Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so glad you did a video on what I call "The Dumb Act". I haven't seen any videos about this topic. I get this all the time. And of course, as always, it is 100% spot on. I love all your videos. They're so well thought out.
Thank you. I get it a lot as well. The, I don’t know response for why they did something like randomly breaking something of yours is one that gets under my skin.
It’s so ironic because they ALWAYS want to be the smartest person in the room but when it comes to holding them accountable suddenly…..it’s “I don’t know” 😂😂😂
Yep. My husband's own words many a time. But if I Ever needed his help, or my car broke down on the side of the road, or if the furnace went out in middle of winter and my tiny children were walking around in coats and hats in our home, it was always These words: "what do you want ME to do about it?!" (I would always have to call my own dad!)
My father who is a codependant was equally abusive, shaming, gaslighting and when i got emotional, he made fun of me just like my mother. When it comes to accountability, he doesnt know anything bad he did. In fact, my mother knows herself better than my father. My father still believes that he is totally innocent, good, and pure person. Thats why, i dislike my father more than my mother.
My ex did this all of the time! One example: "Can you tell/show me how to do this?" I would end up doing it. Towards the end of our marriage I called him out on his ways. That's when the smear campaign began. It's so gross. It took me a year of therapy to accept that everything he did was intentional. I had a hard time accepting that someone could do that to me intentionally, especially my husband/father of my children. Good news: I can now spot a narcissist a mile away.
So can I . I loved with my husband way to long before divorcing him. 23 years. I'm so glad to be rid of him. He ended up marrying his mistress. Good. She's going to find out what he's really like now.
@@brendastarcher6294 my ex wife was messing with a friend of mine that I respected until I found out who he really was. My ex wife was a pure evil very low down completely no good lying cheating stealing hateful power crazy narsisist. She turned everybody against me. Everybody actually hated her. She blew all of my money changed our joint bank account into only her name. I never had any money I worked like a dog. I never got enough sleep. Another guy she messed around with wanted to kill me. She was my wife not his. He acted like he had say so with my cheating wife. She didn't ask me she'd give her mother my hard earned money. I had my own house I wasn't living with my mother in law. She stole people's checks out of their mail boxes. She'd cash my check at the currency exchange and forge my signature my son co-signed for a car loan forged my signature he was the car recepient too. My ex wife gave my son my social security number. My ex wife was charging me for her purchases as well as our son too. My son's wife busted her out. Now my son is controlled by his wife who Acts like his mother did and my son also learned his dirty low down from his mother. I'm a moral and ethical person. I've personally seen how the madness just never ends. Now I have a girlfriend she's absolutely unbelievably the best kindest sweetest most loving loyal wonderful person. Now I have my blessings. All I had before was curse's. I'm so glad happy I left my good for nothing ex wife. now I'm living my life instead of living a nightmare hell on earth.
My late husband wouldn't do household repairs without me beside him holding tools, and playing fetch. I initially thought he was nervous, new at it, and my dad had taught me household things early on. 2yrs into the marriage his parents asked us to help with an issue with a pipe at their cottage. I got dressed in work clothes went out and grabbed a shovel as per my husband's usual demands. His very lovely father ended sitting on the ground laugh crying when I explained that his son didn't know how to do anything and required my help. He hugged me and explained his son had been taught by him, and worked on house stuff his entire life. He then shoved his son down the muddy hole and said dig! And sent me in for tea with the mom. What a fool me, what a long drawn out fake out
@@marcalampi5036 Oh my goodness , I'm so, so sorry what she put you through. My ex did the same thing . He forged my name to get a big loan and he forged my name to go to this expensive class to ( as he put it) learn how to ask for a raise. $3,500!!!! Then later in 2002 , he forged my daughter's name on collage papers and he told her he was her school. I brought all this up at a meeting with our lawyers . He had to get a new lawyer. Lol He hadn't told him he cheated, wasn't paying for her school, and something else that I can't even remember now. I looked him in the eye and he was hanging his head by the end of the 2 hours. He did the same thing as your ex too. He blamed me for all the debt ( and tried to set me up for it, that was the 3rd thing. Finally remembered. I had a great attorney and I got everything. We had been married 23 years and had 2 kids that I took care of. He told his mother and sister lies about me and so they thought I was terrible to him. They could see I was a great Mom, took care of the house and everything by myself. He went to work for 8 hours came home and sat on the couch and read ( with the tv on and wouldn't let me or the kids watch what we wanted. He could buy toys for himself, but we didn't get anything. I even had a hard time getting what the kids needed when they were born. I got into a relationship 8 years later and he turned out to be a liar, cheater and GAY. Can you believe it? Why did lie? Did he think I'd never find out? Beats me. So, I haven't tried again. Kind of afraid to. I'm soon to be 67 and if love to meet a nice guy, but I just don't put myself out there anymore.
You addressed a topic no one else has covered. Their denial, the 'I didn't say that' syndrome. They're beyond reasoning with. Their intention is not to understand, not to resolve the issue, not to be culpable. They're malicious, diabolical, insensitive, and hurtful. Just a huge waste of time and energy. Don't even bother with trash.
It’s mind blowing how they’ll claim they didn’t say something or flat out lie and tell you you said things that you didn’t. As if you don’t know what came out of your own mouth. The mind games make it feel like you’re in the twilight zone.
@@pocahontas4583 That's why you get absolutely nowhere by talking to these jerks. Nothing reasonable comes out of their mouths, it's all garbage meant to drive you crazy and hurt you. That's how they get away with everything. THEY DON'T WANT TO REASON WITH YOU!! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S TRYING -- YOU HAVE TO CUT THEM LOOSE!!
Lord, my ex did that to me. He would say something crazy then when I brought it up minutes later he would deny saying it. Sometimes he would claim I said it, not him.
I remember one said "You're HOW old?" As if I should be ashamed because of my age, and then when I said how I felt she said, "Oh, I was just asking how old you were..."
one more example is that after they slighted you , they disappear for a while. then come back later acting like nothing ever happened . act surprised if you say something. oh, I was unaware bla bla bla... playing dumb and skirting responsibility for their actions. they are just plain liars
@Rev; it's endless . . . never ending. Not even worth wasting your breath. You will never win. Here's their game in a nutshell. Their intention is to confuse and complicate every effort you make. They're not trying to work it out; they're trying to wear you down until they break you. The only way out, is to go no contact. That may include dumping your entire toxic family.
@@deevahlyshus It's looking like a really bad situation when you have to record conversations with your family, loved ones, friends, and employers. Sadly, we need to do it more often than not.
@@christineribone9351 ikr… I had to make sure I was hearing/seeing what I was experiencing because it was really driving me bonkers… I literally thought I was loosing my mind!
@@deevahlyshus 😢😪😪 sadly true. Whoever was doing that to you was working you over. They are merciless and demented. There is no explanation or excuse for their deviant behavior. They choose to be that way and will never change. Their next target is just a step away. The next victim doesn't know what awaits them. I hope you are recovering alright. Take a break from relationships for a while to heal, take your time. Find peace and regroup! ✌ ❤ ✌
One of their fave things to say when confronted w something they did or said is-"I don't. know what you're talking about". They love to feign ignorance to try to get you even more confused and upset. These videos are such a blessing for those who didn't know how to handle narcs and may have started to doubt their own sanity. You are not the crazy one-they are! Healthy, balanced people do NOT act like they do! Another common thing they'll say to you is-"You're crazy". That's also to plant seeds of doubt in your head whether you're losing your mind. Stay strong and don't ever doubt who the toxic crazy person REALLY is! No contact at all is the healthiest thing for you. Even when they start a smear campaign against you.They're doing that to trigger you-to get you to respond to them. DON'T! The longer you're away from them the better you'll feel about yourself. You WILL heal from this. Initially it'll feel like you're not strong enough to work through this but you ARE. Always believe in yourself. You'll be surprised at just how strong you really are!
I remember my mother recounting a story where she was being "Abused" by my stepfather and that is why the cops where called that night, when i had to remind her that i was there for the entire altercation and it was in fact her who started the abuse and my stepfather fled the apartment and called the cops. She would also tell stories about how my father left us homeless and i would have to remind her that i was there and we where never "Homeless" We simply moved to another apartment. I realize now that she would tell these stories to other people when i'm not around so that i don't interject with how i experienced her abuse.
Wow All that sounds familiar. My mother would say the exact opposite of things as well. My dad would say some people actually hear things different. I've heard it's a rewriting of history that narcissists do.
My mom is 91 and I've been asking for explanations for events over the last few years. She played, oh gee sorry u think that happened, to WHY do you remember things no one else does? Finally, You need help you are crazy. So 60 years havs not changed her behaviour, no accountability narc
OMG! That’s awful! I’m so sorry you have a mother like that. It took me years to realize and accept that my father was a psychopath narcissist. My mother has some narcissistic traits and although neglect us emotionally, she didn’t abandoned us. Again, I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through.
@@joywebster2678 My 87 yr old mother had the balls to tell me I needed therapy when reminding her of the spin master she was and is to this day. I give her a wideeee bearth and close conversations with “thank you for calling” before she starts to spin again on any topic she cant control the narrative on. Cant imagine the craftwork from generations past😒
I am sick of these types of people I have seen and heard it all my life since I was a young girl. It's in all age groups and businesses,schools,homes everywhere
Playing dumb, a form of gaslighting. I experienced it today. I hung up and called an attorney. I didn’t even blow up because these narcs love to drain people’s energy. I spoke with my soon to be attorney and will continue to heal and recover. I survived 😊.
GOOD FOR YOU I got one so good they afraid to hurt others again that’s the best thing to do go silent on them vampires and never ever believe something you know ain’t right
If you aren't convinced they are playing these kind of games with you, simply play dumb yourself whenever they are doing things to get a reaction from you. If you hold back from calling them out and pretend to be totally oblivious to these things, they will become almost frantic with their attempts to be hurtful. Then their intentions becomes perfectly clear.
This was the dissonance of my whole childhood. My mother and younger sister both do this. They are extremely smart at figuring things out but when it benefits them, they play dumb. Point the finger at you for pointing out a toxic situation. I used to feel so confused by the behaviour, but I am finally understanding it now and avoid the trap. I am autistic, so for me I have difficulty understanding things myself, but when I used to ask for help in understanding something, my mother would make out that I was just faking not knowing. I now realise the reason she or my sister thought this about my actual ignorance, was because they played the act of ignorance to get away with stuff, and assumed I did the same. Which I didn't. I was often left with such confusion and low self-esteem because I couldn't make sense of anything, I restricted interactions and avoided any form of repartee to avoid future confusion. But this in turn, tremendously harmed mental health. I am still learning to put the pieces back together inside myself. This method of abuse is extremely harmful. Peace to everyone who lives without support and has to put up with this in life. Anonymous youtube is the only place I can share pain and see what I went through, and still go through, isn't isolated just to me. Others also go through it. 💜
God is with you! Healing is the only way, sorry to say their a waste of time and energy. Pick yourself up again and wipe off the dust. You will win! You’ve already won through Christ Jesus! Blessings! ❤️
You just described life with my mom and dad. I fell in hard times and I have been living with them again for a few months, and this time around my mental health has been crushed about as much as it has ever been. I am trying to rebuild myself and get out. But it has turned into daily screaming matches (I stay silent, all I need to do is leave my room and try and start getting my day started). It makes it extremely hard to even go to the bathroom, and it has been winter so I haven't been able to just leave and camp in the park like summer. But it's getting warmer.
The ex said to me, in the middle of NOWHERE, "if you go to jail for our back taxes, I'll keep running our store." This was a threat and I called him on it right then and there! His response? "Oh, um, I was just trying to show you I'll support you..." he completely backpedaled and tried to make it out like he was HELPING me?! Nope! Left 5 days later! ♥️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I told my narc that he should consider a career in politics. Every response when put on n the spot was either “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember”. Every so often he would claim it was an innocent misunderstanding. 🙄 In the beginning he would actually try to claim that whatever the issue was, it was something he did for ME. Example: He cheated on me for me because I was grieving the death of a relative snd he didn’t want to bother me for sex so he did me the huge favor snd hooked up with his ex so that I can spend time with my family. Such a sweetheart! Apparently I was just ungrateful. 🤯 Oh and he just couldn’t figure out how to make the bed. It was such a complicated task that was too much to be able to handle on his own snd the vacuum was such an advanced piece of machinery that he couldn’t figure out how to undo the cord to plug it in or even where to put the broom back after it was used. It was just all too confusing for him. I asked him if he really wanted me to think that he was a completely clueless idiot over just putting it back. Apparently yes.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Yes, they will gladly let you think whatever you want just as long as they don’t need to work. A relative on mine actually runs away when we go camping and my mother says it’s time that we clean up. He would hide behind other caravans and we would look at him peaking out from behind a caravan waiting for us to finish washing the dishes. Or he would run to go shower and come back 3 hours later. Once we just did not clean up and waited for him to come back thinking we were done. He almost got a heart attack when we said right now that you are back we can clean up 😂
You ain't lying about Narcissist playing "dumb" and blaming EVERYONE else for things they do. Case in point: My ex wife and my sister went to Vegas for 3 days together for a "girls trip" The last night they were there was a Friday. So I wake up Saturday morning like 6 a.m. to a phone call from my Cousin with said sister on the line calling from their hotel room in Vegas. So My sister tells me her and Renea went to club via party bus from their hotel. Turns out my ex wife leaves my Sister in the club and walks off with the group of guys that were also on the party bus with them. She was missing from 2:30 am till like 5:30 am. So Renea gets on the phone and preceded to tell me it's not a "big deal"cause she just "Blacked out" and when she came back to her senses she was in the Lobby of some hotel and she got some dude to walk her back down to the club where she left my sister. Tried to blame the whole freakin situation on my sister for calling my cousin and my cousin for calling me. Even had the nerve enough to act upset at me because I was pissed on the phone and didn't ask if she was ok. She took not ONE bit of responsibility and NEVER apologized for what happened. And that's just one of the many reasons she's my ex wife
From something as small as " where are the pens?" When living in the house for years, just to manipulate into not getting it themselves, to strangling you, and then denying it. Spot on.
THIS.....OMG.....my ex husband of 23 years was a PRO.....until I learned about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse.....so crazy to go though this......the narc will make you think your CRAZY
Thank you, my mother did this a lot and it was sooo frustrating. I think that was a large part of the reason I blocked her from my life. I feel like the playing dumb, innocent and overly nice is the worst kind of abuse, because it really messes with you mind. My mother did it throughout my whole life and my friends didn't believe me when I told them how evil my mother was because she acted overly nice around them but she was completely different when no one was around. Also, it used to make me second guess myself all the time and still til this day. Like I know what I saw, but she used to deny any wrong doing and tell me it was all in my head and she used to tell me I was mentally unstable which is why I "think" I saw what I saw or exaggerated about the things she did to me.
They pretend to be guilt free because they’ll breadcrumb you and when you confront them they say: ‘We never agreed upon a committed relationship, silly’!
It feels REALLY good to have tape recordings of conversations of the narcissist using their tactics, as well as all the nasty, cutting, attacking, mean writings the narcissist sent. Their own writing caused them to leave the group we were all a part of, but of course the hoovering has started with them telling others with that dumb innocent act that "I want to come back but don't feel welcome" or "I have nothing at all against the person (the one they attacked)"...all that needs to be done is bring out the overwhelming evidence. But narcissists fear being exposed so I doubt they will push it.
I have to hold myself back from beating someone when people do this to me. Nothing sets me off more than when someone does something horrific to me and then plays completely dumb afterwards.
this is the first time i've seen the "stupid act" described. i forgave my 1st husband for using my savings, without consulting me, to buy a car. he didn't see why this upset me. he cheated on me from the beginning, and pretended that he didn't think i picked up on his many clues. i could write a whole book about the ways in which i was kept "barefoot, pregnant, and on the edge of town." after 24 yrs, of this, i was wise to him, but still thought he was stupid. stupid and cruel, but stupid. divorced him, and, happily, many years later, married a sweet, normal man.
Wow thank you so much for this. Can't believe I actually fell in love and had a child by a person that was this way. Had me apologizing for things he did, made me feel like I was crazy and delusional, like the failure of our relationship was my fault and the reason he lied and cheated was because I was accusing him! Funny how majority of the time I was accusing him, he was actually doing the things he was being accused of! This is so messed up how people can really and truly be so cruel!
I’m trying to figure out what to name a person like you who fall for it lol that has to be a mental issue because after 3 months of dating one I knew nothing about narcissistic behavior never heard of a narcissist but I was gone in a year so how you stay a year and have a child. You and all people that fall for that need to evaluate what part of you is broken or that weak that they can penetrate you. I had the granny even look me in my eyes and tell me I was lying and she was worried about my stability I STILL DIDNT BREAK GOD COMES BEFORE RELATIONSHIPS LOVE I THINK THATS IT PEOPLE WITH NO CONNECTION TO GOD ARE EASY AND THE ONES THAT DONE BELIEVE IN SPIRITUAL ATTACKS the narc play in spells black magic and don’t believe in GOD. I think that’s part of it gotta be it’s no way I’m better than y’all or wiser if I seen him in a few months yall had to
A more subtle way of acting dumb is " I didn't know it'd hurt you so much or I didn’t think of it the way you're thinking" in spite of the fact that any sane person would clearly see that it was wrong. This kind of things tend to make you and over explainer because you are been misunderstood deliberately and repeatedly that you think something is wrong with your ability to express things. You'll often find yourself thinking that how the fuck can someone not understand such a simple thing. And the thing is, they know exactly what they're doing or maybe it's embedded in their sub conscious! The only good thing you can do with a narc is leave them without thinking about them and trust me they'll make you villan for leaving you eventhough you're leaving after repeatedly asking them to stop the problematic behavior. So yes, you're the victim here doesn't matter what they say. LEAVE!
Watching this is bringing up so much anger…. This kept me stuck for years-the “I forgot” response literally makes I’ll after 19 years of pulling my hair out. Thank God I finally woke up!!
Nailed it again! It's amazing. I wish I would have known more about narcissistic men before I met my ex. I would have spotted it a lot sooner. Thank you for making these videos to help women to know these signs.
You are certainly not alone!!!!! Really wish I'd known this information a long time ago also. However, very greatful about being fully aware of this evil personality disorder now.
you know some people call me narcissist. and we only act like this to hide, out of fear of beein hurt again. we were once loyal and loved only one person. but when it ended in tragedy and everything fell into peaces, I dont know how to commit to one person again fully, the way I did before.
😭😭😭 this really hit me hard. Harder than anything I've seen so far, for some reason!! I have covered him, I have given him the benefit of the doubt for 35 years!!! I can't handle Knowing he Knew the Whole time!!!!! 💔💔💔
Same here. I asked my husband how he scraped the side of our ( leased) car. Why he left the car window open & it rained / snowed. " I don't know". Why he spent thousands of dollars shopping. " I said that? When?" Never apologized or has any regrets.
My mom told me that we never had a dog, one that I especially loved at 11years old and that she gave away. She blamed me for her dog getting run over so she had to get back at me. In reality, it was her fault. One time she told me, also at 11, when I was telling my cousin about landing in a seaplane on the water, that no such thing happened. 2 examples. She was always trying to make me out to be lying. She was one of two young women to be chosen for a big part in a Broadway play, but got pregnant with me. I think she always blamed me for losing that part. Narcissists use us to get back at for their unhappiness. After surviving a narcissist, I promise that you'll find peace and life again! 🕊️
I've noticed that dealing with a narcissist, drives them crazy when I mention to them " that I want to be just like them " or act just like them. I get told, no you don't.
Well.... I'm ADD.... as a kid, it was a coping mechanism. I must've been convincing... I was labeled as a failure, yet admin was confused by my high IQ scores... I hated school, because it was too authoritative, controlling. THEY decided what was best for me, never exposing me to things I showed an interest in. As a young adult, I convinced myself as well, actually thought I was a dim bulb, and lumped along through life. Then I found music, guitar playing. On my own, I studied, because I was having a ball learning, playing up to 12 hours per day. I got good. Narcissists circled around. They "taught" me... just enough to make themselves have an ego boost. Yet, I excelled. I got much better than they ever will... Now they are all sarcastic, never complimentary, when they hear me play. In my 30's, I was working as a bicycle mechanic for a major bicycle magazine. My immediate superior got injured in a crash while commuting. He had a road test due, hadn't ridden the bikes yet. He said that since I gave him good verbal feedback in previous rides, he handed me a yellow legal pad, asked me to ride the bikes, write my impressions. I was there until 11PM writing, long hand. I came back the next day. My superior, and his superior, she holding said legal pad, were scowling at me... My "play dumb" kicked in, expecting to be yelled at for something I did. She glared and directly said, "you didn't tell us you could write." I muttered something about getting D's in English. She said, "you can write." I'm going to give you an assignment after what you wrote is edited and published." They walked away... my mouth agape... In the next month, I was a nationally published author for a major magazine (at the time). Both my superiors schooled me well... I learned more in 3 weeks than in all my years in public school. 10 years later, the significant other suspected my ADD, and I got tested. In this test, I got IQ tested. I was told a number that puts me in the "gifted" category. Once again, I was muttering in a disbelief. Ever so slowly, I remind myself of this potential... It comes in handy, daily... From my experience of playing dumb, I noticed that in certain circumstances, it can get me through difficulties with the bona fide unintelligent. Yes, this is manipulative... but in the name of self preservation, survival. Here in the States, we have some determined, aggressive loonies... some are cops, others, administrators... life is a crap shoot... we all take a gamble.
Wow! That was such a great video! I'm saving this one and sharing it with many, many people and I will replay it over and over again to reinforce what I always knew.
Am I the only one who's come across all this info on narcissists and pretty much freaked out? How is it possible that all this info is spot on? How can there be a whole group of evilness out there that act the same and have these same traits? It's so unbelievable -- no wonder no one believes me when I try to explain wth has been going on. I thought I was crazy... Worst part is i was drowning myself in drugs bcuz the pain was just unbearable. I'm lucky I'm alive and away from this demonic excuse for a human. Sucks and is so confusing........
Sadly, there's rarely a way to tell apart narcissists from people like me who genuinely don't understand a lot of what drives people, what offends or hurts them or what their reaction will be to literally anything out there so I often get accuse of just pretending to be dumb because folks can't even imagine this level of social ineptitude. x.x However I did live with a narcissist and I know how to recognize them from experience.
Nobody should interact with them for long. If they play then ignore them it's the best way to deal with them. Being stoic! Not reacting. They will go to find someone else to play with!! And remember Karma hits hard nowadays so take refuge in knowing that. Focus your energy on other things
Ah yes, I've been following the ashram way of learning to accept everything as it is and allowing him to just act as he does and have no reaction to his actions. So now I'm un emotional to him as he does not understand the peacefulness of "just being." He's confused, not me. He can play his games, do what he wants that is so much more important for others to think he's this amazing person. I simply don't think about it. And that worries him. He's in God's hands. Lol 😆
While arguments, they always argue and always give illogical statements to avoid their accountability. And while during argumenting, sends Demonic laughter always. They have Demonic laughter.
Great video, very helpful. I could relate to a lot of this, especially the part of how we end up feeling guilty. It's crazy how people like this really exist.
He gives me food contaminated, deliberately doesn't wash the vegetables or fruits to make me sick. He knows I have SIBO bacteria in my stomach. He leaves out the cheese knowing its my favorite. Tells me, other times, they didn't have any chips that day, or, that he forgot the meat. It's not that difficult to make a sandwich. When i tell him he did it on purpose, he gets a huge smile, starts laughing, looking away, saying no, why would I do that? Many passive aggressive things FOR NO REASON. He pretends he doesn't know how to use the ATM's or speak English, but then, he tries to tell the bank I do things with his card without permission. He tells me he can't read a social security paper. Then tells me to call for him. Then tells all the women at work and his landlord that I take control of his financial things. He basically goes to me for help with something he CLAIMS to not understand, then goes to several women with whatever I did, and claims to not understand why I did it. To make me look a way that I'm not. He wants to get revenge just because he decided to love bomb me and throw away his money on dates and trips to the stores, like I'm going to say NO, when I'm a girl alone, with low income.
❤i thought I wrote this. Omg. My guy too faked he didnt know English and then makes me look like the control freak to wlman supervisor, ñr makes looks with bankers like "poor me" and his english he learned from me as he would ask me to tell the cashier something but then imitate and lesrn from me. It makes me so mad to think of how he used me on many levels with faking english, cant use atm card, kow I control his finances cuz of that.
Your channel just showed up. I'm listening to these words, and my mind has more validation. My mother has been a narcissistic my entire life. I didn't realize it until 2 years ago I'm 45 now. I didn't think I was Abused, but this is why it's Narcissistic Abuse. Why do I still make excuses for the way she treats me. Also feeling guilty that she's hurting. She does this to my Adult children and my younger ones. They all think Poor Grandma...and ask Why I'm the problem. She's programed All 5 of my children and 2 of their *If you or others that have commented have better insight. I'm trying to understand this all, but it's hard to Deprogram. -Thank you
The thing with the narcissistic borderline/sociopath you will explain them seriously and assertively what you don't like and they will still find other ways to do the samething you told them not to do in a different way or acting like a deer in headlights when you get mad, and confront them, and act like your so sensitive. I use to be friends with a sociopath borderline and he told me never let other ppl see you walking with your head down or reacting, basically he was teaching me to protect myself from people like him. The Narcissistic/borderline can teach you alot about yourself the only thing is.. they will not practice what they preach world biggest hypocrites
Hi. I am sure that was an interesting conversation. Many people think that by claiming they were ignorant they should be forgiven with no punishment or consequences. But even in the law, ignorance or lack of knowledge is not a defense against committing a crime. And ignorance is no excuse to hurting or abusing someone.
those all sorts of manipulation tactics and control tricks are pure pettiness in the bigger picture of reality,but then again some idiots will always remain that idiot and assume themselves as someone they are not
This is the EXACT behavior with my mother in the past 3 years… switching the roles to become the VICTIM and saying “Well, that wasn’t my intention” making their daughter feel like they are crazy (Gaslighting) for being hurt or seeing their snide remarks and cruel behavior. It’s shitty when you’re sick, cuz you wish you had a good caring mom to take care of you or at least have empathy for you.?
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so glad you did a video on what I call "The Dumb Act". I haven't seen any videos about this topic. I get this all the time. And of course, as always, it is 100% spot on. I love all your videos. They're so well thought out.
Thank you. I get it a lot as well. The, I don’t know response for why they did something like randomly breaking something of yours is one that gets under my skin.
My ex is famous for this
pseudo stupidity
It’s so ironic because they ALWAYS want to be the smartest person in the room but when it comes to holding them accountable suddenly…..it’s “I don’t know” 😂😂😂
Yep. My husband's own words many a time.
But if I Ever needed his help, or my car broke down on the side of the road, or if the furnace went out in middle of winter and my tiny children were walking around in coats and hats in our home, it was always These words: "what do you want ME to do about it?!"
(I would always have to call my own dad!)
U Right
💯 Accurate
Yaaaaaaaassssss
My father who is a codependant was equally abusive, shaming, gaslighting and when i got emotional, he made fun of me just like my mother. When it comes to accountability, he doesnt know anything bad he did. In fact, my mother knows herself better than my father. My father still believes that he is totally innocent, good, and pure person. Thats why, i dislike my father more than my mother.
Never doubt your gut. You feel things for a reason.
My ex did this all of the time! One example: "Can you tell/show me how to do this?" I would end up doing it. Towards the end of our marriage I called him out on his ways. That's when the smear campaign began. It's so gross. It took me a year of therapy to accept that everything he did was intentional. I had a hard time accepting that someone could do that to me intentionally, especially my husband/father of my children. Good news: I can now spot a narcissist a mile away.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Glad that you are free now and was able to see the truth of his actions.
So can I . I loved with my husband way to long before divorcing him. 23 years. I'm so glad to be rid of him. He ended up marrying his mistress. Good. She's going to find out what he's really like now.
@@brendastarcher6294 my ex wife was messing with a friend of mine that I respected until I found out who he really was. My ex wife was a pure evil very low down completely no good lying cheating stealing hateful power crazy narsisist. She turned everybody against me. Everybody actually hated her. She blew all of my money changed our joint bank account into only her name. I never had any money I worked like a dog. I never got enough sleep. Another guy she messed around with wanted to kill me. She was my wife not his. He acted like he had say so with my cheating wife. She didn't ask me she'd give her mother my hard earned money. I had my own house I wasn't living with my mother in law. She stole people's checks out of their mail boxes. She'd cash my check at the currency exchange and forge my signature my son co-signed for a car loan forged my signature he was the car recepient too. My ex wife gave my son my social security number. My ex wife was charging me for her purchases as well as our son too. My son's wife busted her out. Now my son is controlled by his wife who Acts like his mother did and my son also learned his dirty low down from his mother. I'm a moral and ethical person. I've personally seen how the madness just never ends. Now I have a girlfriend she's absolutely unbelievably the best kindest sweetest most loving loyal wonderful person. Now I have my blessings. All I had before was curse's. I'm so glad happy I left my good for nothing ex wife. now I'm living my life instead of living a nightmare hell on earth.
My late husband wouldn't do household repairs without me beside him holding tools, and playing fetch. I initially thought he was nervous, new at it, and my dad had taught me household things early on. 2yrs into the marriage his parents asked us to help with an issue with a pipe at their cottage. I got dressed in work clothes went out and grabbed a shovel as per my husband's usual demands. His very lovely father ended sitting on the ground laugh crying when I explained that his son didn't know how to do anything and required my help. He hugged me and explained his son had been taught by him, and worked on house stuff his entire life. He then shoved his son down the muddy hole and said dig! And sent me in for tea with the mom. What a fool me, what a long drawn out fake out
@@marcalampi5036 Oh my goodness , I'm so, so sorry what she put you through. My ex did the same thing . He forged my name to get a big loan and he forged my name to go to this expensive class to ( as he put it) learn how to ask for a raise. $3,500!!!! Then later in 2002 , he forged my daughter's name on collage papers and he told her he was her school. I brought all this up at a meeting with our lawyers . He had to get a new lawyer. Lol He hadn't told him he cheated, wasn't paying for her school, and something else that I can't even remember now. I looked him in the eye and he was hanging his head by the end of the 2 hours. He did the same thing as your ex too. He blamed me for all the debt ( and tried to set me up for it, that was the 3rd thing. Finally remembered. I had a great attorney and I got everything. We had been married 23 years and had 2 kids that I took care of. He told his mother and sister lies about me and so they thought I was terrible to him. They could see I was a great Mom, took care of the house and everything by myself. He went to work for 8 hours came home and sat on the couch and read ( with the tv on and wouldn't let me or the kids watch what we wanted. He could buy toys for himself, but we didn't get anything. I even had a hard time getting what the kids needed when they were born. I got into a relationship 8 years later and he turned out to be a liar, cheater and GAY. Can you believe it? Why did lie? Did he think I'd never find out? Beats me. So, I haven't tried again. Kind of afraid to. I'm soon to be 67 and if love to meet a nice guy, but I just don't put myself out there anymore.
You addressed a topic no one else has covered. Their denial, the 'I didn't say that' syndrome. They're beyond reasoning with. Their intention is not to understand, not to resolve the issue, not to be culpable. They're malicious, diabolical, insensitive, and hurtful. Just a huge waste of time and energy. Don't even bother with trash.
It’s mind blowing how they’ll claim they didn’t say something or flat out lie and tell you you said things that you didn’t. As if you don’t know what came out of your own mouth. The mind games make it feel like you’re in the twilight zone.
@@pocahontas4583 That's why you get absolutely nowhere by talking to these jerks. Nothing reasonable comes out of their mouths, it's all garbage meant to drive you crazy and hurt you. That's how they get away with everything. THEY DON'T WANT TO REASON WITH YOU!! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S TRYING -- YOU HAVE TO CUT THEM LOOSE!!
Lord, my ex did that to me. He would say something crazy then when I brought it up minutes later he would deny saying it. Sometimes he would claim I said it, not him.
I remember one said "You're HOW old?" As if I should be ashamed because of my age, and then when I said how I felt she said, "Oh, I was just asking how old you were..."
@@stephanie3848 That's not narcissism.
one more example is that after they slighted you , they disappear for a while. then come back later acting like nothing ever happened . act surprised if you say something. oh, I was unaware bla bla bla... playing dumb and skirting responsibility for their actions. they are just plain liars
This is my sister in law to a T. It’s almost like you met her.
Oh God yes this pisses me off
They like to say, " I never said that!"
Or, "I didn't do that!" even when you have proof.
@Rev; it's endless . . . never ending. Not even worth wasting your breath. You will never win.
Here's their game in a nutshell. Their intention is to confuse and complicate every effort you make. They're not trying to work it out; they're trying to wear you down until they break you.
The only way out, is to go no contact. That may include dumping your entire toxic family.
Exactly! I had to start recording conversations and playing it back DURING those conversations 🙄
@@deevahlyshus It's looking like a really bad situation when you have to record conversations with your family, loved ones, friends, and employers. Sadly, we need to do it more often than not.
@@christineribone9351 ikr… I had to make sure I was hearing/seeing what I was experiencing because it was really driving me bonkers… I literally thought I was loosing my mind!
@@deevahlyshus 😢😪😪 sadly true. Whoever was doing that to you was working you over. They are merciless and demented. There is no explanation or excuse for their deviant behavior.
They choose to be that way and will never change. Their next target is just a step away. The next victim doesn't know what awaits them.
I hope you are recovering alright. Take a break from relationships for a while to heal, take your time. Find peace and regroup! ✌ ❤ ✌
One of their fave things to say when confronted w something they did or said is-"I don't. know what you're talking about". They love to feign ignorance to try to get you even more confused and upset. These videos are such a blessing for those who didn't know how to handle narcs and may have started to doubt their own sanity. You are not the crazy one-they are! Healthy, balanced people do NOT act like they do! Another common thing they'll say to you is-"You're crazy". That's also to plant seeds of doubt in your head whether you're losing your mind. Stay strong and don't ever doubt who the toxic crazy person REALLY is! No contact at all is the healthiest thing for you. Even when they start a smear campaign against you.They're doing that to trigger you-to get you to respond to them. DON'T! The longer you're away from them the better you'll feel about yourself. You WILL heal from this. Initially it'll feel like you're not strong enough to work through this but you ARE. Always believe in yourself. You'll be surprised at just how strong you really are!
This is just what i needed to hear right at this moment. Thanks.
This is 100% right !
Thank You .Ive been so frustrated and hurt about this ....i owe it to myself to get away....🙏😪
Thank you for your informative post !
You're greatly appreciated !
Spot on! I swear your talking about my mother and sister.
I remember my mother recounting a story where she was being "Abused" by my stepfather and that is why the cops where called that night, when i had to remind her that i was there for the entire altercation and it was in fact her who started the abuse and my stepfather fled the apartment and called the cops. She would also tell stories about how my father left us homeless and i would have to remind her that i was there and we where never "Homeless" We simply moved to another apartment. I realize now that she would tell these stories to other people when i'm not around so that i don't interject with how i experienced her abuse.
Wow All that sounds familiar. My mother would say the exact opposite of things as well. My dad would say some people actually hear things different. I've heard it's a rewriting of history that narcissists do.
My Narcissistic mother did exactly the same type of things.
My mom is 91 and I've been asking for explanations for events over the last few years. She played, oh gee sorry u think that happened, to WHY do you remember things no one else does? Finally, You need help you are crazy. So 60 years havs not changed her behaviour, no accountability narc
OMG! That’s awful! I’m so sorry you have a mother like that.
It took me years to realize and accept that my father was a psychopath narcissist. My mother has some narcissistic traits and although neglect us emotionally, she didn’t abandoned us.
Again, I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through.
@@joywebster2678
My 87 yr old mother had the balls to tell me I needed therapy when reminding her of the spin master she was and is to this day. I give her a wideeee bearth and close conversations with “thank you for calling” before she starts to spin again on any topic she cant control the narrative on.
Cant imagine the craftwork from generations past😒
I am sick of these types of people I have seen and heard it all my life since I was a young girl.
It's in all age groups and businesses,schools,homes everywhere
Playing dumb, a form of gaslighting. I experienced it today. I hung up and called an attorney. I didn’t even blow up because these narcs love to drain people’s energy. I spoke with my soon to be attorney and will continue to heal and recover. I survived 😊.
GOOD FOR YOU I got one so good they afraid to hurt others again that’s the best thing to do go silent on them vampires and never ever believe something you know ain’t right
I’ve actually started to look for the fish eyes. Many Narcs do the fish eye look when they’re zoning out or pretend to be so child like and innocent 🐠
Can you explain the fish eye look a bit more please? I’d like to know what to look for.
If you aren't convinced they are playing these kind of games with you, simply play dumb yourself whenever they are doing things to get a reaction from you. If you hold back from calling them out and pretend to be totally oblivious to these things, they will become almost frantic with their attempts to be hurtful. Then their intentions becomes perfectly clear.
Yep something I wish I learned long ago. I now play dumb permanently
This was the dissonance of my whole childhood. My mother and younger sister both do this. They are extremely smart at figuring things out but when it benefits them, they play dumb. Point the finger at you for pointing out a toxic situation. I used to feel so confused by the behaviour, but I am finally understanding it now and avoid the trap.
I am autistic, so for me I have difficulty understanding things myself, but when I used to ask for help in understanding something, my mother would make out that I was just faking not knowing.
I now realise the reason she or my sister thought this about my actual ignorance, was because they played the act of ignorance to get away with stuff, and assumed I did the same. Which I didn't.
I was often left with such confusion and low self-esteem because I couldn't make sense of anything, I restricted interactions and avoided any form of repartee to avoid future confusion. But this in turn, tremendously harmed mental health. I am still learning to put the pieces back together inside myself.
This method of abuse is extremely harmful.
Peace to everyone who lives without support and has to put up with this in life.
Anonymous youtube is the only place I can share pain and see what I went through, and still go through, isn't isolated just to me. Others also go through it. 💜
You are heard and understood here
@@drea4195 see he or she is. She is strong & intelligent enough to write about what she went thru
God is with you! Healing is the only way, sorry to say their a waste of time and energy. Pick yourself up again and wipe off the dust. You will win! You’ve already won through Christ Jesus! Blessings! ❤️
JAMQWERT I feel your pain!!
I'm going to through something similar.
God bless!! ❤️❤️
You just described life with my mom and dad. I fell in hard times and I have been living with them again for a few months, and this time around my mental health has been crushed about as much as it has ever been. I am trying to rebuild myself and get out. But it has turned into daily screaming matches (I stay silent, all I need to do is leave my room and try and start getting my day started). It makes it extremely hard to even go to the bathroom, and it has been winter so I haven't been able to just leave and camp in the park like summer. But it's getting warmer.
The ex said to me, in the middle of NOWHERE, "if you go to jail for our back taxes, I'll keep running our store."
This was a threat and I called him on it right then and there! His response?
"Oh, um, I was just trying to show you I'll support you..."
he completely backpedaled and tried to make it out like he was HELPING me?! Nope!
Left 5 days later! ♥️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Sociopaths and borderlines are notorious for this routine too.
I was just saying that, I had a friend who is both and he said he don't know if he is playing dumb sometimes
I told my narc that he should consider a career in politics. Every response when put on n the spot was either “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember”. Every so often he would claim it was an innocent misunderstanding. 🙄 In the beginning he would actually try to claim that whatever the issue was, it was something he did for ME. Example: He cheated on me for me because I was grieving the death of a relative snd he didn’t want to bother me for sex so he did me the huge favor snd hooked up with his ex so that I can spend time with my family. Such a sweetheart! Apparently I was just ungrateful. 🤯
Oh and he just couldn’t figure out how to make the bed. It was such a complicated task that was too much to be able to handle on his own snd the vacuum was such an advanced piece of machinery that he couldn’t figure out how to undo the cord to plug it in or even where to put the broom back after it was used. It was just all too confusing for him. I asked him if he really wanted me to think that he was a completely clueless idiot over just putting it back. Apparently yes.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Yes, they will gladly let you think whatever you want just as long as they don’t need to work. A relative on mine actually runs away when we go camping and my mother says it’s time that we clean up. He would hide behind other caravans and we would look at him peaking out from behind a caravan waiting for us to finish washing the dishes. Or he would run to go shower and come back 3 hours later. Once we just did not clean up and waited for him to come back thinking we were done. He almost got a heart attack when we said right now that you are back we can clean up 😂
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing I love that part
Wow!
You ain't lying about Narcissist playing "dumb" and blaming EVERYONE else for things they
do. Case in point: My ex wife and my sister went to Vegas for 3 days together for a "girls trip" The last night they were there was a Friday. So I wake up Saturday morning like 6 a.m. to a phone call from my Cousin with said sister on the line calling from their hotel room in Vegas. So My sister tells me her and Renea went to club via party bus from their hotel. Turns out my ex wife leaves my Sister in the club and walks off with the group of guys that were also on the party bus with them. She was missing from 2:30 am till like 5:30 am. So Renea gets on the phone and preceded to tell me it's not a "big deal"cause she just "Blacked out" and when she came back to her senses she was in the Lobby of some hotel and she got some dude to walk her back down to the club where she left my sister. Tried to blame the whole freakin situation on my sister for calling my cousin and my cousin for calling me. Even had the nerve enough to act upset at me because I was pissed on the phone and didn't ask if she was ok. She took not ONE bit of responsibility and NEVER apologized for what happened. And that's just one of the many reasons she's my ex wife
'That's not true' said in the voice of an innocent 7 year old girl, coming out of the mouth of a 44 year old woman.
My husband does this all the time! I have called him out on this all the time!
In the Netherlands, people have a saying for this. It is; de vermoorde onschuld (spelen)
It means (playing) the killed innocence.
From something as small as " where are the pens?" When living in the house for years, just to manipulate into not getting it themselves, to strangling you, and then denying it. Spot on.
THIS.....OMG.....my ex husband of 23 years was a PRO.....until I learned about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse.....so crazy to go though this......the narc will make you think your CRAZY
Thank you, my mother did this a lot and it was sooo frustrating. I think that was a large part of the reason I blocked her from my life. I feel like the playing dumb, innocent and overly nice is the worst kind of abuse, because it really messes with you mind. My mother did it throughout my whole life and my friends didn't believe me when I told them how evil my mother was because she acted overly nice around them but she was completely different when no one was around. Also, it used to make me second guess myself all the time and still til this day. Like I know what I saw, but she used to deny any wrong doing and tell me it was all in my head and she used to tell me I was mentally unstable which is why I "think" I saw what I saw or exaggerated about the things she did to me.
She gave you some "life.skills".
these actions are not only narcissistic , but more , a sociopath , knowingly cornering the empath
Exactly or borderline they can be both too, I can't stand these ppl. I live with one for 2 decade and is a nightmare
You really do know all the tricks a narcissist uses. You know what you are talking about. Thank you for your videos. 🙂
Thank you. Glad you found the video helpful.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Sure did. I want to make sure I never get into another relationship with a narcissist of any type.
Yep I deal with this on a daily its very frustrating! They do it to get the victim very angry and irritated and it usually works.
True
This is a major eye opener. My husband has mental issues and by watching this I see that he is blowing smoke..... Thank you for this video.
You’re welcome. Glad you found the video informative.
They pretend to be guilt free because they’ll breadcrumb you and when you confront them they say:
‘We never agreed upon a committed relationship, silly’!
It feels REALLY good to have tape recordings of conversations of the narcissist using their tactics, as well as all the nasty, cutting, attacking, mean writings the narcissist sent. Their own writing caused them to leave the group we were all a part of, but of course the hoovering has started with them telling others with that dumb innocent act that "I want to come back but don't feel welcome" or "I have nothing at all against the person (the one they attacked)"...all that needs to be done is bring out the overwhelming evidence. But narcissists fear being exposed so I doubt they will push it.
I need to start recording too I was thinking putting the video(s) on facebook as well
Ive recorded mother and or actually had a witness. Idk how she convinces the family and some friends that I'm the mentality dangerous one.
You are absolutely correct! That is the reason why they get away with all the evil things they do!
My daily life. Narcissist blames me when I react to his insults. Making a get away plan.
Throw the rock - Hide the hand.
OMGODS!! My "mother" plays this game so well
I have to hold myself back from beating someone when people do this to me. Nothing sets me off more than when someone does something horrific to me and then plays completely dumb afterwards.
There is now words for these people, robots in human body 👁️
Hare Kṛṣṇa
Automatons ("robot" synonym) -- or forgetten soul -- in human body.
Hare Rāma
I loved him, but I've chosen dispot
The ugliest thing is this self-righteous smile when they think they lied successfully to you... Yuck!
this is the first time i've seen the "stupid act" described. i forgave my 1st husband for using my savings, without consulting me, to buy a car. he didn't see why this upset me. he cheated on me from the beginning, and pretended that he didn't think i picked up on his many clues. i could write a whole book about the ways in which i was kept "barefoot, pregnant, and on the edge of town." after 24 yrs, of this, i was wise to him, but still thought he was stupid. stupid and cruel, but stupid. divorced him, and, happily, many years later, married a sweet, normal man.
“I don’t understand why I do this to you!” 😢
Wow thank you so much for this. Can't believe I actually fell in love and had a child by a person that was this way. Had me apologizing for things he did, made me feel like I was crazy and delusional, like the failure of our relationship was my fault and the reason he lied and cheated was because I was accusing him! Funny how majority of the time I was accusing him, he was actually doing the things he was being accused of! This is so messed up how people can really and truly be so cruel!
I’m trying to figure out what to name a person like you who fall for it lol that has to be a mental issue because after 3 months of dating one I knew nothing about narcissistic behavior never heard of a narcissist but I was gone in a year so how you stay a year and have a child. You and all people that fall for that need to evaluate what part of you is broken or that weak that they can penetrate you. I had the granny even look me in my eyes and tell me I was lying and she was worried about my stability I STILL DIDNT BREAK GOD COMES BEFORE RELATIONSHIPS LOVE I THINK THATS IT PEOPLE WITH NO CONNECTION TO GOD ARE EASY AND THE ONES THAT DONE BELIEVE IN SPIRITUAL ATTACKS the narc play in spells black magic and don’t believe in GOD. I think that’s part of it gotta be it’s no way I’m better than y’all or wiser if I seen him in a few months yall had to
I feel the same
They know what they are doing
A more subtle way of acting dumb is " I didn't know it'd hurt you so much or I didn’t think of it the way you're thinking" in spite of the fact that any sane person would clearly see that it was wrong. This kind of things tend to make you and over explainer because you are been misunderstood deliberately and repeatedly that you think something is wrong with your ability to express things. You'll often find yourself thinking that how the fuck can someone not understand such a simple thing. And the thing is, they know exactly what they're doing or maybe it's embedded in their sub conscious! The only good thing you can do with a narc is leave them without thinking about them and trust me they'll make you villan for leaving you eventhough you're leaving after repeatedly asking them to stop the problematic behavior. So yes, you're the victim here doesn't matter what they say. LEAVE!
Omg how many times😊
They love playing reverse psychology!
Love the message❤️🙏
Watching this is bringing up so much anger…. This kept me stuck for years-the “I forgot” response literally makes I’ll after 19 years of pulling my hair out.
Thank God I finally woke up!!
❤yes it brings me anger, so mich anger tol. 22 years of being played the fool. And I knew something was off.
This is my mother in law! She has only 2 responses when confronted:
1.) I didn't knooooow
2.) Noooo nooooo noooo
😂
Nailed it again! It's amazing. I wish I would have known more about narcissistic men before I met my ex. I would have spotted it a lot sooner. Thank you for making these videos to help women to know these signs.
My pleasure.
You are certainly not alone!!!!!
Really wish I'd known this information a long time ago also. However, very greatful about being fully aware of this evil personality disorder now.
you know some people call me narcissist. and we only act like this to hide, out of fear of beein hurt again. we were once loyal and loved only one person. but when it ended in tragedy and everything fell into peaces, I dont know how to commit to one person again fully, the way I did before.
Well said, they know EXACTLY what they’re doing!
😭😭😭 this really hit me hard. Harder than anything I've seen so far, for some reason!! I have covered him, I have given him the benefit of the doubt for 35 years!!! I can't handle Knowing he Knew the Whole time!!!!! 💔💔💔
❤ it kills me too. That he faked me for so long.
What about when they say "honesty is very important to me" .......😭😭😭😭
Well yes, you being honest about all your mistakes is very important to them 😂
Thank you for sharing the video never can be too educated when it comes to protecting yourself from covert narcissist
Exactly what I’m going through right now.
Same here. I asked my husband how he scraped the side of our ( leased) car. Why he left the car window open & it rained / snowed. " I don't know". Why he spent thousands of dollars shopping. " I said that? When?" Never apologized or has any regrets.
My mom told me that we never had a dog, one that I especially loved at 11years old and that she gave away. She blamed me for her dog getting run over so she had to get back at me. In reality, it was her fault. One time she told me, also at 11, when I was telling my cousin about landing in a seaplane on the water, that no such thing happened. 2 examples. She was always trying to make me out to be lying. She was one of two young women to be chosen for a big part in a Broadway play, but got pregnant with me. I think she always blamed me for losing that part. Narcissists use us to get back at for their unhappiness. After surviving a narcissist, I promise that you'll find peace and life again! 🕊️
“I didn’t know the sponge was supposed to be wet.“
Yes 👏
"I don't know"....three words i heard when i knew my marriage was over
I've noticed that dealing with a narcissist, drives them crazy when I mention to them " that I want to be just like them " or act just like them. I get told, no you don't.
Yeh, acting like them and saying the things they say often gets under their skin. You can have some fun with that.
I am perfectly content with the outcome. Radical Acceptance. 🥾🎭
Yeah they KNOW damn well what they're doing. They love mind playing games, consistently lie
I blocked my husband on Whatsapp and telephone, I said to him next time you want to communicate Wait for me to get home. I have peace during the day.
Boy this is painfully accurate. Thanks for the clarity that comes with understanding. 🙏
They like to say too , Believe what you want
Well.... I'm ADD.... as a kid, it was a coping mechanism. I must've been convincing... I was labeled as a failure, yet admin was confused by my high IQ scores... I hated school, because it was too authoritative, controlling. THEY decided what was best for me, never exposing me to things I showed an interest in.
As a young adult, I convinced myself as well, actually thought I was a dim bulb, and lumped along through life.
Then I found music, guitar playing. On my own, I studied, because I was having a ball learning, playing up to 12 hours per day. I got good. Narcissists circled around. They "taught" me... just enough to make themselves have an ego boost. Yet, I excelled. I got much better than they ever will... Now they are all sarcastic, never complimentary, when they hear me play.
In my 30's, I was working as a bicycle mechanic for a major bicycle magazine. My immediate superior got injured in a crash while commuting. He had a road test due, hadn't ridden the bikes yet. He said that since I gave him good verbal feedback in previous rides, he handed me a yellow legal pad, asked me to ride the bikes, write my impressions. I was there until 11PM writing, long hand.
I came back the next day. My superior, and his superior, she holding said legal pad, were scowling at me... My "play dumb" kicked in, expecting to be yelled at for something I did. She glared and directly said, "you didn't tell us you could write." I muttered something about getting D's in English. She said, "you can write." I'm going to give you an assignment after what you wrote is edited and published." They walked away... my mouth agape...
In the next month, I was a nationally published author for a major magazine (at the time). Both my superiors schooled me well... I learned more in 3 weeks than in all my years in public school.
10 years later, the significant other suspected my ADD, and I got tested. In this test, I got IQ tested. I was told a number that puts me in the "gifted" category. Once again, I was muttering in a disbelief.
Ever so slowly, I remind myself of this potential... It comes in handy, daily...
From my experience of playing dumb, I noticed that in certain circumstances, it can get me through difficulties with the bona fide unintelligent.
Yes, this is manipulative... but in the name of self preservation, survival. Here in the States, we have some determined, aggressive loonies... some are cops, others, administrators... life is a crap shoot... we all take a gamble.
AS SOON AS I SAW THE TITLE, I STARTED JUMPING AND SHOUTING!! MY OH MY!! I HAVENT EVEN HEARD YOUR VOICE YET BUT I KNOW U ON🎯🎯🎯 5000%
Yes, I hear all the time stop picking on me!!!…….
Wow! That was such a great video! I'm saving this one and sharing it with many, many people and I will replay it over and over again to reinforce what I always knew.
Thank you.
Am I the only one who's come across all this info on narcissists and pretty much freaked out? How is it possible that all this info is spot on? How can there be a whole group of evilness out there that act the same and have these same traits? It's so unbelievable -- no wonder no one believes me when I try to explain wth has been going on. I thought I was crazy... Worst part is i was drowning myself in drugs bcuz the pain was just unbearable. I'm lucky I'm alive and away from this demonic excuse for a human. Sucks and is so confusing........
Do whatever it was back and watch the oblivious act disappear
Sadly, there's rarely a way to tell apart narcissists from people like me who genuinely don't understand a lot of what drives people, what offends or hurts them or what their reaction will be to literally anything out there so I often get accuse of just pretending to be dumb because folks can't even imagine this level of social ineptitude. x.x However I did live with a narcissist and I know how to recognize them from experience.
fantastic video
Thank you.
Nobody should interact with them for long. If they play then ignore them it's the best way to deal with them. Being stoic! Not reacting. They will go to find someone else to play with!!
And remember Karma hits hard nowadays so take refuge in knowing that.
Focus your energy on other things
Ah yes, I've been following the ashram way of learning to accept everything as it is and allowing him to just act as he does and have no reaction to his actions. So now I'm un emotional to him as he does not understand the peacefulness of "just being." He's confused, not me. He can play his games, do what he wants that is so much more important for others to think he's this amazing person. I simply don't think about it. And that worries him. He's in God's hands. Lol 😆
@@kristiebell4378 I cant imagine. That's amazing! Looks like I'll have to look into Ashram!
YOU ARE THEE VERY BEST👌 SO MUCH SO. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU. GOD BLESS YOU MISTER. YOU ARE REAL. LOVE FOR ❤️ YOU AND THANK YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!!!!!
I REALLY needed this
Thank you so very much
You’re welcome.
While arguments, they always argue and always give illogical statements to avoid their accountability.
And while during argumenting, sends Demonic laughter always. They have Demonic laughter.
Hi. They also often have a smirk when they hurt you and know there is not much you can do about it.
Pretending their little old me and acting like they ain't got a clue like their innocent .
Great video, very helpful. I could relate to a lot of this, especially the part of how we end up feeling guilty. It's crazy how people like this really exist.
You've gained a new subscriber in I ❗you know your stuff!
Thank you.
He gives me food contaminated, deliberately doesn't wash the vegetables or fruits to make me sick. He knows I have SIBO bacteria in my stomach. He leaves out the cheese knowing its my favorite. Tells me, other times, they didn't have any chips that day, or, that he forgot the meat. It's not that difficult to make a sandwich. When i tell him he did it on purpose, he gets a huge smile, starts laughing, looking away, saying no, why would I do that? Many passive aggressive things FOR NO REASON.
He pretends he doesn't know how to use the ATM's or speak English, but then, he tries to tell the bank I do things with his card without permission. He tells me he can't read a social security paper. Then tells me to call for him. Then tells all the women at work and his landlord that I take control of his financial things. He basically goes to me for help with something he CLAIMS to not understand, then goes to several women with whatever I did, and claims to not understand why I did it. To make me look a way that I'm not. He wants to get revenge just because he decided to love bomb me and throw away his money on dates and trips to the stores, like I'm going to say NO, when I'm a girl alone, with low income.
❤i thought I wrote this. Omg. My guy too faked he didnt know English and then makes me look like the control freak to wlman supervisor, ñr makes looks with bankers like "poor me" and his english he learned from me as he would ask me to tell the cashier something but then imitate and lesrn from me. It makes me so mad to think of how he used me on many levels with faking english, cant use atm card, kow I control his finances cuz of that.
Man this one got me. Some of the other not so much this one hit the nail on the head
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome.
Yep. Dealt with it all the time
When confronted. Act stupid
Omg this title is so key!!! I wasted so much time explaining and then realized what a sick game it was!!!
This was best way I ever heard this explained and broken down thank you sir!!! Blessing you are
Thank you. Glad you found the video helpful. Wishing you a wonderful day.
so true
This video is so spot on! Great advice that I’ve already had to follow myself.
Thank you.
Your channel just showed up. I'm listening to these words, and my mind has more validation. My mother has been a narcissistic my entire life. I didn't realize it until 2 years ago I'm 45 now. I didn't think I was Abused, but this is why it's Narcissistic Abuse. Why do I still make excuses for the way she treats me. Also feeling guilty that she's hurting. She does this to my Adult children and my younger ones. They all think Poor Grandma...and ask Why I'm the problem. She's programed All 5 of my children and 2 of their
*If you or others that have commented have better insight. I'm trying to understand this all, but it's hard to Deprogram.
-Thank you
The thing with the narcissistic borderline/sociopath you will explain them seriously and assertively what you don't like and they will still find other ways to do the samething you told them not to do in a different way or acting like a deer in headlights when you get mad, and confront them, and act like your so sensitive. I use to be friends with a sociopath borderline and he told me never let other ppl see you walking with your head down or reacting, basically he was teaching me to protect myself from people like him. The Narcissistic/borderline can teach you alot about yourself the only thing is.. they will not practice what they preach world biggest hypocrites
Yessssss! I seeee this alot! From professionals! Acting like they don’t understand my English or conversation
This drives me nuts! I want to expose them! Ok, gonna chill out and listen now.
Thank you. Excellent advice and insight.
Anton I could listen to you all day .... actually I do ! You’ve helped so much I’m truly grateful. Thank you 🙏 ❤️
Wow, thank you. I am glad my videos are helpful.
YES ACTING INNOCENT AND PLAYING DUMP.
I say to my mother
..."you are either nasty and doing it on purpose ...or you are stupid"..
And then make her choose one
She chose stupid.
Hi. I am sure that was an interesting conversation. Many people think that by claiming they were ignorant they should be forgiven with no punishment or consequences. But even in the law, ignorance or lack of knowledge is not a defense against committing a crime. And ignorance is no excuse to hurting or abusing someone.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing exactly correct
those all sorts of manipulation tactics and control tricks are pure pettiness in the bigger picture of reality,but then again some idiots will always remain that idiot and assume themselves as someone they are not
Thank you for making this video.
OMG yes this crap would infuriate me. They have zero remorse or accountability
Intentional. I showed him who's intetional.
This was great
Thank you.
My former life to a tee. Thank you! I just subscribed
You’re welcome. Thank you for subscribing.
Thank you for helping me keep my sanity
You’re welcome.
This is the EXACT behavior with my mother in the past 3 years… switching the roles to become the VICTIM and saying “Well, that wasn’t my intention” making their daughter feel like they are crazy (Gaslighting) for being hurt or seeing their snide remarks and cruel behavior. It’s shitty when you’re sick, cuz you wish you had a good caring mom to take care of you or at least have empathy for you.?
Mine says his memory is bad so he doesn’t remember.
❤yes and then when u catch on, they tell you stories of how their memory failed them