I have filed for divorce and a restraining order on the man who sent me the death threat. Also to clarify, when i say clubs and bars I mean salsa dancing and regular bars, not the crazy party ones. Please don't send any hate towards my ex-wife or anybody from that church please. If you would like to support me on my journey, you can do so here: Venmo: @Wesleezy Paypal: paypal.me/wesleezy Patreon: patreon.com/wesleezy
Sorry homeslice but as a fellow colombian, that doesn fly and we can critisize the bad actions of people and other churches. Sounds like a micro agressive church culture that controls their people loke a cult. My sister is a protestant, not me and i see her going through the same thing with her supposed future mother in law that tries to impose her "virtuous " church life on my sis in order for my sister to be with her son.
It is probably not a good idea. We need to respect the wishes of those individuals who don’t want to be associated with your new life after breaking away from their church.
Bro… remember passion is a two-way road... Don't sweat them too profoundly... That culture is very communal which means they live in a big tent… you can't live in a big tent unless You forgive transgressions… besides I know you've seen how local men do their thing 😅
@@aniwee17 Breaking away from their church? Dude, he was never enslaved to their church, so why do you want to present it so? I feel it is wrong of any institution to think it can can the level of a hold presented here, this is at a level of a cult in my view. There should never be a situation where she has to neglect her duty to her husband for her church, these should not compete.
You didn't see the red flags. You entered her frame, belief system and values.. to ultimately see you were not compatible because you had your eyes closed. You just learned a valuable lesson. The next page or chapter of your life will be much better. Pain is the best teacher.
Damn. Hopefully you recover from this. I have several friends now on their 30s having issues with their marriage, some with kids. You literally dodge a bullet right there. Red flags are so important nowadays. Love your channel brother.
Hey Wes, as someone of Chinese descent who is married to a Latina I related to a lot of things you said. It's true when you come from a kind of unaffectionate and honestly somewhat cold culture like many East Asian cultures it's easy to fall in love with the warmth, affection, and socially oriented focus of something like Latin cultures. We have a night and day kind of experience between both sides of our family. On my Asian side, everyone does their own thing, is cordial and we normally only see each other on holidays. On my Latin side, everyone is closely involved in each other's lives and we always see each other and I've lost count of how many Christenings, baptisms, communions, weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, backyard/park BBQs, quinceañeras/sweet sixteens, etc.... that we've attended. The grass isn't greener on the other side of course (as you seemed to have learned as well) and being involved with a lot of people often means people drama and sometimes their headaches becoming your headaches.
As a black woman I grew up like East Asians. I too was drawn into my ex's family (he was black also) because of their love they had for each other. Key words "each other". Their love and support really stopped with their family. They didn't really like outsiders I found after about 5 months as the women felt I was taking their male relative away from them. The majority of them were unmarried/single women and looked st my ex as the patriarch of the family and had been single for 10 yrs before he met me. I must say if I ever date again I will go for the family who only gets together on holidays and such. And since I don't celebrate holidays I'll just not attend. I'm sure the family wouldn't mind if they aren't tight knit
@@swiftkarma4436 I'm sorry to hear about your experience and I get why you'd avoid someone with a complicated family dynamic. As I said to Wes, sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I have the warm, embracing and deeply involved experience with my wife's family but damnit if I don't want to just do shit simple every once in a while. Like recently I wanted to go see Godzilla so I asked one of our cousins if he was interested. The next thing you know there was 11 people going so it meant we had to find reserved seating together for all 11 of us that was also a reasonable distance to everyone, then we had to figure out the car arrangements, then making sure everyone got the time and place right, and got there relatively on time.
As a colombian livinging in US for most of my life ; i tell you, this is equal as you date a very religious person in USA you will live the church life . You prospected to them as person that you arent " disonest" you need to look into yourself what is wrong first this why you got a bad relation with your family also. If you arent a religious dont jump into you may not be prepared for a radical change in life . I was in a christian church n i felt being sucked 24/7 in da church , so i left.
Same bro, also divorced when I was around 23 or so, now I'm 31. I lost my older brother a year ago to an overdose and I can tell you that there in more to life than society's, church's and people's opinion don't matter that much. Personally, I think that the only thing that matters is the list of things that makes ME happy. Whether it's yoga, friends, plant medicine ceremonies to work on myself or even alone time to go deeper into your own soul and unravel things so you can be a better version of yourself. This video is beautiful that you can articulate this all. I really commend you man, I've also followed you for a couple of years I think regarding me moving to Colombia. This video is amazing to see you as a person and how you've grown. If you ever need to talk please reach out brother.
That death threat made me upset but the defense for it was worse. Your ex should have flat out condemned that behavior. Her dismissive behavior is a tell tale sign that she'll put up with horrible people just because their friends.
As a Colombian, let me tell you: That's the complicity people have for those types of situation here. It is a weird mixture between Asian collectivisim and aversion of shame, and nepotism.
Or put them up to it. Wes seems naive. I live in Mexico and some of these people are dangerous despite the smiles they show you. When you have conflict with them- due to their narcissism/fraud/lying- or simply disagree with them you will see their true colors.
Wes, I am sorry to see you struggle in your head. I am at least 2X your age. You need to understand yourself and stop looking to a woman, a country, and/or a church to give you your sense of self. Please let the past go and focus on what is important to you personally. Focus on the required things in your life and the no-deal things in your life too. Don't worry about what others think of you, instead focus on living your life in a space of internal integrity. If you do that others will see you for what you are, gravitate towards it and respect it. Be humble, be authentic and live your life. I live in Brasil. I am American by birth and Brasileiro by choice. I speak Portuguese and live completely Brasilian but I will tell you this. My wife is Brasilian. She knows that I am committed to her completely but from the beginning I made certain that she knew my lists of requirements and no-deal for myself and our relationship. I also made certain that she not only had her own list but that she knew that I accepted it. We both know that this agreement while not static is not easily modified and is a deal breaker if broken. This is my second marriage as the first imploded because we did not base our relationship on each others lists and our joint agreement of mutual understanding. I believe that a man's destiny is dependent on the strength of his bonds and that bond with his partner is the most important that he will ever form. It should be cared for diligently. So . . . your marriage was broken from the beginning my friend. It is hard to say it but if you accept it, learn from it and move on . . . then you will live your best life . . . which I want for you. Fica Bem, Faz Bem (Be Good, Do Good)
Conselho muito bom. Irmão Lennertz, este é um mundo pequeno. Falei com Wes na frente de um restaurante vietnamita em Envigado antes de sair. Espero poder te conhecer um dia quando passar um tempo em Santa Catarina.
@@StoneyVintson Claro, o mundo é pequeno, meu amigo Stoney. Sempre temos o oportunidade conversar no sul do Brasil . . . or maybe in Colombia sometime in the future. I have interacted with Wes a few times online and he is a good soul. I want him to have the life that he wants and deserves as a birthright of being human. It is always good when we cross paths, my friend. I am spending more time currently in Porto Alegre and Rio Grande do Sul so if you find yourself headed to SC let me know so we can plan how to share a meal together. Fica bem. Faz bem. Stoney
yes, im from Colombia, Barranquilla, I follow Wes before his marriage or his life in Manizales, i inmediately realized he took a bad desicion, worst when you mix all with religion, he was weak with his problems in Medellin not strong enough to take that kind of desicion, thanks god you are out of it.
Looking back on it, as an outsider, it seems like the relationship would never work. Wes likes to go out, travel and do new, fun things. While the wife likes to go to church every week and is content stay in her hometown. Not on the same page
There is no way she was working that much, (as an accountant!) I theorize she was seeing other men and she didn't want you ever going out because you might catch her. The church was an excuse, -they don't care-. I dated a colombian in the States and she'd lie and cheat like that.@@WheresWes
I recognise that voice in the message you played! I would never have expected that. It just goes to show that you can't take people at face value. It sucks that you had to go through that. Anita is lovely but it's clear that it wasn't right for you guys and I'm glad that you are able to get out of the situation and get on with your life.
The guy who threatened you claims to be a Christian. LOL Typical Colombian Christian; they are Christian in church and then revert right back to the old ways. Pablo Escobar people used to go to church and repent the walk out and do what they did. You saved yourself a lot of heartache later in life. Sometimes a divorce is the only solution.
Same with women! The ones who goes to Church and pretends to be a big Christians they are the worst. Saturday night they sleep with 2 different guys and Sunday morning they go to church pretending they are nice innocent girls. BS!!
Its good you got out early!! My situation was I was in a 9 year relationship and my ex never put herself in my shoes either or on my side of the family. She cheated on me on the 9th year. You got out early so its a blessing for you. I am still resentful I wasted 9 years of my life but am recovering and hopefully healed from the trauma. Your ex was a covert narcissist!
He's lucky he didn't end up dead! He seems to think the church people did this on their own, whereas from what I'm hearing I wouldn't be surprised if the wife coordinated with the church people to terrorize him! Foreigners don't realize how much of an outsider you can be when you travel. Just because your heart is good, etc. means nothing! They simply see you as an object to be manipulated. Many locals have motives FROM THE START when they deal with you and you are an actor in a movie you know nothing about. 🤣
I almost got scammed by a lady from Colombia, but she started telling me she loved me and all this dramatic shit right away. So I did what any man should do. I RAN THE HELL AWAY!!
People think the U.S. is bad with regards to scams.....Not even close when you look at the rest of the world. As Americans, we live in a nice little bubble if you think about it... We have a lot to be grateful for. I'm a naturalized citizen myself, originally of Indian and African descent.
Damn, what a situation to be in, AND in a country like Colombia. I am 40 years old now, never married and never will be, just too much risk and hassle. Stay strong, fellow Gents!
Marriage is tough man. As someone who married and divorced young, there is life after this. It is important you go through the process of reconciling this for yourself. I've been remarried and am about to hit my 30-year anniversary. So, keep pressing on. Who is at fault is less important than understanding your own internal struggles. better yourself, understand yourself, and move on. And I agree with you 100% On manners of marriage it is you and your wife against the world. You can fuss, fight, argue, all of that. But if something external tries to break in... oh no, it is ON. You are not the first person and won't be the last person to come across this vendetta like behavior. The Latin sense of family is admired by many, but it is also something that can go very sideways.
Been following your story for a few years, fellow Christian here, from what you're saying a church like that seemed poisonous not only for your marriage, your health, but also your faith. Good to see you're well, learning and growing after such a hard season.
Well, theologically he was in the wrong, and so was the Church. Although the intitial action by his wife was correct. Matthew 18:15-20 ESV “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
When I saw the title of this video...I was like damn you're milking this topic. But finally in this video you shared more depth to the situation and I think it could actually be a learning experience for others who may find themselves in a similar situation or pressure in a different country with a different culture. Thank you for sharing. This video shows how very mature & responsible you are. I think you learned a lot about yourself from your experience of living in Colombia & that will carry you forward wherever life takes you! Thanks bro!
This video should be mandatory viewing for all gringos who hyper romanticize Colombia and it’s culture. If you are at all looking for long term partners especially in Medellin, learn that you will likely face immense headwinds navigating the chaotic, hedonistic and barbaric nature of the paisas. Once, a Colombian-American expat in Medellin told me, “You will love us, until you will get to know us!”
Ha,he was right.I spent 20 months in Colombia over 3 trips.Yes,Columbians were wonderfull,non stop amigo,caballero,all sort of polite formulas,but when the mask fall it is another story.Columbians are disorganized,irresponsible,braindead ,unnacountable violent savages.Just look at how they push their way into a subway car. In Cali entetering a bus from a trainlike platform,I got catapulted into the seats by people pushing behind.I got scammed and cheated by "good friends" nearly killed in Cali when I got robbed,pushed to the ground by three youth with one of them.kicking me in the head.I am lucky to be alive,with no fracture and having kept my eyesight. One Columbian on an expat facebook page wrote: In Colombia,60% of the people are wonderfull,and the other 40% horrible.20 to 30 years ago they were killing each others left and right.These people haven't disappeared.Many would be in their 40's,50's60's and 70's now. Yes Colombia is full of murderers,do not forget that. Just look
🎯 Mexico can be like this too. I live in Yucatan, Mexico. I've never met more chaotic TOXIC people. Luckily my current village/town of Hocaba doesn't give too much of this vibe. Plus I intentionally limit my interactions with people to only what is necessary- buying things, etc.- for the most part. Except for talking with much older people in the park, etc. I like to do that and they seem to be drawn to me. Everyone is drawn to me actually (my whole life, not always a good thing! 🤣) but I prefer chatting with the older people in my town. I am fascinated by them sometimes.
Wes I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage, I haven't been in the channel in a little while and it breaks my heart to see you relationship end. As a Colombian it shames me how they are speaking to you, but don't give up the faith and your self awareness of what's right and what's wrong
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that many (not all) Colombians have a tendency to make excuses for the worst behavior and very rarely take accountability for their actions. Even the term “No dar papaya” is a way to not accept that fact that the country is dangerous.
The Prophet SAW said there are 3 ways you know some one you Travel with them live with them or do business with them... sex doesn't tell you who people are
Wysłuchałem Twojej historii i naprawdę współczuję… Jestem pastorem i zrozumiałem, że trafiłeś do ultrareligijnej wspólnoty kościelnej, która mocno wpływała na Twoje osobiste życie w małżeństwie. To niedopuszczalne i bardzo przykre 🥺
Wes, the bottomline is your wife completely COMPROMISED you by including that guy in your marriage/business. That is a "red line/hard stop" that should not be crossed in a relationship/marriage. Completely Unacceptable. Don't try to introspect/overthink it, your instincts were dead on and you did the right thing by leaving/defusing the situation. Just make sure you get the divorce legalized as soon as possible(don't get lazy), and do NOT look back. Get your ass to Pattiya Beach for a little fun. You deserve it. PS- I remember watching the video when you and your exwife were in Greece. There was one shot of a look on her face that spoke volumes to me. She looked like a fish out of water and not compatible at all with you and your interests. It doesnt mean she is a bad person, just on a completely different wavelength with much different interests. Carry On!
Wes, new subscriber to your channel. Really appreciate your candour and your objective commentary on your journey - as an Asian in his mid-30s who grew up in New Zealand, can totally appreciate and relate to many of the frustrations you expressed. Just wanted to say thank you for being so matter-of-fact with your vlogs, and really enjoying following your journey. Have a great week!
You have many great qualities such as self-reflection, emotional stabilities, righterouesness. These are really well embraced in China, Japan, and some other Eastern European cultures. I can concur with you on many things you look for in the video, however, they seem so rare in North America, Latin countries and other general western countries.
1:55 as a South Asian I felt this it’s one of the reasons why I started watching you in the beginning you would talk about Asians in the diaspora and the issues we face and I thought it was cool. Sorry the marriage didn’t work out bruh but hopefully others can learn from your mistakes and now your in a happier situation!
Wes, you have to realize you are a very young man. When we are young we are quick to jump the gun! With each journey you take you are learning more and more about yourself. Once you learn to be real with yourself, life will me much easier and fulfilling.
I’m Colombian (born & raised in the states though) and i appreciate your content, I love how open minded you are. You’ve learned from this experience and luckily you’re still young and you know you can move on. Thank you for your videos, I enjoy them. I haven’t been to Medellin in 7 years and I’m looking forward to going this December with my family 🎉
@@GOAT07_ my brother is born and raised in the states and is Colombian too. Colombia grants dual citizenship, and more than likely this guy grew up in a Colombian community in the states.
11:01 ew, I can't stand when people deify the woman, as if the man isn't someone to be impressed . It's always "be sure he treats you right" instead of "be sure you treat him right".
Ive taken away alot from this video. And though my marriage is fairly young. And me and my wife married young. Here's a few things i can reflect on. My wife when we met she spoke no English and i didn't know Russian. But we knew we loved each other. So she promised to learn English to meet my friends and i learned Russian to understand her family. This made it easier for us to communicate and understand our friends and families better. We sought out counseling. But not from our friends. We did talk to her parents who have been married for over thirty years. But we found a licensed counselor and aired out alot of things. Cultural and personal. With my wife being from Ukraine partially raised in Russia and i being from the United States. A literal case of east meets west. we last longer than most of the native couples here because, we realized that we will disagree, culturally and sometimes spiritually. But..we listen, we understand what makes the person tick, we work together, make the time for each other and occasionally go back to what brought us together in the first place. I fall more in love with her every day. And it makes Happy every time she tells me how she's proud to have me as a husband. And i tell her she's amazing every day that's why.
Takes a lot to walk away! Good for you, that guy has something coming for him along the way. I hope this all works out for you bro! Thank you for sharing you are saving a lot of men
I support your decision. She’s not in the marriage for you. You deserve better. She dragged too many people into this marriage when it supposed to be between you and her. She doesn’t respect you or the marriage enough. I would suggest take what you learned from this experience and make better choices for yourself in the future. Also, it would be a good idea to cut all ties with her and her gang of people. Good luck. There are many good women out here. So you don’t have anything to worry about.
Hey, I am not a married man but as an older person I have become more set in my ways. I think sometimes when you are younger you're more willing to adapt and compromise, but as you get older you realize how much your own values define who you are and need to hold up and it may affect who you would choose as a life partner if you were to do so. It is better to have the woman adapt to your family and your life more than the other way around in my opinion. If you're going to be the leader of the house then they have to come into your frame. At least that is how I see it now that I am older. Otherwise I'd stay single and enjoy life as a single man!
I'm from Manizales and currently live in Medellín. Since I discovered your channel, I've loved it because you found a great community (I'm Catholic, not Christian). You talked extensively about my city and culture, and I really supported that. I identify with you because I fell in love with a Catholic girl about 1.5 years ago; she's also my ex now because she won a scholarship to the Netherlands. Anyway, I understand what you mean when you say that you were trying to fit in with this community and follow all their rules (which can be extremely difficult if you grew up in a different environment). You messed up when you married a conservative religious woman, while she believed you were becoming part of her religion and community otherwise she wouldn't marry you, isn't it? In reality, you didn't adapt to the Christian lifestyle of this community after you were her boyfriend, lately, her husband. Obviously, your ex-wife always prioritizes the teachings of her church because, for them, they are following the Word of God. What makes me think this? You consume drugs, have changed your religion, and have had several sexual relationships with other women. You are also making fast friendships because you are frequently traveling. Your life seems so fluid. In contrast, your ex-wife will always be Christian and be with her family and community. She is grounded. You are liquid. My personal recommendation is: if you have realized throughout this divorce that you are likely to be constantly changing of place, culture, religion, or people. Meet people with the same interests and values as you. P.S. I don't know her, her family, or her community. I am not Christian. I really appreciate your videos, content, and insights.
@@MarkIsMyMiddleName Catholicism began to exist after the great schism of 1054AD. Before that, there was no Catholic church. Most Catholics *believe* they are Christian, while Orthodox - from whom the Catholic religion stems - do not see them as such. I am confused as to why this Catholic commenter says "I'm Catholic, not Christian" 😂 that's our line.
@@FreeNDeed777 Paul was the direct apostle under Jesus who delegated the authority and spirit of God to. Do you deny the Apostles?? This doctine is followed in any Biblical Domination and the Bible is the Law particularly the new testament. the point to be made that Church Authority is valid and each one thinks differently, which is why i agree with OP, and Wes's problem was not doctrinally doing any research on the Bible nor that domination. Matthew 18:15-20 ESV “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Dude! This sounds exactly like my marriage just swap out her church for her family. Even the premarital part. I totally get it. You did the right thing. In conclusion I felt like the loneliest married guy ever! That’s no way to live.
Sounds like she just wanted the status and when she saw she could lose him she set the church gang on him to put him in his place. To me this guy was in a very dangerous situation even if they had never shown that by threatening him. All the signs were there!
I think you break things down very well, you make things very easy to understand!!! Thank you for creating this video!!! I think this is a very valuable lesson for you and for individuals like me that is looking for answers in regards to relationships!!!
It is one of the pitfalls of marrying a foreign girl in a foreign land. Her family and her friends are on her side and you are alone. Even the friends you thought are your friends could essentially count as on her side cos they have more history/more in common with her rather than you. There are countless history lessons on this in Chinese history where the woman's side gets too powerful. The side of the empress grew so powerful the emperor has no power. Sometimes it became so bad that the emperor's own family members are in danger. Check out the history of first empress of Han dynasty if you are interested. The real woman empress who can call herself "emperor" of Tan dynasty came to power the same way. An emperor at least would have people loyal to him to start with but you are alone in foreign land means you are alone unless you are a powerful businessman or something and can lift someone up and he/she be loyal to you in the community. Just my thoughts. It is always a power play in human relationships. Either it with you own family, business relationship or so called love. I would love human relations to just be ideal and be just about pure love and friendship but in reality it is not.
so essentially if you want to succeed in dating abroad, you still need money and connections... the trade-off something to consider and differences between dating in the US vs abroad don't seem so large now.
Sorry for what you experienced. But dude you were obnoxious during that time always slamming western culture and specifically the US. I guess nobody truly knows what goes on in a relationship behind closed doors.
Wes, this was a powerful video. I watched your channel a few years ago when I was studying Colombia to see if I wanted to go. I remember you talking up Manizales and the church and the women being different. The 2 most interesting things you touched on were that you weren't going to go through the church to have a wife and how they weaponized "face/face saving" against you. I can relate in that I have family who are much the same... if we are to be a family I have to go through their church. I called their bluff and haven't been to see them in 25 years as I'm not religious. On the saving face, I would think that you're familiar being Asian, but this is the first time I've heard it done this way. Not to say it's new. The whole situation just seems like assimilate or else. I have an uncle who would've been so happy with that situation... having the church as his proxy wife. Ultimately, I went to Thailand (for a visit) and it seems you did too. I'll have to check out your new vids.
Thanks for being so open about this topic Wes. I think you would have fared better with a lady from Barranquilla. The marjority of the Colombian women I dated were from Cali and Barranquilla and they were very independent minded even if they lived with their parent(s). You had quite the experience. If I were you, I would stay clear of Colombia for at least 3 years.
love your vulnerability and honesty man. it sounded like you guys were more attracted to the idea and projection of marriage and stability rather than really being in love. but that happens to all of us, it is a learning process. Focus on developing your sense of self and connecting with your own purpose and emotion, pick up some hobbies and passions. you are a great person and I've been watching your channel for quite a bit.
it is a big miracle i have been married 27 years and she is still crazy about me. but i also know the formula to my success isn't a guarantee for most, no matter how many boxes you get right. I've lived in your world thru your videos. now get out there and make a lot of love again because life is too short!
Thanks for sharing bro. Despite your bitter and terrible experience, I was able to extract precious gems and can help young men to spot red flags in a potential marriage mate. I come to understand that you don't really know a person until you live with them. I wish you well in your new life; it must be refreshing. Cheers!
I feel you bro. I had a relationship with a narciscist woman for 3 years, well, I discovered her bad traits later on. She said one day she betrayed me, just after I asked her in marriage. I guess it was a blessing. No kids, no divorce to file. But I was very sad and depressed for like 6 months. Now I'm healed! My advice is to finish a toxic relationship before kids or marriage. Because, kids and marriage don't save any relationship
I also noticed that about Latin culture. They don’t ever seem to TRY to make the effort of learning your culture. It’s highkey selfish. Idc if the person is a nationalist. If you love someone, you will try to make the attempt to learn their culture and language just like how you learned her culture. I think it’s a Latin thing. Girls from Dominican Republic are lowkey the same. I notice they aren’t interested in learning or diving deep into the American culture.
@Where’sWes. I am shocked to hear about your situation in Colombia. I have been there many times and not heard of this before. I went thru a similar situation in finding a woman I loved in Colombia, but our break up/separation was not youself. All I can say is keep your head up high and don’t let anyone else disrespect you as a Man. Much respect from California. I will watch all your videos ✌🏻
While I love your program, I feel that at this point you need to find a trauma counselor. Your audience here cares about you, but this topic about your break up with your wife is deeply personal and private and is best to be shared with a professional. Out here in public, I am afraid for your personal safety. Columbia to Thailand is only a ticket away.
The true measure of who someone is after life knocks them down is their ability to get back up, knock off the dust, learn the lesson, and move along. You got this.
Well outlined. Well presented. Well sequenced. And well conveyed in execution. Nicely set up with compelling emotional backstory. Made even more so by an emotional authenticity. Young man, your anecdote is the other- gender-side of "The Joy Luck Club." Your telling of it is classically designed. Delicately rendered.
The "father figure". There was more going on there than an overly protective church man. Your wife had a relationship with him. Access old messages, talk to people close to him. You'll see.
Wes I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you but at the same time very happy you got out of it. You learning the culture and language have got nothing to do with those people. You committed and showed you are a great learner and as you said adaptive. You adapt really well and it’s just they could not adapt to you. Take those learnings, developed skills and enjoy your life. Keep enhancing your language, relationships and enjoy the ride. When you enjoy, be pure and do good things, then you become more receptive to more good things and blessings. These things do not only exist in church. Church should never dictate your relationship with God. Colombia isn’t the only Spanish-speaking country. You will use those skills and connect with other people. You’ll find a partner/friends that will respect you, will fight together with you on your side and are also worth fighting for.
You are telling the truth. I dated a lot of Latina girlfriends when I was growing up, but I realized quickly that I could not marry any of them because of the hold their mothers held over them and their sisters' lives. Although they had both parents in the home, their fathers were mostly hands-off with their girls and the moms were in charge of them. I would hear my girlfriends' mom telling even their married daughters what to do, and the daughters would follow the moms instructions over their own husbands' guidelines. I knew I couldn't be a part of that, because it should always be a husband and his wife against the world with their families support, not the family running their lives in the backyard. Before anyone ask, my girlfriends were Puerto Rican, Dominican, and Mexican, where they were from did not matter, I would see the same things playing out almost every time. When it did not happen, it was because their fathers were very dominant and the wives feared them, but even then everyone had an opinion in your relationships. It was eye-opening, because it thought me that men everywhere had issues in marriages regardless of their cultures.
sorry to hear that you divorced. I found your channel on RUclips a year ago and you talked about stuff to avoid, scams and how you can against all odds live and stay in Colombia 😊
Complex dynamics for sure , to the max. Having no father figure is a huge deal that went against you. That’s why she worked so much and the church was a backbone substitute. Unfortunate. You did well to leave. I learned that If I decide in Colombia, nothing will be tied to a woman. No immigration, no accounts. This is for at least a 10 year probation period. Lol. Things become unraveled quickly, she had no idea the damage she did and had the expectation that you’d deal with it, nope. A person with options and dignity doesn’t settle for disrespect.
I think you dodged a bullet there brother both literally and metaphorically. Colombians/Venezuelans seem like too much drama, It’s a very different culture. And praising the fact it’s the most violent country in the world like that’s something to be proud of. You did the right thing glad you got out of there safe and sound. 👍
You just met someone who is extremely dependable on their community. Take this as a learning experience; you were not a coward when you saw the early signs; you're young, you were just seeing everything through rose colored glasses; sometimes we fall so deep in love that we put on blinders. They'll come off over time. When I'm interested in someone now, I scrutinize their family, friends, and how they treat others. I even scrutinize their way of living, how clean their home is, their habits.... I keep it to myself though and if I see red flags early on; I'm out before it get's too serious.
That dude sounds like he has a crush on your wife Aside from the obvious creep, it sounds like a protestant problem..should have gone the catholic route. That supposed father figure has ZERO right to defend her...you are her husband and she has her own father..it seems to me he was trying to get to your wife
Bruh I don't know if you will see this. But thanks for sharing your story with the world. I have a religious girlfriend from Latin America and I'm from the west and your experience is helping me see all the red flags and potential issues that could come up. Thanks for having the courage to share all this.
Listening to your story there are a lot of things that went wrong here. I’m a Christian and so is my husband. In pre-marital counseling by the pastor and reading marriage books one of the things emphasized for a healthy marriage is that our marriage is the “inner circle” and everyone else is on the outside circle including parents, friends, spiritual leaders, and other relationships. Our needs always come first and any other opinions are take it or trash it. We are careful who we talk to about our marriage including family. We have stuck to that since the beginning even having to leave our old church and go elsewhere and have convos with in-laws about our boundaries. This is healthy and most any marriage counselor will tell you that. I do trust my husband and he trusts me. That being said, I’m sorry you went through that and there were many boundaries crossed including your own personal safety! If you ever try again, a good book that helped us Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. Wish you the best in the future and in your travels!
I agree mostly, but keep in mind this piece of the scripture : Matthew 18:15-20 ESV “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Excellent points about the inner circle of marriage, trust inside and outside of it. Keep Your Love On, by Danny Silk, is solid gold. I go back and read from time to time. It's that good.
The bible says not to marry unbelievers and this man's story is the perfect example. They are on different wavelength spiritually and this is what caused the seperation. I hope you two find happiness in ur future
This case reminds me a phrase we got here: "When you marry someone, you also marry your husband or wife's family." In some ways it may be true, but I think your ex-wife's family crossed the line of abuse, It went even illegal when they threatened you. Yes, It's true that for us family is essential, but it's also true that going to the extreme of glorifying them so much can generate these types of situations. Unfortunately, in many Latin families there is a kind of hierarchy - very toxic, by the way - where parents or elders have the right of controlling everyone just for that reason, while the rest adopt a submissive position before them, and if they don't, they are considered disrespect. I am Colombian, but that idea is totally repulsive for me. In my opinion, no person worth your own integrity and well-being. You did well, Wes. Greetings from Medellín. 🌹
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I have filed for divorce and a restraining order on the man who sent me the death threat.
Also to clarify, when i say clubs and bars I mean salsa dancing and regular bars, not the crazy party ones.
Please don't send any hate towards my ex-wife or anybody from that church please.
If you would like to support me on my journey, you can do so here:
Venmo: @Wesleezy
Paypal: paypal.me/wesleezy
Patreon: patreon.com/wesleezy
Sorry homeslice but as a fellow colombian, that doesn fly and we can critisize the bad actions of people and other churches.
Sounds like a micro agressive church culture that controls their people loke a cult.
My sister is a protestant, not me and i see her going through the same thing with her supposed future mother in law that tries to impose her "virtuous " church life on my sis in order for my sister to be with her son.
It is probably not a good idea. We need to respect the wishes of those individuals who don’t want to be associated with your new life after breaking away from their church.
Good riddance. Sounds like a cult to me. Definitely fishy when wife comes home at 1 in the morning😮.
Bro… remember passion is a two-way road... Don't sweat them too profoundly... That culture is very communal which means they live in a big tent… you can't live in a big tent unless You forgive transgressions… besides I know you've seen how local men do their thing 😅
@@aniwee17 Breaking away from their church? Dude, he was never enslaved to their church, so why do you want to present it so?
I feel it is wrong of any institution to think it can can the level of a hold presented here, this is at a level of a cult in my view.
There should never be a situation where she has to neglect her duty to her husband for her church, these should not compete.
With my best intentions I state to you: never make decisions when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
or horny lol
That's impossible though.
@@WheresWes
😂I was legit about to comment that lol.
@@WheresWes lol. But Hornyness makes you make decisions, just like hunger gives you no options.
Yep! It's known as the H.A.L.T. state, if you are in a halt state, don't make a decision, postpone it!
You didn't see the red flags. You entered her frame, belief system and values.. to ultimately see you were not compatible because you had your eyes closed. You just learned a valuable lesson. The next page or chapter of your life will be much better. Pain is the best teacher.
you never see them while you're in it, it's always in hindsight after
A feminine woman enters the man's masculine frame... and flourishes.
Never enter a woman’s frame.. she will lose any and all respect for you- it’s not natural
@@WheresWes no bro you always see it you just choose to ignore it because you’re distracted by the PUSSY.
@@WheresWesyou’re taking 0 accountability and will continue to fail again if that’s your reasoning that it’s hindsight lol…
So glad no children were involved in this. Very sorry for this experience.
a freaking men
i'n not sorry for him. i can guarantee you this guy is red pill and probably has a video about how awful american women are.
As long as you walk away learning from your mistakes and own up to them you’ll emerge in a better place than where you were.
amen
walk...gi gomez threaten to chop him up cartel style....he ran......
Not necessarily, he lost a ton of time, effort and money only to get disrespected and threatened in return.
Damn. Hopefully you recover from this. I have several friends now on their 30s having issues with their marriage, some with kids.
You literally dodge a bullet right there. Red flags are so important nowadays. Love your channel brother.
Hey Wes, as someone of Chinese descent who is married to a Latina I related to a lot of things you said. It's true when you come from a kind of unaffectionate and honestly somewhat cold culture like many East Asian cultures it's easy to fall in love with the warmth, affection, and socially oriented focus of something like Latin cultures. We have a night and day kind of experience between both sides of our family. On my Asian side, everyone does their own thing, is cordial and we normally only see each other on holidays. On my Latin side, everyone is closely involved in each other's lives and we always see each other and I've lost count of how many Christenings, baptisms, communions, weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, backyard/park BBQs, quinceañeras/sweet sixteens, etc.... that we've attended.
The grass isn't greener on the other side of course (as you seemed to have learned as well) and being involved with a lot of people often means people drama and sometimes their headaches becoming your headaches.
As a black woman I grew up like East Asians. I too was drawn into my ex's family (he was black also) because of their love they had for each other. Key words "each other". Their love and support really stopped with their family. They didn't really like outsiders I found after about 5 months as the women felt I was taking their male relative away from them.
The majority of them were unmarried/single women and looked st my ex as the patriarch of the family and had been single for 10 yrs before he met me.
I must say if I ever date again I will go for the family who only gets together on holidays and such. And since I don't celebrate holidays I'll just not attend. I'm sure the family wouldn't mind if they aren't tight knit
@@swiftkarma4436 I'm sorry to hear about your experience and I get why you'd avoid someone with a complicated family dynamic. As I said to Wes, sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I have the warm, embracing and deeply involved experience with my wife's family but damnit if I don't want to just do shit simple every once in a while.
Like recently I wanted to go see Godzilla so I asked one of our cousins if he was interested. The next thing you know there was 11 people going so it meant we had to find reserved seating together for all 11 of us that was also a reasonable distance to everyone, then we had to figure out the car arrangements, then making sure everyone got the time and place right, and got there relatively on time.
@DensterNY thank you for your kind words. Your simple outing turned into quite the ordeal I see. I am happy that you have a lovely family.
@@swiftkarma4436 you are going from extreme to extreme. I believe the happiness is in the between.
Just you. Cold culture? 😂😂😂 Dang, what a poor upbringing.
I speak Spanish and her dad literally sounds like a guy from the streets
Bro literally sounds like a gangster but makes sense he went to prison
As a colombian livinging in US for most of my life ; i tell you, this is equal as you date a very religious person in USA you will live the church life . You prospected to them as person that you arent " disonest" you need to look into yourself what is wrong first this why you got a bad relation with your family also. If you arent a religious dont jump into you may not be prepared for a radical change in life . I was in a christian church n i felt being sucked 24/7 in da church , so i left.
Same bro, also divorced when I was around 23 or so, now I'm 31. I lost my older brother a year ago to an overdose and I can tell you that there in more to life than society's, church's and people's opinion don't matter that much. Personally, I think that the only thing that matters is the list of things that makes ME happy. Whether it's yoga, friends, plant medicine ceremonies to work on myself or even alone time to go deeper into your own soul and unravel things so you can be a better version of yourself. This video is beautiful that you can articulate this all. I really commend you man, I've also followed you for a couple of years I think regarding me moving to Colombia. This video is amazing to see you as a person and how you've grown. If you ever need to talk please reach out brother.
Sending you love. Glad you had the opportunity to reconnect with your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your story.
That death threat made me upset but the defense for it was worse. Your ex should have flat out condemned that behavior. Her dismissive behavior is a tell tale sign that she'll put up with horrible people just because their friends.
she probably didnt mind if wes was chopped up cartel style
As a Colombian, let me tell you: That's the complicity people have for those types of situation here. It is a weird mixture between Asian collectivisim and aversion of shame, and nepotism.
pretty sure in the US a threat like that can get him arrested
Family.
Or put them up to it. Wes seems naive.
I live in Mexico and some of these people are dangerous despite the smiles they show you. When you have conflict with them- due to their narcissism/fraud/lying- or simply disagree with them you will see their true colors.
Wes, I am sorry to see you struggle in your head. I am at least 2X your age. You need to understand yourself and stop looking to a woman, a country, and/or a church to give you your sense of self. Please let the past go and focus on what is important to you personally. Focus on the required things in your life and the no-deal things in your life too. Don't worry about what others think of you, instead focus on living your life in a space of internal integrity. If you do that others will see you for what you are, gravitate towards it and respect it. Be humble, be authentic and live your life. I live in Brasil. I am American by birth and Brasileiro by choice. I speak Portuguese and live completely Brasilian but I will tell you this. My wife is Brasilian. She knows that I am committed to her completely but from the beginning I made certain that she knew my lists of requirements and no-deal for myself and our relationship. I also made certain that she not only had her own list but that she knew that I accepted it. We both know that this agreement while not static is not easily modified and is a deal breaker if broken. This is my second marriage as the first imploded because we did not base our relationship on each others lists and our joint agreement of mutual understanding. I believe that a man's destiny is dependent on the strength of his bonds and that bond with his partner is the most important that he will ever form. It should be cared for diligently. So . . . your marriage was broken from the beginning my friend. It is hard to say it but if you accept it, learn from it and move on . . . then you will live your best life . . . which I want for you. Fica Bem, Faz Bem (Be Good, Do Good)
Solid
Conselho muito bom. Irmão Lennertz, este é um mundo pequeno. Falei com Wes na frente de um restaurante vietnamita em Envigado antes de sair. Espero poder te conhecer um dia quando passar um tempo em Santa Catarina.
@@StoneyVintson Claro, o mundo é pequeno, meu amigo Stoney. Sempre temos o oportunidade conversar no sul do Brasil . . . or maybe in Colombia sometime in the future. I have interacted with Wes a few times online and he is a good soul. I want him to have the life that he wants and deserves as a birthright of being human. It is always good when we cross paths, my friend. I am spending more time currently in Porto Alegre and Rio Grande do Sul so if you find yourself headed to SC let me know so we can plan how to share a meal together. Fica bem. Faz bem. Stoney
yes, im from Colombia, Barranquilla, I follow Wes before his marriage or his life in Manizales, i inmediately realized he took a bad desicion, worst when you mix all with religion, he was weak with his problems in Medellin not strong enough to take that kind of desicion, thanks god you are out of it.
@@TiagoLennertz Yes, I have a friend in Porto Alegre. Just a short ways away. Working on my Portuguese every day as well as Spanish.
Looking back on it, as an outsider, it seems like the relationship would never work. Wes likes to go out, travel and do new, fun things. While the wife likes to go to church every week and is content stay in her hometown. Not on the same page
yeah thats a good point. i do both like both lifestyles but as a balance
There is no way she was working that much, (as an accountant!) I theorize she was seeing other men and she didn't want you ever going out because you might catch her. The church was an excuse, -they don't care-. I dated a colombian in the States and she'd lie and cheat like that.@@WheresWes
@@WheresWes stay single bro 🎉🎉🎉❤️❤️✅✅ sorry to hear but life is too short
@@dillavery2696truth
Damn! respect for staying strong and keep continuing in life.Not many people speaks open about past marriage.
thanks Rami!
I recognise that voice in the message you played!
I would never have expected that. It just goes to show that you can't take people at face value.
It sucks that you had to go through that. Anita is lovely but it's clear that it wasn't right for you guys and I'm glad that you are able to get out of the situation and get on with your life.
Cheers bro. Yeah that's why the threat shocked me too
You recognized it as in its a notorious criminal who is known?
The guy who threatened you claims to be a Christian. LOL Typical Colombian Christian; they are Christian in church and then revert right back to the old ways. Pablo Escobar people used to go to church and repent the walk out and do what they did. You saved yourself a lot of heartache later in life. Sometimes a divorce is the only solution.
Same with women! The ones who goes to Church and pretends to be a big Christians they are the worst. Saturday night they sleep with 2 different guys and Sunday morning they go to church pretending they are nice innocent girls. BS!!
true that bro
this is christians everywhere. pretty much rolled my eyes when i saw church+death threats together.
Aka a hypocrite
This type of ignorant comments really evoque the Pablo out of any Latino.
You will feel much better once you leave Colombia, trust me bro, I know what am talking about.
Its good you got out early!! My situation was I was in a 9 year relationship and my ex never put herself in my shoes either or on my side of the family. She cheated on me on the 9th year. You got out early so its a blessing for you. I am still resentful I wasted 9 years of my life but am recovering and hopefully healed from the trauma. Your ex was a covert narcissist!
He's lucky he didn't end up dead! He seems to think the church people did this on their own, whereas from what I'm hearing I wouldn't be surprised if the wife coordinated with the church people to terrorize him!
Foreigners don't realize how much of an outsider you can be when you travel. Just because your heart is good, etc. means nothing! They simply see you as an object to be manipulated.
Many locals have motives FROM THE START when they deal with you and you are an actor in a movie you know nothing about. 🤣
I almost got scammed by a lady from Colombia, but she started telling me she loved me and all this dramatic shit right away. So I did what any man should do. I RAN THE HELL AWAY!!
People think the U.S. is bad with regards to scams.....Not even close when you look at the rest of the world.
As Americans, we live in a nice little bubble if you think about it...
We have a lot to be grateful for.
I'm a naturalized citizen myself, originally of Indian and African descent.
Good for you for getting away from that toxic relationship and all the craziness that came with it.
Damn, what a situation to be in, AND in a country like Colombia. I am 40 years old now, never married and never will be, just too much risk and hassle. Stay strong, fellow Gents!
What the country has to do with this , the bad guy ??😂😂 i was in a church in california a lot ex mates where going to trying to change their life .
Marriage is tough man. As someone who married and divorced young, there is life after this. It is important you go through the process of reconciling this for yourself. I've been remarried and am about to hit my 30-year anniversary. So, keep pressing on. Who is at fault is less important than understanding your own internal struggles. better yourself, understand yourself, and move on. And I agree with you 100% On manners of marriage it is you and your wife against the world. You can fuss, fight, argue, all of that. But if something external tries to break in... oh no, it is ON. You are not the first person and won't be the last person to come across this vendetta like behavior. The Latin sense of family is admired by many, but it is also something that can go very sideways.
Been following your story for a few years, fellow Christian here, from what you're saying a church like that seemed poisonous not only for your marriage, your health, but also your faith. Good to see you're well, learning and growing after such a hard season.
all protestant church run like that
@@raycdo2012 every church has its problems, but Wes' experience sounds like he encountered a very fundamentalist/cult like church.
@raycdo2012 They really don’t. This church sounds very cultish, although biblical theology does lend itself to a cultish mindset anyway
@@nocomment4848 if you dont like Christianity say so
Well, theologically he was in the wrong, and so was the Church. Although the intitial action by his wife was correct.
Matthew 18:15-20 ESV
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
When I saw the title of this video...I was like damn you're milking this topic. But finally in this video you shared more depth to the situation and I think it could actually be a learning experience for others who may find themselves in a similar situation or pressure in a different country with a different culture. Thank you for sharing. This video shows how very mature & responsible you are. I think you learned a lot about yourself from your experience of living in Colombia & that will carry you forward wherever life takes you! Thanks bro!
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences Wes.
This video should be mandatory viewing for all gringos who hyper romanticize Colombia and it’s culture. If you are at all looking for long term partners especially in Medellin, learn that you will likely face immense headwinds navigating the chaotic, hedonistic and barbaric nature of the paisas. Once, a Colombian-American expat in Medellin told me, “You will love us, until you will get to know us!”
Paisas are the whole of Colombia. And way over rated because of their city.
Ha,he was right.I spent 20 months in Colombia over 3 trips.Yes,Columbians were wonderfull,non stop amigo,caballero,all sort of polite formulas,but when the mask fall it is another story.Columbians are disorganized,irresponsible,braindead ,unnacountable violent savages.Just look at how they push their way into a subway car.
In Cali entetering a bus from a trainlike platform,I got catapulted into the seats by people pushing behind.I got scammed and cheated by "good friends" nearly killed in Cali when I got robbed,pushed to the ground by three youth with one of them.kicking me in the head.I am lucky to be alive,with no fracture and having kept my eyesight.
One Columbian on an expat facebook page wrote:
In Colombia,60% of the people are
wonderfull,and the other 40% horrible.20 to 30 years ago they were killing each others left and right.These people haven't disappeared.Many would be in their 40's,50's60's and 70's now.
Yes Colombia is full of murderers,do not forget that.
Just look
🎯
Mexico can be like this too. I live in Yucatan, Mexico. I've never met more chaotic TOXIC people.
Luckily my current village/town of Hocaba doesn't give too much of this vibe. Plus I intentionally limit my interactions with people to only what is necessary- buying things, etc.- for the most part.
Except for talking with much older people in the park, etc. I like to do that and they seem to be drawn to me. Everyone is drawn to me actually (my whole life, not always a good thing! 🤣) but I prefer chatting with the older people in my town. I am fascinated by them sometimes.
Sounds like you went down there looking for something else and was taken for a ride.
Wes I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage, I haven't been in the channel in a little while and it breaks my heart to see you relationship end. As a Colombian it shames me how they are speaking to you, but don't give up the faith and your self awareness of what's right and what's wrong
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that many (not all) Colombians have a tendency to make excuses for the worst behavior and very rarely take accountability for their actions. Even the term “No dar papaya” is a way to not accept that fact that the country is dangerous.
100% with you man, total respect.
great story brother, more people need to hear this... her putting something before you at all times is a red flag for sure
It seems like she really wasn’t into him. Just wanted to be married to someone who she could control.
The Prophet SAW said there are 3 ways you know some one you Travel with them live with them or do business with them... sex doesn't tell you who people are
great point
"SAW" lmao...."let's play a game "...
Wysłuchałem Twojej historii i naprawdę współczuję… Jestem pastorem i zrozumiałem, że trafiłeś do ultrareligijnej wspólnoty kościelnej, która mocno wpływała na Twoje osobiste życie w małżeństwie. To niedopuszczalne i bardzo przykre 🥺
Sorry to hear and glad you’re safe. God bless❤
Hey Wes, enjoy your time in Thailand/Asia. Please make more travel content, I'd like to hear more of your perspective.
will do bro
Wes, the bottomline is your wife completely COMPROMISED you by including that guy in your marriage/business. That is a "red line/hard stop" that should not be crossed in a relationship/marriage. Completely Unacceptable.
Don't try to introspect/overthink it, your instincts were dead on and you did the right thing by leaving/defusing the situation. Just make sure you get the divorce legalized as soon as possible(don't get lazy), and do NOT look back.
Get your ass to Pattiya Beach for a little fun. You deserve it.
PS- I remember watching the video when you and your exwife were in Greece. There was one shot of a look on her face that spoke volumes to me. She looked like a fish out of water and not compatible at all with you and your interests. It doesnt mean she is a bad person, just on a completely different wavelength with much different interests. Carry On!
wes almost got chopped up
If she’s that different I wonder how and why they met
kinda sad someone on vacation is a fish out of water.
religion is the opiate of the masses
Thanks for sharing your story brodie. Sorry you had to experience that but good on you for taking the high road 🙌🏽.
...i can relate ...helped me understand a similar relationship ...helped me to heal some past hurts...thanks for sharing 😊❤
Wes, new subscriber to your channel. Really appreciate your candour and your objective commentary on your journey - as an Asian in his mid-30s who grew up in New Zealand, can totally appreciate and relate to many of the frustrations you expressed.
Just wanted to say thank you for being so matter-of-fact with your vlogs, and really enjoying following your journey. Have a great week!
You have many great qualities such as self-reflection, emotional stabilities, righterouesness. These are really well embraced in China, Japan, and some other Eastern European cultures. I can concur with you on many things you look for in the video, however, they seem so rare in North America, Latin countries and other general western countries.
Nice video Wes keep it going bro
1:55 as a South Asian I felt this it’s one of the reasons why I started watching you in the beginning you would talk about Asians in the diaspora and the issues we face and I thought it was cool. Sorry the marriage didn’t work out bruh but hopefully others can learn from your mistakes and now your in a happier situation!
Wes, you have to realize you are a very young man. When we are young we are quick to jump the gun! With each journey you take you are learning more and more about yourself. Once you learn to be real with yourself, life will me much easier and fulfilling.
I’m Colombian (born & raised in the states though) and i appreciate your content, I love how open minded you are. You’ve learned from this experience and luckily you’re still young and you know you can move on. Thank you for your videos, I enjoy them. I haven’t been to Medellin in 7 years and I’m looking forward to going this December with my family 🎉
columbian woman sound pretty brutal....
@@tednguyen7258there are all kinds of women in Colombia.
I was born and raised in the states but I am Colombian hahahaha🤡
@@GOAT07_ Colombiana chiviada 🤣
@@GOAT07_ my brother is born and raised in the states and is Colombian too. Colombia grants dual citizenship, and more than likely this guy grew up in a Colombian community in the states.
Just be grateful that you never had kids with her.
amen bro
11:01 ew, I can't stand when people deify the woman, as if the man isn't someone to be impressed . It's always "be sure he treats you right" instead of "be sure you treat him right".
Have had similar experience about dating Church rather than the girl just like you.
It’s really brave to share this… not many people go through this… thanks for sharing.. I had something similar regarding the church aspect
Ive taken away alot from this video. And though my marriage is fairly young. And me and my wife married young. Here's a few things i can reflect on.
My wife when we met she spoke no English and i didn't know Russian. But we knew we loved each other. So she promised to learn English to meet my friends and i learned Russian to understand her family.
This made it easier for us to communicate and understand our friends and families better.
We sought out counseling. But not from our friends. We did talk to her parents who have been married for over thirty years.
But we found a licensed counselor and aired out alot of things. Cultural and personal.
With my wife being from Ukraine partially raised in Russia and i being from the United States. A literal case of east meets west.
we last longer than most of the native couples here because, we realized that we will disagree, culturally and sometimes spiritually.
But..we listen, we understand what makes the person tick, we work together, make the time for each other and occasionally go back to what brought us together in the first place.
I fall more in love with her every day. And it makes Happy every time she tells me how she's proud to have me as a husband. And i tell her she's amazing every day that's why.
Wow!
learn Russian, bro. It helps a lot
I've long since learned. @@Evrastrim
Takes a lot to walk away! Good for you, that guy has something coming for him along the way. I hope this all works out for you bro! Thank you for sharing you are saving a lot of men
I support your decision. She’s not in the marriage for you. You deserve better. She dragged too many people into this marriage when it supposed to be between you and her. She doesn’t respect you or the marriage enough. I would suggest take what you learned from this experience and make better choices for yourself in the future. Also, it would be a good idea to cut all ties with her and her gang of people. Good luck. There are many good women out here. So you don’t have anything to worry about.
I dont know her side of the story, but boy am I glad to be single!
Hey, I am not a married man but as an older person I have become more set in my ways. I think sometimes when you are younger you're more willing to adapt and compromise, but as you get older you realize how much your own values define who you are and need to hold up and it may affect who you would choose as a life partner if you were to do so. It is better to have the woman adapt to your family and your life more than the other way around in my opinion. If you're going to be the leader of the house then they have to come into your frame. At least that is how I see it now that I am older. Otherwise I'd stay single and enjoy life as a single man!
Excellent learning experience. She wasnt really into you, and that pastor knew it.
Totally agree with you with best of intensions!
I'm from Manizales and currently live in Medellín. Since I discovered your channel, I've loved it because you found a great community (I'm Catholic, not Christian). You talked extensively about my city and culture, and I really supported that. I identify with you because I fell in love with a Catholic girl about 1.5 years ago; she's also my ex now because she won a scholarship to the Netherlands. Anyway, I understand what you mean when you say that you were trying to fit in with this community and follow all their rules (which can be extremely difficult if you grew up in a different environment).
You messed up when you married a conservative religious woman, while she believed you were becoming part of her religion and community otherwise she wouldn't marry you, isn't it? In reality, you didn't adapt to the Christian lifestyle of this community after you were her boyfriend, lately, her husband. Obviously, your ex-wife always prioritizes the teachings of her church because, for them, they are following the Word of God.
What makes me think this? You consume drugs, have changed your religion, and have had several sexual relationships with other women. You are also making fast friendships because you are frequently traveling. Your life seems so fluid. In contrast, your ex-wife will always be Christian and be with her family and community. She is grounded. You are liquid.
My personal recommendation is: if you have realized throughout this divorce that you are likely to be constantly changing of place, culture, religion, or people. Meet people with the same interests and values as you.
P.S. I don't know her, her family, or her community. I am not Christian. I really appreciate your videos, content, and insights.
You're catholic dude, that means you are a part of the oldest christian church, I think what you mean to say is that you are not protestant
Who cares? Christ is the WAY. Not Catholics, Protestants, Lutherans etc etc etc. @@MarkIsMyMiddleName
@@MarkIsMyMiddleName Catholicism began to exist after the great schism of 1054AD. Before that, there was no Catholic church. Most Catholics *believe* they are Christian, while Orthodox - from whom the Catholic religion stems - do not see them as such. I am confused as to why this Catholic commenter says "I'm Catholic, not Christian" 😂 that's our line.
@@FreeNDeed777 Paul was the direct apostle under Jesus who delegated the authority and spirit of God to. Do you deny the Apostles?? This doctine is followed in any Biblical Domination and the Bible is the Law particularly the new testament. the point to be made that Church Authority is valid and each one thinks differently, which is why i agree with OP, and Wes's problem was not doctrinally doing any research on the Bible nor that domination.
Matthew 18:15-20 ESV
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
@@lks11 Jesus is the Way, not brother Paul.
Dude! This sounds exactly like my marriage just swap out her church for her family. Even the premarital part. I totally get it. You did the right thing. In conclusion I felt like the loneliest married guy ever!
That’s no way to live.
Much respect. I love following your channel
She was ready for everything else but marriage.
Sounds like she just wanted the status and when she saw she could lose him she set the church gang on him to put him in his place.
To me this guy was in a very dangerous situation even if they had never shown that by threatening him. All the signs were there!
I think you break things down very well, you make things very easy to understand!!! Thank you for creating this video!!! I think this is a very valuable lesson for you and for individuals like me that is looking for answers in regards to relationships!!!
It is one of the pitfalls of marrying a foreign girl in a foreign land. Her family and her friends are on her side and you are alone. Even the friends you thought are your friends could essentially count as on her side cos they have more history/more in common with her rather than you.
There are countless history lessons on this in Chinese history where the woman's side gets too powerful. The side of the empress grew so powerful the emperor has no power. Sometimes it became so bad that the emperor's own family members are in danger. Check out the history of first empress of Han dynasty if you are interested. The real woman empress who can call herself "emperor" of Tan dynasty came to power the same way. An emperor at least would have people loyal to him to start with but you are alone in foreign land means you are alone unless you are a powerful businessman or something and can lift someone up and he/she be loyal to you in the community. Just my thoughts.
It is always a power play in human relationships. Either it with you own family, business relationship or so called love.
I would love human relations to just be ideal and be just about pure love and friendship but in reality it is not.
Exactly!
so essentially if you want to succeed in dating abroad, you still need money and connections... the trade-off something to consider and differences between dating in the US vs abroad don't seem so large now.
Sorry for what you experienced. But dude you were obnoxious during that time always slamming western culture and specifically the US. I guess nobody truly knows what goes on in a relationship behind closed doors.
Wes, this was a powerful video. I watched your channel a few years ago when I was studying Colombia to see if I wanted to go. I remember you talking up Manizales and the church and the women being different. The 2 most interesting things you touched on were that you weren't going to go through the church to have a wife and how they weaponized "face/face saving" against you. I can relate in that I have family who are much the same... if we are to be a family I have to go through their church. I called their bluff and haven't been to see them in 25 years as I'm not religious.
On the saving face, I would think that you're familiar being Asian, but this is the first time I've heard it done this way. Not to say it's new. The whole situation just seems like assimilate or else. I have an uncle who would've been so happy with that situation... having the church as his proxy wife. Ultimately, I went to Thailand (for a visit) and it seems you did too. I'll have to check out your new vids.
Thanks for being so open about this topic Wes. I think you would have fared better with a lady from Barranquilla. The marjority of the Colombian women I dated were from Cali and Barranquilla and they were very independent minded even if they lived with their parent(s). You had quite the experience. If I were you, I would stay clear of Colombia for at least 3 years.
love your vulnerability and honesty man. it sounded like you guys were more attracted to the idea and projection of marriage and stability rather than really being in love. but that happens to all of us, it is a learning process. Focus on developing your sense of self and connecting with your own purpose and emotion, pick up some hobbies and passions. you are a great person and I've been watching your channel for quite a bit.
Also if you ever come back in Los Angeles, lemme know and I would love to get a coffee with you! you are super interesting
@@TussinTim🏳️🌈?
it is a big miracle i have been married 27 years and she is still crazy about me. but i also know the formula to my success isn't a guarantee for most, no matter how many boxes you get right. I've lived in your world thru your videos. now get out there and make a lot of love again because life is too short!
The problem with cult churches is that members start becoming fanatics were you can’t enjoy life.
Thanks for sharing bro. Despite your bitter and terrible experience, I was able to extract precious gems and can help young men to spot red flags in a potential marriage mate. I come to understand that you don't really know a person until you live with them. I wish you well in your new life; it must be refreshing. Cheers!
I feel you bro. I had a relationship with a narciscist woman for 3 years, well, I discovered her bad traits later on. She said one day she betrayed me, just after I asked her in marriage. I guess it was a blessing. No kids, no divorce to file. But I was very sad and depressed for like 6 months. Now I'm healed! My advice is to finish a toxic relationship before kids or marriage. Because, kids and marriage don't save any relationship
I also noticed that about Latin culture. They don’t ever seem to TRY to make the effort of learning your culture. It’s highkey selfish. Idc if the person is a nationalist. If you love someone, you will try to make the attempt to learn their culture and language just like how you learned her culture. I think it’s a Latin thing. Girls from Dominican Republic are lowkey the same. I notice they aren’t interested in learning or diving deep into the American culture.
I only have to say, I’m so sorry Wes! No one deserves to be treated like that! I hope you are able to forgive and keep growing!!
The threat voicemail sounded like an intro to a rap video.
lolol
@Where’sWes. I am shocked to hear about your situation in Colombia. I have been there many times and not heard of this before. I went thru a similar situation in finding a woman I loved in Colombia, but our break up/separation was not youself. All I can say is keep your head up high and don’t let anyone else disrespect you as a Man. Much respect from California. I will watch all your videos ✌🏻
While I love your program, I feel that at this point you need to find a trauma counselor. Your audience here cares about you, but this topic about your break up with your wife is deeply personal and private and is best to be shared with a professional. Out here in public, I am afraid for your personal safety. Columbia to Thailand is only a ticket away.
The true measure of who someone is after life knocks them down is their ability to get back up, knock off the dust, learn the lesson, and move along. You got this.
You're going to be alright! Stay strong and positive! And keep marching forward! Your friend, Per
cy!
Well outlined. Well presented. Well sequenced. And well conveyed in execution. Nicely set up with compelling emotional backstory. Made even more so by an emotional authenticity. Young man, your anecdote is the
other- gender-side of
"The Joy Luck Club."
Your telling of it is classically designed. Delicately rendered.
Thanks for the vulnerability and for sharing your story. Live and learn.
The "father figure". There was more going on there than an overly protective church man. Your wife had a relationship with him. Access old messages, talk to people close to him. You'll see.
Wes I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you but at the same time very happy you got out of it. You learning the culture and language have got nothing to do with those people. You committed and showed you are a great learner and as you said adaptive. You adapt really well and it’s just they could not adapt to you. Take those learnings, developed skills and enjoy your life. Keep enhancing your language, relationships and enjoy the ride. When you enjoy, be pure and do good things, then you become more receptive to more good things and blessings. These things do not only exist in church. Church should never dictate your relationship with God. Colombia isn’t the only Spanish-speaking country. You will use those skills and connect with other people. You’ll find a partner/friends that will respect you, will fight together with you on your side and are also worth fighting for.
You are telling the truth. I dated a lot of Latina girlfriends when I was growing up, but I realized quickly that I could not marry any of them because of the hold their mothers held over them and their sisters' lives. Although they had both parents in the home, their fathers were mostly hands-off with their girls and the moms were in charge of them. I would hear my girlfriends' mom telling even their married daughters what to do, and the daughters would follow the moms instructions over their own husbands' guidelines. I knew I couldn't be a part of that, because it should always be a husband and his wife against the world with their families support, not the family running their lives in the backyard. Before anyone ask, my girlfriends were Puerto Rican, Dominican, and Mexican, where they were from did not matter, I would see the same things playing out almost every time. When it did not happen, it was because their fathers were very dominant and the wives feared them, but even then everyone had an opinion in your relationships. It was eye-opening, because it thought me that men everywhere had issues in marriages regardless of their cultures.
How can you say you're a child of god and then threaten to take someone's life?
Sorry to hear you had these bad experiences brother I hope you get fully past all the bad things soon! Thanks for sharing this!
sorry to hear that you divorced. I found your channel on RUclips a year ago and you talked about stuff to avoid, scams and how you can against all odds live and stay in Colombia 😊
Complex dynamics for sure , to the max. Having no father figure is a huge deal that went against you. That’s why she worked so much and the church was a backbone substitute. Unfortunate. You did well to leave.
I learned that If I decide in Colombia, nothing will be tied to a woman. No immigration, no accounts. This is for at least a 10 year probation period. Lol. Things become unraveled quickly, she had no idea the damage she did and had the expectation that you’d deal with it, nope. A person with options and dignity doesn’t settle for disrespect.
hou nailed it bro
I'm glad you chose yourself bro
I see you, Wes. You're a good man. Life's not fair. But it must be lived. You're on track.
Praying the best for you and your recovery. Props to sharing your story to empower others. Wish you the best!
Glad you left! live and learn bud.
I think you dodged a bullet there brother both literally and metaphorically. Colombians/Venezuelans seem like too much drama, It’s a very different culture. And praising the fact it’s the most violent country in the world like that’s something to be proud of. You did the right thing glad you got out of there safe and sound. 👍
Marry a good Asian wife. There’s plenty you can culturally and spiritually connect with.
You just met someone who is extremely dependable on their community. Take this as a learning experience; you were not a coward when you saw the early signs; you're young, you were just seeing everything through rose colored glasses; sometimes we fall so deep in love that we put on blinders. They'll come off over time. When I'm interested in someone now, I scrutinize their family, friends, and how they treat others. I even scrutinize their way of living, how clean their home is, their habits.... I keep it to myself though and if I see red flags early on; I'm out before it get's too serious.
That dude sounds like he has a crush on your wife
Aside from the obvious creep, it sounds like a protestant problem..should have gone the catholic route.
That supposed father figure has ZERO right to defend her...you are her husband and she has her own father..it seems to me he was trying to get to your wife
Trust that what you say to your friends/gf/whatever is private is the most important factor in any relationship
gotta check the early signs @ the biginning of a relationship & review your tolerance level before 💯% commitment
never know what to look for tho while you're in it.
Bruh I don't know if you will see this. But thanks for sharing your story with the world. I have a religious girlfriend from Latin America and I'm from the west and your experience is helping me see all the red flags and potential issues that could come up. Thanks for having the courage to share all this.
Listening to your story there are a lot of things that went wrong here. I’m a Christian and so is my husband. In pre-marital counseling by the pastor and reading marriage books one of the things emphasized for a healthy marriage is that our marriage is the “inner circle” and everyone else is on the outside circle including parents, friends, spiritual leaders, and other relationships. Our needs always come first and any other opinions are take it or trash it. We are careful who we talk to about our marriage including family. We have stuck to that since the beginning even having to leave our old church and go elsewhere and have convos with in-laws about our boundaries. This is healthy and most any marriage counselor will tell you that. I do trust my husband and he trusts me. That being said, I’m sorry you went through that and there were many boundaries crossed including your own personal safety! If you ever try again, a good book that helped us Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. Wish you the best in the future and in your travels!
I agree mostly, but keep in mind this piece of the scripture :
Matthew 18:15-20 ESV
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Excellent points about the inner circle of marriage, trust inside and outside of it.
Keep Your Love On, by Danny Silk, is solid gold. I go back and read from time to time. It's that good.
The bible says not to marry unbelievers and this man's story is the perfect example. They are on different wavelength spiritually and this is what caused the seperation. I hope you two find happiness in ur future
actions speak louder than words. So many Christians out here not practicing what they preach.
This case reminds me a phrase we got here: "When you marry someone, you also marry your husband or wife's family." In some ways it may be true, but I think your ex-wife's family crossed the line of abuse, It went even illegal when they threatened you. Yes, It's true that for us family is essential, but it's also true that going to the extreme of glorifying them so much can generate these types of situations. Unfortunately, in many Latin families there is a kind of hierarchy - very toxic, by the way - where parents or elders have the right of controlling everyone just for that reason, while the rest adopt a submissive position before them, and if they don't, they are considered disrespect. I am Colombian, but that idea is totally repulsive for me. In my opinion, no person worth your own integrity and well-being. You did well, Wes. Greetings from Medellín. 🌹