My problem is that I often just don't know what to say. When I'm talking with someone my head is constantly like 'OKAY, WHAT CAN I SAY TO THIS, THINK THINK, UHM YEAH I AGREE THAT'S NICE!' but I can hardly ever think of something interesting, while if I'm alone after that I can suddenly think of a dozen interesting topics I could have talked about. It's really annoying. :p
I’m not an expert but I’ve found that really paying attention to what the other person is saying and asking follow up open ended questions works to keep the conversation going until something comes up that relates to my personal experiences or opinions.
The problem that we have with coversation is that we make it about us. "How do I sound? What do I say? Am I being weird? What if they dont like Me?" You should actually focus on the Person you're talking to: Who are They, what do They like, what do They do, why do They like what they like, what do They think about xyz? It gets easier the more you practice. I practice at work and it's helped my social skills A LOT. I'm not Oprah but I got more conversational skill now than I had 3 months ago! You can do it too!
Gerrit DeMan I get really scared when I don’t know exactly what I’m doing in every situation, especially conversation. I start shaking and I can’t think properly at all, which just makes it worse. It’s so frustrating and awkward.
You could spin it off as a joke or joke how you blundered. That’s what I do all the time. I say something like, “OMG! My brain is failing me. Ugh. Why?” I say it in a serious yet sarcastic tone. At the end of the day, people will either live you or be indifferent about you. Hope that helps
I think there's a difference between an introvert and social anxiety/awkwardness. Introverts don't necessarily feel awkward, since they can be confident, they just are more exhausted by social interactions.
This. I deal with shyness, anxiety, and introversion. Small talk is excruciating, a group gathering with a purpose makes for easier choices for what to talk about. Shyness isn't low self esteem. I have confidence and can make friends. Flirting though...😂.
social interactions are more exhausting to us introverts because we're highly sensitive to small little negative emotions, we feel more anxious than extroverts, angrier than extroverts, more embarassed and we're bored by superficiality which all contribute to draining our social batery considerably more.
Right. I mean I have trouble getting into being playful while talking to someone. I think it's because of depression really. Takes me a lot. I wish there were more videos on getting into being playful actually.
So why is it that we introverts do that? Are we naturally predisposed to doing that? Because i literally was thinking of having a deep topic with a friend later on tonite to make sure I could make the conversation last longer
@@InglesporMinutoconAnthonyMartz don't these deep conversations end just abruptly and just make you feel awkward and i don't even feel awkwardness mostly talk about something you and your friend share which made you get the chance to know each other this the fruit for unlimited small talk
Small talk with stranger is easy. It's small talking with coworkers or classmates that is hard. Eventually you're going to run out of things to say and the only thing you talk about after that is work, which is boring.
same. i always loved talking to strangers, they hold no expectation nor standard or view over me yet and it makes me feel like i can be anyone i want because of the no-impression zone that we haven't quite pass through yet. DONT KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE BUT I DONT REALLY CARE. im tired. bye.
Exactly! I like talking to strangers or meeting new people, but sadly at some point i run out of things to talk about with the ones i know (classmates)... so it gets kinda awkward... thats what i was hoping for to find in a video
For me it's quite the opposite: I don't know what to talk about around strangers, don't know how to start a conversation because I barely know the person. On the other hand there are various conversation topics that I can start with a classmate or someone else that I know.
My favorite piece of advice in this video is the waiter interrupting analogy. If you are telling someone a story and you get interrupted, and the other person doesn't bring the conversation back to the story you were telling, they clearly weren't interested, so just move on. It's also a great way to show someone else that you were paying attention. If someone is telling me a story and we get interrupted, I will say "So you were telling me about..." and then I'll repeat the last thing they told me. People appreciate this, it shows that you were listening and that you care!
@@SirCanuckelhead Not really. I’m not asking the other person, “What did I just say?” I’m saying, “You were telling me about this thing, please continue.” Two completely different things.
I'm so awkward. Most of the time when there's a pause between the conversation and my mind goes blank trying to think of something to say to engage, I just smile and say "yeah."
@@nimo2714 oh gosh once time i was checking out at a supermarket and asked if there was a deal going on still and after he scanned my items and confirmed the deal was indeed still active i just went “cool.” HAHahha….. 😓😓
Me: "Hey." Her: "Hey." Her: "How are you doing?" Me: Not bad... How are you doing? Her: I'm doing great! *awkward silence* Me: "nervous chuckle.. yeah.. well, i have to go but it was nice seeing you! talk to you later" xD
I am dating one and I completely agree with you. Ican't get enough of everything he says. He's fascinating. And I only waited 2 full years ;-) now, not letting him go, ever
Small talk makes me tired. Like physically tired. I feel like my brain has to work too hard to engage, and when I can get an out without being rude, I take it
Charisma on Command: 💡 _I'm gonna use Kanye as an example to teach these guys how to master conversations!_ Kanye: _I'm bout to end this man's whole career_
#1 Quit the small talk and get on to something interesting. "The weather is beautiful today." "It is, do you think we should engage in an all out trade war against China?"
@@findlayrankin9769 actually, I'm quite good at smalltalk. However that doesn't mean that I'm always interested in everything that someone says. Some people are just boring.
I know the feeling but in order for us to blend in with society you must do as I have done and transform yourself into a charismatic manipulative sweet talker so we can get into positions of power and take over the world from the inside.
Does anyone else get chills through their whole body when you’re suppose to be saying something in a conversation but you really can’t come up with anything? I do all the time and just stand there awkwardly overthinking on what to try to say.
I find these videos very interesting, but I hate watching them because then I feel like I'm a lifeless robot that has to learn how to hold a full conversation with someone.
As an introvert, something I like to do to skip small talk all together is just ask a hypothetical or interesting question. Some of my go-to favorites are "Is soup a drink?", "What do you think about garlic bread?", or the classic immortal snail problem.
@@Observerw I just mean like, I don't understand how to have a normal conversation with people, I never have anything to say. Also when someone tells me something I never feel the need to say anything back, but when I think about it another person would have so much to say and it would lead to a great conversation. Am just really never interested in what people have to say, only when they are people am close to or if it's about something that interests me. But also am just someone who easily shuts out the world so attention span is short. I also tend to be very blunt, I say what I feel before realising it's gonna hurt someone, my friends have told me about this so many times that I don't have a filter.
@@mimimira5412 I don't think there's any problem with that. I have problems talking to normal people, but I kinda built a "list" of "normal" topics in my head I can ask about to make the other person carry the conversation. It really depends on the person and conversations tend to die in around a minute, though. With weirdos, on the other hand, I can just talk for hours and hours making weird noises and meme references.
How to handle small talk as an introvert: 1. Be chatty 2. Control the conversation 3. Be witty or funny 4. Make sure everyone in the conversation is having fun So ... be an extrovert. I don’t know why I never thought of that. The next conversation will be a breeze!
How to improve your charisma. Step 1. Do no try to get attention by wearing a mask covering your entire face just after a major ethical controversy involving kids as well as the company producing that mask. Step 2. Do no express that you loooooove a particular historical figure known being antisemetic and for his their involvement in the holocaust. Step 3. Do not post symbols which are tied to groups who were responsible for the biggest war in history on your social media profiles, particularly not if that group was a variant of facism known for race hate against people with those with the same genetic backgroud as yourself. Step 4. If for some reason you feel an urge to do 1, 2 or 3. seek professional help. Do not, I repeat, do not go on like television.
Yeah same here :// It's gotten so bad that I actively hide from my friends if I see a one-on-one convo coming up :( (If they're in a group it's fine though)
My problem is I end up getting mad at myself if the other person doesn’t doesn’t like me after our interaction. I don’t feel like I did well enough in our conversation because I want to improve to be a better talker and I end up angry. Sometimes I’m even frustrated with myself while the conversation is going on. I’m annoyed even thinking about it. It happened earlier today and got in my head all day.
That mid-conversation frustration is the absolute worst, especially when you feel the other person picking up on it in real time. The internal conflict between wanting to improve your interaction skills, whilst also fighting the intrusive thoughts that you're not doing good enough is literal hell. The weight of doing these mental gymnastics makes interactions really exhausting too, further disincentivising the journey for improvement. Isn't life great haha
But if you would rather never leave your house, when you do have to leave your house, your social interaction, that are inevitable, will function much less efficiently and fun then if you would go out, have a few VERY awkward and embarrassing conversations on your way to success. This is coming from an introverted person who would much rather not leave the confines of their house, but would also like to make social interactions less awkward then they are right now. It comes down to how you feel about interacting, would you rather it be better? Then you need to put in that work…this is assuming you weren't just making a joke that was baseless in the reality of your situation.
Guys, one of the biggest things I've ever learned is that putting the label of introvert on yourself will only make you act the part even more. Don't get me wrong, you will always lean towards more introverted or extroverted activity. However, imo it's more like a gradient. I'm a massive introvert. However, over the last two years I've made the effort to come out of my shell and just learn to love to talk. This is key. Don't learn how to have a conversation, learn how to *love* having a conversation. To the point where I used to think talking was draining but now I find myself talking more and more to up my vibe. If I was ever in a bad mood I used to avoid talking. Now I actually *want* to talk because it gets me in a better mood, and it's all because I became genuinely interested in people and in talking. tl;dr don't use being an introvert or extrovert as an excuse for anything. Talking and expressing yourself is just like any other skill, you just have to put the effort in.
I spoke with a self-labelled introvert once who had the same approach as you. It made me think that having a growth mindset is applicable to so much more than, say, maths.
Brilliant! I used to have this mindset that if it’s not necessary to talk and if I can avoid the chance of any kind of awkward situation then so be it. But I said to myself, I guess not every interaction has to be necessary, and when I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and speaking to people I normally wouldn’t I’ve learnt so much! Things I wouldn’t have known before and it’s rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, some times were awkward, but I’m still alive lmao
I just can't do it. When there's a group of people i just laugh, smile and nod, but when is only other person and me, i can't. I let the other person talk, and talk, and talk (that's why i feel more comfortable with extroverts that can't shut up, so i don't have to talk). But when they ask me my opininion i'm just like "oh...i see" or "yeah". When they ask me to tell stories i just can't think of anything. I have nothing to talk about with strangers.
Yes! I love small bigger groups (as in, groups that are still small but have at least four people) because there's not so much focus on me. One on one is actual torture. That's why all my close friends are extroverts lol, they just talk talk talk talk and if I like what they talk about then we're friends haha :D (I do try hard to think of interesting questions but sometimes they fall flat. My brain isn't hard wired for talking).
For me at least I have a serious problem to fully engage in a conversation, or I can't start it, or it's just me talking. The funny thing is, a part of my friends have the same problem as you, so when I give a opening they just say "yeah", "hum" or nothing at all
I hate when there is awkward silence after you decide to open up and talk. Like the other person expected you to stay silent but now they feel weird that you aren't It's like they know that you are an introvert, so they give you the silent treatment to try to keep themselves above you lol
Sometimes it's because you lack confidence in yourself and how other perceive you. Jimmy was absolutely BEGGING to be interrupted any kinda comment by Kanye, but if you believe the person speaking doesn't care what you have to say then you'll just say nothing. I struggle pretty hard with this too, but just try to remember that people talking to you usually want to hear what you have to say.
@@garrycotton7094 Yeah, Kanye was nodding and looking engaged. Probably wondering, "Where is this going?" Short of talking over Jimmy I don't see that the comments suggested that he should make would be relevant and could be taken as rude in certain contexts.
SAARA thissss people will try to engage small talk with me and internally im like I WANT TO KEEP READING MY REDDIT THREAD ABOUT UNDERWATER KNITTING hahaha
I have always considered myself an introvert. I *hate* mindless small talk! When I was a young kid, I was painfully shy around strangers also. As an adult, I no longer feel shy, but I do tend to be mostly quiet around people I don't know well. It took a long time, but I finally was able to understand what it was that made me feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. And that is I don't like confrontation. I like to avoid it if at all possible. I just find it exhausting. And, when talking to a stranger at a party, etc., you don't really have any idea of the mindset of that person, so you risk offending them and causing confrontation. I have found that when I am surrounded by intelligent, open minded strangers, conversation just happens organically with little effort. But most people do not fall into this camp. Most are unintelligent, brainwashed sheep, and those few of us that are "awake" will inevitably annoy them or become annoyed ourselves leading to confrontation. I realize how arrogant this sounds, but it is really true.
So me..... I just would rather not do small talk. Its seems fake to me. Im so awkaward because I find myself wondering if people do actually care how my day is going (Fill in any other personal question) . Or is it out of politeness. I actually care if I ask. Thats whats so wierd for me and small talk.
Interesting coming from a woman. When I hear my sister chat with her friends, I feel like it's almost only small talk, like telling how you feel, listening to the other tell what her day was like while inserting short questions, acting like you're amazed ; "oh that's crazy !" while you're so obviously bored... When I talk with friends (men), the difference is so obvious. We don't do this kind of stuff, and when someone starts acting like that, we laugh at it, the person feels a bit stupid, laughs too, and we move on.
1:00 Notice subtle openings for you to share your thoughts 2:15 Respond with an open-ended statement to keep the conversation going 3:00 You don't have to answer questions if you want to talk about something else 4:11 Pause to create opt-in points for others 5:22 Try to get to a conversational topic you both care about
the problem is that i genuinely dont care about 90% of the people i have smalltalk with so i dont feel like sharing anything out of my life and im not interested in theirs so i dont really listen. Which makes keeping the conversation going super hard.
Yeahh! That's why it's exhausting because we have to force ourselves to talk to them and squeeze or brains to think of something to say, and exert energy and effort to look interested in what their saying
The problem with introverts is that they're intuitive enough to know that making small talk is a waste of time. It's incredibly awkward pretending to exchange worthless banter and niceties with others who likely want nothing to do with you and vice versa. All it ever leads to is extreme tension and feelings of isolation.
I don't know if my kind of "introvertness" is different - but the problem I'm experiencing with small talk - especially with strangers - is that i very quickly run out of stuff to say. I can litterally not think of anything at all to move the conversation forward. I will probe every corner of my brain for anything to say, but nothing comes up. So if the other person is not extrovert enough to just ramble on and let me chime in when something finally triggers - then the conversation is over very quickly. So in theory these tools you are describing are fine - but they don't help. The problem is overcoming that mental block that very much feel like a black hole has suddenly opened in your mind - sucking away every idea you could talk about. You are simply pulling a blank however hard you try. That is also, I think, the reason is seems we answer so ilterally. It's the only thing we can come up with. Though iv'e gotten alot better the past 10 years - I will most often think so hard of what to say that i miss alot of social clues, and entire sentences from whom ever i am talking to. I've been both insulted and flirted with and never realised it before someone else have pointed it out afterwards, because I've been too busy being frustrated with trying to come up with something to say. In the end it will be so exhausting you just wanna go home where you can relax your mind a bit and be yourself. However - with people i know, for example my family, friends and close coworkers - we can talk for hours. In most professional interactions this is seldomly a problem either, when you just talk profesionally. It's only during small talk and social interactions this is a problem. For me anyway :)
I relate to you 100%. I think SO HARD for something to say, but I just can't come up with anything. Also because of that, if someone tries to joke with me, I'll just smile, because I can't think of something funny to say back. It's frustrating! It doesn't help that my twin sister is good at conversating and making friends :( Glad to know I'm not the only one!
I think it's because you're in your head too much when you're with new people. I'm like that too but i've gotten much better at being present in the moment when i'm talking to people.
Generally people CO-OP to beat PVP and PVE. Co-op is harder to get into as introvert because of social debuffs. If you have the right skills & can manage cash flow properly, C0-0P becomes a genuine handicap because you're locked by the teams maximum skill ceiling. The frustrating part is introverts are nerfed by the devs & mods constantly in a way that forces CO-0P so that the game isn't just a lazy clone of Rust.
@@ojgfhuebsrnvn2781 Can people be shy and introverted? Yes. Are all introverted people shy? No. I am not shy. I just do not do well with small talk. Serious conversation however always spark my interest. I get very chatty when debatable topics arise.
@@angelserene7004 Well, i did say correlation, not direct connection. What i wanted to say is because introverts don't speak much, they become less confident in conversations because they lack such skill ( i mean they don't train it as much as extroverts do), it comes with anxiety or shyness (someitmes both). Of course its not a rule but it is very common among introverts, so in most cases introverts are shy (well i don't really understand difference between shyness and anxiety in conversations so i might confusing it). Its like, i don't know, for instance you see Arabian person and assume he is muslim. You do so because probability of being right is high. Same with this stereotype.
@@ojgfhuebsrnvn2781 I see your point however I still argue that there is a difference between introversion and shyness. Not all introverts are the same just as not all extroverts are the same. Each person is different, and should be seen as such. There are introverts who are very charismatic, and can hold a conversation very well. The difference boils down to how it effects them mentally. Extroverts simply get energy from socializing and being around a group of people. Adversely the core of what makes a person an introvert is that they grow more tired the longer they are around crowds. Anxiety or shyness can correlate with an extrovert too. If an extrovert , as you explained, does not practice socializing, of course they too would be shy. That does not make the extrovert any less extroverted. See what I mean?
I'm sorry to all of you who feel you don fit in and I'm sorry for the people who don't get you. In my friend group there is one of us who is introvert but we understand and we try to make him feel as comfortable as possible and make him feel part of the group cuz he is. I hope you all find good friends that understand.
Can you make a video about the opposite skill: how to get an introvert to to engage in small talk? In the first clip, Jimmy was giving openings for Kanye to use, but he wasn't taking them. Is there something one can do, while talking to an introvert, to help get the conversation going?
Generally, I'd say ask them how they feel, but it needs to be in a meaningful way, like relative to some topic or object, especially if it has significance or relevance to the introvert. And remember, sometimes it takes an introvert a little time to warm up to the conversation, so just keep it going an try to keep them talking. Don't dive Right in to the meaningful stuff, because they may not be ready. Ironically, you usually have to warm them up with a little small talk. Be irritating them or making them uncomfortable with a few banalities, the deeper more meaningful topic or question will become all the more enticing as a way to segue out of the mindless banter.
Speaking as someone who's always been an introvert but learned a lot from working in hospitality and retail: ask questions (about the other) whenever you don't know what to say. Listening to others is far more helpful than thinking of what you want to say or when or how you have to say it.
valid, but there have been many times where I consciously 'take charge' by asking questions which leads to the other person getting too self-involved. I end up learning everything about them without them having learned anything from me because I can not get a word in or, if I relate to myself for some balance, they steer it to themselves again. that's when you realise they're either very insecure or a narc.
I remember when I was in the 5th to 10th grades, I could handle conversations without fail despite being an introvert. I could last for up to 2 hours talking about whatever, and I could get along with others quite easily. When I transferred schools in the 11th grade, I decided I would be “the dude who keeps it chill” and not socialize as I used to cuz it really exhausted me. Little did I know that I would eventually regret that decision. I thought that I would still have close ties with my old friends, but unfortunately, they found more friends of their own, which left me alone. Because I isolated myself from the class, I started to become more observant. I started judging and hating people who my past self could’ve gotten along with. So the next year, I decided that I would go back to my old self and start being more open. But for some reason, I couldn’t do it. I literally forgot how to hold conversations with people and make friends. It sucked real bad, and I hated myself for it. Now here I am in college, and watching charisma on command videos just so I could act like a normal human being again. I think it’s absolutely pathetic that I have to learn how to be human, but this channel is so far really helping me a lot.
This made me realised that this happened to me! I remember talking for hours in primary school about anything and when I entered secondary I decided to be quiet and chill cause I feel like I talked too much. Now I realised.
I swear this is me, I literally transferred to another country and I can’t properly make friends. I’m having a hard time I did became more observant because no one really does talk to me, I knew all my classmates. I started to think deeper and have trust issues. I have 2 friends now but I don’t think that I can get along with them deeper. But I still appreciate them being friends with me. Going on a different school really makes me change
Not an introvert, but I remember struggling and having to take some time to learn to keep a meaningful, engaging conversation. Personally, I find there are a few rules that made it much easier for me to keep a conversation going: -Whenever asked a question, try to answer with in- depth, descriptive answers instead of short, simple answers, like 'yes', 'no', 'I'm fine', 'It was good', etc. An exception to this rule is if you can tell that the person who asked the question wants you to give a short answer so that they can follow up temselves and add context. Don't be like Kanye and answer "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Yes." to a series of questions meant to get a conversation going. -Whenever discussing a certain topic, it can be good to just add in a few tangents about topics related to whatever you are talking about. You should give enough information that others may become curious about the tangent and start asking questions or talking about that. Tangents should however not be so large that they derail from the original topic unless the other person wants to do so. -Ask questions that encourage the person being asked to give an in-depth answer rather than a 'yes' or 'no'. Don't ask 'How was your day?', but rather something like 'Have you done anything interesting today?', and follow up with more qestions or talk about whatever they mention. -Pick up on small tangents that someone adds while talking, and ask questions or start talking more about the tangents. If someone mentions their work, a hobby, or some interesting event, ask questions about that to try to arrive at a topic that you will both find interesting to talk about. -Don't talk politics. Politics really easily get frustrating and boring, and can be a good way to kill the mood. It is fine to bring up current topics that people may be divided on, but don't start an argument about it.
There is absolutely no need in illogical unpleasant not understandable "small talk" that has no value other than following a local british cultural standard non existing in the outer world. There is no such thing like small talk outside of britain. The world does not revolve around you. You do small talk - you are considered at best low intellectual or low-confident by 400 millions of post soviet citizens. At worst you can end up in a clinic. This is NOT okay to "small" talk unless you are scared, in state of affect or in rave
Wow. My worst fear, confirmed. I was telling a story, got interrupted, and wasn't asked to continue it. I'm obviously boring. I'm also constantly trying to think of how to not have awkward silence in conversation. 😔😔
I always remember Anna Akana's tip for dealing with small was to ask the other person questions because people love talking about themselves (and you end up learning/getting to know the other person better)
Same. Though, I tend to not talk at all to avoid awkwardness, not even making eye contact or greeting someone coz fck that... I only talk when i NEED to talk.
I love being introvert and quiet at work but people make me really uncomfortable by telling me “ you need to talk more and more” all the time. And making small talks forcefully all day long really drains my whole energy
I'm probably one of the most anti-social, socially inept person you could ever meet. I think it's because I have no confidence and when I meet people or someone speaks to me I feel like I shouldn't be there or start thinking "why are they speaking to me", I don't know what to say, then if I say something I always spent the rest of the day thinking if I said the right thing or worrying about what they thought of me. Strange but really annoying because I can't make friends, anyway these videos make my anxiety go through the roof, I start to think of these when in conversation but also forget them.
Dude don't spent the day worrying about if you said the right or what they thought of you. If is small talk, people will forget everything you said. Nobody cares. People think of their own problem. So if you made a bad joke or something like that tomorrow the only one who will remember that will be you because people are thinking of their own bad jokes.
CodeCommand you shouldn’t think down upon yourself man you should use positive affirmations every morning with full belief such as “I AM brave and courageous as I tread my new path with ease and security.” Rather than think the opposite, good luck !
CodeCommand you remind me of a younger version of myself, a couple recommendations for you. 1) start learning about positive psychology 2) learn how to boost your confidence 3) start practicing meditation and mindfulness
Yeah, I'm never sure when to interject. Cuz a lot of the time people just want to talk at me, not to me, which I'm fine with - but if they're actually interested in having a conversation with me I can't tell if they're giving me openings :'(
I'm an introvert who used to hate small talk. But I watch these videos, imitate other people, I learned and practiced the methods until I don't have to force it so much anymore. Now I sometimes prefer those small talks especially when getting to know new people. I realize I'm a very private person, and the more I reveal about my deeper feelings and interests, the more vulnerable I'd feel. So in the end, I just keep at the small talk around the people I prefer not to get up close and personal with. They get to keep the conversation light, I get to keep them at arms length. Win-win.
just a few weeks ago, i was told that i'm a 'Brick wall.' i've never been compared to a wall before and i was never really bothered. but after he explained why he thought of me like that, i was heavily offended. i get that most people love talking about themselves, and i don't mind listening. it's what i'm good at. listening, and anazlying and giving my feedback. and while i defintely and confidently excel in that aspect, i've been told i'm a person who shares little to no information about myself. (This happened online btw. don't be mistaken.) i liked it that way, it made me feel... stable and anonymous. i don't like feeling vulnerable (as you said) and exposed. unlike many other people, i prefer to stay in the shadows. i've come to terms with the fact that i'll never quite accept my own personality and thoughts. they're weird and broken, though completely sane, don't get me wrong. i try to maintain a humble and selfless image, i want people to think of me as a good person. not a greedy, attention seeking, conversation-turning person. i don't like making things about me. but i guess to form trustworthy relationships i have to? one of my old friends (online friend) told me she didn't trust me. i couldn't figure out why. i had done nothing wrong. i would never step over the line or cross any boundries without permission. her words haunted me for a year before i realized it was because i never shared anything about myself. i listened, i gave her advice, and i kept it all to myself like she asked me to. i was basically her shoulder to cry on and a lending ear.that was all she could trust me with. but she would never trust me with anything else? that was confsuing to me. so after this guy called me a 'Brick wall' my whole aspect and view of Friends and relationships changed entirely. it was probably unintentional, and maybe even disregarded as just a mere thought and accusation. but it made such a huge impact on my life today. (i'm 17 btw lmao) and now i'm learning to openly share my thoughts, without the care of being judged anymore. i want to thank that dude. he opened my eyes. even if it was on accident. i'm slowly opening up, even just a little. i'm allowing the boring, unamusing, thoughtless, random thoughts pour out of me and i'm realizing that my friends will tolerate them because they're.. my friends. :) i was always scared they would leave me if i revealed this side of me. and i'm still dreading the moment they'll grow tired of me. but they haven't. and i don't think they won't. they treat me preciously. and it's lovely. and i'm blessed to have cool understand friends. ^_^
Me and my sister are very similar to each other. We both have pretty high anxiety, including social anxiety, and were introvert. I realized early on small talk is in fact a skill that you need to keep practicing with. Got to the point where I'm comfortable talking to anyone without feeling weird. My sister on the other hand is still struggling but I'm trying my best to get her through it. This was a great video, a few tips I found personally. Wish everyone the best of luck!
Because I’m an introvert I don’t initiate conversations, and my friends interpret that as if I don’t want to talk to them, so then they don’t strike up a conversation. Idk I always feel misunderstood all the time
@@sqtuck me and my friends sometimes do. Especially when me and my friend, both introverts, come back from school and we just walk and sit in the train in silence because we won't take out our phones because that's rude. It's really awkward, but when we are in a group with at least one another friend we can talk for hours.
he knows jimmy is playing political chess with every questions, they all have aggressive undertone hidden in a playful voice. he's walking through a minefield and knows a slight slip up will be held against him as clickbait and can be all over the next gossip news cycle. and he wants to redeem himself after his nationwide mishaps and make it back to his wife to make her happy and not angry at him because she supports him and had his back, she wants to also be supported because she also had rough times since the Paris incident. if he said anything jimmy disagreed with he would have held that against him and asked 3 more questions on the same subject each with ad hominem jabs and strawmans impossible to answer without looking bad and getting backlash from half the audience.
I had a conversation today with someone who didn't know when to enter the conversation. Great interviewers set their interviewee up and make it obvious when to jump in. Great video!
A few things: 1) The 'respond with how you feel' point is very important. Something that helped me better my conversation skills when I didn't have any was simply just talking about myself. Talking about yourself is probably the easiest thing you can do since you know yourself best. It's important however to grow from this, and apply the conversation skills you've gained from talking about yourself to topics which don't just concern you. 2) Small talk is not something that should be avoided at all costs. I think it's a big mistake to try and make a deep conversation out of every small-talk conversation you get into. Try instead to see small-talk as a tool with which you could either pass the time with or get to know a person. It's important to understand that not everybody is interested in investing time and effort into a deep thoughtful conversation. Sometimes people are very content with just talking about the weather and leaving it at that.
When he mentioned the Yeezy shoes, Kanye's brain started racing in a million directions. He's listening to what Jimmy is saying but also think about everything that has to do with the business at the same time. There's so much going on in his mind, plus he'd rather listen and think about what's being said.
Too many identify as an introvert. They have 100's of friends and say "I'm an introvert on the inside." I'm actually one and it frustrates me when people do that.
Being an introvert doesn't mean you don't have friends. A lot of people confuse social anxiety with introverts. I know plenty of introverts that suddenly become social at parties. Once they had enough they tone back down.
Conversations from my experience tend to be decided by how much the other person is willing to engage. There are many times where conversations become robotic because of the lack of response from who you are talking to. The best organic conversations happen when both parties talk fluently and you both go in autopilot mode. The conversations I hate are when you talk about other people which I have a big dislike. Another dislike conversational method is when the other person ends up overplaying their achievements and making you feel slightly uncomfortable due to their own self-recognition. Honestly, I prefer conversations with a group of friends. I always find this better for the dynamic of the group and conversation. Due to different personalities and talking styles, you can jump from one topic to another if its boring or it becomes interesting when everyone has an opinion on something. These days I do think people are becoming more sensitive so in that respect you have to be careful what you say. People get offended too quickly these days and can take your statements in the wrong context. Times have changed regarding that. I think most of all from my experience, conversations are becoming all about me me me and speaking highly of youself. These type of people I hate.
you would dislike me then. all my life i've been listening to people talk about themselves. i'm tired of it. instead, i'd rather talk to people who would rather love listening about how my day was going. of course, i don't think it's greedy of me since i listen to what they have t osay with genuinty, because afterall they're listening to me. it's only fair. and plus, people like that are quite amusing. sorry for grammar, i'm sleeeeeeepyyyy.
But how the hell you get friends to talk to if you don't try to talk to new people? Some people may talk boring some days. They way you wrote sounds like you quickly give up...
I'm with you on that. I can't take gossip of any kind. It doesn't do a thing for my connection with that person other than make me want to actively get as far away from them as possible, because if they can talk poorly about others they Will 100% do the same about you when your back is turned. Those are the people I truly feel disgust for. I hesitate to say 'hate' but it's very much in that arena emotionally.
Well, when I ask a question, I want an answer for that question, I don't like when people just answer sth else......so what if they ask that question to be answered literally? Hence I answer them literally....
I usually tell people to stfu with the small talk and say something interesting and then it starts something funny AND also makes them feel more confortable to say anything they might want to without much restriction/filter.
I'm a natural empath, INFP, and at some points in my life I was extremely isolated and was even misdiagnosed as schizoid antisocial personality disorder. I hate chit chat and small talk. I much prefer intimate conversation. So what I do is try to find some way to relate to a person and connect to them on an emotional level, and kin of roll through a rolladex of topics and questions until I hit on something which they both seem to have some passion about and which I have some knowledge of and then I try to build a connection from there. On a deeper spiritual level, I try now to treat everyone with equal love and compassion, and I try to just maintain a positive attitude and treat whoever is in front of me like a brother or sister, be they friend or foe, and use the moment of conversation as a way to express gratitude, humility and honesty. This video was spot on. Very good advice here.
Lewis Caine Ah, I presume you are correct, but I was merely using the term non clinically as a descriptor for people who may be unfamiliar with schizoid.
goldenhotdogs To elaborate, yes, paradoxically you kin of have to do this with introverts, especially when engaging them when they are not already socializing. Small talk can serve to warm them up to the idea of dialogue, but remember to be sincere. Small talk is important here as it serves the function of disrupting the introverts natural occlusion, which will need to be pierced before any meaningful conversation can be had. So in this way, you won't waste your more meaningful inquiries on someone who isn't ready to speak yet.
1:35 (Feel) - To move through small talk mention how the other persons statement makes you feel. 2:58 (Better Question) - Don’t always answer the questions asked but use it as a springboard to answer a more interesting question related to what they asked. 4:12 (Opt In) - Create opt in points so people have a chance to jump in the convo. 5:20 (Deeper) - Steer conversation into deeper conversation you both care about. Ask ppl their opinions on movies or news stories or anything you care about.
Here's my own take on Charlie's summary...hope this helps! 1. NOTICE SUBTLE OPENINGS from whomever is talking to jump in with how you feel about what's being said. (But try not to interrupt the other person unless they're not giving you any openings.) 2. ELABORATE ON BETTER QUESTIONS with longer or more open-ended answers, and give short answers to boring questions (but don't tell someone it's a boring question). 3. USE SIMPLE SEGUES (transitions) to steer conversation to something you want to talk about! 4. LET OTHERS TALK TOO! When talking, pause now and then to give others a chance to jump in. Try to include everyone by asking them how they feel, by mentioning their name, or by making eye or body contact. END GOAL: Get to a topic you both care about --- then the conversation will seem easy! But always keep the previous rules in mind.
Girl: Have you seen the weather today? I think it's going to rain. Me: Yeah. You know, days like these usually remind me of the unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death... Girl: (backs away slowly)
Well honestly thats not a bad response , like i mean maybe don't say that literally but saying that, instead of "yeah i think so too" and then just stay quiet for a sec it's definetly better
As an introvert, I have to admit that I am indeed terrible at small talk. I'll use the words "yeah" and "mhm" like 50 times because I don't know how else to respond
This is one of the only self help channels I've found that doesn't sound like a bunch of hokey BS. Thanks for the genuinely good advice - as an introvert I find social interaction sometimes uncomfortable, but clearly some informed practice can lessen some of the anxiety I feel in those situations.
I cannot for the life of me engage in small talk. I ain't that good an actor. I'm not a person who can pretend to care if I don't, I try but I can tell they see I don't care and then it becomes awkward. I either become so involved and engaged in our conversation if it's something I'm interested in its like you're the only person that exists in that moment, or I'm completely absent and disengaged. I just can't fake the funk.
Talk shows are always awkward. They have always forced conversations and have to fit everything they want to say in a certain amount of time. And they're really there to promote something. I've been really into podcasts lately. Its much easier going and the conversations flow very easily. I feel bad for talk show hosts. They have a tough job
I hate small talk because I never know what to say next especially if I have no interest and then it’s just awkward, example: *..me answering their question* them: oh yeah me too, I understand that. Me: yeahh. Them: Me: Them: Me:
My problem is that I often just don't know what to say. When I'm talking with someone my head is constantly like 'OKAY, WHAT CAN I SAY TO THIS, THINK THINK, UHM YEAH I AGREE THAT'S NICE!' but I can hardly ever think of something interesting, while if I'm alone after that I can suddenly think of a dozen interesting topics I could have talked about. It's really annoying. :p
I’m not an expert but I’ve found that really paying attention to what the other person is saying and asking follow up open ended questions works to keep the conversation going until something comes up that relates to my personal experiences or opinions.
The problem that we have with coversation is that we make it about us. "How do I sound? What do I say? Am I being weird? What if they dont like Me?"
You should actually focus on the Person you're talking to: Who are They, what do They like, what do They do, why do They like what they like, what do They think about xyz?
It gets easier the more you practice. I practice at work and it's helped my social skills A LOT. I'm not Oprah but I got more conversational skill now than I had 3 months ago! You can do it too!
I call that the George Costanza Complex.
Gerrit DeMan lmfao we have the same issue
Gerrit DeMan I get really scared when I don’t know exactly what I’m doing in every situation, especially conversation. I start shaking and I can’t think properly at all, which just makes it worse. It’s so frustrating and awkward.
I came here because I panicked when talking to someone at school and asked which school they went to smh.
MagesticSnowflake lol 😂
You could spin it off as a joke or joke how you blundered. That’s what I do all the time. I say something like, “OMG! My brain is failing me. Ugh. Why?” I say it in a serious yet sarcastic tone. At the end of the day, people will either live you or be indifferent about you. Hope that helps
MagesticSnowflake that's awesome
Damn. Why do we even talk to other people, whats the point. Why do people loke doing it? Even introverts
MagesticSnowflake LMAO I’m sorry but this is hilarious 😂😂😂
the video i should’ve watched right after i was born
same
It's cool how life hands you things in a particular order, may you use the video knowledge henceforth in good health
lol i like this
Lmaoooooo
same here.. accidentally stumbled on this but it should have been years ago
I think there's a difference between an introvert and social anxiety/awkwardness. Introverts don't necessarily feel awkward, since they can be confident, they just are more exhausted by social interactions.
This. I deal with shyness, anxiety, and introversion. Small talk is excruciating, a group gathering with a purpose makes for easier choices for what to talk about.
Shyness isn't low self esteem.
I have confidence and can make friends. Flirting though...😂.
🎯
social interactions are more exhausting to us introverts because we're highly sensitive to small little negative emotions, we feel more anxious than extroverts, angrier than extroverts, more embarassed and we're bored by superficiality which all contribute to draining our social batery considerably more.
Right. I mean I have trouble getting into being playful while talking to someone. I think it's because of depression really. Takes me a lot. I wish there were more videos on getting into being playful actually.
Yeah i have social anxiety which makes me avoid social situations completely.
“Weather’s been good, huh? “
“Do you think we have free will?”
So are you ready for the day of judgement
So why is it that we introverts do that? Are we naturally predisposed to doing that? Because i literally was thinking of having a deep topic with a friend later on tonite to make sure I could make the conversation last longer
@@InglesporMinutoconAnthonyMartz don't these deep conversations end just abruptly and just make you feel awkward and i don't even feel awkwardness mostly talk about something you and your friend share which made you get the chance to know each other this the fruit for unlimited small talk
@@nateholmes2641 lmaoooo
Exactly
Small talk with stranger is easy. It's small talking with coworkers or classmates that is hard. Eventually you're going to run out of things to say and the only thing you talk about after that is work, which is boring.
same. i always loved talking to strangers, they hold no expectation nor standard or view over me yet and it makes me feel like i can be anyone i want because of the no-impression zone that we haven't quite pass through yet. DONT KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE BUT I DONT REALLY CARE. im tired. bye.
@@blah9629 Don't worry, it makes sense to me. :)
Especially when what the other person is talking about is extremely boring.
Exactly! I like talking to strangers or meeting new people, but sadly at some point i run out of things to talk about with the ones i know (classmates)... so it gets kinda awkward... thats what i was hoping for to find in a video
For me it's quite the opposite: I don't know what to talk about around strangers, don't know how to start a conversation because I barely know the person. On the other hand there are various conversation topics that I can start with a classmate or someone else that I know.
"We are introverts until our vibes match"
Our*
💯
@@iiReTr0Z Arey sahi toh likha hai XD
@@AryanSharma-ce6hw bhay wo japani hai usko hindi ni aati.
@@AryanSharma-ce6hw are Nahi our aye ga
My favorite piece of advice in this video is the waiter interrupting analogy. If you are telling someone a story and you get interrupted, and the other person doesn't bring the conversation back to the story you were telling, they clearly weren't interested, so just move on. It's also a great way to show someone else that you were paying attention. If someone is telling me a story and we get interrupted, I will say "So you were telling me about..." and then I'll repeat the last thing they told me. People appreciate this, it shows that you were listening and that you care!
The latter part is basically a common test for a boyfriend when his gf is talking, the dreaded question "What did I just say?"
@@SirCanuckelhead Not really. I’m not asking the other person, “What did I just say?” I’m saying, “You were telling me about this thing, please continue.” Two completely different things.
@@SirCanuckelhead Somehow girls always find a way to make there men suffer in every situation 🤣
Im introverted my go to is where do the ninja turtles get their weapons
@@VioletRaven. this advice just isnt true do not listen to this lol
Two introverts who don’t know each other trying to engage in small talk is horrible
Comedy gold
Facts bro, as an introvert, it’s painful af
True. “What are u doing?” “Nothing, you?” “Same.” *silence*
Oh that's fun
Lmao
I'm so awkward. Most of the time when there's a pause between the conversation and my mind goes blank trying to think of something to say to engage, I just smile and say "yeah."
@@MvsicAdd7ct lmaooo that's what I sound like 🤣
I’m even worse I’m like “....that’s crazy...” when nothing about the context of the conversation or what was being told was ‘crazy’ at all.
The “oh yea?” is my go-to.
@@nimo2714 oh gosh once time i was checking out at a supermarket and asked if there was a deal going on still and after he scanned my items and confirmed the deal was indeed still active i just went “cool.” HAHahha….. 😓😓
"You're kidding'
"Hey."
"Hey."
"How are you doing?"
"Uh... lemme pull out my notes real quick."
Me: "Hey."
Her: "Hey."
Her: "How are you doing?"
Me: Not bad... How are you doing?
Her: I'm doing great!
*awkward silence*
Me: "nervous chuckle.. yeah.. well, i have to go but it was nice seeing you! talk to you later" xD
Wow most relatable thing ever 😂
“Hold on i need to watch this video first”
Yes! Lmfao. This is me too!
"How come, what was so great about your day?"
Another great tactic that Kanye taught us is to wear a black mask that covers 100% of your face. This helps to put everyone at ease.
😫🤣
underrated comment
Also admitting to love hitler will definitely skip the small talk
Yeah I need to go to work like that
🤣🤣🤣
_(Mhms in Kanye)_
*(Mhm intensifies)*
Kanye is a genius
😂🌝🌝
Dillan V yee
Thank you Kanye, very cool!
Introverts are typically good and fun people. But you just gotta be patient with us :(
Yes. Thank you.
Cute dog creature
This is true, thanks.
I am dating one and I completely agree with you. Ican't get enough of everything he says. He's fascinating. And I only waited 2 full years ;-) now, not letting him go, ever
Indeed
Small talk makes me tired. Like physically tired. I feel like my brain has to work too hard to engage, and when I can get an out without being rude, I take it
I went on a walk today with someone I'm becoming friends with and I just wanted to SLEEP when I got home.
It feels like a chess game to me, only with the difference, i can keep my gob shut when i play chess. Thx lord...
For introverts interacting with people drains our energy. For extroverts interacting with others energizes them.
@@ChupeTTe It's like playing an overcomplicated chess that you don't know the rules
I stopped trying to take a way out and just started walking away when I want to, even mid conversation.
Charisma on Command: 💡 _I'm gonna use Kanye as an example to teach these guys how to master conversations!_
Kanye: _I'm bout to end this man's whole career_
Lol I was waiting for these comments to start coming in
came here to say this
my exact thought lol.
Kanye has balls at least.
what's going on with Kanye??
#1 Quit the small talk and get on to something interesting.
"The weather is beautiful today."
"It is, do you think we should engage in an all out trade war against China?"
lmao
😂
F*ck this 🤣 you should at least get 1k likes
lol, I almost spit on the screen. XD
Taxtro well, you did it
_Say how the other person's statement makes you feel_
Me: *Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn*
usagi tsukino not trying to be rude or anything but that kind of response about not caring is probably why your watching this video.😅
@@findlayrankin9769 actually, I'm quite good at smalltalk. However that doesn't mean that I'm always interested in everything that someone says. Some people are just boring.
@@usagitsukino3638 Some people are fucking boring indeed. It takes two to tango. If the other person aint doin shit, then I'm just gonna walk out.
quality comment
damn this is so true 😂🤣
Introvert here. I hate small talk. It's so boring. Much more prefer questions and answers with substance.
I know the feeling but in order for us to blend in with society you must do as I have done and transform yourself into a charismatic manipulative sweet talker so we can get into positions of power and take over the world from the inside.
Why do you consider yourself an introvert
Findlay Rankin 😂
oh wise one, the rest of us all loooooove small talk......
I can't stand on online dating apps when girls say " hi how are you" wtf am i supposed to say to that?
Does anyone else get chills through their whole body when you’re suppose to be saying something in a conversation but you really can’t come up with anything? I do all the time and just stand there awkwardly overthinking on what to try to say.
And you get so nervous to the point you can’t breath?
I find these videos very interesting, but I hate watching them because then I feel like I'm a lifeless robot that has to learn how to hold a full conversation with someone.
sometimes you just have to accept that you're a lifeless robot
a f f i r m a t i v e
@@cal6741 the distant future, the year 2000
Don't think like that. The thing is that the world is ridiculous and shallow. 🙄
It’s okay to make an effort to improve yourself!
As an introvert, something I like to do to skip small talk all together is just ask a hypothetical or interesting question. Some of my go-to favorites are "Is soup a drink?", "What do you think about garlic bread?", or the classic immortal snail problem.
thank you for this. def gonna ask people this once i graduate and test if this is reliable
are u 14
@@peterdanisek2188 Are you someone who thinks they're cool and different?💀
@@peterdanisek2188 yeah kid, I totally believe you
@@viniciusgrosse1958 bro you're like 16, don't tell me anything
All this just seems too complicated to me.
Sometimes I feel like I just wasn't made for this world
Same
Same I don't understand how people live with each other.
Mimi Mira damn bro what makes you feel like that? I would to hear what you have 2 say
@@Observerw I just mean like, I don't understand how to have a normal conversation with people, I never have anything to say. Also when someone tells me something I never feel the need to say anything back, but when I think about it another person would have so much to say and it would lead to a great conversation. Am just really never interested in what people have to say, only when they are people am close to or if it's about something that interests me. But also am just someone who easily shuts out the world so attention span is short. I also tend to be very blunt, I say what I feel before realising it's gonna hurt someone, my friends have told me about this so many times that I don't have a filter.
@@mimimira5412 I don't think there's any problem with that. I have problems talking to normal people, but I kinda built a "list" of "normal" topics in my head I can ask about to make the other person carry the conversation. It really depends on the person and conversations tend to die in around a minute, though.
With weirdos, on the other hand, I can just talk for hours and hours making weird noises and meme references.
I'm not interested in my life, that's why I'm better a listener...
sam here ,wonderfully said
No-one is interested in your life
mark ewings- damn dude
Me too hun
@@markewings7525 ironic
How to handle small talk as an introvert:
1. Be chatty
2. Control the conversation
3. Be witty or funny
4. Make sure everyone in the conversation is having fun
So ... be an extrovert. I don’t know why I never thought of that. The next conversation will be a breeze!
These all still require talent, especially being funny
😂😂😂😂right
Cant be an extrovert if your an introvert can you Mr 😂😂
this is equal to
How to be rich
1. Have lots of money
2. Be very smart
3. Be born into a rich family
4. Star a successful business
@@giovanniminotte2951 absolutely..
Well that thumbnail aged well
How to improve your charisma.
Step 1.
Do no try to get attention by wearing a mask covering your entire face just after a major ethical controversy involving kids as well as the company producing that mask.
Step 2.
Do no express that you loooooove a particular historical figure known being antisemetic and for his their involvement in the holocaust.
Step 3.
Do not post symbols which are tied to groups who were responsible for the biggest war in history on your social media profiles, particularly not if that group was a variant of facism known for race hate against people with those with the same genetic backgroud as yourself.
Step 4.
If for some reason you feel an urge to do 1, 2 or 3. seek professional help. Do not, I repeat, do not go on like television.
@@andreasberger4but he made graduation😔😔
@@andreasberger4irrelevant. He made graduation
@@andreasberger4he made runaway tho
was looking for this comment
My strategy was to always stare at the person intensely until they stopped talking and leave.
Problem solved.
Tora Chan Jokes on you, akward stares just give me a boner!
Or just don't be there in the first place, right?
You are doing what Kanye does
😂
Simplest answers are usually the best.
Introvert with social anxiety, anyone else?
Yeah same here ://
It's gotten so bad that I actively hide from my friends if I see a one-on-one convo coming up :(
(If they're in a group it's fine though)
Here
And depression :)
I can relate! But I'm trying to connect with friends again.
+
My problem is I end up getting mad at myself if the other person doesn’t doesn’t like me after our interaction. I don’t feel like I did well enough in our conversation because I want to improve to be a better talker and I end up angry. Sometimes I’m even frustrated with myself while the conversation is going on. I’m annoyed even thinking about it. It happened earlier today and got in my head all day.
It's a horrible feedback loop of becoming more negative because I'm bad at talking then being worse at talking because I'm in a negative headspace
That mid-conversation frustration is the absolute worst, especially when you feel the other person picking up on it in real time. The internal conflict between wanting to improve your interaction skills, whilst also fighting the intrusive thoughts that you're not doing good enough is literal hell. The weight of doing these mental gymnastics makes interactions really exhausting too, further disincentivising the journey for improvement. Isn't life great haha
Same here. Like I tried to be friendly and nice, but ended up scaring people away and they thought I’m weird af lol wtf
are you me?
Too much work, I'd rather not leave my house.
ahahah fr
xDDDDDD
But if you would rather never leave your house, when you do have to leave your house, your social interaction, that are inevitable, will function much less efficiently and fun then if you would go out, have a few VERY awkward and embarrassing conversations on your way to success. This is coming from an introverted person who would much rather not leave the confines of their house, but would also like to make social interactions less awkward then they are right now. It comes down to how you feel about interacting, would you rather it be better? Then you need to put in that work…this is assuming you weren't just making a joke that was baseless in the reality of your situation.
@@Theendman42 lmao you're obviously an introvert, it was sarcasm...
Yes, I know it was a joke, but I assumed that it had some basis in fact, hence why I said what I said. And yes, I am very much so an introvert.
Someone: So how are you?
Me having anxiety and thinking about this video: I think people focus too much... on the past...
Same thats my fucking problem right now
😂😂😂
🤣
😂😂😂😂
Worrrrd
😂😂😂😂
The thing with introverts is we don't want to talk about things we Don't like
Guys, one of the biggest things I've ever learned is that putting the label of introvert on yourself will only make you act the part even more.
Don't get me wrong, you will always lean towards more introverted or extroverted activity. However, imo it's more like a gradient. I'm a massive introvert. However, over the last two years I've made the effort to come out of my shell and just learn to love to talk. This is key. Don't learn how to have a conversation, learn how to *love* having a conversation. To the point where I used to think talking was draining but now I find myself talking more and more to up my vibe. If I was ever in a bad mood I used to avoid talking. Now I actually *want* to talk because it gets me in a better mood, and it's all because I became genuinely interested in people and in talking.
tl;dr don't use being an introvert or extrovert as an excuse for anything. Talking and expressing yourself is just like any other skill, you just have to put the effort in.
I spoke with a self-labelled introvert once who had the same approach as you. It made me think that having a growth mindset is applicable to so much more than, say, maths.
For sure! Never put limits on how you can grow in personality, and that includes being more expressive and talking.
I needed to hear this lol
Relate to this comment! Once you judge yourself as a certain one, you could turn the one in no time.
Brilliant!
I used to have this mindset that if it’s not necessary to talk and if I can avoid the chance of any kind of awkward situation then so be it. But I said to myself, I guess not every interaction has to be necessary, and when I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and speaking to people I normally wouldn’t I’ve learnt so much! Things I wouldn’t have known before and it’s rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, some times were awkward, but I’m still alive lmao
I just can't do it. When there's a group of people i just laugh, smile and nod, but when is only other person and me, i can't. I let the other person talk, and talk, and talk (that's why i feel more comfortable with extroverts that can't shut up, so i don't have to talk). But when they ask me my opininion i'm just like "oh...i see" or "yeah".
When they ask me to tell stories i just can't think of anything. I have nothing to talk about with strangers.
Yes! I love small bigger groups (as in, groups that are still small but have at least four people) because there's not so much focus on me. One on one is actual torture. That's why all my close friends are extroverts lol, they just talk talk talk talk and if I like what they talk about then we're friends haha :D
(I do try hard to think of interesting questions but sometimes they fall flat. My brain isn't hard wired for talking).
Hmm. I'm good one on one but don't know how to interact in a group.
same!!
Wow I never related to a comment more
For me at least I have a serious problem to fully engage in a conversation, or I can't start it, or it's just me talking. The funny thing is, a part of my friends have the same problem as you, so when I give a opening they just say "yeah", "hum" or nothing at all
I hate when there is awkward silence after you decide to open up and talk. Like the other person expected you to stay silent but now they feel weird that you aren't
It's like they know that you are an introvert, so they give you the silent treatment to try to keep themselves above you lol
this
Nivk Miller, I called someone out for doing that once and guess who laughed the last.
Wow that was spot on
@@jussi-pekkalaakko8768 ABSOLUTELY this! I had the same thought last week and couldn't properly express the feeling.
My roommate is like this. When I share something I find important (and I usually don't), and I show large enthusiasm, she'll just go, "Oh, cool."
“he so quiet what’s on his mind” Kanye: “I guess we’ll never know”
as an introvert I literally couldn't see any openings in that kanye west jimmy kimmel conversation lol
I was confused too.
Sometimes it's because you lack confidence in yourself and how other perceive you. Jimmy was absolutely BEGGING to be interrupted any kinda comment by Kanye, but if you believe the person speaking doesn't care what you have to say then you'll just say nothing.
I struggle pretty hard with this too, but just try to remember that people talking to you usually want to hear what you have to say.
Introverts just prefer to listen and not interrupt the story the person's telling
Same, I was so confused! It just seemed like the host was talking non-stop without break ie. leave him to it.
@@garrycotton7094 Yeah, Kanye was nodding and looking engaged. Probably wondering, "Where is this going?" Short of talking over Jimmy I don't see that the comments suggested that he should make would be relevant and could be taken as rude in certain contexts.
"So, how about that sports team with the points."
Thats usually the one i use. Or "looks like its gonna rain..shit" haha
+Jackson OMG I also love Ponytricks! Can I hug you? :D
EhehahahahaHA!
Did the ball go?
I say we talk about geopolitics concerning the middle eastern region and Afghanistan's fate.
but like, I don’t wanna be talking in the first place. why should I steer the conversation somewhere deeper 😭
Hi big fan
SAARA thissss people will try to engage small talk with me and internally im like I WANT TO KEEP READING MY REDDIT THREAD ABOUT UNDERWATER KNITTING hahaha
So much this.
Jännä mesta sanoo, mut TORILLE!!!!!
Good point, but hey, deep conversations are where we're all at.
I have always considered myself an introvert. I *hate* mindless small talk! When I was a young kid, I was painfully shy around strangers also. As an adult, I no longer feel shy, but I do tend to be mostly quiet around people I don't know well. It took a long time, but I finally was able to understand what it was that made me feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. And that is I don't like confrontation. I like to avoid it if at all possible. I just find it exhausting. And, when talking to a stranger at a party, etc., you don't really have any idea of the mindset of that person, so you risk offending them and causing confrontation.
I have found that when I am surrounded by intelligent, open minded strangers, conversation just happens organically with little effort. But most people do not fall into this camp. Most are unintelligent, brainwashed sheep, and those few of us that are "awake" will inevitably annoy them or become annoyed ourselves leading to confrontation. I realize how arrogant this sounds, but it is really true.
So me..... I just would rather not do small talk. Its seems fake to me. Im so awkaward because I find myself wondering if people do actually care how my day is going (Fill in any other personal question) . Or is it out of politeness. I actually care if I ask. Thats whats so wierd for me and small talk.
So true...
I feel the same way
Jesus cares.
Interesting coming from a woman. When I hear my sister chat with her friends, I feel like it's almost only small talk, like telling how you feel, listening to the other tell what her day was like while inserting short questions, acting like you're amazed ; "oh that's crazy !" while you're so obviously bored... When I talk with friends (men), the difference is so obvious. We don't do this kind of stuff, and when someone starts acting like that, we laugh at it, the person feels a bit stupid, laughs too, and we move on.
yeah very fake
Good Lord. I never thought I would relate to Kanye West.
the world may really be coming to an end😂😂
You sound ignorant daria.
@@Slynell1 Why? How? She sounds ignorant because she found something in common with Kanye West? Them both being introverts?
then watch his interview he’s the most relatable person i’ve ever seen
Kanye is the goat!
1:00 Notice subtle openings for you to share your thoughts
2:15 Respond with an open-ended statement to keep the conversation going
3:00 You don't have to answer questions if you want to talk about something else
4:11 Pause to create opt-in points for others
5:22 Try to get to a conversational topic you both care about
@Matthew Davis thnx bro
What I was looking for, thanks@
You’re amazing
Cheers mate
Trying to think back and none of this was taught in school.
The problem of not knowing what to say is what keeps me silent most of the time
the problem is that i genuinely dont care about 90% of the people i have smalltalk with so i dont feel like sharing anything out of my life and im not interested in theirs so i dont really listen. Which makes keeping the conversation going super hard.
This right here
This
Absolutely this.
100% true for me too
Yeahh! That's why it's exhausting because we have to force ourselves to talk to them and squeeze or brains to think of something to say, and exert energy and effort to look interested in what their saying
I can relate to this awkwardness as an introvert on spiritual level.
The problem with introverts is that they're intuitive enough to know that making small talk is a waste of time. It's incredibly awkward pretending to exchange worthless banter and niceties with others who likely want nothing to do with you and vice versa. All it ever leads to is extreme tension and feelings of isolation.
I don't know if my kind of "introvertness" is different - but the problem I'm experiencing with small talk - especially with strangers - is that i very quickly run out of stuff to say. I can litterally not think of anything at all to move the conversation forward. I will probe every corner of my brain for anything to say, but nothing comes up. So if the other person is not extrovert enough to just ramble on and let me chime in when something finally triggers - then the conversation is over very quickly.
So in theory these tools you are describing are fine - but they don't help. The problem is overcoming that mental block that very much feel like a black hole has suddenly opened in your mind - sucking away every idea you could talk about. You are simply pulling a blank however hard you try. That is also, I think, the reason is seems we answer so ilterally. It's the only thing we can come up with.
Though iv'e gotten alot better the past 10 years - I will most often think so hard of what to say that i miss alot of social clues, and entire sentences from whom ever i am talking to. I've been both insulted and flirted with and never realised it before someone else have pointed it out afterwards, because I've been too busy being frustrated with trying to come up with something to say. In the end it will be so exhausting you just wanna go home where you can relax your mind a bit and be yourself.
However - with people i know, for example my family, friends and close coworkers - we can talk for hours. In most professional interactions this is seldomly a problem either, when you just talk profesionally. It's only during small talk and social interactions this is a problem. For me anyway :)
I relate to you 100%. I think SO HARD for something to say, but I just can't come up with anything. Also because of that, if someone tries to joke with me, I'll just smile, because I can't think of something funny to say back. It's frustrating! It doesn't help that my twin sister is good at conversating and making friends :(
Glad to know I'm not the only one!
I think it's because you're in your head too much when you're with new people. I'm like that too but i've gotten much better at being present in the moment when i'm talking to people.
Same here.
Great point.
Same thing happens with me people get board with me easily
Being an introvert is like playing life on hard mode with no bonus rewards
You introverts make it look like your life is gonna end because of some lack of social skills or some bs.
Generally people CO-OP to beat PVP and PVE. Co-op is harder to get into as introvert because of social debuffs. If you have the right skills & can manage cash flow properly, C0-0P becomes a genuine handicap because you're locked by the teams maximum skill ceiling. The frustrating part is introverts are nerfed by the devs & mods constantly in a way that forces CO-0P so that the game isn't just a lazy clone of Rust.
@@sofaking1611 I'm a pvp God but a co-op loser.
Introverts are not all shy. Introverts are also outgoing. Introvert/extrovert just means where we get our energy from.
Omg yes! It is a bit annoying when people automatically connect introversion to being shy. Not the same at all.
@@angelserene7004 I agree it is different thing but there is correlation between these two terms
@@ojgfhuebsrnvn2781 Can people be shy and introverted? Yes. Are all introverted people shy? No. I am not shy. I just do not do well with small talk. Serious conversation however always spark my interest. I get very chatty when debatable topics arise.
@@angelserene7004 Well, i did say correlation, not direct connection. What i wanted to say is because introverts don't speak much, they become less confident in conversations because they lack such skill ( i mean they don't train it as much as extroverts do), it comes with anxiety or shyness (someitmes both).
Of course its not a rule but it is very common among introverts, so in most cases introverts are shy (well i don't really understand difference between shyness and anxiety in conversations so i might confusing it).
Its like, i don't know, for instance you see Arabian person and assume he is muslim. You do so because probability of being right is high. Same with this stereotype.
@@ojgfhuebsrnvn2781 I see your point however I still argue that there is a difference between introversion and shyness. Not all introverts are the same just as not all extroverts are the same. Each person is different, and should be seen as such. There are introverts who are very charismatic, and can hold a conversation very well. The difference boils down to how it effects them mentally. Extroverts simply get energy from socializing and being around a group of people. Adversely the core of what makes a person an introvert is that they grow more tired the longer they are around crowds. Anxiety or shyness can correlate with an extrovert too. If an extrovert , as you explained, does not practice socializing, of course they too would be shy. That does not make the extrovert any less extroverted. See what I mean?
I'm sorry to all of you who feel you don fit in and I'm sorry for the people who don't get you. In my friend group there is one of us who is introvert but we understand and we try to make him feel as comfortable as possible and make him feel part of the group cuz he is. I hope you all find good friends that understand.
Can you make a video about the opposite skill: how to get an introvert to to engage in small talk? In the first clip, Jimmy was giving openings for Kanye to use, but he wasn't taking them. Is there something one can do, while talking to an introvert, to help get the conversation going?
Direct open ended questions may help.
Arnold Harding this. you beat me to it ^^
Generally, I'd say ask them how they feel, but it needs to be in a meaningful way, like relative to some topic or object, especially if it has significance or relevance to the introvert. And remember, sometimes it takes an introvert a little time to warm up to the conversation, so just keep it going an try to keep them talking. Don't dive Right in to the meaningful stuff, because they may not be ready. Ironically, you usually have to warm them up with a little small talk. Be irritating them or making them uncomfortable with a few banalities, the deeper more meaningful topic or question will become all the more enticing as a way to segue out of the mindless banter.
This would be especially useful as I struggle getting quieter, more introverted people to open up to me. TwT
Don't give openings, just ask questions.
A Gordon Ramsay charisma breakdown would be awesome
I love Gordon Ramsey
Glad I’m not the only one who’s been hoping for one. Gordon is the ultimate alpha male.
*Where's* *the* *lamb* *sauce?*
I've been saying the exact same thing
Google ENTJ
Speaking as someone who's always been an introvert but learned a lot from working in hospitality and retail: ask questions (about the other) whenever you don't know what to say. Listening to others is far more helpful than thinking of what you want to say or when or how you have to say it.
valid, but there have been many times where I consciously 'take charge' by asking questions which leads to the other person getting too self-involved. I end up learning everything about them without them having learned anything from me because I can not get a word in or, if I relate to myself for some balance, they steer it to themselves again. that's when you realise they're either very insecure or a narc.
I remember when I was in the 5th to 10th grades, I could handle conversations without fail despite being an introvert. I could last for up to 2 hours talking about whatever, and I could get along with others quite easily. When I transferred schools in the 11th grade, I decided I would be “the dude who keeps it chill” and not socialize as I used to cuz it really exhausted me. Little did I know that I would eventually regret that decision. I thought that I would still have close ties with my old friends, but unfortunately, they found more friends of their own, which left me alone.
Because I isolated myself from the class, I started to become more observant. I started judging and hating people who my past self could’ve gotten along with. So the next year, I decided that I would go back to my old self and start being more open. But for some reason, I couldn’t do it. I literally forgot how to hold conversations with people and make friends. It sucked real bad, and I hated myself for it.
Now here I am in college, and watching charisma on command videos just so I could act like a normal human being again. I think it’s absolutely pathetic that I have to learn how to be human, but this channel is so far really helping me a lot.
i actually dont know how to tell but that I experienced the SAME thing.
This made me realised that this happened to me! I remember talking for hours in primary school about anything and when I entered secondary I decided to be quiet and chill cause I feel like I talked too much. Now I realised.
I relate 100% Cause I thought being that kinda “guy” was pretty cool but dissociated me from friends and school
same things happened to me
I swear this is me, I literally transferred to another country and I can’t properly make friends. I’m having a hard time I did became more observant because no one really does talk to me, I knew all my classmates. I started to think deeper and have trust issues. I have 2 friends now but I don’t think that I can get along with them deeper. But I still appreciate them being friends with me. Going on a different school really makes me change
I had to teach myself these things to myself as an introvert. I'm so glad you are sharing this.
Yeah its a decent video. These are the sort of things we should be teaching in school along with money management.
~ Happy to share :-)
@@mobboj7338 instead of things like trigonometry and physics
i dont want to talk to anyone THANKS
damla thanks
Introvert and Marina Fan. I like you.
Seems like a strange channel for you to watch. For that matter it seems like a strange channel for me to watch since I agree with you.
Yeah, but you're losing on stuff (like career and social opportunities). SORRY
Omg, I'm also just like that. Wanna be friends?
This is exhausting, too much work haha
Introverted Normies: Talking is hard
Me: I am not exactly well-versed in pointless speech.
Not an introvert, but I remember struggling and having to take some time to learn to keep a meaningful, engaging conversation.
Personally, I find there are a few rules that made it much easier for me to keep a conversation going:
-Whenever asked a question, try to answer with in- depth, descriptive answers instead of short, simple answers, like 'yes', 'no', 'I'm fine', 'It was good', etc. An exception to this rule is if you can tell that the person who asked the question wants you to give a short answer so that they can follow up temselves and add context. Don't be like Kanye and answer "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Yes." to a series of questions meant to get a conversation going.
-Whenever discussing a certain topic, it can be good to just add in a few tangents about topics related to whatever you are talking about. You should give enough information that others may become curious about the tangent and start asking questions or talking about that. Tangents should however not be so large that they derail from the original topic unless the other person wants to do so.
-Ask questions that encourage the person being asked to give an in-depth answer rather than a 'yes' or 'no'. Don't ask 'How was your day?', but rather something like 'Have you done anything interesting today?', and follow up with more qestions or talk about whatever they mention.
-Pick up on small tangents that someone adds while talking, and ask questions or start talking more about the tangents. If someone mentions their work, a hobby, or some interesting event, ask questions about that to try to arrive at a topic that you will both find interesting to talk about.
-Don't talk politics. Politics really easily get frustrating and boring, and can be a good way to kill the mood. It is fine to bring up current topics that people may be divided on, but don't start an argument about it.
You should do a separate video on Ryan Gosling. It's fascinating to see introvert being so charismatic.
Worldwide Sports I concur
@@shaicry i as well indubitably agree
he's hot end of story
I really needed this lol. For whatever reason my conversational skills are very much worse than they used to be
You're redundant.
@@donaldoduckus6566 youre pepe
@@mr.mudkip250 damnit.
You’ve probably just become more self conscious.
There is absolutely no need in illogical unpleasant not understandable "small talk" that has no value other than following a local british cultural standard non existing in the outer world. There is no such thing like small talk outside of britain. The world does not revolve around you. You do small talk - you are considered at best low intellectual or low-confident by 400 millions of post soviet citizens. At worst you can end up in a clinic. This is NOT okay to "small" talk unless you are scared, in state of affect or in rave
Wow. My worst fear, confirmed. I was telling a story, got interrupted, and wasn't asked to continue it. I'm obviously boring. I'm also constantly trying to think of how to not have awkward silence in conversation. 😔😔
Answer with something different
"So how u doin bro?"
"China"
"what"
"Your mom"
Your mom's spaghetti?
u mean corona?
"You need to not answer the questions you are asked sometimes."
Are you a boy or a girl?
Yes.
why tf would u ask someone face to face whether they're a boy or girl
@@creatorzp Maybe your last name is Oak
@@anasilva2323 ?? what
@@creatorzp
it's a meme
Who does that? Who are you angry at? Jfc
I always remember Anna Akana's tip for dealing with small was to ask the other person questions because people love talking about themselves (and you end up learning/getting to know the other person better)
I'm exreme introvert.
I run out of words damn quickly... while talking with others..
It becomes awkward.
It's like...hi!..Bye!😂😂😂
loll this is me. conversations always quickly end with awkward silences
Same. Though, I tend to not talk at all to avoid awkwardness, not even making eye contact or greeting someone coz fck that... I only talk when i NEED to talk.
Plot twist. U guys actually started a conversation :)
@@felixflodin5710 hahaha
Yay!!!
Point to be noted😂😀
well,if you guys like to being introverted than it´s cool :)
I love being introvert and quiet at work but people make me really uncomfortable by telling me “ you need to talk more and more” all the time. And making small talks forcefully all day long really drains my whole energy
I'm probably one of the most anti-social, socially inept person you could ever meet. I think it's because I have no confidence and when I meet people or someone speaks to me I feel like I shouldn't be there or start thinking "why are they speaking to me", I don't know what to say, then if I say something I always spent the rest of the day thinking if I said the right thing or worrying about what they thought of me.
Strange but really annoying because I can't make friends, anyway these videos make my anxiety go through the roof, I start to think of these when in conversation but also forget them.
Same
Dude don't spent the day worrying about if you said the right or what they thought of you. If is small talk, people will forget everything you said. Nobody cares. People think of their own problem. So if you made a bad joke or something like that tomorrow the only one who will remember that will be you because people are thinking of their own bad jokes.
CodeCommand you shouldn’t think down upon yourself man you should use positive affirmations every morning with full belief such as “I AM brave and courageous as I tread my new path with ease and security.” Rather than think the opposite, good luck !
CodeCommand you remind me of a younger version of myself, a couple recommendations for you. 1) start learning about positive psychology 2) learn how to boost your confidence 3) start practicing meditation and mindfulness
CodeCommand maybe you have social anxiety disorder, you should see a therapist
That kanye clip was cringey af. I wonder how many times a day I do that 😧
Aww
me too, bro
Yeah, I'm never sure when to interject. Cuz a lot of the time people just want to talk at me, not to me, which I'm fine with - but if they're actually interested in having a conversation with me I can't tell if they're giving me openings :'(
Same because it reminded me of myself
True tho, the people I talk with must feel so uncomfortable 😫
Most people just want to talk about themselves and their situation anyway. My favorite escape is "got to go, I have to ...(any reason)".
I'm an introvert who used to hate small talk. But I watch these videos, imitate other people, I learned and practiced the methods until I don't have to force it so much anymore. Now I sometimes prefer those small talks especially when getting to know new people. I realize I'm a very private person, and the more I reveal about my deeper feelings and interests, the more vulnerable I'd feel.
So in the end, I just keep at the small talk around the people I prefer not to get up close and personal with. They get to keep the conversation light, I get to keep them at arms length. Win-win.
just a few weeks ago, i was told that i'm a 'Brick wall.' i've never been compared to a wall before and i was never really bothered. but after he explained why he thought of me like that, i was heavily offended. i get that most people love talking about themselves, and i don't mind listening. it's what i'm good at. listening, and anazlying and giving my feedback. and while i defintely and confidently excel in that aspect, i've been told i'm a person who shares little to no information about myself. (This happened online btw. don't be mistaken.) i liked it that way, it made me feel... stable and anonymous. i don't like feeling vulnerable (as you said) and exposed. unlike many other people, i prefer to stay in the shadows. i've come to terms with the fact that i'll never quite accept my own personality and thoughts. they're weird and broken, though completely sane, don't get me wrong. i try to maintain a humble and selfless image, i want people to think of me as a good person. not a greedy, attention seeking, conversation-turning person. i don't like making things about me. but i guess to form trustworthy relationships i have to? one of my old friends (online friend) told me she didn't trust me. i couldn't figure out why. i had done nothing wrong. i would never step over the line or cross any boundries without permission. her words haunted me for a year before i realized it was because i never shared anything about myself. i listened, i gave her advice, and i kept it all to myself like she asked me to. i was basically her shoulder to cry on and a lending ear.that was all she could trust me with. but she would never trust me with anything else? that was confsuing to me. so after this guy called me a 'Brick wall' my whole aspect and view of Friends and relationships changed entirely. it was probably unintentional, and maybe even disregarded as just a mere thought and accusation. but it made such a huge impact on my life today. (i'm 17 btw lmao) and now i'm learning to openly share my thoughts, without the care of being judged anymore. i want to thank that dude. he opened my eyes. even if it was on accident. i'm slowly opening up, even just a little. i'm allowing the boring, unamusing, thoughtless, random thoughts pour out of me and i'm realizing that my friends will tolerate them because they're.. my friends. :)
i was always scared they would leave me if i revealed this side of me. and i'm still dreading the moment they'll grow tired of me.
but they haven't. and i don't think they won't. they treat me preciously.
and it's lovely.
and i'm blessed to have cool understand friends. ^_^
Me and my sister are very similar to each other. We both have pretty high anxiety, including social anxiety, and were introvert. I realized early on small talk is in fact a skill that you need to keep practicing with. Got to the point where I'm comfortable talking to anyone without feeling weird. My sister on the other hand is still struggling but I'm trying my best to get her through it. This was a great video, a few tips I found personally. Wish everyone the best of luck!
Because I’m an introvert I don’t initiate conversations, and my friends interpret that as if I don’t want to talk to them, so then they don’t strike up a conversation. Idk I always feel misunderstood all the time
So y'all just sit quietly when you hangin out? :D
@@sqtuck me and my friends sometimes do. Especially when me and my friend, both introverts, come back from school and we just walk and sit in the train in silence because we won't take out our phones because that's rude. It's really awkward, but when we are in a group with at least one another friend we can talk for hours.
Kanye just plays with absurdity of Social Dynamics and how pointless Hollywood tends to be
Pinnacle Of Man TM 😂. You think he knows what he's doing and that he has a "point"!
Or he's is a narcistic psycho
👊
Kanye plays on that absurdity, while also being one of the biggest contributors of it? Uh, ok.
he knows jimmy is playing political chess with every questions, they all have aggressive undertone hidden in a playful voice. he's walking through a minefield and knows a slight slip up will be held against him as clickbait and can be all over the next gossip news cycle.
and he wants to redeem himself after his nationwide mishaps and make it back to his wife to make her happy and not angry at him because she supports him and had his back, she wants to also be supported because she also had rough times since the Paris incident. if he said anything jimmy disagreed with he would have held that against him and asked 3 more questions on the same subject each with ad hominem jabs and strawmans impossible to answer without looking bad and getting backlash from half the audience.
pete sahad manic narcism is a byproduct of bipolar disorder. It’s not like he can help it, it also doesn’t dominate someone’s character..
the thumbnail aged well
I had a conversation today with someone who didn't know when to enter the conversation. Great interviewers set their interviewee up and make it obvious when to jump in. Great video!
A few things:
1) The 'respond with how you feel' point is very important. Something that helped me better my conversation skills when I didn't have any was simply just talking about myself. Talking about yourself is probably the easiest thing you can do since you know yourself best. It's important however to grow from this, and apply the conversation skills you've gained from talking about yourself to topics which don't just concern you.
2) Small talk is not something that should be avoided at all costs. I think it's a big mistake to try and make a deep conversation out of every small-talk conversation you get into. Try instead to see small-talk as a tool with which you could either pass the time with or get to know a person. It's important to understand that not everybody is interested in investing time and effort into a deep thoughtful conversation. Sometimes people are very content with just talking about the weather and leaving it at that.
Me:So Thanos’ morality is kinda flawed
My friend:I agree with it
Me: ok
lol
@@nagorik24 and then you proceed to explain why
Or you can ask your friend what they think is the explanation, before you tell your own
Me: finds new friend
When he mentioned the Yeezy shoes, Kanye's brain started racing in a million directions. He's listening to what Jimmy is saying but also think about everything that has to do with the business at the same time. There's so much going on in his mind, plus he'd rather listen and think about what's being said.
Too many identify as an introvert. They have 100's of friends and say "I'm an introvert on the inside." I'm actually one and it frustrates me when people do that.
Being an introvert doesn't mean you don't have friends. A lot of people confuse social anxiety with introverts.
I know plenty of introverts that suddenly become social at parties. Once they had enough they tone back down.
Alone time recharges introverts unlike extroverts who r recharged by social interactions. Introverts aren't necessarily"shy" or "loners" etc.
DustyRB
I’m a bit of a weirdo then 😂😂😂 cuz I would say I’m white introverted but when reading other people’s story they are way more in their head
@@richracing7420 WHAT IF YOU'RE BOTH RICH?!
Are you gatekeeping being introverted?
Conversations from my experience tend to be decided by how much the other person is willing to engage. There are many times where conversations become robotic because of the lack of response from who you are talking to. The best organic conversations happen when both parties talk fluently and you both go in autopilot mode. The conversations I hate are when you talk about other people which I have a big dislike. Another dislike conversational method is when the other person ends up overplaying their achievements and making you feel slightly uncomfortable due to their own self-recognition.
Honestly, I prefer conversations with a group of friends. I always find this better for the dynamic of the group and conversation. Due to different personalities and talking styles, you can jump from one topic to another if its boring or it becomes interesting when everyone has an opinion on something.
These days I do think people are becoming more sensitive so in that respect you have to be careful what you say. People get offended too quickly these days and can take your statements in the wrong context. Times have changed regarding that. I think most of all from my experience, conversations are becoming all about me me me and speaking highly of youself. These type of people I hate.
School Of Thought exactly
you would dislike me then. all my life i've been listening to people talk about themselves. i'm tired of it. instead, i'd rather talk to people who would rather love listening about how my day was going. of course, i don't think it's greedy of me since i listen to what they have t osay with genuinty, because afterall they're listening to me. it's only fair. and plus, people like that are quite amusing. sorry for grammar, i'm sleeeeeeepyyyy.
But how the hell you get friends to talk to if you don't try to talk to new people? Some people may talk boring some days. They way you wrote sounds like you quickly give up...
I'm with you on that. I can't take gossip of any kind. It doesn't do a thing for my connection with that person other than make me want to actively get as far away from them as possible, because if they can talk poorly about others they Will 100% do the same about you when your back is turned. Those are the people I truly feel disgust for. I hesitate to say 'hate' but it's very much in that arena emotionally.
For me, "Do not answer questions literally" is the toughest point. I never realized this but when I see popular guys behaviour it´s actually true.
Agree. When I’m nervous I tend to answer questions literally which halts the conversation and makes things awkward.
Well, when I ask a question, I want an answer for that question, I don't like when people just answer sth else......so what if they ask that question to be answered literally? Hence I answer them literally....
OGGRE
And this annoys the hell out of me. I WANT MY QUESTIONS ANSWERS YOU FUCKN SUPERFICIALS APES!
I usually tell people to stfu with the small talk and say something interesting and then it starts something funny AND also makes them feel more confortable to say anything they might want to without much restriction/filter.
Some of us are introverts by nature who learned earlier in life to FUNCTION as extroverts, as a defense.
I'm a natural empath, INFP, and at some points in my life I was extremely isolated and was even misdiagnosed as schizoid antisocial personality disorder. I hate chit chat and small talk. I much prefer intimate conversation. So what I do is try to find some way to relate to a person and connect to them on an emotional level, and kin of roll through a rolladex of topics and questions until I hit on something which they both seem to have some passion about and which I have some knowledge of and then I try to build a connection from there.
On a deeper spiritual level, I try now to treat everyone with equal love and compassion, and I try to just maintain a positive attitude and treat whoever is in front of me like a brother or sister, be they friend or foe, and use the moment of conversation as a way to express gratitude, humility and honesty.
This video was spot on. Very good advice here.
goldenhotdogs Perfect.
Schizoid Personality and Antisocial Personality Disorder are separate diagnosis
Lewis Caine Ah, I presume you are correct, but I was merely using the term non clinically as a descriptor for people who may be unfamiliar with schizoid.
goldenhotdogs To elaborate, yes, paradoxically you kin of have to do this with introverts, especially when engaging them when they are not already socializing. Small talk can serve to warm them up to the idea of dialogue, but remember to be sincere. Small talk is important here as it serves the function of disrupting the introverts natural occlusion, which will need to be pierced before any meaningful conversation can be had. So in this way, you won't waste your more meaningful inquiries on someone who isn't ready to speak yet.
1:35 (Feel) - To move through small talk mention how the other persons statement makes you feel.
2:58 (Better Question) - Don’t always answer the questions asked but use it as a springboard to answer a more interesting question related to what they asked.
4:12 (Opt In) - Create opt in points so people have a chance to jump in the convo.
5:20 (Deeper) - Steer conversation into deeper conversation you both care about. Ask ppl their opinions on movies or news stories or anything you care about.
Interviewer : “so why should we hire you”. Me : yes
Perfect. So many jobs require yes men
Here's my own take on Charlie's summary...hope this helps!
1. NOTICE SUBTLE OPENINGS from whomever is talking to jump in with how you feel about what's being said. (But try not to interrupt the other person unless they're not giving you any openings.)
2. ELABORATE ON BETTER QUESTIONS with longer or more open-ended answers, and give short answers to boring questions (but don't tell someone it's a boring question).
3. USE SIMPLE SEGUES (transitions) to steer conversation to something you want to talk about!
4. LET OTHERS TALK TOO! When talking, pause now and then to give others a chance to jump in. Try to include everyone by asking them how they feel, by mentioning their name, or by making eye or body contact.
END GOAL: Get to a topic you both care about --- then the conversation will seem easy! But always keep the previous rules in mind.
I approve this comment 👏
Thanks, seeing these points in a written list is very helpful to me.
Nice summary. Very succinct
Bruh the algorithm is wilding 💀
Girl: Have you seen the weather today? I think it's going to rain.
Me: Yeah. You know, days like these usually remind me of the unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death...
Girl: (backs away slowly)
...but I actually think that's a cool response! :D I wish more people would let loose and respond like that; it would be more fun ;)
GeneralEmperor LOL!
Well honestly thats not a bad response , like i mean maybe don't say that literally but saying that, instead of "yeah i think so too" and then just stay quiet for a sec it's definetly better
*sips rootbeer latte
Go on...
"Have I got your opinion on...?" - who the hell talks like that?!
😂
Eloquent people
It is amazing to find someone who doesn't make you tired as an introvert.
Underrated comment.I really enjoy talking to people that are non-judgmental, i feel like i can be more open and just keep the conversation going.
As an introvert, I have to admit that I am indeed terrible at small talk. I'll use the words "yeah" and "mhm" like 50 times because I don't know how else to respond
This is one of the only self help channels I've found that doesn't sound like a bunch of hokey BS. Thanks for the genuinely good advice - as an introvert I find social interaction sometimes uncomfortable, but clearly some informed practice can lessen some of the anxiety I feel in those situations.
~ Absolutely!
I cannot for the life of me engage in small talk. I ain't that good an actor. I'm not a person who can pretend to care if I don't, I try but I can tell they see I don't care and then it becomes awkward. I either become so involved and engaged in our conversation if it's something I'm interested in its like you're the only person that exists in that moment, or I'm completely absent and disengaged. I just can't fake the funk.
don't worry, there are more of us :)
Kanye is 100% an introvert. You can appear extroverted you just gotta be the center of attention for it to work. At least for me
oh my god oh my god oh my god, I searched for this like, yesterday, but didn't find anything, and now you post this !!
you're crazy at mind reading
Mahmoud Shatnawi Synchronicity is the universe's way of letting you know that you are on the right track.
@@augustgreig9420 I knew my haircut is great
Law of attraction = you are the creator of your own reality!
Only ever heard the word 'segue' and never seen it spelled until this video... Mind = blown
I THOGUHT IT WAS SPELLED SEGWAY 😭😭😭😂😂😂
Talk shows are always awkward. They have always forced conversations and have to fit everything they want to say in a certain amount of time. And they're really there to promote something. I've been really into podcasts lately. Its much easier going and the conversations flow very easily. I feel bad for talk show hosts. They have a tough job
I feel so bad too... They earn so little...
SpecialAbonnent LOL
I hate small talk because I never know what to say next especially if I have no interest and then it’s just awkward, example:
*..me answering their question*
them: oh yeah me too, I understand that.
Me: yeahh.
Them:
Me:
Them:
Me:
sameeeeeeeeeee
especially when i'm talking to people on the phone
Even if they agree you need to explain why so you can keep the conversation going and then you can pick out things to talk about from that.