I told my therapist not to diagnose me. My problem is more complex than that. I spend my life panicking while beeing stuck in freeze mode trying to be invisible, not to draw any attention towards me ever. I'm not autistic, I just missed learning how to be human, because both my parents were mentally ill and it wasn't safe for me to have needs as a Baby, toddler, child, teen and young adult. I need to catch up in every aspect of life. Fast.
Have empathy for yourself 🤍 slow & steady will get you much further than fast & still panicky. Try to find calm & stillness in things you like to do (like music, nature,..) I think the first step is to try to regulate your nervous system 🤍 that way you’ll have more mental capacity to actually learn new things.
@@loismoulton2417 thank you for your well meant answer. But if I learnt anything, then that praying alone won't do the work for me. In the end it's learned behavior or behavior I missed to learn, therefore I need the learn or unlearn and replace it with better ones. No amount of praying is going to do that for me. I can just pray and ask for strength
@@kadrei I think the first good step to take would be to learn about the 12 (I think it was 12) BASIC NEEDS that every human has and which should at first be fulfilled by parents and gradually should be learned by us as we grow up. There are physical needs but also emotional needs and intellectual and spiritual. I'm not sure because I'm learning for myself but when we learn to be positive and supportive and present and empathic for ourselves then peace slowly comes in. It's kind of like self parenting. We have to accept ours (and others) rights to fulfilment of our basic needs with love and compassion.
I work in behavioral health. Let me let you in on a secret, everyone can be diagnosed with something even the professionals giving you the diagnosis. Sometimes, the professionals are worse off than the client. Do not let someone tell you who you are, that is your job. When you think these professionals have all the answers that is when you are really lost. You are suppose to figure it out. Counseling is great as long as you are the one doing the work. Learning, growing and healing is an inside job no one can do it for you.
I agree. Depending on how much healing you need to do though, (how much you got messed up by your upbringing), you may need those professionals diagnosing you. At the very least to give you some sort of road map or direction. In my case (still healing btw), I got a bunch of diagnosis, all which ring accurate and that's what led me down the path of cptsd. So many of us haven't been exposed to much and just ride it out thinking it's "normal" until it gets really hard to live with. Good vibes 🤙 hoping everyone who needs it, finds it!
Well said . That's the basis of helping professions anyway getting the client and ourselves to grow and help ourselves with mindfulness.. other strategies . 😮
I think the good C-ptsd councelors are able to take our childhood experiences and, like a tangled ball of yarn, helps us to untangle and straighten things out with us. Our road to healing, especially when we are not used to getting help or having support, can be precarious at times, as we 'don't know what we don't know'. Videos like this, is shedding light on a very dark subject. I feel seen and heard for the first time in 60+ years! It will be great to finally knit my life in a way I want it - for the 1st time in 60+ years. Not being told 'can't, Shouldn't, Don't, No'. Not having friends come to my house (the couple that did, refused to ever come back as 'your Mother is too mean!'). I just have to learn to Adult, as I am so socially awkward and don't know how to have friends, or how to be a friend. 😢 Thank you to all the people who are bringing this information to light, giving us a fighting chance! ❤
From my anecdotal experiences, I have found very few people who will entertain the idea that they are messed up because of their parents, and even less people who admit they may have messed up their kids. “We/they did the best we/they could do” is the refrain. I feel like a blob of clay that never got molded into anything. I feel useless in this corrupt world, just a lump drying up. I’m a very capable man, I just can’t seem to fit in with the modern workplace due to trauma responses to the corrosive competitiveness of the workplace. It seems like I just have super bad luck as well. In my current job, I got selected to be the expendable one placed in a role no one wants and no one stays in. Yet I am hanging on as a temp to (hopefully) hire employee. It’s caused me so much mental pain. A friend says I should leave but I feel so close to actually earning a decent income with benefits. I’ve already struggled through an extremely difficult new guy experience, why quit now. Boss has been unavailable for 11 weeks, went on leave without addressing anything about when I would be hired on. I’m getting impatient and starting to look else where. When she comes back, which I hope is soon, I hope she gives me an idea of where I will be hired on. I have done a great job with very little support. I was put on night shift by myself as a temp with a month of training in a complicated lab that requires a bachelors degree in a physical science just to get in as a temp. The median income of someone with a bachelor’s degree is $64,000. I make $18 per hour with no benefits. I’m 37 years old and graduated in 2008. Only got one interview for a lab job after many job fairs and applications and didn’t get the job, likely because the person I would have replaced was young and left the lab after less than a year and they didn’t want to go through that again. This is my first lab job. I have more options in the labor market now, but I’m so sick of starting from the bottom. It seems like I do everything right in life and can’t get a break and it destroys my mental heath. I feel abandoned by life/god/the universe the way my parents neglected and abused me. It’s all one big dysregulated flashback from my first memories to my current state at 37 years old. At least now I know what went wrong. At one time I thought I was just defective and wanted to end myself to be free of the pain. Didn’t really want to die, just didn’t know who to escape the pain of constant failure and disappointment, guilt and envy make me hate myself and hate everyone who is happy and has a comfortable life. At least I know what went wrong and I have some hope things can get better.
This world is only a test. Don't fail it. Satan is real. Don't harm yourself. Progress through life however you can. You can be your own best friend. Jesus has your back too. You're not alone. The Holy Bible is real. Some historians call it, "The Rock of Ages". It's heavy duty stuff. Unfortunately, for us, this place is run by Lucifer. Something I found out. Satan doesn't mess with the people in his own flock. Why would he? He's already gotten them to deny God. They belong to Satan now. Satan wants to break you down. Separate you from God. Hell is a place without God. The absence of God is hell. It might sound corny but maybe give religion a chance, if you're able. Try to live as a Christian, Muslim, Jew, whatever you choose. I mean really give it a try and see what happens. You might surprise yourself. What's that saying? Something like, The greatest trick the devil ever played on mankind was convincing them he wasn't real. You were born into this reality. You didn't choose to be here. Christianity was here before you and it will be here after you're dead. That's why they call it The Rock of Ages. This might sound crazy. It's just anecdotal evidence but I suffer from cptsd. Lots of death, lies, and addiction during and after my childhood. I was searching for magic to help me. I thought I could find magic in drug use. I was a dumb teenager. I abused psychedelics, marijuana, uppers, downers, alcohol, whatever was available. It didn't work. It made things worse, over time. After my first child was born. I had a nervous breakdown. My ex wife was cheating on me and lying. She had me removed from my house. All she had to do was say she was scared of me. I did nothing to her. However, I was instantly homeless. Living with my mother. During that time all my personal possessions were stolen by her boyfriend and his friends. They stole the refrigerator, stove, they ripped the copper pipes out of the walls. They took everything. My clothes, ice cube trays, refrigerator magnets, ashtrays, the furnace, dishwasher, my truck. I mean everything. I was about to fall into the dark abyss of depression. I listened to an audio book called, Mere Christianity. It changed my life forever. Seriously, I didn't know that I was a Christian until this book gave me insight. Long story short. I went to college. I became an accountant. I went from living with my mother to living well in Asheville, NC. It took years of hard work, but I did it. I come from absolute garbage. Success is not normal in my circles. It's makes me wonder. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not. I sincerely asked God for help and I think he helped me. Our creator gave me the tools I needed to fix my life. The life he gave me. Give it a try. What do you have to lose? That's a rhetorical question. Good luck. May the force be with you. Shalom
You are a strong person. Keep going. You can heal yourself and become yourself that you never were allowed to become. Life is extremely bleak, but life is also beautiful. I hope and I pray that you'll find relief and happiness in this life.
Keep looking for jobs, don't wait forever for the current one, but I hope you got it!! I'm 45, only now got my degree and starting from scratch really, against youngsters. I doubt anyone will hire me, but I've recognised that I *at least* have to be able to look after myself. Any expectations after that have been minimised because I have been calling myself a failure for so long. Think I'm just gonna keep it simple. Good luck, don't give up! I once thought that perhaps the beauty of life is carrying on in spite of it.
I can relate to MOST of your childhood descriptions! Knowing what went wrong in childhood and focusing on what correlation these have to being triggered in adulthood is your WINNING FORMULA!!! Hang in there, pray to higher power for the WISDOM to make rational and healthy decisions. “Prayer is the medium of Miracles”...A Course in Miracles Robert from daytradingwiththelight
Yes... As much as we can say "there's no bad dog, just bad dog owners", we can also say the same when it comes to kids/adults. Our family tree has been rooted in bad soil; it's time to till it and do some pruning for it to blossom healthy branches.
This gave me goosebumps. It is 100% true. And this is why there’s such thing as “generational trauma”. When these things are not caught and treated. People continue the cycle. I opted for not having chindren because I didn’t find effective help with my trauma and I’m positive I would continue passing something on one way or another. Although we’re doing much better in terms of awareness, we need to do much better in treatment. And we can’t stop procreating. 😢
ones. I'm 71 and still not happy much. life beat me down so low. Tim is a great teacher and it helps me to understand how life changes us so it makes it hard to live and love. how to grow and move on is so important. Forgiving not to forget but to forgive to help yourself move on. life throws bullets and cannons at us all. Tim is teaching us to think about it then move on.☮️💜💯
Dr. JUDITH HERMAN was the pioneer researcher in trauma and is the one who coined the term complex PTSD …. She never gets any credit for all her work. I started reading her works over 10 years ago and it saved my life. It even told a therapist many years ago that I have C-PTSD (based on what I’ve had read)….. they didn’t even know what that meant. So much for board certified, gotta a bunch of letters behind their name therapists.
Yes! And moving forward I thoroughly hope we will integrate that knowledge. It’s not hocus pocus but what is the missing link for now to even to begin to put all the models of psychology and psychiatry into a real context.
Absolutely. Right again, Tim. I can attest to this as a fact through personal experience on and off over a 36 year period. I’ve been to countless counselors, therapist, psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and about 7 different psychiatrist; and have even had PCP’s prescribe me psych meds. None of them really ever listened to me if I even bothered to say anything of significance. I remember trying to tell a couple of them that I thought I was severely traumatized and they dismissed that point. I’ve been misunderstood, chastised, told that I wore my hair in too sexy of a style by a woman therapist, hit on by a male psychotherapist as a minor, hit on by a male psychologist as an adult, misdiagnosed over and over. I was prescribed drugs that made me worse or that I simply didn’t need at all. The mental health care field made my life worse. I was more depressed and hopeless than ever until I came across a RUclips channel that explained complex trauma and kept watching. Then found Tim’s channel, then another one. Then I started clicking underneath the videos and doing the suggested work and obtaining, reading, and doing the work in the suggested books. I carefully found and picked a therapist who specializes in trauma. I’ve been in recovery for a year and a half now. The work is gut-wrenching. But so much better than the alternative of living a losing battle in pain and misery for the rest of my life. I’ll choose the hardships of healing any day. There are small rewards that come with getting yourself better. They improve as you keep working at it, too. Thanks Tim for this very valuable resource you put out there for all of us who need it. Thank you for this specific video, too, since the mental health care field definitely needs to be aware of CPTSD and the devastating effects it imposes on its survivors. ❤
Have gone to many counseling sessions with no mention of trauma at all.. I often wonder if I had any business having two kids.. so sad. I totally agree with you to. Thank you.
In 1952 the 1st edition of DSM had 100 pages. Text revision of 5th edition published in 2022 is 1100 pages. How do you explain this? We were complete idiots 60 years ago? Or something substantially wrong is going on. YT Narcissist's Madness - Grannon Vaknin Seminar in Bucharest
THIS. Im furious at wasting my life being "diagnosed ' aka gaslit into blaming myself, for half a freaking century. Nobody but me figured out my family's packed w/ narcissists. Abused and chewed up our whole lives, because not enough professionals care enough like this man. And like 6 others.
Daycare. Now daycare, exhaustion and the dopamine drug of smartphone use making interacting with your infants and young children boring and irritating in comparison.
That's what happened to me as a kid I can't remember my 23456 old why I was abused as a baby from my dad and my mother didn't say anything as a teenager all she would say is stop it already your going to kill her wow
It’s a cycle….the traumatized child grows up and so many times unaware of how to deal with their trauma as adults and in turn their children also grow up with dysfunction and so on.
The abuse I went through wasn't just at home . At school was the same as at home, so you grow up thinking it's normal because your teachers and guardians at home does and say and act the same way . Maybe that's why our parent did what they did and acted like they did because they themselves went through the same shit throughout their lives . I'm having more respect for my abusers each day the more I hear about psychology . Forgiving my abusers and having compassion healed me more than anything ever did. Yeah I was abused in all shapes and forms and I do have C PTSD but it is what it is. Now at least I know why I do and act the way I do. It's so ingrained inside of me, it has become my personality and I am sure I screw up more that I ever do something right. I though by just loving your kids always was the right way, turns out. Overloving them also causes unintentional abuse and or trauma . We all make mistakes . We do what we think is best at that moment. Later we find out ,oops, Maybe I could've done something differently . Then I ask myself , if I never got to see where I was wrong, how could I ever try to make things right? We think our choices at that specific time is the right choice . I will no longer blame any parents for anything anymore . If they only knew little, then we can't expect much of them.
Absolutely! Many adults should not have children. Many adults are too fractured to take on responsibility of child rearing. Generational $hit$how repetitive trauma passes from parents to children. $top the madness folks! Get help to break the cycle!
My mom NEVER listens to me. I have to keep repeating myself and screaming and get physical for her to pretend to take mw seriously. I feel sooo dismissed and overlooked, unimportant. Like i dont exist😢😢
Yes, even NPF-patients are traumatized, the genetic component is only ca 15-20%, the rest is from bad parenting. Ca 15% of us being not a NPF-person has the genetic markers for NPF, 15-20% of NPF-persons lack the genetic markers for NPF. Is mostly trauma.
The thin pamphlet should read.... "Your Parents back to Adam and Eve". Healing prayers to all, in this life you will have troubles but take heart God loves you and has made a way. This life is a vapor, spirit life is eternal, lean in to Jesus and rest your weary mind. ❤❤❤
I agree, we already know we are fallen creatures. It's the flesh that has the need to prove it via psychiatry. Then what? The only one who can save us is Jesus, who is the way, the truth and the life . ✝️God bless you, today and every day.
@@elizabethash4720if that's the case...then why have Christians been the worst in my life. Betrayal, hurt, from them...and when I have prayed, to the Christian god...not much happened...despite me reading most of the Bible, going on missions, church church and more church? Why is it, that learning the neuroscience, patterns, and having actual tools for healing...is what changed most of it for me?
@@Alphacentauri819 Humanity are all sinful. Look for Jesus and you will find him. Very few find him, the path is narrow. May God bless you today and every day.♥️
@@elizabethash4720 I was raised by very authoritarian, strict, religious parents...they were my adoptive parents. I had come from trauma and foster care, and all the religiosity in the world doesn't fix that. Most Christians are actually Phariseeans... who are more concerned with rules, ritual, then true humility, vulnerability, holding space, and love. I went to a Lutheran school & all the other things I mentioned. My mom really pushed having Christian friends and to marry a Christian man. It was a myopic narrative. Having that in mind, I was betrayed by Christian friends and sexually assaulted by a "Christian" boy in my youth group. I never told my mom, because I was blamed when anything happened to me. Like, what did I do to make others mad, and so on. I am now a grandparent, and worked in healthcare...it was the Christians who would freak out and lose their minds over a sick relative in the hospital & they were often the most anxious and controlling. It's as if most of them didn't understand the concept of "be still, and know that I am god"...this means to me, stop...stop your grasping, your controlling, your attempts to manage and KNOW that there is a greater force at work. I have been prone, on my face, begging God to help my child. I've asked for help for my other child and my grandchild, all in dire situations of different sorts. I do like the character of Jesus. He is admirable and who I hope to be more like. However, much of the man made theologies and ideologies, I cannot get on board with. There is good stuff in the Bible and also things very filtered through a human lens. I absolutely believe there is a divine being. That being is so vast and beyond any of our imaginations and is the essence of love.
@@Alphacentauri819so sprry to hear ypur choldhood story.The way people pictured God for you has nothing to do with HIM. Keep the Faith.He is GOOD, GREAT and so.diferemt ... ❤
I think very few human beings are actually GOOD at being parents. Unfortunately, all that is required to create life is just fucking. So I think we may be doomed 😂
That is complete bs. Women, the mothers get blamed for everything. Men have been walking away and starting new families for decades. Mom gets left holding the bag trying to provide, trying to fill both parenting roles, never getting a second to figure herself out. My ex barely did crap. He would come in and out of my kids life when it was convenient for him. I was the parent 24/7 and worked multiple jobs while I tried to raise them. Yet, I am to blame for all their issues, atleast I tried, he didn't even bother.
@@michaelgarrow3239 i have not been succumbed to a narcissist. He was a wounded human. I was wounded. Wounded people pick wounded people because that is what we know and that is how we have generational trauma, over and over again until we get wise enough to heal it. I have been angry at him here and there however, the loathing he feels for himself will never compare. He could not give me or his daughters what he didn't have. Why do we have to blame anyone? Why spew out false diagnosis? Actually, to diagnosis someone as a narcissist is more than thinking they are or have a few signs. Did you know you can narcissist behaviors and not be a narcissist? I work on myself rather than be angry with him. Truly, if we are in a bad relationship we need to look at ourselves and figure out why we need this in our lives. Why we pick these types of people. At the end of the day, we are all wounded humans trying to heal the best we can with the knowledge we have. Some have more knowledge, some are braver, all doing the best we can where we are at.
I am diagnosed and disabled for schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, c-ptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, and severe agoraphobia and I never really have relayed out loud to a professional my childhood. It’s time. I really think so 😔❤️🩹 I have had years and years of therapy but I intellectualize everything and don’t even relay reality out loud. Verbally. To a professional.
@ratk0zm0z 2 easy techniques helped me to create calming safety in body - "vagus nerve" and "havening" Hoping these help you too especially since both can be done either sitting or laying down. Please copy & paste 2 RUclips video links below to see how to try both: Vagus Nerve reset ruclips.net/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/видео.htmlsi=oCJ8XNPTEMqe0ghs Havening techniques ruclips.net/video/6dXmte7e9IE/видео.htmlsi=hguJipn1DCTu4mEX
Parental abuse of children is the number one predictor of a child's psychological dis-ease. IMHO
Often, their physical diseases as well
Not an opinion. Fact.
fact
Not an opinion, very true fact
Yes, because abused kids blame themselves. So a lot of people that probably could be diagnosed with PTSD, get other diagnoses that blame biology.
I told my therapist not to diagnose me. My problem is more complex than that. I spend my life panicking while beeing stuck in freeze mode trying to be invisible, not to draw any attention towards me ever. I'm not autistic, I just missed learning how to be human, because both my parents were mentally ill and it wasn't safe for me to have needs as a Baby, toddler, child, teen and young adult. I need to catch up in every aspect of life. Fast.
Have empathy for yourself 🤍 slow & steady will get you much further than fast & still panicky. Try to find calm & stillness in things you like to do (like music, nature,..) I think the first step is to try to regulate your nervous system 🤍 that way you’ll have more mental capacity to actually learn new things.
@@sem1663 thank you for your kind words. You're right
Get to know Jesus. Read the Gospel of John, asking God to make Himsrlf very real to you, and He will! ❤
@@loismoulton2417 thank you for your well meant answer. But if I learnt anything, then that praying alone won't do the work for me. In the end it's learned behavior or behavior I missed to learn, therefore I need the learn or unlearn and replace it with better ones. No amount of praying is going to do that for me. I can just pray and ask for strength
@@kadrei I think the first good step to take would be to learn about the 12 (I think it was 12) BASIC NEEDS that every human has and which should at first be fulfilled by parents and gradually should be learned by us as we grow up. There are physical needs but also emotional needs and intellectual and spiritual. I'm not sure because I'm learning for myself but when we learn to be positive and supportive and present and empathic for ourselves then peace slowly comes in. It's kind of like self parenting. We have to accept ours (and others) rights to fulfilment of our basic needs with love and compassion.
I work in behavioral health. Let me let you in on a secret, everyone can be diagnosed with something even the professionals giving you the diagnosis. Sometimes, the professionals are worse off than the client. Do not let someone tell you who you are, that is your job. When you think these professionals have all the answers that is when you are really lost. You are suppose to figure it out. Counseling is great as long as you are the one doing the work. Learning, growing and healing is an inside job no one can do it for you.
I agree. Depending on how much healing you need to do though, (how much you got messed up by your upbringing), you may need those professionals diagnosing you. At the very least to give you some sort of road map or direction. In my case (still healing btw), I got a bunch of diagnosis, all which ring accurate and that's what led me down the path of cptsd.
So many of us haven't been exposed to much and just ride it out thinking it's "normal" until it gets really hard to live with. Good vibes 🤙 hoping everyone who needs it, finds it!
Well said . That's the basis of helping professions anyway getting the client and ourselves to grow and help ourselves with mindfulness.. other strategies . 😮
I think the good C-ptsd councelors are able to take our childhood experiences and, like a tangled ball of yarn, helps us to untangle and straighten things out with us.
Our road to healing, especially when we are not used to getting help or having support, can be precarious at times, as we 'don't know what we don't know'.
Videos like this, is shedding light on a very dark subject.
I feel seen and heard for the first time in 60+ years! It will be great to finally knit my life in a way I want it - for the 1st time in 60+ years.
Not being told 'can't, Shouldn't, Don't, No'.
Not having friends come to my house (the couple that did, refused to ever come back as 'your Mother is too mean!').
I just have to learn to Adult, as I am so socially awkward and don't know how to have friends, or how to be a friend. 😢
Thank you to all the people who are bringing this information to light, giving us a fighting chance! ❤
I lovevthis man for the information he has brought to light. God bless him.
So underrated.
I completely agree as a social worker, psychology student, and counselling/psychotherapist
Couldn’t agree more. The love that my mother and I share today has healed all of my anxiety and depression. I love her so dearly.
From my anecdotal experiences, I have found very few people who will entertain the idea that they are messed up because of their parents, and even less people who admit they may have messed up their kids. “We/they did the best we/they could do” is the refrain. I feel like a blob of clay that never got molded into anything. I feel useless in this corrupt world, just a lump drying up. I’m a very capable man, I just can’t seem to fit in with the modern workplace due to trauma responses to the corrosive competitiveness of the workplace. It seems like I just have super bad luck as well. In my current job, I got selected to be the expendable one placed in a role no one wants and no one stays in. Yet I am hanging on as a temp to (hopefully) hire employee. It’s caused me so much mental pain. A friend says I should leave but I feel so close to actually earning a decent income with benefits. I’ve already struggled through an extremely difficult new guy experience, why quit now. Boss has been unavailable for 11 weeks, went on leave without addressing anything about when I would be hired on. I’m getting impatient and starting to look else where. When she comes back, which I hope is soon, I hope she gives me an idea of where I will be hired on. I have done a great job with very little support. I was put on night shift by myself as a temp with a month of training in a complicated lab that requires a bachelors degree in a physical science just to get in as a temp. The median income of someone with a bachelor’s degree is $64,000. I make $18 per hour with no benefits. I’m 37 years old and graduated in 2008. Only got one interview for a lab job after many job fairs and applications and didn’t get the job, likely because the person I would have replaced was young and left the lab after less than a year and they didn’t want to go through that again. This is my first lab job. I have more options in the labor market now, but I’m so sick of starting from the bottom. It seems like I do everything right in life and can’t get a break and it destroys my mental heath. I feel abandoned by life/god/the universe the way my parents neglected and abused me. It’s all one big dysregulated flashback from my first memories to my current state at 37 years old. At least now I know what went wrong. At one time I thought I was just defective and wanted to end myself to be free of the pain. Didn’t really want to die, just didn’t know who to escape the pain of constant failure and disappointment, guilt and envy make me hate myself and hate everyone who is happy and has a comfortable life. At least I know what went wrong and I have some hope things can get better.
Hugs to you! Keep healing, you are worthwhile, you have inherent value just for being you.
This world is only a test. Don't fail it. Satan is real. Don't harm yourself. Progress through life however you can. You can be your own best friend. Jesus has your back too.
You're not alone. The Holy Bible is real. Some historians call it, "The Rock of Ages". It's heavy duty stuff.
Unfortunately, for us, this place is run by Lucifer. Something I found out. Satan doesn't mess with the people in his own flock. Why would he? He's already gotten them to deny God. They belong to Satan now.
Satan wants to break you down. Separate you from God. Hell is a place without God. The absence of God is hell. It might sound corny but maybe give religion a chance, if you're able.
Try to live as a Christian, Muslim, Jew, whatever you choose. I mean really give it a try and see what happens. You might surprise yourself.
What's that saying? Something like, The greatest trick the devil ever played on mankind was convincing them he wasn't real. You were born into this reality.
You didn't choose to be here. Christianity was here before you and it will be here after you're dead. That's why they call it The Rock of Ages.
This might sound crazy. It's just anecdotal evidence but I suffer from cptsd. Lots of death, lies, and addiction during and after my childhood. I was searching for magic to help me.
I thought I could find magic in drug use. I was a dumb teenager. I abused psychedelics, marijuana, uppers, downers, alcohol, whatever was available. It didn't work. It made things worse, over time.
After my first child was born. I had a nervous breakdown. My ex wife was cheating on me and lying. She had me removed from my house. All she had to do was say she was scared of me. I did nothing to her. However, I was instantly homeless. Living with my mother.
During that time all my personal possessions were stolen by her boyfriend and his friends. They stole the refrigerator, stove, they ripped the copper pipes out of the walls. They took everything. My clothes, ice cube trays, refrigerator magnets, ashtrays, the furnace, dishwasher, my truck. I mean everything.
I was about to fall into the dark abyss of depression. I listened to an audio book called, Mere Christianity. It changed my life forever. Seriously, I didn't know that I was a Christian until this book gave me insight.
Long story short. I went to college. I became an accountant. I went from living with my mother to living well in Asheville, NC. It took years of hard work, but I did it. I come from absolute garbage. Success is not normal in my circles. It's makes me wonder. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not.
I sincerely asked God for help and I think he helped me. Our creator gave me the tools I needed to fix my life. The life he gave me.
Give it a try. What do you have to lose? That's a rhetorical question. Good luck. May the force be with you. Shalom
You are a strong person. Keep going. You can heal yourself and become yourself that you never were allowed to become. Life is extremely bleak, but life is also beautiful. I hope and I pray that you'll find relief and happiness in this life.
Keep looking for jobs, don't wait forever for the current one, but I hope you got it!! I'm 45, only now got my degree and starting from scratch really, against youngsters. I doubt anyone will hire me, but I've recognised that I *at least* have to be able to look after myself. Any expectations after that have been minimised because I have been calling myself a failure for so long. Think I'm just gonna keep it simple.
Good luck, don't give up! I once thought that perhaps the beauty of life is carrying on in spite of it.
I can relate to MOST of your childhood descriptions!
Knowing what went wrong in childhood and focusing on what correlation these have to being triggered in adulthood is your WINNING FORMULA!!!
Hang in there, pray to higher power for the WISDOM to make rational and healthy decisions.
“Prayer is the medium of Miracles”...A Course in Miracles
Robert from daytradingwiththelight
Yes... As much as we can say "there's no bad dog, just bad dog owners", we can also say the same when it comes to kids/adults. Our family tree has been rooted in bad soil; it's time to till it and do some pruning for it to blossom healthy branches.
I.e. our parents were screwed up.
This gave me goosebumps. It is 100% true. And this is why there’s such thing as “generational trauma”. When these things are not caught and treated. People continue the cycle. I opted for not having chindren because I didn’t find effective help with my trauma and I’m positive I would continue passing something on one way or another. Although we’re doing much better in terms of awareness, we need to do much better in treatment. And we can’t stop procreating. 😢
maybe TOO MUCH thoughtless procreating is why we have so much trauma… not everyone is able or willing to ti be a competent parent…
@@lucyt-c8092 Amen!
PTSD = Parents Traumatized Sons & Daughters.
ones. I'm 71 and still not happy much. life beat me down so low. Tim is a great teacher and it helps me to understand how life changes us so it makes it hard to live and love. how to grow and move on is so important. Forgiving not to forget but to forgive to help yourself move on. life throws bullets and cannons at us all. Tim is teaching us to think about it then move on.☮️💜💯
Dr. JUDITH HERMAN was the pioneer researcher in trauma and is the one who coined the term complex PTSD …. She never gets any credit for all her work.
I started reading her works over 10 years ago and it saved my life. It even told a therapist many years ago that I have C-PTSD (based on what I’ve had read)….. they didn’t even know what that meant. So much for board certified, gotta a bunch of letters behind their name therapists.
Yes! And moving forward I thoroughly hope we will integrate that knowledge. It’s not hocus pocus but what is the missing link for now to even to begin to put all the models of psychology and psychiatry into a real context.
I agree, amazing teacher!
There are many of these dysfunctional adults around wreaking havoc on society 😢
Bad parenting!!
Crimes against children, most of which get ignored in our society.
Absolutely. Right again, Tim. I can attest to this as a fact through personal experience on and off over a 36 year period. I’ve been to countless counselors, therapist, psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and about 7 different psychiatrist; and have even had PCP’s prescribe me psych meds. None of them really ever listened to me if I even bothered to say anything of significance. I remember trying to tell a couple of them that I thought I was severely traumatized and they dismissed that point. I’ve been misunderstood, chastised, told that I wore my hair in too sexy of a style by a woman therapist, hit on by a male psychotherapist as a minor, hit on by a male psychologist as an adult, misdiagnosed over and over. I was prescribed drugs that made me worse or that I simply didn’t need at all. The mental health care field made my life worse. I was more depressed and hopeless than ever until I came across a RUclips channel that explained complex trauma and kept watching. Then found Tim’s channel, then another one. Then I started clicking underneath the videos and doing the suggested work and obtaining, reading, and doing the work in the suggested books. I carefully found and picked a therapist who specializes in trauma. I’ve been in recovery for a year and a half now. The work is gut-wrenching.
But so much better than the alternative of living a losing battle in pain and misery for the rest of my life. I’ll choose the hardships of healing any day. There are small rewards that come with getting yourself better. They improve as you keep working at it, too. Thanks Tim for this very valuable resource you put out there for all of us who need it. Thank you for this specific video, too, since the mental health care field definitely needs to be aware of CPTSD and the devastating effects it imposes on its survivors. ❤
This😂man saved my life ❤
We don't have disorders we have coping strategies.
Very very insightful.
It’s truly criminal. It needs to be recognized. My mother got away with murder.
Absolutely agree! I have believed this for years!
Thank you for your videos ❣️
Have gone to many counseling sessions with no mention of trauma at all.. I often wonder if I had any business having two kids.. so sad. I totally agree with you to. Thank you.
In 1952 the 1st edition of DSM had 100 pages. Text revision of 5th edition published in 2022 is 1100 pages. How do you explain this? We were complete idiots 60 years ago? Or something substantially wrong is going on.
YT Narcissist's Madness - Grannon Vaknin Seminar in Bucharest
THIS. Im furious at wasting my life being "diagnosed ' aka gaslit into blaming myself, for half a freaking century. Nobody but me figured out my family's packed w/ narcissists. Abused and chewed up our whole lives, because not enough professionals care enough like this man. And like 6 others.
Absolutely agree!
Yes!!!
Thank you
This man is the JOHN BRADSHAW of the 21st Century.
God bless him, ALWAYS.
Robert from daytradingwiththelight
How did we as a species get to be such pathological parents?
generational trauma
Daycare. Now daycare, exhaustion and the dopamine drug of smartphone use making interacting with your infants and young children boring and irritating in comparison.
Genetics
Agree, stop putting energy into catching bolted horses, stop them from needing to bolt.
That's what happened to me as a kid I can't remember my 23456 old why I was abused as a baby from my dad and my mother didn't say anything as a teenager all she would say is stop it already your going to kill her wow
❤
Preach!
It’s a cycle….the traumatized child grows up and so many times unaware of how to deal with their trauma as adults and in turn their children also grow up with dysfunction and so on.
The abuse I went through wasn't just at home . At school was the same as at home, so you grow up thinking it's normal because your teachers and guardians at home does and say and act the same way . Maybe that's why our parent did what they did and acted like they did because they themselves went through the same shit throughout their lives . I'm having more respect for my abusers each day the more I hear about psychology . Forgiving my abusers and having compassion healed me more than anything ever did. Yeah I was abused in all shapes and forms and I do have C PTSD but it is what it is. Now at least I know why I do and act the way I do. It's so ingrained inside of me, it has become my personality and I am sure I screw up more that I ever do something right. I though by just loving your kids always was the right way, turns out. Overloving them also causes unintentional abuse and or trauma . We all make mistakes . We do what we think is best at that moment. Later we find out ,oops, Maybe I could've done something differently . Then I ask myself , if I never got to see where I was wrong, how could I ever try to make things right? We think our choices at that specific time is the right choice . I will no longer blame any parents for anything anymore . If they only knew little, then we can't expect much of them.
Boom! This!
great! any one know what's the full video by Tim?
ABSOLUTELY
Absolutely! Many adults should not have children. Many adults are too fractured to take on responsibility of child rearing. Generational $hit$how repetitive trauma passes from parents to children. $top the madness folks! Get help to break the cycle!
Makes sense to me.
True story
🙌🏼
My mom NEVER listens to me. I have to keep repeating myself and screaming and get physical for her to pretend to take mw seriously. I feel sooo dismissed and overlooked, unimportant. Like i dont exist😢😢
❤
I agree.
I agree!
OMG❤️
Yepppers FACTS
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Yes, even NPF-patients are traumatized, the genetic component is only ca 15-20%, the rest is from bad parenting. Ca 15% of us being not a NPF-person has the genetic markers for NPF, 15-20% of NPF-persons lack the genetic markers for NPF. Is mostly trauma.
TRUE
Well, people are also just wicked too. To varying degrees obviously we’re all victims just not innocent ones.
Let's incentivize two parent households not the other way around
A label that is enforced provides a justification for their employment in the drug cartel of legalised subjugation.
THIs!!!! ❤
Yep
We gotta educate ourselves on parapsychology and psychological symptoms signs and causes. Pp wouldn't be addicts
Right
1,000% sir
I agree with what’s being said here, but, my goodness, that was a long sentence.
What a stat!
The thin pamphlet should read....
"Your Parents back to Adam and Eve".
Healing prayers to all, in this life you will have troubles but take heart God loves you and has made a way. This life is a vapor, spirit life is eternal, lean in to Jesus and rest your weary mind.
❤❤❤
I agree, we already know we are fallen creatures. It's the flesh that has the need to prove it via psychiatry. Then what? The only one who can save us is Jesus, who is the way, the truth and the life . ✝️God bless you, today and every day.
@@elizabethash4720if that's the case...then why have Christians been the worst in my life. Betrayal, hurt, from them...and when I have prayed, to the Christian god...not much happened...despite me reading most of the Bible, going on missions, church church and more church?
Why is it, that learning the neuroscience, patterns, and having actual tools for healing...is what changed most of it for me?
@@Alphacentauri819 Humanity are all sinful. Look for Jesus and you will find him. Very few find him, the path is narrow. May God bless you today and every day.♥️
@@elizabethash4720 I was raised by very authoritarian, strict, religious parents...they were my adoptive parents. I had come from trauma and foster care, and all the religiosity in the world doesn't fix that.
Most Christians are actually Phariseeans... who are more concerned with rules, ritual, then true humility, vulnerability, holding space, and love.
I went to a Lutheran school & all the other things I mentioned. My mom really pushed having Christian friends and to marry a Christian man. It was a myopic narrative.
Having that in mind, I was betrayed by Christian friends and sexually assaulted by a "Christian" boy in my youth group.
I never told my mom, because I was blamed when anything happened to me. Like, what did I do to make others mad, and so on.
I am now a grandparent, and worked in healthcare...it was the Christians who would freak out and lose their minds over a sick relative in the hospital & they were often the most anxious and controlling. It's as if most of them didn't understand the concept of "be still, and know that I am god"...this means to me, stop...stop your grasping, your controlling, your attempts to manage and KNOW that there is a greater force at work.
I have been prone, on my face, begging God to help my child. I've asked for help for my other child and my grandchild, all in dire situations of different sorts.
I do like the character of Jesus. He is admirable and who I hope to be more like. However, much of the man made theologies and ideologies, I cannot get on board with. There is good stuff in the Bible and also things very filtered through a human lens.
I absolutely believe there is a divine being. That being is so vast and beyond any of our imaginations and is the essence of love.
@@Alphacentauri819so sprry to hear ypur choldhood story.The way people pictured God for you has nothing to do with HIM. Keep the Faith.He is GOOD, GREAT and so.diferemt ...
❤
Unlearn The Lies
Seek Truth Seek Yahuah The Most High
Too much money and jobs wrapped up in not recognizing it.
Yeah, but that’s not very profitable (psychiatry is a scam)
Rec-OGGGG-nice…?
I blame mom.
Women have been getting a pass in this society for too long.
I think very few human beings are actually GOOD at being parents. Unfortunately, all that is required to create life is just fucking. So I think we may be doomed 😂
That is complete bs. Women, the mothers get blamed for everything. Men have been walking away and starting new families for decades. Mom gets left holding the bag trying to provide, trying to fill both parenting roles, never getting a second to figure herself out. My ex barely did crap. He would come in and out of my kids life when it was convenient for him. I was the parent 24/7 and worked multiple jobs while I tried to raise them. Yet, I am to blame for all their issues, atleast I tried, he didn't even bother.
@@lahicks9773 - You picked that man to have sax with.
Mothers have the responsibility of raising infants.
I am sorry you succumbed to the charms of a narcissist. It has made things far more difficult.
@@michaelgarrow3239 i have not been succumbed to a narcissist. He was a wounded human. I was wounded. Wounded people pick wounded people because that is what we know and that is how we have generational trauma, over and over again until we get wise enough to heal it. I have been angry at him here and there however, the loathing he feels for himself will never compare. He could not give me or his daughters what he didn't have. Why do we have to blame anyone? Why spew out false diagnosis? Actually, to diagnosis someone as a narcissist is more than thinking they are or have a few signs. Did you know you can narcissist behaviors and not be a narcissist?
I work on myself rather than be angry with him. Truly, if we are in a bad relationship we need to look at ourselves and figure out why we need this in our lives. Why we pick these types of people.
At the end of the day, we are all wounded humans trying to heal the best we can with the knowledge we have. Some have more knowledge, some are braver, all doing the best we can where we are at.
So the whole "it takes a village" to raise a child saying. Speaks to a failure of society
I am diagnosed and disabled for schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, c-ptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, and severe agoraphobia and I never really have relayed out loud to a professional my childhood. It’s time. I really think so 😔❤️🩹 I have had years and years of therapy but I intellectualize everything and don’t even relay reality out loud. Verbally. To a professional.
@ratk0zm0z
2 easy techniques helped me to create calming safety in body - "vagus nerve" and "havening"
Hoping these help you too especially since both can be done either sitting or laying down. Please copy & paste 2 RUclips video links below to see how to try both:
Vagus Nerve reset
ruclips.net/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/видео.htmlsi=oCJ8XNPTEMqe0ghs
Havening techniques
ruclips.net/video/6dXmte7e9IE/видео.htmlsi=hguJipn1DCTu4mEX