Forgiving Yourself For Past Mistakes: A 5-Step Process - Terri Cole
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- Do you find yourself ruminating on past decisions, actions, or conversations?
How much time do you spend regretting these past experiences?
If the answer is, "More time than I would like," then today’s episode is for you.
I am covering why we hold onto regrets, the high cost of regret, and why we should let regrets go. Most importantly, you will learn how to let go of your regrets with a five-step reflection exercise.
Grab the 5-step reflection exercise here: www.terricole.com/past-mistak...
TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction from Terri
1:58 - Why do we have regrets?
4:43 - The cost of ruminating on regrets
6:06 - Having self-compassion for yourself
8:11 - What can we learn from our mistakes?
10:00 - Five-step journaling process to let go of regrets
14:37 - Productively reframing our regrets
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ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
CONNECT ON SOCIAL
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Podcast: terricole.com/itunes
RESOURCES:
Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com/
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricoleshow #noregrets #emotionalwellbeing
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Do you have deeply held regrets? How do you feel about regrets? How have you processed regrets in the past? Share your thoughts below! And don't forget to grab the five-step reflection exercise here: terricole.com/past-mistakes-guide
Hello Terri, beautifully put! Thank you! I'm sure the 5-step guide is going to help. I'd love to see more content on self-forgiveness, especially for people who were in the wrong. I have regrets because my selfishness emotionally hurt someone deeply who's not around anymore to ask for forgiveness. I've grown since and cognitively I understand my reasons, emotionally however still hurts and beating myself up and can't reach self-compassion on this one. Blessings and thank you for your wisdom! 🙏
Pointless to regret..you said it so perfect....life is always NOW.. .. in the past we were different ...even our cells were different and no one from that time...this is our chance..with a different level of perception...to write in a good manner our present moment.....you are great in what you are doing❤
I used to be so stuck here in the past. Do very grateful to be past this . Lots of work 🤍🌬️🌃🫧
Hi Terri. Thank you for this video and I'm excited to watch it. However, is this video just for what most would categorize as "small" mistakes?
I have seen stories on Oprah about parents who accidentally killed their kids by leaving them in the car.
Some mistakes cause us severe trauma, loss, and grief. Does this video apply to these type of mistakes or just ones that are less major? Thank you.
guilt and regret after my father passed away I still unable recover since 2021 guilt for not being on time and also not leading a life in a right manner...now i feel nothing good I have failed being son i really failed... now I am in bit stable in my career but not able to do anything in life because past when my dad was alive didn't do much now ...i feel y should I enjoy or spend etc for my joy ,,, I don't think so I can overcome this pain',,i don't want this life any more
For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!
Minorities have a whole other level of regret, pain, and guilt for just existing. Living itself becomes unbearable, however; the present does help a little to bring hope. Skin color is a form of guilt, this video may help stop such insanity.
That literally does nothing.
@@TheFracturedfuture have you tried this for a long period of time? it is like anti-depressants; it takes time for chemicals in your brain to change. I still struggle with rumination as I eat carb and sleep all day. But I still stand by what i posted here. Give it a try for 6 months to a year
@@alessaxn I've been into bodybuilding for over a decade so I have eaten pretty clean and excersised most of my life.
Yes it does make you feel good but it hardly ever helped me with the ruminating. It could just be me though.
@@TheFracturedfuture I am in the same boat. It is a mental loop, a habit. I know. I suggest when you are "mindful" of your rumination, you catch yourself and stop right there. Remind yourself why this has got to stop. Repeat affirmations. This is what I am trying to do after being abused by a former employer and I am still wronged. I have to find a way out!
I do this repeatedly and really want to stop with this obsession. The constant ruminating and regrets.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Same here!! I hate the feeling! It's suffocating and anxiety kicks in! May we all find peace!
I've been a horrible bully to myself. I've learned that no one and nothing can hurt me more than I can hurt myself.
Sending love ❤️❤️
I feel the same way 😢
@kimberlyacevedo2975 I'm so sorry..... it's a rough road for sure. I have a quote that I try to remember.." be careful what you say about yourself. You're listening ".
I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤
I relate to that
at 18 you're already ahead of the game, so to speak. Proud of you! You're amazing. I'm 65, and just starting. YOU got this! Keep going. So worth it 🙌🌛
Did someone show it to you or did you seek it out?
@@SmellMyKnee15 Well, it more so went like some adults online did show me some things and then I got curious and looked it up afterwards. It was over 10 years ago so its hard to remember exactly.
If that's the extent of your mistakes then i wouldn't worry
I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, John ❤️❤️
This is so valuable to me as I struggle with guilt from parenting mistakes and it just tears me up inside.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I have been felt so regrii have chosen a wrong surgeon who has performed the knee surgery on my kid. Instead of having one surgery, this either greedy or unskilled surgeon divide one surgery into two surgeries. I have two surgeons to choose, but in the end I have chosen the wrong one. I have been felt so guilty for my kid who differed twice.
I am in the exact same boat!!!!! And it’s worse when your grown kids can never ever forgive you or give you any kind of grace at all 💔💔💔 I’m praying for you! I know it’s the worst pain ever! 😞🙏🙏🙏 I have ptsd so bad and all I think of all day and night is “ I should have done this , I should have done that, if I only knew then what I know now, how stupid I was and so on and so forth and it’s complete torture! I do give it to God , but then I keep taking it back
@@apples_and_orchards320517:43 . . . . . .... . . . . . : Is there no chance you could talk to them and apologize? Do they know you feel guilty?
Bless you. I have done the same to self. I came to this conclusion after decades- They have been adults for decades. If THEY CHOOSE not to talk things over, forgive and move on, everything I have been doing to make up for mistakes is of no use. I spent decades beating self up and it did NOBODY any good. I have lately said to self- piss on it. Take the years I have left and think and create happy. I have felt better and did more in the last month from that. It takes 2 to teeter totter. If they do not want to, go to the swing and feel the wind in your face smiling!!! 🎉❤
Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤
This makes me so happy to hear ❤️ You're so welcome.
4years ago or may I say when I was 16 high school years I made a lot of mistakes and drank a lot and always thought I was fat when I wasn’t and I just find this keeping me up just can’t stop thinking of what I should’ve done with that time instead of running away so much and chasing highs n love from people who had other intentions bad ones I was letting my self get used and just so young n stupid I hate that this is keeping me up rn I feel so bad of how I treated myself I just feel so damaged now..
Thank you. I have been ruminating about declinig a big promotion at work. Regret is a big deal and this video helps me move on.
I am so glad it was helpful! ❤️
i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.
Thank you for your guide, Terri!
Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this a lot.
I really appreciate you, Terri. Thank you for everything you do; your light really does help to empower people.
Thank you, Terri!!!! I really appreciate your time creating this episode + guide. Thank you!!
❤️❤️
I was so bothered by regret today .... this helped a lot.
❤️
always stepping in it, all my life.
I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you ❤️
Thank you, Terri. I am so grateful for your guidance. So much has healed in my spirit since I began following your wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Cole, this is exactly what I need at this time in my life.
Glad it resonated ❤️
Brilliantly helpful vid, got the guide,many thanks Terri. What a good soul you are
So glad it was helpful Johny ❤️
Wow I really needed this!!! I do this every time I’m with people, what if.. do they like me.. drives me cry!!! 😭
Thank you 😢 I’ll come back to this one as needed. I wish I’d had this 20 years ago holding on to teenage mistakes lost so much time
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Thank you Terri! This really helped me today. I've been struggling and finally feel some relief after watching your video. Bless you.
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
We are given an owners manual! Great talk Miss Terri 💘
Excellent video. This a daily struggle for me. Thank you very much for the tips. I am very grateful that you are taking the time to record such a video. What a blessing! Much love to you 😘
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! I am holding space for your healing journey ❤️
Prayers for comfort and healing on you as you move forward. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you Doctor.
Thanks and blessings to you ❤
Thank you Terry, just knowing I'm not alone is enough. I was able to speak to multiple people who support me. And now I want to let go and this video popped up! ❤
That is so amazing 💕
Wow thank you for this! I’m so tired of putting myself in the box. Time to break free!!
Woohoo!!
SO ON POINT! wow
Thank you. I desperately need this.
❤️❤️
Thank you for this video and for your channel. I recently did something that hurt a new relationship I'm in and I had no idea at the time how hurtful it actually was and the position I put both of us in. Even though they're giving me another chance (which I am HIGHLY thankful for), I cannot and will not go back, because that pain I felt for me AND my partner was the worst feeling ever. It was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn about self-awareness.
Thank you for sharing ❤️ Self-awareness is so important!
Thank you so much for this. You can't know how much it helped.
❤️❤️❤️
This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Terri, you are so right on. Thank you.
❤️❤️
This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.
I am so glad you found your way to this video! I hope the guide is helpful 💕
Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.
I am so glad to hear my words were of comfort to you ❤️
Thank you for the gentle and eloquent reminder
You're welcome!
This was as usual great ! Thanks so much
You are so welcome ❤️
Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.
I am so, so glad it helped ❤️ Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your videos they are very helpful . I'm still trying to leave all regrets and baggage ....so sending my thankfulness to you.❤
Thank you for being here, Stephanie ❤️ So glad these videos are helpful for you.
Beautiful, healing words!….thx!❤
💕
Thank you so much
Great video. ❤
“We did the best we could with the level of consciousness “ ooh healing ❤️🩹
Exactly ❤️
Thank you
Thank you so much for your video, I am truly grateful ❤🙏🏾
❤️❤️
This session has been very interesting, informative and helpful, thank you...
You are so welcome, Lynette ❤️
Thank you so very much for this 🙏🏼
You're so welcome ❤️
thanks Terri . This video was really helpful.
So glad it was helpful for you!
Thanks for this fantastic video.
You're welcome! Thanks for being here 💕
Thank you Ma'am
I needed this video. Thankyou 🙏❤
You are so welcome, Chelle ❤️
I am 68 and I have many regrets. Some are about recent things, others are old. And sometimes I turn and turn to them. The more difficult to me are those I hurt someone and even I could find some excuses for what I did (not always) I suffer thinking of that. I know it’s done and it can’t be changed but it’s like I punish my self, I think.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Céu ❤️
Yes, I do this too!
This video is genuinely one of the best experiences I’ve had. It really helped me figure things out and sort out my internal feelings and struggles
I am so glad to hear it helped you ❤️
@@terri_coleThank you!
Thank you so much, Madam.
What you are saying in this video helped me to take distance with a regret that I am maintaining for years (The regret to have sold my house).
I appreciate the way you deliver the message.
Thank you so much for your intelligent words and advices.
I am so glad to hear it helped you ❤️
Wow…i really needed to hear this. Stuck in the cycle of shame is not living
I'm glad it resonated ❤️
Thank you. This was an inspiring lesson.
So glad to hear that 💕
This is super useful many many thanks
So glad it is helpful for you ❤️
Im in my twenties now and i have a lot of regrets about who i was in the past and the things i did. I'm trying my best to do better,cried through half of what you said. thank you for your words and this video.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
*Thank you Terri*
You're welcome!
Thanks.
Thanks💌
I love you for this💗
❤️
great video I am 48 just lost my job after 15 years from drinking. and the last 6 months its all i can think about is how i have stuffed up my life so bad. Trying to move forward. your video has really helped me
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Speechless.. this is what i wanted to know for years to overcome my depression over my missteps n mistakes… jus the best ever information received… 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad it resonated ❤️
So happy for ur reply❤❤❤
Thank you it's helpful ❤
So glad it was helpful 💕
As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Vivian ❤️
@@terri_cole thank you so much! I feel such a lightness of being. I’ve always been an introspective person (retired college a English teacher here) & have long wrestled with this obsessing over mistakes issue. I finally feel a sense of peace. Blessings to you!
Thankyou, I'm really crying rn because of my decision..
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Thank you so much.
You're welcome! ❤️
Thank you for this, I recently made a decision that caused the loss of my long term partnership and it haunts me everyday. Stopped sleeping, stopped eating and fell into self hatred. This was very helpful
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love and strength ❤️
Hi my name is Bryson I am 13 and have looked up some things that i regret. And don't know how to forgive myself and this really helped. Thank you for creating this video.
I am so glad to hear this video helped you, Bryson ❤️
Thanks for this video. Needed the encouragement. I left my stable and good paying job in my home city for a new one across the country in search of a change of scenery, weather, and lifestyle. I regret it deeply because I didn’t realize how much I would rather be surrounded by family and loved ones and live a simple life. I uprooted my family’s life for selfish and stupid reasons because I wanted to live that beautiful instagram lifestyle. Even got into debt and took out retirement money to move. Now I’m trying to find a job back home and move us back.
I am witnessing you with compassion and hoping you find a job back home so you can return ❤️
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you very much
You're welcome!
Thank you ❤
You're so welcome ❤️
thankyou 🙏 ♥️ 🌹
Thanks!❤
You're welcome ❤️
Thank you ❤🙏
❤️❤️
Nice , you are beautiful outside and inside . I been watching your videos help me to control my thoughts
Very helpful❤
❤️
I'm so happy I came across your video!
Well I am so happy you did, too! ❤️
Thank you!@@terri_cole can't wait to watch more of your videos!
@@terri_coleIt's nice when people like yourself interact with the viewers because it shows you care. Thank you!
Awesome
Thank You
You're welcome!
I keep regretting why I was wronged/ blamed / mistreated I regretted things that were done to me . Thanks for this vide❤
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
My mistakes were all around being nice and forgiving, never forgive never forget always take action. I'm a different person than I was twelve years ago. Forgiveness is not part of what I am now.
I m from Tunisia it is the first time listening for you im deeply regretting the past mainly my mariage experience .after period of time of mariage i find out may husband in relation with another woman .At the beginning it hurts me alot but alater on i decide to move on i want to change my life . i retuned back to accomplish my study .I have learned alot from my past those horrible experiences are just stones and i want to build stairs from tghem i will move and never give up what ever happened to me alot of time ask myself why thet heppen to me but i retun back to praying and cheshing the moment and looking forward for better moments i need to move on for the benefit of me my future and my kid need strong woman who is able to do it and heal herself thanks fror you video i like your speech thanks alot again
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I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story.
First time listener.
Welcome to my channel!
There is a period between April 2019 till August of 2020 that I wish I could delete from my life. Those 15 months haunt me all these years later. I hope that I can forgive myself and let go of the mistakes I made.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength your way, Ifrah ❤️
Same time period i hope we both come outof it'
hello my name is James,I really have a lot of regrets from leaving jobs and female relationships and I do reflect on the bad decisions I have made in the past,great video glad I found your channel 😅😅
Welcome James, glad you found your way here!
Yes this happen to me
Yes, regrets, however, I repent now. Thank you for sharing your videos. ❤.
💕
I also have past regrets
Goddamn I can't emphasize how much I appreciate this video existing. Put a sad query into the search bar and end up here. Understanding the why has always helped me process my emotions, my therapist has always been surprised but encouraging about my note taking during sessions lol thank you so much for this though, great supplement for the in-between.
So glad this video could provide you with some comfort in-between sessions ❤️❤️
I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.
I am witnessing you with compassion, David 💕 That does sound difficult. Is it possible to not pick up the phone unless you know who is calling (and that it's safe to pick up)? That's one way to set a small boundary so you can move on, although I get not being able to do that with running into someone. If therapy is accessible/available to you, you might want to have the guidance of a therapist to work through all of this. Take care of yourself.
Prayer for breakthrough, my relationship, a new home, and car. I pray for everyone as well
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❤️❤️
Thank u
You are so welcome!
and I love your settting the cheery yellow and a pretty girl