Once someone has cheated on you that relationship is as good as dead. Once the trust is gone there can be no closeness in the relationship no matter how hard you try to fix things. It is hard to recover from any form of betrayal especially if you invested in the person that has betrayed you emotionally and materially .
So true! Whether you have children together or not, the relationship will never be the same again.... and there's a high chance the cheater will cheat again.
It is not that I am not enough, he isn't enough as a person to be happy and searches that feeling of being a person by getting validation from other people
I don't think they really know how much it will devastate you. They lack empathy. Mine made all sorts of excuses why it didn't matter. He convinced himself that I wouldn't really care.
@saintejeannedarc9460 Indeed!! He blamed me for finding out, for snooping on him. He said he tried to shield me, but I invaded his privacy so whatever pain I suffered I brought it on myself. Then later he said he was too weak and couldn't say no to women although he's the one who took the first step. There's absolutely no empathy! It's impossible for them to feel anything. And he cheated with ugly women.
Sleeping with another person then going to your partner and getting intimate with him or her is very gross because it violates. Having to go where someone else has been somehow defiles the innocent party in the relationship.
Especially when they don't wear protection, that's what made me angry. You put my health at risk because your selfish and then I'm not allowed to be mad he could have passed something onto me.
Physically emotionally mentally - it’s never ever ok. Ever, and the cheater never deserves a second chance.. When someone truly gives their heart to you.. they are giving you something so so precious.. you need to say we can’t be together. SEPARATE- please everyone .. it’s not health for anyone, I am speaking as a person who cheated after 23yrs ! I did not go back and touch my husband, because we had not done anything for awhile… but the pain that came from him, killed me. I ran away with so much shame and hatred for myself- That I am now continuing to punish myself w a narcissistic man.. and the over twelve women he was been with. Five years of my life punishing myself by letting him put me in danger (in many many ways!!). All I had to do was walk away, and take time to myself to learn how to deal with my childhood/adult trauma.. please please don’t cheat - even if ur narc is cheating just run run run away .. don’t look back .. the act of cheating (for someone who had feelings) is painful for the cheater, save yourself that pain & run 😢
@@MentalHealnessI just found your channel a short while back. Didnt you say you are both narc and married? I have a very handsome husband who is narc and it breaks my heart. He takes no accountability plus everything else you said. I'm so sad to get divorced, but he hasnt even admitted doing it yet. I dont argue or point things out. He used me for money and when I finally said no more, that's it, divorce.
I always thought my narc ex cheated because new people didn't know who he actually was. He liked syrange. He could be whoever he wanted to be with another person. I've talked to women he tried to pick up. He told some whopper lies. We had a laugh when we compared notes.
Thank you for not bashing the other women. 🙏 I met my ex psychopath and was told her relationship "had issues", they were "on the rocks", "about to divorce", and "we barely have any romanctic nights anymore. I'm so lonely too." I felt soooo bad for her. Poor lady. I let her cry on my shoulder and wiped her tears. Then one day, a month later, she came to me happy and announced "I'm single as a Pringle~ I'm single as a Pringle~ whoop whoop!" She then told me they had broken up and asked me if I wanted to date. I said "yes" and we dated. Well, flash forward 6 months ish later and I found out they never broke up. She just lied because she knew I wouldn't be with her otherwise. (I don't date/cheat with people already in a relationship)
He's just chasing the shiny new toy. It's about the competition to find out if they can Cham a stranger into spreading their legs because they know most women have low self esteem and little to no self respect. It's not about you, it's about bagging a new one for the first time, something they can never do with you again.
I used to always flirt with my man, and tell him how handsome he is and how I see no other man and so on.. The whole time, but it was not enough apparently. If the opportunity presents itself and you are an honest loyal person, there is no way you do this, under no circumstance. Yes it is a choice to be a cheater.
Not always... My soon to be ex will disappear for hours at a time, talk to exes and goto their houses while im at work sometimes, "clean herself" as soon as she gets home, etc. And when I asked her about this stuff I got " wow, so you think I'm cheating? F*ck it I guess I'm cheating then if that's what you think go scream it from the rooftops go tell everyone. Know what, why don't you just get the f*CK out. My ex did way more for me anyways and you don't do anything." The guy she was cheating with told me she was cheating on me. And I figured he was the guy she was seeing... So I would question and sometimes accuse her just because I wanted the truth. I just wanted her to admit it. I just wanted honesty for once in our marriage. I almost drove myself crazy. Then I realized she was right.. if I don't like it I can "GTFO". So that's what I did..... But yes, towards the end I would often ask and accuse because i knew the truth already and I don't even think she was really trying to hide it to be honest. I just wanted to hear her take accountability and tell the truth. I never cheated on her... Even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to, I wasn't allowed to be friends or converse with females even tho she talked to many of her recent exes and then f*cked a couple of them. Lol
OMG, yes I made the same mistake, didn’t know it until he got here in America and I Really start experiencing the Real him. He left and I am ending it.
I 💯 understand this as I am going through it now. My husband I found out is a narcissist (by definition) and we have been married for 16 years. He dumped our whole family and tried to marry another woman he met on an international online dating service until she scammed him took his money and ghost him. He still doesn't consider that cheating...😢 it's hard to believe we've been separated for almost 2 years, and he has on and off ghosted and reverse hovered me and his 5 children we had. The ones most hurt are the children...it is an all around hurtful situation
It’s like they think their partners didn’t have opportunities to cheat, and they are so special that they only did lol… In the start of our relationship everyone who tested the seriousness of my relationship I turned down immediately and told them I was serious about my now ex, removed anyone who needed to be removed, and I didn’t entertain anyone else, that door was never even opened to anyone. That’s not hard to do. He literally would talk to women who wanted him heavily and would tell me that he wouldn’t stop doing it and if I consider them flirting (it was!) it’s not crossing a line and he’s a grown man that can control of things get out of hand and I can’t tell him who to talk to and who not to talk to. He was talking to women his mother was trying to hook him up with and women he picked up in bars lol why? His wife and kid were right next to him wanting his time. People suck.
They are developmentally arrested so posess the unparented entitlement of a child.Couple this with zero empathy=no ability to attach/bond so they 'cannot' care about others (they have an attachment disorder).They are mindlessly wandering through life empty (theres no 'love' if a person cant bond/attach and they cannot)..having to try to fill that 'void' by using others to do so.They are children in a candy shop who are never satiated because they cant be because Love is attachment and they cannot attach.
Cheating is just the worst! In the past, I wasnt very faithful in relationships, until I saw how badly I hurt my fiance! I felt absolutely horrible a d vowed to never put anyone else through that much pain! And then last year, close to my 10 year anniversary, I found out that my bf has been unfaithfull the entire 10 years!!! I just want to be away from this hell of a situation...trying to save so i can move out with our daughter! 😩
Dang the whole 10 years! Yeah I was about to say maybe this is that what goes around comes around thing n that maybe you could understand and yall could go to counseling considering yall have a child. But nope not with someone who was never faithful .
It's amazing how what goes around comes around. We need to stop deceiving ourselves, whatever we so is exactly what we will reap and harvest is always greater than the seed.
My soon to be ex was cheating and left bc he convinced himself that I was cheating too. Took him back after abandoning me and the kids and he is cheating again. He says he knows about "him" meaning a man that he "knows" I'm with and is false false false. He has to believe this so that he can keep doing what he is doing. All I do is take care of our kids. I have been thru so much behind him, the last thing I want is to get into another relationship.
Looking back at my journey here with narcissistic men, it baffles me how one would say things like “you need self control” yet he smashes everyone he sees or when he said “you gotta level up” yet he still doing same ish, different day and hence hasn’t changed…wth🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I appreciate u being able to come on here and be who u are! Very couragous. The narc i was dealing with cheated and bc i was faithful he had someone dr a fb thread with a fake profile to make it look like i cheated so he wouldnt feel so bad and so he could show everyone i cheated on him. He was so extremely toxic.
I’m two days late but I came here for it 🍿 let’s do it!! The last time I saw my ex I asked him why he wouldn’t be faithful to one woman even if it wasn’t to me. He told me I was the best of everything…. Left me for someone that looks nor carry’s herself nothing like me
This absolutely was blowing my mind. Everything I told my husband you said. Even the part about them never stop cheating. I said all of this to him. As much as it hurt me to say it to him, it needed to be said. It hurt me because it was a reality check for me. Even though i was talking to him, I was also talking to myself.
My narcissist husband accused me of cheating so much I was overwhelmed hearing it he was cheating on me I believe the entire marriage and tried to come back I told him he was always looking for the next best thing and thought the grass was Greener on the other side and I hope hes found the person he's been looking for .
My ex said it would be fine if I "had a few beers and slept with someone else", which was odd since he knows I don't drink. I knew he was telling me what HE was going to do! I will never understand why I put up with that nonsense for 11 months. No more.
Mine told me that I will push a man to be with someone else found out he was cheating and was giving me a hint jusr like i thougt he blames me for everything saying everything was my fault im the reason for the relationship to go bad he was a habitual liar found out he told my cousin that i was a liar...he did tell me another time when he was mad at me yeah I got you don't even worry about It I believe that was him telling me he gonna do something to hurt my feelings now I see he was definitely out seeking revenge on me..
Knowing I found out he was cheating makes me wonder how many different women he cheated with. He emotionally cheated on me for years. He neglected our children and cheated them out of a child/dad relationship. He figured all he had to do was work. He figured that because he worked he should be treated like a king. I worked too and he disrespected my efforts. He put my job down and disrespected me. He said he loved me, but didn't act like it. He got angry if I was on the phone with anyone when he walked into the room. He didn't like it if I went out with friends. He hated watching our children. He also treated me horribly when I had health issues. He didn't care about how I felt physically or emotionally. He didn't care about our children.
Wow, I had to scroll up to see if I wrote this because our stories are so similar. He acts like he's some amazing man for working. Once he started making good money he acts like he doesn't need to lift a finger to help. He asked me why our kids get mad st him, I told him because he has no relationship with them. He comes home and put a movie on his phone and doesn't even make an attempt with them. Treated me horrible when I had health issues. Treated me horrible when I was taking care of my mom for a few years and even when she passed away. He would scream and yell at me how messy the house was, even though I was physically and emotionally exhausted. He wouldn't help me at all. All the time and energy he spent yelling me he could have used to help me.
I forgot who said it but, they said Narcissistic do not change and learn from there mistakes they evolve overtime which means they just change how they do things going forward to continue doing it for supply. Like a cameleon always changing to match the circumstance and situation so that it fits them.
The "business arrangements" (or retaliation for whatever) the narcissists make would be fine IF you signed up. That's the problem. The arrangement is made without your knowledge or consent. Then, there's the other person or people involved, all without you knowing🤫🤔
Absolute the ones he is w are half his age, easily manipulated to a 20yr ol d when he's 40 w kids. That aren't good looking at all it's about quantity for him not quality. They all even know about me and didn't care
@AngelaGullette hi, I often compared myself to his numerous other victims, but it still didn't hit hard until I allowed myself to believe I was nothing to him, same as the rest. Everyone, no matter what their capacity in his life, were targets. Stay focused on you. The best thing for me now is healing and acceptance.
Welcome to the narc genie. Its 100% facts The last part is prefect I suffered that OmG. I was even been watched phone search even now he left remarried he still wants to know my whereabouts and the more I ignore him is like o man he tries in every way to torment even not knowing my number and its almost 3 years. Ladies gentlemen if your experiencing these you better run please run for your lives
I must admit this resonates for myself... I realize we all have narcissistic behavior but things about cheating are exactly why I did it in the 1st place! I also accused my s/o of cheating cause I felt he was doing it so I did it back!! But I finally realized that didn't fulfill me at all so I just stopped 🤷♀️ if I didn't want to feel that way then I needed to not do it! Two wrongs do not make a right
Please read: This is how people become intertwine man or woman. James 1:14-16 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.
I'm pretty sure I inadvertently messed with my ex narc's head when I told him I didn't care who he slept with very early on in our relationship. I've just never personally cared that much about sexual monogamy, so I always ask my partner what their preference is, and I think he was disappointed that he couldn't exploit jealousy as a means to control me. I robbed him of his ability to inflict emotional damage by cheating on me, and I'm sure he's still salty about it :)
When I think about all the red flags now it’s amazing to wonder about whether ex narc girlfriend was cheating. “ Why are you looking at my phone?!” After a quick glance of her when she is always on it. Then there’s the fact that I don’t have Facebook but she did. On it she never changed her relationship status from single and claimed “ I only have it so I can post pics of my son and stay in touch with family members.” Then the last time I can remember trying to move forward from a fight she was trying to pick with me that we kissed and I had this odd feeling and I opened my eyes and saw her staring at me while we were kissing with this very dead behind the eyes look. Finally she picked one last fight and did not txt or talk to me for 10 plus days, at which point she txt out of the blue like nothing was wrong and apologized for being super busy. Thirty minutes after that snapping about someone asking about her dating me saying “ who is telling my f*****g business?! I’m just done. I’m tired of my work life and private life mixing.”
It works for the benefit of the person that finds out their narc cheats on them because it’s the clearest sign you need to leave them for good. Out of spite, out of addiction whatever reason why, is not enough to work it out and stay.
When I found out that my boyfriend was sending naked anatomy pictures to women on Facebook messenger… I asked him what was wrong with him and why he did it… After denying it 1 billion times even though I had the proof… He finally said “because they asked for it”.
It sounds like there's some kind of early childhood trauma wound that regardless of how much attention they get it will never be enough because if attention was the cure, they wouldn't keep needing endless attention. I would think it would get very exhausting and depressing the longer it goes on, from jumping to different partners and between fluctuating feelings of feeling great about self, maybe sometimes grandiose but then if there's no attention resource, at least the kind they want that makes them feel great about self, then hitting a low about self. Just a continued cycle. Realistically none of us human beings can feel same amount of confidence 24/7 every single day, "this human experience isn't always sunshine and rainbows", someone whether it's our partner, family, friend, boss, co-worker is going to say something that we may not particularly like, which in effect may question our actions or things we've said, but to allow it for us to do toxic, selfish or malignant actions because we don't want our confidence to feel discomfort is a selfish act and of weak character. The narcissist or for that matter anyone in a relationship where the honeymoon stage moves into more of the emotional attachment phase, there's going to always be disagreements or maybe small quarrels, a person that struggles with self esteem and relies on attention to feel good about self, is then prone to want to flee to someone else to recapture unreality world, in order to boost that confidence again. It actually is a under developed emotional mind, cause a mature mind knows that human beings are imperfect, and that things aren't just black & white, that there is a gray area. A mature emotional mind understands things don't just revolve around our world, that we're not prefect, we make mistakes, we have flaws, just like everyone else, and when disagreements happen or either make a mistake it's to be addressed in a civil manner in order to resolve so that the relationship can move to another stage. Needing constant attention or wanting to bail when there's a small feud, there will never be emotional growth, therefore will never be able to have a long lasting healthy connection. The person has to learn how to connect with themselves before they'll ever be able to connect with anyone. When there's unresolved trauma, and a person's go to feel good about self is by seeking out others, they're running from themselves, not wanting to face those uncomfortable feelings, so yes they're not connecting with self. When a issue arises in relationship where they were in the wrong but try to flip the script on the partner or seek out another, again it's running from self, not wanting to feel those emotions. Growth is not an easy task, yes it hurts to feel the wrongs or mistakes we've made, but it's not a death sentence, it doesn't define our worth, it's just part of being human, it's all apart of the human experience, it's to take that opportunity for emotional growth, so that we become better versions of ourselves, to learn to grow to our authentic selves. Trauma or being overly coddled can cause a freeze in further development of the emotional mind, until the trauma or being spoiled is addressed, we stay within that state of development. Great work you're doing - Thank you very much 💙
Always do your research now adays when it comes to dating. Before you fully commit and drop that L word, make sure they come clean about their past relationships. If you get stone walled or shamed for asking about their past relationships or sexual history just walk away. But you also have to be transparent and forthcoming with your own past behaviors and be humble when they grill you about the things they see as red flags. If you hear the go to phrases such as "i dont understand why my past matters so much to you", "im here with you right now and thats what matters" or the common "ive made a lot of mistakes in my past but im a different person and ive learned from my mistakes" followed by an attempt to appeal to your emotions in order to get you to drop the topic. Just realize that those are gaslighting phrases to manipulate you away from digging any further into a past that they are ashamed of and goes against the image of themselves that attracted you to them in the first place. Another big one is open transparancy about past traumas, in their youth especially. The best visual i can think of would be purchasing a used car. If the car is a 2010 with 97000 miles on it, its on you to ask for the carfax report of the cars history before commiting to the purchase. If its a single owner garage kept vehicle with habitual basic maintenance and no accident reports or major repairs then you can make an informed decision to purchase the car. But if a 2016 car had 78k, 6 owners and a carfax report that looks more like a magazine you would probably not even consider making that purchase and go with the older car with a better history. Ofcoarse there are a lot of narcissistic individuals who are like danny devito in matilda, they polish the turd and add a few zeros to the price while pitching a false narrative of the cars history to benefit themselves at your expense. The same line of thinking applies to relationships. If a man/woman you're interested in has low relationship/sexual miles and can have adult conversations about their past they are like the garage kept healthy running car. But if they have a double/triple digit body count relationship hopper and claim that all of that is in the past and not important, dont be surprised if you get a few months in and the relationship starts falling to pieces. At that point you can be upset about being tricked, but at the end of the day its on you for ignoring occams razor
Yeah except they lie to you about their past relationships. That's what mine did, outright mislead me about being abused in his previous relationship. He was 'abused' because he was gaslighting and manipulating his ex, he was literally torturing her emotionally and psychologically for weeks she also turned out to NOT BE HIS HIS EX at the time we got together - he literally staged her breakdown to 'prove' to me she was a psycho and he was a poor little victim. This came full circle for me recently when he tried the same thing to me except this time I was supposed to be the 'psycho' ex. My point is - there is no way of knowing. Yeah you can talk about it but its other things that will indicate this person is not a good person other than what they are prepared to disclose.
@solaris025 I totally agree with you on all those points, and yes ofcoarse they will lie every single time that it benefits them in any capacity. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know how devastating it can be. For over 7 years I believed the "it's too traumatic and I don't want to talk about my abusive past" shtick anytime I would try to address the red flags as they popped up. And I've also been that "not actually her ex" who was gaslight into looking crazy for awhile for whatever drug or boy toy she was sneaking around with when she was supposedly in town taking care of my dying gma... I've posted about quite a few of my experience on the comments of Lee's videos already so I'll avoid rehashing them here lol. As to your last point- I do agree with the fact that it's all of the other stuff they do that will inform you about who they really are as a person. But there are simple tell tell signs and ways to ask questions that will force their true colors to the surface from the beginning. Lee highlights a lot of them in various scenarios for the different types of narcs in his videos. Also it's a good idea to spend $10 for a full background check online and doing a little social media sleuthing before getting serious with anyone and then talking about it to them with full transparency on what you found and why you looked into them. if they flip out and give a "how dare you!" Kind of reply about you looking their public record instead of just owning it all and being empathic to your intentions, then that should be an obvious give away that they are ashamed and unwilling to be honest about their past. Why should they get upset at you for looking up the same basic info that every boss they ever had knew before highering them. My attorney gave me that bit of advice towards the end of my year in the courts securing sole custody of my 3 kiddos.
My husband said to me. " There is this girl at my work who is after me, but I ignored her. Then she called me via WhatsApp group. The likelihood he smashed and now she is running him down.
Why is it after they cheat, then end up ending that relationship, do they want to come back to you? I went through a whole lot of shit in 13 years. He left almost 2 years ago and is single again and wonders why I won’t sleep with him. Well it’s a hard no no no for me and he’s just not getting it!! So help me with something I can say that he really gets it please! It’s done over ! Only reason I talk to him is about financial things.
Because you entertain the convo when talks to you, so he thinks you're not serious. No need to explain to him why youre done. Whenever he brings up the convo during the "financial "talks, be firm in your response and end conversation. Otherwise he'll think he has a chance
1. HE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. It is the definition of my relationship w my mother 2. I’m getting the I Love Me journal. With family like this I might need 2 😂
The education is appreciated. Opportunism is sooo much of it. If it’s low hanging fruit, it’s easy to pick. Why not? Is self harm something narcissist array higher risk for. Or does their love for themselves prevent that?
Can you explain in a future video why they want to stay with us while simultaneously cheating when they could just break up and be free to chase new bodies? Because mine literally is threatening suicide if I leave him. He says porn caused cheating and he wants help and couples counseling. I love him but my trust is gone and idk how to get it back and I don’t get why he can’t let me go when obviously I’m not enough supply.
It's the validation that they can rope in someone new. You need to leave though. This isn't going to change and you don't deserve to have your face ground into the dirt so that he can feel better about himself. Love to you.
When we were first dating I slept with someone else because I was seeing him and someone else. We became a couple, married and had children. We separated and he had an affair while we were apart. When we got back together he says, “ now we’re even, remember when you did it to me?” Ah a little different although he never let me live it down the whole time we were married… I could not trust him ever after that because I knew she was still in the picture. Days after our divorce they moved in together. May they live happily ever after 😅
2 yrs relationship and he cheated with his labour whose half age (20yrs old) when i had to do LDR. He told me he loved me, didnt searched and it just happened as its destined. What a joke
I was walking by her Mercedes Benz drop top was nestled up in the grass as I walked to bar he was sitting in there by himself I saw him ignored him I get a text saying come get this drink i d idn't know whose car that was parked at his room we drank went to my house he never told me the ex was at his house smh that was Jan 2033
Lol 3 month out with my narc and i knew the signs i just had to build up the strength to actually leave the weirdest part is i knew , i paid the bills but never put them in positions to win i left out of no where kicked them off my line and changed my number i messed up there discard of me😂
I have anxious attachment disorder the part that confuses me is he cheats like crazy yet he spoils me because I have his child he said he gives me money buys gifts but then next day I could call him and he is completely mean or posting other women on social media we broke up a month ago band im not giving in to intercourse he is a dirty dog after .5 years of going back he now feels comfortable to tell me he’s a player and laughs about it he said he Been through 10 women since we broke up I couldn’t believe he felt comfortable telling me that! That showed me he has 0 respect I was so hurt that was when I knew I had no choice but to let go we had a great secual chemistry but now I absolutely can’t trust him to put my health at risk glad I’m walking away he can keep the gifts coming but a conversation is all he gets outta me until he gets verbally abusive I no longer scream and cry I remove myself from the situation
My ex-wife is 30 different people depending on who she talks to…. All she needs is a compliment and she’s off and running. God only knows how many guys…. I know of 2 for sure in 12yrs. Forgave the first 8 yrs ago, done for good now. Crazy nut job narcissists
I just broke up with my boyfriend. Because I found out that he had been lying and cheating on me. I forgave him the first time about 3 weeks ago. Here I go again. He cheated on me with a woman the other day. I am done this time ! I just blocked him a few days ago. He can't come back here...
When I caught her cheating, in our bed, with a neighbor, she blamed me. These narcissists have no conscience. They do what they want. I always wondered if at some level she knew she was wrong.
Lee I GAVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN UP THE RELATIONSHIP. I offered MANY damn times. Yet he is still going to lie and tell me that he has been and will always be 100% faithful. 😑 He really thinks I'm stupid. 😆 he really fucked up with a good one.. he had the opportunity of a LIFETIME. But fuck I guess he doesn't deserve no earth angel energy if he can't be respectful enough to TELL HER and BE FAIR about it. 👏🤷♀️
Hmm. What about when someone kicks a live in gf out to go live 3 hours away with coworkers and then moves in another girl, new gf, brings her around friends, fam, etc so making it very known and public knowing the first girl could easily know or find out
Ok - perceived hurt? - I'm gonna give you an example - I come home from being away I thank the man I was living with for looking after everything - the next time he throws entire drama about how critical I had been of him the time before - I never said a negative word? Is that was this is?
@@MentalHealness it was bizzare! I several situations like that - I'm almost certain he believed it - I'm theorising that he was projecting his self criticism?
Give the waiter a 10% tip . I support the young students they work and study so always give something extra . Studying and working is hard work they are also friendly and kind hearted . Some of these waiters pay their own way through university or college so the support means a lot to them they are in their early 20's . Anyway a waiter that is soft on the eyes never hurt anyone . Yet to me it's more let me support them they work so hard and study as well. They also need help that's my mindset most of them are 20 to 22 years of age. I am not really in it to flirt yet being friendly and complimenting good service is just good manners. I don't create drama if it's a handsome man or beautiful woman I don't mind as long as the service is good . We don't create these types of dramas I have never even thought about it like that oh gosh I smiled at the waiter are you going to get a heart attack now kind of thing we are just normal with good manners . I would actually feel embarrassed if my date are rude to the waiters or waitresses my first thought will be is where is your manners .Also once you leave the waiters will say what a rude man or woman. I serve them and then I don't even get a smile waiters remember kind and rude customers what you do or did not do is how you are remembered 🤗.
thankyou for sharing very informative and brave to speak about, great insight here from a different perspective p👌 i applaud your bluntness. Some topics here that are less talked about ty. keep eyes oprn and trust intutiion is my advice after this journey #itsneverok
Thank you for this. It seemed like it could have been a difficult subject for you and I truly appreciate you talking about it. I really do want to understand the narcissist mind and drivers, as part of my own abuse recovery (because I just need things to make sense, even though it wasn't acceptable. It's like looking for a piece of the puzzle that is lost. I just need the whole picture). Another question, might be more difficult. If you can't answer I understand. Does a narcissist understand the drivers behind their behaviors, mentality and way of thinking? What I mean I, for example, in the mental health industry, there seems to be a thought that narcissists experienced abuse and/or neglect almost from birth and, because of the stage of development, their level of maturity and inability to understand and to cope, narcissistic behavior begins to develop around the age of 3, halting emotional maturity. That is completely understandable considering the physical and emotional development of the brain and the fact that they never recieved the things necessary for healthy development and a sense of self worth like love, safety and security. We can't learn to apply those things to ourselves if we don't have an example of what it looks and feels like from someone else. My understanding is that they were never built up but always broke down and, at such a young age, there's not much there beyond our instinctual needs to break. That's horrifically devastating. Are they aware of anything like that, that might be driving their behavior? Do they feel the emotions that trigger the behavior or remember them or, is it something that got pushed down so far that they aren't aware that they are there or the memories aren't there anymore the way many abuse victims who still had a source to provide those things during that period seem to have those early memories. Or is there something else altogether concerning those undercurrent drivers? I'm trying to learn about the condition and understand for both myself and because I think we need to make it easier for them to get help. I'm wondering if we can find a way to make them want to seek help and normalize it be changing how we talk about them and recognize them as being a trauma survivor who deserves care, taking away the stigma, or something else that might work. As a victim who's spent her life tightly controlled, especially under 2 bpd/npd treated for paranoid psychosis, one my mother and the other my 2nd husband, I want to figure out how I can be part of the solution. I think that starts with making them view treatment as something that's not going to stigmatize them and is even desirable. I think language is a small start but it needs to go much further
I have a question I hope you could help. My ex narcissist has told me that he was cheating on me the whole time and he was fu***** on someone I’m very close too.. that’s only my mother and sister LITERALLY so I’m bothered by that and I guess could he be right and not lien since he left me and was so angry at me and wanted to hurt me? The guy called me on FaceTime to tell me this, he said to see my face after he tells me. I’m not saying I believe him but there’s been comments made from him and then so a while I’d wake up crying and so so sad from the same dream over and over again about him and my own sister messing around and then this yet he knows all of this and me coming to him he’ll even accusing him.
Lol that's kinda self explanatory . I have a question. Is it possible to be an insecure narcisist? Like you actually feel pain but your just know how to hide it
@@MentalHealness sorry 💔 that's my impression of people who cheat, and it may be a spot bitter. I'm sure you can understand. I figure cheaters lack integrity, strength, moral fortitude, and - most importantly - willingness to respect their partner. For whatever reason. Plus, what I've heard from cheaters is although some cheat feeling it will punish their partner for a percived slight, most cheat because that primary relationship might be vulnerable or not that strong in that moment and simply an opportunity presented itself... They thought they could get away with it or didn't care by that point of they didn't.
Once someone has cheated on you that relationship is as good as dead. Once the trust is gone there can be no closeness in the relationship no matter how hard you try to fix things. It is hard to recover from any form of betrayal especially if you invested in the person that has betrayed you emotionally and materially .
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Agree 💯👍
Amen 🙏
Unless y'all got kids. Then you should try to make it work so they dont become a statistic.
So true! Whether you have children together or not, the relationship will never be the same again.... and there's a high chance the cheater will cheat again.
It is not that I am not enough, he isn't enough as a person to be happy and searches that feeling of being a person by getting validation from other people
❤ " He isn't enough as a person to be happy" ...... ABSOLUTELY!!!
Exactly and sad
Don't forget the alcohol 🍻
Yes, cheating is a choice and they do it knowing exactly how it will devastate you.
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I don't think they really know how much it will devastate you. They lack empathy. Mine made all sorts of excuses why it didn't matter. He convinced himself that I wouldn't really care.
@saintejeannedarc9460 Indeed!! He blamed me for finding out, for snooping on him. He said he tried to shield me, but I invaded his privacy so whatever pain I suffered I brought it on myself. Then later he said he was too weak and couldn't say no to women although he's the one who took the first step. There's absolutely no empathy! It's impossible for them to feel anything. And he cheated with ugly women.
This hurts so much. There’s no fixing the damage.
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@@MentalHealness😂😂😂
@christinewright2618 ❤
Sleeping with another person then going to your partner and getting intimate with him or her is very gross because it violates. Having to go where someone else has been somehow defiles the innocent party in the relationship.
Ultra gross
Especially when they don't wear protection, that's what made me angry. You put my health at risk because your selfish and then I'm not allowed to be mad he could have passed something onto me.
Health is a concern. There are safe ways to participate and protect yourself but if people are impulsive can you count on that.
Physically emotionally mentally - it’s never ever ok. Ever, and the cheater never deserves a second chance..
When someone truly gives their heart to you.. they are giving you something so so precious.. you need to say we can’t be together. SEPARATE- please everyone .. it’s not health for anyone,
I am speaking as a person who cheated after 23yrs ! I did not go back and touch my husband, because we had not done anything for awhile… but the pain that came from him, killed me. I ran away with so much shame and hatred for myself-
That I am now continuing to punish myself w a narcissistic man.. and the over twelve women he was been with.
Five years of my life punishing myself by letting him put me in danger (in many many ways!!).
All I had to do was walk away, and take time to myself to learn how to deal with my childhood/adult trauma..
please please don’t cheat - even if ur narc is cheating just run run run away .. don’t look back .. the act of cheating (for someone who had feelings) is painful for the cheater, save yourself that pain & run 😢
I agree. Once they did it. It proved they need counseling. But it is still over. If they get help and recover then the relationship may resume.
Yes it is true we are living in a spiritual warfare...
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"1 is not enough" is different than "you are not enough".
Like addicts have drug seeking behavior, narcs have attention- seeking behavior?
sounds plausible. An addiction to supply.
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@@MentalHealness makes sense. It's not that my line of supply so to speak is not right - it's just that they need 5 lines at a time... Got it. Phew! 😌
Absolutely. They need supply from many sources bc no one person can validate their ego 24/7!
@@MentalHealnessI just found your channel a short while back. Didnt you say you are both narc and married? I have a very handsome husband who is narc and it breaks my heart. He takes no accountability plus everything else you said. I'm so sad to get divorced, but he hasnt even admitted doing it yet. I dont argue or point things out. He used me for money and when I finally said no more, that's it, divorce.
I always thought my narc ex cheated because new people didn't know who he actually was. He liked syrange. He could be whoever he wanted to be with another person. I've talked to women he tried to pick up. He told some whopper lies. We had a laugh when we compared notes.
Yes this is a good point they don't find out the snake yet
They feel a massive sense of entitlement to do and have whoever they want
Thank you for not bashing the other women. 🙏
I met my ex psychopath and was told her relationship "had issues", they were "on the rocks", "about to divorce", and "we barely have any romanctic nights anymore. I'm so lonely too."
I felt soooo bad for her.
Poor lady.
I let her cry on my shoulder and wiped her tears.
Then one day, a month later, she came to me happy and announced "I'm single as a Pringle~ I'm single as a Pringle~ whoop whoop!"
She then told me they had broken up and asked me if I wanted to date. I said "yes" and we dated.
Well, flash forward 6 months ish later and I found out they never broke up. She just lied because she knew I wouldn't be with her otherwise. (I don't date/cheat with people already in a relationship)
@@specialtwice4975 I hope you dumped her.
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He's just chasing the shiny new toy. It's about the competition to find out if they can Cham a stranger into spreading their legs because they know most women have low self esteem and little to no self respect. It's not about you, it's about bagging a new one for the first time, something they can never do with you again.
I used to always flirt with my man, and tell him how handsome he is and how I see no other man and so on..
The whole time, but it was not enough apparently.
If the opportunity presents itself and you are an honest loyal person, there is no way you do this, under no circumstance. Yes it is a choice to be a cheater.
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I have been acused of cheating. Accusations= They are cheating and the guilt is eating away at them. Lol
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Not always... My soon to be ex will disappear for hours at a time, talk to exes and goto their houses while im at work sometimes, "clean herself" as soon as she gets home, etc. And when I asked her about this stuff I got " wow, so you think I'm cheating? F*ck it I guess I'm cheating then if that's what you think go scream it from the rooftops go tell everyone. Know what, why don't you just get the f*CK out. My ex did way more for me anyways and you don't do anything." The guy she was cheating with told me she was cheating on me. And I figured he was the guy she was seeing... So I would question and sometimes accuse her just because I wanted the truth. I just wanted her to admit it. I just wanted honesty for once in our marriage. I almost drove myself crazy. Then I realized she was right.. if I don't like it I can "GTFO". So that's what I did..... But yes, towards the end I would often ask and accuse because i knew the truth already and I don't even think she was really trying to hide it to be honest. I just wanted to hear her take accountability and tell the truth. I never cheated on her... Even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to, I wasn't allowed to be friends or converse with females even tho she talked to many of her recent exes and then f*cked a couple of them. Lol
Worst mistake was marrying a man who i found out later was a narcissist the betrayal is the worse 🫤
OMG, yes I made the same mistake, didn’t know it until he got here in America and I Really start experiencing the Real him. He left and I am ending it.
I 💯 understand this as I am going through it now. My husband I found out is a narcissist (by definition) and we have been married for 16 years. He dumped our whole family and tried to marry another woman he met on an international online dating service until she scammed him took his money and ghost him. He still doesn't consider that cheating...😢 it's hard to believe we've been separated for almost 2 years, and he has on and off ghosted and reverse hovered me and his 5 children we had. The ones most hurt are the children...it is an all around hurtful situation
It’s like they think their partners didn’t have opportunities to cheat, and they are so special that they only did lol… In the start of our relationship everyone who tested the seriousness of my relationship I turned down immediately and told them I was serious about my now ex, removed anyone who needed to be removed, and I didn’t entertain anyone else, that door was never even opened to anyone. That’s not hard to do. He literally would talk to women who wanted him heavily and would tell me that he wouldn’t stop doing it and if I consider them flirting (it was!) it’s not crossing a line and he’s a grown man that can control of things get out of hand and I can’t tell him who to talk to and who not to talk to. He was talking to women his mother was trying to hook him up with and women he picked up in bars lol why? His wife and kid were right next to him wanting his time. People suck.
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They love to have their cake and eat it too🙅🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️
#not4me
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They are developmentally arrested so posess the unparented entitlement of a child.Couple this with zero empathy=no ability to attach/bond so they 'cannot' care about others (they have an attachment disorder).They are mindlessly wandering through life empty (theres no 'love' if a person cant bond/attach and they cannot)..having to try to fill that 'void' by using others to do so.They are children in a candy shop who are never satiated because they cant be because Love is attachment and they cannot attach.
Cheating is just the worst! In the past, I wasnt very faithful in relationships, until I saw how badly I hurt my fiance! I felt absolutely horrible a d vowed to never put anyone else through that much pain! And then last year, close to my 10 year anniversary, I found out that my bf has been unfaithfull the entire 10 years!!! I just want to be away from this hell of a situation...trying to save so i can move out with our daughter! 😩
Karma is real
Dang the whole 10 years! Yeah I was about to say maybe this is that what goes around comes around thing n that maybe you could understand and yall could go to counseling considering yall have a child. But nope not with someone who was never faithful .
It's amazing how what goes around comes around. We need to stop deceiving ourselves, whatever we so is exactly what we will reap and harvest is always greater than the seed.
sow/plant
@@terrimoten1603why do people that don’t cheat get cheated on 🤔
My soon to be ex was cheating and left bc he convinced himself that I was cheating too. Took him back after abandoning me and the kids and he is cheating again. He says he knows about "him" meaning a man that he "knows" I'm with and is false false false. He has to believe this so that he can keep doing what he is doing. All I do is take care of our kids. I have been thru so much behind him, the last thing I want is to get into another relationship.
Yes! In DM’s, liking pictures, hearting texts,
Blames me for everything denies everything even when u have proof
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What's that mean
A serpent 🚩🚩🚩
Looking back at my journey here with narcissistic men, it baffles me how one would say things like “you need self control” yet he smashes everyone he sees or when he said “you gotta level up” yet he still doing same ish, different day and hence hasn’t changed…wth🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
So true, I knew one with 8 kids and had the verve to judge me for having a kidn10 years after we broke up lol
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I appreciate u being able to come on here and be who u are! Very couragous. The narc i was dealing with cheated and bc i was faithful he had someone dr a fb thread with a fake profile to make it look like i cheated so he wouldnt feel so bad and so he could show everyone i cheated on him. He was so extremely toxic.
🙏🏽🙏🏽 stay strong
I’m two days late but I came here for it 🍿 let’s do it!! The last time I saw my ex I asked him why he wouldn’t be faithful to one woman even if it wasn’t to me. He told me I was the best of everything…. Left me for someone that looks nor carry’s herself nothing like me
This absolutely was blowing my mind. Everything I told my husband you said. Even the part about them never stop cheating. I said all of this to him. As much as it hurt me to say it to him, it needed to be said. It hurt me because it was a reality check for me. Even though i was talking to him, I was also talking to myself.
My narcissist husband accused me of cheating so much I was overwhelmed hearing it he was cheating on me I believe the entire marriage and tried to come back I told him he was always looking for the next best thing and thought the grass was Greener on the other side and I hope hes found the person he's been looking for .
4:30
My ex said it would be fine if I "had a few beers and slept with someone else", which was odd since he knows I don't drink. I knew he was telling me what HE was going to do! I will never understand why I put up with that nonsense for 11 months. No more.
Mirroring for a reaction.
Mine told me that I will push a man to be with someone else found out he was cheating and was giving me a hint jusr like i thougt he blames me for everything saying everything was my fault im the reason for the relationship to go bad he was a habitual liar found out he told my cousin that i was a liar...he did tell me another time when he was mad at me yeah I got you don't even worry about It I believe that was him telling me he gonna do something to hurt my feelings now I see he was definitely out seeking revenge on me..
1.5 months and I kicked him to the curb. Lessons learned 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Knowing I found out he was cheating makes me wonder how many different women he cheated with. He emotionally cheated on me for years. He neglected our children and cheated them out of a child/dad relationship. He figured all he had to do was work. He figured that because he worked he should be treated like a king. I worked too and he disrespected my efforts. He put my job down and disrespected me. He said he loved me, but didn't act like it. He got angry if I was on the phone with anyone when he walked into the room. He didn't like it if I went out with friends. He hated watching our children. He also treated me horribly when I had health issues. He didn't care about how I felt physically or emotionally. He didn't care about our children.
Wow, I had to scroll up to see if I wrote this because our stories are so similar. He acts like he's some amazing man for working. Once he started making good money he acts like he doesn't need to lift a finger to help. He asked me why our kids get mad st him, I told him because he has no relationship with them. He comes home and put a movie on his phone and doesn't even make an attempt with them. Treated me horrible when I had health issues. Treated me horrible when I was taking care of my mom for a few years and even when she passed away. He would scream and yell at me how messy the house was, even though I was physically and emotionally exhausted. He wouldn't help me at all. All the time and energy he spent yelling me he could have used to help me.
Sounds familiar
I forgot who said it but, they said Narcissistic do not change and learn from there mistakes they evolve overtime which means they just change how they do things going forward to continue doing it for supply. Like a cameleon always changing to match the circumstance and situation so that it fits them.
They have no self discipline or limits
But scared to go to the health department 😂😂😂
The "business arrangements" (or retaliation for whatever) the narcissists make would be fine IF you signed up. That's the problem. The arrangement is made without your knowledge or consent. Then, there's the other person or people involved, all without you knowing🤫🤔
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Absolute the ones he is w are half his age, easily manipulated to a 20yr ol d when he's 40 w kids. That aren't good looking at all it's about quantity for him not quality. They all even know about me and didn't care
@AngelaGullette hi, I often compared myself to his numerous other victims, but it still didn't hit hard until I allowed myself to believe I was nothing to him, same as the rest. Everyone, no matter what their capacity in his life, were targets. Stay focused on you. The best thing for me now is healing and acceptance.
Welcome to the narc genie. Its 100% facts
The last part is prefect I suffered that OmG. I was even been watched phone search even now he left remarried he still wants to know my whereabouts and the more I ignore him is like o man he tries in every way to torment even not knowing my number and its almost 3 years. Ladies gentlemen if your experiencing these you better run please run for your lives
stay strong
Well I wish he would get out and move in with whoever he's cheating with. They can have him!!
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I just think of betrayal trauma
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I must admit this resonates for myself... I realize we all have narcissistic behavior but things about cheating are exactly why I did it in the 1st place! I also accused my s/o of cheating cause I felt he was doing it so I did it back!! But I finally realized that didn't fulfill me at all so I just stopped 🤷♀️ if I didn't want to feel that way then I needed to not do it! Two wrongs do not make a right
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Please read: This is how people become intertwine man or woman.
James 1:14-16
but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.
Amen
💯 ex narc told me it was temptation....and wanted to be caught for the drama and chaos.
I'm pretty sure I inadvertently messed with my ex narc's head when I told him I didn't care who he slept with very early on in our relationship. I've just never personally cared that much about sexual monogamy, so I always ask my partner what their preference is, and I think he was disappointed that he couldn't exploit jealousy as a means to control me. I robbed him of his ability to inflict emotional damage by cheating on me, and I'm sure he's still salty about it :)
Yesss the game is the high
I love to see it👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
When I think about all the red flags now it’s amazing to wonder about whether ex narc girlfriend was cheating. “ Why are you looking at my phone?!” After a quick glance of her when she is always on it. Then there’s the fact that I don’t have Facebook but she did. On it she never changed her relationship status from single and claimed “ I only have it so I can post pics of my son and stay in touch with family members.” Then the last time I can remember trying to move forward from a fight she was trying to pick with me that we kissed and I had this odd feeling and I opened my eyes and saw her staring at me while we were kissing with this very dead behind the eyes look. Finally she picked one last fight and did not txt or talk to me for 10 plus days, at which point she txt out of the blue like nothing was wrong and apologized for being super busy. Thirty minutes after that snapping about someone asking about her dating me saying “ who is telling my f*****g business?! I’m just done. I’m tired of my work life and private life mixing.”
It works for the benefit of the person that finds out their narc cheats on them because it’s the clearest sign you need to leave them for good. Out of spite, out of addiction whatever reason why, is not enough to work it out and stay.
When I found out that my boyfriend was sending naked anatomy pictures to women on Facebook messenger… I asked him what was wrong with him and why he did it… After denying it 1 billion times even though I had the proof… He finally said “because they asked for it”.
oh wow
I asked my ex why he had a one-night stand, and he said, "I am the passive one." Same logic with yours.
Such a childish response.
Immaturity and dangerous
Stop cheek clapping 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
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I appreciate you. That repeat at the end..much needed.
Yeah, he thought the grass was greener on the other side ha! That is artificial turf he was looking at !
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It sounds like there's some kind of early childhood trauma wound that regardless of how much attention they get it will never be enough because if attention was the cure, they wouldn't keep needing endless attention.
I would think it would get very exhausting and depressing the longer it goes on, from jumping to different partners and between fluctuating feelings of feeling great about self, maybe sometimes grandiose but then if there's no attention resource, at least the kind they want that makes them feel great about self, then hitting a low about self. Just a continued cycle.
Realistically none of us human beings can feel same amount of confidence 24/7 every single day, "this human experience isn't always sunshine and rainbows", someone whether it's our partner, family, friend, boss, co-worker is going to say something that we may not particularly like, which in effect may question our actions or things we've said, but to allow it for us to do toxic, selfish or malignant actions because we don't want our confidence to feel discomfort is a selfish act and of weak character. The narcissist or for that matter anyone in a relationship where the honeymoon stage moves into more of the emotional attachment phase, there's going to always be disagreements or maybe small quarrels, a person that struggles with self esteem and relies on attention to feel good about self, is then prone to want to flee to someone else to recapture unreality world, in order to boost that confidence again. It actually is a under developed emotional mind, cause a mature mind knows that human beings are imperfect, and that things aren't just black & white, that there is a gray area.
A mature emotional mind understands things don't just revolve around our world, that we're not prefect, we make mistakes, we have flaws, just like everyone else, and when disagreements happen or either make a mistake it's to be addressed in a civil manner in order to resolve so that the relationship can move to another stage. Needing constant attention or wanting to bail when there's a small feud, there will never be emotional growth, therefore will never be able to have a long lasting healthy connection. The person has to learn how to connect with themselves before they'll ever be able to connect with anyone.
When there's unresolved trauma, and a person's go to feel good about self is by seeking out others, they're running from themselves, not wanting to face those uncomfortable feelings, so yes they're not connecting with self. When a issue arises in relationship where they were in the wrong but try to flip the script on the partner or seek out another, again it's running from self, not wanting to feel those emotions. Growth is not an easy task, yes it hurts to feel the wrongs or mistakes we've made, but it's not a death sentence, it doesn't define our worth, it's just part of being human, it's all apart of the human experience, it's to take that opportunity for emotional growth, so that we become better versions of ourselves, to learn to grow to our authentic selves. Trauma or being overly coddled can cause a freeze in further development of the emotional mind, until the trauma or being spoiled is addressed, we stay within that state of development.
Great work you're doing - Thank you very much 💙
There’s no excuse ..after all this time the infidelity and lies are still the main things that trigger me
One is never enough 🎯
Its about them ~ not you
200% facts‼️ Every aspect of this video 💯…🙏🏾
Always do your research now adays when it comes to dating. Before you fully commit and drop that L word, make sure they come clean about their past relationships. If you get stone walled or shamed for asking about their past relationships or sexual history just walk away. But you also have to be transparent and forthcoming with your own past behaviors and be humble when they grill you about the things they see as red flags. If you hear the go to phrases such as "i dont understand why my past matters so much to you", "im here with you right now and thats what matters" or the common "ive made a lot of mistakes in my past but im a different person and ive learned from my mistakes" followed by an attempt to appeal to your emotions in order to get you to drop the topic. Just realize that those are gaslighting phrases to manipulate you away from digging any further into a past that they are ashamed of and goes against the image of themselves that attracted you to them in the first place. Another big one is open transparancy about past traumas, in their youth especially.
The best visual i can think of would be purchasing a used car. If the car is a 2010 with 97000 miles on it, its on you to ask for the carfax report of the cars history before commiting to the purchase. If its a single owner garage kept vehicle with habitual basic maintenance and no accident reports or major repairs then you can make an informed decision to purchase the car. But if a 2016 car had 78k, 6 owners and a carfax report that looks more like a magazine you would probably not even consider making that purchase and go with the older car with a better history. Ofcoarse there are a lot of narcissistic individuals who are like danny devito in matilda, they polish the turd and add a few zeros to the price while pitching a false narrative of the cars history to benefit themselves at your expense. The same line of thinking applies to relationships. If a man/woman you're interested in has low relationship/sexual miles and can have adult conversations about their past they are like the garage kept healthy running car. But if they have a double/triple digit body count relationship hopper and claim that all of that is in the past and not important, dont be surprised if you get a few months in and the relationship starts falling to pieces. At that point you can be upset about being tricked, but at the end of the day its on you for ignoring occams razor
Yeah except they lie to you about their past relationships. That's what mine did, outright mislead me about being abused in his previous relationship. He was 'abused' because he was gaslighting and manipulating his ex, he was literally torturing her emotionally and psychologically for weeks she also turned out to NOT BE HIS HIS EX at the time we got together - he literally staged her breakdown to 'prove' to me she was a psycho and he was a poor little victim. This came full circle for me recently when he tried the same thing to me except this time I was supposed to be the 'psycho' ex. My point is - there is no way of knowing. Yeah you can talk about it but its other things that will indicate this person is not a good person other than what they are prepared to disclose.
@solaris025 I totally agree with you on all those points, and yes ofcoarse they will lie every single time that it benefits them in any capacity. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know how devastating it can be. For over 7 years I believed the "it's too traumatic and I don't want to talk about my abusive past" shtick anytime I would try to address the red flags as they popped up. And I've also been that "not actually her ex" who was gaslight into looking crazy for awhile for whatever drug or boy toy she was sneaking around with when she was supposedly in town taking care of my dying gma... I've posted about quite a few of my experience on the comments of Lee's videos already so I'll avoid rehashing them here lol.
As to your last point- I do agree with the fact that it's all of the other stuff they do that will inform you about who they really are as a person. But there are simple tell tell signs and ways to ask questions that will force their true colors to the surface from the beginning. Lee highlights a lot of them in various scenarios for the different types of narcs in his videos. Also it's a good idea to spend $10 for a full background check online and doing a little social media sleuthing before getting serious with anyone and then talking about it to them with full transparency on what you found and why you looked into them. if they flip out and give a "how dare you!" Kind of reply about you looking their public record instead of just owning it all and being empathic to your intentions, then that should be an obvious give away that they are ashamed and unwilling to be honest about their past. Why should they get upset at you for looking up the same basic info that every boss they ever had knew before highering them. My attorney gave me that bit of advice towards the end of my year in the courts securing sole custody of my 3 kiddos.
My husband said to me. " There is this girl at my work who is after me, but I ignored her. Then she called me via WhatsApp group. The likelihood he smashed and now she is running him down.
😫😫😫
Why is it after they cheat, then end up ending that relationship, do they want to come back to you? I went through a whole lot of shit in 13 years. He left almost 2 years ago and is single again and wonders why I won’t sleep with him. Well it’s a hard no no no for me and he’s just not getting it!! So help me with something I can say that he really gets it please! It’s done over ! Only reason I talk to him is about financial things.
Tell him "There are a lot of beautiful girls in the world, and some of them are REALLY *STUPID* . Get one of them to go out with you!"
The one he left me for is trying to get him back because he left her really quick and went to someone else
Get off the narcissistic hamster wheel….nothing good will come from staying on it💯💯💯
@@heavenlyprecog23 I’m off of it thank God! I just wondered why he always wants to come back is all…. I will never ever ever take him back.
Because you entertain the convo when talks to you, so he thinks you're not serious. No need to explain to him why youre done. Whenever he brings up the convo during the "financial "talks, be firm in your response and end conversation. Otherwise he'll think he has a chance
Great timing, again.
1. HE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. It is the definition of my relationship w my mother
2. I’m getting the I Love Me journal.
With family like this I might need 2 😂
😅😅 stay strong
The education is appreciated.
Opportunism is sooo much of it. If it’s low hanging fruit, it’s easy to pick. Why not?
Is self harm something narcissist array higher risk for. Or does their love for themselves prevent that?
Can you explain in a future video why they want to stay with us while simultaneously cheating when they could just break up and be free to chase new bodies? Because mine literally is threatening suicide if I leave him. He says porn caused cheating and he wants help and couples counseling. I love him but my trust is gone and idk how to get it back and I don’t get why he can’t let me go when obviously I’m not enough supply.
It's the validation that they can rope in someone new. You need to leave though. This isn't going to change and you don't deserve to have your face ground into the dirt so that he can feel better about himself. Love to you.
Because they need a mother and a caretaker..(as well as all the others) which is what you've become.
I feel like this is the most hurtful assumption they do to us especially when we have a family kids together that know and find out at 10 yrs old
Narcissists on drugs whoaaaaasa
can be scary
When we were first dating I slept with someone else because I was seeing him and someone else.
We became a couple, married and had children.
We separated and he had an affair while we were apart. When we got back together he says, “ now we’re even, remember when you did it to me?”
Ah a little different although he never let me live it down the whole time we were married…
I could not trust him ever after that because I knew she was still in the picture.
Days after our divorce they moved in together.
May they live happily ever after 😅
😅😅
Thank you 🙏 this info resonated with me I really appreciate your insights
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Amazing conversation
Appreciate it
@@MentalHealness I am impress
2 yrs relationship and he cheated with his labour whose half age (20yrs old) when i had to do LDR. He told me he loved me, didnt searched and it just happened as its destined. What a joke
Good analogy! So true. 😊
They dont love enyone!
☹️
Thank you for the discernment ❤
Its just very sad. Nothing life!
I heard the same. I only have FB because of family. Liars.
OK, but they expect us to come back and forgive them.😒
Dude moved entire ex girlfriend in his one room but he thought he will live with me until she leaves in three weeks yoooooo
oh my goodness
I was walking by her Mercedes Benz drop top was nestled up in the grass as I walked to bar he was sitting in there by himself I saw him ignored him I get a text saying come get this drink i d idn't know whose car that was parked at his room we drank went to my house he never told me the ex was at his house smh that was Jan 2033
2023
Lol 3 month out with my narc and i knew the signs i just had to build up the strength to actually leave the weirdest part is i knew , i paid the bills but never put them in positions to win i left out of no where kicked them off my line and changed my number i messed up there discard of me😂
I have anxious attachment disorder the part that confuses me is he cheats like crazy yet he spoils me because I have his child he said he gives me money buys gifts but then next day I could call him and he is completely mean or posting other women on social media we broke up a month ago band im not giving in to intercourse he is a dirty dog after .5 years of going back he now feels comfortable to tell me he’s a player and laughs about it he said he Been through 10 women since we broke up I couldn’t believe he felt comfortable telling me that! That showed me he has 0 respect I was so hurt that was when I knew I had no choice but to let go we had a great secual chemistry but now I absolutely can’t trust him to put my health at risk glad I’m walking away he can keep the gifts coming but a conversation is all he gets outta me until he gets verbally abusive I no longer scream and cry I remove myself from the situation
Are you really not bothered
@@Angel-gp6tx I am everyday I finally walked away
Push and pull is abuse. Get out!
@Ad-qk6km are you ok? How r You feeling
Excellent info Lee as always, God bless you and your family..🙏🏼♥
Thank you. God bless you too
On line sexting is cheating, regardless who it is with. My husband wants to sneak and do this but tell me i cant...he knows its wrong.
Yes been on that cause you did this train.
The herpes and ghonorria is spreading faster than covid did in 2020 !
Its like std tsunami 🌊
My ex-wife is 30 different people depending on who she talks to…. All she needs is a compliment and she’s off and running. God only knows how many guys…. I know of 2 for sure in 12yrs. Forgave the first 8 yrs ago, done for good now. Crazy nut job narcissists
Constant need for validation.
💯💯
Heck yes we run the hell out
🏃♀️
I just broke up with my boyfriend. Because I found out that he had been lying and cheating on me. I forgave him the first time about 3 weeks ago. Here I go again. He cheated on me with a woman the other day. I am done this time ! I just blocked him a few days ago. He can't come back here...
True I'm so glad its over .
🙌🏾
When I caught her cheating, in our bed, with a neighbor, she blamed me. These narcissists have no conscience. They do what they want. I always wondered if at some level she knew she was wrong.
😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
Because they are human & not perfect
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I have at least five personalities he loves that he just chooses one
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Lee I GAVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN UP THE RELATIONSHIP. I offered MANY damn times. Yet he is still going to lie and tell me that he has been and will always be 100% faithful. 😑
He really thinks I'm stupid. 😆
he really fucked up with a good one.. he had the opportunity of a LIFETIME.
But fuck I guess he doesn't deserve no earth angel energy if he can't be respectful enough to TELL HER and BE FAIR about it. 👏🤷♀️
Always accused me when i never did he did it the whole time
Hmm. What about when someone kicks a live in gf out to go live 3 hours away with coworkers and then moves in another girl, new gf, brings her around friends, fam, etc so making it very known and public knowing the first girl could easily know or find out
100% , so sad!😢
😔
Ok - perceived hurt? - I'm gonna give you an example - I come home from being away I thank the man I was living with for looking after everything - the next time he throws entire drama about how critical I had been of him the time before - I never said a negative word? Is that was this is?
Possibly
@@MentalHealness it was bizzare! I several situations like that - I'm almost certain he believed it - I'm theorising that he was projecting his self criticism?
@@MentalHealness should point out that by then I was secretly taking notes on who had said what cos of gaslighting - but this was strange....
Give the waiter a 10% tip . I support the young students they work and study so always give something extra . Studying and working is hard work they are also friendly and kind hearted . Some of these waiters pay their own way through university or college so the support means a lot to them they are in their early 20's . Anyway a waiter that is soft on the eyes never hurt anyone . Yet to me it's more let me support them they work so hard and study as well. They also need help that's my mindset most of them are 20 to 22 years of age. I am not really in it to flirt yet being friendly and complimenting good service is just good manners. I don't create drama if it's a handsome man or beautiful woman I don't mind as long as the service is good . We don't create these types of dramas I have never even thought about it like that oh gosh I smiled at the waiter are you going to get a heart attack now kind of thing we are just normal with good manners . I would actually feel embarrassed if my date are rude to the waiters or waitresses my first thought will be is where is your manners .Also once you leave the waiters will say what a rude man or woman. I serve them and then I don't even get a smile waiters remember kind and rude customers what you do or did not do is how you are remembered 🤗.
But what if they keep going back to the one who they always told you that he treated her bad and she couldn't trust or he was a liar?
Then they were probably lying
@@MentalHealness Thank You for answering my question. When I forgave her when I caught her and I didn't leave then!
thankyou for sharing very informative and brave to speak about, great insight here from a different perspective p👌 i applaud your bluntness. Some topics here that are less talked about ty. keep eyes oprn and trust intutiion is my advice after this journey #itsneverok
Cheating is a choice 🎯
Best ever!!!!!
🙏🏽
From Facebook to RUclips is that a turtle T shirt 🤗.
😅😅
@@MentalHealness ☺🕊🤗🐢. I love it 🤗.
Why he cheat if he faithful dat is a deal breaker
Huh???
?
Very wild
Agree
Thank you for this. It seemed like it could have been a difficult subject for you and I truly appreciate you talking about it. I really do want to understand the narcissist mind and drivers, as part of my own abuse recovery (because I just need things to make sense, even though it wasn't acceptable. It's like looking for a piece of the puzzle that is lost. I just need the whole picture).
Another question, might be more difficult. If you can't answer I understand. Does a narcissist understand the drivers behind their behaviors, mentality and way of thinking? What I mean I, for example, in the mental health industry, there seems to be a thought that narcissists experienced abuse and/or neglect almost from birth and, because of the stage of development, their level of maturity and inability to understand and to cope, narcissistic behavior begins to develop around the age of 3, halting emotional maturity. That is completely understandable considering the physical and emotional development of the brain and the fact that they never recieved the things necessary for healthy development and a sense of self worth like love, safety and security. We can't learn to apply those things to ourselves if we don't have an example of what it looks and feels like from someone else. My understanding is that they were never built up but always broke down and, at such a young age, there's not much there beyond our instinctual needs to break. That's horrifically devastating.
Are they aware of anything like that, that might be driving their behavior? Do they feel the emotions that trigger the behavior or remember them or, is it something that got pushed down so far that they aren't aware that they are there or the memories aren't there anymore the way many abuse victims who still had a source to provide those things during that period seem to have those early memories. Or is there something else altogether concerning those undercurrent drivers? I'm trying to learn about the condition and understand for both myself and because I think we need to make it easier for them to get help. I'm wondering if we can find a way to make them want to seek help and normalize it be changing how we talk about them and recognize them as being a trauma survivor who deserves care, taking away the stigma, or something else that might work. As a victim who's spent her life tightly controlled, especially under 2 bpd/npd treated for paranoid psychosis, one my mother and the other my 2nd husband, I want to figure out how I can be part of the solution. I think that starts with making them view treatment as something that's not going to stigmatize them and is even desirable. I think language is a small start but it needs to go much further
No matter how sincere you are, if they don't want to change they won't
You're desire to be the "solution" is referred to as codependence & enabling. They have to provide the solution. 🙏🙋
Grimey dirty ways
😞
I have a question I hope you could help. My ex narcissist has told me that he was cheating on me the whole time and he was fu***** on someone I’m very close too.. that’s only my mother and sister LITERALLY so I’m bothered by that and I guess could he be right and not lien since he left me and was so angry at me and wanted to hurt me? The guy called me on FaceTime to tell me this, he said to see my face after he tells me. I’m not saying I believe him but there’s been comments made from him and then so a while I’d wake up crying and so so sad from the same dream over and over again about him and my own sister messing around and then this yet he knows all of this and me coming to him he’ll even accusing him.
I'd rather be clapping cheeks personally on the side 😂 lol
😂😂
I see 👀
Please tell us.
🙂
Lol that's kinda self explanatory . I have a question. Is it possible to be an insecure narcisist? Like you actually feel pain but your just know how to hide it
ALL narcissists are insecure about something
Let me take an early guess:
Because the opportunity presents itself.
Duh.
🤔
@@MentalHealness sorry 💔 that's my impression of people who cheat, and it may be a spot bitter. I'm sure you can understand. I figure cheaters lack integrity, strength, moral fortitude, and - most importantly - willingness to respect their partner. For whatever reason. Plus, what I've heard from cheaters is although some cheat feeling it will punish their partner for a percived slight, most cheat because that primary relationship might be vulnerable or not that strong in that moment and simply an opportunity presented itself... They thought they could get away with it or didn't care by that point of they didn't.