As bad as the sudden discard hurts...Im grateful because I wasn't strong enough to get out. Even after divorce we still lived together. Crazy right...now im working on me. He was never here an when he was he left me alone...i needed answers it happened overnight..Andrew thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And if you don't mind me saying, as a fellow hermit myself, the effort of trying to be with other people after being cut off at the knees feels impossible and bizarre. Then there is also the real fear of meeting more narcissists, which happened to me. So I have been holed up, listening to lots of clips about narcissists and personality disorders...And looking at what has to change inside of my Self before it will be safe to meet new people. Because I realize it's my low self esteem and people pleasing that makes me a magnet for these energy vampires. No more. I have wasted my whole life on these creepy aholes. Thank God that I am a loner and have my dogs. And I also believe in Hod. And personally...I am realizing I need way more trust in God because IT is way smarter than I am. God is not emotional, lol.
I wasn't one for big social events or gatherings to start. Im introverted (not shy) but just feel drained around too many people. I'm quite content with few interactions. What makes me angry however is that I had an established network of people that I could casually/easily engage with. The narcissist ostracizes others and destroys these networks- as someone once said "They throw away their blessings." People become fearful to engage with other discarded people as they might face the same bs.
The discard was hard to wrap my head around, but 13 months later, I'm beyond grateful to have the disgusting narc out of my life and learning about narcassist behaviour has helped me truly.
The final discard was mind blowing....how could someone that claimed he Loved me, just treat me like nothing? Everything that You say here,is so very true.
I really needed to hear this today. My husband discarded me after 29 years. I am so disillusioned... I literally cannot comprehend how he could do this. He has sucked me dry for almost three decades. I have found myself crying at the drop of a hat and ultra sensitive to anything said about me. I am not myself for sure. I pray that I can heal and not just survive but thrive in the coming brutal weeks and months ahead. I cannot believe I fell for his fake shallow love. I have indeed been his "punching bag" for reasons I may never understand. I am struggling with the reality of how much of my life I gave to a heartless man. Please pray for me... that I can see him as a good teacher and learn hard fought for lessons and not canker my own soul but rise from his destruction with more love and wisdom than when I met him. I am so so so grateful for this information!
Lisa, I’m so very sorry and I completely understand your pain. You will get through this, you will move forward and everyday become stronger. It takes a long time and I wish I could tell you how long, but I can’t. Just know that you will… you will! Take care of yourself and listen to everything Andrew has to say. We’re all here for you. 🙏🏽❤️
@@foodogslove2588 Andrew has been a life preserver the past few weeks. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and send me some much needed encouragement.
@@monalisa2662 Always… I’m here, we’re all here. It’s good to offload the pain, especially to others who completely understand. Stay here with us and share. It will get easier. Much love to you. 🙏🏽💋🥰
Prayers for complete healing. I struggled with the 18 years I felt like I had wasted too. I beat myself up everyday. There's nothing in our lives that God can't make good out of. Trust and seek him for your new beginning. He has a wonderful plan for your life. I was 18 years with a monster. I'm almost 4 years out. My life is beautiful now. It will take time to heal. Care for yourself. It's all about you now. Stay on this channel daily for support. One day at a time. You will come forth as pure gold, in Jesus Name, Amen!
It felt like being "slammed" into the trash. No consideration whatsoever. Today, I'm THANKFUL for that experience! It opened my eyes to this evil and never want to put myself in that position again. Thank you, Andrew! So thankful for your education.
Thank you Andrew and everyone here who comments. Unfortunately, we have all experienced the evil spirit of the narcissist and learned now what we dealt with. It is disgusting and truly heartbreaking to know that these people do this to others. Andrew, watching your videos has helped me tremendously and I appreciate everything you do. May God bless us all and keep us safe from this ever happening to us again now that we know the traits to watch for.❤️
It was the brutal discard that opened my eyes to the “thing” behind its mask. As my trauma bond dissolved, I would almost throw up thinking about it. Namastay away, narc!
Even though this happened to me many years ago I am finally being educated about what I went through. I never understood what happened to me. This education is so valuable.
the discard is the most chilling display of disdain on the narcissist's part, ever. if u thought devaluation was unfathomable, the discard is something u don't understand. the cut off, the toss out, i was blocked off everything in a second and the next day i was not even acknowledged as someone he was in a relationship with. done, dusted, forgotten, irrelevant i just stood there with so many why and how and i still do.
I really feel for what you are going through. I was discarded last month after 29 years of marriage. It is so hard to comprehend how I fell for a heartless narcissist. Hold your head up high and know you are priceless beyond anything material.
Hopefully by now you understand Narcs are sick humans from a devalued childhood and are not capable of being normal and hurt others to gain importance and not be the problem. We can easily say goodbye to sickos who can’t be fixed right??? We can live better! It wasn’t our fault at all. We are just sensitive souls looking for connection and the exuberant love bombers seemed like a prize catch. I used to say, I want the guy who chooses ME! Boy was that a terrible standard I created for myself! I got all narcs entire life and actually held out for the guy who would notice me!!! OMG 😳 Who knew that was the wrong thinking at age 20??? The narcs were the trash to be taken out and hope you now understand and have moved past them to a stronger set of boundaries and desires. 🙏 you are worth more! 🤗
Good morning Andrew, from my quiet, little corner of England. “ The Discard”….this was the part that almost broke me. I was abandoned, isolated and ostracised by my family after my mum’s sudden and unexpected death of a heart attack. My mother died “ intestate” and my sister took charge of everything, including my dad and the money. Prior to this, my sister had been my best friend, we were so close, but I realised afterwards that it was all on my part and she never cared. Overnight, I was discarded. I was in so much pain, complete agony and what was worse, unbeknown to me, I was married to a “passive/aggressive, covert narcissist, who offered no support, no understanding, no comfort . My life was totally different now. I was in complete shock, not being able to eat, sleep or even know what day it was. I was plunged into a black abyss of depression, I couldn’t believe what was happening to me, but eventually I came to terms with it, over many years. It was at this point that I started to piece things together and I realised that I never actually knew my family and now we were complete strangers. As time passed I became educated about narcissism and to my horror I discovered that my entire family were narcissists and my husband also. I was “ out of the frying pan and into the fire!” Looking back, I really don’t know how I survived, but I attribute that to the births of my two sons and this became my main focus. My heart goes out to everyone who has endured this disgusting and diabolical treatment. We have survived… we are here. Love to all. Namaste. 🙏🏽🤍🦋
Thank you Dear for sharing !💖💖💖💖 wow, I got goosebumps. My mom suddenly passed too, God I miss her every day! Your story resonated so much. I wrote my sick story and then found yours. It was like reading my life somehow. We are not alone! Tons of love from your friend✌💖💖💖💖💕💕💌
I'm sorry for this nightmare and extremely painful experience you had. Time does help so much in healing and understanding that it's not our fault when we are treated badly and we are better off away from these abusive people. I pray your days get 🌞sunnier and your ❤ finds the peace and joy for the next chapters of your life. 👍🙏 I love that Andrew made this channel to educate us, validate us and our similar experiences and remind us we are not alone! ❤ God bless you! ❤🙏❤
Perfect description..ditto. I have to add, I actually watched the eyes of the snake when they go for Power of Attorney signatures...whooooahhhhh....when they get turned down by an ill, confused and sick parent, It becomes diabolical but totally entertaining....out comes the spoilt devil child and if you happen to question just "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT...get away from her"....this is what is coming your way. They swear at you, explode and eventually physically go for you. Then you fight for that P.O.A. He screwed up and put a relative's signature on the application for. I was offered it, discussed it with my Father ...and I refused it, totally. I figured ...I was right and a year later when my Mother passed on in a home, proved my point. The narc stupidly assumed I would take it on...one letter from my Father and one phone call from Power of Attorney to confirm I WAS offered it....job done. Solicitors took over and worked alongside of me and my Father...he remained sharp up until the week he passed and watch me cope with everything. The ass-hole narc still attempted to make friends with me again..a swift F.U....BACK OFF DICK-HEAD sorted that. By the way, it was a good reference fom my accountant to the Solicitor swayed it....he had known me and my Mother had, had a great Business Relationship....and that Solicitor interview my old man about who he wanted in charge of his estate...I was not allowed in the room. Another thing. I had already smashed my ex after divorcing her(another total narcky-shark)....she attempted to rob me...eventually she stole my daughter away with proven lies, manipulation and deceit. Well done FOODOGSLOVE for finding your way forward....RESPECT...and to Andrew for his channel.
@@himchannel3624 Oh bless you. Thanks dear friend. My story is one out of millions and filled with others who have had it far worse than me. I’ve come through it, I’m on the last leg of my journey and hopefully one day soon to experience pure freedom. I hope you’re doing well and taking each day as it comes. Love to you Johanna. 🙏🏽🤍🦋
@@foodogslove2588 thank you sweetheart ! I have a feeling that you will do great! I think that every story is equally hard. ... same shit, different label. Excuse my language !!! Harsh stories we read here. We truly are not alone !! Hugs from your friend J💖💖🙌
I’m blessed! The Narc I’m in the process of divorcing tried to blow up all of my close relationships of over 25 years… they ALL saw through his bullshit, blocked him, and I’m leaving with my head held high with a fabulous support team of Narc slayers walking hand in hand 😇
Tara Marsden, you are the prime example. I've been commenting that this is the only true way to get beyond them. Surrounded by understanding people in alliance. This is rare, However. Most of us get trashed repeatedly. Also within the family it's very difficult because sad to say, we love our narcissists. Then what? We still need alliances. And try to deflect the pain and harm they create.
3 weeks ago I was discarded after a surgery. He told me that I lied about my ilness🤷♀️he attacked me with 100 text messages. The content was horrible. His last words to me: you are dead. Thank you. 3 years relationship, block, delete, gone! I experienced “the dark night of the soul”. I’m slowly getting better. Thank you Andrew for all your videos. Thank you all! ❤️🙏
Sorry to hear that - mine used to discard me anytime I got sick ! And the way she spoke to me … in the midst of her tirade I said ‘hey … this is me … your friend ‘. … so sad. She just went on and on projecting her darkness on to me. The hatred. God help us.
I seriously can't run fast enough away - not long now! I am so proud of how I have got my house ready for sale alone with a few helpers. You do lose many people along the way, however the blessed peeps that come at just the right time are all one needs. Slowly but surely with good self care, eating well, going for walks in nature, and improving your sleeping habits things shift and there are more happy days than fearful ones (at least that how it is for me). Nice to just hang out here. We are Not Alone - thanks Andrew for this video, the timing is perfect. 💖
You are one of my favorite channels about narcs. You really just hit the nail on the head, you are precise, no fluff and filler. You say it exactly like it is and dont ramble on and on. Thank you for all your wisdom, i am battling two narcs right now and its been the most difficult war ive ever faced.
These videos will help alot. Hopefully you can block them, go gray rock and get them out of your life....no point in batteling them. I get occassionally sucked into the drama of 2 narcissists in my life too. I have to literally remember the things I've learned here to not let them get to me. It does get easier in time but gray rock only works if you are consistent. Good luck friend and God bless! You found the right channel. 👍
Found closure in the discard because it is big clue in who they are I'm grateful it happened because I would definitely be down for the count if didn't happened. Peace and serenity is priceless post discard. I know narcissist are takers but this is one of the greatest gift I received I reflect if I were baby trapped it would be worse than incarceration so totally grateful for this. Thanks, Andrew.
It is hard to let it go. I never had a childhood. My dad realised that I was gifted in sports, so from 4 yrs of age my life was gymnastics, figure skating , ballet later winter sports. My mom, the empath, had nothing to say in anything. I moved to a boarding school at 16 to another country. I was 8 yrs in the Olympic team and suffered several bad accidents, big operations and rehabilitation. My last year I felt that if there will be 1 more accident I might never walk again. I called my orthopaedic surgeon and with him I could talk. I told him, this is it, I'm done with this torture. When I moved back to my home country after all those yrs, I didn't know anybody but my surgeon and my relatives and sponsors. And something happened that I somehow knew in my heart, my mom was happy to get me back but for my dad I was useless. Today and for the rest of my life I must work hard for being able to walk. I was a long time medicated with heavy painkillers, one day I decided to stop with those. I am constantly in physical pain. But with therapeutic exercise I'm still walking. But dear daddy left my mom, moved on the same week I returned home. It is so sick, how do you even explain a monster like this. Now this a...hole is happily living in Nice and where ever. Sorry for my long message, but I am just so impressed in a terrible way that me and my sweet mom where never more than items or something. Dunno how to put it. Everything was a lie. I understand I didn't know better, sportsworld was the only thing I knew. I had to learn as an adult the meaning of free time, go out for coffee with friends etc. Sorry, this is so difficult to explain. Anyway, thank you for this video. Better to hear the hardest truth than that sweet lie. Love to you Andrew and the beautiful tribe 💖💖💖💖J
Oh my gosh.. Johanna, this is heartbreaking for me to read. This has shocked me so much. I’m so deeply sorry you’ve had to experience not only the mental agony, but physical too. Thank goodness you’re out of that nightmare, both you and your mum. I hope you’re enjoying your new life with your husband and son and you have found some form of peace. Thanks for sharing your story. Love always. 🙏🏽❤️😊
What a blessing that you have your mother to heal with. I am sure life is so much sweeter without him around. I started to notice things like the birds singing their precious songs every morning and the freedom to just "be". I could never relax or just "be" around my soon to be former husband. God bless your journey with greater love and joy with each passing day.
@@monalisa2662 thank you Dear! Sadly my mom suddenly passed 1 year and 2 months ago, but she is in my heart forever!💖 I also started to notice the birds and feeling the fresh air again ! God bless you for your beautiful message 💖💖🙏🙌 and it is truly wonderful to be able to relax!! Hugs Let us continue to heal and enjoy good things!!
@@foodogslove2588 thank you for reading my complaints darling! You know how they say; everybody knows the monkey, but the monkey doesn't know anybody. Returning back to Finland was so weird. Sure I spoke the language but that was about it. As long as mom still was around I could be just a daughter, child. Some smart person sayd , it is never too late to get a happy childhood. He was right! Though I didn't quite get it, but now I do. As always; Love to you back 💖 hugs to you and little Ted🤗💖💌
Grea t video A ndrew. I tell people all thr time who have been through narcissistic abuse that you give yourself closure. You don't use the excuse that you need closure from them - you give it to yourself. The minute they dicarded you & treated you like trash & disrespected you is the minute you got all the closure you will ever need.
dark night of the soul is real and extremely painful and uncomfortable but it is necessary process you need to go through. im grateful for your videos they help alot of people. im almost 4 years since my husband walked out and i lost everything but today i am so grateful that he did as crazy as that sounds but im happier today then ever.
Honestly I got over this relationship a lot faster than I anticipated in the beginning because these videos helped me experience radical acceptance that she was not the person I thought she was.
“Never get closure from a narcissist” is very very terribly true. My ex narcissist husband moved his new supply into our old place immediately after I left, before we were divorced. I blocked him and went no contact. We live in a small town and unfortunately it’s inevitable we’ll run into eventually. I sent him one last email, stating final words and heartfelt things, looking for closure of any kind. He never responded. And when we ran into each other at the same grocery store recently, it was like he stood there as a statue and was afraid to turn his head on bit in fear of catching my eyes. It was very painful because it felt like none of it mattered to him … he couldn’t give me closure because then he loses the power. It’s something I’ll never understand how he can act this way when only a few short months ago we were married and living the “dream”
My narcissistic partner ghosted me completely out of nowhere about two months ago. After nine years. Nine years. No warning. No communication. I was so horrifically hurt by his actions. Complete confusion, no ability to understand how anyone could do this to another human being. Thanks for helping me understand that you cannot make rational sense of something so irrational.
It's just about 2 AM here in Jersey and I am here for your knowledge...of all the crap on RUclips I'd rather end my night with one of your videos. Your content is some of the most informative and relatable on here. I appreciate you Andrew. Namaste and sweet dreams. 🙏🏻💪🏻🥰😊
The vile narcissists gutting me for years is family...siblings my children nieces nephew grandchildren...over decades venom spewed alliances were formed lies spread and I was the black sheep...after years of their games and abuses I've figured out ONE thing...they sniffed out the weaknesses inside me as the result of cptsd and targeted me decades ago like the lame lion in the pride...I'm 72 years young...I desire peace for myself...and being an empath makes the anguish excruciating as you can imagine...I just found you here...THANK YOU! I'M NOT CRAZY AFTER ALL...
When they discard us it’s so confusing it left me empty, confused, and in absolute shock for months!!! This education is enormous help like finding GOLD!!! You are Gold Andrew! Really brilliant! Can’t get enough
We are the final discard= its our choice. Excellent Talk. Acurate. They have no depth- their all about the material world....and they do not care. Be Well. Peace To All.
Very very powerful video - thank you. Yes understanding the discard requires a lot of research and patience with yourself. Even now, out of the blue I get a moment! It happened the other day - just driving to work I suddenly had this thought of the narcissist and in my head I was saying “what?” “Why?” “How?” - wholly unpleasant but when you fully understand how the narcissist works and compare it to how you work, you realise they’ll never give you the answer - you have to do it for them and you have to drive yourself into a position of safety and self love and respect- it’s hard but it heals 🙏💙🙏
Yes they do come into our heads, I agree. I feel, as Andrew says it is processing. It can happen any time anywhere. I feel in time, it will fade. Totally agree, self love and respect. Love and light.
My deepest thanks. 🙏🏼❤️ Your words have perfectly captured my entire ordeal these past seven months. It's as though you have been standing by my side this whole time. The vicious and unprovoked discard happened to me after 23 years together (married 14 years). I now cannot recognise the person who I thought was my life partner and true love. Yet, as I navigate my way in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, I take solace from this one resounding belief: MY BEST YEARS ARE YET TO COME. Peace and love to you all who are in need of healing. 🙏🏼❤️
Yes, I am at a loss after knowing someone for 30 years, right before 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids, how could someone be so heartless. Not even a sit-down face to face is the most challenging part to understand.
@@malibutoni I'm sorry for your ordeal. Yes, it can be especially distressing after building a life together over so many years. For the sake of healing, I believe that we may need to learn to eventually let go of potentially unanswerable questions. Perhaps the most useful question to ask ourselves is...HOW CAN I BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF IN THE WAKE OF DEVASTATION? Sending light your way. 🌟
Everything you say is true. Only the truth will free us. The discard to them, was showing our weakness against their strength. But their strength used in this way, upon a kind caring loving person, is evil, selfish and cruel and abusive. The discard is the turning point in our lives, that we have sunk so low, by heartless manipulation and recovering will take time. But the new feelings and outlook, perception, that grow within us, you are right, change us for life. I feel more in control and less likely to react emotionally, as I did before. Less in need of a relationship, if at all. More in need of myself, my focus my needs. This brings me deep happiness now. I want to grow more. I also appreciate you, your channel and the people here! Thank you always Andrew.
Mein Narc hat es von Anfang an geschafft, mich abzuwerten und gleichzeitig mit 'Liebe' zu überschütten ... diese irre Mischung, durch die der Nebel zustandekommt! Was hatte er für eine höllische Freude, mich herumirren zu sehen! Und es braucht Zeit! Im Nebel verlor und vergaß ich alle Zusammenhänge. Sechs Jahre lang. Jetzt, nach Trennung vor 7 Monaten, fällt mir immer mehr aus der vernebelten Epoche ein und schreibe alles auf, ... das Puzzle ist fast fertig. Und ich heile. Es hat nämlich nichts mit mir zu tun, ... das Puzzlebild offenbart einen widerlichen, leeren, bösartigen, armseligen, abartigen verlorenen Teufel! Lieber Andrew! Deine Videos helfen mir so sehr dabei, zu heilen, stark zu werden und zu bleiben! Danke! Sei gesegnet!⚘
You are a special soul helping so many people. Unfortunately this knowledge you share came from your deep pain but also from your incredible strength. You’re an angel for those of us left confused and hurting.
Amen brother so on point..so true..no empathy at all ..take all and when your no giving more and more they are done 18 years for me ..could not give her enough..gave so much received nothing..unreal..
After that they lovebomb you and the cycle begins again so you don’t want the relationship to end. ( Also thank you for pointing out that you can’t build a support system at this point because the narcissist has already smeared your name This was the hardest part for me. Losing my original family of 30 years and hearing everyone say to leave and depend on a support system. I had already mostly lost my support system by the time I ever thought to leave.)
I know the feeling...but you can build a support system. You will heal.and meet healthy people that can love you. Right now know you aren't alone, keep up your boundaries and keep watching videos. It really helps knowing others really do get what you are going thru. I'm thankful for this channel. It's 2am and my kids are with their dad and I watch videos and try to encourage others because I lost most of my family and friends from first being isolated then the smear campaign. We get it here on this channel/community. You aren't Alone. God bless you. Praying for you now. 🙏 It will get easier. 👍❤
I was discarded from a social circle within the confines of a small town. I never participated in a group like this. It was warm, welcoming and the ring-leader became a close friend. This went on for 7 years until I pulled back on the constant neediness and demands. I began feeling like i was back in high school. Then came the silent treatment, the superficial conversation, etc.. The final straw was a clear message and I lost my shit, but in actuality, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I woke up.
So hard knowing that we didn't exist in their minds during the relationship, let alone after the discard. Brutal pain. Good luck new supply. I feel for you!
I've been going through the hell of a narcissistic, abusive relationship and you'd think after having a narc mother and brother and two narc exes and bosses, I'd learn. You'd think I'd learn but so good are they at shape shifting and being a super empath I just want to excuse the behavior, stop the pain and move along each time. The cycles are so varied and intense and still you never see what's coming. It leaves you gasping each time. He's nothing special whatsoever, but he's had me at his beck and call to the point of destroying my life, health and much else and once I stood up, called him out, he discarded me...again. I'm sure he's onto someone else and I wish I knew who so I could warn her. I've been watching you for a month now, trying to get it all into my psyche, but I always tell myself, I'd have to be evil like they are to really understand, and therefore see the red flags. Even when I see red flags, I try to fix things using my maturity, knowledge, ability to love unconditionally. I hope this helps someone who reads it as I have benefitted from reading what others say. My job is to grapple with the discard after he had our entire lives planned, and of course I neglecled all others for him. It's not like I miss the constant abuse, turmoil, lies, etc., but I've thrown my entire being into seeing it through and darn it, I'm mostly mad at myself. Thank you for doing these. You're a lifeline.
Discarded a month ago. (11 years with this man-narcissist. I thought he would change so I stayed in relationship and gave him so many chances. This is second time this has happened. The person does not live in this area due to his job takes him to various areas all through the year). I am devastated, in shock and disbelief. Now I feel worthless, stupid, no hope, and list goes on. Discard is the worst as you said. Thank you for this video. I pray I can follow through to own closure
We are not crazy. Yes, this is happening or happened. One thing I would share from my experience - TRUST YOUR INTUITION- it will lead you OUT. It never lies and it is a gift to us empaths especially…Listen 🙏 And one day you will lose the need for closure.
I was discarded when I had to stop doing what the Narc wanted, when my father got seriously ill… she was in a church committee, she threw me out. Because of ALL these teachings, I understand now. I am saved. Narcissist vs Empath. Thankyou, and God bless you Andrew.
This is so detailed it goes so much in to the truth of things. I think this is a brilliant and healing channel. I am now going to watch this again 🙂 and again.
As soon as I discovered he was a narc after his second discard after 32 years , i threw him in the rubbish bin just like he did with me twice though I dod not understand it the first time he discarded me and then hoovered. He tried to hoover again after the second discard but i told him he was a narc and that i would never go back to him. It didnt't take me that long to forget about him and ask and insist on a divorce which gave him the shock.of his life. All thanks to you Andrew for educating me and empowering me and making me aware of who i was dealing with. I am so grateful to you and owe you so much. I pray God bleases you and compensates you with who truly deserves you.
If you have discerned to have a narcissist in your house, in your arms, in your bed, you literally have someone that you dont really know. You may know some personal habits, nuances but have zero doubt of the impending, obligation to affliction, malicious events ahead. The difference between absolutely knowing this and doubt is experience. Having eternal hope in someone who time after time has shown you disrespect is delusional. Having eternal hope in redirecing the same amount of effort to yourself leaves the narcopath baffled and may reattract the narc. Declining any contact whatsoever and they know, you know what they are. But more important than anything, you have a chance to breathe, exhale and relax in a way that is not possible around someone who is a raging, lying, projecting, triangulating time bomb. As my ex manipulator said " life is short ". How simply profound. It's them unintentionally telling you to wake up. Ofcourse their definition and your definition are completely two different ideologies. One is insatiable supply acquisition and the other is emotional object constancy. The latter not going to happen in this opposite attraction. That really is a myth with no permanence. I believe the only reason these anomalies occur is self gaslighting a possible different result despite the obvious malintent. To live is to learn and benefit from that experience.
I called her out,and she told her sister's about it..they said it's about time someone did...I started Mirroring her... that's when I destroyed her....I left one night came back that Saturday and collected my thing's,she did everything that'll make anyone insane ..Cloned my phone knew all couldn't figure out how? Andrew your the man!!! 💯 😊 🤕 🆘 💯 JCH
They definitely tried to destroy my feelings of identity. of who i am and all I have achieved. all of what is good about me, even no letting me express myself and putting me down or worse for doing so. No more.
Thank you for this video, I am actually doing the discard, the amount of pain over the years he caused me became like a bomb explosion for me, my only regret was not seeing all the manipulation he did on me, and it had messed me up seeing and knowing he got no remorse for doing that to me, thank you for another brilliant topic🙏
This video is great. I was discarded and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. She was wearing a mask and I never new it. Everything your saying is so true. Went through it all. Thanks Andrew.
Experienced the discard probably a dozen times. She kept coming back and I couldn’t tell her no. The final discard left me absolutely broken. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not even close to 100%
Oh mine ghosted me when I got diagnosed with cancer 🤷♀️ almost killed me. Literally. Slowly trying to get better. I loved him so much. Was so good to him...
Sometimes I just can't get my head around this behaviour that our 34 years of partnership and marriage were wiped off like you wipe the table after a good meal...he doesn't have any positive feelings towards me any more, he just dumped me like I was a dirty old car... How can I get this narcissist out of my head , out of my system? I moved to a new town, found a new job and I am surrounded by my children. But he is still in my life like a tumour. I want to get rid of it. I really want to move on. But sometimes he is hanging on me like the pest, although I have no contact at all. On some days your videos are the only comfort which help me. Thank you for all your effort, kindness and love and the encouragement not to give up. ❤️
I caught him in his lies multiple times but finally after 8 months of marriage when I found out he had taken my money and pretended to hire a lawyer all the while the lawyers letters and phone number were his and after that I called him out and he then turned things around to blame me and keep me doubting my sanity .. long story but the discard was mine to begin with then turned into a year of his discard and gaslighting and breadcrumbing . Finally found these videos and it helped me so much to regain a little bit of confidence and understanding . Thank you Andrew .
Thank you, Andrew🥰appreciate your channel. It was horrible, I did'nt know it was happening, he manipulated me to stay, then brought new source right under my nose while I was in the hospital, he denied it, of course, then went on to love bomb to keep me there, just to get what he wanted, then told me he thought I should move out in one year. This happened a long time ago, it still makes me sick , that I went through it, and it being holiday , was hoovered through a flying monkey, after all this time! I ignored, and I always will. No narc, boundaries always! He even controlled the discard, sick! Never , again! Namaste, strength, peace, love❤💯🙏🌟🌟🌟🎲
Discard. Yes, I'd like to also add, dismissive, emotional abandonment, and emotionally constipated. I'm tired of being treated like I'm yesterday's garbage. I'm done.
It has taken me 5 yrs post discard what actually happened to me. It was incredibly traumatic to be discarded, and for our children who were also discarded. I did not realize that the real issue was he was a Narcissist. You are spot on Andrew. Thank you.
I agree being discarded is the worst feeling and I don’t even know why he did this and went on cheating on me?? I see now it wasn’t me! Excellent education Andrew!
The term "Discard" is too simple for a newbie to fully understand. The term makes people believe that it is a simple break up followed by a shouting match. Newbies to narcs (N2N) need to understand that a narc will discard you in a manner that is directly proportional to what they think they can get away with, including your death. Remember the girl who pushed her new husband off a cliff or the guy that pushed his pregnant wife off a cliff. They all use the same playbook. Once you realize you're in a narc relationship, you need to leave. Move your joint money to a solo account, change all passwords to any online account, and change the locks to your house if legally possible. In my case, home depot was closed, so I switched the locks from the front to the back door. Worked like a charm! MOST IMPORTANTLY. DON'T TELL ANYONE YOUR PLANS!!! JUST DO IT AND START ON THE PATH TO RECOVERY. THE SOONER THE BETTER, IT WON'T GET BETTER WITH TIME.
Some of us remained in the discarded period for many years and lived parallel lives until it was a safe time to make a No Contact break. Adult children need to be considered in these life altering decisions. I see the world differently. Freedom is so well deserved and rocks, and better late than never. Stay strong tribe even if you feel so misunderstood.
Hi Andrew this is Becky and to all the others on this channel I really appreciate all of you. Andrew I was watching your video on the flying monkeys today and for the 1st time. I laughed I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I have to tell you. one day I would like to have a one on one with you. I was doing good and then at work today I think I many have met a flying monkey My heart just sank. This ladu I was talking to the old narcissistic boss I used to work for this lady knows him and she thinks he is wonderful it made me so sick. I told my friends that I found someone to talk to I won't need to talk to them anymore about it. I thank you for letting me do this. She got me so worked up today. I Couldn't believe what KI was hearing. she actually thinks that he is a wonderful guy. I did not say bad things but i wouldn't say good things. I feel like she could tell him things now and I am so upset. I was doing so good. I feel like everytime I am forgetting him someone knows him and the anger and the pain starts all over again. Then my brother he does not talk to us. he disowned us. he is so upsetting to my parents and myself. I didn't know he was a narcissist until I watched your videos. My ex boss and him I swear they talk. they act so much like eachother. I had to think about all the nasty things my ex boss did to me and everyone thinks he's so charming my brother too. I thank you for letting me talk about this. and I thank you for letting me vent. KI was discarded by my brother and my ex-boss after he smeared me. I just can't believe all the people that think this guy and my brother walk on water. I swear my brother and my ex boss and my grandma must all know eachother. I hope she doesn't talk to him and he doesn't call me. Now i am sick to my stomach over this I just won't talk to this woman at all anymore. Thank you Andrew, I thank you so much. now those other 2 women can rest at ease because I found a community who cares.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom about narcissists, Andrew. You are helping so many people on their path to recovery. I know I will not get closure with my narcissistic abusive ex-husband directly because he can't acknowledge the truth of the things he did to me. When we needed to discuss another issue relating to our child, he wanted to confront me about the past- why was I so sick during the marriage and on so many prescriptions? I knew it would do no good to get into talking about closure with the narcissist so I just said it wasn't the right time to get off the medicines during the relationship and went back to the topic we needed to discuss. It is frustrating not getting closure with the ex-husband but I realize it's not possible and I accept it. I will let G-d be the judge of the ex-husband's actions and I will move forward in my life.
I remember I was trying to figure him out, I knew he was a narcissist but I just couldn’t figure out why he needed a fake life? Until I asked him if he was gay, then he left!!! I don’t think his ego would allow him to explore his sexual preference side, but I do believe he used me and my kids to cover it for him. He led such a secret life, maybe he will explore it but me asking that led to my discard after 6 years, 4 months after my brother died. I started drinking more and completely lost hope, it was probably my dark night of the soul. I didn’t know how someone could just leave a family during such a difficult time and I was supporting him as well. Then the smear campaign took place, his whole family turned against me. It was a dark time, I ended up in the hospital and I’m very proud to say that I’m 28 days sober today and my spirituality is coming back. My dreams and goals are now important to me again. I still have to deal with him because we have a son together, but I truly see how dysfunctional he is. I was the perfect target, I was a fresh widow with 3 young kids with a lot too offer someone with nothing!! I was so vulnerable and I thought he was a gift from spirit; boy was I wrong!!! BUT I did learn about narcissistic abuse, something I never knew anything about before meeting him!!! There is hope!! And if you turn to drinking, please get help!! It only makes things worse!! Now I’m going to watch Andrew’s video on dark night of the soul!! Sending everyone love and light always!!! ❤️
It's such a vile word, Discard. Most demeaning word. Minimizing everything to the lowest common denominator. It only after he discarded me, I saw the mask fall off. I saw him differently. If I had seen this I would have never allowed him into my life. I mean suddenly the values are different.. person different. And you are speaking so rightfully.. and its what happened. Yes. I couldn't understand how he could just walk off like nothing and he even said nothing happened between us.
As bad as the sudden discard hurts...Im grateful because I wasn't strong enough to get out. Even after divorce we still lived together. Crazy right...now im working on me. He was never here an when he was he left me alone...i needed answers it happened overnight..Andrew thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Welcome..🙏😌💜
Someone on this thread wrote: "Lose the narc and find your Self..." BAM. This phrase is GOLD.
💯💯😉
Oh it's the greatest joy to avoid another mess.
👍🏻
It’s turned me into a hermit. Because, when I finally had a look around I realised I had been completely isolated socially.
Me too.
And if you don't mind me saying, as a fellow hermit myself, the effort of trying to be with other people after being cut off at the knees feels impossible and bizarre. Then there is also the real fear of meeting more narcissists, which happened to me. So I have been holed up, listening to lots of clips about narcissists and personality disorders...And looking at what has to change inside of my Self before it will be safe to meet new people. Because I realize it's my low self esteem and people pleasing that makes me a magnet for these energy vampires. No more. I have wasted my whole life on these creepy aholes. Thank God that I am a loner and have my dogs. And I also believe in Hod. And personally...I am realizing I need way more trust in God because IT is way smarter than I am. God is not emotional, lol.
@@eagleeye2300 I spend time with my kitty cats, and work on creating songs/music.
Time will tell if I can come out of my shell ))
I wasn't one for big social events or gatherings to start. Im introverted (not shy) but just feel drained around too many people. I'm quite content with few interactions. What makes me angry however is that I had an established network of people that I could casually/easily engage with. The narcissist ostracizes others and destroys these networks- as someone once said "They throw away their blessings." People become fearful to engage with other discarded people as they might face the same bs.
@@eagleeye2300 I know exactly how you feel. Thank goodness I have my sons and my two dogs.
You will get there, one day at a time.
Stay strong. 🙏🏽😊
The discard was hard to wrap my head around, but 13 months later, I'm beyond grateful to have the disgusting narc out of my life and learning about narcassist behaviour has helped me truly.
Yes!
Same here, 12 year marriage with a family meant nothing to her she threw all away.
Yes it was hard for me to discard! It nearly killed me, but here I am years later and doing fine. God bless all of you..❤
So well said...Blessings to You❣🙏❤
🙏💯🙌💪
The final discard was mind blowing....how could someone that claimed he Loved me, just treat me like nothing?
Everything that You say here,is so very true.
💯😉🙌💯🙏
Yup mine was exactly the same. She preached love but her actions are the opposite
Agree 💯❤️
I really needed to hear this today. My husband discarded me after 29 years. I am so disillusioned... I literally cannot comprehend how he could do this. He has sucked me dry for almost three decades. I have found myself crying at the drop of a hat and ultra sensitive to anything said about me. I am not myself for sure. I pray that I can heal and not just survive but thrive in the coming brutal weeks and months ahead. I cannot believe I fell for his fake shallow love. I have indeed been his "punching bag" for reasons I may never understand. I am struggling with the reality of how much of my life I gave to a heartless man. Please pray for me... that I can see him as a good teacher and learn hard fought for lessons and not canker my own soul but rise from his destruction with more love and wisdom than when I met him. I am so so so grateful for this information!
Lisa, I’m so very sorry and I completely understand your pain. You will get through this, you will move forward and everyday become stronger.
It takes a long time and I wish I could tell you how long, but I can’t. Just know that you will… you will!
Take care of yourself and listen to everything Andrew has to say.
We’re all here for you. 🙏🏽❤️
@@foodogslove2588 Andrew has been a life preserver the past few weeks. Thank you for taking the time to reach out and send me some much needed encouragement.
@@monalisa2662 Always… I’m here, we’re all here. It’s good to offload the pain, especially to others who completely understand. Stay here with us and share. It will get easier.
Much love to you. 🙏🏽💋🥰
Prayers for complete healing. I struggled with the 18 years I felt like I had wasted too. I beat myself up everyday. There's nothing in our lives that God can't make good out of. Trust and seek him for your new beginning. He has a wonderful plan for your life. I was 18 years with a monster. I'm almost 4 years out. My life is beautiful now. It will take time to heal. Care for yourself. It's all about you now. Stay on this channel daily for support. One day at a time. You will come forth as pure gold, in Jesus Name, Amen!
same here
It felt like being "slammed" into the trash. No consideration whatsoever. Today, I'm THANKFUL for that experience! It opened my eyes to this evil and never want to put myself in that position again. Thank you, Andrew! So thankful for your education.
Ty Andrew
👌🙏
Thank you for sharing this beautiful message 🙌🙏💯😊❤️
Thank you Andrew and everyone here who comments. Unfortunately, we have all experienced the evil spirit of the narcissist and learned now what we dealt with. It is disgusting and truly heartbreaking to know that these people do this to others. Andrew, watching your videos has helped me tremendously and I appreciate everything you do. May God bless us all and keep us safe from this ever happening to us again now that we know the traits to watch for.❤️
Take words from them. What do you care ?
So true, Andrew. Don't make your healing rely on the narcissist. They won't provide the answers. They aren't worried about you. ❤
It was the brutal discard that opened my eyes to the “thing” behind its mask. As my trauma bond dissolved, I would almost throw up thinking about it.
Namastay away, narc!
💯💯😉😉💪💪
So true. If is horrible to experienc, unlike anything else. Its like waking up to a nightmare.
Even though this happened to me many years ago I am finally being educated about what I went through. I never understood what happened to me. This education is so valuable.
😌😌🙌
you’re a good man for spreading this knowledge. I appreciate you brother.
❤️😊💯
the discard is the most chilling display of disdain on the narcissist's part, ever.
if u thought devaluation was unfathomable, the discard is something u don't understand. the cut off, the toss out, i was blocked off everything in a second and the next day i was not even acknowledged as someone he was in a relationship with. done, dusted, forgotten, irrelevant
i just stood there with so many why and how and i still do.
I really feel for what you are going through. I was discarded last month after 29 years of marriage. It is so hard to comprehend how I fell for a heartless narcissist. Hold your head up high and know you are priceless beyond anything material.
This is exactly how I feel. So lost and confused.
Happened to me too. Eventually it's a blessing.
I understand completely 🙏💯🙌
Hopefully by now you understand Narcs are sick humans from a devalued childhood and are not capable of being normal and hurt others to gain importance and not be the problem. We can easily say goodbye to sickos who can’t be fixed right??? We can live better! It wasn’t our fault at all. We are just sensitive souls looking for connection and the exuberant love bombers seemed like a prize catch. I used to say, I want the guy who chooses ME! Boy was that a terrible standard I created for myself! I got all narcs entire life and actually held out for the guy who would notice me!!! OMG 😳
Who knew that was the wrong thinking at age 20???
The narcs were the trash to be taken out and hope you now understand and have moved past them to a stronger set of boundaries and desires. 🙏 you are worth more! 🤗
Victims are what we WERE.
Survivors and Thrivers are what we ARE!
🙏🙌💯
Good morning Andrew, from my quiet, little corner of England.
“ The Discard”….this was the part that almost broke me. I was abandoned, isolated and ostracised by my family after my mum’s sudden and unexpected death of a heart attack.
My mother died “ intestate” and my sister took charge of everything, including my dad and the money.
Prior to this, my sister had been my best friend, we were so close, but I realised afterwards that it was all on my part and she never cared.
Overnight, I was discarded. I was in so much pain, complete agony and what was worse, unbeknown to me, I was married to a “passive/aggressive, covert narcissist, who offered no support, no understanding, no comfort
.
My life was totally different now. I was in complete shock, not being able to eat, sleep or even know what day it was. I was plunged into a black abyss of depression, I couldn’t believe what was happening to me, but eventually I came to terms with it, over many years.
It was at this point that I started to piece things together and I realised that I never actually knew my family and now we were complete strangers.
As time passed I became educated about narcissism and to my horror I discovered that my entire family were narcissists and my husband also.
I was “ out of the frying pan and into the fire!”
Looking back, I really don’t know how I survived, but I attribute that to the births of my two sons and this became my main focus.
My heart goes out to everyone who has endured this disgusting and diabolical treatment.
We have survived… we are here.
Love to all. Namaste. 🙏🏽🤍🦋
Thank you Dear for sharing !💖💖💖💖 wow, I got goosebumps. My mom suddenly passed too, God I miss her every day! Your story resonated so much. I wrote my sick story and then found yours. It was like reading my life somehow. We are not alone! Tons of love from your friend✌💖💖💖💖💕💕💌
I'm sorry for this nightmare and extremely painful experience you had. Time does help so much in healing and understanding that it's not our fault when we are treated badly and we are better off away from these abusive people. I pray your days get 🌞sunnier and your ❤ finds the peace and joy for the next chapters of your life. 👍🙏 I love that Andrew made this channel to educate us, validate us and our similar experiences and remind us we are not alone! ❤ God bless you! ❤🙏❤
Perfect description..ditto. I have to add, I actually watched the eyes of the snake when they go for Power of Attorney signatures...whooooahhhhh....when they get turned down by an ill, confused and sick parent, It becomes diabolical but totally entertaining....out comes the spoilt devil child and if you happen to question just "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT...get away from her"....this is what is coming your way. They swear at you, explode and eventually physically go for you. Then you fight for that P.O.A.
He screwed up and put a relative's signature on the application for. I was offered it, discussed it with my Father ...and I refused it, totally. I figured ...I was right and a year later when my Mother passed on in a home, proved my point.
The narc stupidly assumed I would take it on...one letter from my Father and one phone call from Power of Attorney to confirm I WAS offered it....job done. Solicitors took over and worked alongside of me and my Father...he remained sharp up until the week he passed and watch me cope with everything.
The ass-hole narc still attempted to make friends with me again..a swift F.U....BACK OFF DICK-HEAD sorted that.
By the way, it was a good reference fom my accountant to the Solicitor swayed it....he had known me and my Mother had, had a great Business Relationship....and that Solicitor interview my old man about who he wanted in charge of his estate...I was not allowed in the room.
Another thing. I had already smashed my ex after divorcing her(another total narcky-shark)....she attempted to rob me...eventually she stole my daughter away with proven lies, manipulation and deceit.
Well done FOODOGSLOVE for finding your way forward....RESPECT...and to Andrew for his channel.
@@himchannel3624 Oh bless you. Thanks dear friend. My story is one out of millions and filled with others who have had it far worse than me.
I’ve come through it, I’m on the last leg of my journey and hopefully one day soon to experience pure freedom.
I hope you’re doing well and taking each day as it comes.
Love to you Johanna. 🙏🏽🤍🦋
@@foodogslove2588 thank you sweetheart ! I have a feeling that you will do great! I think that every story is equally hard. ... same shit, different label. Excuse my language !!! Harsh stories we read here. We truly are not alone !! Hugs from your friend J💖💖🙌
I’m blessed! The Narc I’m in the process of divorcing tried to blow up all of my close relationships of over 25 years… they ALL saw through his bullshit, blocked him, and I’m leaving with my head held high with a fabulous support team of Narc slayers walking hand in hand 😇
🙏💯🙌💪☀️
Tara Marsden, you are the prime example. I've been commenting that this is the only true way to get beyond them. Surrounded by understanding people in alliance. This is rare, However. Most of us get trashed repeatedly. Also within the family it's very difficult because sad to say, we love our narcissists. Then what? We still need alliances. And try to deflect the pain and harm they create.
The discard was horrible beyond words. I didn’t know anything about this at the time. Good video
I know, me too!
Thank you 🙏 💯😊
Bless you✨️ Andrew😘for your steadfast information in helping us to see 👀!!! The TRUTH of the matter💞👍MB
Welcome..🙏💜😌
3 weeks ago I was discarded after a surgery. He told me that I lied about my ilness🤷♀️he attacked me with 100 text messages. The content was horrible. His last words to me: you are dead. Thank you. 3 years relationship, block, delete, gone! I experienced “the dark night of the soul”. I’m slowly getting better. Thank you Andrew for all your videos. Thank you all! ❤️🙏
Welcome always 🙏🙏💯🙌
Sorry to hear that - mine used to discard me anytime I got sick ! And the way she spoke to me … in the midst of her tirade I said ‘hey … this is me … your friend ‘. … so sad. She just went on and on projecting her darkness on to me. The hatred. God help us.
Omg, they love to "kick you when you're down". I'm glad you're healing both physically & emotionally. ❤
@@EamonnJ3 Yes, you'd think they'd run out of venom.
I seriously can't run fast enough away - not long now! I am so proud of how I have got my house ready for sale alone with a few helpers. You do lose many people along the way, however the blessed peeps that come at just the right time are all one needs. Slowly but surely with good self care, eating well, going for walks in nature, and improving your sleeping habits things shift and there are more happy days than fearful ones (at least that how it is for me). Nice to just hang out here. We are Not Alone - thanks Andrew for this video, the timing is perfect. 💖
Awesome!
@@eagleeye2300 Awww thanks 💖 🙏 😊
Welcome always 🙏💯🙌💪😊
Just found you yesterday. I like how you present, plain and clear, no psycho babble.
Great job!
Welcome to the community 🙏💯🙌😊
You are one of my favorite channels about narcs. You really just hit the nail on the head, you are precise, no fluff and filler. You say it exactly like it is and dont ramble on and on. Thank you for all your wisdom, i am battling two narcs right now and its been the most difficult war ive ever faced.
These videos will help alot. Hopefully you can block them, go gray rock and get them out of your life....no point in batteling them. I get occassionally sucked into the drama of 2 narcissists in my life too. I have to literally remember the things I've learned here to not let them get to me. It does get easier in time but gray rock only works if you are consistent. Good luck friend and God bless! You found the right channel. 👍
Please stay strong. You can and will get through this. My heart goes out to you.
Love always. 🙏🏽❤️
Welcome always 🙏💯💪🙌☀️
Found closure in the discard because it is big clue in who they are I'm grateful it happened because I would definitely be down for the count if didn't happened. Peace and serenity is priceless post discard. I know narcissist are takers but this is one of the greatest gift I received I reflect if I were baby trapped it would be worse than incarceration so totally grateful for this. Thanks, Andrew.
Welcome..😌😌💜
It is hard to let it go. I never had a childhood. My dad realised that I was gifted in sports, so from 4 yrs of age my life was gymnastics, figure skating , ballet later winter sports. My mom, the empath, had nothing to say in anything. I moved to a boarding school at 16 to another country. I was 8 yrs in the Olympic team and suffered several bad accidents, big operations and rehabilitation. My last year I felt that if there will be 1 more accident I might never walk again. I called my orthopaedic surgeon and with him I could talk. I told him, this is it, I'm done with this torture. When I moved back to my home country after all those yrs, I didn't know anybody but my surgeon and my relatives and sponsors. And something happened that I somehow knew in my heart, my mom was happy to get me back but for my dad I was useless. Today and for the rest of my life I must work hard for being able to walk. I was a long time medicated with heavy painkillers, one day I decided to stop with those. I am constantly in physical pain. But with therapeutic exercise I'm still walking. But dear daddy left my mom, moved on the same week I returned home. It is so sick, how do you even explain a monster like this. Now this a...hole is happily living in Nice and where ever. Sorry for my long message, but I am just so impressed in a terrible way that me and my sweet mom where never more than items or something. Dunno how to put it. Everything was a lie. I understand I didn't know better, sportsworld was the only thing I knew. I had to learn as an adult the meaning of free time, go out for coffee with friends etc. Sorry, this is so difficult to explain. Anyway, thank you for this video. Better to hear the hardest truth than that sweet lie. Love to you Andrew and the beautiful tribe 💖💖💖💖J
Oh my gosh.. Johanna, this is heartbreaking for me to read. This has shocked me so much. I’m so deeply sorry you’ve had to experience not only the mental agony, but physical too.
Thank goodness you’re out of that nightmare, both you and your mum. I hope you’re enjoying your new life with your husband and son and you have found some form of peace.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Love always. 🙏🏽❤️😊
What a blessing that you have your mother to heal with. I am sure life is so much sweeter without him around. I started to notice things like the birds singing their precious songs every morning and the freedom to just "be". I could never relax or just "be" around my soon to be former husband. God bless your journey with greater love and joy with each passing day.
@@monalisa2662 Such lovely words of support. Bless you too. 🙏🏽❤️😊
@@monalisa2662 thank you Dear! Sadly my mom suddenly passed 1 year and 2 months ago, but she is in my heart forever!💖 I also started to notice the birds and feeling the fresh air again ! God bless you for your beautiful message 💖💖🙏🙌 and it is truly wonderful to be able to relax!! Hugs Let us continue to heal and enjoy good things!!
@@foodogslove2588 thank you for reading my complaints darling! You know how they say; everybody knows the monkey, but the monkey doesn't know anybody. Returning back to Finland was so weird. Sure I spoke the language but that was about it. As long as mom still was around I could be just a daughter, child. Some smart person sayd , it is never too late to get a happy childhood. He was right! Though I didn't quite get it, but now I do. As always; Love to you back 💖 hugs to you and little Ted🤗💖💌
Grea t video A ndrew. I tell people all thr time who have been through narcissistic abuse that you give yourself closure. You don't use the excuse that you need closure from them - you give it to yourself. The minute they dicarded you & treated you like trash & disrespected you is the minute you got all the closure you will ever need.
Thank you 🙌🙏💯😉😊
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone You are certainly welcome.
dark night of the soul is real and extremely painful and uncomfortable but it is necessary process you need to go through. im grateful for your videos they help alot of people. im almost 4 years since my husband walked out and i lost everything but today i am so grateful that he did as crazy as that sounds but im happier today then ever.
🙏🙏💯💯
Honestly I got over this relationship a lot faster than I anticipated in the beginning because these videos helped me experience radical acceptance that she was not the person I thought she was.
“Never get closure from a narcissist” is very very terribly true. My ex narcissist husband moved his new supply into our old place immediately after I left, before we were divorced. I blocked him and went no contact. We live in a small town and unfortunately it’s inevitable we’ll run into eventually. I sent him one last email, stating final words and heartfelt things, looking for closure of any kind. He never responded. And when we ran into each other at the same grocery store recently, it was like he stood there as a statue and was afraid to turn his head on bit in fear of catching my eyes. It was very painful because it felt like none of it mattered to him … he couldn’t give me closure because then he loses the power. It’s something I’ll never understand how he can act this way when only a few short months ago we were married and living the “dream”
Thank you for sharing this insight 💯🙏🙌🙏
My narcissistic partner ghosted me completely out of nowhere about two months ago. After nine years. Nine years. No warning. No communication.
I was so horrifically hurt by his actions. Complete confusion, no ability to understand how anyone could do this to another human being. Thanks for helping me understand that you cannot make rational sense of something so irrational.
Sending healing energy 🙌🙏💯
It's just about 2 AM here in Jersey and I am here for your knowledge...of all the crap on RUclips I'd rather end my night with one of your videos. Your content is some of the most informative and relatable on here. I appreciate you Andrew. Namaste and sweet dreams. 🙏🏻💪🏻🥰😊
Namaste 🙏🙌💯😊
I'll be back in Jersey after 13 years of narc abuse up in upper state NY! Namaste ☮️
@@KadyPowellAEROPOLEONEKD Jersey welcomes you back and I'm glad you're finally getting away from the abuse! Namaste. 🙏🏻💪🏻😊
The vile narcissists gutting me for years is family...siblings my children nieces nephew grandchildren...over decades venom spewed alliances were formed lies spread and I was the black sheep...after years of their games and abuses I've figured out ONE thing...they sniffed out the weaknesses inside me as the result of cptsd and targeted me decades ago like the lame lion in the pride...I'm 72 years young...I desire peace for myself...and being an empath makes the anguish excruciating as you can imagine...I just found you here...THANK YOU! I'M NOT CRAZY AFTER ALL...
Welcome 💯🙏🙌
Wow this is exactly what I’m going through in my relationship.
Sending strength and positive energy 🙏💯😊
You're just amazing. Thank you 🙏
Thank you 🙏
When they discard us it’s so confusing it left me empty, confused, and in absolute shock for months!!!
This education is enormous help like finding GOLD!!!
You are Gold Andrew! Really brilliant! Can’t get enough
Thank you 🙏🙌☀️
We are the final discard= its our choice. Excellent Talk. Acurate. They have no depth- their all about the material world....and they do not care. Be Well. Peace To All.
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Andrew, I respect you.
Thank you 🙏💯🙌
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone I thank you for handling and helping us out with your abilities. Keep up the good and important work Champ. Letz Roll
I'm using the discard on the narcissist, I refuse to give them anymore control. I'm no longer the doormat...
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Very very powerful video - thank you. Yes understanding the discard requires a lot of research and patience with yourself. Even now, out of the blue I get a moment! It happened the other day - just driving to work I suddenly had this thought of the narcissist and in my head I was saying “what?” “Why?” “How?” - wholly unpleasant but when you fully understand how the narcissist works and compare it to how you work, you realise they’ll never give you the answer - you have to do it for them and you have to drive yourself into a position of safety and self love and respect- it’s hard but it heals 🙏💙🙏
Yes they do come into our heads, I agree. I feel, as Andrew says it is processing. It can happen any time anywhere. I feel in time, it will fade. Totally agree, self love and respect. Love and light.
@@deborahkalavrezou2385 🙏🌸👍❤️
Yes Polly! The narc destroys .... And there we are with all the work to do to make things good again. Unfair. Hugs💖💖💖💖
@@himchannel3624 🙏💙🙏 indeed - love to you 💕
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌😊❤️
My deepest thanks. 🙏🏼❤️ Your words have perfectly captured my entire ordeal these past seven months. It's as though you have been standing by my side this whole time. The vicious and unprovoked discard happened to me after 23 years together (married 14 years). I now cannot recognise the person who I thought was my life partner and true love. Yet, as I navigate my way in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, I take solace from this one resounding belief: MY BEST YEARS ARE YET TO COME. Peace and love to you all who are in need of healing. 🙏🏼❤️
Yes, I am at a loss after knowing someone for 30 years, right before 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids, how could someone be so heartless. Not even a sit-down face to face is the most challenging part to understand.
Welcome always 💯😊🙌☀️💪😊❤️
@@malibutoni I'm sorry for your ordeal. Yes, it can be especially distressing after building a life together over so many years. For the sake of healing, I believe that we may need to learn to eventually let go of potentially unanswerable questions. Perhaps the most useful question to ask ourselves is...HOW CAN I BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF IN THE WAKE OF DEVASTATION? Sending light your way. 🌟
@A.S ❤️
Everything you say is true. Only the truth will free us. The discard to them, was showing our weakness against their strength. But their strength used in this way, upon a kind caring loving person, is evil, selfish and cruel and abusive. The discard is the turning point in our lives, that we have sunk so low, by heartless manipulation and recovering will take time. But the new feelings and outlook, perception, that grow within us, you are right, change us for life. I feel more in control and less likely to react emotionally, as I did before. Less in need of a relationship, if at all. More in need of myself, my focus my needs. This brings me deep happiness now. I want to grow more. I also appreciate you, your channel and the people here! Thank you always Andrew.
Welcome 💯🙌☀️🙏❤️
Mein Narc hat es von Anfang an geschafft, mich abzuwerten und gleichzeitig mit 'Liebe' zu überschütten ... diese irre Mischung, durch die der Nebel zustandekommt!
Was hatte er für eine höllische Freude, mich herumirren zu sehen!
Und es braucht Zeit!
Im Nebel verlor und vergaß ich alle Zusammenhänge. Sechs Jahre lang. Jetzt, nach Trennung vor 7 Monaten, fällt mir immer mehr aus der vernebelten Epoche ein und schreibe alles auf, ... das Puzzle ist fast fertig.
Und ich heile.
Es hat nämlich nichts mit mir zu tun, ... das Puzzlebild offenbart einen widerlichen, leeren, bösartigen, armseligen, abartigen verlorenen Teufel!
Lieber Andrew! Deine Videos helfen mir so sehr dabei, zu heilen, stark zu werden und zu bleiben! Danke!
Sei gesegnet!⚘
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You are a special soul helping so many people. Unfortunately this knowledge you share came from your deep pain but also from your incredible strength. You’re an angel for those of us left confused and hurting.
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You are so right... the way I see things have completely changed. Ppl even.
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Amen brother so on point..so true..no empathy at all ..take all and when your no giving more and more they are done 18 years for me ..could not give her enough..gave so much received nothing..unreal..
Another soul-saving, perfect video. You rock, Andrew!
Welcome 🙏
Oh, thank God for people like you.
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After that they lovebomb you and the cycle begins again so you don’t want the relationship to end. ( Also thank you for pointing out that you can’t build a support system at this point because the narcissist has already smeared your name This was the hardest part for me. Losing my original family of 30 years and hearing everyone say to leave and depend on a support system. I had already mostly lost my support system by the time I ever thought to leave.)
I know the feeling...but you can build a support system. You will heal.and meet healthy people that can love you. Right now know you aren't alone, keep up your boundaries and keep watching videos. It really helps knowing others really do get what you are going thru. I'm thankful for this channel. It's 2am and my kids are with their dad and I watch videos and try to encourage others because I lost most of my family and friends from first being isolated then the smear campaign. We get it here on this channel/community. You aren't Alone. God bless you. Praying for you now. 🙏 It will get easier. 👍❤
Welcome 🙏💯🙌💯
I was discarded from a social circle within the confines of a small town. I never participated in a group like this. It was warm, welcoming and the ring-leader became a close friend. This went on for 7 years until I pulled back on the constant neediness and demands. I began feeling like i was back in high school. Then came the silent treatment, the superficial conversation, etc.. The final straw was a clear message and I lost my shit, but in actuality, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I woke up.
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So hard knowing that we didn't exist in their minds during the relationship, let alone after the discard. Brutal pain. Good luck new supply. I feel for you!
So so true. About the painful discard and not getting the closure. I too gave the closure to myself. Lose the narc and find your self.
So well said!
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I've been going through the hell of a narcissistic, abusive relationship and you'd think after having a narc mother and brother and two narc exes and bosses, I'd learn. You'd think I'd learn but so good are they at shape shifting and being a super empath I just want to excuse the behavior, stop the pain and move along each time. The cycles are so varied and intense and still you never see what's coming. It leaves you gasping each time. He's nothing special whatsoever, but he's had me at his beck and call to the point of destroying my life, health and much else and once I stood up, called him out, he discarded me...again. I'm sure he's onto someone else and I wish I knew who so I could warn her. I've been watching you for a month now, trying to get it all into my psyche, but I always tell myself, I'd have to be evil like they are to really understand, and therefore see the red flags. Even when I see red flags, I try to fix things using my maturity, knowledge, ability to love unconditionally. I hope this helps someone who reads it as I have benefitted from reading what others say. My job is to grapple with the discard after he had our entire lives planned, and of course I neglecled all others for him. It's not like I miss the constant abuse, turmoil, lies, etc., but I've thrown my entire being into seeing it through and darn it, I'm mostly mad at myself. Thank you for doing these. You're a lifeline.
Welcome 💯🙌🙏😉😊
Discarded a month ago. (11 years with this man-narcissist. I thought he would change so I stayed in relationship and gave him so many chances. This is second time this has happened. The person does not live in this area due to his job takes him to various areas all through the year). I am devastated, in shock and disbelief. Now I feel worthless, stupid, no hope, and list goes on. Discard is the worst as you said. Thank you for this video. I pray I can follow through to own closure
We are not crazy.
Yes, this is happening or happened.
One thing I would share from my experience - TRUST YOUR INTUITION- it will lead you OUT.
It never lies and it is a gift to us empaths especially…Listen 🙏
And one day you will lose the need for closure.
So powerful. Such a deep process. Thank you for your work. So helpful.
Welcome 🙏 😊
I was discarded when I had to stop doing what the Narc wanted, when my father got seriously ill… she was in a church committee, she threw me out. Because of ALL these teachings, I understand now. I am saved. Narcissist vs Empath. Thankyou, and God bless you Andrew.
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Thank you Matthew,what a ministry you have...straight to the point,with love!!
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This is so detailed it goes so much in to the truth of things. I think this is a brilliant and healing channel. I am now going to watch this again 🙂 and again.
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He convinced me that I was the “love of his life”….and then one day, without warning, I wasn’t. The discard was bizarre.
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As soon as I discovered he was a narc after his second discard after 32 years , i threw him in the rubbish bin just like he did with me twice though I dod not understand it the first time he discarded me and then hoovered. He tried to hoover again after the second discard but i told him he was a narc and that i would never go back to him. It didnt't take me that long to forget about him and ask and insist on a divorce which gave him the shock.of his life. All thanks to you Andrew for educating me and empowering me and making me aware of who i was dealing with. I am so grateful to you and owe you so much. I pray God bleases you and compensates you with who truly deserves you.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌💯
If you have discerned to have a narcissist in your house, in your arms, in your bed, you literally have someone that you dont really know. You may know some personal habits, nuances but have zero doubt of the impending, obligation to affliction, malicious events ahead. The difference between absolutely knowing this and doubt is experience. Having eternal hope in someone who time after time has shown you disrespect is delusional. Having eternal hope in redirecing the same amount of effort to yourself leaves the narcopath baffled and may reattract the narc. Declining any contact whatsoever and they know, you know what they are. But more important than anything, you have a chance to breathe, exhale and relax in a way that is not possible around someone who is a raging, lying, projecting, triangulating time bomb. As my ex manipulator said " life is short ". How simply profound. It's them unintentionally telling you to wake up. Ofcourse their definition and your definition are completely two different ideologies. One is insatiable supply acquisition and the other is emotional object constancy. The latter not going to happen in this opposite attraction. That really is a myth with no permanence. I believe the only reason these anomalies occur is self gaslighting a possible different result despite the obvious malintent. To live is to learn and benefit from that experience.
Thank you for sharing this insight Brad.. I appreciate your kindness always..🙏💯🙌😊
I called her out,and she told her sister's about it..they said it's about time someone did...I started Mirroring her... that's when I destroyed her....I left one night came back that Saturday and collected my thing's,she did everything that'll make anyone insane ..Cloned my phone knew all couldn't figure out how? Andrew your the man!!! 💯 😊 🤕 🆘 💯 JCH
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God’s Protection. Choice is stay on your Path. Eternally Grateful. Thank. You, God Bless
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ANDREW: Thank you, God Bless
Dumped via text at 7am the morning after I confronted her on something blatantly wrong. Classic.
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They definitely tried to destroy my feelings of identity. of who i am and all I have achieved.
all of what is good about me, even no letting me express myself and putting me down or worse for doing so. No more.
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Thank you for this video, I am actually doing the discard, the amount of pain over the years he caused me became like a bomb explosion for me, my only regret was not seeing all the manipulation he did on me, and it had messed me up seeing and knowing he got no remorse for doing that to me, thank you for another brilliant topic🙏
This video is great. I was discarded and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. She was wearing a mask and I never new it. Everything your saying is so true. Went through it all. Thanks Andrew.
Absolute truth!
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Experienced the discard probably a dozen times. She kept coming back and I couldn’t tell her no. The final discard left me absolutely broken. It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not even close to 100%
Sending healing energy 🙏💯🙌
Same .... I feel you ... it’s soul destroying
Oh mine ghosted me when I got diagnosed with cancer 🤷♀️ almost killed me. Literally. Slowly trying to get better. I loved him so much. Was so good to him...
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Sometimes I just can't get my head around this behaviour that our 34 years of partnership and marriage were wiped off like you wipe the table after a good meal...he doesn't have any positive feelings towards me any more, he just dumped me like I was a dirty old car...
How can I get this narcissist out of my head , out of my system?
I moved to a new town, found a new job and I am surrounded by my children.
But he is still in my life like a tumour. I want to get rid of it. I really want to move on. But sometimes he is hanging on me like the pest, although I have no contact at all.
On some days your videos are the only comfort which help me. Thank you for all your effort, kindness and love and the encouragement not to give up. ❤️
Sending healing energy and strength 🙌🙏💯
I caught him in his lies multiple times but finally after 8 months of marriage when I found out he had taken my money and pretended to hire a lawyer all the while the lawyers letters and phone number were his and after that I called him out and he then turned things around to blame me and keep me doubting my sanity .. long story but the discard was mine to begin with then turned into a year of his discard and gaslighting and breadcrumbing . Finally found these videos and it helped me so much to regain a little bit of confidence and understanding . Thank you Andrew .
Welcome 🙌💯🙏😊
I'm very grateful to have came across your videos n words. Your helping me out. Hitting shht 100%
Thank you for sharing 🎉🎉🎉
I wish I had read the last chapter, I would have never opened the book!😢😢😢
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You are right. There is never closure.
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Thank you Andrew.
All that you are saying is correct. It was brutal!
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Thank you, Andrew🥰appreciate your channel. It was horrible, I did'nt know it was happening, he manipulated me to stay, then brought new source right under my nose while I was in the hospital, he denied it, of course, then went on to love bomb to keep me there, just to get what he wanted, then told me he thought I should move out in one year. This happened a long time ago, it still makes me sick , that I went through it, and it being holiday , was hoovered through a flying monkey, after all this time! I ignored, and I always will. No narc, boundaries always! He even controlled the discard, sick! Never , again! Namaste, strength, peace, love❤💯🙏🌟🌟🌟🎲
Welcome 🙏
Discard. Yes, I'd like to also add, dismissive, emotional abandonment, and emotionally constipated. I'm tired of being treated like I'm yesterday's garbage. I'm done.
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It has taken me 5 yrs post discard what actually happened to me. It was incredibly traumatic to be discarded, and for our children who were also discarded. I did not realize that the real issue was he was a Narcissist. You are spot on Andrew. Thank you.
I agree being discarded is the worst feeling and I don’t even know why he did this and went on cheating on me?? I see now it wasn’t me!
Excellent education Andrew!
Thank you 🙏
I’m totally fine with it honestly. I’m glad.
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The term "Discard" is too simple for a newbie to fully understand. The term makes people believe that it is a simple break up followed by a shouting match. Newbies to narcs (N2N) need to understand that a narc will discard you in a manner that is directly proportional to what they think they can get away with, including your death.
Remember the girl who pushed her new husband off a cliff or the guy that pushed his pregnant wife off a cliff. They all use the same playbook. Once you realize you're in a narc relationship, you need to leave. Move your joint money to a solo account, change all passwords to any online account, and change the locks to your house if legally possible. In my case, home depot was closed, so I switched the locks from the front to the back door. Worked like a charm!
MOST IMPORTANTLY. DON'T TELL ANYONE YOUR PLANS!!! JUST DO IT AND START ON THE PATH TO RECOVERY. THE SOONER THE BETTER, IT WON'T GET BETTER WITH TIME.
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Thank you Andrew, Sincerely🌾
Welcome 🙏
… they “pull the plug”…. It’s brutal. Well said.
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Some of us remained in the discarded period for many years and lived parallel lives until it was a safe time to make a No Contact break. Adult children need to be considered in these life altering decisions. I see the world differently. Freedom is so well deserved and rocks, and better late than never.
Stay strong tribe even if you feel so misunderstood.
Thank you for sharing this insight 💯🙌🙏
So true👋❤🙏
I'm experiencing the discard now. I've been discarded hundreds of times the last 9 years. I will not allow to ever be discarded ever again.
Sending positive energy and healing 🙏💯🙌
Andrew, your videos help so much. Thank you.
Welcome 🙏
I discarded him and I’m on my way to healing. ❤❤
I love when you say think about that for a minute and low and behold
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Everyone!!! Needs to be educated on this!!!!
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Hi Andrew this is Becky and to all the others on this channel I really appreciate all of you. Andrew I was watching your video on the flying monkeys today and for the 1st time. I laughed I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I have to tell you. one day I would like to have a one on one with you. I was doing good and then at work today I think I many have met a flying monkey My heart just sank. This ladu I was talking to the old narcissistic boss I used to work for this lady knows him and she thinks he is wonderful it made me so sick. I told my friends that I found someone to talk to I won't need to talk to them anymore about it. I thank you for letting me do this.
She got me so worked up today. I Couldn't believe what KI was hearing. she actually thinks that he is a wonderful guy. I did not say bad things but i wouldn't say good things. I feel like she could tell him things now and I am so upset. I was doing so good. I feel like everytime I am forgetting him someone knows him and the anger and the pain starts all over again. Then my brother he does not talk to us. he disowned us. he is so upsetting to my parents and myself. I didn't know he was a narcissist until I watched your videos. My ex boss and him I swear they talk. they act so much like eachother. I had to think about all the nasty things my ex boss did to me and everyone thinks he's so charming my brother too. I thank you for letting me talk about this. and I thank you for letting me vent. KI was discarded by my brother and my ex-boss after he smeared me. I just can't believe all the people that think this guy and my brother walk on water. I swear my brother and my ex boss and my grandma must all know eachother. I hope she doesn't talk to him and he doesn't call me. Now i am sick to my stomach over this I just won't talk to this woman at all anymore. Thank you Andrew, I thank you so much. now those other 2 women can rest at ease because I found a community who cares.
I've never in my life had someone not want me in there life anymore
It is a shock how quickly they forget you and go vacation like nothing happened... They kill souls !! This is not human!!
Thank you Andrew🙏❤️🙏
Welcome 💯🙌🙏
Everything you said is true
I take assurance strength from your words
You are not alone you are loved
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@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone thank you andrew
Namasthey from india
So fortunate to be consoled
Social media is a boon
Otherwise I wouldn't have understood
It’s not the devil you know, It’s the devil you don’t!
Excellent. 100% truth!!! 👍😊🌴
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Thank you for sharing your wisdom about narcissists, Andrew. You are helping so many people on their path to recovery. I know I will not get closure with my narcissistic abusive ex-husband directly because he can't acknowledge the truth of the things he did to me. When we needed to discuss another issue relating to our child, he wanted to confront me about the past- why was I so sick during the marriage and on so many prescriptions? I knew it would do no good to get into talking about closure with the narcissist so I just said it wasn't the right time to get off the medicines during the relationship and went back to the topic we needed to discuss. It is frustrating not getting closure with the ex-husband but I realize it's not possible and I accept it. I will let G-d be the judge of the ex-husband's actions and I will move forward in my life.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌💯
I remember I was trying to figure him out, I knew he was a narcissist but I just couldn’t figure out why he needed a fake life? Until I asked him if he was gay, then he left!!! I don’t think his ego would allow him to explore his sexual preference side, but I do believe he used me and my kids to cover it for him. He led such a secret life, maybe he will explore it but me asking that led to my discard after 6 years, 4 months after my brother died. I started drinking more and completely lost hope, it was probably my dark night of the soul. I didn’t know how someone could just leave a family during such a difficult time and I was supporting him as well. Then the smear campaign took place, his whole family turned against me. It was a dark time, I ended up in the hospital and I’m very proud to say that I’m 28 days sober today and my spirituality is coming back. My dreams and goals are now important to me again. I still have to deal with him because we have a son together, but I truly see how dysfunctional he is. I was the perfect target, I was a fresh widow with 3 young kids with a lot too offer someone with nothing!! I was so vulnerable and I thought he was a gift from spirit; boy was I wrong!!! BUT I did learn about narcissistic abuse, something I never knew anything about before meeting him!!! There is hope!! And if you turn to drinking, please get help!! It only makes things worse!!
Now I’m going to watch Andrew’s video on dark night of the soul!! Sending everyone love and light always!!! ❤️
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌
It's such a vile word, Discard. Most demeaning word. Minimizing everything to the lowest common denominator. It only after he discarded me, I saw the mask fall off. I saw him differently. If I had seen this I would have never allowed him into my life. I mean suddenly the values are different.. person different. And you are speaking so rightfully.. and its what happened. Yes. I couldn't understand how he could just walk off like nothing and he even said nothing happened between us.
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