Our 21 Year-Old No Longer Respects Us!
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2020
- 💵 Create Your Free Budget! Sign up for EveryDollar ⮕ ter.li/6h2c45
📱Download the Ramsey Network App ⮕ ter.li/ajeshj
🛒 Visit The Ramsey Store ⮕ ter.li/7vyom2
📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2-5 pm ET or send us a message ter.li/n88ly5
Explore More Shows from Ramsey Network:
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/ng9950
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/9gcp3d
🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show ⮕ ter.li/2u3mc0
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/1elws8
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/n2u6jc
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/1rbjr2
📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ktxv2k
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
I’ll be honest, having grown up in a situation where the mom manipulated everything into think she was perfect, I’m curious to hear his side...
@@kansashoneybadger7899 Fax. I’m only 20 and I’ll always have respect for my parents for doing something like this for me. My dad doesn’t have it though. He’s taking advantage of his parent’s good Will
$1000 a month man, that's worse than actual loans. I understand paying you back, but you're their parent, not the IRS
Didn't ask what he earned either.
You can't waste your parents money.
That's cheap rent. lol.
@@alexlewis8143 they probably forced him go to college in the first place it’s their own fault then also forced work for dad which she says makes good money which wouldn’t need college in first place if was good she doesn’t make any sense
bill collectors don't care if you can afford it. Should have thought about that on the front end. This will teach him a valuable lesson. If anything i would save the money for him if he abides by the rules, then give it back to him when he's reached his goal.
Mom sounds self righteous and vindictive. Number one , kicks him out, and number two, demands $1,000 a month or lose your family business job.
Thanks mom, thanks dad, love you. No sadness in her voice only laughter.
I’m no entitled millenial, just a 70 year old with a different view on parenting.
The real question here is if he's working there due to working hard? Or because of family. If he's working hard then why would you be vindictive and take his job? If he doesn't want to pay you back then lesson learned, move on and treat him as an employee. As david says, dave hat at home and boss hat at work.
Whoa , this is crazy. She’s nasty.
....and stupid.
@b rt
@robin huff exactly he is 21 so they shouldn't parent him anymore he's a grown up
Kid is 21, he’s an adult. He can do whatever he wants. Sometimes parents are the toxic ones and eventually kids grow up and realize that.
Ikr. Some kids are 21+ and are still controlled by their parents life. As soon as my kid hit 18, they are allowed to make their own decisions in life
Samuel Rodriguez 18 is an arbitrary number to call someone an adult when most 18 year olds have no adult skills like being completely independent and having a budget. They’re teaching him a lesson about financial obligations. Should they be generous and forgive them? Maybe. That’s another discussion. But the reality is that he will have to learn that making dumb decisions as a kid and agreeing to financial obligations will not exempt you from the repayment. Better to learn that lesson young.
Amen
I realized my mom was toxic when I was 15 and we have been beefing ever since because I realized she was trying to control me so I can fit In her cookie cutter idea of what a perfect child should be. Or sometimes the parents don’t want their children to grow up and be independent
He can do whatever he wants but in his own house. I definitely think they are doing things wrong but it’s their house.
There’s info she’s not saying
The came up w that 1000. a month after the fact. Thats obviously what he has a problem with. These guys never even thought of asking about that between the 2 of them
yea the $20,000 is probably they're paying his school loans.
This show is a blue pill train wreck (which is why I watch it).
@@thedragonnelly8728they came up with $1000, after the fact... but he also probably has a higher paying job with their company than he would otherwise.
If he's really making good money, a thousand bucks a month isn't that much at his age.
Did they ever ask him if he actually wanted to go to college? He may have felt obligated to go because his parents where pushing him.
Exactly, my inlaws pressured my husband to go to college for 2 years bc everyone is a teacher in his family. Now he is a firefighter and we are debt free and paid off mortgage
@Holy Drug Lord🔼 some kids feel pressured to go to college because their parents expect them to go. College isn't ment for everyone and a lot of people do very well without it. My younger brother started a million dollar company from the ground up with just a high school diploma and no debt. He still doesn't have any debt 12 years later.
Mama Pro that’s great for your brother. The mother sounds like “it’s my way or the highway”. I empathize with her, but she should allow her son to make choices for himself as well. I don’t mind if my kids don’t go to college as long as they have goals and plans that does not require it, but if they don’t know what they’re doing, then they’re going to college. They can figure it out while in college or whenever. At least they’ll have a college degree which will allow more opportunities. I’ve been in the corporate long enough to know that there’s a cap when you don’t have a degree. Only few are able to climb up the ladder without a degree and it takes a lot to get there.
I'm turning 21 this week and I can tell you that there are 2 sides to every story and that this parent is covering up something, just my opinion since im going through it.
I get paying parents back if you don’t finish school BUT $1000 a month?! Plus he had to move out too? That’s intense and comes off very manipulative.
The sooner it is paid off, the sooner he is free of that leverage upon him.
And he's probably making more than he would at a different job because he's working for them.
Only hearing one side of the story.
And the other side would be what....... he's still in school?
@@amandam5683 😂😂😂😂21 year in school
Parents in usa do this to their children ,no wonder there are shooting, bcoz they are depressed
Almost every call is a one-sided story.
Is it possible she's upset he shattered her dream of saying, "My son graduated from...."?
The parents are the ones that wanted a college degree, & he was against going? Would explain him dropping out.
Be interesting what the son would've said.
@Johnny Five I don't think the mother sees it like that
Catherine P Is that something parents do?
There you go
@@cameronsantiago3155 I've heard some parents do this. High expectations.
Interesting point! maybe.
Ok, lets look at this from the kids angle.
Option A: I drop out and pay 20k over 2 years being a productive member of society, and learning a useful skill.
Option B: I spend 2 more years leaching off my parents so I don't have to pay them and get a degree I clearly don't value.
You put the kid in a loose loose situation. I respect his decision to pick option A. Shows character, I wish the parents would learn something from the kid.
"He works for my husband." So are you the step-mom? Or is the husband a step-dad?
Stepdaddy don't want him around.
Pay them back for college they wanted him to go to. This whole situation is spiteful. They need to cut their losses and move on. What awful parents.
I would love to hear the first part of this call.. how bad is this kid?
@David DeVito right? I mean how much does a 21 years old college drop out make to be able to pay a 1000 bucks a month for a "mom and dad" payment other than affording rent and food? It does sound like he's trying to branch out and he's getting punished for it! It's illegal for them to fire him over that too, i mean how is he gonna afford paying them back if they fire him? Sounds like he's better off moving out cuz all they want is to control his life! This is so sad! They need help, they need to talk to a psychiatrist!
@@lh6921he doesn't have to pay them back if he doesn't work for them. I think she said something like that.
Obviously, they have no legal standing to collect the debt. Just the job.
And he's probably making a lot more at that job than one he finds himself. So, it doesn't sound unreasonable.
We told our kids that they could live at home rent free and stay on insurance as long as they are 1.paying off any and ALL debt, 2. Building 1 year of emergency fund
What is an emergency fun for if you dont have rent or food to pay?
@@MR3DDev so they can have a financial cushion available when they do move out, also the parents get the comfort of knowing that they taught them how to save not just talked about it.
@@MR3DDev he would know how much his insurance would be and other regular Bill's would be, could take the avg house payment, food and gas. Doable, wouldn't be exact but definitely could get a good idea.
THank you my parents are the same way. I have 20k in student loans left making $1700 a month payments.
I was lead to do the same. So far she's keeping her end of the bargain!
As a 21 year old I will tell you there is so much more to this story that we don't know so please don't jump to conclusions
Yep.y conclusion here is the kid May not necessarily be handling himself well, but these parents are definitely pretty awful people.
Right? Like what happened
Disagree, kids can be the problem too, not always the parents, friends & social media has a big influence
He needs deliverance
You made the agreement to pay for school. If he dropped out, he dropped out. If you want him to pay you back, then negotiate some terms: but threatening his job is ridiculous. Treat it like a business. Either he's a good worker or not. If he is, there is not a single reason to "Fire him". Business comes first
No family business, is not all about business.
I don't see anything awful about letting him find his own job. That doesn't sound very harsh. That is what almost everybody else does.
I love that Dave just gets to the point. There’s nothing worse hearing someone beat around the bush. I’d like to hear more what Dave thinks.
William Edward that’s why the other guy is there
William Edward doesn’t matter running someone around the block doesn’t get to the point. Regardless Dave for me is better at delivering results doesn’t matter if he’s therapist or not.
they are planning for the future nd are prepping these other guys for the replacement of dave..he won't live for ever
From Leo: 21, he is legal age, let him have his adulthood. He will never be a man while working for dad and being cared for by mom. Help him celebrate his freedom. Let him start his own company, or find another job. If he owes you money, let him pay or suffer shame for his bad choices.
That's what I was thinking..... sometimes what parents have to do is cut the apron strings and let the fly or fall on their own..... I'm not saying cut all ties with your kids, but one of the greatest teachers for people just getting out there is to allow them to decide what they're going to do, but also give them guidance along the way..... whether they heed your advice is up to them but perhaps they'll be wiser after they've fallen and seen that maybe you did know what you were telling them
@@christopherrosas2738 TBH if he does end up quitting, I highly doubt they'll see that money
This young man doesn't know how good he has it. He's working for his parents, making good money.
The Kraemer exactly. That high five probably gave her the fuel she needed to continue being a toxic mother.
My dad was very controlling when I turned 18. Bought me a car when I was 16 and whenever I "disobeyed " he took the car from me. I quickly got my own car and soon after he kicked me out because I would no longer submit to him and clean up after his mess lole his wife did. I was attending school the whole time and he was more concerned with me dlong chores over my responsibility to my education. The way I knew I was kicked out was one day incame home and in front of the door as I walked in was all of my belongings along with family pictures of my son and my girlfriend. I no longer speak to him whatsoever! I have become successful and used that as motivation.
How dare he discipline you by taking away your car.🙄
Kicking you out was the best move so you can get free from him
@@mxerb5912 this doesn't sound like a case of generic discipline. Loving parents don't typically end their relationship with their kids when they lose some leverage over them.
How dare they tell you to behave! They only raised you from a baby and obviously don't deserve any respect for that!
Thats literally my life. My dad kept taking the phone he gave me so i bought my own. Now he just disables the internet smh
Strongly disagree with Dave. Family and business shouldn’t mix. For the sons own sake, he should quit and work somewhere else to gain some independence as his parents seem really controlling. You shouldn’t ask for your child to pay you back as this wasn’t agreed upon beforehand and the parents clearly make enough $100k. Plus, $1000 per month is too much anyway. The kids is only 21, he needs the freedom to make his own choices cause in the end, he has to live with them. Just wait, he’s going to resent his parents in the future when they need his help
TTR She says at 0:45 that paying them back was agreed upon beforehand
Family business works, but there has to be clear boundaries.. a concept lost to many.
What's the point of a college fund for your kids if you just require it back from them?
What is the point of going to college on Mommy/Daddy's dime and dropping out with nothing to show for their investment?
@@eurekahope5310 he found out that college isnt for him. If hes going into construction he can make six figures. Its unfortunate that he didnt find out sooner but why keep wasting time if you know your not going to want to use your degree.
Did he not use the money only on college? That was the point of the fund. It's not called a masters degree fund.
What about the thousands of kids who do get a degree but cant find a job in an oversaturated market? Are they required to pay back their college funds?
If I pay for my kid to go to school w no stipulations, and he drops out, I cant just now say you owe us 1000 a month unless that was part oft he del to begin with. These 2 bozos totally missed that.
At :43 she said she told him from the beginning that if he drops out he needs to pay it back. My problem is that since it is not a gift, he should have just gotten a loan.
David DeVito that’s true. If it is only verbal, it is useless. No one honors their word. It is the mothers fault for paying for it in the first place. If she never got a legal agreement, she shouldn’t have paid any of it. Another comment said he could have gotten student loans and if the mother felt like it, pay it off. Verbal agreements mean nothing to anyone.
Imagine if a student loan wanted 1000 a month for a 20k loan for a dude just out of college
TheDragonNelly I know right?, why didn’t he just take the student loan? He should have taken a federal loan. Then he wouldn’t have to care about “owing” his mom anything. Then he could just pay it back whenever he wants. Also it would build his credit. I am sure his mom won’t report to equifax!
She said that was the plan..."if he fails college due to himself he owes them back."
My parents kicked me out at 15, its been the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Probably to them as well lol jk
Don't tell me you are 16 or something tho!
I was 17 when I was, right there with you. Curious how you paid to survive tho.
I'm glad you did well! I kicked myself out at 17, it's also the best thing I've ever done
It definitely sounds like there is more to the story. I expect them to find another way to control their son once he pays off the 20K because they will still be upset with him.
Part of growing up is telling your parents off.
He could go do whatever he wants at any moment. Get a job elsewhere and pay your own bills. Then your parents have no leverage whatsoever.
Controlling, manipulative parents. Glad he got out. 👍
Ray
You don’t like my rules? 💁🏼♀️ Then pay me $1,000 per month. Haha bye👋
Definitely 💯, Why is she charging him $1000 a month tho ? That part confused me a lil . I understand kicking him out . That’s understandable. But the $1000 month confused me
@@shotbytoniorydell8418 Clearly you don't listen, he dropped out of college and they had an agreement to pay for his college unless he dropped out or failed. The agreement was that and he dropped out and they invested 20k for his college so he owes them 20k... Pretty simple if you open your ears.
Shotby Toniorydell to pay back the 20k of tuition they shelled out that he’s giving up on
Running Debate 😒
These parents remind me of a family of a guy I once dated. We were 18. The dad kept a ledger of what his son owed him down to the penny. Things like food, soda. When they invited me out to eat, they made me pay. They invited me on vacation, made me split the cost. Extremely odd way to treat a 18 year old when you are in your 50s. Needless to say he was a vindictive, nasty person just like his parents. My parents on the other hand are welcoming, loving, giving of their time. I grew up successful, have a masters degree with a family. Completely independent. He’s still lost, cruel, and abusive. How you treat your children matters.
Could we have a lawyer as a personality on the show? 😊
@Johnny Five I reluctantly agree with you except on the time issue.
Good idea 😊
Great idea!
One of the lockpicking variaty maybe?
Lawyers are too aware to be on this show...
All I am saying is that they need both sides of the story. You can’t make a decision when you haven’t heard the both sides. That is just bad leadership.
Yeah but for one side of the story this is still A1 advice even for the son as well. He was on the side of son if anything.
April Fierce Family G2G Very true! The advice was good all things considering. It bothers me though that it crosses most parents’ minds to ASK the kid what is wrong. The guy is probably stressed out! I’m sure his nagging controlling family doesn’t help matters any.
Will Dave ever do a solo show again? All I want is some Dave Ramsey tough love
Man, Dave’s show sure has changed a lot. I remember when people used to call in to get help on their personal finances.
Going to college isn't everything. I learned that the hard way. I think a grand a month is outrageous. My goodness.
He doesn’t pay, they fire him, they’ve lost him. The debt recouping is spiteful and not going to assist anything.
since they are his employer, is requiring him to pay 1000$ a month or he looses his job is technically an illegal garnishment of wages?
whatever it is legally it isn't going to lead anywhere healthy
Nope, as long as it's not because he's a member of a protected class they can fire him for any reason they want.
What was the agreement between the parents and their child regarding college repayment? I am not convinced there was one. She never mentioned it. I am not convinced he owes them anything.
Yep, and on the flipside they certainly don't owe him a job! Maybe his girlfriend's family will employ him in addition to housing him.
@@lovelygrl400 There are two issues. First, Mom claims son owes money because he stopped going to college. Who knows what, if any agreement there was? That said, the parents certainly can ask him to leave home, which they did, and he left.
The second issue is the son as an employee. If he is a good employee, then he should continue to work there. He is making good money, so presumably he is such an employee. If he is disrespectful at work, then he should be treated as any other employee.
It seems Mom is overreacting, perhaps due to the son leaving college. But college is not for everyone, despite it being pushed on everyone. Many successful people did not go to college, and America desperately needs people in trades and without huge student loans.
@@willieboy3011 I see no issues. He doesn't have to pay them back and they don't have to keep him as an employee. Simple. At will employment is a beautiful thing, they can fire him for any reason they like, including not paying them back for dropping out and wasting their money. Maybe he'll have better luck finding a job on his own with no degree. That's his choice.
@@lovelygrl400 That would be fine if the goal is to get rid of an employee. However, as a parent they would likely want their son to succeed and even takeover the business one day. Most parents understand this.
@@willieboy3011 sounds like the goal is to have him repay their wasted money. If firing him is a means to that goal then they have every right to do that. I'm sure they can find just as decent of an employee. If he can't even have enough integrity to pay back what he owes, I highly doubt they want him taking over the businsss.
Mixing friends and family with business is a recipe for disaster
Totally agree
Hahahaha yup, but it's worth it sometimes.
Threatening his job is crossing a line. Work stays at work. Home-life stays at home. If he's doing his job and remaining professional there - you have no right to fire him.
☝️ that kind of controlling nonsense is why I didn't let my mom buy my 1st car and put it in her name to save money. Horror stories like this on the Dave show showed me you never know what your parents will do.
My father and his wife have abused their assets to dictate control over family.
I had something of an epiphany one day. After months of thought, all of the pieces fell into place around the matter. All those years, it all made sense. The most liberating and freeing decision of my life, was dis-owning my family. I finally sleep well again.
Don’t expect him to circle back!
The mom-son relationship is traded for $1000/month? Grow up and think like a real mom. Help your son in becoming self reliant.
He dropped out of school... If you're given money to pay for school, you're supposed to be in school. A real parent does not prevent their child from acting responsibly.
So, the kid only cares about his mom and has a relationship with her if she pays for his stuff?
I think enough children in our society have expensive things handed to them and forgiven too easily.
If I made my boy pay me back for college I failed as a parent.
I worked with my mother for 7 years. I would not recommend anyone to work with relatives with very rare exceptions. I always maintained the chain of command, but she still constantly emphasized with her behavior that she was the boss. She treated me more strictly than other employees, but at the same time she expected additional help and engagimemt in buisness. In case of personal misunderstandings, she transferred the conflict to work and could, for example, not invite me to corporate events, training seminars, etc. I didn’t feel like I was in a family business where I could help with my knowledge. Rather it was a time of some kind of bullying and manipulation
Respect is Earned! ...and a 21 year old hasn't figured out life yet. As parents, step off and let HIM live HIS life!
Still needs mommy and daddy for a job.
He wants to work for daddy though
Have any of us really figured out life? Everyone is constantly growing and changing.
Here is a great example of what NOT to do as a parent. Threatening to fire him from his job if he doesn't give you 1k a month? Parents of the year.
You sound clueless. He has that job because he is their kid and it's not unreasonable to have some expectations of him.
He's probably making a lot more money than he would at a different job.
20 months is nothing to a 40 or 50 year old.
Asking a child to pay for what they used (if they are able) isn't child abuse.
The faster he pays that off the sooner they have less leverage upon him. Sounds like what the rest of us adults deal with.
@@jamisojo I didn't say it's child abuse. It's being a crappy parent. $1000 a month is so much money for a young boy when he probably has to pay rent and necessities. They're going to put him into debt because they're butthurt that he isn't living his life the way THEY want. I will never let my kids flounder like that. I hope he finds a new job and leaves his father's company so he's not under their thumb anymore.
Not really a fan of the constant co-hosts. They never really seem to add anything and always pretty much agree with what Dave say as literal yes men.
Dave's taught each of the guest speakers his baby steps , they are the next generation of people who are getting ready to take over the show once Dave dies and retires
They have no years of experience and wisdom of Dave. I see better advice in the comment section.
Unless it's Chris Hogan he is great
The rest not so much
@@acrandleman7404 Anthony too ☺
Agree!
"An attitude" That's why I cant work for anyone as an employee. What about the employers attitude?
Jobs are a loaded situation
This man needs to finish school and find a job that isn't working for his father...I mean the fact that the owner and wife of this business only make 100,000 household income means this business isn't really too profitable...not to mention the fact that they're threatening to fire him over home issues that shouldn't be mixed with your professional career is just irresponsible and a burden you dont need in life
Agree
6:25 I disagree. Outside info is important, we can’t always listen to one source of information. You need to gain knowledge (hopefully legitimate knowledge) from all sources and apply it
Ohhh I get why you said this...everyone being mad at the mom...
He specified his "buddies, social media, and nonsense." I think what he means is the outrage for "kicking out" a son or asking him to refund the resources he chose to abandon. His buddies may tell him to ignore the agreement, disrespect the parents, or shirk responsibility. Social media has been awash with teens and young adults publicly blasting parents, entitlement, and cancel culture. He is likely to find himself in an echo chamber of people telling him he was wronged. In this social media world, he could damage the business if he aired his grievances online.
I don't think anyone would oppose this young man talking to career counselors, financial planners, and other contractors.
I speak from experience. An adult relative was kicked out for disrespect and failure to "adult." The parents were excoriated by many for being so cruel. Yet, four years later my relative graduated with a 4.0 from a well known university. Some people need to be pushed out of the nest to find their wings.
Asking him to move out is one thing. However, they sound over controlling. If he wants to drop out, let him. He should not have to repay the college monies. If he ever wants to go back, then he pays the tuition himself.
Dancing77Kat WELL, HE CAN DROP OUT, BUT HE NEEDS TO PAY FOR BEING IRRESPONSIBLE WHEN NOT FINISHING SCHOOL. BESIDES, HE KNEW HIS PARENTS HAVE BETTER USE OF THE MONEY INSEAD OF INVESTING ON A IRRESPONSIBLE BRAT.
@@ACCOMPLISHEDSHEIS I think it's wrong to jump straight into it like that. Was the deal as long as it's nothing stupid or was it to finish college? For a parent to impose a 20k debt on a barely moving adult would be rough. If they would want that they need to ease in and possible take a hit. There is no need for 3 kids in the house. Roles my friend Roles.
I agree. If I were paying for my son’s education and he decided college wasn’t for him and he found another way to be a successful productive citizen contributing to society then he’s met the goal that college would have brought him to anyway. I just can’t imagine ever asking my son to pay me back for anything. You don’t do business with family. You invest in their lives as a gift to help them grow, not keep them under your thumb.
I want to hear the other side of the story !!
If an adult child (18-60 yrs old) chooses to live with his/her parents, then he/she should expect house rules. If they don't like rules, then he/she knows where the front door is located. There can only be one king and one queen in the house. The prince and princess can find their own castle to live in.
Thank you for sharing
making your own kid to pay back 1000 a month is out of line, but the kid is also working for his dads business, may be its time for him to quit being little daddy's boy and go find real job, like a real man
David DeVito maybe because family usually don’t fire family. If I am part of the family, I would expect fairer treatment. 🤣.
David DeVito that sounds awful, I would definitely leave. Why do you stay? If you can do better elsewhere and are trying to help your family, you could work elsewhere and give them money? Or if they don’t need the help, then you could just work somewhere else and make overtime?
When I was 18 my parents gave me $500 bucks and said good luck . It helped me
You must've turned 18 a while ago.
David DeVito right over your head ... have a great day
Its fair enough to ask for the money back but she seems to be doing it out of spite. If he is working and doing his job then I don't understand what the issue is as she hasn't stated whathe did wrong except drop out of school
probably to start his own business
He should be paying for his own education if he's making 'good money' at his family business.
Exactly!
They are Indian givers, they should have made him take out loans if they didn't pay for it. Many kids drop out of college with out a degree
Wow! I’m 23 and had to move back with my dad and would never ever do that. I take care of my Dad while he takes care of my health (I need a few surgeries). I hate seeing kids my age do this. I’m lucky I have a full time job but jeez I hate cases like this
If you still need shelter Ill take care of you 😘
Good luck with your surgeries, it's nice to see young people who are close to their parents.
@@arminsohrab5155 you shame me with your class, sir.
Geez, I hope I never hold my child hostage like this.
Don't have them owe you money under any circumstances and you won't. This is why it's better to have the kid take out loans and pay them off if they grad so that of they don't they owe the banks not you.
These guys are so smart! This guy John is a genius. He’s so smart for his age.
Never hire family.
Its not a real job in the real world they won't learn anything
Great leverage - pay back your college loan, or ... you're FIRED!
This whole college thing is financially ruining lives. All of this money spent, thousands and thousands is ridiculous. It puts pressure on teens right out of high school to take out house money to fund your education. Sometimes they are not ready plain and simple. Education is important with out a doubt. I think parents have to do a better job with preparing your children for life and stop leaving it up to the teachers. My early 20s were a disaster with going to college when I didnt want to. It was a waste of money. And the mother-son relationship at that age is crucial because as 21 yr old male you dont want to hear your mothers mouth anymore. She has no clue on what being a man is. It just makes things worse. This is where the father is supposed to come in and have the father son talk and try to get a better understanding of whats going. How many college graduates are going back home to their parents because the rent is outrageous
True. When I look back I have to say my mother in law is amazing to have taught my husband to be independent but yet also didn’t push him to go school etc and just let him grow. Which he really did and now a wonderful business man, great son and son in law and amazing father.
I was kick out at 15. Deserved it.
I would sit him down and tell him. Look you need to find your own job. By this date. You need to pay us back because that was what you agreed to. Here’s the payment plan sign it cause it’s binding. Tell him your glad he just became a man and is ready to walk the hard road and you will be there for him. Then send him down that road.
Good tough love. Welcome to the real world.
I think parents put a lot of responsibility on 18 year old's to go to college that no one can afford and just magically expect there kids to come out of school, get a 6 figure job that doesn't exist and pay them back all the money for their education. Like how can you send your son down the "hard road" by starting with 20k in debt to your parents for a degree you probably can't get a job with. edited. Jumped the gun I thought it was 20k up front. 1k is definitely responsible especially for a kid that is acting up. I also think family business just sucks.
Evo if it was my kid the reason I would want them to get their own job. Is Just so they could see how hard that can be. Ya you want that job with no qualifications okay. He’s lives with someone else. Will they help support him? The paying it back is cause he broke his word. Doesn’t have to be instant but enough that it teaches lessons.
We do not know that he _agreed_ to pay them back. She said they / she _told_ him he had to do it. He works for my husband - is she the stepmother ? She is very adament now and 1000 is not a small amount. so why didn't they make a formal and legally binding agreement ? Because it would look super petty for parents that can afford to support their child ? Because if they drove home the message that he is not allowed to change his mind he might rather not be "indebted" to his parents and skip college alltogether. Or if it is potentially a loan getting a loan straight away and not be dependen on the "goodwill" of the parents. They did not dig deep, and she sounds like she is leaving out things.
This is very timely. This is perfect for my next VIDS. 😊
Bro she clearly wasn’t even thinking about him at all. When Dave said “you’re doing this Bc you love him” she sounded surprised.
Dumping him on his Girlfriend parents ....a big no
He is a grown man. He should be living under his own lease. Hes making his own choices of where to live.
I don’t agree with John. The kid needs to take responsibility. I’m 20 and i’d never pull a stunt like that. Hold him accountable. They had a deal prior to him going to university and he decided what he wanted
Besides the parent-son relationship... "you have to pay me $1000 a month based on a verbal agreement we made or you're fired"
Is that legal? That sounds at least very unethical. The guy is WORKING, he's not on an allowance.
Also, if this had been a student loan, there's no way would he be mandated to pay $1000/month on a 20k loan, that's absurd.
Sounds like a pretty toxic arrangement to me, I would advise he find employment elsewhere and not pay $20,000 that he doesn't legally owe.
The very first thing I would have asked, is did you tell him going in that if you drop out he pays the 1000 a month? Im shocked they never thought to ask that at all. Thats probably the #1 issue here and why the kid has a problem. Between tohe 2 of these guys they never figured that out asked or anything
What out Mama. Have you done anything lately in your relationship with your son that shows that you respect him and his choices? Respect must be earned. When you try to use what power over him you have left, it can backfire six way to Sunday on you. He is no longer a widdle boy that you can ground if he does not live up to your idea of success.
He is an adult that can choose to throw off the power & conditions that his mommy & daddy are putting on him & strike out on his own. Employment at daddy's company is not the only game in town. He could go to work for the competition and if you lose his respect, he could chose to change the relationship with his parents from allowing them to boss him around, to a more something that reflects an adult that stand on his own two feet.
I am just trying to say-if you handle this wrong, you could lose your son over this-he is an adult now & is free to walk away.
My apologies for the many typos in that post.....
Anyone catch the first half of this call? What did the kid do besides drop out of college?
As a parent of two adults, I have to say that the hardest thing to do is to let them make their own decisions. I realized that I had to stop pushing them in the right direction and forcing my advice on them. I’m here when they need advice, but I also let them know that they will never get anymore money from me if I don’t agree with how they’re living. I’ve invited both my kids to work in my business, but they’ve chosen to do other things. I would just forgive the money for college. He has credits, when he’s a little more mature and wants to finish up his degree, just let him know that he’s on his own with that. Set the boundaries at work as well as expectations, I’ve had to do the same thing in my business. You might be a relative or a good friend, but I don’t play favorites at work. I have the same expectations for everyone.
The son should only be fired from the husband’s business for reasons directly related to the quality of work/job performance (attitude may play a factor as well). The son not wanting to go back to college is no reason to fire him if his work performance is adequate. The mother suggesting they would fire him from his job sounded like control and a cornering tactic to hinder him and force him to abide by their ideals/desires. How dare they hang the family business over his head to get him to do what they want.
All this for 20 thousand dollars? Your kid is going to carry around hate towards you for the rest of your life for 20 k.
You can learn alot about a man by the way he treats his parents.
Totally agree with John
The doctor and Dave know speak so confidently with only 1 side of the story
She's manipulating some information.
I’m glad the comment section agrees on one thing because I was hearing red flags throughout this entire episode.
I'm getting so tired of John's playbook:
I want to high five you for.....
I want you to grieve the loss of .....
😂
As a single mother of 9 children ages 30 to 16, I think it is fine to kick him out and talk finances. Hes in his 20's!!! Time to grow up!!!
...I wonder who is paying for those 9 kids? Is it the dad's, or the tax payers? Either way, it's someone other than just the "single mother."
Sorry, 9 kids!!! You're well beyond sewing it up. Hope you closed shop indefinitely. I wouldn't take advice from someone with that many kids, even Ramsey would agree how dumb that is.
I absolutely love Dave Ramsey’s but sometimes I find him irritating as if parents are incapable of making mistakes or doing wrong
Wow. Good call
This is a weird story
Here statement "if he messes up, he needs to pay us back." Meaning if he doesn't do what she says, he needs to pay her back money he never agreed to pay back. There is something very unhealthy going on here with the parents. This "kid" is an adult and can do whatever the heck he wants. If I were him I would NOT pay back a penny (since the money was a GIFT and they are using that gift to manipulate him) and find a new job. Anything he recieves from these parents comes with strings. Thats not love. Its manipulation.
Totally agree. What a terrible parent. She sounds so vindictive and mean. Zero love. My parents would never do that nor I to my own kids
Saying you want to fire him if he won’t pay you back is shady as hell. You can’t fire someone for something completely unrelated to work. You gotta keep that stuff compartmentalized.
mom sounds super controlling. Manipulating her son with money.
Respect aside you kicked him out but still employ them. Unless there is a contract on that debit he doesn’t owe it. They need to decide how to parent him while he remains employed. If they don’t want to employee him. Serve him a notice but a grand a month for a 21 year old is a lot. But they are on thin ice from a wrongful termination if it’s just because you aren’t doing what I say. That home stuff you keep for off hours.
NurturingTalents wdym
I agree with what Dave said that if he works for you he should just be like any other employee. And that goes for both ends of the spectrum. Meaning that they shouldn’t be allowed to use personal family issues to bar him from their employment just as so they shouldn’t use personal family issues to treat him any different than another employee. If you truly want to keep family issues outside of work than you won’t try to use that student loan money against he’s employment unless you have a written agreement . Kept family issues aside.
@@zachwalters8001 Except that he only has the job because he is family would be my guess.
I disagree about giving him time to regroup. I quit college and was immediately required to pay rent and get my own groceries. It teaches respect and that life is not free. He moved in with his girlfriends parents - he still isn't grown up. He's making good money, teach him now that life isn't free and you have to pay what you owe and that there are consequences for you actions.
Why would he NOT move in with the parents of his gf ? It is a financially sound decision, and either they get along fine (and he has to be respectful) or they can move out together after they saved up a bit. The mother (stepmother ? ) sound very court and snappish. As for an attitude it would be interesting how much they pester him. He may well pay something for living with the "maybe future in laws". The parents are obviously controlling. they _said_ he would have to pay back if he dropped out. Whose idea was it to go to college. Ramsey seems to assume that the son does not perform well or respectfully in the job. Says who ? and are the parents professional ?
the idea of demanding 1000 per month from him seems outlandish. Even if he makes good money and saves money because the parents of his gf are more generous.
Or… how about we teach our kids how to be earlier instead of treating them like children, which the US seems to have a weird obsession with doing lol
Hi from India.. I learn so much from you.. other than financial info
College is not for everyone! The son is 21 years old! Let him do whatever he want! Let him make mistakes and let him be happy!
My parent wanted me to skip college and married a multi-millionaire. My parent disowned me when i disobey! 30+ years later, i never regret that choice. Even when life got hard.
Dave seems to be a bit of a control-freak and sympathizes with parents who share this attribute.
I love these stupid parents that are 100% wrong and act like they did nothing wrong
The parents were mistaken by loaning him money and in employing him. Let the boy make it on his own and stop trying to control him. He's sees how weak you guys are and doesn't respect you as a result.
Any parent who expects their kids to pay back the college fund don't have my sympathy.
In matters of family don’t loan money out. If you give something away never expect to see it again and be okay with that, otherwise you will be resentful and possibly become manipulative.
manipulative parents, my god. Set boundaries if you want but the whole "1,000 a month or you're fired" is wild
They probably agreed to pay his tuition if he agreed to graduate. Now they wasted 20k and he quit
And illegal.
And now they've created a situation where he could get another job that pays $1k/month less and he'd have the same income without the headache of dealing with them.
I guess this is why I'm glad my parents didn't pay for my college and i am able to be self reliant... when i decided to leave college, that was my decision.
Not to mention, a lot of what they force you to learn in college is bullocks. E.g the efficient market hypothesis or beta(i.e volatility as a measure of risk) or the fact they make you take a bunch of courses completely unrelated to your major or minor in order to "make you more well rounded" or in other words cost you more money and make it artificially longer and more difficult..
That said i didn't leave college cause it was difficult, i got 4.0 GPA every semester I made it my number 1 goal to do so.
Spot on about college, they put so much artificial nonsense into your program to make you spend more money and time.
@@TeKnoVKNG23 i agree!
Sounds like you were too smart for college...good for you!
I like how Dave gets right to and not the small talk. She's basically making him pay for having a girl friend.
There's no reason for you to say that. It was his deal with his parents to pay back college money if he messed up college. There's no reason for you to think you know her mind and heart. Do you know what St. Paul said about that? Nobody knows the man (person) better than the spirit of the man (person). That means you can't know what's in her heart or mind. Period.
My parents offered to pay my first 2 years at Community College and I had to pay for books. The remaining years were up to me. If I dropped out, they stopped my funding. I dropped out during second semester. Years later, I did much better at school, since I had a goal and I was responsible for my debt. I feel like the parents were more than generous. Is $1k a month too much? Perhaps it will postpone him from buying a new $50k truck.
If the parents didn't stipulate payback prior to paying for college, why should the parents expect him to pay it back? If the son had known this, he made have made a different decision.
After 20 months give the money back to him for a down payment on a house.
Sometimes, nobody is right. This sounds like one of those times....