Do you have deeply held regrets? How do you feel about regrets? How have you processed regrets in the past? Share your thoughts below! And don't forget to grab the five-step reflection exercise here: terricole.com/past-mistakes-guide
Hello Terri, beautifully put! Thank you! I'm sure the 5-step guide is going to help. I'd love to see more content on self-forgiveness, especially for people who were in the wrong. I have regrets because my selfishness emotionally hurt someone deeply who's not around anymore to ask for forgiveness. I've grown since and cognitively I understand my reasons, emotionally however still hurts and beating myself up and can't reach self-compassion on this one. Blessings and thank you for your wisdom! 🙏
Pointless to regret..you said it so perfect....life is always NOW.. .. in the past we were different ...even our cells were different and no one from that time...this is our chance..with a different level of perception...to write in a good manner our present moment.....you are great in what you are doing❤
Hi Terri. Thank you for this video and I'm excited to watch it. However, is this video just for what most would categorize as "small" mistakes? I have seen stories on Oprah about parents who accidentally killed their kids by leaving them in the car. Some mistakes cause us severe trauma, loss, and grief. Does this video apply to these type of mistakes or just ones that are less major? Thank you.
guilt and regret after my father passed away I still unable recover since 2021 guilt for not being on time and also not leading a life in a right manner...now i feel nothing good I have failed being son i really failed... now I am in bit stable in my career but not able to do anything in life because past when my dad was alive didn't do much now ...i feel y should I enjoy or spend etc for my joy ,,, I don't think so I can overcome this pain',,i don't want this life any more
For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!
Minorities have a whole other level of regret, pain, and guilt for just existing. Living itself becomes unbearable, however; the present does help a little to bring hope. Skin color is a form of guilt, this video may help stop such insanity.
@@TheFracturedfuture have you tried this for a long period of time? it is like anti-depressants; it takes time for chemicals in your brain to change. I still struggle with rumination as I eat carb and sleep all day. But I still stand by what i posted here. Give it a try for 6 months to a year
@@alessaxn I've been into bodybuilding for over a decade so I have eaten pretty clean and excersised most of my life. Yes it does make you feel good but it hardly ever helped me with the ruminating. It could just be me though.
@@TheFracturedfuture I am in the same boat. It is a mental loop, a habit. I know. I suggest when you are "mindful" of your rumination, you catch yourself and stop right there. Remind yourself why this has got to stop. Repeat affirmations. This is what I am trying to do after being abused by a former employer and I am still wronged. I have to find a way out!
I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤
@@SmellMyKnee15 Well, it more so went like some adults online did show me some things and then I got curious and looked it up afterwards. It was over 10 years ago so its hard to remember exactly.
@kimberlyacevedo2975 I'm so sorry..... it's a rough road for sure. I have a quote that I try to remember.." be careful what you say about yourself. You're listening ".
26 year old here, and I was an abuser in my last relationship. Didn’t realize it at the time of course, but she was the perfect person. Only realized it when she left me. This guilt haunts me, and I tried to chase forgiveness from her. But I realized I only need to forgive myself. The only way to truly do that, is stop being that person who did those things. Evolve into a better human, and you will have forgiven yourself.
@@Viv8ldi i am sorry to hear that. I hope you are healing. I do believe most people have the potential to get better once they realize their flaws and mistakes, and they get the proper help.
I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.
Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤
4years ago or may I say when I was 16 high school years I made a lot of mistakes and drank a lot and always thought I was fat when I wasn’t and I just find this keeping me up just can’t stop thinking of what I should’ve done with that time instead of running away so much and chasing highs n love from people who had other intentions bad ones I was letting my self get used and just so young n stupid I hate that this is keeping me up rn I feel so bad of how I treated myself I just feel so damaged now..
I talked poorly behind someone's back and said natsy things instead of confronting them about issues. I broke their trust and hurt them and take full responsibility for my actions. I deeply regret what i have done, i said my apology and peace. I dont deserve forgiveness but i know better for next time and will never do it again.
I have been felt so regrii have chosen a wrong surgeon who has performed the knee surgery on my kid. Instead of having one surgery, this either greedy or unskilled surgeon divide one surgery into two surgeries. I have two surgeons to choose, but in the end I have chosen the wrong one. I have been felt so guilty for my kid who differed twice.
I am in the exact same boat!!!!! And it’s worse when your grown kids can never ever forgive you or give you any kind of grace at all 💔💔💔 I’m praying for you! I know it’s the worst pain ever! 😞🙏🙏🙏 I have ptsd so bad and all I think of all day and night is “ I should have done this , I should have done that, if I only knew then what I know now, how stupid I was and so on and so forth and it’s complete torture! I do give it to God , but then I keep taking it back
Bless you. I have done the same to self. I came to this conclusion after decades- They have been adults for decades. If THEY CHOOSE not to talk things over, forgive and move on, everything I have been doing to make up for mistakes is of no use. I spent decades beating self up and it did NOBODY any good. I have lately said to self- piss on it. Take the years I have left and think and create happy. I have felt better and did more in the last month from that. It takes 2 to teeter totter. If they do not want to, go to the swing and feel the wind in your face smiling!!! 🎉❤
I'm 29 year old . My only regret is being overly kind to others but not to myself. Giving others chances to others but not to myself. I feel like wold is moving ahead amd I'm still at the same place.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ You're in the right spot because you're so not alone- I spent much of my younger life doing the same. It's never too late to begin putting yourself first and advocating for your needs and preferences. You might like this video I did: ruclips.net/video/AJXBsiJJiUE/видео.html at the 7:52 minute mark I talk about this.
There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person
I ruminate on my major mistakes in my career, relationships and finances. Your presentation is impressive - linking my regretful moments to diminishing my personal power in the present. Thank you for your wisdom. Your image of bashing your head against the wall is memorable.
I am my own number one bully. My mother mentioned that I give so much patience and kindness to others and I deny it for myself. I need to take this advice. self compassion. kindness. TO MYSELF.
As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.
@@terri_cole thank you so much! I feel such a lightness of being. I’ve always been an introspective person (retired college a English teacher here) & have long wrestled with this obsessing over mistakes issue. I finally feel a sense of peace. Blessings to you!
i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.
I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.
Been berating myself on a daily basis for many years, but over one decision particularly that didn’t just impact me, so it’s not just shame, it’s guilt. It’s 100% poisonous to progression in life, I’ll watch this video more than once, thank you ❤
Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.
I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.
I am witnessing you with compassion, David 💕 That does sound difficult. Is it possible to not pick up the phone unless you know who is calling (and that it's safe to pick up)? That's one way to set a small boundary so you can move on, although I get not being able to do that with running into someone. If therapy is accessible/available to you, you might want to have the guidance of a therapist to work through all of this. Take care of yourself.
Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this a lot. I really appreciate you, Terri. Thank you for everything you do; your light really does help to empower people.
I m from Tunisia it is the first time listening for you im deeply regretting the past mainly my mariage experience .after period of time of mariage i find out may husband in relation with another woman .At the beginning it hurts me alot but alater on i decide to move on i want to change my life . i retuned back to accomplish my study .I have learned alot from my past those horrible experiences are just stones and i want to build stairs from tghem i will move and never give up what ever happened to me alot of time ask myself why thet heppen to me but i retun back to praying and cheshing the moment and looking forward for better moments i need to move on for the benefit of me my future and my kid need strong woman who is able to do it and heal herself thanks fror you video i like your speech thanks alot again * ❣❣❣❣❤
Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.
This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.
Im learning to let go of my past. Im learning to make better decisions. Somethings are not meant to fight for if their negative. Im staying posive as much as i can today and growing for tomorrow.
This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.
I am 68 and I have many regrets. Some are about recent things, others are old. And sometimes I turn and turn to them. The more difficult to me are those I hurt someone and even I could find some excuses for what I did (not always) I suffer thinking of that. I know it’s done and it can’t be changed but it’s like I punish my self, I think.
Im a 19 yrs old. I mostly do my projects and everything perfectly and im know for my mature actions and behaviours and my good logical mind and i guess sometimes i forget that im 19 and everyone's reaction towards what i might do wrong is kinda intense and that makes me feel terrible. I am very precise and make sure everything goes smoothly and perfectly , but sometimes i wish i was clumsy so that people wouldn't act so surprised when i made a mistake in something.
Hello I’m new my name is Josh and I was addicted to opioids for 20 years I’m now 34 with almost 3 years clean. I hope that by watching this and more of your videos I can learn to understand my fear of guilt. Possibly understand why it’s so heavy on me.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ and cheering you on for being nearly three years clean! So amazing 🙌 Would you like to say more about your fear of guilt? If not that's totally okay, just wanted to see if I could point you to any of my other videos that may be more helpful with that.
Thank you for this video. It helped to ease a lot of my pain. Through my actions I have hurt and disappointed the dearest, most favorite person in my life and gave him a trauma he is probably going to deal with for the next years, maybe even his whole life not being able to trust anyone again. I am afraid this experience changed the trajectory of both of our lives and impacted him in a very dangerous way. I will probably never see him again, nor our mutual friends, and if I somehow do, I won't be greeted. I have fallen extremely in his eyes and also my perception of myself darkened greatly. Thoughts like "I am really this person" or "I am a bad person" or "This cannot be forgiven". He didn't accept my apologies and has every right to do so. It hurts to accept that he hates me, and if he manages to heal from this, that he will feel totally indifferent towards me, because until yesterday I was the love of his life and vice versa. I love him from the bottom of my heart and just hope that he will heal from this, even if that will require changing his perception of me to the worst possible.
What a great video. Everyday I wake up and for like an hour I obsess about past failures and regrets. I mean I finally achieved my dream profession and things are looking bright for me, but can’t let go sometimes of past regret.
Feeling deep guilt and regret lead me into a years long abusive trauma bonded relationship that ended in my becoming completely disassociated. It’s taken a long time to figure out what happened and I’m still unpacking it all. Deep, painful regret and being constantly shamed isn’t something easily worked through.
I am new to your program, I regret constantly not having a child when I could have , and it was the ideal moment, it would have improved things with my family, husband, I would have been connected with more people, and I feel it would have made my husband happy, and now that I am 66 I would have a child 26 and something to look forward to in life.
I don't fall too often into a regret trap but from time to time it will hit me hard the things I didn't do. As I get older I think about a time in my future where it really will be too late to do those things.
This was plainly and simply incredible. I'm going to place the mentioned steps into practice now, but I can already tell just after listening that I'm feeling ten times better about my situation. Thank you.
As a 11/12/13 year old i saw some inappropriate images and i am now 14 and regreting everything that i saw and thinking that nobody likes me and before this my brother had passed away and i was already grieving through that and i felt like i was the person that my role model/cousin would hate. Seeing this video on how to work through it has so far helped me so much.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I'm glad to hear this video is helping. Is there anyone you could talk this through with, like a school counsellor? That is a lot to hold. 💕
I was a bully to a colleague, and did not even realise that he was going through struggles. Only more than 25 years or more later,I want to ask for forgiveness. Sad I can't find him. It is difficult to forgive myself to forgive myself. Each time I find episodes of how bad I treated him...when he was such a good person.
Thank you for this video. I regret for things I should have said or done to my dad who passed away in dec 2023. Regrets is killing me and steal my peace. It hurts a lot. I love my dad so much.
Hi im violet. I recently said things to my adult son did I really wish I had not said. I didn't think of how hurtful it was until after the fact. It also made me realize I have resentments about some of his decisions and actions
Excellent video. This a daily struggle for me. Thank you very much for the tips. I am very grateful that you are taking the time to record such a video. What a blessing! Much love to you 😘
Im in my twenties now and i have a lot of regrets about who i was in the past and the things i did. I'm trying my best to do better,cried through half of what you said. thank you for your words and this video.
I'm 21 and I wish I had been more honest in my relationship. I committed a grave mistake and it's been my biggest regret. I've been going to therapy and I hope I can grow into a better person❤️
Hey, 20 here. I also have regrets from past relationships. I was not honest either, and I lost a great person because of my dishonesty. We need to realize we’re young and we are naturally going to make mistakes in the future, but we cannot be stuck grieving someone because of our mistakes because there’s nothing we can do about it now. Wishing you well❤
Thank you for this video. i find it very helpful. I will follow your advice and start a journal about it. I am 67 years old and have been obsessing about regrets. I really need to do something about it.
Hello everyone! I am currently 16, and regretting my first love. When I had my first relationship, it was great. We were happy, and I thought she was my sweetheart. But, as the relationship moved on, I noticed she wasn't attached as much as she had been.. it was then when I realized that she was dating someone behind my back. That was my first impression of love.. false love. Now I have let it affect me today and harm the current relationship I have.. but I am on a journey to not let it harm me or her anymore.. because I believe she is truly the love of my life..
I could never forgive myself. When I was a little girl, I found out that my dearest baby brother Seth was a late talker. Because of that, I bit his little ear. I also pushed him off the rocking chair. When we got older, I threw away his dinner, which was a plain McDonald's hamburger. He was so hungry! Now, I am 28 years old. Seth is 23 years old. Since we're both autistic, we still live in the same home together. Whenever I apologize to Seth for treating him so horribly, he says, "That's okay. I love you very much." Also, when I was 12 years old, I called my newborn baby brother Jeremiah evil. I still feel extremely guilty about that. Jeremiah is 15 years old now and will be 16 years old on September 17th. Whenever I apologize to Jeremiah for calling him evil when he was only a newborn baby, he says, "That's okay. I don't remember any of that. I will always love you." Whenever I tell him that the real evil person was me for saying that about him, he says, "You're not evil. You're a nice girl. If you know that Jesus loves you, then you're not evil. I always knew that Jesus loves me." To make it up to Jeremiah, I give him hugs and money, I tell him that he's so cute and sweet, and I tell him that I love him. Also, when I was 10 years old, I lied to my elementary school guidance counselor. I told her that Daddy was physically abusing me. At 26 years old, I felt extremely guilty for lying to her, so I decided to write her a letter. In the letter, I told her the entire truth. I told her that Daddy had never hurt me in any way, shape, or form. I told her that Daddy always loved me unconditionally. When she got that letter, she called the police department. The police department called my house. When a handsome young policeman came to my house, he told me that my elementary school guidance counselor had already known the truth a long time ago. Also, when I was 9 years old, I threatened to kill my unborn baby brother Isaiah because I wanted a sister. Whenever I apologize to Isaiah, who's 18 years old now, about that, he says, "It's fine. I don't remember any of that." Also, when I was 9 years old, I refused to play Down By The Station on the recorder in school. I threw my recorder at my music teacher and yelled, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Whenever I write these letters to him, he never writes back. Also, when I was 11 years old, I wrote a lie about Mommy, Daddy, and my maternal uncle, Mommy's oldest brother, in school. A teacher then called the police. Everybody on Mommy's side of the family and Daddy's side of the family came to my house. Mommy asked, "Hannah, what did you write?! Your dad and I will go to jail!" When Daddy came home from work, the child service ladies came to my house and talked to me and Daddy on the porch. I was afraid that my parents and uncle were gonna get arrested. Whenever I apologize to them about it, Mommy says, "Honey, you were already forgiven a long time ago. Just forget about it and move on with your life!" Daddy, who had a massive stroke on February 26th, 2013, just tells me to forget about it. Mommy's oldest brother says, "It's okay, sweetie. Uncle doesn't remember any of that. Uncle's old. Uncle will always love you." The only thing that I want in life is for my elementary school music teacher to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I feel like he will never forgive me. All these other people forgive me, though, but I will never forgive myself. Daddy now lives in the local nursing home, where he's in good hands. Every time we go to church, we pray for Daddy to get better from his stroke. Before Daddy had a stroke, he would always walk, talk in complete sentences, sing, and read Bible stories to me and my little brothers. Growing up, my little brothers and I had to witness Daddy going to the hospital. When I was a little girl, Daddy was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. He suffered from a heart attack. My little brothers and I wanted to ride with him. When I was 5 years old, Daddy had to get his chest and arm cut open. Why did Daddy have to get all those surgeries, you may ask? It's because when Daddy was a very little boy, his parents usually fed him lots and lots of junk foods, candy, chocolates, meat, sodas, and very little fruit and vegetables. The only exercise Daddy got was from playing baseball, his favorite sport. Growing up, Daddy maintained his unhealthy diet. When he was only 37 years old, he suffered from a heart attack. At only 54 years old, Daddy had a massive stroke. The story of Daddy's stroke. On February 26th, 2013, Daddy was at work. He had to give a big presentation. When his friends realized that he wasn't coming into the meeting room, they assumed that he was just nervous before the big presentation. They just waited for minutes. When those minutes became hours, they came to check on Daddy. One of his friends said, "Hey, Jimmy, what's taking you so long, man?" When they saw him, he was slumped over in his chair. His iced tea spilled all over his keyboard. His boss called 911. Lots of cops, firefighters, and paramedics, took Daddy to the nearest hospital. He was diagnosed with a stroke. I know that I'm getting off topic now, but even though those people forgive me, I could never forgive myself.
Thanks for this video. Needed the encouragement. I left my stable and good paying job in my home city for a new one across the country in search of a change of scenery, weather, and lifestyle. I regret it deeply because I didn’t realize how much I would rather be surrounded by family and loved ones and live a simple life. I uprooted my family’s life for selfish and stupid reasons because I wanted to live that beautiful instagram lifestyle. Even got into debt and took out retirement money to move. Now I’m trying to find a job back home and move us back.
Looking forward to watching more, I’ve not been able to get out from under my guilt and shame and it has been feeding strong SI that’s only been getting worse, to make things much worse the people I’ve betrayed / hurt in the past refuse to let me forget it - they define me by my past mistakes and insist that they’re being angelic to me yet I’m narrowly escaping my own desire to not be here any more daily.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling with people in your life defining you by your past mistakes. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I have other free mental health resources listed on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp I hope you find this resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and love to get through this. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this video and for your channel. I recently did something that hurt a new relationship I'm in and I had no idea at the time how hurtful it actually was and the position I put both of us in. Even though they're giving me another chance (which I am HIGHLY thankful for), I cannot and will not go back, because that pain I felt for me AND my partner was the worst feeling ever. It was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn about self-awareness.
Thank you Terry, just knowing I'm not alone is enough. I was able to speak to multiple people who support me. And now I want to let go and this video popped up! ❤
I made a mistake two days ago. I am 29 and I did drugs and I hated it. My thoughts afterwards were: why am I doing this? Why am I treating myself like that? My body is my temple and I made one mistake that is eating me from inside out and I can’t forgive myself for this. I know I’m not gonna do it anymore because I simply hated it but the fact that it’s done hurts me I lot.
Speechless.. this is what i wanted to know for years to overcome my depression over my missteps n mistakes… jus the best ever information received… 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m new to this channel I have one regret that I made in my past that I shouldn’t have and it was being in a very toxic relationship it drag me down because I was blind by love I had rumors in middle school and high school telling me that I shouldn’t be with him because he had bad mental health issues this happened when I was 13 to 14 years old but now I’m 19 and it still gives me ptsd until this day🤔
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Toxic relationships are hard enough to deal with as an adult- children are rarely fully equipped to deal with that. But what you know now from having that experience can protect you, too. ❤️ I have a short video that speaks to this, too: ruclips.net/video/jiX4YKt8bKI/видео.html
My mistakes were all around being nice and forgiving, never forgive never forget always take action. I'm a different person than I was twelve years ago. Forgiveness is not part of what I am now.
hello my name is James,I really have a lot of regrets from leaving jobs and female relationships and I do reflect on the bad decisions I have made in the past,great video glad I found your channel 😅😅
Im 39, single, childless, have made little effort to find someone in my late twenties and 30s....my career has been a series of unfortunate events that have resulted in no growth due to my stupid mistakes...i am the definition of regret. I like your message though.
You are still here, stay strong, although it feels bad a lot of people must also be in this position. We aren't all given the tools to thrive or know what to want or how to get it, nor do we always have that motivation or ability.
I miss my ex husband of 18 Years. We were both emotionally reactive a lot of dv was involved until he decided to divorce me one day. It was blindsiding. I was angry. Still am bitter. Now I realize our love was intense and we could not communicate. I miss him miss my family life but nightmares and guilt and regret is eating me alive. I want to forgive myself but I can't. I have wronged him and he has wronged me . I want to be at peace with myself
There is a period between April 2019 till August of 2020 that I wish I could delete from my life. Those 15 months haunt me all these years later. I hope that I can forgive myself and let go of the mistakes I made.
I'm 33 and I feel like I've done too much, I have just retreated from life because I'm scared I'll sdo something that will build onto this huge mountain of regret that's on my shoulders. So much shame and guilt.
I am regretting about my past...and it is becoming deeper & deeper because the present time is also becoming the new regret. (a regretting cycle) I am not seeing growth.. Some regrets just ruin my current life .. And I m about 19.
I normally dont think of past regrets but i recently had a dream about an ex i cheated on. Now im ruminating on the past because i loved him so much i was just to scared to get married at that time he was leaving for the militaryand i still had 2 years of high school. I have learned alot about this but i still cant get it out of my head and im even in a relationship where i have been with my husband for 13 years. This makes no sense. I did finally forgive myself for hurting someone. I thought about apologizing but i feel that would create another mess i do not want to get into so forgiving myself is the best i can do.
I'm 21 years old I hve made a big mistake in my mind my happiness is everything I don't regret anything that I had done by intentionally or accidentally even though I know the consequences that will happen in the future however I know I'm a monster who never changed
Thank you so much, Madam. What you are saying in this video helped me to take distance with a regret that I am maintaining for years (The regret to have sold my house). I appreciate the way you deliver the message. Thank you so much for your intelligent words and advices.
I think I could have been successful forgiving myself but I’ve had too many humans around me who make judgment and shaming a sport. I realize this is probably not typical, but it has been my experience. I tend to be my harshest critic but I also know I was cut off by the knees when I was decimated by grotesque abuse as a child. Knowing what I know about that I believe I am a miracle. But bullies seem to follow me around and I’m already burdened with shame and I am easily trampled.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I am so sorry to hear about the shaming and judgment you're experiencing from others 💕 I have so many videos on my channel about self-love and boundaries, but I believe it a lot of it comes down to our relationship with ourselves, because it is the most important one we will ever have. How we treat ourselves sets the bar for how everyone else will treat us. And this is made so difficult when we've experienced abuse in childhood and don't have proper support. I believe you are worthy simply by virtue of being alive. 💕
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for your kind response to my comment. I shouldn’t leave so much of myself in a RUclips comment but I just can’t help it sometimes. Your thoughts are very comforting to me. Thank you 🙏
Do you have deeply held regrets? How do you feel about regrets? How have you processed regrets in the past? Share your thoughts below! And don't forget to grab the five-step reflection exercise here: terricole.com/past-mistakes-guide
Hello Terri, beautifully put! Thank you! I'm sure the 5-step guide is going to help. I'd love to see more content on self-forgiveness, especially for people who were in the wrong. I have regrets because my selfishness emotionally hurt someone deeply who's not around anymore to ask for forgiveness. I've grown since and cognitively I understand my reasons, emotionally however still hurts and beating myself up and can't reach self-compassion on this one. Blessings and thank you for your wisdom! 🙏
Pointless to regret..you said it so perfect....life is always NOW.. .. in the past we were different ...even our cells were different and no one from that time...this is our chance..with a different level of perception...to write in a good manner our present moment.....you are great in what you are doing❤
I used to be so stuck here in the past. Do very grateful to be past this . Lots of work 🤍🌬️🌃🫧
Hi Terri. Thank you for this video and I'm excited to watch it. However, is this video just for what most would categorize as "small" mistakes?
I have seen stories on Oprah about parents who accidentally killed their kids by leaving them in the car.
Some mistakes cause us severe trauma, loss, and grief. Does this video apply to these type of mistakes or just ones that are less major? Thank you.
guilt and regret after my father passed away I still unable recover since 2021 guilt for not being on time and also not leading a life in a right manner...now i feel nothing good I have failed being son i really failed... now I am in bit stable in my career but not able to do anything in life because past when my dad was alive didn't do much now ...i feel y should I enjoy or spend etc for my joy ,,, I don't think so I can overcome this pain',,i don't want this life any more
For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!
Minorities have a whole other level of regret, pain, and guilt for just existing. Living itself becomes unbearable, however; the present does help a little to bring hope. Skin color is a form of guilt, this video may help stop such insanity.
That literally does nothing.
@@TheFracturedfuture have you tried this for a long period of time? it is like anti-depressants; it takes time for chemicals in your brain to change. I still struggle with rumination as I eat carb and sleep all day. But I still stand by what i posted here. Give it a try for 6 months to a year
@@alessaxn I've been into bodybuilding for over a decade so I have eaten pretty clean and excersised most of my life.
Yes it does make you feel good but it hardly ever helped me with the ruminating. It could just be me though.
@@TheFracturedfuture I am in the same boat. It is a mental loop, a habit. I know. I suggest when you are "mindful" of your rumination, you catch yourself and stop right there. Remind yourself why this has got to stop. Repeat affirmations. This is what I am trying to do after being abused by a former employer and I am still wronged. I have to find a way out!
I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤
I relate to that
at 18 you're already ahead of the game, so to speak. Proud of you! You're amazing. I'm 65, and just starting. YOU got this! Keep going. So worth it 🙌🌛
Did someone show it to you or did you seek it out?
@@SmellMyKnee15 Well, it more so went like some adults online did show me some things and then I got curious and looked it up afterwards. It was over 10 years ago so its hard to remember exactly.
If that's the extent of your mistakes then i wouldn't worry
I do this repeatedly and really want to stop with this obsession. The constant ruminating and regrets.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Same here!! I hate the feeling! It's suffocating and anxiety kicks in! May we all find peace!
I've been a horrible bully to myself. I've learned that no one and nothing can hurt me more than I can hurt myself.
Sending love ❤️❤️
I feel the same way 😢
@kimberlyacevedo2975 I'm so sorry..... it's a rough road for sure. I have a quote that I try to remember.." be careful what you say about yourself. You're listening ".
26 year old here, and I was an abuser in my last relationship. Didn’t realize it at the time of course, but she was the perfect person. Only realized it when she left me. This guilt haunts me, and I tried to chase forgiveness from her. But I realized I only need to forgive myself. The only way to truly do that, is stop being that person who did those things. Evolve into a better human, and you will have forgiven yourself.
Thanks for sharing ❤️
I know the story from the other side. I was abused my whole life and I dont unterstand how an abuser can feel bad
@@Viv8ldi i am sorry to hear that. I hope you are healing. I do believe most people have the potential to get better once they realize their flaws and mistakes, and they get the proper help.
I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, John ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤
This makes me so happy to hear ❤️ You're so welcome.
4years ago or may I say when I was 16 high school years I made a lot of mistakes and drank a lot and always thought I was fat when I wasn’t and I just find this keeping me up just can’t stop thinking of what I should’ve done with that time instead of running away so much and chasing highs n love from people who had other intentions bad ones I was letting my self get used and just so young n stupid I hate that this is keeping me up rn I feel so bad of how I treated myself I just feel so damaged now..
I talked poorly behind someone's back and said natsy things instead of confronting them about issues. I broke their trust and hurt them and take full responsibility for my actions. I deeply regret what i have done, i said my apology and peace. I dont deserve forgiveness but i know better for next time and will never do it again.
This is so valuable to me as I struggle with guilt from parenting mistakes and it just tears me up inside.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I have been felt so regrii have chosen a wrong surgeon who has performed the knee surgery on my kid. Instead of having one surgery, this either greedy or unskilled surgeon divide one surgery into two surgeries. I have two surgeons to choose, but in the end I have chosen the wrong one. I have been felt so guilty for my kid who differed twice.
I am in the exact same boat!!!!! And it’s worse when your grown kids can never ever forgive you or give you any kind of grace at all 💔💔💔 I’m praying for you! I know it’s the worst pain ever! 😞🙏🙏🙏 I have ptsd so bad and all I think of all day and night is “ I should have done this , I should have done that, if I only knew then what I know now, how stupid I was and so on and so forth and it’s complete torture! I do give it to God , but then I keep taking it back
@@apples_and_orchards320517:43 . . . . . .... . . . . . : Is there no chance you could talk to them and apologize? Do they know you feel guilty?
Bless you. I have done the same to self. I came to this conclusion after decades- They have been adults for decades. If THEY CHOOSE not to talk things over, forgive and move on, everything I have been doing to make up for mistakes is of no use. I spent decades beating self up and it did NOBODY any good. I have lately said to self- piss on it. Take the years I have left and think and create happy. I have felt better and did more in the last month from that. It takes 2 to teeter totter. If they do not want to, go to the swing and feel the wind in your face smiling!!! 🎉❤
I'm 29 year old . My only regret is being overly kind to others but not to myself. Giving others chances to others but not to myself. I feel like wold is moving ahead amd I'm still at the same place.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ You're in the right spot because you're so not alone- I spent much of my younger life doing the same. It's never too late to begin putting yourself first and advocating for your needs and preferences. You might like this video I did: ruclips.net/video/AJXBsiJJiUE/видео.html at the 7:52 minute mark I talk about this.
There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! I am holding space for your healing journey ❤️
Prayers for comfort and healing on you as you move forward. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
How. Did you work on this I can relate too
I ruminate on my major mistakes in my career, relationships and finances. Your presentation is impressive - linking my regretful moments to diminishing my personal power in the present. Thank you for your wisdom. Your image of bashing your head against the wall is memorable.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Glad you found this video helpful!
I am my own number one bully. My mother mentioned that I give so much patience and kindness to others and I deny it for myself. I need to take this advice. self compassion. kindness. TO MYSELF.
Yes, you deserve it! ❤️
As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Vivian ❤️
@@terri_cole thank you so much! I feel such a lightness of being. I’ve always been an introspective person (retired college a English teacher here) & have long wrestled with this obsessing over mistakes issue. I finally feel a sense of peace. Blessings to you!
i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.
Thank you 😢 I’ll come back to this one as needed. I wish I’d had this 20 years ago holding on to teenage mistakes lost so much time
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you ❤️
As anothers' daughter, I forgive you
Been berating myself on a daily basis for many years, but over one decision particularly that didn’t just impact me, so it’s not just shame, it’s guilt. It’s 100% poisonous to progression in life, I’ll watch this video more than once, thank you ❤
You're so welcome ❤️
Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.
I am so glad to hear my words were of comfort to you ❤️
I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.
I am witnessing you with compassion, David 💕 That does sound difficult. Is it possible to not pick up the phone unless you know who is calling (and that it's safe to pick up)? That's one way to set a small boundary so you can move on, although I get not being able to do that with running into someone. If therapy is accessible/available to you, you might want to have the guidance of a therapist to work through all of this. Take care of yourself.
Whts your current situation
I was so bothered by regret today .... this helped a lot.
❤️
Thank you. I have been ruminating about declinig a big promotion at work. Regret is a big deal and this video helps me move on.
I am so glad it was helpful! ❤️
Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.
I am so, so glad it helped ❤️ Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this a lot.
I really appreciate you, Terri. Thank you for everything you do; your light really does help to empower people.
I m from Tunisia it is the first time listening for you im deeply regretting the past mainly my mariage experience .after period of time of mariage i find out may husband in relation with another woman .At the beginning it hurts me alot but alater on i decide to move on i want to change my life . i retuned back to accomplish my study .I have learned alot from my past those horrible experiences are just stones and i want to build stairs from tghem i will move and never give up what ever happened to me alot of time ask myself why thet heppen to me but i retun back to praying and cheshing the moment and looking forward for better moments i need to move on for the benefit of me my future and my kid need strong woman who is able to do it and heal herself thanks fror you video i like your speech thanks alot again
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I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.
This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.
I am so glad you found your way to this video! I hope the guide is helpful 💕
Im learning to let go of my past. Im learning to make better decisions. Somethings are not meant to fight for if their negative. Im staying posive as much as i can today and growing for tomorrow.
❤️
This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I am 68 and I have many regrets. Some are about recent things, others are old. And sometimes I turn and turn to them. The more difficult to me are those I hurt someone and even I could find some excuses for what I did (not always) I suffer thinking of that. I know it’s done and it can’t be changed but it’s like I punish my self, I think.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Céu ❤️
Wow…i really needed to hear this. Stuck in the cycle of shame is not living
I'm glad it resonated ❤️
Im a 19 yrs old. I mostly do my projects and everything perfectly and im know for my mature actions and behaviours and my good logical mind and i guess sometimes i forget that im 19 and everyone's reaction towards what i might do wrong is kinda intense and that makes me feel terrible. I am very precise and make sure everything goes smoothly and perfectly , but sometimes i wish i was clumsy so that people wouldn't act so surprised when i made a mistake in something.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Hello I’m new my name is Josh and I was addicted to opioids for 20 years I’m now 34 with almost 3 years clean. I hope that by watching this and more of your videos I can learn to understand my fear of guilt. Possibly understand why it’s so heavy on me.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ and cheering you on for being nearly three years clean! So amazing 🙌
Would you like to say more about your fear of guilt? If not that's totally okay, just wanted to see if I could point you to any of my other videos that may be more helpful with that.
Thank you for this video. It helped to ease a lot of my pain. Through my actions I have hurt and disappointed the dearest, most favorite person in my life and gave him a trauma he is probably going to deal with for the next years, maybe even his whole life not being able to trust anyone again. I am afraid this experience changed the trajectory of both of our lives and impacted him in a very dangerous way. I will probably never see him again, nor our mutual friends, and if I somehow do, I won't be greeted. I have fallen extremely in his eyes and also my perception of myself darkened greatly. Thoughts like "I am really this person" or "I am a bad person" or "This cannot be forgiven". He didn't accept my apologies and has every right to do so. It hurts to accept that he hates me, and if he manages to heal from this, that he will feel totally indifferent towards me, because until yesterday I was the love of his life and vice versa. I love him from the bottom of my heart and just hope that he will heal from this, even if that will require changing his perception of me to the worst possible.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
What a great video. Everyday I wake up and for like an hour I obsess about past failures and regrets. I mean I finally achieved my dream profession and things are looking bright for me, but can’t let go sometimes of past regret.
I see you ❤️
❤ thank you so much,your words Are So important, healed And full od love,like Mother to her children❤😊 Bless you God❤😊
Feeling deep guilt and regret lead me into a years long abusive trauma bonded relationship that ended in my becoming completely disassociated. It’s taken a long time to figure out what happened and I’m still unpacking it all. Deep, painful regret and being constantly shamed isn’t something easily worked through.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love your way ❤️
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for your support and validation, Terri. ❤️
I am new to your program, I regret constantly not having a child when I could have , and it was the ideal moment, it would have improved things with my family, husband, I would have been connected with more people, and I feel it would have made my husband happy, and now that I am 66 I would have a child 26 and something to look forward to in life.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
I don't fall too often into a regret trap but from time to time it will hit me hard the things I didn't do. As I get older I think about a time in my future where it really will be too late to do those things.
I see you 💕
This was plainly and simply incredible. I'm going to place the mentioned steps into practice now, but I can already tell just after listening that I'm feeling ten times better about my situation. Thank you.
I am so, so glad to hear that ❤️❤️
As a 11/12/13 year old i saw some inappropriate images and i am now 14 and regreting everything that i saw and thinking that nobody likes me and before this my brother had passed away and i was already grieving through that and i felt like i was the person that my role model/cousin would hate. Seeing this video on how to work through it has so far helped me so much.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I'm glad to hear this video is helping. Is there anyone you could talk this through with, like a school counsellor? That is a lot to hold. 💕
I was a bully to a colleague, and did not even realise that he was going through struggles. Only more than 25 years or more later,I want to ask for forgiveness. Sad I can't find him. It is difficult to forgive myself to forgive myself. Each time I find episodes of how bad I treated him...when he was such a good person.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your sadness 💕
Thank you for this video. I regret for things I should have said or done to my dad who passed away in dec 2023. Regrets is killing me and steal my peace. It hurts a lot. I love my dad so much.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
Wow thank you for this! I’m so tired of putting myself in the box. Time to break free!!
Woohoo!!
This video is genuinely one of the best experiences I’ve had. It really helped me figure things out and sort out my internal feelings and struggles
I am so glad to hear it helped you ❤️
@@terri_coleThank you!
Thank you for your guide, Terri!
Hi im violet. I recently said things to my adult son did I really wish I had not said. I didn't think of how hurtful it was until after the fact. It also made me realize I have resentments about some of his decisions and actions
I am witnessing you with compassion, Violet ❤️
Excellent video. This a daily struggle for me. Thank you very much for the tips. I am very grateful that you are taking the time to record such a video. What a blessing! Much love to you 😘
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
Im in my twenties now and i have a lot of regrets about who i was in the past and the things i did. I'm trying my best to do better,cried through half of what you said. thank you for your words and this video.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Thank you, Terri. I am so grateful for your guidance. So much has healed in my spirit since I began following your wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️
Ruminating is destroying my life. I end up making more mistakes and having more regrets.
“We did the best we could with the level of consciousness “ ooh healing ❤️🩹
Exactly ❤️
always stepping in it, all my life.
Thankyou, I'm really crying rn because of my decision..
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Wow I really needed this!!! I do this every time I’m with people, what if.. do they like me.. drives me cry!!! 😭
I'm 21 and I wish I had been more honest in my relationship. I committed a grave mistake and it's been my biggest regret. I've been going to therapy and I hope I can grow into a better person❤️
It sounds like you're on the right path ❤️
Hey, 20 here. I also have regrets from past relationships. I was not honest either, and I lost a great person because of my dishonesty. We need to realize we’re young and we are naturally going to make mistakes in the future, but we cannot be stuck grieving someone because of our mistakes because there’s nothing we can do about it now. Wishing you well❤
Thank you for your videos they are very helpful . I'm still trying to leave all regrets and baggage ....so sending my thankfulness to you.❤
Thank you for being here, Stephanie ❤️ So glad these videos are helpful for you.
Thank you for this video. i find it very helpful. I will follow your advice and start a journal about it. I am 67 years old and have been obsessing about regrets. I really need to do something about it.
I am so glad you found it helpful 💕
I like the way you said shifting the lens
I'm glad that resonated ❤️
Hello everyone! I am currently 16, and regretting my first love. When I had my first relationship, it was great. We were happy, and I thought she was my sweetheart. But, as the relationship moved on, I noticed she wasn't attached as much as she had been.. it was then when I realized that she was dating someone behind my back. That was my first impression of love.. false love. Now I have let it affect me today and harm the current relationship I have.. but I am on a journey to not let it harm me or her anymore.. because I believe she is truly the love of my life..
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
We are given an owners manual! Great talk Miss Terri 💘
I could never forgive myself. When I was a little girl, I found out that my dearest baby brother Seth was a late talker. Because of that, I bit his little ear. I also pushed him off the rocking chair. When we got older, I threw away his dinner, which was a plain McDonald's hamburger. He was so hungry! Now, I am 28 years old. Seth is 23 years old. Since we're both autistic, we still live in the same home together. Whenever I apologize to Seth for treating him so horribly, he says, "That's okay. I love you very much." Also, when I was 12 years old, I called my newborn baby brother Jeremiah evil. I still feel extremely guilty about that. Jeremiah is 15 years old now and will be 16 years old on September 17th. Whenever I apologize to Jeremiah for calling him evil when he was only a newborn baby, he says, "That's okay. I don't remember any of that. I will always love you." Whenever I tell him that the real evil person was me for saying that about him, he says, "You're not evil. You're a nice girl. If you know that Jesus loves you, then you're not evil. I always knew that Jesus loves me." To make it up to Jeremiah, I give him hugs and money, I tell him that he's so cute and sweet, and I tell him that I love him. Also, when I was 10 years old, I lied to my elementary school guidance counselor. I told her that Daddy was physically abusing me. At 26 years old, I felt extremely guilty for lying to her, so I decided to write her a letter. In the letter, I told her the entire truth. I told her that Daddy had never hurt me in any way, shape, or form. I told her that Daddy always loved me unconditionally. When she got that letter, she called the police department. The police department called my house. When a handsome young policeman came to my house, he told me that my elementary school guidance counselor had already known the truth a long time ago. Also, when I was 9 years old, I threatened to kill my unborn baby brother Isaiah because I wanted a sister. Whenever I apologize to Isaiah, who's 18 years old now, about that, he says, "It's fine. I don't remember any of that." Also, when I was 9 years old, I refused to play Down By The Station on the recorder in school. I threw my recorder at my music teacher and yelled, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Whenever I write these letters to him, he never writes back. Also, when I was 11 years old, I wrote a lie about Mommy, Daddy, and my maternal uncle, Mommy's oldest brother, in school. A teacher then called the police. Everybody on Mommy's side of the family and Daddy's side of the family came to my house. Mommy asked, "Hannah, what did you write?! Your dad and I will go to jail!" When Daddy came home from work, the child service ladies came to my house and talked to me and Daddy on the porch. I was afraid that my parents and uncle were gonna get arrested. Whenever I apologize to them about it, Mommy says, "Honey, you were already forgiven a long time ago. Just forget about it and move on with your life!" Daddy, who had a massive stroke on February 26th, 2013, just tells me to forget about it. Mommy's oldest brother says, "It's okay, sweetie. Uncle doesn't remember any of that. Uncle's old. Uncle will always love you." The only thing that I want in life is for my elementary school music teacher to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I feel like he will never forgive me. All these other people forgive me, though, but I will never forgive myself. Daddy now lives in the local nursing home, where he's in good hands. Every time we go to church, we pray for Daddy to get better from his stroke. Before Daddy had a stroke, he would always walk, talk in complete sentences, sing, and read Bible stories to me and my little brothers. Growing up, my little brothers and I had to witness Daddy going to the hospital. When I was a little girl, Daddy was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. He suffered from a heart attack. My little brothers and I wanted to ride with him. When I was 5 years old, Daddy had to get his chest and arm cut open. Why did Daddy have to get all those surgeries, you may ask? It's because when Daddy was a very little boy, his parents usually fed him lots and lots of junk foods, candy, chocolates, meat, sodas, and very little fruit and vegetables. The only exercise Daddy got was from playing baseball, his favorite sport. Growing up, Daddy maintained his unhealthy diet. When he was only 37 years old, he suffered from a heart attack. At only 54 years old, Daddy had a massive stroke.
The story of Daddy's stroke.
On February 26th, 2013, Daddy was at work. He had to give a big presentation. When his friends realized that he wasn't coming into the meeting room, they assumed that he was just nervous before the big presentation. They just waited for minutes. When those minutes became hours, they came to check on Daddy. One of his friends said, "Hey, Jimmy, what's taking you so long, man?" When they saw him, he was slumped over in his chair. His iced tea spilled all over his keyboard. His boss called 911. Lots of cops, firefighters, and paramedics, took Daddy to the nearest hospital. He was diagnosed with a stroke.
I know that I'm getting off topic now, but even though those people forgive me, I could never forgive myself.
Thanks for this video. Needed the encouragement. I left my stable and good paying job in my home city for a new one across the country in search of a change of scenery, weather, and lifestyle. I regret it deeply because I didn’t realize how much I would rather be surrounded by family and loved ones and live a simple life. I uprooted my family’s life for selfish and stupid reasons because I wanted to live that beautiful instagram lifestyle. Even got into debt and took out retirement money to move. Now I’m trying to find a job back home and move us back.
I am witnessing you with compassion and hoping you find a job back home so you can return ❤️
Thank you Cole, this is exactly what I need at this time in my life.
Glad it resonated ❤️
Thanks and blessings to you ❤
Looking forward to watching more, I’ve not been able to get out from under my guilt and shame and it has been feeding strong SI that’s only been getting worse, to make things much worse the people I’ve betrayed / hurt in the past refuse to let me forget it - they define me by my past mistakes and insist that they’re being angelic to me yet I’m narrowly escaping my own desire to not be here any more daily.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling with people in your life defining you by your past mistakes. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I have other free mental health resources listed on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp
I hope you find this resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and love to get through this. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this video and for your channel. I recently did something that hurt a new relationship I'm in and I had no idea at the time how hurtful it actually was and the position I put both of us in. Even though they're giving me another chance (which I am HIGHLY thankful for), I cannot and will not go back, because that pain I felt for me AND my partner was the worst feeling ever. It was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn about self-awareness.
Thank you for sharing ❤️ Self-awareness is so important!
Thank you for this valuable content. Keep doing your great job!
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I keep regretting why I was wronged/ blamed / mistreated I regretted things that were done to me . Thanks for this vide❤
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Thank you, Terri!!!! I really appreciate your time creating this episode + guide. Thank you!!
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Thank you Terry, just knowing I'm not alone is enough. I was able to speak to multiple people who support me. And now I want to let go and this video popped up! ❤
That is so amazing 💕
I made a mistake two days ago. I am 29 and I did drugs and I hated it. My thoughts afterwards were: why am I doing this? Why am I treating myself like that? My body is my temple and I made one mistake that is eating me from inside out and I can’t forgive myself for this. I know I’m not gonna do it anymore because I simply hated it but the fact that it’s done hurts me I lot.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Speechless.. this is what i wanted to know for years to overcome my depression over my missteps n mistakes… jus the best ever information received… 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad it resonated ❤️
So happy for ur reply❤❤❤
Prayer for breakthrough, my relationship, a new home, and car. I pray for everyone as well
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thanks Terri . This video was really helpful.
So glad it was helpful for you!
This is super useful many many thanks
So glad it is helpful for you ❤️
Hi Terri. My name is Aji, I am from Indonesia, I am struggling with letting go the past, either it was because of me or even other people
Hi Aji, I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Thanks for empowering me to take action
You're so welcome, I'm glad you felt empowered ❤️
I’m new to this channel I have one regret that I made in my past that I shouldn’t have and it was being in a very toxic relationship it drag me down because I was blind by love I had rumors in middle school and high school telling me that I shouldn’t be with him because he had bad mental health issues this happened when I was 13 to 14 years old but now I’m 19 and it still gives me ptsd until this day🤔
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Toxic relationships are hard enough to deal with as an adult- children are rarely fully equipped to deal with that. But what you know now from having that experience can protect you, too. ❤️ I have a short video that speaks to this, too: ruclips.net/video/jiX4YKt8bKI/видео.html
This session has been very interesting, informative and helpful, thank you...
You are so welcome, Lynette ❤️
My mistakes were all around being nice and forgiving, never forgive never forget always take action. I'm a different person than I was twelve years ago. Forgiveness is not part of what I am now.
hello my name is James,I really have a lot of regrets from leaving jobs and female relationships and I do reflect on the bad decisions I have made in the past,great video glad I found your channel 😅😅
Welcome James, glad you found your way here!
Nice , you are beautiful outside and inside . I been watching your videos help me to control my thoughts
Thanks for this fantastic video.
You're welcome! Thanks for being here 💕
Thank you for this❤️
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Terri, you are so right on. Thank you.
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I am feeling so hopeless and fatigue made a lot of mistakes in my past lost everything and hit Rock bottom.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way ❤️
I hope you're treating yourself with more kindness ❤️
@@xuemem yes I am,we learn from our mistakes..thanks so much
Thank you. I desperately need this.
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Im 39, single, childless, have made little effort to find someone in my late twenties and 30s....my career has been a series of unfortunate events that have resulted in no growth due to my stupid mistakes...i am the definition of regret. I like your message though.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
i feel the same,and so alone
You are still here, stay strong, although it feels bad a lot of people must also be in this position. We aren't all given the tools to thrive or know what to want or how to get it, nor do we always have that motivation or ability.
I miss my ex husband of 18 Years. We were both emotionally reactive a lot of dv was involved until he decided to divorce me one day. It was blindsiding. I was angry. Still am bitter. Now I realize our love was intense and we could not communicate. I miss him miss my family life but nightmares and guilt and regret is eating me alive.
I want to forgive myself but I can't. I have wronged him and he has wronged me . I want to be at peace with myself
Thank you Doctor.
There is a period between April 2019 till August of 2020 that I wish I could delete from my life. Those 15 months haunt me all these years later. I hope that I can forgive myself and let go of the mistakes I made.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength your way, Ifrah ❤️
Same time period i hope we both come outof it'
I'm 33 and I feel like I've done too much, I have just retreated from life because I'm scared I'll sdo something that will build onto this huge mountain of regret that's on my shoulders.
So much shame and guilt.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love, Charlotte ❤️
I am regretting about my past...and it is becoming deeper & deeper because the present time is also becoming the new regret.
(a regretting cycle)
I am not seeing growth..
Some regrets just ruin my current life ..
And I m about 19.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤
feeling this rn and im 24
you have a whole lot of life ahead of you so experience it and youll be okay
@@serene1486 hope so and u too
I normally dont think of past regrets but i recently had a dream about an ex i cheated on. Now im ruminating on the past because i loved him so much i was just to scared to get married at that time he was leaving for the militaryand i still had 2 years of high school. I have learned alot about this but i still cant get it out of my head and im even in a relationship where i have been with my husband for 13 years. This makes no sense. I did finally forgive myself for hurting someone. I thought about apologizing but i feel that would create another mess i do not want to get into so forgiving myself is the best i can do.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you ❤️
I'm 21 years old I hve made a big mistake in my mind my happiness is everything I don't regret anything that I had done by intentionally or accidentally even though I know the consequences that will happen in the future however I know I'm a monster who never changed
Thank you so much, Madam.
What you are saying in this video helped me to take distance with a regret that I am maintaining for years (The regret to have sold my house).
I appreciate the way you deliver the message.
Thank you so much for your intelligent words and advices.
I am so glad to hear it helped you ❤️
Brilliantly helpful vid, got the guide,many thanks Terri. What a good soul you are
So glad it was helpful Johny ❤️
I think I could have been successful forgiving myself but I’ve had too many humans around me who make judgment and shaming a sport. I realize this is probably not typical, but it has been my experience. I tend to be my harshest critic but I also know I was cut off by the knees when I was decimated by grotesque abuse as a child. Knowing what I know about that I believe I am a miracle. But bullies seem to follow me around and I’m already burdened with shame and I am easily trampled.
I see you, feel your pain, understand what you’re going through. I know it’s not much, but you are not alone my friend. Keep fighting on.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I am so sorry to hear about the shaming and judgment you're experiencing from others 💕
I have so many videos on my channel about self-love and boundaries, but I believe it a lot of it comes down to our relationship with ourselves, because it is the most important one we will ever have. How we treat ourselves sets the bar for how everyone else will treat us. And this is made so difficult when we've experienced abuse in childhood and don't have proper support. I believe you are worthy simply by virtue of being alive. 💕
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for your kind response to my comment. I shouldn’t leave so much of myself in a RUclips comment but I just can’t help it sometimes. Your thoughts are very comforting to me. Thank you 🙏
@@ZeCahli Thank you for taking the time to offer support. It means a lot. 🙂
❤️ You can always go back and edit anything if you don't feel comfortable with it. Remember, we have the right to change our minds and course correct!
Yes, I do this too!