I was raised by Narcissists and married to one. The common traits I have observed in them are discontent, contempt, envy, insecurity and fear. When these emotions are triggered, they are projected as rage.
@@judyscheiber3661 - oh JLS, so sorry to hear that. That's a lot of damage inflicted. Glad you are here! Married for 14 yrs. to a C.Narc. & I am done. On my way out.. Truly, thank God ( or any positive force you believe in) for Dr. Carter. They will never change...but I can 😊
About 50 percent of the USA have mostly narc traits. Empathy is punished and seen as a virus, selfishness is rewarded and respected. Your goodness is a big problem for 160 million of your fellow Americans. They hate it and you. Millions set out everyday to destroy any and all goodness they come across as it hurts them to see it. They want you to become the hate that they are.
I'm guessing, in no particular order: 1. What about me? 2. Why can't you be me? 3. Enough about you, let's talk about me. 4. The gaslight burneth forever. 5. Me.
This was my last husband. Exhausting man with endless anger which was completely unnecessary towards the world. And towards me. Blame was constant. The raw self-absorption & inability to trust. Control craving. Glad to be free of that. The whole world was one big comptetion and I could never figure out what was driving the unquenchable conflict towards a world full of variety, cooperation and possibility. Freedom from that is pure peace.
Cleaner Alternatives to live better 1. Conscientiousness 2. Trustworthiness 3. Emotional connection 4. Innate value 5. Calm firmness. Thank you for these Dr. Carter.
yeah impulsive... calling me the first thing in the morning and want to go to another city and get mad and call you boring when you say NO! and often bad not thought through ideas
Yes mrs queen b, they are jealous at the smallest things. When we are happy about what has happened to us or what we feel good about an accomplishment they have to negate it in some way. Sometimes the way they do it is by "non-responsiveness." There are many tactics they use to cause us to feel bad about sharing good things.,
Contempt is HUGE. They ooze it so much they DRIP it. Anger is a big one too. Glee/amusement/excitement - when they're humiliating or pulling something over on you or seeing someone elses' suffering. Shame - they feel but never show. BOREDOM!
Their positive counterparts: 1. Conscientiousness 2. Trust and self-trust 3. Emotional connection, leading to empathy 4.Validation of individual differences 5. 'Calm firmness', leading to kindness and patience Awareness leads to insight, which becomes a platform for growth
Extreme anger, arrogance, envy , jealousy, contempt, cowardice, competitiveness, apathy , greediness, impatience and high materialism . That’s my experience with them. Their entitlement and double standards are unbearable.
What I’ve learnt, don’t fight fire with fire, with a narcissist. U have to de-escalate the situation, because if u don’t, it will continually get out of hand and out of control. Somebody may get hurt in the process, because the narcissist is like the Tasmanian Devil, with no restraint and no filter. Their anger may destroy u in the process.
Now ya tell me lol 😂 at the end of the illusion relationship, I was just a smartass bitch who laughed at everything he said, even laughed when he was love bombing me 🤪😂😂😂 idc if he hates me or not lol pansy people wanting to use their tragic past for excuse to hurt and manipulate people who loves them deserve nothing and he knows I CC and seen my temper 🤪
Exactly, its escalated so badly it has to stop. I've stopped arguing about anything now. Doing my best to not let my emotions take over. There is no boundaries left, no lock, nothing. If I didnt we would end up like War if the Roses
tru 2 Whether you escalate or de-escalate, it’s exactly the same to them. Supply. They win, you lose, which starts the cycle over again: pride, fear, disconnect, superiority, and anger. The best thing to do: don’t engage, don’t supply.
Eric Fromm said in The Art of Loving: "Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self". This is the central reason a narcissist cannot truly love another: they do not recognize the integrity of the other person's separate self in the relationship.
One thing that great doctor said is "these people are fearfully based" the deeper cause of narcissism is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, those sorts of things.
Low self esteem perfectly describes a narcissist. Dispensing their own inadequacies on others. Blaming, shaming and gaming should be their mantra. Evil is at the top of the list.
O man 0 man, give us peace, i hurt, they hurt, my narcissist sister is hurting 0 man 0 man, yes sir Doctor your truth, is natural peace, you do help, alot of folks
1. Pride vs Conscientious 2. Fear/Defensive/Offensive vs Honest/Trustworthy 3. Loneliness/Disconnected vs Empathy 4. Inferiority/Superiority vs Unique Value 5. Anger vs Assertive/Calm Boundaries
I love that phrase .."Let Insight be your platform for growth" .All these insights into Narcissism have just been so wonderful.I have been feeling more energy and peacefulness than I ever have. It's not too latre at 70 is it? !
Guilt implies you are at fault, did something wrong. You can just let that go. Each person has his own journey in life to figure out, including a narcissist. You go be free, I suspect it's long overdue.
Kevin Ianni Guilt is very difficult to let go of though. It’s only when you learn more about narcissism that you realise that YOU were never the one at fault. One day the guilt will disappear when we are healing. I had great difficulty letting go of the guilt, but did it eventually. Narcs try to make us feel responsible for them and obligated; when we don’t do what they want, they pull out all the stops on the guilt trip... it is a ‘tactic’ of theirs to make you feel guilty. When you’ve suffered from this abuse for years/all your life, it is hard to just let go of that guilt, but it can be done - I did it.
So very true. My parents but especially my narc mother. Its such a different reality system than other people because everything they do revolves around their deep insecurities and selfishness. Behind closed doors, they are lonely, jealous, angry and insecure. They feel threatened by others' successes and accomplishments (especially mine..their grown only child). They minimize, criticize and avoid things that in any way make them feel inferior. Mom is highly competitive against me..always. I won't compete because its just not right. I have had to hide so much of who I am and what I've accomplished in order to keep the peace with them. Healthy families support and nurture their kids..unhealthy/narcs want to keep their kids stunted so they can feel superior and also control them. Nope. Not happening. I had to learn in therapy what healthy love was as a girl because I thought their behavior was "normal". It wasn't..and the therapist told me so. Their pride/ego is so huge that there isn't room for anyone else. Its all about them, to them. Even now, in their elderly years. I chose healthy role models and learned to be different but in the process no longer fit in this sick family. I'd rather be alone than be in their spider web. They are lonely because people get tired of the drama and let go..including me.
I feel like crying as I was reading. It's like you summed my relationship with my monster mother. I am hoping and praying that she would change, but I feel hopeless. She is cold, heartless and selfish human being😭
Understanding the truth sets you free from all the confusion, bitterness and resentment. Accepting the truth provides you learning. Practicing what you learnt gives you wisdom. Using the wisdom, may you watch and heal yourself and help others, especially the next generation under you, so that they learn from you the right things in the right environment and grow well. God bless you.
I remember my younger brother telling me that comparison was an act of violence against the self and I learned that once I stopped competing with others that I appreciated myself and them more. I noticed that I suddenly had REAL friends because I was not trying to " fit in" the right people will always be drawn to you when you are genuine and it's so much more fun to actually celebrate the accomplishments of others WITH them than being jealous of others.
Glad God gave you a family member who cared. for some of us it doesnt work that way. we can be genuine and still never fit in. Usually become the one everyone wants to get rid of because our ethics are better than theirs.
This is almost an exact description of my partner! 9 out of the 12 traits, plus all the additional content describe all his diabolical behaviours. On a positive note, I realise how well I’ve done to have not lost my spirit, optimism, creativity, enthusiasm or my mind in the 17 yrs we’ve been together. I’ve known & trusted for many years that there was something very wrong with the way he processes and responds to the world and that it was his problem and not mine. However, this video has given me such clarity about his maladjusted internal world and further released me from feeling emotionally responsible for any of his confusing moods & attitudes. Thank you.🙏🏼❤️
Man 0 man, i see almost these traits with my hubby or even me, i could be talking about, hec i dont know, i know this i kept wondering for 60 years with my big sister, the big Why, and the Doctor is right, about, the inner child pretend adult, this cramp,the ,Why, you could see it my whole life, the actions, the Why, i seen it, its crazy, no empathy , me and my old man is nuts, in our ways, but this no empathy, 0 man
Living with a N for years has and is like climbing a very steep staircase with no banister and some missing steps. It has been sisyphean for me. How I have made it 62 years is beyond me. You are like that banister with your insights and encouragements. I simply cannot thank you enough. With understanding comes relief enough to catch my breath and keep going. You not only know the N but you understand my side of it, too. It makes me cry with relief to hear someone who actually "gets it" about me. Thanks a thousand times, thanks.
I never realised that being a nass. Meant having all these traits that are mentioned in these videos Dr Les C and others. I know what it is to live with one ..your own flesh and blood. He finally took his own life. I trust God will be merciful to him. He was the cross that God wanted us to carry. We tried our best to raise him as an unspoiled child. At times it appeared as if he would turn around.
This may not be covered in your video but I continually see dichotomous states of emotions. Jealousy spewed at times-- haughtiness when he shocked me about his decade long affair. Arrogance --- poor me self pity. Publicly generous --- spitefully frugal. Sweetness when plotting something - contemptuous when wanting to start a fight. I could go on and on. The Jekyll and Hyde act leads me to believe that it was all an act. He was a Puppet Master. The manipulator's main emotion is Duper's Delight. However, I believe I was dealing with Sociopathy.
Oh my gosh, Jekyll and Hide, yes!!! One minute, the sweetest thing on Earth, the next minute a monster! And absolutely zero regard for the pain they cause.
"Publicly generous --- spitefully frugal." I see this over and over. Big shows of public generosity, penny pinching with employees. My narcissist boss/owner of small company (but acts like it's the equivalent of Google or Microsoft).
Same here..I've always thought a Jekyll and Hyde personality. The more i understood narcissism the more disgusted and distant I felt towards him. It's still do unbelievable how phony they are and how they are able to get through life unscathed due to their emptiness of genuine feelings while our hearts and psyche are ripped to shreds. There is absolutely no healthy way to interact with a narcissist. Get as far away from them as possible because they are unable to give you anything but misery !
" A good offence, is a good defence" is a quote my X spoke all the time. So, my reading of it all is that I see narcissism as a "fighting" stance. When I hear a person brag to others about how he got this person or how they put up a fight with that person, ( And they all do) I know I am seeing narcissistic traits. What an exhausting way to live. They try to mold you into a punching bag. It is more than sad. The question is ,where does that pride come from, in the first place? Cemented in them, after childhood trauma. And we can not fix that. I also see them modelling their behaviour after their parental figures. That pride is even more difficult to erase.
hearing that he runs with these 5 primary emotions makes sense :( it explains how crazy he went when i confronted him with evidence of his infidelity, he thought his plan was perfect and i was stupid. it also explains why my friend told me he had this inferiority feeling with me, he cheated on me with a woman with less studies and from a “lower class” because she’s easier to outshine. it makes me very sad because i was always encouraging him to be better and i kept telling him he was so smart and so brave... it was useless, at the end he hated me but didn’t want to let me go
Esther Danquah this wednesday i’ll reach my first 28 days of no contact ☺️ i still miss him a lot, but i’ve been strong enough to stay away and i think he actually hates me... so he’ll stay away forever
Your describing my ex and everyone’s exes here 🤪 let them hate us idc anymore cuz they are all just illusion, nothing real or truth about them and we all deserve better and we deserve the love we know we are capable of cuz we loved them 👍🏻
I used to have a Narcissistic boss whose feelings of inadequacy were constantly showing. He was confident with people below him, but constantly striving to please the people above him, and always jealous of their money or success, even with people that were supposedly his equals. It was sad to watch. If something about them triggered his insecurities, he couldn't even fake being their equal. He was always sucking up to them. He'd immediately jump on any suggestion they had, and try to carry out the idea, even if it was a bad one. He couldn't think for himself very well. I had a hard time getting him to give up on these ideas so they didn't waste time and resources since we had so little of those. Right before he left the department, he started telling me stories about his family, and how he spent his entire life trying to live up to his father's expectations and his brother's accomplishments. For as much as a jerk he was to me, I still feel a lot of pity for him. He's just a sad old man now.
I've always thought of Anger as the response to a boundary violation... the abridgment of a belief norm. Someone does something that violates your norm and you respond by reasserting your norm. That response is anger. The Narcissist uses anger as a tool to expand their boundaries into the lives of others. To them it's a tool to oppress and dominate.
I was constantly defending my healthy boundaries, and becoming very angry. I didn't know myself anymore. Now, I just feel determined. Determined to keep that destructive person out of my life.
@@susanparker9877 You have a perfect right to maintain your self... I suspect that you will come to recognize when someone else is trying to impinge on who you are, and will figure out ways to keep your sense of self with less effort... knowing what is you and what is not you... helps... defining who you are will also define who you are not... and that is your boundaries...
There's this mythology that vampires can turn you into a vampre if they bite you. I think there's something psychological there. I have tried to one-up narcs by outdoing them! (It's fortunate I had no talent, or I could be down a very different road.) I like the reminder not to "match pitch" with the narcissist. That phrase is so vivid!
Your 5 emotional indicators should be documented among articles written about Narcissistic Behavior, because from my point of view “they are a precise description”! 👍👍👍👍👍
I see their anger as an end product of their emotions and I feel that they (covert in particular) are in fact seeped in envy and plain ignorance (they never ever check if what they’re shouting, writing etc is in fact true: it’s not just lying it’s their ultimate self importance that leads them to think they’re always right, so when you counter state their beliefs (any kind) they become vicious and hate you for exposing them.
D Young, I think they see anger as a show of strength, especially around people who are made uncomfortable around anger. It's the way my sister in law keeps the upper hand over my gentle natured brother, who has told me he doesn't like conflict. My answer: "Who does?" His answer: "SHE does".
They are deranged but call anyone who does not mirror their issue views crazy. The raging narc is the most mentally stable being ever created, just ask it.
He gets angry over absolutely nothing.... He does not like to be challenged . Tries to make you feel like you're in a competition . Takes no blame for anything.... It everybody else fault . He gets loud and used bad words . ... Knowing I hate bad words !!! Has no clue of bonding.... Thinks it's only sex .
Sounds like my ex 🤪 sex is only “bonding” and still sex is just for their own selfishness cuz when they don’t get sex they think there’s nothing in relationship which they don’t even know how to have 🤪
1. Pride (strong egoism) 2. Fear (high level of defensiveness/cover-up mode (eg. blame-shifting, projection)) 3. Loneliness (heart-based disconnection (relationships); v.s. having empathy) 4. Inferiority (cover it up with superiority) 5. Anger (rage/passive regressive etc)
Be an insightful, honest, aware and transparent person and it will give you armour you need to survive narcissistic abusers and you will be able to establish heart to heart connection with like minded people. ❤❤❤ thank you so much dr Carter 😊
Perfectly stated. I try to do these things everyday. They all work to help me deal with narcissists and also finding and nourishing my authentic self. Thank you!
This is the most I have learned in a month there is a guy at my work he has to be a narcissist interrupting every conversation talking over everyone and super fast acting like he's he's the smartest person around frankly it's infuriating but I do my best to ignore this person but he tends to focus on me and all I say to him is tell it to someone else because you will not change my mind or influence my opinions.
I told a narcissist neighbor he was stupid. I was so over his condescending, smug attitude toward me. His indirect put downs. Anyway, he went into a rage and acted threatening on two occasions. That's another thing, they think they are above the law. Oh yeah, they are smarter than most. Sure. I've lived my life around narcissist. I do believe there is a bad judgement day waiting for them. I can't wait until the old devil chases him around with a pitch fork.
God transcribed a beautiful prayer to me on my way back from a day trip. My wife and I have been given unique and special gifts from him. I am hoping one day she will bring down her walls of defensiveness and allow me to read it to her. It may make no difference, but I still have hope. We were not designed to be in control of all things. Some of us are better in certain areas, that’s where I choose to live in.
Dr. C, I greatly appreciate the way that you bring the videos back to us - meaning that these are not videos where we sit and continue to learn what is wrong with the narcissists in our lives, but you also encourage us to take a look at ourselves by giving us cues to help us continue to be insightful and to grow. Thank you.
OK here goes nothing, the five primary emotions of narcissist? I love you! I love you! I love you! For the first five months or so, then, it feels like authenticity, for a couple years, and then authenticity for a couple more, then after a while rage, let me back up, rage, lying, and future, faking that one hurts the most, and leaves a stinging feeling, but ultimately, keep on going forward, and the good memories belong to you here is the key of everything, of all these videos, you are not alone, male or female, we are not alone, do it resonates with you, whether it’s law of attraction, or law of assumption, by Neville Goddard, just do your thing and keep on going forward, it helps me in my healing process, to tell you this
I understand Narcissistic Disorder is a child defense and survival against trauma and unhealthy love. I have deep compassion for that child. A false self gets them through and becomes hard-wired. The false self or mask seems to have the exact same traits. I identify with everyone comments and experience. Their underlying emotions, games they play and how the Disorder manifests at different stages.
Dr Carter - my wish for the whole of humanity and our beautiful planet is that every world leader and leader of industry becomes a better person and adopts the values you hold. You are truly a change-maker for good. I have so much gratitude for your messages and your example of decency. You help people see what is so clear to you, and I know I am not the only person whose life you have changed for the better by guiding us through the darkness of narcissistic abuse into the light of honouring ourselves...and each other.
Angry. That is the word I used to use to describe my ex-wife. But there was so much about her that I couldn't understand. I just keep trying to make it work until she finally discarded me. Then I found out about narcissism. This answered all of the things I couldn't previously understand. Anger was just the surface later I could recognize.
Spot on! My ex-bf would get angry often and for ridiculous reasons, for example, being hungry. I even called him Mr. Red (from the Angry Birds movie) lol.
Your presentations paint a picture that will stick with people and provide us with how to stand back and look for things we need to stay away from and look for things that are beautiful and helpful. Standing tall in God's Methods and His Light.
It still blows me away how narcs can't or won't even appreciate empathy, and other positive emotions, it is the best feeling you get when someone shows you empathy and love and to be around a person where you feel you can be yourself is so powerful, it encourages you to be the best you can be.... to be vulnerable in a healthy way is very 'powerful'. Live like you have nothing to hide or be ashamed off, there is no need for 'cover up' or 'wiping away finger prints'. You enter peace of mind and rest of soul....
Thank you Dr. Carter. My father was a covert narcissist and an angry, angry man. He would take our family to the baptist church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night and sang "Jesus Saves" loudly. At home he his face would turn red with rage all the time around me. He could never get me to cooperate with his agenda. I am so glad I didn't no matter how much he used violence, deprivation and degradation on me. My younger sister and two brothers are overt narcissists. I never talk to them.
From observing a couple people in my life who suffer from this condition, it seems that extreme emotional pain makes people very self centered. Its all about them. I don't think its too off base to guess that something traumatic such as being raised by a Narc parent, traumatic event, or more than likely a series of painful memories that forms this personality disorder. The person adopts a "If you can't beat 'em, join them" mindset. This is very unfortunate because this condition holds them back from any meaningful connection or relationship with other people, especially kind and giving people Narc's attract.
I also found that fear drives the remaining 3 : fear of ostracism, fear of inferiority, and fuels the anger. This explains the emotional struggle going on within them that they do not want to confront. Unfortunately it's not our job to save them because we really can't without losing ourselves.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident...." Well, I do but he doesn't. Nothing I can do except continue to work on my own inner growth. It really does help take away the sting of the narcissist. Thanks Dr Carter.
Lol 😂 good luck getting one to do it 🤪 denial is strong in them and they hate confronting or listening to or watching anything that would expose them to truth of themselves cuz after all it is us and everyone else who are to blame not them
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks Dr C, l had to take a few minutes to metaphorically take my husband and take a real close look at him....waiting for the video though
I've learned after watching these videos that my ex wife is a text book narcissist and at the core of her behavior was fear and insecurity. When I stopped feeding her emotions the relationship fell apart.
Thanky you, sir. Half a year ago i discovered your channel, and slowly i go on the path to healing. That was a lot of bad things I did in the past, and only recently i opened my eyes (thanks to you) to the nature of my behaviours. Thank you.
The main Emotion above all, is Jealousy!!!! Anger, competition, etc..... Come after jealousy. I've seen it too many times. Over and over and over. None stop.
This is really helpful, it gives me positive goals to focus on while I go through this incredibly uncomfortable phase of understanding how far the effects of narcissistic abuse extend through my life.I am so hypersensitive to how I've behaved in ways I wish I hadn't, and made poor choices rooted in pride and insecurity. Having positive goals to work towards helps so much while I continue to process what I cannot change, but need to live with.
I have observed {with the narcissist I deal with and other narcissists in the past) that many times the anger is because you(and others) are not following the script of their movie they have in their head. As long as everything is being played out according to their plans, their manipulations are working, they are the happiest people...all smiles. When someone starts to deviate from the script, it really angers the narcissist ("how DARE YOU!!!"). Normally, the anger is short-lived, because they ALWAYS come up with a work-around. They have it all planned in their mind: if THIS happens, I will do this instead. It is inconvenient (hence part of their anger), but they always think of all the possibilities, so they have an alternate plan and people (minions/FM's) in place...just in case.
Yes Dr. Carter. You are so right. As long as I tried to stooped to his leve the worse I felt. But when I used the situation to grow, I really began to grow and be a happier person. Your such a good role Model. If our Fathers and Grandfathers lived by these principles., then wow, what a difference it would make.😃💞🙏l
Okay, since Linda just reminded me that emptiness is more a state of being than it is an emotion, let’s replace it with fear! So my prediction is now: anger, envy, anxiety, boredom and fear!
Thank you SO much. All the other resources I've accessed are focused on victims of narcissists, but not on the rehabilitation of narcissists themselves; people who WANT to change. Thank you for believing in people's innate desire to do better.
Thanks for this video! I think I've identified a lot of narcissistic traits in myself recently and having an exploration of what can be done to understand and improve those traits is really helpful.
THANK YOU DR.les carter..THIS 5 PRIMARY EMOTIONS I SAW ALL OF THESE TO MY STEPMOM...I OBSERVED ALL OF THESE TO HER FOR 4 YEARS..YOUR VLOGS HELP ME A LOT..SHE GOT UPSET TO ME COZ SHE CANT MAINIPULATE ME BECAUSE OF MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP HAD SIMILAR BEHAVIOUR WITH HER
This video has been so helpful! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom so that others can regain themselves and their lives back. You have been extremely instrumental in my healing and recovery from being with a narcissist. Thank you!
I can't understand why they want people to be just like them. No one should have to change everything about themselves, why don't they just hang out with those who are just as judgemental and controlling as they are?
Wonderful video! Dr. C's videos are becoming more rich and thought provoking. His teaching touches the soul and encourages greater personal development. I appreciate that so much.❤
1. Pride vs humility
2. Fear vs faith
3. Loneliness vs interconnectedness
4. Inferiority vs acceptance
5. Anger vs peaceful joy
Watching this guy is therapy.
Yes but this information and reality disturbs my mind and peace. Too much to deal with life is too short to spend time trying to figure out the devil.
1. Anger
2. Anger
3. Anger
4. Anger
5. Anger
Regular anger, vindictive anger, superior anger....
Yes! But my soon to be ex covert narc. is: Rage, Rage, Rage, Rage, Rage.
Yep, i used to wonder why he was always angry
Manipulation, denial.
Hahahahhaha 👌
I was raised by Narcissists and married to one. The common traits I have observed in them are discontent, contempt, envy, insecurity and fear. When these emotions are triggered, they are projected as rage.
Same here, and i fully agree.
Yes - exactly. Well said!
@@judyscheiber3661 - oh JLS, so sorry to hear that. That's a lot of damage inflicted. Glad you are here! Married for 14 yrs. to a C.Narc. & I am done. On my way out.. Truly, thank God ( or any positive force you believe in) for Dr. Carter. They will never change...but I can 😊
About 50 percent of the USA have mostly narc traits. Empathy is punished and seen as a virus, selfishness is rewarded and respected. Your goodness is a big problem for 160 million of your fellow Americans. They hate it and you. Millions set out everyday to destroy any and all goodness they come across as it hurts them to see it. They want you to become the hate that they are.
That is so true!
I'm guessing, in no particular order:
1. What about me?
2. Why can't you be me?
3. Enough about you, let's talk about me.
4. The gaslight burneth forever.
5. Me.
true
‘Why aren’t u me’ soooooo the truth!!
An narc also leaves their victims feeling, "What about me?", "Do I not exist?" "Do I not matter?"
@@dreamdiction Exactly!
Exactly!!!
This was my last husband. Exhausting man with endless anger which was completely unnecessary towards the world. And towards me. Blame was constant. The raw self-absorption & inability to trust. Control craving. Glad to be free of that. The whole world was one big comptetion and I could never figure out what was driving the unquenchable conflict towards a world full of variety, cooperation and possibility. Freedom from that is pure peace.
Antonia Lindsey, you deserve a better man not a narcissist!
Antonio Lindsey,you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌷 to be with a narc 🙄!
Wow, very well said. Thank you.
As an Empath, its very hard to deal with Narcissists!
They attract each other:) See what you can learn about yourself through this situation, then consider leaving for a better life:)
#Me too
That’s because they are opposites.
Yea, I was an easy and predictable target
@@Karen-ul9hd JP sears has a GREAT video on this. Please watch it :)
Cleaner Alternatives to live better
1. Conscientiousness
2. Trustworthiness
3. Emotional connection
4. Innate value
5. Calm firmness.
Thank you for these Dr. Carter.
Impulsive, arrogant, jealousy, anger because they didn't get their way, anger because they got their way...
so true
Unreasonable, unpredictable with unrealistic expectations. Just crazy making...
yeah impulsive... calling me the first thing in the morning and want to go to another city and get mad and call you boring when you say NO! and often bad not thought through ideas
Yes mrs queen b, they are jealous at the smallest things. When we are happy about what has happened to us or what we feel good about an accomplishment they have to negate it in some way. Sometimes the way they do it is by "non-responsiveness." There are many tactics they use to cause us to feel bad about sharing good things.,
@@gwendolynwehage6336 I guess it's to keep us in a trauma bonding with them they use those tactics.
1. Pride / Egotism / Self-Absorbtion
2. Fear / Defensiveness (Blameshifting / Projection)
3. Loneliness / Disconnected from Reality
4. Inferiority (Insecurity) / Covered Up with 'Superiority'
5. Anger / Passive Aggressive vs. Calm Firmness & Kindness.
Nailed it. And that all takes place with in an hour! 🤣🤣
Excellent summary! It’s the narc playbook. Every. Single. Time.
Thank you for typing this up.
Thank you so much!!
You left one out; envy!
I've noticed a lot of envy, jealousy and competitiveness. also anger (rage) and fear and contempt.
Linda R. same here and don't forget the smear campaigns, third party stalking by proxy and street theater.
Contempt is HUGE. They ooze it so much they DRIP it. Anger is a big one too. Glee/amusement/excitement - when they're humiliating or pulling something over on you or seeing someone elses' suffering. Shame - they feel but never show. BOREDOM!
@@craig3714 hat sounds more like mobbing or cause-stalking than a run of the mill toxic person in your life.
@@sheilajac Yeah I believe so too thanks!
@@craig3714 been going thru it for 5 years now. Where do you live? I mean country, not specifics
It's crazy to deal with these people, they are so damaged that it's impossible. Just know and stay away, protect your energy🌞
4:09 _“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering.”_
1. Pride 1:52
2. Fear 2:57
3. Loneliness 4:16
4. Inferiority 5:24
5. Anger 6:38
Thank you!
Their positive counterparts:
1. Conscientiousness
2. Trust and self-trust
3. Emotional connection, leading to empathy
4.Validation of individual differences
5. 'Calm firmness', leading to kindness and patience
Awareness leads to insight, which becomes a platform for growth
Yes thank you chuck
Extreme anger, arrogance, envy , jealousy, contempt, cowardice, competitiveness, apathy , greediness, impatience and high materialism . That’s my experience with them. Their entitlement and double standards are unbearable.
What I’ve learnt, don’t fight fire with fire, with a narcissist. U have to de-escalate the situation, because if u don’t, it will continually get out of hand and out of control. Somebody may get hurt in the process, because the narcissist is like the Tasmanian Devil, with no restraint and no filter. Their anger may destroy u in the process.
If you kick them in the shins, they kick you in the groin. Dr. C
Now ya tell me lol 😂 at the end of the illusion relationship, I was just a smartass bitch who laughed at everything he said, even laughed when he was love bombing me 🤪😂😂😂 idc if he hates me or not lol pansy people wanting to use their tragic past for excuse to hurt and manipulate people who loves them deserve nothing and he knows I CC and seen my temper 🤪
Exactly, its escalated so badly it has to stop. I've stopped arguing about anything now. Doing my best to not let my emotions take over. There is no boundaries left, no lock, nothing. If I didnt we would end up like War if the Roses
tru 2 Whether you escalate or de-escalate, it’s exactly the same to them. Supply. They win, you lose, which starts the cycle over again: pride, fear, disconnect, superiority, and anger. The best thing to do: don’t engage, don’t supply.
I was telling her she's acting like a Tasmanian Devil w/o even knowing she was! I understand now! Wow! Smdfh!
Eric Fromm said in The Art of Loving: "Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self". This is the central reason a narcissist cannot truly love another: they do not recognize the integrity of the other person's separate self in the relationship.
Eric Fromm is my North Star when it comes to understanding narcissism. Dr. C
The five emotions of a narc: Me, Me, Me, ME, and Not You.
👏👏you got it.
I think shame and hurt are among their primary emotions, but these emotions are buried somewhere deep inside and they never ever become conscious.
Shame is the other side of pride
....feel like am "existing" with a zombie...
Krisztina G,your pretty smile can make the news!
@@Karen-ul9hd hope you are not with a narc 🙄cause you are a precious being ❤️!
One thing that great doctor said is "these people are fearfully based" the deeper cause of narcissism is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, those sorts of things.
Low self esteem perfectly describes a narcissist. Dispensing their own inadequacies on others. Blaming, shaming and gaming should be their mantra. Evil is at the top of the list.
O man 0 man, give us peace, i hurt, they hurt, my narcissist sister is hurting 0 man 0 man, yes sir Doctor your truth, is natural peace, you do help, alot of folks
1. Pride vs Conscientious
2. Fear/Defensive/Offensive vs Honest/Trustworthy
3. Loneliness/Disconnected vs Empathy
4. Inferiority/Superiority vs Unique Value
5. Anger vs Assertive/Calm Boundaries
The 5 primary emotions of narcassist
1. Me
2. Me
3. Me
4. Me
5. Me
I love that phrase .."Let Insight be your platform for growth" .All these insights into Narcissism have just been so wonderful.I have been feeling more energy and peacefulness than I ever have. It's not too latre at 70 is it? !
Nope any day is a good day to be free.
Superiority, need to be admired, believing to be right at all times
They have strong opinions on every subject.
I love that you always end with the word "peace" such a precious word. 🙂
I moved out. I feel an immense sense of freedom, but also guilt. Piecing myself back together. Thanks Dr C for helping me to feel the courage.
Why feel guilty over leaving Satan behind. Even God could not help the beast.
Guilt implies you are at fault, did something wrong. You can just let that go. Each person has his own journey in life to figure out, including a narcissist. You go be free, I suspect it's long overdue.
Kevin Ianni Guilt is very difficult to let go of though. It’s only when you learn more about narcissism that you realise that YOU were never the one at fault. One day the guilt will disappear when we are healing. I had great difficulty letting go of the guilt, but did it eventually. Narcs try to make us feel responsible for them and obligated; when we don’t do what they want, they pull out all the stops on the guilt trip... it is a ‘tactic’ of theirs to make you feel guilty. When you’ve suffered from this abuse for years/all your life, it is hard to just let go of that guilt, but it can be done - I did it.
Victim, anger, dismissive, unempathetic, unaccountable, unaware, unawake,
Unconscious...in a knowing vs unknowing way
You seem to describe my ex friend
They convert fear/anxiety/insecurity into anger very rapidly.
So very true. My parents but especially my narc mother. Its such a different reality system than other people because everything they do revolves around their deep insecurities and selfishness. Behind closed doors, they are lonely, jealous, angry and insecure. They feel threatened by others' successes and accomplishments (especially mine..their grown only child). They minimize, criticize and avoid things that in any way make them feel inferior. Mom is highly competitive against me..always. I won't compete because its just not right. I have had to hide so much of who I am and what I've accomplished in order to keep the peace with them. Healthy families support and nurture their kids..unhealthy/narcs want to keep their kids stunted so they can feel superior and also control them. Nope. Not happening. I had to learn in therapy what healthy love was as a girl because I thought their behavior was "normal". It wasn't..and the therapist told me so. Their pride/ego is so huge that there isn't room for anyone else. Its all about them, to them. Even now, in their elderly years. I chose healthy role models and learned to be different but in the process no longer fit in this sick family. I'd rather be alone than be in their spider web. They are lonely because people get tired of the drama and let go..including me.
Carolyn McFann,So sad to hear that your mom is a narcissist!
You have just described my mother.
I feel like crying as I was reading. It's like you summed my relationship with my monster mother. I am hoping and praying that she would change, but I feel hopeless. She is cold, heartless and selfish human being😭
Understanding the truth sets you free from all the confusion, bitterness and resentment. Accepting the truth provides you learning. Practicing what you learnt gives you wisdom.
Using the wisdom, may you watch and heal yourself and help others, especially the next generation under you, so that they learn from you the right things in the right environment and grow well. God bless you.
I remember my younger brother telling me that comparison was an act of violence against the self and I learned that once I stopped competing with others that I appreciated myself and them more. I noticed that I suddenly had REAL friends because I was not trying to " fit in" the right people will always be drawn to you when you are genuine and it's so much more fun to actually celebrate the accomplishments of others WITH them than being jealous of others.
Glad God gave you a family member who cared. for some of us it doesnt work that way. we can be genuine and still never fit in. Usually become the one everyone wants to get rid of because our ethics are better than theirs.
Yes!
This is almost an exact description of my partner! 9 out of the 12 traits, plus all the additional content describe all his diabolical behaviours. On a positive note, I realise how well I’ve done to have not lost my spirit, optimism, creativity, enthusiasm or my mind in the 17 yrs we’ve been together. I’ve known & trusted for many years that there was something very wrong with the way he processes and responds to the world and that it was his problem and not mine. However, this video has given me such clarity about his maladjusted internal world and further released me from feeling emotionally responsible for any of his confusing moods & attitudes. Thank you.🙏🏼❤️
Emel Jurd,you deserve a better man
Man 0 man, i see almost these traits with my hubby or even me, i could be talking about, hec i dont know, i know this i kept wondering for 60 years with my big sister, the big Why, and the Doctor is right, about, the inner child pretend adult, this cramp,the ,Why, you could see it my whole life, the actions, the Why, i seen it, its crazy, no empathy , me and my old man is nuts, in our ways, but this no empathy, 0 man
Living with a N for years has and is like climbing a very steep staircase with no banister and some missing steps. It has been sisyphean for me. How I have made it 62 years is beyond me. You are like that banister with your insights and encouragements. I simply cannot thank you enough. With understanding comes relief enough to catch my breath and keep going. You not only know the N but you understand my side of it, too. It makes me cry with relief to hear someone who actually "gets it" about me. Thanks a thousand times, thanks.
Peggy Taylor, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
I never realised that being a nass. Meant having all these traits that are mentioned in these videos Dr Les C and others. I know what it is to live with one ..your own flesh and blood. He finally took his own life. I trust God will be merciful to him. He was the cross that God wanted us to carry. We tried our best to raise him as an unspoiled child. At times it appeared as if he would turn around.
This may not be covered in your video but I continually see dichotomous states of emotions. Jealousy spewed at times-- haughtiness when he shocked me about his decade long affair. Arrogance --- poor me self pity. Publicly generous --- spitefully frugal. Sweetness when plotting something - contemptuous when wanting to start a fight. I could go on and on. The Jekyll and Hyde act leads me to believe that it was all an act.
He was a Puppet Master. The manipulator's main emotion is Duper's Delight. However, I believe I was dealing with Sociopathy.
Yes, I always told him Jekyll and Hyde, Never knew who I would see. Very Scary.
Oh my gosh, Jekyll and Hide, yes!!! One minute, the sweetest thing on Earth, the next minute a monster! And absolutely zero regard for the pain they cause.
"Publicly generous --- spitefully frugal." I see this over and over. Big shows of public generosity, penny pinching with employees. My narcissist boss/owner of small company (but acts like it's the equivalent of Google or Microsoft).
Same here..I've always thought a Jekyll and Hyde personality. The more i understood narcissism the more disgusted and distant I felt towards him. It's still do unbelievable how phony they are and how they are able to get through life unscathed due to their emptiness of genuine feelings while our hearts and psyche are ripped to shreds. There is absolutely no healthy way to interact with a narcissist. Get as far away from them as possible because they are unable to give you anything but misery !
Yes another perfect description
I've come to realize there's a 50% chance of encountering a narcissistic personality. Some of us are blind to it.
Empathy will guide your way
Light???, Are you related to Jesse Martin Light? He's passed on, and was my grandfather. Just curious?
@Valarie Parker Sadly, our culture punishes emphaty.
Yes, and these narcs are all races, incomes, professions, and ages. Though wealthy people are more likely to be narcs.
" A good offence, is a good defence" is a quote my X spoke all the time. So, my reading of it all is that I see narcissism as a "fighting" stance. When I hear a person brag to others about how he got this person or how they put up a fight with that person, ( And they all do) I know I am seeing narcissistic traits. What an exhausting way to live. They try to mold you into a punching bag. It is more than sad. The question is ,where does that pride come from, in the first place? Cemented in them, after childhood trauma. And we can not fix that. I also see them modelling their behaviour after their parental figures. That pride is even more difficult to erase.
hearing that he runs with these 5 primary emotions makes sense :( it explains how crazy he went when i confronted him with evidence of his infidelity, he thought his plan was perfect and i was stupid. it also explains why my friend told me he had this inferiority feeling with me, he cheated on me with a woman with less studies and from a “lower class” because she’s easier to outshine. it makes me very sad because i was always encouraging him to be better and i kept telling him he was so smart and so brave... it was useless, at the end he hated me but didn’t want to let me go
Run for your life
Esther Danquah this wednesday i’ll reach my first 28 days of no contact ☺️ i still miss him a lot, but i’ve been strong enough to stay away and i think he actually hates me... so he’ll stay away forever
@@anaisabelgomeziniguez6889 I believe that hatred is just a cover up for feeling threatened.
Your describing my ex and everyone’s exes here 🤪 let them hate us idc anymore cuz they are all just illusion, nothing real or truth about them and we all deserve better and we deserve the love we know we are capable of cuz we loved them 👍🏻
They always have a motive and agenda. Sex, Supply and Service
Very true.
Yes 💯 accurate
Charni W Supply is always first. They are vampires that never get enough.
Mine likes himself for that purpose.
Truth! 3-5 X a day, every day IS obsessive! I had a vasectomy years ago; she still had to have sex!
I used to have a Narcissistic boss whose feelings of inadequacy were constantly showing. He was confident with people below him, but constantly striving to please the people above him, and always jealous of their money or success, even with people that were supposedly his equals. It was sad to watch. If something about them triggered his insecurities, he couldn't even fake being their equal. He was always sucking up to them. He'd immediately jump on any suggestion they had, and try to carry out the idea, even if it was a bad one. He couldn't think for himself very well. I had a hard time getting him to give up on these ideas so they didn't waste time and resources since we had so little of those. Right before he left the department, he started telling me stories about his family, and how he spent his entire life trying to live up to his father's expectations and his brother's accomplishments. For as much as a jerk he was to me, I still feel a lot of pity for him. He's just a sad old man now.
My husband’s portrait .. amazing
Thank you !!!!
I've always thought of Anger as the response to a boundary violation... the abridgment of a belief norm. Someone does something that violates your norm and you respond by reasserting your norm. That response is anger. The Narcissist uses anger as a tool to expand their boundaries into the lives of others. To them it's a tool to oppress and dominate.
I was constantly defending my healthy boundaries, and becoming very angry. I didn't know myself anymore.
Now, I just feel determined. Determined to keep that destructive person out of my life.
@@susanparker9877
You have a perfect right to maintain your self... I suspect that you will come to recognize when someone else is trying to impinge on who you are, and will figure out ways to keep your sense of self with less effort... knowing what is you and what is not you... helps... defining who you are will also define who you are not... and that is your boundaries...
It's so hard when they are relatives or partners because you can recognize it but it's not easy to get away..
dealimg with narcs is always a roller coaster
and not the fun kind...
There's this mythology that vampires can turn you into a vampre if they bite you. I think there's something psychological there. I have tried to one-up narcs by outdoing them! (It's fortunate I had no talent, or I could be down a very different road.) I like the reminder not to "match pitch" with the narcissist. That phrase is so vivid!
Insecurities, worthlessness, inability to receive authentic Love, usually lead to Pride ... Bravo Doctor Carter! Blessings to you and your family
Your 5 emotional indicators should be documented among articles written about Narcissistic Behavior, because from my point of view “they are a precise description”! 👍👍👍👍👍
Pride, fear, loneliness, inferiority and anger.
Bernice Rogers,your pretty smile can make the news!
Bernice Rogers,you are too beautiful 🌹🌹🌷 to be with a narc 🙄!
Thank you dr carter you have helped me more than you will ever know.
I hope that people reading this will find as much peace of mind as possible.
Dr.Carter they are very secretive with me but they want to know everything about me .Double standards !
No, they want to learn how to best manipulate you, where your weaknesses lie and use the information for their own power trips.
@@wildhorses6817 Well they sure do act like they are on a power trip.
Craig W they need to know to control.
This
@@DeziVlogs ?
I see their anger as an end product of their emotions and I feel that they (covert in particular) are in fact seeped in envy and plain ignorance (they never ever check if what they’re shouting, writing etc is in fact true: it’s not just lying it’s their ultimate self importance that leads them to think they’re always right, so when you counter state their beliefs (any kind) they become vicious and hate you for exposing them.
Spot on! Glad I found this after 30 years of not knowing what the hell I am going through?
Anger seems to be the emotion of the narcissists that I've dealt with. They're mad about every single thing.
D Young, I think they see anger as a show of strength, especially around people who are made uncomfortable around anger. It's the way my sister in law keeps the upper hand over my gentle natured brother, who has told me he doesn't like conflict. My answer: "Who does?" His answer: "SHE does".
They are deranged but call anyone who does not mirror their issue views crazy. The raging narc is the most mentally stable being ever created, just ask it.
Jeanog My in laws are the same. Always blowing up over nothing like a toddler.
Yep
It's a control tactic.
Thank you so much for this video 🙏 Very insightful for a confused empath ❤
He gets angry over absolutely nothing....
He does not like to be challenged . Tries to make you feel like you're in a competition . Takes no blame for anything.... It everybody else fault .
He gets loud and used bad words .
... Knowing I hate bad words !!!
Has no clue of bonding.... Thinks it's only sex .
Sounds like my ex 🤪 sex is only “bonding” and still sex is just for their own selfishness cuz when they don’t get sex they think there’s nothing in relationship which they don’t even know how to have 🤪
I think I know him....
Sad as it is, I'm giggling while reading the comments to Donna's post. It seems everybody knows my ex..... lol
My ex
Fkknngggg saaaame 🙄
1. Pride (strong egoism)
2. Fear (high level of defensiveness/cover-up mode (eg. blame-shifting, projection))
3. Loneliness (heart-based disconnection (relationships); v.s. having empathy)
4. Inferiority (cover it up with superiority)
5. Anger (rage/passive regressive etc)
Be an insightful, honest, aware and transparent person and it will give you armour you need to survive narcissistic abusers and you will be able to establish heart to heart connection with like minded people. ❤❤❤ thank you so much dr Carter 😊
Perfectly stated. I try to do these things everyday. They all work to help me deal with narcissists and also finding and nourishing my authentic self. Thank you!
Lorraine Marcone,you are too beautiful to be with a narcissist!
Lorraine Marcone,you deserve a better man not a narc 🙄 cause you are a precious being ❤️!
Calm, firmness is one that I definitely need to practise.
This is the most I have learned in a month there is a guy at my work he has to be a narcissist interrupting every conversation talking over everyone and super fast acting like he's he's the smartest person around frankly it's infuriating but I do my best to ignore this person but he tends to focus on me and all I say to him is tell it to someone else because you will not change my mind or influence my opinions.
I told a narcissist neighbor he was stupid. I was so over his condescending, smug attitude toward me. His indirect put downs. Anyway, he went into a rage and acted threatening on two occasions. That's another thing, they think they are above the law. Oh yeah, they are smarter than most. Sure. I've lived my life around narcissist. I do believe there is a bad judgement day waiting for them. I can't wait until the old devil chases him around with a pitch fork.
My favorite counselor/teacher to listen to. So insightful and wise!!
God transcribed a beautiful prayer to me on my way back from a day trip. My wife and I have been given unique and special gifts from him. I am hoping one day she will bring down her walls of defensiveness and allow me to read it to her. It may make no difference, but I still have hope. We were not designed to be in control of all things. Some of us are better in certain areas, that’s where I choose to live in.
Dr. C, I greatly appreciate the way that you bring the videos back to us - meaning that these are not videos where we sit and continue to learn what is wrong with the narcissists in our lives, but you also encourage us to take a look at ourselves by giving us cues to help us continue to be insightful and to grow. Thank you.
Thanks, Candy! You get it! Dr. C
Candy Bradford,I admire your pretty smile!
OK here goes nothing, the five primary emotions of narcissist?
I love you! I love you! I love you! For the first five months or so, then, it feels like authenticity, for a couple years, and then authenticity for a couple more, then after a while rage, let me back up, rage, lying, and future, faking that one hurts the most, and leaves a stinging feeling, but ultimately, keep on going forward, and the good memories belong to you
here is the key of everything, of all these videos, you are not alone, male or female, we are not alone, do it resonates with you, whether it’s law of attraction, or law of assumption, by Neville Goddard, just do your thing and keep on going forward, it helps me in my healing process, to tell you this
I understand Narcissistic Disorder is a child defense and survival against trauma and unhealthy love. I have deep compassion for that child. A false self gets them through and becomes hard-wired. The false self or mask seems to have the exact same traits. I identify with everyone comments and experience. Their underlying emotions, games they play and how the Disorder manifests at different stages.
Dr Carter - my wish for the whole of humanity and our beautiful planet is that every world leader and leader of industry becomes a better person and adopts the values you hold. You are truly a change-maker for good. I have so much gratitude for your messages and your example of decency. You help people see what is so clear to you, and I know I am not the only person whose life you have changed for the better by guiding us through the darkness of narcissistic abuse into the light of honouring ourselves...and each other.
Angry. That is the word I used to use to describe my ex-wife. But there was so much about her that I couldn't understand. I just keep trying to make it work until she finally discarded me. Then I found out about narcissism. This answered all of the things I couldn't previously understand. Anger was just the surface later I could recognize.
Spot on! My ex-bf would get angry often and for ridiculous reasons, for example, being hungry. I even called him Mr. Red (from the Angry Birds movie) lol.
Your presentations paint a picture that will stick with people and provide us with how to stand back and look for things we need to stay away from and look for things that are beautiful and helpful. Standing tall in God's Methods and His Light.
Mark Oliver,hope you are not with a narcissist?
Mark Oliver,you look stunning
It still blows me away how narcs can't or won't even appreciate empathy, and other positive emotions, it is the best feeling you get when someone shows you empathy and love and to be around a person where you feel you can be yourself is so powerful, it encourages you to be the best you can be.... to be vulnerable in a healthy way is very 'powerful'. Live like you have nothing to hide or be ashamed off, there is no need for 'cover up' or 'wiping away finger prints'. You enter peace of mind and rest of soul....
You are a healer and a truth teller and a beautiful soul. Thanks.
Thank you Dr. Carter. My father was a covert narcissist and an angry, angry man. He would take our family to the baptist church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night and sang "Jesus Saves" loudly. At home he his face would turn red with rage all the time around me. He could never get me to cooperate with his agenda. I am so glad I didn't no matter how much he used violence, deprivation and degradation on me. My younger sister and two brothers are overt narcissists. I never talk to them.
From observing a couple people in my life who suffer from this condition, it seems that extreme emotional pain makes people very self centered. Its all about them. I don't think its too off base to guess that something traumatic such as being raised by a Narc parent, traumatic event, or more than likely a series of painful memories that forms this personality disorder.
The person adopts a "If you can't beat 'em, join them" mindset.
This is very unfortunate because this condition holds them back from any meaningful connection or relationship with other people, especially kind and giving people Narc's attract.
I won’t say that pride is a primary emotion in this case. It’s an emotion of the false self. Fear to me would be the primary emotional root.
Chris A. Medina I forgot SHAME.
Fear and Shame.
I also found that fear drives the remaining 3 : fear of ostracism, fear of inferiority, and fuels the anger. This explains the emotional struggle going on within them that they do not want to confront. Unfortunately it's not our job to save them because we really can't without losing ourselves.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident...." Well, I do but he doesn't. Nothing I can do except continue to work on my own inner growth. It really does help take away the sting of the narcissist. Thanks Dr Carter.
Narcissists should watch this video if they want to grow and become a whole person, and to get over these 5 primary emotions.
Lol 😂 good luck getting one to do it 🤪 denial is strong in them and they hate confronting or listening to or watching anything that would expose them to truth of themselves cuz after all it is us and everyone else who are to blame not them
Thank you for your goodness ❤️. My favorite word to any narcissist is NO! ❤️✊😷😀
Thank you, Dr Carter, for illuminating the psyche of the narcissist and helping others to grow. :-)
Dore Ware,your pretty smile can make the news!
Doria Ware,hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷!
Doria Ware,You got a lovely smile 😊😊😊
Thank you for your brilliance & generosity!
Fear/dread
Shame
Simmering rage
Jealousy
Unhappy
You're quite close. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks Dr C, l had to take a few minutes to metaphorically take my husband and take a real close look at him....waiting for the video though
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C, you're creating a little army of experts:)
I've learned after watching these videos that my ex wife is a text book narcissist and at the core of her behavior was fear and insecurity. When I stopped feeding her emotions the relationship fell apart.
Thanky you, sir. Half a year ago i discovered your channel, and slowly i go on the path to healing. That was a lot of bad things I did in the past, and only recently i opened my eyes (thanks to you) to the nature of my behaviours. Thank you.
Yes. Not much written about recovery from this condition. Great progress can be made in recovery and peace of mind can be realised.
Dr. Carter has helped me and my family immensely in the understanding of narcissistic personality. ♡
yellowswallowtail33,you look stunning 🌹🌷🌷
Absolutely...!!! And as you have said...many more things could be added!
Thank you 🙏💞❣
Phebe Baltazzi, you look stunning
Phebe Baltazzi,hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷!
Team awareness and team healthy, i am committed
How to NOT have baggage? As the good Dr says, "Unpack it" Brilliant!
Dr. Carter - This is one of your best videos, and very helpful to me. The introspection helps. Thank you.
Thanks for making this video.
It really made a lot of sense to me, and gave me more clarity.
I like how you explained, what’s really behind the anger.
Tess Silba,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
The main Emotion above all, is Jealousy!!!! Anger, competition, etc..... Come after jealousy. I've seen it too many times. Over and over and over. None stop.
Doc: These lessons are sooo enlightening and helpful. Thank you!
Thank so much!
This is really helpful, it gives me positive goals to focus on while I go through this incredibly uncomfortable phase of understanding how far the effects of narcissistic abuse extend through my life.I am so hypersensitive to how I've behaved in ways I wish I hadn't, and made poor choices rooted in pride and insecurity. Having positive goals to work towards helps so much while I continue to process what I cannot change, but need to live with.
I have observed {with the narcissist I deal with and other narcissists in the past) that many times the anger is because you(and others) are not following the script of their movie they have in their head. As long as everything is being played out according to their plans, their manipulations are working, they are the happiest people...all smiles. When someone starts to deviate from the script, it really angers the narcissist ("how DARE YOU!!!"). Normally, the anger is short-lived, because they ALWAYS come up with a work-around. They have it all planned in their mind: if THIS happens, I will do this instead. It is inconvenient (hence part of their anger), but they always think of all the possibilities, so they have an alternate plan and people (minions/FM's) in place...just in case.
Yes Dr. Carter. You are so right. As long as I tried to stooped to his leve the worse I felt. But when I used the situation to grow, I really began to grow and be a happier person. Your such a good role Model. If our Fathers and Grandfathers lived by these principles., then wow, what a difference it would make.😃💞🙏l
Let me guess: anger, envy, anxiety, boredom, emptiness?
You're actually fairly close. Dr. C
I don't think emptiness is an emotion. It's more of a state....
Okay, since Linda just reminded me that emptiness is more a state of being than it is an emotion, let’s replace it with fear! So my prediction is now: anger, envy, anxiety, boredom and fear!
You're the man Dr. C, thank you for always educating me with great material.
Thank you SO much. All the other resources I've accessed are focused on victims of narcissists, but not on the rehabilitation of narcissists themselves; people who WANT to change. Thank you for believing in people's innate desire to do better.
Thanks for this video! I think I've identified a lot of narcissistic traits in myself recently and having an exploration of what can be done to understand and improve those traits is really helpful.
A 12 step program might help.
THANK YOU DR.les carter..THIS 5 PRIMARY EMOTIONS I SAW ALL OF THESE TO MY STEPMOM...I OBSERVED ALL OF THESE TO HER FOR 4 YEARS..YOUR VLOGS HELP ME A LOT..SHE GOT UPSET TO ME COZ SHE CANT MAINIPULATE ME BECAUSE OF MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP HAD SIMILAR BEHAVIOUR WITH HER
This video has been so helpful! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom so that others can regain themselves and their lives back. You have been extremely instrumental in my healing and recovery from being with a narcissist. Thank you!
I tried that "what if we're just two unique separate people standing here" it struck such abject terror into the narc that her eyeballs were shaking.
I can't understand why they want people to be just like them. No one should have to change everything about themselves, why don't they just hang out with those who are just as judgemental and controlling as they are?
Wonderful video! Dr. C's videos are becoming more rich and thought provoking. His teaching touches the soul and encourages greater personal development. I appreciate that so much.❤