Okay. But the real problem is, narcs are just simply too much work. Who wants to be with someone that requires this much strategy be around? Never again.
I admittedly think this is advice for someone who is already kneedeep in the maelstrom, as it were. Where they are just coming to the realization that they're with someone like that and wondering what they can do. So it starts With things like this and eventually leads up to things that help them break out.
That's true, unless you live with an abuser. The most vulnerable unfortunately can't avoid a parent or other authority figure that wants to hurt them to make itself feel big and smart. But I can't imagine a point in my life where just standing there and blinking would've made things any better for me.
@bambitop I had this happen, during a rather stressful argument, where I was being intimidated both by her body language, and her getting right into my face, complaining my breath was bad, but she was doing all the talking, or should we say yelling. For the second time in two years, I was being accused of stealing a person's postal mail. It got to the point where my friend refused to get involved, and she would sneak into the basement behind me, and use passive aggressive techniques, to try and start, then win every argument. The good news: I left his place, and she ended up getting evicted about a half a year later, because she couldn't manipulate another woman, and physically assaulted one of them. My longtime friend wasn't so lucky, he contracted Covid, because her daughter was visiting all the time with sick kids, and he caught it and passed away. Sadly he paid the ultimate price, for taking her side all the time, since she moved in Now he's gone, and she starts trouble with other people that live in the same area. I sure hope she can live with herself, for causing him to get ill and die. Needless to say, I'm not planning to ever go back there again, except to hire the moving company to pick up my belongings, and deliver them to my new apartment - and it's mainly because of her. Narcs can be the worst people you ever meet, but so aren't a lot of major bipolar people too. Thankfully, all of that is mostly behind me, because I finally put a block on his Messenger, so that he couldn't send me any more of his nonsense. After a while, it automatically deletes them, so I am safe, and can finally start hailing again.
This happened with my ex. Admittedly, I was young and kind of silly, so whenever she'd argue, I'd argue with her. Three years that went on. Then, we were in the courthouse for our divorce and I had just gotten off a night shift and super tired, when she went at me and my response was to calmly ask her "Why are you yelling, I'm right here and I can hear you." Holy crap... she lost her damn mind. It was so bad, that the Bailiff from the closed courtroom had to come out and issue her the warning that if she didnt calm down and stop yelling, he would come out again and arrest her for contempt of court... for a hearing she wasnt even in, no less. While that shut her up, it felt rather vindicating that everyone within view was looking at her like the lunatic I had always known her as. Though admittedly I was also sitting there and feeling like an idiot... because I could have been doing that the while time, instead of feeding into the cycle of her lunacy, at the risk of my own sanity.
Please don't beat yourself up too bad over that realization. We can only start seeing what we "could have done" after we have finally recognized what we were in in the first place. We were too busy being confused with their behavior and trying to make sense of it (thus argued back) to be able to even take a second to consider much else other than survival and defense. I'm happy for you that you got away man. Peace and prosperity to you.
@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 , it is not a matter of "Duh." See the comment above. Some things need to be worked through. Your comment is based on 20-20 hindsight.
Maybe, maybe not. What you did, you did publicly. There were witnesses. I'd say, it is dangerous to do privately, because, as you saw for yourself, she escalated. It might have gone physical in your house and then think Depp vs Heard. She was physically abusive and we have tapes to prove it and her past history. We have no history on Depp and the glowing characteristics from his numerous exes yet still there are people who choose to "believe all women". You divorced her and stayed alive and free and sane. That's a win in my book. And three years is not that long to escape from a narcissist, alas.
Glad you could get out and they had reasonable suspicions presented to them as to what the issue was. Without even the justice system stepping in, I think I need to find methods to identify them properly. I know the steps to recovery (not exactly the right word) but its not hard to tell that you were like me. Mine (also a woman) is incredibly easy to read, but its hard to live. We're not in a friend-based relationship but were intimate after 9years. She made me find consciousness. I do think everyone can have it, but... I had to be with her to instigate the basis of it within her mind... she misconstrued my answer to her attesting that I had succeeded in instigating it, but Ive made it clear in person 2 days ago. For her sake, I hope she caught it after me repeating it joyously and seriously. Heck, the accusations. The lies, the manipulations, the attempts to control through reductive lexicon, insults and attempts to emotionally manipulate (not just coercion) all happened. I had to take it to get the msg through, but I also gave her something that might work yo help her other relationships atm... which is reciprocity (attempting to offer the same as you receive from someone). Sure, I want her to be happy, but... I did want to be with her since she has skills I would never teach. It would take a while to realign the reward system in her brain (as it might only work on cortisol and adrenaline, but also to lessen the hurt of myelanized negative memories. Unless she is with me, she will hurt herself and others endlessly. Am I suicidal (its mental suicide unless you're Really good with yourself and dont fall prey nearly all of the abuses). Im also interested to see her recover because she kind of means well... but Ive missed her mother this last year -_- And back to vanity, greed and whatnot the moment she left again....... 30 years old.. I mean Ima start looking for younger and, potentially, not broken at all. Heck, bipolar would be a walk in the park in comparison.
Beware that they'll rage, scream at you even more, and bate you even more when all you do is blink and not respond at all. Don't fall for thier bating. Keep calm, blink, and they'll eventually lose interest because you're not giving supply.
The last day my narcissistic ex was in my home he held a power drill up to my cheek then turned it on. I can still see that Phillips bit spinning around and the absolute rage in his eyes. This happened out of the blue, i was really happy about starting a long awaited project. He didnt approve. Until that day he had kept his violence in check refusing to move out of my house. He was arrested after hitting me so hard he knocked me unconscious. I am grateful every day that he is no longer in my home and out of my life. Time to renew the No Contact Order once again. Be safe.
Silence has been my best strategy, no blinking required. Just look at the person and say nothing. I have found that they are dumbfounded by this and never dare comment, they do not know what is going on in my mind.
Ohhh yes there is 😅 they will invent your side of the conversation. “Ohh I know exactly what you’re thinking. I’m just a terrible parent and everything is my fault. Oh, so you’re not gonna say anything, huh? Okay. Okay, that’s fine. We’ll just pretend like everything is peachy keen…..” and on and on and on. That example was between a parent and child cus that’s what I’m familiar with. But yea. Silent treatment has never worked in my experience unfortunately. They just invent your side of the conversation and continue going. Someone else is bound to step in or get pissy that they won’t shut up and it starts another fight and the parent gets their supply kick. Every. Single. Time.
Then they can see u as weak,and go for u more..u can’t win with thses pain in the asses..impossible,if u argue they love to argue and press their point,if u don’t say anything ur gonna get blamed for that,they love the blame game and the big childish sulks,and if they can’t win with that watch the violence come next.
There appears to be a lot of videos on RUclips on how to deal with a narcissist, from blinking to gray rock, all coming from a caring place, but the best and only way to win any games with them is to NOT PLAY. Unlike a physical injury that can heal, a narcissistic wound will NEVER heal, so if you do play, all you are doing is waiting for the revenge that IS coming. When a narcissist realises that they cannot control you anymore, they will resort to controlling how OTHERS see you. Hence the love bombing, smearing and flying monkeys. To quote Shakespeare " to thyn own self be true ". My life changed when I stopped ignoring red flags and saw them for what they are, DEAL BREAKERS. Take care all 🙏🙏🙏
You’re assuming the narc in this situation is a current romantic partner. This technique can be helpful when it’s a boss in a job you can’t quit yet, a family member you have to encounter for whatever reason, or even an ex that you have to co-parent with.
If it's a family situation, i.e. you're a child living with a narcissistic parent, you have to learn some kind of strategy to survive and not become totally dysfunctional in the process. But trying to trick your way out of being abused is not it.
So true, I shut them out and they stole all but one of my friends away from me, people that had known me for YEARS somehow saw me in a different light and went to their side. It was crazy.
@@sumofo9742i'm curious to see what happens when my sister in law, the fairy princess, goes off on one of her attention seeking rants and I use this technique! Thank you.
It's interesting that you say that because they seem like soulless stand-ins not real people. Just an animated body. Like a spiritual zombie that lives off of other people's emotions.
@mbatista5891 your description has been mentioned all over the world within most ancient traditions. These traditions have warned us of this problem time over. Ever thought that this is why they twist traditions and cultures or destroy them! Traditional Chinese Medicine calls this condition Internal and External Dragons, its when the person has lost all sense of one's self and becomes empty and souless. Internal Dragons are caused by Internal influences, External Dragons by External influences. They have treatments to cure this which lifts the veil of illusion so they can see the light again and become happy. Narcissists are not happy people!
This WORKS people. My mother is a Malignant Narcissist and the one time I did this she went crazy!! I recommend just leaving though but if you can leave then leave.
Thanks for the feedback. I have one of those in my family as well. I haven't tried this yet but I feel the challenge is that they will always find for a way to make you react in the end, even by telling everyone you went crazy, humiliating you in public etc. So I think while at first this will probably work, not sure how to deal with the escalating abuse after that, as they NEED to find a way to get the upper hand at all cost.
As someone who was married to a narcissist and finally divorced and got away from them….leave…the second you realize you are in a relationship with a narcissist….leave…narcissists never become better people…don’t expect they will change because of the love you give them because they won’t….don’t feel guilty or that you have to tough it out because that’s what you are supposed to do….just leave. And for those who don’t know exactly what a narcissist is….watch and read everything about it so that you know what to look for. You won’t be able to spot them right away because they all trick….but they can’t keep their true self hidden forever and once you see it…don’t feel guilty….just leave.
Is not like a 1 or 0 situation, we all have narcissist traits. The problem with pop psych is that we want easy, discreet categories but we're more off an spectrum not all narcissists are sociopaths, not even sociopaths are deranged lunatics
I don't recommend this in an intimate relationship; if you're a source of supply, they'll just "turn up the heat" to elicit a response. However, for work colleagues, people at church, in your social circle, etc, sure, sounds good.
Agreeing with them, immediately, but with an indifferent tone, is also effective. It’s a jolting short circuit. Agreeing shuts down the drama generator, while the indifferent tone reduces them to the level of importance of a random five-year-old screaming at you in Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, dear. I’m a complete idiot. That’s right. Um-hmm. So how was your day? Did anything interesting happen?
I do this when my partner asks me to justify some trivial thing, or calls attention to some small mistake, with an accusatory tone. I just say “because I’m an idiot” in a deadpan voice and it completely short circuits the blame cycle! I love it!
This is so true. A narcissist will regularly stare at you and not respond or even acknowledge that you were speaking to them but if you stare back at them and not acknowledge them they lose it. They will try to force you to respond.
Actually, I tried this with my mother and it worked! She was so used to provoking a response, that when she didn’t get one she got flustered. She is 89 and I am 66, she still thinks she had power over me, but when I choose to go mute, no response, she loses control. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH A NARC…should be tattooed on my arm so I never forget,lol.
Yah , do u no how quick they can lash out in anger. Blinking even just 3 times, will leave u with 2black eyes thats how youll end up leaving the room. Just go No Contact Forever ASAP.
@@debbiecreter2005 Nope, they are very vengeful, and their retaliation will be fierce---maybe even violent---and the cops won't do nothin' about it, cuz they have to see it, happening!!!
Last time I had an argument with a narcissist, as soon as he insulted me, I calmly redirected the insult to him, turned my back and walked away… he yelled behind my back to leave him alone now, which made me laugh and nod 😂
I learned to do this with my boss because he would always try to bait me and no matter what I said or did it was always my fault or I was in the wrob6g. Now I just stare with a blank face and i can tell he doesn't know how to respond. Staying calm and silent is usually the best way to go. He definitely treats me better than a few months ago now that he "can't tell what I'm thinking". I also noticed stroking his ego now and then helps too... can't wait to rotate off this team next April.
My heart breaksfor people trying to stay with narcissists. Sadly many individuals have lost their lives because they think they've figured out a way to stay. I encourage everyone who's in a relationship with a narcissist to binge watch police interrogations. You'll see how they will unalive you, disrespect your body, continue the smear campaign then ask to see pictures of the damage they did to your body. Create a plan and GET OUT!!!
Great tip. I'd like to add another one that I used to do. If they run out on you, never chase after them. My entire life it's just not in my nature to behave like that. And that includes being the first to reach out afterwards. But honestly, at this point you really ought to never deal with them again at all. So if they never come back to you consider yourself lucky
🎯🎯🎯 Took me too many years to realize that my ex enjoyed bringing me down; so, when I finally woke up, stopped caring, and stopped letting him "win" (by me doing stuff like this), he couldn't stand it and it drove him mad. Finally leaving was the most satisfying moment of my life. Whether it's family (I cut them out of my life, too) or otherwise, just stay far away - "misery loves company" and these people are drowning in their own agony.
One observation I’d like to offer is this; you giving them a rent-free space in your head probably makes them very happy, from what I gather. Maybe the best way to deal with them is to just live life. Narcissists are a small portion of humanity…I hope.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her
its always difficult to let go of you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me.i couldnt just let her gsomeone o i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back
I’m going to wrap my grey rocks with blinking lights to give them away for holidays. Laughing at these busy jerks has been so much more fun from a great distance. Thanks for the clarity! 👀👀🗿
Thank you, good idea. I have this problem with my mother. She provokes, ridicules, insults and belittles. Blinking might also help you focus on yourself to avoid arguing back or yelling at the person.
I've recently learned that some narcissists can get off just as much from you not reacting as from you reacting. Like no matter how you respond or don't respond, it seems to make them feel more powerful.
I love this technique, if I can keep a straight face. I’m a recovered lifelong CPTSD/PTSD affected women. My whole family are narcissists in varying degrees and in healing I’ve learned tons of these techniques. They’re so empowering that it’s now funny to disarm narcissists. I also walked away from all of them in the last couple of years.
And I was just debating on texting him back....and then being kept awake all night with his anger, insults and abuse. Thank you for this confirmation and excellent advice!! ❤
I used the gray rock method on an abusive, narcissist 'friend' 40+ years ago before gray rock was even a term. I just decided I would not respond to his shyte and hoped it would make him uncomfortable. It was unsettling for him because he saw me behave in a 'spooky' way he had never seen in me before. I just sat and looked directly at him with a hard look without speaking that made him think I may do something uncharacteristically impulsive. He excused himself and departed my home. As the years went on he married four times. He was for many years estranged from his daughter, and he finally died of kidney disease at the age of 57.
This is good advice! I noticed a huge difference when I finally had enough self-control to stop feeding this person's anger. God himself has something to say about this in Proverbs 15:1 - "A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This may not always work with a narcissist, but with people in general, it's so true. It really has helped even with the narcissist in my life.
Unfortunately, yes, because you can't reason with them, and they don't care about your emotions. They enjoy getting you upset because it makes them feel powerful. Save your emotions and reactions for safe people who care about you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I was thinking the sane thing... Why not just isolate yourself from toxicity / from them.. And not becoming /like/ them - careless, cold, unempathetic etc
To everyone saying "just leave them", what about when the narcissist in your life is a parent? I didn't chose to have this person in my life. I was given this person. (Fyi, I'm seriously considering going no contact with my narcissistic mother.)
I have the same issue as you. I have noticed most of the material focused on partners, but my mother is definitely a grandiose narcissist. I moved several states away and blocked her number. I also have a narc at work that was obsessed with me. The only solution I had was to transfer to a different site.
Been there done that, got the t-shirt. I never knew how to react to my (i didnt know it as a child) Narc father. I would just sit and be still. Pissed him off more than anything I had just done to piss him off. The last time I saw him, he came at me with his hands coming for my neck, but I was triangulated to think I was the one at fault by my stepmother. Have a nice life! I would rather kiss a toilet seat than to ever see them again.
Glad that you will share this! I'm retired out of a work situation with a total narcissist and could have really used this at the time. Still, it resonates because I would never want to face the fear, anxiety and anger that came with putting up with a narcissist again. Thank you!
Had a narcissist boss that I used to do this to. She would get so discombobulated that she would bark “Don’t look at me like that” to which I would reply “What you just said makes absolutely no sense”. She would storm off every time 🤣
Sometimes if you ignore them ..and walk away...it makes them even more mad. That could throw them into a rage. And they'll just follow you around the house and torment you. Be careful ladies/gentlemen!!
One of them tried to lure me into a talk about politics and abortion as if abortion was no big deal. All I did was just look at them and smile before I turned away. Oh, he was fuming. If looks could kill, let me tell you, he was not happy. Haha
I agree with this! Narcissist's are controlled Sorcerer's poppet's on their sorcerer's strings. They have both a Sorcerer and Jinn demon's following them around. Hellhounds are like dog's, they react to our emotions.
This happened to me. I noticed the baiting, did not react, and he got very enraged and said I didn’t have a heart or any compassion. Textbook! I walked away swiftly.
This should absolutely work. My best success with my demented narcissist has been declaring that I will not respond. Keep calm, no fighting, just do not respond. Good luck!❤❤
AWESOME ADVICE 🙌🏼💯🎯 •Calm stare with 5 Blinks •Do NOT acknowledge their verbal barrage •Exit the room (if possible) •Grey rock (zero emotional response to the abuse)
Once simeone was screaming at me and i just stared at them blankly saying nothing. Eventually they said, don't you have anything to say for yourself? I told them they were not worth responding to, in a totally calm voice. OMG they lost their mind lol.
Out of all the videos and articles I have read on understanding narcissists and advice on how to deal with them, this short straight-forward clip has been the most beneficial. Utilizing! 👁️😉Thank you!
He wouldn't even let me respond. I had to listen to him rant for a long time with a blank face or he accused me of having an angry expression and used it as an excuse to hit me. He wouldn't let me leave the room. I eventually realised the only thing I could do was leave the relationship and go where he couldn't find me.
Life is not a game. Trauma causes people to hurt each other verbally or physically. You do not win an argument with one being right and the other being wrong. You win by resolving issues with the relationship. They’re not your child and you’re not their punching bag. Even if you listen to this advice and took it, you’re still in a toxic relationship. A therapist would NOT recommend this. It is toxic and adds to the conflict. Love covers a multitude of sins. Treat others how you want to be treated. Therapy really helps. Marriage works by both parties committing to growing up and working through their own traumas as well as thinking about how their actions affect others. Praying you find a happy, healthy marriage and different techniques that this to cultivate a rewarding relationship.
I'll make one recommendation to solve the problem at hand. Then I'll repeat myself, the same sentence and give no emotion or response. I'll continue rewording the same response, then greyrock. The person has difficulty having a normal conversation exchanging ideas. Because of the problem listening, I'll simply repeat the same response until they retreat. It will usually be something that they can do, something required by the Narc. They are upset and emotional, so I'll be patient for them to be able to absorb new information.
OMGOSH, lol, I tried this with my covert narc and he ran out the door slamming it!! It was immediate and totally worked. I was laughing so hard. I'm still laughing 6 hours or so later. But being abused by narcissists is no laughing matter.
This wouldn't have worked on my ex. She was always the one staring blankly. I realized later on that it was just her way of avoiding a conversation she didn't want to have. Children do the same thing.
I called the police didn't even speak i just let them hear him next thing they're at my door, he now has Apprehended Violence Order and cannot abuse anyone or he goes to jail. I love these new phones .
@WfweDcrf wrong stupid it was my own brother who is pissed off that my son had a new girlfriend and he didnt want him to be at my mums house for Mothers Day .HE will always be single no woman wants him, just like you.
@WfweDcrf wrong stupid my brother was pissed off that my son had a new girlfriend tried to kick them out of mums house , on Mothers Day, he was jealous because no woman wants him. Just like you.
This is wonderful. I have been trying for the longest time to figure out how I can go to church where most people are genuine, but there’s always a few narcissists sprinkled about. I don’t want to miss out on what God has to say to me, or anyone else who is genuinely concerned about me. But having to deal with selfish entitled narcissists just turns me off so bad. It’s been a nightmare. Now maybe I have a strategy for how to deal with them. Thank you so much! ☺️
Yes, I met my ex-narc at synagogue. Guess what? They stream their services on RUclips!! And fyi, if you just read your Bible, God will say what he needs to directly.
Talking about a spouse… What about when they avoid eye contact while throwing attacks every time? It’s always eye contact avoidance. I think complete silence, ignoring is the answer. They ignore you when you speak about what matters to you. Can’t get away yet still trying but still stuck. Answer is just get away, get out.
Yes they twist everything around n blame u ,cos they can’t stand being blamed for anything even is something is their fault,they’d rather die then admit to a lie l
Good technique. But, I like agreeing with everything. And, not just agreeing - piling on. NPD - "You are so stupid" You - "You're right. I am the stupidest person in the whole world. Why would you want to be with me? Doesn't that reflect poorly on you that you would be with the stupidest person in the entire world? You could do so much better." Go on and on with the self deprecation to the point the NPD has nowhere to go with the abuse.
When my narc is muttering criticism under his breath, l now respond with " I think you are getting a throat infection..... there's some aspirin in the cupboard". Try it ---- it stops him in his tracks & makes him look foolish.
This should absolutely work. My best success with my demented narcissist has been declaring that I will not respond. Keep calm, no fighting, just do not respond. Good luck!❤❤ Oh, I’m in no physical danger so if you are, be careful because until they realize you will not fight with them, they can get very agitated and/or aggressive.
The full technique at the end is more like it. The problem is that conflict plays on thresholds, and they keep hitting those notes to take you over it, so stopping for a moment and blinking can just provide them with more air time to assault you with words that take you over the threshold. You need to practice these scenarios in advance and get your exit strategy organised, particularly if you're vulnerable to flicking the switch. The problem with this though is that they have a reputation for coming back for more, which can be hours or days later, multiple times, so if you have real concerns that you can't navigate it, save yourself so you don't become a statistic.
Doing mental gymnastics just to try to hold connections together with the wrong people, is not something I am willing to do anymore. I left my own parents willingly lol. I have zero problem cutting off narc in-laws or anybody, there is nobody important enough that you need to risk your own mental health for. CPTSD survivor of narcissistic abuse. Call it for what it is. Abuse. And if you're still relatively whole and healthy right now, thinking you should give disorderly people a chance... think again. They will take you down with them and trade your self esteem for theirs if given a chance. Unless you're ready to escalate to police and family court with the ones that think they can go toe to toe with you... Don't try to inflict narcissistic injury. Just ghost them, block them, change your phone number and move far away. Whatever you have to do to spare yourself their ongoing pretentious "love", peppered with harassment and abuse. If you try to offend them deliberately, they'll point the finger and call you the narc, and they will be half-correct. Narcissistic fleas, is the term for lowering yourself to that level and beginning to take on their behaviors in order to deal with them. Becoming a bully to fight a bully. Poor advice. You'll be lowering your own vibration to try to compete with them for mental dominance. Just be compassionate to both parties and leave. They are mentally ill, and they have the power to make you mentally ill too if you learn to communicate in that language.
Yep… if you’re brave… always look at them like they’re stupid, raise an eyebrow for a sec & blink a few times. It really does work. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.😂😂😂 but I know silence is powerful & makes them uncomfortable & it preserves my energy… not to take the bait, nor engage… they hate that!
Okay. But the real problem is, narcs are just simply too much work. Who wants to be with someone that requires this much strategy be around? Never again.
I admittedly think this is advice for someone who is already kneedeep in the maelstrom, as it were. Where they are just coming to the realization that they're with someone like that and wondering what they can do. So it starts With things like this and eventually leads up to things that help them break out.
@@AnthonySforza True 💯
So true…it’s a whole other job
Wherever possible leave them.
if you have to deal with them for any reasons, its a great tip for survival. for sure never ever do i want it on a regular basis, it makes you sour.
Greatest advice I've ever received regarding this kind of stuff:
You don't have to go to every argument you're invited to.
Argument: That's the best I've ever heard it, put !!!
That's true, unless you live with an abuser. The most vulnerable unfortunately can't avoid a parent or other authority figure that wants to hurt them to make itself feel big and smart. But I can't imagine a point in my life where just standing there and blinking would've made things any better for me.
Be very careful when causing narcissist injury. Make sure you are safe.
True. Look for an escape route 😅😂
But often it just makes they shift to yelling at you for being dumb and silent, which is better because at least you chose that
Sometimes you have to pretend to fight with them so they don't go crazy.
Some will become physically intimidating, use caution.
@bambitop I had this happen, during a rather stressful argument, where I was being intimidated both by her body language, and her getting right into my face, complaining my breath was bad, but she was doing all the talking, or should we say yelling. For the second time in two years, I was being accused of stealing a person's postal mail. It got to the point where my friend refused to get involved, and she would sneak into the basement behind me, and use passive aggressive techniques, to try and start, then win every argument.
The good news: I left his place, and she ended up getting evicted about a half a year later, because she couldn't manipulate another woman, and physically assaulted one of them. My longtime friend wasn't so lucky, he contracted Covid, because her daughter was visiting all the time with sick kids, and he caught it and passed away.
Sadly he paid the ultimate price, for taking her side all the time, since she moved in
Now he's gone, and she starts trouble with other people that live in the same area. I sure hope she can live with herself, for causing him to get ill and die.
Needless to say, I'm not planning to ever go back there again, except to hire the moving company to pick up my belongings, and deliver them to my new apartment - and it's mainly because of her.
Narcs can be the worst people you ever meet, but so aren't a lot of major bipolar people too. Thankfully, all of that is mostly behind me, because I finally put a block on his Messenger, so that he couldn't send me any more of his nonsense. After a while, it automatically deletes them, so I am safe, and can finally start hailing again.
This happened with my ex. Admittedly, I was young and kind of silly, so whenever she'd argue, I'd argue with her. Three years that went on. Then, we were in the courthouse for our divorce and I had just gotten off a night shift and super tired, when she went at me and my response was to calmly ask her "Why are you yelling, I'm right here and I can hear you."
Holy crap... she lost her damn mind. It was so bad, that the Bailiff from the closed courtroom had to come out and issue her the warning that if she didnt calm down and stop yelling, he would come out again and arrest her for contempt of court... for a hearing she wasnt even in, no less. While that shut her up, it felt rather vindicating that everyone within view was looking at her like the lunatic I had always known her as.
Though admittedly I was also sitting there and feeling like an idiot... because I could have been doing that the while time, instead of feeding into the cycle of her lunacy, at the risk of my own sanity.
DUH
Please don't beat yourself up too bad over that realization. We can only start seeing what we "could have done" after we have finally recognized what we were in in the first place. We were too busy being confused with their behavior and trying to make sense of it (thus argued back) to be able to even take a second to consider much else other than survival and defense.
I'm happy for you that you got away man. Peace and prosperity to you.
@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 , it is not a matter of "Duh." See the comment above. Some things need to be worked through. Your comment is based on 20-20 hindsight.
Maybe, maybe not. What you did, you did publicly. There were witnesses. I'd say, it is dangerous to do privately, because, as you saw for yourself, she escalated. It might have gone physical in your house and then think Depp vs Heard. She was physically abusive and we have tapes to prove it and her past history. We have no history on Depp and the glowing characteristics from his numerous exes yet still there are people who choose to "believe all women".
You divorced her and stayed alive and free and sane. That's a win in my book. And three years is not that long to escape from a narcissist, alas.
Glad you could get out and they had reasonable suspicions presented to them as to what the issue was. Without even the justice system stepping in, I think I need to find methods to identify them properly. I know the steps to recovery (not exactly the right word) but its not hard to tell that you were like me. Mine (also a woman) is incredibly easy to read, but its hard to live. We're not in a friend-based relationship but were intimate after 9years. She made me find consciousness. I do think everyone can have it, but... I had to be with her to instigate the basis of it within her mind... she misconstrued my answer to her attesting that I had succeeded in instigating it, but Ive made it clear in person 2 days ago. For her sake, I hope she caught it after me repeating it joyously and seriously. Heck, the accusations. The lies, the manipulations, the attempts to control through reductive lexicon, insults and attempts to emotionally manipulate (not just coercion) all happened. I had to take it to get the msg through, but I also gave her something that might work yo help her other relationships atm... which is reciprocity (attempting to offer the same as you receive from someone). Sure, I want her to be happy, but... I did want to be with her since she has skills I would never teach. It would take a while to realign the reward system in her brain (as it might only work on cortisol and adrenaline, but also to lessen the hurt of myelanized negative memories. Unless she is with me, she will hurt herself and others endlessly.
Am I suicidal (its mental suicide unless you're Really good with yourself and dont fall prey nearly all of the abuses). Im also interested to see her recover because she kind of means well... but Ive missed her mother this last year -_-
And back to vanity, greed and whatnot the moment she left again....... 30 years old.. I mean Ima start looking for younger and, potentially, not broken at all. Heck, bipolar would be a walk in the park in comparison.
Beware that they'll rage, scream at you even more, and bate you even more when all you do is blink and not respond at all. Don't fall for thier bating. Keep calm, blink, and they'll eventually lose interest because you're not giving supply.
I agree in intimate relationships. In /social/ environments where other people are around, hopefully they move on to a new source of supply ...
Yeah. The idea that this is going to "disarm" someone who is raging at you because they feel entitled to is complete nonsense.
@@yourworstfan Quite right, I'm afraid.
Bait* baiting*
Come for me if you want I had to. Bating is making me think of something else entirely
Yeah, my ex would have just called me slow or stupid if I just blinked. Good luck with that. Just get out and you’ll be much healthier.
In the words of the greatest fictional computer of all time:
"Strange game. The only way to win is to not play." - WOPR
Yeees. Gen-x movies are the best
"WAR GAMES"
"How about a nice game of chess?"
--- JOSHUA, "War Games"
Amen. That's how I play.
“That’s the trouble with love, and that’s the trouble with war, you never get what you came for” -SONG: Stand Up, ARTIST: David Lee Roth
The last day my narcissistic ex was in my home he held a power drill up to my cheek then turned it on. I can still see that Phillips bit spinning around and the absolute rage in his eyes. This happened out of the blue, i was really happy about starting a long awaited project. He didnt approve. Until that day he had kept his violence in check refusing to move out of my house. He was arrested after hitting me so hard he knocked me unconscious. I am grateful every day that he is no longer in my home and out of my life. Time to renew the No Contact Order once again. Be safe.
I just left...no blinking required...and never looked back...
Sometimes you have to blink until you leave.
Silence has been my best strategy, no blinking required. Just look at the person and say nothing. I have found that they are dumbfounded by this and never dare comment, they do not know what is going on in my mind.
Left in the blink of an eye? 😉
I kicked her ass out and said if she ever comes back to my house I'll file a restraining order, 6 months so far and all is well
@@PrettyIndependent1We wish!!
More powerful - leave
Light is always more powerful than darkness.
@@Аноним-щ3н yup ... that Light is Truth .
@@i.sch.4697 I don't "see light" if you try to say that, I just say light always wins against evil and darkness.
@@Аноним-щ3н narcs are afraid of light,meaning they are afraid of TRUTH. Deathly afraid of Truth.
@@Аноним-щ3н they are deathly afraid of TRUTH
The silent treatment works best. If you say nothing there is no arguement.
Ohhh yes there is 😅 they will invent your side of the conversation. “Ohh I know exactly what you’re thinking. I’m just a terrible parent and everything is my fault. Oh, so you’re not gonna say anything, huh? Okay. Okay, that’s fine. We’ll just pretend like everything is peachy keen…..” and on and on and on. That example was between a parent and child cus that’s what I’m familiar with. But yea. Silent treatment has never worked in my experience unfortunately. They just invent your side of the conversation and continue going. Someone else is bound to step in or get pissy that they won’t shut up and it starts another fight and the parent gets their supply kick. Every. Single. Time.
That’s an incredibly ignorant statement. 😂 So much so that I think you may have misdiagnosed someone.
There is always an argument with narcs.
Maybe no “argument” but the narcissist usually continues to scream, yell, threaten, and abuse. Silence can make them erupt even more.
Then they can see u as weak,and go for u more..u can’t win with thses pain in the asses..impossible,if u argue they love to argue and press their point,if u don’t say anything ur gonna get blamed for that,they love the blame game and the big childish sulks,and if they can’t win with that watch the violence come next.
There appears to be a lot of videos on RUclips on how to deal with a narcissist, from blinking to gray rock, all coming from a caring place, but the best and only way to win any games with them is to NOT PLAY.
Unlike a physical injury that can heal, a narcissistic wound will NEVER heal, so if you do play, all you are doing is waiting for the revenge that IS coming.
When a narcissist realises that they cannot control you anymore, they will resort to controlling how OTHERS see you.
Hence the love bombing, smearing and flying monkeys.
To quote Shakespeare
" to thyn own self be true ".
My life changed when I stopped ignoring red flags and saw them for what they are, DEAL BREAKERS.
Take care all 🙏🙏🙏
YES YES YES
You’re assuming the narc in this situation is a current romantic partner. This technique can be helpful when it’s a boss in a job you can’t quit yet, a family member you have to encounter for whatever reason, or even an ex that you have to co-parent with.
If it's a family situation, i.e. you're a child living with a narcissistic parent, you have to learn some kind of strategy to survive and not become totally dysfunctional in the process. But trying to trick your way out of being abused is not it.
So true, I shut them out and they stole all but one of my friends away from me, people that had known me for YEARS somehow saw me in a different light and went to their side. It was crazy.
@@sumofo9742i'm curious to see what happens when my sister in law, the fairy princess, goes off on one of her attention seeking rants and I use this technique! Thank you.
Disarm a narcissist by going no contact
It was the only thing that worked for me.
I learned not to look in to my demon queen grandmother's eyes. Those vulnerable narcissist eyes were a portal to Hell.
It's interesting that you say that because they seem like soulless stand-ins not real people. Just an animated body. Like a spiritual zombie that lives off of other people's emotions.
Omg
@mbatista5891 the world is run by such people.
@mbatista5891 your description has been mentioned all over the world within most ancient traditions. These traditions have warned us of this problem time over. Ever thought that this is why they twist traditions and cultures or destroy them! Traditional Chinese Medicine calls this condition Internal and External Dragons, its when the person has lost all sense of one's self and becomes empty and souless. Internal Dragons are caused by Internal influences, External Dragons by External influences. They have treatments to cure this which lifts the veil of illusion so they can see the light again and become happy. Narcissists are not happy people!
@@oceansunset6147 I know. That's why I don't take political sides. They play people against each other.
This WORKS people. My mother is a Malignant Narcissist and the one time I did this she went crazy!! I recommend just leaving though but if you can leave then leave.
Thanks for the feedback. I have one of those in my family as well. I haven't tried this yet but I feel the challenge is that they will always find for a way to make you react in the end, even by telling everyone you went crazy, humiliating you in public etc. So I think while at first this will probably work, not sure how to deal with the escalating abuse after that, as they NEED to find a way to get the upper hand at all cost.
Um, if she went crazy, then it didn't work. Going crazy is not being "disarmed. "
After this technique I was given 60 day notice to vacate our home of 12 years. At least I got away alive! Seriously
🙌
Now you know where you stand
Thank you for brilliant advice. Look at them and say nothing, then walk away.
As someone who was married to a narcissist and finally divorced and got away from them….leave…the second you realize you are in a relationship with a narcissist….leave…narcissists never become better people…don’t expect they will change because of the love you give them because they won’t….don’t feel guilty or that you have to tough it out because that’s what you are supposed to do….just leave. And for those who don’t know exactly what a narcissist is….watch and read everything about it so that you know what to look for. You won’t be able to spot them right away because they all trick….but they can’t keep their true self hidden forever and once you see it…don’t feel guilty….just leave.
Is not like a 1 or 0 situation, we all have narcissist traits. The problem with pop psych is that we want easy, discreet categories but we're more off an spectrum not all narcissists are sociopaths, not even sociopaths are deranged lunatics
You are right. And I did leave and it took me years to recover but it was totally worth it
100 percent good advice. They can't be saved only left and avoided.
Its the only way to stay safe.
I don't recommend this in an intimate relationship; if you're a source of supply, they'll just "turn up the heat" to elicit a response. However, for work colleagues, people at church, in your social circle, etc, sure, sounds good.
Agreeing with them, immediately, but with an indifferent tone, is also effective. It’s a jolting short circuit. Agreeing shuts down the drama generator, while the indifferent tone reduces them to the level of importance of a random five-year-old screaming at you in Chuck E. Cheese.
Yes, dear. I’m a complete idiot. That’s right. Um-hmm. So how was your day? Did anything interesting happen?
I do this when my partner asks me to justify some trivial thing, or calls attention to some small mistake, with an accusatory tone. I just say “because I’m an idiot” in a deadpan voice and it completely short circuits the blame cycle! I love it!
Whoever is saying to just leave, clearly has no idea how life saving videos like these are.
When the narc rage start, record with your cell !
Don't need to. Let him waste his energy on it.
Been there, done that
@@Аноним-щ3н It's more likely going to be a "her".
Yeah so he can rage even more, putting your life in danger. If done without their knowledge, than yes.
@spiritualhammer392 IT ISNT GENDER SPECFIC.🙄
This is so true. A narcissist will regularly stare at you and not respond or even acknowledge that you were speaking to them but if you stare back at them and not acknowledge them they lose it. They will try to force you to respond.
I can't do that, I laugh at everything. No way would I be able to keep a straight face. 😂
I prefer to laugh at them anyways. Blinking is a 5 on the narc damage scale. Laughing at them is a 10!
I just sat there and smiled a couple of times.
Ty for saying this. I felt seen 😂😂😂
You’re funny 😂😂😂
My mother Always told me to laugh the trolls in their face and they would go away. This is a wonderful protection! ❤🎉
The only word to ever use in responding to a narcissist: "ok".
Never answer their questions, just respond with your own :)
I do it
Or a thumbs up on Teams
No response is also a response.
Tell them there's something hanging out their nose and to please go get a Kleenex.
Respond on something completely different, like you were not even listening to what they were saying; you are just in your own comfortable world😊🖐️🌞
Yes narcs hate that…it burns them up 😂
Actually, this enrages them and they add lack of attention span to their list of insults.
@@marialeahey5380and so what? Everything they say is a lie anyway
Pretty sure that’s a war crime. lmao
@@khjr14😂
Actually, I tried this with my mother and it worked! She was so used to provoking a response, that when she didn’t get one she got flustered. She is 89 and I am 66, she still thinks she had power over me, but when I choose to go mute, no response, she loses control. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH A NARC…should be tattooed on my arm so I never forget,lol.
Yah , do u no how quick they can lash out in anger. Blinking even just 3 times, will leave u with 2black eyes thats how youll end up leaving the room. Just go No Contact Forever ASAP.
Some people can’t leave or leave right away. If assaulted: police report, arrest, restraining order for them. That will trump the blinking.
@@debbiecreter2005
Nope, they are very vengeful, and their retaliation will be fierce---maybe even violent---and the cops won't do nothin' about it, cuz they have to see it, happening!!!
Walk away and never look back! Silence is golden..
Blink five times then ask them Are You Ok? As though the five seconds gave you time to realize what’s really going on (hint: they’re not okay)
And look concerned!
Lol that would be funny
But make sure you use their name ...... Mary, Are you alright? or Are you alright Mary?
@@billk9856 I like that one! 😁
Then you're just playing the same games that they play
Last time I had an argument with a narcissist, as soon as he insulted me, I calmly redirected the insult to him, turned my back and walked away… he yelled behind my back to leave him alone now, which made me laugh and nod 😂
He wasn't grade A.
I learned to do this with my boss because he would always try to bait me and no matter what I said or did it was always my fault or I was in the wrob6g. Now I just stare with a blank face and i can tell he doesn't know how to respond. Staying calm and silent is usually the best way to go. He definitely treats me better than a few months ago now that he "can't tell what I'm thinking". I also noticed stroking his ego now and then helps too... can't wait to rotate off this team next April.
My heart breaksfor people trying to stay with narcissists.
Sadly many individuals have lost their lives because they think they've figured out a way to stay. I encourage everyone who's in a relationship with a narcissist to binge watch police interrogations. You'll see how they will unalive you, disrespect your body, continue the smear campaign then ask to see pictures of the damage they did to your body. Create a plan and GET OUT!!!
What does "unalive", mean, please?
This is great advice. We run into them from time to time and they ALWAYS try and get in our faces and start something. I will remember this!
Great tip. I'd like to add another one that I used to do. If they run out on you, never chase after them. My entire life it's just not in my nature to behave like that. And that includes being the first to reach out afterwards. But honestly, at this point you really ought to never deal with them again at all. So if they never come back to you consider yourself lucky
🎯🎯🎯
Took me too many years to realize that my ex enjoyed bringing me down; so, when I finally woke up, stopped caring, and stopped letting him "win" (by me doing stuff like this), he couldn't stand it and it drove him mad. Finally leaving was the most satisfying moment of my life. Whether it's family (I cut them out of my life, too) or otherwise, just stay far away - "misery loves company" and these people are drowning in their own agony.
How about the GET OUT technique?
Or better yet, the don't befriend the narcissist technique.
It's not like you can see a narc immediately genious
Emotional detachment is easier said than done.
Agree.
We have to start with something anyway. the blinking technique is as good as others
@@cb9825i think it's brilliant
One observation I’d like to offer is this; you giving them a rent-free space in your head probably makes them very happy, from what I gather. Maybe the best way to deal with them is to just live life. Narcissists are a small portion of humanity…I hope.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her
its always difficult to let go of you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me.i couldnt just let her gsomeone o i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back
wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Bot. I’ve seen this comment a hundred times.
Thanks Danielle, this is a great reminder about how to diffuse difficult people.
I’m going to wrap my grey rocks with blinking lights to give them away for holidays. Laughing at these busy jerks has been so much more fun from a great distance.
Thanks for the clarity!
👀👀🗿
Thank you, good idea. I have this problem with my mother. She provokes, ridicules, insults and belittles. Blinking might also help you focus on yourself to avoid arguing back or yelling at the person.
I've recently learned that some narcissists can get off just as much from you not reacting as from you reacting. Like no matter how you respond or don't respond, it seems to make them feel more powerful.
I can't wait to do that in court. I was wondering what to replace the unwanted eye rolling wirh. Perfect!
Never again, it took me 14 1/2 years to get away from my night mare. And now I'm living my best life single and I do what I want when I want.
I can barely do that without laughing. The finger says it all
I love this technique, if I can keep a straight face. I’m a recovered lifelong CPTSD/PTSD affected women. My whole family are narcissists in varying degrees and in healing I’ve learned tons of these techniques. They’re so empowering that it’s now funny to disarm narcissists. I also walked away from all of them in the last couple of years.
I like yelling back at times, but yeah, silence is golden
And I was just debating on texting him back....and then being kept awake all night with his anger, insults and abuse. Thank you for this confirmation and excellent advice!! ❤
I used the gray rock method on an abusive, narcissist 'friend' 40+ years ago before gray rock was even a term. I just decided I would not respond to his shyte and hoped it would make him uncomfortable. It was unsettling for him because he saw me behave in a 'spooky' way he had never seen in me before. I just sat and looked directly at him with a hard look without speaking that made him think I may do something uncharacteristically impulsive. He excused himself and departed my home. As the years went on he married four times. He was for many years estranged from his daughter, and he finally died of kidney disease at the age of 57.
This is good advice! I noticed a huge difference when I finally had enough self-control to stop feeding this person's anger. God himself has something to say about this in Proverbs 15:1 - "A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This may not always work with a narcissist, but with people in general, it's so true. It really has helped even with the narcissist in my life.
So to win against a narcissist I have to discard all emotions and punish myself by preventing reactions, and give up my abilities to be a human.
No schmuk just leave, duh.
only around a narcissist... Find better people to be around!
Unfortunately, yes, because you can't reason with them, and they don't care about your emotions. They enjoy getting you upset because it makes them feel powerful. Save your emotions and reactions for safe people who care about you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Depends what outcome you want from the conversation.
I was thinking the sane thing... Why not just isolate yourself from toxicity / from them.. And not becoming /like/ them - careless, cold, unempathetic etc
I sing the song 🎶 Always look on the bright side of life in repeat 🎶 they tend to dissolve in front of me.
They will snap. Depending on your situation- this may be a terrible idea.
To everyone saying "just leave them", what about when the narcissist in your life is a parent? I didn't chose to have this person in my life. I was given this person.
(Fyi, I'm seriously considering going no contact with my narcissistic mother.)
I have the same issue as you. I have noticed most of the material focused on partners, but my mother is definitely a grandiose narcissist. I moved several states away and blocked her number. I also have a narc at work that was obsessed with me. The only solution I had was to transfer to a different site.
I left my mother to it. Never going back.
Blinkers on!
Leave and blink as you leave for good
Okay, this is the perfect reply
😂
Been there done that, got the t-shirt.
I never knew how to react to my (i didnt know it as a child) Narc father. I would just sit and be still. Pissed him off more than anything I had just done to piss him off. The last time I saw him, he came at me with his hands coming for my neck, but I was triangulated to think I was the one at fault by my stepmother.
Have a nice life!
I would rather kiss a toilet seat than to ever see them again.
Glad that you will share this! I'm retired out of a work situation with a total narcissist and could have really used this at the time. Still, it resonates because I would never want to face the fear, anxiety and anger that came with putting up with a narcissist again. Thank you!
Had a narcissist boss that I used to do this to. She would get so discombobulated that she would bark “Don’t look at me like that” to which I would reply “What you just said makes absolutely no sense”. She would storm off every time 🤣
Looks like your video triggered a lot of narcissists-
Job well done!
I call this technique the- I'm not gonna let you yank my chain...
Silence is Golden!
Really Excellent Short Strategy and Clarity about dealing with narcissistic and toxic abusive people.
Sometimes if you ignore them ..and walk away...it makes them even more mad. That could throw them into a rage. And they'll just follow you around the house and torment you. Be careful ladies/gentlemen!!
Another good one is the fart technique. You have to prepare for it in the evening meal, especially to get the five sounds evenly spaced.
One of them tried to lure me into a talk about politics and abortion as if abortion was no big deal. All I did was just look at them and smile before I turned away. Oh, he was fuming. If looks could kill, let me tell you, he was not happy. Haha
I agree with this! Narcissist's are controlled Sorcerer's poppet's on their sorcerer's strings. They have both a Sorcerer and Jinn demon's following them around. Hellhounds are like dog's, they react to our emotions.
The narcissist in our family takes silence for agreement. 🙄😒😤
Proceed with caution.
Its the specific eye communication with exaggerated blinking ... That is not silence
This happened to me. I noticed the baiting, did not react, and he got very enraged and said I didn’t have a heart or any compassion. Textbook! I walked away swiftly.
This should absolutely work. My best success with my demented narcissist has been declaring that I will not respond. Keep calm, no fighting, just do not respond. Good luck!❤❤
AWESOME ADVICE 🙌🏼💯🎯
•Calm stare with 5 Blinks
•Do NOT acknowledge their verbal barrage
•Exit the room (if possible)
•Grey rock (zero emotional response to the abuse)
The most dangerous, deadly time for the partner of someone who is abusive?
AFTER they leave.
Things to remember 💖
I appreciated this tip on how not to engage with their crap. For the times you don't have a choice but to interact with them.
Once simeone was screaming at me and i just stared at them blankly saying nothing. Eventually they said, don't you have anything to say for yourself? I told them they were not worth responding to, in a totally calm voice. OMG they lost their mind lol.
Out of all the videos and articles I have read on understanding narcissists and advice on how to deal with them, this short straight-forward clip has been the most beneficial. Utilizing! 👁️😉Thank you!
Grey rock. Best plan ever.
He wouldn't even let me respond. I had to listen to him rant for a long time with a blank face or he accused me of having an angry expression and used it as an excuse to hit me. He wouldn't let me leave the room. I eventually realised the only thing I could do was leave the relationship and go where he couldn't find me.
Life is not a game. Trauma causes people to hurt each other verbally or physically. You do not win an argument with one being right and the other being wrong. You win by resolving issues with the relationship.
They’re not your child and you’re not their punching bag. Even if you listen to this advice and took it, you’re still in a toxic relationship. A therapist would NOT recommend this. It is toxic and adds to the conflict.
Love covers a multitude of sins. Treat others how you want to be treated. Therapy really helps. Marriage works by both parties committing to growing up and working through their own traumas as well as thinking about how their actions affect others.
Praying you find a happy, healthy marriage and different techniques that this to cultivate a rewarding relationship.
Excellent ! Thanks so much ! Not to be triggered is the key, as the conflict itself is what they're after, not the resolution.
I'll make one recommendation to solve the problem at hand. Then I'll repeat myself, the same sentence and give no emotion or response. I'll continue rewording the same response, then greyrock. The person has difficulty having a normal conversation exchanging ideas. Because of the problem listening, I'll simply repeat the same response until they retreat. It will usually be something that they can do, something required by the Narc. They are upset and emotional, so I'll be patient for them to be able to absorb new information.
OMGOSH, lol, I tried this with my covert narc and he ran out the door slamming it!! It was immediate and totally worked. I was laughing so hard. I'm still laughing 6 hours or so later. But being abused by narcissists is no laughing matter.
This wouldn't have worked on my ex. She was always the one staring blankly. I realized later on that it was just her way of avoiding a conversation she didn't want to have. Children do the same thing.
Great advice!!! Thank you!! With my narc mother I think I'll have to blink more than 5 times though! Looking forward to trying this technique👍
I called the police didn't even speak i just let them hear him next thing they're at my door, he now has Apprehended Violence Order and cannot abuse anyone or he goes to jail. I love these new phones .
@WfweDcrf wrong stupid it was my own brother who is pissed off that my son had a new girlfriend and he didnt want him to be at my mums house for Mothers Day .HE will always be single no woman wants him, just like you.
@WfweDcrf wrong stupid my brother was pissed off that my son had a new girlfriend tried to kick them out of mums house , on Mothers Day, he was jealous because no woman wants him. Just like you.
Well thank you! This is a wow technique. I’ll try it right away!
And? Did it work? 🙂
@@cavallopazzo340 havent used it, yet
Excellent idea for our arsenal of coping mechanisms with this type of person.
This is wonderful. I have been trying for the longest time to figure out how I can go to church where most people are genuine, but there’s always a few narcissists sprinkled about. I don’t want to miss out on what God has to say to me, or anyone else who is genuinely concerned about me. But having to deal with selfish entitled narcissists just turns me off so bad. It’s been a nightmare. Now maybe I have a strategy for how to deal with them. Thank you so much! ☺️
This!! 💯
Yes, I met my ex-narc at synagogue. Guess what? They stream their services on RUclips!! And fyi, if you just read your Bible, God will say what he needs to directly.
Use the walk away tactic and never come back!
Talking about a spouse… What about when they avoid eye contact while throwing attacks every time? It’s always eye contact avoidance. I think complete silence, ignoring is the answer. They ignore you when you speak about what matters to you. Can’t get away yet still trying but still stuck. Answer is just get away, get out.
It would be even cooler if a sound came out on each blink like in cartoons 😆
Narcissists say to you and tell other people that you are abusive because you stand up to their abuse. They are completely insane.
Yes they twist everything around n blame u ,cos they can’t stand being blamed for anything even is something is their fault,they’d rather die then admit to a lie l
It’s true, I’ve been dead silent and did similar stuff like this to people who try to get a rise out of me nowadays… it’s powerful
Good technique. But, I like agreeing with everything. And, not just agreeing - piling on. NPD - "You are so stupid" You - "You're right. I am the stupidest person in the whole world. Why would you want to be with me? Doesn't that reflect poorly on you that you would be with the stupidest person in the entire world? You could do so much better." Go on and on with the self deprecation to the point the NPD has nowhere to go with the abuse.
When my narc is muttering criticism under his breath, l now respond with " I think you are getting a throat infection..... there's some aspirin in the cupboard".
Try it ---- it stops him in his tracks & makes him look foolish.
I’m on the road to visit my MIL, and this is just the advice I needed. Thanks!
This should absolutely work. My best success with my demented narcissist has been declaring that I will not respond. Keep calm, no fighting, just do not respond. Good luck!❤❤
Oh, I’m in no physical danger so if you are, be careful because until they realize you will not fight with them, they can get very agitated and/or aggressive.
The full technique at the end is more like it. The problem is that conflict plays on thresholds, and they keep hitting those notes to take you over it, so stopping for a moment and blinking can just provide them with more air time to assault you with words that take you over the threshold. You need to practice these scenarios in advance and get your exit strategy organised, particularly if you're vulnerable to flicking the switch. The problem with this though is that they have a reputation for coming back for more, which can be hours or days later, multiple times, so if you have real concerns that you can't navigate it, save yourself so you don't become a statistic.
Wow - wish I’d known this during my marriage!!
I love this don’t give them power over you I will absolutely use this thank you
Doing mental gymnastics just to try to hold connections together with the wrong people, is not something I am willing to do anymore.
I left my own parents willingly lol. I have zero problem cutting off narc in-laws or anybody, there is nobody important enough that you need to risk your own mental health for.
CPTSD survivor of narcissistic abuse. Call it for what it is. Abuse.
And if you're still relatively whole and healthy right now, thinking you should give disorderly people a chance... think again. They will take you down with them and trade your self esteem for theirs if given a chance.
Unless you're ready to escalate to police and family court with the ones that think they can go toe to toe with you... Don't try to inflict narcissistic injury. Just ghost them, block them, change your phone number and move far away. Whatever you have to do to spare yourself their ongoing pretentious "love", peppered with harassment and abuse.
If you try to offend them deliberately, they'll point the finger and call you the narc, and they will be half-correct. Narcissistic fleas, is the term for lowering yourself to that level and beginning to take on their behaviors in order to deal with them. Becoming a bully to fight a bully. Poor advice. You'll be lowering your own vibration to try to compete with them for mental dominance.
Just be compassionate to both parties and leave. They are mentally ill, and they have the power to make you mentally ill too if you learn to communicate in that language.
Yep… if you’re brave… always look at them like they’re stupid, raise an eyebrow for a sec & blink a few times. It really does work. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.😂😂😂 but I know silence is powerful & makes them uncomfortable & it preserves my energy… not to take the bait, nor engage… they hate that!