We live in a narcissist world nowadays. When you find someone with true empathy hang on to them because that is very rare!!!! Thank you once again dr ramani!
We are surrounded by independent individuals who believe it is their way or the highway. We have always overlooked the fact that our interconnectedness is far more significant than the mere illusion of self-sufficiency. That’s why selfish individuals are much higher in number than compassionate individuals in the world.
Hey but that's how my narc mother proves she's a good mother to the rest of the family. They are all kowtowing now hoping to be in th will. I've given up on them all and it's painful but liberating
@@Schnickumsbeen there done that... except my one sibling was on board with me. In our case it was her "friends" who came out of the woodworks to take everything
5 месяцев назад+10
They will use their gift giving to you as a weapon against you.
So very true!!! They think I am the one who needs help because they bought the schmear campaign hook, line and sinker, sadly for me. I don't mind losing shallow friends, but I mourn the loss of my two childrens' respect. To them I am a hoarder and an alcoholic
Yet they insist on their space, boundaries, privacy, etc being respected. A one-way trip for them. Their way or the highway. I am not on that turnpike!
Thank you so much for talking about the generosity aspect of narcissism. For 13 years I thought I had to put up with his abuse because I had a roof over my head and he would pay for 75% of our bills because he made significantly more money than I did. Watching him be so generous with friends and family made me feel like I was the one with the issues and I was just inconsiderate.
I am looking in the mirror reading this post. I have the same EXACT situation. 13 years, he makes significantly more money and pays 75% of the bills in a very nice home and neighborhood, and I look ungrateful to those who are around me. It's excruciatingly hurtful! Thank you for sharing.
I watched a friend justify a narcissist by saying "I know they have done and said abusive things but they are so FUN to be around!" They were quickly no longer a friend as I realized this person prioritized fun over basic human decency...
They act like they’re helping you or someone else. Sometimes they play the victim. Or they have their enablers and flying monkeys who blindly support them.
NO, I DO NOT PUT UP WITH BAD ATTITUDE FROM ANYONE ! NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID IN THE PAST FOR ME. ! I DO NOT ACCEPT RUDE OR ARROGANT BEHAVIOR FROM ANYONE NOT EVEN FROM ELON MUSK ! Mike.
@@luvyatubers ohhh this!! Yes I see narcissists in comments on any RUclips videos on narcissism always gaslighting people in the comments. Is there no safe places for victims to just support each other? It's awful.
The enablers drive me nuts. Especially when they don’t know what they’re talking about. I find it super condescending and gaslighting of them for sure. Fully aware of my truths. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
It's so true. I grew up with middle class parents who paid for me to receive a decent education but who emotionally and psychologically abused me and used money as a tool to control me. In my adult life I've met some people who grew up with parents who had very little money and who abused them in very graphic physical ways. They grew up hungry, lacking resources to get ahead in life such as education, and being abused in very clearly visible ways. In comparison to those people I'm seen as SO lucky and a lot of people have NO idea why I would EVER complain or why I would even think to distance myself from my parents. I get it, I have a lot of compassion for people in the situation that I described and I do actually feel that my life is in ways easier and luckier, and at the same time it kind of sucks because it's hard to explain to people what it's really like to go through what I'm going through. People see my parents as awesome parents because they helped me pay for college. They don't realize the abuse that I endured to get that money and the negative effect it had on me and the opportunities I've actually missed out on as a result. Just because my parents did that does not make them good parents. They did not do it for the right reasons.
I can completely resonate with this. I felt crippled even after getting a good education. Their financial abuse was worse. And I kept attracting similar people to them at my workplace who overworked me, didn't pay on time and thrived on my conditioned people pleaser self. I was so close to losing my breath. I was extremely exhausted. But they didn't abuse my brother like that who is their golden child. He never had to listen to their financial issues. He is being treated as royalty. And I don't exist. Grieving is the most painful. I agree with you 💯, They didn't do it for the right reasons.
My father once justified his horrible emotional abuse of my mother and I by saying he bought and paid for a big house and a ritzy neighborhood and I should be grateful. I had to bite my tongue to keep from snarking back "thanks for not throwing me in a dumpster as a baby". That big house and ritzy neighborhood is what HE cared about. I would have rather lived in a one bedroom apartment and not been abused and traumatized or watch my mother be brutalized any time she asserted her needs
ANY kind of an interaction with a narcissist is terribly gross. Being in their presence you can’t breathe because they are taking all of the oxygen out of the room.
Yes! This infuriates me! I actually called out an uncle on this behavior!!! People think just because they walk into a man made building, they are "religious." You have to be religious outside in real life, too!!!
My ex would always tell me not to "bite the hand that feeds me" when I would push back and question him about anything. I started laughing at him and tuning him out til I could get away. I can feed myself thank you!!
Dad(narc) tells me that he goes to Mass, he has a vehicle, I don't. He questions me(I am 60, I don't live with him) about my going to church. He tells me he is "busy" with other people. I feel like son in "Cat's Cradle" song, dad has time for everyone else(if it suits him), but me. When he does bother(rarely), he finds fault with me. And other forms of abuse. He's impossible, I have been no-contact since Easter and it (my life) is improving! A victory for me! It takes time to heal. His flying monkey/enabler gf makes excuses for him. I am done with her, too! He is much worse! I gave up on the two of them, a huge relief for me!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 i’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔 You’re blessed to see the reality ♥️ imagine being one of the enablers! It’s so sad… My dad is a narc too but everyone knows so no contact for me has been going fine. I call him sometimes and ask him how he’s doing and i do visit him also but not that frequently. He’s fine with it. I believe my husband is a narc as well he’s more of a covert. Been with him for almost 5 yeard and i’m still evaluating if i should leave or not. 😕
I knew someone who was a cheerful narcissist but didn’t understand it at the time. We were in chaplaincy training together. She burned out on jobs pretty regularly. And when she was hired at my place of employment, she liked to boss me around. When you didn’t do what she wanted, she got angry. Anyway, long story short she was privileged and had a husband who could support her. Your video has helped me identify just what was going on.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Yes , indeed , my ex narc hubbie is just as you described, dr Ramani . He is a great Christian believer , he is showing his faith at every step . Even at every bite he makes the sigh of ✝️… , imagine that ! I am following you for a couple of years and I have to say that your teachings changed my life 180 for the better ! Bless you Dr Ramani !❤ Hugs from Romania 🇷🇴💐!
I once heard you say something SO helpful; about imagining the narcissist as a rubber band. When they are being nice and "normal", they're like a rubber band stretching - it can only last so long - they're eventually going to snap back or break Most helpful, practical tool (including visualisation properties) in helping me break cycles, heal, and start moving on with actually living my life. Forever, 🙏🏼 thank you
My neighbor is a "cheerful" narcissist until she doesn't get her way, and then watch out! It took me awhile to figure her out, but thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I don't seek out her company anymore because she's a lousy friend. She's an opportunist just like the person I'm living with at the moment. It's all about them and it will always be, "All about them".
It takes a breath to realize you just got gas lit, that gives me a full body distain instantly, and no words used to come out, now I just walk away, cuz no words I say will change jack squat.
Yes, they make you pay. Divirced after 35 years after his affair. He hid money so he can travel regularly and live internationalky for part of year. I cannot go to the grocery store. I never imagined my life like this in my older years. It is peaceful without his fits of rage.
That's my mom. I'm convinced she's a covert narcissist. Everyone my whole life has always been like "you're mom's so nice" and it's really hard to explain that her niceness comes from a very self-absorbed place. I'd known it for years, but it really came out hard last year when my wife and I were potentially having to emergency move to the other side of the continent to escape the wave of anti-trans legislation in our state. When I called her to tell her about this very serious situation she kept prattling over me about herself, until I mentioned we were considering Colorado. Then she goes "Colorado? Oh, I've never been to Colorado! If you move there, I could go on vacation there. I'd stay with you so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. That's exciting!" Yes she acts very nice, but doesn't actually care about anyone but herself.
@@geraldfriend256 Not liberal in many ways, but it was one of the few viable choices as far as states that have trans health protections that aren't expected to change in the next 5 years. That's per Erin Reed, a transgender rights activist that tracks such legislation. We eventually decided to stay where we are and help other trans people that don't have the ability to leave. It was just a lot to be like "We're under serious threat and potentially have to abandon our lives" and have my mother's response be "Oh yay I get vacation to Colorado and not have to pay for a hotel!"
Awesome use of words & phrases to describe minute, fleeting feelings. Cheerful Ns are super toxic. But the gifts, money, & fun enable them to distract & con. Watch out for cheerful, charming salespeople, whether it’s real estate, cars, jewelry or magazines.
I personally know several people like this. They use their "higher-power mindfulness meditating" behavior to immediately establish themselves as superior to everyone else. You are spot on. I have never heard someone describe this aspect of narcissists so well, thank you!
I do. My last boyfriend. He faked me out that he was spiritual. He used was using his platform as a teacher to expound "wisdom." It was a false self, and I fell for it.
The abused relative (me) does not feel comfortable revealing the narcissist's true character because (1) I don't want to take attention from the actual good they have done for society and (2) it would make ME look bad to criticize a family member. Win win for the narcisssist!
My parents have been generous and helpful which I am grateful for AND also they think paying for things for me even though I can pay for myself and don’t ask them to, somehow makes them saints and negates any abuse I have experienced from them. Fortunately I see the truth and know it’s not ok. I don’t let them pay for things for me much anymore because it feels like a trap to control me and to not take responsibility for their hurtful behaviours. Focusing on my health safety and autonomy. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Yes, the money they give has strings attached. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe suggest they post donations online so they can receive attention and applause? Clearly either power or supply is the reason behind it, not true unconditional love. Wise on your part to see it for what it is.
I used to work with a cheerful narcissist. It was frustrating. She was always so "sweet" to people's faces, but at meetings the minute the person wasn't there would throw them under the bus. I also saw that she was constantly in the bosse's office having one on one meetings with him. Which I seemed to be the target of at least some of the times bc soon after I was being told by the boss that if I had free time I needed to ask other people if there was something they had for me to do. First of all, I barely had any free time, but worse, I constantly witnessed other people in the office suite visiting each other's offices just to bullshit. Apparently, I wasn't important enough to be permitted any downtime at all. To her, my job was to make everyone else's much easier to my own detriment of being overworked and stressed out as a result. She had power over the office and wasn't even the manager or supervisor.
@@MiyamotoMusashi9 wow that was quite a big leap you made there. Perhaps you'd like to rephrase that comment and take the sting away a little bit because that was pretty hurtful
@@MiyamotoMusashi9 well I would kindly and respectfully say that a person who says that they are not going to keep being the bigger person in other words they're not going to allow themselves to be abused, is not going down the road of becoming a narcissist. Yes I understand that as a reactive to the abuse people can seem narcissistic and that does cause many victims to question if they are indeed the narcissist. But I wouldn't make the leap and tell somebody who is standing up to their abuser that they are becoming a narcissist.
I agree wholeheartedly. It takes a lot of courage to finally decide that you deserve better than sacrificing your own health and wellbeing to take the high ground and overlook abuse to keep the status quo. Now if I could just understand that for myself 😊
Once you learn about these persnality traits, of course from Dr. Ramani, then I find their behavior very predictable. I can literally know word per word what they would say😅
Anything my mother did for me came at a price. No contact since 2013 Anything my ex husband did for me during the insane 14 years of marriage. No contact since June 2017. U divorced and left wealth. I live alone with many animals and battle financially. But i am the most happy. I wouldn't change a thing
The Cheerful Narcissist hides their anger. They put on that "Happy Happy Joy Joy" mask. They are not just lying to others but they are mostly lying to themselves.
My aging parents are having a very hard time with assumptions and expectations. They resent being taught, and any hint of proof they may have been mistaken about anything.
Your absolutely right. You can't say anything about anyone that is cruel mean, if t You say anything ' your a hater , your a racist , they just love to label you. It's insane to play along with them .
Yeah I have ran into all types of narcissists!!! I agree with you!!! It’s not worth it, to be in a relationship with narcissists because their poison ☠️ will eventually get on the inside of everything about you!!!
I was yelled at for opening his “meditation” room to tell him he had a call I thought he wanted to to take! I told you I was meditating. “I can’t believe you came in here to tell me that! “
This was so very on target. The generous one, cheerful one, the smart one, and the toxic places are so “ON target”. I have finally let go of the generous one and the cheerful one only to hear her say that SHE were duped. “After all I did, my empathy for others just wasn’t appreciated.”. It is poison poured in ears. Also, I now must pay back their gifts. Well, lesson learned.
There are ppl who constantly love bomb and abandon ppl & and they have self help spiritual pages on social media 😂 it’s crazy. Then when you know the person and you see the pages you feel like you’re living in the twilight zone 😂
Narcs are not human...without any empathy at all...makes them monsters. I lived with one all my life...50 years. Yes I feel really stupid...now that I know he was hopeless as a real human. I had no idea...until Dr. Ramani. He doesn't even love his son...and he is an amazing man.
Yes! She (my “friend“) often portrays herself as kind and mindful but is instead impatient, self-centered, unempathic, competitive, angry, arrogant and rude (covertly).
I'm so grateful to be validated by this video for the money as control thing. I feel really stuck around this even though we aren't married and no longer even live together. I don't care about further financial help so much as I do about the claim that I'm ungrateful if I ever choose to find real love with someone else and feel so guilty about taking the financial help which always came at a time that I very much needed it and am very grateful for it. So I live a life without romantic love to maintain the status quo. You don't hear about this very often in discussions about narcissism. Thank you Dr. Ramani for recognizing this.
A part of the mask of my narcissistic ex was/is his generosity, until he wanted a divorce. That makes him feel like he is a good person, while he hates you underneath!
Wow Dr. Ramani you are the very best. Thank you for being you, this is what you were born to do. You have all the right words to express what it feels like to live with a narcissist.
I first met a cheerful narcissist in 2011; so friendly, but it was just under the surface along with substance abuse. So glad they f-d up on the job, and got fired very very early on.
This is one of your most valuable videos to date, at least for me. Thank you so much!!! I can't seem to share it with my children (who wouldn't believe that your are describing their dad anyway) but so wish that they could see it. My husband of 49 years is who you are describing!! Overly generous, charismatic, charming, successful dentist and spearheaded an underwater Civil War shipwreck dive, taking it to National Historic Landmark status. One of only four in the country. He thankfully left our home 4 months ago but will not consider divorce. Looks like I'll live in limbo until it's too late for me to pursue a new life
It was NOT worth it. I weighed 86 pounds for almost 3 years and landed in the hospital for 8 days last fall. I had somehow organically realized that defending myself was pointless. I just thought he had lost the concept of "common sense". I stopped telling him what I was doing or thinking and avoided talking about anything but our pets or the weather. If I expressed an opinion on anything he would spin it into something else and use it against me. This is way to long. I'm sorry. You are a blessing to those of us who need to hear what you have learned!!!!!
My husband is tall, 6'2". Whenever we are in a theatre or church, he never, ever, has been concerned about blocking someone's view. He gets mad if I do. 35 years.
I love this. #TrueMindfulness is where it's at. Not this #crazymaking #BS #GasLighting #NarcAbuse #Academia #Projection 🍵🧋⚕️🌹 This is #GoodMedicine. Happy SOLday, Dr Ramani!
Thank you for responding. I am the one that was trying to stand up for myself and was mocked once again. By accident everything was deleated. I thank you for responding and I will go greyrock. I need to make this concrete and understand that they do not support my personhood,feelings etc. Thank you for responding it is so helpful and affirming.
This actually infiltrated the whole of the mental health department where i lived. I needed help about 8 years ago. All the practioners i met said there was nothing they could do except mindfulness and being in the moment. I needed to be away from the moment. Number one my narcissistic/ psychopathic mother had died( who i should have left years ago) aged 91 and i also felt very ill physically. This was because i was actually very physically ill and still didn’t have a diagnosis. I found my own way of mindfulness and that was activities that took me away from the moment like being in the garden and doing a little deadheading or colouring books. Things like that took me away from myself and i could feel better for moments. Being able to breathe right didnt help me too much as im asthmatic!
Omg. The competent Narcissist sounds like my Ex. And he would put people down to feel superior and get a laugh. He was really good at hiding the contempt from his coworkers, and instead directed it at me and my children. Then there was a coworker who was undermining me, omg - this description nailed them.
They get furious if you turn down the favor or $$ .. they believe they are entitled to abuse you and they will say so… they spent this money on you so you gave no right to protest or disagree with them.. no, it’s never worth it…I’d rather be a free poor person than a rich, non free, imprisoned person..
My covert narc ex was always "working on herself". She changed therapists so much she was running out of therapists within an hour's drive. The "work" would also often center around exercise and weight loss(she's 5' and over 200 lbs which I didn't care about but she did because I'm 4" taller and weigh significantly less). She would ask me to remind her to go on walks then call to scream at me if I so much as texted "have you walked today?" She would also scream at me if I was hungry when she wasn't (tempting her with food apparently), if I didn't want to eat when she did, or if I didn't eat as much as her. (Both fat shaming apparently) I think all of this kinda fits under the "you interrupted my meditation" thing. Like I was interrupting her "wellness" things by having my AuDHD eating habits. She didn't even really eat on a schedule either. I was just supposed to only be hungry when she was and eat exactly the same as her even though it was too much for me and foods that make me feel sick in large amounts. And of course I couldn't ask her to eat loud things in another room or go elsewhere even though I have extreme sensory issues.
I complained to my second stepmother, a cop, about my dad's sexual abuse(mostly verbal, sometimes physical) with the comment: "It's not that bad", b.....! I was 26 at the time, I am 60 now. She passed on years ago from cancer(my guess).He has a girlfriend of over a decade, she makes excuses for him. I can't deal with him or her; I put his number on "block" so I don't have to deal with him; almost a month now, of peace and quiet! My victory!
My ex was the cheerful type and he literally has everybody fooled because he just got this good guy complex and nobody would think he would ever be the type to abuse anybody or financially abuse them or gas like them but they do know he lies a lot but they think he just likes to exaggerate things not necessarily that he’sNarcissist and it kills me. Very few people can actually see him just because he’s so happy all the time.
@@Tabbithasdreamworldmy ex could not hide his giggle of excitement after he did the gay handshake. Either one or both of them poked the others palm. Can't see it happen but their reaction afterward you can
My in-laws shamed my sister in law for not being grateful enough for them paying for her schooling. They pretended that the money came from back breaking overtime pay, when in reality they used insurance money that was supposed to go to my sister in law for literally BREAKING HER BACK in a family car accident as a minor. My brother in now tries to shame my partner and I for cutting her parents off “after everything they’ve done for us” like talking about buying a mobile home for us to rent once very briefly in passing.
Saying they show up 4 hours late reminded me of a customer I had on Friday. She came in and asked to use the store's phone to call her husband, explaining that she was late for meeting him. I let her. As I handed her the phone she said she was supposed to meet him at 9. It was now almost noon! When he answered she explained that she was late because she was shopping. He hung up on her. She called back but he hung up as soon as she said hello. She tried 3 more times where he wouldn't even answer the phone. As she handed it back to me she said she didn't know why he wouldn't answer and I said maybe because he was mad at her. Her answer? "I don't know why he would be mad." She actually sounded perplexed as to why. Hmmmm... maybe because you were almost 3 hours late with a flimsy excuse?
I’ve had several narcissistic people try to “buy” me with money or gifts. Now that I understand what they’re up to, I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty in taking whatever they’re offering, or refusing it. I don’t feel beholden to them either way. before I understood the motivation, I would fall for it. And I would feel guilty.
I was once being offered a decent place to live in the big and well-known Buddhist communities, somewhat like Cults Types characteristics..This was overseas.. Of course, this property wasn't free .. I needed to pay for the costs of the property, which was less than 100K.. However, the significant privileges were to stay INSIDE of the big gated communities surrounded by hundreds of religious workers for safety reasons.. Not many outsiders can have this type of privilege to own a resident as suchlike, which I realized well..However, 1 big catch was that I cannot own this property under my names legally..It is still registered under this big religion communities or should be said CORPORATIONS..Soooooo, if something happened to me, it automatically returned to this big religious corporations..I just couldn't say a word and finally said "Thank you" and left since 2018..Period..
Yes. My sister in-law (very cheerful ). My husband was, according to several psychologists that I have listened to on RUclips, a tetrad the worst of the worst. Their mother was a narcissist and I testify to that. My husband passed before his mother passed …then the sister-in-law steps in to perpetuate the destruction of my family by trying to come between my children and I.
Worked for a love-bombing narcissist … took me quite a while to get a handle on her… having been subject to narcissistic abuse for 50 years( being love-bombed to start)
And NO I didn’t have to put up with it… except for the sale of her handicapped daughters. It was HER CHOICE to get rid of me when I called out her behavior.
Thanks for these videos. At 62yrs. I'm just now coming to terms with having been raised in a family of highly abusive narcissists. And foolishly with out realizing it I married a narcissist who turned my daughter and my own family against me. Now homeless and in a shelter I'm working on rebuilding my life every day. What I really need is help finding a qualified psychotherapist that takes Medicare located in NYC.
Mindfulness helped me slow down, and observe myself without judgement so I could welcome these emotions and thoughts without feeling overwhelmed or blocking them out. It brought clearer vision, understanding, compassion, and an overall better regulated internal system. I never raged anyway, and I still don't but I learnt to re parent that child within and allow her to feel safe and to prioritize well being. Spirituality, religion, profession, doesn't tell us anything in itself about a specific person, we rather ought to observe how they act, observe how we feel and process accordingly.
I agree with this so much. My narc ex was the opposite of spiritual. He would shame & make fun of me for wanting to meditate, working on healthy mental/ emotional practices & practicing stoicism. When he was finally gone, I was able to utilize them more regularly & became incredibly helpful in my healing journey & prioritizing self-care again. It's not the practices that are the red flag, it's the weaponization of spirituality & religion or using it as excuse to play up self-imposed superiority.
they expect the echoist to be naive enough so that the victims can never recognize their 'rule ', but you show them that you know their evil intentions just once, they will change all over the tactics that they have been trying like the animals which hide their teeth when the prey is stronger than they expect. So, simply to say, never treat them with kindness, then they will be kind to you again.
I'm aware of very few narcissists who do actually meditate. Sitting in a lotus position with your eyes closed is not meditating, just posing. The point is not to strike a certain pose, but get into a state of focus to self-investigate, to "sink in", and then work with that, and they're usually very afraid of what they see when they do (which is fair enough, it probably _is_ frightening and uncomfortable) and don't know where to go from there. Meditation pressuposses other abilities before you can proceed.
Indeed. Some might talk about it, tell you they want to do it, but I never saw one actually get as far as sit there and explore their subconscious lol.
My mom is a cheerful an generous narcissist to the outside world. Just pretending to be the fun, generous, empathetic and sensitive. Even throws the dumb blond character in there. Always giving me compliments and calling me sweetheart. Such a good mommy. But at home she was just like every other narcissist. Angry. Everything that happened outside that she just dissociated through, came out inside the house. Throwing things around, yelling, picking fights, blaming everyone else, the usual. Nobody even believed me when I told them she was like that behind closed doors.
That's not the confusion I'm under being under widespread systemic abuse That we can never pinpoint the source of the situation that should be defending ourselves from
We live in a narcissist world nowadays. When you find someone with true empathy hang on to them because that is very rare!!!! Thank you once again dr ramani!
We are surrounded by independent individuals who believe it is their way or the highway. We have always overlooked the fact that our interconnectedness is far more significant than the mere illusion of self-sufficiency. That’s why selfish individuals are much higher in number than compassionate individuals in the world.
@@rozeenag4352 yeah agreed
Taking gifts from a “generous narcissist” is like selling your soul to the devil!
Omg! Couldn’t have said it better
Hey but that's how my narc mother proves she's a good mother to the rest of the family. They are all kowtowing now hoping to be in th will. I've given up on them all and it's painful but liberating
Yes indeed 😢
@@Schnickumsbeen there done that... except my one sibling was on board with me. In our case it was her "friends" who came out of the woodworks to take everything
They will use their gift giving to you as a weapon against you.
"You can't be a mindful and present asshole." I LOVE IT!❤❤❤
My fave too.
I really don’t listen to people who don’t know what narcissism is - they can’t help it, but their advice is the opposite of helpful.
Yeah, and especially, don’t go see a therapist who knows nothing about narcissistic abuse, or who is a narcissist himself/herself.
@@jeanie5074 what blows me away is how little people understand the effects of trauma...particularly years and years of it in childhood
So very true!!! They think I am the one who needs help because they bought the schmear campaign hook, line and sinker, sadly for me. I don't mind losing shallow friends, but I mourn the loss of my two childrens' respect. To them I am a hoarder and an alcoholic
Narcissists don't believe in respecting the other's space, privacy, boundaries, etc
Correct they see their victims as weak, and empathy as weak. They won't respect anyone as they see that as weakness.
Yet they insist on their space, boundaries, privacy, etc being respected. A one-way trip for them. Their way or the highway. I am not on that turnpike!
Thank you so much for talking about the generosity aspect of narcissism. For 13 years I thought I had to put up with his abuse because I had a roof over my head and he would pay for 75% of our bills because he made significantly more money than I did. Watching him be so generous with friends and family made me feel like I was the one with the issues and I was just inconsiderate.
You're not the one with the problem, the narc is!
I am looking in the mirror reading this post. I have the same EXACT situation. 13 years, he makes significantly more money and pays 75% of the bills in a very nice home and neighborhood, and I look ungrateful to those who are around me. It's excruciatingly hurtful! Thank you for sharing.
I watched a friend justify a narcissist by saying "I know they have done and said abusive things but they are so FUN to be around!" They were quickly no longer a friend as I realized this person prioritized fun over basic human decency...
Good move on your part!!!!
It's highly probable that your friend was a 'flying monkey.'
A gift, a GIFT. ITS NOT A GIFT IF IT ENDS UP COSTING YOU. God's Good Gifts don't come with sorrow.
They act like they’re helping you or someone else. Sometimes they play the victim. Or they have their enablers and flying monkeys who blindly support them.
NO,
I DO NOT PUT UP WITH BAD ATTITUDE FROM ANYONE !
NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID IN THE PAST FOR ME. !
I DO NOT ACCEPT RUDE OR ARROGANT BEHAVIOR FROM ANYONE
NOT EVEN FROM ELON MUSK !
Mike.
You nailed it
The victim. The martyr. Vile
My dad is the narc and his girlfriend is the enabler. I have nothing to do with them, especially him, for almost a month now. Today, I am better!
Where is your mother?
Just when we think everything is fine they'll pick a fight.
That has a name: Recreational arguing. It cures the narcs boredom. Trolls do it in comments all the time
@@luvyatubers ohhh this!! Yes I see narcissists in comments on any RUclips videos on narcissism always gaslighting people in the comments. Is there no safe places for victims to just support each other? It's awful.
This was exhausting. Glad I’m free
This👆
That's it
The enablers drive me nuts. Especially when they don’t know what they’re talking about. I find it super condescending and gaslighting of them for sure. Fully aware of my truths. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Same. Heavy on the when they don’t know what they’re talking about part
It's so true. I grew up with middle class parents who paid for me to receive a decent education but who emotionally and psychologically abused me and used money as a tool to control me. In my adult life I've met some people who grew up with parents who had very little money and who abused them in very graphic physical ways. They grew up hungry, lacking resources to get ahead in life such as education, and being abused in very clearly visible ways. In comparison to those people I'm seen as SO lucky and a lot of people have NO idea why I would EVER complain or why I would even think to distance myself from my parents. I get it, I have a lot of compassion for people in the situation that I described and I do actually feel that my life is in ways easier and luckier, and at the same time it kind of sucks because it's hard to explain to people what it's really like to go through what I'm going through. People see my parents as awesome parents because they helped me pay for college. They don't realize the abuse that I endured to get that money and the negative effect it had on me and the opportunities I've actually missed out on as a result. Just because my parents did that does not make them good parents. They did not do it for the right reasons.
I get it and understand. It’s sad to not be heard or understood, even judged. I’m sorry for the distress this has brought you.
@Mike-sj9si
Very well stated,
thank you.
I can identify with this.
Both situations are terrible...many wouldn't understand. But we do.
I can completely resonate with this. I felt crippled even after getting a good education. Their financial abuse was worse. And I kept attracting similar people to them at my workplace who overworked me, didn't pay on time and thrived on my conditioned people pleaser self. I was so close to losing my breath. I was extremely exhausted.
But they didn't abuse my brother like that who is their golden child. He never had to listen to their financial issues. He is being treated as royalty. And I don't exist. Grieving is the most painful.
I agree with you 💯, They didn't do it for the right reasons.
My father once justified his horrible emotional abuse of my mother and I by saying he bought and paid for a big house and a ritzy neighborhood and I should be grateful. I had to bite my tongue to keep from snarking back "thanks for not throwing me in a dumpster as a baby". That big house and ritzy neighborhood is what HE cared about. I would have rather lived in a one bedroom apartment and not been abused and traumatized or watch my mother be brutalized any time she asserted her needs
“You can’t be a mindful, present a**hole.”
Felt this one.
😂❤😅👍
ANY kind of an interaction with a narcissist is terribly gross. Being in their presence you can’t breathe because they are taking all of the oxygen out of the room.
😂❤😅👍🌹
Not only fake mindfulness, but they play the religious card.
Amen
For sure
Yes! This infuriates me! I actually called out an uncle on this behavior!!! People think just because they walk into a man made building, they are "religious." You have to be religious outside in real life, too!!!
The narc I know claims she's the new Eve, the new mother of Jesus Christ. 😂 doesn't even make sense.
You may have gotten a few likes, but strong spirituality is the best component against negative forces.
My ex would always tell me not to "bite the hand that feeds me" when I would push back and question him about anything. I started laughing at him and tuning him out til I could get away. I can feed myself thank you!!
I’m glad you’re out!
Good. Some of us are too scared to ever say something like this. That's a huge problem. Worry. What do u think?
"You can't be a mindful and present asshole."
I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my food
Mind boggling. Agree 💯 "You cannot be a mindful and present asshole"
Making her rules and codes just herself and not applying them for everyone else. Narcissistic people are bullies too.
Sounds like my dad, he's a bully, too!
So their enablers
When they do nice things for us that’s what makes us think that we’re judging them wrong 😢 and we give them another oportunity after the other
Dad(narc) tells me that he goes to Mass, he has a vehicle, I don't. He questions me(I am 60, I don't live with him) about my going to church. He tells me he is "busy" with other people. I feel like son in "Cat's Cradle" song, dad has time for everyone else(if it suits him), but me. When he does bother(rarely), he finds fault with me. And other forms of abuse. He's impossible, I have been no-contact since Easter and it (my life) is improving! A victory for me! It takes time to heal. His flying monkey/enabler gf makes excuses for him. I am done with her, too! He is much worse! I gave up on the two of them, a huge relief for me!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 i’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔
You’re blessed to see the reality ♥️ imagine being one of the enablers! It’s so sad…
My dad is a narc too but everyone knows so no contact for me has been going fine. I call him sometimes and ask him how he’s doing and i do visit him also but not that frequently. He’s fine with it.
I believe my husband is a narc as well he’s more of a covert. Been with him for almost 5 yeard and i’m still evaluating if i should leave or not. 😕
No abuse is acceptable even when it accompanies money. That's transactional.
That’s called financial abuse
@@aaronjohnson9876 financial, emotional, psychological.
Sounds like an ATM!
I knew someone who was a cheerful narcissist but didn’t understand it at the time. We were in chaplaincy training together. She burned out on jobs pretty regularly. And when she was hired at my place of employment, she liked to boss me around. When you didn’t do what she wanted, she got angry. Anyway, long story short she was privileged and had a husband who could support her. Your video has helped me identify just what was going on.
14 minutes in and you're talking about me. I left about a month ago. Keep talking, Dr. Ramani! I'm listening.
Any teaching that allows narcs to be in a dominant position gives narcs power and control over others.
Property managers
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Yep 6 years with the love of my life she did exactly what you said
Yes , indeed , my ex narc hubbie is just as you described, dr Ramani . He is a great Christian believer , he is showing his faith at every step . Even at every bite he makes the sigh of ✝️… , imagine that !
I am following you for a couple of years and I have to say that your teachings changed my life 180 for the better !
Bless you Dr Ramani !❤
Hugs from Romania 🇷🇴💐!
I once heard you say something SO helpful; about imagining the narcissist as a rubber band. When they are being nice and "normal", they're like a rubber band stretching - it can only last so long - they're eventually going to snap back or break
Most helpful, practical tool (including visualisation properties) in helping me break cycles, heal, and start moving on with actually living my life. Forever, 🙏🏼 thank you
My neighbor is a "cheerful" narcissist until she doesn't get her way, and then watch out! It took me awhile to figure her out, but thanks to Dr. Ramani, I know what I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I don't seek out her company anymore because she's a lousy friend. She's an opportunist just like the person I'm living with at the moment. It's all about them and it will always be, "All about them".
You are describing my mother in law. Spot on
I feel nauseated even to think about her
It takes a breath to realize you just got gas lit, that gives me a full body distain instantly, and no words used to come out, now I just walk away, cuz no words I say will change jack squat.
Yes, they make you pay. Divirced after 35 years after his affair. He hid money so he can travel regularly and live internationalky for part of year. I cannot go to the grocery store. I never imagined my life like this in my older years. It is peaceful without his fits of rage.
Congratulations.🎉
Enjoy yourself and continue to listen to Dr Ramani.❤❤
She is the best!!!
May God keep blessing her to continue to help us❤.❤😢❤❤
That's my mom. I'm convinced she's a covert narcissist. Everyone my whole life has always been like "you're mom's so nice" and it's really hard to explain that her niceness comes from a very self-absorbed place. I'd known it for years, but it really came out hard last year when my wife and I were potentially having to emergency move to the other side of the continent to escape the wave of anti-trans legislation in our state. When I called her to tell her about this very serious situation she kept prattling over me about herself, until I mentioned we were considering Colorado. Then she goes "Colorado? Oh, I've never been to Colorado! If you move there, I could go on vacation there. I'd stay with you so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. That's exciting!" Yes she acts very nice, but doesn't actually care about anyone but herself.
Sorry. I know it all too well. Was going to question Colorado as a choice. Not that liberal in my observation.
Describes my mom, too. Whatever topic I start on, her first comment is how it affects her.
We are related. My mother too.
@@geraldfriend256 Not liberal in many ways, but it was one of the few viable choices as far as states that have trans health protections that aren't expected to change in the next 5 years. That's per Erin Reed, a transgender rights activist that tracks such legislation. We eventually decided to stay where we are and help other trans people that don't have the ability to leave. It was just a lot to be like "We're under serious threat and potentially have to abandon our lives" and have my mother's response be "Oh yay I get vacation to Colorado and not have to pay for a hotel!"
I am sorry sorry you have been through this….
Awesome use of words & phrases to describe minute, fleeting feelings. Cheerful Ns are super toxic. But the gifts, money, & fun enable them to distract & con. Watch out for cheerful, charming salespeople, whether it’s real estate, cars, jewelry or magazines.
And then there’s the UNSUCCESSFUL narcissist!
In the end they're all UNSUCCESSFUL.
My mother exactly. Lives only by others keeping her up
Prayer has become my narcissists favorite thing to do...and he often say "I'll pray for you" "I'll pray that you get the help you need"
On a licence plate it said: Jesus loves you but everybody else hates you! 😂 i often say it to the narcs around me. It gets them into thinking… try it!
"You can't be a mindful and present a**hole." Dr. Ramani, you had me hollerin'!! You stated it so calmly and matter-of-factly!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤❤❤❤
I personally know several people like this. They use their "higher-power mindfulness meditating" behavior to immediately establish themselves as superior to everyone else. You are spot on. I have never heard someone describe this aspect of narcissists so well, thank you!
I do. My last boyfriend. He faked me out that he was spiritual. He used was using his platform as a teacher to expound "wisdom." It was a false self, and I fell for it.
I gave up on my narc dad and his crap. My life is less stressful for this reason!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 I forgot my Dad used to do EST and other New Age cults and workshops. Tons of money wasted.
The abused relative (me) does not feel comfortable revealing the narcissist's true character because (1) I don't want to take attention from the actual good they have done for society and (2) it would make ME look bad to criticize a family member. Win win for the narcisssist!
I've been telling the truth(a different one) for years about the narc(dad), to protect others from him. I won't protect him through my silence. Ever!
My parents have been generous and helpful which I am grateful for AND also they think paying for things for me even though I can pay for myself and don’t ask them to, somehow makes them saints and negates any abuse I have experienced from them. Fortunately I see the truth and know it’s not ok. I don’t let them pay for things for me much anymore because it feels like a trap to control me and to not take responsibility for their hurtful behaviours. Focusing on my health safety and autonomy. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Yes, the money they give has strings attached. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe suggest they post donations online so they can receive attention and applause? Clearly either power or supply is the reason behind it, not true unconditional love. Wise on your part to see it for what it is.
I used to work with a cheerful narcissist. It was frustrating. She was always so "sweet" to people's faces, but at meetings the minute the person wasn't there would throw them under the bus. I also saw that she was constantly in the bosse's office having one on one meetings with him. Which I seemed to be the target of at least some of the times bc soon after I was being told by the boss that if I had free time I needed to ask other people if there was something they had for me to do. First of all, I barely had any free time, but worse, I constantly witnessed other people in the office suite visiting each other's offices just to bullshit. Apparently, I wasn't important enough to be permitted any downtime at all. To her, my job was to make everyone else's much easier to my own detriment of being overworked and stressed out as a result. She had power over the office and wasn't even the manager or supervisor.
I was told my whole life to be the bigger person. Not anymore!!!!
So what ? Now you become the narcissist? Those who fight monsters should be aware that they become that monster
@@MiyamotoMusashi9 wow that was quite a big leap you made there.
Perhaps you'd like to rephrase that comment and take the sting away a little bit because that was pretty hurtful
@@sharicoburn5475 my intent is to help . This is a trap to think we are no all also narccists
@@MiyamotoMusashi9 well I would kindly and respectfully say that a person who says that they are not going to keep being the bigger person in other words they're not going to allow themselves to be abused, is not going down the road of becoming a narcissist. Yes I understand that as a reactive to the abuse people can seem narcissistic and that does cause many victims to question if they are indeed the narcissist.
But I wouldn't make the leap and tell somebody who is standing up to their abuser that they are becoming a narcissist.
I agree wholeheartedly. It takes a lot of courage to finally decide that you deserve better than sacrificing your own health and wellbeing to take the high ground and overlook abuse to keep the status quo. Now if I could just understand that for myself 😊
Once you learn about these persnality traits, of course from Dr. Ramani, then I find their behavior very predictable. I can literally know word per word what they would say😅
Anything my mother did for me came at a price. No contact since 2013
Anything my ex husband did for me during the insane 14 years of marriage. No contact since June 2017. U divorced and left wealth. I live alone with many animals and battle financially. But i am the most happy.
I wouldn't change a thing
How are you finding no contact with your mother?
The Cheerful Narcissist hides their anger. They put on that "Happy Happy Joy Joy" mask. They are not just lying to others but they are mostly lying to themselves.
"You can't be a mindful and present asshole." 😆
My aging parents are having a very hard time with assumptions and expectations. They resent being taught, and any hint of proof they may have been mistaken about anything.
My narcissistic dad, to a "T"
My mother, exactly….
Your absolutely right. You can't say anything about anyone that is cruel mean, if t
You say anything ' your a hater , your a racist , they just love to label you. It's insane to play along with them .
Yeah I have ran into all types of narcissists!!! I agree with you!!! It’s not worth it, to be in a relationship with narcissists because their poison ☠️ will eventually get on the inside of everything about you!!!
“Parlor trick” practitioners of religion & mindfulness are some of the most narcissistic people I’ve known…blocked them from my Peace.
Brilliant compilation of videos. Awesome reminders!
I was yelled at for opening his “meditation” room to tell him he had a call I thought he wanted to to take!
I told you I was meditating. “I can’t believe you came in here to tell me that! “
He's a narcissistic, punitive jerk!
This was so very on target. The generous one, cheerful one, the smart one, and the toxic places are so “ON target”. I have finally let go of the generous one and the cheerful one only to hear her say that SHE were duped. “After all I did, my empathy for others just wasn’t appreciated.”. It is poison poured in ears. Also, I now must pay back their gifts. Well, lesson learned.
Narcissists pay because it gives them control. Period.
There are ppl who constantly love bomb and abandon ppl & and they have self help spiritual pages on social media 😂 it’s crazy. Then when you know the person and you see the pages you feel like you’re living in the twilight zone 😂
Oh Shh You got a f..kin point 🎉🎉
Yep they put on a good show for the world that they are perfect in every way when infact they are a deep black void inside
Narcs are not human...without any empathy at all...makes them monsters. I lived with one all my life...50 years. Yes I feel really stupid...now that I know he was hopeless as a real human. I had no idea...until Dr. Ramani. He doesn't even love his son...and he is an amazing man.
Yes! She (my “friend“) often portrays herself as kind and mindful but is instead impatient, self-centered, unempathic, competitive, angry, arrogant and rude (covertly).
I just want to let you know as one of the many people I’m sure who feel this way… you are a gift to humanity. Thank you so, so much for your work
I'm so grateful to be validated by this video for the money as control thing. I feel really stuck around this even though we aren't married and no longer even live together. I don't care about further financial help so much as I do about the claim that I'm ungrateful if I ever choose to find real love with someone else and feel so guilty about taking the financial help which always came at a time that I very much needed it and am very grateful for it. So I live a life without romantic love to maintain the status quo. You don't hear about this very often in discussions about narcissism. Thank you Dr. Ramani for recognizing this.
A part of the mask of my narcissistic ex was/is his generosity, until he wanted a divorce. That makes him feel like he is a good person, while he hates you underneath!
Wow Dr. Ramani you are the very best. Thank you for being you, this is what you were born to do. You have all the right words to express what it feels like to live with a narcissist.
I laughed SO hard at "I can't be around these people who don't know how to breath right" 😂
I first met a cheerful narcissist in 2011; so friendly, but it was just under the surface along with substance abuse. So glad they f-d up on the job, and got fired very very early on.
She vacillated between cheerfulness and rage.I guess that’s why it took so long to disengage.
Because the mask slips off
This is one of your most valuable videos to date, at least for me. Thank you so much!!! I can't seem to share it with my children (who wouldn't believe that your are describing their dad anyway) but so wish that they could see it. My husband of 49 years is who you are describing!! Overly generous, charismatic, charming, successful dentist and spearheaded an underwater Civil War shipwreck dive, taking it to National Historic Landmark status. One of only four in the country. He thankfully left our home 4 months ago but will not consider divorce. Looks like I'll live in limbo until it's too late for me to pursue a new life
It was NOT worth it. I weighed 86 pounds for almost 3 years and landed in the hospital for 8 days last fall. I had somehow organically realized that defending myself was pointless. I just thought he had lost the concept of "common sense". I stopped telling him what I was doing or thinking and avoided talking about anything but our pets or the weather. If I expressed an opinion on anything he would spin it into something else and use it against me. This is way to long. I'm sorry.
You are a blessing to those of us who need to hear what you have learned!!!!!
Wow! Talk about hitting the nail on the head, a lot of confirmed aha moments here. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this wisdom and all that you do. 😊
My husband is tall, 6'2". Whenever we are in a theatre or church, he never, ever, has been concerned about blocking someone's view. He gets mad if I do. 35 years.
I love this. #TrueMindfulness is where it's at. Not this #crazymaking #BS #GasLighting #NarcAbuse #Academia #Projection
🍵🧋⚕️🌹
This is #GoodMedicine.
Happy SOLday, Dr Ramani!
I've seen that glazed, wide-eyed look with pursed lips. 25:10 Lol! Classic!
Thank you for responding. I am the one that was trying to stand up for myself and was mocked once again. By accident everything was deleated. I thank you for responding and I will go greyrock. I need to make this concrete and understand that they do not support my personhood,feelings etc. Thank you for responding it is so helpful and affirming.
I just sued and won. Yes it is costly and they keep doing it anyway
This actually infiltrated the whole of the mental health department where i lived. I needed help about 8 years ago. All the practioners i met said there was nothing they could do except mindfulness and being in the moment. I needed to be away from the moment. Number one my narcissistic/ psychopathic mother had died( who i should have left years ago) aged 91 and i also felt very ill physically. This was because i was actually very physically ill and still didn’t have a diagnosis. I found my own way of mindfulness and that was activities that took me away from the moment like being in the garden and doing a little deadheading or colouring books. Things like that took me away from myself and i could feel better for moments. Being able to breathe right didnt help me too much as im asthmatic!
But all those things are things a narcissist cannot do. They can't learn how to not be a jerk, they are innately jerks
Innately assholes
Some are worse!
That 's the polite way to say it !
I'm not as polite as you, I use another word for them !
@@Lumsden-g7o -
A$$ 🕳️🕳️🕳️
Omg. The competent Narcissist sounds like my Ex. And he would put people down to feel superior and get a laugh. He was really good at hiding the contempt from his coworkers, and instead directed it at me and my children.
Then there was a coworker who was undermining me, omg - this description nailed them.
I'm grateful to you for sharing this great wisdom. Thank you very much.
They get furious if you turn down the favor or $$ .. they believe they are entitled to abuse you and they will say so… they spent this money on you so you gave no right to protest or disagree with them.. no, it’s never worth it…I’d rather be a free poor person than a rich, non free, imprisoned person..
My covert narc ex was always "working on herself". She changed therapists so much she was running out of therapists within an hour's drive. The "work" would also often center around exercise and weight loss(she's 5' and over 200 lbs which I didn't care about but she did because I'm 4" taller and weigh significantly less). She would ask me to remind her to go on walks then call to scream at me if I so much as texted "have you walked today?" She would also scream at me if I was hungry when she wasn't (tempting her with food apparently), if I didn't want to eat when she did, or if I didn't eat as much as her. (Both fat shaming apparently) I think all of this kinda fits under the "you interrupted my meditation" thing. Like I was interrupting her "wellness" things by having my AuDHD eating habits. She didn't even really eat on a schedule either. I was just supposed to only be hungry when she was and eat exactly the same as her even though it was too much for me and foods that make me feel sick in large amounts. And of course I couldn't ask her to eat loud things in another room or go elsewhere even though I have extreme sensory issues.
I complained to my second stepmother, a cop, about my dad's sexual abuse(mostly verbal, sometimes physical) with the comment: "It's not that bad", b.....! I was 26 at the time, I am 60 now. She passed on years ago from cancer(my guess).He has a girlfriend of over a decade, she makes excuses for him. I can't deal with him or her; I put his number on "block" so I don't have to deal with him; almost a month now, of peace and quiet! My victory!
My ex was the cheerful type and he literally has everybody fooled because he just got this good guy complex and nobody would think he would ever be the type to abuse anybody or financially abuse them or gas like them but they do know he lies a lot but they think he just likes to exaggerate things not necessarily that he’sNarcissist and it kills me. Very few people can actually see him just because he’s so happy all the time.
You just completely described my mother and my husband
That's my ex. And he's in the closet gay too but people won't see it. He has sex w married men
@@luvyatubers honestly my ex has gay tendencies, but I can’t say 100% for certain if he is or isn’t I just know he kinda acts it a little
@@Tabbithasdreamworldmy ex could not hide his giggle of excitement after he did the gay handshake. Either one or both of them poked the others palm. Can't see it happen but their reaction afterward you can
❤ I can totally relate Dr...so many aspect of my life, past and present (intimate, family, professional etc).
My in-laws shamed my sister in law for not being grateful enough for them paying for her schooling. They pretended that the money came from back breaking overtime pay, when in reality they used insurance money that was supposed to go to my sister in law for literally BREAKING HER BACK in a family car accident as a minor. My brother in now tries to shame my partner and I for cutting her parents off “after everything they’ve done for us” like talking about buying a mobile home for us to rent once very briefly in passing.
Saying they show up 4 hours late reminded me of a customer I had on Friday.
She came in and asked to use the store's phone to call her husband, explaining that she was late for meeting him. I let her. As I handed her the phone she said she was supposed to meet him at 9. It was now almost noon!
When he answered she explained that she was late because she was shopping. He hung up on her. She called back but he hung up as soon as she said hello. She tried 3 more times where he wouldn't even answer the phone.
As she handed it back to me she said she didn't know why he wouldn't answer and I said maybe because he was mad at her. Her answer? "I don't know why he would be mad." She actually sounded perplexed as to why. Hmmmm... maybe because you were almost 3 hours late with a flimsy excuse?
I’ve had several narcissistic people try to “buy” me with money or gifts. Now that I understand what they’re up to, I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty in taking whatever they’re offering, or refusing it. I don’t feel beholden to them either way. before I understood the motivation, I would fall for it. And I would feel guilty.
I was once being offered a decent place to live in the big and well-known Buddhist communities, somewhat like Cults Types characteristics..This was overseas.. Of course, this property wasn't free .. I needed to pay for the costs of the property, which was less than 100K.. However, the significant privileges were to stay INSIDE of the big gated communities surrounded by hundreds of religious workers for safety reasons.. Not many outsiders can have this type of privilege to own a resident as suchlike, which I realized well..However, 1 big catch was that I cannot own this property under my names legally..It is still registered under this big religion communities or should be said CORPORATIONS..Soooooo, if something happened to me, it automatically returned to this big religious corporations..I just couldn't say a word and finally said "Thank you" and left since 2018..Period..
I grey-rocked my narcissistic roommate so well she broke our lease. idk whether to be upset or relieved 😅
lol, good work
Yes. My sister in-law (very cheerful ). My husband was, according to several psychologists that I have listened to on RUclips, a tetrad the worst of the worst. Their mother was a narcissist and I testify to that. My husband passed before his mother passed …then the sister-in-law steps in to perpetuate the destruction of my family by trying to come between my children and I.
Worked for a love-bombing narcissist … took me quite a while to get a handle on her… having been subject to narcissistic abuse for 50 years( being love-bombed to start)
And NO I didn’t have to put up with it… except for the sale of her handicapped daughters. It was HER CHOICE to get rid of me when I called out her behavior.
Thanks for these videos.
At 62yrs. I'm just now coming to terms with having been raised in a family of highly abusive narcissists. And foolishly with out realizing it I married a narcissist who turned my daughter and my own family against me.
Now homeless and in a shelter I'm working on rebuilding my life every day.
What I really need is help finding a qualified psychotherapist that takes Medicare located in NYC.
Wow. I love the end of the video when you’re discussing the workplace. Truth is a great thing to teach and learn.
Thank you!
The narcissist pretends not to hear me. I pretend not to see them in public 😂
Mindfulness helped me slow down, and observe myself without judgement so I could welcome these emotions and thoughts without feeling overwhelmed or blocking them out. It brought clearer vision, understanding, compassion, and an overall better regulated internal system. I never raged anyway, and I still don't but I learnt to re parent that child within and allow her to feel safe and to prioritize well being. Spirituality, religion, profession, doesn't tell us anything in itself about a specific person, we rather ought to observe how they act, observe how we feel and process accordingly.
I agree with this so much. My narc ex was the opposite of spiritual. He would shame & make fun of me for wanting to meditate, working on healthy mental/ emotional practices & practicing stoicism. When he was finally gone, I was able to utilize them more regularly & became incredibly helpful in my healing journey & prioritizing self-care again.
It's not the practices that are the red flag, it's the weaponization of spirituality & religion or using it as excuse to play up self-imposed superiority.
My narc-ex was generous when he was drunk or when he wanted something. The rest of the time he was an ass.
they expect the echoist to be naive enough so that the victims can never recognize their 'rule ', but you show them that you know their evil intentions just once, they will change all over the tactics that they have been trying like the animals which hide their teeth when the prey is stronger than they expect. So, simply to say, never treat them with kindness, then they will be kind to you again.
YES! Cheerful narcissist SO helpful. After being totally friend betrayed will not be hoodwinked again.
Very difficult to trust, again.
I'm aware of very few narcissists who do actually meditate. Sitting in a lotus position with your eyes closed is not meditating, just posing. The point is not to strike a certain pose, but get into a state of focus to self-investigate, to "sink in", and then work with that, and they're usually very afraid of what they see when they do (which is fair enough, it probably _is_ frightening and uncomfortable) and don't know where to go from there. Meditation pressuposses other abilities before you can proceed.
Indeed. Some might talk about it, tell you they want to do it, but I never saw one actually get as far as sit there and explore their subconscious lol.
My mom is a cheerful an generous narcissist to the outside world. Just pretending to be the fun, generous, empathetic and sensitive. Even throws the dumb blond character in there. Always giving me compliments and calling me sweetheart. Such a good mommy.
But at home she was just like every other narcissist. Angry. Everything that happened outside that she just dissociated through, came out inside the house. Throwing things around, yelling, picking fights, blaming everyone else, the usual. Nobody even believed me when I told them she was like that behind closed doors.
That Movie with Jack Nickelson “ As Good As It Gets “ is about how “ she used in that quote; “As Good As It Gets “ .
That's not the confusion I'm under being under widespread systemic abuse
That we can never pinpoint the source of the situation that should be defending ourselves from
Thank you so much for sharing your on-point observations and wisdom. It has been so helpful to me.
I can feel their deceptive tone through a text message.
Property Managers. Empathy develops in childhood. It can't be learned as an adult. I am mindful that "no" is my response