Hey Jared, Orthodox Christian here. I just want to say that I'm astonished by this video. Every athiest video I've watched I've always expected some snap back on Christianity, but here you are showing immense respect for the religion despite your hardships. Even more suprising was your reverence and respect to the Holy Theotokos that puts mine to shame. I hope this comment doesn't annoy you, but I really can see a longing for God and spirituality despite your belief systems. I will pray for you tonight, and I pray that your heartfelt character endures many of your hardships. God bless you.
Orthodox Christian here as well, and as I watched this I prayed for him and hope that one day he'll visit an Orthodox monastic, maybe at Mount Athos or a local place, and find the guidance and direction his soul is longing for. He seems not far away...
Ortho-Costal here, I went to school with Jared, I totally understand him and he’s amazing and awesome. Love him. A brilliant mind and he will be a powerful Christian warrior one day, probably more on the traditional side.
I hope it doesn’t sound condescending for me to say this, because I genuinely mean it as a compliment. I feel like you as an atheist in this video expressed a longing for God that puts mine to shame. And and admiration and veneration for the Theotokos as a former Protestant and atheist that puts mine as an Orthodox also to shame. If you were interested in hearing something that expresses what the Blessed Virgin was experiencing in that moment from an Orthodox lens, check out the Akathist to the Theotokos. Hope this comment isn’t annoying or pushy I was just really taken aback by this video.
I think there are actually a fair amount of atheists like this, and I would count myself among their number. If there really is a spiritual life to be had, I want to know about it and be a part of it, maybe more than anything else in my life. I’ve read my Bible, I’ve been to church - and many different kinds, too. Catholic, Orthodox, Presbyterian, Baptist, non-denominational, Mormon, you name it, there’s a good chance I’ve been. And not even just Christianity either - I own copies of the Quran and the Bagavad-Gita, my last batch of roommates were Jewish, my neighbors are Hindu, etc. I really do love learning about religion, and I’ve enjoyed every religious event or service I’ve ever been to, at least to some extent but - I’m still an atheist. I’m a bit different from this guy mainly because I’ve never been religious, but the general point still stands. I think the best way to describe it is that like - I feel like I’m trudging through the desert with a bunch of people, and everyone’s saying there’s an oasis just up ahead, but I can’t see it. Believe me, if it’s really there I want to find it as much as the next guy, but all I see is sand and everyone around me is describing the thing differently and as time goes on and on I’m beginning to become more and more sure that it’s just a mirage my friends are seeing. Dunno. Not planning on stopping my exploration any time soon, but all I can say is that I’m not getting any more hopeful I’ll find anything as time goes on. Ultimately, I am okay with dying if thirst if there isn’t actually any water, but I would really rather not miss it if it’s right there in front of me.
@@yourewrong9028 it actually doesn’t surprise me much. In Orthodoxy, we understand that evil isn’t a existing substance but it’s a corruption of good. So what we see in the world is varying levels of people trying to get to the good through corrupted means. But what’s poignantly different I feel, is that we can say that atheists in varying ways and fashions are trying to attain that good.
As an Orthodox Christian who grew up Baptist and attended a non-denom before walking away from God for a few years, I 100% agree with every single point you bring up in this video. My “moment of salvation” moment when I was around 8. The pastor asked me if I wanted Jesus in my heart. I said “yes” and he said “congratulations, you’re saved. I remember thinking “that’s it?!? There’s nothing more to it?” After years of God being “far away” (because I don’t have to do anything else,) I now truly feel and know that God is always present, and also have great love for His Mother.
"that's it?" Even as children, our intuition and guidance of the spirit instructs us that that is, in fact, not it. It's the beginning. It's the start of a lifetime of striving towards theosis. You have to somehow allow yourself to be convinced that saying "Lord, Lord" is all you have to do.
@@Vanpotheosis To be fair, saying you're presently saved doesn't, in itself, imply that's the end. You are saved, you're being saved, and you're going to be saved when you see Jesus face to face. It's a lifelong process that from God's perspective is already done because He exists outside of time.
This is everything I grew up AG, I’m making the move into Eastern Orthodox. All prayer. All of the Fear and then Fiat (Trust) of Mary. No fake smiles to try to make you join so you can just give the 10+%. No prosperity Gospel. No rewards. Just God. My first time at the EO church I felt God, singing the prayers in Greek and English and just feeling like we were all one in prayer and asking him for his Mercy. For it endures forever. This video made me cry, you are so loved!
I had a very similar experience, although I grew up Mothodist, then went to AG until I was 18 and then was out of church entirely for over 15 years after AG experiences. I felt much the same my first time in OCA church as you described.
As an Anglican minister, I have felt a lot of what you feel. I had deconstructed and reconstructed everything from my childhood. Jared, Jesus has never stopped loving you.
After my deconstruction I have yet to find a person who discusses religion after their experience with it with the deep sincerity and realness with which you have in this video. So powerful and I really appreciate your vulnerability - I felt your tears of past pain so deeply. Thank you very much for sharing. You have a new subscriber.
I'm praying for you, Jared. Not the "Lord, lead him back to faith" prayer which I'm sure has been said many times by many people. Instead, a prayer for a hurting man dealing with loss. Your honesty and pain are so raw, and I felt tears in my eyes watching and hearing you in those last few minutes. I pray that, in some way, you find the peace you seem to have lost with your faith. Your videos challenge me, as a pastor, more than most people I know in person. Thank you for what you do here.
I began my departure from evangelical churches when a pastor at my old church brought out a coffin on stage on Christmas Day. I was 20 and genuinely so repulsed by this. I'm an Orthodox Christian now and one thing we do not do is strip the dignity of our Lord by showing images of him bleeding and in pain on the cross, nor would a Priest ever try to scare children. I really don't understand why they do this. The Nativity of Christ should be day of celebration and joy. It's so misguided to take that from children. I am so thankful to be fully away from the fatalism of Protestant churches.
Dude you nailed it. I was suffering severe depression from gut health issues tied to neurochemistry. "Worship music" made me feel better... for a bit, then I'd feel "the Holy Spirit leave me." Meaning the high ended. But it was just Jesus themed music, not the real encounter we need. Humans don't believe based on proofs and highs (and if they do, it's shallow as you perceived). Humans believe based on empirical evidence, and that show historical Christianity did it. But if you lose that... then you have to settle for apologetics and emotionalism.
100% AS I'VE BATTLED CHRONIC ILLNESS & IT'S EFFECTS/LINGERINGS SINCE 2017. The evidence (& His presence) has kept me, surely not my emotions/apologetics!!!
Man.. the amount of respect you had for the Theotokos in this video is immense. I highly suggest attending the Orthodox Church and hear the story that is told here about the Nativity, about Joseph and how he was a widow who didn’t even take the call seriously due to his old age. Theotokos have mercy on this man. Intercede for him to your most Holy Son of his burning heart and how he has been led astray by lost and broken souls in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit now and ever unto the Ages of Ages Amen! ☦️
@@javaman8895 The Truth can’t be reasoned into understanding because the ego is in control. Learn the story of the Bee and the Fly. May god give you Wisdom to see as wisdom supersedes intellect in the kingdom of heaven.
@@javaman8895 we dont owe you a good faith argument sir. we are doing what is best for us, i suggest you do the same. please- while you doubt our faith explain to me the scientific reason why i turn when someones gaze in on me? or why they turn when i look? could be a friend or a stranger. also please- explain the common phenomenon of calling someone just to have them be about to, or literally in the process of calling you? please entertain your ego trying to explain these mysteries, please don't acknowledge mysteries that are greater still, and what ever you do please dont offer up some new age explanation for mysteries like it is a superior explanation. A lot of us have simply grown tired of this ecumenism. you wont get a good faith argument from a real Christian much longer. its a waist of time and breath. You are so loved, you are invited to participate in the mysteries. it is not free will vs determinism. it is both. we have been so deceived in the west. Protestantism is not Chirst. it is not the true church. the true church according to the bible is present anywhere the eucharist is present. do not seek to separate yourself from love. if you are mad at god seek him with a broken spirit, a heart that is broken and humble he will not despise. this does not mean you have to seek him happily. take your follies, confusions and wretchedness to him completely. seek him and he will meet you where you are at.
One of your many Orthodox observers ❤ I was so touched to the very end. Absolutely beautiful, and you have given me much food for thought. I will remember you in my prayers this week ❤☦
If the Baptist pastor is studying church history, not the Protestant version, he might have a new view of historical Christianity alive today in Orthodoxy.
Somehow this video found me in the right moment. Yesterday I broke down in tears telling my sister that I no longer knew how to deal with the grief of losing God and a community I had (I started deconstructing in 2020). New Years is hard because I used to love the New Year service and it hasnt been easy to redefine things. I tearded up when you said "I loved Him more than anything". I did, too. I stand right there with you. Its hard for people that havent experienced this, whatever this is, to understand the sorrow and the loss, and for me its been hard to deal with my life outside of what religion was to me, what my church was to me. I dont have answers, peace, let alone certainty about most things, but I hope you can find them in the near future. Sincerly, I appreciate your work and honesty. Sending much love!
Sorry for commenting without being asked. I just feel I need to tell you one thing: You deconstructing your faith does not have to mean you have lost Jesus forever. It can even be part of Gods plan to draw you nearer towards himself. Maybe thats a strange thought to you, but I have experienced something similar. If a believers faith is based on a man-made image of God (2. commandment) or otherwise a wrong foundation, God will take that down in order to build it up the right way again. It might look like you have lost your faith, but maybe you have just lost what you thought faith looks like. If this thought resonates with you, please read Hebrews 11,24-27. It speaks about the faith of Moses in a very incredible way. If you know the story in Exodus 2,11ff it certainly doesn't look the way it is described in Hebrews: Moses killed an Egyptian who was beating an Israelite and had to flee to Midian to not be punished. That does not look like faith at all, right? But God saw what was happening in his heart when he decided to risk his position as son of pharaoh by helping out an Israelite brother. He had everything because he was a prince. The best life possible and access to every lustful desire he could wish for. He risked all of that and ended up losing it as a consequence. I am sure he cursed himself alot when he had to herd sheep in Midian for 40 years (Egyptians despised that, see Genesis 46,34, so Moses as former prince most likely wasn't very happy). But that was Gods gift to him. 40 years God was working on his heart, humbling him and preparing him to become the biggest prophet of Israel who would lead his people out of Egypt. There might be a faith inside of you that you cannot recognize or understand yet. May your grief be a witness of that. Don't give up hope!
@ I have never visited a mega church and dont feel the need to :) I am too studying church history. I am shocked that I was unaware of it for so long. But I dont trust the EO and RC claims, that their tradition is infallable and that they never got it wrong. The first church fathers who learned from the apostles and their successors did not believe what EO and RC started teaching later. O and C who know that argue the later ecumenic councils overruled the first church fathers, but that leads to even bigger problems in my view. May God bless you on your journey!
A thought on your experience at the evening service. "If we can get you really excited, make you feel good about being here so that you don't actually have to think critically about the actual story..." that part resonated with me. This statement encapsulates one of my struggles with the American Protestant church as of late. I can't possibly speak to every church, but with some that I've been to over the past few years the emphasis seems to be on entertainment and drawing people in through production value -- flashy lights/music/speaking/sets. It seems to me that the underlying message in that is, "Look at us! We're cool, we're with the times, we're not like those stiff, out-of-touch christians you may associate with christianity!" To me, it is like a person who is overly insecure about themself, afraid of their friends discovering their real self and leaving, so they put on this grandiose and over-the-top personality to keep them interested. I went to a church for 5 years (one that you have audited) that put on a similar type of Christmas service every year -- renting out a huge performing arts center, flashy lights and dances and skits, one year they even did a rendition of "let it go"' from Frozen. Thousands of people, christian and not, went to these services. I understand their heart, they want to reach as much people as possible with the gospel and appear as welcoming as they can. But it just never sat right with me. If Christianity is true, and Jesus really is the son of God who died for the sins of the world and calls all to faith and repentance, with the consequence of refusing that being hell, then that is not an easy message. That is not a message you skirt over in favor of trendy, flashy production. That's something that people should be presented with in an appropriate context so that they can carefully determine if they will change their life to follow it. I'm not saying that the correct thing to do is for churches to swing over to the opposite side of the spectrum, being overly somber and rigid and gloomy, but are pop renditions and dancing snowmen really the way to present the central message of the bible? I don't think so. These types of churches make me wonder... if I were to come to them with serious questions, serious doubts, actual struggles I was going through with my faith, would they seriously walk through that with me? Would there be space for that? Or would I just be pointed back to the spectacle and told to clap along. I'm not saying all this to tear down churches like this. Like you said, I am certain and know from experience that there are great, faithful Christians at these places and I am sure many people benefit spiritually from being members at these churches. But there is just something unsettling and a bit sad to me about churches that operate in this manner.
This is an unnecessary struggle for American Christians, as if they have to invent (or reinvent) something from scratch. The truth is the context has always existed, and the faith has not changed if you look back in history. In his latest video, Jared remarked that the Orthodox service he went to in which were sung the Nativity hymns and the hymns to the Theotokos, he said that he felt this was the way the story was originally told. Following the perfectly fine line between soberness, reverence, awe, glory, and joy. The Church has not gone anywhere. People are just increasingly realizing that what they grew up in was something else.
I appreciate your honesty in this video, the come to Jesus moment brought back feelings I've pushed down for the longest time when I was a Christian, I lost my faith but I still don't want anyone close to me experience the pain that I felt losing it.
Jared, this was very moving. I hear the grief in your story and my heart goes out to you. Unlike other major losses in life, no one sends cards and funeral flowers when you lose your faith. Nevertheless, it is a major life altering experience and very real grief. It must be hard at times when people assume that atheists hate Christians. I imagine it would feel invalidating to the grief you experienced/ are still experiencing. I'm a Christian so my journey is different from yours, but I can hear that you took your faith very seriously. I admire your honest and vulnerable sharing of your human experience. Thanks for making these videos. Keep up the good work. I hope it is a healing process for you as you navigate your life after losing faith.
Someone talked recently about being a child and having the realization that everything ends, and having a panic attack. And I thought about my childhood and said that I never had that moment, because I was raised believing that there’s a perfect life at the end of all this, that’ll make all the hard work and suffering worth it. For me, that moment came a couple of months ago, after deciding to leave the JW organization. I realized that everything ends. I realized that I can never again do anything fueled by the hopefulness of believing what I used to believe. The only meaning and hopefulness that is guaranteed is the one that I create for myself. And I panicked, and cried, and felt like so much time had been stolen from me. Because if life is so much shorter than I believed it to be, then I’ve just lost 25 years of trying to make it mean something. I just celebrated my first Christmas. And everything is weird. Thank you for sharing your point of view. It makes it a little less weird.
It gets less weird with time for some. I'm happy to hear you're making your own path. The realization of all that wasted time is devastating. I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Be kind to yourself. - a former jw
Man this hits hard. I’m still somewhat of a believer, but I think many parts of this still apply. Modern Christianity seems to be centered on drowning out the inherent suffering and tragedy of life rather than embracing it and finding a path through it.
The island you mentioned is what living in an Eastern Orthodox monastery was like. Many would say "how peaceful it must have been" and I always responded that is was the absolute opposite. It was a place filled with terror and prayer. All your demons take the stage and there are no distractions. I've felt this in various monastic settings.
Are you still a monk? I've often wondered what places like mount athos are like where some monks live in a hermitage and it's just them, nature, and God.
I only had done a 1 week retreat at a monastery and I was filled w existential dread. I had no clue before then how much I don't deal w life well w no chaser, no distractions
Thank you for sharing your testimony, brother. This realness and raw meeting of your own doubts and fears is something every professing believers needs to experience, sooner or later. It is the only way to become real in your faith.
Ricky Gervais has a similar story of an older brother popping his religious bubble. Dude, you've managed to do what I really haven't seen online (and I watch a LOT of RUclips): you allowed your emotion to show. You did a great job comparing and contrasting the two churches, but, what's more, you emphasized why the "Fear not" message was more meaningful, because it speaks to the reality of how much fear most of us live our day to day lives in. Thank you for this. I hope you have a great 2025, my friend. -Kenneth
God feels more real than ever since I converted to the Orthodox faith. A lot of us as Protestants were in a confusing point. I hope all of you wavering or who stepped away from the faith come back. Bless you all.
@@Confessingjesuschrist agreed. There is mercy and hope in the church, not dread. Granted I think Orthodoxy online, and every denomination and religion online, is dread and just not the same. I truly need to get off the Internet entirely. It's not good for anyone's Spirit
Another Convertodox. You have no idea what orthodoxy is until you have been in an orthodox country. American orthodoxy is just another iteration of Americans clinging to Christianity.
Well, I've gone from Buddhist/atheist to Anglicanism. So, I'm getting there 😂. I found that there is a small Antiochian Orthadox Church within reasonable driving distance so I'm really being pulled to go to a service. Would y'all recommend starting with a Saturday Vespers or a Sunday service? It will be hard for me to skip a Holy Eucharist at my church, but I'm really being called to at least experience an Orthadox service.
One of the deepest videos on RUclips, a deep confession, one of the most beautiful hymns of love. Thank you for revealing yourself to us! I am a converted Eastern Catholic, living equally with Orthodox liturgy and traditions as well as Roman Catholicism. I just remembered - listening to your video - of a time when I confessed to a Roman priest. He asked me to pray only the Jesus Prayer for a long time from that moment on, nothing else if not utterly necessary. He also shared that, as a priest, he himself went through a crisis so deep that only the ascetic practice of the Jesus Prayer saved him, nothing else. I increasingly feel that what modern humanity needs most are the Desert Fathers and St. John of the Cross, for they arguably bear the deepest witness to the suffering brought about by the human tragedy of our being cast into the world. Yet no one tells them this. (The first half of the video touches on this as well.) St. Thérèse of Lisieux, near the end of her young life, often felt the temptation to believe that God might not exist at all. Her beautiful body of work can even be read as the confession of a saint, shining outward from this darkness. Κύριε Ἰησοῦ Χριστέ, Υἱέ τοῦ Θεοῦ, ἐλέησόν με τὸν ἁμαρτωλόν.
I think you are speaking out in words what many others feel but haven't even put into words yet. Strangely you are helping me to clarify my faith. Thank you and peace and blessing to you.
Your comment towards the end about the kind of faith you have alone on a deserted island really resonated with me. I often think about how it was St. Patrick's time alone in the fields as a shepherd when he was a slave in Ireland that really ignited whatever it was that made him who he would become. Just those weeks and weeks with no one, but sheep and God. That's the kind of experience that really makes you dig down to spiritual bedrock. A faith built on that foundation would probably be unrecognizable to most of us Christians.
Upon seeing this video of yours, I am deeply touched. I am from east Africa, Ethiopia, and I hope you visit the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church. May be you might find smth there. You be well and know that you are a better Christian most of us.
The truth is, this guy is no less a Christian that are ANY of the people of the church who think they are Christians. All the people of all the churches are in reality atheists.
This video had me on an emotional rollercoaster 😅😮😢 did not expect a cinematic story masterpiece from a RUclips reaction video💯 Really appreciate your honesty and pouring everything out! I am bias and hope you do “come back to the faith”, to that kid that loved Jesus more than anything❤
This was really honest and deep Jared. It made me think of how I came to Christ in my loneliest and darkest times in life and how I often feel all this religious noise is not as useful and I don't connect with it at all. I do understand your feeling of these being social structures for people ... i felt the same many times.
Lovely video, man. Your journey is definitely different than folks who had a negative experience with church/religion, like me. Life is a journey, and when there’s a fork in the road it’s perfectly okay to just walk between them. I love that you see the value and goodness in humans regardless of their religion or lack thereof.
👋 Hate to break it to ya, but of course Mike gave you VIP treatment... it's just customer service to him. Their staff meetings are perhaps one of the most inauthentic and disgusting things I've ever seen behind the scenes. He treats his staff like crap, is disrespectful to them, humiliates them, walks around with a bunch of "yes men", and acts like he's some corporate CEO. He operates like an authoritarian, does not even care about theology or truly knowing why he believes what he believes. He only cares about the "experience" you have. I think buried deep inside somewhere he has convinced himself he's doing God's work, but he's not. This was all an ego tickle for him, because it would give a lot of kudos to him to have an Atheist feature him on his YT channel. Sadly, there aren't many real churches in the Triangle area that I can say have a balance of reverence and relevance. Either they are super buttoned up or super celebrity pastor wanna-be. Neither are authentic representations of Christianity or the early Church. In my estimation... true church looks like imperfect people who love God breaking bread together at the kitchen table, discussing the scriptures, singing songs as a church family, and then brainstorming together on how to meet the needs of those around you and who you can serve. Loving others until they ask why. Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, either way... if Jesus stepped foot into either of these places, I am confident he wouldn't be too thrilled with what he saw.
I can get on board with this as a deconstructed Christian. I believe churches and their congregations are capable of good things even though I no longer follow the Bible. You and my mother are the same kind of believer and I think she's one of the best humans on earth. I wish more followers were like you.
The TRUE church…no true Scotsman fallacy is so ingrained in the Christian community. All 40000 denominations of your faith just love hate on one another thinking that your version is the true one. I’m so happy to be free from religious oppression and judgment. The fear your religion puts into people for no reason harms people, look at this video as see the heartbreak of this man as he finally comes to grips that none of it is real. Feel it, because I felt it too. There is nothing more heartbreaking then reailizing that your faith and everything you have been taught your entire life is A LIE.
Wow, just wow Jared. I mean, I completely agree with your critique on both sides. The holier-than-thou political takes of some churches (mostly on the traditional right, but I've also seen it on the traditional left) or the overproduction that makes it all so very sparkly when the real truth of the gospel is gritty and hard, even if the more moderate take I subscribe to is real. But I really want to communicate how much I feel the terror you felt at 13. I had a very similar experience after what would go for a hell and brimstone service as a JW when I was 11. It really sped up my baptism timeline with them. I'm happy to say that my initial experience with the Jesus I feel I've come to know was a lot more centered on the unconditional love aspect than the hell aspect. I can't imagine starting my faith journey from a point of nihilism or fear. I can only imagine how that would reverberate through your life. Then again, you did come to love Jesus before you came to not believe, and I believe that. There is a large part of you that both yearns for something along these lines to be true and that still loves the people and the faith itself. I doubt I as an active believer love Jesus as much as you probably still do (at least in the abstract), and that says something about both me and you. Despite being Pentecostal in some senses, I've always been a cold, rational person whose love is intense when invoked, but so seldom invoked as to be a real detriment at some points in my life. All I can say from my standpoint is that I hope you never lose your passion for people and your questioning mind. So again, I love you Jared, and you can see from the other comments here how much you are loved by your community more broadly. Hugs and appreciation.
The more videos I see like this the more it does feel like he’s actively trying to search for an answer or find something. Being agnostic I can at least sympathize with his motivations. And I also understand from his perspective why even if it would be nice to believe, there are certain parts of the religion that we will never agree on. At the same time it’s annoying to see other religious apologists in the chat who are basically proving his point. Where these people are just trying to ‘get him’ and score a point by converting another atheist. Or gaslighting him by saying ‘you’re already Christian you just don’t realize it yet’.
@jamirr100 man, I know many are like that but a ton of us aren't trying to "score a point" or any of that ego trio nonsense. My heart genuinely breaks for him. I converted later in life, I know what it is to have doubts and fears. I want peace for him now and in the next life. Do you really believe that a majority of us dont just want peace and wholeness for him now and for him to be in paradise some day?
Your wondering about what would happen if we got stuck on a deserted island... Orthodox have Desert Fathers. They actually went into desert to pray and fast. I recommend reading about them.
I think you need to pursue Orthodox Christianity . We have many many young men coming to us who are atheists who have had rough lives and they have fallen in love with the congregation and the love of the people
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30 Thank you for exposing your heart to us.
Hey Jared, i see so much of myself in your journey. while I haven't had a close-bond with God, the idea of him not being there has driven me to tears more times than i can count and honestly my life without him has been a haze. I'm starting a journey to re-visit the faith and you have been one of the most influential people online in my experience. You're honesty and vunerablity have given me and so many other belivers and non-believers the assurance that we are not alone in our struggles and that in and of itself is a great comfort. Wishing You a Happy New Year and many prayers
I left a fundamentalist nondenominational evangelical church almost four years ago after I was forced to step down as a children’s church teacher for coming out to my mom’s best friend as nonbinary. It had been my home church for 11years. I always tried so hard to be a “good Christian” all through my teen years but never truly felt anyone there. There was an unspoken sense of judgment that it was my fault. Once I was having debilitating ovarian cyst pains when I was about 13. I was doubled over in the fetal position for hours and was told to pray for the pain to go away. When it didn’t work, I was told point blank by my parents that I wasn’t trying hard enough.
Wow. This felt so much more personal and vulnerable than anything else I have ever seen on this platform, not only in the religious, or non religious space, but the entirety of it. Thank you for sharing this with us! I can't quite relate to it, as I wasn't brought up in a religious household and have never had any sort of felt personal relationship with a god before, but somehow this still resonated with me.
The feeling when you are staying late at the orthodox church, silently praying, standing in front of an icon, with candle as the only source of light - this feeling is not joy and happiness. It is something different. It is, honestly, quite scary, but not in a frightening way. I don’t know how to describe that feeling…
Okay. This one video (by an atheist) has had more of affect on me than the last 100 sermons I listened to. Really made me stop and consider: Where is my terror of a Holy and Almighty God? Am I just distracted and busy with church activities, like the members of the 2nd church…or indifferent to the condition unbelievers, like the “Amen”-shouting members of the 1st church?
Hello Jarred. I love watching your videos and I think you are awesome! Skipping everything, I just want to say what compelled me to write this comment. Hearing your story and seeing you cry, broke my heart. Hearing your past, really felt like my heart was breaking and I felt the tears forming in my eyes and I was just thinking "I wish I can give you a hug". My heart goes out to you, do know that you are loved and I certainly love you man. I wish you all the best, may God guide you and bless you. Sincerely, Ivan.
Bro. Love your videos. Grew up charismatic and seen the damage that can happen, as well as all of the damage done by well meaning folks who just miss it. Ended up passing through the Baptist world and landing in the PCA. My heart breaks for you. Prayers and hugs bro.
Wow Jared. I didn't expect this one to be so raw and vulnerable. I've watched a number of your videos over the years, and really enjoyed them, but only just subscribed. As I saw someone else comment - I am sincerely praying for you - not the "that he'll come back to faith" prayer that I assume many people do (though I would want that for you too) - but for healing and peace. Thank you for your honesty.
An Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo follower here❤ I know that deep connection you felt with the Mother of God the virgin Mary will not be in vain. I know she is watching over you, praying for you, hugging your heart in a way a mother only can. I pray for you to feel it. In our language we say አይዞን (ayzon) to mean stay strong... Ayzon brother! Keep wrestling!
Thank you for opening up. I am an Episcopalian here. I learned so much about other Christian traditions from your video. I also learn how tough and painful it is to deconstruct. I had a coworker who went through that from a tradition that she could not be part of. She asked me one day if she is an atheist, would she be considered evil. I told her of course not! I asked her were she planning to not be the same kind, caring, and compassionate person I knew her to be. I truly believe what counts is how you treat others. If we treat others with dignity and kindness regardless what tradition that we are part of or not, that is the key. I feel that most of my loved ones are atheist or gnostic these days. They still love me and I love them. Sorry for the long comment. Please take care and sending a virtual hug!
As an Orthodox Christian who has answered many,many questions from people who are on a journey for the truth that was once and delivered and kept for 2,000 years. I would say you are in that journey. I hope your HUMILITY leads you to Orthodoxy. Keep studying Church History. You will see.
thank you for this video. loosing my religon was one of the hardest things for me and i feel like no one understood because it was so serious and deep and real to me and when i was met w counter arguments and evdience I couldnt ignore i cried and cried and cried, i still miss that clossness with God and I am looking for it everywhere. I love your videos so much and u truly have the best comments sections on youtube. I have found the seriousness of religion that i think it deserves in orthodoxy but i am still struggling to rebuild that close bond without as much structure and guidence as i had in mormonism. i have had times ive cried out and promised to come back but something is in the way. this video helped me realize I need to meditate alone with God to figure out what Im looking for. As always I love your respect and insight and honesty. Thank you so much man (got my sobbing in the br😭😂)
Loved this. You’re real not only about Christianity but with your own journey. Thanks bro, I didn’t think I’d be encouraged by this as a Christian but I was!!!
Hi Jarred - as a fellow atheist who grew up in the church, your story means a lot to me. All of the proselytizing in the comment is certainly hard to see. I hope it doesn’t impact you negatively like it does me. To me, it reminds me that some Christian’s will always see me as a “project” instead of a person. Love the videos - keep it up man.
I’m sorry that some Christians have made you feel like a project instead of a person. Because you are definitely a person and not just a thing to be saved. I would challenge your perspective a little bit, most believers in Jesus I have known see people and not projects to work on. Could it be that, even when a genuine Christian shares their faith with you out of love, you still perceive it as them trying to prove a point, which, in turn, fosters negativity in your own heart towards them?
@@Cheekychick1 I am totally okay with believers sharing about how their faith impacts their lives, what it means to them, and why they choose to have faith. I respect people of faith and their beliefs. But, I do expect the same respect back when I share my beliefs and what they mean to me. I think talking about different beliefs and faiths can be beautiful and a great way to better understand others. The behavior I’m referring to is when someone is sharing their faith with the sole purpose of trying to convince me to share their same beliefs - even after I’ve explained why I do not believe what they do. When a believer persistently tries to “save me” after I’ve made it very clear that I do not need saving, it feels deeply disrespectful to my own beliefs.
To me it’s doubly annoying that it’s almost always the same two or three formats. Either “oh, well obviously you’ve never considered [this church] which is the CORRECT church and would NEVER,” or “this pain you feel is actually the Holy Spirit saying you’re the one in the wrong,” or “I went through the same thing and now I’m a Christian again so obviously you will come back too.” Christian proselytizing to deconstructed people reminds me a lot of how people treat folks dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts. Sometimes “have you thought about therapy?” “[this medication] worked for me,” or “I’m praying for you,” feels more painful than helpful. Sometimes a simple hand on the shoulder and “I’m glad you’re here,” without follow up or expectation goes a much longer way. But it’s hard to explain that to people who haven’t experienced it.
It’s important to remember from our perspective, if we don’t share the gospel, we’re letting you, as a person march to death. The more someone loves you, the more they’re going to want to share the gospel with you. Sharing the gospel is uncomfortable, awkward and anything but fun. If they are a Christian, genuinely, they are not seeing you as a project. They see you as a valuable person.
I feel for you Jared, this is the first video of yours I watched. You are like a person who is starving to death but surrounded by the food that will save him, you understand what the food will do for you because you once enjoyed the benefits of eating and enjoying the energy from it and flavors it offers. But now you only look at the food, study the food while you slowly die of starvation. So I ask you to please take the bread of life, eat and drink so you never thirst again.
This was my first time seeing you, Jared, and I.appreciate how real and honest you are. I was raised in a Baptist Church, asked to be baptized at a very young age because I didnt want to go to hell. I hear you about the Amen Guys. I left the church gradually and for 15 years didnt have a church but i couldn't leave Jesus. I ended up at a small Episcopal Church where everyone is real, we talk about love, we arent afraid of Mary, and we accept and love EVERYONE. I wish you the best, and i hope its okay to pray for you.
I had a very similar experience to you, hardcore atheist older brother and the whole 9. I spent 20 years as an atheist reading philosophy, eventually moved to deism, then pantheism, and finally through grace alone returned Home. There are people who live alone with God and the Holy Spirit. Saint Anthony of Egypt is probably the most famous. I suggest you look into Orthodoxy or Catholicism and find a monastery near you and speak with a monk. You have a gift for contemplation and I believe monastics can offer the wisdom you seek. As much as I love my Protestant brothers and sisters, they may be the only major religion in the world without a tradition of monasticism. I will pray for you brother and may peace be with you.
First of all, Protestantism is not a religion, but a part of Christianity. Monasticism is not a thing in Judaism at all, nor in Islam, really. Not having a monastic branch is not at all unusual. And if you count sufis as monks... well, there are entire branches of Islam that strongly reject sufism.
Hey Jared, You have become one of my favourite youtubers over the last couple of months. This was an amazing and moving video. Thank you for the work you do. As someone who spent some time being an atheist and found my way back to christ, I really am praying for you to find your way back aswell. May the blessed mother (who was about 16 at conception according to scolarly estimates I believe🤔) and all the saints guide you back home and to eternal life. I wish you all the best.
Man, realizing my conversion-deconversion-conversion story was a lot like this. That terror, that dread of finding God, then falling out of love not so much with Him but with a church before finding my new home was so painful. When I left that denomination it was extremely terrifying. I made it my personality, I wanted to be clergy, and then something broke. I’m in a much better place and Church now. But that really hit home. Thank you for sharing that with all of us.
The thing is that God didn’t create us to be alone. God was with Adam together, yet he look and said “It is not good for man to be alone”. Yes, there are times to have solitude with God, but not always. We forget that there is a real enemy who wants to take you away from God. There is direct correlation in our closeness with God and our closeness with our healthy community. Praying for you friend. You are not alone.
Thanks you for this video, it really moved me a lot the passion and the love you talk about Jesus. I’m still trying to not cry after this Beautiful video
Praying you may release the pain and move forward into an amazing authentic relationship with Jesus. Thank you for your honesty, God will meet you, settle your mind and may your spirit connect
You’ve got me balling. Listening to every step in your emotional journey feels like a flashback to my own. The veneration and closeness to Mary in my (Orthodox) tradition has been immensely healing for me - especially for the post charismatic evangelical PK living through a church break up trauma. Praying for you, for peace, it’s something I searched for my entire Protestant life of being the perfect Christian - and never had. It’s been a gift I cannot believe I have received.
My god where else can I find this kind of genuine earnestness in our irony-filled, frills and fuss post-modernity? Jared, thank you for sharing. This was incredibly moving.
Come to Trinidad and Tobago! You should check out our Presbyterian Church there. I am very curious as to how it would look like from someone not born into it.
“ Not because there was any reward in it, I just missed Him “. Sounds like an intact relationship my brother. Keep seeking you will find what you’re looking for
Im a Christian who was a former drug addict, who stared evil in the face everytime I put that needle in my arm & who was an atheist. I appreciate u, ur humility, ur honesty & your openness & I'm praying for you
I never really know where I got you. Instinctively I want to love what you are and do. I'm an agnostic who visits religious groups each week just like you. Many of your thoughts are the same as mine. Same thing I've wrestled with and tried to come to terms with. But I have also seen charismatic leaders who can make others feel the same intense feelings and make them feel profound. But turns out to be horrible, empty people. I know that you obviously have spoken in front of groups a lot and have the training that obviously colours how you speak... but I can't help but think I have no idea of how much of this is emotions, and what part is you trying to convey emotions....
I want to say that I empathize with you and your experience wrestling with the mess of doubting faith and deconversion. I have a similar story as well, and I really appreciate how you express yours! As an atheist myself, my close christian brothers and sisters often speak to me as if I am some callous, jaded intellectualist who smugly rejects the church out of my own arrogance, but in reality there was a lot of pain and terror that I felt for years. I hope that more and more theists see people like you who are very emotional with respect towards their atheistic beliefs, so we can all understand each other more rather than fall to our presuppositions as all of us do. Thank you for your channel, and best to you brother
Lots of love for you in the comments, Jared, and I’m going to add to it. Thank you for such a moving series of videos and for being so open and honest in your thoughts and commentary. You seem like a man with a kind heart and a genuine desire to learn. I hope you’re doing okay. It can be very lonely, when you’re wrestling with God (like Jacob), just waiting for him to bless you. The night might seem long while you’re in it, but eventually the sun will rise. Take care of yourself, and thank you again for your excellent content.
Capital Community Church was not doing a Christmas service. It was Advent. John the Baptist time. Best described in Luke 1 to 3. John came to prepare the way for Jesus by calling people to repent from their sins with an especially strong message to the Jerusalem-based religious elites. Lk 1:16, he was to turn people onto the Lord, their God... to turn fathers' hearts onto children... Lk 1:16 cites Malachi 3:23 in MT, 4:6, the last verse of the Christian OT. John went on to announce that very firmly in Lk 3 with the need for lives to change to share coats and food. Without Advent, Christmas is a hollow thing. One of the few sermons I remember after 50 years was about Advent and, in a part of London where almost every child in schools had an absent father, the call for fathers to change our attitudes was very relevant. My son worked for a time with Category A prisoners (murders, gang leaders, etc) all of whom either did not know their fathers or had very bad experience of their fathers. Without Advent, Christmas is just cosy, like the Israelites still attending temple during the murderous times of Manasseh and after Josiah before the Babylonian exile. There are some great Advent hymns with strong socio-political implications which we ignore in our haste to get to Christmas. But you can do it in a more appealing and challenging way than how that service began. A big problem is with the more academic clergy who are natural book student types. People learn in different ways and a seminary style lecture to children and adults who have not done further education is a sure fire way to filter out all but fellow bookish types. We used to say, "Exhortation without explanation leads to frustration" and he is falling into that trap. I've been to churches which were into bibliolatry where, thinking they knew the correct way to read Scripture, they stuck to a line that was emotionally and, even, intellectually bankrupt. His talk might have been suited to a sort of adult sunday school but was utterly wrong as a talk to mixed age and socio-economic group.
As a Lutheran, I personally do not like the Baptist ecclesia and the system layout. It seems to me that the issue Jared has is actually with charismatic churches and seeker friendly non denom mega churches, whether he knows this or not. I incourage Jared to try a mainline non charismatic protestant church. Like a Confessional Lutheran Church (LCMS) or a (PCA) Presbyterian church. Jared could also try out an Eastern Orthodox Church.
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Hey Jared, Orthodox Christian here. I just want to say that I'm astonished by this video. Every athiest video I've watched I've always expected some snap back on Christianity, but here you are showing immense respect for the religion despite your hardships. Even more suprising was your reverence and respect to the Holy Theotokos that puts mine to shame. I hope this comment doesn't annoy you, but I really can see a longing for God and spirituality despite your belief systems. I will pray for you tonight, and I pray that your heartfelt character endures many of your hardships. God bless you.
Yes I think he’s a good guy 🙏
Orthodox Christian here as well, and as I watched this I prayed for him and hope that one day he'll visit an Orthodox monastic, maybe at Mount Athos or a local place, and find the guidance and direction his soul is longing for. He seems not far away...
Ortho-Costal here, I went to school with Jared, I totally understand him and he’s amazing and awesome. Love him. A brilliant mind and he will be a powerful Christian warrior one day, probably more on the traditional side.
I hope it doesn’t sound condescending for me to say this, because I genuinely mean it as a compliment. I feel like you as an atheist in this video expressed a longing for God that puts mine to shame. And and admiration and veneration for the Theotokos as a former Protestant and atheist that puts mine as an Orthodox also to shame.
If you were interested in hearing something that expresses what the Blessed Virgin was experiencing in that moment from an Orthodox lens, check out the Akathist to the Theotokos.
Hope this comment isn’t annoying or pushy I was just really taken aback by this video.
💯💯💯
Yes, the Akathist...perfect hymnology
I think there are actually a fair amount of atheists like this, and I would count myself among their number. If there really is a spiritual life to be had, I want to know about it and be a part of it, maybe more than anything else in my life. I’ve read my Bible, I’ve been to church - and many different kinds, too. Catholic, Orthodox, Presbyterian, Baptist, non-denominational, Mormon, you name it, there’s a good chance I’ve been. And not even just Christianity either - I own copies of the Quran and the Bagavad-Gita, my last batch of roommates were Jewish, my neighbors are Hindu, etc.
I really do love learning about religion, and I’ve enjoyed every religious event or service I’ve ever been to, at least to some extent but - I’m still an atheist. I’m a bit different from this guy mainly because I’ve never been religious, but the general point still stands.
I think the best way to describe it is that like - I feel like I’m trudging through the desert with a bunch of people, and everyone’s saying there’s an oasis just up ahead, but I can’t see it. Believe me, if it’s really there I want to find it as much as the next guy, but all I see is sand and everyone around me is describing the thing differently and as time goes on and on I’m beginning to become more and more sure that it’s just a mirage my friends are seeing. Dunno. Not planning on stopping my exploration any time soon, but all I can say is that I’m not getting any more hopeful I’ll find anything as time goes on.
Ultimately, I am okay with dying if thirst if there isn’t actually any water, but I would really rather not miss it if it’s right there in front of me.
@yourewrong9028 I will get back to you
@@yourewrong9028 it actually doesn’t surprise me much. In Orthodoxy, we understand that evil isn’t a existing substance but it’s a corruption of good. So what we see in the world is varying levels of people trying to get to the good through corrupted means. But what’s poignantly different I feel, is that we can say that atheists in varying ways and fashions are trying to attain that good.
As an Orthodox Christian who grew up Baptist and attended a non-denom before walking away from God for a few years, I 100% agree with every single point you bring up in this video. My “moment of salvation” moment when I was around 8. The pastor asked me if I wanted Jesus in my heart. I said “yes” and he said “congratulations, you’re saved. I remember thinking “that’s it?!? There’s nothing more to it?” After years of God being “far away” (because I don’t have to do anything else,) I now truly feel and know that God is always present, and also have great love for His Mother.
"that's it?"
Even as children, our intuition and guidance of the spirit instructs us that that is, in fact, not it. It's the beginning.
It's the start of a lifetime of striving towards theosis.
You have to somehow allow yourself to be convinced that saying "Lord, Lord" is all you have to do.
@@Vanpotheosis To be fair, saying you're presently saved doesn't, in itself, imply that's the end. You are saved, you're being saved, and you're going to be saved when you see Jesus face to face. It's a lifelong process that from God's perspective is already done because He exists outside of time.
@@TheJoeschmoe777 I can't tell whether or not I agree with this comment.
Salvation isn't earnable but that doesn't mean we do nothing, right?
@Vanpotheosis right, we don't earn salvation, but we do have to cooperate with God through our lives.
Jared you’re my favorite. I’m a Christian and I resonate with a lot of your takes. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thank you for being you
This is everything I grew up AG, I’m making the move into Eastern Orthodox. All prayer. All of the Fear and then Fiat (Trust) of Mary. No fake smiles to try to make you join so you can just give the 10+%. No prosperity Gospel. No rewards. Just God. My first time at the EO church I felt God, singing the prayers in Greek and English and just feeling like we were all one in prayer and asking him for his Mercy. For it endures forever.
This video made me cry, you are so loved!
I had a very similar experience, although I grew up Mothodist, then went to AG until I was 18 and then was out of church entirely for over 15 years after AG experiences. I felt much the same my first time in OCA church as you described.
As an Anglican minister, I have felt a lot of what you feel. I had deconstructed and reconstructed everything from my childhood. Jared, Jesus has never stopped loving you.
Not Anglican but Scot McKnight's books helped me SOO much!
I’m a lesbian and I’ve found a lot of peace and comfort in the Episcopal church.
@arielrodriguez968 Church shouldn't be comfortable all the time and that's why the Episcopalian Church is losing quite a few members
Thank you, Father. This is it.
After my deconstruction I have yet to find a person who discusses religion after their experience with it with the deep sincerity and realness with which you have in this video. So powerful and I really appreciate your vulnerability - I felt your tears of past pain so deeply. Thank you very much for sharing. You have a new subscriber.
I'm praying for you, Jared. Not the "Lord, lead him back to faith" prayer which I'm sure has been said many times by many people. Instead, a prayer for a hurting man dealing with loss. Your honesty and pain are so raw, and I felt tears in my eyes watching and hearing you in those last few minutes. I pray that, in some way, you find the peace you seem to have lost with your faith.
Your videos challenge me, as a pastor, more than most people I know in person. Thank you for what you do here.
I began my departure from evangelical churches when a pastor at my old church brought out a coffin on stage on Christmas Day. I was 20 and genuinely so repulsed by this. I'm an Orthodox Christian now and one thing we do not do is strip the dignity of our Lord by showing images of him bleeding and in pain on the cross, nor would a Priest ever try to scare children. I really don't understand why they do this. The Nativity of Christ should be day of celebration and joy. It's so misguided to take that from children. I am so thankful to be fully away from the fatalism of Protestant churches.
Dude you nailed it. I was suffering severe depression from gut health issues tied to neurochemistry. "Worship music" made me feel better... for a bit, then I'd feel "the Holy Spirit leave me." Meaning the high ended. But it was just Jesus themed music, not the real encounter we need.
Humans don't believe based on proofs and highs (and if they do, it's shallow as you perceived). Humans believe based on empirical evidence, and that show historical Christianity did it. But if you lose that... then you have to settle for apologetics and emotionalism.
I have been in the same exact place you have no idea. Ex pentacostal, now happy orthodox. If not for orthodoxy, i would not be in church
100% AS I'VE BATTLED CHRONIC ILLNESS & IT'S EFFECTS/LINGERINGS SINCE 2017. The evidence (& His presence) has kept me, surely not my emotions/apologetics!!!
Man.. the amount of respect you had for the Theotokos in this video is immense. I highly suggest attending the Orthodox Church and hear the story that is told here about the Nativity, about Joseph and how he was a widow who didn’t even take the call seriously due to his old age.
Theotokos have mercy on this man. Intercede for him to your most Holy Son of his burning heart and how he has been led astray by lost and broken souls in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit now and ever unto the Ages of Ages Amen! ☦️
this- the orthodox lil motto in the west is " come and see"
All stories with no factual basis.
@@javaman8895 The Truth can’t be reasoned into understanding because the ego is in control. Learn the story of the Bee and the Fly. May god give you Wisdom to see as wisdom supersedes intellect in the kingdom of heaven.
@@javaman8895 we dont owe you a good faith argument sir. we are doing what is best for us, i suggest you do the same. please- while you doubt our faith explain to me the scientific reason why i turn when someones gaze in on me? or why they turn when i look? could be a friend or a stranger. also please- explain the common phenomenon of calling someone just to have them be about to, or literally in the process of calling you? please entertain your ego trying to explain these mysteries, please don't acknowledge mysteries that are greater still, and what ever you do please dont offer up some new age explanation for mysteries like it is a superior explanation. A lot of us have simply grown tired of this ecumenism. you wont get a good faith argument from a real Christian much longer. its a waist of time and breath. You are so loved, you are invited to participate in the mysteries. it is not free will vs determinism. it is both. we have been so deceived in the west. Protestantism is not Chirst. it is not the true church. the true church according to the bible is present anywhere the eucharist is present. do not seek to separate yourself from love. if you are mad at god seek him with a broken spirit, a heart that is broken and humble he will not despise. this does not mean you have to seek him happily. take your follies, confusions and wretchedness to him completely. seek him and he will meet you where you are at.
☦️ Lord Jesus Christ have Mercy upon me, a sinner
One of your many Orthodox observers ❤ I was so touched to the very end. Absolutely beautiful, and you have given me much food for thought. I will remember you in my prayers this week ❤☦
your wrestle with god is inspiring brother, I pray you find what it is you’re looking for
If the Baptist pastor is studying church history, not the Protestant version, he might have a new view of historical Christianity alive today in Orthodoxy.
This video is the reason we have RUclips. Keep up this good work. Really appreciate what you are doing.
Somehow this video found me in the right moment. Yesterday I broke down in tears telling my sister that I no longer knew how to deal with the grief of losing God and a community I had (I started deconstructing in 2020). New Years is hard because I used to love the New Year service and it hasnt been easy to redefine things. I tearded up when you said "I loved Him more than anything". I did, too. I stand right there with you. Its hard for people that havent experienced this, whatever this is, to understand the sorrow and the loss, and for me its been hard to deal with my life outside of what religion was to me, what my church was to me. I dont have answers, peace, let alone certainty about most things, but I hope you can find them in the near future. Sincerly, I appreciate your work and honesty. Sending much love!
Sorry for commenting without being asked. I just feel I need to tell you one thing: You deconstructing your faith does not have to mean you have lost Jesus forever. It can even be part of Gods plan to draw you nearer towards himself. Maybe thats a strange thought to you, but I have experienced something similar. If a believers faith is based on a man-made image of God (2. commandment) or otherwise a wrong foundation, God will take that down in order to build it up the right way again. It might look like you have lost your faith, but maybe you have just lost what you thought faith looks like.
If this thought resonates with you, please read Hebrews 11,24-27. It speaks about the faith of Moses in a very incredible way. If you know the story in Exodus 2,11ff it certainly doesn't look the way it is described in Hebrews: Moses killed an Egyptian who was beating an Israelite and had to flee to Midian to not be punished. That does not look like faith at all, right? But God saw what was happening in his heart when he decided to risk his position as son of pharaoh by helping out an Israelite brother. He had everything because he was a prince. The best life possible and access to every lustful desire he could wish for. He risked all of that and ended up losing it as a consequence. I am sure he cursed himself alot when he had to herd sheep in Midian for 40 years (Egyptians despised that, see Genesis 46,34, so Moses as former prince most likely wasn't very happy). But that was Gods gift to him. 40 years God was working on his heart, humbling him and preparing him to become the biggest prophet of Israel who would lead his people out of Egypt.
There might be a faith inside of you that you cannot recognize or understand yet. May your grief be a witness of that. Don't give up hope!
The best thing I’ve done is to learn church history, I left my AG church and am now an Orthodox inquirer. I’m tired of these mega churches
@ I have never visited a mega church and dont feel the need to :)
I am too studying church history. I am shocked that I was unaware of it for so long. But I dont trust the EO and RC claims, that their tradition is infallable and that they never got it wrong. The first church fathers who learned from the apostles and their successors did not believe what EO and RC started teaching later. O and C who know that argue the later ecumenic councils overruled the first church fathers, but that leads to even bigger problems in my view.
May God bless you on your journey!
A thought on your experience at the evening service. "If we can get you really excited, make you feel good about being here so that you don't actually have to think critically about the actual story..." that part resonated with me. This statement encapsulates one of my struggles with the American Protestant church as of late. I can't possibly speak to every church, but with some that I've been to over the past few years the emphasis seems to be on entertainment and drawing people in through production value -- flashy lights/music/speaking/sets. It seems to me that the underlying message in that is, "Look at us! We're cool, we're with the times, we're not like those stiff, out-of-touch christians you may associate with christianity!" To me, it is like a person who is overly insecure about themself, afraid of their friends discovering their real self and leaving, so they put on this grandiose and over-the-top personality to keep them interested.
I went to a church for 5 years (one that you have audited) that put on a similar type of Christmas service every year -- renting out a huge performing arts center, flashy lights and dances and skits, one year they even did a rendition of "let it go"' from Frozen. Thousands of people, christian and not, went to these services. I understand their heart, they want to reach as much people as possible with the gospel and appear as welcoming as they can. But it just never sat right with me. If Christianity is true, and Jesus really is the son of God who died for the sins of the world and calls all to faith and repentance, with the consequence of refusing that being hell, then that is not an easy message. That is not a message you skirt over in favor of trendy, flashy production. That's something that people should be presented with in an appropriate context so that they can carefully determine if they will change their life to follow it. I'm not saying that the correct thing to do is for churches to swing over to the opposite side of the spectrum, being overly somber and rigid and gloomy, but are pop renditions and dancing snowmen really the way to present the central message of the bible? I don't think so. These types of churches make me wonder... if I were to come to them with serious questions, serious doubts, actual struggles I was going through with my faith, would they seriously walk through that with me? Would there be space for that? Or would I just be pointed back to the spectacle and told to clap along.
I'm not saying all this to tear down churches like this. Like you said, I am certain and know from experience that there are great, faithful Christians at these places and I am sure many people benefit spiritually from being members at these churches. But there is just something unsettling and a bit sad to me about churches that operate in this manner.
This is an unnecessary struggle for American Christians, as if they have to invent (or reinvent) something from scratch. The truth is the context has always existed, and the faith has not changed if you look back in history. In his latest video, Jared remarked that the Orthodox service he went to in which were sung the Nativity hymns and the hymns to the Theotokos, he said that he felt this was the way the story was originally told. Following the perfectly fine line between soberness, reverence, awe, glory, and joy. The Church has not gone anywhere. People are just increasingly realizing that what they grew up in was something else.
I appreciate your honesty in this video, the come to Jesus moment brought back feelings I've pushed down for the longest time when I was a Christian, I lost my faith but I still don't want anyone close to me experience the pain that I felt losing it.
I'm curious as to what led you to lose your faith, would you be willing to share?
Jared, brother, Fr Casey here, we have corresponded before.I just want to say man, I love your heart. I am praying for you.
Jared, this was very moving. I hear the grief in your story and my heart goes out to you. Unlike other major losses in life, no one sends cards and funeral flowers when you lose your faith. Nevertheless, it is a major life altering experience and very real grief. It must be hard at times when people assume that atheists hate Christians. I imagine it would feel invalidating to the grief you experienced/ are still experiencing. I'm a Christian so my journey is different from yours, but I can hear that you took your faith very seriously. I admire your honest and vulnerable sharing of your human experience. Thanks for making these videos. Keep up the good work. I hope it is a healing process for you as you navigate your life after losing faith.
Someone talked recently about being a child and having the realization that everything ends, and having a panic attack. And I thought about my childhood and said that I never had that moment, because I was raised believing that there’s a perfect life at the end of all this, that’ll make all the hard work and suffering worth it. For me, that moment came a couple of months ago, after deciding to leave the JW organization. I realized that everything ends. I realized that I can never again do anything fueled by the hopefulness of believing what I used to believe. The only meaning and hopefulness that is guaranteed is the one that I create for myself. And I panicked, and cried, and felt like so much time had been stolen from me. Because if life is so much shorter than I believed it to be, then I’ve just lost 25 years of trying to make it mean something.
I just celebrated my first Christmas. And everything is weird. Thank you for sharing your point of view. It makes it a little less weird.
❤❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing! ❤
It gets less weird with time for some. I'm happy to hear you're making your own path. The realization of all that wasted time is devastating. I hope you had a Merry Christmas. Be kind to yourself. - a former jw
Man this hits hard. I’m still somewhat of a believer, but I think many parts of this still apply. Modern Christianity seems to be centered on drowning out the inherent suffering and tragedy of life rather than embracing it and finding a path through it.
The island you mentioned is what living in an Eastern Orthodox monastery was like. Many would say "how peaceful it must have been" and I always responded that is was the absolute opposite. It was a place filled with terror and prayer. All your demons take the stage and there are no distractions. I've felt this in various monastic settings.
Are you still a monk? I've often wondered what places like mount athos are like where some monks live in a hermitage and it's just them, nature, and God.
🙏🏻☦️❤💕
I only had done a 1 week retreat at a monastery and I was filled w existential dread. I had no clue before then how much I don't deal w life well w no chaser, no distractions
@@ForceRecon112 I am not. I left the monastic life 14 years ago. I still visit the monasteries, including Mt. Athos.
@@SfAnthonyJones Respectable! I hope to make a trip to St Anthony in AZ in 2025. Do you still consider yourself orthodox?
Thank you for sharing your testimony, brother. This realness and raw meeting of your own doubts and fears is something every professing believers needs to experience, sooner or later. It is the only way to become real in your faith.
Ricky Gervais has a similar story of an older brother popping his religious bubble. Dude, you've managed to do what I really haven't seen online (and I watch a LOT of RUclips): you allowed your emotion to show. You did a great job comparing and contrasting the two churches, but, what's more, you emphasized why the "Fear not" message was more meaningful, because it speaks to the reality of how much fear most of us live our day to day lives in.
Thank you for this. I hope you have a great 2025, my friend. -Kenneth
God feels more real than ever since I converted to the Orthodox faith. A lot of us as Protestants were in a confusing point.
I hope all of you wavering or who stepped away from the faith come back.
Bless you all.
@@Confessingjesuschrist agreed. There is mercy and hope in the church, not dread. Granted I think Orthodoxy online, and every denomination and religion online, is dread and just not the same. I truly need to get off the Internet entirely. It's not good for anyone's Spirit
Orthodoxy is like setting a sponge in water. Accept the healing of Christ and you will be filled with Him
Another Convertodox. You have no idea what orthodoxy is until you have been in an orthodox country. American orthodoxy is just another iteration of Americans clinging to Christianity.
Same. I’ve gone from Baptist to Catholic though.
Well, I've gone from Buddhist/atheist to Anglicanism. So, I'm getting there 😂. I found that there is a small Antiochian Orthadox Church within reasonable driving distance so I'm really being pulled to go to a service. Would y'all recommend starting with a Saturday Vespers or a Sunday service? It will be hard for me to skip a Holy Eucharist at my church, but I'm really being called to at least experience an Orthadox service.
I just really want to hug you. ❤ Thank you for being alive.
One of the deepest videos on RUclips, a deep confession, one of the most beautiful hymns of love. Thank you for revealing yourself to us!
I am a converted Eastern Catholic, living equally with Orthodox liturgy and traditions as well as Roman Catholicism. I just remembered - listening to your video - of a time when I confessed to a Roman priest. He asked me to pray only the Jesus Prayer for a long time from that moment on, nothing else if not utterly necessary. He also shared that, as a priest, he himself went through a crisis so deep that only the ascetic practice of the Jesus Prayer saved him, nothing else.
I increasingly feel that what modern humanity needs most are the Desert Fathers and St. John of the Cross, for they arguably bear the deepest witness to the suffering brought about by the human tragedy of our being cast into the world. Yet no one tells them this. (The first half of the video touches on this as well.)
St. Thérèse of Lisieux, near the end of her young life, often felt the temptation to believe that God might not exist at all. Her beautiful body of work can even be read as the confession of a saint, shining outward from this darkness.
Κύριε Ἰησοῦ Χριστέ, Υἱέ τοῦ Θεοῦ, ἐλέησόν με τὸν ἁμαρτωλόν.
I think you are speaking out in words what many others feel but haven't even put into words yet. Strangely you are helping me to clarify my faith. Thank you and peace and blessing to you.
Your comment towards the end about the kind of faith you have alone on a deserted island really resonated with me. I often think about how it was St. Patrick's time alone in the fields as a shepherd when he was a slave in Ireland that really ignited whatever it was that made him who he would become. Just those weeks and weeks with no one, but sheep and God.
That's the kind of experience that really makes you dig down to spiritual bedrock. A faith built on that foundation would probably be unrecognizable to most of us Christians.
Upon seeing this video of yours, I am deeply touched. I am from east Africa, Ethiopia, and I hope you visit the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church. May be you might find smth there. You be well and know that you are a better Christian most of us.
One of the best religious series on the internet ❤️🔥
The truth is, this guy is no less a Christian that are ANY of the people of the church who think they are Christians. All the people of all the churches are in reality atheists.
This video had me on an emotional rollercoaster 😅😮😢 did not expect a cinematic story masterpiece from a RUclips reaction video💯
Really appreciate your honesty and pouring everything out! I am bias and hope you do “come back to the faith”, to that kid that loved Jesus more than anything❤
This was really honest and deep Jared. It made me think of how I came to Christ in my loneliest and darkest times in life and how I often feel all this religious noise is not as useful and I don't connect with it at all. I do understand your feeling of these being social structures for people ... i felt the same many times.
Also this reminds me of St. Mary of Egypt, who went out and lived in the wilderness for 40 years by herself. Such a fascinating story
Yes, I immediately thought of St. Mary of Egypt. There is a saint to look to for everything we struggle with in life.
@@ThisCharmingBatwell said 😊
Lovely video, man. Your journey is definitely different than folks who had a negative experience with church/religion, like me. Life is a journey, and when there’s a fork in the road it’s perfectly okay to just walk between them. I love that you see the value and goodness in humans regardless of their religion or lack thereof.
I love your honesty and vulnerability, it shows real strength and courage. Keep wresting brother, sending love
I second this!
I deeply appreciated this episode on many levels. We are so similar, but almost inverse. Don't give up.
This video was raw and beautiful. Yhank you for telling your story.
As a Pastor, I want to say I appreciate your videos, and I appreciate your honest videos. Thank you for your vulnerable sharing.
👋 Hate to break it to ya, but of course Mike gave you VIP treatment... it's just customer service to him. Their staff meetings are perhaps one of the most inauthentic and disgusting things I've ever seen behind the scenes. He treats his staff like crap, is disrespectful to them, humiliates them, walks around with a bunch of "yes men", and acts like he's some corporate CEO. He operates like an authoritarian, does not even care about theology or truly knowing why he believes what he believes. He only cares about the "experience" you have. I think buried deep inside somewhere he has convinced himself he's doing God's work, but he's not. This was all an ego tickle for him, because it would give a lot of kudos to him to have an Atheist feature him on his YT channel.
Sadly, there aren't many real churches in the Triangle area that I can say have a balance of reverence and relevance. Either they are super buttoned up or super celebrity pastor wanna-be.
Neither are authentic representations of Christianity or the early Church.
In my estimation... true church looks like imperfect people who love God breaking bread together at the kitchen table, discussing the scriptures, singing songs as a church family, and then brainstorming together on how to meet the needs of those around you and who you can serve.
Loving others until they ask why.
Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, either way... if Jesus stepped foot into either of these places, I am confident he wouldn't be too thrilled with what he saw.
Did you work there?
I can get on board with this as a deconstructed Christian.
I believe churches and their congregations are capable of good things even though I no longer follow the Bible.
You and my mother are the same kind of believer and I think she's one of the best humans on earth. I wish more followers were like you.
The TRUE church…no true Scotsman fallacy is so ingrained in the Christian community. All 40000 denominations of your faith just love hate on one another thinking that your version is the true one. I’m so happy to be free from religious oppression and judgment. The fear your religion puts into people for no reason harms people, look at this video as see the heartbreak of this man as he finally comes to grips that none of it is real. Feel it, because I felt it too. There is nothing more heartbreaking then reailizing that your faith and everything you have been taught your entire life is A LIE.
Did you actually work there or are these assumptions?
What was that stuff he drank before the sermon? Creepy
Wow, just wow Jared.
I mean, I completely agree with your critique on both sides. The holier-than-thou political takes of some churches (mostly on the traditional right, but I've also seen it on the traditional left) or the overproduction that makes it all so very sparkly when the real truth of the gospel is gritty and hard, even if the more moderate take I subscribe to is real.
But I really want to communicate how much I feel the terror you felt at 13. I had a very similar experience after what would go for a hell and brimstone service as a JW when I was 11. It really sped up my baptism timeline with them. I'm happy to say that my initial experience with the Jesus I feel I've come to know was a lot more centered on the unconditional love aspect than the hell aspect. I can't imagine starting my faith journey from a point of nihilism or fear. I can only imagine how that would reverberate through your life.
Then again, you did come to love Jesus before you came to not believe, and I believe that. There is a large part of you that both yearns for something along these lines to be true and that still loves the people and the faith itself. I doubt I as an active believer love Jesus as much as you probably still do (at least in the abstract), and that says something about both me and you. Despite being Pentecostal in some senses, I've always been a cold, rational person whose love is intense when invoked, but so seldom invoked as to be a real detriment at some points in my life. All I can say from my standpoint is that I hope you never lose your passion for people and your questioning mind.
So again, I love you Jared, and you can see from the other comments here how much you are loved by your community more broadly. Hugs and appreciation.
The more videos I see like this the more it does feel like he’s actively trying to search for an answer or find something. Being agnostic I can at least sympathize with his motivations. And I also understand from his perspective why even if it would be nice to believe, there are certain parts of the religion that we will never agree on.
At the same time it’s annoying to see other religious apologists in the chat who are basically proving his point. Where these people are just trying to ‘get him’ and score a point by converting another atheist. Or gaslighting him by saying ‘you’re already Christian you just don’t realize it yet’.
@jamirr100 man, I know many are like that but a ton of us aren't trying to "score a point" or any of that ego trio nonsense.
My heart genuinely breaks for him. I converted later in life, I know what it is to have doubts and fears.
I want peace for him now and in the next life.
Do you really believe that a majority of us dont just want peace and wholeness for him now and for him to be in paradise some day?
@@Silence-and-Violence prove that there's a paradise first.
Your wondering about what would happen if we got stuck on a deserted island... Orthodox have Desert Fathers. They actually went into desert to pray and fast. I recommend reading about them.
I think you need to pursue Orthodox Christianity . We have many many young men coming to us who are atheists who have had rough lives and they have fallen in love with the congregation and the love of the people
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30
Thank you for exposing your heart to us.
Hey Jared, i see so much of myself in your journey. while I haven't had a close-bond with God, the idea of him not being there has driven me to tears more times than i can count and honestly my life without him has been a haze. I'm starting a journey to re-visit the faith and you have been one of the most influential people online in my experience. You're honesty and vunerablity have given me and so many other belivers and non-believers the assurance that we are not alone in our struggles and that in and of itself is a great comfort. Wishing You a Happy New Year and many prayers
I left a fundamentalist nondenominational evangelical church almost four years ago after I was forced to step down as a children’s church teacher for coming out to my mom’s best friend as nonbinary. It had been my home church for 11years.
I always tried so hard to be a “good Christian” all through my teen years but never truly felt anyone there. There was an unspoken sense of judgment that it was my fault.
Once I was having debilitating ovarian cyst pains when I was about 13. I was doubled over in the fetal position for hours and was told to pray for the pain to go away. When it didn’t work, I was told point blank by my parents that I wasn’t trying hard enough.
You should read the biography of seraphim Rose, Eugene Rose.
Wow. This felt so much more personal and vulnerable than anything else I have ever seen on this platform, not only in the religious, or non religious space, but the entirety of it. Thank you for sharing this with us! I can't quite relate to it, as I wasn't brought up in a religious household and have never had any sort of felt personal relationship with a god before, but somehow this still resonated with me.
The feeling when you are staying late at the orthodox church, silently praying, standing in front of an icon, with candle as the only source of light - this feeling is not joy and happiness. It is something different. It is, honestly, quite scary, but not in a frightening way. I don’t know how to describe that feeling…
dude, you made me cry
Okay. This one video (by an atheist) has had more of affect on me than the last 100 sermons I listened to.
Really made me stop and consider: Where is my terror of a Holy and Almighty God?
Am I just distracted and busy with church activities, like the members of the 2nd church…or indifferent to the condition unbelievers, like the “Amen”-shouting members of the 1st church?
Much love. This is holy sorrow.
My brother in Christ, go worship Christmas and Pascha/Easter with the Orthodox.
These mega churches are servants of Mammon
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel privileged to have heard it. Much love from Australia.
i do not believe i have ever seen a video more real than this! thank you for sharing that with us. losing faith must be hard
Such raw authenticity I have never seen. You have the heart of Christ Jared..and I’m not even sure you realize it.
This video is Literally the best christmas sermon I've ever witnessed.
Hello Jarred.
I love watching your videos and I think you are awesome!
Skipping everything, I just want to say what compelled me to write this comment. Hearing your story and seeing you cry, broke my heart. Hearing your past, really felt like my heart was breaking and I felt the tears forming in my eyes and I was just thinking "I wish I can give you a hug". My heart goes out to you, do know that you are loved and I certainly love you man.
I wish you all the best, may God guide you and bless you.
Sincerely,
Ivan.
Bro. Love your videos. Grew up charismatic and seen the damage that can happen, as well as all of the damage done by well meaning folks who just miss it. Ended up passing through the Baptist world and landing in the PCA. My heart breaks for you. Prayers and hugs bro.
Wow Jared. I didn't expect this one to be so raw and vulnerable. I've watched a number of your videos over the years, and really enjoyed them, but only just subscribed.
As I saw someone else comment - I am sincerely praying for you - not the "that he'll come back to faith" prayer that I assume many people do (though I would want that for you too) - but for healing and peace. Thank you for your honesty.
Excellent video because of your honesty and thoughtfulness. Thank you
An Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo follower here❤ I know that deep connection you felt with the Mother of God the virgin Mary will not be in vain. I know she is watching over you, praying for you, hugging your heart in a way a mother only can.
I pray for you to feel it. In our language we say አይዞን (ayzon) to mean stay strong... Ayzon brother! Keep wrestling!
Thank you for opening up. I am an Episcopalian here. I learned so much about other Christian traditions from your video. I also learn how tough and painful it is to deconstruct. I had a coworker who went through that from a tradition that she could not be part of. She asked me one day if she is an atheist, would she be considered evil. I told her of course not! I asked her were she planning to not be the same kind, caring, and compassionate person I knew her to be. I truly believe what counts is how you treat others. If we treat others with dignity and kindness regardless what tradition that we are part of or not, that is the key. I feel that most of my loved ones are atheist or gnostic these days. They still love me and I love them. Sorry for the long comment. Please take care and sending a virtual hug!
As an Orthodox Christian who has answered many,many questions from people who are on a journey for the truth that was once and delivered and kept for 2,000 years. I would say you are in that journey. I hope your HUMILITY leads you to Orthodoxy. Keep studying Church History. You will see.
Orthobro comment (not humble but preaching humility, and sounding preachy)
Your vulnerability is much appreciated - You have definitely been my favourite and comfort creator this year, thankyou x
thank you for this video. loosing my religon was one of the hardest things for me and i feel like no one understood because it was so serious and deep and real to me and when i was met w counter arguments and evdience I couldnt ignore i cried and cried and cried, i still miss that clossness with God and I am looking for it everywhere. I love your videos so much and u truly have the best comments sections on youtube. I have found the seriousness of religion that i think it deserves in orthodoxy but i am still struggling to rebuild that close bond without as much structure and guidence as i had in mormonism. i have had times ive cried out and promised to come back but something is in the way. this video helped me realize I need to meditate alone with God to figure out what Im looking for. As always I love your respect and insight and honesty. Thank you so much man (got my sobbing in the br😭😂)
Thanks for sharing. I share the first pastors sentiments. “I’m just praying for my buddy Jared to come back to the faith” 😢
Great to see you in the comment section!!
I need a collab NOW
make a cloab with this dude I think you'll have an interesting conversations
Same!
Ruslan
Loved this. You’re real not only about Christianity but with your own journey.
Thanks bro, I didn’t think I’d be encouraged by this as a Christian but I was!!!
Hi Jarred - as a fellow atheist who grew up in the church, your story means a lot to me. All of the proselytizing in the comment is certainly hard to see. I hope it doesn’t impact you negatively like it does me. To me, it reminds me that some Christian’s will always see me as a “project” instead of a person. Love the videos - keep it up man.
I’m sorry that some Christians have made you feel like a project instead of a person. Because you are definitely a person and not just a thing to be saved. I would challenge your perspective a little bit, most believers in Jesus I have known see people and not projects to work on. Could it be that, even when a genuine Christian shares their faith with you out of love, you still perceive it as them trying to prove a point, which, in turn, fosters negativity in your own heart towards them?
@@Cheekychick1 I am totally okay with believers sharing about how their faith impacts their lives, what it means to them, and why they choose to have faith. I respect people of faith and their beliefs. But, I do expect the same respect back when I share my beliefs and what they mean to me. I think talking about different beliefs and faiths can be beautiful and a great way to better understand others. The behavior I’m referring to is when someone is sharing their faith with the sole purpose of trying to convince me to share their same beliefs - even after I’ve explained why I do not believe what they do. When a believer persistently tries to “save me” after I’ve made it very clear that I do not need saving, it feels deeply disrespectful to my own beliefs.
To me it’s doubly annoying that it’s almost always the same two or three formats. Either “oh, well obviously you’ve never considered [this church] which is the CORRECT church and would NEVER,” or “this pain you feel is actually the Holy Spirit saying you’re the one in the wrong,” or “I went through the same thing and now I’m a Christian again so obviously you will come back too.”
Christian proselytizing to deconstructed people reminds me a lot of how people treat folks dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts. Sometimes “have you thought about therapy?” “[this medication] worked for me,” or “I’m praying for you,” feels more painful than helpful. Sometimes a simple hand on the shoulder and “I’m glad you’re here,” without follow up or expectation goes a much longer way. But it’s hard to explain that to people who haven’t experienced it.
It’s important to remember from our perspective, if we don’t share the gospel, we’re letting you, as a person march to death. The more someone loves you, the more they’re going to want to share the gospel with you. Sharing the gospel is uncomfortable, awkward and anything but fun. If they are a Christian, genuinely, they are not seeing you as a project. They see you as a valuable person.
I really like hearing your insight, thank you for your honesty and sharing!!❤️
I don’t know what to say other than this was an absolutely incredible video.
I feel for you Jared, this is the first video of yours I watched. You are like a person who is starving to death but surrounded by the food that will save him, you understand what the food will do for you because you once enjoyed the benefits of eating and enjoying the energy from it and flavors it offers. But now you only look at the food, study the food while you slowly die of starvation. So I ask you to please take the bread of life, eat and drink so you never thirst again.
This was my first time seeing you, Jared, and I.appreciate how real and honest you are. I was raised in a Baptist Church, asked to be baptized at a very young age because I didnt want to go to hell. I hear you about the Amen Guys.
I left the church gradually and for 15 years didnt have a church but i couldn't leave Jesus. I ended up at a small Episcopal Church where everyone is real, we talk about love, we arent afraid of Mary, and we accept and love EVERYONE.
I wish you the best, and i hope its okay to pray for you.
Jared, I genuinely love watching your channel. Thank you for making these videos.
Most intense episode yet! *Chills* thank you for sharing!
I had a very similar experience to you, hardcore atheist older brother and the whole 9. I spent 20 years as an atheist reading philosophy, eventually moved to deism, then pantheism, and finally through grace alone returned Home. There are people who live alone with God and the Holy Spirit. Saint Anthony of Egypt is probably the most famous. I suggest you look into Orthodoxy or Catholicism and find a monastery near you and speak with a monk. You have a gift for contemplation and I believe monastics can offer the wisdom you seek. As much as I love my Protestant brothers and sisters, they may be the only major religion in the world without a tradition of monasticism. I will pray for you brother and may peace be with you.
First of all, Protestantism is not a religion, but a part of Christianity. Monasticism is not a thing in Judaism at all, nor in Islam, really. Not having a monastic branch is not at all unusual. And if you count sufis as monks... well, there are entire branches of Islam that strongly reject sufism.
Hey Jared,
You have become one of my favourite youtubers over the last couple of months. This was an amazing and moving video. Thank you for the work you do. As someone who spent some time being an atheist and found my way back to christ, I really am praying for you to find your way back aswell. May the blessed mother (who was about 16 at conception according to scolarly estimates I believe🤔) and all the saints guide you back home and to eternal life. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing your heart - your honesty and openness is impactful.
Man, realizing my conversion-deconversion-conversion story was a lot like this. That terror, that dread of finding God, then falling out of love not so much with Him but with a church before finding my new home was so painful. When I left that denomination it was extremely terrifying. I made it my personality, I wanted to be clergy, and then something broke. I’m in a much better place and Church now. But that really hit home. Thank you for sharing that with all of us.
Bisit a monastery next please
The thing is that God didn’t create us to be alone. God was with Adam together, yet he look and said “It is not good for man to be alone”. Yes, there are times to have solitude with God, but not always. We forget that there is a real enemy who wants to take you away from God. There is direct correlation in our closeness with God and our closeness with our healthy community. Praying for you friend. You are not alone.
Thanks you for this video, it really moved me a lot the passion and the love you talk about Jesus. I’m still trying to not cry after this
Beautiful video
Praying you may release the pain and move forward into an amazing authentic relationship with Jesus. Thank you for your honesty, God will meet you, settle your mind and may your spirit connect
You’ve got me balling. Listening to every step in your emotional journey feels like a flashback to my own. The veneration and closeness to Mary in my (Orthodox) tradition has been immensely healing for me - especially for the post charismatic evangelical PK living through a church break up trauma. Praying for you, for peace, it’s something I searched for my entire Protestant life of being the perfect Christian - and never had. It’s been a gift I cannot believe I have received.
You feel and think so deeply. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and heavy experience.
This was the best video on this topic I’ve ever seen.
My god where else can I find this kind of genuine earnestness in our irony-filled, frills and fuss post-modernity? Jared, thank you for sharing. This was incredibly moving.
Come to Trinidad and Tobago! You should check out our Presbyterian Church there. I am very curious as to how it would look like from someone not born into it.
“ Not because there was any reward in it, I just missed Him “.
Sounds like an intact relationship my brother. Keep seeking you will find what you’re looking for
Hey man. I'll say a prayer for you. I'm also sending you good vibes, and my love. BIG HUGS.
Im a Christian who was a former drug addict, who stared evil in the face everytime I put that needle in my arm & who was an atheist. I appreciate u, ur humility, ur honesty & your openness & I'm praying for you
I never really know where I got you. Instinctively I want to love what you are and do. I'm an agnostic who visits religious groups each week just like you. Many of your thoughts are the same as mine. Same thing I've wrestled with and tried to come to terms with.
But I have also seen charismatic leaders who can make others feel the same intense feelings and make them feel profound. But turns out to be horrible, empty people. I know that you obviously have spoken in front of groups a lot and have the training that obviously colours how you speak... but I can't help but think I have no idea of how much of this is emotions, and what part is you trying to convey emotions....
I want to say that I empathize with you and your experience wrestling with the mess of doubting faith and deconversion. I have a similar story as well, and I really appreciate how you express yours!
As an atheist myself, my close christian brothers and sisters often speak to me as if I am some callous, jaded intellectualist who smugly rejects the church out of my own arrogance, but in reality there was a lot of pain and terror that I felt for years.
I hope that more and more theists see people like you who are very emotional with respect towards their atheistic beliefs, so we can all understand each other more rather than fall to our presuppositions as all of us do.
Thank you for your channel, and best to you brother
Lots of love for you in the comments, Jared, and I’m going to add to it. Thank you for such a moving series of videos and for being so open and honest in your thoughts and commentary. You seem like a man with a kind heart and a genuine desire to learn. I hope you’re doing okay. It can be very lonely, when you’re wrestling with God (like Jacob), just waiting for him to bless you. The night might seem long while you’re in it, but eventually the sun will rise. Take care of yourself, and thank you again for your excellent content.
Capital Community Church was not doing a Christmas service. It was Advent. John the Baptist time. Best described in Luke 1 to 3. John came to prepare the way for Jesus by calling people to repent from their sins with an especially strong message to the Jerusalem-based religious elites. Lk 1:16, he was to turn people onto the Lord, their God... to turn fathers' hearts onto children... Lk 1:16 cites Malachi 3:23 in MT, 4:6, the last verse of the Christian OT. John went on to announce that very firmly in Lk 3 with the need for lives to change to share coats and food. Without Advent, Christmas is a hollow thing. One of the few sermons I remember after 50 years was about Advent and, in a part of London where almost every child in schools had an absent father, the call for fathers to change our attitudes was very relevant. My son worked for a time with Category A prisoners (murders, gang leaders, etc) all of whom either did not know their fathers or had very bad experience of their fathers. Without Advent, Christmas is just cosy, like the Israelites still attending temple during the murderous times of Manasseh and after Josiah before the Babylonian exile. There are some great Advent hymns with strong socio-political implications which we ignore in our haste to get to Christmas.
But you can do it in a more appealing and challenging way than how that service began. A big problem is with the more academic clergy who are natural book student types. People learn in different ways and a seminary style lecture to children and adults who have not done further education is a sure fire way to filter out all but fellow bookish types. We used to say, "Exhortation without explanation leads to frustration" and he is falling into that trap. I've been to churches which were into bibliolatry where, thinking they knew the correct way to read Scripture, they stuck to a line that was emotionally and, even, intellectually bankrupt. His talk might have been suited to a sort of adult sunday school but was utterly wrong as a talk to mixed age and socio-economic group.
Your humility overshadows every arrogant atheist that slanders my religion thank you for being brutally honest
As a Lutheran, I personally do not like the Baptist ecclesia and the system layout. It seems to me that the issue Jared has is actually with charismatic churches and seeker friendly non denom mega churches, whether he knows this or not. I incourage Jared to try a mainline non charismatic protestant church. Like a Confessional Lutheran Church (LCMS) or a (PCA) Presbyterian church. Jared could also try out an Eastern Orthodox Church.
Idk about PCA, but he has tried out Lutheran and Orthodox churches before and had a nice experience with them. Episcopal, too.
Speaking of an island you should watch a movie called ''the island'' it is about a Russian Orthodox monk living the life you mentioned.
Doubly recommended. Excellent movie.
Wow, that is a crazy reading of “The Island”. I took it face value as a Bayhem sci-fi about hot clones. But I’ll watch again.
Man your sermons are truly something special.
Imagine the Saints alive today to see what has become of "worship". Saint Ignatius would be rolling in his grave.
Loyola or Antioch?
@@spheniscusdemersus lol, does it matter? BOTH!
@ fair enough
smells like no true christian fallacy
@yeahaddigirl yeah, I am going to gate keep
Dang, what a real episode today. Sending virtual hugs your way Jared 🫂🫂