“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, Essays and Aphorisms
I use to think I was alone even in a crowd, until one day I ended up spending over a decade in cold cement cells that are as large as a small bathroom. I spent many years reading philosophy and milling over my life, others lives, the conjunction of all life and a whole bunch of "whys?". It is very easy to have an existential crisis of oneself and cling to all the wrong things we hold dear, until one day we realize we didn't hold ourselves dear. I can respect your quotation sir, thank you!
Well moved alone to germany 0 friends 0 connection Foreign culture Learned a lot about myself Despite being the most horrible 2 years in my life, last month realized they were actually the best 2 years I will ever have in my life... Solitude taught me unbelievable ammount of knowledge I didn't belive was possible
I spent a month in Germany and absolutely loved it! I was there working and I couldn't speak a word of German, thank god the German people around my age could all speak English. Amazing people, beautiful scenery, endless beer and the place that me an American had his eyes opened to what freedom actually looked like. It's been almost 20 years since I was in Germany and not many days pass that I don't wish I could go back there again for good.
I'm 24 and I've never had a companionship and most of the times I feel depressed because of it, it would be nice to have someone, but then I think about all the toxic relationships that some people are stuck in, and I feel much better.
most people need a connection with others, it’s just how we’re wired (although i’m sure there are people who prefer being alone, however they’re the exception) i hope you can find someone dear to you, just don’t let them walk all over you, and yes being in a relationship with others is risky, can lead to heartbreak and other negative emotions, but in my opinion it also gives your life meaning, especially if you find people you actually like, respect and feel understood by
idk why you’re alone, but if you want companionship you’re the one that needs to actively look for it, and if it doesn’t go well, try to look for reasons why the person doesn’t like you, cause sometimes you’re just incompatible, but sometimes you might have some toxic traits that you need to work on
@@pooyafitness if you really think that then you missed the entire point... the point is that it doesn't matter if she says yes or no, what matters is that she's not afraid of being alone, therefore she can go out and form new relationships and at the same time have the courage to walk away from a relationship that is not good for her or doesn't satisfy her
I have been that girl sitting in the bench all alone. Teachers used to come to me and push me to socialise with the others kids. I never did it, unless I really wanted to. I cannot say if that made all the difference, but I can say that now, at 34, I live a life which is true to myself, surrounded by few but authentic connections. Never fear solitude. It will always be a part of our life. Get acquainted to it, embrace it, make it your friend. And then you will discover the fullness of life ❤
Same, I remember in primary school I ended up alone after I grew apart with the few girls I played with since their interests changed. The supervisor teacher would always come to me and ask who I usually played with so I always had to say a name and go them to play, even though I didn't like them... Apparently having no friends and spending break time alone is not considered "normal" to teachers, so I ended up hiding in the bathrooms every break time to avoid them commenting on it or notifying someone else that I had a problem or so... Now I think back about it, I would have enjoyed my time way more if I could have comfortably sat somewhere on my own instead of having this fear of judgment for being alone all the time (which was honestly more stressful than being alone 😅), but I guess teachers are taught that way and just doing their job but well...
@@niggasgang8784 That's true, but I'd prefer socialising when and with who I want instead of being forced into it, since that gave me fear of socialising instead... with the opposite effect
you know it's the same for me. I was alone at the worst moments and I still am right now even though I'm feeling much better on every aspect. I go on and live by myself, i enjoy things by myself, however there is this thing inside of me that tickles me and that will not go away until someone truly enters my life...
As a man shit sucks, all the women who cheated and screwed me over are all with people, they discard and carry on as if men are disposable human garbage.
@@yungmentalproblems bullshit. I have been surrounded by almost no one for 4 years. I only see my family occasionally. I've never felt bad about being alone. life is peaceful with only yourself
I am 57 years old. My marriage ended and my children are grown. This is the first time in my life that I’ve been alone. I have grown so much as a human from the silence. I wish I had this wisdom when I was younger.
@@fruitycolax Well, first I lost literally everything. I learned to appreciate having the things that I had more and want less. My mother passed away unexpectedly. I learned to say “ I love you” more and get angry less. I don’t have internet or TV. I am blessed my son bought me an iPhone. I learned to sit in silence with myself. It taught me sometimes other peoples actions are merely not about me. They are fighting demons reliving trauma and doing the best that they can. I forgave them and myself to reach peace. I think most people fall in need rather than love. Once , I learned to love myself , I didn’t need anyone else to do so. I spend most of my time alone now. I no longer feel the need to save or be saved . The worlds full of people seeking to do both. I study philosophy on my own . All of them have helped me. For the longest time I struggled for answers to questions that I didn’t know. Truth is none of this really matters in the greater scheme of things. We are insignificant. We waste far to much time trying to be. I know this all sounds cliche’ . But it’s my truth. It took a great deal of pain to get here. Blessed be.
This is simply a remarkable, realistic, wrenching, and beautiful story… one which anyone struggling with loneliness can watch and see a bit of themselves. And most wonderful of all, is that somehow, it allowed me to feel a bit of compassion for myself. It’s been years since I can remember this feeling of forgiveness and grace with such truth.
Younger me hated feeling lonely and being by myself, always had to be in a relationship. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I actually love being alone, I find my own company most comforting 😊
Its because you have been in relationships. You have the knowledge that others can love you and that strengthens you. Makes you capable of loving yourself. But sad ugly pieces of poop like myself never have and never Will experience the love of someone else. That makes one so desperate an lonely that death seems to be the only solution.
I think it's not about the fear of being alone, but more about inability to be content with oneself. Happiness? It's your happiness and it's up to you to fill this cup, otherwise you'll become dependable on others. No need. Even if you feel sad - feel it, no need to run away. You have to enjoy even sadness, because sadness has something joyful, if you take a look at it. For instance, when you're sad you may feel that the world around is like glass, that can be easily broken. And that feeling you can only get when you're sad. Everything can be in handy, you just haven't found its beauty.
We have all the qualities we are looking for to be our own best friends, being compassionate and forgiving with oneself first is the beggining of inner peace.
I still remember my first time feeling left out and alone. What did I do? I went where the fun was... I was set for the next year's to come. As an adult now, I kinda get the same feeling as I did when I was a kid. But this time I don't have the same innocence. Life hits different now. If you're feeling without purpose know you're not alone. And life is still beautiful enjoy it while you can...
For the longest time, I thought I was crazy for always choosing to be alone if it came down to it. I knew deep down that there were benefits of learning to occupy and be happy on ones' self. Thank you for this.
@@LetUsDrownIn You wrote some bullshit to justify your sad conditions. You are too lazy and too scared to put yourself out there and your ego is merely finding a way to make yourself feel better about that unfortunate reality. Dying alone is a form of hell. That's the reality. It's so hellish that people who are alone will inhabit the devil himself and seduce others to be lonely and sad like them. There's a good chance you'll commit suicide.
She was perfectly fine until the teacher told her that she was alone. Never let an outside source manipulate your emotional state. Edit: If you're going to respond to this comment, please read the rest of the comments under it first. We had an entire conversation on this topic. Whatever you're going to say, may have already been discussed below. If you can add to the conversation, please do, but if not, let's not say the same thing that 7 people said before you lol. Please and Thank You. 😊
@@spacecat942 Not if you choose to analyze, compartmentalize and reorganize your emotions. Step back from the emotion, really understand why you're feeling what you're feeling, and then change what your feeling. And I mean this specifically in cases like this. If your mother dies, then you're going to cry LOL. But if you're sitting alone on a bench and somebody says, why are you sitting alone? You should not allow that to make you feel alone LOL. If you didn't feel alone in the first place, somebody else's words should not then make you feel alone. That's what I mean.
@@Horizon429 I still say go through the same exact process of understanding the emotion. But at least it was self generated. It wasn't generated from somebody else telling you that you felt a certain way. That's step one. Make sure your emotions are actually your own and not implanted from outside sources. From there, you can analyze, reorganize and compartmentalize the emotions.
@@Horizon429 For example, I'm almost always alone and I almost always feel alone, but that doesn't make me feel lonely or depressed anymore LOL. It doesn't make me feel bad. It's more of a recognition than it is a feeling. I've actually come to realize that we're all alone, no matter how many people we're surrounded by, because nobody else is in your body with you. Nobody is in your mind, your spirit, your soul, Etc. It's just you in there LOL. When you die, even if you die in a situation where other people died at the same time, you're still technically dying alone, because your death experience is yours and yours alone. Same thing with your birth. Same thing with every moment of your life and it will be the same way in the so-called afterlife. You are an Individuated Consciousness. Therefore you are technically alone at all times, even when surrounded by other individuated consciousnesses. I analyzed, reorganized and then compartmentalised the loneliness into a simple recognition of being alone and now it no longer bothers me LOL. Now I actually prefer to be alone more often than I do to be around other people. I took the emotion, realized what was causing emotion, changed my understanding of what was causing the emotion, and in doing so created a new emotion based upon the same thing. An emotion that has worked for me for the last 5 years now. Because nobody can see me sitting alone somewhere, ask me why I'm sitting alone, tell me that it's better if I was with other people, and then change my emotion based on those words. My frame will be held because I've already analyzed that entire situation and I've chosen to be sitting alone. It's not accidental. It's Choice. How can I feel bad about my own choice? You get what I'm saying?
@@Horizon429 There's nothing wrong with being introverted. I mean, if you really don't like it, you can change it. You can literally train yourself to be extroverted. But never keep something you don't want. Never Keep an emotion you don't want. Never keep a behavioral pattern that you don't want. If the world did something to you as a child, that caused you to behave a certain way, and you don't like it, you need to go back to that point in your mind and undo whatever damage was done to you. There's no two ways around it. That's what I've tried to do in my life. Is it perfect? No LOL. But I found that it's what works best for me. I used to sit in the gray area. Sitting in what I didn't like and complaining about it. But not changing it. I had to change that. Once I changed that, I was able to change everything else. But the only way I could do that, was by 100% focusing on me and my interaction with everything. For example, if a girl cheats on me tomorrow, I'm not going to focus on her cheating on me, and just be mad at her, or react poorly, nor will I just ignore it. I'm going to 100% focus on every part that I played in that relationship, that led to the cheating. And I'm going to make a decision. Either I'm going to change whatever I did, or I'm going to maintain my behaviors, because I don't think my behavior is the problem, I view our compatibility as the problem. If I honestly view my behaviors as the problem, and I don't like those behaviors myself, then I will change in order to have a better outcome. But if I like those behaviors and think that I just simply need a different partner whose behaviors match mine better, then that's what I'll do. It may even be a little bit of both. Or it could just be that the girl is simply in a place in her life where that's just what she's going to do, no matter how good you treat her. And you can't change other people, you can only change yourself, so just let her go and don't allow it to affect you emotionally, at least as much as you possibly can. Instead of dwelling on the emotion or the way it made me feel, I instead analyze the situation from top to bottom, adjust and move forward. I analyze, reorganize and compartmentalize. This way I can do it from a more detached state and actually get to a solution and then truly embrace that solution. One way or the other, it's always about finding the answer you need and then walking that path without looking back.
It's mostly about perspective, if you think about how lonely your are and how nobody is with you, then you'll most likely go insane. I was always happy when alone because of the different perspective, it was a moment of peace.
@@peachaesthxtic23 you have to move a lot and spend more free time outside, little interactions help aswell, also don't always think about loneliness, more you focus on it, worse you are going to feel
I think “being alone” is really about living completely on your terms? Are we brainwashed into being around other people for the sake of perception? I have less stress more peace and I get to deal with people only when I feel like it.
My biggest fear is not being alone often enough! I prefer being alone 90% of the time or more. I live in a forest filled with wild creatures so I'm never really alone. I only feel fear around humans. But in general couldn't care less.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder where I'd be if I'd conceded more and married one of my exes. At one point I was so afraid of being alone I stayed with someone I couldn't be myself around, and it was my longest relationship to date. I was truly terrified I'd be alone forever after her. Later on I dated another girl for about half a year, that one felt beyond boring because of her lack of a personality. Being nice was her personality. I felt completely isolated despite it being the relationship where I was most spontaneous and outgoing in. I think it's been about 8 years now since her and I haven't been seriously involved with anyone. The isolation and loneliness has been crippling at times, and right now I'm simultaneously in the best position I've ever been in life, and the worst. Too often I catch myself thinking "what-if". I'm a loner, always have been, and probably always will be, but sometimes it does hurt not to have the one confidant I wish I had. I'm tired of talking to just myself, but it's been so long now that even though I know exactly where to start in order to get to a place to where I would be happy seeing someone again, I just can't seem to muster the drive to do so. I've been through my worst struggles and come out the other end battered to where I don't really see a point in bringing someone else into it. Really, my one point of relief in saying it was best that I never married up til now is that I never had a child that would have potentially grown up with divorced parents. At 32, I know there is time. But again, why? Thanks for listening to my sad rant haha
I never lived alone until I was around 30. I found it suits me. What terrifies me is not being able to take care of myself when I'm old. No way I'm going to an old folks home.
One can work on keeping ourselves healthy and perhaps be extra vigilant and planned about unforeseen circumstances. Sure things can go horribly wrong but what if it doesn't and we do our best to take care of ourselves so that we manage to stay as healthy as an older person can be... I'm just thinking out loud with this comment, and wondering how you think about this, as i quite relate to your comment
@@Ayesha_11122 you make a great point. I've quit smoking and drinking, started exercising more and am in the process of quitting Dr Pepper, which is the only caffeine I use, and at least 90% of my sugar intake. Wish I'd been able to kick all those bad habits sooner, but I'm glad I finally did. I wish you luck in delaying father time.
@@suicyconaut I have a same story and same fear! I quit smoking, drinking and caffeine during the pandemic...but the fear of being alone in old age keeps me wanting to be with someone..but when im in a group of people i want my alone time as i guess im used to being alone now...i see other people go out in groups and other couples which makes me feel lonely and crave for companionship + the physical intimacy...dont know what the right solution is i guess...
People are really acting up. I have been almost always alone for almost 4 years now. Very often I only see my family. But being alone is the most peaceful thing there is. When you learn to love yourself and accept yourself as a best friend, life is super nice and quiet all alone.
"Just because somebody is important to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a good person. Even if you recognize that they're evil, people just can't win against their loneliness." Gaara.
I imagine someone else already stated this, but there's a big difference between being alone and lonely. I quite enjoy being alone, but I don't feel lonely. There are lonely moments, or days, but then I just reach out to an acquaintance and perhaps do something with them.
"There are lonely moments, or days, but then I just reach out to an acquaintance and perhaps do something with them." I feel like this is going to become the new norm for all the lonely people of gen z
@iiCounted2134 I hadn't thought about how different generations may deal with being lonely. I'm 51, so I think I'm from generation X? I've also been meditating for over 30 years, and I think that makes being alone much easier.
I always had a interesting relationship with loneliness, ever since being a kid I always was lonely, in school I wouldn't play with the other kids, I always had very few friends, in my free time I would always stay alone by myself, read, play games, draw stuff, ride on my bike, always alone, and I enjoyed because I did what I wanted, I always had a lot liberty to do what I wanted which had bad consequences but also good ones(most of the freedom was because my mom kinda abandoned me, she would pay very little attention to me and she would give me attention when I did something wrong) but something happened that changed my life was that my mom died from cancer, and I felt like I was truly completely alone I was a teen at the time, after that my grandma also died one year later(she was like a second mom) which made me feel even more lonely and isolated from the world, then I had to go live with my grandpa and he is a man of independence so he let me do whatever I want he always said to "you're free to do whatever you want" so once again I got even lonelier because of my habit of staying in my room, i never socialized a lot, after all of this the covid pandemic came and until this point I handled my loneliness but after the pandemic things started to feel like it was too much, i just couldn't handle being so alone anymore, so I feel into the cicle that eva did doing stuff just to not feel alone, things that I didn't enjoy, meeting people that weren't good for me. After some time I realised how critical my situation was and started to go to therapy a few weeks back, came back writing, and I am even planning that start going to the gym(even though I never was a exercise person) this video helped me notice how I was a few months and years back. Although I have a lot to still go through I'm hopeful that things will get better in the future. Thank you for the video pursuit of wonder your videos are amazing ❤
I used to think that having tons of people around me and having out with my friends every now and then would mean that I am not alone. Quite the opposite. I actually did realize that feeling alone even when you're surrounded by people, that's loneliness. I feel like my most self when I am alone and don't have to meet anyone else's expectations. Being happy with how you are and being grateful about it, that's true happiness. Remember, your happiness starts and ends with you. Also, I loved reading your story. Working out is a great way to feel happy about yourself - as long you do it for yourself. I hope you find happiness and contenment within you :)
I think non dualism might reasonate. Some people have a rich inner life that require tools like meditation to understand what we are looking for. Youll find there is no such thing as loneliness.
I can relate to this story so deeply that I am teary eyed as I write this comment. Your videos have had a profound impact on my life during various phases of it, but for the first time you've made a video about a topic that has sort of encompassed most of my life and it's general direction. I had the same dialogue with my mental health professional a while ago and have made steps to spend time with myself and grow to enjoy it a lot lately. Thank you for this video, not only because it is excellently made but because it is not often that one feels seen, and now, I feel seen.
This made me feel a lot better. I've been struggling lately because I'm a bit of a loner I'm not unpopular I just don't like talking to most of the people my age or even people in general. I do what I want and I spend my time building my intellect and creativity. Everyone around me thinks that I'm not okay but I'm great. But I struggle to have human connections except for with a few people I have pre-established relationships with. I don't avoid being alone but I also don't try to hold connections with people.
People start to feel like there is something wrong because other people convince there is. Without anyone telling you that you shouldn’t be by yourself you would be happy and wouldn’t even think about it.
I was pressured into dating a guy because he was my only friend, and then he started touching me, and i stuck around cause i didn’t wanna be alone. At that point, i wish i could have gone back and told my younger self. “Hey, you’re not alone. You got your family and your cats, and honestly? Being alone is better than being around bad people who hurt you.”
I honestly wish I could relate to the first part of the story. I went to school up to grade 4 and then moved to a new country. Starting around grade 6/7 I realised that I was missing out on social activities, didn't have any friends, and felt extremely lonely. I wanted to join my one friend at school when he went (gr. 9), and get to know people and socialize instead of being in the house or property 24/7. That didn't happen. I was homeschooled up to grade 10, which is when my begging finally paid off and my parents let me go to school lol. By the time I got to go to school I was super introverted, even though I didn't want to be. I was around more than 10 peers at a time for the first time in 5 years, exposed to a completely new school system and culture. All while trying to fit in and not stand out like a sore thumb. Most of which was probably in my mind anyways. I suddenly realized that I had little to no knowledge of north American popular culture, (i moved from Germany) I didn't even know what an assembly was lol, and to try to not stick out I stayed quiet and played along from the back when something I was unfamiliar with got introduced. And then covid lockdowns started. I barely got 1.5 schoolyears worth of time of exposure to peers, and chances to socialize. The highlights of my years would be the 2 times a year I'd get invited to someones place, or got to go to lunch with a group during school. Although almost every time I'd be the last "random" tagging along, asking if I could join after a group of close friends none of which knew me that well, (understandably) had already decided on something. I find it easy to feel like a burden on others, so once I realized that I'd only get invited places if I asked repeatedly, I stopped and spent the last year of hs lunches alone in the library. I made a few friends, but the time was so short because of online covid measures, that I simply wasn't able to form friendships strong enough to last outside of school. I was alone again, and communication with the few people I knew slowly ceased. I did try to stay connected for a while, but after seeing a clip on how much people stay in touch, I tried to stop initiating chats or snaps with people to see who would actually try to stay in touch with me. Communication with every single person I knew (not exaggurating) ceased after 1 month. I tried to console myself by telling myself that these relationships were clearly one-sided and I wanted to hang out more with them then they with me, but it still stings. I'm 20 now, going to school I had no idea what I'd study after, the thought of college didn't cross my mind once as I was busy adjusting. My counselor didn't talk about it much with me either, so once I graduated I had no idea what I wanted to do, realized that I would have had to take certain classes as uni prerequisites for courses that did interest me, but that was too late now. I have found something I like, but uni or college are out of the question. I simply don't have the qualifications for literally anything. I see people online together a lot, be it parties or just stories of them hanging out with their close friends. At this point, most friend groups have shrunk to a select 4-5 or 8, super close friends that have tight bonds. People that don't have time or interest in introducing someone new they don't know well into their private circles of trust and familiarity. My schedule with work etc doesn't match up with a lot of peers I know, and I don't know what to do or where to go to socialize. I work remotely, so I'm in the house 24/7, I have no connections regarding plans on the weekends, and I see other people's lives continue on as they make new life experience after the other. But here I watch, stagnant, watching them disappear over the horizon. I feel that it is too late. I'm a logician in most ways, so I'm bluntly honest with myself that I'm alone, don't know how to reach peers that are like me, and need to accept it, because it makes more sense to work make money and move out eventually than to spend time looking for relationships. Its a weird internal battle with myself, and I don't know if it will ever beat me or I it. If you read this far thx for coming to my little ted talk lol. I didn't mean to write this much, but it feels good to let it out somehow.
Do you have enough reasons to conclude that having a social circle will help get rid of your loneliness? In my case, as of now, I feel exhausted being in any of my circles. Maybe it's because I'm in a bit of a bad state of mind. As for your observation of people withdrawing from conversation on different online platforms I've experienced the same. I feel bitter about it and it seems to me that all this online friendship is superficial and hollow
@@shivanshtomar18 To be honest, I do. I find myself to be a pretty social person, I'm happy to just walk through a mall and observe people around me and have that feeling of community. I've just never had anyone to help me stay on track, support me as a friend and vice versa, or to confide in.
Im 24 and I'm honest when i say i have no friends 🤣🤣 You're a logician which i also try to be and i find that many people i try to talk to don't really share it which just makes my disconnect all clearer. If you'd be comfortable sharing your age and if we are at around the same age- we could become friends- i can follow you in Instagram and we'd make a wierd friendship but i believe there much we can learn. Im not desperate for friends- I really want a friend who can see the world logically as can be see that everything is just objective in the end. I really want a rival who is better,knows more than i do because my family looks at me like I'm a genius (i spend most of my time looking stuff up and being knowledgeable) because that will ultimately bring out the best in me. Edit- follow you in Instagram,not real time
Better to be alone than to be in an unhealthy relationship. Better to be alone than to be in a company of a distant friend. Better to deal with your own insanity than to deal with the insanity of others.
everyone is alone, always. true love and true friendship can change that. but for most people, we are always alone. "we are born alone, we live alone, and we died alone". real good video
The best gift I was ever given was being good company for myself. It sets a good bar - spending time with you needs to be more interesting than not spending time with you.
You'll always be alone until you forgive, accept, trust, respect and love yourself. Until then all you'll do is try and distract yourself from yourself and ignore yourself. What happens when people we love ignore us? we die inside. You're who you're here to find.
A great video. I think another lesson to take from this video is that, in life you shouldn’t force anything. Everything that’s good comes along in it’s own time. Enjoy living.
My interpretation with my own loneliness is that it is a reality that some people must have in their lives and learn to live with. It is neither something to be ashamed or be too proud of. I've been alone and/or felt alone for a good majority of my life and how I feel about it varies. Sometimes its good, sometimes it bad. But one thing I've always thought about is "What if I didn't have to be this way and have a change of pace in my life where I'm not lonely" yknow? But I cant because someone like me seems to be so, for the lack of a better word, "destined" to be like this.
I’m very glad that the social pressure of being required to be with someone is gradually dying, and the ability to choose to live alone is far more normalized now than ever before. Being perpetually with someone, for a great many of us, just isn’t all that great.
Well I miss people in general there I said it , but u wouldn't know cuz I also now have mental illness that keeps me distant from people and making me feel even more lonely it's a vicious cycle , I think my illness is getting better but not so much the other.
The moment you realize that you too are a person that you can hang out with, you'll never feel alone. I used to be the type that rushed into relationships for fear of being alone, but when a girlfriend broke up with me, I ended living by myself whether I wanted or not, and it was then that I discovered I actually like to do the things I like, eat the foods that I enjoy, go places I wanted to go, etc. I like being with me, so I never feel alone. Anyone else in my life like my wife and daughter are a bonus.
Sounds like you got it figured out.... I on the other hand get lonely it sucks I feel like it's killing me... Some one else said it earlier, it just doesn't feel as good when yer older and there right it doesn't.
solitude is my favorite thing...i always wondered why people cant stand being alone...i think they prefer the noise over introspection...with others they never have to face themselves.
That’s exactly what it is. Many people can’t be alone because they’re scared of what they might find out about themselves when they are alone with their own thoughts.
I have always loved my solitude. But now, sometimes, I am scared of being alone. There is a lot going on in my mind and I can't help but to collapse mentally. Reading books and watching these kinda videos has helped me a lot in getting different insights. Ik I m lost and confused. That doesn't necessarily mean I will always feel the same. Ik I ma grow out of this, stronger and wiser. I just need to survive this phase of my life.
I love my solitude but it doesn't mean I'll choose it every time, that I don't enjoy the change of socialising, or that I don't need outside help sometimes. I hope you can perhaps learn to lean on others a little bit, because it needs balance, rather than forcing one to be the lone wolf 100%..
I find myself feeling lonely only when I’m bored. If you have fun, there’s no way you’ll feel lonely. If you have feelings of loneliness often then yes, you should make a change regarding how you spend your free time. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend it with other people, you can totally have fun on your own. And if not, then there’s your answer - you need a companion.
@@ALGARICI'm still working on it haha I asked a married woman (I didn't know) out the other day actually , plus I'm thinking about using this phone again for web dating hopefully Viki won't ruin it haha, or at the very least allow the process to go through with her on the other end (it didn't work out the last time it wasn't her🤫 haha) vs a pulled connection to a stranger like on the fourth of July yrs ago haha, hopefully she will either allow it if I get a yes ? or it will be her one of the two hopefully 🤞.
I’m currently embracing my solitude. I was married and there were moments I wished I wasn’t. There’s wrong setup most people have, that they need someone in order to feel happy. As long as you don’t learn how to be happy alone, you won’t be happy in relationship. It’s the journey I had to make ngl. But it’s worth it.
I did everything to not be alone when I was younger and it took me to some truly horrible places. Now that I am older and wiser I LOVE being alone. Never lonely and I feel so free!
Loneliness exactly how I feel. If only I could choose to reject loneliness, reject the inner desire for human socialization without causing myself pain
Thank you for another amazing video. Do you think you can do a future one about how to be okay with being alone/ how to just be alone in a healthy way? It’s so hard and confusing. Seems like the whole world works in a way to discourage that. Much love from a montreal nursing student ❤️
A lot of people I know can't go without being in a relationship for any amount of time. As soon as one ends, they jump into another as soon as possible. I can't imagine what it's like to never have those periods of quiet reflection where you figure out who you are and what you want. I can't truly think until I'm alone, and if I were constantly with someone I'd never have those opportunities. I feel like I grow more from a month of solitude than a year of companionship. "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude." - Henry David Thoreau
Be an ‘active listener’, don’t pre-judge, and be affable. Consistently show interest and affection (it doesn’t have to be romantic affection) of those people that matter most to you. Stay trustworthy in word, deed, and confidences. Your character is only as good as your word is. 😊
I’ve loved watching your videos over the last couple of years but this one really hit hard for me. This is me, this has always been me. I don’t think I’ve truly been alone for more than a couple of months.
I've done this myself to the point where I was so exhausted of the expectations that I put on me. So, at some point, I just stopped. I didn't have any energy left. I desperately needed myself not to be someone else.
I moved to Paris and been living here for last two years. I have been through some of these, though I have been a loner whole my life. Still I am a loner in a city of 12 million and it doesn't really change anything. People are afraid of staying alone even for an hour so when hangout with friends I have this impression again. Even though I sometimes feel bothered, overall I am happy to be able to live on my own and not chasing people or entertainment just to avoid being the loneliness.
Do you also get that sickening feeling when some social self-help online article lays out the most cliche set of steps to get better at it? Yeah, this what her life felt like... And the way she hated both loneliness and companionship is so relatable. Like, you really just gotta accept one at the cost of the other.
I loved to be alone when little but teachers always pushed me to be with someone. When I was little, i really trusted authority and people told me that older people had more experience and therefore, they were always right. So, i thought there was something wrong with me and tried to get with people sometimes only to fai. I still go through times where I think there's is something wrong with me , that I'm not worth it or i don't want to be alone. But I'll get through it
Probably just a me thing but when youtubers put an ad of any kind and the start of a video i zone out and think about something else, and then get trapped in thought for a minute which leads me to having to restart the video atleast 3-4 times. I am wildly autistic.
I thought I was the only one having to rewind media too many frickin times, for different reasons. Wayyyyy too many times. It’s so bad 😭 that it can be a 10 second rewind on a RUclips video bc I needed to hear the statements made and couldn’t hold it together. I just have to laugh at myself cuz big picture, it doesn’t even matter.
I used to be very social until I got outcasted in university, and developed social anxiety. Although I did get help to manage it, I gave up most of my social endeavors soon after I graduated. I realized that I feel better when I’m focusing on myself, than when I’m around other people. I’m really lucky that I was born a twin, though
At times we must realise that it is when people tell us about how we missed out on stuff that leads to the onset of fomo It is with people whom we do not resonate with whom we feel lonely and it is when we are alone when we can feel the freedom
Of course the teacher would mean well by telling Ava it's better than being by yourself. But it's why a lot of people (like me) who actually don't mind and mostly prefer being alone feel insecure sometimes. Because I think most people are social so it makes them uncomfortable to see a person doing activities alone. Like that's odd, I wonder why they're alone 🤔 something must of happened. I've mostly always been alone and I love it. Even when I'm in social settings I'm trying to find somewhere where I can go find peace off to myself. Excellent video 🙂
Buy your handle: “lite traveler “ i’m assuming that you can travel by yourself. I always wish I was that kind of person who could do things by them self, mostly traveling. But I am one of those people that worries about like you said people will assume that there’s something wrong with me because I am traveling alone. I just cannot do that.. I love to travel,& well I do have the means to do so, none of my friends do. So I don’t travel that’s why I admire someone who can do things like that alone. Unfortunately for me.! I’m just not that brave.& that makes me sad.
Ironically, I’m on the other end of the spectrum. I treasure being alone all my life and only had a couple of friends in school. I no longer keep in contact with any of them because there was no mutual connection. Never had the courage to approach the girl I admire and although I prefer being alone due to my rather negative view of human nature, I still feel lonely and curious about what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship. My fear of being in a terrible relationship outweighs the fear of being alone. But being alone doesn’t feel as good as it used to now that I am older.
This really spoke to me. Especially how I been feeling recently. Worried I will die alone. The fear of never seeing my family. The fear of enjoying life on my own. But the fear of also becoming nothing and never accomplishing anything. The scales of my worries, carry too much weight and I feel it is very unbalanced.
I like being alone. In fact I love it. The peace. The lack of noise. The stillness. I find I crave it. But I'm married with 2 young kids and it's very busy and chaotic at times and there is very little time alone or quiet times. I struggle with that at times. I've very little time for anything for myself. It'll get easier as my kids get older but I do occasionally reminsce for the times when I could be alone whenever I wanted. Some people feel very uncomfortable being alone. Personally I find it to be something that I find to ve very relaxing. Being around people all the time is draining.
this was an incredibly good reminder to have. i've recently moved, unwillingly so and under uncomfortable circumstances. now that i've recovered enough to have the capacity to worry, i worry about social things. it's been odd to discover, because i never used to worry about these things. growing up, i was always a child content being alone. the adults around me would always push me to socialise and worry when i didn't, but i was happier that way. i had two friends that were like brothers to me, now left behind in my hometown. they were enough, connections so deep and love so unconditional that i was completely satisfied. now, around me, all sorts of people are partying and messing around, which has never been my thing -- i don't even drink. but i find myself reaching out to people i'm not interested in and going to parties i don't want to be, anyway, because now... now that unconditional love is gone, and i have no close friends. i find it hard to meet people that will ever be able to reciprocate the bond i had with my friends, anyway. but there's empty space, and i never thought that it had to be filled, but everybody around me pushes for me to fill it. the adults responsible for me judge it critically when i am /not/ out partying and doing drugs. they eye me with concern when i stay home on weekends and create art or make music. and i think this was just what i needed to hear. this was how i used to think, but outside forces are great influences, and they've started chipping away at my way of thinking. maybe this will help me return to it. thank you.
There is a fear of everything more or less ...fight or flight...phobia to anxiety. Though my dad had that fear of being alone more than any one I ever knew.
This situation relates to my sister, the problem is that she has 3 children from 2 different dads, all of them are not with her right now, now that shes alone she has brought a lot of really heavy drama and is going back with her abusive ex, just to not be alone, its really sad, and even more cuz nobody can do anything, except her, and she doesn’t wanna change
I really hope theres time to fix this- its almost like you read my life. I actually only made the recent realization that i haven’t been alone before. In 22. And yet i cry but i continue, i struggle and waver because i desperately am afraid of loneliness, but i force myself to be alone this time and its uncomfortable but i do it in desperation to change or learn something so i can break this cycle.
Out of all the content on "loneliness" I've seen, nothing has related to me anywhere near as much as this. I used to spend lots of time alone and really enjoying it, before having negative thoughts about it introduced by judgmental outsiders. Now I can't enjoy hobbies/interests in solitude without pervasive thoughts of being a failure/loser. I also "lost" most of my social life through friends entering relationships, now I only see them once every 1-2 months if I'm lucky. I then concluded I needed to find a girlfriend myself, as that's the only way to not be alone after a certain age. After 2 failed relationships where I acted exactly like Ava, I started forcing myself into socialising with people I didn't really vibe with, drinking and partying which I didn't really enjoy, because they were the only ones still regularly doing things on weekends. I want more than anything to just feel content with being alone, so that I can find a healthy relationship down the line. To constantly occupy yourself with rewarding friendships as you grow into adulthood feels like an impossible task.
I’ve always been a lone wolf. I did go through a phase where I was partying a lot with friends and all that but I don’t consider that to be the real me. Being alone is fun because I can be the real me without having to explain myself to shallow egotistical people. Ultimately the most important thing is striking a balance, it’s important to have someone to hang out with from time to time.
Dear me, this sounds just like my life. Except I didn't get married to any of my long term partners. Probably because I knew they were not a good fit, and I was just in relationships thinking that's what was expected. I forgot who I was and what my actual character was like, forever being told I was shy and not confident. I may have been shy as a kid but in an endearing way I think, looking back. And there were many things I could have cultivated and improved at with the right encouragement. It was only in my early 30s after years of heartbreak, frustration and emotional turmoil that I was able to finally see sense, and stop being such a people pleaser and following what everyone else was doing. I wanted to be alone for so long and yet all my actions contradicted this desire. Now is different. I am free from burdens and other people's opinions, I can process my emotions properly. I am traveling solo and enjoying the benefits of being alone whilst also finding ways to connect with people without becoming dependent. There are many women like me, and I think, at least we realised this sooner rather than later!
I used to be around a lot of people, later i realized that those people are fake friends they talked behind my back held me down they were negative if i tried to do something to change myself. So i decided to be alone, cut myself off em yk it gets kinda boring ngl plus during same time i went through breakup. Now i have only 2-3 people who i can kinda call my friends. It does not feel right but it is necessary thing to do.
Is it weird I enjoy being by myself the most. I have never felt the need for a friendship or companionship, though I have friends. Often I don't feel the need to reach out and hang out with people. It's an intrinsic property at this point, and it took me a long time to realize I wasn't being cold. This is my personality. Which means I will never have people close to me, which sounds sad but is honestly ok with me. How much do you know a person you've spent 50 years with anyway? My infinity is a bit different than yours, but they're both infinities - undefined and undetermined.
Weirdly enough when I am alone at home I am at peace. But surrounded by other people I sometimes feel the need to just be with them. But when I am with them they is nothing to talk about
wow man. me too. I’ll feel bad hanging out w this one friend for like an hour when he clearly wants to hangout for a little longer, but he does the same to me and it isn’t something he thinks about its just him going on his own way. Having something at home waiting for me helps, but I always end up wanting to stay when im surrounded by people, but wanting to be alone all at once
Let me just start off by saying I really love your videos. I love the characters you create in your videos that we can all relate to in one way or another. Can’t express how much I love your videos!
This is more common with people that are so different that it's hard to find others similar to them so they start engaging with someone that is not 100% like they are just not to be alone .
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, Essays and Aphorisms
I use to think I was alone even in a crowd, until one day I ended up spending over a decade in cold cement cells that are as large as a small bathroom. I spent many years reading philosophy and milling over my life, others lives, the conjunction of all life and a whole bunch of "whys?".
It is very easy to have an existential crisis of oneself and cling to all the wrong things we hold dear, until one day we realize we didn't hold ourselves dear.
I can respect your quotation sir, thank you!
@@philliprichards1660 glad you out bro🤲🏾
This song helped me come to terms it’s okay to be alone sometimes ruclips.net/video/oXZK1qFZa48/видео.html
@@charleswills4453 me too, thank you!!
That's what I think I am an introvert and I have some of the best times by myself
Well moved alone to germany
0 friends
0 connection
Foreign culture
Learned a lot about myself
Despite being the most horrible 2 years in my life, last month realized they were actually the best 2 years I will ever have in my life...
Solitude taught me unbelievable ammount of knowledge I didn't belive was possible
I spent a month in Germany and absolutely loved it! I was there working and I couldn't speak a word of German, thank god the German people around my age could all speak English. Amazing people, beautiful scenery, endless beer and the place that me an American had his eyes opened to what freedom actually looked like. It's been almost 20 years since I was in Germany and not many days pass that I don't wish I could go back there again for good.
@@JustATakit worler shortage, you always could
Respect, man.
@@JustATakit why cant you go back?
Were you well versed with the german language beforehand or had to learn it during your stay?
I'm 24 and I've never had a companionship and most of the times I feel depressed because of it, it would be nice to have someone, but then I think about all the toxic relationships that some people are stuck in, and I feel much better.
Work on yourselfff
Thats fulfillment
You're depriving yourself of the beauty if relationships. Like everything in life, it comes with hardships but you have to take it imo
@@reinaldomartinez13 Its not because I want, I can assure you that.
most people need a connection with others, it’s just how we’re wired (although i’m sure there are people who prefer being alone, however they’re the exception)
i hope you can find someone dear to you, just don’t let them walk all over you, and yes being in a relationship with others is risky, can lead to heartbreak and other negative emotions, but in my opinion it also gives your life meaning, especially if you find people you actually like, respect and feel understood by
idk why you’re alone, but if you want companionship you’re the one that needs to actively look for it, and if it doesn’t go well, try to look for reasons why the person doesn’t like you, cause sometimes you’re just incompatible, but sometimes you might have some toxic traits that you need to work on
I honestly love how the end is left for interpretation, makes it feel as if this is more of a human decision that isn’t based out of fear anymore
She said no. It’s obvious.
@@pooyafitness it's really not, else people wouldn't have such issues
@@pooyafitness if you really think that then you missed the entire point... the point is that it doesn't matter if she says yes or no, what matters is that she's not afraid of being alone, therefore she can go out and form new relationships and at the same time have the courage to walk away from a relationship that is not good for her or doesn't satisfy her
Or it could be the opposite
@@danny91pr very well said
I have been that girl sitting in the bench all alone. Teachers used to come to me and push me to socialise with the others kids. I never did it, unless I really wanted to. I cannot say if that made all the difference, but I can say that now, at 34, I live a life which is true to myself, surrounded by few but authentic connections.
Never fear solitude. It will always be a part of our life. Get acquainted to it, embrace it, make it your friend. And then you will discover the fullness of life ❤
Same, I remember in primary school I ended up alone after I grew apart with the few girls I played with since their interests changed. The supervisor teacher would always come to me and ask who I usually played with so I always had to say a name and go them to play, even though I didn't like them... Apparently having no friends and spending break time alone is not considered "normal" to teachers, so I ended up hiding in the bathrooms every break time to avoid them commenting on it or notifying someone else that I had a problem or so... Now I think back about it, I would have enjoyed my time way more if I could have comfortably sat somewhere on my own instead of having this fear of judgment for being alone all the time (which was honestly more stressful than being alone 😅), but I guess teachers are taught that way and just doing their job but well...
are you committed with family or still single/alone? asking for statistics
However we shouldn't isolate ourselves and cause ourselves never to socialize
@@niggasgang8784 That's true, but I'd prefer socialising when and with who I want instead of being forced into it, since that gave me fear of socialising instead... with the opposite effect
I love solitude. Or at least I try to be more alone now.
I had to explain to my sister in law, just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I’m used to it by now. I go just about everywhere by myself.
You wait till you feel lonely
you know it's the same for me. I was alone at the worst moments and I still am right now even though I'm feeling much better on every aspect. I go on and live by myself, i enjoy things by myself, however there is this thing inside of me that tickles me and that will not go away until someone truly enters my life...
As a man shit sucks, all the women who cheated and screwed me over are all with people, they discard and carry on as if men are disposable human garbage.
@@yungmentalproblems bullshit. I have been surrounded by almost no one for 4 years. I only see my family occasionally. I've never felt bad about being alone. life is peaceful with only yourself
@@xploration1437 Do you think that might be unhealed trauma?
Being alone doesn't make you lonely. It's being surrounded by people who make you feel alone.
STOP WITH THE COPE. WE ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS. HAVING PEOPLE WE LIKE AROUND US IS A GOOD THING.
GET TO KNOW PEOPLE AND MAKE FRIENDS.
@@Horizon429 it also means that you will more likely be depressed and with suicidal thoughts
@@aselliofacchio that's not what the saying is against, it's just pointing out bad people are worse than none.
@@fanban2926 no he's using potentially bad experiences as an alibi to rationalize his inability to taking action in his life.
@@aselliofacchio Bro chill
I am 57 years old. My marriage ended and my children are grown. This is the first time in my life that I’ve been alone. I have grown so much as a human from the silence. I wish I had this wisdom when I was younger.
Just imagine beeing alone whole life like me. I am 43 and i have no interest in relationships. It sucks.
And a cougar…
Can you give some examples of how you’ve grown? Thanks
@@fruitycolax Well, first I lost literally everything. I learned to appreciate having the things that I had more and want less. My mother passed away unexpectedly. I learned to say “ I love you” more and get angry less. I don’t have internet or TV. I am blessed my son bought me an iPhone. I learned to sit in silence with myself. It taught me sometimes other peoples actions are merely not about me. They are fighting demons reliving trauma and doing the best that they can. I forgave them and myself to reach peace. I think most people fall in need rather than love. Once , I learned to love myself , I didn’t need anyone else to do so. I spend most of my time alone now. I no longer feel the need to save or be saved . The worlds full of people seeking to do both. I study philosophy on my own . All of them have helped me. For the longest time I struggled for answers to questions that I didn’t know. Truth is none of this really matters in the greater scheme of things. We are insignificant. We waste far to much time trying to be. I know this all sounds cliche’ . But it’s my truth. It took a great deal of pain to get here. Blessed be.
@@xploration1437 lol not even. I am a recluse.
This is simply a remarkable, realistic, wrenching, and beautiful story… one which anyone struggling with loneliness can watch and see a bit of themselves. And most wonderful of all, is that somehow, it allowed me to feel a bit of compassion for myself. It’s been years since I can remember this feeling of forgiveness and grace with such truth.
Younger me hated feeling lonely and being by myself, always had to be in a relationship. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I actually love being alone, I find my own company most comforting 😊
Copium. Enjoy dying alone and being found as a rotten corpse.
I feel the opposite jajaja
Same with me
Its because you have been in relationships. You have the knowledge that others can love you and that strengthens you. Makes you capable of loving yourself.
But sad ugly pieces of poop like myself never have and never Will experience the love of someone else. That makes one so desperate an lonely that death seems to be the only solution.
I think it's not about the fear of being alone, but more about inability to be content with oneself. Happiness? It's your happiness and it's up to you to fill this cup, otherwise you'll become dependable on others. No need. Even if you feel sad - feel it, no need to run away. You have to enjoy even sadness, because sadness has something joyful, if you take a look at it. For instance, when you're sad you may feel that the world around is like glass, that can be easily broken. And that feeling you can only get when you're sad. Everything can be in handy, you just haven't found its beauty.
nicely said!! i agree!!
We have all the qualities we are looking for to be our own best friends, being compassionate and forgiving with oneself first is the beggining of inner peace.
I still remember my first time feeling left out and alone. What did I do? I went where the fun was... I was set for the next year's to come. As an adult now, I kinda get the same feeling as I did when I was a kid. But this time I don't have the same innocence. Life hits different now. If you're feeling without purpose know you're not alone. And life is still beautiful enjoy it while you can...
For the longest time, I thought I was crazy for always choosing to be alone if it came down to it. I knew deep down that there were benefits of learning to occupy and be happy on ones' self. Thank you for this.
copium maximus
@@ericcartmann fr lol
@@ericcartmann This sounds hella uncultured but what does that mean? Lol
@@LetUsDrownIn You wrote some bullshit to justify your sad conditions. You are too lazy and too scared to put yourself out there and your ego is merely finding a way to make yourself feel better about that unfortunate reality.
Dying alone is a form of hell.
That's the reality. It's so hellish that people who are alone will inhabit the devil himself and seduce others to be lonely and sad like them.
There's a good chance you'll commit suicide.
She was perfectly fine until the teacher told her that she was alone. Never let an outside source manipulate your emotional state.
Edit: If you're going to respond to this comment, please read the rest of the comments under it first. We had an entire conversation on this topic. Whatever you're going to say, may have already been discussed below. If you can add to the conversation, please do, but if not, let's not say the same thing that 7 people said before you lol. Please and Thank You. 😊
On the other hand, it's the things from the outside that influence our emotions
@@spacecat942 Not if you choose to analyze, compartmentalize and reorganize your emotions. Step back from the emotion, really understand why you're feeling what you're feeling, and then change what your feeling. And I mean this specifically in cases like this. If your mother dies, then you're going to cry LOL. But if you're sitting alone on a bench and somebody says, why are you sitting alone? You should not allow that to make you feel alone LOL. If you didn't feel alone in the first place, somebody else's words should not then make you feel alone. That's what I mean.
@@Horizon429 I still say go through the same exact process of understanding the emotion. But at least it was self generated. It wasn't generated from somebody else telling you that you felt a certain way. That's step one. Make sure your emotions are actually your own and not implanted from outside sources. From there, you can analyze, reorganize and compartmentalize the emotions.
@@Horizon429 For example, I'm almost always alone and I almost always feel alone, but that doesn't make me feel lonely or depressed anymore LOL. It doesn't make me feel bad. It's more of a recognition than it is a feeling. I've actually come to realize that we're all alone, no matter how many people we're surrounded by, because nobody else is in your body with you. Nobody is in your mind, your spirit, your soul, Etc. It's just you in there LOL. When you die, even if you die in a situation where other people died at the same time, you're still technically dying alone, because your death experience is yours and yours alone. Same thing with your birth. Same thing with every moment of your life and it will be the same way in the so-called afterlife. You are an Individuated Consciousness. Therefore you are technically alone at all times, even when surrounded by other individuated consciousnesses. I analyzed, reorganized and then compartmentalised the loneliness into a simple recognition of being alone and now it no longer bothers me LOL. Now I actually prefer to be alone more often than I do to be around other people. I took the emotion, realized what was causing emotion, changed my understanding of what was causing the emotion, and in doing so created a new emotion based upon the same thing. An emotion that has worked for me for the last 5 years now. Because nobody can see me sitting alone somewhere, ask me why I'm sitting alone, tell me that it's better if I was with other people, and then change my emotion based on those words. My frame will be held because I've already analyzed that entire situation and I've chosen to be sitting alone. It's not accidental. It's Choice.
How can I feel bad about my own choice?
You get what I'm saying?
@@Horizon429 There's nothing wrong with being introverted. I mean, if you really don't like it, you can change it. You can literally train yourself to be extroverted. But never keep something you don't want. Never Keep an emotion you don't want. Never keep a behavioral pattern that you don't want. If the world did something to you as a child, that caused you to behave a certain way, and you don't like it, you need to go back to that point in your mind and undo whatever damage was done to you.
There's no two ways around it.
That's what I've tried to do in my life. Is it perfect? No LOL. But I found that it's what works best for me.
I used to sit in the gray area. Sitting in what I didn't like and complaining about it. But not changing it. I had to change that. Once I changed that, I was able to change everything else.
But the only way I could do that, was by 100% focusing on me and my interaction with everything.
For example, if a girl cheats on me tomorrow, I'm not going to focus on her cheating on me, and just be mad at her, or react poorly, nor will I just ignore it. I'm going to 100% focus on every part that I played in that relationship, that led to the cheating. And I'm going to make a decision. Either I'm going to change whatever I did, or I'm going to maintain my behaviors, because I don't think my behavior is the problem, I view our compatibility as the problem. If I honestly view my behaviors as the problem, and I don't like those behaviors myself, then I will change in order to have a better outcome. But if I like those behaviors and think that I just simply need a different partner whose behaviors match mine better, then that's what I'll do. It may even be a little bit of both. Or it could just be that the girl is simply in a place in her life where that's just what she's going to do, no matter how good you treat her. And you can't change other people, you can only change yourself, so just let her go and don't allow it to affect you emotionally, at least as much as you possibly can. Instead of dwelling on the emotion or the way it made me feel, I instead analyze the situation from top to bottom, adjust and move forward. I analyze, reorganize and compartmentalize. This way I can do it from a more detached state and actually get to a solution and then truly embrace that solution. One way or the other, it's always about finding the answer you need and then walking that path without looking back.
It's mostly about perspective, if you think about how lonely your are and how nobody is with you, then you'll most likely go insane. I was always happy when alone because of the different perspective, it was a moment of peace.
You’re right, I almost went insane.
Yes I have gone insane.. the lonliness is crippling
@@peachaesthxtic23 you have to move a lot and spend more free time outside, little interactions help aswell, also don't always think about loneliness, more you focus on it, worse you are going to feel
I think “being alone” is really about living completely on your terms? Are we brainwashed into being around other people for the sake of perception? I have less stress more peace and I get to deal with people only when I feel like it.
My biggest fear is not being alone often enough! I prefer being alone 90% of the time or more. I live in a forest filled with wild creatures so I'm never really alone. I only feel fear around humans. But in general couldn't care less.
based and the industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster pilled.
An Earth Angel indeed. 😎👍🏻
Sometimes I sit back and wonder where I'd be if I'd conceded more and married one of my exes. At one point I was so afraid of being alone I stayed with someone I couldn't be myself around, and it was my longest relationship to date. I was truly terrified I'd be alone forever after her. Later on I dated another girl for about half a year, that one felt beyond boring because of her lack of a personality. Being nice was her personality. I felt completely isolated despite it being the relationship where I was most spontaneous and outgoing in.
I think it's been about 8 years now since her and I haven't been seriously involved with anyone. The isolation and loneliness has been crippling at times, and right now I'm simultaneously in the best position I've ever been in life, and the worst. Too often I catch myself thinking "what-if". I'm a loner, always have been, and probably always will be, but sometimes it does hurt not to have the one confidant I wish I had. I'm tired of talking to just myself, but it's been so long now that even though I know exactly where to start in order to get to a place to where I would be happy seeing someone again, I just can't seem to muster the drive to do so.
I've been through my worst struggles and come out the other end battered to where I don't really see a point in bringing someone else into it. Really, my one point of relief in saying it was best that I never married up til now is that I never had a child that would have potentially grown up with divorced parents. At 32, I know there is time. But again, why?
Thanks for listening to my sad rant haha
I’m twice your age and want to write stuff coz I feel you but I can’t be bothered if you can’t be bothered.
(that might be from M. Aurelius)
cultivating the knowledge that we can be comfortable in our own company is the beginning of compassion for ourselves and others
I never lived alone until I was around 30.
I found it suits me.
What terrifies me is not being able to take care of myself when I'm old. No way I'm going to an old folks home.
One can work on keeping ourselves healthy and perhaps be extra vigilant and planned about unforeseen circumstances. Sure things can go horribly wrong but what if it doesn't and we do our best to take care of ourselves so that we manage to stay as healthy as an older person can be...
I'm just thinking out loud with this comment, and wondering how you think about this, as i quite relate to your comment
@@Ayesha_11122 you make a great point. I've quit smoking and drinking, started exercising more and am in the process of quitting Dr Pepper, which is the only caffeine I use, and at least 90% of my sugar intake.
Wish I'd been able to kick all those bad habits sooner, but I'm glad I finally did.
I wish you luck in delaying father time.
@@suicyconaut I have a same story and same fear! I quit smoking, drinking and caffeine during the pandemic...but the fear of being alone in old age keeps me wanting to be with someone..but when im in a group of people i want my alone time as i guess im used to being alone now...i see other people go out in groups and other couples which makes me feel lonely and crave for companionship + the physical intimacy...dont know what the right solution is i guess...
People are really acting up. I have been almost always alone for almost 4 years now. Very often I only see my family. But being alone is the most peaceful thing there is. When you learn to love yourself and accept yourself as a best friend, life is super nice and quiet all alone.
I can't be around people hardly and I get lonely , I guess? I'm sounding like Eor right about now.
"Just because somebody is important to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're a good person. Even if you recognize that they're evil, people just can't win against their loneliness." Gaara.
I imagine someone else already stated this, but there's a big difference between being alone and lonely. I quite enjoy being alone, but I don't feel lonely. There are lonely moments, or days, but then I just reach out to an acquaintance and perhaps do something with them.
copium
"There are lonely moments, or days, but then I just reach out to an acquaintance and perhaps do something with them." I feel like this is going to become the new norm for all the lonely people of gen z
@iiCounted2134 I hadn't thought about how different generations may deal with being lonely. I'm 51, so I think I'm from generation X? I've also been meditating for over 30 years, and I think that makes being alone much easier.
I always had a interesting relationship with loneliness, ever since being a kid I always was lonely, in school I wouldn't play with the other kids, I always had very few friends, in my free time I would always stay alone by myself, read, play games, draw stuff, ride on my bike, always alone, and I enjoyed because I did what I wanted, I always had a lot liberty to do what I wanted which had bad consequences but also good ones(most of the freedom was because my mom kinda abandoned me, she would pay very little attention to me and she would give me attention when I did something wrong) but something happened that changed my life was that my mom died from cancer, and I felt like I was truly completely alone I was a teen at the time, after that my grandma also died one year later(she was like a second mom) which made me feel even more lonely and isolated from the world, then I had to go live with my grandpa and he is a man of independence so he let me do whatever I want he always said to "you're free to do whatever you want" so once again I got even lonelier because of my habit of staying in my room, i never socialized a lot, after all of this the covid pandemic came and until this point I handled my loneliness but after the pandemic things started to feel like it was too much, i just couldn't handle being so alone anymore, so I feel into the cicle that eva did doing stuff just to not feel alone, things that I didn't enjoy, meeting people that weren't good for me. After some time I realised how critical my situation was and started to go to therapy a few weeks back, came back writing, and I am even planning that start going to the gym(even though I never was a exercise person) this video helped me notice how I was a few months and years back. Although I have a lot to still go through I'm hopeful that things will get better in the future. Thank you for the video pursuit of wonder your videos are amazing ❤
I used to think that having tons of people around me and having out with my friends every now and then would mean that I am not alone. Quite the opposite. I actually did realize that feeling alone even when you're surrounded by people, that's loneliness. I feel like my most self when I am alone and don't have to meet anyone else's expectations. Being happy with how you are and being grateful about it, that's true happiness. Remember, your happiness starts and ends with you. Also, I loved reading your story. Working out is a great way to feel happy about yourself - as long you do it for yourself. I hope you find happiness and contenment within you :)
I think non dualism might reasonate. Some people have a rich inner life that require tools like meditation to understand what we are looking for. Youll find there is no such thing as loneliness.
i feel more lonely with people who don't understand me, talk about uninteresting purely materialistic topics than when I'm alone.
I love the depth of people's honesty in these comments, it shows there is still empathy within this world. ❤
I can relate to this story so deeply that I am teary eyed as I write this comment. Your videos have had a profound impact on my life during various phases of it, but for the first time you've made a video about a topic that has sort of encompassed most of my life and it's general direction. I had the same dialogue with my mental health professional a while ago and have made steps to spend time with myself and grow to enjoy it a lot lately. Thank you for this video, not only because it is excellently made but because it is not often that one feels seen, and now, I feel seen.
This made me feel a lot better. I've been struggling lately because I'm a bit of a loner I'm not unpopular I just don't like talking to most of the people my age or even people in general. I do what I want and I spend my time building my intellect and creativity. Everyone around me thinks that I'm not okay but I'm great. But I struggle to have human connections except for with a few people I have pre-established relationships with. I don't avoid being alone but I also don't try to hold connections with people.
People start to feel like there is something wrong because other people convince there is. Without anyone telling you that you shouldn’t be by yourself you would be happy and wouldn’t even think about it.
I was pressured into dating a guy because he was my only friend, and then he started touching me, and i stuck around cause i didn’t wanna be alone.
At that point, i wish i could have gone back and told my younger self. “Hey, you’re not alone. You got your family and your cats, and honestly? Being alone is better than being around bad people who hurt you.”
this channel nearly feels like a video game that you can experience very specefic lives to see the outcome for yourself. incredible
I honestly wish I could relate to the first part of the story. I went to school up to grade 4 and then moved to a new country. Starting around grade 6/7 I realised that I was missing out on social activities, didn't have any friends, and felt extremely lonely. I wanted to join my one friend at school when he went (gr. 9), and get to know people and socialize instead of being in the house or property 24/7. That didn't happen. I was homeschooled up to grade 10, which is when my begging finally paid off and my parents let me go to school lol.
By the time I got to go to school I was super introverted, even though I didn't want to be. I was around more than 10 peers at a time for the first time in 5 years, exposed to a completely new school system and culture. All while trying to fit in and not stand out like a sore thumb. Most of which was probably in my mind anyways.
I suddenly realized that I had little to no knowledge of north American popular culture, (i moved from Germany) I didn't even know what an assembly was lol, and to try to not stick out I stayed quiet and played along from the back when something I was unfamiliar with got introduced. And then covid lockdowns started. I barely got 1.5 schoolyears worth of time of exposure to peers, and chances to socialize. The highlights of my years would be the 2 times a year I'd get invited to someones place, or got to go to lunch with a group during school. Although almost every time I'd be the last "random" tagging along, asking if I could join after a group of close friends none of which knew me that well, (understandably) had already decided on something. I find it easy to feel like a burden on others, so once I realized that I'd only get invited places if I asked repeatedly, I stopped and spent the last year of hs lunches alone in the library.
I made a few friends, but the time was so short because of online covid measures, that I simply wasn't able to form friendships strong enough to last outside of school.
I was alone again, and communication with the few people I knew slowly ceased. I did try to stay connected for a while, but after seeing a clip on how much people stay in touch, I tried to stop initiating chats or snaps with people to see who would actually try to stay in touch with me. Communication with every single person I knew (not exaggurating) ceased after 1 month. I tried to console myself by telling myself that these relationships were clearly one-sided and I wanted to hang out more with them then they with me, but it still stings.
I'm 20 now, going to school I had no idea what I'd study after, the thought of college didn't cross my mind once as I was busy adjusting. My counselor didn't talk about it much with me either, so once I graduated I had no idea what I wanted to do, realized that I would have had to take certain classes as uni prerequisites for courses that did interest me, but that was too late now. I have found something I like, but uni or college are out of the question. I simply don't have the qualifications for literally anything.
I see people online together a lot, be it parties or just stories of them hanging out with their close friends. At this point, most friend groups have shrunk to a select 4-5 or 8, super close friends that have tight bonds. People that don't have time or interest in introducing someone new they don't know well into their private circles of trust and familiarity. My schedule with work etc doesn't match up with a lot of peers I know, and I don't know what to do or where to go to socialize. I work remotely, so I'm in the house 24/7, I have no connections regarding plans on the weekends, and I see other people's lives continue on as they make new life experience after the other. But here I watch, stagnant, watching them disappear over the horizon.
I feel that it is too late. I'm a logician in most ways, so I'm bluntly honest with myself that I'm alone, don't know how to reach peers that are like me, and need to accept it, because it makes more sense to work make money and move out eventually than to spend time looking for relationships. Its a weird internal battle with myself, and I don't know if it will ever beat me or I it.
If you read this far thx for coming to my little ted talk lol. I didn't mean to write this much, but it feels good to let it out somehow.
Do you have enough reasons to conclude that having a social circle will help get rid of your loneliness? In my case, as of now, I feel exhausted being in any of my circles. Maybe it's because I'm in a bit of a bad state of mind.
As for your observation of people withdrawing from conversation on different online platforms I've experienced the same. I feel bitter about it and it seems to me that all this online friendship is superficial and hollow
@@shivanshtomar18 To be honest, I do. I find myself to be a pretty social person, I'm happy to just walk through a mall and observe people around me and have that feeling of community.
I've just never had anyone to help me stay on track, support me as a friend and vice versa, or to confide in.
Find an interest grp near you!
Music, sports, arts etc
Thats the best way to meet ppl
Im 24 and I'm honest when i say i have no friends 🤣🤣 You're a logician which i also try to be and i find that many people i try to talk to don't really share it which just makes my disconnect all clearer. If you'd be comfortable sharing your age and if we are at around the same age- we could become friends- i can follow you in Instagram and we'd make a wierd friendship but i believe there much we can learn. Im not desperate for friends- I really want a friend who can see the world logically as can be see that everything is just objective in the end. I really want a rival who is better,knows more than i do because my family looks at me like I'm a genius (i spend most of my time looking stuff up and being knowledgeable) because that will ultimately bring out the best in me.
Edit- follow you in Instagram,not real time
@@houser2094 This, finding someone that 'gets' what one says and how one sees the world and has more knowledge is so difficult these days😢
Better to be alone than to be in an unhealthy relationship. Better to be alone than to be in a company of a distant friend. Better to deal with your own insanity than to deal with the insanity of others.
everyone is alone, always. true love and true friendship can change that. but for most people, we are always alone. "we are born alone, we live alone, and we died alone". real good video
“There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn't be one of them.” - Jill Robinson
I don't know man ever since the pandemic began I found that a couple of handful loyal friends can be a great boost of morale
The best gift I was ever given was being good company for myself. It sets a good bar - spending time with you needs to be more interesting than not spending time with you.
You'll always be alone until you forgive, accept, trust, respect and love yourself. Until then all you'll do is try and distract yourself from yourself and ignore yourself. What happens when people we love ignore us? we die inside.
You're who you're here to find.
This video kind of evokes my fear of mediocrity, living in a way that is just okay
A great video. I think another lesson to take from this video is that, in life you shouldn’t force anything. Everything that’s good comes along in it’s own time. Enjoy living.
My interpretation with my own loneliness is that it is a reality that some people must have in their lives and learn to live with. It is neither something to be ashamed or be too proud of. I've been alone and/or felt alone for a good majority of my life and how I feel about it varies. Sometimes its good, sometimes it bad. But one thing I've always thought about is "What if I didn't have to be this way and have a change of pace in my life where I'm not lonely" yknow? But I cant because someone like me seems to be so, for the lack of a better word, "destined" to be like this.
I’m very glad that the social pressure of being required to be with someone is gradually dying, and the ability to choose to live alone is far more normalized now than ever before. Being perpetually with someone, for a great many of us, just isn’t all that great.
Well I miss people in general there I said it , but u wouldn't know cuz I also now have mental illness that keeps me distant from people and making me feel even more lonely it's a vicious cycle , I think my illness is getting better but not so much the other.
2 minutes in and I'm already crying. The music in this was so beautiful, and I found the story so touching.
this channel changed my life
The moment you realize that you too are a person that you can hang out with, you'll never feel alone. I used to be the type that rushed into relationships for fear of being alone, but when a girlfriend broke up with me, I ended living by myself whether I wanted or not, and it was then that I discovered I actually like to do the things I like, eat the foods that I enjoy, go places I wanted to go, etc. I like being with me, so I never feel alone. Anyone else in my life like my wife and daughter are a bonus.
Sounds like you got it figured out.... I on the other hand get lonely it sucks I feel like it's killing me... Some one else said it earlier, it just doesn't feel as good when yer older and there right it doesn't.
You are an inspiration to me and so many others. Keep shining your light❤
solitude is my favorite thing...i always wondered why people cant stand being alone...i think they prefer the noise over introspection...with others they never have to face themselves.
That’s exactly what it is. Many people can’t be alone because they’re scared of what they might find out about themselves when they are alone with their own thoughts.
I have always loved my solitude. But now, sometimes, I am scared of being alone. There is a lot going on in my mind and I can't help but to collapse mentally. Reading books and watching these kinda videos has helped me a lot in getting different insights. Ik I m lost and confused. That doesn't necessarily mean I will always feel the same. Ik I ma grow out of this, stronger and wiser. I just need to survive this phase of my life.
I love my solitude but it doesn't mean I'll choose it every time, that I don't enjoy the change of socialising, or that I don't need outside help sometimes. I hope you can perhaps learn to lean on others a little bit, because it needs balance, rather than forcing one to be the lone wolf 100%..
@@MusiicRoolz You are right. People need help.
I find myself feeling lonely only when I’m bored. If you have fun, there’s no way you’ll feel lonely. If you have feelings of loneliness often then yes, you should make a change regarding how you spend your free time. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend it with other people, you can totally have fun on your own. And if not, then there’s your answer - you need a companion.
@@ALGARICI'm still working on it haha I asked a married woman (I didn't know) out the other day actually , plus I'm thinking about using this phone again for web dating hopefully Viki won't ruin it haha, or at the very least allow the process to go through with her on the other end (it didn't work out the last time it wasn't her🤫 haha) vs a pulled connection to a stranger like on the fourth of July yrs ago haha, hopefully she will either allow it if I get a yes ? or it will be her one of the two hopefully 🤞.
Learn to be alone, because in end you are the only one that you have.
Being alone and still being yourself and strong is a strong trait to have! This is when we truly find ourselves
I’m currently embracing my solitude. I was married and there were moments I wished I wasn’t.
There’s wrong setup most people have, that they need someone in order to feel happy. As long as you don’t learn how to be happy alone, you won’t be happy in relationship. It’s the journey I had to make ngl. But it’s worth it.
I’ve been watching for around 8 months now and I’m really impressed with your production! You’re a very talented writer
I hate when ppl make you feel like there's something wrong with you because you are alone.
I did everything to not be alone when I was younger and it took me to some truly horrible places. Now that I am older and wiser I LOVE being alone. Never lonely and I feel so free!
Loneliness exactly how I feel. If only I could choose to reject loneliness, reject the inner desire for human socialization without causing myself pain
Thank you for another amazing video. Do you think you can do a future one about how to be okay with being alone/ how to just be alone in a healthy way? It’s so hard and confusing. Seems like the whole world works in a way to discourage that.
Much love from a montreal nursing student ❤️
You don't know how much i wait for your new video.......
Writer who can undeniably touch the soul.
A lot of people I know can't go without being in a relationship for any amount of time. As soon as one ends, they jump into another as soon as possible. I can't imagine what it's like to never have those periods of quiet reflection where you figure out who you are and what you want. I can't truly think until I'm alone, and if I were constantly with someone I'd never have those opportunities. I feel like I grow more from a month of solitude than a year of companionship.
"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude." - Henry David Thoreau
Be an ‘active listener’, don’t pre-judge, and be affable. Consistently show interest and affection (it doesn’t have to be romantic affection) of those people that matter most to you. Stay trustworthy in word, deed, and confidences. Your character is only as good as your word is. 😊
I’ve loved watching your videos over the last couple of years but this one really hit hard for me. This is me, this has always been me. I don’t think I’ve truly been alone for more than a couple of months.
I've done this myself to the point where I was so exhausted of the expectations that I put on me. So, at some point, I just stopped. I didn't have any energy left. I desperately needed myself not to be someone else.
I moved to Paris and been living here for last two years. I have been through some of these, though I have been a loner whole my life. Still I am a loner in a city of 12 million and it doesn't really change anything. People are afraid of staying alone even for an hour so when hangout with friends I have this impression again. Even though I sometimes feel bothered, overall I am happy to be able to live on my own and not chasing people or entertainment just to avoid being the loneliness.
Do you also get that sickening feeling when some social self-help online article lays out the most cliche set of steps to get better at it? Yeah, this what her life felt like...
And the way she hated both loneliness and companionship is so relatable. Like, you really just gotta accept one at the cost of the other.
💯 Opportunity costs 😭😎 I relate
Truly enlightening content as always
These videos are genuinely the realest things ever produced.
I loved to be alone when little but teachers always pushed me to be with someone. When I was little, i really trusted authority and people told me that older people had more experience and therefore, they were always right. So, i thought there was something wrong with me and tried to get with people sometimes only to fai. I still go through times where I think there's is something wrong with me , that I'm not worth it or i don't want to be alone. But I'll get through it
Probably just a me thing but when youtubers put an ad of any kind and the start of a video i zone out and think about something else, and then get trapped in thought for a minute which leads me to having to restart the video atleast 3-4 times.
I am wildly autistic.
I thought I was the only one having to rewind media too many frickin times, for different reasons. Wayyyyy too many times. It’s so bad 😭 that it can be a 10 second rewind on a RUclips video bc I needed to hear the statements made and couldn’t hold it together. I just have to laugh at myself cuz big picture, it doesn’t even matter.
I used to be very social until I got outcasted in university, and developed social anxiety. Although I did get help to manage it, I gave up most of my social endeavors soon after I graduated. I realized that I feel better when I’m focusing on myself, than when I’m around other people. I’m really lucky that I was born a twin, though
At times we must realise that it is when people tell us about how we missed out on stuff that leads to the onset of fomo
It is with people whom we do not resonate with whom we feel lonely and it is when we are alone when we can feel the freedom
Of course the teacher would mean well by telling Ava it's better than being by yourself. But it's why a lot of people (like me) who actually don't mind and mostly prefer being alone feel insecure sometimes. Because I think most people are social so it makes them uncomfortable to see a person doing activities alone. Like that's odd, I wonder why they're alone 🤔 something must of happened. I've mostly always been alone and I love it. Even when I'm in social settings I'm trying to find somewhere where I can go find peace off to myself.
Excellent video 🙂
Buy your handle: “lite traveler “ i’m assuming that you can travel by yourself. I always wish I was that kind of person who could do things by them self, mostly traveling. But I am one of those people that worries about like you said people will assume that there’s something wrong with me because I am traveling alone. I just cannot do that.. I love to travel,& well I do have the means to do so, none of my friends do. So I don’t travel that’s why I admire someone who can do things like that alone. Unfortunately for me.! I’m just not that brave.& that makes me sad.
You have to learn how to be alone first and then you will know how to not be.... It resonates with me
Ironically, I’m on the other end of the spectrum. I treasure being alone all my life and only had a couple of friends in school. I no longer keep in contact with any of them because there was no mutual connection.
Never had the courage to approach the girl I admire and although I prefer being alone due to my rather negative view of human nature, I still feel lonely and curious about what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship. My fear of being in a terrible relationship outweighs the fear of being alone. But being alone doesn’t feel as good as it used to now that I am older.
I know right it's just not the same......
Introvert here, I spent tons of time by myself between the age of 14 and 24, and again between the age of 26 and 28. It did wonders for me.
This really spoke to me. Especially how I been feeling recently. Worried I will die alone. The fear of never seeing my family. The fear of enjoying life on my own. But the fear of also becoming nothing and never accomplishing anything. The scales of my worries, carry too much weight and I feel it is very unbalanced.
What’s wrong with dying alone? Why does it matter, it has come to an end anyway
I like being alone. In fact I love it. The peace. The lack of noise. The stillness. I find I crave it. But I'm married with 2 young kids and it's very busy and chaotic at times and there is very little time alone or quiet times. I struggle with that at times. I've very little time for anything for myself. It'll get easier as my kids get older but I do occasionally reminsce for the times when I could be alone whenever I wanted. Some people feel very uncomfortable being alone. Personally I find it to be something that I find to ve very relaxing. Being around people all the time is draining.
Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.
this was an incredibly good reminder to have. i've recently moved, unwillingly so and under uncomfortable circumstances. now that i've recovered enough to have the capacity to worry, i worry about social things. it's been odd to discover, because i never used to worry about these things. growing up, i was always a child content being alone. the adults around me would always push me to socialise and worry when i didn't, but i was happier that way. i had two friends that were like brothers to me, now left behind in my hometown. they were enough, connections so deep and love so unconditional that i was completely satisfied. now, around me, all sorts of people are partying and messing around, which has never been my thing -- i don't even drink. but i find myself reaching out to people i'm not interested in and going to parties i don't want to be, anyway, because now... now that unconditional love is gone, and i have no close friends. i find it hard to meet people that will ever be able to reciprocate the bond i had with my friends, anyway. but there's empty space, and i never thought that it had to be filled, but everybody around me pushes for me to fill it. the adults responsible for me judge it critically when i am /not/ out partying and doing drugs. they eye me with concern when i stay home on weekends and create art or make music.
and i think this was just what i needed to hear. this was how i used to think, but outside forces are great influences, and they've started chipping away at my way of thinking. maybe this will help me return to it. thank you.
Unfortunately
Thanks for being here on YT and enlightening our minds with this amazing vids.
i love this channel, thank you man for all the content, it’s helped me reshape my perception of life and thinking
i enjoy being alone but sometimes i still crave for someone to talk to and reveal myself within
There is a fear of everything more or less ...fight or flight...phobia to anxiety. Though my dad had that fear of being alone more than any one I ever knew.
This situation relates to my sister, the problem is that she has 3 children from 2 different dads, all of them are not with her right now, now that shes alone she has brought a lot of really heavy drama and is going back with her abusive ex, just to not be alone, its really sad, and even more cuz nobody can do anything, except her, and she doesn’t wanna change
I really hope theres time to fix this- its almost like you read my life. I actually only made the recent realization that i haven’t been alone before. In 22. And yet i cry but i continue, i struggle and waver because i desperately am afraid of loneliness, but i force myself to be alone this time and its uncomfortable but i do it in desperation to change or learn something so i can break this cycle.
Out of all the content on "loneliness" I've seen, nothing has related to me anywhere near as much as this. I used to spend lots of time alone and really enjoying it, before having negative thoughts about it introduced by judgmental outsiders. Now I can't enjoy hobbies/interests in solitude without pervasive thoughts of being a failure/loser. I also "lost" most of my social life through friends entering relationships, now I only see them once every 1-2 months if I'm lucky. I then concluded I needed to find a girlfriend myself, as that's the only way to not be alone after a certain age. After 2 failed relationships where I acted exactly like Ava, I started forcing myself into socialising with people I didn't really vibe with, drinking and partying which I didn't really enjoy, because they were the only ones still regularly doing things on weekends. I want more than anything to just feel content with being alone, so that I can find a healthy relationship down the line. To constantly occupy yourself with rewarding friendships as you grow into adulthood feels like an impossible task.
I’ve always been a lone wolf. I did go through a phase where I was partying a lot with friends and all that but I don’t consider that to be the real me. Being alone is fun because I can be the real me without having to explain myself to shallow egotistical people. Ultimately the most important thing is striking a balance, it’s important to have someone to hang out with from time to time.
Do I know u ?
I truly think this man is amazing. He deserves the sense of catharsis he’s found.
🤔
It’s how our species survives, by not being alone at all costs
Really good story! Thanks for sharing, needed that now. Will need it for weeks.
Dear me, this sounds just like my life. Except I didn't get married to any of my long term partners. Probably because I knew they were not a good fit, and I was just in relationships thinking that's what was expected. I forgot who I was and what my actual character was like, forever being told I was shy and not confident. I may have been shy as a kid but in an endearing way I think, looking back. And there were many things I could have cultivated and improved at with the right encouragement. It was only in my early 30s after years of heartbreak, frustration and emotional turmoil that I was able to finally see sense, and stop being such a people pleaser and following what everyone else was doing. I wanted to be alone for so long and yet all my actions contradicted this desire. Now is different. I am free from burdens and other people's opinions, I can process my emotions properly. I am traveling solo and enjoying the benefits of being alone whilst also finding ways to connect with people without becoming dependent. There are many women like me, and I think, at least we realised this sooner rather than later!
I used to be around a lot of people, later i realized that those people are fake friends they talked behind my back held me down they were negative if i tried to do something to change myself. So i decided to be alone, cut myself off em yk it gets kinda boring ngl plus during same time i went through breakup. Now i have only 2-3 people who i can kinda call my friends. It does not feel right but it is necessary thing to do.
Is it weird I enjoy being by myself the most. I have never felt the need for a friendship or companionship, though I have friends. Often I don't feel the need to reach out and hang out with people. It's an intrinsic property at this point, and it took me a long time to realize I wasn't being cold. This is my personality. Which means I will never have people close to me, which sounds sad but is honestly ok with me. How much do you know a person you've spent 50 years with anyway? My infinity is a bit different than yours, but they're both infinities - undefined and undetermined.
Weirdly enough when I am alone at home I am at peace. But surrounded by other people I sometimes feel the need to just be with them. But when I am with them they is nothing to talk about
wow man. me too. I’ll feel bad hanging out w this one friend for like an hour when he clearly wants to hangout for a little longer, but he does the same to me and it isn’t something he thinks about its just him going on his own way. Having something at home waiting for me helps, but I always end up wanting to stay when im surrounded by people, but wanting to be alone all at once
Let me just start off by saying I really love your videos. I love the characters you create in your videos that we can all relate to in one way or another. Can’t express how much I love your videos!
People wanna be with people. But I wanna be alone as I have always been alone so far. Its so peace and calmed life.
This is more common with people that are so different that it's hard to find others similar to them so they start engaging with someone that is not 100% like they are just not to be alone .
Needed this today
You can not be lonely if you like the person that you’re alone with!!! Nearly 5 years now alone, and still enjoy my own company!!!❤
I'm almost crying as I watch this video... I think I relate too much with Ava
The message of the video is great and the ending of the video is so in the right place.
This video is eye opening😍 i am learning to being alone, it's painful to being alone, but more difficult to be with someone and still feel alone
I love being alone, I don't need friend groups, I'm a true, free man.