I haven't been officially diagnosed yet.... but I certainly have a LOT of ADHD problems and they are driving me CRAZY.... and lack of motivation is one that is at the top of the list.
Urgency is definitely a thing. I can procrastinate all week on cleaning the house but if someone’s coming over in an hour then look at me suddenly rushing around to get stuff clean (and then getting mad at myself for not doing it earlier).
@@abigail5728 Yes do it! Any type of friend/family gathering can work, or even just having someome over for dinner. I used to teach art classes to my niece, which also worked very well 😂
Yes. Hate when people say, “If it was important to you, you would be there on time.” 🙄 No, I probably still wouldn’t. I’d try, as always! But still be rushing at the last minute to get out the door.
yeah me.... Can't find my keys (even when I had them in my freaking hands 10 minutes ago), needed paperwork, one time it was even my shoes. I am notorious at being late to appointments.... I suck so bad
@@tinasally379 I hear you, one time I biked for 20 minutes to my tutoring school and only until I was seated in the building I realised I had put on one rainboot and one sneaker! 🤦🏻♀️ I was mortified. No wonder several bypassers were smiling and laughing at me and I just tought they were being nice 😂🥲
@@jones2277I have multiple alarms and these 2 awesome timers that help me but I need to hyperfocus on time for me to actually get places early. I have to be early too bc if not I'm late.
@@jones2277 For most with adhd we tend to be so in our minds that we shut off the alarm without even realizing that it went off. Kind of like when someone asks "do you want chicken or broccoli for dinner?" and you automatically answer broccoli even if you hate it because you weren't councisously answering the question
@@elliemandeville I’m right there with you since mid-November. I’m believing it will get better, but it feels like crap now. I’m trying to learn hacks/coping skills. Hope it helps to know you’re not alone.
This reminds me of when I was a child... mum would get us kids to clean our rooms, typical stuff except long after my brothers got their rooms tidied Id be still cleaning out the one drawer that I kept all my treasures in. I remember getting in trouble for it and being indignant that I was cleaning... yes, I was but I was using a piece of paper towel to take lint out of the corners of the drawer rather than taking a whole view of a room and what needs done. Interest leads the way with adhd.
@@lagomorphia9😂😂😂😂😂 I’m a mom of an ADHD person and I was diagnosed in January I’m 63 and al I have to tell her is I saw the squirrel. And that explains why nothing got done so I get cleaning the lint in the corner of the draw. It happens every morning but it’s still hilarious
The most frustrating thing is when you have emotional overwhelm/cognitive dissonance on important things. We really want to do them, but we self-sabotage. You're awesome and you got this! Good luck with your job interviews!
I would even go further to say that the sense of urgency has to be PERSONAL (at least for me). If I don’t care, I don’t care. You know? I have something that has been hanging over my head for quite a while, and because I feel no personal connection to it, it’s just not getting done. And looking at all the details of this particular situation, it’s something that I SHOULD have a personal interest in, because it affects me directly. But for some reason with this one thing, I really just don’t care. And unfortunately that’s not something that someone on the outside is just going to understand.
Another massive factor is the guilt I feel/felt being not "100%" ADHD (Adult diagnosed). Because some days it would affect me really badly and some days I'd be closer to neurotypical behaviour - at least outwardly. My wonderful psych explained that its all about how the environment affects me. For example, a more urgent environment brings my symptoms (inability to start things/inability to focus on things/self-sabotage) out at their worst. But in a calm environment (deadlines way off, no real urgency, etc) I can be totally level headed & even productive (mostly on things that interest me at the time though haha..) - and I tend to just buzz about starting & finishing little projects (even at work) because theres no particular importance looming over them. But the moment something is "looming" or "expected" I put it off, engage in toxic productivity (doing everything BUT the important task) AND I enter a phase of self-sabotage & guilt till I snap one day and kick myself out of it (reaching my limit & getting angry with myself seems to be how I've overcome ADHD symptoms till now without meds) Now I'm on meds and let me say, I feel like I can finally ACCESS who I really am. It's not scary, and it doesn't feel "new" it feels familiar! Like they help you feel like you would on your "good days". Everyone is different so your mix of meds could vary a lot but once you're on the right mix, it helps so much. Sorry for the long post but I truly hope my story somehow helps someone out there. Oh and just remember, there is a LOT to be gained from the unique perspective you have on the world thanks to your neurodiversity. If anyone is reading this, I hope you can find the joy in embracing your life story, embracing your personality & finding a way to live life the way you feel most comfortable & content
I have a very similar experience. I also engage in toxic productivity/self sabotage. But I'm not on meds because people think I'm too organised or" just resistant to change" to have ADHD (when those are just coping mechanisms and me trying to show what I'm like without masking). I'm currently living in a refuge, and my case workers keep trying to force me out of the house more to study at the library, but I know that going to unfamiliar environments causes me anxiety, and even if I am more productive at first in a new environment, the novelty wears off real quick, and I'll get just as distracted from my studies in a library than I would sitting at my desk in my room. I feel like the classification of ADHD doesn't quite get to the root of the issues we face. We struggle with executive disfunction, yet it's not in the name. We don't struggle with a lack of deficit of attention, our attention is based in interest and good/enjoyable novelty. It would be more apt if the disorder was called executive attention dysfunction hyperactivity/hyperfocus disorder. For me, it doesn't really matter if the environment is calm or frantic though, because the lack of urgency leads to procrastinating anyway, and added urgency or with negative punishment on the line, I freak out and fail. Meds would literally change my life, and by extension, probably the world too.
@@audreydoyle5268 Hi Audrey! Thank you so much for your lovely, long comment!! ❤❤ I can't tell you how much I appreciate someone taking some time to write a longer one. It helps me feel so much less alone and I actually think I enjoy getting them (it's like a small gift of information for my info-hungry brain lol) The difficulty of ADHD for me is how subtle it can be!! (Even more so on meds haha) I can have a streak of good days and be quite productive and then as the deadline(s) loom closer and things get less and less controlled, I start to slip but because I'd been doing well up till that point, I assume it must be my own will to be distracted and not necessarily ADHD. So off I go indulging in random hyper-focusing all the while building up guilt and regret for not making a move on the more important things. (And that cycle was so much more turbulent without meds 0.0) I absolutely agree that ADHD classification by definition and the symptoms list alone doesn't get to the root of things. Our real-life experiences and the way it affects many aspects of our personality is something you can only learn/resonate with by talking to other ADHD affected people. Actually for me I usually know when someone has it because I almost automatically click with someone with a similar personality to mine! Like we get bored by the same things, have similarly dynamic thinking patterns and just all round are better at seeing the big picture. That, and very similar career stories haha (aka - job hopping, losing focus, starting random new projects at work just because you need excitement...? sound familiar maybe? haha) I really hope you are able to access meds in the near future. Assuming your doctor finds the right mix, they are so so helpful. And of course like many other pills, they're not a cure - instead they help regulate our systems and mental cycles. And although subtle, indeed make a world of difference. ❤ I'd love to say more but I don't want to outstay my welcome 😅 have a great day!! 🌸✨
Time Blindness is also a thing! These are the tips that have helped me most: - Time Timer visual timer + a Leave Now! alarm - Getting all the way ready FIRST before doing anything non-essential like eating or checking phone (keep protein bar and gum in bag/desk drawer/glove box). - This video: "How to Never Be Late Again - College Info Geek" that describes all the little increments of time that I'm still blind to and have to consciously plan out on paper to be on time. - Timing how long routine things take on multiple occasions and estimating "get ready" and commute times based on the Worst time, not the best
Yes... I have to literally calculate out every thing I have to do to get out the door, backwards- to know whatvtume I should wake up. I started learning about the law of attraction and manifesting a few years ago. It started out great. Until I got bored. Every damn morning I wake up at 4 am to try to get in a 10-3o min meditation... that I never get to it. Why? It should be so simple. I too was diagnosed at age 40, as a single mom with 3 kids. Struggling to support myself and kids but the harder I try the worse my brain works for me!😢
One of my instructors aligned motivation with how serious someone takes something and I felt personally attacked. I take important tasks very seriously, but it doesn't mean I will ever feel motivated to do them.
It’s hard, always feeling paralysed with no energy for even basic survival, the more the i grow up the more I see how debilitating this is… stay strong
I was just asking some of my neurotypical friends to help me get motivated to do these huge assignments that are all already late and I’ve procrastinated on them for a months. And they were trying to help by saying how much better I’ll feel once I’ll get it done and how once I get it done I will be able to have more free time and be less stressed. Like yeah ofc I know these things, but it’s hard when none of that really clicks and affects you enough to actually be motivated
@@maddiemae73How's it going? I've taken a year out of uni cause I couldn't do it.. I passed with a 1st in year one from completing every assignment in one night on the last late deadline and I shut down in second year. Now I'm trying to figure myself out before going back next year.. Only just found out I might have adhd at 21 years old...
So relatable. I have to tell people I am late for fun stuff too as well as everything else. Once I truly understood how regular people view being late, I have cut down to the bare minimum to less disrespect and disappointment others may feel if I let them down. Also when I do disappointment others, guilt, shame and sadness sets in and it makes doing everything is harder. It still leaves me shaking my head at a nurse who couldn't believe I had ADHD, Depression and Anxiety. I didn't tell her about CPSTD, a little OCD and alot of rejection sensitivity, LOL.
I find a sense of agency to be extremely important. If I feel like I’m being forced to do something, I end up rebelling against it. This can be in the form of passive aggression of agreeing to a task but having no inclination to do it whatsoever. 😅
@@ubayyd The point is that it’s impossible to explain it to someone who finds it easy to be productive every single day. Because no matter how you try say it, they will think you’re making excuses or just being lazy
This answers the question I have asked myself SO many times after terrible consequences of not doing something I know I need to do... "WHY do I do this to myself?!?!? Ugh!!!"
Yeah I managed to do both of those things but it's usually me trying to make a case for myself. Like me remembering that if I don't brush my teeth I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'll have that weird gross taste in my mouth helps me to actually brush my teeth. The showering part I get external motivation from work and having to see other people. There's also times in which I try to talk to my inner child and say that I deserve to take care of myself and remind myself of how clean and fresh I'll feel immediately after. Also having things to do even on your off day that requires you to leave the house and interact with people is also used as external motivation since I would feel incredibly embarrassed for looking like I crawled out of the trashcan and smelling gross or looking super unkept.
I’ve been watching ADHD Videos and I’m realizing how much I relate to so many of these- I’m also a female so, we normally have “internal ADHD” and it’s always missed… I have a HUGE problem with motivation and time management for things- even if they’re important…. I’ve never been properly diagnosed and I don’t want to self diagnose but I’m relating to a lot of these…
In combination with recurring depression and genuine fear about being able to support myself, my despair over this phenomenon has triggered VERY dark thoughts many times in my life. Never knowing if I'm going to be fired or forced out of a job again because some a-hole manager was brainwashed that punctuality = performance (or because my productivity really WAS sub-par because of my ADHD) has cast a pall of anxiety and fear over my whole adult life.
@@Phoenix00797 I'm sorry you can relate. 😟 It sucks! I had an epiphany after posting this that the bosses who made me feel this way were emotionally abusive with other employees too. *Anyone's* performance can be nitpicked, but GOOD bosses foster their employees' *strengths* -- of which I have many. I'm sure you do too. F bad bosses!
I didn't know about the 5 things to motivate ADHD brains and OMG it makes so much sense. I've always wondered why I have such a freaking hard time I'm school, but if it's something I'm passionate about I can learn by myself at breakneck speeds. My friends and family are always confused that I barely passed school but I'm super smart about some topics because they interest me, and it that motivates me so much that it's almost harder to not want to learn about it.
I've been stuck remodeling my house for 10 years. I have suggested to my psychiatrist, psychologist and doctor that I may have ADHD. They said they didn't think so but I have been this way my whole life.
Love this! Passion! Medical director to me when I can't get charts closed (like doing boring paperwork) by the end of the month: You must not be motivated by money....
No, I'm not, I'm motivated by good deeds and saving lives. The money is a bonus, yet essential for my survival. Not a motivating factor however, because my main focus is the health of the people I treat. I will get the paperwork done, for when it best suits my patients, as that is my duty of care, not when it suits your aloof bureaucracy. Whenever they say that to you, imagine it's a wise guru saying it in a different intonation, like a mantra. You/I must not be motivated by money, you/I must be motivated by charity".
Now i know why i am so motivated to do a task when its a challenge from someone or when i am competing with someone. I like thr feeling of doing something for someone or bestjng someone in something.
One of the most frustrating things about ADHD is that you have to bear that all alone, locked up in a room two nights before your exam not being able to know what you did wrong to get to this point while your best friend is calling you constantly why aren't you studying??? You can't tell her bcz she won't get it she loves you but she won't get it. And you have to bear that all alone bcz people don't know the difference between laziness and ADHD. It's better to suffer alone than to be judged by your fav people...
Having ADHD is soo hard. I'm in grade 11 and i know i really KNOW i have to self study because if i don’t i won't graduate ect. And i don’t want a bad life yk. Then i get motivated thinking what i can do and when i want to start. My mind goes blank. I don’t know how to study and where to start and I'm not dumb rather smart and i know HOW good i can be in school but without someone standing behind me all the time and pushing me. I just can't yk
THANK YOU!! I have NOT been able to explain this to my family and friends! They think I just say I want to do something, but when I don't do it, they think I never intended to do so! 😢😫
this helped me realise that this is why me & my boss clash so much. he's a businessman, a salesman, a *getting things done in a certain way* type of boss. he wants results that he isn't getting & assuming it's my fault. whereas i do my job bc i want to, it's interesting, i have a certain amount of autonomy. I'm also autistic, & i ask a lot of questions bc i need to understand why i'm doing what i'm doing, i need to know exactly what my job entails & why, or simple curiosity. but he sees it as challenging his authority or "having an attitude," like i cannot communicate with this man. anyway this comparison is super helpful to me to understand why he's like this lol
My FINAL exams are going on and tomorrow is the last one .. the book's in front of me but I've not yet started studying. I can't get myself to even when I know how important this exam is. And about the time thing .. Even though my school is right next to my house I was 20 minutes late ..because I started dressing up at the time I was supposed to leave🥲
I completely get you😪 I wrote my finals last year and I did well on my other subjects but not so well on the last 2 I even had to resit them. Even though I was given a 'second chance' I still really struggled to give it the time it required😮💨😔
I didn’t even realize that importance was a motivation tool for ppl! Omgosh, I thought something was wrong with me, why do I not care about the same things ppl do ? Why am I not motivated about the same things as they are?? Thank you for making this video. It makes sense bc I seem to gravitate towards things that stimulates me, is of interest to me & helps me grow + it’s fun.
For me the anxiety from importance or urgency, makes the motivation useless, and creates a "frozen deer effect" that sabotages anything that is urgent or important. It's extremely frustrating and scary. The more important something is, the less likely I'll be able to make myself act on it. This makes interest and passion the only factors that help break through those barriers. The shame and judgement piled on by others who don't understand any of that, tend to make the barriers even thicker by adding yet more anxiety to the mix.
I see so many motivating videos ans it does give me the boost but onky till I'm watching the video, the moment i stop it, my will and motivation is out of the window
I'm not officially diagnosed so take this with a grain of salt. My trick is setting a personal deadline within the day. It works with important things as long as I hold the time in my mind and think of it as something I can't start later.
All of yr messages have helped me so much. Listening to the “experts,” to me, makes me wonder if they know anything at all. Just through some Medication my way.
Exactly. I’m currently laying on my bed at 5:38 on a school night. I have a really important project I was supposed to finish that is due tomorrow. I barely started it. It’s so frustrating because the teachers don’t seem to understand how my ADD works and affects me. I think the main problem I’m experiencing with my teachers is the fact that they know I have ADD, and they know I’m medicated-but it’s almost like they assume the medication makes it “go away.”
True, but there are two sides to the coin. Let's not forget our silly yet funny & relatable ADHD quirks that come into play with those motivational factors😅: - Interest (also known as: Rabbit Hole Dive) - Competition/challenge (aka: Overcommitted, Beyond Safeguards Total Obsession, till no longer stimulating) - Sense of urgency (aka: The possible is no longer achievable, so let's do the impossible, due to looming doom or for the rush) - Novelty/creativity (aka: Perfectionist, The judging potential higher self. Or a pattern seeing, abstract thinking, between the lines reading voyager, that floats between the earth (reality) and the heaven (blissful creative realm), keen daydreamer) - Passion (aka: Uninterrupted blissful flow-state chaser, Hyper focused tunnel vision, also the priority task master of negligence) A huge thanks to the video creator for highlighting these motivation factors. I couldn't resist adding a fun spin with the double-sided quirks; after all, our uniqueness lies in our pursuits.
Watching as I sit…procrastinating studying for a final exam that i logically know is extremely important and I’m capable of doing well, but just can’t seem to study for.
Oh my God, this video hit me hard😢I'm not diagnosed with ADHD (yet) but I think I have something especially when it comes to procrastination 😢like right now I need to clean the house😩 and at the same time I need to do other important things in few days and this will exhaust me internally without even doing these tasks🫠
I feel like my brain puts up a sort of force field around the important but not exciting tasks, like they are a threat. I can try to work on them, but its like I can't get close enough to engage and "work" on them. Like the basic program running in my brain is: safety 1st Dopamine is safe Success brings dopamine Frustration and failure destroy dopamine Destroying dopamine means danger, high-level threat. And nothing overrides the Safety Protocol.
@@laurakaye5086 I have a plastic take out container with slips of paper that has subjects of interest written on them. Then I set a 45 minute timer (can be shorter or longer depending on your span of focus time). You can put chores, subjects, tasks, and aim to draw everything by the end of your work week.
@@audreydoyle5268 I haven't tried the random task aspect but I've also benefited from using a timer (LOVE my Time Timer visual timer : - ). Temptation Bundling during or after with something I like to do and do often already has also been helping (podcasts, TV, RUclips). "Rewards" with delayed delivery never worked for me, but somehow this does.
It feels so weird!! Like I know applying for student loans 3 days before tuition is due is way more important than anything else but I’ll start fucking cleaning the bathtub or folding laundry instead ON TOP of stressing about the deadline 😭😭😭
Not me scrolling through shorts instead of organizing my boxes. I deconstructed my side of the room, built a whole new organization system, and got it and my desk put together in my room how i wanted it, all by 11am. Now i have to put my shit back, but brain says "well, we're done for today."
This makes me feel better about myself, but also makes me realize what exactly i need to work on to fix the issue. I couldnt quite put my hang-ups into words, and its been a while since I was in therapy to learn how to cope
Small correction… the doctor you are citing is Dr. Dodson, not Dobson. I was lucky enough to get to work with him for many years. His work definitely changed my life and I will be forever grateful. Many thanks for the continued awesome content!
It's a gift when it works, which it doesn't 60-90% of the time. It depends on comorbid depression and whether or not it prevents piques in interest and severity of the primary disorder (common in undiagnosed/underdiagnosed women). Another thing is that interest/passion and enjoyable novelty is pretty much the **only** things that will motivate great works out of a person struggling with ADHD. No amount of positive reinforcement or negative punishment will motive. Not even urgency works most of the time, only when abusive or negative punishment is on the line, but that also doesn't work for a lot of ADHDers, due to self esteem. It's a gift when it works, but for the vast majority of time, it is a perilous curse. The main struggle of ADHD isn't a lack of attention. We have ample attention span for things that are of great interest or empassion us. The issue lies in executive disfunction. Executive functioning skills are the ability to prioritise, plan, promptly initiate and complete tasks. ADHDers simply do not have these abilities that are strongly influential on behaviour and development of projects as neurofunctional people do (neurotypical sounds more ablist to me than neurofunctional). Trust me, it is not a gift. And saying that it is continues to perpetuate the "gift kid" trope, who later grows up to be a "failure" because their intelligence isn't supplemented by executive function. It's dangerous to people like myself, who grew up being told I was very intelligent (still get told that), but I would go further if I "applied myself" or "put in more effort", when I was giving it everything I had.
@@audreydoyle5268 I really wanna read cos I think I've got good stuff but the length of it is throwing me off and I can just go right ahead to just force myself to read but I will come away with no comprehension or retention.it's sad frankly
@@audreydoyle5268 What you said. I'm glad for anyone who actually has ADHD and has somehow found enough coping strategies to see it as a gift in their own life. But given the horrible, life-diminishing challenges many of us continue to face I find that language profoundly invalidating and disrespectful.
@@bellaluce7088 yeah, like I said 60-90% of the time it is hell. And during these 6 months since my OC, it's been 95% straight down to the seventh layer of hell for me. The only thing I've kept consistent is my Duolingo streak. Trying to get my life back in order after going through traumatic sh*t which set me back to my 14 year old mindset: telling my stomach to shut up (ED survivor), constantly saying "I need to do X," like push ups and never actually starting, that I'm a lost cause and other great verbal lashing from my birth giver's husband, as well as going from passive SI to actively thinking about it. All because my brain won't go to sleep at 10pm, only between 3 & 5am (literally 4:33am as I'm posting). Because I cannot plan my day to be optimally productive. Because I've been stuck in inertia and analysis paralysis for months. ADHD like you said is only a gift for the small percentage of people who managed to actually do something with that gift because they found the right coping mechanisms. And they're usually coming from a place of immense privilege, access to resources, a functional family unit and an early life diagnosis.
I do my best to be accountable with everything I do, I don't want this to be an excuse but one of my triggers is peoplwho are dishonest and have a double tongue. If I think someone is using me for my knowledge in a job or belittling, I completely shut down. I wish I could just ignore it but I just can't, it shows in every way.
I started anxiety meds which took my urgency away and now I can’t do shyt. I’m late to everything and I just cancel now. I can’t finish anything on time it really sucks.
i lost one of the loves of my life because i couldn't show up the way normal people do to relationships. I want a life, i don't want to be at other people's mercy. I want people to want to be around me.
Not me ignoring my chores to paint a masterpiece and then leaving the paint supplies out for a week when I'm done but starting at the picture the whole time.
Congrats on getting something wonderful and important done. I used to, then i tried to function domestically and i barely get that done and my creativity is dead.
Yo this is my life,my boss and manager literally had a meeting with me just to ask me why I seem so distant, that they don’t understand me because I’m one of the bests in my field but to them is seems like I don’t care. The reality is that’s true IDGAF🤣 I’m just there for the pay and they expect me to do extra shit but I simply won’t !! I don’t even care if I get fired 🤷🏽♀️
I feel like I am the only ADD person that is literally NEVER late. Like ever. I'm usually chronically early because I know I hate when people are late. It happens so frequently and it always makes me feel like they couldn't give a shit about my time or me. So I'm constantly worried about making someone else feel that shitty.
Soooo frustrating. So hard to explain to people that I’m not even motivated to do things I know I want to do and are important. ADHD is weird
Same here … so much time I wasted doing nothing, so many years wasted which I won’t get back
Just lack of dopamine in your brain. thats what gets you going
I haven't been officially diagnosed yet.... but I certainly have a LOT of ADHD problems and they are driving me CRAZY.... and lack of motivation is one that is at the top of the list.
@@tinasally379me too!! And I dont know what to do and its frustrating!!
My guy that's everyone
Urgency is definitely a thing. I can procrastinate all week on cleaning the house but if someone’s coming over in an hour then look at me suddenly rushing around to get stuff clean (and then getting mad at myself for not doing it earlier).
Omg meeeeeee!!!
This is why I organize weekly boardgame nights at my place, it keeps my house clean! 😂
@@BlackOreoCookiewow that’s a really good idea. I should 100% do this. Wonder what else I could sneak in there because of people coming or being there
@@abigail5728 Yes do it! Any type of friend/family gathering can work, or even just having someome over for dinner. I used to teach art classes to my niece, which also worked very well 😂
@@BlackOreoCookieholy shit this would change everything, now I just need to learn how to maintain friendships
Yes. Hate when people say, “If it was important to you, you would be there on time.” 🙄 No, I probably still wouldn’t. I’d try, as always! But still be rushing at the last minute to get out the door.
yeah me.... Can't find my keys (even when I had them in my freaking hands 10 minutes ago), needed paperwork, one time it was even my shoes. I am notorious at being late to appointments.... I suck so bad
@@tinasally379 I hear you, one time I biked for 20 minutes to my tutoring school and only until I was seated in the building I realised I had put on one rainboot and one sneaker! 🤦🏻♀️ I was mortified. No wonder several bypassers were smiling and laughing at me and I just tought they were being nice 😂🥲
Set an alarm
@@jones2277I have multiple alarms and these 2 awesome timers that help me but I need to hyperfocus on time for me to actually get places early. I have to be early too bc if not I'm late.
@@jones2277 For most with adhd we tend to be so in our minds that we shut off the alarm without even realizing that it went off. Kind of like when someone asks "do you want chicken or broccoli for dinner?" and you automatically answer broccoli even if you hate it because you weren't councisously answering the question
When the depression kicks in on top of it, it's hard to even prepare food and eat sometimes.
Me right now… been this way for like a year now and I don’t know what to do anymore
@@elliemandeville try to shift your focus towards spiritual well-being, it really helps.
@@elliemandeville I’m right there with you since mid-November. I’m believing it will get better, but it feels like crap now. I’m trying to learn hacks/coping skills. Hope it helps to know you’re not alone.
I went through this for over a year @@elliemandeville
This is so true 😢
I was even at a point where I thought I had lived enough.
I’ll be in the corner dusting the leaves on my plant when I should be preparing for my very own brain surgery in the morning.
This reminds me of when I was a child... mum would get us kids to clean our rooms, typical stuff except long after my brothers got their rooms tidied Id be still cleaning out the one drawer that I kept all my treasures in. I remember getting in trouble for it and being indignant that I was cleaning... yes, I was but I was using a piece of paper towel to take lint out of the corners of the drawer rather than taking a whole view of a room and what needs done. Interest leads the way with adhd.
@llmaaz3140 So relate to this! Leaf (and drawer corner) dusters unite!
@@lagomorphia9😂😂😂😂😂 I’m a mom of an ADHD person and I was diagnosed in January I’m 63 and al I have to tell her is I saw the squirrel. And that explains why nothing got done so I get cleaning the lint in the corner of the draw. It happens every morning but it’s still hilarious
The most frustrating thing is when you have emotional overwhelm/cognitive dissonance on important things. We really want to do them, but we self-sabotage.
You're awesome and you got this! Good luck with your job interviews!
Exactly oh my God 😢
That, yes.
I would even go further to say that the sense of urgency has to be PERSONAL (at least for me). If I don’t care, I don’t care. You know? I have something that has been hanging over my head for quite a while, and because I feel no personal connection to it, it’s just not getting done. And looking at all the details of this particular situation, it’s something that I SHOULD have a personal interest in, because it affects me directly. But for some reason with this one thing, I really just don’t care. And unfortunately that’s not something that someone on the outside is just going to understand.
I totally get this ... ..do you take meds for ADHD or found a way to overcome this
Another massive factor is the guilt I feel/felt being not "100%" ADHD (Adult diagnosed). Because some days it would affect me really badly and some days I'd be closer to neurotypical behaviour - at least outwardly.
My wonderful psych explained that its all about how the environment affects me. For example, a more urgent environment brings my symptoms (inability to start things/inability to focus on things/self-sabotage) out at their worst. But in a calm environment (deadlines way off, no real urgency, etc) I can be totally level headed & even productive (mostly on things that interest me at the time though haha..) - and I tend to just buzz about starting & finishing little projects (even at work) because theres no particular importance looming over them.
But the moment something is "looming" or "expected" I put it off, engage in toxic productivity (doing everything BUT the important task) AND I enter a phase of self-sabotage & guilt till I snap one day and kick myself out of it (reaching my limit & getting angry with myself seems to be how I've overcome ADHD symptoms till now without meds)
Now I'm on meds and let me say, I feel like I can finally ACCESS who I really am. It's not scary, and it doesn't feel "new" it feels familiar! Like they help you feel like you would on your "good days". Everyone is different so your mix of meds could vary a lot but once you're on the right mix, it helps so much.
Sorry for the long post but I truly hope my story somehow helps someone out there.
Oh and just remember, there is a LOT to be gained from the unique perspective you have on the world thanks to your neurodiversity. If anyone is reading this, I hope you can find the joy in embracing your life story, embracing your personality & finding a way to live life the way you feel most comfortable & content
I have a very similar experience. I also engage in toxic productivity/self sabotage. But I'm not on meds because people think I'm too organised or" just resistant to change" to have ADHD (when those are just coping mechanisms and me trying to show what I'm like without masking). I'm currently living in a refuge, and my case workers keep trying to force me out of the house more to study at the library, but I know that going to unfamiliar environments causes me anxiety, and even if I am more productive at first in a new environment, the novelty wears off real quick, and I'll get just as distracted from my studies in a library than I would sitting at my desk in my room.
I feel like the classification of ADHD doesn't quite get to the root of the issues we face. We struggle with executive disfunction, yet it's not in the name. We don't struggle with a lack of deficit of attention, our attention is based in interest and good/enjoyable novelty. It would be more apt if the disorder was called executive attention dysfunction hyperactivity/hyperfocus disorder.
For me, it doesn't really matter if the environment is calm or frantic though, because the lack of urgency leads to procrastinating anyway, and added urgency or with negative punishment on the line, I freak out and fail. Meds would literally change my life, and by extension, probably the world too.
@@audreydoyle5268 Hi Audrey! Thank you so much for your lovely, long comment!! ❤❤ I can't tell you how much I appreciate someone taking some time to write a longer one. It helps me feel so much less alone and I actually think I enjoy getting them (it's like a small gift of information for my info-hungry brain lol)
The difficulty of ADHD for me is how subtle it can be!! (Even more so on meds haha)
I can have a streak of good days and be quite productive and then as the deadline(s) loom closer and things get less and less controlled, I start to slip but because I'd been doing well up till that point, I assume it must be my own will to be distracted and not necessarily ADHD. So off I go indulging in random hyper-focusing all the while building up guilt and regret for not making a move on the more important things. (And that cycle was so much more turbulent without meds 0.0)
I absolutely agree that ADHD classification by definition and the symptoms list alone doesn't get to the root of things. Our real-life experiences and the way it affects many aspects of our personality is something you can only learn/resonate with by talking to other ADHD affected people.
Actually for me I usually know when someone has it because I almost automatically click with someone with a similar personality to mine! Like we get bored by the same things, have similarly dynamic thinking patterns and just all round are better at seeing the big picture. That, and very similar career stories haha (aka - job hopping, losing focus, starting random new projects at work just because you need excitement...? sound familiar maybe? haha)
I really hope you are able to access meds in the near future. Assuming your doctor finds the right mix, they are so so helpful. And of course like many other pills, they're not a cure - instead they help regulate our systems and mental cycles. And although subtle, indeed make a world of difference. ❤
I'd love to say more but I don't want to outstay my welcome 😅 have a great day!! 🌸✨
@@audreydoyle5268maybe you have adhd and autism?
Thank you for writing this
Thank you so much for this! Your note at the end was especially touching!
Time Blindness is also a thing! These are the tips that have helped me most:
- Time Timer visual timer + a Leave Now! alarm
- Getting all the way ready FIRST before doing anything non-essential like eating or checking phone (keep protein bar and gum in bag/desk drawer/glove box).
- This video: "How to Never Be Late Again - College Info Geek" that describes all the little increments of time that I'm still blind to and have to consciously plan out on paper to be on time.
- Timing how long routine things take on multiple occasions and estimating "get ready" and commute times based on the Worst time, not the best
Yes... I have to literally calculate out every thing I have to do to get out the door, backwards- to know whatvtume I should wake up.
I started learning about the law of attraction and manifesting a few years ago. It started out great. Until I got bored. Every damn morning I wake up at 4 am to try to get in a 10-3o min meditation... that I never get to it. Why? It should be so simple. I too was diagnosed at age 40, as a single mom with 3 kids. Struggling to support myself and kids but the harder I try the worse my brain works for me!😢
And here I was just trying to find something to motivate me without making me feel more guilty I'm not doing the thing..
One of my instructors aligned motivation with how serious someone takes something and I felt personally attacked. I take important tasks very seriously, but it doesn't mean I will ever feel motivated to do them.
It has consumed my life. Completely destroyed
It’s hard, always feeling paralysed with no energy for even basic survival, the more the i grow up the more I see how debilitating this is… stay strong
Destroyed it is a bit strong. I hope things get better
I was just asking some of my neurotypical friends to help me get motivated to do these huge assignments that are all already late and I’ve procrastinated on them for a months. And they were trying to help by saying how much better I’ll feel once I’ll get it done and how once I get it done I will be able to have more free time and be less stressed. Like yeah ofc I know these things, but it’s hard when none of that really clicks and affects you enough to actually be motivated
Also it’s even harder that I’m not able to get tested (yet) so I can’t just be like “oh yeah it’s bc I have adhd” so I just come off as lazy :(
@@maddiemae73its not laziness, though. We are too frustrated by it. Laziness would not care.
We know these things. We do not feel these things.
LEARNNNN TO LISTEN.
@@maddiemae73How's it going? I've taken a year out of uni cause I couldn't do it.. I passed with a 1st in year one from completing every assignment in one night on the last late deadline and I shut down in second year. Now I'm trying to figure myself out before going back next year.. Only just found out I might have adhd at 21 years old...
So relatable. I have to tell people I am late for fun stuff too as well as everything else. Once I truly understood how regular people view being late, I have cut down to the bare minimum to less disrespect and disappointment others may feel if I let them down. Also when I do disappointment others, guilt, shame and sadness sets in and it makes doing everything is harder. It still leaves me shaking my head at a nurse who couldn't believe I had ADHD, Depression and Anxiety. I didn't tell her about CPSTD, a little OCD and alot of rejection sensitivity, LOL.
This is such a massive hurdle in navigating so many areas of society. 😣
I find a sense of agency to be extremely important. If I feel like I’m being forced to do something, I end up rebelling against it. This can be in the form of passive aggression of agreeing to a task but having no inclination to do it whatsoever. 😅
I wish other people would just understand this. I cannot explain to my super-productive brother why I cannot seem to get boring tasks done.
Talk to him.
@@ubayyd The point is that it’s impossible to explain it to someone who finds it easy to be productive every single day. Because no matter how you try say it, they will think you’re making excuses or just being lazy
or exciting tasks
This answers the question I have asked myself SO many times after terrible consequences of not doing something I know I need to do... "WHY do I do this to myself?!?!? Ugh!!!"
Showering and brushing my teeth fit in none of these categories...
I thought I was the only one
@@rachelcarr4405 Nope. I brush my teeth but all else is out the window until its absolutely necessary.
Yeah I managed to do both of those things but it's usually me trying to make a case for myself. Like me remembering that if I don't brush my teeth I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'll have that weird gross taste in my mouth helps me to actually brush my teeth. The showering part I get external motivation from work and having to see other people. There's also times in which I try to talk to my inner child and say that I deserve to take care of myself and remind myself of how clean and fresh I'll feel immediately after. Also having things to do even on your off day that requires you to leave the house and interact with people is also used as external motivation since I would feel incredibly embarrassed for looking like I crawled out of the trashcan and smelling gross or looking super unkept.
I gave up and allowed my brain to watch fun videos while I brush my teeth and shower. So, I get it done.
I’ve been watching ADHD Videos and I’m realizing how much I relate to so many of these- I’m also a female so, we normally have “internal ADHD” and it’s always missed… I have a HUGE problem with motivation and time management for things- even if they’re important…. I’ve never been properly diagnosed and I don’t want to self diagnose but I’m relating to a lot of these…
In combination with recurring depression and genuine fear about being able to support myself, my despair over this phenomenon has triggered VERY dark thoughts many times in my life. Never knowing if I'm going to be fired or forced out of a job again because some a-hole manager was brainwashed that punctuality = performance (or because my productivity really WAS sub-par because of my ADHD) has cast a pall of anxiety and fear over my whole adult life.
I feel your pain. Same here 😢
@@Phoenix00797 I'm sorry you can relate. 😟 It sucks! I had an epiphany after posting this that the bosses who made me feel this way were emotionally abusive with other employees too. *Anyone's* performance can be nitpicked, but GOOD bosses foster their employees' *strengths* -- of which I have many. I'm sure you do too. F bad bosses!
Wow that makes so much sense, I can't clean to save my life but you make it a race to see who cleans faster I'm gunna win 😂
I'm in my late 50's and this just triggered me so hard. My whole life I've been beaten down by "well meaning" people that just don't understand.
Totally get it. It makes me feel sad when people treat me like I don't have respect for societal expectations and norms.😢 different parameters is all.
Am 58 now. Diagnosed at 55. The frustration is real.
Laying here cozy in my messy bedroom wishing for inspiration.
I didn't know about the 5 things to motivate ADHD brains and OMG it makes so much sense. I've always wondered why I have such a freaking hard time I'm school, but if it's something I'm passionate about I can learn by myself at breakneck speeds. My friends and family are always confused that I barely passed school but I'm super smart about some topics because they interest me, and it that motivates me so much that it's almost harder to not want to learn about it.
are you my twin? lol
@@cuchupacu😭
I’m watching these videos because I’m procrastinating chores and this feels more productive than watching fun videos
It explains why i love the raging motivation to get stuff done when it’s deadline time
I only have a week to finish all of my coursework. But I’m watching this video. The sense of urgency might not kick in for another 5 days.
Explains why I haven’t been able to make any headway on this house project that’s been looming for 2 months…🙄🙄🙄🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Try three years 😐
Try 5 years! JK but not entirely. Story of my life re:delayed projects 😂😅😓
I've been stuck remodeling my house for 10 years. I have suggested to my psychiatrist, psychologist and doctor that I may have ADHD. They said they didn't think so but I have been this way my whole life.
@@scottytv1 Id get a second opinion as this trait is classic adhd
@@lagomorphia9 Thank you for speaking up. I hope to find some relief.
Love this! Passion! Medical director to me when I can't get charts closed (like doing boring paperwork) by the end of the month: You must not be motivated by money....
No, I'm not, I'm motivated by good deeds and saving lives. The money is a bonus, yet essential for my survival. Not a motivating factor however, because my main focus is the health of the people I treat. I will get the paperwork done, for when it best suits my patients, as that is my duty of care, not when it suits your aloof bureaucracy.
Whenever they say that to you, imagine it's a wise guru saying it in a different intonation, like a mantra.
You/I must not be motivated by money, you/I must be motivated by charity".
@@audreydoyle5268 thank you
He whom the Son sets free... is free indeed.
Never feeling content and always so bored and irritable.
😢
Now i know why i am so motivated to do a task when its a challenge from someone or when i am competing with someone. I like thr feeling of doing something for someone or bestjng someone in something.
Ahhhhh now I finally understand why I only played competitive games and rarely story mode games 😂
One of the most frustrating things about ADHD is that you have to bear that all alone, locked up in a room two nights before your exam not being able to know what you did wrong to get to this point while your best friend is calling you constantly why aren't you studying???
You can't tell her bcz she won't get it she loves you but she won't get it.
And you have to bear that all alone bcz people don't know the difference between laziness and ADHD.
It's better to suffer alone than to be judged by your fav people...
This is 100% spot on in my life!!
Thank you so much for always being a voice to these issues. It makes me feel so much more validated and less alone.
Having ADHD is soo hard. I'm in grade 11 and i know i really KNOW i have to self study because if i don’t i won't graduate ect. And i don’t want a bad life yk. Then i get motivated thinking what i can do and when i want to start. My mind goes blank. I don’t know how to study and where to start and I'm not dumb rather smart and i know HOW good i can be in school but without someone standing behind me all the time and pushing me. I just can't yk
THANK YOU!! I have NOT been able to explain this to my family and friends! They think I just say I want to do something, but when I don't do it, they think I never intended to do so! 😢😫
Sometimes not even a sense of urgency can motivate me 💀
this helped me realise that this is why me & my boss clash so much. he's a businessman, a salesman, a *getting things done in a certain way* type of boss. he wants results that he isn't getting & assuming it's my fault. whereas i do my job bc i want to, it's interesting, i have a certain amount of autonomy. I'm also autistic, & i ask a lot of questions bc i need to understand why i'm doing what i'm doing, i need to know exactly what my job entails & why, or simple curiosity. but he sees it as challenging his authority or "having an attitude," like i cannot communicate with this man.
anyway this comparison is super helpful to me to understand why he's like this lol
My FINAL exams are going on and tomorrow is the last one .. the book's in front of me but I've not yet started studying. I can't get myself to even when I know how important this exam is.
And about the time thing ..
Even though my school is right next to my house I was 20 minutes late ..because I started dressing up at the time I was supposed to leave🥲
I completely get you😪
I wrote my finals last year and I did well on my other subjects but not so well on the last 2 I even had to resit them. Even though I was given a 'second chance' I still really struggled to give it the time it required😮💨😔
@@KatlegoNkwe-ts4ig but thanks to God..I've got an okay-ish IQ .. now I finished school as a valedictorian 🥲🥲 you'll get there too 👍
I didn’t even realize that importance was a motivation tool for ppl! Omgosh, I thought something was wrong with me, why do I not care about the same things ppl do ? Why am I not motivated about the same things as they are?? Thank you for making this video. It makes sense bc I seem to gravitate towards things that stimulates me, is of interest to me & helps me grow + it’s fun.
Now time for solutions. How do I make important things fun 😭 or can I please just have someone do it for me.
For me the anxiety from importance or urgency, makes the motivation useless, and creates a "frozen deer effect" that sabotages anything that is urgent or important. It's extremely frustrating and scary. The more important something is, the less likely I'll be able to make myself act on it. This makes interest and passion the only factors that help break through those barriers. The shame and judgement piled on by others who don't understand any of that, tend to make the barriers even thicker by adding yet more anxiety to the mix.
Sometimes I want to do something but I can't even get myself off the couch because I'm so focused on something (btw I have Adhd)
I see so many motivating videos ans it does give me the boost but onky till I'm watching the video, the moment i stop it, my will and motivation is out of the window
Thank you, this made me feel better!
I'm not officially diagnosed so take this with a grain of salt. My trick is setting a personal deadline within the day. It works with important things as long as I hold the time in my mind and think of it as something I can't start later.
Thats so True i have adhd and i feel that Alot
All of yr messages have helped me so much. Listening to the “experts,” to me, makes me wonder if they know anything at all. Just through some
Medication my way.
I'm struggling to find the motivation to study for my exams. Tomorrow!!!
Wish me luck
How did it go?
Exactly. I’m currently laying on my bed at 5:38 on a school night. I have a really important project I was supposed to finish that is due tomorrow. I barely started it. It’s so frustrating because the teachers don’t seem to understand how my ADD works and affects me. I think the main problem I’m experiencing with my teachers is the fact that they know I have ADD, and they know I’m medicated-but it’s almost like they assume the medication makes it “go away.”
True, but there are two sides to the coin. Let's not forget our silly yet funny & relatable ADHD quirks that come into play with those motivational factors😅:
- Interest (also known as: Rabbit Hole Dive)
- Competition/challenge (aka: Overcommitted, Beyond Safeguards Total Obsession, till no longer stimulating)
- Sense of urgency (aka: The possible is no longer achievable, so let's do the impossible, due to looming doom or for the rush)
- Novelty/creativity (aka: Perfectionist, The judging potential higher self. Or a pattern seeing, abstract thinking, between the lines reading voyager, that floats between the earth (reality) and the heaven (blissful creative realm), keen daydreamer)
- Passion (aka: Uninterrupted blissful flow-state chaser, Hyper focused tunnel vision, also the priority task master of negligence)
A huge thanks to the video creator for highlighting these motivation factors. I couldn't resist adding a fun spin with the double-sided quirks; after all, our uniqueness lies in our pursuits.
Watching as I sit…procrastinating studying for a final exam that i logically know is extremely important and I’m capable of doing well, but just can’t seem to study for.
Oh my God, this video hit me hard😢I'm not diagnosed with ADHD (yet) but I think I have something especially when it comes to procrastination 😢like right now I need to clean the house😩 and at the same time I need to do other important things in few days and this will exhaust me internally without even doing these tasks🫠
Thanks for laying that out. Those who don’t have adhd will never understand!
Some do.
I’m surprised a job interview doesn’t feel urgent. It definitely does to me
I tend to be so early that I have been 1 hr early bc I have ADHD and I won’t be motivated to do so later
Yep!!! Happens to me all the time.
So true thank you ❤
That's why I like to compete with someone or participate in a competition.
I feel like my brain puts up a sort of force field around the important but not exciting tasks, like they are a threat. I can try to work on them, but its like I can't get close enough to engage and "work" on them. Like the basic program running in my brain is:
safety 1st
Dopamine is safe
Success brings dopamine
Frustration and failure destroy dopamine
Destroying dopamine means danger, high-level threat.
And nothing overrides the Safety Protocol.
That’s why I have a sort of Russian roulette game with my tasks. I am more productive this way, but still quite not there yet…
Ooh how do you do this?
@@laurakaye5086 I have a plastic take out container with slips of paper that has subjects of interest written on them. Then I set a 45 minute timer (can be shorter or longer depending on your span of focus time). You can put chores, subjects, tasks, and aim to draw everything by the end of your work week.
@@audreydoyle5268 I haven't tried the random task aspect but I've also benefited from using a timer (LOVE my Time Timer visual timer : - ). Temptation Bundling during or after with something I like to do and do often already has also been helping (podcasts, TV, RUclips). "Rewards" with delayed delivery never worked for me, but somehow this does.
OMG! This is me!! I looooove my job but because my tasks are not urgent at, I am just procrastinating. #stuck in procrastinstionsville😢
It feels so weird!! Like I know applying for student loans 3 days before tuition is due is way more important than anything else but I’ll start fucking cleaning the bathtub or folding laundry instead ON TOP of stressing about the deadline 😭😭😭
Oh my I can't get my shit together for sooo long it's insane.
wow... very spot on.
That fits me so well. Not sure about competition, but everything else fits
Same but for me I basically have a non existent sense of urgency
Absolutely right 😅
Not me scrolling through shorts instead of organizing my boxes. I deconstructed my side of the room, built a whole new organization system, and got it and my desk put together in my room how i wanted it, all by 11am. Now i have to put my shit back, but brain says "well, we're done for today."
Yes. And procrastinating gets you so tired.
No matter how important it is, I won’t be able to get it done if it doesn’t interest me
Thanks for understanding me!
This is so true!
Hello! I noted the 5 sources of motivation for ADHD. Thank you!
This makes me feel better about myself, but also makes me realize what exactly i need to work on to fix the issue. I couldnt quite put my hang-ups into words, and its been a while since I was in therapy to learn how to cope
I keep on spacing out in school during teaching or doing work thinking about songs or funny things
I'm fairly certain I have adhd and you listing the 5 important factors. I didn't expect to be so called out-
I have ADHD but my anxiety would never let me be late for a job interview.
I’m so anxious that I could puke by the time that I get there though.
This is so true 😅
Competition is a big no for me, is there anyone else like me ?! 😢
Executive dysfunction really loves kicking my ass with homework, but I’ve just done my best to find ways around it
Small correction… the doctor you are citing is Dr. Dodson, not Dobson. I was lucky enough to get to work with him for many years. His work definitely changed my life and I will be forever grateful. Many thanks for the continued awesome content!
The worst part is when I have a meeting or appointment but miss it because I mix up the time or I go to the wrong address
How can being motivated by interest and passion be classed as 'disordered' and 'deficient'? Sounds more like a gift!
It's a gift when it works, which it doesn't 60-90% of the time. It depends on comorbid depression and whether or not it prevents piques in interest and severity of the primary disorder (common in undiagnosed/underdiagnosed women). Another thing is that interest/passion and enjoyable novelty is pretty much the **only** things that will motivate great works out of a person struggling with ADHD. No amount of positive reinforcement or negative punishment will motive. Not even urgency works most of the time, only when abusive or negative punishment is on the line, but that also doesn't work for a lot of ADHDers, due to self esteem.
It's a gift when it works, but for the vast majority of time, it is a perilous curse.
The main struggle of ADHD isn't a lack of attention. We have ample attention span for things that are of great interest or empassion us. The issue lies in executive disfunction. Executive functioning skills are the ability to prioritise, plan, promptly initiate and complete tasks. ADHDers simply do not have these abilities that are strongly influential on behaviour and development of projects as neurofunctional people do (neurotypical sounds more ablist to me than neurofunctional).
Trust me, it is not a gift. And saying that it is continues to perpetuate the "gift kid" trope, who later grows up to be a "failure" because their intelligence isn't supplemented by executive function. It's dangerous to people like myself, who grew up being told I was very intelligent (still get told that), but I would go further if I "applied myself" or "put in more effort", when I was giving it everything I had.
@@audreydoyle5268 I really wanna read cos I think I've got good stuff but the length of it is throwing me off and I can just go right ahead to just force myself to read but I will come away with no comprehension or retention.it's sad frankly
@@audreydoyle5268 What you said. I'm glad for anyone who actually has ADHD and has somehow found enough coping strategies to see it as a gift in their own life. But given the horrible, life-diminishing challenges many of us continue to face I find that language profoundly invalidating and disrespectful.
@@bellaluce7088 yeah, like I said 60-90% of the time it is hell. And during these 6 months since my OC, it's been 95% straight down to the seventh layer of hell for me. The only thing I've kept consistent is my Duolingo streak.
Trying to get my life back in order after going through traumatic sh*t which set me back to my 14 year old mindset: telling my stomach to shut up (ED survivor), constantly saying "I need to do X," like push ups and never actually starting, that I'm a lost cause and other great verbal lashing from my birth giver's husband, as well as going from passive SI to actively thinking about it.
All because my brain won't go to sleep at 10pm, only between 3 & 5am (literally 4:33am as I'm posting). Because I cannot plan my day to be optimally productive. Because I've been stuck in inertia and analysis paralysis for months.
ADHD like you said is only a gift for the small percentage of people who managed to actually do something with that gift because they found the right coping mechanisms. And they're usually coming from a place of immense privilege, access to resources, a functional family unit and an early life diagnosis.
I do my best to be accountable with everything I do, I don't want this to be an excuse but one of my triggers is peoplwho are dishonest and have a double tongue. If I think someone is using me for my knowledge in a job or belittling, I completely shut down. I wish I could just ignore it but I just can't, it shows in every way.
Nailed It!
So true, late all the time!
I always wait until midnight on the last day to do projects
Also when I’m told to do my homework but only start when I know my mother could come in any time to check
(AuDHD with a PDA profile here 🙋🏻♀️)
Try swirling some Pathological Demand Avoidance / Pervasive Drive for Autonomy into the mix …. 😩😫😭😬
I started anxiety meds which took my urgency away and now I can’t do shyt. I’m late to everything and I just cancel now. I can’t finish anything on time it really sucks.
exactly, I am working on so many things at the same time, and I have to finish them, though I cannot find motivation to do so!
i lost one of the loves of my life because i couldn't show up the way normal people do to relationships. I want a life, i don't want to be at other people's mercy. I want people to want to be around me.
Not me ignoring my chores to paint a masterpiece and then leaving the paint supplies out for a week when I'm done but starting at the picture the whole time.
Congrats on getting something wonderful and important done. I used to, then i tried to function domestically and i barely get that done and my creativity is dead.
Yo this is my life,my boss and manager literally had a meeting with me just to ask me why I seem so distant, that they don’t understand me because I’m one of the bests in my field but to them is seems like I don’t care. The reality is that’s true IDGAF🤣 I’m just there for the pay and they expect me to do extra shit but I simply won’t !! I don’t even care if I get fired 🤷🏽♀️
I feel like I am the only ADD person that is literally NEVER late. Like ever. I'm usually chronically early because I know I hate when people are late. It happens so frequently and it always makes me feel like they couldn't give a shit about my time or me. So I'm constantly worried about making someone else feel that shitty.
I spammed urgency so many times that eventually the due date would come and go, and I still wouldn’t be able to start or complete the work.
Yes!!!!, exactly!!
I feel the same way.