1. Everything is a tradeoff 2. Happiness is cheap, dignity is expensive 3. Solo travel is great for personal development 4. Most people are good 5. Some cultures produce better outcomes than others Mark's Travel Tips: 1. Travel for an extended period. 2. Read a book on the country you are going to while you are there. 3. Avoid the resorts. 4. Limit tourist activities to the first two days. 5. Find activities that help you interact with the locals
Great summary! Some of the things I don't agree with and some I do despite some of them being uncomfortable truths that I wish were not true. Either way, it's interesting and nice to know Mark Manson's insight on the society.
“Traveling helps you to see what remains constant when you leave an environment and what changes” may be my favorite quote from Mark yet. Reader and follower going on 5 years. Thank you for everything you do!
I haven’t travelled abroad but I did a solo road trip of over 4000 miles a few years ago and it changed everything. I was able to figure out what was going on in my mind and the changes I needed to make that I had been avoiding. I am so grateful I did it. I’m still reaping the benefits.
That totally counts. Just going to the city next to yours, but do it mindfully. Be interested in others, how they think, and take time to think about your own reactions to the encounters too. Great example for all of us, thank you.
24:49 You started talking about my Ruiner Theory - I figured out that about 3 to 5% of people are Ruiners. I have also figured out that about 3-5% are Fixers. The rest are POLRs - Path of Least Resistance people - they go with the flow.
Funnily, whenever I travel to a country, I always feel like my home country is the best place to be. Adventures can still happen and will excite me inside my small country.
A friend returned from a vacation abroad and described the resort where he stayed. I asked him if there was a lot of crime in the country he was visiting, if there were any safety issues and he replied with a straight face, "No, it's very safe. The resort is fenced off."
There's a Buddhist saying that on every great journey, you must die once. Unsure what was implied by that, but I've lived and traveled overseas and each time had my own character revealed to me through other societies, or their hardships, and my own mini-crises. I had a meltdown in a Wuhan train station in 2004, and while it wasn't fun, am so grateful for it. Never been the same since, but oddly healthier, and became easily more honest to myself and others
I might have witnessed part of this break-down: in a train station, another foreigner (rare) tried to get me to help him with something and the vibe was off, so I kept on walking. The foreigner’s screams of anger at me (for walking away) were something conspicuously incongruent with the ambient cultural norm-
As I travelled I came to realize people are human good/bad everywhere… culture is powerful on attitudes but in terms of getting by in life it’s all relative to the general circumstances of the society … people with not much relied more on community and seemed happier where as Western societies had more and relied on each other less but seemed generally stressed and anxious.
When you say that "Most people are good" I liked the word "Hospitible" more, because I think there are a lot of people, whom when you get closer to them or spend more time with them, can be bad. Someone can smile and offer you dinner and a place to stay, but be abusing their child behind the scenes. I still agree with the "glass half full" view that more people are good than are bad. But I think simularly to the idea you shared about spending time in less well off countries to see how people are REALLY suffering when you spend time with them, I think there can be a lot of people who can be doing bad. And just because they give us food and a smile we can believe them good. Again, Im still glass half full here, but a glass half full is simultaneously a glass half empty. Its not MOSTLY full
i think is kinda true not completely, as generally people are nice but the reason they can be bad due to getting closer, is because you discover more differences because people are different and your differences could lead to hostility. But also, most of the bad is just incompentence not malice, like more of a chance for an native to have a different view on the world, like money is king and this is further reinforced by his life expieriences, but you know that money isn't everything and this difference is why you could say they are "bad", it is more of a case of being different in morals and ideas and the system and worldview they have.
@@delta._.6456 @delta._.6456 thank you for this reply 💚 I really like that reminder. We shouldn't mistake for malice what can easily be explained by incompitence or ignorance. Or us not realizing the life experience that lead someone different than ourselves to believe their actions to be the right thing
Three things: (1) Travel when you're young if you can. Travel does change you, your perceptions, your mind, and your ways, and if you go early, those changes will benefit you for the rest of your days. (2) 100% agree with the read a book advice. I usually look for at least one piece of great literature written in the local language (translated if necessary). For example, I found "The Book of Disquiet" by Fernando Pessoa before going to Portugal and loved it! (3) Learn as much of the language as you can. At least learn hello, thank you, please, excuse me, I'm sorry, where is the bathroom, and what do you recommend. I am an enthusiastic language learner and have continued with German and Spanish, the state of my Japanese is sad, though. Knowing another language opens up a new cultural world.
I got into travel hacking, traveled to several countries, mostly in Asia and SE Asia. I never spent a dime on travel, but I was also able to destroy all my bad consumer debt that I accumulated in NYC. I now live in Vietnam where my cost of everything is exponentially cheaper. I still act cheap to keep my discipline and live like the locals and really immerse into the environment to know how it feels to be a local here. The only hardest shit is communicating in Vietnamese. I can only speak some Korean and mandarin but Vietnamese is on a whole ass level of difficulty.
I started travelling solo because plans with travel companions fell through...and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Since then, solo travel has become my default. I can spend all day in a museum if I want, and I can walk for miles just observing daily life and not have to listen to complaining. Travelling solo forces you to interact with others - locals and fellow travellers alike.
I just found your Chanel and it’s a breath of fresh air!! Especially for a young person ( I’m 64) realizing things I’ve realized by living long years!! Bravo 👏 love your contents, will recommend to my adult kids!! 🙏🥰 I’m a Korean American woman ready to retire soon and just love your thoughts and comments!!
As someone who has traveled to 30 countries, majority alone, I think a lot of these ideas are great! I also lived in China for about 2 years when I was younger and those experiences were EYE OPENING. I definitely agree with you that you simply have to acknowledge that some countries do things better than others - that's fact. The thing about the anecdote with your friend building schools is great because it highlights that simply providing things is not enough to create social change. Behaviors exist for a variety of reasons, and culture and social norms are particularly important for development and public health work (historically development aid has not acknowledged or addressed this). You can't just build schools and not address teacher-student dynamics, empowerment of women and girls, acceptance of teen pregnancy, etc. The other thing is that police does matter - the problem is that there are flaws in the US policing system and they are not treating people the same. The US police system has made significant trade-offs in funding police systems that end up doing harm to the communities they're supposed to be helping while underfunding education, health care, public transport, etc. Law enforcement systems are not inherently useless, it's mostly about how typical police systems are implemented.
Well for the police stuff, they have systems that go after places with more crime where they’ll put more officers, and more often than not it’s in black neighborhoods. That’s due to cultural and social issues in the black community, along with a minority of police officers
Empowerment is probably a bad thing to say since it’s conflated with more like the modern west where women basically get everything with no work, and that is the more extreme end. I feel that it’s good for women to have some things but also realize that women are not rational like men, they go off of emotions and this is why most of the people who make outrageous comments online are women. It’s really sad how rational thought is superseded by social pressure or whatever the west thinks.
he is race. he no speak four india. he no like my color. my color good color. all color good color. y he no like make inside four me india? y he no visit inside?
Sad fact is as an Indian you will listen to the suffering mentioned by him in India and think bro this is something we go through at times. But having awkward conversation with parents is difficult than this.
After living outside America for 50 years, I can’t imagine ever going back. I have realised that no matter where I live, the most important thing is the people and friends that I have around me, plus it is fun to learn other languages and experience other cultures. America is definitely not the world.
I grew up in Brazil and moved to Germany with 10 where I lived for 19 years (-1 year after high school where I lived in Australia and - 1 semester I studied in Indonesia). Then I left in 2021 after finishing my masters in Architecture (and working for a year to wait out covid and make extra cash). Since then I've been traveling and staying for long periods (at least 6 Months) in certain Countries, like USA, Mexico, New Zealand with shorter periods in others all over the world. I traveled to roughly 30+ countries in my life, currently I'm back in Brazil for roughly 6 months as I renovate the apartment where I grew up in and I'll keep going after. My goal though is to maybe find a "real" job and a place to live again, maybe by the end of this year. I totally get what you say as the trade off thing is something I think about and feel a lot. In people, cultures, countries, way of living.. anything! I love balance and the truth is for me the best way to get that is to move between countries and activities with different trade offs. I'll eventually get sick of one thing and later miss it again. At the same time after moving a lot and not having my own place for almost 3 years now I also now miss the stability I'd have when I was not traveling. We never get everything at once obviously.. Traveling gave me tons of insights and moving to a very different country/culture at the age of 10, having both nationalities makes is very hard to decide where to live, which trade off fits me best. It is great to simply understand the world, why some places are the way they are, why people are the way they are. I barely judge as everyone has a story. I traveled almost everything by myself, often times also with people but always knowing it's just for a limited period. I had tons of variation on what kind of traveling would happen. I hiked the entire length of the US, later Jordan and also the south Island of New Zealand. I'd work sometimes, teaching surfing, picking fruits, making hand-poke tattoos, doing design work for a free accommodation etc. I camped, couch surfed and hitchhiked a lot and slept and traveled in pretty much any way you could imagine. I mostly lived extremely frugal but also being an "educated westerner" made me become friends with all kinds of people... Homeless people, Drug dealers, Prostitutes and strippers (not through their services), Addicts, Hippies, Gang members, Artists, Farmers, Business owners, Scientists and some millionaires, everything besides the usual travelers. All are helpful and treat you with love if you respect them the way you wish to be respected. No matter our differences. It is a very humbling experience. I learned that all the people are lovely but the system often reflects their deeper minds, like you said about more corruption happening/being culturally accepted. And it defines them too as we humans adapt way better than we think we can, especially to follow a higher power. And as you said there are just different values. So for me it is still hard to say/accept what you claim.. That money is important, that some "ways" are better than others. One of the biggest issues is that some cultures are more powerful than others and the weaker ones suffer in general from the power and influence of others and also from simply the knowledge of other standards! And there is no way out anymore. Actually I like to say corruption is everywhere it just looks and feels different depending where you are. So money might be good but only with the knowledge that having enough probably means others are suffering because of it somewhere. So in our reality it ends up being a selfish choice to have more (very indirectly and we can use it to do some good too) but as a system it's massive trade off! It's all like yin and yang "you can't grow the white without also growing the black" in this world if that makes sense... Globalism is great but it also has it's price. With the examples of indigenous people before colonialism. In my opinion they probably had a very good life, without money without great comfort, without a good health system and barely any chances to decide how their life would be. But it's a bare bone type of living, you only care about surviving and have a role/importance in your tribe, a strong sense of community and you don't know on what your missing out what others might have. I don't think we would argue that bees could be happier if they would leave their hive and evolve to have more choices and higher standards (it's a weird analogy but we're all living beings with a role in nature). "If white is small, black is small". But if you know and grew up in a first world country (actually hate that word), you'll miss what you had eventually. The comfort and safety and specially the choices you have in life. So I don't think in general that money, and "certain ways" are better than others... It just depends what you need, what your values are and what trade offs are the ones for you. I'm still on a journey to find out more and I love it.. and I hate it a little at the same time though, the more you know the more you understand what you're missing out in other places and cultures. Not having a single home country makes it almost impossible to find the right culture and values for me. I'm not a great communicator but I hope I still made a point some can understand... So yeah go out and travel, you'll have tons of great experiences, memories and you'll grow a lot. But knowing more doesn't make live simpler, just richer as there's always a trade off :)
Thank you for the effort to write all this! I wish you all the very best, but most importantly - good health - as we all know, this is the one thing we should not trade off for anything else ;)
I think the point Mark was trying to make - some cultures are better than others for providing bodily security (food, shelter and general security) because they are better at keeping those 3% assholes at bay, who compromise everyones living. And I agree. Most of the cultures were like that back in the day, but some evolved to keep majority people relatively happy and others didn't. It's not because they are inherently worse, but due to timing or other cultures exploiting them, they stagnated in culture evolution for general people prosperity. At least looking from "now" lens
I’m also Brazilian, and moved to England when I was 9 years old, currently living in between England and United Arab Emirates (where my fiancée lives), so I relate so much to your comment!!!
Bro you travelled to 30 countries, that's a very privileged position you came from and thanks for your post. But you need to learn to summarise and learn some situational awareness.
@@hannesRSA Yeah really need to summarize better and i work on it (it's way easier when i speak) but sometimes it's hard for me, and since it's just a rare occasion on yt I just left it like that.. wondering if your comment on situational awareness is also based on how I wrote or what I wrote about? And yes you especially learn to appreciate this privilege after traveling and meeting so many people who'd love to do the same but can't.
Great video but wait if you're under 30 go for it? I'm 60 now and it still applies, solo traveled in 40s it was amazing and want to do more. Thanks for podcasts Mark!
I was going to say.. I'm 31 and don't intend to stop traveling and would never say someone it is too old to start!! Maybe you won't just be getting drunk in different countries (probably sometimes) but still have tons of great experiences
Well, I think maybe the idea is the if you're under 30 you probably don't have that many commitments, so you should just do it without really questioning it (obviously not if you have kids...), but over 30 you're likely to be more established in ways that you don't want to mess up. But I did my biggest and best trip so far (3 months) at 50 -- and I was able to do that without drastically disrupting my life. A lot depends on your circumstances...
As a french-argentinian born in New Zealand that has lived in Brazil, Australia and currently Spain, I can honestly say that I agree 100% regarding the topics mentioned by Mark & Drew. For example, In Argentina we have a very passionate culture/family focused, which is awesome, but we also have something called the "Viveza Criolla" which explains why the country is such an economic mess
Excuse for asking, how long have you been living in Spain?. I came here almost four months ago and I am suffering from terrible culture shock. (my parents were spanish but I spent most of my life living in te UK. Also I came back after living in Japan for six years (where I never had this problem) Do you have any advice? I’m really having trouble adapting . Thanks.
I haven't solo traveled abroad but I did solo travel within the US and focused on small towns. I found the same kind of culture differences depending on where I went ( Bible belt vs. Uncharted townships vs tourist routes). I agree that solo travel is Extremely thereputic.
Agree. “Solo” traveling with a child has had the same effect for me. Overcoming language barriers, navigating unfamiliar territory, etc all while keeping my daughter safe has given me so much confidence. I feel I can overcome anything now
I’m originally from Germany and moved abroad 5 years ago, first to Lebanon, now to the US, and spent over half a year in Kenya - I can relate to this a lot.
I think your conclusion on individual-based societies being better is fundamentally flawed because if a community-based society creates happier people then that should automatically be better than an individualistic society that gives psychopaths the opportunity to thrive and leaves everybody else miserable, even if they are presented to have greater opportunities to get flashier shit that doesn't actually matter in the long run. Even if happiness is cheap, isn't that still better than being in a materialistic society where people don't trust each other and levels of mental illness are the highest in recorded history?
Hey Mark, I think your travels should be explored in your next book!! Have you thought about writing one in greater detail about your travel experiences? Either that or another in depth podcast about it.
Very good quesitons and interesting answers...Impressive analysis! As a person who studied intercultural relations in Boston decades ago...! hi from Korea.
Will be 65 this year, traveled 10 countries solo the last 2 years 😊😊,traveled with someone on another trip recently 😵💫😵💫,solo teaches you who you are, totally agree.
Surprisingly I agree with pretty much all he said. I have predominantly traveled solo and in the ways he has. I prefer to attempt to understand how other people are, although without having a language to share that can almost be impossible... On another note, I like to read novels about that country I'm in by an author from there. Or a movie. You can learn a lot of subtle things about cultures by doing this. But selfishly I prefer that most people prefer the tourist spots. Then where I like to go is not overdeveloped and touristy. Really enjoyed this conversation. Thanks guys
Some people confuse "happiness" with simple joys. Also it would help if people weren't so distracted focusing on their "smart" phones. Some people swear by using a "dumb" phone to simplify their lives and create opportunities of conversation.
17:00 I can't possibly agree more with Mark's take on solo travel. It is the single best thing, albeit the scariest thing you can do. You get to go where you want to go when you want to go. There is nothing more freeing. It is intoxicating.
I have a sports trainer who’s born and raised in Venezuela, in survive-the-streets part I’m curious, how much part of Venezuela is like that? The trainer time-to-time motivates us with stories to give us wealthy dutchies a reality check to not take all we have for granted and be grateful
Lol it’s just a coincident but it amused me that you talked about being in Spain while bringing up the sponsor of this video-BetterHelp. I used BetterHelp while I solo travelled to Spain for 3.5 months during the worst period of my life (and covid pandemic), and it’s been the hardest experience of my life and greatest growth. Dealing with all your shit completely alone tells you more about yourself than anything else and gives perspective on life. I’m now planning my move to Japan for a couple of years and I can relate so much to everything you said on this video. I just love your content and perspective and wanted to say that 🙏🏻❤️
I'm 22 year old guy and been solo traveling for 6-9 months at a time for the last 2 years while doing university online around se asia, s asia, central Asia, East Asia, LATAM, middle east and many other places. I related to everything you said. Thanks again for a great video
You are so brilliant as always. This is what I've always wanted to understand about travel. Thank you for deconstructing it. I just feel so much smarter after watching your podcasts. But not really just smarter, rather wiser. What you say leaves a lasting mark, a lightbulb moment or something that you cling to and come to again and again because it rings true. Thank you for being brilliant and struggling to get by so now we, the world at large get to benefit from how you experienced things as well as your takeaways. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. You really are the best and very precious. Have a great day. Betty
I traveled with the military, so my experience was affected by that, but traveling outside your home country had so many benefits to how you view the world.
I'll take contentment over happiness any day. Contentment lasts, happiness is temporary. After a whole bunch of stuff I fell into contentment by accident and I love it.
This video couldn't have come at a better time ! I recently just made a huge change in my life leaving Japan and going back to my home country Malaysia after 6 years of living here during my most formative years and was feeling anxious and stressed out from it. I agree with Mark that living abroad has actually made me more conservative in my views and beliefs, and also the notion that maybe my home country isn't that bad after all. I left because I hated my home country, but I'm now voluntarily leaving Japan to go back to Malaysia, which is a decision I would've never even fathomed just a short 6 months ago. Really grateful that this video dropped as it's kinda given me a perspective on everything, and also I just recently finished subtle art of not giving a fuck, and that gave me a lot of insights into how I should better myself as a person too. Keep up the great work Mark and team !
As an American, I love our positivity and how our culture is about inspiring individual dreams. I choose to live in the Netherlands. I ❤ efficiency. I celebrate that the Dutch shun credit cards and value personal finance starting at a young age to spend within your means. Dream. Save. Do. This is a major cultural value that visitors immediately see - physically active people. Across the life span, the Dutch are very physically active most days of the week. I think the Dutch have more freedom than many Americans experience, more of a civil society, and more pragmatism. There is merit in American invention. But the Dutch are ingenious. In the US today - The winner takes all and winner gets to dominate all. These attitudes from our political and business elite are proving to be dangerous to American society. Americans can easily fall for myths of change makers and their stories. No questions asked. The Dutch still question. It’s part of their culture. I celebrate this and appreciate that they don’t fall in line to a political party, a chaos billionaire, or believe there are only two sides of a problem.
His eyes on the front picture are astoundingly beautiful. The headline/title peaked my curiosity but then i saw his eyes as the video was loading and had to stop to zoom in a bit they are just soooo... beautiful pure green idk i love his soul.
Basically, most of the points also help explain how and why the Nordic countries get such good happiness ratings. For example, we're forced to be future focused but it's built into the system, just take your free education and pay your taxes and do what you have to do and things will be fine. Shit works. Nothing grows in the winter so we have to be good at trading something. At the same time, we have things like hygge, fika, sauna, relentless booze and partying culture - We know how to let go and just live in the moment. Tradeoff: Everything is too soft and easy, people lose track of real problems, lots of depression around. A certain lack of personal character exists, people just fall on previously laid tracks and never look around.
When he talked about the poor and developing nations I get it. These are the countries where you don't get hot water in the cruel winters and the electricity and gas are so expensive that they can't afford to warm their homes in winter and cool them in summer. These people don't get access to clean water or even food supplies, yet you find them happy because they take these things as ones they can't control.
In China since 2006, came here to "travel while I was young" ended up staying here much longer! It has reshaped every part of the first 20 years of my life. I think this podcast is the BEST I've ever heard about traveling and how it isn't what it seems!
As to point 4: Your own experience does skew this. I worked in Security for 13 years, and yeah, I did meet some great people. But when your job is literally to deal with the worst of the worst at their lowest, and people who are scared, angry, under the influence, whatever, over time you see that EVERYONE is capable of being a PoS and it's a very thin line between civility and scum. I know people in general are okay, but I also am highly aware of how much people actually ride that line. It is something that I want to change, but again, there's no veil any more, no blase naieve innocence left to soften everything.
The amount of valuable and inspirational knowledge I've accumulated from traveling and meeting people from different cultures is absolutely inspirational and staggering. I really don't undersand how there's still so many insular people afraid of outsiders; migration and others when in reality we're all human being just in different circumstances.
People prefer their own culture because you share values with your neighbours. I want to live amongst people that don't consider it acceptable for teachers to impregnate their female students
If happiness something you are striving for you are actually focussing a lot of you being unhappy. I read your book after I got out of a clinical diagnosed depression. Not the way people say "I'm depressed", as it goes to easily nowadays. It's almost used like a slang. How I experienced depression is: 1. Feeling shitty 2. Overthinking about feeling shitty 3. Feeling not being able to do something about it and just have to accept it 4. Experiencing it's getting worse by the day 5. Not knowing why you feel this way at all 6. Experiencing you are actually losing your mind trying to figure out why this happens 7. Think of ways to break away from it 8. Fail at those things 9. Think you're a worthless piece of shit not being able to manage 10. Lose hope you can actually change your life 11. Completely lose hope in any way of recovery 12. Thinking you're a failure as a human being 13. Think you might be better off if you're dead to get a rest 14. If your'e that.. What music would you want on your funeral (for your family in the hope they understand) 15. End then there's just the couple of days of waiting until all emotions go away. 16. There's no voice in your head anymore saying these bad thoughts are just bad thoughts. There's nothing anymore. But these things run very slowly over a year or two or even more. You'll get sleep deprivation in the meantime. And you can handle that to some extent until you don't sleep at all anymore. Just thinking about point 8 to 15 until every emotion just completely dies off. Including the voice in your head. Point 1 to 8 can take years and years and years. It's the struggle. But after that. 9 to 16 happen in months to even weeks. That was it for me. I'm happy I found the source: Not having the feeling that I should talk about my feelings to others. I felt I would just bother people with my issues. "I need to be able to deal with everything by myself". "I don't need other people". In my case, I completely lost it in a span of maybe 2 months. 9 -16 went extremely fast for me. 1 -8 took me 2.5 years, but it was still a daily thing I was dealing with. It was fighting and losing at the same time. I'm happy to have found the source of the issue. Once that was clear I felt reborn and started a completely new life after about a year. Travelled and now living the life I have always dreamt of (although working hard). I'm stronger than I ever was and I have learned more than I ever did in just the last 4 years. Thanks to traveling by myself just once. You need to experience things you THINK you get happy from. And then experience the negative sides of that, just like Mark explains while moving abroad. It's the process however that makes you stronger. And within just your own country, it can make you suffer. It makes life feel pointless and not worth living if you already managed that. Or feel as a failure if it doesn't get you where you want to be at that place in time. However, seeking happiness for a lot of people is running away from the actual problems they have. We develop coping mechanism to deal with things. And there's aways a time where these coping mechanisms fail. Always. And you probably always will create new coping mechanisms for your new situation. You're just not aware of it yet. But once you get older, you will start to see them and get rid of them. Don't run, but fight and conquer. You never have to fight and conquer on your own. There has never has been a one-man army. You will need other in one way or another.
Great episode. It had reminded me about a comment that my dad had made decades ago when we were visiting a small town in the tropics. People there have the basic infrastructure like power and water, basic homes that they had built... and the kids there were happily playing with their friends and swimming in the local river. My dad said: "See these kids here, they are happy and healthy. They don't have all the things that we have but they have learnt to do with what they have available to them."
wow....complete opposite of what we have experienced have been all over the world. We have learned that money is not that important and that family is more important, very different that here in the US. it has made me, I don't want to say liberal, but certainly less conservative and most certainly more grounded. As a result I no longer care about chasing this elusive "American dream" and are now just chasing my own dream. All of my experiences have led me to the conclusion that, with my family and friends, I am the richest man on the planet.
00:02 Living abroad changed my views in unexpected ways. 02:02 Misconceptions about living in Latin America 06:16 Different cultures have different focus on time orientation 08:08 Happiness cannot solely be achieved through present focus 12:35 The influence of human dignity on The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck 14:31 People in underdeveloped areas may not value furniture and writing tools as they cannot read or write. 18:21 Struggling with sickness and extreme discomfort while traveling abroad 20:08 Travel helps you confront personal issues and find constant factors in life 23:51 Most people around the world are really good 25:51 Different systems for managing societal 'assholes', with varying effectiveness 29:48 Living abroad can change political views 31:57 The need for being more judgmental in certain situations 35:46 Human commonalities are often overlooked in favor of slight differences. 37:55 Try new food and read about the place when traveling
There really is good and bad in everything. When making a choice it is good to write down on paper the good and the bad and then choose accordingly 🌎☀️💙
I have been following your writings for a long time and remember your blog post about your India visit causing a bit of a furore back then; so it is nice to hear you mention that trip. I don't know if you have been back since but 'a dust over India' deserves a sequel!
Really interesting chat. Mark you've got a real talent for observing how humans live and think and an uncanny knack of drawing really insightful conclusions. 👏
Hi Mark! Don’t know if you’ll see this but just wanted to thank you for your video. Currently living abroad and wanted to say I’m grateful that someone finally said that some systems work better than others. I was feeling this way working in a school in a collectivist culture. There’s no independent or creative thinking in the school I’m currently working in. Students just memorize information without understanding the “why” or questioning what’s given to them. It made me feel bad to think that the “western” school systems were simply better in developing free thinkers (which perhaps stems from individualism and has its own tradeoffs). Just wanted to say that I really resonated with your video. Appreciated that you went with fearlessly stating “the taboo”.
I think people don't get how brilliant of a mind this guy has. Ever since I found him I've seen a positive impact in the way I see the world and also the results. Please, never stop sharing.
There were so many real insights shared here. Thank you very much for the honest content. It feels very empowering! Please do an episode 2 with the things you would do different if you had a middle age crisis and decided you want to travel again.
I listened to this and nodded so much in agreement. I remember that I discovered your book right after I moved abroad 5 years ago and reading it let me know that I’d made the right decision.
Hi. Thank you for such a good video. Last November, I took a solo trip to France. Since I was 12, I had studied the language off and on and I did lots of research before I went, which really helped. I stayed at an AirBnB studio apartment in a small apartment building in "le banlieu" a short distance from Paris. Where do I start? Way less of a car culture and way more pedestrians, and luckily the very good Cora supermarche was pretty easy walking distance. Emphasis on fresh! The whole time I was there I felt amped, and I had lots of decent conversations with people in French, a couple of whom didn't seem to know any English. A lady who helped me at the train station when I overshot a stop told me how her family had emigrated there 12 years before and that everybody hates Macron. A guide at the Louvre was also very helpful. I kept thinking how I should have done it when I was way younger, but it was great to get out of my comfort zone and really experience how different it is in Europe.
I'm someone who was born in Bangladesh and grew up in Singapore- I've spent my life oscillating between the two extremes of complete chaos and corruption to a world of draconian control. I have now found a nice little middleground in NYC. This is why listening to Mark talk about his travels rubs me the wrong way- it sounds like "Suffering tourism". He's slumming it for a hot second, patting himself on the back for enduring a tiny fraction of what others face daily, and then returning to his comfortable life from which he does his self reflections. Maybe his writing is catered towards others like him and not towards people like me. But co-opting the struggles of others for own personal growth is something that will always rub me the wrong way, especially considering that he's made millions of his "findings" after living a day in the life of people who suffer daily and will for generations.
This was great, interesting and right on! I traveled a little after college, not like you but had family in England and France to stay with. Loved every minute.
13:39 Happiness isn't "just a choice" that's dumbing it down so much that it's misrepresentative of the point you're trying to make. People like all animals are adaptable, not naturally good or bad, actions and thoughts are directly affected by our environment, and in a way you almost said that yourself just with an emphasis on different parts. Those people didn't steal that desk just because they were so happy without it, they didn't know what a desk was, and had no need for it because they had already adapted to live in entirely different way due to their environment, it wasn't an act of choice that they don't know how to read or write, or what a table is, they just already have other things going on. They are not stupid nor are they incredibly smart they just live an entirely different life. And just in the same way they don't choose to be happy people who have had something shity happen or just have a shity life don't choose to be sad, it is a reflexive response to external stimuli that over millions of years we have adapted to have, and yes after a while you should let that go eventually, and you should continue responding to the environment changing around you as it is, but you have every right to be upset when something bad happens.... Happiness doesn't even mean happiness, it means stability, in a lot of the context where you're using that word, it just means a sense of normalcy and acceptance, not really the physical emotional feeling of joy. Just in the same way you take information from your environment to learn and learn more things from changing up your environment, some people are trapped and never get that understanding of the world they just know what they know, they know that teachers sometimes date and impregnate little girls and they're fine with that, because, it's normal to them, not because they chose to be ok with it. And because they don't have all the Privileges that you have, they have no clue what they're missing so naturally have a sense of normalcy because what they have, to them, is normal, and that's how you're describing happiness. You living in a place where children don't typically get impregnated by adults and, and at age 7 children know how to read that doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you have more at your disposal, privilege doesn't equal bad. It's just not a choice a lot of the time. It just didn't make sense that within the same breath you said it was a choice, It seemed a little contradictory, no?
Those closing remarks about fighting over our differences while ignoring what we have in common, reminds me of Emo Phillips' hilarious bit about the jumper on the Golden Gate Bridge...
Great insights! Number 5 confuses me. It seems to mix up systems, cultures, and situations. For example, in Europe, children didn't attend school during harvest season until about 70-100 years ago, even though school was mandatory since the 18th century. My parents' generation (born in the late '40s) was the first where parents didn't rely on their children's labor. Child abuse by authorities was also common, and issues like abuse by older men with authority figures were often not discussed. We are talking about a generation affected by repeated traumas like WW1, the Spanish flu, the Great Depression, WW2, and captivity, with mothers often being the sole surviving parent for half a dozen children. While the past Europe and the current Tanzania don't share the same culture or systems, they are in a similar economic situation. Seeing it as similar economic situations opens up more possibilities to change, if change is what is intended.
Awesome. I travelled once last year, just for 3 days to do a race, but I intend to travel 2-3 times this year. I don't have any funds as yet, but setting the intention has proven to be invaluable for me. I didnt "have the funds" immediately last year, but I still made it.
Mark you get that a lot probably but i have to say this. I think that you have the best Insight in Live on the Whole RUclips Man. Keep doing what you do and never stop.
I worked for a touring punk band between 2005-2013 doing up to month long tours every so often. This was mostly in the US & Canada, but also a trip to Europe. There's nothing touristy about it because you end up in a smelly club most nights and you are most assuredly meeting the locals. It was fantastic. It was an incredibly informative period of my life. I would say that as a lefty/liberal type, I want to assert that a mature viewpoint is that I prefer not to prejudge cultures I don't know have any experience with or prejudge anyone...but if your culture subjugates women, or has some dark aspects to it, I have a problem with it. But that goes back to core values. And although I think capitalism is an exploitive system, I also have no choice but exist in the system so I made sure I played the game enough to be comfortable (without being exploitive myself). Turns out being a human being is complicated, but mostly I try not to be a jerk.
I have travelled regularly (45+ countries over last 25 years) and agree with every word that Mark says, also the effect of working abroad and traveling has (on my views) has been very similar to his.
Such good information, deciding what I want in life and it seems I’m searching for the perfect place when it doesn’t exist, the trade off idea really makes sense
14:57 I came to a similar epiphany when I was thinking/meditating once. We can be far more ignorant than we realise. We can be so ignorant that we can get into situations where we are too ignorant to even ask the right questions to get out of our ignorance. It's a very Plato-ey, allegory of the cave concept but it has practical implications. It's like supreme skepticism by questioning your own questions.
I dunno, but I finally got myself a great little cabin by a lake and I have absolutely NO interest in traveling the world! I really just appreciate my being able to hang and and do (or not) whatever I want! I spent 30+ years as a social worker and counselor tryin to help folks w/ perhaps the most difficult situations in their lives. I hope I helped some of them, but I'm sorta retired now. I can't say the situations I dealt with were beautiful or serene or even having super-sucessful outcomes, but just trying to be of genuine help to others gave me reason to be both grateful and happy too I guess.
I love the things you say about happiness. I like to throw in the words acceptance and contentment. There is a famous prayer of a Christian scholar: _"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."_ The illiterate happy people you mentioned comes to mind. If there is no way to get the necessary education then that's something they need to accept and be content with this fact. It's a blessing then that they are happy then. However, if there are ways to get educated but they are content with their current ignorant illiterate state, then that's a bad thing because they can change their situation but accept the way they are. They ought to know that there is nothing good about being illiterate and that things are even going to get worse for them. Usually this means activism to the forces that keeps them ignorant and activists are usually quite mad and frustrated until they get what they want.
When you were talking about the lack of crime, i immediately thought about China, and how drug dealing is a capital crime. Without a trial. Apparently it works that way in Singapore as well.
1. Everything is a tradeoff
2. Happiness is cheap, dignity is expensive
3. Solo travel is great for personal development
4. Most people are good
5. Some cultures produce better outcomes than others
Mark's Travel Tips:
1. Travel for an extended period.
2. Read a book on the country you are going to while you are there.
3. Avoid the resorts.
4. Limit tourist activities to the first two days.
5. Find activities that help you interact with the locals
thank you, now i can skip the whole video because my fish attention span doesn't even let me watch 5 minutes straight without looking at the comments
Thank you
Thank you internet friend! 🙂
I am at 0:59 reading this. Fuck me
Great summary! Some of the things I don't agree with and some I do despite some of them being uncomfortable truths that I wish were not true. Either way, it's interesting and nice to know Mark Manson's insight on the society.
“Traveling helps you to see what remains constant when you leave an environment and what changes” may be my favorite quote from Mark yet. Reader and follower going on 5 years. Thank you for everything you do!
isn't constant and the same synonyms?
@@MrPanSzymon just noticed that, thanks!
One of Mark's best podcasts yet. Travelling is such an eye-opening and positive experience, and you'll find we've way more in common than not.
I haven’t travelled abroad but I did a solo road trip of over 4000 miles a few years ago and it changed everything. I was able to figure out what was going on in my mind and the changes I needed to make that I had been avoiding. I am so grateful I did it. I’m still reaping the benefits.
Yes. You're learning about yourself rather than the place in which you're travelling.
That totally counts. Just going to the city next to yours, but do it mindfully. Be interested in others, how they think, and take time to think about your own reactions to the encounters too. Great example for all of us, thank you.
24:49 You started talking about my Ruiner Theory - I figured out that about 3 to 5% of people are Ruiners. I have also figured out that about 3-5% are Fixers. The rest are POLRs - Path of Least Resistance people - they go with the flow.
Brilliant. So very well put, I couldn't agree more.
Funnily, whenever I travel to a country, I always feel like my home country is the best place to be. Adventures can still happen and will excite me inside my small country.
Hello! Where are you from?
@@Daveighna Estonia
A friend returned from a vacation abroad and described the resort where he stayed. I asked him if there was a lot of crime in the country he was visiting, if there were any safety issues and he replied with a straight face, "No, it's very safe. The resort is fenced off."
There's a Buddhist saying that on every great journey, you must die once. Unsure what was implied by that, but I've lived and traveled overseas and each time had my own character revealed to me through other societies, or their hardships, and my own mini-crises. I had a meltdown in a Wuhan train station in 2004, and while it wasn't fun, am so grateful for it. Never been the same since, but oddly healthier, and became easily more honest to myself and others
You never step in the same river twice you are not same person and the river is not the same.
Maybe that's what Buddha meant.
You should tell us about that 'meltdown.'
I might have witnessed part of this break-down: in a train station, another foreigner (rare) tried to get me to help him with something and the vibe was off, so I kept on walking. The foreigner’s screams of anger at me (for walking away) were something conspicuously incongruent with the ambient cultural norm-
Thanks that's a really wise comment, easy to get caught in our own bubbles so this resonates with me.
As I travelled I came to realize people are human good/bad everywhere… culture is powerful on attitudes but in terms of getting by in life it’s all relative to the general circumstances of the society … people with not much relied more on community and seemed happier where as Western societies had more and relied on each other less but seemed generally stressed and anxious.
When you say that "Most people are good" I liked the word "Hospitible" more, because I think there are a lot of people, whom when you get closer to them or spend more time with them, can be bad. Someone can smile and offer you dinner and a place to stay, but be abusing their child behind the scenes. I still agree with the "glass half full" view that more people are good than are bad. But I think simularly to the idea you shared about spending time in less well off countries to see how people are REALLY suffering when you spend time with them, I think there can be a lot of people who can be doing bad. And just because they give us food and a smile we can believe them good. Again, Im still glass half full here, but a glass half full is simultaneously a glass half empty. Its not MOSTLY full
i think is kinda true not completely, as generally people are nice but the reason they can be bad due to getting closer, is because you discover more differences because people are different and your differences could lead to hostility. But also, most of the bad is just incompentence not malice, like more of a chance for an native to have a different view on the world, like money is king and this is further reinforced by his life expieriences, but you know that money isn't everything and this difference is why you could say they are "bad", it is more of a case of being different in morals and ideas and the system and worldview they have.
@@delta._.6456 @delta._.6456 thank you for this reply 💚 I really like that reminder. We shouldn't mistake for malice what can easily be explained by incompitence or ignorance. Or us not realizing the life experience that lead someone different than ourselves to believe their actions to be the right thing
Three things: (1) Travel when you're young if you can. Travel does change you, your perceptions, your mind, and your ways, and if you go early, those changes will benefit you for the rest of your days. (2) 100% agree with the read a book advice. I usually look for at least one piece of great literature written in the local language (translated if necessary). For example, I found "The Book of Disquiet" by Fernando Pessoa before going to Portugal and loved it! (3) Learn as much of the language as you can. At least learn hello, thank you, please, excuse me, I'm sorry, where is the bathroom, and what do you recommend. I am an enthusiastic language learner and have continued with German and Spanish, the state of my Japanese is sad, though. Knowing another language opens up a new cultural world.
😅😅po😅
490 days no alcohol 🥇✊
40 years without alcohol. Where you rate me in comparison
I never drink alcochol.
Heeey that’s amazing keep it up!
Bravo🎉🎉🎉❤ wish you all the best
Proud of You
I got into travel hacking, traveled to several countries, mostly in Asia and SE Asia. I never spent a dime on travel, but I was also able to destroy all my bad consumer debt that I accumulated in NYC. I now live in Vietnam where my cost of everything is exponentially cheaper. I still act cheap to keep my discipline and live like the locals and really immerse into the environment to know how it feels to be a local here. The only hardest shit is communicating in Vietnamese. I can only speak some Korean and mandarin but Vietnamese is on a whole ass level of difficulty.
well done. You can do it!
I am Vietnamese and totally agreed.
I started travelling solo because plans with travel companions fell through...and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Since then, solo travel has become my default. I can spend all day in a museum if I want, and I can walk for miles just observing daily life and not have to listen to complaining. Travelling solo forces you to interact with others - locals and fellow travellers alike.
I just found your Chanel and it’s a breath of fresh air!! Especially for a young person ( I’m 64) realizing things I’ve realized by living
long years!! Bravo 👏 love your contents, will recommend to my adult kids!! 🙏🥰
I’m a Korean American woman ready to retire soon and just love your thoughts and comments!!
As someone who has traveled to 30 countries, majority alone, I think a lot of these ideas are great! I also lived in China for about 2 years when I was younger and those experiences were EYE OPENING. I definitely agree with you that you simply have to acknowledge that some countries do things better than others - that's fact.
The thing about the anecdote with your friend building schools is great because it highlights that simply providing things is not enough to create social change. Behaviors exist for a variety of reasons, and culture and social norms are particularly important for development and public health work (historically development aid has not acknowledged or addressed this). You can't just build schools and not address teacher-student dynamics, empowerment of women and girls, acceptance of teen pregnancy, etc.
The other thing is that police does matter - the problem is that there are flaws in the US policing system and they are not treating people the same. The US police system has made significant trade-offs in funding police systems that end up doing harm to the communities they're supposed to be helping while underfunding education, health care, public transport, etc. Law enforcement systems are not inherently useless, it's mostly about how typical police systems are implemented.
Well for the police stuff, they have systems that go after places with more crime where they’ll put more officers, and more often than not it’s in black neighborhoods. That’s due to cultural and social issues in the black community, along with a minority of police officers
Empowerment is probably a bad thing to say since it’s conflated with more like the modern west where women basically get everything with no work, and that is the more extreme end. I feel that it’s good for women to have some things but also realize that women are not rational like men, they go off of emotions and this is why most of the people who make outrageous comments online are women. It’s really sad how rational thought is superseded by social pressure or whatever the west thinks.
he is race. he no speak four india. he no like my color. my color good color. all color good color. y he no like make inside four me india? y he no visit inside?
he fourget martin luther king dreams.
@@RanjakarPatel what?!
Sad fact is as an Indian you will listen to the suffering mentioned by him in India and think bro this is something we go through at times. But having awkward conversation with parents is difficult than this.
same, as an India i was interested in Mark's experience in India
but it's just sad to know..
After living outside America for 50 years, I can’t imagine ever going back. I have realised that no matter where I live, the most important thing is the people and friends that I have around me, plus it is fun to learn other languages and experience other cultures. America is definitely not the world.
Very interesting video, Mark. Congratulations and greetings from Buenos Aires, Argentina.
how good is this guy? loved this. His advice is Try the Food after one of his worst travel experiences was food poisoning in India
Though I believe he trusts his audience to add “if it isn’t still breathing” without saying xD
I grew up in Brazil and moved to Germany with 10 where I lived for 19 years (-1 year after high school where I lived in Australia and - 1 semester I studied in Indonesia). Then I left in 2021 after finishing my masters in Architecture (and working for a year to wait out covid and make extra cash). Since then I've been traveling and staying for long periods (at least 6 Months) in certain Countries, like USA, Mexico, New Zealand with shorter periods in others all over the world. I traveled to roughly 30+ countries in my life, currently I'm back in Brazil for roughly 6 months as I renovate the apartment where I grew up in and I'll keep going after. My goal though is to maybe find a "real" job and a place to live again, maybe by the end of this year.
I totally get what you say as the trade off thing is something I think about and feel a lot. In people, cultures, countries, way of living.. anything! I love balance and the truth is for me the best way to get that is to move between countries and activities with different trade offs. I'll eventually get sick of one thing and later miss it again. At the same time after moving a lot and not having my own place for almost 3 years now I also now miss the stability I'd have when I was not traveling. We never get everything at once obviously.. Traveling gave me tons of insights and moving to a very different country/culture at the age of 10, having both nationalities makes is very hard to decide where to live, which trade off fits me best. It is great to simply understand the world, why some places are the way they are, why people are the way they are. I barely judge as everyone has a story. I traveled almost everything by myself, often times also with people but always knowing it's just for a limited period. I had tons of variation on what kind of traveling would happen. I hiked the entire length of the US, later Jordan and also the south Island of New Zealand. I'd work sometimes, teaching surfing, picking fruits, making hand-poke tattoos, doing design work for a free accommodation etc. I camped, couch surfed and hitchhiked a lot and slept and traveled in pretty much any way you could imagine. I mostly lived extremely frugal but also being an "educated westerner" made me become friends with all kinds of people... Homeless people, Drug dealers, Prostitutes and strippers (not through their services), Addicts, Hippies, Gang members, Artists, Farmers, Business owners, Scientists and some millionaires, everything besides the usual travelers. All are helpful and treat you with love if you respect them the way you wish to be respected. No matter our differences.
It is a very humbling experience. I learned that all the people are lovely but the system often reflects their deeper minds, like you said about more corruption happening/being culturally accepted. And it defines them too as we humans adapt way better than we think we can, especially to follow a higher power.
And as you said there are just different values.
So for me it is still hard to say/accept what you claim.. That money is important, that some "ways" are better than others. One of the biggest issues is that some cultures are more powerful than others and the weaker ones suffer in general from the power and influence of others and also from simply the knowledge of other standards! And there is no way out anymore. Actually I like to say corruption is everywhere it just looks and feels different depending where you are. So money might be good but only with the knowledge that having enough probably means others are suffering because of it somewhere. So in our reality it ends up being a selfish choice to have more (very indirectly and we can use it to do some good too) but as a system it's massive trade off!
It's all like yin and yang "you can't grow the white without also growing the black" in this world if that makes sense... Globalism is great but it also has it's price. With the examples of indigenous people before colonialism. In my opinion they probably had a very good life, without money without great comfort, without a good health system and barely any chances to decide how their life would be. But it's a bare bone type of living, you only care about surviving and have a role/importance in your tribe, a strong sense of community and you don't know on what your missing out what others might have. I don't think we would argue that bees could be happier if they would leave their hive and evolve to have more choices and higher standards (it's a weird analogy but we're all living beings with a role in nature). "If white is small, black is small".
But if you know and grew up in a first world country (actually hate that word), you'll miss what you had eventually. The comfort and safety and specially the choices you have in life. So I don't think in general that money, and "certain ways" are better than others... It just depends what you need, what your values are and what trade offs are the ones for you. I'm still on a journey to find out more and I love it.. and I hate it a little at the same time though, the more you know the more you understand what you're missing out in other places and cultures. Not having a single home country makes it almost impossible to find the right culture and values for me.
I'm not a great communicator but I hope I still made a point some can understand... So yeah go out and travel, you'll have tons of great experiences, memories and you'll grow a lot. But knowing more doesn't make live simpler, just richer as there's always a trade off :)
Thank you for the effort to write all this!
I wish you all the very best, but most importantly - good health - as we all know, this is the one thing we should not trade off for anything else ;)
I think the point Mark was trying to make - some cultures are better than others for providing bodily security (food, shelter and general security) because they are better at keeping those 3% assholes at bay, who compromise everyones living.
And I agree. Most of the cultures were like that back in the day, but some evolved to keep majority people relatively happy and others didn't. It's not because they are inherently worse, but due to timing or other cultures exploiting them, they stagnated in culture evolution for general people prosperity. At least looking from "now" lens
I’m also Brazilian, and moved to England when I was 9 years old, currently living in between England and United Arab Emirates (where my fiancée lives), so I relate so much to your comment!!!
Bro you travelled to 30 countries, that's a very privileged position you came from and thanks for your post.
But you need to learn to summarise and learn some situational awareness.
@@hannesRSA Yeah really need to summarize better and i work on it (it's way easier when i speak) but sometimes it's hard for me, and since it's just a rare occasion on yt I just left it like that.. wondering if your comment on situational awareness is also based on how I wrote or what I wrote about?
And yes you especially learn to appreciate this privilege after traveling and meeting so many people who'd love to do the same but can't.
Great video but wait if you're under 30 go for it? I'm 60 now and it still applies, solo traveled in 40s it was amazing and want to do more. Thanks for podcasts Mark!
I was going to say.. I'm 31 and don't intend to stop traveling and would never say someone it is too old to start!! Maybe you won't just be getting drunk in different countries (probably sometimes) but still have tons of great experiences
Well, I think maybe the idea is the if you're under 30 you probably don't have that many commitments, so you should just do it without really questioning it (obviously not if you have kids...), but over 30 you're likely to be more established in ways that you don't want to mess up. But I did my biggest and best trip so far (3 months) at 50 -- and I was able to do that without drastically disrupting my life. A lot depends on your circumstances...
Broke, solo travel is a different prospect for women
As a french-argentinian born in New Zealand that has lived in Brazil, Australia and currently Spain, I can honestly say that I agree 100% regarding the topics mentioned by Mark & Drew. For example, In Argentina we have a very passionate culture/family focused, which is awesome, but we also have something called the "Viveza Criolla" which explains why the country is such an economic mess
Excuse for asking, how long have you been living in Spain?. I came here almost four months ago and I am suffering from terrible culture shock. (my parents were spanish but I spent most of my life living in te UK. Also I came back after living in Japan for six years (where I never had this problem) Do you have any advice? I’m really having trouble adapting . Thanks.
"Jeitinho brasileiro".
@@KizetteandTotorogo back to the UK. Spain is great to visit only
@@Kolach0 Thank you. I have been thinking about it. It seems it is the only option. This is just uneccesarily difficult..
@@KizetteandTotoro be happy with what you got. Comeback to Spain with lots of money to retire or just as a tourist
I haven't solo traveled abroad but I did solo travel within the US and focused on small towns. I found the same kind of culture differences depending on where I went ( Bible belt vs. Uncharted townships vs tourist routes). I agree that solo travel is Extremely thereputic.
Agree. “Solo” traveling with a child has had the same effect for me. Overcoming language barriers, navigating unfamiliar territory, etc all while keeping my daughter safe has given me so much confidence. I feel I can overcome anything now
I’m originally from Germany and moved abroad 5 years ago, first to Lebanon, now to the US, and spent over half a year in Kenya - I can relate to this a lot.
I think your conclusion on individual-based societies being better is fundamentally flawed because if a community-based society creates happier people then that should automatically be better than an individualistic society that gives psychopaths the opportunity to thrive and leaves everybody else miserable, even if they are presented to have greater opportunities to get flashier shit that doesn't actually matter in the long run. Even if happiness is cheap, isn't that still better than being in a materialistic society where people don't trust each other and levels of mental illness are the highest in recorded history?
Not to mention your whole philosophy is that suffering gives you meaning. Being happy while suffering surely beats suffering and being completely lost
Hey Mark, I think your travels should be explored in your next book!! Have you thought about writing one in greater detail about your travel experiences? Either that or another in depth podcast about it.
Very good quesitons and interesting answers...Impressive analysis! As a person who studied intercultural relations in Boston decades ago...! hi from Korea.
Will be 65 this year, traveled 10 countries solo the last 2 years 😊😊,traveled with someone on another trip recently 😵💫😵💫,solo teaches you who you are, totally agree.
Surprisingly I agree with pretty much all he said. I have predominantly traveled solo and in the ways he has. I prefer to attempt to understand how other people are, although without having a language to share that can almost be impossible...
On another note, I like to read novels about that country I'm in by an author from there. Or a movie. You can learn a lot of subtle things about cultures by doing this.
But selfishly I prefer that most people prefer the tourist spots. Then where I like to go is not overdeveloped and touristy.
Really enjoyed this conversation. Thanks guys
Some people confuse "happiness" with simple joys. Also it would help if people weren't so distracted focusing on their "smart" phones. Some people swear by using a "dumb" phone to simplify their lives and create opportunities of conversation.
I’ve done 48 countries and I’m 51. Such a great experience. It will change your life in many ways.
17:00 I can't possibly agree more with Mark's take on solo travel. It is the single best thing, albeit the scariest thing you can do. You get to go where you want to go when you want to go. There is nothing more freeing. It is intoxicating.
I feel glad to hear Mark using Venezuela, where I live as an example. It tells you how much have you have meet about the world
I have a sports trainer who’s born and raised in Venezuela, in survive-the-streets part
I’m curious, how much part of Venezuela is like that?
The trainer time-to-time motivates us with stories to give us wealthy dutchies a reality check to not take all we have for granted and be grateful
Which I am btw, there is so much freedom and opportunity that is made possible by safety
Lol it’s just a coincident but it amused me that you talked about being in Spain while bringing up the sponsor of this video-BetterHelp.
I used BetterHelp while I solo travelled to Spain for 3.5 months during the worst period of my life (and covid pandemic), and it’s been the hardest experience of my life and greatest growth.
Dealing with all your shit completely alone tells you more about yourself than anything else and gives perspective on life.
I’m now planning my move to Japan for a couple of years and I can relate so much to everything you said on this video.
I just love your content and perspective and wanted to say that 🙏🏻❤️
The happiness thing, classic man. Like the Hamlet quote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”.
Hey Mark ❤ from India and also sorry for that you got troubled when you visited India
I'm 22 year old guy and been solo traveling for 6-9 months at a time for the last 2 years while doing university online around se asia, s asia, central Asia, East Asia, LATAM, middle east and many other places. I related to everything you said. Thanks again for a great video
Thanks for sharing that side of you. Greetings from Addis, Ethiopia.
As I’m wrapping up a one week trip from South America, this video came out at the perfect time. Thank you bro!
You are so brilliant as always.
This is what I've always wanted to understand about travel.
Thank you for deconstructing it.
I just feel so much smarter after watching your podcasts. But not really just smarter, rather wiser.
What you say leaves a lasting mark, a lightbulb moment or something that you cling to and come to again and again because it rings true.
Thank you for being brilliant and struggling to get by so now we, the world at large get to benefit from how you experienced things as well as your takeaways.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
You really are the best and very precious.
Have a great day.
Betty
A "lasting Mark" you mean 😊
And you have a great day too, Betty!
I traveled with the military, so my experience was affected by that, but traveling outside your home country had so many benefits to how you view the world.
Once I stopped trying to find happiness, it found me.
Deep
Loved that! So true!
thanks for not so obvious tips, Mark. Im at 2 mo of my solo traveling, watching it while eating fried rice in Bangkok
I'll take contentment over happiness any day. Contentment lasts, happiness is temporary. After a whole bunch of stuff I fell into contentment by accident and I love it.
Absolutely. Contentment and Fulfillment. And a sprinkle of joy. Add gratitude. :)
Loved it. All the takeaways were amazing but the one which struck me was everything's a trade off! Thank you Mark❣️
I am at country 55 and I wish more people would try to travel for long periods instead of staying in the comforts of home
I guess if you're mindful enough about human nature, you can actually come to the same conclusions that Mark has without travelling that much.
@@nurrnena7798yeah but it does help a lot
@@Azurethewolf168 Yep, agreed
@@Azurethewolf168Also costs a lot.
@@themacocko6311 so what? Broke traveling is probably the best thing to do, it’s just an excuse, if you have even just $2000 you can travel somewhere
Wow, this is pure gold! I had to interrupt what I was doing just to fully listen.
This video couldn't have come at a better time !
I recently just made a huge change in my life leaving Japan and going back to my home country Malaysia after 6 years of living here during my most formative years and was feeling anxious and stressed out from it.
I agree with Mark that living abroad has actually made me more conservative in my views and beliefs, and also the notion that maybe my home country isn't that bad after all. I left because I hated my home country, but I'm now voluntarily leaving Japan to go back to Malaysia, which is a decision I would've never even fathomed just a short 6 months ago.
Really grateful that this video dropped as it's kinda given me a perspective on everything, and also I just recently finished subtle art of not giving a fuck, and that gave me a lot of insights into how I should better myself as a person too.
Keep up the great work Mark and team !
As an American, I love our positivity and how our culture is about inspiring individual dreams.
I choose to live in the Netherlands. I ❤ efficiency.
I celebrate that the Dutch shun credit cards and value personal finance starting at a young age to spend within your means. Dream. Save. Do.
This is a major cultural value that visitors immediately see - physically active people.
Across the life span, the Dutch are very physically active most days of the week.
I think the Dutch have more freedom than many Americans experience, more of a civil society, and more pragmatism.
There is merit in American invention. But the Dutch are ingenious.
In the US today - The winner takes all and winner gets to dominate all. These attitudes from our political and business elite are proving to be dangerous to American society. Americans can easily fall for myths of change makers and their stories. No questions asked.
The Dutch still question. It’s part of their culture. I celebrate this and appreciate that they don’t fall in line to a political party, a chaos billionaire, or believe there are only two sides of a problem.
His eyes on the front picture are astoundingly beautiful. The headline/title peaked my curiosity but then i saw his eyes as the video was loading and had to stop to zoom in a bit they are just soooo... beautiful pure green idk i love his soul.
OMG!! You were in Korea!! Mark I loved your book! You should've have a book signing event or something!! I would have loved to see you!
Basically, most of the points also help explain how and why the Nordic countries get such good happiness ratings. For example, we're forced to be future focused but it's built into the system, just take your free education and pay your taxes and do what you have to do and things will be fine. Shit works. Nothing grows in the winter so we have to be good at trading something. At the same time, we have things like hygge, fika, sauna, relentless booze and partying culture - We know how to let go and just live in the moment.
Tradeoff: Everything is too soft and easy, people lose track of real problems, lots of depression around. A certain lack of personal character exists, people just fall on previously laid tracks and never look around.
As someone that’s dedicated themselves to true travel of 22 countries over that last few years, this was all SO true and therapeutic to watch 🤙
When he talked about the poor and developing nations I get it. These are the countries where you don't get hot water in the cruel winters and the electricity and gas are so expensive that they can't afford to warm their homes in winter and cool them in summer. These people don't get access to clean water or even food supplies, yet you find them happy because they take these things as ones they can't control.
In China since 2006, came here to "travel while I was young" ended up staying here much longer! It has reshaped every part of the first 20 years of my life. I think this podcast is the BEST I've ever heard about traveling and how it isn't what it seems!
Hey Mark. Love the return to your long form vids. They're the perfect length of information and even better to listen on long walks.
As to point 4: Your own experience does skew this. I worked in Security for 13 years, and yeah, I did meet some great people. But when your job is literally to deal with the worst of the worst at their lowest, and people who are scared, angry, under the influence, whatever, over time you see that EVERYONE is capable of being a PoS and it's a very thin line between civility and scum. I know people in general are okay, but I also am highly aware of how much people actually ride that line. It is something that I want to change, but again, there's no veil any more, no blase naieve innocence left to soften everything.
The amount of valuable and inspirational knowledge I've accumulated from traveling and meeting people from different cultures is absolutely inspirational and staggering. I really don't undersand how there's still so many insular people afraid of outsiders; migration and others when in reality we're all human being just in different circumstances.
People prefer their own culture because you share values with your neighbours. I want to live amongst people that don't consider it acceptable for teachers to impregnate their female students
@@Squire2222 ? Did you not read my comment?
@@tdtm82 Did you not watch the video?
Your philosophy around systems and the people is hands down the most important thing all peoole should realize. AWESOME. Thank you.
If happiness something you are striving for you are actually focussing a lot of you being unhappy.
I read your book after I got out of a clinical diagnosed depression. Not the way people say "I'm depressed", as it goes to easily nowadays. It's almost used like a slang.
How I experienced depression is:
1. Feeling shitty
2. Overthinking about feeling shitty
3. Feeling not being able to do something about it and just have to accept it
4. Experiencing it's getting worse by the day
5. Not knowing why you feel this way at all
6. Experiencing you are actually losing your mind trying to figure out why this happens
7. Think of ways to break away from it
8. Fail at those things
9. Think you're a worthless piece of shit not being able to manage
10. Lose hope you can actually change your life
11. Completely lose hope in any way of recovery
12. Thinking you're a failure as a human being
13. Think you might be better off if you're dead to get a rest
14. If your'e that.. What music would you want on your funeral (for your family in the hope they understand)
15. End then there's just the couple of days of waiting until all emotions go away.
16. There's no voice in your head anymore saying these bad thoughts are just bad thoughts. There's nothing anymore.
But these things run very slowly over a year or two or even more. You'll get sleep deprivation in the meantime. And you can handle that to some extent until you don't sleep at all anymore. Just thinking about point 8 to 15 until every emotion just completely dies off. Including the voice in your head.
Point 1 to 8 can take years and years and years. It's the struggle. But after that. 9 to 16 happen in months to even weeks.
That was it for me. I'm happy I found the source: Not having the feeling that I should talk about my feelings to others. I felt I would just bother people with my issues. "I need to be able to deal with everything by myself". "I don't need other people".
In my case, I completely lost it in a span of maybe 2 months. 9 -16 went extremely fast for me. 1 -8 took me 2.5 years, but it was still a daily thing I was dealing with. It was fighting and losing at the same time.
I'm happy to have found the source of the issue. Once that was clear I felt reborn and started a completely new life after about a year. Travelled and now living the life I have always dreamt of (although working hard). I'm stronger than I ever was and I have learned more than I ever did in just the last 4 years. Thanks to traveling by myself just once.
You need to experience things you THINK you get happy from. And then experience the negative sides of that, just like Mark explains while moving abroad. It's the process however that makes you stronger. And within just your own country, it can make you suffer. It makes life feel pointless and not worth living if you already managed that. Or feel as a failure if it doesn't get you where you want to be at that place in time.
However, seeking happiness for a lot of people is running away from the actual problems they have. We develop coping mechanism to deal with things. And there's aways a time where these coping mechanisms fail. Always. And you probably always will create new coping mechanisms for your new situation. You're just not aware of it yet. But once you get older, you will start to see them and get rid of them.
Don't run, but fight and conquer.
You never have to fight and conquer on your own. There has never has been a one-man army. You will need other in one way or another.
Great episode. It had reminded me about a comment that my dad had made decades ago when we were visiting a small town in the tropics. People there have the basic infrastructure like power and water, basic homes that they had built... and the kids there were happily playing with their friends and swimming in the local river. My dad said: "See these kids here, they are happy and healthy. They don't have all the things that we have but they have learnt to do with what they have available to them."
wow....complete opposite of what we have experienced have been all over the world. We have learned that money is not that important and that family is more important, very different that here in the US. it has made me, I don't want to say liberal, but certainly less conservative and most certainly more grounded. As a result I no longer care about chasing this elusive "American dream" and are now just chasing my own dream. All of my experiences have led me to the conclusion that, with my family and friends, I am the richest man on the planet.
00:02 Living abroad changed my views in unexpected ways.
02:02 Misconceptions about living in Latin America
06:16 Different cultures have different focus on time orientation
08:08 Happiness cannot solely be achieved through present focus
12:35 The influence of human dignity on The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck
14:31 People in underdeveloped areas may not value furniture and writing tools as they cannot read or write.
18:21 Struggling with sickness and extreme discomfort while traveling abroad
20:08 Travel helps you confront personal issues and find constant factors in life
23:51 Most people around the world are really good
25:51 Different systems for managing societal 'assholes', with varying effectiveness
29:48 Living abroad can change political views
31:57 The need for being more judgmental in certain situations
35:46 Human commonalities are often overlooked in favor of slight differences.
37:55 Try new food and read about the place when traveling
You are just too good Mark, a true gift.
There really is good and bad in everything. When making a choice it is good to write down on paper the good and the bad and then choose accordingly 🌎☀️💙
I have been following your writings for a long time and remember your blog post about your India visit causing a bit of a furore back then; so it is nice to hear you mention that trip. I don't know if you have been back since but 'a dust over India' deserves a sequel!
Really interesting chat. Mark you've got a real talent for observing how humans live and think and an uncanny knack of drawing really insightful conclusions. 👏
For me this is one of those pieces of content that I’ve always known and felt but could never articulate.
Hi Mark! Don’t know if you’ll see this but just wanted to thank you for your video. Currently living abroad and wanted to say I’m grateful that someone finally said that some systems work better than others. I was feeling this way working in a school in a collectivist culture. There’s no independent or creative thinking in the school I’m currently working in. Students just memorize information without understanding the “why” or questioning what’s given to them. It made me feel bad to think that the “western” school systems were simply better in developing free thinkers (which perhaps stems from individualism and has its own tradeoffs). Just wanted to say that I really resonated with your video. Appreciated that you went with fearlessly stating “the taboo”.
I think people don't get how brilliant of a mind this guy has. Ever since I found him I've seen a positive impact in the way I see the world and also the results. Please, never stop sharing.
Your happiness thoughts reminded me of Nasim Nicolas Taleb. The more you chase happiness the more you miss it!
16:35. Sacrificing one’s happiness.for some greater cause or purpose. How true!
There were so many real insights shared here. Thank you very much for the honest content. It feels very empowering! Please do an episode 2 with the things you would do different if you had a middle age crisis and decided you want to travel again.
I listened to this and nodded so much in agreement. I remember that I discovered your book right after I moved abroad 5 years ago and reading it let me know that I’d made the right decision.
Hi. Thank you for such a good video. Last November, I took a solo trip to France. Since I was 12, I had studied the language off and on and I did lots of research before I went, which really helped. I stayed at an AirBnB studio apartment in a small apartment building in "le banlieu" a short distance from Paris. Where do I start? Way less of a car culture and way more pedestrians, and luckily the very good Cora supermarche was pretty easy walking distance. Emphasis on fresh! The whole time I was there I felt amped, and I had lots of decent conversations with people in French, a couple of whom didn't seem to know any English. A lady who helped me at the train station when I overshot a stop told me how her family had emigrated there 12 years before and that everybody hates Macron. A guide at the Louvre was also very helpful. I kept thinking how I should have done it when I was way younger, but it was great to get out of my comfort zone and really experience how different it is in Europe.
I'm someone who was born in Bangladesh and grew up in Singapore- I've spent my life oscillating between the two extremes of complete chaos and corruption to a world of draconian control. I have now found a nice little middleground in NYC.
This is why listening to Mark talk about his travels rubs me the wrong way- it sounds like "Suffering tourism". He's slumming it for a hot second, patting himself on the back for enduring a tiny fraction of what others face daily, and then returning to his comfortable life from which he does his self reflections.
Maybe his writing is catered towards others like him and not towards people like me. But co-opting the struggles of others for own personal growth is something that will always rub me the wrong way, especially considering that he's made millions of his "findings" after living a day in the life of people who suffer daily and will for generations.
This was great, interesting and right on! I traveled a little after college, not like you but had family in England and France to stay with. Loved every minute.
13:39
Happiness isn't "just a choice" that's dumbing it down so much that it's misrepresentative of the point you're trying to make.
People like all animals are adaptable, not naturally good or bad, actions and thoughts are directly affected by our environment, and in a way you almost said that yourself just with an emphasis on different parts.
Those people didn't steal that desk just because they were so happy without it, they didn't know what a desk was, and had no need for it because they had already adapted to live in entirely different way due to their environment, it wasn't an act of choice that they don't know how to read or write, or what a table is, they just already have other things going on. They are not stupid nor are they incredibly smart they just live an entirely different life.
And just in the same way they don't choose to be happy people who have had something shity happen or just have a shity life don't choose to be sad, it is a reflexive response to external stimuli that over millions of years we have adapted to have, and yes after a while you should let that go eventually, and you should continue responding to the environment changing around you as it is, but you have every right to be upset when something bad happens....
Happiness doesn't even mean happiness, it means stability, in a lot of the context where you're using that word, it just means a sense of normalcy and acceptance, not really the physical emotional feeling of joy.
Just in the same way you take information from your environment to learn and learn more things from changing up your environment, some people are trapped and never get that understanding of the world they just know what they know, they know that teachers sometimes date and impregnate little girls and they're fine with that, because, it's normal to them, not because they chose to be ok with it.
And because they don't have all the Privileges that you have, they have no clue what they're missing so naturally have a sense of normalcy because what they have, to them, is normal, and that's how you're describing happiness.
You living in a place where children don't typically get impregnated by adults and, and at age 7 children know how to read that doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you have more at your disposal, privilege doesn't equal bad.
It's just not a choice a lot of the time.
It just didn't make sense that within the same breath you said it was a choice,
It seemed a little contradictory, no?
Those closing remarks about fighting over our differences while ignoring what we have in common, reminds me of Emo Phillips' hilarious bit about the jumper on the Golden Gate Bridge...
I need a book of all Mark's travel stories combined
Great insights!
Number 5 confuses me. It seems to mix up systems, cultures, and situations.
For example, in Europe, children didn't attend school during harvest season until about 70-100 years ago, even though school was mandatory since the 18th century. My parents' generation (born in the late '40s) was the first where parents didn't rely on their children's labor.
Child abuse by authorities was also common, and issues like abuse by older men with authority figures were often not discussed. We are talking about a generation affected by repeated traumas like WW1, the Spanish flu, the Great Depression, WW2, and captivity, with mothers often being the sole surviving parent for half a dozen children.
While the past Europe and the current Tanzania don't share the same culture or systems, they are in a similar economic situation. Seeing it as similar economic situations opens up more possibilities to change, if change is what is intended.
Mark's travel tips sound good!
so money is the option to choose the right tradeoff whenever you want.
Awesome. I travelled once last year, just for 3 days to do a race, but I intend to travel 2-3 times this year. I don't have any funds as yet, but setting the intention has proven to be invaluable for me. I didnt "have the funds" immediately last year, but I still made it.
Mark you get that a lot probably but i have to say this. I think that you have the best Insight in Live on the Whole RUclips Man. Keep doing what you do and never stop.
This surprisingly a good talk. It got me to reaffirm what I already know and think about stuff in a different way.
Gone through all of the parts of video and loved without yawning a single time!
自分も人生の40％を海外で過ごしました。おっしゃられていることにすべて賛成です。まだまだ体験していない文化もあるので視野を広げていきたいと思いました。日本より感謝申し上げます。
I worked for a touring punk band between 2005-2013 doing up to month long tours every so often. This was mostly in the US & Canada, but also a trip to Europe. There's nothing touristy about it because you end up in a smelly club most nights and you are most assuredly meeting the locals. It was fantastic. It was an incredibly informative period of my life.
I would say that as a lefty/liberal type, I want to assert that a mature viewpoint is that I prefer not to prejudge cultures I don't know have any experience with or prejudge anyone...but if your culture subjugates women, or has some dark aspects to it, I have a problem with it. But that goes back to core values. And although I think capitalism is an exploitive system, I also have no choice but exist in the system so I made sure I played the game enough to be comfortable (without being exploitive myself). Turns out being a human being is complicated, but mostly I try not to be a jerk.
I have travelled regularly (45+ countries over last 25 years) and agree with every word that Mark says, also the effect of working abroad and traveling has (on my views) has been very similar to his.
Such good information, deciding what I want in life and it seems I’m searching for the perfect place when it doesn’t exist, the trade off idea really makes sense
Great conversation. Thanks for putting things in perspective.
14:57
I came to a similar epiphany when I was thinking/meditating once. We can be far more ignorant than we realise. We can be so ignorant that we can get into situations where we are too ignorant to even ask the right questions to get out of our ignorance.
It's a very Plato-ey, allegory of the cave concept but it has practical implications. It's like supreme skepticism by questioning your own questions.
30:40 that's sounds more like Mark was "the enlightened centrist" with that attitude that every opinion has some value in it
Great advice and wisdom through experience. Thanks Mark
I dunno, but I finally got myself a great little cabin by a lake and I have absolutely NO interest in traveling the world!
I really just appreciate my being able to hang and and do (or not) whatever I want!
I spent 30+ years as a social worker and counselor tryin to help folks w/ perhaps the most difficult situations in their lives. I hope I helped some of them, but I'm sorta retired now.
I can't say the situations I dealt with were beautiful or serene or even having super-sucessful outcomes, but just trying to be of genuine help to others gave me reason to be both grateful and happy too I guess.
I love the things you say about happiness. I like to throw in the words acceptance and contentment. There is a famous prayer of a Christian scholar: _"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."_ The illiterate happy people you mentioned comes to mind. If there is no way to get the necessary education then that's something they need to accept and be content with this fact. It's a blessing then that they are happy then. However, if there are ways to get educated but they are content with their current ignorant illiterate state, then that's a bad thing because they can change their situation but accept the way they are. They ought to know that there is nothing good about being illiterate and that things are even going to get worse for them. Usually this means activism to the forces that keeps them ignorant and activists are usually quite mad and frustrated until they get what they want.
When you were talking about the lack of crime, i immediately thought about China, and how drug dealing is a capital crime. Without a trial. Apparently it works that way in Singapore as well.