My 21-Year-Old Thinks We Are Villains!
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- Опубликовано: 11 май 2021
- My 21-Year-Old Thinks We Are Villains!
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No reason to take the car. She not lazy she’s working full time. Not every career needs a college degree
fr too many parents just shove college down their kids throat!
I agree
Very true, and it seems that college is actually putting a large portion of graduates behind more than ahead with student loans and lack of jobs in that field. They often end up in a job they could have gotten with no degree.
Wait wha-
@Amanda you are the voice of reason
Respect to Dr. John and Dave for their answers here. I didn't think Dave would be so....compassionate, he usually always takes the parents side with these things
John has been a good influence
that's because Dave wants to see eagles, not turkeys. If she was 17, his answer would be totally different.
Thats because this was someones Daughter . If this was someones Son, Dave wouldnt have been so compassionate. He's way harder on Men than Women.
That's because too many men are mommy's babies. They need to grow up and grow a pair.
Not really he is usually spot on, the child isn't acting like a brat. The child is trying their best to succeed
Wow ,..”you’re not a safe enough place for her to go when she’s falling apart” that’s a deep statement . I pray God will guide me with my relationships with my child and future children so I’m a safe space for them
I hope that helped humble the Mom.
I had a tiger mom who signed me up for everything and always told me doctor, lawyer, and engineer. My teachers told me to go to college undecided. The best decision I made at 17 was becoming a plumbers helper. Now I'm 24 going to school for HVAC. No regrets when it's YOUR decision.
Doctors, lawyers and engineers always need a good plumber. Good choice.
They also need a good heating ventilation and air conditioning guy too.
Good for you! 👏
Everybody needs to learn at one point in their life that it is their life. The lucky ones figure it out early, the unlucky ones never realize this.
Down here in Florida, I know multiple people who do HVAC and make bank
This really hits home. They don’t immediately take sides with the parents. They instead say, there’s a lot going on and you shouldn’t manipulate your child if they’re suffering. I know it’s a money show but it’s also a life show. Good advice, hope I can stay this clear headed as a father
She made up her mind at 21 that's a major accomplishment
That's the longest silent pause that I've ever heard from Dave.
his brain is starting to go
Working on verbiage
I thought he was going to say, “What’s her yearly income?” 😂
You can't afford to keep her. Sell your daughter and invest the cash in growth stock mutual funds.
I like Dave's advise. I was pushed into college and dropped out after two years. Worked full time and then after a year went back and got my degree. Had to take a break and decide for myself to go back to school. She is working full time so she is being responsible. She needs support and encouragement.
Students who take a one year break from college tend to do better when they return
I agree
That's what I should have done! I envy your choice. Gave in to my parents and limped my way through. Impacted my whole adult life....
It’s not the end of the world if someone doesn’t want to go to college. She’s 21, she can carry the water now.
It is a big mistake I wish I went to college
@@doomguy2532well I wish I didn't go to college. The grass isn't always greener my dude.
@@MeaganKC There should be more emphasis on going to college with a plan, or getting into apprenticeship programs or other paths to decent jobs. College isn't for everybody and those that don't complete the degree can wind up losing several year's worth of experience without the income from it and a ton of debt. If college is less expensive where you're at, then the math would look different.
@@MeaganKC why do you wish you didn't go to college??
@@JohnDoe-gc1kt probably debt and no benefits
A couple of times recently I’ve heard Dave say that “a year ago he wouldn’t have said this or that”, and I think this is another circumstance where he’s changed his tune a bit. We all have room to grow and learn and I truly believe some of Dave’s recent responses have been growth…he has learned from Dr. John over the past year. That’s good form right there!
I was in a similar situation. I was taking online classes a couple years before the pandemic and it was really hard for me. I was an A-B student my entire life but after a while I started getting D's and F's in my classes. Something was wrong and I decided to take a break. My father resented me for it and I moved out as a result. I can say since making the decision to take a break from school and move out, my life has improved so much more than I ever could have imagined.
I wasn’t expecting this answer from Dave. Good advice
John is making him a kinder man haha
You thought 'HEda baby'
You are beautiful
I didn't expect that either!
I was thinking the same
This is a very wholesome and compassionate response. I was blown away with how thought out this was.
Quality parenting talk, i love when these two talk parenting, its so nice to hear men talk about parenting
At least the child is WORKING 🔑🗝!! Parents, step outside yourself pleeeaaasseee 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
The parent just skated over the fact that their child is having mental health and/or emotional problems right now. That says a lot about this parent.
Give her the space to find herself. Many kids these days have had their entire lives planned for them by the adults in their life. Let her start finding her own path. She will find her way back to you in the end.
When I left home to start work, I had to ride bicycle for a year or so to work while saving up for driving school, license and my first car, in a place where things were at least miles apart. My parents felt zero responsibility to teach me anything about driving. It was doable but very hard. If you can help your children with these, please do.
Yep I feel you had to do the same still do
It was the same for me. I think it was good for me in the long run.
I took bus 1:30 hours to/from work for a year. Walk 9pm for 40 minutes from bus stop was hardiest. It took a year until I saved up for old Toyota Camry. Bus system in US is non-existente. I literally almost crying remember this.
Proud of Dave for this one! I feel like he has evolved his answers on some of these types of topics. Maybe because of insight from the other show's personalities.
I think it also makes a difference that she’s working full time. He likely would have told them to take the car if she was asking to keep it and take time off without working. I was pretty surprised by the answer based on the thumbnail, as well.
Yes! I think Dave has grown from working with Dr. John, and the lady, who seems to have solid business acumen.
I really liked hearing their thoughts. This was literally me. This was my situation. Had to leave home. No one understood or believed what I was experiencing.
Same. Hope you’re doing better
Similar situation for me. Their advice was on point.
I’d let her keep the car to continue working.
Defeats the purpose!
@L Cam IF that is the situation, they chose to get a car note on a car for their teenage daughter. Regardless, they got the car with the ability to “afford” the monthly payment if their kid was in college. So their situation didn’t change, just the daughter’s who clearly is in need for emotional support. So Dave and dr. Deloney are right. The car is irrelevant. This is a relational issue.
@L Cam if this is the situation then since I was already planning on paying for the car I would continue to BUT give it a cutoff date she has X months to start making the payments. Save her car payments in an account give it to her later on.
@L Cam you sound right but why the heck there email Dave Ramsey.
@L Cam Would having tuition on top of that make it any better? There are tons of people out there that have student loans or money that's been paid to tuition, but without the benefit of a degree.
My first thought was to give her the car. This sounds like a prodigal son (daughter) situation. She is trying to find her way. Maybe it works out and she will never finish school. Maybe she learns that she really wants to go back and finish her degree and maybe she simply returns home broke and broken. Which ever way it ends up, you love her. If she succeeds on her current path, you praise her. If she goes back to school, you praise her for realizing she needs to learn more. If she crawls back home, you praise her to admit that she failed and needs your help.
Maybe this student was not engaged by her “woke” professors and was conflicted by that because she was expecting an education not indoctrination.
If she’s working and paying bills I wouldn’t take the car. College isn’t for everyone.
Everyone is assuming that she is falling apart. Maybe she realized in counseling that college wasnt where she wanted to be right now. She is working full time. She is likely trying to do what she wants to do and her parents are trying to use money/car to control her.
If she wants to grow up, why not give the car back and just grow up? 21 years old is an adult, if she can live on her own she can buy a used car or take public transportation.
@@simsimmaa8343 Not every locale has public transportation sufficient for reliable transit for employment or shopping.
@@simsimmaa8343 the fact that her only options where to come home or stay in college is very eye opening to what’s going on. The fact that didn’t want to return home is eye opening. They using the car as a way to try and control her life.
Dave himself even says a gift with strings attached is not a gift
I'm glad when I decided to leave college early I was financially independent from my parents and I bought all of my cars on my own so if I decided I wanted to leave I could leave without I'm holding anything over my head
John brought up a good point about someone saying they would rather have their kid go to them if they're in trouble as opposed to feeling like they have to hide it. My parents have always been the same way. They have always blatantly said that they would rather me call them and have them be potentially furious with me rather than facing problems on my own.
Jon has tempered the personalities of Ramsey a lot. It's kinda cool
Wow, coming into this video I was expecting "sell the daughter and pay off the car". I was wrong.
Sell the car and pay off the daughter
My HATED it when I "made him" budget as a child with is own paper route. But when he went to buy his first home and had money in the bank and no debts....he was grateful. At age 47 he often thanks me for teaching him about money the way I did. This comes up frequently....between us.
I wish I had the courage to quit school and take a break when my depression started. I let my dad pressure me and ended up in a 7 year battle with anxiety and depression.
I'm sure your father loves you it was for the best.
@@DoctorRickSanchez My father is an abusive narcissist. Perhaps you should not assume.
I don't understand parents obsession with their kids going to college.
They just want us to be financially stable. But that's depends on what their kids wanna study. I just graduated with an engineering degree because I find it to be rewarding and interesting. But alot of kids don't want to do it because they think it's too hard.
Boomer mentality.
Brainwashing by the institutions.
It’s all the years of indoctrination of the boomer generation (not saying they all are, but the indoctrination occurred very heavily on that generation)
Yeah, Boomers.
Who knew that Dave could be that understanding. Kudos to your response sir!
When your kids are adults stop manipulating, stop criticizing, stop snooping.
I loved this video. As a former teacher, I’ve seen parents try to control everything, while ignoring the bigger emotional issues. I wish more people in the church watched this.
I know several people that are well over a hundred grand in college debt because Their parents did this stuff. I'm glad Dave gave some sound advice here.
If your daughter is so stressed from college let them take a break. They def seem like villains. A lot of millionaires and most Billionaires did not go to college. So what's the big deal about college??
They still want their kids to complete college to have the basic foundation.
What is up with some parents and college!!!!!
Forget her depression...she's working full-time, apparently trying to be independent. Why can't you just give her the car? Why is college the ONLY way??!!!
I tried to go to college, but coming from an Arab family (I am a woman), my father didn’t approve and made it impossible to finish. It turned out well though. I married a German Mennonite man and we will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary in September. I never did get a degree, but it turned out that I didn’t need it after all.
yessss good response 🥰🥰🥰 there’s definitely a lot more we don’t know. mom probably isn’t gonna like this response
Rare compassionate response from Dave. He seems to be learning more about mental health issues.
Honestly 🙌🏾 I love the addition of Dr Deloney on the show. They have great chemistry
Jennifer punching the air right now
John: Dave you go first!
Translation: Dave, you tell me what my advice should be.
Stop trying to control your daughter. If you gave her the car its hers.
But they gave her the car, for school.. That was the agreement, and she broke the agreement...
Dr john has been such a great influence on Dave! I love to see growth!
Dr. D is always so unsure of himself when on the call with Dave, pretty interesting how he always wants Dave to go first. I think to make sure they are on the same page.
Or out of respect because Dave is his boss and old enough to be his dad...
Or because he doesn't want to lose his job by saying something Dave disagrees with
I think almost every co-host lets Dave go first. The only time I really see Dave go second is when the other guy jumps in with a question for the caller before answering. I can't remember what the clip was called but there was a time when Dave went first and Dr. Delony came at it from a different angle. And the clip ends with Dave saying he liked John's advice better than his own.
It’s his show
@@aaronsacks470 it was the one where the dad left one daughter out of the will and the daughter who got the money wanted to give her sister some to put towards student loans, but the sister likely would just spend the $. Dave said give the $ with contingencies, Delony said don't be like ur dad, give it or don't and then Dave agreed. I distinctly remember this bc I was shocked that Dave chose someone else's advice over his own 😂
1:27 min mark; I did NOT see that answer coming from Dave. Thank you Mr. Ramsey for consistently being engaged & thoughtful in each unique situation.
If they really want the car back, they should buy her some cheap car to get around in, this country is not livable without a car.
You raised them, so yeah you're the villains.
The only thing wrong with that is kids have free will.
Dave, I listen to your videos everyday and this is hands down my favorite video I’ve ever watched. Thank you for caring so much about people. Also thank you for helping me clean up my debt and make a plan! 🙌🏼
I see a lot of comments saying they think Dave has "evolved" in his answer on this, but this was exactly what I expected his answer to be, and I've been listening for almost 20 years. It may have been more "compassionate" than he has been in the past, but he's able to recognize when a kid is being a kid and when someone's adult child is making an adult decision, which is what this was. Also, if there's anything "evolved" in his answer, I would imagine it would be the stance on if this person really needs to go to college, but I think he's been on the "not everyone needs a college degree" line of thinking for a long time.
Lol every now and then Dave will surprise me. Good stuff Dave.
If I was the kid I'd just give the car back, cut ties, and build a support structure with some non-toxic people. She doesn't need to be hearing "we we're nice enough to let you keep the car, so x, y, and z" for the next few years.
I am saying this as a person who has three degrees, college is not for everyone. When you are young college is a waste of time and money if you are not ready. When I was 17 my mom told me when I was 18 I would be leaving and that she did not have money for college. I hugged her and said I would figure something out. I joined the military and then went to college and still wasn’t ready. But I I took a couple of career pivots and now am doing well and even will be able to retire a tad early.
The dr never wants to go first because he wants to hear what Dave has to say so he can run and agree with everything he has to say
Dave and John are the fathers I never had or knew I needed. My husband and I love listening to y’all!
Ken "Dave you go first " colman
This is a big change for this RUclips channel. I love this direction keep it going.
I love both responses to the question.
Plot twist: It's a financed 100k car. Lol.
I worry more about my kids, now that they are grown up and out of the house, than I did when they were younger.
I would put it like this... "I'm not gonna take the car or expect you to move back *if* you're willing to meet me halfway and let me help you come up with a plan for the next steps. Let's work on this"
Wooooahhh that is not the normal dave answer lol
At this point in time I would not want my child in college.
Dave, you are a kind and wise dad!! You are much more than just a financial advisor to everyone!
It’s okay if a traditional four-year degree takes more than four years. I was always amazed at how stressed parents were to get their kids through four years of school while paying for that. It’s OK if it takes longer if that’s the best way to afford it, and maybe going part time will produce higher quality schoolwork. Their children will have more time to do a better job with the schoolwork if they go part time and work part time as well.
I also think the children will do better if they have a financial investment at stake in their schooling. It’s rather like buying them a car versus having them buy it themselves, or at least working to pay half. They will take a lot better care of that car if they are working and paying for it! Plus, there are some valuable life lessons to be learned by having them work and pay for at least a portion of that vehicle. Same applies to a college education, I believe. I think parents feel that they are doing their children a favor by not having a job during college and thereby allowing them to put all of their focus onto their schoolwork in a four-year program. That may be true up to a point, and it may work better for some children than others.
As someone with a masters degree, I now think college degrees are highly overrated, not to mention way too expensive! I think a certificate or trades program would be a much better way to go for many people. For example, my hairdresser attended a 10 month cosmetology program. She borrowed the money to pay for the program from her grandma and paid it back within a year. My hairdresser now makes more a year than I do, and she has the flexibility to control her hours, work as many or few hours as she wants, and she can easily open her own business.
.
Keep in mind the parent may have pressured her child to go to college. She may have dropped because of it. My best friend in high school had an issue where he was massively sheltered and pressured into a field he didn’t want to actually go into and as such drank and partied most of his time there until he dropped.
You either have her the car or you didn't. Stop trying to be controlling.
I was that 21 year old and my parents are very happy at how well I am doing at 28, but I'm very gracious for what they did for me. But it meant more for it to be my decision of what I do
Dont give with ultimatums. Give with love.
Bad advice
@@obo2999 Why does it need to be "I'll give you this, if you give me that."? Especially with your own family.
@@Rob-- Ecuador because you are an adult, and should be expected to be treated like one. No ultimatum, no rules, no expectations is what we expect of children
Would love to hear Dave's updated thoughts on those crazy new stuff around currencies! :)
Imagine that C word is blocked here and if you use it your comment won't show up... Thats bad :( even if Dave don't like this kind of investments
@@jnimitzch4738 I have no idea how the 'spam' works but that might have sense
Why did Deloney, with a PhD in counseling, have to defer to Dave here?
Dave has raised kids through that phase, and has been asked forms of this question for years. Deloney has young children and hasn't yet personally felt the emotions to a college kid.(as the parent.) Also I don't think John was expecting agreement from Dave on their answers.
Cus it's the RAMSEY SHOW
It’s a good idea to get input from people who do have experience with such things anyways. But I’m pretty sure the biggest factor was that “Dave is my boss, I want to see if we are on the same page with this.”
It's because if his views are a huge contradiction to Dave's then Dave will never look at Dr. John with the same respect he does now. He could potentially be fired as Dave is very strict when it comes to values and beliefs.
they gave good advice.
No one cares what a 21 year old thinks.... that might be your problem right there.
In one breath you say this generation is too coddled but then you claim “anxiety” is the magic word to allow a child to do anything they want.
the parents are trying to puhnish her instead of helping her. my prayers to the kid.
I don't know many young adults who are not suffering from anxiety and depression right now.
It can be hard to tell what level of help is help.
Parents can't order a 21 year old to return to childhood roles.
Tough love 😒
Great 👍 video
Army AL
If she’s going through something mentally, taking a car or forcing them back into an environment that they felt was toxic for their mental health is aw fail parenting.
Yeah..
because millenials are weak minded these days
@@Mr.Adolvera not all are weak. Many of them are trying to break a toxic cycle perpetuated by some previous generations. To do that requires strength because you’re on your own basically.
@@Mr.Adolvera the daughter is Gen Z. Not millennial.
5/12/21...This 21 yr old left-college daughter is EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE EASY.
EVERYBODY TODAY HAS "PROBLEMS" DUE TO C-19 + lockdown + schools bring closed.....
NOT EVERY "PROBLEM" IS A "MENTAL ILLNESS"....JUST LIFE!
@@eileeneclark9011 how do you know she expects everything to be easy? Not everyone belongs in university, and there is nothing wrong with someone making that decision. You seem like a boomer.
I honestly thought Dave would go in a very different direction here. I stand surprised again. +1 for compassion.
sucha. great response.
A lot of college age kids try to find ways to villainize their parents. Not exactly sure why. It's like they're trying to be victims.
Totally normal phenomenon. This too shall pass.
To be fair they were born without their consent.
@@WarriorsfanDubnation factual
@@WarriorsfanDubnation yep if I could go back to not being born with what ik now of have choked myself to death with chord
I don’t think this girl is “trying” to be a victim. I think she really is. Don’t say stupid things to minimize a valid experience.
Somehow I don’t think Dave would have given this same advice if this kid had been a boy.
Is that bad?
I don’t think it’s either the daughter or the mom’s fault. Depression is a very complicated thing. It has so many layers that you can’t expect other people to understand it. Even many psychiatrists fail to understand it. At the same time, I think the daughter’s problem is real. Modern relationships are very fragile. Let’s hope they find a middle ground
Most of the time, that stuff is just made up. Psychobabble is convincing people that there's something wrong with them. Grow up, and start doing something. Stop being a "victim".
Yes, your advice “grow up, and start doing something” is certainly more enlightening. I am sure they never thought of that before. What a genius you are. Care to share the steps to do so wise master? Or else people might dare start seeking therapy again as a means to try without knowing of your (I’m sure) brilliant ways.
@@SummeRain783 Maybe she's in need of therapy. Maybe not. We don't know. Too many psychiatrists just make up names for everything. People have even gotten away with killing people because of "eating too many Twinkies". Stop believing all of the psychobabble.
@@jimroscovius I’m not believing all the “psychobabble”. You need to stop assuming that seeking mental health therapy is not a way for some people to try and grow up. You still haven’t provided alternate ways for your “brilliant” advice to grow up. You’re just sitting there and complaining at their attempts. Not constructive at all. Perhaps you should seek a therapist for your ignorance.
@@SummeRain783 I'm fine - we work, save, got a paid-off house, no debt, kids grown and successful, etc.
@@jimroscovius the fact that you think that’s what defines “fine” is quite shallow. Many people are what you are. Doesn’t mean you don’t have other problems. Your “measures” of success are pretty useless.
Still waiting for your solutions? Or do you just enjoy telling people to “grow up” but not explain how. Sounds similar to bullying.
Sometimes a child (grown or not) is secretive on their own, without other outside input from anyone else. Whatever the reason is, it's not "always" related to the parents. It really depends on a person's personality at times.
I’m pretty sure this one is related to the parents provided she chose to leave the environment than come back home. It almost sounds like they’re crippling her
@@SummeRain783 Not necessarily though. Some kids are just really independent and don't want anyone else trying to tell them what to do, which I can understand.
@@Sheryl777 I understand except the mother sounds like a control freak too. The child is just trying to survive
@@SummeRain783 We will probably never know for sure, but either way is possible yeah.
This isn’t the answer I was expecting... it was a nice surprise
Guess find out what is really going on .. such as is it the environment (other kids, vial junk, teachers, wrong field) or is it she's working too much for the amount of college? Then go from there.
Nice work 🌠🎆🎆
Provide emotional and mental guidance. Help empower & get her on the right track. Once she's in a better place, a bit more mature & self assured then create healthy boundaries. Lovingly guide.
I didn't expect that
Something was brewing there.
JOHN. UGH. Soooooo brave. YOUR truth. He sucks
Waw David won me for good now 😊
The problem is the relationship
Never went to college/University. Been working full time since 19. If your in certain industries higher education isnt necessary 🤷🏻♀️ its super common in Australia to not go unless your job choice requires it.
I was not going to say that
Hearing dishonest testimonies about parenting like this does not make me wanna become a Dad someday. Be transparent about what you did wrong as a parent.
Modern parenting, where the biggest problems are about money.
Give her the car, let her pay that and insurance. Tell her you support her decision and you will be there in the end. She is now a working adult and working adults take care of their Single household.
When did Dave Ramsey become the Dr. Phil show??