Neglect In Childhood Primes You to Eroticize Abandonment
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
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When your parents didn’t love you properly, the feeling of falling in love is often followed by a dramatic lapse into insecurity. When they pull away it has a spooky, deep emotional power for you. And it’s very easy to confuse that dark feeling with something it most definitely is NOT... LOVE. In fact, people in a state of limerence often say they are "confused," though it's easy to see from the outside that the confusion is between the reality they WANT to see, and the disappointing TRUTH. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who senses that she may have fallen again into the dark water of limerence.
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I like this video because it is giving me exact examples of what someone who is genuinely interested in me, will act like. Thanks for sharing, Anna.
Edit: I thought about this last night after posting this comment. How do I know the difference between a genuinely sincere man whose behaviour towards me makes me happy and someone who is a Narcissist "love bombing" me?
I'd say it's the intensity. And how he reacts to rejection. Love bombing is too intense for a new relationship.
Not only narcissists love-bomb, codependents love-bomb. Love-bombing is a way of getting the other person to not see your flaws. You "blind" them with affection.
With a genuinely sincere person, there are few highs and lows, attention will be consistent, actions will be consistent. There won't be the sudden switch from I feel like I've known you my whole life, to complete stranger, and back again, or from "you're perfect" , to "what the hell is wrong with you". They won't try to fix you.They will ask you what you want, not tell you what you should want. Your opinions will count as much as theirs. There will be no power struggle. They won't try to mother you or father you, they won't let you mother them or father them. You won't feel like you have to say Yes, or like you should avoid saying No. You may feel like that anyway but it won't be because of them, because their actions will be consistent.
Also, the only truth teller with people is time. You will never really know who a person is, in one week or one day, but give it six months, and you will know.
Wow @ebbyc1817 this was a great reply. Thank you.
@@ebbyc1817 Yes!
I don't think love bombing impacts people the same way at all. I'm pretty sure a secure person will feel off when love bombing comes their way. They don't find it cute and magical. They find it rather spooky and too much too soon. Their personal boundaries will set up.
I feel so sad for all of us who are like this. I wasted ten years of my life romanticizing someone who never showed up, who abandoned me at the lowest points of my life & I still believed it was true love. We deserve so much better than this.
It can get better! Stick around with us.
In addition to the RUclips videos, we have some other resources that might help:
Anna's free Daily Practice course, best way to get clarity in your life bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Free PDF by email, Dating Quiz bit.ly/Dating-Quiz
Dating & Relationships course bit.ly/CCF-Dating
Julie@TeamFairy
Thank you!!@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
😔Aww! I'm sorry! For 15 years. I stayed with a man who emotionally and physically abused me. I got with him when I was 17. For a long time, I regretted it. My 20s were supposed to be fun and memorable! They were memorable, but not good memories! Now, I realize I can't change it, which has strengthened me. Yes, I still have times when I get down and regret it, but it isn't like it used to be. My issue now is trusting men. I've been single for 12 years and still can't get into a serious relationship with anyone. I hate to say it, but having sex with someone is much easier than talking to someone (for me, anyway.) But then, I've never trusted men, even when I was a child. But then I don't trust people in general. Sigh..
Wishing you the best it's a hard journey. These people are demons!! No one deserves to feel their lives or a part of their lives have been stolen. I'm sorry you've had to go through that. I agree with you about connecting sexually more than forming relationships. People can be really disappointing. After trauma we do deserve to heal and love again, it's just hard to feel deserving of it. That's a journey of re-programming the mind to believe we're worthy. It's just hard when so many ppl have been completely terrible. Narcissists can smell trauma from a mile away they're like sharks. I wish we all had protection from them. Much love to u@@christinadodd5780
I remember when the book, "He's Just Not That In To You" came out, years ago. The author made so much sense. If a guy (or gal) really likes you, they will make an effort to be with you. But still, why does life have to be so painful? 🤔
good question
@@danilaroche1156fairytales, lies.
the truth? human relationships are complex and survival drives/genetic drives push people to be attracted to certain things, leaving some to not fit the bill sometimes.
I loved someone dearly. I didn't have to make an effort to be with him. I wanted to be. But somehow it was never enough for very long. He had this fear I would leave, and fear that I would cheat. A beautiful romantic trip to the market could turn into him suddenly panic and turn against me because I apparently flirted with the seller he stopped and bought stuff from. Weird experience. I love him still. But I 'm not putting up with his sudden lashing out against me. And he left me anyway because I'm not " trustworthy" and no doubt believes I was not that into him and I didn't care. I did very much so. He just never believed it.
. He sounds like he was traumatized and had not healed.
Very good book, I've read it twice 👍 😊
I met a guy at work and we had a flirtationship and decided to date. He then moved out of state. I did all I could to keep in touch. He kept telling me he loved and missed me. He also ignored my calls and left my texts on read. This went on for three years. Then without warning he ghosted me last year. He just blocked me on all social media without any explanation. I had also recently lost my job. I don’t want him back. In fact, every time I start to miss him I remind myself that he abandoned me during a very tough time of my life. No limerence here.
~It's not that Rejection makes you love them more, it's that you don't want to lose something that you had, the small little something you thought was good. Even though there are crap times, you look towards the good times....
That's just how sad and pathetic our lives are.
Were
That's breadcrumbs
That little something filled a need. V. important to identify that need and find ways to nurture it internally so we never have to reach out towards external sources to get it met.
It's not a "weird" addiction.
It's a partial reinforcement that is the same basis as a gambling addiction.
All those "near wins" keep you hooked.
Just like the 'Slots' and 'Pokies' of Vegas
You are so close to be "loved" that if you still would try or wait for a little bit more...
@@cherrylane79 they were just thinking about [large payout] but then you did [excuse] and now they're not sure if [invoke core fear]
There's not an area of the 'relationship' that's not manipulated by this tactic
It’s intermittent reinforcement, which is worse cause there is no schedule at all. Especially with ghosting . I’ve allowed myself to go through this before due to feeling guilty with too much texting or getting angry and person would literally disappear forever and I’d be longing so when he came back I’d still see him tho having hesitations. Totally devastating situation to experience if you are a person who gets hooked .
Thank you for confirming it, Anna: a healthy, mutually committed relationship doesn't actually heal trauma. I had eight wonderful years with my late mate before the Alzheimer's got conspicuous. And I'd really thought our time together healed me. Two months after his death I jumped into the empty sex a new acquaintance wanted. The ever-worse loneliness slapped me awake after three months. That's when I realized, it isn't going away. I've resumed repairing and guarding my own wellbeing. As far as my healthy libido goes, I'm glad I've still got one, and my vivid imagination is warmer and more loving than a guy like that ever could be. My late mate and I DID prove to me that I am cherish-able, and may be again. I'm permanently done settling for less.
Nodding my head off of my neck 😳🙄👊👊 Anna, you are the best. Things are finally making sense at 62. I realize i deserved better than the people I allowed or even invited into my life. I haven't dated in about 12 years, because the last one was the bottom of the barrel, and I finally saw the light. I have not met anyone since who remotely interests me, and I'm ok with that. Way more discernment.
I think attachment wounds might be the most deep seated issues anyone can have, because they can happen so early in life. Even before a child develops speech. Also if the so called interpersonal bridge between baby and mother is disturbed in a very early age... the trust necessary for relationships and life itself might be missing. I can now safely say (thanks to therapy and lots of resouces like this channel) that this was the case in my childhood.
"He's shown you who he is" too true
Hi fairy and team!! Just wanted to drop some positivity on this video, love you insights on limerence. I recently joined a 12 step group in my area and even though everyone there is much older and different than me, I really for the first time feel like I belong. CPTSD really thrives in isolation and it's been life changing to finally be vulnerable and safe with a group of great people. It releases me so much from the grip of limerence and perfectionism. Have a great week!
Thank you so much for sharing this! Big congratulations on this great step forward. I know your share will be encouraging to read for many people. Julie@TeamFairy
What is the group? How is it lead? Need this in 🇨🇦
Dark Water Of Limerance. Perfectly described.
She did so well! She just needs to keep going. Gina, GURL! I know you're still struggling, but I'm so happy for you. You took the major steps, you cut the cancer out! Onward and Upward.
I thought so too, she did so well 👏🏾
Yess! She did so well! I hope she sees all the encouragement in here ❤
ive been on a same "relationship" for 6 years. lost a good chunk of my 20s.
i remember calling a turned off number for years.
i liked her cuz i really needed a mother my entire life..
🧡🤍💙💜🙏🏽⭐️
I’m a male with anxious attachment. I was with a woman for about a year with disorganized attachment. All I can say is that this is all very very real. That (aside from my childhood abuse) was the most painful experience of my life. Even more so than the relationship with my child’s mother (narcissism). The come here go away dynamic in disorganized attachment is so powerful. She was such a beautiful person but so very wounded. My attachment was triggered for over a year and now the grief and longing that it’s over is so painful. I’m so thankful I have a good therapist. I tolerated crumbs, ignored red flags, and craved her attention. When she would choose me the high I got was unbelievable. The rejection though was catastrophic. I never wanted anyone in my life like that.
Try to Look at this as trauma based experience not love, it wasn't love at all. I've been there so I understand😢 but once I've stopped BS myslelf, romanticising what happened I could clearly see what it really was : unhealthy attachment. Took me 2 yrs to get to my senses, now I'm not even looking back, thinking it was love 😬
Such a timely video once again Anna. The last few days I’ve been struggling with the decision of walking away from a really great friendship that I only had for a year. I’m so used to being on my own that ending the friendship seems safer than staying. Thank you for this. Life isn’t meant to be done alone my friends 💛
You ain't making any sense
Thank you for mentioning Pete Walker! It has been 8 years since I stopped an addictive relationship and I went straight back to SLAA! I knew I had to be in withdrawal as I feel that addictive relationships are as difficult to stop as heroin addiction. Thank you for your good work. 🙏
This letter reminds me of me. I love addict.
I finally met a man who was into me. Yeah. They keep asking you out and want to see you. They text and call a lot. This letter writer is a love addict like me. It’s a Thank God for the 12 step program. The program doesn’t cure all of life’s problems but it helps my life a lot.
And he’s still into you a year, 20 years, 30 years later.
Limerence aka addicted to hope and living in self-rejection. 🫠
Yepp
Mind is blown with this statement here.
I suffer from limerence, my first experience with it happening two decades ago. There's a website and a Reddit community, subreddit, about it.
@@cmgjovel childhood coping skill that traps adults in fantasy.
Just learned about Limerence. It hurts to go through. I’m realizing I’ve had it over and over throughout my life. I’m glad I learned the word because now I feel I have some more power dealing with it.
Thank you! If the one neglected you - it’s not your partner whatever happens in future.
I went through second guessing myslelf too many times that now if someone I like doesn't text me first or is late to reply I say to myself " he's just not that into me and he has a right to do so" same thing with me, if I'm not into someone I'm not enthusiastic with texting and I have a right to do that/ feel that way. When we don't get chosen our ego hurts a little for sure but that's life 😅 it's so much better to accept for what it is and move on😊
This video reminds me why I am distant from family right now.
Here you come again nailing me to the wall… I’m too busy working on others to work on myself yet, but I keep watching a suggested video every few days because I know I’m going to have to dive into your channel in the coming months. Thanks for bothering me so accurately.
Anna and the whole team will be here for you whenever you're ready! -Calista@TeamFairy
I can take this "tough love" from you Anna thank God
Please more on this topic because wow, I always say I feel confused when I’m trying to date, this is exactly what I’ve experienced with men for years!! And also being confused about abuse, at first thinking I shouldn’t tolerate that but then convincing myself I deserved it.
Thanks for your feedback! Keep watching for more and we may have some resources that can help, too.
Free Daily Practice course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Free PDF via email Watch Out for These Dating Red Flags: bit.ly/4203ozk
Dating & Relationships for people with CPTSD course bit.ly/CCF-Dating
Julie@TeamFairy
I know its all crap, I KNOW yet still behave so poorly that makes my attachment worse! Why must I be wanted, loved whatever from someone clearly not interested why must i be loved by someone so terribly bad for me bad for probably anyone, im in shame state that if it was reciprocal i probably wouldn't give him the time of day honestly. Anna this is spot on thank you!!!!!!!
I kind of think that I have a "touch of limerence" about both my sisters. They've both been cold and abandoning. One is so toxic, I can't even talk to her. We text rarely, because she's never sorry, and it's way late. Other sister can really connect, then she drops me like a "hot potato" for her husband and well-off friends. So I text occasionally. Both won't get off their high horses. I go to 12 step groups. I got rid of the terrible guys. I used to live out the Judy Garland song " Maybe this Time", but that's Limerence! It's bullshitting yourself!
" It's bullshitting yourself! "
this exactly, and I came to the realisation that if I kept accepting it from family I would keep accepting it from friends, because why would anybody treat me better than the people that have known me my whole life, if I was not worthy of their respect, then I was not worthy of anybody else's.
So I cut them all out.
Life has been slowly getting better since.
~I have a very similar situation~Im constantly devastated by it, but going no contact seems even worse?!?~
@@kathyingram3061 Well, it's no picnic. But you have to remind yourself of how they wd insult and invalidate you, and kick you when you're down! Try to attend Al Anon and ACOA.
@@jazzsoul1695 ~Actually, i did try several of those meetings, but for some reason i kept being asked where exactly i live, which im not comfortable giving out that info~I know it sounds strange, and i dont know why the very thing i want to keep private kept being asked by everyone, but i had just stop going~I didn't know how to handle it without sounding rude~It was stressing me out more than the meetings were worth~Thanks for the suggestion tho, i know they work for many people!~
@@kathyingram3061
(wrote this the wrong way round) I second that @jazzsoul1695. It's no picnic. You have to really, really want it, to want to change things, to not repeat the same patterns over and over and over again, and watch years of your life go by, where you could have had, a great job, a great career, great friends, a great partner,....
You only live one life. Who are you gonna live it for?
Ghosted for 3yrs .. with very few on and off..literally died !!! But the positive thing is I turned it around and left him high and dry !!!
Oh fairy, you always have such great advice!! I consider myself mostly healed at this point, but these videos help confirm I am on the right track :) You helped me start on the journey back to myself and to a very healthy and supportive relationship. My partner and I had gotten into some hard patterns and where we are now is so lovely. Thank you!
Dear Crappy Childhood Fairy,
though my childhood wasn‘t SO bad (my mother is great, „just“ my father is quite a jerk 😅), I still see a lot of things happening in my life that you‘re talking about, and your videos have really helped me since I found you here a few months ago. So I wanted to leave you a big THANK YOU for you being so helpful, funny and down-to-earth 😊
Greetings from Germany
Melanie
Thank you for this video on that topic.
So right !
I've always had too much interest in "cold" women all my life long.
I only recently realized that ... this was the way my mother used to treat me... after beating me (what she would do almost everyday)... so as to put the blame on me.
Very complicated behaviour but clear result : cold women always look hotter for me.
🙈🤦🏻🤦♂️☠️
also remember that cold for you may be normal for someone else, so it's all about finding someone who is willing to give you what you need, if they are not willing to give what you need, they are not the person for you. you can't demand, you can only ask, and if they don't give, you walk away. You don't walk away and come back, you just walk away.
This video actually really broke me. I was dating a guy who was the first decent, patient, and kind man after a series of narcissistic abusive partners. I kept feeling confused. I kept falling for him, then get scared and pull away, and he finally said that he needed space. I was hurting him too much. Now I'm obsessing about him NON. STOP. for the whole summer. We're still talking once in a while, and I'm being patient and trying to work on myself. I feel so strongly that I want to get back together, but I'm so afraid that I'll do it again. That it's just limerence. I feel so torn and stupid.
My mother was suicidal and yet at the same time a smothering mother who refused to let me grow up. I saw my father once a fortnight and he never told me his phone number or address. I’m in my late 60s and have slept with a lot of married men but never had a “relationship”, whatever “relationship” means. I actually don’t know what that word means. There is a lot more much worse stuff.
I often sit and cry at how badly my life has turned out.
You were with married men and you sit around crying for yourself?
Really?
You were never given the opportunity to know who you are, you didn’t get the mirrored reflection from the main people that we’re supposed to love you unconditionally. You were searching for yourself in the eyes of those men. Don’t be ashamed start with curio and get to know who you are in connection to others as mirrors. Relationships teach us things about ourselves but never attach to them. Thank them for the lesson and move on…. The more you run from yourself the longer the path back
Home but it’s do able, maybe start w CODEPENDENCY NO MORE BY MELODIE…. Codependency is similar to alchol the patterns…. Learn about yourself and why you make those choices. We are on earth to
CHOOSE now, we are adults.
@@sundown6748not helpful right now. Anna always says to use the comment section to support and build up.
I meant start with CURIOSITY
& movies/novels/etc about “unrequited love” sure don’t help people unlearn these kinds of connection maladaptations (at least they didn’t help me)
I find the solution, remaining single never try to look for love or friendship, I am my own best friend without being narcissist.🎉🎉🎉❤love you all
Saw the title … hit play instantly
Thanks Anna!! You’ve helped me since the beginning of my healing journey that started in January 2020
Im struggling to find or bring in other people to my life. I can see that my brain cant learn people are different without different people. I have stopped being the one to initiate all my relationships which as left me very alone. No one I know gets it, no one can remind me of the message. I have lost hope
It's amazing that you spend so long and thoroughly analyze every iota with such diligence and care. Thanks for such a great video again. Glad I subscribed.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You kicked butt "Gina!!" An inspiration! It's so messed up I know so well it's hell, I've pushed away good men! 😢
Wow. I just exited a situation that was almost identical to Gina's except the guy was not divorced but he does live in another country and I met him when I was on vacation there 2 years ago. The amazing thing, though, is that this has given rise to getting down to the root cause of why this happens to me by watching this channel. The other time this happened to me was back in 2008 and back in college I was in a 1 1/2 year relationship with a man who had an interest in me but was so broken the relationship was a train wreck. I am so thankful that I am finally seeing the light and the root cause to my problems. This is off-topic, Anna, but do you think that you could do a video on why someone may have a history of being pursued by men that they have no interest in even to the point of marriage? Even though I've had limerence going on in my past, this has also been a pattern in my life.
I think I know what you mean. I have had many limerant attractions, but when it’s the other way around and someone’s in to me I’m not interested at all…. I’m hoping to change this pattern!!!
@@nikkidoria9625 I believe you will.
Key words: into you RIGHT NOW and does the effort. Edit: I need to get that in my head.
Good for you! You dodged a bullet!
This makes so much sense. As an adolescent, I loved pop songs about love, longing, and abandonment. That's the little girl in me wanting to attach to her compulsive gambler father.
another important topic discussed today! thank you for your compassionate work, you are always our hope. :)
Thanks for putting this into words. Somehow it's hard to generate the words for feelings, second-guessing whether I'm capturing it all, but a relief to happen across the right description.
We completely understand. You're in the right place and we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I am saving this to hear again. My last situationship and how I handled it sounds exactly the same. I even gave him some of the same verbiage….giving him an ultimatum to be consistent. This is extremely helpful to me. Thank you and Gina; stay strong girlfriend!
I’m almost healed from a limerent relationship and this really helped get me into my wise mind. Thank you.
Great to hear that!
Nika@TeamFairy
Hi Anna!! Your videos are SO helpful. I just got out of a short relationship with a love addict. I'm focusing on learning clear lessons so that I can break the pattern. I also joined an SLAA meeting and my god do I belong there! 😅😂Thank you for sharing your knowledge and light. You inspire me and I hope to be as discerning and confident as you one day. 🤩
So glad you're out of that relationship and that you have also joined a SLAA meeting! That is a huge positive step. Thank you so much for your comment which will also encourage others. Julie@TeamFairy
“Scoundrel” is the classy way of saying what I said in my head 😂
I so want to procrastinate with watching cartoons while starting watching this video. I just watch till the end because it’s my theme
I watched a good few of your videos now and I just wished I'd found you sooner. 😔
It's like you went inside my head and made sense of a whole heep of dark water I've floated in for many years.
Workbook or book instead of a "course". I don't take courses that don't give college credit 😊😉 I just started watching your channel and I'll be honest, you could write a best seller. I'd buy it.
"self-deceptive dark water of limerence"
I’m having this issue right now I can honestly say I am ADDICTED to this person. I can block him and this man will use fake numbers to get in contact with me and then that really amplifies it . If he tells me to come see him I can’t say no😩. Tbh I don’t even really want a relationship with him I just want him to want me.
I grew up in a messed-up family, and now I'm caught up in this weird three-way relationship situation-or maybe not even a proper three-way. It's more like I'm the extra wheel in a couple's dynamic, thrown in sometimes for fun to fulfill guys' fantasies. His girlfriend knows about it. I'm feeling hurt and it's pretty clear that it's just plain disrespecting myself. I get what's going on, but I'm stuck and don't know what to do about it. It seems like I somehow find a strange satisfaction in feeling hurt and abandoned.
Familiair. You've to reach a point that you find feeding your own life with your energy more important and more interesting than feeding their dynamic. It's a turning point, a waking up. Watch your feelings towards this man, he's using you both, so if anger, rage, disgust and such things occur, don't put them off. Also begin with eliminating people who keep you in Cinderella mode, like you only deserve a minimum. And start working towards what could make your own life more interesting and enjoyable.
@@dotendit wow! thank u so much for such empowered words! I can feel it even through message you experienced it!! Soo relatable, I got to the last straw that had so much anger, disgust, rage and those emotions helped me to stop any communication with a guy and being absolutely not attracted in whole of that situation. It really felt like opening eyes, I also started therapy and it all explained a lot!
@@e11ionore79 You're very welcome! And it's great that you're on the right track!! Yes, I spoke from experience, I never knew I had that much anger inside me but it helped me. Even if it wasn't only about that person of course but being treated badly in my life in general. That person is now insignificant - that's the best revenge lol. I recently went to sing in a choir, I enjoy it a lot, I'm saving money, looking for a new job etc. Making my life new and interesting and fulfilling. I wish you the best, you can do it! 😊
"brief neglected experience!!" Anna that's exactly it!!!
It's crazy how human mind works: hearing this story as outsider its so clear there's no love whatsoever and dude is an s hole yet woman is doubting herself that she might have missed the love of her life
That "keep seeing each other" code for booty call "it felt off!!!" Nice, im trusting my useful voice too, this type brings out THE worst version of myself
Dear Anna, you always talk about how important support is, and that we can get it through 12 steps programs, but we don't have those in my country, so I was wondering if there is any other options... I'm fearful-avoident and I've retracted back into my shell so hard the last few years, so I tend to avoid human contact as best as I can. I would really appreciate some insight...
(P.S: I have no friends and have a really hard time building any forms of strong connections with people...)
Online groups and programs are a great way to find support. If you're interested, we offer a membership program that sounds like a great fit for you. Here's a link: bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you. I might try it when I feel ready ) :)
These videos are so helpful to me, thank you so much for posting 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
I've been married to a covert narcissist for 26 years. I'm divorcing him. I was abandoned by my father several times as a child and my mom gave me up once. I do have abandonment issues. After our marriage my husband pretty much abandoned me to a lonely marriage. It took me this long to figure out why, he's a narcissist. My problem right now is even though I know I should not worry about what people think but I can't help thinking that they would come to the conclusion that I did something to make him abandon me. Listening to this has made me come to terms with that fact. How do I get past this self deprecating attitude. I know what's right and what I should be thinking but these negative thoughts, I just find myself thinking them without wanting to.
😢 same
Oh my God... 😭😭😭😭 I feel so much for her! 💔 Its a hell life and circle that you only attract narcissists. Narcissist after narcissist. I would tell her to not regret it because he was another narcissist, but I deeply understand the feelings. I also regreted many times acting how she acted - because we can never be 100% sure If someone is narcissist or no. But the way how they treated you says it all.
Thank you for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
~I think also when we create a pattern of always being the giver & the pursuer, that is what becomes expected~Ive noticed this with friends, boyfriends, and even my cats~
Currently going through this
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I've NEVER heard of this before but I'm certain this ENTIRE video was made for me 😞
Love your content SO much. Kept it coming and thank you
My life story lol.
No that and limerence no longer effects me. And I'm not interested in pursuing someone who intentionally discluded me hoping just for that result. It's very self centered and thats as rejectful as you can get. Message received. It's a major red flag and I don't want to be around people who already make that a habit. If I don't deserve better friends than that I'm perfectly fine having 0 friends. I'm not use to people who are interested in me that I'm interested in. Infact I don't trust a single person who behaves they are interested in me.
Yes, 12 step groups, al anon are sooo good x
I disagree with Anna on this occasion.
A common feature of people with anxious attachment issues is that they feel the other side "owes" them a relationship before it has even developed in order to "prove that the risk of involvement is worth taking".
This always jumps the gun: Men with options will always date multiple women and commit to the woman that demonstrates qualities that are worth committing to. Dating a guy for 2-3 times, sleeping with him before he's earned it, and then demanding that because he's slept with you he owes you a relationship, is just, in my view, cheap childish manipulation. Women who behave like this go into the "not girlfriend material" box, either consciously or subconsciously.
The real issue here is that the lady in question has got attachment issues and will sabotage anyone who cannot demonstrate in advance that they present a risk free attachment. In other words, she presents as anxious when in fact she is avoidant.
People who will only form relationships with those who will sign a til-death-do-us-part guarantee push worthy suitors away and eventually choose a psychopath willing to make promises they have no intention of keeping.
Wow, this is some serious insight into another perspective. Thanks.
Anna is correct. It simply goes against your views on things. This woman needs help and she is looking for it, yet here you are telling women like her belong in the “no girlfriend” box.
I never had someone genuinely abandoning me, except for at some points not wanting to listen to certain things that have happened
Thanks anna
Thank you.
Hi, I hope you can give me advice. I noticed in myself I had the self-awareness to know that a person is leading me on and when I tried to cut contact with them. My anxiety goes overdrive because there was a feeling that "what if he is the one?", "what if I'm just overthinking" "what if jt can work out?" So, in the end I contact and it makes me chase them, please help... thank you.
Start with the Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
You can also look into Anna's Dating course: bit.ly/CCF-Dating
Julie@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much, 🙏
What's a relationship tho? We all have our own set of ideas on what that is. We can then discuss it till the cows come home, we'll still interpret what is said and done through our personal lenses and draw our own specific conclusions.
Whats discourages is how long trauma healing takes and the risks associated with it like stress can cause heart problems.....
I got the Delta Max last winter to use as a general power supply (via AC) in my van. I hope I'm not damaging it by having it plugged in all the time, but the way things are where I live, the day I'd unplug it to let it run down would be the day the power is out, ha.
I bought the Wave2 the day it released. It's been an adventure, particularly with the drain function. I'd like to clarify what the best cable is to run the Wave2 with the Delta Max? I need one longer than what comes with it, as the units can't be close together in my van due to the logistics. I saw something about a cord with a bit of gold at one end, and it runs well over $100. Please advise.
6:09 I made a boundary, but it's not to engage with community because it would disturb any social authority.
Wow. 31 people liked this video while I was in the shower. 😅
Does an anxious attachment ever disappear, or always have to be calmed and laid to rest again?
I have been married to a kind, loving man for 33 years and occasionally he still reassures me that he's not going to leave me. I still have an underlying expectation of being abandoned if I mess up. It's mostly quiet, but it's still there.
I feel so called out 😂
Seems like she wasn't suffering from anxiety. Seemed like her defense mechanism were working?
Ouch
Ten years ghosting
Ouch....😲
Where's the link for signs of manipulation?
My whole life has been just one limerent background with major episodes of limerence.
The stepfather was bashing me and my blood brothers. In the meantime l hardly saw the alleged mother. I only saw her after school but all she did was put on makeup. Why? Because she was a sex money exchange operative.
I hated her from age 8. When she would occasionally hug me I'd recoil like a sea anemone.
She died in May. I never went to her funeral. None of us surving four boys went.
Women treat me like shit. I haven't had a relationship in 11 years.
I have this obsessive thought... It happens a whole lot...i close my eyes, i imagine myself tied up. I mean, my hands tied over my head, and, well basically a whole corresponding scene with the man who just did that.
It's never my husband, though. It's usually another man, and it could be anyone, from my old boss to a celebrity, just anyone i find kinda hot.
It literally does not go away. And it happens everytime, it's actually triggering for me. What do i do?
I guess I’m in limerence with God then.
Haha
Lol....happens to billions of people 😅
Yayyyyy ⭐️🌠🌏🌟
Anna, what if he is just an avoidant. They pull back dont they
Love this video! It was well needed, how do you send in an email to you for these videos?
Share an ATF letter: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Thanks for watching!
TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much!
Where do we write to you?
If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Okay
1:11 - so... ... ...... uh - I've been studying Lim for a while now - and... really desiring to know more.
I will say I am Limerent... but... specific to what you just said... I do not wonder about what the perfect thing to say is to the person... because S of S says twice.. do not awaken Love before it so chooses. so.. ... ....... yeah, my Goal is more about me NOT saying anything - showing some self-control and confidence - trusting God with my times, coming and going - and being happy... with Him.
I do still think I am limerent - though I just wonder if I don't actually have any of the symptoms - except for the fact that this person is someone "unreachable" as you say.
I'm limerent because perhaps I am using my feelings and thoughts about this person .. somehow as a shield against others around me. idk. I THINK SO... but I also DON'T think so. I've told No one about the other person though.
Praying about it.
True
He gives you clear signs he's not into you.
- I feel confused 😅
Ok so confusion shows up when we don't want to accept reality?
Keep meeting "friends" want to be like this, not healthy, pretend to want friendship only one sided, drop jabs, nasty words in-between nice stuff
sounds like my early 20s and teens
Dont ever be a bookmark because he likely has many of them!!