Did this video resonate with you? What are your emotional triggers? How do you protect yourself? Don't forget to grab the free guide for this episode here: www.terricole.com/identify-and-manage-emotional-triggers-guide
My older brother picked on me and never apologized sincerely. Now, when someone offends me I remain in relationship with them hoping for them to acknowledge their wrongdoing and say they’re sorry. When they don’t I’m disappointed and I want distance. I don’t want to be in relationship with people who can’t own up when they’ve hurt me.
A lot of people don't realize they're hurting us. I had explained this to my partner. But from his point of view, he thought I was hurting his feelings. So it's hard to explain oneself to one who doesn't have a lot of empathy.
Hello! My name is Bethany. My therapist recommended a few of your videos about managing boundaries. I am so appreciative of your videos and wisdom and advice. Your experience is so helpful, I can’t even tell you. Thank you so much, Terri.
It's good to be aware of why certain things trigger us. Yet we don't necessarily have to react in the same way every time. We can take a step back and realize what's going on inside us.
I like the way you normalize the experience of emotional triggers and how you make it clear that it comes from within. You make it easy to see that we can ask others to accommodate us in our management of our triggers but that it is our “side of the street”. As always, THANK YOU!
Such good content!!! You just justified years of me refusing to watch films about slavery (I am a woman of color) and the news. Both make me feel super anxious and at times sick to my stomach. My husband has been teasing me for years. As you said, I prefer to read about events and will only rarely watch, except if I know I can stop the video if I want to. This makes me feel so much better because you have given me the knowledge and tools to set my boundary more clearly. Also, I just learned I might be an empath 🤯😵, which explains so many things!!! Thank you!!
I am so glad to hear it ❤️ 🙌 👏 You absolutely can set boundaries around your preferences, especially with things that make you sick to your stomach and anxious. I did a vid a while ago on empaths that you might find helpful: ruclips.net/video/Qi9wehCxXLY/видео.html
This is so important for nourishing your friendships and relationships. I had a lot of insecurity issues in my early twenties, and when I started seeing how I was making my partner at the time feel, I began to realize it was me. From that point on, I took ownership over my triggered feelings, and even started to see friendships in a new light. Even when something normal upsets me, I give the other person the benefit of the doubt now and trust that they weren't trying to bother me.
Very thought-provoking! And I find Terri's voice so calming and assuring...it just gives this feeling that everything will be alright and that I'll figure everything out!❤ thank you!❤
this is so on point for me. I have so much to thank you for today. I needed this permission so much. Thank you for the wisdom terri. Boundaries!!! here I come!
I get triggered by people who do not listen or cut me off when I am speaking. I have struggled with this my whole life. I am just beginning to be more selective about who I speak to, and choose friends that know how to listen. It is hard to find somehow. I am also working on being a better listener. Thank you Dr. Cole. This is helpful.
You are so welcome, Angela ❤️ And you're not alone. I did a quick video on always being the listener here: ruclips.net/video/jPgCS4Dosqk/видео.html And this is one of my favorite ways to set boundaries with interrupters: ruclips.net/user/shortsypcd-Yeds3A
"Why they trigger you is about you." Boy, if that isn't the truth. Fantastic and incredibly helpful video. Thanks very much. Love and light to everyone. ❤️
Great conversation, episode topic. I relate on many levels. Especially with the father daughter topic, and I do the same regarding being around people who are drunk. I am intolerant and choose to protect and prioritize myself.
My triggers are alcohol, domestic violence, yelling, I'm survivor of D/V and I have moved on. Thank God. I love ALL your veidos, they've helped me in so many ways. Narcissist is a very good topic , & gaslighting. Love you Terri.
Love this episode...I am learning to understand this on a very deep level...thank you!! As a horror film fan...the line "the call is coming from in the house" well that really puts it in perspective...Great episode!
this episode is so important for me. Thank you for explaning it. My family/sibling triggers were in full action today. I calmly said I would not get invovled. I tried to take care of myself and I think I did. I did call a good friend who helped me with my feeings of anger and pain. It was quite triggering! Thanks you Terri!! I am printing the guide.
I am so happy for this episode as it supports greatly what I am working on now for myself. I often have walked away from friends because it would trigger me into angered feelings and I just cut the friend off. My recent experience with an incident brought me to the points you are making because your book and these videos have helped me so much I was able to step back and look at myself in a way I have been unable to before. What was my previous life experience or what feelings do I feel that are being triggered without blame to the other. This video clarified that I am on the right track and I am very grateful for all this added assistance. Thank you ever so much
Loved this! As always you are spot on. Your book Boundary Boss made such an impact on my behaviors and happiness and my young adult daughters who I shared your wisdom with along the way as I read it. Years ago I had tshirts made for myself and my daughters that simply said “I own My Peace”. No one but you 100%.
As someone who has experienced stalking, the whispered words "this call is coming from inside the house" in this video scared me 😅 However, thank you very much for uploading this video. It's very helpful, helping us understand things better ❤💕
Thank you for directing me to this video; it was very helpful. I much better understand the difference now between the various levels of being triggered with the help of the examples you gave. I noticed how the biggest trigger was being around drunk people because you were getting a bit defensive there ("Why would I want to ..."). I notice whenever I feel the need to justify something, that means I am not completely comfortable with this subject. I haven't fully accepted my tapestry, as you put it so beautifully. Thank you very much!
Thanks so much for your help, but this one prompted me to ask how you can tell the difference between emotional triggers and Trauma/PTSD triggers? And how do you know when it's one or the other?
Love your candidness and insight. Just learned this!!! I’m triggered by sweet loving older ladies. I just want to break down and cry in front and of them.
This is why I am single because I do not want to deal with alot of women traumas, and other undesirable behaviors. It is great to be financially sound where I can discern whomever I want to spend my time with.
I'm a woman wish I had financial stability. I hear you though men are the same way. We've all been damaged it's how you deal with things when they come up. Life is about learning growing and love. We're all made to love and be loved. Some have neither. That's what hurts the most.
Loved this and I watch a ton of NPD content. I simply cannot and will not watch UFC, I have a visceral reaction and become very agitiated and need to leave. If I’m out at a pub and it’s on, I can avert my gaze well enough but when the whole place lets out a collective “ooooooohhhhh” I almost feel like throwing up. My inability to handle any kind of violence has become worse with age and motherhood. I didn’t come from an abusive family and didn’t experience physical violence in my NPD marriage but I do think my central nervous system is just shot. Oh and I cry over almost everything now. Good or bad. But I’ve always been like that. 🤷♀️
Hi Terri 👋… thank you for the wonderful content! Would you be able to do a video specifically about trauma triggers and how to heal or handle them? I’ve had trauma in my relationship with my partner around his ex wife and children and I feel very triggered often and I can’t avoid the situation because they are still in his life. He tries to not trigger me but it continues to happen. How do you handle when you can’t avoid the situation? Thank you!- Andrea
Andrea- you have to get to the original injuries that your partner’s ex situation is triggering. Ask yourself the three Qs: who does the ex remind you of? Where have you felt like this before? How is this interactive dynamic familiar to you? Did you witness something like this growing up? How is the feeling you have about the ex familiar to you? Journal these questions and you might get some insights into what from the past needs your attention. Sending love ❤️❤️
I hate disappointing people because of my parents treated me like poo and not really interested in me. So whenever someone tells me they're upset by what I've done or said it sends me into a spiral of self loaf.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 Sometimes it can help to tune into our breath, breathe deeply, and let it anchor us in those moments (if that feels soothing to do).
@Terri Cole aww thank you Terri for commenting! I have been watching your videos and want to day thank you! I recently left a 17 year domestic violence relationship...9 months ago. I had to change my name on my accounts and delete all social media. It's been a very painful process trying to heal from all of the trauma. My ex wasn't recently diagnosed with a personality disorder. Anti Social Personality Disorder. Can you possibly do a video on the effects and how you can heal after being with someone for so long who you now realize Never even loved or cared about you? It is devastating I am doing my best to keep myself together and heal not only for myself but for my two children (this is their father). I'm so broken inside and I have been struggling with alcohol and I don't understand why I am having this problem. I got off of all heavy drugs and now this stupid alcohol has a hold on me. I am so sorry this is so long. I'm not sure how else to contact you! God bless you and thank you for all you do! 🙏
@carmenl163 Thank you so much 💗 yes I am. I left and have been in no contact for a little over a year now. I got my driver's license last week! And started working two days ago! I am truly blessed 🙌 and so grateful that I was able to get out of that abusive situation 🙏 It was the best decision I have ever made for my children and myself. I also went to a psych dr and was diagnosed with PTSD and put on some medication. Which has helped me tremendously! I was having terrible panic attacks and insomnia, and both have significantly decreased if not almost completely gone! Praise God! It can be done if you just have had enough and make a choice and stick with it. Life will get better! I promise it takes time, and it is a journey, but it is so wso worth it! ✨️
Get into therapy to understand why would be my suggestion. I have a list of tips on finding the right therapist that might help: www.terricole.com/find-the-right-therapist/ Sending you strength ❤️❤️
I’m triggered by anything that alludes to outdated traditional gender roles, misogyny , and inequality for women. To the point that I think I might be a misandrist!
Did this video resonate with you? What are your emotional triggers? How do you protect yourself? Don't forget to grab the free guide for this episode here: www.terricole.com/identify-and-manage-emotional-triggers-guide
Hi am Alex this video was very useful thank you am new to your channel I found it very educational
My older brother picked on me and never apologized sincerely. Now, when someone offends me I remain in relationship with them hoping for them to acknowledge their wrongdoing and say they’re sorry. When they don’t I’m disappointed and I want distance. I don’t want to be in relationship with people who can’t own up when they’ve hurt me.
Maybe he has mental ilness or does not have knowledge. I learned later in life my brother had autism and he differently showed his love/emotions...
A lot of people don't realize they're hurting us. I had explained this to my partner. But from his point of view, he thought I was hurting his feelings. So it's hard to explain oneself to one who doesn't have a lot of empathy.
Hello! My name is Bethany. My therapist recommended a few of your videos about managing boundaries. I am so appreciative of your videos and wisdom and advice. Your experience is so helpful, I can’t even tell you.
Thank you so much, Terri.
Well hello there Bethany! Thanks for being here ❤️ So glad you're finding the videos helpful!
It's good to be aware of why certain things trigger us. Yet we don't necessarily have to react in the same way every time. We can take a step back and realize what's going on inside us.
Yes! Being aware of our triggers helps us create the space to choose a different reaction. 💕
I like the way you normalize the experience of emotional triggers and how you make it clear that it comes from within. You make it easy to see that we can ask others to accommodate us in our management of our triggers but that it is our “side of the street”. As always, THANK YOU!
❤️❤️❤️
Such good content!!! You just justified years of me refusing to watch films about slavery (I am a woman of color) and the news. Both make me feel super anxious and at times sick to my stomach. My husband has been teasing me for years. As you said, I prefer to read about events and will only rarely watch, except if I know I can stop the video if I want to.
This makes me feel so much better because you have given me the knowledge and tools to set my boundary more clearly. Also, I just learned I might be an empath 🤯😵, which explains so many things!!! Thank you!!
I am so glad to hear it ❤️ 🙌 👏 You absolutely can set boundaries around your preferences, especially with things that make you sick to your stomach and anxious. I did a vid a while ago on empaths that you might find helpful: ruclips.net/video/Qi9wehCxXLY/видео.html
This is so important for nourishing your friendships and relationships. I had a lot of insecurity issues in my early twenties, and when I started seeing how I was making my partner at the time feel, I began to realize it was me. From that point on, I took ownership over my triggered feelings, and even started to see friendships in a new light. Even when something normal upsets me, I give the other person the benefit of the doubt now and trust that they weren't trying to bother me.
What an amazing transformation, Zetos 👏👏👏 Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. I never thought of making a decision in an environment I didn't like.
I'm glad it was insightful!
Very useful. Please we need one for trauma trigger ... Thank you !
New here 1 year later. Thank you for being here 🎉
Welcome! Thank you for watching 💕
Very thought-provoking! And I find Terri's voice so calming and assuring...it just gives this feeling that everything will be alright and that I'll figure everything out!❤ thank you!❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to share that, Maria ❤️ It makes me so happy to hear!
I share your thoughts about being drunk/sober..! From a very early age I never wanted to feel out of control or at other people's bay xxx
this is so on point for me. I have so much to thank you for today. I needed this permission so much. Thank you for the wisdom terri. Boundaries!!! here I come!
Woohoo, right on!! 🙌🙌🙌
Love your calm, soothing voice....
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for NOT HAVING BACK GROUND MUSIC OR NOISE!!!!!🙏🏼
This is my first time here.
I get triggered by people who do not listen or cut me off when I am speaking. I have struggled with this my whole life. I am just beginning to be more selective about who I speak to, and choose friends that know how to listen. It is hard to find somehow. I am also working on being a better listener. Thank you Dr. Cole. This is helpful.
You are so welcome, Angela ❤️ And you're not alone. I did a quick video on always being the listener here: ruclips.net/video/jPgCS4Dosqk/видео.html
And this is one of my favorite ways to set boundaries with interrupters: ruclips.net/user/shortsypcd-Yeds3A
"Why they trigger you is about you." Boy, if that isn't the truth. Fantastic and incredibly helpful video. Thanks very much. Love and light to everyone. ❤️
Great conversation, episode topic. I relate on many levels. Especially with the father daughter topic, and I do the same regarding being around people who are drunk. I am intolerant and choose to protect and prioritize myself.
Right on Josephine 🙌
Just wanted to say thank you for your videos and all the knowledge that I gain from them once again thank you
So glad my videos are helpful for you ❤️
My triggers are alcohol, domestic violence, yelling, I'm survivor of D/V and I have moved on. Thank God.
I love ALL your veidos, they've helped me in so many ways.
Narcissist is a very good topic , & gaslighting.
Love you Terri.
So glad my videos have helped you ❤️❤️
I’ve been learning a lot from you Terri, you have no idea. Thank you very much for making these videos and educating me on how to heal. ❤
Thank you for being here, Mariana ❤️ So glad these videos are helping you on your journey.
Love this episode...I am learning to understand this on a very deep level...thank you!! As a horror film fan...the line "the call is coming from in the house" well that really puts it in perspective...Great episode!
this episode is so important for me. Thank you for explaning it. My family/sibling triggers were in full action today. I calmly said I would not get invovled. I tried to take care of myself and I think I did. I did call a good friend who helped me with my feeings of anger and pain. It was quite triggering! Thanks you Terri!! I am printing the guide.
I am witnessing you with compassion *and* joy for taking care of yourself in that way, Linda ❤️
This episode is so needed for me. Triggers can start a depressive cycle for me.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Your voice is so soothing ❤
Your videos are very powerful and impactful. Thank you.
❤️❤️
Terri, the distinctions you make are so helpful. Thanks for all your insights.
❤️
This was so helpful! Thank you ❤
I am so happy for this episode as it supports greatly what I am working on now for myself. I often have walked away from friends because it would trigger me into angered feelings and I just cut the friend off. My recent experience with an incident brought me to the points you are making because your book and these videos have helped me so much I was able to step back and look at myself in a way I have been unable to before. What was my previous life experience or what feelings do I feel that are being triggered without blame to the other. This video clarified that I am on the right track and I am very grateful for all this added assistance. Thank you ever so much
I am so happy to hear these tools have been helping you, Susan ❤️ Way to go!
The empaths watching violent movies part 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
Thank you, Terri, this was a really good video! Very helpful! 😊
Good evening, I am Antoaneta. It is my first time on the channel. Thank you for your generosity. 😊
Hi there Antoaneta, so glad to have you here! ❤️
Hello Terry. I'm so glad I found you. It's been very helpful. 😊❤
I'm glad you found your way here, too! 💕
Polka-dots are so on trend now!! Great video!!!🎉😂❤
Loved this! As always you are spot on. Your book Boundary Boss made such an impact on my behaviors and happiness and my young adult daughters who I shared your wisdom with along the way as I read it. Years ago I had tshirts made for myself and my daughters that simply said “I own My Peace”. No one but you 100%.
I love this so much, Michelle ❤️ Thanks for sharing and for being here. Grateful you're in my crew!
My trigger is alcohol. Its hard to have friends because most people consume alcohol.
I feel you ❤️
As someone who has experienced stalking, the whispered words "this call is coming from inside the house" in this video scared me 😅 However, thank you very much for uploading this video. It's very helpful, helping us understand things better ❤💕
Oh no! I'm so sorry you had that experience, though I'm glad you found the video helpful despite that ❤️
I am so Glad I found this channel
I am glad you found your way here, too! 💕
This will help me ❤
❤️
Thank you
You're so welcome ❤️
Thank you for directing me to this video; it was very helpful. I much better understand the difference now between the various levels of being triggered with the help of the examples you gave. I noticed how the biggest trigger was being around drunk people because you were getting a bit defensive there ("Why would I want to ..."). I notice whenever I feel the need to justify something, that means I am not completely comfortable with this subject. I haven't fully accepted my tapestry, as you put it so beautifully. Thank you very much!
Glad it helped ❤️
Learn so much from you already ❤ ready to grow and continue this journey of self-discovery and self-love
❤️❤️❤️
Happy to be here
I am glad you're here, too! ❤️
Thank you Teri. I always take something away from your videos.
Thank you for being here, Michelle! ❤️
Thank you for your calming energy❤
Thank you for watching ❤️
Thanks so much for your help, but this one prompted me to ask how you can tell the difference between emotional triggers and Trauma/PTSD triggers? And how do you know when it's one or the other?
I did a video on this as well! ruclips.net/video/0EJcJ0sid5k/видео.html
loved this
When a person try’s to make me feel like I’m dumb !! Or stupid !!! Pay attention to those try to highlight a failure
Another great video! ❤
❤❤
Thank you for this video it's helped me understand myself abit more x😊
❤️
Love your candidness and insight. Just learned this!!! I’m triggered by sweet loving older ladies. I just want to break down and cry in front and of them.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
This is why I am single because I do not want to deal with alot of women traumas, and other undesirable behaviors. It is great to be financially sound where I can discern whomever I want to spend my time with.
I'm a woman wish I had financial stability. I hear you though men are the same way. We've all been damaged it's how you deal with things when they come up. Life is about learning growing and love. We're all made to love and be loved. Some have neither. That's what hurts the most.
I'm just normally a emotionally being. My heart is to soft that's problem.
thank you!
Loved this and I watch a ton of NPD content. I simply cannot and will not watch UFC, I have a visceral reaction and become very agitiated and need to leave. If I’m out at a pub and it’s on, I can avert my gaze well enough but when the whole place lets out a collective “ooooooohhhhh” I almost feel like throwing up. My inability to handle any kind of violence has become worse with age and motherhood. I didn’t come from an abusive family and didn’t experience physical violence in my NPD marriage but I do think my central nervous system is just shot. Oh and I cry over almost everything now. Good or bad. But I’ve always been like that. 🤷♀️
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Kim ❤️
Hi Terri 👋… thank you for the wonderful content! Would you be able to do a video specifically about trauma triggers and how to heal or handle them? I’ve had trauma in my relationship with my partner around his ex wife and children and I feel very triggered often and I can’t avoid the situation because they are still in his life. He tries to not trigger me but it continues to happen. How do you handle when you can’t avoid the situation? Thank you!- Andrea
Andrea- you have to get to the original injuries that your partner’s ex situation is triggering. Ask yourself the three Qs: who does the ex remind you of? Where have you felt like this before? How is this interactive dynamic familiar to you? Did you witness something like this growing up? How is the feeling you have about the ex familiar to you? Journal these questions and you might get some insights into what from the past needs your attention. Sending love ❤️❤️
@@terri_cole thank you Terri! 💕
I hate disappointing people because of my parents treated me like poo and not really interested in me. So whenever someone tells me they're upset by what I've done or said it sends me into a spiral of self loaf.
I see you, Courtney ❤️
6:30 same
My trigger is narcissistic people and yet, I can't always leave (e.g. workplaces) 😅
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 Sometimes it can help to tune into our breath, breathe deeply, and let it anchor us in those moments (if that feels soothing to do).
Hello everyone!
Well hello there!
Good morning Terri
Hi there rayyjay, thanks for being here!
@Terri Cole aww thank you Terri for commenting! I have been watching your videos and want to day thank you! I recently left a 17 year domestic violence relationship...9 months ago. I had to change my name on my accounts and delete all social media. It's been a very painful process trying to heal from all of the trauma. My ex wasn't recently diagnosed with a personality disorder. Anti Social Personality Disorder. Can you possibly do a video on the effects and how you can heal after being with someone for so long who you now realize Never even loved or cared about you? It is devastating I am doing my best to keep myself together and heal not only for myself but for my two children (this is their father). I'm so broken inside and I have been struggling with alcohol and I don't understand why I am having this problem. I got off of all heavy drugs and now this stupid alcohol has a hold on me. I am so sorry this is so long. I'm not sure how else to contact you! God bless you and thank you for all you do! 🙏
I meant to say he WAS diagnosed with a personality disorder! Sorry about that!
@@rayyjayy274 I hope you are doing better now! 🤗
@carmenl163 Thank you so much 💗 yes I am. I left and have been in no contact for a little over a year now. I got my driver's license last week! And started working two days ago! I am truly blessed 🙌 and so grateful that I was able to get out of that abusive situation 🙏
It was the best decision I have ever made for my children and myself. I also went to a psych dr and was diagnosed with PTSD and put on some medication. Which has helped me tremendously! I was having terrible panic attacks and insomnia, and both have significantly decreased if not almost completely gone! Praise God! It can be done if you just have had enough and make a choice and stick with it. Life will get better! I promise it takes time, and it is a journey, but it is so wso worth it! ✨️
@terri_cole do you have a video on how to stop being so reactive ? If not, can you do one?! Please help lol😅
What if love relationships trigger you????
Get into therapy to understand why would be my suggestion. I have a list of tips on finding the right therapist that might help: www.terricole.com/find-the-right-therapist/ Sending you strength ❤️❤️
I still have an problem of work on your triggers
Hello
Hi there!
hello 💖
Hi Maria, happy you're here! ❤️
I’m triggered by anything that alludes to outdated traditional gender roles, misogyny , and inequality for women. To the point that I think I might be a misandrist!
Thank you
You are so welcome!
Hello
Hi there!