Emma Pritchard, boy that’s totally my narco Ex. Can’t wait to move out, forced to live with him at a friends house, who he turned her into a flying monkey.
@@SublimeLullaby yes, they will litterally die if they experience solitude. Tech like computers and mobiles are great for them because they can gain that fake attention, but they need the real thing, human interaction. tech is just tools for them to get that. After a break up they seek out new attention (supply) because they need to be reassured themselves they arent abandoned after the break up.
They fear that all their games, tricks, schemes, evil plots, hurt, abuse won’t work on you anymore. They’re afraid of you leveling up, regaining your strength and self-worth after they’ve smashed it to smithereens and nothing, no abuse or fear will work on you any longer...and you leave them cold turkey 🥶🦃🙌🏾😊 and unbothered!!
krs1 so basically what you are saying is that I absolutely made my Narcs worst fucking nightmare come true after dumping his ass 6 weeks ago with no contact?? SWEET! Best life choice ever🥰🙏👌🏻
I was with my ex Narc 30 yrs, still don't feel healed after 21 months of separation, just wonder how long it may take? NC since 15 months and final divorce hearing due beginning September. Are we ever fully healed??
@@detectivehawk4976 not really. Just disappointed by constantly being let down by fake coward human beings posing as true people! More pissed off at myself for deluding myself into believing people are good
@@detectivehawk4976 no u see I feared abandonment stems from childhood and follows u to relationships u get paranoid its like trauma u think it's going to keep happening to u in every relationship that was my case
My mother still treats me like a kid and I'm 35. Its really sad. She is afraid to end up alone. Everytime I meet a woman she never says anything nice. Usually she says they're just out to use me.
@@phoenixrising8007 9 times out of 10 we co dependents are victims of narcissists. I was shocked on how many people have been in emotionally abusive relationships. It really is a breathe of fresh air, the narc makes you question your own sanity.
I used to hate my narcissistic ex but now I’ve done some proper research into narcissistic behaviour I deeply pitty them. Not in a warm way, more of a ‘how pathetic’ type of pitty. How very sad these peoples existence is!
I swear, I have watched and read countless amounts of information on Narcissism after my last relationship, but you have caused "ah-ha" moments in every video I've watched of yours thus far!! Thank you so much for your enlightenment and caring enough to share it! Amazingly helpful!! ♡
@Kristina, I totally can relate. I was in a strange place and had so much anxiety because of the covert narcissist. Watching these videos have helped me understand and recover myself. I am happy to say that narcissist free. Lol
It’s crazy isn’t it they invest so much love and attention on you then create the thing they fear. It’s dreadfully sad. I found out I’m a codependent we hate abandonment too but we don’t manipulate or hurt people. Codependents often get trauma bonded unfortunately.
Paul Smith how do you think that? I went into the relationship and genuinely fell in love I adored him... He now I know he has NPD I understand he felt nothing he just lead me on. It hurt me when he devalued and then disregarded it made me very sad to be abandoned by someone you love deeply. I’ve sorted my shit out now I know I don’t need anyone to validate me I have worked out I need no one to love me because I love me now. 😁
@@myrahouse2368 Codependents are enablers so you're just as toxic hence why I said sort your shit out. My mother was a codependent with a narcissist and they ruined our lives. Edit* if you've now sorted your shit out, kudos.... my mother never did.
@@paulsmith3128 ? sounds like you still have some healing to do? Journaling about feelings helped me. I did it every day. Took 6 months+ focusing on emotions. Evernote is a fun app. You can dictate to it. You can write on computer or phone. I put my oldest notes at the bottom and newest at the top so it's easiest to start writing the next day. Maybe that helps you. Good luck! Note in 6 months it was 150pages and 85,000+ words. It works :)
"That you might be too good for them", wow now that's an interesting point upon reflection of my experience. Hated seeing my happiness that's for sure. The jealousy and attempts to poison me against others and vice versa was shocking.
Their biggest fear is being exposed for what they truly are: malevolent and destructive. They know what they're doing. If they didn't grasp their own malice, they wouldn't bother pretending to be nice. They're not that worried about being abandoned, as they've already got the smear campaign fully plotted, and reserve supply. As about all that malice being caused by childhood trauma, in my family the children who grew up to be narcs where the pampered golden children. I suffered the trauma, was the scapegoat, and never became a narc.
True! The “golden child” the one that got pampered the most, is the narc in my family as well. She always put me down (I am the youngest) and used that “being younger” and crazy towards my family all my life even now and I am a mother in my 30’s. When I began to make my life, growing up, is the moment she started to put her “foot” (and I mean by that controlling, etc ) in my house, my family, my husband, my child. Even telling lies to my child I wanted to give her for adoption to my sister. Completely insane person. I cannot even stand up for myself for what she did because she was already first to smear my name in the family etc. I am now trying to heal, to make myself better as a person.
M R yes I was so blind all those years! I thought she loved her niece so much. Never understood why my daughter was always angry at me and her father after she had a sleepover at her aunt (my sis). My sis always put in my head I am not fit to be a mother since I was so young when I got pregnant. She then moved in my house and literally took over my role as a mother but I didn’t knew at all what was happening so my relationship with my daughter has always been cold even if I tried to get closed to her she didn’t liked me. When I got 2 time pregnant (in my 30s now) I noticed something was wrong, I call it a better awareness since I was pregnant. And then I started to actually see what was going around. When I set boundaries also for my child, she stalked my daughter, at her school, thru phone calls, my daughter was afraid of me because of the brainwashing from my narc sis, Now I am no contact but I feel I am stalked thru other family members. I cannot trust anyone anymore. It doesn’t feel sincere anymore. I am so angry at myself never saw what she did to my child.
I got ditched by a huge narcisist tonight. He tried to get me to break the law. I thought he was going to hit me in the face when I refused. He had to be the one who abandoned me and it hurt my feelings a little bit but now I know better and why he did what he did. Thanks for the insight. 23 narcissists watched this video judging by the thumbs down count.
That's the way mine was, I found out too much, because she was getting sloppy with her mischievous ways. Her sister once said to me that she has never paid rent. It's been 3 yrs now, I've seen her twice for about 20 mins each time. She has text me maybe 8 or 10 times in that 3yrs. The message she left me with on her last visit or drop in was " it's good to see we can just pick up again after all this time " And her last text message was a bit about how much she learned from me and that she still loves me .
Perfectly pointed out. They really get hurt by the rejection they called upon themselves. And hence the hovering....... And then they look for easier victims. In the end they are always loveless and simply pathetic. But they would never EVER change for good. A snake vl.be a snake forever. Vl never become a swan even after 100 years .
It may hurt to be the one to be discarded at the beginning but I'll bet the person who left is left with the great memories and huge regret that haunts them for a lifetime on how good of a person intimidated them for real relational prosperity ❤️⭐️🌹
Honestly when you realize that someone who “doesn’t care” wouldn’t get so upset ... upset enough to do everything they do you realize they do “care” ie fear.
Great video thank you. In my experience the narcissist is most afraid of looking too closely at themselves but by adulthood they no longer have this in any cognitive awareness, it’s just a felt avoidance. Their new ego, a defence from past hurt, is locked onto being this new personality. That phrase in breakups we smile about ? It’s not you it’s me? Well a narcissist will never believe or say this and mean it. To them… it’s always you!
They HATE talking about death, (the afterlife of Heaven or Hell ) They HATE trying to have a connection with their spirituality which would give them some moral compass to a sense of accountability💯
ariel 4 yes it is real!! They also HATE, HATE, HATE!! When you makes plans without them knowing and they can’t have your time/attention because you’ll be busy hanging out/living life without them!
Mostly because they're aware there is nothing after this material & dualistic world for them! A narcissist is an empty shell full of a HUGE ego, no soul to be found (and thus no healing is possuble fr them) imho
This is absolutely on point. I noticed this, but I made excuses for this (I.e. fear of deepening connection with significant other, uncomfortable sense of vulnerability discussing beliefs, hesitation to open up, etc).
I'm dealing with a narcissist in a hi profile custody case . It's been pure hell. Its brought me to where I am now, on my spiritual journey. Its opened my eyes to sooooo much!! Thank you so very much for your knowledge! Your amazing!
And I would add rejection, which can get them very defensive and could access narcissistic rage, which I personally have encountered from them. They are difficult to treat in therapy. Thank you for your insightful comment doctor.
The Four Agreements changed my life. It’s a short book and contains many profound ideas; you’ll probably have to read one of the chapters more than once for it to really sink in but you’ll know when you read it - if it really annoys you- that it’s the truth for your life. This woman really knows what she is saying. Listen to her and don’t suffer through two marriages like I have unnecessarily.
Lynn Smith, Yes I agree with you, I think they are quite aware of what they are doing. They are just human predators. Rid yourself of them, as fast as possible.
Wow, this explains so much. It's been awhile since I've listened to videos on narcissists. We resently had a friend paint a room in our home using a sprayer & there is a white dusting all over everything, haha, it's been an in depth cleaning day! I enjoy listening to videos whilst I clean! In previous years I wasn't sure why my MIL was so down right awful to me. She seemed jealous of me & I couldnt understand why. She blamed me for moving "her son," away from her, when the military moved him & later we married & his new job moved both of us away from our families- my family included. There came a point I had so much anxiety around her I would stress before she even arrived by plane. I didn't understand why I had anxiety but I knew there was something about her that wasn't quite right, something I didn't trust. I hate confrontation but over the years I've learned that you can be firm and nice at the same time, when setting a boundary & most people I set boundaries with accept them- appart from her. It was always a huge issue. When she was in town telling me how to run my home (it was our first home) I felt disrespected & I wasn't going to allow this to happen in our own home. If I didnt speak up I felt things would go on like that forever, & I thought by being vulnerable & explaining things that she would understand me better & we could move on. Hopefully smoother! She rolled her eyes while I nicely stated a boundary. Her attitude was completely childish, but I looked past it for my husband. The adults in my life never responded this way so it was puzzling. Then my own mom passed away from cancer- she was literally the best mom to all her 4 children. It really ripped us apart for awhile when we grieved. My MIL tried to exploit my mom's death to hurt me, & that was the last straw! I told my husband I couldn't have her in my life anymore- me shutting someone out of my life wasn't something that happened overnight. This was the first time I had ever done this, and I also questioned myself with the decision. But later on I realized that a lot of her family had shut her out as well & that was a big sign for me I wasn't being irrational or unfair. To take delight in hurting someone that way really opened my eyes to who she was & I was running far away- for the hills! The moment you turn your back on someone like that they drive a knife in deep & I wanted positive people in our lives who were actually happy for us. She met my family once. One time. Yet when I went no contact she continues to coax my dad, brothers, etc to share info about me. Or to talk badly behind my back. She also told my husband he's a toxic individual for withholding her grandson from her (who will be 5 soon) she claims everyone somehow as "hers." On social media she was friends with my dad who periodically - throughout the year - would post photos of our child to which she would comment "MY grandbaby!!!" On my dad's page! It was just strange. He deleted her & she continues to try to get him to add her back. She called my husband at work demanding he tell her if his dad (they are divorced) was spending time with our son. Stating that's "not fair!!" His dad is super nice to us & our son! We have no issues with him. Her jealously towards my husband's dad for seeing our son is strange. I'm thankful I was raised with such a good mom, because she was never jealous of anyone, not even my mother-in-law when she got to spend time with our son early on, so I know it isnt normal to FLIP OUT over that. She lost her mind!! I remember thinking, 'gosh she sounds more mad that his dad is spending time with our son more than the fact that she isn't. It's all just a jealously thing.' So I totally believe narc injury is a real thing when it's you who walks away first. I'm thankful for my parents- they gave me a good picture of what I could look up to - for 43 years until my mom passed. We plan to adopt a child & would like to name her Patricia after my mom, "Patty" for short.
Thank you so much!!! Now that I’ve watch this vid, I feel like my heart is healing and ready to forgive my ex narc. My ex manipulate me mentally and emotionally that cause me stress and anxiety, he also cheated on me and made me look bad to his past and recent girls and I despised him for that. Even tho he is manipulative, a liar and a serial cheater, I know there is still kindness deep down in his heart, wherein in that heart, it refuge a boy with an awful experience with his parents seperation (fights) and an abandonment they did to him. This vid enlightened me so much! even tho how many times I tried to connect to him emotionally and spirituality, I still can’t. Maybe he still haunted by the pain and traumas he got when he was a little, that no one can’t access and help him to deal with his pain he is holding, btw he told me that his last cry was when he was a little kid. That’s why manipulating girls and collecting them is his hobby, but still you’re past experiences shouldn’t be the reason to put so much pain to others. It’s been a month since I left him, I’m still heartbroken and healing within but I know I am strong, I can handle this pain and this is just a phase. I hope he is happy with his new girl, I really hope that girl will help him to freed that miserable little boy he is keeping in his heart, I hope he will find his real happiness and contentment. I hope he will stop manipulating others and learn to be independent. And lastly, I hope he will find God in his heart. He did something terrible to me, that others may think they will not forgive him for such thing, but I will try to understand him and forgive him step by step. Even tho I didn’t get the closure that I want, I still wish him well. I’m lit crying while typing this, maybe this is the closure I am needing, through this vid. Thank you! 🥺
Thank you and sometimes they are consciously aware and will tell you this. It does make me feel bad for them. Just how they do every possible test in their book to push you away then when you go away they confirm that they knew all along you were going to..."everyone leaved me so I knew one day you will too." Yet they pay no attention of their abusive behaviour that lead to the abandonment
Them and what they do is all just one big head game. So once you realize that it really had nothing to do with you at all. Because it didn't/ doesn't At the core of them and the situation. You don't even matter. And their words and actions prove this. Time and time again. So... it's best for us to just let it go and not take IT personally. I'm talking about the replaying in our heads about any if it. It is sickening, literally. Healthier to learn from it and move on with knowledge and stronger boundaries.
New subscribers here! Love your channel ❤️🙌🏾 I was married to a covert narcissist for a short time. I have two young boys with him. I have recovered for the most part. Lost a lot.. money, house...etc. I’m rebuilding. It’s the co parenting. My poor boys. 😱😩😭😰🤯😤😲🤐🤧🤮🤕💩👾🧟♂️
Tasha Sparxxx I’m in the same position with 2 young girls going through child custody with their narcissistic father. It’s been a long road but I’m staying strong and positive for my daughters.
Thanks for your video series. I've been watching these talks, alongside other ones available online, as well as doing as much research I can about disfunctional personality disorders recently and over the last year. I have issues with my mum, which have been going on my entire life, however I've got to the point in my life, where I've realised that I can't just perform the continual empath role, in particular when that just means that I've let not just her steam-roll all over me, but also that ended up meaning that other narcissists and enablers in my life, also then treated me as their supply in turn, just replacing that role. Eventually you get to the point, where you see the patterns repeating over and over again, and you have to make the decision for yourself, to take hold of your life, and live the life that you want, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks or says about you, it doesn't matter. You're not going to let anyone walk all over you, or abuse you, you're not even going to fight back, you're not going to be a victim, you're just simply not even going to engage, and not give them the excuse to escalate as their excuse to continue to abuse you. Whether that's your parents, siblings, people you work with, friends, or partners or even random strangers you meet looking for someone to victimise. Establishing boundaries and learning how to negotiate and deal with these types of people is really important so that you can grow and heal your own inner child, and to then go forwards, and develop and negotiate healthy, and healing relationships around you, as an adult with an integrated, happy and positive inner world, who is confident in themselves with a positive and strong internalised parent after you've worked on providing effective self-care for yourself, to replace the disfunctional internal abusive parent that you've internalised. Externalise the inner critic, and replace it with the positive, and affirmative constructive teacher who helps you to grow as a person and an adult. With every narcissistic type I've ever met, whether or not that's my mum, who has her own wounds from her own chlidhood, or ex partners, or friends, or people I've worked with, there is often some kind of alternating grandiose / martyr complex, oscilating between being the queen or king of all things one minute then being the rejected crying baby the next. If you get to learn more about their childhood, often some kind of childhood trauma, involving some kind of early unhealed trauma that has never been resolved is often the root cause of their disfunction. If you can call them out in an objective and detached way, that way you disengage any form of emotional attachment, and you can create a boundary between their disfunctional relational bonding and yourself, and you can take on the process of individuating yourself, for yourself. Be yourself, and be happy. Other people's issues belong to them, and not to you. You are you, so be happy and be free, as you. :-)
Thanks for watching! So what do you think about the narcissist's biggest fear?? 👉 Free 12-page workbook on the 4 stages of narcissistic abuse (with checklists): bit.ly/3LTXkzE
u are right they are afraid of rejection, and abandonments, and being alone. The reason why they need more ladies to alternate whoever is available. If one will go they are safe to the other supply and still finding another. They started to hoover you bck once they can sense you are leaving. They act good and trying to go bck to the love bombing episode. But once they are accepted they get back to their doing. Its like.. " alright going back to the business"They need multiple girls to make them keep going on their daily lives. All girls must be stayed and Keep if possible.
You are so spot on! He actually told me on a couple occasions (while talking about our future together) that he didn't think I'd stay with him because I'd "get bored" or something to that effect. Of course, this was totally out of his character to say these kind of things and seem vulnerable, but in those brief moments, it was almost like he took on the resemblance of a soft-spoken, scared child. Extreme opposition of his "normal" persona.
I feel sorry for them now, so Narcs aren't born, they are formed, and because its formed in childhood trauma, I now feel sorry for the two I finished with. Not to the extent were I'd allow them back in my life, but enough to feel, I'm sorry they went through that so young.
Losing control of a situation because they know that you don't want them ANYMORE 💔😢 🙏 Because your so tired of the ABUSE 🧩 👩🏫⚖️ & you put the PUZZLE PIECES TOGETHER. I'm watching this video right now & my narc husband has turned up the volume on his music to BLOCK me out. I don't care because I'm trying to educate myself against HIM 😂 🤷💫 💋👏 🙏💪 I'm not staying married to a abusive NARCISSIST. I was born into this abuse I'm not going to be married to it
She is dead on! I am no expert but I've discovered this on my own. Everytime I told my ex i was gonna leave her, i went through everything from arguing to jail! This is crazy!
Great video. I saw a prof. Sam Vaknin video some time ago going in depth on this. It seems to me at the moment that it is the ultimate weapon to use, if you want no further contact with someone that ticks most of the qualities to explain their horrible treatment to you. Is to not argue or confront. But peacefully walk away and vow to live your best life. Sam explains how they will consume themselves with trying to figure out what attack you are about to come at them with, as a projection of what they want to do to you, at a exhaustive level. Whenever they see or hear about you they will spiral into a paranoid rage. Because you hit them in the heart of their self induced, well protected prison. I suppose, this is why grey rocking is so effective. It’s sad to know what they have gone through, to become this horrible person they are manifesting at what ever point you meet them or leave them, but it is no excuse for the actions they choose to take towards you or anyone.
Yes, Vaknin is a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist and a Prof of psychology. His explanation of the narcissists ‘shared fantasy’ is second to none. His insights into Borderline personality disorder is also quite mind blowing. Although I refrain from giving him supply in his comment threads 🤐😆
Spiritual practices help us move from identifying with the ego to identifying with the soul. Old age does that for you too. It spiritualizes people naturally. Ram Dass
I'm relieved it was me that finished it, and even though I tried to contact them afterwards out of trauma bonding, they knew I wouldn't take the level of abuse and ignored me. So in the end I was the one in control.
It is someone else’s responsibility to treat you with respect... but when they fail, it is your responsibility to keep your boundaries. And we all fail at boundaries, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You’re human.
He suddenly stopped seeing me on the weekend never even bothered to tell me just left me hanging, I was shocked I ended it with him. He literally changed after I said “ I love you” month 7. He apologised we got back together but he still never bothered with me again on the weekends just stopped! I went midweek instead and from 3 days down to 1. It became weirder and vague baffling infact, we never argued up until then? We laughted and I believed loved each other’s company. He played massive mind f#^^$ on me.
Great Video Thank you very much Yes they keep a bunch of '"fish" on the line at all times so they can "ditch and switch" They know we can and will only take so much. And they get bored and want new supply. It doesn't matter how the others look, act, money, education, personality... nope.. it's just out with the old and in with the new.. And CONTROL AT ALL TIMES!
Very refreshing and simpler understanding, thank you for the energy and courage to become humble and understanding in a gentle way - it's not about feeling sorry for them - or hating - or have anger towards them or yourself...it's just a SAD situation. One tool I will share that I have learn..."when one says they are SORRY (ask yourself what this means - pitting them - they need your help..etc.??).....Conclusion in 98% of the time - it's a SAD situation - one cannot help them see the light as we do -that is the divine being's job - ...and punch line is: When one does something Deliberately !!!! - Then that one should say they are SORRY for doing something contentiously into deliberately hurting them.... again - otherwise it's a SAD situation when one cannot fix another.
Thank you for this video. It has really helped me understand some very complex issues from a previous relationship which I did not know existed. I'm not quite yet at the level of acceptance you focussed on in the last few minutes but I will try and watch again a few more times to help me recover. Sending a hug!
Going through this with ex boyfriend. I’ve asked him to leave me alone, told him I want nothing with him or from him. His greatest fear is being cut off
first of all its not that easy to discard them because you just dont know...so 90% they discard,,, when the 10% happens and you discard them a slight injury happens cause they havent prepared our replacement However the greatest injury is when they discard you and after some months they hoover you (their grandiocity) and you shut the door in their face
Oh, this makes so much sense. Is there a way to point out this disorder to them? Or will they most certainly laugh at the attempt? My husband’s mother left him and his sister when he was 6 mos old. We are 23 years into our relationship and all of this is hitting me like a brick right now. Just watched so many of your videos and they have been immensely helpful. This makes my heart hurt for him, for the little boy that grew up not understanding love. But I know it’s time to walk away. I just wish I could help him see what it is that is the root problem. Which we’ve always discussed is the need to be addressed but could not quite pin point it. So, so deep. So many layers of healing required. I pray he works on himself for our children’s sake. These videos will certainly help in my own healing. Thank you!!!
Thank you for all the great information... this reminded me of a "conversation" I had with a narcissistic family member... she was criticizing my partner at the time who she had met two times, we live 1200 miles away (by design) it was an eye opening experience... I was familiar with the controlling crazy, but criticizing my partner was the last MF draw! My strategy is ignore ignore ignore disengage disengage disengage !
I would have one exception to your statement that a narc will not make it their life mission to retaliate against you. There are many with other traits combined with the narcissism that make them very dangerous. One such example would be a narc that is also sociopathic or worse.
My narcissistic ex built up enough emotional “dependency”from me ( made me love him by presenting his charming manipulative side), to then, later, and only after he knew I loved him “unconditionally” (and true love forgives right?), he started the narcissistic games. It took me a long time of pain(literally cronic back pain wich was totally gone after divorcing him) trying to understand what was going on. Thank you! If I knew what I know today 16 years ago, I would have saved myself a lot of nonsense pain.
They're emotional pigs. When they break the never-ending silence, no contact, just to tell you they are meeting a married man at a hotel for a few drinks but hey, it's not a date....he's married! That is just pure, unforgivable abuse. And it's premeditated.
I've let her for a few months for all those narcissistic behaviours .. a few days before she told me ' no problem if you have a new relationship , lets continue together also ' I really can't understand her !!! Very well explained video , thank you
We can drive ourselves crazy trying to apply logic to a narcissist, can't we? But when you know the playbook they're using, their behavior starts to become very predictable. She probably does the same with all her exes... run! 🙏❤
@@CommonEgo Very well explained .. Thank you lady Only I can't "run" these period of time .. I was determined to the -no contact- , but one month ago my 80 years old mother broke her femur .. aftet all I live and work in another continent and for some health issues it was impossible for me to travell there , to explain a little more .. 'she' lives in the same town as my mother .. she tried hard to call me and no answer from me all those days , But when my mother had the problem 'she' was next to her better than me I could say ! All these made me to think maybe I am wrong about her also I feel bad for the - no contact- way.. Now I am some how confused beleive me .. but the sure is that I can't run right now ! Only I am trying to reduce the calls and some how be her friend only and ask her to be my friend .. something that she doesn't want to hear about and Go..d knows what's behind her mind and actions
You're right... it sounds best to go with the flow in your situation, but it sounds like you're setting boundaries, which is the best thing you can do. Always trust your instincts! ❤🙏
Yes. They are afraid of abandonment. The reason why they find someone new bfore you abandoned them. Bcz they knew soon you are abandoned them once thier masks slipped
I don’t feel bad at all. He goes to church and professes to be a Christian husband. He refused to go to counselling with the Ministers who really tried to help. He instead started a smear campaign against me in the church and elsewhere. He hurt me emotionally to the point that my health was so terrible I was near death. My friends saved me and got me out in time. This is not a nice man. He knows better and yet he continues his lies while reading his bible and slandering me to everyone including my children. He mentioned he didn’t want adultery to get between him and God. I guess throwing me out in the middle of winter after accusing me of assaulting him after he shoved me around violently and had a temper tantrum tirade so he could disappear for several days to go see his new adultery pals is showing true Christian love to a wife? How despicable he is... but I am No Contact 120 Days, except for one phone call where he told me he was a true Christian man and one other time when he dragged my youngest son over to get his stuff because he told my son he was afraid I might stab him. I had to go through so much with this wicked and cruel entity while he was out cavorting with his new trysts at hotels and elsewhere. I am surviving eleven years together and six years married to a Covert NPD abuser. It will get better I am told.
Wanda Timmins Sounds almost identically to my soon to be x Narc Husband.... amazing how they can talk about God who teaches Love is patient ,kind, not easily angered and not selfish and treat us in the next breath with such hate.... I’m so sorry you went through that. 💖
Wanda Timmins Wanda I’m praying for you. You will get through it love. I literally refer to the narc as “demonic entity” on my phone. It’s been 1 1/2 years since my divorce (freedom!). I was pissed at times! The betrayal, lies, literally acts to destroy you all while confessing to be “Holier then thou Christians”. I was mad!!! But I sit here texting you right now to let you know it REALY gets better. Best way to that and get revenge is to go out and live your best life! Go enjoy and make the best of your time. You’re free!! I’m so thankful and I’m so much happier without him. I thank God I’m not tied down anymore!!!
My covert narcist ex partner was so afraid that our colleagues would hear what really happened during our relationship that she started to intimidate me. She told me about the consequences what would happen if I shared info. So I was threaten by her. But she knew that I didn't have to do so much about that because her cover was already blown by herself. Narcissist and especially covert narcissist are so sad, empty, angry, injured people and run away from their true self. The fake identity doesn't let them work on themselves to heal. Mission impossible.
Spot on with this one. If a breakup does happen they want the control over the outcome an the way others see the outcome of the breakup. Their personality is built off avoiding rejection. The Lengths they go through to maintain the false persona while trying to control the outcome is absolutely insane.
I now remember 2 months into the relationship after a disagreement where he did a bit of stonewalling he returned one day out of the blue. we sat down to talk and he revealed to me why he felt in the end I would want to end the relationship. I was so confused and that was not in my mind at all at this point. interestingly enough I did end it 1 1/2 years later for that very reason and many more. now in hindsight after learning about convert narcissism I get what was going on. Of course this was a weak and vulnerable moment he displayed which Never came up again and of course had I brought it up he would have denied every saying it. thanks for this Christina so well put
Thanks for your insightful video - You have great energy - just flo and worry less about edits - Have found your videos very helpful. Being open and a giver in this world can lead to terrible abuse. We should teach this stuff to kids at school instead of most of the rubbish they are taught to regurgitate. Just dropped out of a friendship circle as the leader was a full scale narcissist. It feels like I have taken on the narcissists traits and want to destroy them - However I know that this is shallow and your videos have raised by consciousness level - Many thanks! I still struggle to understand not having Empathy? Crazy world.
I'm afraid of abandonment but I'm definitely not a narc. And when I was 4yrs old, I watched my father leave the house & asked if he'd be back, he said yes but never did, & throughout my childhood promised to arrive at noon on Saturdays & just left us waiting for hours, feeling abandoned & scared. But I'm not a narc. I think that narcs were not all abused, but that in fact many were incredibly spoiled. I went on dealing with neglect & abuse and I am certainly not a narc. The narcs I've known, including my step father, & several others, were a mix.... Some hadn't been abused, and others most definitely had been abused and yes, they needed to be in control. Anyone who is in a loving, committed relationship and the other person just ups and leaves with no notice is a cause of shock, worry, sadness, nervousness, and fear. The narc men I was involved with would do that when they went on drug binges after telling me they'd be home for dinner, then disappear for three days. Anyone who isn't afraid of that happening after experiencing it many times by different people must be cold as stone with no heart. Also about leaving them first, when you realize they are not healthy for you but are unhealthy, and you know the outcome is going to be no good, I've certainly been the one to end the relationship. That doesn't make me a narc though, it makes me real. I never left anyone to get back at them, but to be happy, to protect myself, to get out of a bad situation, and to move on.
This made me happy. He terrified me and threatened me one night, I trembled all night calling crisis lines and shelters figuring out what would be my best options. Next morning I wake to an eviction notice because he doesnt feel safe in his home anymore and that Im the abusive one that never asked to stay- again IM homeless ( if you GF became homeless- no compassion- from day one- you cant stay.) Im Disabled- so I told him I was cleaning that day following his blowout that left me catatonic and shaking on the bed- aka packing (later on he would lament that he couldn't help me pack ) and the following morning after he and his children left I had people sneak me out before my PT. And the kids got home from school at 2, and he got home at 5. When he messaged at the end of the day and said all pathetically i see you blocked me I atleast with we could have had a proper goodbye. I said GoodBye. I was doing so good keeping things short and then a long one about being nicer to his kids and love not hate got pocket sent as I greeted someone. Darn. He retaliated with ".bLaH Im amazing ..since you want to give unsolicited advice: ....just straight vicious Lies." I didnt read it. I quickly responded You know Its a Beautiful day today, you have a wonderful Day.
In my experience, especially with the NPDs in my family, they do not fear abandonment - and they were very pampered as children. They were made to believe that they were gods - and then, at some point, they were devalued, by whoever, as it happens in life. Their biggest fear is to meet someone who they think is 'better' than them. They then want to destroy that person, so as to be a 'god' again.
When I've attempted on multiple occasions to break free from my NARC his consistent response is “I don't understand why (you) keep trying to PUSH me away”, & the next phrase he says is “do you want to be alone for the rest of your life”‼️
The largest difference between Narcissism and BPD is that for the narc, the attachment and abandonment (push-pull) cycle are tied directly to your quality of life: your strength, groundedness, your own social third parties, identity, power, independence, joy and vitality together negatively correlated to their attempts at every step closer of controlling your life by stealing these positive assets and tools. As every step is taken your whole HP gets lower and they gain from it more HP points. By striping the access to stealing these qualities with a tricky combination and strong firewall (proof of abuse, backups, education on narcissists) they become assured the bond is tight. By seeing you regain the sense of those qualities after you are disillusioned, they literally feel the synthetic excitement dissolving out of their void as if the target of the mechanism was reversed and they attempt to prepare themselves to prevent such a scenario. Steal and return. BPD fears abandonment because of a double effect about being emotionally invalidated in their childhood, betrayed too often and paired with forms of abuse and a prewired empathic hypersensitviity. There was inadequate trust to their caregivers and with their social circles from the comfort-devaluation cycle leaving codependency, ambivalence (the same push-pull cycle but without the draining agenda) and a profound sense of frustration of not having had emotional needs given attention that is similar to a neglected toddler. A BPD person needs a favorite person out of resolving an unmet need for reassurance and not being able to feel whole, as if some part of them was stolen. Not because of a need to be 'powerful'. If not a person a BPD uses substitutes of emotional fulfillment to numb the feelings of guilt and rage, like various self-destructive habits (compulsions, self-harm, speeding, drugs, eating disorder for examples). Narcs desire social validation, BPDs need emotional validation.
So true so true especially that last part at this point I hold the upper hand yes I do feel sorry for him I want to help him the truth is I do love him but I hate his monster the monster that has no feelings no matter how deep you go so it's very sad when I learned I was dealing with a narcissist but then it made since I've been watching these videos for therapy and guidance and healing they've been very helpful thank you
This popped up in my feed so I was like Throwback Thursday! Lol 🍿I’ll be uploading after the weekend! (Making content) Aw, I like this video because it’s so.. Innocent lol Definitely progress when I can tell how you get crunk now knowing that this is one of if not the best narcissistic abuse recovery and support channels out there- maybe I spoke too soon your tone is crunk lol like “why would they guys? WHY!!” That’s knowing your intuition hardcore right there (I’m attempting to compliment-bare with me if it didn’t come off like that) It’s very informative and saves me on rainy days like these! Happy Valentines coming up and hopeful you have positives to share whichever with 😃!!! Discarding is worst ever. Lol all prepared like boss with that extra link.. Thank you very much. See you
From my experience, my abuser is having a very hard time letting me go, and I suspect they're making it hard for others around him to talk any sense into him/her. I want to be abandoned by my abusers but I can't make it fast enough.
Yes they are afraid of abandonment but they are also afraid of being Exposed by their abusive behavior.
That is true... but they might also be afraid of people leaving when they find out the truth
@@CommonEgo they'll probably have someone else lined up to be with not long after though lol🤣
Estella Camacho, some are quite bold and don’t care about being exposed at all!!
I left when I found out the thruth
The thing they are most afraid of the victim feeling good about herself/himself..then the games of idealisation and devaluation don’t work..
Nobody falls in love quicker than a narcissist who needs somewhere to live
Emma Pritchard or you need somewhere to live and they need someone to pay the rent..
That's not love.
Emma Pritchard, boy that’s totally my narco Ex. Can’t wait to move out, forced to live with him at a friends house, who he turned her into a flying monkey.
@Emma Pritchard @mom. This is Truth you speak..there just leeches sea urchins.
@@katjakoston7279 I wish you all the best, stay strong
Their biggest fear is being ignored. That's what I've found.
Even after the break up?
@@SublimeLullaby yes, they will litterally die if they experience solitude. Tech like computers and mobiles are great for them because they can gain that fake attention, but they need the real thing, human interaction. tech is just tools for them to get that. After a break up they seek out new attention (supply) because they need to be reassured themselves they arent abandoned after the break up.
I have actually had my mom call cops on me to try to get power back after i started ignoring them.
And isn't the case for everyone? Ignoring a person in purpose is a toxic behaviour and it will harm everyone one, even the healthiest person on earth.
That is abandonment to them.
They fear that all their games, tricks, schemes, evil plots, hurt, abuse won’t work on you anymore. They’re afraid of you leveling up, regaining your strength and self-worth after they’ve smashed it to smithereens and nothing, no abuse or fear will work on you any longer...and you leave them cold turkey 🥶🦃🙌🏾😊 and unbothered!!
correct the after is the big injury
Im so happy to have survived this !!!
Cheers sister 👍
Yes!! This. Their only fear is being caught
krs1 so basically what you are saying is that I absolutely made my Narcs worst fucking nightmare come true after dumping his ass 6 weeks ago with no contact?? SWEET! Best life choice ever🥰🙏👌🏻
When the day came that I forgave the narcissist, was the day my healing was done. Such a great feeling.
My healing came with...
Being strong enough to IGNORE THEM AND THEIR BOTTOM BASEMENT WAYS...and get on without them.
BLITZY261 And thats what I believe it takes. Let them go and move on with the lessons you’ve learned.
@@flyprincess69 AYE....I actually find laughing at their numerous humerous bull-crap moments helps.
I was with my ex Narc 30 yrs, still don't feel healed after 21 months of separation, just wonder how long it may take? NC since 15 months and final divorce hearing due beginning September. Are we ever fully healed??
Hallelujah!,,,
Ironically, their fear of abandonment makes them act crazy and ultimately drive people away.
I have no fear of abandonment. I'm mostly on my own whether I want to be or not.
@@StephenWestSyd you fear abandonment because you don’t want anyone to hurt you
@@detectivehawk4976 not really. Just disappointed by constantly being let down by fake coward human beings posing as true people! More pissed off at myself for deluding myself into believing people are good
Yes. They push people away because of it.
@@detectivehawk4976 no u see I feared abandonment stems from childhood and follows u to relationships u get paranoid its like trauma u think it's going to keep happening to u in every relationship that was my case
The look of utter panic was downright comical, when the narc perceived my inner joy.
So true! perfectly explains why narcissist mothers cling to their adult sons way that they do..
Honor Yourself CO dependant is another explanation
My mother still treats me like a kid and I'm 35. Its really sad. She is afraid to end up alone. Everytime I meet a woman she never says anything nice. Usually she says they're just out to use me.
I'm doing co dependent therapy, dont put us in the same category as narcissists!!!
Chad Hinkle
Touché
@@phoenixrising8007 9 times out of 10 we co dependents are victims of narcissists. I was shocked on how many people have been in emotionally abusive relationships. It really is a breathe of fresh air, the narc makes you question your own sanity.
The narcissist needs attention
Their fear is losing it
They will destroy you to make you codependent on them. Trauma bonding....
And you have to use all your strength to break free
And be dependent
On them
I'm SOOOOOOO tired of these beasts harming good people and getting away with it!!!!
There predators!!,,,,
@@salonsavy6476
Yes, SOOOOO AGREE.
BEASTS UPON THE EARTH..
PREDATORS.
They are mentally challenged not beasts
@@myutuber100
Literally they are ill. Figuratively they are beast like as their abuse of us, their victims, is often monstrous. Imo.
Heal. When you notice who they are. You will be more willing to let them go quicker.
I used to hate my narcissistic ex but now I’ve done some proper research into narcissistic behaviour I deeply pitty them. Not in a warm way, more of a ‘how pathetic’ type of pitty. How very sad these peoples existence is!
You’ve won as soon as you figure them out! I’m living it! Trust me! Hurt is a thing of the past!!
Usually they have several narc supplies, so they don't spend the time getting back at you...easier just get on to the next supply.
It depends on the other sources of supply and how much they are able to " mine" from them .
I swear, I have watched and read countless amounts of information on Narcissism after my last relationship, but you have caused "ah-ha" moments in every video I've watched of yours thus far!! Thank you so much for your enlightenment and caring enough to share it! Amazingly helpful!! ♡
@Kristina, I totally can relate. I was in a strange place and had so much anxiety because of the covert narcissist. Watching these videos have helped me understand and recover myself. I am happy to say that narcissist free. Lol
Exactly!!!!
So right 👍👍👍
It’s crazy isn’t it they invest so much love and attention on you then create the thing they fear.
It’s dreadfully sad.
I found out I’m a codependent we hate abandonment too but we don’t manipulate or hurt people.
Codependents often get trauma bonded unfortunately.
Codependents are enablers.
Sort your shit out.
Youre just as toxic believing you're not.
It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy , creating what they don’t want based on fear manifesting
Paul Smith how do you think that? I went into the relationship and genuinely fell in love I adored him...
He now I know he has NPD I understand he felt nothing he just lead me on.
It hurt me when he devalued and then disregarded it made me very sad to be abandoned by someone you love deeply.
I’ve sorted my shit out now I know I don’t need anyone to validate me I have worked out I need no one to love me because I love me now. 😁
@@myrahouse2368 Codependents are enablers so you're just as toxic hence why I said sort your shit out.
My mother was a codependent with a narcissist and they ruined our lives.
Edit* if you've now sorted your shit out, kudos.... my mother never did.
@@paulsmith3128 ? sounds like you still have some healing to do? Journaling about feelings helped me. I did it every day. Took 6 months+ focusing on emotions. Evernote is a fun app. You can dictate to it. You can write on computer or phone. I put my oldest notes at the bottom and newest at the top so it's easiest to start writing the next day.
Maybe that helps you. Good luck!
Note in 6 months it was 150pages and 85,000+ words. It works :)
"That you might be too good for them", wow now that's an interesting point upon reflection of my experience. Hated seeing my happiness that's for sure. The jealousy and attempts to poison me against others and vice versa was shocking.
As soon as the abuse started... literally within minutes, while shocked, I LEFT... emotionally, and then physically, when I could walk away.
Their biggest fear is being exposed for what they truly are: malevolent and destructive. They know what they're doing. If they didn't grasp their own malice, they wouldn't bother pretending to be nice. They're not that worried about being abandoned, as they've already got the smear campaign fully plotted, and reserve supply. As about all that malice being caused by childhood trauma, in my family the children who grew up to be narcs where the pampered golden children. I suffered the trauma, was the scapegoat, and never became a narc.
M R, me too! I became an empath instead!🤔
True! The “golden child” the one that got pampered the most, is the narc in my family as well. She always put me down (I am the youngest) and used that “being younger” and crazy towards my family all my life even now and I am a mother in my 30’s. When I began to make my life, growing up, is the moment she started to put her “foot” (and I mean by that controlling, etc ) in my house, my family, my husband, my child. Even telling lies to my child I wanted to give her for adoption to my sister. Completely insane person. I cannot even stand up for myself for what she did because she was already first to smear my name in the family etc. I am now trying to heal, to make myself better as a person.
@@Iulia958 she was even trying to mentally poison your child, that's terrible! I hope you're now far away from those toxic people.
M R yes I was so blind all those years! I thought she loved her niece so much. Never understood why my daughter was always angry at me and her father after she had a sleepover at her aunt (my sis). My sis always put in my head I am not fit to be a mother since I was so young when I got pregnant. She then moved in my house and literally took over my role as a mother but I didn’t knew at all what was happening so my relationship with my daughter has always been cold even if I tried to get closed to her she didn’t liked me. When I got 2 time pregnant (in my 30s now) I noticed something was wrong, I call it a better awareness since I was pregnant. And then I started to actually see what was going around. When I set boundaries also for my child, she stalked my daughter, at her school, thru phone calls, my daughter was afraid of me because of the brainwashing from my narc sis,
Now I am no contact but I feel I am stalked thru other family members. I cannot trust anyone anymore. It doesn’t feel sincere anymore. I am so angry at myself never saw what she did to my child.
Same here!
I got ditched by a huge narcisist tonight. He tried to get me to break the law. I thought he was going to hit me in the face when I refused. He had to be the one who abandoned me and it hurt my feelings a little bit but now I know better and why he did what he did. Thanks for the insight. 23 narcissists watched this video judging by the thumbs down count.
I know for sure what the narcissist feat the most is GARLIC!
When the narc realises you know the "truth" about them their fear truly shows.
That's the way mine was, I found out too much, because she was getting sloppy with her mischievous ways. Her sister once said to me that she has never paid rent.
It's been 3 yrs now, I've seen her twice for about 20 mins each time.
She has text me maybe 8 or 10 times in that 3yrs.
The message she left me with on her last visit or drop in was " it's good to see we can just pick up again after all this time "
And her last text message was a bit about how much she learned from me and that she still loves me .
the narcissist/covert narcissist 3 greatest fears are...
1. Being Abandoned
2. Being figured out and exposed by the victim(s)
3. Being rejected
Perfectly pointed out. They really get hurt by the rejection they called upon themselves. And hence the hovering.......
And then they look for easier victims. In the end they are always loveless and simply pathetic. But they would never EVER change for good. A snake vl.be a snake forever. Vl never become a swan even after 100 years .
They’re afraid of abandonment that’s why they threaten to discard and discard .. to get you before you get them first ..
Wow. I'm fixin' to leave one. Glad to hear they fear abandoment. Won't be controlled leaving this jerk. He will be soooooo surprised.
It may hurt to be the one to be discarded at the beginning but I'll bet the person who left is left with the great memories and huge regret that haunts them for a lifetime on how good of a person intimidated them for real relational prosperity ❤️⭐️🌹
Honestly when you realize that someone who “doesn’t care” wouldn’t get so upset ... upset enough to do everything they do you realize they do “care” ie fear.
The most that they fear is to be exposed
Great video thank you. In my experience the narcissist is most afraid of looking too closely at themselves but by adulthood they no longer have this in any cognitive awareness, it’s just a felt avoidance. Their new ego, a defence from past hurt, is locked onto being this new personality. That phrase in breakups we smile about ? It’s not you it’s me? Well a narcissist will never believe or say this and mean it. To them… it’s always you!
They HATE talking about death, (the afterlife of Heaven or Hell ) They HATE trying to have a connection with their spirituality which would give them some moral compass to a sense of accountability💯
Wow never thought of this, but its so true
ariel 4 yes it is real!! They also HATE, HATE, HATE!! When you makes plans without them
knowing and they can’t have your time/attention because you’ll be busy hanging out/living life without them!
Mostly because they're aware there is nothing after this material & dualistic world for them! A narcissist is an empty shell full of a HUGE ego, no soul to be found (and thus no healing is possuble fr them) imho
This is absolutely on point. I noticed this, but I made excuses for this (I.e. fear of deepening connection with significant other, uncomfortable sense of vulnerability discussing beliefs, hesitation to open up, etc).
that's why I always talk about it.
I'm dealing with a narcissist in a hi profile custody case . It's been pure hell. Its brought me to where I am now, on my spiritual journey. Its opened my eyes to sooooo much!! Thank you so very much for your knowledge! Your amazing!
They fear abandonment- and then act in a way that guarantees it happens.
And I would add rejection, which can get them very defensive and could access narcissistic rage, which I personally have encountered from them. They are difficult to treat in therapy. Thank you for your insightful comment doctor.
Interesting
The Four Agreements changed my life. It’s a short book and contains many profound ideas; you’ll probably have to read one of the chapters more than once for it to really sink in but you’ll know when you read it - if it really annoys you- that it’s the truth for your life. This woman really knows what she is saying. Listen to her and don’t suffer through two marriages like I have unnecessarily.
Once I discover a narcissist, I have no sympathy for them whatsoever. I wish I could understand why we have them at all.
Satan. Narcissism is demonic.
Divine intervention 🥰
Lynn Smith, Yes I agree with you, I think they are quite aware of what they are doing. They are just human predators. Rid yourself of them, as fast as possible.
He told me “ I leave them. They don’t leave me”. This video is validation!!!
*sorry about my above comment ^ it was off topic. It’s just... Wow 😮
Tasha Sparxxx . THAT’S INSANE BECAUSE MY EX N for 7 years told me that when I started dating him.
i told her I'm not going anywhere it's your decision to leave not mine i don't have to go any where
You teach others how to treat you.
I like that
That makes perfect sense. My narcissistic ex became extremely irrational (batshit crazy) when I told her it was over.
Wow, this explains so much. It's been awhile since I've listened to videos on narcissists. We resently had a friend paint a room in our home using a sprayer & there is a white dusting all over everything, haha, it's been an in depth cleaning day! I enjoy listening to videos whilst I clean!
In previous years I wasn't sure why my MIL was so down right awful to me. She seemed jealous of me & I couldnt understand why. She blamed me for moving "her son," away from her, when the military moved him & later we married & his new job moved both of us away from our families- my family included. There came a point I had so much anxiety around her I would stress before she even arrived by plane. I didn't understand why I had anxiety but I knew there was something about her that wasn't quite right, something I didn't trust.
I hate confrontation but over the years I've learned that you can be firm and nice at the same time, when setting a boundary & most people I set boundaries with accept them- appart from her. It was always a huge issue. When she was in town telling me how to run my home (it was our first home) I felt disrespected & I wasn't going to allow this to happen in our own home. If I didnt speak up I felt things would go on like that forever, & I thought by being vulnerable & explaining things that she would understand me better & we could move on. Hopefully smoother! She rolled her eyes while I nicely stated a boundary. Her attitude was completely childish, but I looked past it for my husband. The adults in my life never responded this way so it was puzzling.
Then my own mom passed away from cancer- she was literally the best mom to all her 4 children. It really ripped us apart for awhile when we grieved.
My MIL tried to exploit my mom's death to hurt me, & that was the last straw! I told my husband I couldn't have her in my life anymore- me shutting someone out of my life wasn't something that happened overnight. This was the first time I had ever done this, and I also questioned myself with the decision. But later on I realized that a lot of her family had shut her out as well & that was a big sign for me I wasn't being irrational or unfair.
To take delight in hurting someone that way really opened my eyes to who she was & I was running far away- for the hills! The moment you turn your back on someone like that they drive a knife in deep & I wanted positive people in our lives who were actually happy for us.
She met my family once. One time. Yet when I went no contact she continues to coax my dad, brothers, etc to share info about me. Or to talk badly behind my back. She also told my husband he's a toxic individual for withholding her grandson from her (who will be 5 soon) she claims everyone somehow as "hers." On social media she was friends with my dad who periodically - throughout the year - would post photos of our child to which she would comment "MY grandbaby!!!" On my dad's page! It was just strange. He deleted her & she continues to try to get him to add her back.
She called my husband at work demanding he tell her if his dad (they are divorced) was spending time with our son. Stating that's "not fair!!" His dad is super nice to us & our son! We have no issues with him. Her jealously towards my husband's dad for seeing our son is strange. I'm thankful I was raised with such a good mom, because she was never jealous of anyone, not even my mother-in-law when she got to spend time with our son early on, so I know it isnt normal to FLIP OUT over that. She lost her mind!! I remember thinking, 'gosh she sounds more mad that his dad is spending time with our son more than the fact that she isn't. It's all just a jealously thing.'
So I totally believe narc injury is a real thing when it's you who walks away first. I'm thankful for my parents- they gave me a good picture of what I could look up to - for 43 years until my mom passed. We plan to adopt a child & would like to name her Patricia after my mom, "Patty" for short.
Thank you so much!!! Now that I’ve watch this vid, I feel like my heart is healing and ready to forgive my ex narc. My ex manipulate me mentally and emotionally that cause me stress and anxiety, he also cheated on me and made me look bad to his past and recent girls and I despised him for that. Even tho he is manipulative, a liar and a serial cheater, I know there is still kindness deep down in his heart, wherein in that heart, it refuge a boy with an awful experience with his parents seperation (fights) and an abandonment they did to him. This vid enlightened me so much! even tho how many times I tried to connect to him emotionally and spirituality, I still can’t. Maybe he still haunted by the pain and traumas he got when he was a little, that no one can’t access and help him to deal with his pain he is holding, btw he told me that his last cry was when he was a little kid. That’s why manipulating girls and collecting them is his hobby, but still you’re past experiences shouldn’t be the reason to put so much pain to others. It’s been a month since I left him, I’m still heartbroken and healing within but I know I am strong, I can handle this pain and this is just a phase. I hope he is happy with his new girl, I really hope that girl will help him to freed that miserable little boy he is keeping in his heart, I hope he will find his real happiness and contentment. I hope he will stop manipulating others and learn to be independent. And lastly, I hope he will find God in his heart. He did something terrible to me, that others may think they will not forgive him for such thing, but I will try to understand him and forgive him step by step. Even tho I didn’t get the closure that I want, I still wish him well. I’m lit crying while typing this, maybe this is the closure I am needing, through this vid. Thank you! 🥺
Thank you and sometimes they are consciously aware and will tell you this. It does make me feel bad for them. Just how they do every possible test in their book to push you away then when you go away they confirm that they knew all along you were going to..."everyone leaved me so I knew one day you will too." Yet they pay no attention of their abusive behaviour that lead to the abandonment
Them and what they do is all just one big head game.
So once you realize that it really had nothing to do with you at all.
Because it didn't/ doesn't
At the core of them and the situation. You don't even matter.
And their words and actions prove this. Time and time again.
So... it's best for us to just let it go
and not take IT personally.
I'm talking about the replaying in our heads about any if it.
It is sickening, literally.
Healthier to learn from it and move on with knowledge and stronger boundaries.
This video helps. I've been married to this person for 23 years and it's affecting my children.
This video alone turned on its head what I had always thought about narcissism. It opened a door for healing for me. Thank you!
This actually makes A LOT of sense- especially on a subconscious level. Thank you.
New subscribers here! Love your channel ❤️🙌🏾 I was married to a covert narcissist for a short time. I have two young boys with him. I have recovered for the most part. Lost a lot.. money, house...etc. I’m rebuilding. It’s the co parenting. My poor boys. 😱😩😭😰🤯😤😲🤐🤧🤮🤕💩👾🧟♂️
Tasha Sparxxx I’m in the same position with 2 young girls going through child custody with their narcissistic father. It’s been a long road but I’m staying strong and positive for my daughters.
Thanks for your video series. I've been watching these talks, alongside other ones available online, as well as doing as much research I can about disfunctional personality disorders recently and over the last year. I have issues with my mum, which have been going on my entire life, however I've got to the point in my life, where I've realised that I can't just perform the continual empath role, in particular when that just means that I've let not just her steam-roll all over me, but also that ended up meaning that other narcissists and enablers in my life, also then treated me as their supply in turn, just replacing that role. Eventually you get to the point, where you see the patterns repeating over and over again, and you have to make the decision for yourself, to take hold of your life, and live the life that you want, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks or says about you, it doesn't matter. You're not going to let anyone walk all over you, or abuse you, you're not even going to fight back, you're not going to be a victim, you're just simply not even going to engage, and not give them the excuse to escalate as their excuse to continue to abuse you. Whether that's your parents, siblings, people you work with, friends, or partners or even random strangers you meet looking for someone to victimise. Establishing boundaries and learning how to negotiate and deal with these types of people is really important so that you can grow and heal your own inner child, and to then go forwards, and develop and negotiate healthy, and healing relationships around you, as an adult with an integrated, happy and positive inner world, who is confident in themselves with a positive and strong internalised parent after you've worked on providing effective self-care for yourself, to replace the disfunctional internal abusive parent that you've internalised. Externalise the inner critic, and replace it with the positive, and affirmative constructive teacher who helps you to grow as a person and an adult. With every narcissistic type I've ever met, whether or not that's my mum, who has her own wounds from her own chlidhood, or ex partners, or friends, or people I've worked with, there is often some kind of alternating grandiose / martyr complex, oscilating between being the queen or king of all things one minute then being the rejected crying baby the next. If you get to learn more about their childhood, often some kind of childhood trauma, involving some kind of early unhealed trauma that has never been resolved is often the root cause of their disfunction. If you can call them out in an objective and detached way, that way you disengage any form of emotional attachment, and you can create a boundary between their disfunctional relational bonding and yourself, and you can take on the process of individuating yourself, for yourself. Be yourself, and be happy. Other people's issues belong to them, and not to you. You are you, so be happy and be free, as you. :-)
Well said ❤
Just discovered your channel. Wish I knew about this before, but now I know about their behaviors from experience. Thanks for the content. Subscribed!
Thanks for watching! So what do you think about the narcissist's biggest fear??
👉 Free 12-page workbook on the 4 stages of narcissistic abuse (with checklists): bit.ly/3LTXkzE
u are right they are afraid of rejection, and abandonments, and being alone. The reason why they need more ladies to alternate whoever is available. If one will go they are safe to the other supply and still finding another. They started to hoover you bck once they can sense you are leaving. They act good and trying to go bck to the love bombing episode. But once they are accepted they get back to their doing. Its like.. " alright going back to the business"They need multiple girls to make them keep going on their daily lives. All girls must be stayed and Keep if possible.
You are so spot on! He actually told me on a couple occasions (while talking about our future together) that he didn't think I'd stay with him because I'd "get bored" or something to that effect. Of course, this was totally out of his character to say these kind of things and seem vulnerable, but in those brief moments, it was almost like he took on the resemblance of a soft-spoken, scared child. Extreme opposition of his "normal" persona.
I feel sorry for them now, so Narcs aren't born, they are formed, and because its formed in childhood trauma, I now feel sorry for the two I finished with. Not to the extent were I'd allow them back in my life, but enough to feel, I'm sorry they went through that so young.
Iam not a fread of nuthing hstop pining me or i will report u i dont play games
Losing control of a situation because they know that you don't want them ANYMORE 💔😢 🙏 Because your so tired of the ABUSE 🧩 👩🏫⚖️ & you put the
PUZZLE PIECES TOGETHER.
I'm watching this video right now & my narc husband has turned up the volume on his music to BLOCK me out.
I don't care because I'm trying to educate myself against HIM 😂 🤷💫 💋👏 🙏💪
I'm not staying married to a abusive NARCISSIST.
I was born into this abuse I'm not going to be married to it
Ok they are scared of abandonment yet they do everything to turn people off them and want nothing to do with them wow logic
Yes they do. Their logic, reasoning, methodology equals just above TODDLERS
She, my moron narc performed the replay exactly as stated here after I left
She is dead on! I am no expert but I've discovered this on my own. Everytime I told my ex i was gonna leave her, i went through everything from arguing to jail! This is crazy!
Great video. I saw a prof. Sam Vaknin video some time ago going in depth on this. It seems to me at the moment that it is the ultimate weapon to use, if you want no further contact with someone that ticks most of the qualities to explain their horrible treatment to you. Is to not argue or confront. But peacefully walk away and vow to live your best life. Sam explains how they will consume themselves with trying to figure out what attack you are about to come at them with, as a projection of what they want to do to you, at a exhaustive level. Whenever they see or hear about you they will spiral into a paranoid rage. Because you hit them in the heart of their self induced, well protected prison. I suppose, this is why grey rocking is so effective. It’s sad to know what they have gone through, to become this horrible person they are manifesting at what ever point you meet them or leave them, but it is no excuse for the actions they choose to take towards you or anyone.
Yes, Vaknin is a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist and a Prof of psychology.
His explanation of the narcissists ‘shared fantasy’ is second to none.
His insights into Borderline personality disorder is also quite mind blowing.
Although I refrain from giving him supply in his comment threads 🤐😆
@@nickieglazer33 same!
Who, wouldn't AGREE with this!?!?!? I thought it was INTER - STOOD, that this is their BIGGEST fear!!!!
THANX 4 ur INTELLIGENCE!
Spiritual practices help us move from identifying with the ego to identifying with the soul. Old age does that for you too. It spiritualizes people naturally.
Ram Dass
Being exposed as a fraud!
I'm relieved it was me that finished it, and even though I tried to contact them afterwards out of trauma bonding, they knew I wouldn't take the level of abuse and ignored me. So in the end I was the one in control.
It is someone else’s responsibility to treat you with respect... but when they fail, it is your responsibility to keep your boundaries. And we all fail at boundaries, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You’re human.
He suddenly stopped seeing me on the weekend never even bothered to tell me just left me hanging, I was shocked I ended it with him.
He literally changed after I said “ I love you” month 7.
He apologised we got back together but he still never bothered with me again on the weekends just stopped! I went midweek instead and from 3 days down to 1.
It became weirder and vague baffling infact, we never argued up until then? We laughted and I believed loved each other’s company.
He played massive mind f#^^$ on me.
Mine played the “ silent treatment “,, one final Last Time !,,, and I blocked his number ,,,, great feeling 👍👍🙏
Great Video
Thank you very much
Yes they keep a bunch of '"fish" on the line at all times so they can
"ditch and switch"
They know we can and
will only take so much.
And they get bored and want new supply.
It doesn't matter how the others look, act, money, education, personality... nope.. it's just out with the old and in with the new..
And CONTROL AT ALL TIMES!
Wow this really just helped me
Very refreshing and simpler understanding, thank you for the energy and courage to become humble and understanding in a gentle way - it's not about feeling sorry for them - or hating - or have anger towards them or yourself...it's just a SAD situation. One tool I will share that I have learn..."when one says they are SORRY (ask yourself what this means - pitting them - they need your help..etc.??).....Conclusion in 98% of the time - it's a SAD situation - one cannot help them see the light as we do -that is the divine being's job - ...and punch line is: When one does something Deliberately !!!! - Then that one should say they are SORRY for doing something contentiously into deliberately hurting them.... again - otherwise it's a SAD situation when one cannot fix another.
Thank you for this video. It has really helped me understand some very complex issues from a previous relationship which I did not know existed. I'm not quite yet at the level of acceptance you focussed on in the last few minutes but I will try and watch again a few more times to help me recover. Sending a hug!
Going through this with ex boyfriend. I’ve asked him to leave me alone, told him I want nothing with him or from him. His greatest fear is being cut off
Thank u soo much for this video! It is truly insightful and is helpful in the healing process of what I have been through!
first of all its not that easy to discard them because you just dont know...so 90% they discard,,, when the 10% happens and you discard them a slight injury happens cause they havent prepared our replacement However the greatest injury is when they discard you and after some months they hoover you (their grandiocity) and you shut the door in their face
Oh, this makes so much sense. Is there a way to point out this disorder to them? Or will they most certainly laugh at the attempt? My husband’s mother left him and his sister when he was 6 mos old. We are 23 years into our relationship and all of this is hitting me like a brick right now. Just watched so many of your videos and they have been immensely helpful. This makes my heart hurt for him, for the little boy that grew up not understanding love. But I know it’s time to walk away. I just wish I could help him see what it is that is the root problem. Which we’ve always discussed is the need to be addressed but could not quite pin point it. So, so deep. So many layers of healing required. I pray he works on himself for our children’s sake. These videos will certainly help in my own healing. Thank you!!!
This was one year back but gonna help all forever. Thank you darling
Thank you for all the great information... this reminded me of a "conversation" I had with a narcissistic family member... she was criticizing my partner at the time who she had met two times, we live 1200 miles away (by design) it was an eye opening experience... I was familiar with the controlling crazy, but criticizing my partner was the last MF draw! My strategy is ignore ignore ignore disengage disengage disengage !
It makes so much sense!!!!
I would have one exception to your statement that a narc will not make it their life mission to retaliate against you. There are many with other traits combined with the narcissism that make them very dangerous. One such example would be a narc that is also sociopathic or worse.
My narcissistic ex built up enough emotional “dependency”from me ( made me love him by presenting his charming manipulative side), to then, later, and only after he knew I loved him “unconditionally” (and true love forgives right?), he started the narcissistic games. It took me a long time of pain(literally cronic back pain wich was totally gone after divorcing him) trying to understand what was going on. Thank you! If I knew what I know today 16 years ago, I would have saved myself a lot of nonsense pain.
Mine used “ Gifting “ as his ploy ,, buying me everything,,, big items and made sure I was happy I’m my own home ,,,
Yup that's why feminism and red pill started. In a nutshell narcissists are one of the reason we have dating problems today.
They're emotional pigs. When they break the never-ending silence, no contact, just to tell you they are meeting a married man at a hotel for a few drinks but hey, it's not a date....he's married! That is just pure, unforgivable abuse. And it's premeditated.
Holy F. You 100% described my life. I am going through a reflection process and you’re video is extremely useful. 🙏
I've let her for a few months for all those narcissistic behaviours .. a few days before she told me ' no problem if you have a new relationship , lets continue together also '
I really can't understand her !!!
Very well explained video , thank you
We can drive ourselves crazy trying to apply logic to a narcissist, can't we? But when you know the playbook they're using, their behavior starts to become very predictable. She probably does the same with all her exes... run! 🙏❤
@@CommonEgo Very well explained .. Thank you lady
Only I can't "run" these period of time .. I was determined to the -no contact- , but one month ago my 80 years old mother broke her femur .. aftet all I live and work in another continent and for some health issues it was impossible for me to travell there , to explain a little more .. 'she' lives in the same town as my mother .. she tried hard to call me and no answer from me all those days , But when my mother had the problem 'she' was next to her better than me I could say !
All these made me to think maybe I am wrong about her also I feel bad for the - no contact- way..
Now I am some how confused beleive me .. but the sure is that I can't run right now !
Only I am trying to reduce the calls and some how be her friend only and ask her to be my friend .. something that she doesn't want to hear about and Go..d knows what's behind her mind and actions
You're right... it sounds best to go with the flow in your situation, but it sounds like you're setting boundaries, which is the best thing you can do. Always trust your instincts! ❤🙏
Guessing before the video: Losing supply/being ignored.
Yey found a video that's more concise... Straight to the point and not lots of nonsense talking...
Yes. They are afraid of abandonment. The reason why they find someone new bfore you abandoned them. Bcz they knew soon you are abandoned them once thier masks slipped
True
Agree and the dance of the drama continues in a cycle with all that salad being tossed around. Staying Grey Rock.
@@mmmdara471 They are unhappiness inside. Being with them is like ~ they are around but you felt empty. Feels like something is wrong.
Exactly💓
jazz colemei, yes so true, at least in my case. Thanks
I said "That's crazyyy!" then clicked on RUclips and this was the first video that popped up lol
I don’t feel bad at all. He goes to church and professes to be a Christian husband. He refused to go to counselling with the Ministers who really tried to help. He instead started a smear campaign against me in the church and elsewhere. He hurt me emotionally to the point that my health was so terrible I was near death. My friends saved me and got me out in time. This is not a nice man. He knows better and yet he continues his lies while reading his bible and slandering me to everyone including my children. He mentioned he didn’t want adultery to get between him and God. I guess throwing me out in the middle of winter after accusing me of assaulting him after he shoved me around violently and had a temper tantrum tirade so he could disappear for several days to go see his new adultery pals is showing true Christian love to a wife? How despicable he is... but I am No Contact 120 Days, except for one phone call where he told me he was a true Christian man and one other time when he dragged my youngest son over to get his stuff because he told my son he was afraid I might stab him. I had to go through so much with this wicked and cruel entity while he was out cavorting with his new trysts at hotels and elsewhere. I am surviving eleven years together and six years married to a Covert NPD abuser. It will get better I am told.
Wanda Timmins Sounds almost identically to my soon to be x Narc Husband.... amazing how they can talk about God who teaches Love is patient ,kind, not easily angered and not selfish and treat us in the next breath with such hate.... I’m so sorry you went through that. 💖
Sending peace love and happiness to you both ❤️❤️❤️
God be with us all
Wanda Timmins Wanda I’m praying for you. You will get through it love. I literally refer to the narc as “demonic entity” on my phone. It’s been 1 1/2 years since my divorce (freedom!). I was pissed at times! The betrayal, lies, literally acts to destroy you all while confessing to be “Holier then thou Christians”. I was mad!!! But I sit here texting you right now to let you know it REALY gets better. Best way to that and get revenge is to go out and live your best life! Go enjoy and make the best of your time. You’re free!! I’m so thankful and I’m so much happier without him. I thank God I’m not tied down anymore!!!
Mini Ponie mine had me questioning if I was the narcissist projecting I’m still like a roller coaster
Thank you so much for this video. I'm so sad about my relationship 🥺
My covert narcist ex partner was so afraid that our colleagues would hear what really happened during our relationship that she started to intimidate me. She told me about the consequences what would happen if I shared info. So I was threaten by her. But she knew that I didn't have to do so much about that because her cover was already blown by herself. Narcissist and especially covert narcissist are so sad, empty, angry, injured people and run away from their true self. The fake identity doesn't let them work on themselves to heal. Mission impossible.
You’re lovely and very helpful. I’m so grateful that I found this community. Thanks!
Spot on with this one. If a breakup does happen they want the control over the outcome an the way others see the outcome of the breakup. Their personality is built off avoiding rejection. The Lengths they go through to maintain the false persona while trying to control the outcome is absolutely insane.
Boy do I know a lot about this abandonment thing. Thank you for the video
I now remember 2 months into the relationship after a disagreement where he did a bit of stonewalling he returned one day out of the blue. we sat down to talk and he revealed to me why he felt in the end I would want to end the relationship. I was so confused and that was not in my mind at all at this point. interestingly enough I did end it 1 1/2 years later for that very reason and many more. now in hindsight after learning about convert narcissism I get what was going on. Of course this was a weak and vulnerable moment he displayed which Never came up again and of course had I brought it up he would have denied every saying it. thanks for this Christina so well put
Thanks for your insightful video - You have great energy - just flo and worry less about edits - Have found your videos very helpful. Being open and a giver in this world can lead to terrible abuse. We should teach this stuff to kids at school instead of most of the rubbish they are taught to regurgitate. Just dropped out of a friendship circle as the leader was a full scale narcissist. It feels like I have taken on the narcissists traits and want to destroy them - However I know that this is shallow and your videos have raised by consciousness level - Many thanks! I still struggle to understand not having Empathy? Crazy world.
They're so obvious that it actually works to their advantage. Who could be that wicked? So you take the chance. Most regretfully.
I'm afraid of abandonment but I'm definitely not a narc. And when I was 4yrs old, I watched my father leave the house & asked if he'd be back, he said yes but never did, & throughout my childhood promised to arrive at noon on Saturdays & just left us waiting for hours, feeling abandoned & scared. But I'm not a narc. I think that narcs were not all abused, but that in fact many were incredibly spoiled. I went on dealing with neglect & abuse and I am certainly not a narc. The narcs I've known, including my step father, & several others, were a mix.... Some hadn't been abused, and others most definitely had been abused and yes, they needed to be in control. Anyone who is in a loving, committed relationship and the other person just ups and leaves with no notice is a cause of shock, worry, sadness, nervousness, and fear. The narc men I was involved with would do that when they went on drug binges after telling me they'd be home for dinner, then disappear for three days. Anyone who isn't afraid of that happening after experiencing it many times by different people must be cold as stone with no heart. Also about leaving them first, when you realize they are not healthy for you but are unhealthy, and you know the outcome is going to be no good, I've certainly been the one to end the relationship. That doesn't make me a narc though, it makes me real. I never left anyone to get back at them, but to be happy, to protect myself, to get out of a bad situation, and to move on.
You are very much true. You speak nothing but truth I can believe it and feel the energy in your words.
This made me happy. He terrified me and threatened me one night, I trembled all night calling crisis lines and shelters figuring out what would be my best options. Next morning I wake to an eviction notice because he doesnt feel safe in his home anymore and that Im the abusive one that never asked to stay- again IM homeless ( if you GF became homeless- no compassion- from day one- you cant stay.) Im Disabled- so I told him I was cleaning that day following his blowout that left me catatonic and shaking on the bed- aka packing (later on he would lament that he couldn't help me pack ) and the following morning after he and his children left I had people sneak me out before my PT. And the kids got home from school at 2, and he got home at 5.
When he messaged at the end of the day and said all pathetically i see you blocked me I atleast with we could have had a proper goodbye. I said GoodBye.
I was doing so good keeping things short and then a long one about being nicer to his kids and love not hate got pocket sent as I greeted someone. Darn. He retaliated with ".bLaH Im amazing ..since you want to give unsolicited advice: ....just straight vicious Lies."
I didnt read it.
I quickly responded
You know Its a Beautiful day today, you have a wonderful Day.
This is EXACTLY the person I have been in contact with. EXACTLY
In my experience, especially with the NPDs in my family, they do not fear abandonment - and they were very pampered as children. They were made to believe that they were gods - and then, at some point, they were devalued, by whoever, as it happens in life.
Their biggest fear is to meet someone who they think is 'better' than them. They then want to destroy that person, so as to be a 'god' again.
Yoooo! Thats heavy. So true
When I've attempted on multiple occasions to break free from my NARC his consistent response is “I don't understand why (you) keep trying to PUSH me away”, & the next phrase he says is “do you want to be alone for the rest of your life”‼️
You get what you give. Don't give these people any sympathy. After all, they didn't give you any.
Fantastic...... I ABANDONED my toxic narcissist! Best thing I’ve EVER done 🙏
The largest difference between Narcissism and BPD is that for the narc, the attachment and abandonment (push-pull) cycle are tied directly to your quality of life: your strength, groundedness, your own social third parties, identity, power, independence, joy and vitality together negatively correlated to their attempts at every step closer of controlling your life by stealing these positive assets and tools. As every step is taken your whole HP gets lower and they gain from it more HP points. By striping the access to stealing these qualities with a tricky combination and strong firewall (proof of abuse, backups, education on narcissists) they become assured the bond is tight. By seeing you regain the sense of those qualities after you are disillusioned, they literally feel the synthetic excitement dissolving out of their void as if the target of the mechanism was reversed and they attempt to prepare themselves to prevent such a scenario. Steal and return.
BPD fears abandonment because of a double effect about being emotionally invalidated in their childhood, betrayed too often and paired with forms of abuse and a prewired empathic hypersensitviity. There was inadequate trust to their caregivers and with their social circles from the comfort-devaluation cycle leaving codependency, ambivalence (the same push-pull cycle but without the draining agenda) and a profound sense of frustration of not having had emotional needs given attention that is similar to a neglected toddler. A BPD person needs a favorite person out of resolving an unmet need for reassurance and not being able to feel whole, as if some part of them was stolen. Not because of a need to be 'powerful'. If not a person a BPD uses substitutes of emotional fulfillment to numb the feelings of guilt and rage, like various self-destructive habits (compulsions, self-harm, speeding, drugs, eating disorder for examples).
Narcs desire social validation, BPDs need emotional validation.
So true so true especially that last part at this point I hold the upper hand yes I do feel sorry for him I want to help him the truth is I do love him but I hate his monster the monster that has no feelings no matter how deep you go so it's very sad when I learned I was dealing with a narcissist but then it made since I've been watching these videos for therapy and guidance and healing they've been very helpful thank you
This popped up in my feed so I was like Throwback Thursday! Lol 🍿I’ll be uploading after the weekend! (Making content)
Aw, I like this video because it’s so.. Innocent lol Definitely progress when I can tell how you get crunk now knowing that this is one of if not the best narcissistic abuse recovery and support channels out there- maybe I spoke too soon your tone is crunk lol like “why would they guys? WHY!!” That’s knowing your intuition hardcore right there
(I’m attempting to compliment-bare with me if it didn’t come off like that)
It’s very informative and saves me on rainy days like these! Happy Valentines coming up and hopeful you have positives to share whichever with
😃!!!
Discarding is worst ever. Lol all prepared like boss with that extra link.. Thank you very much. See you
Limit your contact and don't plan the game back. It takes 2 for these games.
It almost sounds like Narcissism is a protection from himself. Like deep down there is a toxicity that they want to hide.
Wow exceptional quote.
From my experience, my abuser is having a very hard time letting me go, and I suspect they're making it hard for others around him to talk any sense into him/her. I want to be abandoned by my abusers but I can't make it fast enough.