The Limerent Flip: Facing Rejection Becomes So Unbearable You Stay Obsessed
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- Опубликовано: 15 июн 2023
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Limerent obsession with someone you can't have can become more than harmless little fantasy -- especially if they give you signals that there's HOPE. Limerence is basically an addictive tendency to POUR your life’s energy into the IDEA of a relationship that doesn’t really exist (or not like you think it does). When you know in your bones someone’s not into you you might TRY to face reality and move on, but what can happen is what I call a Limerent FLIP. And that flip can keep you trapped, in love with something that doesn’t exist, and draining any kind of happy future right out of your life. So how can you tell if there’s actually hope, or if you’re FLIPPING?
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You’re so spot on. The entire “twin flame” community is heavily rooted in Limerance and trauma/loneliness
So true! So glad she brought up the thing about pyschics and tarot readers....they are serioudly taking advantage of people who are traumatized about the thought of being rejected. It is so much easier to be in denial than to accept the truth and move on when you already feel empty or lonely on the inside.
@@IntheMOMENT22173 dont blame the psychics. The reality is these people will go to multiple psychics to hunt for the one who will egg them on. If their LO is Daniel and the psychic says "I see your soul mate is a man with the initial M" they get pissed and go get a different psychic until they find one who will play this game with them. I can promise you they don't just go to one psychic. If anything, it's them taking advantage of the psychic basically saying if you go down this path I'll pay more, otherwise you're not accurate
Omg I did a post on this. Many in the spiritual community suffer from erotomania.
'my parents were loving but negligent and sometimes forgot to clothe and feed us ....' No, it's not that they forgot, the fact is that your needs were not considered as being their primary concern. Being treated as optional rather than essential primes us to except shoddy treatment from others our whole lives and then we make excuses for them.
We absolutely are 💔
My limerant obsession emailed me day before yesterday. He wanted to get together and have an “honest talk”. I’m not responding. It’s been seven years. I can’t explain how devastated I was back in 2016. I’m free now. I have no desire to reconnect. I understand limerance now. I feel so strong. I don’t mind being alone.
Amazing!!! You have your power back 💪❤️🥳
Good for you! Powerful choices!💪
I want to be YOU when I grow up!
I think you posting this info is a sign you're not done with him
@@kirrakate Tricky take to consider. Skydancer, do you feel like they might be hurt? Was your intention to encourage others by posting this?
I think that part of the reason that some of us with attachment wounds experience limerence is that it often isn't completely all in our imagination - that the other party, especially if they're lacking in integrity, at times gets off on our adoration of them and play mind games and then act like it's all on us. Just like the limerent person is avoiding asking the person of interest any direct questions because on some level they know the truth, that the person isn't really available or truly interested. The person of interest is often aware that we like them but doesn't directly bring it up or do the decent thing like distancing themselves from us because they would no longer derive the benefits that come with being on the limerent persons pedestal - some of them abuse the ambiguity and murkiness of the situation and then play the innocent and avoid any accountability when the proverbial hits the fan, essentially gaslighting the limerent person and heaping shame on them - like it's their inability to 'read' the situation correctly, when they did - which is probably what cued the limerence in the first place - the subtle (or not) hot and cold cycle.
This letter is so sad. She calls her parents "loving", but they can't be bothered to care whether their children go hungry!? This situation where she's involved with two men who don't care about her feelings, leaving her emotionally hungry, mirrors her childhood trauma. I hope she can find the strength to walk away from this.
Yes, I noticed she was married to someone who obviously treats her with the same level of neglect that her parents did. I hope she sees this video and makes a good choice that benefits her and sets her feet on a better life path.
You can have both loving & neglectful parents their love by itself doesn't feed or cloth you but if you asked your parents what where you doing when I was x years old? If they answer they both had full time jobs alone that would be the why they neglected to feed and cloth the child. From the parents PoV they aren't neglectful when they're at work they're just at work. Her husband would have the same mindset 'how can I be neglecting you when I go to work for you and I?"
Their parent's may also not know the child needed help dressing if the kid can fumble together a cohesive enough outfit the parents are fine with it they feel how grown up the girl is! Not how much we failed her! The loving parts are between and sometimes inspite of the neglect did they take her out? Did they play games on the weekends? Did they cook 1 meal once a week? the child's POV and the adults POV are different on the same affair.
The child is able to pick out happy & loving parent behavior while also acknowledging and seeing they're not here for things like breakfast or lunch or aiding you in getting ready for school you can have both.
My parents hid our poverty as best they could they went broke at the holidays giving us tons of gifts to showcase their love they couldn't do over the rest of the year cuz we were too broke. I could feel the love vibrating off one of my parents who would've loved to be home if that were possible with me but at the same time I still had hand me downs, holes in clothing & underwear, didn't bathe for long periods of time as no one taught me that was needed, and I had to prepare my own meals from a sparse bare kitchen as a wee child with no adult aid or cooking know how inspite having siblings in the same house who were older they did not feed me nor care for me either beyond us breaking into our house when they forgot the key or our parents locked us out. Thats why it's hard sometimes with abuse and neglect it's not all neglect and all abuse there can be good in the mix as well which makes it hard to understand what happened and in the case of neglect what didn't.
@@destroyraiden Not sure whether poverty was the issue. In that case, sure, you can be extremely poor and love your kids. Given her current dilemma though it's a safe bet that the neglect was more than poverty and it was abusive.
We accept the love that we think we deserve
@@thevibrantlotusstudiollc8227 Maybe instead "we accept the love that feels familiar to our nervous system from our childhood experiences?"
A husband who is at work all the time, and doesn't get you a birthday present, is obviously NOT into you. He probably wants out of this marriage too. Let them both go and move on.
That's what I was thinking, too. I'm not saying that the first year of marriage is always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but if you're both this disconnected this soon, it sounds like there's just nothing there.
Could he not just be under a lot of pressure from work.
@@adamchilds9132the wife still deserves to be celebrated by her spouse on her birthday, as does anyone by at least their partner. Her husband might be a good man and a good employee but a bad husband for her.
@@adamchilds9132Nope. It’s not okay. Use question marks.
This sounds like an arranged marriage to me. Nothing feeds limerence most than having no agency over your life.
I'm so glad Anna brought up the issue of the psychics, LOA, etc. I truly believe we create our reality and that our thoughts, actions, and emotions must be in alignment. The problem is, just like with religion or politics, the person taking advantage of the desperation in others will tell them certain truths, wrapped around blatant lies, which will inevitably reel people in, keeping them on the hook for as long as possible.
The full truth is, we don't attract what we Want, but what we ARE. The fundamentals of a person must be elevated in order to reflect higher "vibe" circumstances and relationships into one's life. A person who hasn't healed their relationship traumas isn't going to attract the kinds of relationships that they dream about. Therefore, it's paramount first to focus on ourselves and become whole before even thinking about jumping into another relationship - real or imaginary.
I really like hearing your definition of an emotional affair - thank you!
Dear Anna, I have no words to describe how grateful I am for your Daily Practice techniques. For the first time in at least 5 years, or maybe more, I'm actually looking forward to going out and interacting with other people, free from constantly boiling anger inside. I'm not totally 'fixed', still fine tuning and screwing in the loose parts, but NOTHING has EVER worked for me, I've been through 4 therapists, read about a dozen or so books about self-help and nothing. Until this writing and meditating (I'm still clumsy with meditating).
I won't go into ecstatic argumentation over my results, but just this detail - my overly loud neighbors used to make me absolutely livid. Now however, I just smile when they're arguing over who should calm their crying baby down. It's kinda silly actually. I even said 'mornin' to my neighbor last time. Never realised how innocent that guy actually looks, used to imagine him as a madman.
Please keep doing what you're doing, it's so precious for all of mankind.
Goodness, what. kind thing to say. And thank you for sharing what it's like to heal. YOU help so many people here by healing and describing your process!
Funny story about loud neighbors. When I was young and had a roommate, we lived in an apartment building where my bedroom was back to back with the next door neighbors bedroom. When THEY got loud was at night, pretending to be "wild animals". I leave the rest to your imagination, but they looked like a perfectly normal young couple by day. ROWRRRR! LOL
The stories of lengthy periods of limerence in this comment section, years of limerence! .... my heart really goes out to you all. I think romantic ideals are so wonderful and thrilling but damn if it isn't hard to find a balance in that
I did not before I discovered your channel I had no idea what limerence was until I realized that I was in a limerick situation
Must be really hard to be married to a man who is unavailable and limerent on someone who is also unavailable. Maybe she is also unavailable. Sounds lonely.
it's really important to remember that signs like "adoring looks" or blushing or stuttering could be signs of possible mutual attraction before someone rejects you. But after, even if someone doesn't outright reject you but just doesn't stay in touch or make time for you, those are more likely indicators of someone who gets a thrill out of being liked, likes feeling special or just reacts naturally to the attention. Just think about when someone attractive has had a crush on u, even if u didn't return the feelings perhaps it made u blush and also u would want to be kind to them cos they are someone who likes u that u like otherwise, and u may even feel bad about having rejected them. I know i personally blush when ppl like me and i obviously can't help but like the attention. I have pretty strong values though and if someone confesses to me i communicate v clearly and i say things like "lets take some space so u can get over it" and leave no room for hope. ive discovered thats rare though, not many ppl have strong values tbh
The big industry now is Law of Attraction/Assumption and "Specific Person Manifestations." I'm actually a believer somewhat in this, specifically fixing your self image, but I spot the quackery of it a mile away and see so many using this to continue obsession and make it worse. What's even worse is there are channels that will make up fake "success stories" of "clients" (who are never around the comments to celebrate). It's really pernicious, especially when this community blames the person for the inevitable failure as "you didn't believe hard enough." It's not healthy.
Yes, it is very interesting. I truly believe we create our reality and that our thoughts, actions, and emotions must be in alignment. The problem is, just like with religion or politics, the person taking advantage of the desperation in others will tell them certain truths, wrapped around blatant lies, which will inevitably reel people in, keeping them on the hook for as long as possible.
The truth is, we don't attract what we Want, but what we ARE. The fundamentals of a person must be elevated in order to reflect higher "vibe" circumstances and relationships into one's life. A person who hasn't healed their relationship traumas isn't going to attract the kinds of relationships that they dream about. The best thing we can all do is heal and be honest with ourselves; work on ourselves first and become whole. Then we will be far more capable to attract that dream relationship.
@@TheConsummateArtist agree 100%. But i do believe in free will. And using these techniques to try to magic trick our LO to love us when we are deeply hurt inside is dangerous. Especially those prone to obsession. Im all for using LoA to heal and improve your self concept. And attract people who are crazy about you
I think is harder when you are not aware of the reasons why you feel the way you feel , and when you are very lonely. Its easier if you know what is really happening and think twice about what you are experiencing
Love watching your videos. You remind me of a young Diane Keaton, voice and everything. Keep up the great work.
Dopamine plays into this crazy, emotional rollercoaster.
So embarrassed I had a limerence issue in the past and am prone to it. So glad to have your insight on this issue and now have the clarity to understand what is going on and why. 🙏✨
I experienced this and the only way I knew it was limerence is when I compared the “real” person to my idealized version of him and what was actually happening, I found myself feeling deeply disappointed and turned off by him. We had a real relationship/friendship but it in NO WAY compared to my idealized version of who he was. I’d basically projected all of my good traits and qualities onto him and stuck around being mistreated which signaled to him that maybe he didn’t suck as a person. I think this is why we should leave when people mistreat us. We do them and ourselves a great injustice by sticking around. ❤
This story is why I dont agree you should confess your true feelings to a LO. The probability that they'll say no and you'll listen and move on is 0%. You won't. And in my experience, any time I've felt the compulsion to "confess" my feelings, it's because the answer is no. I already know it's no.
My feeling is limerence is like the flu and it needs time to pass. And there have been times I've had relations with my LO after I fell out of it. It can happen. But not during. And even if it did, the limerence would quicky disappear and 6 months later you'll be limerent on someone else.
Gosh, you're spot with the 'confess feelings' sentence. That never occurred to me though it seems so obvious.
@@DH-dl3ll yes but i have had situations where the person i wanted to confress to went away and that same person started liking me. Not nearly as magical but it does happen when sometimes when you pull away and make your own life better and move on. They sense that space and freedom.
@@DH-dl3ll but as amazing as limerence feels like it is, its nothing compared to the actual warmth of someone who's actually crazy about us and we dont have to guess.
@@GerardGordon-bu9gf well that's the key point at the end. The confession doesnt end the limerence. It's not like you got the answer and you accept it truly. Unless that person blocks you and then eventually you'll likely get over it from not contacting. But that's a bad end and not the desired result from confessing
Yes to that. I also thought about confessing in the beginning of my Limerence but I knew that the answer would be no (although I don’t know if I will ever feel like the answer would be yes bc I feel I’m unlovable) and now I’m glad I didn’t. I know it’s not about him, he is just projection and I deep down know that I actually wouldn’t be happy with him
It's been 13 years that I'm feeding my limerance. Still having trouble facing the anxiety and pain coming after the determination to get rid of the relationship. With the experience I'm wiser and the flip isn't has terrible has it used to be. But I'm still learning to manage to be safe from that damn flip lol. By the way it's comforting having found your channel and the very precise and accurate way you describe those things a lot of us experience. Thank you very deeply Dear Fairy for your videos
I disclosed how I felt and got rejected and it is unbearable months later. But what you are describing here is what I was doing for years.
Yes I thought that to what good should come out of it
parents are ``loving but neglectful``, no, it is impossible, either loving or neglectful, loving and neglectful = mutually exclusive, also mutually exclusive is absent husband and also mutually exclusive a relationship with someone who´s full of sh../doesn´t even know his own sexual identity.. I relate to your sharing..in April I started a new job and after two weeks I felt more connected to my workmate than to the guy I´ve been dating for over a year, not because the workmate would be a perfect partner, because that´s how I connect with people - through doing things together and the guy I dated didn´t want to do much with me..neither the guy I dated nor my workmate is my perfect partner, they are just a lesson about my preferences..
It sounds like limerence is the least of the letter writer’s problems.
Sounds like she's married to someone who treats her the neglectful way her parents did as a child.
I agree! From the start, "my parents were loving, but they didn't even cover our basic needs" in the marriage "we're married (marriage doesn't equal love unfortunately), but he doesn't meet my needs"
Inner Child work is the answer
The big issue here is emotional co-dependency (platonic), it's very common between gay guys but also single woman, when people don't have a romantic relationship these relationships take it's place, think Will & Grace.
You can waste so much of your life doing this as it’s not real life. This can also be the same as having affairs with married unavailable men, a total waste of time, energy and emotion.
Maybe this dude is a blessing to show her she's in a bad marriage
Anna I love ur clarity on situations...love learning from u ❤
haha i love this vid. the question seems so absurd. but you tackle it seriously, simply and with personality. good job Anna.
Can this happen with friends, what if someone wants a best friend but can never find one. Not romantic but obsession for merely friendship.
Ooooh great question
Thank YOU My Fairy! You have helped so much with this series.
Great video Anna! You summarised so accurately what limerence is and how people are experiencing it, well done!
These videos always come out at the exact time that these types of things are happening in my life lol damn
ANNA BEEN DOING UR DAILY PRATICE FOR A MONTH AND A HALF NOW im so much different ❤ and i love commenting on ur channel im dont do usually cz i feel safe and welcomed 😊😂 keep up the good work and may god bless u
It seems that I am the object of someone in limerence: there is a guy who always sits right behind me ( in concerts ), who appears everywhere
I go : exact same time checking out at library / supermarket etc...(-which requires some kind of skill I guess - or maybe he has done it before and is quite proficient at it...) - He does not seem interested in really getting to know me though: whenever I try to talk to him, he turns away, hides or even reacts hysterically (once the only free seats left - in a concert situation - were in his row, so I asked if I could sit there - also to maybe find out what this infatuation thing is about... - and he totally freaked out , jumping up from the chair, literally screaming at a very high pitched voice "No, not here, not near me !!! " - everybody stared, wondering what I did to him... -Okay, I guess he is simply a pityful disturbed soul - but I cannot help here and somehow have to live with this ... ( It' s been going on since 2017 and then the COVID lockdowns seemed to have ended it - but now
he' s back at it...)
My strategy now is to totally ignore him and let him tire of it and perhaps choose someone else...
Girl that sounds like stalking.
@@spat727 Hi, it does not matter what you call it , really, that doesn' t change the situation... ( and legally I think it is not dangerous enough ...)
@@mellifergoldyes it does matter. dismiss it if you want, but people ☠️ from stalking.
Eh. The hairs on my neck stood on end just reading this. That is NOT limerance; that is stalking, as two commenters have already told you. You are downplaying very creepy, frightening and dangerous behavior, but this man can cause you to be in the news. No one with good intentions follows a stranger around or tracks a stranger's movements. Whether or not he is mentally disturbed, this is not good. He will eventually escalate. I hope you seek advice from law enforcement.
@@ds37215 Thanks for your concern ! Are you Canadian ?
( I like the " Eh " ! )
Bingo. Good read on this situation.
This woman is learning about life. Most gay men have close female friends but there is no romantic / sexual attraction. It happens all the time. Your advice is spot on: stay away from the boss and either work on your marriage or end it. From the info in the letter, I would end the marriage and work on myself until you're ready for a real relationship.
I experienced being limerant with a friend and it finally ended, and we kept being good friends. It can be just a phase
Oml the first few line really came for my throat. Here I was looking for some info on how to get over the feelings I have for a friend who gives me huge mixed signals and hasn't properly rejected me, but gosh that intro hit hard
Its true . I often connect it with crush and fling but its limerance.😂😂god this is spot on
This is all too timely. I'm NC for seven months from my LO and *still* find myself getting lost in fantasy in her absence. NC is a double-edged sword in that you can conveniently forget all the evidence that your LO just isn't that into you.
Limerent flip is my ugh I swear I’m fighting it. So hard even with a man that does love me.
One minute in and I’m like ohhhh. 😅
Hello, thanks for all your work. Could you talk about a thing that may be connected to limerence but that is not dreamy and sunshine and rainbows? When someone you fantasized about and had a relationship with then betrays you, and you understand you have been fooled disgustingly but can’t stop stalking their social media and all? Even though you KNOW they are despicable and don’t want anything from them and feel so ashamed?
Trauma bonding?
I think I'm lucky in that, my LO seems to be off social media. He told me he doesn't trust Facebook, the only platform I'm on. Maybe he's on all the others. I've no idea. But at least I don't have to see what he and his wife are doing. I couldn't bear it anyway; I'd have to "unfriend" him.
I understand this so much. I lurked around his social media for months until I realised that it's a form of sadomasochism. I can only imagine the family/couple pictures that I haven't seen that I could break my heart over!
AKA Narcissists charm
What happens when the boss finds a BF? She will probably feel second in their friendship as well.
Idk Ive been limerant towards my friend for years because of a bad relationship. Now that im out of that relationship, i dont feel like that. Im still attracted, but it's not important. It was pretty awful to leave though. I kept my head about my feelings for him until i knew i had to leave my ex. Then i decided to indulge because the trauma bond was so bad i couldn't escape. The limerance helped me escape and not go back. Now i feel after trying to heal, that i am okay. He can date someone else or i can date. Omg i feel better. I really focused on my healing, and now i dont feel the need or desire to think about him 24/7. I tried to leave the relationship without indulging in the limerance, but i couldn't. I ended up going back.
It was a rough journey though. I had to ask to take a break from our friendship for a bit so i could get my head on straight. It worked, but it was awful. For a little bit I lost all hope. I think I went through a kind of withdrawal. I also asked for some boundaries in the friendship, and it was awful and painful as hell. But it worked.
Glad to hear you've made the progress! Good job!
Nika@TeamFairy
So I was in a relationship with a married man almost 30 years ago. I really loved this man but you can figure what happened. Problem is he keeps coming back every few years. The last time was a year ago and we met by accident we kissed but we are both in relationships. I still love him and still can’t get him out of my head. He ghosted me so I have no way to get my feelings out. How can I stop this nonsense it’s really getting out of control?
Research narcissism
You can find a way. Keep trying keep researching the topic
Perspective. Look at his inconsistencies and his toxic behavior like ghosting. Not only is it bad for you and disrespectful to you, but it's bad treatment to you as well. He is basically using you to satisfy an urge he gets when he contacts you. That's usually the reason for being inconsistent. He is also acting like a little boy that is uncertain of what direction he wants to go in his life. Not only that, but ghosting is also very childish, and something a fearful child would do.
@@brickmate4802 😂😂 way off
You grow a moral compass and maybe think about his spouse and how your actions, coupled with his, would completely destroy and devastate her and their children (if they have any) and you trust your higher power to heal you and bring you to something better and something that's actually real and available to you. Stop being selfish and think about how your actions affect others. And ask yourself, would you want to be the one being cheated on??? Affairs NEVER, EVER end well for either participating party.
I'd love if you elaborated about your definition of an emotional affair, it does not seem to quite fit the definition I had in my mind. Thanks for the videos as always!
Very cool
i feel bad for her. she is essentially single. bby, move on. get therapy and get out. find yourself. that's all you can do.
This is about attachment trauma as a kid…at least for me…healing is tough but possible.
Yes, healing is possible!
Nika@TeamFairy
Then anna can u exemplify what a crush is or a healthy crush is im curious
Sounds to me like the co-worker is bisexual... how are people not seeing that?
I developed limerence for, of all people, my boss at work. The one who has the power to make or break my experience at work. She's sweet and beautiful and kind, and it's not usual for me to have an available woman near me who also has power over me and is a genuinely nice person. It's really hard to deal with. I'm not at a point in life where I am emotionally available for anyone, so I keep my distance from her, but she's caught on to me and she's not exactly a charismatic flirtatious woman. It's awkward for both of us because I've made it clear by now I'm not going to make an approach. I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle this, let alone get over it and move on.
I hope you can find a new job and move away and forget her. Good luck!
I'm sorry
My limerent thought is: I just have to get better, if I change in a certain way then he will all of a sudden love me. If I heal he will love me.
Any thoughts on that?
It is never going away. I tried NC and 3 years later he/it came back again. In the meantime, nothing in my life changed for the better (I had a major health setback) so I clung unto him again. Now I don't want to go NC doesn't change anything. Can I use this inherent obssession to better my life? I know he told me nothing will change but I can't shake it. The limerent flip happened but he is still my best friend - what if I use this flip energy to better my life? In my delusion, if I finish all projects move to his city again, lose weight and find interesting friends he would love me. .. . (I know its not gonna happen, but what if I use this energy to activate my life?)
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience with us. If you'd like to ask Anna a question, you can write a letter to her. Here's how to do it: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
I tried to be friends and it doesn’t work. Limerence is hard
Why is facing rejection so unbearable?
Because we are in love with infatuation.
Your website isn’t available in Eastern Europe.
Try using a VPN
In a way,my hobby of Model Car Building has replaced the joy that a healthy relationship could bring me...
I'm going through something similar, the difference is that the person actually feels attraction towards me, but has stated he doesn't have any feelings. We're both married and he usually takes advantage of my feelings to touch my body while refusing to kiss me. I want it to be over, I've hurt too much and I realize that even if my marriage ends eventually, I wouldn't want a relationship with this person. I'd really appreciate some advice 💔
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. If you'd like to ask Anna a question, you can write an "Ask the Fairy" letter from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Oh Jessi, stay strong. I recently came to the very sad conclusion, that I was either too afraid to say no or forgot that I have the option and the right to say no, when it comes to my body. I was a sexy mess back then. 30 years later I'm still a mess- sexy got lost along the way, but with Anna's videos I am ready to change and get my mojo back where it belongs. I hope it will work for you too. Best of Luck to you- from someone who knows how it feels to be taken advantage off.
@@susannluckmann7705 thanks for your lovely words 🩷
the delivery on "he's gay, honey" made me snort.
fwiw, him saying he's gay but "still figuring it out" might not necessarily pertain to his sexuality. he's telling you he's attracted to men, but maybe he's also struggling with his gender identity, which might cause some confusion when labeling his sexuality. either way, believe him when he says he's just not into you romantically or sexually.
Yeah, this gender identity shit that popped up out of nowhere has people drowning in unnecessary confusion these days. It's hard to witness.
gender identities other than binary have existed in numerous cultures historically so it's not out of nowhere e.g. fa'afafine, waria both terms for a 3rd gender, there have been more than 3 genders in many societies. I think this evolution in self awareness and acceptance in society is inevitable and crucial and im saying this as a cis woman
I haven't seen a single reply yet that says the "gay" guy might be bisexual. Totally possible and common and could explain why he keeps her connected.
yep, in the end he is not into her and that's all the information she needs
It sounds like the husband may be an avoidant
💕
That's me, but it's for friends that Dont give a DAMN about me. for Real
Why would you sabotage the best job?
Limerence sucks!!. That's why I no longer am looking for a relationship..
You don't have to be looking. It can just hit you without warning. It did with me 😟
Don't become a gay man's work beard. Don't ruin your career/"risk it all" for false hope.
I hate horoscopes
You mean Tarot card readings.Horoscopes are to contact the " dead ".😊
I think you need to get out of that marriage, it sounds like a train wreck. Anna is right by saying you should not have gotten married in the first place, to me he sounds very neglectful if not even emotionally abusive. You probably cling to this new guy so much because he provides some level of emotional support and closeness. I think the only was to get out if this situation is to move away from this marriage, forget the counseling the therapy. You should be talking to a divorce lawyer and a supportive group of women or somebody is a self-help group and not kid yourself
The guy is gay which really is impossible for him to love her but maybe he's figuring it out as he's trying to understand is he pure gay or is he pan or bi but neither of it means he'll "come around" to her.
One way to aid in removing limeance would be to figureout what you're getting out of the fantasy it many uncover a need you're not meeting but trying to hide via pursuing the limerance. She also needs to heal her childhood neglect cuz her husband is neglecting her physically & emotionally.
I think Marsha knows the answer but needs you to tell her. It's a soap opera, no? Just sayin'...
This letter was just basically in so many words; “Could I have an affair with my gay supervisor”?!
It might hurt her financially,but for her well being leave the job and start looking for another job.. and if her marriage is not going well,do a divorce then take time to find herself.. maybe a hobby would be helpful...
Sounds like the writer just needs a friend.
A gay friend is great. Guy energy but non threatening but it's not fair to your friend to try and romance your friendship and also not fair to your husband. .
“Marsha” that man is gay. Gay men are some of the best men to have around because they are in touch with their femininity. Many times they are emotionally available to women but they are not romantically attracted to them.
i am enjoying your vdos. im sorry if this sounds mean i dont mean it to. will you please consider changing your glasses bc i cant see your eyes - i see your cheeks good but you look like a head with a black bar across your eyes. ty
Seems like the writer may be giving the "Friend' money. This would give him reason to say he was gay but try and leave things open. Would also explain why the husband got her no gift and why ge is working all the time. Her husband is trying to financially pick up the money she is giving away.
Feel bad for that ladies husband, he probably thinks things are perfectly fine and she is chasing and in lust with a man who not only rejected her more than once but doesn't even date her gender...just sad how everyone thats involved loses when people don't appreciate whats right in front of them. Just go to marriage counseling and maybe ponder why...you allowed yourself to even end up in this position after being married so recently...if he wasn't gay, you would most likely have violated your vows....when you could have just ended it...or at the very least respect the man you chose to marry and walk away before disregarding his emotions for personal pleasure and lust. I also want to add that NO man should be ok with his woman spending any amount of time (especially hours) with another man....thats just asking another man to take her off your hands and giving her the ability to facilitate the perfect conditions to make it happen...for hours.
If we arent doing "we" things together..then "we" aren't "we" at all, your just an opportunist waiting for the next best thing and we are ALL worth more than that!
I’m sorry but the problem is with you. It’s not your gay friend. It’s not your husband. You need to scratch the itch of rejection from underlying childhood wounds. Your husband does not reject you enough to measure her worth. Building a case off a birthday present and having loads of money from your husbands extra hours worked in the first year off marriage is not something a stable person would be worried about. This is her needing validation of her worth but measuring it off keeping someone happy you can’t. Gauging your fears of abandonment and rejection in the range of change you make. Someone easy going and providing more than enough from their efforts that’s sharing it with you isn’t going to fill that fears quota. You don’t feel right because you had to work for your love as a child. You can’t say you had loving parents and sometimes they forgot to feed us in the one sentence. There’s a life time of neglect on a range of Love - Reject. 👈 what about all the other things. We die if we don’t eat yeah? You sure they didn’t neglect anything else? Please understand this has nothing to do with the people in your life now and you will never be happy until you go back and fill in the void with the logic you couldn’t process as a child. Go back in a watch from the cinema seat as the third person. Be your neighbor looking into your glasshouse with invisible walls. Would you think it’s ok? Would you be ok forgetting to feed your kids?
Also anyone that is talking to everyone except their partner about their problems is too scared to tell them either because they are abusive or the problem isn’t their partner. These are your wounds. A gay man is a top accomplishment in the rejection conquered trophy cabinet. If you were single I assure you that you’d not be head hunting a man that is not interested in the gender that you are. But the first Arsehole would have you curious as to why he’s rejecting you and if you can make him like you the fear has your certificate of validation of “ look I’m worth while look how bad they didn’t want me and now they do!” …..this is your range to measure off. This is why narcissists trap forever. They discard and cut off the supply of the closure to get that trophy. Then dangle it from afar. Chasing a gay man is probably the Equivalent to be honest. At least if he is he’s not manipulating you and you are mad trying to convert him. How many stories of men obsessed and chasing a lesbian do you hear? He’d end up on harassment charges if he confessed more than once. 👈 sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and watch from the safety away from our fear sabotaged feelings to see the truth if you have underlying wounds. It’s logic. You are chasing the fear away. Your chasing your worth in pleasing him. You’ll never be happy with anyone until you find your on acceptance you never received in childhood. You have then full range in front of you . Rejection and someone that loves you. You haven’t told him about wanting more in your marriage because you know he’ll probably change for you and that feels forced and fake. You never got that feeling in childhood. You measured it by chasing acceptance by making your parents happy by what you felt you sacrificed. Find yourself first. You can’t know what you want until you understand why you feel the wrong things. An unhealthy mind will always pick junkfood to satisfy the void. Your case if conquering rejection. I know where you stand I’ve been there. You’ll be sitting on the couch later feeling yuk after your quick fix if you hooked up with him. Right now your husband looks like a bowl of lettuce. You shouldn’t go grocery shopping hungry you’ll always grab things you don’t need. Guilt to follow is your inner true voice kicking your arse. Go back into your past and find who you are. Balance your self emotionally then you’ll balance your diet. Only then will you know what you want. It’s when you realize you only need yourself once you accept and validate yourself, that you can listen to your soul without screaming poisoned emotions deafening your guidance. Feelings are updatable. They are manipulatable. You are using your wrongly programmed childhood outdated survival tools in your adult life that’s all. You can easily do this. But nothing you do today or in the future going forward will do anything permanent to help. Just know that. This isn’t on the outside of you. But it’s ok. It’s in the one thing you can change. Yourself. Don’t be that stubborn person that won’t update, still using the first apple iPhone system version in your evolved world you are in today. You can get the latest iPhone and even some fancy covers. But it will only do what it’s only knows. You are living a life in a vessel with a hostage taken crew sailing in the wrong directions of the captain at the wheel YOUR SOUL is commanding. You can make your fears walk the plank. But to face them you must walk in first. Allow rejection just once. Just once and don’t sugar coat it with hopeful thoughts. Be ok with someone not being on the same page, misunderstanding you, not enjoying your company or choices. Step outside yourself. Do you think everyone else’s choices are perfect. Do you want to hang out constantly with everyone you have interacted. NO. Your wound has set a life rule to never be rejected and you will never feel as much overwhelming sense of exile as you once felt caused by who you were at the time. The fear is not real. It’s time to look under the bed and check for an non existing monster that chases you and you didn’t even know. I dare you 🫵💪❤🙂
People still watch this lady?😬wow just wow
Why? What happened?
Wow! That's awesome!💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝