I remember that Aerosmith song Janie's got a gun when I was a kid I didn't even know what it was about but it was about a girl getting her revenge for this and I'm surprised there aren't more scenarios like that song
Literally! I think people forget most of the time they are attracted to the innocence more than the specific body! Many have a preference but they’ll take what they can get
I'll say it! If your mother is still with him, she's complicit in the abuse. ESPECIALLY if she had 'an inkling' that something was happening when you were a child and didn't seek to find the truth. Despicable cowards!
My mother said, "Do you _really_ think he's capable of that?" And then during custody/ divorce let the Utah courts twist and laugh at a "Lot's daughters" "situation" rather than statutory r. I woke up to him; no way 12 year old me could have done anything against 300+lb him, yet no one pursued it. Not my counselors, not the guardian ad litem (who required us three girls to visit with him or else custody would be re-evaluated), not church leaders, no one. They were all happy to sacrifice my life and put my sisters at risk... but fortunately I was the only one. Didn't stop them from inviting him to their wedding receptions... but that's another fight that I stood no chance in. To them, then 10 and 7, he was dad. I was the 12 year old with c cups and "living pornography" as idiots at church called me who were just as complicit in ignoring the bruises over the years. And I wish I could swear without being a hypocrit, but every slur we have in English has to do with sex or belittling women. So I abstain. FML? It already happened and destroyed it, so what's the point in inviting it again.
@Undomaranel I am so sorry no one ever listened to you. You were failed by all the adults in your life. All I can say is I am sorry and I really hope you find healing and do well throughout your life ❤
@@Undomaranel Continue on your healing journey. You seem to be amazing. There are those out there who could absolutely benefit from your counseling from trauma-based wisdom , if that's what you choose to do. God bless!
@@MrsKAS1 I'm so sorry. I wouldn't consider someone who told you that a mother. She may have given birth to you, but someone who would allow such pain on their child doesn't deserve the right.
Restraining order. I’d make sure he knew that up front that I was obtaining one. No way he’s getting access to your children or a relationship with you. Absolutely not.
@RaleighLink I’ve been watching your channel for years and could never have imagined you went through that. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I should’ve realized because you’re so strong and passionate in advocating for victims. Thank you for using your voice to protect those who need it, be it humans or horses 💖
My dad would inappropriately touch and comment on mine and my friends bodies my whole life... when I tell you the moment I moved out at 21 I never spoke to him again...... It was the BEST decision I ever made! I will NOT ever give him a “second chance” or access to hurt my future children the same way.
I always find it curious that abused children still refer to the abuser as mother/father/mom/dad. They did not do the duties of a parent and therefore are automatically stripped of the title. At the most they are are the sperm/egg donor. That’s it.
You can forgive someone and still protect yourself by not being in relationship with them. I’ve forgiven my mom, but I will never speak to her again for my own sake.
It sounds like she has if he has to write letters and go through other family.... She needs to let the rest of the family know whatsup and tell them to stop doing his bidding for him because he is a pervert
I've warned family and other women, who have daughters, to avoid him, to protect them. I hope it worked! Dad is 100% responsible, I never was responsible for his sexually abusing me) He's a jerkwad! So is his brother, Roger. Don't trust them! The other brothers and family are harmless! I didn't marry/and or have kids, to prevent another generation from being sexually abused by him. He's not trustworthy, nor is Uncle Roger!(his brother). They think it is a joke. They are sick bastards!
@@JG-mt3rp true. I hate the idea that everyone can be redeemed. There are certain actions that are so inexcusable that anyone who crosses that line can not truly be considered human anymore.
As a big brother if i ever found out that my sister had suffered like this, i'd be in prison. Literally zero clue how they can be so nonchalant about such a massive secret.
Most likely they don't have the courage to stand up to their father and risk losing their relationship with him. Abuse often gets swept under the rug, which enables abusers to continue destroying other's lives.
There may be genuine valid reason for why they act as they do. But a sad reality may really be that they don’t fully appreciate what she has said or believe her. Because I have a hard time accepting that if they truly believe and appreciate what she has told them they’d be able to have their daughters around him. But it’s a challenging thing to have been extremely close to your parent and evidently idolized them and then get this news and be able to make that pivot to fully cut him off like they really should. One of the things that is such garbage with these predators is that not only does he destroy her world with what he did but he also does such drastic harm to everybody else in the family in the family as well and to cap it off still sees no issue or accepts any punishment for the harms he carried out. But I don’t think I’d be able to keep myself in check for the same thing to have happened with my sisters and they’re older than me.
I had a friend of the family tried to abuse me. He didn't succeed. My brother told him to leave me alone, or he'd tell my dad. He stopped trying to make advances. My brother protected me. 😊
A father exists on this planet to love, nurture, support, teach, encourage, and guide his little girls. Any father that betrays this should face the ultimate punishment.
Pedophiles dont change. The best you can hope for is they recognize they are sick and make the decision to STAY away from children. Just like an alcoholic does when they realize they are sick. If Grandpa is still trying to see your kids.... he is still sick.
Some Do Change if You look at the Stats, Most offenders Do Not Re offend... Some Do Though, Every individual Case is Different... With Man It is Impossible, But With God All things are Possible We All Need Undeserved Grace and Mercy at Some Point in our Lives.
As a father, this brought me to tears. She needs to tell her Father that he is no longer welcome in her family's lives. If he persists, she should go scorched earth and go to the police, let him know she will tell the community.
My dad ignores my boundaries, he still ignores them. I have no children that he can sexually abuse, or his brother Roger! I won't be silent, to protect Dad, he's the worst! His sick brother, next. Assholes! The other family members are not like them. I told their brother Kenny/his wife, Jackie, when their kids(two daughters, a son, very young at the time), so the daughters would be left alone with their uncle(my Dad). I didn't know about the brother's propensity to tell sexual jokes(to me), at the time. He did later, I told their mother, who enabled them, said to me: "have a sense of humor" end of my trust in her. She protected them. They think they won't be punsihed. I hope Dad and uncle Roger go straight to Hell! They think it is a joke. They are wrong. They are the joke.
She's already told him that. From this point on, she should stop any and all communications and involve the police directly, getting a restraining order against her father.
Dad groomed me to be nice, polite, silent and obedient. I am nice and polite, not silent or obedient. He sexually abused me for decades. He did it deliberately, threatened me, blamed me. The bastard! He expects not to be punished. I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he put me through. He is 100% guilty. Me, not at all guilty!
I do not understand why people protect their elderly family members in this regard. In most situations there are no statute of limitations for child sexual abuse. Her father should be in JAIL. Period. It’s the only place where children can be safe from him. It’s never just one child. Silence allows more children to be harmed.
It's an extremely convoluted situation. The child bonds to parents, and it takes years to even know the Dad is not allowed to do bad things to them. The love fear, hate against a father lasts a lifetime. It happened to my mom. Her dad remarried and had 7 more children, some younger than me. Mom had moved 3000 miles away . Married hsd her own family. She found out from her adult sisters the Dad 😮sexually abused them too. It caused her enormous guilt and pain She never dreamed he would do that to anyone else. It's a blindness. But us girls..6 of us and one brother heard about it, into wee hours of many nights. It messed all of us up. The girls are NOT believed. But it really ruins the daughters lives. And the next generation and more are so impacted if the victims do not get professional help.
Denial. It can be strong among family. Doesn't mean the one who was and is being hurt by the family should just stick around and put up with it. But it's something to know when you can't make heads or tails of other family members feeling torn or even getting angry at the truth teller. Unfortunately, the truth teller sometimes needs to cut the contact with everyone in the family. It sucks, but if it's between protecting self and your kids or staying in touch with siblings that don't believe you, I choose me and my kids.
This is the only right comment, I have no idea why every comment here and John are not vehemently calling for this man to be in prison. What is wrong with society always being so lenient on abusers?Jesus
I've warned others, so he won't be protected by my silence, though Dad threatened me when I was 12 1/2. I was 26 when I told other family(one of his brothers is like him, no other family members, though) members, those with girls in the family, so Dad can't be alone with the girls. Their parents have been warned. My sister didn't want to believe it, but now, does. I broke the cycle of sexual abuse through not being silent about Dad, his sick thoughts, inappropriate hugs/kisses(me). He's an asshole! I am 60 now, and will not protect Dad with my silence. His fault, his punishment. He thinks he is without guilt over sexually abusing me. He blamed me. He is so wrong! I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he caused me. He's proud of having sexually abused me(he still tries to hug/kiss me, disgusting), he's sneaky. I"ve warned other women, who have daughters, to avoid him. I am protecting other women, girls, by not being silent, to break the cycle of sexual abuse he started with me.I won't protect the asshole! I never married or had kids, so another generation won't be sexually abused by him!
So does my dad! He is evil, personified! His brother, Roger, for having told me sexual jokes, I was 26. Dad did it for decades. He is vile, evil, disgusting and not trustworthy! I've warned others, he won't be protected by my silence(he threatened me when I was 12 1/2). I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he put me through. Bastard! His brother, Roger(none of the other three or other family members are like them), too! Sick jerkwads!
That's how predators persist. People around them are never quite sure enough to report. "If I find out he's around kids..." That's why predators can function for decades. I hope she will decide to document her case against him now rather than show up when the police have more victims and are asking "We'd like any other victims to come forward". Talk about guilt, that would be tougher to manage. She knows today what he is.
When she sad: "He cancelled counceling after 2 times because he had to cry." I completly lost it. How dare he? He put his daughter through a life time of hell and he can't stand counceling? This man should stay in jail for the rest of his life. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
He cancled the counselling NOT because he had to cry, but because he HAD TO CONFRONT WITH THE TRUTH! And that Truth terrified him! That is the real reason
Hire a lawyer to take care of this now. You have a right to protect yourself and your children. Never give an abuser, a second chance. God bless you and your family. 🎉
My dad, the main perpetrator, for decades, sexually abused me, and then expects to be let off the hook. Not! He did it deliberately, threatened, blamed and shamed me to be silent. I broke that that silence, when I was 26. I won't protect him!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 Good for you for refusing to let him off the hook for what he did to you! I wish you full emotional and psychological healing and a life of happiness.
I am so happy that her siblings stood with her. I lost my relationship with my brother over this and I pray to God that he never leaves his baby girl with that man. What a rock solid mom! So proud of you for being able to talk about this.
I am 72 and only recently "remembered" a situation when I was 6 years old. I was with a neighbor playmate and we ended up at a man's house in the neighborhood where a man abused me. It took over 65 years to realize this since I had always thought it had been a bad dream. I remember being confused about bodily fluid and not understanding. I never told my parents. Predators have a way of getting their hands on children who are not their family. Do not let this "father" near any of them.
That is a False Stereotype... Most Offenders After Serving Time Do Not Re Offend, it's Documented... Although Some Don't Change, So Do Some thieves, Liars Murderers, Drunkards, Junkies But Some Do Change, With God All things are Possible, And We Should Write No one Off as a hopeless Cause, Just Because They Did Something Horrible, We Hate...I Hate it As Well, as a Victim Myself, But If The Person does Own up and Changes their Behavior, then Yes Second Chances are Possible, For even the worst.
Your husband should take charge of this situation. It's his family that is in jeopardy now. You've done nothing wrong but your husband should stand up for you now.
That's what I thought. Her husband needs to have a man to man convo that includes a nuclear threat if perv daddy doesn't bug out of her life permanently.
This is an unrepentant monster. He’s wanting access to your girls 100% he’s jonesing for a fix. Shut it down, focus on your beautiful family and if he comes creeping weild an axe and machete.
And a German Shepherd. Those dogs love their kids and are intelligent to scope out threats to them. I swear they can see through facades and smell EVIL.
I'm a ball of tears. I'm soooo sorry you went through this and have the courage to speak about it. I know it's not easy because I also went through the same situation with my biological father. My parents were separated so the abuse took place at his home and I never wanted to go there. My mother didnt know. As I got older I refused to see him. When I got married is when i shared with my husband and he encouraged me to see a therapist which helped but my mother was confused as to why i needed therapy. He told her what my father did to me and she was shocked!! I dont have a relationship with him and wouldn't trust him around my kids. He has never admitted to anything. Dont feel like you have to have him in your life. I forgave my father as a Christian my walk with God has been my saving grace but I refused to have him in my life. You are so brave..you are doing the right thing dont trust him around you or your kids. You dont have to have him in your life at all. I will be praying for you and healing on your life. It's not easy and the memories dont go away. The scars are there but it is our responsibility to keep our kids safe and not worry about anyone's feelings. Dont feel any responsibility to keep him around for any reason. That trauma even just seeing them is a trigger. God bless you and your Beautiful family. I'm happy you have your husband there to help you keep those boundaries.
We can sweep it under the rug either. Reports need to be made so that the predator doesnt abuse ANY kids. We have a duty to all kids. Not just our own.
My dad was physically and emotionally abusive not the same as her which I feel is waaaay more horrific but NO in my opinion there is NO redemption, I chose to forgive and move on... closed that chapter bye...
You are not your fathers possession. He views you as his possession. He has dissociated what he’s done to her and he doesn’t see it as something that he actually did to her. The fact that she has a seemingly healthy marriage and life is actually incredible.
I told my predator ex-husband as long as he didn't leave my children and I alone, he'd continue going back to prison. That's when he finally left us alone.
Please keep him away from your kids. My grandfather first abused my mother as a child, than he "changed" when I was born, but he was sexually abusing me for 10+ years. Now at 27 I'am dealing with severe consequences: bpd, depression, ocd, suicidal tendencies
My dad started grooming me when I was in elementary school. Mom warned me when I was 5-11 years old, that it wasn't my fault. She couldn't protect me then, but when I was 26, she insisted that I tell my sister, who has a daughter and son, and my sister didn't believe me at first. Dad lies. He blames all of it(sexual abuse of me, on me, the bastard! I don't take the blame.) I had to tell my maternal grandmother, too. That was hard. When I was 12 1/2, and physically developing into a woman, dad started saying horrendous things, in his own, twisted way, about sex, to me. Sick jerwad. I told him to stop, he went on for decades. He expects me to protect him with my silence, I haven't and won't . His problem, not mine. It was never my fault, but all his fault. He still won't take any responsibility, the jackass! I warned other women, with daughters, about him, to avoid him.I hope they listened. Dad is the worst perpetrator. He expects not to be punished with prison. He will, probably, go straight to Hell, for the hell he caused me. Jackass!
Yeah stay away from him at all costs and get him arrested. If he was attracted to young children or just likes the power to abuse, that is something that honestly can not be changed. Do not forgive him. He will wait until you trust him and will start to make moves towards her kids.
The fact that he's not respectfing boundaries, is enough to show that there's no way to nice. She should check with state laws bc many times those dont "expire" and press charge....yeah that the stature of limitation.
He should be in jail. It is not the responsibility of the family to “monitor” the molester. Molesters will often reoffend. This man has not had ANY consequences for his actions. He is a habitual line-stepper and he looks to put himself in situations to be around children. Also, I am sure this man has a history of this behavior and needs to be stopped, not just avoided.
If the brothers gave your ATTACKER your home address, that relationship is DONE. If someone abuses you, that relationship is non-existent and dead. This woman has a TOXIC family. As someone who has been there.... I cut out my Dad, my cousins. My uncles. My life is better in every way because I kicked those people out of my life. Was it difficult? Heck yes. You will heal. You can't heal with people you are inviting in your life that are abusing you. Block your Dad and stop telling your family where you live. Only allow those who respect your boundaries access to your life.
She needs to look at him directly in the eyes… and say I know what you did to me, YOU know what you did to me. If you go anywhere near me OR my kids. I will make your life a living hell like you have made mine. I will go to your job, your family reunions, your everything and tell everyone what you did!!
No, that threat will entangle her with his denial and manipulation. NO CONTACT. She needs to document everything, get a restraining order, reveal it all to her siblings, and act the second he steps out of line.
No, she doesn't need to talk to him at all, ever again. She has communicated that she doesn't want him near her children, and she should now get a restraining order against him. Should he violate that order, she should immediately involve the police. But she should have no direct contact with him. She should shun the unrepentant swine for the rest of his life. Let her actions speak for her from now on; issuing threats is meaningless.
I was sexually abused as a child by a family member and my sister was touched inappropriately by our grandpa. When my sister came forward I told her we needed to file a report since my biggest regret was never reporting my abuse. I feel like I failed my sister and the system failed my sister.. she had to give the same statement multiple times and nothing happened, absolutely nothing was done. our grandpa is still freely living and never had to pay any consequences for his action.
I'm so so so so so sorry that man did that to you and your sister and that the adults who are meant to protect you failed. I'm so sorry. I hope both of you have support now in your lives and see someone to talk about your trauma and are able to heal. Thank you for sharing this with others, I wish it was enough in the past and something could have been done.
@@luvasaur thank you for your kind words ♥️ I feel like my sister and I just lean on and support each other, we feel safe talking to each other because we feel like we understand one another and so having my sister is what helped me get through this. I definitely wish the system would have done more and I hope that it’s improved since then!
@@aadilenenene97 I'm sorry you have had to go through this. I felt so alone after my abuse and didn't talk to anyone about it other than my initial angry outburst to my mom about his touching me. He denied it. Nothing happened to my stepfather either, although some years later he did get two years in prison for fondling someone else's kid.
My heart aches for this woman. And I realize how blessed I am to have had my dad. He wouldn’t even walk through the hallway at night in his underwear. With three daughters in the house, he made sure he had slacks on. And he would never invade our privacy in our bedrooms or bathroom. He made me feel protected and safe.
There’s nothing he can do to get back that “father card.” Also be sure to alert everyone with kids that he may get close to. His sickness might not stop at only girls.
@@LittleBabywriter my point was some people do make those Bad choices and Do their best to Fix that about themselves in regret and Shame Remorse, And Some Don't, My Point is Don't Judge All the Same, Because People Do Change and truly regret treating people Bad in their past
@@SD_Chosen i do see that. It's just i myself had false hope. I don't think i can give up on having it but it is making me hurt because i am never over cutting of my sister and father. They have no will to change. Every time i try to solve things there is nothing changing. No ownership, no responsibility, no respect. They blame us for splitting the family apart and lie about us, treat us bad. But that's why we are enstranged from them in the first place.
@@LittleBabywriter I Understand Your Frustration and Pain Give it to God All Your Burdens, and Live Your Life, Let Go of any Hatred Resentment, Anger and Live Your Life, We All Have Done things we regret and we Must be willing to show the Same Grace and Mercy we need for ourselves for Others, Even when others have done Worse than us Wrong is Wrong, But Don't Lose Hope, Things Can Change, Just Do Your Part and Let God Do the rest.
Ugh. This is so difficult and it’s sad when even family around the abuser do not respect boundaries and actions. Praying for truth in recovery and Peace for your family.
I hate hearing stories like this and the family won’t have this man arrested. They don’t magically stop. He has and will do this to more children. I understand she is traumatized but once she sent an email telling the rest of the family what he is capable of. They are all to blame for not locking him up.
@@BusArch42 in most states there is no sol. In the video, he tells her this and she says she looked into it and knows that there is no sol in her state.
No on can can put him in jail but her and even then its always hard to prove but the family once made aware has a responsibility to protect their children.
John I appreciate so much how you spoke out about this! My sister and I were sexually abused by our dad from ages 3 and 5 until we were teenagers. Mom knew about it and turned a blind eye! She was neglectful and as I became a teen she was abusing pills and alcohol. Often the entire family in these cases is severely dysfunctional and many types of neglect and abuse are happening. My dad was a teacher and appeared a great person in the community. I was very fortunate to have therapy from a woman named Susan Forward who was renowned for her work with incest survivors. I am also blessed to have a kind husband. Fortunately my dad is deceased so he can’t hurt anyone anymore. My heart breaks for this girl and all of us who have suffered this horrible abuse. I wish that it was publicized more so that this can be exposed and stopped. I have found very few videos on RUclips about this too and that is disappointing. This needs to be exposed!
No contact with him at all not even supervised. Get a restraining order. Cut off all ties with your mom or brothers or anyone who passes along messages from him.
Yup. Because he’s not sorry at all and still looking to overuse boundaries. What others need/want/express doesn’t matter to him. They all don’t matter to him. He matters to him and that’s it.
How my heart aches for the caller! 💔 Been there, survived that. After I became an adult with my own children, it took an attorney and an order to keep both him and her away. Oh, she played the innocent well. Tears and all. But she was a stay at home mom and KNEW he had a prior history of this before I was born, yet acted shocked and claimed it was just a one off (really, mom??? For six plus years it went on!!!). Stated by the time I was in kindergarten, though possibly much younger. And in the end, she blamed me. Though he's since died, I still have nightmares. So here's a word of advice: DON'T TRUST YOUR MOM!!
.ine also gave my stepfather a pass because it was the first abuse of me. She didn't want to lose his financial contribution to the household. She did kick him out after he hit HER.
I worked with a lady whose grandfather S/A her & her sister. Turns out he had S/A her mother. & she served up her 2 little girls to him on a plate to do the same thing to them. SMH Family covered, grandma covered. Hard to comprehend.🙏
This is me 😢 my mother committed suicide because of it before I turned 1 and the abuse cycle passed on to me, I noticed something was wrong when I was 4. My grandmother told me to stay silent about it. It’s sickening. God showed me I was born from incest and chose to break the cycle. I was not the first and sadly not the last until he died of malaria in Africa.
That happened to my mom. She thought his focus of abuse was on her. This was in the late 40s early 50s. She had no idea what a pedophile was, and never thought we would be in danger. Thankfully, we understand pedophilia today.
It scares me to know that people can do this to a child. I was sexually abused by my brother and my mom has defended him for the sake of his immigration status. It pisses me off til this day. When I talk to my mom about how uncomfortable I am, instead of respecting that, she will go to him and he would lie to her face. Then, she would think I am being illogical based on his response. I do not like my family and it makes me wish I was adopted to a family that cared about my wellbeing. I never wish this on anyone nor my enemies.
I really hope you can put him in jail. For your own sake and for the sake of other little innocent girls. Believe me when I say: YOU WERE NOT HIS ONLY VICTIM.
It sounds like you need to join the generation of “Blood is thicker than water my a**.” I would suggest getting away from them as soon as you can and as far as you can. Your mother’s fake cluelessness is older than prostitution. What positive impact can she really have in your life if she, long ago, chose to favor her male child over you?
They are addressing her biological father. Therapy will address the whole scenario. Mom has responsibility but the onion peel that is abuse will be addressed step by step. No contact ever
@@symonemondy1058 Her mother wasn't responsible for the abuse, but she was responsible for protecting her daughter. For whatever reason, she failed to do so.
You never know who will do something like this until your child comes to you mother's work a lot and a lot at home they would never think anything like that it's just not in their world you never know where the Boogeyman is if you go to your mother and she doesn't believe you that she's just as bad but if you go to your mother and you tell her she loves her children she will fight to the death to protect them you have to hope and pray is something like that ever happens to your children they come to you if her mother knows now as she stays with that man she's just as bad she's a bad mother
Thank you. My immediate first thought was "shotgun" lol. Like- who would have one second of regret for protecting themselves and their own flesh and blood? Not me.
@@amosiren killing has its own burden even if it’s just and I don’t think Lauren would be able to cope with it and doesn’t deserve to go through further more trauma IMO.
I would love to connect with this woman. I was in her same position. It was extremely hard to verbalize what happened and I had guilt that I had "ruined" my brothers' perspective of their dad. The whole situation was awkward and uncomfortable.
Precious friend, I had your same situation. My father contacts me (tries to, through email) every few years. I will never expose my precious, valuable self to him and NEVER to my children. These people, without exception do not change. God bless you. STAY AWAY.
She can call the police, but I think she needs to be prepared for them not following through and taking her seriously. I've heard so many stories that I wouldn't trust them to protect her or other potential victims. I've heard so many stories of the law failing victims of abuse, that I think it's important that she learns how to physically protect herself.
The law wont protect my kid. Shes terrifiednof her dad. Courts try tonforceher to visit him but she refuses to go. I bought a gun and critical defense bullets.
The big problem with this kind of crime is the difficulty to prove it ever happened, and even the way memory works. 1. How could it be proved that sexual abuse happened at home tens of years ago? 2. Memory is not reliable. "Neuroscientists have shown that each time we remember something, we reassemble the event from traces in the brain. "Misremembering" can lead people to slightly exaggerate their past or to things as serious as false confessions." It must be almost impossible to prosecute someone for sexual abuse that happened at home tens of years ago. Even our memories could be creating or exaggerating situations in our minds!. Not denying what victims are saying in any way, just trying to think this situation in a purely objective way.
I’m 73, my father molested my female cousins, 1 committed suicide in her 40’s, the other 2 died young. I never had any relationship with them as they ran us out of town rather than having my father put away. My mother was a very mentally weak and physically sick (MS), she chose to stay with him. I have 3 brothers, all moved out by age 15, one brother spent his life in prison… ran away from home at 5! I have dream/memories of being touched but not certain. At one point my mother pulled me away from him, I had no idea why. When I turned 30 & had a baby my brother told me about the family SECRET, I had felt shame but never knew why. Needless to say, he was NEVER allowed near my children, the same goes for my brothers. I broke this child abuse cycle as well as the physical abuse with my children, now in early 40’s. I stayed away from family after my mother’s tragic death when I just turned 19. Life is finally good in my 70’s!
My mum did this to me. For the last 20 years both of them have been acting like this father. They will never get access to my children. No matter how many threatening or "sweet lets forget about the past" messages I get. Thanks caller for sharing your story. I hope you are doing well. ❤
I would never leave my child with that mom. You can't tell me that mom didn't know. Several girls in the home and the father doing this MOM KNEW! Mom didn't protect her own babies. What makes you think she would protect yours?
Whew, he’s the one who started the fire but I’m the one with the hose getting everything wet! That was a word for me!!!! I’ve felt guilty for many years about my inability to “forgive” the people who hurt and abandoned me and was made to feel responsible for embarrassing the family.
Exactly! I was warned to keep my mouth shut. But yet it was me who was trying to destroy the family, not him - even though he had a prior (unreported) history before I was even born. Rumor had it he was warned not to come near their child again or they would kill him. Not a tear did I shed when he passed. Nor will I do so when my egg donor (mother) passes, if she hasn't already. I am just so sorry you've had to experience such horrors as well. 💔 Stay strong!
She is strong just for calling in! I wish her the best and hope that she can fully recover. It sounds like she has made a partial recovery but still needs to address and overcome some demons.
This is my first video I have seen on your channel. The only other place I have seen you is on the Dave Ramsey show. I think you handled this call with excellence. The words you chose to use were incredible. I'll be watching a lot of your content going forward.
My dad just hit us , thank god we were never sexually abused by anyone 🥺 so sorry this happened you , please take care of your daughters and erase him from your life 😔
I don't think pedos, child abusers/molesters/murders can be redeemed. They already destroyed their victims' lives and it is too late. I think some people, certain people can't be redeemed even if they are sorry, apologetic, and want to be redeem/do the work..... sexual abuse can't be undone
I’m really disappointed you gave her any hope her father could change or be “redeemed”. There is no treatment for child predators. None. And they never, ever, have just one victim.
I see this video was posted 3 years ago. Dr D mentions Laurens mother potentially having let her down. My daughter disclosed SA by her Father at the age of 3 years old, the Police wouldn't even interview either him or her, they were not prepared to investigate it due to her age. They said they didn't want to 'plant false memories'. I fought through family court for 18 months, spending thousands trying to protect my daughter. No one was interested, they wouldn't listen to me, Doctors, health visitors, Play therapists, Court appointed psychologists - all of whom maintained he was a danger to her. She got sent back to him unsupervised, 2 years later she developed an eating disorder. This is happening in Family courts all around the world due to claiming "Parental alienation" being a get out clause for sexual abusers, domestic abusers. I really wish someone with a platform like Dr D would address this.
Yes, this is absolutely true. If they say because of your allegations you are committing parental alienation. They can remove custody and give full custody to the abuser. This is happening in many states.
I've been there and I pray that this young woman reads this message: just because someone is blood related to you does NOT make them family and does not give them the right to abuse you. Forgive and cut them out of your life. If people do not respect your boundaries, cut them out. If your brothers try to push your Dad on you, cut them out. And do NOT be afraid to tell them "my father sexually abused me. He will not be around me or my children." It is not your job to make your family comfortable. It is not your job to hide one of the BIGGEST traumas in your life because it will make everyone feel uncomfortable. Your Father did this. Your mother (I am sure) contributed to this. You just said that your mom had an idea (of course she did!!!! Mothers always know) yet she was willing to hand your daughters over to the man who molested you. Your family is TOXIC and toxic people do not deserve to be in your life. Dont be afraid to tell people what happened to you. You did nothing wrong! And bring that issue into the LIGHT. It will be the most healing thing you can do for yourself. Everytime you hold that lie inside, you protect the bad choices of your parents by abusing yourself. Tell them. And then make it very clear that if anyone disobeys your boundaries, your relationship is done. I did it with my family and it was amazing! All my stress left my life and I was finally able to heal. It is not my job to protect the predator.... and its not yours either.
I’m sorry, no. Not a good parent, not the parent you wanted or needed. There are thousands upon thousands of us out here with very similar circumstances and it’s painful. Feel so much for this caller.
my step dad would abuse me as well once my mother found out she did not believe me I'm so proud of this mom for protecting her babies . As for my story he went out of town to work and finally there marriage fell apart do to him cheating I have never felt more protected by god in my life and I'm so gratefully and he is no where near my son .
i can't believe how anyone in their right mind could blame a child for something like this. a lot of mothers do though. saying the child must have done something to provoke it. what in the world could a five year old child do to provoke a man sexually to the point of no return, that he could not control his actions. they are sick and think it's ok because we live in a rape culture that blames the victims instead of the criminals.
I know it's harsh, but you can't trust your mother with babysitting, because she didn't protect you and now that she knows for sure that he abused you, she is still with him!
Sorry folks the holidays coming is no reason to be around ANY molester. Of special note about holidays -thank you doctor. They are not deserving to see her or her family. Sending out strength to you!! and see how as a mom you continue to protect your babies(with your husband by your side).
NOOOOOOOOO. Do not allow this man in your orbit... or anyone else who doesn't support your decision. Be sure you are getting counseling for this, because the words you are speaking suggest you are still confused.
Yes, she definitely needs quite a lot of therapy because she's still fantasizing about her father changing one day and becoming safe to love. He will NEVER be safe to love or allow near children!
Him excitedly offering to watch the kids would’ve sent me into a blinding rage. And real family would’ve cut all ties with this slob of a “father”
I remember that Aerosmith song Janie's got a gun when I was a kid I didn't even know what it was about but it was about a girl getting her revenge for this and I'm surprised there aren't more scenarios like that song
@@leahflower9924The irony of that song coming out of Tyler's mouth after what he did. Not his kids, as far as I know, but same difference.
he would have just done the same to her kids what he did to her
Ouch- not sure that weighing in on whether they have a "real" family is the support these folks need
He's looking to abuse her children. Call the police.
Child molester can do this to both genders. I noticed they said to keep him away from just their daughters, but it should be from any kids.
Literally! I think people forget most of the time they are attracted to the innocence more than the specific body! Many have a preference but they’ll take what they can get
predators usually have a pretty specific preferance
Exactly
Absolutely. They should not be around any children period.
I think he just said it that way because this specific woman has daughters specifically. Otherwise you are correct.
I'll say it! If your mother is still with him, she's complicit in the abuse. ESPECIALLY if she had 'an inkling' that something was happening when you were a child and didn't seek to find the truth. Despicable cowards!
My mother said, "Do you _really_ think he's capable of that?" And then during custody/ divorce let the Utah courts twist and laugh at a "Lot's daughters" "situation" rather than statutory r. I woke up to him; no way 12 year old me could have done anything against 300+lb him, yet no one pursued it. Not my counselors, not the guardian ad litem (who required us three girls to visit with him or else custody would be re-evaluated), not church leaders, no one. They were all happy to sacrifice my life and put my sisters at risk... but fortunately I was the only one. Didn't stop them from inviting him to their wedding receptions... but that's another fight that I stood no chance in. To them, then 10 and 7, he was dad. I was the 12 year old with c cups and "living pornography" as idiots at church called me who were just as complicit in ignoring the bruises over the years.
And I wish I could swear without being a hypocrit, but every slur we have in English has to do with sex or belittling women. So I abstain. FML? It already happened and destroyed it, so what's the point in inviting it again.
@Undomaranel I am so sorry no one ever listened to you. You were failed by all the adults in your life. All I can say is I am sorry and I really hope you find healing and do well throughout your life ❤
@@Undomaranel Continue on your healing journey. You seem to be amazing. There are those out there who could absolutely benefit from your counseling from trauma-based wisdom , if that's what you choose to do. God bless!
@@MrsKAS1 I'm so sorry. I wouldn't consider someone who told you that a mother. She may have given birth to you, but someone who would allow such pain on their child doesn't deserve the right.
I don't think she is because she mentioned him having girlfriends with young kids.
He wants access to your child. He’s a predator. John saving this child and mother .
Thats why he's asking about her trying to find an in
He wants to terrorize her progeny. It is a sickness. People need to be aware of the psychology behind sexual abuse and trauma.
Yes, so easy to see. He is a predator. That never changes.
I don't even see how she can trust her mother. she's an enabler.
Restraining order. I’d make sure he knew that up front that I was obtaining one. No way he’s getting access to your children or a relationship with you. Absolutely not.
Restraining order. Put him in jail if he violates it.
He has some nerve contacting her. He would be dead to me.
Getting him registered as a sex offender AND restraining order. Prevention better than waiting for something to happen.
Exactly! No boundaries and no fear from that “dad”
My dad is same way
I had an abusive father, never gave him a second chance, I have ZERO regrets. Child abusers DON'T deserve a second chance.
My father abusive me and my daughter i will never never let my children talk to him again ..
Never they cannot be trusted, I agree.
@RaleighLink I’ve been watching your channel for years and could never have imagined you went through that. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I should’ve realized because you’re so strong and passionate in advocating for victims. Thank you for using your voice to protect those who need it, be it humans or horses 💖
It’s not about what they deserve. It’s about what you deserve. You deserve to feel safe and be at peace. And that means no contact.
@@JaNouWatIkVind Well said.
My dad would inappropriately touch and comment on mine and my friends bodies my whole life... when I tell you the moment I moved out at 21 I never spoke to him again...... It was the BEST decision I ever made! I will NOT ever give him a “second chance” or access to hurt my future children the same way.
i had the same experience. i have two girls and was THRILLED when he died when my youngest was 3. that sounds horrid but I was able to sleep easy.
I always find it curious that abused children still refer to the abuser as mother/father/mom/dad. They did not do the duties of a parent and therefore are automatically stripped of the title. At the most they are are the sperm/egg donor. That’s it.
@@SLB_888 so true. I would refer to him by his name but my story wouldn’t make as much sense if I said “my Andy” 🤣
What was your mothers response during those events. I am so sorry your father mistreated you and failed you.
My dad also used to act like this and I don’t talk to him anymore either… we all deserved more from our fathers!
Some people don't deserve a second chance. It is okay to say "No" to someone who abused you.
God forgives. So should we.
You can forgive someone and still protect yourself by not being in relationship with them. I’ve forgiven my mom, but I will never speak to her again for my own sake.
@@haleytruslow7200 forgiveness is for the self and people seem to forget that
@@brendanbloomberg3283 LOL i love how enablers always use god to défend people that did bad
@@brendanbloomberg3283 that monster shouldn't be allowed back into her life, he doesn't deserve it.
If she has kids she needs to cut off all communication forever. Keep him away from the kids, first priority
Yes definitely
And the mother too if she stays with him
It sounds like she has if he has to write letters and go through other family.... She needs to let the rest of the family know whatsup and tell them to stop doing his bidding for him because he is a pervert
@@tarledamanley2832 especially if other family members have kids too.
@@isay207 He seems to have had a series of girlfriends since when she was a child, so it's unlikely the mother's still with him.
My mother had an abusive father and she never let me or my brothers around him. I've still never met him to this day and I could not be more glad.
Knowing you were protected is something you never forget .
@@stephanie-atarahrose.8149 absolutely.
I really liked that comment, thank you for that. I might actually tell my mum.
I 100% believe in redemption. I also 100% believe that I'm not testing that redemption with my daughter.
I've warned family and other women, who have daughters, to avoid him, to protect them. I hope it worked! Dad is 100% responsible, I never was responsible for his sexually abusing me) He's a jerkwad! So is his brother, Roger. Don't trust them! The other brothers and family are harmless! I didn't marry/and or have kids, to prevent another generation from being sexually abused by him. He's not trustworthy, nor is Uncle Roger!(his brother). They think it is a joke. They are sick bastards!
I know this is old, but well said.
There is no redemption for this crime.
@@JG-mt3rp true. I hate the idea that everyone can be redeemed. There are certain actions that are so inexcusable that anyone who crosses that line can not truly be considered human anymore.
If the mother now knows, she SHOULD be protecting you and your family by not allowing him access.
The mother didn’t protect her before. Not realistic to expect her to step up now.
He doesn't deserve a place in your life. Block him. Call the cops.
As a big brother if i ever found out that my sister had suffered like this, i'd be in prison. Literally zero clue how they can be so nonchalant about such a massive secret.
Most likely they don't have the courage to stand up to their father and risk losing their relationship with him. Abuse often gets swept under the rug, which enables abusers to continue destroying other's lives.
Right?
Also it’s likely they experienced their own sort of trauma and abuse, even if not sexual. It’s probably a lot to take in.
It’s very common for people to stay quiet and sometimes it’s because they don’t want the embarrassment/spotlight on the family
There may be genuine valid reason for why they act as they do. But a sad reality may really be that they don’t fully appreciate what she has said or believe her. Because I have a hard time accepting that if they truly believe and appreciate what she has told them they’d be able to have their daughters around him. But it’s a challenging thing to have been extremely close to your parent and evidently idolized them and then get this news and be able to make that pivot to fully cut him off like they really should. One of the things that is such garbage with these predators is that not only does he destroy her world with what he did but he also does such drastic harm to everybody else in the family in the family as well and to cap it off still sees no issue or accepts any punishment for the harms he carried out. But I don’t think I’d be able to keep myself in check for the same thing to have happened with my sisters and they’re older than me.
As a brother, the road to redemption for anyone who touches my sister, family or not, is one that they walk in the next life
I wish every family member felt like you 🙏🏼❤️🩹
I wish you were my brother, my brother was my abuser
I had a friend of the family tried to abuse me. He didn't succeed. My brother told him to leave me alone, or he'd tell my dad. He stopped trying to make advances. My brother protected me. 😊
You dont have to have any relationship with your parents. Protect your daughters. Your mother failed to protect you , she is not a safe guardian.
A father exists on this planet to love, nurture, support, teach, encourage, and guide his little girls. Any father that betrays this should face the ultimate punishment.
True!
Boys as well! Because this happened to them to.
Forgiveness is required by god!
@Brendan Bloomberg You're simping for child sex abusers. What kind of god condones that?
💀
Pedophiles dont change. The best you can hope for is they recognize they are sick and make the decision to STAY away from children. Just like an alcoholic does when they realize they are sick. If Grandpa is still trying to see your kids.... he is still sick.
Some Do Change if You look at the Stats, Most offenders Do Not Re offend... Some Do Though, Every individual Case is Different... With Man It is Impossible, But With God All things are Possible
We All Need Undeserved Grace and Mercy at Some Point in our Lives.
@@SD_Chosenlies they do!!!!!
@@aprilchow-chee5281 I Am A Victim of this Myself I Know What I'm Talking about... Never Underestimate the Power of God
@@SD_ChosenYou're one of them.
@@SD_ChosenSTOP PROTECTING EVIL
He has never respected your boundaries!!! Cut it off!!!!
I have had nothing to do with my mother or her husband for 35 years so that my children were protected. Worth it!!! Stand firm and never waiver.
Cut off everyone. Dad, mom, brothers. I’m sorry ☹️
Totally true ; drastic and helpfull decisions needed
YES. ALL OF THEM.
As a father, this brought me to tears. She needs to tell her Father that he is no longer welcome in her family's lives. If he persists, she should go scorched earth and go to the police, let him know she will tell the community.
My dad ignores my boundaries, he still ignores them. I have no children that he can sexually abuse, or his brother Roger! I won't be silent, to protect Dad, he's the worst! His sick brother, next. Assholes! The other family members are not like them. I told their brother Kenny/his wife, Jackie, when their kids(two daughters, a son, very young at the time), so the daughters would be left alone with their uncle(my Dad). I didn't know about the brother's propensity to tell sexual jokes(to me), at the time. He did later, I told their mother, who enabled them, said to me: "have a sense of humor" end of my trust in her. She protected them. They think they won't be punsihed. I hope Dad and uncle Roger go straight to Hell! They think it is a joke. They are wrong. They are the joke.
She's already told him that. From this point on, she should stop any and all communications and involve the police directly, getting a restraining order against her father.
@@vaska1999 And file charges. Hopefully, there is no time limit to the statute of limitations.
@@Prometheuspredatorthere typically isn’t for child abuse cases but it may vary based on her state
Sorry, no babysitting from grandparents period!!!
Ever
As parents we need to protect our boys and girls!
As a society.
As far as I am concerned, there is no redemption for him. He did it on purpose.
Exactly
I agree. Evil people don't get redeemed.
Dad groomed me to be nice, polite, silent and obedient. I am nice and polite, not silent or obedient. He sexually abused me for decades. He did it deliberately, threatened me, blamed me. The bastard! He expects not to be punished. I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he put me through. He is 100% guilty. Me, not at all guilty!
I do not understand why people protect their elderly family members in this regard. In most situations there are no statute of limitations for child sexual abuse. Her father should be in JAIL. Period. It’s the only place where children can be safe from him. It’s never just one child. Silence allows more children to be harmed.
It's an extremely convoluted situation. The child bonds to parents, and it takes years to even know the Dad is not allowed to do bad things to them. The love fear, hate against a father lasts a lifetime. It happened to my mom. Her dad remarried and had 7 more children, some younger than me. Mom had moved 3000 miles away .
Married hsd her own family. She found out from her adult sisters the Dad 😮sexually abused them too.
It caused her enormous guilt and pain
She never dreamed he would do that to anyone else. It's a blindness.
But us girls..6 of us and one brother heard about it, into wee hours of many nights.
It messed all of us up.
The girls are NOT believed.
But it really ruins the daughters lives. And the next generation and more are so impacted if the victims do not get professional help.
Denial. It can be strong among family. Doesn't mean the one who was and is being hurt by the family should just stick around and put up with it. But it's something to know when you can't make heads or tails of other family members feeling torn or even getting angry at the truth teller. Unfortunately, the truth teller sometimes needs to cut the contact with everyone in the family. It sucks, but if it's between protecting self and your kids or staying in touch with siblings that don't believe you, I choose me and my kids.
This is the only right comment, I have no idea why every comment here and John are not vehemently calling for this man to be in prison. What is wrong with society always being so lenient on abusers?Jesus
I've warned others, so he won't be protected by my silence, though Dad threatened me when I was 12 1/2. I was 26 when I told other family(one of his brothers is like him, no other family members, though) members, those with girls in the family, so Dad can't be alone with the girls. Their parents have been warned. My sister didn't want to believe it, but now, does. I broke the cycle of sexual abuse through not being silent about Dad, his sick thoughts, inappropriate hugs/kisses(me). He's an asshole! I am 60 now, and will not protect Dad with my silence. His fault, his punishment. He thinks he is without guilt over sexually abusing me. He blamed me. He is so wrong! I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he caused me. He's proud of having sexually abused me(he still tries to hug/kiss me, disgusting), he's sneaky. I"ve warned other women, who have daughters, to avoid him. I am protecting other women, girls, by not being silent, to break the cycle of sexual abuse he started with me.I won't protect the asshole! I never married or had kids, so another generation won't be sexually abused by him!
@@judigemini178 Agree, prison.
CUT THE TIES......YOU HAVE A
HEAVENLY FATHER !!!
@Steven Steel יְהֹוָה 🤔🤔🤔 I’ll pray for you! Seek professional help & Godly counsel!!!
When in Rome do as the Romans do!
Well said!!! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
She should cut the ties, and if her brothers are real men, they will cut the ties with their dad also knowing what he did to their sister.
Of course god exists, he watched this abuse happen.
AMEN!
If th dad has access to his other granddaughters, they are most likely victims right now. The man needs to be in JAIL.
So does my dad! He is evil, personified! His brother, Roger, for having told me sexual jokes, I was 26. Dad did it for decades. He is vile, evil, disgusting and not trustworthy! I've warned others, he won't be protected by my silence(he threatened me when I was 12 1/2). I hope he goes to Hell, for the hell he put me through. Bastard! His brother, Roger(none of the other three or other family members are like them), too! Sick jerkwads!
That's how predators persist. People around them are never quite sure enough to report. "If I find out he's around kids..." That's why predators can function for decades. I hope she will decide to document her case against him now rather than show up when the police have more victims and are asking "We'd like any other victims to come forward". Talk about guilt, that would be tougher to manage. She knows today what he is.
Yes I agree
When she sad: "He cancelled counceling after 2 times because he had to cry." I completly lost it. How dare he? He put his daughter through a life time of hell and he can't stand counceling? This man should stay in jail for the rest of his life. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
The sniveling coward!
He should go to Hell, too!
He cancled the counselling NOT because he had to cry, but because he HAD TO CONFRONT WITH THE TRUTH! And that Truth terrified him! That is the real reason
Doesn't that make you spit nails! My goodness!
Hire a lawyer to take care of this now. You have a right to protect yourself and your children. Never give an abuser, a second chance. God bless you and your family. 🎉
Very, very good advice.
Don’t ever see him again. This is unforgivable.
My dad, the main perpetrator, for decades, sexually abused me, and then expects to be let off the hook. Not! He did it deliberately, threatened, blamed and shamed me to be silent. I broke that that silence, when I was 26. I won't protect him!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 Good for you for refusing to let him off the hook for what he did to you! I wish you full emotional and psychological healing and a life of happiness.
There absolutely needs to be more education on this and PTSD after effects.
I am so happy that her siblings stood with her. I lost my relationship with my brother over this and I pray to God that he never leaves his baby girl with that man. What a rock solid mom! So proud of you for being able to talk about this.
I am 72 and only recently "remembered" a situation when I was 6 years old. I was with a neighbor playmate and we ended up at a man's house in the neighborhood where a man abused me. It took over 65 years to realize this since I had always thought it had been a bad dream. I remember being confused about bodily fluid and not understanding. I never told my parents. Predators have a way of getting their hands on children who are not their family. Do not let this "father" near any of them.
Child abusers never stop. He probably has access to children right now. They always figure out a way to find new victims.
Yes i would go miles away
he wants the grandkids now - runnnnnn!!!!!
That is a False Stereotype... Most Offenders After Serving Time Do Not Re Offend, it's Documented... Although Some Don't Change, So Do Some thieves, Liars Murderers, Drunkards, Junkies
But Some Do Change, With God All things are Possible, And We Should Write No one Off as a hopeless Cause, Just Because They Did Something Horrible, We Hate...I Hate it As Well, as a Victim Myself, But If The Person does Own up and Changes their Behavior, then Yes Second Chances are Possible, For even the worst.
@@SD_Chosen He can have a second chance in the next life.
You may be comfortable enabling pedophiles. But I'm not.
Don’t run. Turn and fight to protect not only your children but also other little ones that he might hurt. Be the victim no more!
Your husband should take charge of this situation. It's his family that is in jeopardy now. You've done nothing wrong but your husband should stand up for you now.
That's what I thought. Her husband needs to have a man to man convo that includes a nuclear threat if perv daddy doesn't bug out of her life permanently.
Amen
@@lynnebucher6537 Amen. caller needs to break contact forever. I hope she finds peace in her future 🙏🏼
I think so too.
Her husband probably should just call him, because if he had a one on one conversation, the husband might end up with a Case🤔
I wouldn’t even call him Dad! He’s a Monster!
This is an unrepentant monster. He’s wanting access to your girls 100% he’s jonesing for a fix. Shut it down, focus on your beautiful family and if he comes creeping weild an axe and machete.
Exactly. He wants to infect another generation with his poison. He is obsessing over it.
And a German Shepherd. Those dogs love their kids and are intelligent to scope out threats to them. I swear they can see through facades and smell EVIL.
Well said!
I'm a ball of tears. I'm soooo sorry you went through this and have the courage to speak about it. I know it's not easy because I also went through the same situation with my biological father. My parents were separated so the abuse took place at his home and I never wanted to go there. My mother didnt know. As I got older I refused to see him. When I got married is when i shared with my husband and he encouraged me to see a therapist which helped but my mother was confused as to why i needed therapy. He told her what my father did to me and she was shocked!! I dont have a relationship with him and wouldn't trust him around my kids. He has never admitted to anything. Dont feel like you have to have him in your life. I forgave my father as a Christian my walk with God has been my saving grace but I refused to have him in my life. You are so brave..you are doing the right thing dont trust him around you or your kids. You dont have to have him in your life at all. I will be praying for you and healing on your life. It's not easy and the memories dont go away. The scars are there but it is our responsibility to keep our kids safe and not worry about anyone's feelings. Dont feel any responsibility to keep him around for any reason. That trauma even just seeing them is a trigger. God bless you and your Beautiful family. I'm happy you have your husband there to help you keep those boundaries.
This.
🤗🤗🤗❤❤❤ Major hugs and love to you!
@@juliedewyer1366 LP
Did your mom support you?? Hugs to you
You didn’t deserve this. How could your mother have protected you from him?
We can sweep it under the rug either. Reports need to be made so that the predator doesnt abuse ANY kids. We have a duty to all kids. Not just our own.
My dad was physically and emotionally abusive not the same as her which I feel is waaaay more horrific but NO in my opinion there is NO redemption, I chose to forgive and move on... closed that chapter bye...
You are not your fathers possession. He views you as his possession. He has dissociated what he’s done to her and he doesn’t see it as something that he actually did to her. The fact that she has a seemingly healthy marriage and life is actually incredible.
I told my predator ex-husband as long as he didn't leave my children and I alone, he'd continue going back to prison. That's when he finally left us alone.
“He wasn’t allowed to visit and if he did…”
Right there you’re telling him your boundaries mean nothing.
Please keep him away from your kids. My grandfather first abused my mother as a child, than he "changed" when I was born, but he was sexually abusing me for 10+ years. Now at 27 I'am dealing with severe consequences: bpd, depression, ocd, suicidal tendencies
I will pray for you, Janny. Today.
My dad started grooming me when I was in elementary school. Mom warned me when I was 5-11 years old, that it wasn't my fault. She couldn't protect me then, but when I was 26, she insisted that I tell my sister, who has a daughter and son, and my sister didn't believe me at first. Dad lies. He blames all of it(sexual abuse of me, on me, the bastard! I don't take the blame.) I had to tell my maternal grandmother, too. That was hard. When I was 12 1/2, and physically developing into a woman, dad started saying horrendous things, in his own, twisted way, about sex, to me. Sick jerwad. I told him to stop, he went on for decades. He expects me to protect him with my silence, I haven't and won't . His problem, not mine. It was never my fault, but all his fault. He still won't take any responsibility, the jackass! I warned other women, with daughters, about him, to avoid him.I hope they listened. Dad is the worst perpetrator. He expects not to be punished with prison. He will, probably, go straight to Hell, for the hell he caused me. Jackass!
Get a lawyer and report him to the police. That is part of a healing process you need to undertake. May God protect and bless you!
@@vaska1999 he died 14 years ago from a cancer
Please get counsel Keep looking for a good one
Yeah stay away from him at all costs and get him arrested. If he was attracted to young children or just likes the power to abuse, that is something that honestly can not be changed. Do not forgive him. He will wait until you trust him and will start to make moves towards her kids.
The fact that he's not respectfing boundaries, is enough to show that there's no way to nice. She should check with state laws bc many times those dont "expire" and press charge....yeah that the stature of limitation.
I'm in a very similar situation and I'm so glad you addressed this. This video really. Empowered my decision to not talk to my dad
Bless you and be strong. So sorry you were victimized like this.
Same here, I hope you heal and find some closure as well 🙏 I'm so sorry this happened!
He should be in jail. It is not the responsibility of the family to “monitor” the molester. Molesters will often reoffend. This man has not had ANY consequences for his actions. He is a habitual line-stepper and he looks to put himself in situations to be around children. Also, I am sure this man has a history of this behavior and needs to be stopped, not just avoided.
Unfortunately, he won't be arrested until he attempts to SA someone else now. I bet the brothers still don't 100% believe her
@@philwill0123 yes, and it’s very unfortunate
If the brothers gave your ATTACKER your home address, that relationship is DONE. If someone abuses you, that relationship is non-existent and dead. This woman has a TOXIC family. As someone who has been there.... I cut out my Dad, my cousins. My uncles. My life is better in every way because I kicked those people out of my life. Was it difficult? Heck yes. You will heal. You can't heal with people you are inviting in your life that are abusing you. Block your Dad and stop telling your family where you live. Only allow those who respect your boundaries access to your life.
Excellent advice!
She needs to look at him directly in the eyes… and say I know what you did to me, YOU know what you did to me. If you go anywhere near me OR my kids. I will make your life a living hell like you have made mine. I will go to your job, your family reunions, your everything and tell everyone what you did!!
No, that threat will entangle her with his denial and manipulation. NO CONTACT. She needs to document everything, get a restraining order, reveal it all to her siblings, and act the second he steps out of line.
No, she doesn't need to talk to him at all, ever again. She has communicated that she doesn't want him near her children, and she should now get a restraining order against him. Should he violate that order, she should immediately involve the police. But she should have no direct contact with him. She should shun the unrepentant swine for the rest of his life. Let her actions speak for her from now on; issuing threats is meaningless.
I can say from experience that does nothing. You can shove the truth in their face. You can even scream. It doesn’t matter! They don’t listen.
I was sexually abused as a child by a family member and my sister was touched inappropriately by our grandpa. When my sister came forward I told her we needed to file a report since my biggest regret was never reporting my abuse. I feel like I failed my sister and the system failed my sister.. she had to give the same statement multiple times and nothing happened, absolutely nothing was done. our grandpa is still freely living and never had to pay any consequences for his action.
I'm so so so so so sorry that man did that to you and your sister and that the adults who are meant to protect you failed. I'm so sorry. I hope both of you have support now in your lives and see someone to talk about your trauma and are able to heal. Thank you for sharing this with others, I wish it was enough in the past and something could have been done.
@@luvasaur thank you for your kind words ♥️ I feel like my sister and I just lean on and support each other, we feel safe talking to each other because we feel like we understand one another and so having my sister is what helped me get through this. I definitely wish the system would have done more and I hope that it’s improved since then!
@@aadilenenene97 I'm sorry you have had to go through this. I felt so alone after my abuse and didn't talk to anyone about it other than my initial angry outburst to my mom about his touching me. He denied it. Nothing happened to my stepfather either, although some years later he did get two years in prison for fondling someone else's kid.
That's what guns are for.
Have you tried involving the media? Sometimes that helps nudge the police and the justice system in the right direction.
God bless you Dr. D. That was a perfectly firm, measured response that had me cheering you on. Bravo man.
My heart aches for this woman. And I realize how blessed I am to have had my dad. He wouldn’t even walk through the hallway at night in his underwear. With three daughters in the house, he made sure he had slacks on. And he would never invade our privacy in our bedrooms or bathroom. He made me feel protected and safe.
The best of Dads.
There’s nothing he can do to get back that “father card.” Also be sure to alert everyone with kids that he may get close to. His sickness might not stop at only girls.
With Man It is Impossible But With God All things are Possible
@@SD_Chosen but let's not keep having false hope. If someone won't respect basic boundries there is no relationship to have. It's sad but it's true.
@@LittleBabywriter my point was some people do make those Bad choices and Do their best to Fix that about themselves in regret and Shame Remorse, And Some Don't, My Point is Don't Judge All the Same, Because People Do Change and truly regret treating people Bad in their past
@@SD_Chosen i do see that. It's just i myself had false hope. I don't think i can give up on having it but it is making me hurt because i am never over cutting of my sister and father. They have no will to change. Every time i try to solve things there is nothing changing. No ownership, no responsibility, no respect. They blame us for splitting the family apart and lie about us, treat us bad. But that's why we are enstranged from them in the first place.
@@LittleBabywriter I Understand Your Frustration and Pain Give it to God All Your Burdens, and Live Your Life, Let Go of any Hatred Resentment, Anger and Live Your Life, We All Have Done things we regret and we Must be willing to show the Same Grace and Mercy we need for ourselves for Others, Even when others have done Worse than us Wrong is Wrong, But Don't Lose Hope, Things Can Change, Just Do Your Part and Let God Do the rest.
Goddamn this one hit me right in my soul 😢…. No one knows the grief you carry when you’ve been abused as a child…
Ugh. This is so difficult and it’s sad when even family around the abuser do not respect boundaries and actions. Praying for truth in recovery and Peace for your family.
This is why the cycle continues. The brothers daughters are at risk 😕😟😔
I hate hearing stories like this and the family won’t have this man arrested. They don’t magically stop. He has and will do this to more children.
I understand she is traumatized but once she sent an email telling the rest of the family what he is capable of. They are all to blame for not locking him up.
It’s past the SOL most likely. The ficus has to be prevention
@@BusArch42 in most states there is no sol. In the video, he tells her this and she says she looked into it and knows that there is no sol in her state.
@@BusArch42 i agree though that prevention is most important but these situations are just totally messed up on all kinds of levels
@@lasa101 isn’t that the truth! As a parent I am crazy paranoid about this.
No on can can put him in jail but her and even then its always hard to prove but the family once made aware has a responsibility to protect their children.
John I appreciate so much how you spoke out about this!
My sister and I were sexually abused by our dad from ages 3 and 5 until we were teenagers. Mom knew about it and turned a blind eye! She was neglectful and as I became a teen she was abusing pills and alcohol. Often the entire family in these cases is severely dysfunctional and many types of neglect and abuse are happening.
My dad was a teacher and appeared a great person in the community.
I was very fortunate to have therapy from a woman named Susan Forward who was renowned for her work with incest survivors. I am also blessed to have a kind husband. Fortunately my dad is deceased so he can’t hurt anyone anymore.
My heart breaks for this girl and all of us who have suffered this horrible abuse. I wish that it was publicized more so that this can be exposed and stopped. I have found very few videos on RUclips about this too and that is disappointing. This needs to be exposed!
I also worked through childhood trauma with Dr.Forward.Helped so much.All the best to you.
I feel so sorry for this woman. This is so sad. I hope she has the strength to have very firm boundaries and be happy.
No contact with him at all not even supervised. Get a restraining order. Cut off all ties with your mom or brothers or anyone who passes along messages from him.
Yup
Yup. Because he’s not sorry at all and still looking to overuse boundaries. What others need/want/express doesn’t matter to him. They all don’t matter to him. He matters to him and that’s it.
How my heart aches for the caller! 💔 Been there, survived that. After I became an adult with my own children, it took an attorney and an order to keep both him and her away. Oh, she played the innocent well. Tears and all. But she was a stay at home mom and KNEW he had a prior history of this before I was born, yet acted shocked and claimed it was just a one off (really, mom??? For six plus years it went on!!!). Stated by the time I was in kindergarten, though possibly much younger. And in the end, she blamed me. Though he's since died, I still have nightmares. So here's a word of advice: DON'T TRUST YOUR MOM!!
.ine also gave my stepfather a pass because it was the first abuse of me. She didn't want to lose his financial contribution to the household. She did kick him out after he hit HER.
@@lynnebucher6537I am so sorry this happened to you. You should have been listened to and protected.
I worked with a lady whose grandfather S/A her & her sister.
Turns out he had S/A her mother. & she served up her 2 little girls to him on a plate to do the same thing to them.
SMH
Family covered, grandma covered. Hard to comprehend.🙏
Girl child ain't safe in a family of men.
Horrible.
This is me 😢 my mother committed suicide because of it before I turned 1 and the abuse cycle passed on to me, I noticed something was wrong when I was 4. My grandmother told me to stay silent about it. It’s sickening. God showed me I was born from incest and chose to break the cycle. I was not the first and sadly not the last until he died of malaria in Africa.
@@natascha.anastasia I'm so sorry you were born into such a situation. Your grandparents have a lot to answer for. I wish you a long, happy life.
That happened to my mom. She thought his focus of abuse was on her. This was in the late 40s early 50s. She had no idea what a pedophile was, and never thought we would be in danger. Thankfully, we understand pedophilia today.
It scares me to know that people can do this to a child. I was sexually abused by my brother and my mom has defended him for the sake of his immigration status. It pisses me off til this day. When I talk to my mom about how uncomfortable I am, instead of respecting that, she will go to him and he would lie to her face. Then, she would think I am being illogical based on his response. I do not like my family and it makes me wish I was adopted to a family that cared about my wellbeing. I never wish this on anyone nor my enemies.
I really hope you can put him in jail. For your own sake and for the sake of other little innocent girls. Believe me when I say: YOU WERE NOT HIS ONLY VICTIM.
I wished for a loving family too. Our older brothers should protect us not corrupt us.
I hope you are able to move out of that situation quickly.
turn him in to authorities asap
It sounds like you need to join the generation of “Blood is thicker than water my a**.” I would suggest getting away from them as soon as you can and as far as you can. Your mother’s fake cluelessness is older than prostitution. What positive impact can she really have in your life if she, long ago, chose to favor her male child over you?
I believe what she is saying, however why mom gets a pass? She had to know something was wrong.
True.
They are addressing her biological father. Therapy will address the whole scenario. Mom has responsibility but the onion peel that is abuse will be addressed step by step. No contact ever
The mom didnt sexually abuse her daughter! Dad is 100% responsible.
@@symonemondy1058 Her mother wasn't responsible for the abuse, but she was responsible for protecting her daughter. For whatever reason, she failed to do so.
You never know who will do something like this until your child comes to you mother's work a lot and a lot at home they would never think anything like that it's just not in their world you never know where the Boogeyman is if you go to your mother and she doesn't believe you that she's just as bad but if you go to your mother and you tell her she loves her children she will fight to the death to protect them you have to hope and pray is something like that ever happens to your children they come to you if her mother knows now as she stays with that man she's just as bad she's a bad mother
Call the police, put a no contact order in place, buy a gun. Go to the range frequently. Protect yourself, protect your family. It's your job.
Best advice ever.
@@candyluna2929 thanks
Thank you. My immediate first thought was "shotgun" lol. Like- who would have one second of regret for protecting themselves and their own flesh and blood? Not me.
@@amosiren killing has its own burden even if it’s just and I don’t think Lauren would be able to cope with it and doesn’t deserve to go through further more trauma IMO.
@@mwensley nor revenge, protection. She is clearly in danger.
I would love to connect with this woman. I was in her same position. It was extremely hard to verbalize what happened and I had guilt that I had "ruined" my brothers' perspective of their dad. The whole situation was awkward and uncomfortable.
The only one responsible for ruining is himself you told the truth
The abuser ruined it!
Precious friend, I had your same situation. My father contacts me (tries to, through email) every few years. I will never expose my precious, valuable self to him and NEVER to my children. These people, without exception do not change. God bless you. STAY AWAY.
She can call the police, but I think she needs to be prepared for them not following through and taking her seriously. I've heard so many stories that I wouldn't trust them to protect her or other potential victims. I've heard so many stories of the law failing victims of abuse, that I think it's important that she learns how to physically protect herself.
Unfortunately women now are making false claims, ruining it for those who genuinely need the help. The biggest question is always “why now?”
The law wont protect my kid. Shes terrifiednof her dad. Courts try tonforceher to visit him but she refuses to go. I bought a gun and critical defense bullets.
The big problem with this kind of crime is the difficulty to prove it ever happened, and even the way memory works.
1. How could it be proved that sexual abuse happened at home tens of years ago?
2. Memory is not reliable. "Neuroscientists have shown that each time we remember something, we reassemble the event from traces in the brain. "Misremembering" can lead people to slightly exaggerate their past or to things as serious as false confessions."
It must be almost impossible to prosecute someone for sexual abuse that happened at home tens of years ago. Even our memories could be creating or exaggerating situations in our minds!.
Not denying what victims are saying in any way, just trying to think this situation in a purely objective way.
She should register him as a PREDATOR!!!
You can't just ask for a person to be registered as a predator.
@@candyluna2929 But you can report him for abuse.
I’m 73, my father molested my female cousins, 1 committed suicide in her 40’s, the other 2 died young. I never had any relationship with them as they ran us out of town rather than having my father put away. My mother was a very mentally weak and physically sick (MS), she chose to stay with him. I have 3 brothers, all moved out by age 15, one brother spent his life in prison… ran away from home at 5! I have dream/memories of being touched but not certain. At one point my mother pulled me away from him, I had no idea why. When I turned 30 & had a baby my brother told me about the family SECRET, I had felt shame but never knew why. Needless to say, he was NEVER allowed near my children, the same goes for my brothers. I broke this child abuse cycle as well as the physical abuse with my children, now in early 40’s. I stayed away from family after my mother’s tragic death when I just turned 19. Life is finally good in my 70’s!
There is no redemption for someone who does that
None.
My mum did this to me. For the last 20 years both of them have been acting like this father. They will never get access to my children. No matter how many threatening or "sweet lets forget about the past" messages I get. Thanks caller for sharing your story. I hope you are doing well. ❤
I would never leave my child with that mom. You can't tell me that mom didn't know. Several girls in the home and the father doing this MOM KNEW! Mom didn't protect her own babies. What makes you think she would protect yours?
Whew, he’s the one who started the fire but I’m the one with the hose getting everything wet! That was a word for me!!!! I’ve felt guilty for many years about my inability to “forgive” the people who hurt and abandoned me and was made to feel responsible for embarrassing the family.
Exactly! I was warned to keep my mouth shut. But yet it was me who was trying to destroy the family, not him - even though he had a prior (unreported) history before I was even born. Rumor had it he was warned not to come near their child again or they would kill him. Not a tear did I shed when he passed. Nor will I do so when my egg donor (mother) passes, if she hasn't already. I am just so sorry you've had to experience such horrors as well. 💔 Stay strong!
Narcissists don't change either. It's a Personality Disorder that is permanent and begins in early childhood
Agreed.
Neither do the codependents who VOLUNTEER to be abused by them
It’s mostly inherited. I come from a family with a few Narcs. The rest occurs when children are pre-verbal.
The fact we are so nonchalant about predators is why we still have them. We have massively failed as a society to protect children for a millennia
She is strong just for calling in! I wish her the best and hope that she can fully recover. It sounds like she has made a partial recovery but still needs to address and overcome some demons.
Part of me feels like eventually she will let him come back into her life unchanged. I pray for her healing and safety of her and her family.
That's what I fear. She obviously hasn't yet come to terms with the fact that he's irredeemable because profoundly resistant to remorse.
This is my first video I have seen on your channel. The only other place I have seen you is on the Dave Ramsey show. I think you handled this call with excellence. The words you chose to use were incredible. I'll be watching a lot of your content going forward.
My dad just hit us , thank god we were never sexually abused by anyone 🥺 so sorry this happened you , please take care of your daughters and erase him from your life 😔
You shouldn't minimize being hit or compare your abuse to someone else's. Your Pain is just as valid as anybody else's.
I don't think pedos, child abusers/molesters/murders can be redeemed. They already destroyed their victims' lives and it is too late.
I think some people, certain people can't be redeemed even if they are sorry, apologetic, and want to be redeem/do the work..... sexual abuse can't be undone
Cut ties. No forgiveness. No Quarter. Lock and load!!!!!!
Maybe the brothers were abused too and are living in denial.
I’m really disappointed you gave her any hope her father could change or be “redeemed”. There is no treatment for child predators. None. And they never, ever, have just one victim.
I agree. That expression of piety, that claim was deeply troubling because as much as he qualified it, it's still misleading and therefore pernicious.
Dr D, its amazing that people trust you with such trauma, bless you for helping them
SINCE HE WON'T STOP, BRING IN THE HEAVY GUNS -- POLICE, RESTRAINING ORDERS, ATTORNEYS, ETC...!! ASAP!!
Yes
I see this video was posted 3 years ago. Dr D mentions Laurens mother potentially having let her down. My daughter disclosed SA by her Father at the age of 3 years old, the Police wouldn't even interview either him or her, they were not prepared to investigate it due to her age. They said they didn't want to 'plant false memories'. I fought through family court for 18 months, spending thousands trying to protect my daughter. No one was interested, they wouldn't listen to me, Doctors, health visitors, Play therapists, Court appointed psychologists - all of whom maintained he was a danger to her. She got sent back to him unsupervised, 2 years later she developed an eating disorder.
This is happening in Family courts all around the world due to claiming "Parental alienation" being a get out clause for sexual abusers, domestic abusers. I really wish someone with a platform like Dr D would address this.
That's horrible! I am so VERY SORRY
Yes, this is absolutely true. If they say because of your allegations you are committing parental alienation. They can remove custody and give full custody to the abuser. This is happening in many states.
This is the scariest thing I've ever heard. I'm so sorry 😞
What a beautiful picture of firm, loving support. Bravo, Dr. John!!💯
I've been there and I pray that this young woman reads this message: just because someone is blood related to you does NOT make them family and does not give them the right to abuse you. Forgive and cut them out of your life. If people do not respect your boundaries, cut them out. If your brothers try to push your Dad on you, cut them out. And do NOT be afraid to tell them "my father sexually abused me. He will not be around me or my children." It is not your job to make your family comfortable. It is not your job to hide one of the BIGGEST traumas in your life because it will make everyone feel uncomfortable. Your Father did this. Your mother (I am sure) contributed to this. You just said that your mom had an idea (of course she did!!!! Mothers always know) yet she was willing to hand your daughters over to the man who molested you. Your family is TOXIC and toxic people do not deserve to be in your life. Dont be afraid to tell people what happened to you. You did nothing wrong! And bring that issue into the LIGHT. It will be the most healing thing you can do for yourself. Everytime you hold that lie inside, you protect the bad choices of your parents by abusing yourself. Tell them. And then make it very clear that if anyone disobeys your boundaries, your relationship is done. I did it with my family and it was amazing! All my stress left my life and I was finally able to heal. It is not my job to protect the predator.... and its not yours either.
Absolutely not.
He’s a child predator and her children’s safety is what matters most. Her father doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near their children.
I’m sorry, no. Not a good parent, not the parent you wanted or needed. There are thousands upon thousands of us out here with very similar circumstances and it’s painful. Feel so much for this caller.
I WOULDNT ALLOW HIM AROUND MY KIDS. PERIOD
my step dad would abuse me as well once my mother found out she did not believe me I'm so proud of this mom for protecting her babies . As for my story he went out of town to work and finally there marriage fell apart do to him cheating I have never felt more protected by god in my life and I'm so gratefully and he is no where near my son .
Shame on your mom for protecting your step dad. She would be dead to me.
So true about abusers shifting blame to victims
i can't believe how anyone in their right mind could blame a child for something like this. a lot of mothers do though. saying the child must have done something to provoke it. what in the world could a five year old child do to provoke a man sexually to the point of no return, that he could not control his actions. they are sick and think it's ok because we live in a rape culture that blames the victims instead of the criminals.
I know it's harsh, but you can't trust your mother with babysitting, because she didn't protect you and now that she knows for sure that he abused you, she is still with him!
Sorry folks the holidays coming is no reason to be around ANY molester. Of special note about holidays -thank you doctor. They are not deserving to see her or her family. Sending out strength to you!! and see how as a mom you continue to protect your babies(with your husband by your side).
He should be in jail. Period.
NOOOOOOOOO. Do not allow this man in your orbit... or anyone else who doesn't support your decision. Be sure you are getting counseling for this, because the words you are speaking suggest you are still confused.
People that need it can’t afford it
Yes, she definitely needs quite a lot of therapy because she's still fantasizing about her father changing one day and becoming safe to love. He will NEVER be safe to love or allow near children!