especially me as a child. My neice who has traits like me that are different from other family members with ADHD asked ne if we have autism. I don't know what to do with this but this really explains things so clearly.
I can relate to a lot of this. I had delayed speech when I was little, although I'm not sure if that was another diagnosis for something else, and my meltdowns are often just me crying a lot, sometimes to the point where I breathe in deeply if it's really intense. Some of my teachers just assumed that I was emotionally or mentally challenged when I was little because of how easily I'd cry or get upset, but at least some of those were meltdowns. I also used to bite my fingernails when I was little. I never really though of it as stimming, but that would make sense. While I've stopped biting them, I'll still mess with hang nails. The special interest part is also quite fitting. I'll have my main special interests, often shows or video games, and then get so excited to talk about them. Sometimes I'll just watch clips of shows that I like or haven't seen before and get so excited for them too.
I am autistic and I hate hurting animals but my diet consists of cheese and egg (among other things) because they are safe foods. I am vegetarian but if I was not obsessed with cheese I would be vegan.
(Not me eating just cheese on a plate as I’m typing this)
I took ballet for a year or two as a child and LOVED it. Only stopped because the teacher moved away and my small town didn't have another option after that. As an adult I started taking adult beginner classes, and I too have been thinking for a while now that it's MADE for autistic people. I love that this channel is backing up all my hot takes. (Another being that cats are autism-coded lol)
Most of the time I don’t usually feel like autism stuff fits me even though my friends who are diagnosed are very convinced I have it, but this one, I clicked on because I thought “oh this will give me insight on multiple perspectives of autism, I should listen to this for the future”, and im just sitting at midnight, in the dark, with my eyes closed, listening while stimming a lot, and overthinking about social things, because I’m starting school again soon and I’m worried I’m out of practice and will act funky and make people think things I don’t mean,and all because I just got out of a hyper-fixation and can’t get myself to sleep
One of the Autistic traits I do not have is food. Everything else but not food. I really love eating. I love cooked food and of course I have some food I don't like but everyone has that. I hate Coffee, strong alcohol, pears, vanilla noodles (heck who thought this meal is a good idea) and lasagna. I never had problems with textures or taste. I love eating trash as well as eating healthy food. You can make me easily happy if you would cook something for me
I always get hung up on meltdowns specifically because my immediate thought is "I almost exclusively experience shutdowns and not meltdowns" because that's largely what I remember. The only times I remember experiencing something that could have been a meltdown are...
1. One time when I couldn't fit all of the groceries my mom bought in the fridge, so I sat on the couch and ate some cake to make myself feel better while I waited for her to come home, then she basically accused me of being lazy and BSing the task despite how much I drove myself crazy trying to make it work, and then I snapped and cried and had to go up to my room to calm down.
2. I was supposed to pick up something from the store for my mom before going to therapy, and I think it was a very stressful trip (probably something about them not having what I needed and not knowing what to do about it), so when I talked to her on the phone to update her, I was really upset and wanted to go back home. All I remember was her yelling at me and telling me that I wouldn't be able to be a functional adult if something like that was bothering me (I was in college at the time, so yeah), and then I spent the first half of my therapy session sobbing because I was still so upset and stressed out.
If I remember more, I'll probably come back and mention them, but those are the only two instances I remember that would even remotely qualify as meltdowns from my understanding. My default reaction seems to be just shutting down and not feeling much of anything.
OMG THE TASK SWITCHING COMIC!! That's such a great example of how I feel whenever I'm focused on something and my mom interrupts me. And she does that A LOT because she needs my help with a lot of things throughout the day, so I'm constantly irritable because I hate hate HATE being pulled away from whatever my brain was initially focused on.
Change the "dance" part with "singing like crazy", and yep, that's me😂😂
I’ve watched a few of your videos and I had suspected I was autistic but watching your videos made me realize I definitely am , so thank you, I didn’t think having a definitive answer would change anything but I have this sense of relief and structure I can rely on now where so much just makes sense now.
I am a very new self diagnosed ASD person and I’m in the research step… your video enlighten me… I was a stocker when I was young, when I liked someone I was super intense and inappropriate 😅 never herd anyone to relate that with autism before and that makes lots of sense to me now… Also, I recently have research if there existed a disorder call or characterize by hyper empathy because I feel the world pain in my heart… Every straight dog, every orphan , everything emotional makes me cry and feel powerless 😢 …
The stereotype for autism is so wrong, we can be hyper or hypo in all our senses that is way it’s an spectrum we are anywhere under that umbrella…
As a neurotypical person (as far as I know), it's interesting to relate to most of this, perhaps in a milder scale than expressed in this video. It doesn't make me wonder if I'm autistic, but it makes autism less "other" to me, it takes away that shroud of mystery that sometimes it's used to portray it. I interpreted this as, ok, these traits I relate to, autistic people have too, just more intense. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us.
Vegan autistic here! Haha I didn’t realize it was so common. I’m definitely extremely empathetic
On loving very hard, I was with my partner for 25 years until she died of a massive heart attack in 2000. I still miss her so very much every day.
Apparently ever since I was really young, I would "soothe" myself (my mom's words) by rubbing or touching my ears, especially my ear lobes. I still do it, and I'm aware that it probably looks odd in public, but when I'm really really invested, I can't help it lol. I was also constantly touching things I shouldn't in public, which earned me the nickname of "monkey fingers"??? Also have super proscribed, passionate interests in sociology, politics, and psychology (and the sims as a kid/adult lmao). Also been vegan for almost 13 years now (hearing you say that was very validating). Always liked being directed step by step on what to do if I'm supposed to do things a certain way, and I'm perpetually trying to figure out who I am because I've always felt off. I also definitely have safe and unsafe feeling people lol. Among lots of other reasons, these are why I'm seeking assessment for autism (and ADHD). Thank you for this video!!
I may or may not be bingeing your videos (thank you by the way) but I'm trying harder to watch people's faces on camera to practice for real life. And omfg the baby footage is amazing because you make the exact same expressions as you do now. Like you do this little purse/pucker of your lips when youre concentrating, stuff like that :)
would love to see a video about empathy!!
Thank you :)
When I was 11 years old, I was diagnosed with "possible" OCD, but doctors were mostly stumped and despite being in therapy since I was five for behavioral problems and an inability to adjust to the demands of grade school, no one could come up with an explanation or diagnosis for what was "wrong." Looking over all these traits, and experiences of others, it is so clear that autism is the best explanation. In home movies as a child, I'm stimming, unable to make eye contact/hardly paying attention to the social cues in my surroundings, or hyper-focusing - and they even figured out that I needed "time to switch tasks" and had meltdowns because I was overwhelmed with demands or surroundings, and that was the source of much of my difficulty in school. I wonder how autism was never considered. Just because I'm female and didn't have speech delays? I'm glad the understanding of autism has come such a long way since I was a kid.
When I was in high school I would talk about my frustrations and they told me that I was depressed/had depression. Yet I didn't think I felt that way. In fact didn't feel that way until my 20's. I very distinctly remember telling multiple dr's and teachers "but I don't FEEL depressed"
It's is good to raise awareness, trouble is this list might also be explained by the emotional dysregulation and hyper focus / distractibility of adhd, mixed with with social anxiety and depression. The field needs better definitions, and more data on mental health and neurodivergence in women. And women sharing their experiences after watching videos like this helps move the conversation forward. Thanks for posting this video!
On the empathy thing, I think I feel empathy very strongly, but also don't know how to show those feelings (or perhaps more accurately, early childhood bullying taught me to hide those emotions to the point that my instincts stop me from showing my emotions as a defense mechanism). I wonder if this may be part of where the stereotype of "non empathetic autistic people", we feel it so strongly that when we did show it, we were bullied and learned to mask it by bottling up all of our emotions. It's taken a lot of self work for me to learn how to cry at sad thing, not because I didn't feel sad, but because crying as a young boy is so stigmatized and pretty much all my other socializing is learned behaviors (masking).
I’m not sure that you’ll see this but oh my gosh.
I was diagnosed with autism early this year and since then everything has been clicking into place, especially around my former two year relationship.
I hyperfixated and obsessed over my former partner constantly, especially in the early days and in fact I was so obsessed that before we even got together back in 2022, I was imagining our wedding.
Turns out he wasn’t as attached to me and we mutually broke up in February of this year. It wasn’t entirely mutual though because we didn’t see eye to eye on what the separation was. I thought is was a short break and he viewed it as an indefinite one.
I have been dealing with extreme depression and s*icidal thoughts since our break up and I always wondered if some of my issues in the relationship were due to hyperfixating and autism.
It feels kind of nice to know that’s a thing in autistic people.
Anyways sorry about the life story haha just thought I’d share my experiences as an autistic person trying to find love I suppose lol
The being obsessed with “the perks of being a wallflower” as a teenager to finding out you’re autistic as an adult pipeline lol
I think the reason I got so addicted to watching autism videos is because no one helped me figure out why I wasn't "normal". So I was so confused and had to start actually researching all the things I believed I was at any moment and autism just fits everything
i have been wondering a lot if i'm on the spectrum lately, i just discovered your videos and so far i've been relating to almost every single thing (initially hoped you would confirm i am NOT autistic, but it's quite the opposite) some things here make me laugh because i used to also do dance routines with my cousin in front of family as a child haha. i'm very into trying to understand myself too although not as much with psychology but with astrology (it's one of my special interests too) i'm also vegan, hyper sensitive and empathetic among other things. i was diagnosed with social anxiety a few years ago. i'm dealing with a lot of fatigue that has been going on for years and thinking it might be because of autistic burnout. hopefully i find some answers and help, but your videos are definitely comforting 🤍
I noticed you're wearing black milk leggings in this video (when cleaning towards the end) and are wearing a BM shirt in another video (can you tell what one of my special interests is 😂) - but the topic of black milk and autism came up in a group chat a while ago about how there seems to be a higher than usual level of autistic "sharkies" than the general population and how the fabrics and styles being generally stretchy and zip free and tag free etc, while also with their licensing being able to allow one to express some of their special interests and also a lot of people in the black milk community being "misfits" or outsiders makes it the perfect brand for autistic people!
I think the eating disorders associated with autism may be due to interoception issues where the autistic person may not realise they are hungry until they are ravenously so then may also have difficulties determining when to stop eating as their sensation of feeling full or not may also be affected.
Not "clinically diagnosed." Self diagnosed, but a few IQ mentioned traits. My sleep dr put it in my chart, i did not see it until 2 yrs later. My last psychiatrist who was also my therapist for 4 yrs while a resident told me to just say that i am. She could not diagnose, but saw it also. It has been so freeing. I was told i was borderline personality, depression, anxiety. While i do agree with depression and anxiety i disagreed with BPD. I looked at all 4 of them and none of them 'fit.'
My mom told me that growing up she had to start preparing me for changes at least 2 weeks ahead or "all hell would break loose."
She said i would not talk at school. They had to ask specific task questions like where the yellow block was... but if a teacher called on the phone i would talk all the time.
I remember once that my teacher kept me after school to do a math problem that i couldn't do. This sent me into a meltdown. I recall it because it was the first and only time it happened and traumatizing. It was like i was not inside myself, but on the outside. I was at the door crying and hysterical begging her to let me go home.... a typical kid would probably bolt out the door... but i literally melted down. When she let me go i was so angry because my routine was ruined.
As an adult it is similar. Like i am not in control of my body in a meltdown. I have lost it in the mental hospital and the regular one when i feel unheard. So many said i was attention seeking etc... (then why do i live alone and prefer to be alone if i want attention?)
Now tho in the regular hospital last month there were a few nurses who were very patient with me. When i am in meltdown/shutdown i take the monitors off. If someone asks if they can put them back on i cannot answer verbally and automatically shake my head slightly in the no. So they say i am non compliant. Last month tho a few nurses would not ask and just put it back on and talking to me for distraction until i could verbally tell them what led up to it. It is like i lose the connection from my brain to my mouth.
I bite my nails to blood. My mom picked at her skin. That weird about the neck... cause i do similar.
I have pushed people away because of how much i care and how in tune to their needs i can get.
I agree with empathy. It stresses me out. This is part of why i prefer to be alone or just with one friend. I have always been. I have to plan activities with 2-3 days to recover because it drains me.
Does anyone feel as though being in gymnastics with dance can be a way of stimming?
Yes... eating disorders...
Oh SNAP! I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 33~~ now I am 60~~ mother of 5...youngest is 28 with autistic qualities and also has ADHD and Down Syndrome~~~~ I am also a grandmother of 9~~ and a widow~~~
Lady~~ you have helped me look over my life and my loved ones as well~~ lol... when diagnosed with ADHD ... was told by a mentor, that she felt that I was also on the Autism Spectrum... yet... I HAD BEEN TRAINED to give "eye contact" as a child...
Usually....looking into the others soul so to speak, and not necessarily hearing what they were saying.... intead, SEEING what they were feeling...the struggle has been real... to the point of gaslighting my own mind into " trusting" people I KNEW were untrustworthy.
Having empathy and having the language to identify and communicate feelings are two frustratingly unrelated skill sets.
So much of your points tick boxes for me. I’m only able to stay optimally calm when I have my own place to retreat to after using so much energy trying to detective skill the reactions/input of others in a day.
I often forget to eat and push back sleep… but is that disorder or am I just being shit at scheduling?
I go back and forth with it, totally a self-diagnosed aspie (adult in the USA, would it even be worth it to test?) but also just not a hungry person (gets me in trouble after multiple hours at a focus and the damn shakes/headaches start) - damn stupid human body limits.
I loved walking on my toes at home. It gave me so much enjoyment. My mother would tell me to stop doing it. Don’t know about myself and autism. Checking it out.
haven't even watched the video yet but saw the title of every chapter and yes I'm all of those!!!!!! feels like a cruel joke I'm just noticing all this now :(
omg is that Dogz at 10:11!?? used to spend houuurrrssss on that game. and the Sims of course 😂
this series was the most relatable thing ever,, gosh. i can't tell if it's just my adhd though.
Wow i relate to that switching tasks tendrils comic strip pretty hard! I have a tendency to put all my thoughts & feelings into others. Neglecting my own & the batch tasking. A lot of this resonated with me
(TW: reference to disordered eating)
I wish I could be vegan...but having a gluten intolerance makes this a bit tricky when going out to eat or to dinner at other people's houses (lots of vegan dishes seem to be full of it). I already feel like I'm imposing on others by asking about gluten- and dairy-free options. 😔
Another food-related thought: is it common for some autistic people to feel constantly hungry or have difficulty with blood sugar levels (despite testing negative for diabetes)? I didn't have any particular food sensitivities or aversions as a child, but found myself feeling hungry a lot of the time - and often tired, too, as if I needed "re-fuelling" after a particularly gruelling sensory experience (e.g. school, socialising, going into town...). I'd get a lot of adults commenting on the amount I ate and how I'd "get fat" and regret it later in life...("It'll all pile on later, just you wait...") plus a couple of ex boyfriends saying similar in my teens...which led to some slightly disordered eating. 😕
(Sorry, didn't mean to turn that into a trauma dump, just sharing experiences and seeing if anyone relates!)
I’m the opposite when it comes to dancing but I struggle with feeling like I’m in my body and just feel clumsy and awkward when it comes to dance. I did find karate therapeutic probably because it was so structured.
I was extremely shy as a child but would talk nonstop to my parents. I feel like I have empathy but often act as if I don’t. Like saying something that could come across as cold or uncaring or talking over others in social situations. I seem to be more hyposensitive where my wife tends to be hypersensitive. It’s weird how it can manifest in so many different ways but still be the same thing.
Wow, the point you made about veganism is interesting. When I tried to think about sensory sensitivities I couldn't find anything in my case, except for really disliking the texture of meat, which I always found really "boring". Nobody understood how I could call food "boring"...
I remember when I went to the beach for holiday. In the hotel I had been doing Turing puzzles and obsessing over them, and my mom asked me to go down to the beach and swim with her but my mind was still fully focusing on the really difficult puzzle I had been working on for an hr or so; so on the way down walking to the beach I was repeating outloud my thoughts to my mom, trying to help myself memorise all the sentences and layouts so I could continue figuring it out, and she did say I was being a bit over obsessive but idc, I love problem solving. Anyways once we got down to the beach my mom went to swim in the sea and I said to her I would be down soon. I must've spent like 20 min (i have no track of time) looking like a crazy person, because i was walking back and forth around in circles, staring at the floor, repeating my thoughts outloud, literally spinning around, rocking on my toes and balancing (i do ballet), shaking my wrists, snapping my fingers... 😭 Anyways when I did get into the sea I still wouldn't stop obsessing over it, plus I also have really bad sand sensory issues so was avoiding getting out of water and dealing with the texture. My mom ended up having to pull me out of the sea. Anyways after that we walked back and I immediately sat down with my pencil and book at the lounging couchs and proceeded to spend another 30 min or smth. Another thing lmao, was as a young child while my family put the tv on and sat on the couch I woild get up and dance around and jump flapping my hands and crawl on the furniture, lmao there's so many videos of me doing that, paying absolutely no attention to anything else.
Relating to Ballet, I think what I love sm abt ballet is unlike other dances where it's like "do what you're body feels like", Ballet has extremely strict rules. As a perfectionist it works perfectly. It's the definition of knowing what to expect!
Sorry I keep adding to this as I watch the video. I could write a whole essay lmao. Anyways, I feel when it comes to animals I have a deep connection obviously, but I personally have an issue with the fact that we care about animals because of their face or the fact they share physical human characteristics, but we forget plants are living. Kind of weird but I feel I have a very big empathy for plants and animals, someone who really opens your mind at things is Neil Degrasse Tysson. Especially his book "Starry messenger" It is such an interesting video and looks at the big picture.
me, a semi-professional dancer, psychology major, and notorious over-empathizer watching this: :o
12:36 this is how I feel too, and for me at least, I wonder if it's because I'm so used to absorbing pieces of other people's personalities to better get along with them
so maybe I'm accidentally absorbing a bunch of their emotions too???
I'm like a freaking sponge 😑
Great content.. I’m a high functioning autistic..
People can think we’re selfish.. or even rude/blunt. We are honestly just so freaking smart we’re crazy.
My obsession in certain interests is very crucial and important to me.
My Spirituality is one of them I’m obsessed with it.
How I organize and clean gotta be certain way my clothes /shoes is my biggest collection 🤦🏽♀️
“I just look at them”
I love to learn from “only reading!”
Anything other I will observe.
I have wonderful insight…
I have moods swings but only when I’m in the overthinking mode.
Very intelligent speaker I am.
I’m also obsessed with Auto Mechanics
🤷🏽♀️ Science. Technology and Literature
I could go on about my crazy ass 🤣
I know how to deal with it tho.
I’m Uniquely beautiful .
Sound more narcissistic than autistic lol
Does anyone else have a weird obsession with having to have all the pieces in a collection? Like, I have Vietnamese dolls, and every time I see one, I have to have it because it’s one I don’t have it already. Or I used to collect beanie babies, and specifically specific “collections” of them and I had to have all of them in a set, to the extent that I obsessively searched for every single one, even putting myself in to debt to obtain them all. Or like books… when I find an author I like, I have to have ALL of their books. Or I become obsessed with a topic and have to have everything I can find in it, books, movies, supplies. I start hobbies but once I have everything I could possibly need for that hobby, I’m no longer interested in DOING it, but I’m satisfied just having the stuff.
I’m trying to figure out if I have ADHD, autism, or both. The biggest things that make me doubt I have autism is that I feel like I understand social cues fairly well and I don’t think I have special interests. I often don’t know exactly how to respond in a social situation, but I can understand what the other person is trying to express. I also don’t specifically recall having special interests as a kid. I had things I would get obsessed with for a short time, which I think might count as a hyperfixation, but not really a special interest. I’ve always loved music and math, but I don’t think to the point of a special interest. I guess my question is for any autistic people is, is it possible to be autistic but not really have special interests? I relate a lot to most other signs of autism; I get very attached to people, I don’t like socializing with people I’m not very close with as it costs me a lot of energy and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say in social situations, I’ve found that most people I get close to are neurodivergent, I stim a lot when I’m very happy or stressed or feeling a strong emotion; and I definitely relate with feeling too much empathy. I’ve often felt like I’m just being self-absorbed when I’m very strongly negatively affected because someone I love is going through something difficult, but having a large amount of empathy would explain those intense feelings. I’ve experienced hyperfocus for sure, when writing or playing music. And I’ve been reading and watching so much about autism and ADHD so I definitely relate to that part of this video!
I'm in the same boat right now. I always dismissed the idea when it'd come up because I'm really good socially aside from extreme anxiety. The thing for me is that just because I'm good at socializing normally doesn't really mean I intuitively get it. I don't have a lot of memory of my childhood for other reasons, so I don't remember needing to learn how humans work, but I've been super interested with psychology and human behavior since probably middle school. I think it's been a special interest for me, and it's served me well to have that knowledge on top of the extreme social awareness I never asked for lol
On the note of special interests (and other stuff too) I've been hearing that having both autism and ADHD can counteract and/or compound on each other, so the ADHD tendency to be interested in new things could make your special interests look different or just go for shorter periods.
Ultimately I don't know if I'm autistic, so maybe my input isn't the most helpful, but you're definitely not alone.
this is me down to the psych degree and lifetime love of sims. I was diagnosed with adhd at 30 two years ago and thought oh great that explains everything well let me tell you i got my first office job and these people speak a different language entirely so the secret everyone knows but me is still alluding me except it's what i may have have known for awhile and didn't want to presume for fear of seeming like a self diagnosing attention seeker but i may (definitely) have autism and adhd (that's not even a question lol) Does anyone else eat the same thing for every meal? I eat cereal and granola three meals a day every day it used to be chicken curry and rice but one day it wasn't.
Hey. Thank you so much for your videos. You are describing some very relatable things. Thanks to your videos about PDA and autism in women I finally encountered something very relatable that actually describes how I've felt for much of my life. Most of what I had heard about autism before was from men and it felt very difficult for me to relate to.
Though can we please stop with the "born female" bit. It is unnecessarily exclusionary and bioessentialist.
I'm a trans woman. From the stories you tell, I've felt exactly the same as you in so many ways, since childhood. Even though I was "born male", "raised a boy", and forced to act like one. My childhood and adolescence were very traumatic because i was forced to repress my gender expression by my family. My dad would punish me for being feminine. In addition to being neurodivergent.
Oh gosh, I've just listened again and I can see why it could have been interpreted that way! Apologies. This was my third video and I was still getting used to talking on camera again, so I think I just phrased it poorly. I meant to include AFAB individuals rather than to exclude trans women. Trans women are always included when I say women or girls, so I think in my mind it saying 'girls' in the thumbnail was enough. Thank you for pointing this out - I'll try and make an edit to the video.
@@imautisticnowwhat don't be hard on yourself. :) it's fine. We all make mistakes, and you are doing great! I loved your video! I just wanted to point out a small thing that felt kinda shitty / out of place about it.
AGAB shouldn't really matter. That's why I said "bioessentialist". The whole idea that being born with certain genitalia should somehow magically influence everything about your life, incl. your psychology, emotions, personality, taste and style, etc. ... is kinda silly don't you think?
As for "including AFAB individuals" ... I don't think trans men would be particularly happy to be lumped in with women either.
You are helping me so much
I'm a middle-aged vegan autistic woman, and I was vegetarian for over 20 years before going vegan. I was in my teens when I first went vegetarian.
I feel empathy really weird. It’s like I feel their emotions, but I don’t feel bad for them and it’s weird
I once explained to my classmates that in my experience autism is often not a case of lack of feeling, we feel too much and we don't know what to do with all this information. I often explain meltdowns as like a computer crash but the computer is your brain.
That last one😶 soooooo very spot on!!!💛🤍💜🖤
I’m extremely empathetic. It is so overwhelming. And exhausting.
I know this series is a year old, but maybe someone will see this and can offer words of wisdom.
I was dxed with ADHD at 27. The psychs gave me the autism self-report test but I was afraid of them thinking I was faking it all so I dampened my responses so they'd give an ADHD dx 😅 Sure enough they found ADHD but said that after discussion/analysis, I don't quite fit ASD. Instead I just have "trouble socializing and controlling emotions and reactions to external stimuli" or something...
I think for me, a big part of the problem is that as a kid, I was a people-pleaser/goody two shoes, so even when I was having visceral internal reactions to the world, I would pretend I wasn't. So as an adult, I look back at my memories and I can't really tell what was me and what was potentially "masking" if that makes sense.
Additionally, I have a reference point. My little sibling was dxed ASD/ADHD at 13, and our lives and reactions to the world are pretty different. The easiest way to describe it is that their autism appears more external/masculine while my "experience" is more internal/feminine. I've also been able to blend in with/adhere to societal expectations more than them. So I feel like exploring this at all is an insult to their lifelong intense struggles that I didn't go through to nearly the same degree, especially not socially.
I don't know. Is it worth looking further into this, or do I sound like I'm grasping at straws? I feel like such an imposter for even considering it, something which I've been doing on and off for 10 years now 😓 I just can't shake the feeling that most people aren't experiencing the feelings I am. I related so much to the vast majority of what was described in this 3-part series and had examples to similar or lesser degrees of intensity, though certainly not everything.
I dunno! Does it sound like I'm full of shit? Were the docs right? Or am I clowning for not seeing the connection? What more should I research? I've taken the tests and they all point to it, I've talked to my friends and they're all "calling it," but is there something else I can do? Seeking a formal dx seems like an expensive route when I just got told 6 mths ago I don't have it.
So there is a strange subdivision regarding empathy. I feel other’s emotions very strongly and for those that I care about their feelings can affect me. For those that I do not care about I can pick up their emotions (if I’m not actively blocking it) and not have it affect me. But no matter what I have 0 empathy for any emotion derived from the nonsense arbitrarily rules of society.
Should be seperated from inferior states in mbti, from depression, trauma and ocd
I think the only sign to look for autism is in people you meet regularly. I saw today 3 girls, who were autistic just in street and i bet, they will not know.
They made such face mimics like withput puberty masking there is no awareness of how they look, walk or are perceived
I saw a teen, glasses on, who toe walked. When you drive regularly 80km and wait in a big city on stations for a train, you will see faster autistic women too. Masking often starts in puberty, when peer group, pressure, external attitudes, work, potencial partner want you to look good and acting more smooth.
I also think the spectrum is very different with everyone.
A thing with autism, adhd or hb is monotone voice. Or people who ask if you are stoned
I actually rip off my lip overskin since 13 years in every stressed situation till you see blood sometimes.
Stimming is also adhd, not autistic only, be aware of that. Its a form of emotional and sensory self regulation
I will touch my whole skin softly and think its self care as regulating, i do not self bite nails
Yeah and a sign: friends or ex partners are on a neurodiverse spectrum like adhd, autism, hsp, hb oftentimes and you think "others" are just boring
Wow, I relate to these things so much.
I really think I’m autistic. I’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me. I always felt different.
I’m strange in terms of the food aspects common to Autism. Because one of my special interests is Vegan cooking and nutrition, I don’t experience the picky eating/forgetting to eat traits at all. I always hated meat, I guess, but it’s kind of moot when you’re an ethical Vegan anyway. 😂