The section about crying in front of your children really hit for me and i felt the need to say, that as a kid who grew up with emotionally unstable father: I so badly wish he cried in front of us. All he ever did was rage and scream when he was upset. **That** is what teaches children fear, not vulnerability.
On the other side of this, my stepdad cries all the time in front of us. He's vulnerable with us and that in turn makes us feel safe to be more open with him.
As an afab teen, it's so fucking annoying whenever I tell my step-dad I have a friend who's a boy. He immediately assumes we are dating or whatever. What's rich is ive told him 500 times I like girls only and he still insists I only hang around boys because I want male attention or are interested in them💀
I'm a biromantic woman (ace+bi) but omg I hated family always asking or making fun of me for any guy friends I bring to any event or gathering. Always want me to be crushing on them or dating them when they're just the guys I play games and go to conventions with since elementary school. Drives me nuts. Never say the same things about any girls I bring over either. They really don't even understand that majority of people won't even date an ace person either, it can be really challenging to find a non or minimal sexual person. Majority of people in the world are not ace and I don't expect someone to need to change those preferences and needs for me.
I'm a lesbian in a happy relationship My father last week asked when is he gonna have grandkids How??? I cant spontaniously grow a dick and neither can my girlfriend
I got that so much when I was a teenager too! I'd say I was hanging out with a male friend and my family like "oh are you interested in him??? What's his name, who do I have to kill?" It was so annoying and frustrating. I don't mind if they were curious about if I was interested in someone but a lot of them framed it as like an inevitable thing. Like "No, for the 1000th time, I only see him as a friend. How many times do we have to go over this?" It was like impossible to wrap their head around the idea that men and women could be just friends. I'd also get that condescending "He's a teenage boy, he's probably only interested in dating you". Maybe I'm off base but I find that so insulting to teenage boys as if they're incapable of feeling any emotion other than horny. 🙄
Me, a afab non binary who, when I told my parents I was bi some months ago (I told them I was a lesbian years ago, and forgot to tell them when I realized I was bi years ago too), they then assumed that me and my best friend (trans woman, but they don’t know that bc they’re transphobic) were banging each other. They literally have no evidence that showed that I was attracted to my friend, they only assumed bc “oh, my daughter must be banging her male best friend bc men and women can’t be just friends” 💀
When it comes to the whole “women are more emotional than men”, it gets to me how crying is considered emotional, yet a man punching a hole in the wall or worse is not. Anger is an emotion too, but it is not perceived as such, even though it’s a more detrimental form of coping.
Not just anger, but think about all the emotions involved in playing the "alpha male" who obsesses over being in power, being "respected", getting laid, making sure everyone knows how much of a stallion he is, and being outwardly an emotionless rock. Fear, envy, neediness, self loathing, repression, guilt, shame, narcissism, pride, arrogance, etc etc etc. Being an "alpha male" is the most emotionally exhausting bullshit ever.
Women rarely have to cope with anger because they have nothing to be angry about. When a man punches a wall it’s a good display of restraint because his healthy instincts are telling him to punch the source of danger (the individual causing the issue) but he’s able to consider legality and instead redirect the strike into an inanimate object
@@HankWilliams-kp3io Dude, what the hell? We totally get angry. I've been so incensed I've wanted to punch things. Both genders experience all emotions, the difference is people tend to tell us we don't or shouldn't and that changes behavior but it doesn't mean it's our instinct to have different emotions. And punching things doesn't show some kind of special masculine restraint. It shows that you've got an issue that isn't being addressed and is getting worse till you punch stuff. It's very strange how you've convinced yourself that the action of physical violence is somehow a positive just because you didn't punch a person. If this is something you experience often please get some help to work through that anger in a more healthy way. Punching stuff doesn't make you look manly, it makes people not want to be around you. My father punched holes into walls and I still live with the fear I felt as a little girl. It's not good for you, either. Everyone gets really angry sometimes but please don't dismiss your emotions.
This is a good example of the kind of emotions these alphas are: selfish, insecure, and angry. It’s better to be sad sometimes than to be too insecure to date a woman that makes more than you.
alphas(misogynists) and radical feminists(misandrists) are deceptive and manipulative of their image. Their actions and statements are pure bs and downright horrible but they sell it in a way to be glorified by emotionally vulnerable boys and girls. Basically groomers.
These sort of men think that emotional is crying, but that takes strength. Getting angry, yelling, and hitting people does not take strength, and it is also emotional.
Bingo. And not to mention being serious and weary of so called "competition" all the time leads to paranoia as well as delusion that every guy is out to compete against you. Theses guys can be "Alphas" all they want because what I see are mentally ill narcissists living a fantasy.
Yeah, when I get emotional I struggle to cry in front of others. I don't like it. Crying in front of others is what's brave. You show that you're not okay and need support. It's strong to ask for help. You often just get worse when holding tears back.
The amount of misogyny and sexism I deal with on the regular in my male dominated career and the times I've chosen to NOT respond with violence takes strength. Pretty sure me and my few woman coworkers are superheros at this point lol
They literally panic if a product for them isn't blue color coded or has the word "Man" in it. Some of them really are overgrown toddlers, lack of self-awareness and all lol.
I had a male coworker try to have this argument. It ended with me saying to say outta women’s business and stay in ur own lane and that’s when I learned that was the first time someone told him to shut the fuck up.😂😂😂
I hate the misconception that being an emotional person makes you a bad decision maker/leader or illogical. We have feelings and emotions for a reason.
Exactly! Lots of things are crimes because they FEEL BAD. If you had no emotions, then stalking or molestation or statutory rape wouldn’t even be illegal because the damage done is emotional, not physical. You have to feel deeply to be a good leader, you need empathy for the people you represent. An institution only concerned with money and physical things is called a corporation, not a government.
@@abbeyjane5014 I don’t disagree, I feel like I worded what I was trying to say a little badly. I don’t mean someone who is emotionally unstable. I think that being able to regulate your emotions is really important, but I also feel like emotions shouldn’t be completely left out of the decision making process. It also really depends on the situation.
@@abbeyjane5014I mean, being emotional doesn't mean being unstable. Honestly, I'd trust a very emotional person who has it all under control over someone who is straight up detached for this exact reason. One is used to dealing with a problem, the other either doesn't have it, or pretends it doesn't exist.
Apparently not 🤣🤣 but to them, bi people probably don't exist. Bi men are "weak and pathetic" and bi women exist for threesomes, but they "must marry a man." 🙄
I have seen my dad cry. When we had to put my 18 year old cat down in 2022. It was weird because I had never seen him cry before but I really understood just how much he loved her and how special she was to all of us. ❤
same, the first time i saw my dad cry was when we had to bury our first cat, and it made me feel so much less alone in missing him ❤ i hope your family is healing okay
@@runroorun_ we are doing ok. It was a rough year because we had to put down our other cat (her brother) just a couple months later but we have a couple cats now and they bring a lot of joy to us. I hope you are doing well too, loosing pets is heartbreaking even if it's been years since it happened.
See, THAT'S why it's so important to express your emotions around other people. It helps them to understand where you're at mentally. Not only that, but i'm sure that your dad felt a great sense of relief not having to grit his teeth and act like he was emotionally unscathed by the loss of your family pet. For that he's stronger❤️
yea, I get your point. For me it made it soo much worse. The only time I saw my dad cry was when I layed out how his behavior hurt me, and it feld nothing less than emotional blackmail. While not conciously used (I do not understand my dad as a psychopath), it most cerntanly was convinient to start crying when I had enough of his bahavior and set boundaries. I might be cynical, but I could not take it to be genuine.
Are you doing alr though ? Because it kinda sounds like he didn't treat you right and him crying made you have sympathy ? I def understand your POV, but please be careful that you're not saying something like "he hurts me, but he cares ♥" ! (Cause that's not healthy ofc)
...How old were you when this happened? If anything, that could say a lot about how your maturity and worldview may not have been developed enough for you to see it any other way.
"you can find someone attractive and not be attracted to them" yes but you can also be attracted to someone and still just be their friend i was super into this girl, amazing personality, absolutely gorgeous, but she just wanted to be friends and i agreed cuz i still wanted her in my life and now 6 years later she's one of the best friends i've ever had
@@heatherrae901true but not all attraction needs to be followed through on. I have a friend that’s beautiful but we’d make a horrible couple.sometimes a friendship is worth more then a possible relationship
Honestly, when that one guy said "crying in front of your kids is like crying in front of your girl", it was just even more telling for me. Like he said that men should be in charge in a relationship - he views women like children, not just as emotional as he claimed earlier, but stupid. Unable to parse through your emotions and understand how it's okay that you're feeling upset and need to express emotions. For the record, I've never seen my dad cry. He always presented himself as the authority figure to be respected and looked up to, over the human man that was my father. I'm closer to my mother for that reason - I've seen her scream and cry and have full blown panic attacks, which made me feel comfortable to have the same emotions around her, and I am healthier for it.
I don't understand how anyone can think that all men and all women can't be friends. Even if they personally don't think they can do that, do they just ignore the countless other men and women who are friends? They're really just telling on themselves if they don't think men and women can be friends.
They just don't think with any nuance, everything is black and white or generalized. Oh you can't be friends with women because you only see women as potential romantic/sexual partners? What about lesbians? Some of these alphas claim to be pro LGBTQ+ but they consistently leave queer people out of their worldview and opinions. You don't see men having friendships with fat women or "unattractive" women. Lmao maybe YOU don't, I see it all the time. Step outside your bubble, homie... It all just comes down to them not viewing women as human beings with their own thoughts, wants, needs, etc. Because if they actually did that, they'd have to confront their whole worldview and they don't want to do that. They want a mom, a maid, and/or a sex doll, they don't want a partner to share their life with.
Literally, one of my guy friends recently got a girlfriend and texted me like "hey, wanna meet my girlfriend?" Because we're still good friends despite being different genders.
I’ve seen my dad cry once in my whole life a few years ago. I won’t get into detail about why, but it made me respect him a lot more than I did previously. I didn’t use to have an amazing relationship with him but now I do. And that change started because of that moment we had ☺️ 19:28
Haha I'm the opposite (I'm all for men crying) but my dad has serious mental health issues and when I was younger he would have episodes of crying and pleading infront of Mr Flash forward I have major crying issues and shut off when somebody does, I don't have a good relationship with him despite being in family therapy for 4 years, I'm not sure what to do at this point because I've gone used to not relying on him Sorry for the vent, just needed to share
I've never seen my dad cry. Apparently he did cry when his mom died but I didn't see it, my mom only told me later, she said it was the only time she's ever seen him cry in all the time they've been together. I almost wish I had seen it. Not because I want him to be upset, i just feel like it would help me understand and connect with him better idk. It's hard to tell if he just doesn't feel emotions very strongly naturally or if he's actually bottling them up. I really hope it's not the latter, I don't want him to think any of us would think lesser of him for expressing emotion.
I think there's definitely a fine line you have to be mindful of as a parent. I don't think the action of crying is bad but you have to ask yourself if you're able to discuss why you're crying with your child. Like I don't think a child needs to be stressed about bills or work life so if you need a good cry, maybe do that in private. However if there's like a death in the family or something that the child is going to experience as well, then that can be a good opportunity to show that it's ok to be sad and express those emotions. This is coming from someone who never saw their dad cry until I was 25 and a mom that over shared and cried every weekend I came over
My dad has no issues with showing/experiencing emotions. He sometimes cries while listening to sad songs. I'm the opposite, I can't cry in front of people, I wanna be alone anytime I'm experiencing any negative emotions and I will get irrationaly angry if someone sees me
I knew a guy like this in high-school, he was such a prick, turning everything into a debate and preaching his sexist and borderline r-pey opinions. He has told me to off myself before and I insulted his voice and laughed when he looked so offended. He was immature and would tell the teacher on me for everything even that I only got in trouble once. Ah, men. Mm. I'm gay but, no. Edit; Everybody saying he probably had a thing for me, yeah he probably did. Oh yeah he also said, "Whats that stuff,, uh,, women's cologne??" "You mean, purfume??" -k
I have seen my dad cry, as a kid and an adult. I'm glad that he feels safe with his family to share his grief/fear/hurt with us. It always made me feel trusted and it helped me trust him with my emotions.
You’re absolutely right about how these types of guys with the alpha male and incel mentalities dont see women as complex human beings, seeing how they think all women only like, want, or do xyz, they see women as robots and when a woman does or likes something thats the opposite of the stereotypes that the patriarchy created, they get baffled, I remember seeing a video of a dude reacting to a woman saying which body type out of 3 random guys was her favorite, there was a super buff guy with nothing but mucles, a super skinny guy with no muscles, and a slim guy also with no muscles, she said the super skinny guy had the hottest looking body and the guy reacting to the video freaked tf out, he started yelling about how she must be lying bc “there’s no way a woman wouldnt like the buff guy” and all this other nonsense, its sad how many guys cant grasp the concept that different woman like different types and/or multiple different types of people, but their logic is “well I was skinny in hs & no girls dated me therefore no women like skinny guys”
It's like they're so shallow themselves that the concept of anyone having a personality and preferences beyond the media portrayal of beauty is an impossibility to them
Well maybe they have that mentality because they've experienced this firsthand. Women find 80% of men unattractive. So yeah, women effectively do want the same kinds of men. That's why only 40% of men that have ever existed have procreated.
But a lot of women aren't exactly truthful with men, which would explain the distrust that men have for women's opinions. It would seem like most women adopt the majority mindset/mentality, which is acceptable by mainstream media, and have almost completely denied their own individual attractions/desires. This leaves a lot of men wondering if she's being dishonest/disingenuous with her intentions/interest, the hive mind of social media has complicated our interactions, we can no longer trust her as an individual, especially if she completely subscribes to a particular ideology; I'd imagine this goes for men too, but men typically prefer individuality over conformity. I know I'm at least partially wrong in my initial assessment but I'm trying to understand and exchange ideas, I'm not opposed to differing perspectives, if anything I'm welcome to constructive criticism, as I am only one part of the totality of experience.
@@boredagain1 in most cases men with podcasts only have an idea of the "perfect woman" in their heads. Which alot of men subscribe to. Big ass, boobs, no waist, long hair, who smiles, who's quiet, housewife, submissive, virgin, no body hair, etc.. many women have subscribed to this ideology since this is the standard of "perfection" and without this, you're not considered "valuable". Sometimes lying isn't just for the hell of it. It's for safety. If this makes sense.
It's honestly scary that these types of dudes exist. Their mindsets not only hurt women, it hurts men too because they believe they're not supposed to show emotion, and to keep all their troubles inside. The most toxic thing about it is they say it's good for men. It's not, you're just making more men with mental health issues because they don't know how to properly show their feelings, or were taught not to show any at all, OR, were taught to lash out on women when they don't get what they want from them. It's very scary.
Not to mention they want a world where men are constantly in competition with each other to be "on top" which means a lot of dudes will loose and get stepped on by the men climbing over them. Most men will not be happy this way, because most people can't be happy in a hyper competitive environment. It's impossible for most people to find joy while being walked all over and told they are not good enough. You can, however, find happiness in not competing and being content with who you are.
Problem is that there are women (even normie feminine women who are emotional or "emotional") who will make fun of any man or treat him like shit if _he's_ emotional. It ain't just stereotypical tomboys, feminists, or butch lesbians who would do that.
My dad is was extremely rigid in my early life. I always saw him as aggressive. When my mom died, his wife of 25+ years, he opened up. He lost it and cried all the time. This changed our relationship drastically. We ended up going to therapy together and made incredible progress in terms of overcoming grief. Showing your full range of emotions to your children can only improve the relationship. Don’t wait.
My stepdad had an extremely toxic masculinity mindset. Constantly talked about what being a man is, trying to challenge my masculinity by telling me if I wanted to be a man (I am ftm) I had to do certain things. Which then of course pushed me into mowing the lawn when I had anorexia etc. He only changed once my mom threatened divorce. They love each other a lot but my mom loves me more. He started going to therapy and realizing his upbringing was a huge factor. Which is annoying because I told him that years earlier and he didn’t believe me. He’s finally mellowed out and is treating me with the respect I fucking deserve. Turns out he wanted to be a girl when he was a teen and his dad and mom where extremely extremely against it. He realizes now he just had that sort of discomfort phase, but the fact that was his parents reaction says something. We need to stop teaching this shit, it hurts women AND men He’s very supportive and listens to me now, which proves he’s always loved me. I know he does. But he also is willing to change finally because he cares about his family. I’m pretty lucky it turned out that way in the end
When people say women and men can't be friends it gives me"I don't think girls and boys can be friends because i have a hard time getting along with the opposite gender." Energy. I can and have gotten along with both girls and boys platonically before and still do. Most people just say that because they have a hard time maintaining friendships with different people.
It's really dehumanizing, because it's basically saying "I _only_ see people of the gender I'm attracted to as sexual objects, and that comes before any type of affection that I could otherwise have for them"
@@anaionescu8913This argument is so dumb because it implies that women don't objectify men in any way. Women see men as success objects. And no it's not dehumanizing! Men want sex, that's not dehumanizing. Women want men that can provide and provision, that's not dehumanizing. Funny how it's only "dehumanizing" when it pertains to what men want. Special pleading at its finest.
Just because you got along with them platonically doesn't mean they also felt the same way. I guarantee that if you called some of these guy "friends" of yours up and invited them to Netflix and chill, they'd be there in a hurry.
I would love to hear your take on the "more single men" / "women don't need men" conversation. I agree just realizing I haven't spent a lot of mental energy on it
The biggest thing that I think about often and a lot of people have mentioned is that we aren’t living in the 1960s where all you needed to “get a girl” and be married was to have a job and... that’s about it, aka the bare minimum. People who think women’s standards are too high are objectifying them, first off, and are angry at society for requiring basic human decency and emotional intelligence to even begin a relationship, let alone staying together, marrying, never divorcing, never looking at another man, etc
I'm honestly so sick of men being painted as the 'bread winner' for their families and for women it's viewed as more of a hobby. I don't intend on ever getting married or even sharing the same space as a man, I'm not sure I'm not the only woman out there that has decided single life is their best life.
As somebody who is a child of a parent who took themselves out. And was also raised in an environment of heavy misogyny. I honestly truly I’ve always believed, because even as a woman I do not get emotional advice from my misogynistic parental figures, because bringing up emotions to them mix them do one of two things which is shame you for feeling and emotion or brush you off by saying something like ha ha oh well, and he probably still be here if he wasn’t brought up in a way to think that would shame or just brush off his emotions. We’re on the flipside my mom’s parents. My papa was the paternal one of my grandma was the more analytical worked. Like you tell grandma you’re sick she gives you a couple Tylenol and tells you to take a nap but that’s it. You tell papa you’re sick he’s bringing you soup he’s giving you hugs. He’s feeling your forehead to make sure you don’t have a fever, I have never, and I lived with them seen my grandfather angry. I’ve never seen him cry at the same time though and as much as he would suppress a lot of his emotions, because of the time he was raised in, because he was so quiet unless he was playing music.he had to show people that he cared with his actions more so than his words, but even though he didn’t do things like cry in front of us, he still was able to display a very vulnerable side of himself where he did show he cared 100% because of needing to do things with actions instead of words, and he fiercely loved my grandma, like he felt because she was abused by her first husband that he had to make up for all that time she spent with that man being abused being good to her and I think it was a good balance, my papa I’ve always seen him as a man’s man. He won strongman competitions. He was an incredible musician. He worked for factory jobs when he was younger but he could still turn it around come home. Give his kids a hug, watch them cry go get them pads, tampons and chocolate. And never once would he ever say men shouldn’t cry even though he didn’t he would allow people to feel those emotions and then go out of his way to make them feel better after he knew what was wrong. And was a shoulder to cry on that would actually go out of their way to try and help you to make you not be sad anymore, but still allow you to have those emotions without shame, or needs of being manly. That’s what I think is manly
my dad cried when our pet guinea pig died. i never thought it was weak, i thought it was comforting and showed empathy. to this day i'm still proud of him for that moment.
I’m always baffled how people even seriously debate such topics, but then again I recently heard of a “”””””””study”””””” that concluded that wlw relationships exist because of straight men finding it attractive.
I actually have seen my dad cry. Our dog died when I was 9, and my mum had had the dog since before she was with my dad. Seeing him cry and be emotional about a loss in our family definitely resonated with me, even to this day as an adult. It taught me it's okay to be vulnerable and share my feelings with my family, and it entirely changed how I viewed my dad for the rest of my life. Knowing my dad is human means even when he messes up or upsets me, I can remember he feels just as deeply as I do and I can forgive him. So, yeah, I think being emotional with your kids is super important.
Seeing my Dad cry in front of me was the moment I finally understood that he loved me. I was a military divorce kid so didn't really know my dad until I was 17 and I was really angry at him for a long time because of it. But I remember when he sat me down and cried, grieving for the time he didn't get to spend with me and the man he used to be/family he wanted to have. That was when he truly became my Dad rather than just my father, that was when I saw him as a man who had done everything he could to try to be there for me and support me despite being at war most of my life. Sometimes your kids need to see you cry because it strengthens your bond
10:52 yeah exactly all this that you're saying! Also… Men think that they're competing against other men but they are actually competing with my solitude and not having to deal with their bullshit.
19:37 I think also depends on the circumstance. My 6 foot five broad shouldered Germanic hulk of a human; my father cried with love and that did not negatively impact me but I can admit when my stepmother died and he had been with her for 35 years and he cried every single day after she died… That was traumatizing in it's own way. But also goes to show how much he loved her.
My father was raised in the unhealthy machismo culture of Latin America and once when I was growing up, he said while cutting onions “this is the only time you’ll see me cry”… that attitude had a very negative impact. Thankfully now as a middle aged man with more children, he’s learned a lot more and become a more emotionally intelligent person who recognizes many of those past mistakes and apologizes for it. I can appreciate and respect the growth.
I have seen my father cry three times in my life: • When his father died (I was 12). • When my middle sister died under home hospice care after losing her battle with breast cancer. I was standing in front of his chair he was sitting in immediately after in the living room and I held his head against my stomach while he was crushing me in a hug and _sobbing._ (I was 25). • After our dog - HIS dog, really, his shadow and constant companion - was diagnosed with advanced stage lymphoma with a couple months left to live (I was 34). There is still no man I respect more in this world than my dad. Those instances only made me respect him more because he had feelings and I knew how hard it was for him to let them out because of the abusive upbringing he had. He'd been on his own since he was 15 and when he and my mom started dating at 16 (they just had their 57th wedding anniversary last week!), her mom basically adopted him, ie _"Alrighty, you're one of mine now whether you like it or not"._ He called her "Mom", too. Tangent, woo. Anyway. My dad has always been a rock and pillar of strength in my family and the times he's shown intense emotion from grief did NOTHING to change that. I wish more men could let that "emotion = weakness" thing go because it's SO toxic and harmful to them and their loved ones.
I don’t have the greatest relationship with my dad these days, but one of the things I always appreciated about him was that he does cry. Anything that moves him, he’s not afraid to shed a few tears. I’d be lying if I said I’ve been the most emotionally healthy person, but that did certainly help.
I’ve seen my dad cry many, many times in my life and I’ve held him while he’s cried several times as well. He and I have a very difficult relationship now because of differences of beliefs and such, but I think we would be in an even worse place if we hadn’t shared that vulnerability in the past. Him showing his humanity helped take him off the intimidating pedestal that I think so many of us see our parents on. Anyway those are just my experiences/thoughts, I hope everyone has a good day and if your relationship with your father is painful I hope you will heal
My dad was drunk one time and he cried,it was strange because he was crying over his dead mom and dad and I just felt his loneliness.we don't speak often and seeing his vulnerability at that time make me love him a little more.
They're always talking about what men are "supposed to be" (in front of their gf and kids), but never talking about what comes naturally to them such as complex emotions or friendships. Why would you reduce your entire experience as a human being so goddamn much? Why would you limit yourself to only 50% of human experiences? It's all there for you to take : the love, the pain, the possibilities, why deny them? (the answer is misogyny but I just think they're fools for missing out)
Because women don't respect men that can't control their emotions. This has nothing to do with "missing out", but rather not subjugating oneself to being vulnerable in front of a woman. Being vulnerable in front of women turns them off.
my dad was the strongest person i’ve ever known. he was strong and masculine, but he cried in front of me my entire life. having him show me what healthy emotions are and showing me men can and should be open with their feelings has allowed me to never accept a man who can’t do the same
I also feel expressing your emotions is not a weakness. I have seen my father, my grand-father and my boyfriend cry and I can confidently say it brought us closer. It shows me first that it’s normal to have and feel emotions. It also made me happy because it showed me that they are comfortable & safe with me. 💖
@@Ddx629 Yes, it did! I can only speak for myself, but since it takes maturity and strength of character to trust and show vulnerability, I look for that in someone I share my life with. But even if it hadn't made me more attracted to my partner, a strong relationship is multi-faceted and requires more than just attraction to succeed, so it would still benefit our relationship 🤍
@randall-flagg I think it is true that it can be used against you by people who have bad intentions but I do not wish to be surrounded by these people anymore. I surround myself with people who will bring out the best in me and those who care about my well-being 😊
@@sandrinebj7456Yes it can be used against you. But that's not the only issue. The issue of a guy crying to his girl is that it changes the sexual polarity in the relationship. It causes him to shift into his feminine and her to shift into her masculine because now she has to take on the role of being the rock of the relationship. And that's not the natural state of men and women.
@@sandrinebj7456 No it didn't, every woman claims it turns them on but yet your actions always prove otherwise. It's like you want me to believe that just based on the fact you didn't leave him at that point. No, it doesn't take maturity or strength to show vulnerability. Vulnerability by definition is the opposite of strength. Vulnerability is by definition a weakness. It's like if you're a boxer, if you're vulnerable, that means you have a weakness and are prone to attack and get knocked out. The fact that you say "even if it hasn't made me more attracted" proves exactly that it didn't. Because why would you hint at a hypothetical unless I asked if that's what happened? How would that benefit the relationship? Because like I said, a man being vulnerable is a man being in his feminine. A man's natural essence is not to be feminine. When a man acts feminine, he's acting like a defective version of a woman. He's literally acting like your girlfriend. You're not turned on by your girlfriends. The only "benefit" it would give you is it would satisfy your non-sexual needs but it wouldn't satisfy your sexual needs. Because a woman's sexual needs are met through a man's strength, not a man's weakness. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5937254/ www.psypost.org/2020/03/study-finds-women-arent-attracted-to-men-that-seem-easy-to-manipulate-or-deceive-56027 academic.oup.com/beheco/article/29/1/51/4496683 www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110524070310.htm www.israel21c.org/women-really-dont-like-sensitive-men-study-finds/
My boyfriend used to refuse to show emotion to me. It was how he was raised, but one day something happened between him and his mom and he just broke completely in front of me. I didn’t think any less of him then and I don’t think any less of him now because of that. I was actually really happy he was able to just show how he was feeling in front of me
But did that make you turned on or attracted to him? You didn't see him as less in that moment, but that doesn't mean you won't eventually. He refuses to show emotions like that because he knows better and you probably henpecked him to show emotions which was a shit test that he failed. Saying you didn't see him as less means you did because he was like that before and now that he showed those emotions, he's not that guy anymore. And it won't be long until you turn him into the guy he wasn't when you were attracted to him.
seeing my boyfriend cry for the first time really made me more attracted to him. knowing that as a man he is in tune with himself and comfortable with being vulnerable really makes me feel safe and has only endeared his place in my heart more. a lot of people with this mentality that men can't cry because it's weak, often talk about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I think that needs to apply to emotions as well. you may not be ready to accept that but being able to really know yourself, and to be able to let feelings out when you feel them is a huge hurdle to a lot of men are too afraid or insecure or hurt to get over. as a woman when a man has climbed that mountain he gains an incredible amount of respect. it allows his full masculinity to really come through instead of putting on a mask of some other man he wishes he was, he is himself. it's really powerful
@@chameleonchick I totally agree with you. I felt as if it deepened our connection which in turn made me more attracted to him. A man who is aware of his emotions is such an attractive person
I’ve seen my dad cry a handful of times and I look back at those times and respect him so much for being vulnerable and it humanizes him ❤ Derrick’s experience with and his daughter of having a vulnerable heart to heart when she was older is what happened w me w my dad and our relationship has blossomed from that
Seeing all these heartwarming comments about how much respect and emotional connection that was built from yall seeing your dads share their emotions just goes to show how wrong the alpha males are, they keep claiming over and over again that crying will make their kids and wife feel like they have noone to make them feel safe and secure, when in reality, the dads who show their human side make their kids feel WAY more safe, secure, close, happy, and comfortable, I’m so glad you have a healthy connection💯
My father has cried in front of me and tbh I was freaked out, it was random and just before he was yelling at me, than he broke down in tears and told me how everyday he restrains himself from hitting my mum and me and just went into a lot of detail…. Moral of the Story: be vulnerable and don’t hide your feelings otherwise you’ll go literally manic, and never eat ranch ice-cream that shits fucking disgusting
Hoo boy. That's why I can't have kids. Managing my anger issues is difficult and guilt-inducing. Your dad really needs support but it needs to be a professional. It sounds like he's a good person who's trying but struggling under high stress. But you can't just rely on willpower for something so serious, you need robust, failsafe tools.
I had a conversation with my dad about regrets, he told me the only thing he regrets is hiding the fact he was crying after our dog died. He wanted to show us how strong he was but admitted that it would have been stronger to be comfortable crying. I love my dad and am so thankful he's become more vulnerable and open ❤
Even though my dad technically isn't my biological father, dad was more emotionally available and vulnerable than my mother. I was able to come to him with my feelings and problems more easily. Because of that, our relationship is stronger than it is with my mom. I am a very sensitive person like him. He has always said my sensitivity and empathy is a strength & my best quality. He is a rock and he didn't need to hide his feelings to do so. My dad is a hero to me.
My dad only cried in front of me once and it completely changed my world view. This man who I had seen as more then human was just so very human in that moment. It made me realize at the age of 6 that he was a person and the world impacted him. He had bad days and actual human feelings. I remember being happy because it had felt weird to me that kids had all these big feelings it the adults around me didn’t. Parents have to cry, and laugh, and even get mad. It creates external validation for emotions kids have but don’t understand and can foster healthy communication.
gender really doesn’t matter when it comes to emotions because we’re all human with complex feelings. i’m pan and (in my experience) my ex girlfriend was more dominant and covered her emotions with anger while my current boyfriend is sensitive and communicates openly with me about his emotions. it’s about partnership and being as communicative as you can. if it’s the right person for you, then you’ll feel okay being open (even if it takes some time) because they love you. and that means without conditions.
the story derek told about he and his daughter's talk and emotional catharsis really resonates with me. im around the age that his daughter was when they had their talk, and i recently had a similar one with my dad. we've butted heads basically since i formed my own opinions because while he always raised me to think freely and not just follow what im told, i dont think he expected me to form different opinions than his. it took a lot of time and screaming and crying to finally break through to him that i was growing into the person he ultimately wanted me to be, and that he had to accept that as a complete, separate human being, that included having my own thoughts. it was also when i expressed my suicidal thoughts as well as came out to him as aroace. very emotional moment, but he just hugged me while we cried together. i still want to see my dad change his views, but to get there, the first step was to have that breaking point. that emotional catharsis where i finally revealed something i was afraid to tell him, and really opened up. it was only one of two moments in my life that i remember seeing my dad cry, and its currently one of my most cherished memories and what i come back to any time my dad has a weak moment that makes me angry at him. hes trying for me, and im trying for him, because despite our differing opinions, he is an amazing dad and i love him so much and want him to be a part of my life.
My big tough Aussie bloke dad cried with me when my guinea pig died, when I was 8. I cherish the moments we connected like that in such simple ways without needing to find the right words, just knowing he felt sad that I was sad and wanted to make it better.
I've seen my dad truly cry only once. It was after my older brother passed. He's a proud guy but humble. I still see him as the big man in the dark uniform trying to hold his family up. I don't have as many memories with my brother. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just stood there and held him until he stopped. We then watched something on TV blow up and the credits roll. I'm not great at emotions. They are either too intense or not there. That's a different issue altogether. But no one should be afraid to cry. I have a few times before heading off to work or at a loved one's graveside. I'm not ashamed of it but... I dated someone who sent me, nothing about her really, just existential doubt and the past... She treated me differently after. Said she didn't expect it (I didn't either) and then she cried and it felt like my fault. It fell apart like a... She later went back to her fiance. Said I wasn't stepfather material. Whatever that means... What was my point? Right. It's okay to be honest and human. Don't forget that others are okay to be that too. Real men cry.
Despite him being very open with his emotions I've only seen my Dad cry once: when his brother-in-law (who essentially raised him) died while we were on a trip for my career. He came to my motel room to tell me and he sobbed on my shoulder and tbh I've never felt so close to my Dad. It felt so bittersweet that he was comfortable doing that with me; he's a very strong and supportive man, and it was an honour to be able to support him in that time. I think it really brought us closer together and I'm very proud of how I supported him through the following months.
i saw my mother cry a million times, but it was usually manipulation while she would guilt trip or gaslight. this isn't reflective of mothers as a whole, of course, but that really made me feel worse about crying because i associated it with that. my dad was somebody who i saw cry enough times that it didn't scare me as something he would never do, and it was usually when he was expressing something like how he was stressed or that he was proud of me. in my adulthood i have seen him cry from shame, and i TRULY don't see him differently. he's never been one to put the waterworks on to make me feel bad for him, he just... lets out emotions. he's not the most emotionally healthy guy in the world, but what it did show me was men can cry and still be men. do you know how well that did me for interacting with people in the world??? SO MUCH BETTER. i went into elementary already knowing "boys dont cry" is bullshit. having that example at home does far more good than any media alone can do.
My father cried in front of me before especially after my parents divorced and my dad was always open about his emotions like when I was younger my dad def had the alpha outlook but as we both got older he became more and more open. There were times my father and I cried together. ❤ rip dad 💖
I have never seen my dad cry. There’s so many problems between us, but I think a lot of them would have been solved, and still could be, if he learned to handle his emotions in a better way. He throws fits and has huge blow ups and then just leaves. I never understood it growing up and always felt like I was the problem making him have outbursts and then leave, but now that I’m 24 and have been actively trying to figure out my own shit, I see now how much of it is that he just can not control or manage his emotions. Now what he does during those outbreaks… there’s a lot that I can’t cut him slack on but I try to cut him slack on that. We’re from the south and he was definitely raised to be a shell of a man instead of a fully emotionally formed person. I think if I was ever able to have that heart to heart with him or just have a conversation without it leading to anything, AND him agreeing to figure out his shit, so many aspects of our relationship could be better.
Ive seen my dad cry many times. And its made me feel happy and safe to share how i feel. Ive had him cry with me when i share how i feel. I LOVE MY DAD !!!!!!
The way my “tough, manly” dad has cried in front of me more time than i could even count growing up makes me respect him even more. Like yeah, lets talk about our feelings, lets not pretend you’re some emotionless man who doesn’t have feelings. Both of my brothers are more emotional than i am and its just always been that way. This “men shouldnt cry” shit is so wild to me
@@appleswithpeanutbutter609Feelings often get in a way because you can't process them correctly. If you have a healthy emotional stability, your feelings would be your benefit, and if not, then you'll know very well how to deal with them so that they'll not get in the way. How are you going to do that if you're emotionally stunned? Other thing. Emotions don't just go away. Bottle them up all you want, eventually the lead will be torn off and everything spilled out. How will it go? Another outburst? Drunken episode? Angry post on the internet? Heart problems? Those are extreme cases, but none of them are healthy. Neither for you, nor for people around you. This may be biased, but I think that emotionally open people are far more attractive than those who are not. Sorry for an essay and sorry for any mistakes, this is not my native language. I just wanted to get my point across.
@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 I'm sorry to hear that. Frankly, being too emotional is not good for anybody, no matter the gender. Too many emotions means something is not right, there's an issue or a problem that needs to be addressed. Turning off emotions will not do it. It's like having a cold and trying to heal a runny nose. I won't solve a problem, only a symptom. Maybe try to find a root of an issue, talking with a trusted friend may help, or even a professional, there's no shame in asking help. I truly hope you'll get better soon
i cannot count the amount of times ive seen my dad cry, but i can only think of like 3 or 4 times i’ve seen my mom cry. my dad brought my sister and i to appointments and school for most of our lives, he does the most laundry and cleaning in the house, and for a long time my mom was bringing in significantly more money than him. and that’s all perfectly okay!! my parents have been married for twenty years, theyre able to communicate and share workloads, they balance each other out. but i’m sure some of those guys would think because of that dynamic i turned out gay or something lmao
8:16 the patriarchy convincing everyone that anger is not an emotion has really fucked everyone up. Having emotional range does not make you “more emotional” than someone who can only express anger.
My father has never been afraid to show emotion, but never made us feel uncomfortable. He took me to see "The Bridge to Tarabithia" (if you know, you know) and we both cried in that theater. Afterwards he told me that it is important not to stifle those emotions because they are natural and they show empathy and compassion. He has always been more empathic and "sensitive" than my Mom, just by nature. Never caused me to lose respect for him. I've wished for my mom that she felt like she could be as open. They were just raised differently and have different personalities. Has nothing to do with gender.
My dad has been a better person since gaining the ability to cry, show emotion, and going to therapy. I am deeply sorry for the hypothetical children these men have, because they may never have a healthy relationship with their fathers due to the mens lack of emotional maturity. I hope that one day the men and their families can begin to work on their emotional openness and work to healthier, happier relationships in turn
In my 20's I watched my grandfather cry when his wife of over 65 years passed away. It was the most powerful expression of love and strength I have ever witnessed. Had he remained cold/indifferent I would not have seen that as a strength of his character but instead a failure of his pride/ego.
My dad never cried in front of me growing up, but after multiple near death experiences for my dad and after I came out, my dad's emotional side started to flourish. Now he cries semi often about missing his kids being around and even when he knew something was up before I came out, he cried to me about just wanting to know who I was. He's a good man.
During my freshmen orientation for college, I made a guy friend. The orientation was in June, so we kept texting the entire summer and hung out almost every single day once school started. Everyone we mutually knew at the time (other kids in our orientation group (some of which he went to high school with), our room mates and friends) all came to the conclusion, without asking either of us, that we were sleeping together or at least dating😑 I remember very distinctly visiting his dorm one day and his room mate + room mate's gf were there. At one point, my friend and his room mate left the room and the gf asked me straight up if we were f*cking????🤨 Like no one could genuinely believed that we just liked talking, playing games, drawing together, etc in a 100% platonic relationship. This was in 2016 and we're still great friends today!
My dad is a lovable sap, and he has a wonderful heart. I’ve seen my dad cry more times than I can count for both sad and happy reasons, and I’ve never seen that as anything other than a positive influence on my whole family.
my dad cries in front of his kids. when he has an emotional moment, when he finds something incredibly beautiful, or very sad, he will shed some tears. I've never seen him sobbing and screaming with tears, but it made me feel so validated and thankful that he would show his emotions.
My parents were very emotionally unstable, so I never saw them as anything other than "stupid grown-ups" lol as for my dad, he cried easily when watching television, but he was cold and sarcastic when we had an honest conversation. Anyways,,, thanks for the part 2 Annamarie! It was a nice surprise. Awesome video as always, and I genuinely appreciate your opinions and open-mindedness. 😊
I've seen both my Mother and my Father cry. I personally feel extreme embarrassment and shame when crying, especially if seen by other people. I'm very glad that my parents communicated clearly and expressed their emotions because, It's made me more emotionally intelligent.
My dad and my grandpa cried at every chorus concert or showchoir show, and it’s always going to make me feel all warm and loved. They were so proud that they cried and it meant the world to me 🥹
I'm glad they brought up & u elaborated more on the finding someone attractive vs being attracted to them. Back when I realized I was bi-romantic, I remember people thinking that because I found someone attractive that meant I was attracted to them when it was that I'd admired their beauty particularly their personality but wasn't interested in dating them
19:57 I've seen my dad cry many many times and it has only created good things in our relationship. I see him as even more strong because he was raised in an environment where he couldn't cry so the strength it had to take to be able to cry in front of his family is a lot. Seeing my dad cry has also made it so I've become a guy who doesn't feel the need to suppress his feelings. Crying in front of your kids really helps them develop emotional maturity which is such a helpful lifelong thing I'm sorry if this didn't make a lot of sense, I'm tired
Not only have I seen my father cry, i have cried with him more times than i can count. As a man, those are powerful moments. Moments when you get some release from hiding everything away and putting on a strong face for everyone else. My grampa just passed, and my dad and I will miss him beyond belief. We have spent years drinking scotch at the lake and talking late into the night. We live far apart so when we come together to fish and relax in one place it has always been meaningful. We have cried together before, but this most recent time was drinking scotch in silence at the lake remembering those moments we will never have again. I have never lost respect for my dad losing his control over emotions. I respect him more for being able to cry with me when life hits hard.
The idea that father's shouldn't cry in front of their kids is insane. Crying is good. Feeling grief is good. It helps you process your feelings. If crying isn't for fathers, then it isn't for children because they aren't having it modeled for them. If the father thinks crying in front of his kids makes him weak, then children will think that crying makes them weak. I'll go so far as to call it abuse. Failing to teach kids to understand and process emotions is abuse.
I've seen my dad cry a few times (sadness, joy ...) and it always brings me to tears because we have an emotional bond and sometimes it does makes me sad. But in no freaking way am I seeing my dad as "less of a man" because of this. It's rather the opposite. I think showing emotions is sometimes the hardest thing one can do, especially for men.
In their mind, women are too emotional to think rationally, especially given the fluctuations of hormones, they believe that would influence leadership skills. Clearly, if women weren't meant to be in power, Queen Elizabeth the Resilient wouldn't have ruled for over 70 years, and would have been usurped.
child developmental psychology has the actual answers to the "Should a father cry in front of his kids?" debate. Kids need to be exposed to emotions gradually throughout their childhood. They should feel very protected and unaware when rly young, but then they need to gradually see more examples of adults dealing with big kid emotions in healthy ways, so they don't begin to ignore/hide/repress their own big feelings. Women & girls already have a strong culture of communicating our emotions, but boys do not Boys are not born hiding their emotions, it is taught to them. Most fathers massively neglect this responsibility because being emotionally vulnerable still feels so unsafe, due to their own childhood
I have seen my dad cry (a few times) and genuinely it has made me see him in a different light, a better light. Growing up I always thought he was the funny yet stern parent and then when I first saw him cry I realised he’s a human too, he’s not just there to be my dad and tell me what to do, he’s there to live a life and that life has hardships and excitement and pride and sadness and sometimes he has to cry and it’s beautiful.
Isn’t it funny how the “Alphas” try to explain things but end up saying the same things over and over but they never make a good point…but ofc that’s just my opinion. Although the ones in this video were way better than alphas on podcasts and stuff. They were way more diverse and understood a bit better
I'm a fat woman who's best friend was a man until the day he died. We took solo trips together and even slept in the same bed often and we were never sexual nor was i paying for anything. I was even the best man at his wedding! He was the best, and I love and miss him dearly. In short men and women can be friends as long as there is mutual respect!
@@Ddx629 Not every single little thing in a relationship has to be about turning your partner on, some moments just exist to build a deeper emotional bond. Relationships aren't just about sex and sexual polarity is usually not a thing normal people worry about because most people don't want to go out of their way to make their relationship needlessly stressful by worrying about dumb things like who's the masculine and feminine one.
As a lesbian, I always find men not letting their girlfriends have male pals really strange. Like, don't you trust your partner? Most of my friends are women, but you don't see my gf getting her pants in a twist about it like cishet men do.
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the pomegranate erasure in this,, disappointing, honestly :/
The section about crying in front of your children really hit for me and i felt the need to say, that as a kid who grew up with emotionally unstable father: I so badly wish he cried in front of us. All he ever did was rage and scream when he was upset. **That** is what teaches children fear, not vulnerability.
On the other side of this, my stepdad cries all the time in front of us. He's vulnerable with us and that in turn makes us feel safe to be more open with him.
@@havocsTeacherYour step dad sounds like a lovely man :) I hope y'all continue to have a good familial relationship!
That's how my dad was too. He'd scream at me and then I'd cry and he'd be like "why are you crying??" Um ... Cuz you're screaming at me and I'm 7.
@@dorkigoddess5228 His self awareness in the negatives 😭
@@dorkigoddess5228dang I can relate, my dad used to ask me why I was crying and than proceed to "give me reasons to cry"
I'm an alpha = I'm scared of dominant women 😞
It's really sad to think that I don't even think it's about women being "dominant" but instead literally just women being confidently independent...
im attracted to em 😔😔😔
Independent*
Or just scared of women period
@@chojay13 But omggggg women doing anything at all on their own and not being a damsel in distress is so ✨WOKE✨ and emasculating~!! 😤 /s
As an afab teen, it's so fucking annoying whenever I tell my step-dad I have a friend who's a boy. He immediately assumes we are dating or whatever. What's rich is ive told him 500 times I like girls only and he still insists I only hang around boys because I want male attention or are interested in them💀
I'm a biromantic woman (ace+bi) but omg I hated family always asking or making fun of me for any guy friends I bring to any event or gathering. Always want me to be crushing on them or dating them when they're just the guys I play games and go to conventions with since elementary school. Drives me nuts. Never say the same things about any girls I bring over either.
They really don't even understand that majority of people won't even date an ace person either, it can be really challenging to find a non or minimal sexual person. Majority of people in the world are not ace and I don't expect someone to need to change those preferences and needs for me.
I'm a lesbian in a happy relationship
My father last week asked when is he gonna have grandkids
How???
I cant spontaniously grow a dick and neither can my girlfriend
I got that so much when I was a teenager too! I'd say I was hanging out with a male friend and my family like "oh are you interested in him??? What's his name, who do I have to kill?" It was so annoying and frustrating. I don't mind if they were curious about if I was interested in someone but a lot of them framed it as like an inevitable thing.
Like "No, for the 1000th time, I only see him as a friend. How many times do we have to go over this?" It was like impossible to wrap their head around the idea that men and women could be just friends. I'd also get that condescending "He's a teenage boy, he's probably only interested in dating you". Maybe I'm off base but I find that so insulting to teenage boys as if they're incapable of feeling any emotion other than horny. 🙄
im ftm, i hate when people automatically assume im gay, even if i came out as bi BEFORE i came out as trans 🙄
Me, a afab non binary who, when I told my parents I was bi some months ago (I told them I was a lesbian years ago, and forgot to tell them when I realized I was bi years ago too), they then assumed that me and my best friend (trans woman, but they don’t know that bc they’re transphobic) were banging each other.
They literally have no evidence that showed that I was attracted to my friend, they only assumed bc “oh, my daughter must be banging her male best friend bc men and women can’t be just friends” 💀
When it comes to the whole “women are more emotional than men”, it gets to me how crying is considered emotional, yet a man punching a hole in the wall or worse is not. Anger is an emotion too, but it is not perceived as such, even though it’s a more detrimental form of coping.
Not just anger, but think about all the emotions involved in playing the "alpha male" who obsesses over being in power, being "respected", getting laid, making sure everyone knows how much of a stallion he is, and being outwardly an emotionless rock. Fear, envy, neediness, self loathing, repression, guilt, shame, narcissism, pride, arrogance, etc etc etc. Being an "alpha male" is the most emotionally exhausting bullshit ever.
Women rarely have to cope with anger because they have nothing to be angry about.
When a man punches a wall it’s a good display of restraint because his healthy instincts are telling him to punch the source of danger (the individual causing the issue) but he’s able to consider legality and instead redirect the strike into an inanimate object
@@HankWilliams-kp3io Dude, what the hell? We totally get angry. I've been so incensed I've wanted to punch things. Both genders experience all emotions, the difference is people tend to tell us we don't or shouldn't and that changes behavior but it doesn't mean it's our instinct to have different emotions. And punching things doesn't show some kind of special masculine restraint. It shows that you've got an issue that isn't being addressed and is getting worse till you punch stuff. It's very strange how you've convinced yourself that the action of physical violence is somehow a positive just because you didn't punch a person. If this is something you experience often please get some help to work through that anger in a more healthy way. Punching stuff doesn't make you look manly, it makes people not want to be around you. My father punched holes into walls and I still live with the fear I felt as a little girl. It's not good for you, either. Everyone gets really angry sometimes but please don't dismiss your emotions.
@@HankWilliams-kp3iolol y'all be saying anything to rationalize your crazy man emotions
@@HankWilliams-kp3io ...the fuck did the walls do you men? stay away from my walls, homewrecker.
This is a good example of the kind of emotions these alphas are: selfish, insecure, and angry.
It’s better to be sad sometimes than to be too insecure to date a woman that makes more than you.
the fact is that they are sad... they're so sad and insecure that they need to turn it into something else and project it onto other people.
alphas(misogynists) and radical feminists(misandrists) are deceptive and manipulative of their image. Their actions and statements are pure bs and downright horrible but they sell it in a way to be glorified by emotionally vulnerable boys and girls. Basically groomers.
Alphas and sigma men don't care about what women think
@@bryanpittman7540 Yet here you are, in the comments... Responding to what we think. Caring.
@@scarletweaver171 I feel the same way about you
These sort of men think that emotional is crying, but that takes strength.
Getting angry, yelling, and hitting people does not take strength, and it is also emotional.
Bingo. And not to mention being serious and weary of so called "competition" all the time leads to paranoia as well as delusion that every guy is out to compete against you.
Theses guys can be "Alphas" all they want because what I see are mentally ill
narcissists living a fantasy.
Yep.
Yeah, when I get emotional I struggle to cry in front of others. I don't like it. Crying in front of others is what's brave. You show that you're not okay and need support. It's strong to ask for help. You often just get worse when holding tears back.
Exactly. Ironically, the weakest thing someone can do it take their anger out on others. Crying takes balls
The amount of misogyny and sexism I deal with on the regular in my male dominated career and the times I've chosen to NOT respond with violence takes strength. Pretty sure me and my few woman coworkers are superheros at this point lol
Annamarie is like the older sister I never had
Unrelated but I love your pfp so much
@@Gryph0nHound32 aww thx
So true
Annamarie is basically the sister i do have
Same
"Women are always going to be more emotional than men"
My brother in christ, have you MET men?
LITERALLY. The most emotionally fragile creatures on earth.
They literally panic if a product for them isn't blue color coded or has the word "Man" in it. Some of them really are overgrown toddlers, lack of self-awareness and all lol.
For some godforsaken reason some men are convinced that anger is not an emotion. I would like to know why, but I'm afraid no one really knows
True
Very few men on earth expect a woman to know how to cook.
I had a male coworker try to have this argument. It ended with me saying to say outta women’s business and stay in ur own lane and that’s when I learned that was the first time someone told him to shut the fuck up.😂😂😂
my fave extreme sport is telling men to stfu when no one ever has before
@@eilir_adron telling men to stfu and other extreme sports... Where can I sign up?
@@eilir_adronLOL
@@eilir_adronI mean, not all men deserve it, but boy when they do….
Which argument was it?
I hate the misconception that being an emotional person makes you a bad decision maker/leader or illogical. We have feelings and emotions for a reason.
In a way it is emotions should be channelled somewhere more healthily
Exactly! Lots of things are crimes because they FEEL BAD. If you had no emotions, then stalking or molestation or statutory rape wouldn’t even be illegal because the damage done is emotional, not physical. You have to feel deeply to be a good leader, you need empathy for the people you represent.
An institution only concerned with money and physical things is called a corporation, not a government.
@@abbeyjane5014 I don’t disagree, I feel like I worded what I was trying to say a little badly. I don’t mean someone who is emotionally unstable. I think that being able to regulate your emotions is really important, but I also feel like emotions shouldn’t be completely left out of the decision making process. It also really depends on the situation.
@@abbeyjane5014I mean, being emotional doesn't mean being unstable. Honestly, I'd trust a very emotional person who has it all under control over someone who is straight up detached for this exact reason. One is used to dealing with a problem, the other either doesn't have it, or pretends it doesn't exist.
It does! Because if you think with your emotions first, you will make bad decisions.
What if you’re bi or pan, does that mean you can’t be friends with anyone? Lmaoooo
Apparently not 🤣🤣 but to them, bi people probably don't exist. Bi men are "weak and pathetic" and bi women exist for threesomes, but they "must marry a man." 🙄
As a bisexual I must say. It is oddly satisfying when you realize that your own orientation makes their argument crumble 😂😂
Yeah we're NOT allowed to have any friends ever
Exactly. These people have very limited thinking
“BuT bIs AnD pAnS dOn’T eXiSt!”
- “Alpha” males, probably
I have seen my dad cry. When we had to put my 18 year old cat down in 2022. It was weird because I had never seen him cry before but I really understood just how much he loved her and how special she was to all of us. ❤
same, the first time i saw my dad cry was when we had to bury our first cat, and it made me feel so much less alone in missing him ❤ i hope your family is healing okay
@@runroorun_ we are doing ok. It was a rough year because we had to put down our other cat (her brother) just a couple months later but we have a couple cats now and they bring a lot of joy to us. I hope you are doing well too, loosing pets is heartbreaking even if it's been years since it happened.
@@navareeves8976 i feel you, that sucks. i’m glad you have another couple cats now to keep you company
See, THAT'S why it's so important to express your emotions around other people. It helps them to understand where you're at mentally.
Not only that, but i'm sure that your dad felt a great sense of relief not having to grit his teeth and act like he was emotionally unscathed by the loss of your family pet. For that he's stronger❤️
Same w mine, ive only seen him cry 5 times - when i discovered santa wasnt real, and then for our 2 cats and 2 rats being put down
I hated my dad until I saw him cry and realized he was an actual human that cared about me, and not a dictator there to terrorize me
yea, I get your point. For me it made it soo much worse.
The only time I saw my dad cry was when I layed out how his behavior hurt me, and it feld nothing less than emotional blackmail.
While not conciously used (I do not understand my dad as a psychopath), it most cerntanly was convinient to start crying when I had enough of his bahavior and set boundaries.
I might be cynical, but I could not take it to be genuine.
@@alberich3099that's how I feel too
Are you doing alr though ? Because it kinda sounds like he didn't treat you right and him crying made you have sympathy ? I def understand your POV, but please be careful that you're not saying something like "he hurts me, but he cares ♥" ! (Cause that's not healthy ofc)
...How old were you when this happened? If anything, that could say a lot about how your maturity and worldview may not have been developed enough for you to see it any other way.
Same
"you can find someone attractive and not be attracted to them"
yes but you can also be attracted to someone and still just be their friend
i was super into this girl, amazing personality, absolutely gorgeous, but she just wanted to be friends and i agreed cuz i still wanted her in my life and now 6 years later she's one of the best friends i've ever had
But what would happen if she expressed romantic feelings for you?
You’re not dating/marrying her now are you? If not, good.
@@heatherrae901 nobody cares. Romantic feelings are not the same as a true loving relationship.
@@frankiedomanico9701 well to that I’d say a true loving relationship can often involve romantic feelings or start from them
@@heatherrae901true but not all attraction needs to be followed through on. I have a friend that’s beautiful but we’d make a horrible couple.sometimes a friendship is worth more then a possible relationship
The concept of “you can find someone attractive without being attracted to them” is what made me realize I’m a lesbian 😂
Me too!!
@user-qk9sx3ls5n ..your life, or…?
That's also what finally made me realize I was aro/ace! Lol
Honestly, when that one guy said "crying in front of your kids is like crying in front of your girl", it was just even more telling for me. Like he said that men should be in charge in a relationship - he views women like children, not just as emotional as he claimed earlier, but stupid. Unable to parse through your emotions and understand how it's okay that you're feeling upset and need to express emotions.
For the record, I've never seen my dad cry. He always presented himself as the authority figure to be respected and looked up to, over the human man that was my father. I'm closer to my mother for that reason - I've seen her scream and cry and have full blown panic attacks, which made me feel comfortable to have the same emotions around her, and I am healthier for it.
I don't understand how anyone can think that all men and all women can't be friends. Even if they personally don't think they can do that, do they just ignore the countless other men and women who are friends? They're really just telling on themselves if they don't think men and women can be friends.
They just don't think with any nuance, everything is black and white or generalized. Oh you can't be friends with women because you only see women as potential romantic/sexual partners? What about lesbians? Some of these alphas claim to be pro LGBTQ+ but they consistently leave queer people out of their worldview and opinions.
You don't see men having friendships with fat women or "unattractive" women. Lmao maybe YOU don't, I see it all the time. Step outside your bubble, homie...
It all just comes down to them not viewing women as human beings with their own thoughts, wants, needs, etc. Because if they actually did that, they'd have to confront their whole worldview and they don't want to do that. They want a mom, a maid, and/or a sex doll, they don't want a partner to share their life with.
As a bisexual apparently I can't have friends
@@thewickeddevilofthewest And as an aro-ace person, everyone is my friend, jealous?
@@thewickeddevilofthewestsame, I guess I (pansexual) shouldn’t be around people at all cause I’ll take everyone to bed lol
Literally, one of my guy friends recently got a girlfriend and texted me like "hey, wanna meet my girlfriend?" Because we're still good friends despite being different genders.
Honestly, never seeing your parent cry is equally as damaging as having an unstable overemotional parent. Speaking from experience 🙃
I’ve seen my dad cry once in my whole life a few years ago. I won’t get into detail about why, but it made me respect him a lot more than I did previously. I didn’t use to have an amazing relationship with him but now I do. And that change started because of that moment we had ☺️ 19:28
Haha I'm the opposite (I'm all for men crying) but my dad has serious mental health issues and when I was younger he would have episodes of crying and pleading infront of Mr
Flash forward I have major crying issues and shut off when somebody does, I don't have a good relationship with him despite being in family therapy for 4 years, I'm not sure what to do at this point because I've gone used to not relying on him
Sorry for the vent, just needed to share
I've never seen my dad cry. Apparently he did cry when his mom died but I didn't see it, my mom only told me later, she said it was the only time she's ever seen him cry in all the time they've been together. I almost wish I had seen it. Not because I want him to be upset, i just feel like it would help me understand and connect with him better idk. It's hard to tell if he just doesn't feel emotions very strongly naturally or if he's actually bottling them up. I really hope it's not the latter, I don't want him to think any of us would think lesser of him for expressing emotion.
I think there's definitely a fine line you have to be mindful of as a parent. I don't think the action of crying is bad but you have to ask yourself if you're able to discuss why you're crying with your child. Like I don't think a child needs to be stressed about bills or work life so if you need a good cry, maybe do that in private. However if there's like a death in the family or something that the child is going to experience as well, then that can be a good opportunity to show that it's ok to be sad and express those emotions. This is coming from someone who never saw their dad cry until I was 25 and a mom that over shared and cried every weekend I came over
My dad has no issues with showing/experiencing emotions. He sometimes cries while listening to sad songs. I'm the opposite, I can't cry in front of people, I wanna be alone anytime I'm experiencing any negative emotions and I will get irrationaly angry if someone sees me
That's kind of sad that this is somehow all it would take for you to gain more respect for him.
I knew a guy like this in high-school, he was such a prick, turning everything into a debate and preaching his sexist and borderline r-pey opinions. He has told me to off myself before and I insulted his voice and laughed when he looked so offended. He was immature and would tell the teacher on me for everything even that I only got in trouble once. Ah, men. Mm. I'm gay but, no.
Edit; Everybody saying he probably had a thing for me, yeah he probably did. Oh yeah he also said, "Whats that stuff,, uh,, women's cologne??" "You mean, purfume??"
-k
No doubt that guy is still single today. And only companion is a fleshlight and Vaseline
It sounds like he was obsessed with you, what a creep
@@sixfeetundertheradar6080hes just a creep and a weirdo 😞
@@sixfeetundertheradar6080exactly
I love your name and how it relates to your story lol, sorry if the comment is off topic😅😂
I have seen my dad cry, as a kid and an adult. I'm glad that he feels safe with his family to share his grief/fear/hurt with us. It always made me feel trusted and it helped me trust him with my emotions.
Ah yes jubilee, a trusty source of healthy debate and productive conversation.
You know it :)
Just imagining Anna filming her "hi sinners" segment in different clothes and tonations once a month 😅
You’re absolutely right about how these types of guys with the alpha male and incel mentalities dont see women as complex human beings, seeing how they think all women only like, want, or do xyz, they see women as robots and when a woman does or likes something thats the opposite of the stereotypes that the patriarchy created, they get baffled,
I remember seeing a video of a dude reacting to a woman saying which body type out of 3 random guys was her favorite, there was a super buff guy with nothing but mucles, a super skinny guy with no muscles, and a slim guy also with no muscles, she said the super skinny guy had the hottest looking body and the guy reacting to the video freaked tf out, he started yelling about how she must be lying bc “there’s no way a woman wouldnt like the buff guy” and all this other nonsense, its sad how many guys cant grasp the concept that different woman like different types and/or multiple different types of people, but their logic is “well I was skinny in hs & no girls dated me therefore no women like skinny guys”
It's like they're so shallow themselves that the concept of anyone having a personality and preferences beyond the media portrayal of beauty is an impossibility to them
Women don't see men as human beings either they see men as 24 hour ATM machines
Well maybe they have that mentality because they've experienced this firsthand. Women find 80% of men unattractive. So yeah, women effectively do want the same kinds of men. That's why only 40% of men that have ever existed have procreated.
But a lot of women aren't exactly truthful with men, which would explain the distrust that men have for women's opinions. It would seem like most women adopt the majority mindset/mentality, which is acceptable by mainstream media, and have almost completely denied their own individual attractions/desires. This leaves a lot of men wondering if she's being dishonest/disingenuous with her intentions/interest, the hive mind of social media has complicated our interactions, we can no longer trust her as an individual, especially if she completely subscribes to a particular ideology; I'd imagine this goes for men too, but men typically prefer individuality over conformity. I know I'm at least partially wrong in my initial assessment but I'm trying to understand and exchange ideas, I'm not opposed to differing perspectives, if anything I'm welcome to constructive criticism, as I am only one part of the totality of experience.
@@boredagain1 in most cases men with podcasts only have an idea of the "perfect woman" in their heads. Which alot of men subscribe to. Big ass, boobs, no waist, long hair, who smiles, who's quiet, housewife, submissive, virgin, no body hair, etc.. many women have subscribed to this ideology since this is the standard of "perfection" and without this, you're not considered "valuable". Sometimes lying isn't just for the hell of it. It's for safety. If this makes sense.
It's honestly scary that these types of dudes exist. Their mindsets not only hurt women, it hurts men too because they believe they're not supposed to show emotion, and to keep all their troubles inside. The most toxic thing about it is they say it's good for men. It's not, you're just making more men with mental health issues because they don't know how to properly show their feelings, or were taught not to show any at all, OR, were taught to lash out on women when they don't get what they want from them. It's very scary.
Not to mention they want a world where men are constantly in competition with each other to be "on top" which means a lot of dudes will loose and get stepped on by the men climbing over them. Most men will not be happy this way, because most people can't be happy in a hyper competitive environment. It's impossible for most people to find joy while being walked all over and told they are not good enough. You can, however, find happiness in not competing and being content with who you are.
Just a terrible outlook on life
Yes. And they wonder why suicide rates are rising. We need to stop pushing people into roles they don't want.
Problem is that there are women (even normie feminine women who are emotional or "emotional") who will make fun of any man or treat him like shit if _he's_ emotional.
It ain't just stereotypical tomboys, feminists, or butch lesbians who would do that.
*Or other men, either, for that matter.
My dad is was extremely rigid in my early life. I always saw him as aggressive. When my mom died, his wife of 25+ years, he opened up. He lost it and cried all the time. This changed our relationship drastically. We ended up going to therapy together and made incredible progress in terms of overcoming grief. Showing your full range of emotions to your children can only improve the relationship. Don’t wait.
My stepdad had an extremely toxic masculinity mindset. Constantly talked about what being a man is, trying to challenge my masculinity by telling me if I wanted to be a man (I am ftm) I had to do certain things. Which then of course pushed me into mowing the lawn when I had anorexia etc.
He only changed once my mom threatened divorce. They love each other a lot but my mom loves me more. He started going to therapy and realizing his upbringing was a huge factor. Which is annoying because I told him that years earlier and he didn’t believe me.
He’s finally mellowed out and is treating me with the respect I fucking deserve.
Turns out he wanted to be a girl when he was a teen and his dad and mom where extremely extremely against it. He realizes now he just had that sort of discomfort phase, but the fact that was his parents reaction says something.
We need to stop teaching this shit, it hurts women AND men
He’s very supportive and listens to me now, which proves he’s always loved me. I know he does. But he also is willing to change finally because he cares about his family.
I’m pretty lucky it turned out that way in the end
When people say women and men can't be friends it gives me"I don't think girls and boys can be friends because i have a hard time getting along with the opposite gender." Energy.
I can and have gotten along with both girls and boys platonically before and still do. Most people just say that because they have a hard time maintaining friendships with different people.
It's really dehumanizing, because it's basically saying "I _only_ see people of the gender I'm attracted to as sexual objects, and that comes before any type of affection that I could otherwise have for them"
@@anaionescu8913This argument is so dumb because it implies that women don't objectify men in any way. Women see men as success objects. And no it's not dehumanizing! Men want sex, that's not dehumanizing. Women want men that can provide and provision, that's not dehumanizing. Funny how it's only "dehumanizing" when it pertains to what men want. Special pleading at its finest.
Just because you got along with them platonically doesn't mean they also felt the same way. I guarantee that if you called some of these guy "friends" of yours up and invited them to Netflix and chill, they'd be there in a hurry.
I would love to hear your take on the "more single men" / "women don't need men" conversation. I agree just realizing I haven't spent a lot of mental energy on it
The biggest thing that I think about often and a lot of people have mentioned is that we aren’t living in the 1960s where all you needed to “get a girl” and be married was to have a job and... that’s about it, aka the bare minimum. People who think women’s standards are too high are objectifying them, first off, and are angry at society for requiring basic human decency and emotional intelligence to even begin a relationship, let alone staying together, marrying, never divorcing, never looking at another man, etc
I'm honestly so sick of men being painted as the 'bread winner' for their families and for women it's viewed as more of a hobby. I don't intend on ever getting married or even sharing the same space as a man, I'm not sure I'm not the only woman out there that has decided single life is their best life.
A few months later, and I still stan Derek!!
He seems like such a great genuine person, his wife and family is SO lucky to have him in their lives ❤
As somebody who is a child of a parent who took themselves out. And was also raised in an environment of heavy misogyny. I honestly truly I’ve always believed, because even as a woman I do not get emotional advice from my misogynistic parental figures, because bringing up emotions to them mix them do one of two things which is shame you for feeling and emotion or brush you off by saying something like ha ha oh well, and he probably still be here if he wasn’t brought up in a way to think that would shame or just brush off his emotions. We’re on the flipside my mom’s parents. My papa was the paternal one of my grandma was the more analytical worked. Like you tell grandma you’re sick she gives you a couple Tylenol and tells you to take a nap but that’s it. You tell papa you’re sick he’s bringing you soup he’s giving you hugs. He’s feeling your forehead to make sure you don’t have a fever, I have never, and I lived with them seen my grandfather angry. I’ve never seen him cry at the same time though and as much as he would suppress a lot of his emotions, because of the time he was raised in, because he was so quiet unless he was playing music.he had to show people that he cared with his actions more so than his words, but even though he didn’t do things like cry in front of us, he still was able to display a very vulnerable side of himself where he did show he cared 100% because of needing to do things with actions instead of words, and he fiercely loved my grandma, like he felt because she was abused by her first husband that he had to make up for all that time she spent with that man being abused being good to her and I think it was a good balance, my papa I’ve always seen him as a man’s man. He won strongman competitions. He was an incredible musician. He worked for factory jobs when he was younger but he could still turn it around come home. Give his kids a hug, watch them cry go get them pads, tampons and chocolate. And never once would he ever say men shouldn’t cry even though he didn’t he would allow people to feel those emotions and then go out of his way to make them feel better after he knew what was wrong. And was a shoulder to cry on that would actually go out of their way to try and help you to make you not be sad anymore, but still allow you to have those emotions without shame, or needs of being manly. That’s what I think is manly
my dad cried when our pet guinea pig died. i never thought it was weak, i thought it was comforting and showed empathy. to this day i'm still proud of him for that moment.
I’m always baffled how people even seriously debate such topics, but then again I recently heard of a “”””””””study”””””” that concluded that wlw relationships exist because of straight men finding it attractive.
I heard about that. Source: we asked straight men.
(I have no idea if that's true but that's the feeling I get from it)
Yay 🤢
saw my dad cry at the barbie movie and to me that makes him the most alpha of all
Was he crying because of how bad it was?
No it doesn't. It's like y'all want men to be women so bad
Beautiful ❤️❤️
men will call women overly emotional and then punch a hole in a wall when they’re mad..
I actually have seen my dad cry. Our dog died when I was 9, and my mum had had the dog since before she was with my dad. Seeing him cry and be emotional about a loss in our family definitely resonated with me, even to this day as an adult. It taught me it's okay to be vulnerable and share my feelings with my family, and it entirely changed how I viewed my dad for the rest of my life. Knowing my dad is human means even when he messes up or upsets me, I can remember he feels just as deeply as I do and I can forgive him.
So, yeah, I think being emotional with your kids is super important.
Seeing my Dad cry in front of me was the moment I finally understood that he loved me. I was a military divorce kid so didn't really know my dad until I was 17 and I was really angry at him for a long time because of it. But I remember when he sat me down and cried, grieving for the time he didn't get to spend with me and the man he used to be/family he wanted to have. That was when he truly became my Dad rather than just my father, that was when I saw him as a man who had done everything he could to try to be there for me and support me despite being at war most of my life. Sometimes your kids need to see you cry because it strengthens your bond
10:52 yeah exactly all this that you're saying! Also… Men think that they're competing against other men but they are actually competing with my solitude and not having to deal with their bullshit.
19:37 I think also depends on the circumstance. My 6 foot five broad shouldered Germanic hulk of a human; my father cried with love and that did not negatively impact me but I can admit when my stepmother died and he had been with her for 35 years and he cried every single day after she died… That was traumatizing in it's own way. But also goes to show how much he loved her.
My father was raised in the unhealthy machismo culture of Latin America and once when I was growing up, he said while cutting onions “this is the only time you’ll see me cry”… that attitude had a very negative impact.
Thankfully now as a middle aged man with more children, he’s learned a lot more and become a more emotionally intelligent person who recognizes many of those past mistakes and apologizes for it. I can appreciate and respect the growth.
I have seen my father cry three times in my life:
• When his father died (I was 12).
• When my middle sister died under home hospice care after losing her battle with breast cancer. I was standing in front of his chair he was sitting in immediately after in the living room and I held his head against my stomach while he was crushing me in a hug and _sobbing._ (I was 25).
• After our dog - HIS dog, really, his shadow and constant companion - was diagnosed with advanced stage lymphoma with a couple months left to live (I was 34).
There is still no man I respect more in this world than my dad. Those instances only made me respect him more because he had feelings and I knew how hard it was for him to let them out because of the abusive upbringing he had. He'd been on his own since he was 15 and when he and my mom started dating at 16 (they just had their 57th wedding anniversary last week!), her mom basically adopted him, ie _"Alrighty, you're one of mine now whether you like it or not"._ He called her "Mom", too.
Tangent, woo. Anyway. My dad has always been a rock and pillar of strength in my family and the times he's shown intense emotion from grief did NOTHING to change that. I wish more men could let that "emotion = weakness" thing go because it's SO toxic and harmful to them and their loved ones.
I don’t have the greatest relationship with my dad these days, but one of the things I always appreciated about him was that he does cry. Anything that moves him, he’s not afraid to shed a few tears. I’d be lying if I said I’ve been the most emotionally healthy person, but that did certainly help.
I’ve seen my dad cry many, many times in my life and I’ve held him while he’s cried several times as well. He and I have a very difficult relationship now because of differences of beliefs and such, but I think we would be in an even worse place if we hadn’t shared that vulnerability in the past. Him showing his humanity helped take him off the intimidating pedestal that I think so many of us see our parents on. Anyway those are just my experiences/thoughts, I hope everyone has a good day and if your relationship with your father is painful I hope you will heal
My dad was drunk one time and he cried,it was strange because he was crying over his dead mom and dad and I just felt his loneliness.we don't speak often and seeing his vulnerability at that time make me love him a little more.
They're always talking about what men are "supposed to be" (in front of their gf and kids), but never talking about what comes naturally to them such as complex emotions or friendships. Why would you reduce your entire experience as a human being so goddamn much? Why would you limit yourself to only 50% of human experiences? It's all there for you to take : the love, the pain, the possibilities, why deny them? (the answer is misogyny but I just think they're fools for missing out)
Because women don't respect men that can't control their emotions. This has nothing to do with "missing out", but rather not subjugating oneself to being vulnerable in front of a woman. Being vulnerable in front of women turns them off.
My dad would punch holes into doors instead of crying whenever he was mad, and I have to say, I _wish_ he would've just cried
my dad was the strongest person i’ve ever known. he was strong and masculine, but he cried in front of me my entire life. having him show me what healthy emotions are and showing me men can and should be open with their feelings has allowed me to never accept a man who can’t do the same
I also feel expressing your emotions is not a weakness. I have seen my father, my grand-father and my boyfriend cry and I can confidently say it brought us closer. It shows me first that it’s normal to have and feel emotions. It also made me happy because it showed me that they are comfortable & safe with me. 💖
But did that make you turned on and attracted to your boyfriend? Felt "closer" doesn't equal attraction. It equals you viewing him like a girlfriend.
@@Ddx629 Yes, it did! I can only speak for myself, but since it takes maturity and strength of character to trust and show vulnerability, I look for that in someone I share my life with. But even if it hadn't made me more attracted to my partner, a strong relationship is multi-faceted and requires more than just attraction to succeed, so it would still benefit our relationship 🤍
@randall-flagg I think it is true that it can be used against you by people who have bad intentions but I do not wish to be surrounded by these people anymore. I surround myself with people who will bring out the best in me and those who care about my well-being 😊
@@sandrinebj7456Yes it can be used against you. But that's not the only issue. The issue of a guy crying to his girl is that it changes the sexual polarity in the relationship. It causes him to shift into his feminine and her to shift into her masculine because now she has to take on the role of being the rock of the relationship. And that's not the natural state of men and women.
@@sandrinebj7456 No it didn't, every woman claims it turns them on but yet your actions always prove otherwise. It's like you want me to believe that just based on the fact you didn't leave him at that point. No, it doesn't take maturity or strength to show vulnerability. Vulnerability by definition is the opposite of strength. Vulnerability is by definition a weakness. It's like if you're a boxer, if you're vulnerable, that means you have a weakness and are prone to attack and get knocked out. The fact that you say "even if it hasn't made me more attracted" proves exactly that it didn't. Because why would you hint at a hypothetical unless I asked if that's what happened? How would that benefit the relationship? Because like I said, a man being vulnerable is a man being in his feminine. A man's natural essence is not to be feminine. When a man acts feminine, he's acting like a defective version of a woman. He's literally acting like your girlfriend. You're not turned on by your girlfriends. The only "benefit" it would give you is it would satisfy your non-sexual needs but it wouldn't satisfy your sexual needs. Because a woman's sexual needs are met through a man's strength, not a man's weakness.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5937254/
www.psypost.org/2020/03/study-finds-women-arent-attracted-to-men-that-seem-easy-to-manipulate-or-deceive-56027
academic.oup.com/beheco/article/29/1/51/4496683
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110524070310.htm
www.israel21c.org/women-really-dont-like-sensitive-men-study-finds/
My boyfriend used to refuse to show emotion to me. It was how he was raised, but one day something happened between him and his mom and he just broke completely in front of me. I didn’t think any less of him then and I don’t think any less of him now because of that. I was actually really happy he was able to just show how he was feeling in front of me
But did that make you turned on or attracted to him? You didn't see him as less in that moment, but that doesn't mean you won't eventually. He refuses to show emotions like that because he knows better and you probably henpecked him to show emotions which was a shit test that he failed. Saying you didn't see him as less means you did because he was like that before and now that he showed those emotions, he's not that guy anymore. And it won't be long until you turn him into the guy he wasn't when you were attracted to him.
seeing my boyfriend cry for the first time really made me more attracted to him. knowing that as a man he is in tune with himself and comfortable with being vulnerable really makes me feel safe and has only endeared his place in my heart more. a lot of people with this mentality that men can't cry because it's weak, often talk about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I think that needs to apply to emotions as well. you may not be ready to accept that but being able to really know yourself, and to be able to let feelings out when you feel them is a huge hurdle to a lot of men are too afraid or insecure or hurt to get over. as a woman when a man has climbed that mountain he gains an incredible amount of respect. it allows his full masculinity to really come through instead of putting on a mask of some other man he wishes he was, he is himself. it's really powerful
@@chameleonchick I totally agree with you. I felt as if it deepened our connection which in turn made me more attracted to him. A man who is aware of his emotions is such an attractive person
I’ve seen my dad cry a handful of times and I look back at those times and respect him so much for being vulnerable and it humanizes him ❤ Derrick’s experience with and his daughter of having a vulnerable heart to heart when she was older is what happened w me w my dad and our relationship has blossomed from that
Seeing all these heartwarming comments about how much respect and emotional connection that was built from yall seeing your dads share their emotions just goes to show how wrong the alpha males are, they keep claiming over and over again that crying will make their kids and wife feel like they have noone to make them feel safe and secure, when in reality, the dads who show their human side make their kids feel WAY more safe, secure, close, happy, and comfortable, I’m so glad you have a healthy connection💯
My father has cried in front of me and tbh I was freaked out, it was random and just before he was yelling at me, than he broke down in tears and told me how everyday he restrains himself from hitting my mum and me and just went into a lot of detail….
Moral of the Story: be vulnerable and don’t hide your feelings otherwise you’ll go literally manic, and never eat ranch ice-cream that shits fucking disgusting
Hoo boy. That's why I can't have kids. Managing my anger issues is difficult and guilt-inducing. Your dad really needs support but it needs to be a professional. It sounds like he's a good person who's trying but struggling under high stress. But you can't just rely on willpower for something so serious, you need robust, failsafe tools.
I had a conversation with my dad about regrets, he told me the only thing he regrets is hiding the fact he was crying after our dog died. He wanted to show us how strong he was but admitted that it would have been stronger to be comfortable crying. I love my dad and am so thankful he's become more vulnerable and open ❤
You were much kinder in this video than I think some of these men deserve
Yay! Always a good day when Annamarie Forcino posts!
This is the first jubilee video that didn’t make me want to hurl my phone across the room. Seemed like a productive conversation
Even though my dad technically isn't my biological father, dad was more emotionally available and vulnerable than my mother. I was able to come to him with my feelings and problems more easily. Because of that, our relationship is stronger than it is with my mom. I am a very sensitive person like him. He has always said my sensitivity and empathy is a strength & my best quality. He is a rock and he didn't need to hide his feelings to do so. My dad is a hero to me.
My dad only cried in front of me once and it completely changed my world view. This man who I had seen as more then human was just so very human in that moment. It made me realize at the age of 6 that he was a person and the world impacted him. He had bad days and actual human feelings. I remember being happy because it had felt weird to me that kids had all these big feelings it the adults around me didn’t. Parents have to cry, and laugh, and even get mad. It creates external validation for emotions kids have but don’t understand and can foster healthy communication.
gender really doesn’t matter when it comes to emotions because we’re all human with complex feelings. i’m pan and (in my experience) my ex girlfriend was more dominant and covered her emotions with anger while my current boyfriend is sensitive and communicates openly with me about his emotions. it’s about partnership and being as communicative as you can. if it’s the right person for you, then you’ll feel okay being open (even if it takes some time) because they love you. and that means without conditions.
Yes it does because men and women are different when it comes to emotions
the story derek told about he and his daughter's talk and emotional catharsis really resonates with me. im around the age that his daughter was when they had their talk, and i recently had a similar one with my dad. we've butted heads basically since i formed my own opinions because while he always raised me to think freely and not just follow what im told, i dont think he expected me to form different opinions than his. it took a lot of time and screaming and crying to finally break through to him that i was growing into the person he ultimately wanted me to be, and that he had to accept that as a complete, separate human being, that included having my own thoughts. it was also when i expressed my suicidal thoughts as well as came out to him as aroace. very emotional moment, but he just hugged me while we cried together. i still want to see my dad change his views, but to get there, the first step was to have that breaking point. that emotional catharsis where i finally revealed something i was afraid to tell him, and really opened up. it was only one of two moments in my life that i remember seeing my dad cry, and its currently one of my most cherished memories and what i come back to any time my dad has a weak moment that makes me angry at him. hes trying for me, and im trying for him, because despite our differing opinions, he is an amazing dad and i love him so much and want him to be a part of my life.
My big tough Aussie bloke dad cried with me when my guinea pig died, when I was 8. I cherish the moments we connected like that in such simple ways without needing to find the right words, just knowing he felt sad that I was sad and wanted to make it better.
I've seen my dad truly cry only once. It was after my older brother passed. He's a proud guy but humble. I still see him as the big man in the dark uniform trying to hold his family up. I don't have as many memories with my brother. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just stood there and held him until he stopped. We then watched something on TV blow up and the credits roll.
I'm not great at emotions. They are either too intense or not there. That's a different issue altogether. But no one should be afraid to cry. I have a few times before heading off to work or at a loved one's graveside. I'm not ashamed of it but...
I dated someone who sent me, nothing about her really, just existential doubt and the past... She treated me differently after. Said she didn't expect it (I didn't either) and then she cried and it felt like my fault. It fell apart like a... She later went back to her fiance. Said I wasn't stepfather material. Whatever that means... What was my point? Right. It's okay to be honest and human. Don't forget that others are okay to be that too. Real men cry.
Despite him being very open with his emotions I've only seen my Dad cry once: when his brother-in-law (who essentially raised him) died while we were on a trip for my career. He came to my motel room to tell me and he sobbed on my shoulder and tbh I've never felt so close to my Dad. It felt so bittersweet that he was comfortable doing that with me; he's a very strong and supportive man, and it was an honour to be able to support him in that time. I think it really brought us closer together and I'm very proud of how I supported him through the following months.
i saw my mother cry a million times, but it was usually manipulation while she would guilt trip or gaslight. this isn't reflective of mothers as a whole, of course, but that really made me feel worse about crying because i associated it with that. my dad was somebody who i saw cry enough times that it didn't scare me as something he would never do, and it was usually when he was expressing something like how he was stressed or that he was proud of me. in my adulthood i have seen him cry from shame, and i TRULY don't see him differently. he's never been one to put the waterworks on to make me feel bad for him, he just... lets out emotions. he's not the most emotionally healthy guy in the world, but what it did show me was men can cry and still be men. do you know how well that did me for interacting with people in the world??? SO MUCH BETTER. i went into elementary already knowing "boys dont cry" is bullshit. having that example at home does far more good than any media alone can do.
My father cried in front of me before especially after my parents divorced and my dad was always open about his emotions like when I was younger my dad def had the alpha outlook but as we both got older he became more and more open. There were times my father and I cried together. ❤ rip dad 💖
I have never seen my dad cry. There’s so many problems between us, but I think a lot of them would have been solved, and still could be, if he learned to handle his emotions in a better way. He throws fits and has huge blow ups and then just leaves. I never understood it growing up and always felt like I was the problem making him have outbursts and then leave, but now that I’m 24 and have been actively trying to figure out my own shit, I see now how much of it is that he just can not control or manage his emotions. Now what he does during those outbreaks… there’s a lot that I can’t cut him slack on but I try to cut him slack on that. We’re from the south and he was definitely raised to be a shell of a man instead of a fully emotionally formed person. I think if I was ever able to have that heart to heart with him or just have a conversation without it leading to anything, AND him agreeing to figure out his shit, so many aspects of our relationship could be better.
Ive seen my dad cry many times. And its made me feel happy and safe to share how i feel. Ive had him cry with me when i share how i feel. I LOVE MY DAD !!!!!!
That point about regulating emotions vs suppressing them was SO GOOD. People don't know the difference, on both "sides."
The way my “tough, manly” dad has cried in front of me more time than i could even count growing up makes me respect him even more. Like yeah, lets talk about our feelings, lets not pretend you’re some emotionless man who doesn’t have feelings. Both of my brothers are more emotional than i am and its just always been that way. This “men shouldnt cry” shit is so wild to me
@@appleswithpeanutbutter609Feelings often get in a way because you can't process them correctly. If you have a healthy emotional stability, your feelings would be your benefit, and if not, then you'll know very well how to deal with them so that they'll not get in the way. How are you going to do that if you're emotionally stunned?
Other thing. Emotions don't just go away. Bottle them up all you want, eventually the lead will be torn off and everything spilled out. How will it go? Another outburst? Drunken episode? Angry post on the internet? Heart problems? Those are extreme cases, but none of them are healthy. Neither for you, nor for people around you.
This may be biased, but I think that emotionally open people are far more attractive than those who are not.
Sorry for an essay and sorry for any mistakes, this is not my native language. I just wanted to get my point across.
@@appleswithpeanutbutter609 I'm sorry to hear that. Frankly, being too emotional is not good for anybody, no matter the gender.
Too many emotions means something is not right, there's an issue or a problem that needs to be addressed. Turning off emotions will not do it. It's like having a cold and trying to heal a runny nose. I won't solve a problem, only a symptom.
Maybe try to find a root of an issue, talking with a trusted friend may help, or even a professional, there's no shame in asking help.
I truly hope you'll get better soon
i cannot count the amount of times ive seen my dad cry, but i can only think of like 3 or 4 times i’ve seen my mom cry. my dad brought my sister and i to appointments and school for most of our lives, he does the most laundry and cleaning in the house, and for a long time my mom was bringing in significantly more money than him. and that’s all perfectly okay!! my parents have been married for twenty years, theyre able to communicate and share workloads, they balance each other out. but i’m sure some of those guys would think because of that dynamic i turned out gay or something lmao
8:16 the patriarchy convincing everyone that anger is not an emotion has really fucked everyone up. Having emotional range does not make you “more emotional” than someone who can only express anger.
My father has never been afraid to show emotion, but never made us feel uncomfortable. He took me to see "The Bridge to Tarabithia" (if you know, you know) and we both cried in that theater. Afterwards he told me that it is important not to stifle those emotions because they are natural and they show empathy and compassion. He has always been more empathic and "sensitive" than my Mom, just by nature. Never caused me to lose respect for him. I've wished for my mom that she felt like she could be as open. They were just raised differently and have different personalities. Has nothing to do with gender.
My dad has been a better person since gaining the ability to cry, show emotion, and going to therapy. I am deeply sorry for the hypothetical children these men have, because they may never have a healthy relationship with their fathers due to the mens lack of emotional maturity. I hope that one day the men and their families can begin to work on their emotional openness and work to healthier, happier relationships in turn
I love this woman's voice so much.
In my 20's I watched my grandfather cry when his wife of over 65 years passed away. It was the most powerful expression of love and strength I have ever witnessed.
Had he remained cold/indifferent I would not have seen that as a strength of his character but instead a failure of his pride/ego.
My dad only cried in front of me once and it was because I wasn't Christian
My dad never cried in front of me growing up, but after multiple near death experiences for my dad and after I came out, my dad's emotional side started to flourish. Now he cries semi often about missing his kids being around and even when he knew something was up before I came out, he cried to me about just wanting to know who I was. He's a good man.
During my freshmen orientation for college, I made a guy friend. The orientation was in June, so we kept texting the entire summer and hung out almost every single day once school started. Everyone we mutually knew at the time (other kids in our orientation group (some of which he went to high school with), our room mates and friends) all came to the conclusion, without asking either of us, that we were sleeping together or at least dating😑 I remember very distinctly visiting his dorm one day and his room mate + room mate's gf were there. At one point, my friend and his room mate left the room and the gf asked me straight up if we were f*cking????🤨 Like no one could genuinely believed that we just liked talking, playing games, drawing together, etc in a 100% platonic relationship. This was in 2016 and we're still great friends today!
My dad is a lovable sap, and he has a wonderful heart. I’ve seen my dad cry more times than I can count for both sad and happy reasons, and I’ve never seen that as anything other than a positive influence on my whole family.
28:13 gotta love how you still respect their different opinions even if you disagree with them
my dad cries in front of his kids. when he has an emotional moment, when he finds something incredibly beautiful, or very sad, he will shed some tears. I've never seen him sobbing and screaming with tears, but it made me feel so validated and thankful that he would show his emotions.
My parents were very emotionally unstable, so I never saw them as anything other than "stupid grown-ups" lol as for my dad, he cried easily when watching television, but he was cold and sarcastic when we had an honest conversation. Anyways,,, thanks for the part 2 Annamarie! It was a nice surprise. Awesome video as always, and I genuinely appreciate your opinions and open-mindedness. 😊
I've seen both my Mother and my Father cry. I personally feel extreme embarrassment and shame when crying, especially if seen by other people. I'm very glad that my parents communicated clearly and expressed their emotions because, It's made me more emotionally intelligent.
My dad and my grandpa cried at every chorus concert or showchoir show, and it’s always going to make me feel all warm and loved. They were so proud that they cried and it meant the world to me 🥹
I'm glad they brought up & u elaborated more on the finding someone attractive vs being attracted to them. Back when I realized I was bi-romantic, I remember people thinking that because I found someone attractive that meant I was attracted to them when it was that I'd admired their beauty particularly their personality but wasn't interested in dating them
19:57 I've seen my dad cry many many times and it has only created good things in our relationship. I see him as even more strong because he was raised in an environment where he couldn't cry so the strength it had to take to be able to cry in front of his family is a lot. Seeing my dad cry has also made it so I've become a guy who doesn't feel the need to suppress his feelings. Crying in front of your kids really helps them develop emotional maturity which is such a helpful lifelong thing
I'm sorry if this didn't make a lot of sense, I'm tired
You made a lot of sense.
Hope you did get some rest.
Not only have I seen my father cry, i have cried with him more times than i can count. As a man, those are powerful moments. Moments when you get some release from hiding everything away and putting on a strong face for everyone else. My grampa just passed, and my dad and I will miss him beyond belief. We have spent years drinking scotch at the lake and talking late into the night. We live far apart so when we come together to fish and relax in one place it has always been meaningful. We have cried together before, but this most recent time was drinking scotch in silence at the lake remembering those moments we will never have again. I have never lost respect for my dad losing his control over emotions. I respect him more for being able to cry with me when life hits hard.
Aaah yes, two of my favorite things, controversial jubilee episodes, and annamarie
I think the real sign of weakness is that it bothers you if someone in power happens to be a woman. like that's what's actually fragile
The idea that father's shouldn't cry in front of their kids is insane.
Crying is good. Feeling grief is good. It helps you process your feelings.
If crying isn't for fathers, then it isn't for children because they aren't having it modeled for them.
If the father thinks crying in front of his kids makes him weak, then children will think that crying makes them weak.
I'll go so far as to call it abuse. Failing to teach kids to understand and process emotions is abuse.
I've seen my dad cry a few times (sadness, joy ...) and it always brings me to tears because we have an emotional bond and sometimes it does makes me sad. But in no freaking way am I seeing my dad as "less of a man" because of this. It's rather the opposite. I think showing emotions is sometimes the hardest thing one can do, especially for men.
*CRYING ABOUT IT NOW KEEPS YOU FROM SOBBING ABOUT IT LATER* I LOVE THAT
I'm confused as to why some men think women shouldn't be in power.. I think it doesn't matter like can't it just be equal..
In their mind, women are too emotional to think rationally, especially given the fluctuations of hormones, they believe that would influence leadership skills. Clearly, if women weren't meant to be in power, Queen Elizabeth the Resilient wouldn't have ruled for over 70 years, and would have been usurped.
What you think shouldn't matter isn't relevant because life is not equal. Men and women are not equal.
But don't both sexes deserve respect
Or is that idea to medieval.. we both live on this planet, we just make suffering for ourselves in that aspect.. really?
@@lilyshealinggarden5648Sorry to say, but men make better & greater warriors & more effective leaders in history.
child developmental psychology has the actual answers to the "Should a father cry in front of his kids?" debate. Kids need to be exposed to emotions gradually throughout their childhood. They should feel very protected and unaware when rly young, but then they need to gradually see more examples of adults dealing with big kid emotions in healthy ways, so they don't begin to ignore/hide/repress their own big feelings. Women & girls already have a strong culture of communicating our emotions, but boys do not Boys are not born hiding their emotions, it is taught to them. Most fathers massively neglect this responsibility because being emotionally vulnerable still feels so unsafe, due to their own childhood
I have seen my dad cry (a few times) and genuinely it has made me see him in a different light, a better light. Growing up I always thought he was the funny yet stern parent and then when I first saw him cry I realised he’s a human too, he’s not just there to be my dad and tell me what to do, he’s there to live a life and that life has hardships and excitement and pride and sadness and sometimes he has to cry and it’s beautiful.
Isn’t it funny how the “Alphas” try to explain things but end up saying the same things over and over but they never make a good point…but ofc that’s just my opinion. Although the ones in this video were way better than alphas on podcasts and stuff. They were way more diverse and understood a bit better
My best friend was a man so I hurried up and told him we can't be friends anymore. That was a close one. Nearly broke the wack ass alpha laws
I'm a fat woman who's best friend was a man until the day he died. We took solo trips together and even slept in the same bed often and we were never sexual nor was i paying for anything. I was even the best man at his wedding! He was the best, and I love and miss him dearly. In short men and women can be friends as long as there is mutual respect!
My question is, if you’re not able to cry in front of your kids or your girlfriend…. then who is safe? Your mom?
Yeah, because only a mother loves unconditionally and won't judge you for crying. Crying in front of a lover turns them off.
@@Ddx629 Not every single little thing in a relationship has to be about turning your partner on, some moments just exist to build a deeper emotional bond. Relationships aren't just about sex and sexual polarity is usually not a thing normal people worry about because most people don't want to go out of their way to make their relationship needlessly stressful by worrying about dumb things like who's the masculine and feminine one.
As a lesbian, I always find men not letting their girlfriends have male pals really strange. Like, don't you trust your partner? Most of my friends are women, but you don't see my gf getting her pants in a twist about it like cishet men do.