Kathryn Schulz: Don't regret regret
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- Опубликовано: 1 дек 2011
- www.ted.com We're taught to try to live life without regret. But why? Using her own tattoo as an example, Kathryn Schulz makes a powerful and moving case for embracing our regrets.
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at www.ted.com/translate.
Q: What is regret?
A: “Regrets are illuminations come too late.”
― Joseph Campbell
True and that’s what hurts, realizing too late that you could have chose differently and at the time wasn’t aware of what you should have done and now it has clarified but it’s years too late
What does this mean
“Some of your own regrets aren’t as ugly as you think they are.” ❤️
Some really are...
I would approve of this but I would regret removing the number 69
I simply cannot listen to someone who is not in danger of, say, ending up homeless at some point spouting this stuff. I'd have more respect if she regretted spending money on the tattoo instead of giving it to the local homeless shelter, or putting it away for her retirement.
This statement is just Amazing,
@@SeverSTL It's safe now... unless you come in at 420, 666, 1111, etc.
"some of your regrets are not as ugly as you think they are."
i love this sentence. it has such a deep meaning
It hit me so hard . Made me realise how hard I was being on myself and others .
My regret is different.. I feel like there's a part of me missing and I can't get it back because I missed my opportunity
SAME HERE!!!!
Same here :(
Maybe it can make space for a new part of you that will be more enjoyable for you?
Finally it’s been put in to words
Couldn't have said it better...
I think differently when it comes to regret.
imo the reason we regret something is usually because we had a choice to do something else at the time, when we didn't listen to that gut feeling, when we weren't honest to our hearts. It's because we knew we should have done something but sadly chose to listen to fear... years later when that fear feeling is no longer there we realize what a big mistake that was.... the opportunity and moment is lost... that is what breaks me.
Same
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling lately. 😔
I can't agree with you more.
@@skwagwok4097 I hope you don't think about regret A lot, it hurts.. but we should accept the fact that we are all humans who will make mistakes, we can only try and learn from the past. God bless you.
thank you, beautifull written ..
"The point isn't to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them" 😊
I have lived with regret all my life. When I look back to my memories I see that I always felt incomplete, I always felt like something was missing. I don't share my regrets to anyone and that causes everything to build up and I have sudden outburst of tears. Every moment I get hurt, every second I blame myself for not being better, I get anxious and sad. I think that I need help. I have made mistakes, big ones. I want to confront them.
Hi please have a look at the RUclipss of Richard Grannon they have helped me a lot and I sincerely hope they help you. Take care of yourself.
this
you need to let them out. you'll feel a lot lighter I promise. be it a stranger.
I have the same story.I wasted more than 6 years of my life. I can't believe that I wasted such a long time. I live with regret every day.
@@cosmicwanderer891 hi i'm curious. wasted it on what?
Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly... it reminds us that we can do better ( I would say that it reminds us that we would like to act differently next time) Priceless message delivered in this video, Thank you Kathryn.
it reminds us of the time we lost, how it could have been utilized differently.
Lesson:-
We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them
Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly.
It reminds us that we know we can do better.
-Kathryn Schulz
Kathryn Schulz, you are so caring and compassionate and gentle. You speak like an all-forgiving mother who will protect and soothe her children. This video made me cry because you hit the nail on the head. Everyday I'm reminded by my mind of the stupid things I've done. Everyday I'm trying to let them go. Thank you for talking about regret and for comforting people who can't stop hating certain things about themselves that they can't undo.
I don't think I could have related to this anymore. I got a tattoo at 29 and instantly regretted it. I went through all the exact emotions that she describes.
same, but was 33
the last line got through my head, if you don't regret you cannot do it right the next time
Never happens.
This is one of the best TED Talks I've seen.
The four aspect breakdown of regret is painfully accurate. I'm currently experiencing some profound regret.
This is genuinely such a good talk. That's 16 mins I didn't regret spending on watching this.
No regret absolutely
I find every TED talk is a disappointment. They have to be geared toward a general audience that usually has little in common with the person seeking out the advice years later.
Things i want to rmr for myself:
1) regret dont mean we do badly, it reminds that we can do better
2) things without remedy shd be of no regard
3) your mistakes is not as ugly as u think
4) we each have one true north
5) have a series of quick action to change destiny now
6) fill the tank quarter full
i feel like im goin downhill because i had given up on an amazing opportunity. its not that i missed it, i just dropped it. i was weak. i let my fear take over for a moment and that goddamn moment turned my life into a worse page. i regret it so much, and still could not forgive myself for it
hii same here, how are you today? does your life better now ?
I had the chance as a young man to give up my room for my grandmother so she wouldn't have had to be put in a home before she died. . . 15 years later I regret this decision, because looking back i should've realized what was at stake. . . Thats the thing about regret, its life's way of saying "you should've seen this coming dumbass" . . . Be grateful for this feeling! It will motivate you to accomplish things you never thought possible. Thats what I'm hoping for. The world needs heroes. People who don't make mistakes seldom are motivated to accomplish great things
@@well...456 🙏🏼
Interesting talk, although I wonder what she would have to say on regretting things that we didn't do.
would not doing something still be doing something in the sense that we made a choice not to do something which then makes it a decision to regret? haha did i make sense?
Specially when you didn't do said thing due to fear. Later on in life you realize you actually had nothing important to lose by trying.
I experienced a lot of regret today in particular. It’s something that’s been brewing inside me recently and it kind of just poured out of me today. I turned 30 this year and have been thinking really negatively about aging, thinking about my past a lot and how I got here.
I had to work a cheerleading event today and I saw all the little girls with their youth and their endless energy, and I thought to myself how I wished so badly I would’ve done something like that when I was a kid. I tried dance classes & a few other things but never stuck with them. I wish my parents would’ve forced me. I never stuck with anything and I still can’t to this day. I still don’t know what I want, I know the things that I like but I don’t know what I WANT. Anyway, I looked at these girls and I’m trying to hold back tears as they’re doing astonishing flips and tricks in the air. They’re experiencing friendship and sisterhood with each other, creating bonds that will last a lifetime. They’re learning skills and have amazing athletic abilities. I wanted this for myself. On the car ride home I cried and wished so badly I could turn back time and relive my youth. And now, I’m looking up TEDtalks to try and get some advice on how to live with my choices and mistakes and regrets, feeling like I’ve wasted my life and my youth. I made every bad decision I could’ve in my teen years and early adulthood. I did awful and stupid things. Why I felt the need to do them I will never know, I had a good childhood and nothing traumatic happened to me. So where did my wild streak come from? I don’t know.
But here’s to moving forward and trying to live with myself, and love myself and learning to not regret regret. If you read all this, thank you.
I read this. I understand this. Thanks for sharing. It's very hard to be so honest and vulnerable. Don't be so hard on yourself, even with the wild streak and bad decisions, you're still here... There is a reason for that, so don't forget it. I wish you the best moving forward as you me and every other human on the planet deals with guilt regret and shame. You're human and that's ok, you always will be human, embrace it!
@@chrispodrecca5147 thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me. You just made my day.
Stay strong bro💪
Such compassion and humanity. kathryn's vulnerability brought tears to my eyes. Bravo!
"Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we could do better." ❤❤❤
What if your regrets have to do with someone else's actions? For example, I regret that my mother worked as much as she did, and as hard, starting when I was 3. Then there are people who regret much bigger things -- that their parents were abusive, for example, or alcoholic.
My regret is something I am living with... I wish I studied a different course, though I'm still studying the course I'm not happy with, I sometimes feel my future is crushed already.
My regret is always coming back to my bad habits. Really kills me
I regret prolonging my depression and losing all my social connections
Same. I regret not continuing treatment for my depression.
Much better than the "I don't regret anything" knee-jerk line I hear from many people
Beautifully written speech from a logical and emotive perspective, she supplies the knowledge passionately and compellingly and makes excellent points and provides outstanding advice.
I'm not sure we even have control over how we feel. Kathryn has learned how to deal with things as she has aged. I doubt she could've dealt with her regret over her tattoo any differently had she been privvy to her present knowledge at an earlier time. Had she watched an identical video to this earlier in her life, it just wouldn't have had the same effect. It's something that we may only be able to learn through experiencing the passing of time. I wouldn't have understood this earlier in life.
If you regret regret, don't regret that you regret regret. You'll Regret it.
don´t regret regret, if u don´t regret regret, you wont regret it
Bruh
😝
Regrectception
I regret breaking up with my girl who loved me so much. She really loved me and was quiet heartbroken when i didn't commit to her. Now she's getting married to someone else. I pray her best wishes. I know i will regret not being with her my entire life.
Saurav Das I hope you can find a way to bear that cross and move on to have a relatively happy life.
"If we have goals amd ambitions amd we love ppl and dont wana hurt them.. we SHOULD feel pain when things go wrong.. "...
I regret not telling someone I loved them when we were 10 years old and I annoyed her all through secondary school and I only told her 10 years later wgen we were 20 I still regret it that I never did at the right time and missed an opportunity that I really wanted it hurts
i regret telling someone i love her... it broke her trust and now i can never talk to her again
so i'm saying that tellling the loved one could also be the regretful decision
its true... regrets aren't as ugly as you think they are
I've been there too. I've met females that I wished and wished I could have this romance with and it just wasn't meant to be. . .
Bruh thats pretty dumb, you were 10 you probably didnt even know how babies are born
I have a tattoo regret story too. Eight years ago I got a tattoo from a legit parlor. A short time later it became infected. I went to the ER and was given 2 antibiotics. I was having a severe reaction to one of them but when I returned to the ER the next day, I was told to "tough it out."
I stayed on the antibiotic, which ultimately caused an autoimmune neuropathy. I was diagnosed with POTS and SFN. My bladder, heart, blood vessels, bowels, sweat glands were damaged. I still have autonomic and sensory nerve damage. I have daily nerve pain and I'm 35 pounds under my normal. My job and life are both still affected. If I would have stood my ground and demanded another med at the ER, most doctors say it probably would have resolved...but I stayed on it the full ten days.
If you're interested, I recommend finding a Quantum Reflex Analysis practitioner.
@@mikuspalmis Thanks. I'll look into that 👍
@@7CFlo 🤙🏼
*For any of you out there who would like to know:* I watched this great video because there was this girl today watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi and I really wanted to chat with her but I missed the chance.
TheMHG09 So the vid didn't help.
Missed opportunities with women are some of my biggest regrets
I have attended university for several years and learned alot yet never scquired a degree, I have not regred the education I have participated in. All the knowledge and reflection I have done throughout the years have been beneficial to me. If not for practcial purposes, at least for getting to understand my own values and goals better.
For me learning has never stopped. I still find it enourmously enjoyable to study and think about new concepts and seek out new knowledge.
Thank you so much for this: straightforward, sincere, and helpful.
It's okay to regret things but we don't have to hate ourselves for it.
Hello Angel. Can you help me? We have a modality survey and it questions us on which school modality we have to choose. Face 2 face or online. I haven’t really gone socializing for a long time but I do in about saturday and tuesday but it’s very little since no one really talks to me that much in our Kingdom Hall. I chose online because I wanna go on vacation during school but I still do attend classes but online. But I regret it because on December is our school and I think I’m going vacation on December and will probably go back home a month after, which might be the start of our 2nd quarter. I really regret choosing online because I really do need socialization and also I need to protect my eyes from screen time, especially since face to face classes is only 2x a week. I had a breakdown and I was crying, I really do regret not planning my decision. How can I turn my bad decision into something good? Something I won’t regret. I hope you understand me.
I feel like a missed a very rare career oppurtunity and its killing me because I feel like I just barely missed it. This Tedx talk helps cope with the pain. I guess it is an oppurtunity that can be replaced, sure. but it will be hard in my eyes.
This happen to me , please helpme how you Through it and what is the best solution for this
I enjoyed this topic a lot because I’m a little bit sensitive so I’m likely to regret easily.
She gave some interesting materials such as a survey. It was interesting to know that many people in the states tended to regret their education, career, and romance. She gave some suggestions to overcome our regrets. These are to take some comfort in its universality, to laugh at ourselves and to depend on the time. The point is not to hate ourselves for having the regrets.
I am 19 and still in the 11th grade because I stopped studying last school year. I regret that I spent my days sad and distracted myself from school. I would've been with the grade 12 batch. I spent my days being emotional and not doing my responsibilities. After watching this video, I just cried and cried. I am anxious about my future. What if I don't become the doctor I want to be. As soon as my classmates graduate college at 21. I will just be starting college and though I do not want to compare myself to others because we have different paths and I took 2 more years of education back in elementary. It just hurts me knowing I could've done better last year, if I just pushed through, if I just cried but complied through my subjects. I used to do so well and now I feel so empty, so little. I am disappointed in myself. I refused to ask help. I hate myself for it but I can't spend my days hating myself.
I just don't know how to deal with myself.
I am uncomfortable opening up to my mom about it because she'll just scold me and tell me "I told you so.".
I could've done so much better and now I'm just here writing this long comment drowning in tears
how bad the past doesn't matter,the most important thing now is how you confront tomorrow!Stay strong and be hopeful，There must be a way out ！
Well, hey! Look on the bright side: assuming you're in the US, you get to drink legally as a freshman! That's pretty nice, huh? Keep on keeping on!
@@CooLTea-zl1bz it's been a year now. I'm in grade 12 and for first semester I got 95, with high honor. I am going slow a steady and happy with my progress. Thank you. I appreciate it. How I wish I could hug you right now❤🤗
@@TheRamblingSoul It's been a year since this comment and I don't drink but it's okay. Thank you, I will indeed keep on ♡
great video and talk, there are some glib youtube videos that actually make me feel worse, but this one resonated, I even shed a tear, still struggling but this helped with the healing process.
In my opinion, regret is lack of justification for an action that you’ve done, once you give it enough justification it will become less hurtful.
this is making me tear up. i love this woman. i'm not religious, but this is spiritual.
About three days ago I've lost a great friend whom I admire the most due to single message that made her angry and disappointed at me. After the doors are closed I felt nothing but pain for days realizing the outcome of our friendship could've been much better if I didn't send that one single message. I didn't realize how horribe and selfish person I am. The loss, regret & disappointment clumped together into a feeling I've never felt before. I really wanna make up for the mistake I did and say sorry to her, but unfortunately like I said the doors are closed to me.
BEAUTIFUL SPEECH. THE LAST SENTENCES ARE THE ANSWERS I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
Exactly I love her so much
Powerful and heartfelt. The message is tattooed in my mind:)
Hats Off to you! I applaud you once again. Wonderful life lesson!
It helped me a lot, thank you so much!
Now I regret for not being myself completely on my school days I was suppressed and not at all confident on certain things. I can't say "I'm not confident", I will do it on an urge. I wanna do it, but something always draws me back. Now I'm regretting all those things and I'm not memorizing the good memories. May be could live in the moment by learning from the past. I will use every opportunity to make everything special and memorable ♥️
You can do it!!
@@alicew2894 ♥️
Regret is real. When decisions I have made,actions I did,things left undone or words spoken that have hurt my two beautiful sons is regret that I cannot seem to let go of.Now that my 35 year old son has accidentally died all I have are regrets.I am truly sorry.The MOST important thing in life is loving and giving to those that we love.Spending time loving.Anything else is a waste.
how are you
Don’t regret regret because there is nothing wrong with regret, just don’t hate yourself and do better next time!!!
Wonderful Talk.
This real nice lady certainly got the message across.
More please.
Brilliant and timeless. Thank you
Thanks for researching on this topic and sharing your thoughts on the same.
That last statement-sentence lifted me! I live with so much regret, that it weighs on me. I'm writing that last statement and posting it in plain view for future reference! Thank you for sharing!!
this was so darn good....I needed this..... thank you so much
5:52.....education...its a key to treasure in todays world
Thank you for sharing. Well done and inspiring speech.
The last words nearly made me cry ❤️
Amazing talk. I needed to be reminded that maybe regrets aren't so bad.
One of the best TED talks I've heard.
Me too! A woman can actually feel regrets. Amazing!
this really does shift your perspective...a bit, and I am satisfied with that. Insightful speech.
Thank you
Regret is an automatic emotional response to something that has happened or been done, while wishing otherwise. For as long as you live, you will regret something. That's how emotions works. No need to be melodramatic.
Thank u so much. This is really great advice
"Some of your own regrets are not as ugly as you think they are." great line, thanks for this vid.
wow. that was really wonderful and totally profound. thank you Kathryn!
Really needed to hear this. Profound and enlightening.
My biggest regrets are financial and professional. My regrets eat me alive practically everyday. I don't like where I am at this stage of my life.
Usss
Thanks Kathryn. I needed advice on how to not beat myself up and I believe that forgiving myself for my flawed creations will be a big help. What makes me laugh is your stamp does not indicate a tramp but a wonderful human. THANKS!
on the video, Kathryn Schulz talks about the mistakes we can make in the past and regret later. she gives several examples, including Johny Depp's tattoo and her own tattoo that she regrets
regretting past actions is not going to change them, what is done is done and nothing can change it. lamenting the past will cause more harm than good.
but Ms. Schulz does not accept this idea and thinks that you should not regret having regrets, because having regrets is a human feeling, but you have to feel them, live with them and try to make our peace with them, and she suggeste some solutions to help us to live with our regrets, but sometimes it is very hard to live them. she suggests 3 solutions like take some comfort, laugh at ourselves and take time,
i agree with her when she said that the point isn't to live without any regrets but it's to not hate ourselves to having them. but this is not the case for everyone. for me the right solution would be to accept and assume our actions, to learn from the mistakes made in the past and try to forgive ourselves, that will help us to live in peace
There are different regrets and some are worse than others. I'd much rather regret a reckless tattoo than regret a missed opportunity, wasted years of my life, missed experiences etc. It's regret about the things you DIDN'T do that hurt the most.
Yeah, I feel you, I lost an opportunity last year and I regret every time I think of it, even if I kinda recovered it now, it is not the same thing
This is the greatest talk on the topic
ALL have periods of regret, UNTIL, reflection upon that which frustrates, leads to ENLIGHTENMENT. Whatever our destiny, in DUE TIME, all becomes CLEAR, whereupon, JOY will TRANSCEND regret; hence NO REGRETS.
Following difficulties will challenge us to grow some more. These incremental bursts into frustration/enlightenment, is what LIFTS and HONOURS One's proactive dreams ABOVE mere fantasies.
Ultimately? The SINCERE are gifted with an ENRICHED maturity; thus, NO REGRETS.
Thank you!
My regret is that my childhood, instead of being my formative years, felt like my “stagnant” years. Instead of preparing me for greatness, they held me back from achieving anything.
This is a very amazing video.. Thank you!!
Beautiful talk thank you
This actually helped a lot in a bad descision i made, that was going to poison the entire week. So I thank you for that
Thank you so much. It made me realise my worth.
You're right, but in this case we learn how to cope with the pain because we cannot stop the source. But pain is a signal we give ourselves to tell us something is wrong, and this is about reinterpretting the pain, this reminder and looking at it differently, as a learning process, idealistically instead of as something that is wrong to be fixed, because we do not recall the problem (stopping the source the pain), then we will not recognise it if we repeat these actions, a learning process.
I burst into tears when I hear the last few sentences. It is the answer I am looking for.
Same .it was brilliant💜️
Just really nice....God bless you.
I really appreciate this talk.
I play that decision over and over on loop. I was one investment from financial freedom. I owned 2 Chicago condos and lost job. Took out my 401k if $150 grand and instead of getting another bank owned property in Chicago (great market), i invested in Ohio. Slow market and way less equity and hired family to fix it up. Lost it all. Now I am clinically depressed. All my dreams gone. Took me 15 years to save that, plus was my ticket to live as a traveller. No need to have a job. Freedom. But i failed. Got so close. If only i would have... :(
Sorry to hear you lost your hard work.
How are you feeling now? Are you at a better place?
Wow! So well said❤️Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful one!🤭😘😊👍❤️🤗
Some things come at just the right time
When you have shame over something, if you feel you are isolated and cannot discuss it - the event that has triggered the shame can be traumatised.
My regret is regarding the love of my life. She loved me so purely something i can never get back because I've ruined it in ways unimaginable. I've tormented her for years emotionally and mentally and finally when i realise and accept the things I've done, it has come to an end. It's not that i didn't love Her. I was so dumb in love, immature and selfish. She was my comfort zone and i took that comfort very lightly I hope she finds someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated but it's killing me knowing I could have done much much better
I know exactly what you’re going through. Did the same thing to my ex two years ago. She was perfect and wanted to get married and I was too selfish and narcissistic and focused on looks rather than what’s really important. Treated her like absolute crap and she still wanted to be with me until the day I broke up with her and regret it immensely. Wish so bad I could change things.
Thank you for this
great talk! and I really like her tattoo. I think it's beautiful.
It was a really good talk.
Well yeah. It's about a woman who feels regreats, which is amazing. I hope the trend catches on to the point in which every woman can learn this as a matter of course.
great talk.
Sometimes I feel alot of regret but it's not always there. Its like regret is right around the corner waiting and I know where to find it if im thinking about It.
Regret can be useful if it inspires action. Let's say you're thirty-six years old, and today you realize that you regret just believing in all the superstitions taught to you as a child, because you suddenly realize that other people all around the world probably form their beliefs in the same way, without questioning them. But it's important not to stop there. I think it's wise to then ask the larger question: What am I still doing or believing that is as much nonsense as those other lies I was indoctrinated to believe in as a child? In other words, push yourself to try to change your life in a way that you might then have fewer regrets in the future! Ask yourself: What am I doing TODAY that I will regret TOMORROW? - j q t -
I think I made a wrong decision today, even when I knew what to do at that time, I kept doing it in a wrong way. I regretted, then tryna find someone who can empathize my situation on ytb. This video is so meaningful for a person who are still dealing with her problems and her mind, like me. Thanks for your advice. That helps me a lot to go through everything❤
Thank you ..loved the last comments on having dreams/goals & go through the pain. So why regret for having them. good content..
awesome talk
Excellent, posted it to my Facebook page.
Thank you Kathryn
I feel like I wasted my education years too!!!!!
And I terribly regret it I wish I could go back in time and change something
Hmm...same faith here.
I listened again: you're right.
Seeing the top three regrets being the same as mine made me feel alot better :)
this made me feel so much better.