Thanks however I should have disclosed that the above was stolen from an IG post I came across whilst shamelessly doom scrolling! It just came to mind during Dr R’s video. 💕
Being devalued and discarded was one of the most emotionally hurtful and traumatic experiences I have ever went through. The more I learn about narcissism, the more sick I am for realising everything I was tolerating. It is unimaginable the amount of emotional toll such experiences can have on us.
Thanks to all of you! I appreciate it🙏 It has been awhile since then, it took me 1,5 years of therapy to pull myself back up and rebuild myself. I am in much better space nowadays
I know a narcissist at my church that doesn’t even need to be in a relationship to get Supply from all of these women because he’s leading them on and making them think that he’s gonna choose them and he’s not!!! It’s soooo sad! I’m glad I got out before i waited for YEARS!!!! For a narcissistic Jezebel!
The rejection is so painful especially when the marry their new supply soon after discard, especially when everything was fine but all along they were betraying you with new supply the entire time 💔
I was actually redrawing from the narc. After a while the narc all of a sudden looked so happy and exited. I knew there was new supply. I prayed for this to happen. So hoping I can soon go no contact.
Just as you said, it’s about him - his facial expression is really a reaction to his internal experience/feelings of deep inadequacy. Sure, you’re standing in front of him & it very much does look like he’s looking at YOU, but he’s really expressing how angry he is that he feels overwhelmingly weak.
He can find all the new supply for the rest of his life. I closed that chapter and moving forward. No regret, no worrying, no missing, etc. Just full contentment to know I don't have any of that to wonder about. It never felt right...like a cloud dust...and now I know. Being true to me!!! ❤
I love this comment!!! But I do feel bad for the new people who will come in contact with him… that’s so sad… bc he’s going to use them & keep using them until they FINALLY WALK AWAY!!!!!
If you feel hate, it means you have unprocessed thoughts and feelings. Write them down, consider them thoroughly, one by one. It will take time for hate to turn to indifference. Give it time, and put in the work.❤
Yes expressing in whatever way is right for you . writing or recording words ..and physically ..exercising, boxing with a pillow :) has helped me. I go through phases of grief ...takes time to process everything to the point where you calmly 'see' and feel through the pain. I remind myself in those moments of the beautiful relationships i do have ❤
let me provide you an insight that clears everything up. the narc is NEVER really in a love bombing and charm phase. they are ALWAYS in the devalue and discard phase. they can't like or love people. they simply love bomb and charm to draw people in so that they can feed their supply and/or test their supply needs. they are always devaluing people. that's where they're permanently stuck. the charm and love bombing is just an empty tactic to suck people in. there's no honenst intent behind it. they didn't like you and never did because they're incapable of liking and loving people. when they shift to outwardly discarding you, that's the real them! internally, they're discarding and devaluing everyone they interact with ALL THE TIME! that's the secret! they don't like nor love anyone. they might charm others, but those people will soon experience the criticism and discarding....for criticism and devaluing and discarding others is at the core of narcs. the outward displays towards others means NOTHING. the narc can't love. narcs often discard fully when you become wise to them. and believe me, they are hurting, but only if you leave forever and entirely. this is good for the narc and the only thing that might get their ass in therapy and on meds. the narc leaves those that see them too clearly. treat a narc like you would a camera on set if you're an actor. no eye contact.
Dr. Ramani said it best: if a narc leaves you and starts a new relationship that seems to be going well for awhile, no the narc hasn't improved. It just means the narc has found someone who is willing to put-up-and-shut-up.
Mine could not connect with me,but random strangers in the cyber world she had no problem connecting with,very strange character, till this day she thinks she was the best thing that happened to me,I don't think my Dr.would of put me on Valium if she was the best thing for me.
I got out after 14 insane years of marriage. The narc played me from start to finish. I felt like I was crazy and it was all about me. Grateful to be happy joyous and free since June 2017 The devaluation was endless.
The part about the narcissist's phone being more interesting than you....that cuts deep. It's so humiliating to be out for a date night, or at a family event or casual hangout, and they're on their phone the entire time. Quietly communicating to you that they're bored and whatever they're looking at is more important than you. I go out to eat solo sometimes and I see this dynamic everywhere. I remember one particular incident where my covert XH was texting his new supply while we were at a breakfast date. I'm staring out the window humiliated while he gets narc supply from a woman who was supposedly an "abusive alcoholic who gave him PTSD." It's crazy-making.
Yep! My Ex Narc was always on the phone texting or staring at other women in front of me (I'm surprised his neck didn't hurt from all the head turning). He would also place his phone face down to hide the screen (something he never did earlier in the relationship). I never wanted/ needed to do detective work because his behaviour was in plain sight; I just used to observe.
Years after the final discard, after being abandoned for the new supply, i am stilll looking for a new therapist to help me recover from this mess... The worst part is that he is not the one i hate the most. I hate myself the most because i was too weak. I have discovered Dr. Ramani only recently, what she explains makes a lot of sens.
Please don't do the narc's job for them by devaluing yourself. When we know better, we do better. Just be willing to learn, one baby step at a time. Be good to yourself.
You need to be kind to yourself! Love yourself, get a good therapist who is knowledgeable about trauma caused due to living with a narcissist. Most importantly, get closer to God and to HIS love 🙏 HE will get you out of this situation.
You're not weak. You were abused. They refuse us sleep, sometimes even food when we live with them. It's impossible to protect yourself under those conditions until you get out. Then you can heal.
OMG! He did that, publicly, on FB, 2 weeks after he broke up with me using BIG lies. Two months later she cheated on him with his friend and is in a new relationship. Karma came swift and precise for him.
@@BashayG7175i would say that’s exactly what being on a shelf looks like. I have been bread crumbed for the past year but i am finally awakened from this nightmare
He actually called me "trash" because I asked him to leave. I realized that he was talking about himself and I got away from him. It's been a year and I'm still in healing from the abuse and post abuse.
Being devalued and discarded is one of the most emotionally hurtful and traumatic experiences I have ever suffered through and my life has not been easy. Unless you have been through it then it is unimaginable the amount of emotional toll these relationships have on victims.
Not realizing until 40 years later this is what you were going through, looking back and thinking they were, with someone else and stringing you along. Heart breaking
It was 30 years for me. I educated myself. I still live with him. It's 40 years next year. I am in dialysis because my kidneys are destroyed from highBP AND LITHIUM the Drs gave me to cope. He told everyone I m a broken down but case. I have nothing to do with those people. I've made all new friends. I can't convince my daughter he's wrong to my sorrow. I'm living my final years the best I can. He's very sick now with heart disease and diabetes. He has changed his beneficiaries. His icy hand of revenge. I am not afraid. God will provide. Pray for me
The gaslight is so strong that we think that they ending the relationship is something sad, that we are not enough, that they are abandoning us but, really? We need to make the effort to internalize that the end of a relationship with someone who is sick enough to abuse you is not sad, its a relief even if you dont feel this way already. My relationship ended a month ago and I'm still going thru hell but I'm learning alot with these videos. Dr. Ramani is doing a life changing in my mind, day by day I'll recover myself, we are children of God and we DESERVE to be healthy, to learn to love ourselves enough to not be sad about a monster going out of our life. I hope that you find your path to have a healthy relationship with yourself, with your body, with your life and mind. Believe me, start taking care of your basic needs will make a huge difference. Drink water, go eat healthy food, go outside to just feel the sun in your face, you deserve better. ❤
@@andrewsmith3257 I tell them zero now. They know nothing of my present life. I’m pretty sure they know it’s better without them though. lol They can make up their own stories, just like they would have anyway. ☮️
I had an epiphany the other day thanks to these films...since my birth over 50 years ago ..I have been abused by narcissists ..and it made me feel sad and alone...but atleast I now know why I'm like I am.
He broke me down brick by brick. After 19 years we are finally divorced. I’m so broken I can’t imagine ever feeling well again. I have to repair myself grain by grain. I’m exhausted.
I thought the same about my ex husband. I was completely broken for such a long time. Even though I left him. But slowly, little by little he has left my thoughts. And the space he youst to fill, became more and more full of more positive things and more positive people. And in turn I clearly saw how negatively my life had been consumed by him. I drove past him and his new supply the other day for the first time, and at the time I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, no jealousy, nothing. 3 years after leaving, I’m now back to questioning why did he treat me that way, but I know that it’s only because I saw him and I know it will pass too. I’ll never truly have the answer to that, but apart from the odd blip, I am accepting that I’ll never know why and I’m grateful I don’t understand why, because it means I’m not like it. It will get better and you will be better for it.
I let him back in and discarded me again. I feel so low and ashamed. I’ve turned into a shell of myself right at the brink of my healing/success in November, looking and feeling my best. Only for him to come in and treat me like a hobby he got bored of. Fighting to find the pretty girl in the picture again 🙏🏽
The one I dated turns up at a social event every couple of months where I go, trying to get my attention. I don't even make eye contact or acknowledge his existence. I figure it's when his latest supply has dried up so he's looking for some ego strokes. "You'll never find another man like me," he raged. YAY!!
😂 my ex girlfriend said something similar. "You were like a god to me. My conscience is clear, but i am sorry that MY plan didn't work out. You'll never find someone as good as me."
Last night, i felt compelled to write a gratitude list of all the things Im grateful for that he brought to my life. It helps reduce all the anger or disappoitment and allows me to be open to happiness.
You are straight tripping, accepting what happen and wishing them well will suffice, the irony is nothing they did positive was even genuine lol it was all a rooze and manipulation chest move. Don’t waste your time. Let your loss of memory, new journey of growth and self betterment and your heart handle the rest. Throw that list out burn it and never value anything about them and claim the experience you had as a beautiful gif from the universe to push you foward
Love doesn't hurt. Love flows freely, independently of circumstances. What hurts is not knowing who we are well enough, not trusting who we are well enough. Because once we do, narcissists vanish from the surface of earth. We can meet egoistical people, we can meet deluded people, we can meet clowns but we don't care to investigate beyond that because boundaries naturally build. It's all about relationship with self. The rest manifests as a by product of that.
They will lovebomb the new supply, flaunt them on social media and make you feel like you’re missing out. As though you’re bad or something is inherently wrong with you. Because that’s how they feel when the relationship ended with you. Everything they do after the end of the relationship is a response to their own rejection, which they’re projecting on to you.
They cannot make you feel any particular way. They can try to do so and you can accept it but then it's your responsibility. We own our thoughts, and we own our feelings.
I am so relieved that I am divorced from the ex grandiose malignant narcissist Years ago he parked outside my home pretending to spend time with our then younger boys & unfortunately i would be calling over to see my friend, he parked where i would have to pass & always had something to say, game on hoovering started I have been no contact for 3years now & life is blissfully peaceful No more cycles of abuse, in therapy & i am healing Brilliant blended videos, great to reflect back & realise how great it has been to finally end the abusive cycles & realise just how great it is to be thriving Thank you
Thank you for this post! I’m 9.5 months in “after discard” after 26.5 years of Marriage. Talk about almost insanity… I’m better , in therapy, in divorce and on my knees in prayer daily. I pray I can get where you are!! Yes
In a relationship with a narcissist is demonic, the thing is I did not know about this evil straits of someone. Well this is deceiving and disturbing and disgusting. I always knew something was weird and exhausting, as usual I thought it was me.....well .."It is not you"..... Praying Psalms 1-150🙏🇯🇲👑
You are brilliant. You so succinctly put into words exactly what it is like to be in this type of situationship. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
When I showed the texts he sent to me, to my therapist, she said these are normal texts.. but I know it wasn't normal. To an ordinary eye, it seems okay, but to someone who knows.. it was all an attempt to trigger me. I kept reacting. This ended up making me look crazy. Post discard I blocked him
I have yet to find a good therapist that understands narcissistic abuse. I'm glad you blocked him. I did that right away and I got off social media just like Dr. Ramani says in this video. It can feel like you're all alone and sometimes it does for me but it's better than the alternative.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. Recently my nephew ran into my ex-husband of 14 yrs in the store with his new supply and to my surprise I actually didn’t care, I actually just laughed cause I could only imagine the awful 😂 things he telling her about me of why I finally left. I just pray she sees through his bull crap sooner than later.
People, please remember that this is not only about relationships that go sour. This is also about all the other people out there. Narcissists who want to take advantage of you. Their conversations are not mutual because they're always talking about themselves. And complaining about other people.
I was discarded nearly 20 years ago when my narcissistic sister got several members of the family to shun me. For years I tried to keep in touch often with flying monkeys raging at me. After about a decade I quit trying. They can’t shun you if you’re not try to be a part of it. Right? Then, in an attempt to hoover they invited me to a family gathering. I respectfully declined. That’s when the final discard (in my heart) happened. “You’re dead to me.” That’s what my narc sister told me. Sounds pretty final. And STILL they continue to hoover. 5 years later, about every 6 to 8 months they act like they can get me back. It won’t happen.
My father (psycho narcissist) would never stop stalking me on social media even though I was a liberal red n loving commie. I had to block him everywhere - over a period of a decade. The fing worst person.
Looking back , the facade must have been extremely difficult for him that 1st year..we married after 8 months and by month 11 the switch flipped..and for me to start seeing the red flags for what they are/were was 5 yrs into marriage.
I just wanted to say that you changed my life and have helped me greatly. I was extremely depressed with the constant cycles of quitting jobs over Narcissistic bullying or getting fired because the Narcissist would talk their way out of trouble with management and I'd look like the problem. Your techniques got me out of this cycle.
This doesn't just happen with romantic partners but can also happen with coworkers and friends. Very sad for them but often times awfully painful for the victim.
Even after we divorced he was an @ss, had visitation with our daughter. He mellowed out for about a year and half and wasn’t so offensive. The reason was that he got a new girlfriend, our daughter was happier too when she came back from visitation. But he eventually blew that relationship. I knew she was a good woman because he never would go for someone who didn’t give a lot of supply.
Well said.It's like they would repeating their low level behaviour for shocking me.Like they would want to be a part of everything for giving the feeling that freedom is not a possible word.Free means to me without them.
Why is it that when I’m around one, I feel so drained and lost, all the while they seem ‘productive’. When I get away from one however, I get better and have more time and energy, but they look so drained. They don’t respect your time but expect you to prioritize them.
Because they are energy vampires and take your "life force" you have that give life to things and people in your sphere. They don't have that light just darkness. They are dark demonic force entities that don't want good, light, love, happiness, joy or anything great happening in the world. GET AWAY FROM THEM!! YOU UNDERSTAND?? By them being drained means they are self destructing like they need to. They are addicted personalities and time wasters. Believe me, I married and divorcing one after six months. Was together one year, biggest regret of my life. I am getting my energy back. He discarded me like trash over lack of financial supply and chronic adultery. I am a spiritual empath and believe in sacred loyalty and commitment. We are the unicorn bada%sses the spiritual realm.
My mom used to question my sister and me about our dates. She'd start with asking if we had a good time. All seemingly happy about our time on the date. Then the question "did you get something to eat?" That's when the bomb dropped. If we said yes her whole demeanor would change "I am sure as He'll glad somebody had something to eat! I sat here without!" I learned from watching my sister go through this. I never admitted to eating out.
UGH!!! Dr. Ramani, you described my relationship with my old high school boyfriend. Narcissists are like their own species. Yes, they are novelty seeking. I remember after high school (we were still together and broke up in our 20s...thankfully!) we ran into an old (male) friend and they were talking and I had gone off to the bathroom. When we were leaving, he leaned over and said into my ear "Yeah, so and so said you don't look as good as you used to." Another time I was talking about my hair (it was long and I was so hot) and he snapped at me, "You just want to cut your hair short and get fat like your mom and sister!" I was stunned. For the record, my mom and sister were not fat. I didn't even know what to say. All I have to say now is that I am so thankful that he cheated on me, I found out, and then ended it because he was such a toxic person.
This is where I think I am at with a narc guy friend. I purposely friend zoned him because of some red flags. He said wanted to be friends so I was open to it, only to have him slowly devalue me with constant future faking. Not engaging, stepping back, and focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
H told me that the great love of his life was a woman (who was also married to someone else) that he cheated on his FIRST WIFE with. You really can’t make this stuff up what narcs just throw out of their mouths. That really threw me at first but then I realized that nah. The great love of his life is him.
You are a really great help for me Thank you They are just doing what works for them So true.... I honestly don't care if he finds a new supply As a matter of fact...I knew he already had one...waiting for him Perhaps not only one.. I left and it was the best decision of my life I left wiser I believe...so that it won't happen again in my life No more misery
Thanks. That Ns are allergic to other people's happiness was new to me. I had seen it but it feels great that you actually say it. It's so validating. My mother always said this about my dad and I never took her seriously. I still don't want to believe it but I can't think of one single occasion where my father has actually been genuinely happy to see other people's joy, let alone success and thriving. It's so sad especially when it's from family.
That part about being “forced” to end the relationship really resonated with me. A day later he wanted to “make sure [you] didn’t feel forced to break up with me.” And I told him, “uh, yeah I did.” Then the hoovering began. He asked me to “meet and talk,” scheduled a time to meet at a restaurant, and when I arrived asked me “what did you want to talk about?” He repeatedly brought friends of his to the restaurant where I worked and luckily I had a fantastic manager who helped me to avoid them entirely without being seen. I tried to set a boundary with him and he said “we could run into each other anywhere.” They are just such exhausting, hurtful people.
You did nothing wrong, don't twist yourself into a pretzel for a partner, their logic is so flawed you will break your back doing mental gymnastics trying to understand, stick to logic and reason, if it doesn't seem reasonable, if it isn't logical, if it isn't rational, walk away, narcissist are never rational or logical, they do and say things that go against the social norm, they seem off, you may think maybe their parents just didn't teach them social skills, maybe they never knew love, so we try to show them how, and why and that's when shit hits the fan, they reject all that is good and chip away every good quality and personality trait you have, don't allow them to do so,
My ex Narc apologised to me few months ago for any wrong he "may" have done which I was super suspicious about (the apology was so forced that he could barely look at me - completely dead behind the eyes). Then a few weeks before he is getting married chooses to email me the exact location and date)! He has moved abroad and told my son 2 weeks prior to leaving (because I told him if he didn’t I would)! He sees our son wherever it suits him. I've called him out as a sociopath/narc before, and wished his new wife is the karma he deserves. Of course, he took it as bad karma/ revenge; he obviously recognises what he had done to me over the years was bad!
The worst thing for me is that everyone around (except the witness who was gaslighted by HR into thinking she didn't see what she saw) found some way to make me look bad. They were so determined to make me look like a monster they even said "tutting" at the narcissist was a bad thing to do. Not only did I never "tut" at her, but she and her flying monkey said I did it because she wasn't wearing her face mask. They didn't say to her "well, why weren't you wearing it, if you did, no one would tut at you") The thing is, I have over 350 audio recordings of my last year at work, so that final years bullying is all there. I couldn't use any of it in the investigation because I might have got sacked for misconduct, but I hoped to be able to use it in court, but the Union messed me around so much that I missed the deadline to take it to a tribunal. It's one thing to be treated badly, but when people are saying you are just as much the problem, it is like being abused by everyone. No therapist or anyone else who has claimed they will be able to help me has even shown any interest in going through the key moments of the 7 years to be able to confirm to me that I haven't gone crazy, it all happened and I was mistreated, and all my beliefs and conclusions were correct. That's what I need to be able to move on, but no one in the UK helps people with that. They try to say I'm deliberately holding on to the memories but I then explain how I have memories from many years ago that aren't about me, and didn't affect me. I don't know why they are as clear as if they happened yesterday, but they are. I don't choose to remember them, just as I am not choosing to remember my previous workplace.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I am glad you are able to move on. The pain will always be there, but not as strong. You are loveable - remember that. Satan wants you to believe you aren't = it's a lie.
My gratitude for your work is immense. Your videos bring me such PEACE I almost thought I wasnt going to be capable of anymore... And it's all so fresh, this heartbreak. A testiment to how valued your resources are to at least this broken heart! Thanks Dr.R.
Family scapegoat here. My boundary was my mom killing the dogs by starvation as a punishment for them being dogs and wanting to play and accidentally scratching her. The second I got in her way of doing as she pleased and wasn't useful to her anymore (she used me as an excuse to get money from my grandparents), she discarded me... after months of psychological torture, demeaning criticism, bashing on everything I did, and all the horrible and scarring things narcissist parents do. I asked so many times what I did wrong, how I wronged her, why she hated me so much... and yet, I had no answer and still have none. It hurts, and I don't think it'll ever stop hurting, but I'm moving on.
That’s the exact thing I heard from my ex husband of 35 years when he found his new supply. I was so over him by then but the utter disrespect was a lot. I divorced him, moved away, blocked him and changed my phone number. I love my new peaceful life. He quit his job and she works to pay all of their bills 😜
Everything that Dr ramani is talking about discarding and devaluing happened to me with my ex husband. He drove me crazy. Had so much PTSD and anxiety’s they are pure evil. it’s all about them
You mentioned that narcissists lovebomb and fake empathy. What are the odds of a narcissist falling into a relationship with another narcissist or psychopath who does these things? Can narcissists tell they are being lovebombed, hoovered, manipulated, or gaslit? I'd love to see you do a series on that topic 🙂
@@4WallsDesignsoh they do! Narcs are "predators" so they predate other humans non Narcs or in some cases weaker Narcs or Borderlines. Another NPD can destroy an NPD. A Borderline can put a narcissist through hell. Not to mention comorbidity. Like NPD/BPD or NPD/ASPD etc.
Self Compassion. Break the devaluation and discard- devaluation can last for decades. I'm a witness. I now understand why I never received emotional support when I attended college and started my own business. Her support was fake words in the air and not caring otherwise.
I feel guilty about letting my girlfriend go. Our relationship started out great but turned really quickly especially when she drank. Became physically and emotionally abusive. Thanks for DR. Ramani and others videos, I backed away grey rocking her. She has now sought help for her alcohol abuse and is seeing councilors for her mental health. I still love her, but know deep down I have to let her go for my mental health. I hope she gets the help she needs even though she says I'm abandoning her in her time of need. If anyone can advise otherwise please do. It's been tough.
I am sorry you’re going thru this. I have been thru this with previous boyfriends. It’s super hard but you have to prioritize your well being. You are not responsible for her, so don’t let her manipulate her which is sounds like she’s doing accusing you of abandoning her. It’s a classic narc move. You can wish her well and let her go. It’s ok to take care of yourself. Keep your healthy boundaries for sure. 👍
I got a question for you, what do you see the two of you in the future?....Will the former relationship would last long enough regarding to your former gf's baggage? Do you think it's worth the time and effort fulfilling your life with someone who might not be really not into you to begin with? Dealing with a potential narcissist, it's carrying twice the heavy weight carrying on your shoulders. I'm recently divorced in a 18 year marriage with a covert narc and it was great at first, but in the latter, my ex started to show their red flags held high. Over time, my ex was acting incredibly defensive and I could tell my ex was lying stuff from me and even using me very out of marirital norm. So I started watching these YT from Dr. Ramani and I grew a "3rd eye". Later on, my ex decided to discarded me because we will be "miserable" together which as far as I know we weren't. So I asked my ex if she's being seeing someone else, and then my ex wasn't giving me a straight answer where I realized my ex was lying. From there, I left my ex for good and blocked from my phone. So to my conclusion, it's not your fault and I wouldn't be feeling guilty at all because I'm sure 10 times out of 10 your former girlfriend wouldn't care not even the slightest about you. Remember, narcissists are pretty much actors to use us into our authentic lives because they can't afford to be alone and overly defensive to their true selves, the narcs are literally afraid to the real world. So be strong, be self love, don't try to ruminate about the past (Its not easy, but itll take time to self heal) and don't try to fall into their trap because one way or another, they'll place a trap to fall for it. Best of luck to you, friend. P.S. keep watching those related NPD YT videos so you can have that "3rd eye". Once you get it, you'll be surprised and have self awareness.
It's healthy to let go of someone abusive. That's all you need to know. You're not abandoning her you're abandoning that behavior of her, which is what any sane person would do.
Thank you for your wisdom and conviction in advising us to leave the vicious cycle. I am 2 months out of a 4 year narc relationship, and the trauma is real; the rumination is real. The physical illness side effects are real. The mental health challenges: Olympic level. Yet I know I have Dr Ramani on stand by always via these videos and her new audiobook, compassionately reminding me of what really happened and how I should proceed forward. Today I am suicidally low, helpless and confused. But I am grateful beyond compare to have this knowledge available to us. Thank you 🙏🏻
The day it shifted is burned in my mind which was the beginning of two decades of me running around like a chicken with my head cut off by him and blood spurting everywhere. Thank God its over!
My siblings attacked me in various ways during my recent father's death. My brother discarded me directly in front of the entire family while cleaning my late father's apartment. I am grieving many things. Members of the family are glorifying my abusive late father now, calling him a "Legend." I guess that's ok. A Legend is a story of someone or historical events. I find it hurtful to say but I think they all are narcissistic. Who else would glorify someone who was a known abuser throughout my entire life. My role in the family is the "Scapegoat." It is very much like a cult. I am struggling right now. I agree with what your saying. The emessement will be there regardless if we have contact or not. Mentally and emotionally the struggle is still there.
So sorry that happened to you. And you survived!! You are a survivor and that proves you are strong. Find just one true friend to help you heal. You will !
I'm currently experiencing pain & discomfort, and it's not just emotional; it's affecting my entire body. I'm grateful to Dr. Ramani for validating my decision to avoid getting drawn back in. However, the pain is still present, and my sympathies extend to anyone else facing this horror.
10:07 My dating pool (gay men) is extremely toxic. Before I discovered your channel I had already noticed these patterns and implemented strategies that contain the damage. One of my anti-hoovering techniques is: My first offer is my best offer & second chances can be bought at increasingly unfavorable terms I can forgive anything, for the right price. I don't ever forgive for free. Call it me making sure you have skin in the game. Most of the time the guys disappear when they learn the price. For the other times... well I end up a few 1000 dollars richer. It still falls apart but I get something
TBH what I read here doesnt sound normal or healthy.. You let a narcissist suck you back in, in return for money ? So a rich narc can treat you however he wants and just pay you to forgive him ? You realize a couple of thousand dollar can be nothing for some people.
What’s so strange about what you’re talking about his first wife left him I knew why but when I asked him, he told me she left because I couldn’t satisfy her. They got married too young and she wanted to go full around. Yeah I talked to her three years ago, she said no Linda it was abuse.
The ex has had 2x new supplies in 10 months, and our little one is confused as heck and calls them mummy. He's immediately introduced both women within days of merging him, and they've got their own kids 🤦 good luck to him.
People pick up these traits from their intimate relationships and then they become narcissistic towards other people including their children and those who are weaker than them
Does anyone else take notes? I just walked away from a budding relationship and totally second guessed myself with the red flags. Then after leaving I felt I betrayed myself for not existing quicker. It took me a little bit to realize 3 weeks is a much shorter time for me to pull a plug and next time it will be shorter and soon I won't entertaining the bs. My goal at least
If there's red flags run! I'm glad you got away. It only gets worse the more time you put up with the bad behavior. I had one date and I didn't want to see him ever again. It's a good thing to realize what you don't want. You don't owe them anything.
The best gift a narcissist can give you is, to get out and stay out of your life.
❤
So sad, but true, specially for us who actually loved them.
Exactly, the hell is the contrary.
😂
Yesssss I've had so much peace. Thank you Lord 😂😂
Their rejection is YOUR protection…
@@toknowistolove Thanks. I should have also disclosed that I heard that line whilst shamelessly doom scrolling the other day, so not an original. 🫣
Thanks however I should have disclosed that the above was stolen from an IG post I came across whilst shamelessly doom scrolling! It just came to mind during Dr R’s video. 💕
@@toknowistolove cheers. Me too 👷🏾♀️
This was right on time, Dr Ramani. You have opened my eyes. Thanks a million!
Didn't exactly go that way when there are cult-flying monkeys being fed to harass said designee.
Hi everyone. I left. I got the strength. My kids and I are in a shelter. Your videos gave me the power and strength to leave
Stay positive and surround yourself with positivity
Smart!! Smart!! Everyday it will get better. Ask God on your knees to give you WISDOM AND STRENGTH AMD HEALING. I will pray for you
❤❤❤❤
One day at a time! Enjoy the strangeness of feeling free and dont look back!!
Have faith in God🙏 everyday will get easier, stay strong 🙏
Being devalued and discarded was one of the most emotionally hurtful and traumatic experiences I have ever went through.
The more I learn about narcissism, the more sick I am for realising everything I was tolerating. It is unimaginable the amount of emotional toll such experiences can have on us.
Yeah. I feel I was so foolish
You are not alone, it changes you forever
@@DS-ge5ymI side everyone now 😢
And currently learning self trust
More power to you
We are with you..
Thanks to all of you! I appreciate it🙏
It has been awhile since then, it took me 1,5 years of therapy to pull myself back up and rebuild myself. I am in much better space nowadays
Proud to have the strength to be single and happy- narcs can't be alone
They.are.weak.
They can never be alone
I know a narcissist at my church that doesn’t even need to be in a relationship to get Supply from all of these women because he’s leading them on and making them think that he’s gonna choose them and he’s not!!! It’s soooo sad! I’m glad I got out before i waited for YEARS!!!! For a narcissistic Jezebel!
Uff
They get to start the game with the new person. Same game new players.
Smart ones improve their strategy
You made me think of that song by Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox i believe...."Same acript different cast" these videos are so eye opening!!!!
This is my Ex’s MO…. I read him like a book!
@@dcj991no they still get there’s. What you do will be done to you. Karma
The rejection is so painful especially when the marry their new supply soon after discard, especially when everything was fine but all along they were betraying you with new supply the entire time 💔
I am happy and relieved its over but I still feel shocked with the aftermath as I was being treated like nothing more than garbage..
Think about what garbage is and how it becomes garbage.
They've consumed what they wanted and the rest is useless to them.
They are cold blooded creatures.
Glad you know you are not garbage
If your dog is barking at you...someone else is feeding it.
CHEATERS. Can't stand em..
Contempt. Disdain. Disapproval. But never said so. Simply showed it
Yeah
I was actually redrawing from the narc. After a while the narc all of a sudden looked so happy and exited. I knew there was new supply. I prayed for this to happen. So hoping I can soon go no contact.
I hated it when he looked at me with SUCH contempt. That was always the worst feeling in the world. Not about me though - all about him,
Misogyny causes narcissism
Just as you said, it’s about him - his facial expression is really a reaction to his internal experience/feelings of deep inadequacy. Sure, you’re standing in front of him & it very much does look like he’s looking at YOU, but he’s really expressing how angry he is that he feels overwhelmingly weak.
@@ElleJordan8
Never understood why he looked that way! I could feel the contempt … probably why I never surrendered to him!
Memorize that look.
I know that look. It is shocking and painful when you are losing your best friend of almost 20 years.
He can find all the new supply for the rest of his life. I closed that chapter and moving forward. No regret, no worrying, no missing, etc. Just full contentment to know I don't have any of that to wonder about. It never felt right...like a cloud dust...and now I know.
Being true to me!!! ❤
Right! No counterfeits!
I love this comment!!! But I do feel bad for the new people who will come in contact with him… that’s so sad… bc he’s going to use them & keep using them until they FINALLY WALK AWAY!!!!!
@@4WallsDesignsthat’s exactly what I called him, a counterfeit!!! 😮
Congratulations! I am not in contact with my narc dad. His attitude, his problem, not mine(anymore)!
This is how I feel!! Amen..
It’s hard for me not to feel so much hate towards the narcissists. It’s disgusting and volatile.
If you feel hate, it means you have unprocessed thoughts and feelings. Write them down, consider them thoroughly, one by one. It will take time for hate to turn to indifference. Give it time, and put in the work.❤
Yes expressing in whatever way is right for you . writing or recording words ..and physically ..exercising, boxing with a pillow :) has helped me. I go through phases of grief ...takes time to process everything to the point where you calmly 'see' and feel through the pain. I remind myself in those moments of the beautiful relationships i do have ❤
Narcissists 👹👹👹
let me provide you an insight that clears everything up.
the narc is NEVER really in a love bombing and charm phase. they are ALWAYS in the devalue and discard phase. they can't like or love people. they simply love bomb and charm to draw people in so that they can feed their supply and/or test their supply needs.
they are always devaluing people. that's where they're permanently stuck. the charm and love bombing is just an empty tactic to suck people in. there's no honenst intent behind it. they didn't like you and never did because they're incapable of liking and loving people.
when they shift to outwardly discarding you, that's the real them! internally, they're discarding and devaluing everyone they interact with ALL THE TIME!
that's the secret! they don't like nor love anyone. they might charm others, but those people will soon experience the criticism and discarding....for criticism and devaluing and discarding others is at the core of narcs. the outward displays towards others means NOTHING. the narc can't love.
narcs often discard fully when you become wise to them. and believe me, they are hurting, but only if you leave forever and entirely. this is good for the narc and the only thing that might get their ass in therapy and on meds.
the narc leaves those that see them too clearly.
treat a narc like you would a camera on set if you're an actor. no eye contact.
It hurts realizing you were their supply, not the love of their life. And always thinking “maybe he hill change for someone else”…
The hill to hell maybe (nothing else). Those people don´t change - they only change supply.
They won't change not even for another person.
They change supply …. that’s it and that’s all.
Dr. Ramani said it best: if a narc leaves you and starts a new relationship that seems to be going well for awhile, no the narc hasn't improved. It just means the narc has found someone who is willing to put-up-and-shut-up.
@@linneasimchah1621or who hasn’t figured out who they are yet! ❤
I have been starving for attention four years. There’s always been something missing in this relationship and I couldn’t figure it out, but I got it.
Mine could not connect with me,but random strangers in the cyber world she had no problem connecting with,very strange character, till this day she thinks she was the best thing that happened to me,I don't think my Dr.would of put me on Valium if she was the best thing for me.
I got out after 14 insane years of marriage. The narc played me from start to finish. I felt like I was crazy and it was all about me. Grateful to be happy joyous and free since June 2017
The devaluation was endless.
It's not love, it's not even a transaction (accept for their weak resolve) because they destroy you. It's all for ruin.
The part about the narcissist's phone being more interesting than you....that cuts deep. It's so humiliating to be out for a date night, or at a family event or casual hangout, and they're on their phone the entire time. Quietly communicating to you that they're bored and whatever they're looking at is more important than you. I go out to eat solo sometimes and I see this dynamic everywhere.
I remember one particular incident where my covert XH was texting his new supply while we were at a breakfast date. I'm staring out the window humiliated while he gets narc supply from a woman who was supposedly an "abusive alcoholic who gave him PTSD." It's crazy-making.
Yep! My Ex Narc was always on the phone texting or staring at other women in front of me (I'm surprised his neck didn't hurt from all the head turning).
He would also place his phone face down to hide the screen (something he never did earlier in the relationship). I never wanted/ needed to do detective work because his behaviour was in plain sight; I just used to observe.
I feel that. Mine used to ignore me all the time. That hurts
Its like their phone is an extra appendage. They never go anywhere without it
My partner does this... he will literally ignore people who are legit trying to talk to him or show him something. Then he blames it in on ADHD.
I’ve gone through the same thing 😮
Years after the final discard, after being abandoned for the new supply, i am stilll looking for a new therapist to help me recover from this mess... The worst part is that he is not the one i hate the most. I hate myself the most because i was too weak. I have discovered Dr. Ramani only recently, what she explains makes a lot of sens.
Please don't do the narc's job for them by devaluing yourself. When we know better, we do better. Just be willing to learn, one baby step at a time. Be good to yourself.
You need to be kind to yourself! Love yourself, get a good therapist who is knowledgeable about trauma caused due to living with a narcissist. Most importantly, get closer to God and to HIS love 🙏 HE will get you out of this situation.
@@patriciabell4238 Thank you!
@@linneasimchah1621 Thanks à lot!
You're not weak. You were abused. They refuse us sleep, sometimes even food when we live with them. It's impossible to protect yourself under those conditions until you get out. Then you can heal.
OMG! He did that, publicly, on FB, 2 weeks after he broke up with me using BIG lies. Two months later she cheated on him with his friend and is in a new relationship. Karma came swift and precise for him.
The cycle begins anew and they go to work on them till they finally blow it and try to return to previous Supply
Too coward for discard...they put you on a shelf
Or they try to string you along and bread crumb you
Exactly
Yeah got to put your foot down
@@BashayG7175i would say that’s exactly what being on a shelf looks like. I have been bread crumbed for the past year but i am finally awakened from this nightmare
Exactly on the shelf.
He actually called me "trash" because I asked him to leave. I realized that he was talking about himself and I got away from him. It's been a year and I'm still in healing from the abuse and post abuse.
The only trash I see is him bagging up& leaving! You did right!
I back you up on this. Going through DV and divorce. Made me feel like a loser but it's alllll projection.
Being devalued and discarded is one of the most emotionally hurtful and traumatic experiences I have ever suffered through and my life has not been easy. Unless you have been through it then it is unimaginable the amount of emotional toll these relationships have on victims.
Not realizing until 40 years later this is what you were going through, looking back and thinking they were, with someone else and stringing you along. Heart breaking
I was discarded A lot
It was 30 years for me. I educated myself. I still live with him. It's 40 years next year. I am in dialysis because my kidneys are destroyed from highBP AND LITHIUM the Drs gave me to cope. He told everyone I m a broken down but case. I have nothing to do with those people. I've made all new friends. I can't convince my daughter he's wrong to my sorrow. I'm living my final years the best I can. He's very sick now with heart disease and diabetes. He has changed his beneficiaries. His icy hand of revenge. I am not afraid. God will provide. Pray for me
The gaslight is so strong that we think that they ending the relationship is something sad, that we are not enough, that they are abandoning us but, really? We need to make the effort to internalize that the end of a relationship with someone who is sick enough to abuse you is not sad, its a relief even if you dont feel this way already. My relationship ended a month ago and I'm still going thru hell but I'm learning alot with these videos. Dr. Ramani is doing a life changing in my mind, day by day I'll recover myself, we are children of God and we DESERVE to be healthy, to learn to love ourselves enough to not be sad about a monster going out of our life.
I hope that you find your path to have a healthy relationship with yourself, with your body, with your life and mind. Believe me, start taking care of your basic needs will make a huge difference. Drink water, go eat healthy food, go outside to just feel the sun in your face, you deserve better. ❤
Everything is about them every little frigging thing
And no matter what happens to you, it’s happened to them-
But So Much WORSE!!🙄😂
@@suzyhomeacrethat's just their tactic to invalidate your struggles
@@andrewsmith3257 I tell them zero now. They know nothing of my present life.
I’m pretty sure they know it’s better without them though. lol
They can make up their own stories, just like they would have anyway.
☮️
Literally Everything
He tells people that I’m a narcissist, a liar 24/7, mentally ill, and ruined my kids life.
Narcissists have a special place in hell👹
I'm SOoOo sorry. I'm dealing with a terrible dad that tricked me for a long time
"You will be OK as long as you don't go back to them." - My wise roommate. She was right. More than OK.
I had an epiphany the other day thanks to these films...since my birth over 50 years ago ..I have been abused by narcissists ..and it made me feel sad and alone...but atleast I now know why I'm like I am.
I learned at 36. It's a hard truth but it's a foundation for building a stronger healthier life.
He broke me down brick by brick. After 19 years we are finally divorced. I’m so broken I can’t imagine ever feeling well again. I have to repair myself grain by grain. I’m exhausted.
One baby step at a time. You can do it. You're worth it.
Realizing HE IS A 1 DIMENSIONAL mentally ill person..... Helps. I swear.
I thought the same about my ex husband. I was completely broken for such a long time. Even though I left him. But slowly, little by little he has left my thoughts. And the space he youst to fill, became more and more full of more positive things and more positive people. And in turn I clearly saw how negatively my life had been consumed by him. I drove past him and his new supply the other day for the first time, and at the time I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, no jealousy, nothing. 3 years after leaving, I’m now back to questioning why did he treat me that way, but I know that it’s only because I saw him and I know it will pass too. I’ll never truly have the answer to that, but apart from the odd blip, I am accepting that I’ll never know why and I’m grateful I don’t understand why, because it means I’m not like it. It will get better and you will be better for it.
I let him back in and discarded me again. I feel so low and ashamed. I’ve turned into a shell of myself right at the brink of my healing/success in November, looking and feeling my best. Only for him to come in and treat me like a hobby he got bored of. Fighting to find the pretty girl in the picture again 🙏🏽
The one I dated turns up at a social event every couple of months where I go, trying to get my attention. I don't even make eye contact or acknowledge his existence. I figure it's when his latest supply has dried up so he's looking for some ego strokes. "You'll never find another man like me," he raged. YAY!!
In reality nobody wants a man like him. 🤢
😂 my ex girlfriend said something similar.
"You were like a god to me. My conscience is clear, but i am sorry that MY plan didn't work out. You'll never find someone as good as me."
Thank God she left the nicest thing she did for me was to leave 😂
Last night, i felt compelled to write a gratitude list of all the things Im grateful for that he brought to my life. It helps reduce all the anger or disappoitment and allows me to be open to happiness.
You are straight tripping, accepting what happen and wishing them well will suffice, the irony is nothing they did positive was even genuine lol it was all a rooze and manipulation chest move. Don’t waste your time.
Let your loss of memory, new journey of growth and self betterment and your heart handle the rest.
Throw that list out burn it and never value anything about them and claim the experience you had as a beautiful gif from the universe to push you foward
Discard blessed me. I filed for divorce. I'm saving money, credit restored, & living in peace again 🤗
God bless you I'm going thecthe same I feel so lost
Love doesn't hurt. Love flows freely, independently of circumstances. What hurts is not knowing who we are well enough, not trusting who we are well enough. Because once we do, narcissists vanish from the surface of earth. We can meet egoistical people, we can meet deluded people, we can meet clowns but we don't care to investigate beyond that because boundaries naturally build. It's all about relationship with self. The rest manifests as a by product of that.
They will lovebomb the new supply, flaunt them on social media and make you feel like you’re missing out. As though you’re bad or something is inherently wrong with you. Because that’s how they feel when the relationship ended with you. Everything they do after the end of the relationship is a response to their own rejection, which they’re projecting on to you.
Yes, you found out their TRUE character by the way they discard you! Even before that but in the end you see what you knew allll along!
They cannot make you feel any particular way. They can try to do so and you can accept it but then it's your responsibility. We own our thoughts, and we own our feelings.
@@sunbeam9222victim blaming
I am so relieved that I am divorced from the ex grandiose malignant narcissist
Years ago he parked outside my home pretending to spend time with our then younger boys & unfortunately i would be calling over to see my friend, he parked where i would have to pass & always had something to say, game on hoovering started
I have been no contact for 3years now & life is blissfully peaceful
No more cycles of abuse, in therapy & i am healing
Brilliant blended videos, great to reflect back & realise how great it has been to finally end the abusive cycles & realise just how great it is to be thriving
Thank you
Thank you for this post! I’m 9.5 months in “after discard” after 26.5 years of Marriage.
Talk about almost insanity… I’m better , in therapy, in divorce and on my knees in prayer daily. I pray I can get where you are!! Yes
In a relationship with a narcissist is demonic, the thing is I did not know about this evil straits of someone. Well this is deceiving and disturbing and disgusting. I always knew something was weird and exhausting, as usual I thought it was me.....well
.."It is not you"..... Praying Psalms 1-150🙏🇯🇲👑
You are brilliant. You so succinctly put into words exactly what it is like to be in this type of situationship. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
When I showed the texts he sent to me, to my therapist, she said these are normal texts.. but I know it wasn't normal. To an ordinary eye, it seems okay, but to someone who knows.. it was all an attempt to trigger me. I kept reacting. This ended up making me look crazy. Post discard I blocked him
I have yet to find a good therapist that understands narcissistic abuse. I'm glad you blocked him. I did that right away and I got off social media just like Dr. Ramani says in this video. It can feel like you're all alone and sometimes it does for me but it's better than the alternative.
Pretending to know better than therapists sound like what a narcissist would do to validate their victim made-up convenient story. 🤨
@@Damesanglante indeed but shhh because how dare you blame the victim , another popular narcissist card🙄
Thank you, I needed to hear this. Recently my nephew ran into my ex-husband of 14 yrs in the store with his new supply and to my surprise I actually didn’t care, I actually just laughed cause I could only imagine the awful 😂 things he telling her about me of why I finally left. I just pray she sees through his bull crap sooner than later.
Doctor Ramani, my heart is broken but you opened my eyes!
People, please remember that this is not only about relationships that go sour. This is also about all the other people out there. Narcissists who want to take advantage of you. Their conversations are not mutual because they're always talking about themselves.
And complaining about other people.
I was discarded nearly 20 years ago when my narcissistic sister got several members of the family to shun me. For years I tried to keep in touch often with flying monkeys raging at me. After about a decade I quit trying. They can’t shun you if you’re not try to be a part of it. Right? Then, in an attempt to hoover they invited me to a family gathering. I respectfully declined. That’s when the final discard (in my heart) happened. “You’re dead to me.” That’s what my narc sister told me. Sounds pretty final. And STILL they continue to hoover. 5 years later, about every 6 to 8 months they act like they can get me back. It won’t happen.
My father (psycho narcissist) would never stop stalking me on social media even though I was a liberal red n loving commie. I had to block him everywhere - over a period of a decade. The fing worst person.
Same. They didn't tell me when my narc mother died...which is okay because I wouldn't have attended the funeral.
The aftermath sounds like a nightmare.
My devaluing started after I said I do
Ain't that the truth. Same. Really at the discard. It wasn't going yo last from jump in his mind. He thought I was his retirement fund.
Mine too😢
I can relate.
Yup
Looking back , the facade must have been extremely difficult for him that 1st year..we married after 8 months and by month 11 the switch flipped..and for me to start seeing the red flags for what they are/were was 5 yrs into marriage.
When they marry their soul mate that they betrayed you with, and then raise your children, it's hard.
Horrible
Offffffhhh what?? A new supply raising your children??
No come on… not accepted
May God be with you my friend is going through this currently😢 I care about you and her because that’s inhumane.
@@Islamiciman my compassion to your friend, and not to lose hope.
This is what my ex is currently trying to set up .. I can see it coming
So good to revisit these past episodes. The content needs to saturate my mind so I can protect myself against future abuse. Thank you Dr Ramani!
She is a fantastic genius. The Einstein of both social understanding and mathematics.
I just wanted to say that you changed my life and have helped me greatly. I was extremely depressed with the constant cycles of quitting jobs over Narcissistic bullying or getting fired because the Narcissist would talk their way out of trouble with management and I'd look like the problem. Your techniques got me out of this cycle.
Yeah getting fired over and over because of Narcissistic crazies. You really call this a "culture"?
This doesn't just happen with romantic partners but can also happen with coworkers and friends. Very sad for them but often times awfully painful for the victim.
I wish they find a new supply and leave me alone but they want all the supplies they can possibly have..
Even after we divorced he was an @ss, had visitation with our daughter. He mellowed out for about a year and half and wasn’t so offensive. The reason was that he got a new girlfriend, our daughter was happier too when she came back from visitation. But he eventually blew that relationship. I knew she was a good woman because he never would go for someone who didn’t give a lot of supply.
Well said.It's like they would repeating their low level behaviour for shocking me.Like they would want to be a part of everything for giving the feeling that freedom is not a possible word.Free means to me without them.
Be never one of them again. Say: NO.
Tell them oh I’m sorry I have no more BLOOD for you vampire narc!
Nothing is ever enough for these blood suckers
Yay, self-compassion!
Why is it that when I’m around one, I feel so drained and lost, all the while they seem ‘productive’. When I get away from one however, I get better and have more time and energy, but they look so drained. They don’t respect your time but expect you to prioritize them.
Because they are energy vampires and take your "life force" you have that give life to things and people in your sphere. They don't have that light just darkness. They are dark demonic force entities that don't want good, light, love, happiness, joy or anything great happening in the world. GET AWAY FROM THEM!! YOU UNDERSTAND?? By them being drained means they are self destructing like they need to. They are addicted personalities and time wasters. Believe me, I married and divorcing one after six months. Was together one year, biggest regret of my life. I am getting my energy back. He discarded me like trash over lack of financial supply and chronic adultery. I am a spiritual empath and believe in sacred loyalty and commitment. We are the unicorn bada%sses the spiritual realm.
Fragility and Abuser in one being is forever going to be something I cannot fathom.
Abuser is a weak coward. Fragile and weak minded. Strong people are balanced, smart and healthy.
My mom used to question my sister and me about our dates. She'd start with asking if we had a good time. All seemingly happy about our time on the date. Then the question "did you get something to eat?" That's when the bomb dropped. If we said yes her whole demeanor would change "I am sure as He'll glad somebody had something to eat! I sat here without!" I learned from watching my sister go through this. I never admitted to eating out.
UGH!!! Dr. Ramani, you described my relationship with my old high school boyfriend. Narcissists are like their own species. Yes, they are novelty seeking. I remember after high school (we were still together and broke up in our 20s...thankfully!) we ran into an old (male) friend and they were talking and I had gone off to the bathroom. When we were leaving, he leaned over and said into my ear "Yeah, so and so said you don't look as good as you used to." Another time I was talking about my hair (it was long and I was so hot) and he snapped at me, "You just want to cut your hair short and get fat like your mom and sister!" I was stunned. For the record, my mom and sister were not fat. I didn't even know what to say. All I have to say now is that I am so thankful that he cheated on me, I found out, and then ended it because he was such a toxic person.
The fool had NO filter on his funky mouth.
The narc also called my sister fat and I didn’t understand why he had to say that, my sister wasn’t fat.
This is where I think I am at with a narc guy friend. I purposely friend zoned him because of some red flags. He said wanted to be friends so I was open to it, only to have him slowly devalue me with constant future faking. Not engaging, stepping back, and focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
H told me that the great love of his life was a woman (who was also married to someone else) that he cheated on his FIRST WIFE with. You really can’t make this stuff up what narcs just throw out of their mouths. That really threw me at first but then I realized that nah. The great love of his life is him.
I agree with everything you have talked about on this topic! Thank you Dr Ramani I appreciate you very much for your information and help!❣️
It is SO easy to keep going back to the same patterns.
You are a really great help for me
Thank you
They are just doing what works for them
So true....
I honestly don't care if he finds a new supply
As a matter of fact...I knew he already had one...waiting for him
Perhaps not only one..
I left and it was the best decision of my life
I left wiser I believe...so that it won't happen again in my life
No more misery
This is so true. I am told if I am not happy I can leave. By now I should leave. Thank you for these videos
Make sure you have a safe place to go to. I had this dilemma and no back up resources.
I have recently been plucked out of a Very hostile marriage due to God's grace.
Thanks. That Ns are allergic to other people's happiness was new to me. I had seen it but it feels great that you actually say it. It's so validating. My mother always said this about my dad and I never took her seriously. I still don't want to believe it but I can't think of one single occasion where my father has actually been genuinely happy to see other people's joy, let alone success and thriving. It's so sad especially when it's from family.
That part about being “forced” to end the relationship really resonated with me.
A day later he wanted to “make sure [you] didn’t feel forced to break up with me.” And I told him, “uh, yeah I did.”
Then the hoovering began. He asked me to “meet and talk,” scheduled a time to meet at a restaurant, and when I arrived asked me “what did you want to talk about?” He repeatedly brought friends of his to the restaurant where I worked and luckily I had a fantastic manager who helped me to avoid them entirely without being seen. I tried to set a boundary with him and he said “we could run into each other anywhere.”
They are just such exhausting, hurtful people.
I did everything he wanted
You did nothing wrong, don't twist yourself into a pretzel for a partner, their logic is so flawed you will break your back doing mental gymnastics trying to understand, stick to logic and reason, if it doesn't seem reasonable, if it isn't logical, if it isn't rational, walk away, narcissist are never rational or logical, they do and say things that go against the social norm, they seem off, you may think maybe their parents just didn't teach them social skills, maybe they never knew love, so we try to show them how, and why and that's when shit hits the fan, they reject all that is good and chip away every good quality and personality trait you have, don't allow them to do so,
My ex Narc apologised to me few months ago for any wrong he "may" have done which I was super suspicious about (the apology was so forced that he could barely look at me - completely dead behind the eyes). Then a few weeks before he is getting married chooses to email me the exact location and date)! He has moved abroad and told my son 2 weeks prior to leaving (because I told him if he didn’t I would)! He sees our son wherever it suits him.
I've called him out as a sociopath/narc before, and wished his new wife is the karma he deserves. Of course, he took it as bad karma/ revenge; he obviously recognises what he had done to me over the years was bad!
Excellent Video As Always !!! Thank You Dr Ramani for your Brilliant Content! ❤❤
The worst thing for me is that everyone around (except the witness who was gaslighted by HR into thinking she didn't see what she saw) found some way to make me look bad. They were so determined to make me look like a monster they even said "tutting" at the narcissist was a bad thing to do. Not only did I never "tut" at her, but she and her flying monkey said I did it because she wasn't wearing her face mask. They didn't say to her "well, why weren't you wearing it, if you did, no one would tut at you")
The thing is, I have over 350 audio recordings of my last year at work, so that final years bullying is all there. I couldn't use any of it in the investigation because I might have got sacked for misconduct, but I hoped to be able to use it in court, but the Union messed me around so much that I missed the deadline to take it to a tribunal.
It's one thing to be treated badly, but when people are saying you are just as much the problem, it is like being abused by everyone.
No therapist or anyone else who has claimed they will be able to help me has even shown any interest in going through the key moments of the 7 years to be able to confirm to me that I haven't gone crazy, it all happened and I was mistreated, and all my beliefs and conclusions were correct. That's what I need to be able to move on, but no one in the UK helps people with that. They try to say I'm deliberately holding on to the memories but I then explain how I have memories from many years ago that aren't about me, and didn't affect me. I don't know why they are as clear as if they happened yesterday, but they are. I don't choose to remember them, just as I am not choosing to remember my previous workplace.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I am glad you are able to move on. The pain will always be there, but not as strong. You are loveable - remember that. Satan wants you to believe you aren't = it's a lie.
My gratitude for your work is immense. Your videos bring me such PEACE I almost thought I wasnt going to be capable of anymore... And it's all so fresh, this heartbreak. A testiment to how valued your resources are to at least this broken heart! Thanks Dr.R.
First thing I did was blocking him on every social media platforms and unfriended his circle of people.
Family scapegoat here.
My boundary was my mom killing the dogs by starvation as a punishment for them being dogs and wanting to play and accidentally scratching her.
The second I got in her way of doing as she pleased and wasn't useful to her anymore (she used me as an excuse to get money from my grandparents), she discarded me... after months of psychological torture, demeaning criticism, bashing on everything I did, and all the horrible and scarring things narcissist parents do.
I asked so many times what I did wrong, how I wronged her, why she hated me so much... and yet, I had no answer and still have none.
It hurts, and I don't think it'll ever stop hurting, but I'm moving on.
You are worthy of being loved just as you are.
@@amazingjane2703 we all are. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it.
Love and respect yourself first and foremost...love and respect for others will come in time
Good luck
We will never get answers we just have to learn to live with it ❤ we can do this 💪
That’s the exact thing I heard from my ex husband of 35 years when he found his new supply. I was so over him by then but the utter disrespect was a lot. I divorced him, moved away, blocked him and changed my phone number. I love my new peaceful life. He quit his job and she works to pay all of their bills 😜
😂good luck to her. He’s her problem now x
Thanks again, Dr Ramami~ for the reminders and validation of truth and peace ... XO
Everything that Dr ramani is talking about discarding and devaluing happened to me with my ex husband. He drove me crazy. Had so much PTSD and anxiety’s they are pure evil. it’s all about them
You mentioned that narcissists lovebomb and fake empathy. What are the odds of a narcissist falling into a relationship with another narcissist or psychopath who does these things? Can narcissists tell they are being lovebombed, hoovered, manipulated, or gaslit? I'd love to see you do a series on that topic 🙂
Whooo wouldn’t that be the ultimate karma? The Narc getting Narc’d! 😮
@@4WallsDesigns The fireworks are extreme!
😂😂 let's just say my husband met his match and hates it,
@@4WallsDesignsoh they do! Narcs are "predators" so they predate other humans non Narcs or in some cases weaker Narcs or Borderlines. Another NPD can destroy an NPD. A Borderline can put a narcissist through hell. Not to mention comorbidity. Like NPD/BPD or NPD/ASPD etc.
Two romantic NPDs will abuse each other. It rarely lasts, unless they discover they can work together in getting their narcissistic supply.
Self Compassion. Break the devaluation and discard- devaluation can last for decades. I'm a witness. I now understand why I never received emotional support when I attended college and started my own business. Her support was fake words in the air and not caring otherwise.
You are an angel! My eyes are open. I am forever grateful for you and your sharing of knowledge
🙏 Thank you so much Dr Ramani , I am so relieved to know and to protect myself. God bless you! ❤
I've never been made to feel so valuable and devalued at the same time 😞
Im just laughing at the thought of him pulling all the cards he did for me, on her. Those poor poor souls.
What's funny about that? Is she not a victim like you were?
I feel guilty about letting my girlfriend go. Our relationship started out great but turned really quickly especially when she drank. Became physically and emotionally abusive. Thanks for DR. Ramani and others videos, I backed away grey rocking her. She has now sought help for her alcohol abuse and is seeing councilors for her mental health. I still love her, but know deep down I have to let her go for my mental health. I hope she gets the help she needs even though she says I'm abandoning her in her time of need.
If anyone can advise otherwise please do. It's been tough.
I am sorry you’re going thru this. I have been thru this with previous boyfriends. It’s super hard but you have to prioritize your well being. You are not responsible for her, so don’t let her manipulate her which is sounds like she’s doing accusing you of abandoning her. It’s a classic narc move. You can wish her well and let her go. It’s ok to take care of yourself. Keep your healthy boundaries for sure. 👍
I got a question for you, what do you see the two of you in the future?....Will the former relationship would last long enough regarding to your former gf's baggage? Do you think it's worth the time and effort fulfilling your life with someone who might not be really not into you to begin with? Dealing with a potential narcissist, it's carrying twice the heavy weight carrying on your shoulders. I'm recently divorced in a 18 year marriage with a covert narc and it was great at first, but in the latter, my ex started to show their red flags held high. Over time, my ex was acting incredibly defensive and I could tell my ex was lying stuff from me and even using me very out of marirital norm. So I started watching these YT from Dr. Ramani and I grew a "3rd eye". Later on, my ex decided to discarded me because we will be "miserable" together which as far as I know we weren't. So I asked my ex if she's being seeing someone else, and then my ex wasn't giving me a straight answer where I realized my ex was lying. From there, I left my ex for good and blocked from my phone. So to my conclusion, it's not your fault and I wouldn't be feeling guilty at all because I'm sure 10 times out of 10 your former girlfriend wouldn't care not even the slightest about you. Remember, narcissists are pretty much actors to use us into our authentic lives because they can't afford to be alone and overly defensive to their true selves, the narcs are literally afraid to the real world. So be strong, be self love, don't try to ruminate about the past (Its not easy, but itll take time to self heal) and don't try to fall into their trap because one way or another, they'll place a trap to fall for it. Best of luck to you, friend.
P.S. keep watching those related NPD YT videos so you can have that "3rd eye". Once you get it, you'll be surprised and have self awareness.
It's healthy to let go of someone abusive. That's all you need to know. You're not abandoning her you're abandoning that behavior of her, which is what any sane person would do.
@@beskarman38 Thank you
@@sunbeam9222 Thank you
Thank you for your wisdom and conviction in advising us to leave the vicious cycle. I am 2 months out of a 4 year narc relationship, and the trauma is real; the rumination is real. The physical illness side effects are real. The mental health challenges: Olympic level.
Yet I know I have Dr Ramani on stand by always via these videos and her new audiobook, compassionately reminding me of what really happened and how I should proceed forward.
Today I am suicidally low, helpless and confused. But I am grateful beyond compare to have this knowledge available to us. Thank you 🙏🏻
😂LOL ... "this fool isn't even worthy of my grief!!! 💥💥💥BAM!
🥇🥇🥇🥇🔥🔥🔥 lmao!©️
😂
The scary thing is, they're never gone completely.
Make their voice in your head as small as you possibly can...and make the loving caring one...LOUD & CLEAR
The day it shifted is burned in my mind which was the beginning of two decades of me running around like a chicken with my head cut off by him and blood spurting everywhere. Thank God its over!
My siblings attacked me in various ways during my recent father's death. My brother discarded me directly in front of the entire family while cleaning my late father's apartment. I am grieving many things. Members of the family are glorifying my abusive late father now, calling him a "Legend." I guess that's ok. A Legend is a story of someone or historical events. I find it hurtful to say but I think they all are narcissistic. Who else would glorify someone who was a known abuser throughout my entire life. My role in the family is the "Scapegoat." It is very much like a cult. I am struggling right now. I agree with what your saying. The emessement will be there regardless if we have contact or not. Mentally and emotionally the struggle is still there.
So sorry that happened to you. And you survived!! You are a survivor and that proves you are strong. Find just one true friend to help you heal. You will !
I'm currently experiencing pain & discomfort, and it's not just emotional; it's affecting my entire body. I'm grateful to Dr. Ramani for validating my decision to avoid getting drawn back in. However, the pain is still present, and my sympathies extend to anyone else facing this horror.
I'm in the same pain😢
>16:00 Self-compassion, and “Self-preservation is a right!” “… they can go and get the help they need… “
10:07 My dating pool (gay men) is extremely toxic. Before I discovered your channel I had already noticed these patterns and implemented strategies that contain the damage. One of my anti-hoovering techniques is: My first offer is my best offer & second chances can be bought at increasingly unfavorable terms
I can forgive anything, for the right price. I don't ever forgive for free. Call it me making sure you have skin in the game. Most of the time the guys disappear when they learn the price. For the other times... well I end up a few 1000 dollars richer. It still falls apart but I get something
TBH what I read here doesnt sound normal or healthy.. You let a narcissist suck you back in, in return for money ? So a rich narc can treat you however he wants and just pay you to forgive him ? You realize a couple of thousand dollar can be nothing for some people.
I’d love to see a video on the difference/similarities between male and female narcissists. I’m married to a female narcissist 🤦🏻♂️
Thank you,i /we feel so safe watching your channel 🙏🏿 💚🍃🌿🌱
Thank you Dr Ramany. Your words are healing/ Like Chiron, the healer
What’s so strange about what you’re talking about his first wife left him I knew why but when I asked him, he told me she left because I couldn’t satisfy her. They got married too young and she wanted to go full around. Yeah I talked to her three years ago, she said no Linda it was abuse.
The ex has had 2x new supplies in 10 months, and our little one is confused as heck and calls them mummy. He's immediately introduced both women within days of merging him, and they've got their own kids 🤦 good luck to him.
People pick up these traits from their intimate relationships and then they become narcissistic towards other people including their children and those who are weaker than them
Does anyone else take notes? I just walked away from a budding relationship and totally second guessed myself with the red flags. Then after leaving I felt I betrayed myself for not existing quicker.
It took me a little bit to realize 3 weeks is a much shorter time for me to pull a plug and next time it will be shorter and soon I won't entertaining the bs. My goal at least
If there's red flags run! I'm glad you got away. It only gets worse the more time you put up with the bad behavior. I had one date and I didn't want to see him ever again. It's a good thing to realize what you don't want. You don't owe them anything.
Dr Ramani 💕I choose to not believe anything as it’s all lies.
better when I got away I stand my ground in control 🙏❤️