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A T girl here in Toldeo had been a doll and detransitioned... it was weird to see him with facial hair... I also have a trans friend who probably wasn't trans when they transitioned
I used to bind my chest and dress and groom myself as a man and actively wanted people to assume I was a male. It took a while for me to parse out the complicated reasons why my female body made me feel ashamed and how my sartorial defensive mechanisms weren't the result of gender dysphoria. It's hard to distinguish between how you want to be treated and how you identify and it's not shameful if you want to feel things out.
How you will be treated under patriarchy, how much people talk over you, how much you are approached by men. All in addition to how you feel about yourself and your body. I do think that there are some young women who just want to escape. That doesn't delegitimize transition, but this is definitely a thing.
I've been having this exact thought lately! I identify as nonbinary but I still love fashion and sometimes present super femme, and as a afab nonbinary person this was something I had to think through and I came to the conclusion that if I were to transition physically I would still love fashion and exploring with my expression it would just my masc presentations a lot easier and I would probably lean into that more if I had the body that aligned. I think everyone who has any thoughts that may be dysphoria or whatever should really just sit with their feelings and that experimenting is so so incredible
Thank you for sharing your comment and perspective! To me it really underlines how harmful and limiting the gender binary culture is that we all live under. Even for folks that identify as M or F, it basically stunts our personal growth of how beautiful and interesting life can possibly be! There is more to experience out there than our current society and language allows for
Thank you for sharing this. I’m dealing with this right now. I’m a female thinking about transitioning to male, but I also think it’s just because I want the privilege but also I do go by they/them pronouns so I’m not sure what I want… But this is exactly how I feel.
@ghost-qk2ss Very interesting perspective! I have a question if you don’t mind; would you consider yourself gender fluid? Or do you think of yourself be to the gender that you currently are expressing? Just curious how you define your identity 😊
@zeebadeeba Definitely not genderfluid. I used to identify as that before I considered medical transition but once I actually did medically transition I realized I was fully binary.
I am a 60yo transgender, passing privilege is okay for the rich, most of us can't afford thousands for facial hair removal, boob jobs, breast removal or feminisation surgeries etc, hell some can't even afford medications sometimes! I consider myself lucky just to be able to get medication, but surgeries are just too unaffordable!
We know that feel, been getting hair removal and hrt for 15 years now, and we get people who don't even believe we're trans because we're not a hyperfemme doll and haven't gotten FFS... then the same people want to deny equal access to healthcare and medicare here for gender care so the average person can't get the treatments that they demand we get to be considered trans... It's fuckin wild.
This is what I don’t understand! I don’t comprehend why so many people now believe that transitioning means you should get those surgeries! It literally reinforces the sexism that feminism has been fighting. Like, do we also now believe that “flat chested” cis women need to get boob jobs? Do we believe that women who have historically had their femininity challenged & faced oppression due to not aligning with European standards for women’s facial features (such as Black women) need to go get “facial feminization” surgery? Women from cultures that typically have more body/face hair need to get hair removal? It makes zero sense to me. It’s literally just reaffirming sexist standards of what a woman is. In my opinion, you are a feminist woman exactly like me because I’m a cis hetero women who refuses to accept the idea that my womanhood has anything to do with my boob size, waxing my mustache (people always try to shame me for it, f*ck them I look like Frida Kahlo), having large facial features, etc. I understand that there are cis & trans people who have various forms of dysphoria that are so severe that they truly need cosmetic surgery to live, but the way it’s turned into an expectation that trans women must accept & align with sexist standards about women’s appearance is so backwards. Plus, any surgery is dangerous! Why are people going around believing any woman must risk their health & money in order to be happy with her body? It feels like the cosmetic surgery industry has really hoodwinked women across the board. What ever happened to the feminism that was all about getting rid of these oppressive standards so women’s identities & happiness aren’t determined by them? Wishing much more life & love to you, dear sibling
@@StepStudies A lot of those weird standards and the dysphoria that comes from it typically is because you get harassed and wrongfully shamed for not meeting them. I don't much care about my appearance either, but bigots throw a hissyfit if you look masc and wear a skirt... so it becomes easier to not wear a skirt just to avoid their weird ass tantrums. The same things happen to most women, how many people would've ever bothered shaving our legs if a bunch of chuds didn't harass us over it growing up? Surgery is similar, bigots are so weird and deranged that it's often safer to get surgery to avoid being targeted by them.
@@RikkiMiraj Fellow trans (genderfluid) person who has not been able to get surgery because money here. It depends on the people, really. You can feel that all these features other perceive as something are just fully (insert gender here) because YOU are the one wearing them. And you can be happy because you get to live your own life. Transitioning to any degree has made me much happier than before and while passing can be a huge step in feeling comfortable, a lot of trans people and NB people especially often never get there - and that's okay. Different goals for different people. I started seeing MYSELF when I look into the mirror - and that's what transition is all about. The occasional passing is still joyful, and you can easily realize in yourself and others that you can be fully seen as your gender, even with a not stereotypical body. If people respect you and see you, they do so with or without surgery. It's been enlightening to see both in how other people see me, and in how I see fellow trans friends. Every step is joyful, really (and hard and scary at the same time when you start out. That eases off after a while). You can also love your body for all the things it does for you - even if certain parts have mixed feelings. But there is a limit to that, too. I've practiced body-positivity before I transitioned, I sincerely loved my body, but I had to admit to myself that I did need and crave change. It's not that it wasn't nice. I could paint it and have joy in seeing that figure. It just never was me. It couldn't represent me. Dressing it didn't bring me much joy without outside input, and I never realized how much I dressed for others until I transitioned. I had very much depersonalized my own body as a way to cope. Those things are not as contradictory as people think. I love all my body does for me, and it's not my body's fault it doesn't fully align with my insides. For me personally, having access to T made it a lot easier and made my chest feel much better, because my overall markers have changed enough and I have anything to represent masculinity in me visually/audibly now. It's a compromise, as all things are - there are moments where it is easier or harder, but overall I'd still like to save up once I have better income. It just isn't as soul-crushing as it was before, instead it is now just very inconveniencing and uncomfortable sometimes. Better is better. Of course I am happy with the steps I've taken even if there are some I may not take or want to, but cannot take. There is no perfect.
✨THIS✨ I became livid when conservatives use de-transitioners' experience to damage the Trans community. I saw a dude telling a story of a girl who de-transitionated because she was pratically pressured by her gf to "became FtM". And this dude use it like it was everyone's experience.
I’m someone who “detransitioned” against my will due to not being able to afford my hormones anymore and I can’t tell you the amount of people that were so quick to dismiss me and my transness just because I went from using he/him pronouns to he/they after I realized that I am non-binary and not a trans man. My own mother was shocked when I told her I miss HRT and can’t wait until I can get back on. I wish people could just respect me for who I am in this moment rather than waiting for me to be who they imagine me to be. Waiting 5-10 years for respect is not ideal when I hope to get married before then.
Damn that's awful to read. The majority of people who detransition, do so because of social or economic reasons, not because they regret the transition itself. Would be great if more people realised this. Hope you're able to improve your situation in the future. Overcharging for health products and medication is one of the biggest evils going.
I’d rather everyone have the right to be wrong about their transition, than deny even a single person the right to transition when they want to. I value freedom, and people being able to do WHATEVER they want. All medication has risks, all choice in life have consequences. Nobody but the person whose life and body it is should get to dictate those choices. PERIOD. Anything else is antithetical to freedom.
Unpopular opinion: I wish being trans was completely personal. It's become such an exhausting issue. I want to know who I am without people assuming who I am or even knowing how I feel.
the forced public-ness of being trans (having to explain changes in your body to those around you, having to talk to doctors, convince doctors, being exposed to a care team at a hospital, walking down the street not quite passing as binary) kept me from transitioning for so long. i know exactly what you mean
I hate that there's a societal expectation to perform gender in the first place. People should be able to do what they want (within safety) without getting flack for being themselves.
Unfortunately it needs to be public because in most of the world transitioning is not supported by the law. We need to make a difference for the sake of those who will come after us.
Great point that detransitioners existing is not a threat to the trans community. My girlfriend transitioned and detransitioned in her late teens- early 20s. Her experience is uncommon overall but could be more common with masculine lesbians due to the nature of how masculine women are treated in our society. It is a conversation that can exist in the open while staying respectful to the trans community and the reasons of other detransitioners. It is easy to have a knee-jerk reaction to hearing "detransition" because trans people need the most support right now, but not all detransitioners that realize they are cis are damaging to the trans community just by talking about their experiences. I had to learn that lesson with my girlfriend and will continue to grow and learn.
The problem aren't the de-transitioners, the problem are shitty people who take the experience of de-transitioners and use it to damage the Trans community, saying that being trans is not real or that "it's the left who puts the WOKE virus in your mind" .
Actually I think that the voices of detransitioners (and desisters), as well as older trans people, and those many years into their transition are severely needed and severely lacking in trans spaces.
Similar sounds with some "fem" gays. I remember growing up with levels of homophobia, wishing I was "normal" or maybe a "girl" for different reasonings, but not because I was trans but gay in a homophobic setting. I wouldn't consider myself fem, but have my fair share of stereotypical feminine aspects. Even had some medical stuff more common with women. Never the less.... I'm cis gay. Had I been born later but with similar levels of homophobia, who knows.... it's not just trans people that wrestle with their gender perceptions. If interpreted wrongly, a misdiagnosis is not that far fetched. I've heard some detransitioners with stories linking into this topic. I've even heard of Christian conversion therapy where some where pushed into transitioning to live a straight life thus without sin. There are so many different stories out there. They should be heard in us as a society going forward. But in the correct perspective. For the majority of trans that do transition this seems to be an effective therapy.
I find it insidious when people act like "knowing since they were a child" makes them more trans or more gay or more whatever. It feels very "gold star" rhetoric to me. It is one thing for it to be part of your story and to be proud of yourself, but to wield it as "this makes me more valid and more of an authority" is insulting to those that realized later in life and damaging to those still closeted.
I wasn't able to accept that I was trans for this exact reason. I grew up in a cult and didn't even know gay people existed until college age. I didn't even know things like my favorite color, I had no identity. So when I hit 25 years old and the pandemic hit, I was living on my own for the first time, I was working in a more masculine dominated field, that was when it really hit me. That was when my research started and I finally realized that I was trans, but I wasn't able to accept the fact that I was trans because of people saying, "oh you started too late." or "unless you knew at birth you were never really trans." etc etc. It was very damaging to me.
I was only able to realise I was a trans guy in the last few years and I'm currently 29. I definitely realised I wasn't cis or straight years before that. This rhetoric is so damaging and it was a huge part of my dysphoria because I just didn't see a whole lot when I was a teenager and would've loved to understand myself sooner, but I missed out on that. And the whole idea of transmedicalism and having to be masculine as a trans guy when I just wasn't. Or feminine, or neutral. I don't align with any of that. And I'm polyam, aspec and gay too, and I wonder how that'll go when I get myself referred to a gender clinic.
@@StudlyFudd13 I feel this. The misogyny and patriarchy is so engrained in me that I still feel shame for doing things that are gender non-conforming. This channel and this community are so helpful in my deconstructing journey. Sending my love to y'all fighting for self acceptance and actualisation ❤
it feels very silly specially to me whose first introduction to trans people was something on tv about a trans woman and her experience transitioning past her fifties. not to be harsh, but trans people that transition later in life are the only ones pushing the average life span of trans people in the world a little bit foward so can we not pretend they dont exist or are less trans
I do not identify as a "detransitioner" I transitioned from female to nonbinary, nonbinary to male, and then male back to nonbinary. And that all happened because I felt pressured to present myself in a binary state- male or female. It makes me quite angry to think anyone would look at my transition and say I "detransitioned" because it implies that I'm not trans and that being nonbinary is not a "real" gender someone can transition to.
I feel this so hard. It's really nice to read this comments section in all honesty. It makes me feel so much less alone to know there's other folks who've had the same experience. I hope you're doing well and wish the best for you, friend.
Same timeline for me, too. I do not consider myself a destransitioner. I feel like my gender identity and gender expression has been a transition every time. Even discovering feminine expression has felt new, like a transition in itself. It doesn't feel like I "returned" or "detransitioned".
I'm cis and I find gender confusing. Let people be confused. You don't learn who you are without trying new things. When I was a teenager I wondered if I was trans. I can't imagine how stressful it would've been at the time if I'd also had to deal with stuff like this that made me feel like I had to make a choice and stick to it.
Exactly, I am cis too. I experimented in high school and had a girlfriend for a while. I am also very much tomboy and people would always ask me if I was trying to be a guy. It did get annoying but I would look them in the eyes and say no, I’m a girl Inside and out and clothing aren’t a something that makes us, it just helps.
Just to throw it out there, the detrans rate is at most 6% with at least half of that being attributed to transphobia. The regret rate for a hip replacement is 15% five or take but nobody wants to ban those
No one ever cares that I deeply regret having braces despite it being a permanent alteration to my body, that affects me every day, the decision was made when I was a minor and was greatly informed by the social pressure I felt, and now that I'm older I realize I would have preferred my original smile. All the things that are supposed to be so scary about people transitioning!
@@banozac not to mention it’s ok to pierce your kid, cut off their foreskin before they are even sentient, or force them into a bunch of extracurriculars for the parent’s ego. But puberty blockers for a teenager or GCS for an adult is evil and must be stopped 🤔
if you regret a tattoo, youre stupid for doing it on the first place, same goes for cosmetic surgery. but suddenly, when said permanent body alteration is transitioning, people wake up to the pressure people feel since early childhood to abide by some sort of societal standard, like i dont know, a standard that states whats beautiful and whats not. like what gives?
Out of the hundreds of trans people I know personally (I am trans), I’ve only ever become acquainted with three detrans people, who all transitioned via testosterone. All are nb and don’t regret their transition at all; one wants to continue his transition but needs to finish university first so his parents don’t cut him off. The other two are just not feeling taking testosterone anymore because it doesn’t feel like them 🤷🏽 I’ve never met anyone who regrets their transition
Love your video as always The only person I've ever met in my life that "detransitioned" is cool as hell and has no ideology about it at all. They just realized that they really were a boy and just like, super feminine but not a woman and that's just fine. Why do some people have to be so fucking weird about everything everyone or even themselves does?
That's awesome that person got to have that journey. I hope as our society gets more progressive, people who are just "a boy and just like, super feminine" as well as trans people have the opportunity to live their lives as they want to.
Im a nonbinary person who came out about 7-8 yrs ago and refused to engage with people who wouldnt respect my gender and pronouns. It was a lot of arguing, and falling outs, and heartbreak. Now, I dont outwardly present myself as "nonbinary", and I dont introduce myself with my pronouns or expect them to be used anymore. This is not because I'm not nonbinary anymore, it is because I'm tired and I dont wanna constantly be arguing with people. I'm happy with my friends who respect and support me but it does still feel like a disconnect. I wish I could live life a little more true, but I'm also just accepting that no matter what, when people see me the first thing they think wont be "nonbinary." I'm actively trying to just move into spaces where I can be safe presenting how I want and introducing myself how I want.
This is my problem too. Transition for a nonbinary or agender person is not always very visible and that can make things hard. I sometimes think I should go hard on a visibly non-binary look, but I haven't got the cash to support that. It's extra frustrating when I'm out with my kids, I chose my parent term and my kids use it, but if I'm at a program the instructors never remember, even after more than a month. I sort of thought it'd be memorable, but prolly they just don't care to remember.
@@purpleghost106 I have an honest and maybe ignorant question: As someone who is non-binary, does it cause you any type of distress if someone doesn't use your dedicated pronouns? Like if someone doesn't acknowledge your nonbinary gender, how does it differ (behaviourly) from those who do? I just assume that, like OP mentioned, it's way easier to live without having to explain yourself upon meeting each person. I feel like I've never even had the opportunity to mess up someones pronoun because I never use "he/she/they" while talking to the person I'm referencing lol I only use those words for people I'm discussing who aren't in the vicinity and "you" for people I'm directly addressing
I hate that people talking about detransitioners are doing exactly that: talk ABOUT them and never WITH them. Like they're just a way to get to the conclusion that access to hormones, etc. should be harder. They're just an argument instead of actual people with individual lives and experiences. An argument to get to a preset "solution". Instead, you could listen to detransitioners and then find ways to help them based on their actual problems! But since this more often than not would yield a different result than "Ban transgender health care!" suddenly those people who "care so much for these poor detransitioners!" don't want to know about their problems.
A lot of pro trans people have talked about me and over me when I was trans AND now as detrans. They're so much more ideological and bulldoze over my experience of transgenderism and detransition with their own aggressive worldview that is against empathy of trans people. It disgusts me. They cover up our suffering, deny trans is a disorder that causes extreme pain and horror, and have the audacity to call it an identity, completely negating my real gender identity when I was a man. I am fed up with the control freak activists who claim to speak for us and do not want to listen to the truth.
I have been stealth, living as male for over twenty years. I have a lot of respect for people who openly live as trans but it definitely took me a minute to get there. Ultimately i realized that i just didn't have the energy to live as openly trans, i just wanted to blend in and move on. But now i realize i owe a huge debt to people who don't do that. If every trans person was like me, I'd still be ordering my T from the one pharmacy all the way across the country that will fill my prescription. No, i can literally just call CVS. And then my insurance will pay for it. This would have been unheard of when i started transitioning. So maybe i don't fully understand the trans community of today but i appreciate them and it's fun to see how many different ways people can live. It's all good. Live your truth.
It's okay to retain privacy. You don't have to be loud and proud. I just personally hope that you dont have any shame in your heart. If you do, may you heal from it 🕊
You are from a different time. There's no expectation that you life life the way younger trans peeps do. The right to privacy is so important and no one is entitled to that information from you.
The "have to fit the mold" for hrt is so real. I am veryyy binary. Not genderqueer. And i still had to pretend to be straight instead of bi, cut my semilong hair (it was a masculine cut mind you but i was deemed confused cause why was it long...idk liking metal is not for men apparently?) , had to seem less empathetic and less sensitive during the meetings... i got hrt regrew my hair (now with a matching long beard) and put back on my bi pride stuff. But hell if it is that hard for binary (and heavily dysphoric!) People like me i cannot imagine for nonbinary people ...
I was one of those people who transitioned in a very binary manner only to later find out they're nonbinary. I came out in 2012 and then strongly identified as a completely binary trans man for 8 years, going from facing a lot of dysphoria and transphobia to eventually being able to stealth as a cis man for several years once I got HRT and surgery. It's only after being able to pass effortlessly for some years that I was able to revisit my relationship to my gender and eventually started identifying as bigender. It felt like I needed to 'get to safety' before I could do that rethinking - reevaluating my relationship to womanhood could only happen once my relationship to manhood was no longer constantly denied and doubted. Anyway, I have never considered this to be a detransition in any way. I still take testosterone and am still on the way to getting bottom surgery - I just found a more well-rounded way to understand my gender. If anything, I think of it as retransitioning.
I feel the same way, yes! I IDed as a trans man for about 2 or 3 years and it wasn't until I was finally in a safe environment where I was accepted as a trans man that I could reassess and come out again as nonbinary. I never considered it a detransition for me either, but like anew transition
Didn’t think I’d have to listen to a resurgence of transmedicalist talking points again in 2024… thank you for the incredible video, Kat! You really deconstruct these bad faith/projection-type of arguments for the biased, skewed vitriolic nonsense they are - in a very understanding way to the person spouting that nonsense. I really wish some of those people would watch your videos and realize why their view was skewed and unintentionally harmful.
i love how when someone regrets something like a cosmetic surgery, getting a boobjob or a lipjob, or even a tattoo it's because they are too vain and superficial and impulsive to think about it and change their minds before they do it. they're the dumb one for regretting these types of procedure and good riddance, right? and then the moment said procedure is transitioning, it's a systemic issue about how our children are pressured to do something from the moment they are born and interacting with media and other kids and adults. talk about double standard and being blind to the beauty standard that plagues our everyday lives
Not to mention both the rates of getting these cosmetic surgeries and regretting them among cis people is far higher than surgeries performed upon trans people for medical transition. Thousands of cis girls get breast implants every year but if trans girls want the exact same procedure (in numbers which aren’t going past more than a couple hundred per year at most) then it’s a serious problem caused by a social epidemic. Yeah, obviously any form of surgical transition is a big deal, but so is any surgical procedure, and the double standard is so painfully obvious.
This video is SO good. As a Black person this reminds of what it is to be a token Black person, especially is corporate America where it is expected that all Black people fit into this white corporate bubble. If you step out of line / say fuck the tokenism, then people start to feel threatened. Thank you for sharing this as it is helping me have even more empathy for trans people. ❤
It’s interesting to me how so much of Julie’s language in that tiktok is so reminiscent of what transphobes say about trans people, in particular the bit about “being confused”. It seems so bizarre to me as a trans person because, how does she not see the parallels there between the language she’s using and the language they use? Then again, the “confused” argument tends more to get thrown at trans men and transmasc people more, so maybe it isn’t something she’s as familiar with? I mean, still. A lot of her attitudes towards gender experimentation and detransition in that video are so confusing to me, as someone whose friend group is very trans and is used to people’s gender and sexuality changing and shifting over time. I just don’t get the animosity towards experimentation without certainty. If I had to be certain about my gender before I started experimenting, I would’ve never figured out I was agender or trans. Anyway, this was a great video, thank you :)
@@KatBlaqueno literally, I’m cis but gender is still confusing to me. I was 15 when I got called trans slurs and that really sent me down a spiral of like what is gender? Why does it matter? Should I do gender affirming care to affirm my assigned gender? It’s such a convoluted topic for many people
@@lewdawg69 its a great point too, many cis women struggle with trans slurs because they don't look like the stereotypical woman, some are tall, some have deep voices, some have more muscle mass or combinations of those and transphobia affects them too even tho they are not trans
When I started HRT about 15 years ago, I went the Informed Consent route. I interviewed so many potential doctors and therapists, asking them how they felt about non-binary identities and informed consent. It took me a while to find my care team. Also, I love the way you say "woke agenda". It made me snicker. 😄
How do you go about interviewing the proper therapist and care team and things like that? I’m trying to get together professionals who don’t just gaslight no idea what to ask or how to choose.
@@anasdomain9994 I literally asked them. “How do you feel about non-binary identities, like genderfluid?” “What are your thoughts informed consent?” You’re going to have to listen to them and see how they respond to your questions and then make a decision based on that. I was getting a doctor to not only provide access to hormones but also to keep me safe. I literally told that to the endo that I had started using after my first doctor retired. He very smugly told me that I had to go through him and play by his rules if I wanted to get my hormones. I told him, I had been on my hormones already and he was there to keep me safe. If I had to, I would go gray-market and find a different doctor to keep me safe. That shut him up pretty quickly. My therapist asked me if I was going through informed consent, why was I opting to get a therapist? I told her, I was about to muck with my brain chemistry, and I was gonna need someone to help me work through all the issues that came up during that process. The thing to remember when you are dealing with these people is that you are hiring them to help you. If they want to be gatekeepers, you need to tell them you will find someone else. I hope this helps. 💜
I’m detrans, ftmtf, I’ve lived as a trans man for 7 years and detransitioning now after uncovering my s3xual trauma that contributed to the whole thing. There are so many reasons people might HAVE TO detransition and Julie speaking so callously and carelessly about this issue is heartbreaking, especially since I used to be a Princess Jules fan
@@ravenna9969 Yes, she did. She doesn't get to determine what other people's experiences are. She is not the arbiter of who gets to be trans or not. Her positioning herself as a "true" trans is arrogant. She was callous and uncaring to people who are extremely diverse and have their own personal experiences. She's engaging in respectability politics. Bigots will still hate us no matter what. Tapping dancing for them isn't going to change their mind.
I am trans-masculine and I detransitioned for a few months last year. It was partly because I was being encouraged to by a chaser (guys......its a canon event. sorry/lh. ) but mostly because I did not pass very well. I live in the deep south of GA and while I had a relatively mild sort of acceptance, even after two years of T I did not look or sound like a man. It made me *more* dysphoric to try and pass and to have the people around me constantly correct themselves. So I decreased my dosage until I went off and had a full hyperfemme phase , just like in highschool years prior, and was even looking into breast implants because I'm a naturally small chested dude. After a few months I realized that I was horribly dysphoric again (duh.) and went back on T. I'm still very angry at myself for "lost time" because i feel partly like I'm starting from ground zero. But I'm being patient with myself and leaning harder into fitness and voice training in an effort to get to a place where i will feel comfortable and pass at least to myself.
That time was just you still being on the journey to explore things, and then as a result know now what you don’t want for yourself. Not that you probably need someone to say this or anything but no reason to beat yourself up at all.
I thought I was nonbinary for a fat minute and my therapist was like “gender is fake do whatever you want” and I was like alrighty, and then I realized I was still a guy
you just described my transition. I was a dysphoric afab teenager and knew i wanted to take testosterone and top surgery, but knew that health professionals were highly unlikely to prescribe those to a nonbinary person, let alone a nb minor. So I came out as a trans guy. I internalized it, told the doctors what they wanted to hear if it didn't feel that way. I medically transitioned, and tried to be happy as a guy. In the back of my mind I knew I was only expressing a part of myself. I felt a lot of imposter syndrome and internalized transphobia, I thought if I lived as nonbinary instead of male I would be seen as a detransitioner, I'd be proving the transphobes right. I thought I'd have to take it to the grave with me. As trans rights became more of a public issue, and understanding and legitimacy of nonbinary people became more accepted, I eventually came out. My therapist and endocrinologist did not take it well. I stopped seeing them. I am happy with my medical transition, and I still consider myself trans masc, but now I use they/them.
The pressure to only ever try different things if you're absolutely 100% SURE of it is really so stilting, it feels like a prison (because it in many ways is). It goes for gender, it goes for sexuality, and so much more. Thanks for speaking on these things so thoughtfully as always.
as a nonbinary person (and one with a particularly "confusing" identity, trans masc lesbian) i really appreciate your perspective, you said it better than i could. you're always so good at conveying your thoughts which is something i really aspire to. my identity is just something wonderful i understand about myself, i don't need anyone to understand it i just want basic respect as a person.
as a trans masc nonbinary twink and im here for you in the confusing identity bestie truly the thing i am most sure about is that i am gay first and foremost haha
i’m a detransitioner who de transitioned after 7 years of being out and 4 of those 7 on testosterone. i hate that people make it seem like detransition is just a big oopsie! and not an extremely emotional and confusing and scary process. like, none of us who transitioned did it for funsies? lol? i wouldn’t have transitioned if i wasn’t 1,000% sure of my decision, you know? detransition was never part of my plan, i denied it for so long when i first started experiencing doubt. i recently partook in a study called the DARE study that sheds amazing light on this phenomenon.
Thanks for speaking up, and congratulations on discovering more about yourself. As hard as it was for me to admit I'm trans, I'm sure it's ten times harder to admit "wait, actually, I'm not."
@@Snuzzled exactly! especially because like kat says, a lot of us were transmedicalist at some point. to me, i genuinely believed i was like a “true trans person” and stuff. i came to realize that because i got into transmedicalism so young, my brain literally convinced itself and retconned so many of my experiences to justify my transness and make it real. if i believed i was a trans person, which i genuinely did especially after getting an official gender dysphoria diagnosis, and this ideology tells me that “real trans people feel dysphoria so intense we need to medically transition or we’ll hurt ourselves, and if you don’t feel that same way then you’re faking it,” and again i’m like 15 and desperate for answers and relief from my horrific self esteem, i think my brain did mental gymnastics to retcon old experiences to turn them into gender dysphoria and the more transmedicalist content i consumed the worse my dysphoria got. it was like a self fulfilling prophecy. even after i divorced myself from transmedicalism the seeds had already been planted. when i started testosterone at 17, even though i wasn’t a huge asshole anymore, the realness of my extremely masculine and binary trans identity became too reinforced. it was absolutely earth shattering and world ending for me when i realized years later that none of it was tangible and my trans identity and my dysphoria were being caused by external factors and medical transition was a huge mistake because of a severe lapse of judgement at 15 years old. now at 21, i still struggle day to day. changes i was once so happy about like my deep voice make me morbidly depressed to the point that i’ve considered learning ASL and just being mute😭 my adam’s apple which was once a point of pride now is my biggest insecurity. detransition is such a nuanced and complex topic and i think building bridges between our communities is essential to fight against bigotry, because gender affirming care helps detrans women like me!!! i would be so lost and directionless without trans women helping me voice train or giving tips for facial hair removal. it is such a complex topic and identity and i hope we can continue having these positive conversations about it. :)
Honestly as a cis male i have never thought of another reason on why someone would detransition other than reverting back to their gender assigned at birth. I definitely learned a lot from this and will be doing more research into it, thank you Kat!
My best friend detransitioned because of family pressure and life stuff. I’m sure they’ll start again once they change their life situation. Detransitioning is personal, not some wide systemic issue to worry about
Out of the hundreds of trans people I know personally (I am trans), I've only ever become acquainted with three detrans people, who all transitioned via testosterone. All are nb and don't regret their transition at all. One wants to continue his transition but needs to finish university first so his parents don't cut him off; the other two are just not feeling taking testosterone anymore because it doesn't feel like them 🤷🏽 l've never met anyone who regrets their transition. It’s SO fucking rare
I think people who tend to regret transition just kind of flock together because we tend to have more negative mindsets than people who don't regret transition. I think about detransitioning a lot and I've had several friends who've also considered it (one who did but they became a weird TERF). It's not that we aren't trans, it's just really hard waking up to a transphobic world and still feeling disgusted with your body.
One of my close friends detransitioned (male to female to male) because he realized he wanted to balance femininity and explore his indigenous cultures ideals of femininity (he is Sami and lives in Northern Norway) over the christian Oslo based masculinity he was raised to fit into. He got married to his wife as a woman and framed his wedding dress he sewed himself as he is incredibly proud of his experience as a woman. The way he expresses his feelings is he was a boy, than was a woman and became a man afterwards, less detransitioning and more transitioning again. Its not that he was wrong, he was a woman just isnt anymore as he doesnt see identity as a solid state, it shifts with life experience and that can include gender
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a scary experience with a security guard both at the place I received care and at my work place but wasn't physically harmed. My psychologist moved practice shortly after so that was sorted. But it sticks with you. Being targeted by someone in that position is a unique (for lack of a better word, though I think many of us have been through this) kind of experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. I don't really know how to describe what it does to a person.
I had a similar experience although my assailant was a neighbour. Similar transphobic language. Lucky to have survived. Ended up with a life altering TBI that even 5 years later I'm still recovering physically and psychologically. All power to you, it can be extra awful finding support as a trans masc or enby survivor of SA. Power and peace to you.
i am a detransitioner, i didn’t transition medically but i socially transitioned for three years before detransitioning. looking back, i understand exactly why i wanted to transition. i was in high school, and i was struggling severely with pretty much every aspect of my life because i am autistic, which is something i’ve learned since detransitioning. at the time, i was really struggling with my identity. my closest friend was trans, and honestly, identifying as trans alongside him helped to strengthen our bond, and my confidence. i was very lonely and isolated outside of him and a few other people. my social anxiety was TERRIBLE but i was completely unaware of it. what i wish someone had done for me was really talk to me, deeply. about my identity and about how i felt about myself, and about what being trans really felt like. no one ever really got REAL with me. i desperately needed some sort of explanation for why i felt so different and out of place. identifying as trans was never a trend to me, in fact i was a pretty harsh transmedicalist for most of the time i was identifying as a man (yes, lots to unpack with that too lol.) since that time i’ve also learned that i’m pretty much gender apathetic, possibly because of my autism. so, i wasn’t completely wrong, but eventually i realized an FtM transition wasn’t necessary for me to feel like myself. just a hell of a lot of introspection and unmasking. i suspect a lot of detransitioners have had similar experiences to me, especially considering just how many people are recently discovering they’re neurodivergent. the overlap is noticeable, in my opinion.
I am white, cis, and male. It is an understatement to say I will never fully understand what you and your community experience. That said, your last point sums it up. Not all medications or treatments work for everyone, and life is complicated and messy. That should be respected and appreciated just like you or anyone else.
As an "over the hill" non-binary person for whom medical transition is not really an option, I was very hesitant to click on this video. I'm glad I did. Thank you for making this.
i am non binary and took hormones and changed my legal name (=lied) in order to get a mastectomy and since then stopped taking hormones and go by a female name because i can not be non binary at work. my mastectomy saved my life!! my life is completely different now in every way. im still trans even though any kind of medical statistic would call me a detransitioner and people assume i am a trans woman every day. it's a colorful world out there it's not all so easy
I'm nonbinary and genderfluid. I'm currently pursuing HRT knowing full well that I may pause or reverse course later in life. This does not make me any less trans, and does not mean I'd regret transitioning. It would just be another stage in my transition. It's not uncommon for nonbinary people to be on HRT on a temporary basis and then stop once they get the changes they want.
I have a friend that had to detrans because her ex gf told her she couldn’t see her son if she didn’t “act like a man” around their son. It was heartbreaking
I love the accusation of detransitioning people "lying to their doctors to get trans care". Like, girl, when the hell did you transition that you _didn't_ have to lie? We're all lying, it's not our fault, it's a requirement smh
When i was in early high school i had a therapist tell me all the horrors of transitioning because it’d be so difficult to detransition and kept trying to get me not to figure that part of myself and stay female. (don’t worry i left her after a few months) She made me doubt my identity to the point where even now i feel like i’m not trans enough just because i don’t conform to the stereotypical ftm. i was just figuring out why i liked certain things and hated my body, i identified with male anime characters yet also liked them; turns out i just like dıck and identify more nb trans than masc trans 😆 i still don’t have a defined word for how i feel, but then again why label something that is an endless spectrum.
As a Transguy, almost three years on T, and top surgery....I have come to the conclusion that I don't always want to be on T. That doesn't mean I am no less a man just that I like my hair, and for the most part, I am in a comfy spot. My roommate, also Trans-masc, is nonbinary, but presents fairly binary. While I, who am binary with a bit of goblin energy, exude a bit more of that stereotypical "nonbinary" feel. It's almost like no one Trans-masc person, can be held to the expectations of a single presentation. Let alone, any Trans individual, need to look or act a certain way. After 30 plus years on this planet, been through enough drama in my 20's to not pay so close attention to things in someones personal life, that do not actively hurt anyone. While we as people are in part, shaped by our society, we aren't all going to be the same or think same or look the same. Personally, I love variety. Being biracial and neurodivergent ontop of Trans, I have found that variety is so much more illuminating than homogeneity.
I don’t think it’s a good or helpful stance, but I really do understand why some trans people feel this way. Because I’ve only ever found safety and security in passing, it can be terrifying to reckon with the fact that other trans people simply choose to present themselves in a way that delegitimizes *me* in the eyes of the cis people that have basically total control over whether I live or die, whether I have a life worth living or am completely miserable, whether I can be a functional member of society or can’t leave my house. But as always, cosplaying as something that mainstream society views as respectable for the smallest amount of tolerance toward my existence is not, never has been, and never will be synonymous with meaningful liberation. Passing helps in a superficial way, but transphobic people still hate me just as much as they hate gender nonconforming trans people. They still want to take away my rights to medical care and housing and a safe workplace that won’t fire me if they find out that I’m trans. Most, maybe all, of us have some amount of trauma from existing in the societies and communities that we’ve existed in, and so I really do get the temptation to conform and further alienate other trans people who are more “out there” than you to create a sense of safety and security. But it will never be fulfilling to uphold the same systems that harm all of us for an ultimately temporary and superficial feeling of safety. Respectability politics is a losing game
I began my transition nearly 12 years ago (RUclipsrs like you and Julie were a huge part of my journey!!) and the longer I’ve been into my transition, and the prouder I’ve grown of my progress, I think it becomes easier and easier to feel like we can cast judgment on the newer transes (e.g. quarantine eggs). I have to constantly check myself. It truly is a different generation, and we as a community need to keep our minds open! The way people come into their transition is going to constantly change. And that’s ok! Knowing trans history is SO important, but it’s not the end all be all. Times are changing and we only have each other
LOVE this video! You've hit the nail on the head, Kat. People are allowed to make decisions they regret, that's part of being human! It's no reason to gatekeep access to trans healthcare!
can we just do away with the concept of "passing"? as a cis woman of colour, i am concerned that an overt reliance on passing can affect all women (cis, trans, etc.) who do not conform to narrow and racialized ideas of what "feminine" is. look at what's happening with imane khelif!
Passing is one of those things that is for sure like to see us stop leaning on and it puts cis women like Imane in a really unfair position. I think a lot of our society would have to change first tho
Thoughtfully said, I watch your channel because I am a cis gay man and I want to support trans people and the best way I can do that is to understand trans perspectives, especially on sensitive topics. Thank you for taking the time to share you perspectives it helps me to expand my own understanding.
So, I was born into a super religious family, and that religion (JW) deems men to be inferior to elders (priests / pastors), women to be inferior to men, and children to be like, 1-3 steps down from their parents, depending. It really is that hierarchical, and you are reminded of it, constantly. Growing up a girl child, I would talk to my dad, or the elders, about my eventual ambitions. I was a smart kid, and probably very neurodivergent, thus didn't really understand why traditional social norms took precedence over basically everything. The idea of pregnancy grossed me out, so by age 4 or 6, I already had this idea of making sure that never happened to me, even if I didn't really understand how that occurred (vague, "when married people love each other," so, okay, I won't get married). So, when I'd talk to them, about my future, they'd do the whole, "The woman's place is to be supportive of her husband's religuous and career goals, and to provide him with many children!" As soon as I'd mention something about that specifically not being for me, they'd either say, "You'll change your mind," or they'd look at me like I was speaking some alien language that was impossible for them to decipher, and eventually handwave me away. They legit couldn't imagine a woman not wanting to be a rent-a-womb. So, naturally, I grew up thinking I hated being a girl. My parents were weird, and both kind of gender-abusive, so I was used to "being a girl" in order to get attention from my mom, and "being a boy," in order to get attention from my dad. I didn't really care, either way, but I knew that mom's dresses were lacy and tight and uncomfortable, so I always chose "boy." Except when going to church, 5+ hours per week, where I was forced to dressed "girl." Because of all of that crap (and a lot more), it took me until I was almost 35 to realize that I don't actually hate being "girl," I just hated all of the other labels and baggage that came along with it. Because, none of those things are intrinsic, even if our society believes it so. You CAN pick and choose; that's kind of what identity is. And that's okay. We need to work more towards equity, for everyone. We need to quit being so anti-intellectual (not this specific community, but a lot of the internet, as a whole), because it is harmful. And we need to stop allowing politicians and pundits to abuse the aesthetics of fashy-ism. That's all I've got, today. 😮💨 I hate that so much of this has been weaponized to target certain communities. We're stronger together than apart. ☮️❤️🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Hi! I was also raised JW, had a very similar experience, but slightly different. Because the JW view of gender is SO restrictive it took till my mid-20s to realise I was trans-masc. I often thought I only felt this way because women are so disrespected/condescended to in the religion. It really messes up our relationship with gender when they try so hard to force these traditional roles.
what really effing sucks, as a bigender transfem, is that some days i would like to purposefully kind of make it obvious that its what id call a "feminine male" day rather than a trans girl day and dress more like a fem twink or femboy and not worry about it being obvious that im trans but more and more as i chug along in day to day public life i encounter so much mockery and violent transphobia that its getting so bad that im considering just doubling down as hard as i possibly can on passing, working on the voice, daily full face of makeup no matter what, etc, cuz if i dont im just gonna live this life when 1 out of every 4 groups of young men who pass me on the street downtown are gonna openly mock and laugh at me and make me feel terrible or threaten me. and whats even crazier, in the world of transfems, im relatively conventionally attractive!!!!! as feminine males go, im pretty cute! but thats not enough, never will be, to save me from the ire of transphobes
I’m sorry you’re “not allowed” to just be you. What is wild to me is that you, on your fem boy days, are pretty much exactly what the transphobes have started yelling about and pointing to as “proof” that being trans isn’t real - ie that the woke left need to stop convincing feminine men that they are women, to just let feminine men and masculine women be their “ true” gender (gag) cuz they’re really all cis ppl who like some stuff that’s stereotypical of the opposite binary gender. And yet we all know that they are the main ones also having a complete breakdown over cis men wearing dresses or makeup or painting their nails, and the ones opening mocking and “ speculating” about some stranger’s gender in a clear attempt to make them feel like shit. They’re the ones essentially pushing anyone who doesn’t fit into the strict binary into, in some cases, leaning more heavily into the more binary elements of their transness in order to more likely pass and defuse the overt and disgusting BS thrown at them when they don’t… basically, these bigots are “creating” more of the types of trans ppl they are arguing don’t and shouldn’t exist!!
transition as a trend describes me. i genuinely thought i was a man. i am not. nor an i a woman. but i have the wrong anatomy and i have facial hair and a deep voice. i am becoming me. i am not becoming a binary. i am not "passing" as me either. i am simply learning to be me
I take an SSRI and have found it really helpful. Other people try them and get off it again. Those people stopping me from taking a medication that helps me would be ridiculous right? I don't see how hormones are different from any other medication here - they help some people and should be accessible
When I first came out many years ago as a man, my mom sent me a bunch of 'detransition videos.' So I watched all them and took notes on these peoples stories (I literately wrote notes.) What I found with these people was when they transitioned they either A) had internalized mysogyny B) they had internalized homophobia C) they had body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria.
Yes! This is something I've felt for a while. People make all sorts of big decisions they regret: they marry the wrong person, move to a place they hate, get a bad tattoo, have children (!!!), or don't have children. There's no way to "insulate" people from regret (because all that turns into is draconian oppression). Just let people try things and find out if it's for them or not. The majority of people who transition don't do it on a whim anyway (and also don't regret it). I'm trans and the only times I've ever felt bad about transition is when I start thinking about what transphobes and the media's perspective on trans people is. It's only the social rejection and demonization that gets to me. And it's such a mindf*ck because I recognize that physically I love this body but in a panopticon-y way I get scared and anxious thinking about how other people think about me.
The existence of non-binary people means that questioning your gender can end up with a lot of answers some of those non-binary, trans, or cis. It's so individual as to be pedantic to care about others identity however the social consequences of gender are steep and frankly arbitrary and bizzare. Getting care for less cisexist binary ideas of gender is frustrating and on paper I'm conventionally trans femme.Yet my androgyny means most people think I'm "some kind of queer " and being somewhat gender ambigous and pretty equals either femme or puzzlement that can swing to hostility or awkwardness. I've always been a little plasmid storm of gender chaos, I just needed to spruce up my container to fit and rewire some of pipes of gender fluid to lift the enui.( I was real bad about noticing dysphoria before hrt and it changes cuz I'm fluid). I think thinking of using gender questioning in a similar way to religious deconstruction would give people way more leer way to define and relate to their gender. I'm doing informed care and I haven't met a single trans person who didn't do reams of research before even walking into a doctors office. And there were some things I didn't know and couldn't know til I started medical transition. I was out almost a decade before COVID lock downs but only transitioned post and the way people are infantilizing are infuriating.... though some of that may just be misogyny now that i think on it I think the rigid way of viewing transition is the same way that judges butch women, BIPOC peope of any gender, femme men or just anything non conforming to patriarchal white supremacy. It's the same policing as misogyny or toxic masculinity in a new wig.
I detransitioned because I was not happy after another suicide attempt I went back to my original gender I’m still not happy I need to work on my inner before I work on the outer. I love my trans community and would never blame anything about my personal journey on anyone but me. Love you Kat
I went on t a few years ago, and felt great and terrible at the same time. Now that im more comfortable expressing my masculinity, i went back on a smaller dose, and feel amazing. Time and adjusting things can make a world of difference when it comes to this sort of thing
Its interesting. I'm a nonbinary person who, as a child, felt very strongly about being binary transgender male. I never thought of my journey as de-transitioning, because gender is a fluid concept to me. Because I could change again- and learn something different about myself.
I have been so eager to hear you speak on this! As someone who is very close to both a trans person and a detransitioner, I think we are being culturally STARVED of takes that are genuinely nuanced, compassionate, and insightful regarding this issue. The two people I know who detransitioned are both young women who had been so traumatized by early childhood sa/ hypersexualization during puberty that they could not emotionally handle maturing into a woman’s body. Years have passed, and I’m so glad to say that they are doing much better! Moving forward, I’d love to talk more about how family, friends, and medical professionals missed this and failed to see what was actually going on within. But it seems like the conversation always comes back to shaming trans people and just banning all gender-affirming care for minors. Incredibly frustrating, and I feel like it helps no one.
i am not a detransitioner, but i have 'paused' my transition due to going off of hrt. in census data i guess that counts, but it's just because i'm broke and i struggle with bureaucracy so my prescription coverage is inconsistent, but i have never gone back to identifying by my birth-assigned gender roles
I’m basically a cis guy at this point but there’s been points in my life where I’ve wanted to be perceived as and move through the world as a woman since I was about a teenager. I mean like I would be full blown sad about it. Particularly during covid I would work my customer service job in my mask with my long hair and would sometimes get she/her’d and I loved that. And other times where I would say I experience euphoria and joy about being a man and love being accepted in male spaces as one of the boys. At what might have been an egg crack experience a few years ago I fully accepted transness as a part of me and had a deluge of feelings. But then it kind of went away. When I fully appreciated my gender as not necessary being male and I became fully acclimated to my maleness weirdly enough. And am now just like fine with it. I think had I been born with the other gender assignment I would also be more cis than trans but that’s not the world we live in. Kind of rambley but I wanted to share.
ily so much this has nothing to do with anything but i think i saw you at a renaissance faire a few months ago and I was too shy to say hi... hi online :)
Awwww KAT!!!! Hearing you say that you didn’t think you were an interesting queer person actually feels so validating for me as a nonbinary person because I keep thinking people don’t see me as real or to be taken seriously because I don’t feel the need to use HRT or transition and get all this rhetoric of “trans people are real, those nonbinary people are doing it for attention.” Which makes me feel like I’m not queer enough either. We are “queer enough!!!!” ❤😂
The b-plot with the strawberry drink early on was amazing. Very very lovely video, very much agree with and appreciate your perspectives! My brain refers to detransition after someone's new gender has been well established within the community as re-transition - the couple times I've seen it, it's genuinely been a whole re-run of the same process all over again. Being happy about first transition and being all up about second or third transition just makes no sense
I think what we should advocate for as a community is less prejudice against gender expression or deviance, and more freedom over what we do with our own bodies. Detransitioners got caught in the "cultural war". Personally, I stopped taking T this year because of how difficult it is for my family to stop giving me shit for it, I wouldn't count that as detransitioning but I have certainly walked back a lot of the progress that I made advocating for my gender in my teen years, I guess I just have to grow a spine lol Anyways, I love your channel Kat!! Greetings from Argentina❤
9:20 THIIIIIS!!! like how hard is it to understand that i am unhappy in my body and want a change that is possible, i’ve read up and down the surgeries and hrt; why do i have to prove to them i want this by acting like the stereotypical hardcore masculine. like i love fashion especially still female fashion (not the pockets..) because of how artistic that “side” of clothing can be since stereotypical masculine is apparently browns and boring! i still want a flat chest but that doesn’t mean my interests have to be dirt bikes and fishing.
omg bro the struggle of wanting to look masculine but also wanting to dress in a fun way... the plight of the fashionable transmasc... will we ever know peace...,,,
i've been struggling with feeling like i'm not a "true transsexual" (ha) because of personal comments in my life and online.. i really needed a video like this at this moment, your words are always wise. thank you
Thank you Kat for articulating this-- detransitioning occurs for many reasons and it doesn't have to be a threat to anyone. Love your thoughtfulness, support for those who are sharing their detransition experiences on tik tok, and for moving the conversation in a more outward/inclusive direction. ❤
Old trans guy here, came out in the early 2000’s, living in the closet in public to avoid the shame projected onto me for being a guy that gave birth and is raising a kid
A lot of the dolls forget that directing their frustrations with feeling invalidated by non-trans people towards less "experienced" t girls will never make that frustration go away. You're wasting time on people that are living their life when you should be focusing on living YOUR life. Don't let people you don't know take up all the space in your head, misery is no one's color.
I used to watch Jules when I was like 14-15 (I'm 24 now) and she was actually one of the very first people who introduced me to what life was like for trans women and I learned so much about what goes into an mtf transition, I honestly haven't thought about her in years and it's such a shame that this is the update I get
If you look at your life as a metaphorical highway, sometimes that highway is perfect for you, and that journey is meant to continue on for the rest of your life. Then, sometimes, people need to take an off-ramp because that journey on that specific highway just wasn't meant for you, though thankfully and hopefully, you found another perfect highway meant for you. That doesn't mean we should shame those who had to take that off-ramp and praise the ones who didn't. Just be thankful and understand that everyone is on their own life journey. PS: Great video, as usual, Kat 💗
I sort of recoiled at Julie's characterization of detransitioners as liars. There's a significant difference between lying and just being wrong. We're all allowed to be wrong. We're allowed to change our minds. I think detransition stories are important and should be heard, but my hackles still raise a bit when I see a detransition story due to the way those narratives have been used against us, and that hurts both trans and ex-trans people. Lots of people who have detransitioned have stories worth sharing and hearing, but are afraid to speak up, lest their own story be weaponized against the community where they once felt they belonged and which they may still cherish.
Kat coming out swinging with wisdom and grace again. Thank you for offering clarity on a topic that can feel stigmatized to the point that the conversation around it seems to center fear more often than empathy. Detransititioning is a choice but so is transitioning - and if we’re genuinely trying to leave the gender binary behind, the first step to do that is to accept that gender fluidity extends to all aspects of life, including our bodies!
Kat I understand you have a platform to uphold but personally the moment I heard "as a real transgender woman" I wanted to throw up let alone what followed. REALLY hope she doesn't enter the token minority right wing grifter pipeline
The only person I got mad at for detransitioning was a person I knew who let everyone else around them talk them out of it. Oh well I cant date you cuz I'm not attracted to your transitioned gender. Boom. Suddenly cis. Made my friends who were seriously transitioning and risking a lot socially feel like they were a joke. But that was a very different story than a lot of the stories out now.
This was my first ever video of yours I’ve come across and the amount of lightbulb moments I’ve had watching it was amazing. Youve made so many point that both hit so close to home personally but simultaneously blew my mind and gave me a total different perspective. I rarely leave comments but I had to.
The point about "name me a person who is famous just because they're trans" is so good. As a trans woman who is an actress being trans isn't a help with casting, if anything (due to prejudices and narrowminded casting) it can limit my options. I'm still so glad I transitioned, and it definitely saved my life and I feel so much more at home in my body. Though the societal expections for the bodies of any woman in acting, especially around weight, still affect me and my self image sometimes. It's just weird to me that people would paint transitioning as like an easy path to success though.
I had to de transition for a while after moving to a new town cause I wanted to make sure I’d be safe, I know I’m trans and so it frustrates me when people take my de transitioning or others and use it to hurt people who are also trans.
I really appreciate this video and your approach. I've only known two people who've detransitioned. One I only knew of tangentially in my local kink community who detransitioned for safety within their life, but the other is a long time friend who has explored his gender and sexuality continuously since high school. He detransitioned several years ago and then retransitioned after maybe a year or so. At the time he said he felt more like a butch lesbian woman, but in hindsight it was more that he wanted to feel that way because his wife at the time had realized she was more lesbian than bi and I think he was trying to keep the relationship going. I do often forget why people like Vu may feel that way about someone detransitioning because the queer people I've surrounded myself myself with tend to be more fluid in their expression, so I do appreciate being reminded that it's not necessarily because they don't like non-binary people or believe that all transgender people need to follow the binary, but because they may see people who are exploring gender within the current level of access available in some areas now as being flippant with something they fought to achieve. I still feel that starting and stopping HRT (and maybe starting again) is no big deal (probably because I know so many people who have), but I always need the reminder to not be so judgemental.
There is something in me that deeply craves being utterly devoid of gender. That part of me has a ton of admiration for people who detransition (and retransition) and just generally pursue their personal truth with courage and openness
Id get top surgery, but surgery scares the f out of me. I would for sure have some sort of issue or complication… that said, any reason a trans person has for not doing gender reassignment surgeries is absolutely valid and doesn’t make them more or less anything. Shamers should always be ignored. And people can be free to change. We shouldnt force ourselves to be stagnant… its like butterflies have different phases, as we all do… and as o have personally in my own life.
Unrelated to the content of the video, but I really wanted to say that I've been following you since 2016 and I realized how many looks/backgrounds/styles you've gone through over the years, but always remain interesting, fun and warm. And that's so cool to watch! Much love, thanks for your work xxx
I detransitioned and I just want to thank you for how you handled this topic. I pursued a binary transition because I thought that it was my only option. Transitioning saved my life. Then, after realizing how veryyyy non-binary I am, detransitioning saved my life. I don’t regret any of it.
Something I'd like to add is that most times when trans and cis people come for non-cis people it's usually because they don't follow the beauty standards rooted in white supremacy. When I watched Monkey Man the trans women in the movie were beautiful to me and I could tell in the way they held themselves they were women, I loved it. I think being a woman, being trans, or a being non-cis in general can have so many different meanings for everyone. So when I see people criticize the LOOKS of someone and debate if their gender expression is valid, I automatically side eye them. I'm thinking "are you mad because they don't follow your white supremacy ways of what a woman should look like or be like?" I'm indigenous and being a woman to me is vast and it doesn't look like the colonizer's view of womanhood or beauty so fuck it. I think people who harshly criticize each other's gender need to desperately work on that internalized white supremacy and really ask themselves why they're upset tbh. It's a colonizer's way of separating each other and we can't fall for it.
The intro reminded me of the current running gag of white trans men being like "finally being my true self! Yayy..../realises is a straight white man now/" 😂
when i was a teen i considered myself genderqueer, but i felt like nobody thought it was a real thing, to the point where i convinced myself it wasn't real. so i lived as a cis girl for several years after that and never reconsidered my gender until 2020, after i became an adult. i'm so much happier and more comfortable in my new nonbinary identity, very different from the one i had as a young teen but no less myself
If you enjoyed this video, please check out my Patreon www.patreon.com/katblaque
People Who Speak About Detransition/Detrans Creators:
www.tiktok.com/@dwoozle
www.tiktok.com/@prof.kinnon
www.tiktok.com/@luckartikasari
www.tiktok.com/@mydetransdiary
No I don't!
A T girl here in Toldeo had been a doll and detransitioned... it was weird to see him with facial hair...
I also have a trans friend who probably wasn't trans when they transitioned
Adding to this Mia Caputo from Life of Agony but unfortunately she or they have taken a antitrans stance concurrent with their detransition.
I used to bind my chest and dress and groom myself as a man and actively wanted people to assume I was a male. It took a while for me to parse out the complicated reasons why my female body made me feel ashamed and how my sartorial defensive mechanisms weren't the result of gender dysphoria. It's hard to distinguish between how you want to be treated and how you identify and it's not shameful if you want to feel things out.
This is a really interesting comment. I’d never considered my own feelings toward gender/my body in this way. I’m certainly going to self-reflect.
How you will be treated under patriarchy, how much people talk over you, how much you are approached by men. All in addition to how you feel about yourself and your body. I do think that there are some young women who just want to escape. That doesn't delegitimize transition, but this is definitely a thing.
I've been having this exact thought lately! I identify as nonbinary but I still love fashion and sometimes present super femme, and as a afab nonbinary person this was something I had to think through and I came to the conclusion that if I were to transition physically I would still love fashion and exploring with my expression it would just my masc presentations a lot easier and I would probably lean into that more if I had the body that aligned. I think everyone who has any thoughts that may be dysphoria or whatever should really just sit with their feelings and that experimenting is so so incredible
Thank you for sharing your comment and perspective! To me it really underlines how harmful and limiting the gender binary culture is that we all live under. Even for folks that identify as M or F, it basically stunts our personal growth of how beautiful and interesting life can possibly be! There is more to experience out there than our current society and language allows for
Thank you for sharing this. I’m dealing with this right now. I’m a female thinking about transitioning to male, but I also think it’s just because I want the privilege but also I do go by they/them pronouns so I’m not sure what I want… But this is exactly how I feel.
I'm a detransitioner who did so because of my family life and work life. I retransitioned a year ago and I've never been happier.
Happy for you pal, hope you are having a great life
@ghost-qk2ss Very interesting perspective! I have a question if you don’t mind; would you consider yourself gender fluid? Or do you think of yourself be to the gender that you currently are expressing?
Just curious how you define your identity 😊
@zeebadeeba Definitely not genderfluid. I used to identify as that before I considered medical transition but once I actually did medically transition I realized I was fully binary.
❤❤❤❤❤
Wishing you the best, I hope you're able to live your best life!
I am a 60yo transgender, passing privilege is okay for the rich, most of us can't afford thousands for facial hair removal, boob jobs, breast removal or feminisation surgeries etc, hell some can't even afford medications sometimes! I consider myself lucky just to be able to get medication, but surgeries are just too unaffordable!
Can I ask a question? Are you happy with your transition/body inspite of not having those surgeries?
We know that feel, been getting hair removal and hrt for 15 years now, and we get people who don't even believe we're trans because we're not a hyperfemme doll and haven't gotten FFS... then the same people want to deny equal access to healthcare and medicare here for gender care so the average person can't get the treatments that they demand we get to be considered trans...
It's fuckin wild.
This is what I don’t understand! I don’t comprehend why so many people now believe that transitioning means you should get those surgeries! It literally reinforces the sexism that feminism has been fighting.
Like, do we also now believe that “flat chested” cis women need to get boob jobs? Do we believe that women who have historically had their femininity challenged & faced oppression due to not aligning with European standards for women’s facial features (such as Black women) need to go get “facial feminization” surgery? Women from cultures that typically have more body/face hair need to get hair removal? It makes zero sense to me. It’s literally just reaffirming sexist standards of what a woman is.
In my opinion, you are a feminist woman exactly like me because I’m a cis hetero women who refuses to accept the idea that my womanhood has anything to do with my boob size, waxing my mustache (people always try to shame me for it, f*ck them I look like Frida Kahlo), having large facial features, etc. I understand that there are cis & trans people who have various forms of dysphoria that are so severe that they truly need cosmetic surgery to live, but the way it’s turned into an expectation that trans women must accept & align with sexist standards about women’s appearance is so backwards.
Plus, any surgery is dangerous! Why are people going around believing any woman must risk their health & money in order to be happy with her body? It feels like the cosmetic surgery industry has really hoodwinked women across the board. What ever happened to the feminism that was all about getting rid of these oppressive standards so women’s identities & happiness aren’t determined by them?
Wishing much more life & love to you, dear sibling
@@StepStudies A lot of those weird standards and the dysphoria that comes from it typically is because you get harassed and wrongfully shamed for not meeting them.
I don't much care about my appearance either, but bigots throw a hissyfit if you look masc and wear a skirt... so it becomes easier to not wear a skirt just to avoid their weird ass tantrums.
The same things happen to most women, how many people would've ever bothered shaving our legs if a bunch of chuds didn't harass us over it growing up?
Surgery is similar, bigots are so weird and deranged that it's often safer to get surgery to avoid being targeted by them.
@@RikkiMiraj Fellow trans (genderfluid) person who has not been able to get surgery because money here. It depends on the people, really. You can feel that all these features other perceive as something are just fully (insert gender here) because YOU are the one wearing them. And you can be happy because you get to live your own life. Transitioning to any degree has made me much happier than before and while passing can be a huge step in feeling comfortable, a lot of trans people and NB people especially often never get there - and that's okay. Different goals for different people. I started seeing MYSELF when I look into the mirror - and that's what transition is all about. The occasional passing is still joyful, and you can easily realize in yourself and others that you can be fully seen as your gender, even with a not stereotypical body. If people respect you and see you, they do so with or without surgery. It's been enlightening to see both in how other people see me, and in how I see fellow trans friends. Every step is joyful, really (and hard and scary at the same time when you start out. That eases off after a while). You can also love your body for all the things it does for you - even if certain parts have mixed feelings.
But there is a limit to that, too. I've practiced body-positivity before I transitioned, I sincerely loved my body, but I had to admit to myself that I did need and crave change. It's not that it wasn't nice. I could paint it and have joy in seeing that figure. It just never was me. It couldn't represent me. Dressing it didn't bring me much joy without outside input, and I never realized how much I dressed for others until I transitioned. I had very much depersonalized my own body as a way to cope. Those things are not as contradictory as people think. I love all my body does for me, and it's not my body's fault it doesn't fully align with my insides. For me personally, having access to T made it a lot easier and made my chest feel much better, because my overall markers have changed enough and I have anything to represent masculinity in me visually/audibly now. It's a compromise, as all things are - there are moments where it is easier or harder, but overall I'd still like to save up once I have better income. It just isn't as soul-crushing as it was before, instead it is now just very inconveniencing and uncomfortable sometimes. Better is better. Of course I am happy with the steps I've taken even if there are some I may not take or want to, but cannot take. There is no perfect.
Detransitioning is valid.
Weaponizing detransitioning to be transphobic is not valid.
✨THIS✨
I became livid when conservatives use de-transitioners' experience to damage the Trans community. I saw a dude telling a story of a girl who de-transitionated because she was pratically pressured by her gf to "became FtM". And this dude use it like it was everyone's experience.
🫶🏽
funnily i was going to comment this exact thing
This.
y'all call everything transphobic.. when y'all can't even figure out what tran even is ...
I blush and giggle every time you call me an Introspective Hot Person, Kat. Love your work!
your username rules
Same! Like, "ooh thank you, if you say so" 😅☺️
Aww... I know... I blushed too.
Yes, right? Words out of my mouth. Every time she says it again it is such a pleasant surprise.
same!!
I’m someone who “detransitioned” against my will due to not being able to afford my hormones anymore and I can’t tell you the amount of people that were so quick to dismiss me and my transness just because I went from using he/him pronouns to he/they after I realized that I am non-binary and not a trans man.
My own mother was shocked when I told her I miss HRT and can’t wait until I can get back on. I wish people could just respect me for who I am in this moment rather than waiting for me to be who they imagine me to be. Waiting 5-10 years for respect is not ideal when I hope to get married before then.
❤
Damn that's awful to read. The majority of people who detransition, do so because of social or economic reasons, not because they regret the transition itself. Would be great if more people realised this.
Hope you're able to improve your situation in the future. Overcharging for health products and medication is one of the biggest evils going.
I’d rather everyone have the right to be wrong about their transition, than deny even a single person the right to transition when they want to. I value freedom, and people being able to do WHATEVER they want. All medication has risks, all choice in life have consequences. Nobody but the person whose life and body it is should get to dictate those choices. PERIOD. Anything else is antithetical to freedom.
Precisely. Someone’s right to do something trumps someone making a possible mistake.
Hello, fellow Freedom-lover
But you're including children in that?
that is an honor comment, but in my view people claim to me just for the hell of it and not medically transition.
@@EricaBassi99 adults arent children lol
Unpopular opinion: I wish being trans was completely personal. It's become such an exhausting issue. I want to know who I am without people assuming who I am or even knowing how I feel.
the forced public-ness of being trans (having to explain changes in your body to those around you, having to talk to doctors, convince doctors, being exposed to a care team at a hospital, walking down the street not quite passing as binary) kept me from transitioning for so long. i know exactly what you mean
@@ciellouise8153 exactly ♡
I hate that there's a societal expectation to perform gender in the first place. People should be able to do what they want (within safety) without getting flack for being themselves.
@@kaedatiger true
Unfortunately it needs to be public because in most of the world transitioning is not supported by the law. We need to make a difference for the sake of those who will come after us.
Great point that detransitioners existing is not a threat to the trans community. My girlfriend transitioned and detransitioned in her late teens- early 20s. Her experience is uncommon overall but could be more common with masculine lesbians due to the nature of how masculine women are treated in our society. It is a conversation that can exist in the open while staying respectful to the trans community and the reasons of other detransitioners. It is easy to have a knee-jerk reaction to hearing "detransition" because trans people need the most support right now, but not all detransitioners that realize they are cis are damaging to the trans community just by talking about their experiences. I had to learn that lesson with my girlfriend and will continue to grow and learn.
The problem aren't the de-transitioners, the problem are shitty people who take the experience of de-transitioners and use it to damage the Trans community, saying that being trans is not real or that "it's the left who puts the WOKE virus in your mind" .
Actually I think that the voices of detransitioners (and desisters), as well as older trans people, and those many years into their transition are severely needed and severely lacking in trans spaces.
@@M-CH_ fully agree
They are literally the people who are most spoken about @@M-CH_
Similar sounds with some "fem" gays. I remember growing up with levels of homophobia, wishing I was "normal" or maybe a "girl" for different reasonings, but not because I was trans but gay in a homophobic setting. I wouldn't consider myself fem, but have my fair share of stereotypical feminine aspects. Even had some medical stuff more common with women. Never the less.... I'm cis gay.
Had I been born later but with similar levels of homophobia, who knows.... it's not just trans people that wrestle with their gender perceptions. If interpreted wrongly, a misdiagnosis is not that far fetched. I've heard some detransitioners with stories linking into this topic.
I've even heard of Christian conversion therapy where some where pushed into transitioning to live a straight life thus without sin.
There are so many different stories out there. They should be heard in us as a society going forward. But in the correct perspective. For the majority of trans that do transition this seems to be an effective therapy.
I find it insidious when people act like "knowing since they were a child" makes them more trans or more gay or more whatever. It feels very "gold star" rhetoric to me. It is one thing for it to be part of your story and to be proud of yourself, but to wield it as "this makes me more valid and more of an authority" is insulting to those that realized later in life and damaging to those still closeted.
I wasn't able to accept that I was trans for this exact reason. I grew up in a cult and didn't even know gay people existed until college age. I didn't even know things like my favorite color, I had no identity. So when I hit 25 years old and the pandemic hit, I was living on my own for the first time, I was working in a more masculine dominated field, that was when it really hit me. That was when my research started and I finally realized that I was trans, but I wasn't able to accept the fact that I was trans because of people saying, "oh you started too late." or "unless you knew at birth you were never really trans." etc etc. It was very damaging to me.
It also implies that certain characteristics/interests are inherently gendered, which they are not.
I was only able to realise I was a trans guy in the last few years and I'm currently 29. I definitely realised I wasn't cis or straight years before that. This rhetoric is so damaging and it was a huge part of my dysphoria because I just didn't see a whole lot when I was a teenager and would've loved to understand myself sooner, but I missed out on that. And the whole idea of transmedicalism and having to be masculine as a trans guy when I just wasn't. Or feminine, or neutral. I don't align with any of that. And I'm polyam, aspec and gay too, and I wonder how that'll go when I get myself referred to a gender clinic.
@@StudlyFudd13 I feel this. The misogyny and patriarchy is so engrained in me that I still feel shame for doing things that are gender non-conforming. This channel and this community are so helpful in my deconstructing journey. Sending my love to y'all fighting for self acceptance and actualisation ❤
it feels very silly specially to me whose first introduction to trans people was something on tv about a trans woman and her experience transitioning past her fifties.
not to be harsh, but trans people that transition later in life are the only ones pushing the average life span of trans people in the world a little bit foward so can we not pretend they dont exist or are less trans
I do not identify as a "detransitioner" I transitioned from female to nonbinary, nonbinary to male, and then male back to nonbinary. And that all happened because I felt pressured to present myself in a binary state- male or female. It makes me quite angry to think anyone would look at my transition and say I "detransitioned" because it implies that I'm not trans and that being nonbinary is not a "real" gender someone can transition to.
I feel this so hard. It's really nice to read this comments section in all honesty. It makes me feel so much less alone to know there's other folks who've had the same experience. I hope you're doing well and wish the best for you, friend.
Nonbinary is not a real gender someone can transition to.
Same timeline for me, too. I do not consider myself a destransitioner. I feel like my gender identity and gender expression has been a transition every time. Even discovering feminine expression has felt new, like a transition in itself. It doesn't feel like I "returned" or "detransitioned".
i did the exact same thing and feel the same way!!
@@celedhion SO MUCH THIS. I'm not detrans, this is me furthering my transition!
I'm cis and I find gender confusing. Let people be confused. You don't learn who you are without trying new things. When I was a teenager I wondered if I was trans. I can't imagine how stressful it would've been at the time if I'd also had to deal with stuff like this that made me feel like I had to make a choice and stick to it.
Hey thank you for sharing. I’m glad you had the space to try things out for yourself
I wish I could like this comment more than once.
Exactly, I am cis too. I experimented in high school and had a girlfriend for a while. I am also very much tomboy and people would always ask me if I was trying to be a guy. It did get annoying but I would look them in the eyes and say no, I’m a girl
Inside and out and clothing aren’t a something that makes us, it just helps.
What do y'all mean "Im CIS"
@@BRINARY-np8ol opposite of trans.
Just to throw it out there, the detrans rate is at most 6% with at least half of that being attributed to transphobia. The regret rate for a hip replacement is 15% five or take but nobody wants to ban those
No one ever cares that I deeply regret having braces despite it being a permanent alteration to my body, that affects me every day, the decision was made when I was a minor and was greatly informed by the social pressure I felt, and now that I'm older I realize I would have preferred my original smile. All the things that are supposed to be so scary about people transitioning!
@@banozac not to mention it’s ok to pierce your kid, cut off their foreskin before they are even sentient, or force them into a bunch of extracurriculars for the parent’s ego. But puberty blockers for a teenager or GCS for an adult is evil and must be stopped 🤔
if you regret a tattoo, youre stupid for doing it on the first place, same goes for cosmetic surgery. but suddenly, when said permanent body alteration is transitioning, people wake up to the pressure people feel since early childhood to abide by some sort of societal standard, like i dont know, a standard that states whats beautiful and whats not. like what gives?
Out of the hundreds of trans people I know personally (I am trans), I’ve only ever become acquainted with three detrans people, who all transitioned via testosterone. All are nb and don’t regret their transition at all; one wants to continue his transition but needs to finish university first so his parents don’t cut him off. The other two are just not feeling taking testosterone anymore because it doesn’t feel like them 🤷🏽 I’ve never met anyone who regrets their transition
@@banozacrespectfully why would anyone care about that? To compare getting routine dental work to a regretted transition is just evil.
Love your video as always
The only person I've ever met in my life that "detransitioned" is cool as hell and has no ideology about it at all. They just realized that they really were a boy and just like, super feminine but not a woman and that's just fine. Why do some people have to be so fucking weird about everything everyone or even themselves does?
That's awesome that person got to have that journey. I hope as our society gets more progressive, people who are just "a boy and just like, super feminine" as well as trans people have the opportunity to live their lives as they want to.
Im a nonbinary person who came out about 7-8 yrs ago and refused to engage with people who wouldnt respect my gender and pronouns. It was a lot of arguing, and falling outs, and heartbreak. Now, I dont outwardly present myself as "nonbinary", and I dont introduce myself with my pronouns or expect them to be used anymore. This is not because I'm not nonbinary anymore, it is because I'm tired and I dont wanna constantly be arguing with people. I'm happy with my friends who respect and support me but it does still feel like a disconnect. I wish I could live life a little more true, but I'm also just accepting that no matter what, when people see me the first thing they think wont be "nonbinary." I'm actively trying to just move into spaces where I can be safe presenting how I want and introducing myself how I want.
This is my problem too. Transition for a nonbinary or agender person is not always very visible and that can make things hard. I sometimes think I should go hard on a visibly non-binary look, but I haven't got the cash to support that. It's extra frustrating when I'm out with my kids, I chose my parent term and my kids use it, but if I'm at a program the instructors never remember, even after more than a month. I sort of thought it'd be memorable, but prolly they just don't care to remember.
@@purpleghost106 I have an honest and maybe ignorant question: As someone who is non-binary, does it cause you any type of distress if someone doesn't use your dedicated pronouns? Like if someone doesn't acknowledge your nonbinary gender, how does it differ (behaviourly) from those who do? I just assume that, like OP mentioned, it's way easier to live without having to explain yourself upon meeting each person.
I feel like I've never even had the opportunity to mess up someones pronoun because I never use "he/she/they" while talking to the person I'm referencing lol I only use those words for people I'm discussing who aren't in the vicinity and "you" for people I'm directly addressing
I hate that people talking about detransitioners are doing exactly that: talk ABOUT them and never WITH them. Like they're just a way to get to the conclusion that access to hormones, etc. should be harder. They're just an argument instead of actual people with individual lives and experiences. An argument to get to a preset "solution". Instead, you could listen to detransitioners and then find ways to help them based on their actual problems! But since this more often than not would yield a different result than "Ban transgender health care!" suddenly those people who "care so much for these poor detransitioners!" don't want to know about their problems.
A lot of pro trans people have talked about me and over me when I was trans AND now as detrans. They're so much more ideological and bulldoze over my experience of transgenderism and detransition with their own aggressive worldview that is against empathy of trans people. It disgusts me. They cover up our suffering, deny trans is a disorder that causes extreme pain and horror, and have the audacity to call it an identity, completely negating my real gender identity when I was a man. I am fed up with the control freak activists who claim to speak for us and do not want to listen to the truth.
There's a lot of interviews with detransitioners on RUclips.
@@rebeccaspratling2865 It still feels like no one listens to us :/
@@actualgoblin do they have to ?
Buck Angel does a lot of interviews with detransitioners
I have been stealth, living as male for over twenty years. I have a lot of respect for people who openly live as trans but it definitely took me a minute to get there. Ultimately i realized that i just didn't have the energy to live as openly trans, i just wanted to blend in and move on. But now i realize i owe a huge debt to people who don't do that. If every trans person was like me, I'd still be ordering my T from the one pharmacy all the way across the country that will fill my prescription. No, i can literally just call CVS. And then my insurance will pay for it. This would have been unheard of when i started transitioning. So maybe i don't fully understand the trans community of today but i appreciate them and it's fun to see how many different ways people can live. It's all good. Live your truth.
It's okay to retain privacy. You don't have to be loud and proud. I just personally hope that you dont have any shame in your heart. If you do, may you heal from it 🕊
You are from a different time. There's no expectation that you life life the way younger trans peeps do. The right to privacy is so important and no one is entitled to that information from you.
The "have to fit the mold" for hrt is so real. I am veryyy binary. Not genderqueer. And i still had to pretend to be straight instead of bi, cut my semilong hair (it was a masculine cut mind you but i was deemed confused cause why was it long...idk liking metal is not for men apparently?) , had to seem less empathetic and less sensitive during the meetings... i got hrt regrew my hair (now with a matching long beard) and put back on my bi pride stuff. But hell if it is that hard for binary (and heavily dysphoric!) People like me i cannot imagine for nonbinary people ...
I was one of those people who transitioned in a very binary manner only to later find out they're nonbinary. I came out in 2012 and then strongly identified as a completely binary trans man for 8 years, going from facing a lot of dysphoria and transphobia to eventually being able to stealth as a cis man for several years once I got HRT and surgery. It's only after being able to pass effortlessly for some years that I was able to revisit my relationship to my gender and eventually started identifying as bigender. It felt like I needed to 'get to safety' before I could do that rethinking - reevaluating my relationship to womanhood could only happen once my relationship to manhood was no longer constantly denied and doubted. Anyway, I have never considered this to be a detransition in any way. I still take testosterone and am still on the way to getting bottom surgery - I just found a more well-rounded way to understand my gender. If anything, I think of it as retransitioning.
This 100% from the other end
I feel the same way, yes! I IDed as a trans man for about 2 or 3 years and it wasn't until I was finally in a safe environment where I was accepted as a trans man that I could reassess and come out again as nonbinary. I never considered it a detransition for me either, but like anew transition
Didn’t think I’d have to listen to a resurgence of transmedicalist talking points again in 2024… thank you for the incredible video, Kat! You really deconstruct these bad faith/projection-type of arguments for the biased, skewed vitriolic nonsense they are - in a very understanding way to the person spouting that nonsense. I really wish some of those people would watch your videos and realize why their view was skewed and unintentionally harmful.
i love how when someone regrets something like a cosmetic surgery, getting a boobjob or a lipjob, or even a tattoo it's because they are too vain and superficial and impulsive to think about it and change their minds before they do it. they're the dumb one for regretting these types of procedure and good riddance, right?
and then the moment said procedure is transitioning, it's a systemic issue about how our children are pressured to do something from the moment they are born and interacting with media and other kids and adults. talk about double standard and being blind to the beauty standard that plagues our everyday lives
Not to mention both the rates of getting these cosmetic surgeries and regretting them among cis people is far higher than surgeries performed upon trans people for medical transition. Thousands of cis girls get breast implants every year but if trans girls want the exact same procedure (in numbers which aren’t going past more than a couple hundred per year at most) then it’s a serious problem caused by a social epidemic. Yeah, obviously any form of surgical transition is a big deal, but so is any surgical procedure, and the double standard is so painfully obvious.
yeah im a transtrender, im following the trend of being myself
great video as always
This video is SO good. As a Black person this reminds of what it is to be a token Black person, especially is corporate America where it is expected that all Black people fit into this white corporate bubble. If you step out of line / say fuck the tokenism, then people start to feel threatened.
Thank you for sharing this as it is helping me have even more empathy for trans people. ❤
It’s interesting to me how so much of Julie’s language in that tiktok is so reminiscent of what transphobes say about trans people, in particular the bit about “being confused”. It seems so bizarre to me as a trans person because, how does she not see the parallels there between the language she’s using and the language they use? Then again, the “confused” argument tends more to get thrown at trans men and transmasc people more, so maybe it isn’t something she’s as familiar with? I mean, still. A lot of her attitudes towards gender experimentation and detransition in that video are so confusing to me, as someone whose friend group is very trans and is used to people’s gender and sexuality changing and shifting over time. I just don’t get the animosity towards experimentation without certainty. If I had to be certain about my gender before I started experimenting, I would’ve never figured out I was agender or trans. Anyway, this was a great video, thank you :)
Also, hot take, gender is confusing for most of us before we realize who we are
Buck Angel behavior
@@KatBlaqueno literally, I’m cis but gender is still confusing to me. I was 15 when I got called trans slurs and that really sent me down a spiral of like what is gender? Why does it matter? Should I do gender affirming care to affirm my assigned gender? It’s such a convoluted topic for many people
it just seems like grifting, she uses typical slogans transphobes use
@@lewdawg69 its a great point too, many cis women struggle with trans slurs because they don't look like the stereotypical woman, some are tall, some have deep voices, some have more muscle mass or combinations of those and transphobia affects them too even tho they are not trans
When I started HRT about 15 years ago, I went the Informed Consent route. I interviewed so many potential doctors and therapists, asking them how they felt about non-binary identities and informed consent. It took me a while to find my care team.
Also, I love the way you say "woke agenda". It made me snicker. 😄
How do you go about interviewing the proper therapist and care team and things like that? I’m trying to get together professionals who don’t just gaslight no idea what to ask or how to choose.
@@anasdomain9994 I literally asked them.
“How do you feel about non-binary identities, like genderfluid?”
“What are your thoughts informed consent?”
You’re going to have to listen to them and see how they respond to your questions and then make a decision based on that. I was getting a doctor to not only provide access to hormones but also to keep me safe. I literally told that to the endo that I had started using after my first doctor retired. He very smugly told me that I had to go through him and play by his rules if I wanted to get my hormones. I told him, I had been on my hormones already and he was there to keep me safe. If I had to, I would go gray-market and find a different doctor to keep me safe. That shut him up pretty quickly.
My therapist asked me if I was going through informed consent, why was I opting to get a therapist? I told her, I was about to muck with my brain chemistry, and I was gonna need someone to help me work through all the issues that came up during that process.
The thing to remember when you are dealing with these people is that you are hiring them to help you. If they want to be gatekeepers, you need to tell them you will find someone else.
I hope this helps. 💜
I’m detrans, ftmtf, I’ve lived as a trans man for 7 years and detransitioning now after uncovering my s3xual trauma that contributed to the whole thing. There are so many reasons people might HAVE TO detransition and Julie speaking so callously and carelessly about this issue is heartbreaking, especially since I used to be a Princess Jules fan
she told not one lie
@@ravenna9969 Yes, she did. She doesn't get to determine what other people's experiences are. She is not the arbiter of who gets to be trans or not. Her positioning herself as a "true" trans is arrogant. She was callous and uncaring to people who are extremely diverse and have their own personal experiences. She's engaging in respectability politics. Bigots will still hate us no matter what. Tapping dancing for them isn't going to change their mind.
I am trans-masculine and I detransitioned for a few months last year.
It was partly because I was being encouraged to by a chaser (guys......its a canon event. sorry/lh. ) but mostly because I did not pass very well. I live in the deep south of GA and while I had a relatively mild sort of acceptance, even after two years of T I did not look or sound like a man. It made me *more* dysphoric to try and pass and to have the people around me constantly correct themselves.
So I decreased my dosage until I went off and had a full hyperfemme phase , just like in highschool years prior, and was even looking into breast implants because I'm a naturally small chested dude.
After a few months I realized that I was horribly dysphoric again (duh.) and went back on T. I'm still very angry at myself for "lost time" because i feel partly like I'm starting from ground zero.
But I'm being patient with myself and leaning harder into fitness and voice training in an effort to get to a place where i will feel comfortable and pass at least to myself.
If you're interested in vocal training, i would recommend looking up Renée Yoxon - an amazing trans vocal coach!!❤❤
That time was just you still being on the journey to explore things, and then as a result know now what you don’t want for yourself. Not that you probably need someone to say this or anything but no reason to beat yourself up at all.
@@galaxychar it is actually nice to have an outside reminder of that, so thank you.
maybe you needed that to be sure of yourself. now you know exactly who you are
Try hiking or swimming to clear your mind
I thought I was nonbinary for a fat minute and my therapist was like “gender is fake do whatever you want” and I was like alrighty, and then I realized I was still a guy
They spoke truth lol
valid
you just described my transition. I was a dysphoric afab teenager and knew i wanted to take testosterone and top surgery, but knew that health professionals were highly unlikely to prescribe those to a nonbinary person, let alone a nb minor. So I came out as a trans guy. I internalized it, told the doctors what they wanted to hear if it didn't feel that way. I medically transitioned, and tried to be happy as a guy. In the back of my mind I knew I was only expressing a part of myself. I felt a lot of imposter syndrome and internalized transphobia, I thought if I lived as nonbinary instead of male I would be seen as a detransitioner, I'd be proving the transphobes right. I thought I'd have to take it to the grave with me. As trans rights became more of a public issue, and understanding and legitimacy of nonbinary people became more accepted, I eventually came out. My therapist and endocrinologist did not take it well. I stopped seeing them. I am happy with my medical transition, and I still consider myself trans masc, but now I use they/them.
+
The pressure to only ever try different things if you're absolutely 100% SURE of it is really so stilting, it feels like a prison (because it in many ways is). It goes for gender, it goes for sexuality, and so much more. Thanks for speaking on these things so thoughtfully as always.
My thoughts exactly! Thank you for sharing.
as a nonbinary person (and one with a particularly "confusing" identity, trans masc lesbian) i really appreciate your perspective, you said it better than i could. you're always so good at conveying your thoughts which is something i really aspire to.
my identity is just something wonderful i understand about myself, i don't need anyone to understand it i just want basic respect as a person.
as a trans masc nonbinary twink and im here for you in the confusing identity bestie
truly the thing i am most sure about is that i am gay first and foremost haha
As another transmasc lesbian i feel the same way! I don’t owe anyone anything. Except for my friend. I might owe her some money
Same here. There's no need for others to know how my non-binaryness works, it just does.
we love u trans masc lesbians
i’m a detransitioner who de transitioned after 7 years of being out and 4 of those 7 on testosterone. i hate that people make it seem like detransition is just a big oopsie! and not an extremely emotional and confusing and scary process. like, none of us who transitioned did it for funsies? lol? i wouldn’t have transitioned if i wasn’t 1,000% sure of my decision, you know? detransition was never part of my plan, i denied it for so long when i first started experiencing doubt. i recently partook in a study called the DARE study that sheds amazing light on this phenomenon.
Thanks for speaking up, and congratulations on discovering more about yourself. As hard as it was for me to admit I'm trans, I'm sure it's ten times harder to admit "wait, actually, I'm not."
@@Snuzzled exactly! especially because like kat says, a lot of us were transmedicalist at some point. to me, i genuinely believed i was like a “true trans person” and stuff. i came to realize that because i got into transmedicalism so young, my brain literally convinced itself and retconned so many of my experiences to justify my transness and make it real. if i believed i was a trans person, which i genuinely did especially after getting an official gender dysphoria diagnosis, and this ideology tells me that “real trans people feel dysphoria so intense we need to medically transition or we’ll hurt ourselves, and if you don’t feel that same way then you’re faking it,” and again i’m like 15 and desperate for answers and relief from my horrific self esteem, i think my brain did mental gymnastics to retcon old experiences to turn them into gender dysphoria and the more transmedicalist content i consumed the worse my dysphoria got. it was like a self fulfilling prophecy. even after i divorced myself from transmedicalism the seeds had already been planted. when i started testosterone at 17, even though i wasn’t a huge asshole anymore, the realness of my extremely masculine and binary trans identity became too reinforced. it was absolutely earth shattering and world ending for me when i realized years later that none of it was tangible and my trans identity and my dysphoria were being caused by external factors and medical transition was a huge mistake because of a severe lapse of judgement at 15 years old. now at 21, i still struggle day to day. changes i was once so happy about like my deep voice make me morbidly depressed to the point that i’ve considered learning ASL and just being mute😭 my adam’s apple which was once a point of pride now is my biggest insecurity. detransition is such a nuanced and complex topic and i think building bridges between our communities is essential to fight against bigotry, because gender affirming care helps detrans women like me!!! i would be so lost and directionless without trans women helping me voice train or giving tips for facial hair removal. it is such a complex topic and identity and i hope we can continue having these positive conversations about it. :)
Honestly as a cis male i have never thought of another reason on why someone would detransition other than reverting back to their gender assigned at birth. I definitely learned a lot from this and will be doing more research into it, thank you Kat!
My best friend detransitioned because of family pressure and life stuff. I’m sure they’ll start again once they change their life situation. Detransitioning is personal, not some wide systemic issue to worry about
Out of the hundreds of trans people I know personally (I am trans), I've only ever become acquainted with three detrans people, who all transitioned via testosterone. All are nb and don't regret their transition at all. One wants to continue his transition but needs to finish university first so his parents don't cut him off; the other two are just not feeling taking testosterone anymore because it doesn't feel like them 🤷🏽 l've never met anyone who regrets their transition. It’s SO fucking rare
I think people who tend to regret transition just kind of flock together because we tend to have more negative mindsets than people who don't regret transition. I think about detransitioning a lot and I've had several friends who've also considered it (one who did but they became a weird TERF). It's not that we aren't trans, it's just really hard waking up to a transphobic world and still feeling disgusted with your body.
One of my close friends detransitioned (male to female to male) because he realized he wanted to balance femininity and explore his indigenous cultures ideals of femininity (he is Sami and lives in Northern Norway) over the christian Oslo based masculinity he was raised to fit into. He got married to his wife as a woman and framed his wedding dress he sewed himself as he is incredibly proud of his experience as a woman. The way he expresses his feelings is he was a boy, than was a woman and became a man afterwards, less detransitioning and more transitioning again. Its not that he was wrong, he was a woman just isnt anymore as he doesnt see identity as a solid state, it shifts with life experience and that can include gender
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a scary experience with a security guard both at the place I received care and at my work place but wasn't physically harmed. My psychologist moved practice shortly after so that was sorted. But it sticks with you. Being targeted by someone in that position is a unique (for lack of a better word, though I think many of us have been through this) kind of experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. I don't really know how to describe what it does to a person.
I'm really sorry you went through that. Wishing you happiness and healing!
I had a similar experience although my assailant was a neighbour. Similar transphobic language. Lucky to have survived. Ended up with a life altering TBI that even 5 years later I'm still recovering physically and psychologically. All power to you, it can be extra awful finding support as a trans masc or enby survivor of SA. Power and peace to you.
i am a detransitioner, i didn’t transition medically but i socially transitioned for three years before detransitioning. looking back, i understand exactly why i wanted to transition. i was in high school, and i was struggling severely with pretty much every aspect of my life because i am autistic, which is something i’ve learned since detransitioning. at the time, i was really struggling with my identity. my closest friend was trans, and honestly, identifying as trans alongside him helped to strengthen our bond, and my confidence. i was very lonely and isolated outside of him and a few other people. my social anxiety was TERRIBLE but i was completely unaware of it.
what i wish someone had done for me was really talk to me, deeply. about my identity and about how i felt about myself, and about what being trans really felt like. no one ever really got REAL with me. i desperately needed some sort of explanation for why i felt so different and out of place. identifying as trans was never a trend to me, in fact i was a pretty harsh transmedicalist for most of the time i was identifying as a man (yes, lots to unpack with that too lol.)
since that time i’ve also learned that i’m pretty much gender apathetic, possibly because of my autism. so, i wasn’t completely wrong, but eventually i realized an FtM transition wasn’t necessary for me to feel like myself. just a hell of a lot of introspection and unmasking. i suspect a lot of detransitioners have had similar experiences to me, especially considering just how many people are recently discovering they’re neurodivergent. the overlap is noticeable, in my opinion.
the overlap is 100% real. being autistic makes you question made up stuff like gender, and being born female under the patriarchy makes it even worse
I am white, cis, and male. It is an understatement to say I will never fully understand what you and your community experience. That said, your last point sums it up. Not all medications or treatments work for everyone, and life is complicated and messy. That should be respected and appreciated just like you or anyone else.
As an "over the hill" non-binary person for whom medical transition is not really an option, I was very hesitant to click on this video. I'm glad I did. Thank you for making this.
i am non binary and took hormones and changed my legal name (=lied) in order to get a mastectomy and since then stopped taking hormones and go by a female name because i can not be non binary at work. my mastectomy saved my life!! my life is completely different now in every way. im still trans even though any kind of medical statistic would call me a detransitioner and people assume i am a trans woman every day. it's a colorful world out there it's not all so easy
Great video, as usual! Life is complex, and trans/detrans people have so much in common
I'm nonbinary and genderfluid. I'm currently pursuing HRT knowing full well that I may pause or reverse course later in life. This does not make me any less trans, and does not mean I'd regret transitioning. It would just be another stage in my transition. It's not uncommon for nonbinary people to be on HRT on a temporary basis and then stop once they get the changes they want.
I have a friend that had to detrans because her ex gf told her she couldn’t see her son if she didn’t “act like a man” around their son. It was heartbreaking
"...why are you upset that people are mistreating you?" How can that line of questioning come from a place of empathy?
I love the accusation of detransitioning people "lying to their doctors to get trans care". Like, girl, when the hell did you transition that you _didn't_ have to lie? We're all lying, it's not our fault, it's a requirement smh
When i was in early high school i had a therapist tell me all the horrors of transitioning because it’d be so difficult to detransition and kept trying to get me not to figure that part of myself and stay female. (don’t worry i left her after a few months) She made me doubt my identity to the point where even now i feel like i’m not trans enough just because i don’t conform to the stereotypical ftm.
i was just figuring out why i liked certain things and hated my body, i identified with male anime characters yet also liked them; turns out i just like dıck and identify more nb trans than masc trans 😆
i still don’t have a defined word for how i feel, but then again why label something that is an endless spectrum.
Twink to Doll?
No no.
I went from Gamer Girl to Twink *and* Doll, this trans boy ain't got no shame
Tomboy to campy Otter here
Are you still a gamer tho??!! 😂
@@zab416 My near 1,000 Hours in Apex Legends and over 1,000 Hours in Ark: Survival Evolved say yes
SAME AND I AM SO GLAD ITS NOT JUST ME
over 800 days /played in world of warcraft, the gamer within never sleeps
As a Transguy, almost three years on T, and top surgery....I have come to the conclusion that I don't always want to be on T. That doesn't mean I am no less a man just that I like my hair, and for the most part, I am in a comfy spot. My roommate, also Trans-masc, is nonbinary, but presents fairly binary. While I, who am binary with a bit of goblin energy, exude a bit more of that stereotypical "nonbinary" feel. It's almost like no one Trans-masc person, can be held to the expectations of a single presentation. Let alone, any Trans individual, need to look or act a certain way. After 30 plus years on this planet, been through enough drama in my 20's to not pay so close attention to things in someones personal life, that do not actively hurt anyone. While we as people are in part, shaped by our society, we aren't all going to be the same or think same or look the same. Personally, I love variety. Being biracial and neurodivergent ontop of Trans, I have found that variety is so much more illuminating than homogeneity.
I don’t think it’s a good or helpful stance, but I really do understand why some trans people feel this way. Because I’ve only ever found safety and security in passing, it can be terrifying to reckon with the fact that other trans people simply choose to present themselves in a way that delegitimizes *me* in the eyes of the cis people that have basically total control over whether I live or die, whether I have a life worth living or am completely miserable, whether I can be a functional member of society or can’t leave my house. But as always, cosplaying as something that mainstream society views as respectable for the smallest amount of tolerance toward my existence is not, never has been, and never will be synonymous with meaningful liberation. Passing helps in a superficial way, but transphobic people still hate me just as much as they hate gender nonconforming trans people. They still want to take away my rights to medical care and housing and a safe workplace that won’t fire me if they find out that I’m trans. Most, maybe all, of us have some amount of trauma from existing in the societies and communities that we’ve existed in, and so I really do get the temptation to conform and further alienate other trans people who are more “out there” than you to create a sense of safety and security. But it will never be fulfilling to uphold the same systems that harm all of us for an ultimately temporary and superficial feeling of safety. Respectability politics is a losing game
I began my transition nearly 12 years ago (RUclipsrs like you and Julie were a huge part of my journey!!) and the longer I’ve been into my transition, and the prouder I’ve grown of my progress, I think it becomes easier and easier to feel like we can cast judgment on the newer transes (e.g. quarantine eggs). I have to constantly check myself. It truly is a different generation, and we as a community need to keep our minds open! The way people come into their transition is going to constantly change. And that’s ok! Knowing trans history is SO important, but it’s not the end all be all. Times are changing and we only have each other
LOVE this video! You've hit the nail on the head, Kat. People are allowed to make decisions they regret, that's part of being human! It's no reason to gatekeep access to trans healthcare!
can we just do away with the concept of "passing"? as a cis woman of colour, i am concerned that an overt reliance on passing can affect all women (cis, trans, etc.) who do not conform to narrow and racialized ideas of what "feminine" is. look at what's happening with imane khelif!
Passing is one of those things that is for sure like to see us stop leaning on and it puts cis women like Imane in a really unfair position. I think a lot of our society would have to change first tho
Thoughtfully said, I watch your channel because I am a cis gay man and I want to support trans people and the best way I can do that is to understand trans perspectives, especially on sensitive topics. Thank you for taking the time to share you perspectives it helps me to expand my own understanding.
So, I was born into a super religious family, and that religion (JW) deems men to be inferior to elders (priests / pastors), women to be inferior to men, and children to be like, 1-3 steps down from their parents, depending. It really is that hierarchical, and you are reminded of it, constantly.
Growing up a girl child, I would talk to my dad, or the elders, about my eventual ambitions. I was a smart kid, and probably very neurodivergent, thus didn't really understand why traditional social norms took precedence over basically everything. The idea of pregnancy grossed me out, so by age 4 or 6, I already had this idea of making sure that never happened to me, even if I didn't really understand how that occurred (vague, "when married people love each other," so, okay, I won't get married).
So, when I'd talk to them, about my future, they'd do the whole, "The woman's place is to be supportive of her husband's religuous and career goals, and to provide him with many children!" As soon as I'd mention something about that specifically not being for me, they'd either say, "You'll change your mind," or they'd look at me like I was speaking some alien language that was impossible for them to decipher, and eventually handwave me away. They legit couldn't imagine a woman not wanting to be a rent-a-womb.
So, naturally, I grew up thinking I hated being a girl. My parents were weird, and both kind of gender-abusive, so I was used to "being a girl" in order to get attention from my mom, and "being a boy," in order to get attention from my dad. I didn't really care, either way, but I knew that mom's dresses were lacy and tight and uncomfortable, so I always chose "boy." Except when going to church, 5+ hours per week, where I was forced to dressed "girl."
Because of all of that crap (and a lot more), it took me until I was almost 35 to realize that I don't actually hate being "girl," I just hated all of the other labels and baggage that came along with it. Because, none of those things are intrinsic, even if our society believes it so. You CAN pick and choose; that's kind of what identity is. And that's okay.
We need to work more towards equity, for everyone. We need to quit being so anti-intellectual (not this specific community, but a lot of the internet, as a whole), because it is harmful. And we need to stop allowing politicians and pundits to abuse the aesthetics of fashy-ism. That's all I've got, today. 😮💨 I hate that so much of this has been weaponized to target certain communities.
We're stronger together than apart. ☮️❤️🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Hi! I was also raised JW, had a very similar experience, but slightly different. Because the JW view of gender is SO restrictive it took till my mid-20s to realise I was trans-masc. I often thought I only felt this way because women are so disrespected/condescended to in the religion. It really messes up our relationship with gender when they try so hard to force these traditional roles.
As a mom of a nonbinary child, I really appreciate your commentary. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Blushing under my clay mask after Kat calls me an introspective hot person 😮💨
what really effing sucks, as a bigender transfem, is that some days i would like to purposefully kind of make it obvious that its what id call a "feminine male" day rather than a trans girl day and dress more like a fem twink or femboy and not worry about it being obvious that im trans but more and more as i chug along in day to day public life i encounter so much mockery and violent transphobia that its getting so bad that im considering just doubling down as hard as i possibly can on passing, working on the voice, daily full face of makeup no matter what, etc, cuz if i dont im just gonna live this life when 1 out of every 4 groups of young men who pass me on the street downtown are gonna openly mock and laugh at me and make me feel terrible or threaten me. and whats even crazier, in the world of transfems, im relatively conventionally attractive!!!!! as feminine males go, im pretty cute! but thats not enough, never will be, to save me from the ire of transphobes
I’m sorry you’re “not allowed” to just be you. What is wild to me is that you, on your fem boy days, are pretty much exactly what the transphobes have started yelling about and pointing to as “proof” that being trans isn’t real - ie that the woke left need to stop convincing feminine men that they are women, to just let feminine men and masculine women be their “ true” gender (gag) cuz they’re really all cis ppl who like some stuff that’s stereotypical of the opposite binary gender. And yet we all know that they are the main ones also having a complete breakdown over cis men wearing dresses or makeup or painting their nails, and the ones opening mocking and “ speculating” about some stranger’s gender in a clear attempt to make them feel like shit. They’re the ones essentially pushing anyone who doesn’t fit into the strict binary into, in some cases, leaning more heavily into the more binary elements of their transness in order to more likely pass and defuse the overt and disgusting BS thrown at them when they don’t… basically, these bigots are “creating” more of the types of trans ppl they are arguing don’t and shouldn’t exist!!
transition as a trend describes me. i genuinely thought i was a man. i am not. nor an i a woman. but i have the wrong anatomy and i have facial hair and a deep voice. i am becoming me. i am not becoming a binary. i am not "passing" as me either. i am simply learning to be me
Lol😭 "i had a very good foundation before i took a single mone bby" HELLO! Thank you for existing 🥰
Love yew bb!
@@KatBlaque love you, too!!!
"who wants to be a man anyway?" I'm imagining me as a trans guy as that meme of a soldier catching bullets for an innocent in their bed, lol
I take an SSRI and have found it really helpful. Other people try them and get off it again. Those people stopping me from taking a medication that helps me would be ridiculous right? I don't see how hormones are different from any other medication here - they help some people and should be accessible
When I first came out many years ago as a man, my mom sent me a bunch of 'detransition videos.' So I watched all them and took notes on these peoples stories (I literately wrote notes.) What I found with these people was when they transitioned they either A) had internalized mysogyny B) they had internalized homophobia C) they had body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria.
Yes! This is something I've felt for a while. People make all sorts of big decisions they regret: they marry the wrong person, move to a place they hate, get a bad tattoo, have children (!!!), or don't have children. There's no way to "insulate" people from regret (because all that turns into is draconian oppression). Just let people try things and find out if it's for them or not. The majority of people who transition don't do it on a whim anyway (and also don't regret it).
I'm trans and the only times I've ever felt bad about transition is when I start thinking about what transphobes and the media's perspective on trans people is. It's only the social rejection and demonization that gets to me. And it's such a mindf*ck because I recognize that physically I love this body but in a panopticon-y way I get scared and anxious thinking about how other people think about me.
The existence of non-binary people means that questioning your gender can end up with a lot of answers some of those non-binary, trans, or cis. It's so individual as to be pedantic to care about others identity however the social consequences of gender are steep and frankly arbitrary and bizzare. Getting care for less cisexist binary ideas of gender is frustrating and on paper I'm conventionally trans femme.Yet my androgyny means most people think I'm "some kind of queer " and being somewhat gender ambigous and pretty equals either femme or puzzlement that can swing to hostility or awkwardness. I've always been a little plasmid storm of gender chaos, I just needed to spruce up my container to fit and rewire some of pipes of gender fluid to lift the enui.( I was real bad about noticing dysphoria before hrt and it changes cuz I'm fluid).
I think thinking of using gender questioning in a similar way to religious deconstruction would give people way more leer way to define and relate to their gender. I'm doing informed care and I haven't met a single trans person who didn't do reams of research before even walking into a doctors office. And there were some things I didn't know and couldn't know til I started medical transition. I was out almost a decade before COVID lock downs but only transitioned post and the way people are infantilizing are infuriating.... though some of that may just be misogyny now that i think on it
I think the rigid way of viewing transition is the same way that judges butch women, BIPOC peope of any gender, femme men or just anything non conforming to patriarchal white supremacy. It's the same policing as misogyny or toxic masculinity in a new wig.
I detransitioned because I was not happy after another suicide attempt I went back to my original gender I’m still not happy I need to work on my inner before I work on the outer. I love my trans community and would never blame anything about my personal journey on anyone but me. Love you Kat
I went on t a few years ago, and felt great and terrible at the same time. Now that im more comfortable expressing my masculinity, i went back on a smaller dose, and feel amazing. Time and adjusting things can make a world of difference when it comes to this sort of thing
Its interesting. I'm a nonbinary person who, as a child, felt very strongly about being binary transgender male. I never thought of my journey as de-transitioning, because gender is a fluid concept to me. Because I could change again- and learn something different about myself.
I have been so eager to hear you speak on this! As someone who is very close to both a trans person and a detransitioner, I think we are being culturally STARVED of takes that are genuinely nuanced, compassionate, and insightful regarding this issue.
The two people I know who detransitioned are both young women who had been so traumatized by early childhood sa/ hypersexualization during puberty that they could not emotionally handle maturing into a woman’s body. Years have passed, and I’m so glad to say that they are doing much better! Moving forward, I’d love to talk more about how family, friends, and medical professionals missed this and failed to see what was actually going on within. But it seems like the conversation always comes back to shaming trans people and just banning all gender-affirming care for minors. Incredibly frustrating, and I feel like it helps no one.
i am not a detransitioner, but i have 'paused' my transition due to going off of hrt. in census data i guess that counts, but it's just because i'm broke and i struggle with bureaucracy so my prescription coverage is inconsistent, but i have never gone back to identifying by my birth-assigned gender roles
I’m basically a cis guy at this point but there’s been points in my life where I’ve wanted to be perceived as and move through the world as a woman since I was about a teenager. I mean like I would be full blown sad about it. Particularly during covid I would work my customer service job in my mask with my long hair and would sometimes get she/her’d and I loved that. And other times where I would say I experience euphoria and joy about being a man and love being accepted in male spaces as one of the boys. At what might have been an egg crack experience a few years ago I fully accepted transness as a part of me and had a deluge of feelings. But then it kind of went away. When I fully appreciated my gender as not necessary being male and I became fully acclimated to my maleness weirdly enough. And am now just like fine with it. I think had I been born with the other gender assignment I would also be more cis than trans but that’s not the world we live in. Kind of rambley but I wanted to share.
Have you looked into being genderfluid? You sound like me but vice versa (afab)
ily so much this has nothing to do with anything but i think i saw you at a renaissance faire a few months ago and I was too shy to say hi... hi online :)
Ahahah that was def me! Hiii!’
Awwww KAT!!!! Hearing you say that you didn’t think you were an interesting queer person actually feels so validating for me as a nonbinary person because I keep thinking people don’t see me as real or to be taken seriously because I don’t feel the need to use HRT or transition and get all this rhetoric of “trans people are real, those nonbinary people are doing it for attention.” Which makes me feel like I’m not queer enough either.
We are “queer enough!!!!” ❤😂
The b-plot with the strawberry drink early on was amazing. Very very lovely video, very much agree with and appreciate your perspectives! My brain refers to detransition after someone's new gender has been well established within the community as re-transition - the couple times I've seen it, it's genuinely been a whole re-run of the same process all over again. Being happy about first transition and being all up about second or third transition just makes no sense
I think what we should advocate for as a community is less prejudice against gender expression or deviance, and more freedom over what we do with our own bodies. Detransitioners got caught in the "cultural war".
Personally, I stopped taking T this year because of how difficult it is for my family to stop giving me shit for it, I wouldn't count that as detransitioning but I have certainly walked back a lot of the progress that I made advocating for my gender in my teen years, I guess I just have to grow a spine lol
Anyways, I love your channel Kat!! Greetings from Argentina❤
Thanks for having accurate subtitles so I can actually watch this on my work break
9:20 THIIIIIS!!! like how hard is it to understand that i am unhappy in my body and want a change that is possible, i’ve read up and down the surgeries and hrt; why do i have to prove to them i want this by acting like the stereotypical hardcore masculine.
like i love fashion especially still female fashion (not the pockets..) because of how artistic that “side” of clothing can be since stereotypical masculine is apparently browns and boring! i still want a flat chest but that doesn’t mean my interests have to be dirt bikes and fishing.
omg bro the struggle of wanting to look masculine but also wanting to dress in a fun way... the plight of the fashionable transmasc... will we ever know peace...,,,
i've been struggling with feeling like i'm not a "true transsexual" (ha) because of personal comments in my life and online.. i really needed a video like this at this moment, your words are always wise. thank you
Thank you Kat for articulating this-- detransitioning occurs for many reasons and it doesn't have to be a threat to anyone. Love your thoughtfulness, support for those who are sharing their detransition experiences on tik tok, and for moving the conversation in a more outward/inclusive direction. ❤
Old trans guy here, came out in the early 2000’s, living in the closet in public to avoid the shame projected onto me for being a guy that gave birth and is raising a kid
A lot of the dolls forget that directing their frustrations with feeling invalidated by non-trans people towards less "experienced" t girls will never make that frustration go away. You're wasting time on people that are living their life when you should be focusing on living YOUR life. Don't let people you don't know take up all the space in your head, misery is no one's color.
When did Julie Vu become Asian Blair White?! I was shocked to see her like this.
I used to watch Jules when I was like 14-15 (I'm 24 now) and she was actually one of the very first people who introduced me to what life was like for trans women and I learned so much about what goes into an mtf transition, I honestly haven't thought about her in years and it's such a shame that this is the update I get
If you look at your life as a metaphorical highway, sometimes that highway is perfect for you, and that journey is meant to continue on for the rest of your life. Then, sometimes, people need to take an off-ramp because that journey on that specific highway just wasn't meant for you, though thankfully and hopefully, you found another perfect highway meant for you.
That doesn't mean we should shame those who had to take that off-ramp and praise the ones who didn't.
Just be thankful and understand that everyone is on their own life journey.
PS: Great video, as usual, Kat 💗
So Tom Cochrane was right?
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards Appears so. Also, Lightning McQueen, as well.
I sort of recoiled at Julie's characterization of detransitioners as liars. There's a significant difference between lying and just being wrong. We're all allowed to be wrong. We're allowed to change our minds.
I think detransition stories are important and should be heard, but my hackles still raise a bit when I see a detransition story due to the way those narratives have been used against us, and that hurts both trans and ex-trans people. Lots of people who have detransitioned have stories worth sharing and hearing, but are afraid to speak up, lest their own story be weaponized against the community where they once felt they belonged and which they may still cherish.
Kat coming out swinging with wisdom and grace again. Thank you for offering clarity on a topic that can feel stigmatized to the point that the conversation around it seems to center fear more often than empathy.
Detransititioning is a choice but so is transitioning - and if we’re genuinely trying to leave the gender binary behind, the first step to do that is to accept that gender fluidity extends to all aspects of life, including our bodies!
Kat I understand you have a platform to uphold but personally the moment I heard "as a real transgender woman" I wanted to throw up let alone what followed. REALLY hope she doesn't enter the token minority right wing grifter pipeline
The only person I got mad at for detransitioning was a person I knew who let everyone else around them talk them out of it. Oh well I cant date you cuz I'm not attracted to your transitioned gender. Boom. Suddenly cis. Made my friends who were seriously transitioning and risking a lot socially feel like they were a joke. But that was a very different story than a lot of the stories out now.
This was my first ever video of yours I’ve come across and the amount of lightbulb moments I’ve had watching it was amazing. Youve made so many point that both hit so close to home personally but simultaneously blew my mind and gave me a total different perspective. I rarely leave comments but I had to.
The point about "name me a person who is famous just because they're trans" is so good. As a trans woman who is an actress being trans isn't a help with casting, if anything (due to prejudices and narrowminded casting) it can limit my options. I'm still so glad I transitioned, and it definitely saved my life and I feel so much more at home in my body. Though the societal expections for the bodies of any woman in acting, especially around weight, still affect me and my self image sometimes. It's just weird to me that people would paint transitioning as like an easy path to success though.
I had to de transition for a while after moving to a new town cause I wanted to make sure I’d be safe, I know I’m trans and so it frustrates me when people take my de transitioning or others and use it to hurt people who are also trans.
I really appreciate this video and your approach. I've only known two people who've detransitioned. One I only knew of tangentially in my local kink community who detransitioned for safety within their life, but the other is a long time friend who has explored his gender and sexuality continuously since high school. He detransitioned several years ago and then retransitioned after maybe a year or so. At the time he said he felt more like a butch lesbian woman, but in hindsight it was more that he wanted to feel that way because his wife at the time had realized she was more lesbian than bi and I think he was trying to keep the relationship going. I do often forget why people like Vu may feel that way about someone detransitioning because the queer people I've surrounded myself myself with tend to be more fluid in their expression, so I do appreciate being reminded that it's not necessarily because they don't like non-binary people or believe that all transgender people need to follow the binary, but because they may see people who are exploring gender within the current level of access available in some areas now as being flippant with something they fought to achieve. I still feel that starting and stopping HRT (and maybe starting again) is no big deal (probably because I know so many people who have), but I always need the reminder to not be so judgemental.
There is something in me that deeply craves being utterly devoid of gender. That part of me has a ton of admiration for people who detransition (and retransition) and just generally pursue their personal truth with courage and openness
Id get top surgery, but surgery scares the f out of me. I would for sure have some sort of issue or complication… that said, any reason a trans person has for not doing gender reassignment surgeries is absolutely valid and doesn’t make them more or less anything. Shamers should always be ignored. And people can be free to change. We shouldnt force ourselves to be stagnant… its like butterflies have different phases, as we all do… and as o have personally in my own life.
Unrelated to the content of the video, but I really wanted to say that I've been following you since 2016 and I realized how many looks/backgrounds/styles you've gone through over the years, but always remain interesting, fun and warm. And that's so cool to watch! Much love, thanks for your work xxx
I detransitioned and I just want to thank you for how you handled this topic. I pursued a binary transition because I thought that it was my only option. Transitioning saved my life. Then, after realizing how veryyyy non-binary I am, detransitioning saved my life. I don’t regret any of it.
Something I'd like to add is that most times when trans and cis people come for non-cis people it's usually because they don't follow the beauty standards rooted in white supremacy. When I watched Monkey Man the trans women in the movie were beautiful to me and I could tell in the way they held themselves they were women, I loved it. I think being a woman, being trans, or a being non-cis in general can have so many different meanings for everyone. So when I see people criticize the LOOKS of someone and debate if their gender expression is valid, I automatically side eye them. I'm thinking "are you mad because they don't follow your white supremacy ways of what a woman should look like or be like?" I'm indigenous and being a woman to me is vast and it doesn't look like the colonizer's view of womanhood or beauty so fuck it. I think people who harshly criticize each other's gender need to desperately work on that internalized white supremacy and really ask themselves why they're upset tbh. It's a colonizer's way of separating each other and we can't fall for it.
The intro reminded me of the current running gag of white trans men being like "finally being my true self! Yayy..../realises is a straight white man now/" 😂
when i was a teen i considered myself genderqueer, but i felt like nobody thought it was a real thing, to the point where i convinced myself it wasn't real. so i lived as a cis girl for several years after that and never reconsidered my gender until 2020, after i became an adult. i'm so much happier and more comfortable in my new nonbinary identity, very different from the one i had as a young teen but no less myself