7 clues to SPOT the Narcissist early on • 7 Clues to SPOT the Na... If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez #narcissist #relationshipproblems #emotionalabuse
The medical industrial complex is filled with narcissists! They even teach them in medical school to blame the patient! What a caring, loving system we have!
In my case it's my mother. I've applied to school now, so hopefully I'm out next year. I plan on getting an apartment after that. The confusing part is that recently she has actually treated me better. Less guilt tripping, and can actually support me without always making it about herself and making it a competition for who has it the worst. She's still the narc she is, but it has been a relief to my mental health that she's actually treating me better, and like she cares at least a bit, and not just about herself. I was depressed about three years ago, and she was awful during it. She caused a lot of my worst episodes, and even guilt tripped me about my worst episode, making it about everyone else but me. I fell to the floor scream-crying, and she looked at me with cold, dead eyes, and told me straight to my face that she couldn't feel sorry for me. That was the day I saw her for who she really is. My "hero" died that day. Everything she'd done to fight for my life growing up (I was severely malnourished) didnt matter anymore. I didn't talk to her for a full year. She was now a monster in my eyes. Her mother only told her she loved her while yelling at her "you have understand I'm doing it because I love you! 😡" so I understand why she turned out like that, but that does not make the abuse ok. Growing up, I too developed narcissistic traits, but thankfully influence from others helped me break the cycle. Narcissism first and foremost is a coping mechanism. If no one else is going to care for and about you, you have to look out for yourself. Only yourself. I've gotten even more depressed this year, but this time around my mom has actually been supportive. Basically doing the opposite of guilt tripping (unless she directly feels criticized) and validating my struggling without having to make it about herself. Maybe it's because she knows I'll most likely get into school, and that after that I will be out, and not move back home. I also do feel like she does know deep inside that she mistreated me last time I was depressed, and wants to do better this time. Regardless I'm relieved I don't have to live in that same extreme toxicity every day until I'm out.
Three years. My first husband kept up the act for three years. Until literally, THE VERY DAY he got a ring on my finger, and that was when I finally got to “meet” the man I had been with for three years. I threw away another 12 years trying to get back the man I fell in love with. Don’t underestimate how long they can keep up the act in order to trap you.
Yep mine was two years and with days of being married I said why are you acting like this? He said I got you now. Joke was on him cause I was out of there a year and a half later. I stayed too long!😊
@@dodibenabba525no wonder the church doesn’t want women to leave after marriage. It was orchestrated and created by narcissists in order to keep a victim for life.
Once you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist and you do the work after the breakup, you immediately know how to spot them. I have a “narcissistic friend” who still thinks I just don’t know.
That's the healing and enlightening process that comes with the dark night of the soul. Still to this day people feel surprised Im always alone after a five year breakup from a narcisist partner. You literally learn to spot them and u start to value your alone time and energy much more... So much so that u might close your heart altogether which is bad but also good and protective in a lot of ways.
@@carolinecavalcante5778I can completely relate to what you're saying, they end up having that affect on you, that you are happy in your own company, and don't seek a partner, but like you say you have to be careful that you done close your heart off, it's a balancing act.❤
@@angelakeely5859You can still love a pet, they are faithful and loving and never let you down. Could never do it again, and friends are not what they seem either.
My father was a narcissist. It took me about 30 years of therapy and surviving countless depressions and years of suicidal thoughts to heal from having been his daughter... but here I am! A whole woman again, with the ability to spot a narcissist just from the way they breathe. 😂 I am sometimes amazed myself at the fact that I'm now psychologically healthy, with my own teenage kids, a husband and a contented life... This seemed like an unattainable mirage to me in the past.
Wow you gave me hope, I'm 21 and still living with my mine, I'm currently going to therapy and during the journey, I realized that he affects every little aspect of my life, even when I'm asleep, I'm having nightmares of which he chases me or I'm being trapped with no escape. My social life, mental health and physical health are all in an awful state.
Hi @danielaf1487 my father is one too, I suffered a lot, glad I left at 17, I attracked the wrong people, businesses,.. narcissits, my mother stayed you should see her, she is 72, such a shame. I am still single at 44 how did you find your husband❤ I want to recreate my self.. tips? Being on my own really hits hard especially with health issues and no time to burn out
My father is also a narcissist and I'm still working through the trauma (at 25 years old) that He caused me throughout my childhood and adolescence. The good news is that he doesn't live with my Mom, brother and I anymore, but he and my Mom still aren't legally separated yet, even after 2 and a half years now. I can tell that he's really trying to hold onto the little control that he was on the lives of my Mom, brother and I. For my father, it's always been about having control in a myriad of ways. He forced me to blame myself and to be ashamed of myself when I didn't measure up to his expectations. He even blamed me for ruining my first laptop. And he thinks he knows more than he actually and knows and doesn't really respect anyone in his family. He's never treated me like an intelligent person who has her own thoughts, opinions or beliefs. I always hated that he always tried to make me agree with him and to always do things his way even when I had good reason to disagree or to do things my own way. He never tried to make my Mom happy either and almost never helped her with anything and never wanted to know how her day went and didn't provide well enough for the family. I actually thought that we were poor at one point. That's what it seemed like at the time anyway. My mental health, my sleep, and physical health aren't great, but I want to move on and heal. From reading some of the comments for this video though, I realize it's going to take time to get to a place in my life where I am happy, healthy, and fulfilled again. It's going to take a while. I have a whole childhood and adolescence of emotional abuse from my father that I need to work through after all. Thanks for reading! I wish all of you well! I hope that you get to finally live the happy lives that you need.
Same. I was married to one of these idiots. I used to think I just wasn’t making myself clear. So I’d have more conversations with him trying to improve communication. I blamed myself. Turned out he was just always gaslighting me by pretending to be listening when I tried to work things out with him. They’re like…psychopaths.
@@angelwings7930Not like.....definitely are! Went through the same, thought if we could just improve our communication. With MOST folks, that is important. But as you learned, waste of time trying with a narcissist.
@@MJ-gj6mj Yes. An absolute, utter waste. If you’re a decent person it’s hard to believe what’s going on, or to have a clue, since you believe in the best of them if you love them. So I kept forgiving him. There was no real awareness of narcissism back when I was married to the one I knew. I wish I had all my wasted years back.
Notice that last line: "Well, if there's one thing I am it's honest and transparent in the beginning." When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Ecactly! Plus _in the beginning._ People know there needs to be some trust in the beginning so they gain it by being honest. As soon as you grow fond of them lies and gaslighting take their place.
It says "Said no narcissist ever" straight after. They would never be honest with you, especially not during the lovebombing phase which is all lies and manipulation
YES!!! I had a gf ask me once why I was with her. She said "I'm not a nice person". I just thought it was self esteem issues and I could help her overcome it with encouragement and support. 17 years later I was wanting to kick my younger self in the balls...
The narcs actually are though; honest in the beginning that is. That very, VERY first few seconds when you first meet them the narc will tell you exactly who they are. It will seem like a self-deprecating joke. “I act like a Karen sometimes!” “I’m not the nicest person.” “I tell it like it is!” “I get a little obsessive sometimes.” “I like being in control and people usually dont like that about me.” So on and so forth. PAY ATTENTION! If you think it is just a self-deprecating joke and take it as such, the narc takes that as PERMISSION for their behavior. To them, they warned you and told you exactly who they are from the outset. If you still choose to stick around, to them, that is you giving them PERMISSION and CONSENT to abuse you. THAT’S why they act so butthurt once you turn against them. Inside their minds, unconsciously, if you stick around after they tell you who they are, it means you must be ok with who they are and are blanket-consenting to what they have done, are doing, and will do to you till the end of time with no take-backs. Hence the butthurt betrayal feelings narrative angle of emotional abuse they feel so entitled to use on you once you leave or try to leave, or even disagree with them. When a narc tells you who they are, believe them, and RUN. It’s not a joke. It’s your first, and should be your last, warning.
Exactly! They lied... pretended and played games. Those of us who don't go around with an agenda would never dream of using people and manipulating them to gain control. So why would we ever imagine someone else is doing that?!
It's even worse when others are accusing you of being with one that you have never met or seen in person, especially when they are displaying most of all of the same behaviors of the one who they are calling the narcissist. Anyone who is being secretive and/or expects you to trust them using blind faith obviously has serious control issues and the potential to be an abusive partner
I wish I had run! Saw many red flags in the beginning... Though I assume I did run, but not fast enough. Took me a couple of weeks. I'm glad it took me just weeks, though, and not months or years!
@@adloziOr some others (the ones with the savior complex) would be more than willing to start a relationship with him to prove themselves that they are so special that they could redeem him.
Hi ho 👋 Narcissist here Wanted to say that there ARE narcissists who are aware of their issues and work towards eradicating/controlling their behaviors Narcissists are made, not born. My mother was a narcissist and basically raised me to be one. When I met my wife, she pointed out this behavior and I immediately started doing my own research and started therapy. Fast forward to today, we have been married for over 6 years now and I love her more than anything. I still hace the occasional narcissistic bursts, but I keep chipping away at it with therapy and help from my wife. I have improved tremendously in my own self esteem and now truly know what it means to be empathetic towards others. If it wasnt for my wife, I would probably still be a absolute hate filled narcissist Not all narcissists are evil. We are aware that we are toxic, and most of us want to be better and do better. Hope this helps people understand the other side of the aisle more.
Speak on your own experiences, but do not make a statement that "most of us want to be better", because let's be honest, that's not true and victims already have a hard enough time leaving their abusers without your comment adding to it
I think each one of us is narcissistic. The only thing is some falls at the extreme end of spectrum. It's upto an invidual to realise it and work on it. It depends on when one get reality check in life.
I'd say control rather than power, but to be honest I think it's both. They do have a deep seated fear of rejection which is why they seek to control everything, and everyone. They assume that no one would willingly stay around, so therefore the only way to keep people from leaving is to control and manipulate them.
It's both. I used to go straight for their insecurities (before I got away from them) and they cracked. They aren't secure and they're as smart as anyone. People with cluster B have strange motives, which creates the illusion of intelligence.
@@Poodle_GunNice, using the narcissists games against them. Except, after a while, stooping to their level also makes us problematic in the relationship. It's best to set boundaries or to just leave.
Yep, my childhood buddy became a sexist narcissist. I watched it happen through the years. His mother abandoned him repeatedly and screwed him over until he couldn’t see my friendship any longer. He just saw my gender, didn’t trust me even when I was helping him, and when I couldn’t stand his behavior any longer he put the blame all on me. I feel sad for the little boy, but I had to shut the man out of my life.
It's really bizarre to watch people develop into worse versions of themselves, even when you're right there trying to support them. I also watched a guy friend become slowly sexist. My two best childhood friends were guys, but after one moved away the other decided he was bored hanging with just me and wanted to be more popular...which, like, good for him because we three had always been the unpopular trio. So he kinda just told me his plan and dumped me a friend, which I accepted because he was my friend and I felt he deserved better than keeping our loser crew of two together, and went to play with the boys. A few years in and he was acting way more of a jerk to the girls and acting like we were a different species. I wonder if he actually did convince himself of that or he just got good at acting...
My psychologist told me, “there are a LOT of abusive men out there who come from a situation of maternal abandonment or neglect”. They hate & resent the woman that raised them- but it spills out all over the OTHER women that get close to them, usually romantic partners or coworkers.
@@ErinLastNameRedacted I think it's good, it tells me you care and want to help people, but I suggest finding people who want to be helped bc you can't help someone without their participation.
My ex wasn’t even very good at hiding it but by the time I recognized the red flags for what they were, I was already in “I can fix her” mode. Add raging alcoholism I didn’t immediately balk at because of how normalized it became in my childhood, her violent tendencies, and a generous sprinkling of my own martyr complex and you have a toxic combination. Spoiler alert: I could not fix her.
I feel you man. Biggest lesson I learned this year... Can't change others. Period. We need to learn to accept ourselves as we are and work on our growth and anyone who would like to come along in the growth needs to be vetted, that's what I learned.
When I was going through bullying at work and dealing with constant issues with the neighbours (constantly had the cops over because they were in a domestic violence relationship) my ex told me I needed to fix myself. He now has children and I'm horrified.
When I was dating my husband, there were red flags, but it was easy to justify them away. I spent 5 years married and 2 separated from him and his narcissistic traits. Tomorrow my divorce will be finalized and hopefully I can heal and find new purpose in life.
Tuesday is our 8th anniversary. After three years of separation, I'm filing for a divorce.... on Tuesday. I wish I had known when I first met him.... but the light at the end of a deep dark tunnel is better than no light at all. I pray for your full recovery. And mine.
Praying for you! Congratulations on breaking the cycle and I hope he is the last narcissist you will ever have to deal with. Since they like people who are vulnerable in some way go to counseling to deal with what ever trauma you may have in your background, so you’re not such an easy target next time. If think your self-worth was in tact figure out just how he managed to undermine it, so you can avoid being made into a victim again. I tried counseling and unfortunately I didn’t have an effective one that jived enough with me the first time. I need a gentler person and I should have keep looking for a better fit. So the bad experience made me negative about counseling in general. So on my own I didn’t know how to let go of victimhood and I was still to vulnerable for a very long time. I finally let go of it with age and wisdom but I suffered so much in relationships in the meantime it is very sad. I missed out on finally have a good relationships that I could create a family with. I now have a better counselor and at least I am not sinking into total despair, but I have a lot of grief regarding the good relationships I could have had because I could not see the forest for the trees at the time and I did not truly know myself and what I wanted. Now I know what I want and it seems too late. So dig deep and find the help to connect with the trauma that cause your loss of self creating the vulnerable ship at sea narcissist look for. Counseling can help but be vigilant in finding the right one or looking for a support group and then always no matter what give yourself the permission to indulge in self care it is not selfish it is necessary to survive and also look for better connection with health people and have someone help you identify toxic people that will only hinder your progress. Find something you care about that you want to protect, so much that it teaches you to stand up for yourself when someone starts to undermine you for the sake of pulling you away from it to focus on them/become co-dependent. No one should do this to you they should respect you need time to do what you love and need time to nurture yourself. Good luck! We all need to learn this and it take focus if can’t focus consistent find out why and get help staying on track either with coaching, counseling or a good friend. My vulnerable was I was unable to stay consistent because I had undiagnosed adhd and trauma that I had buried that I need to discover and deal with, also my make up to begin with as a child was to be timid disposition wise and I need to be encouraged to go out and have experiences that would build myself self-esteem. Not to mention taught what it take to make true friends that can support you. Good luck on your journey, do the work it will pay off even though it is hard.
I had a friend who told me she was a jezebel and a complete jerk…it made me feel weird and I awkwardly told her I didn’t think she was…until 5 years into our friendship I realized she was being honest. 🤯 My family wounds and people pleasing tendencies couldn’t hear her.🤯😫
@@itsmeorwhatever627 ha! That’s good. Next time something like this happens? I hope to tap into your vibe. I’m so over manipulative people. I’m too old for this!!!🥴🫶🏻
@@JuliaShalomJordanI had an exact “friend” like yours who claimed she doesn’t care about hurting someone’s feelings and likes to say mean stuff to people on their faces. In her mind she was the quirky queen of sarcasm until I joked about her on something petty I don’t even remember. All hell broke loose she grabbed my hand and started scratching like a wild cat. I couldn’t believe that was happening as we were in a moving crowd. After we split up I got to see my bloody forearm. I wanted to punch her in the face but I was desperate to be a part of her fake friend group that I let it go. Fast forward to the end of our university days where I was called selfish for only hanging out with them when I needed something. I was so done with their fake ness I started cancelling my plans with them and that hurt their ego. I literally had no friends to attend graduation ceremony with and they thought they’d humiliate me by ignoring me in front of everyone but God had different plans. The ceremony and after parties kept getting postponed and were canceled altogether because of the first lockdown due to pandemic. I was crying thinking about being alone on my graduation but God saved me. It’s been 3 years and I’m still healing from those “friendships”. Maybe I’ll make some friends in the future but I’ll never allow myself to be treated like that ever again.
Lol I had a friend one time tell me she was a douchebag and I was like awwww no ur great! Anyways she stopped talking to me when she realized I was annoying
The worst part is, some of them don’t even realize they’re pretending. They’re in such denial that they’re perfect that they can’t even admit to themselves that they’re treating you wonderfully and then terribly on purpose just to control and manipulate you. They’re so focused on how great they are that they don’t have the self-awareness to realize, accept, or confront any of this about themselves.
This was my own mother. She once proclaimed in frustration "why can't anyone just recognize that I'm perfect?!" and stared daggers into me when I smirked because I initially thought that comment was *sarcastic.* Everything was always about her. Even when my grandfather was dying in hospice and reached out to hold my hand, my own mother literally pushed me out of the way and obstructed his view of me so she could make his last moment with his family all about her. Many people who met my mother thought she was charming and funny, but those who knew how to recognize the red flags thought she was an insecure witch. All I can wish is that every narcissist finds enough humility left in their hearts to seek therapy and learn to accept that there's nothing wrong with their normal, humble place in the universe and that they learn to stop harming others to find a sense of fulfillment.
My mother was the same! Never could please her,everything was about her. My Father was a Saint the most beautiful being. When he died at 66 the whole town showed up,I miss him every day, My mother hung on until 80,I'm not sorry to say I didn't shed a single tear! 6 people showed up at her funeral, that includes family! I still bare the scars both mentally and physically! What made things worse I married the same type of person. Thank God I got out 25 yrs ago but it took me years of therapy to get where I'm at today. I'm 66 and have a lot of medical issues but I'm the happiest I've ever been!
Just like my mother. She has never apologized about anything..I remember only one time she said 'You're right'. Only for a second. She has always thought she was right. She was pretty toxic towards me and my dad. I have been seeing a therapist for years and struggling with the judge she created inside me. Luckily, I have proceed much and wended my way.
That is the reason why it's hard to forget about a narcissist, because they seem to be so nice at the beginning until you start falling for them, then they start playing games... and you try to figure out what happened to the persona you initially met.
I fall for the person for how they ARE, not how they WERE. And if they are not how they were anymore, I'm no longer in love. I get it- we want the "old person" back- but you have to realise that they chose to become that way. You also have to realise that people change. If they wanted to, they wouldn't have turned to becoming abusive. No way should we "stick around" , because the only reason why we fell in love is because they treated us well, and we in turnntreat them well because we both are in love with each other. "But what about all the things we went through together". Again, it is WAS. And in that WAS you didn't abuse me- we were a team. You are abusive NOW. You are manipulative NOW. Your NOW is not what I am in love with. That is not how love works. If I stay with a person whose abusive, its not love- its complacency, fear, delusion, false hopes- but not love. Because that's not how people in love act.
Thanks for informing people. I suffered from narcissistic abuse and none of the therapists I went to mentioned it, let alone tell me ways to deal with them. I would have tried to explain myself every time and try to tell them my side of the story, not realizing I can't treat them like normal people. I found people on the internet sharing golden information like this and it seriously can change someone's life.
Yeah it's difficult to find quality therapy. Most are charging you for over the fence chats as I call them with no real useful, usable information. Actually a chat with a good friend is of more help.
Therapy can help but for narcisist abuse I would say only other victims of such experience can truly understand what u have gone through. I'm not a therapist but I can tell u if u see a photo of yourself before one during and one after the break up u will spot the damage done and if u are advanced in your healing u will see the improvement too
Dodievenabba525, You’ve got that right! I once had an honest psychologist tell me that the people in his profession were all there to cure their own mental health problems. He also said he would be scared to death if he actually needed mental health help because of the people in the field. I trusted this man because this is exactly what I saw and had to fire several to find one that’s not disordered. Best wishes.
@@soniabrannan412 I am on my fourth therapist and he is the best one I have ever seen. The other three were not good. I am thankful to have found mine.
The best way to describe missing a narcissist you used to love and care for after cutting them off your life is "i like the thought of you more than i like your presence"
Thank you for this . Im so lost now. I wasted .my fertile years with on for 11 yrs. I wanted a family so bad and still do. Now I'm too old they say and so damaged that I don't trust any man. And now I'm alone.
Eventually you get to the point where you understand the good times were just an act. And then thinking about those fake moments will actually make you sick to your stomach, that you fell for it. That's how you get over them. I might add, it also helps you to get over them by thinking through what they thought they were gaining by being with you. Usually it's something monetary. The more you think about it, things changed when they realized they weren't going to get that, whatever it was. When you realize how hard they fooled you in order to get what they thought they wanted, you can't help but to be insulted at how they would use you for their means. It's especially bad when you realize how you gave your all for the relationship, with nothing in return. Divorces will be especially lopsided. That's when you pick yourself up and start over, and put that energy into yourself and your new life. Without them.
I get over them by believing that the "good times" was an act by the narcissist. And if the thought "but it felt so real" pops up, then I acknowledge that yes, it felt real because that's how we humans perceive emotions and actions. It WAS real because that's how it was supposed to feel- real. And you know what helps me never entangle myself with a narcissist? If they aren't able to give me the same "realness" - aka if they switch up their act- I'm gone. If they pretend to be "back" and sprinkle in abuse in between their "realness" - I leave and never look back. Frankly, the first sign of abusive behaviour is when I bounce- because it's a can of worms, there will definitely be more abuse. I have enough self respect, and not enough time for bullshit. If I'm treated me poorly, I purge them from my life- no contact, no memories, no images, no association. I don't give a crap because how dare they play games and fool me. The best remedy for narcissim is to completely ignore their existence, not tolerating an ounce of disrespect, being ruthless with red flags, being wary of "too good to be true", and never being afraid of being single and living your life. When you are desperate, you'll take anyone. Don't. You have no idea how good you are living life until you are in a relationship- especially with an abuser/manipulator/narcissist.
Yes! Mine was because he was a real man who could fix anything. I felt so safe even though he was very controlling and abusive. He killed someone and then shot himself almost two years ago. I have a son with him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
I held out hope for the longest time thinking things would change or get better with my ex, but came to terms with the cycles and patterns that would never end as long as we were together. Once you learn to take of yourself in a different way, healthy choices and habits are easier to maintain. I also came to think of it as a rickety bridge. It feels scary but maybe exhilarating when you cross it, so you keep going back for the emotional intensity. A stable bridge may not feel as exiting in comparison, but you can get used to the stability it provides = new life w/o the narcissist
😂 I laughed way to hard at this one. Oh, how I wish they all did this. The world would be a much better place if they were that self aware. But then again if they were self aware they wouldn't be a narcissist...😢
20 years of my life. 20 years. And once they're gone you're left trying to rebuild everything they tore down... but, you're still the bad guy, the one who broke it...
20 for me too... creepy... Too long, too much, there's nothing left but I'm glad this is now a known thing and it will help people avoid giving up decades and losing everything.
Why wait until senior year? I think show it at the beginning of high school. Narcissist behaviors don’t wait until senior year or after high school to “kick in”
I wish I had known anything about narcissists from middle school before entering high school, where it all began. From there on out, I literally just did not know or understand what was happening. All I knew about any abuse was from movies, the woman would have a black eye & wear sunglasses. Smh
If a person you recently met tells you “I’m not a good person” , believe them. Don’t try to comfort them with “no, don’t say that, you’re great”.. they’re telling you who they are. Narcissists will reveal themselves early on and most of us sane people wouldn’t ever fathom someone is telling on themselves in that way. Run. Save yourself heartache. I ignored red flags galore early on, and was in Tears for 2 years as a result
This. He did the same thing with me. Straight up saying he didn't think he was capable of love. That he's been described as moody. And he described himself as a selfish person and that he sees himself above most people intellectually. And I didn't take the message because I thought he was just being hard on himself. I feel like I will never give the benefit of the doubt to anyone ever again. The first sign of narcissistic abuse and I'm out. My trust in people wasn't great before. Now it's utterly destroyed
@@BlinkinFirefly I had to learn what a narcissist was through that experience. Years later, I did therapy to help me discover why I have a bad picker. I choose men who exhibit narcissistic tendencies from what I recalled of my dating life. Ofcourse, it had a lot to do with my own parents and childhood traumas. I would advise you to do the same. It will help you to heal yourself and reprogram your mind.
I'm glad you made those discoveries and got better. I'm sure you're right, both my biological dad and step dad are big narcissists. Seems my mom had the same deal I got. She kept falling for the narc :L@@vibesz
damn i should improve myself...because when i say im not a good person...i meant i feel im not kind/good enough or outgoing like others..i feel i neglect people for whatever reason i have problem inside me...this comment is a reminder to improve muself
that’s the deal the narcissist made with the devil. They have to inform you (however deceitfully they can) that they are doing the very things they accuse you of doing.
I'm a slow learner...I've inhaled so many fumes from being gaslit..I can barely breathe. 50 years, 3 men, all used me financially, promised the world and walked away. I just wanted happiness and someone to share it with. But I have survived 100% of my worst days. I am strong. Sad but alive.✊✊✊
"I just wanted happiness and someone to share it with" resonates with me on such a deep level. That's literally all I want. And to not be lonely and die alone. And I keep getting stuck with narcissists because I'm a co-dependent people-pleaser, with low self esteem and a ton of trauma.
@@BlinkinFireflyyou can stop pleasing and set boundaries and prioritize yourself to change the pattern. You won't die alone, you'll find people who will respect you and eliminate those who won't
Don’t be sad…be happy that you are free from them. Been there done that as well and couldn’t be happier now that I am single and calling my own shots and living in peace and happiness!
Raised by a narcissist, married her twice. First marriage 12 years, second marriage 11 years after leaving the first 9 years…plus 50 years of narcissist parent, until she died. Took a breakdown at 52, and the wonders of the internet to learn that a) I was not the problem and b) my upbringing had literally groomed me to be the perfect victim for narcissists, hence the two abusive husbands. I wished I’d understood all this at 20. The beauty of the internet is that it can help the people who are essentially prey to narcissists, to know that about themselves and to be extra vigilant about the people who they attract! Unfortunately narcissists are *so* good at what they do, and they can keep up the act for a long time, until you marry them, and the change is instant..they can be hard to identify, but there will be red flags, don’t ignore them.
Same, and because I'm a woman and my narc parent is my mum, I never realised that the "you marry your parent" cliché applied to me. My dad is weak and passive so when my xh was bossing me around, I never connected the dots and realised I'd married my mother. . Even though I noticed that my relationships were never with men like my father. He is good deep down but too weak to stand up for me. I'm stronger than he is. I don't need a manager or a yesman.
I am raised by two, married with one and had six in a row as romantic relationship. So yes, children of narcissistic parents usually become one of two things. One of is a narcissist fodder, other is a brand new narcissist. It seems you and me are the fodder type. I am so sorry what you've been experienced but I am hoping you the best. It is possible to learn to protect yourself. I am doing if for quite some time now and it works. I am agree with you, those red flags are always there, we shouldn't ignore that.
As someone who is (trying to become "was") a narcissist, one thing I realised early on is that even if you are brutally honest upfront, most people don't believe it or laugh it off until it's too late.
Because your honesty is being mistaken for humility, you can't be upset that someone would like to see you in a good light. That's like the opposite of a problem lol. I hope you're able to work things out and heal from it. I've learned that in many cases narcissistic personality is a learned behavior, either from a guardian or as a coping mechanism in early childhood.
It’s weird- it took me A LONG time to truly understand what narcissism actually is. Probably like most people, I confused narcissism with vanity and conceitedness. It wasn’t until about a year ago, when I noticed the pattern in fights I was having with my girlfriend, that I truly came to understand what narcissistic personality disorder actually is. The you-better-apologize-for-the-argument-I-started, the double standards, the projection, the gaslighting, and where it all stems from. Lucky for me, I realized I grew up with a narcissist father, and I learned how to navigate my way around that kind of person. When you realize the tricks and games, and that it’s all just hugging and puffing, it gets so much easier to deal with. You just have to see the traps ahead of time and avoid them.
In the other hand, grow up around a narc makes things so difficult… yeah we know how to handle it, but we take a long time to see the red flags for what they’re cause for us is all too familiar. Internalizing that no, not all people do x or that y isn’t normal was one of the hardest things in therapy cause even when rationally you understand, emotionally is way too easy to fall back prey to such abusive patterns cause you were raised to do so.
@biazacha This definitely! I realized today that every person in my family has been in an abusive narcissistic relationship at some point (except my younger brother, who is the narcissistic one). When you grow up seeing it, it's so easy to fall into a "this myst be normal" kind of mind set even when you know it's wrong. And you constantly tell yourself that you never find that kind of relationship, and then one day wake up to realize your exactly where you didnt want to be. We're so used to navigating the traps we forget how easy it can really be to be led into them.
Don’t feel bad, l grew up with it and it took me 25 years to realize it in relatives. In a romantic relationship, I was in it too and it’s been over a decade, get this - my ex uses his niece’s friends to act like he moved on, so pathetic! His cheap azz could have atleast took photos of WOMEN on dates but he’s a freaking psychopath. 😂
I met someone in group therapy that was a self proclaimed narcissist. She was brutally honest about her condition and wanted to wait to start seeing people again until she worked through her issues. Hope she’s doing well now, it took guts to accept it and seek help.
the way it was explained to me, is that someone that really has NPD, will never ever seek help or treatment for it, because to them they just dont have that self awareness of what they do... they may seek treatment for other things and go to counseling for that, but its more than just someone with narcissistic tendencies. a real deal NPD is like a real psychopath or sociopath, they are like wolves in sheeps clothing and completely unaware as to what they are.
@@xisotopex sociopath, psychpath and narcissist are different things. Psychpaths a.k.a Antisocial personality disorder is genetically determined plus environmental factors also come into play. In case of sociopaths, they are made. Lack of remorse is common among psychopaths and sociopaths. But that's not the case of narcissists. To a certain extend, they have guilt or shame when they indulge in bad things. Afterall, they've concerns about their social image. It is said that narcissists can be able to figure out their condition when they end up alone or due to some other factors. But the chances are rare.
I think the person seeking therapy was convinced by her narcissistic spouse that the problem was this person. If they were in therapy and started to self examine, then by definition they can't be narcissistic.
Try whole life of narcissistic parental abuse, being convinced that's how everyone acts and it's normal, doing the same f*cked up stuff to your partner for 10 years, come to a shocking realisation that you're the bad person. Get therapy, feel guilty, heal trauma, forgive yourself....
Easy to say. It’s not that easy to do. In way too many cases They don’t start to show red flags till they’ve got us so deeply in love with them they know we won’t pick up on the real them. They’re pure evil and dead cunning. And when they tell us after an insult or humiliation, oh, I was only joking, haven’t you got a sense of humour. Or say, you took that the wrong way, you’re just too sensitive…..we immediately question ourselves. Bit by bit they chip away at our confidence, our self esteem, our mental and emotional health. It’s only when they’ve squashed us so far down we are physically, mentally and emotionally ruined, that we start to realise there’s a problem.
Been there done that with my insecure, unintelligent, narcissistic, gaslighting ex husband. It wasn’t until our divorce (his cheating on me was the final insult I couldn’t forgive) that I realized I’d been gaslighted for 25 years, literally half my life!
@@lisaanderson7924 divorced over 24 years ago. Absolutely the best day of my life. Met a great guy and have a good relationship for almost twenty years. Blessings to you and yours!
I love how the power balance is flipped when the Narcissist unwittingly dates a psychopath, who uses their manipulation to feed into the narcissists delusions to manipulate them.
@@tikaroxanne7286 Well psychopaths attach to you by flattery. They kinda become your biggest fan and they pretend to strife to be more like you but “naturally” they will never be as good as you are, you are the unbeatable virtues original. You think you are the dominant part in this relationship and you have control. These are all things narcissists love, they are the easiest victims for psychopaths. I am not a psychopath myself btw but I have friends who are employed by businesses to root out psychopaths from offices as they can severely drain productivity from an office environment.
The thing is, a narcissist has nothing on a truly strong, witty person who knows how to dish it out when required. They're very predictable. It's like chess. You gotta see ahead and bounce back. Once they realise you're stronger than them, they're afraid to challenge you and eventually just give up.
@@BlinkinFirefly It is. My brother is the best at it. Put me through everything growing up, but I eventually came out on top. He's the highest level, the most vicious. Nobody has anything for me now, all thanks to him. Still love him though.
This video is so accurate. My father was and is a narcissist till today. Everything is all about him. He believes other people have got nothing much better going on their lives. He makes sure all of us tend to his needs and make sure even if we do the good deed he gets the credit for it. He behaves to be the most nicest and most polite person ever outside the house. However at home all he cares about is himself. My mother used to laugh it off and joke about it. I never found it funny. He is very dominating and manipulative about every single thing in the house. After being in my 30’s I distance myself from him.
I thought it was my fault. Even went to a therapist to get myself fixed. The more I talked the more I realized it was not me. I couldn’t believe the things coming out of my mouth. My therapist couldn’t either. She said you are in an abusive relationship and it will only escalate.
This is absolutely goddam true, and I have determined over the past year that I am the narcissist. I'm not proud of it, just affirming that what he said speaking as a narcissist is spot on. We're actually drowning in our own self hatred, and the only relief we get is belittling others.
@@ThepupsnameisBrianvery interesting, do you think some people see through you? How would you treat someone who sees through you or someone who sets firm personal boundaries?
@@forestofthoughts4223 Let's start by saying, I only realized I was a narcissist fairly recently. After reviewing my interactions with family (and the secret things I think about complete strangers), I realized that my insane jealousy, my need for control, and my use of humiliation to get my targets to understand that I am clearly better and smarter than they are (sarc) made me a narcissist. I haven't yet had the experience of someone seeing through me. As I said, most people-that I keep at arm's length- think I'm very nice, and no, I'm not just assuming, I've had many people tell me what a "sweet girl" I am. Frequently, when told this, I mentally think, "If only you knew", but I have more brains than to say it. My immediate family bears the brunt of knowing who the real me is, and unfortunately (for them) they all love me and are willing to excuse my abominable behavior.
I truly believe victims of narcissist abuse are here on earth to learn how to love themselves and put them first. This is the mission and goal of this life. I hardly think we are capable of finding true love because we are here to learn how to love, but it is to love ourselves - the journey from within
Wish the Internet had been around longer for such alerts though. This clip is doing just that-warn potential victims to watch their precious hearts and minds. Sound the alert, break the spell, fast. So fake love doesn't stand a chance. At all. To those still coming out of the damage, strength to everyone in your recovery and worthwhile personal growth 🌱 Tip/Alert: Self worth comes BEFORE romantic love.
I lost 6 years of my life that I will never get back with a narcissist. Despite of all that hardship I got a beautiful son from that relationship and we’re liberated from him now. We’re blessed and on a new journey forward.
Wishing lots of love and Great energy for you on your next chapter in life. Ps, please remember, this Man hurt you as a partner, that's not to be portrayed to your child as that 'man' ,as it his Father , and will always be. Lots of laughter and happy times again for you.
@unrulypeasantr3911 Wow, What's with your rudness? Maybe you see that behaviour as OK, but it's not healthy for anyone. I wish you kindness and love in your heart and life. ( edit, Remember this is a post online, I believe that's her opening up her "business " )
I had a guy friend who complained about women always picking the jerk. And I told him that generally speaking, they didn't pick that guy because he was a jerk at first. They're usually the most doting, caring people at first
As a person with narcissistic personality disorder since 4 years I can confirm this is 100% true. I'm not ashamed of my mental health condition and anyone who suffers from this should consult a psychiatrist asap before it's too late. Being a narcissist freaking sucks because you're self-obsessed all the time and you can't maintain healthy relationships with people plus a lot of other shit. I sometimes wish I was normal 😭
@mayajs5927 The Fact That Youre Self Aware Is The First Step To Working On Yourself! This Is What The MAJORITY Of Narcissists Will NEVER Do! They Cant Face All The Shame & Guilt. So, The Fact That You Have Admitted This Is Wonderful & Freeing. Now You Dont Need To Live Miserably.🎉 KUDOS
This condition is terrible and unfortunate to those with it but the sad thing is the victims of narcissists, including myself, don't know how to deal with it no matter how patient we are. I waited so long and was so understanding and then she would use my own patience against me. After a while victims just go from sad to exhausted and eventually just bored until the breakup. Awareness of narcissism needs to be spread to inform others about issues like this. Some people end up wasting quarter or even half of their lives on narcissistic relationships. Edit: Like the other commenter said, congrats on noticing your struggles, I wish others could be as educated on this to stop the pain of both narcissists and their victims. ❤
Can I ask how you became this way? If you can trace it back to the way you were raised or something that happened in your childhood? I have two children and one of mine is a narcissist. I also have a sister that is one. I am not. I am a an empath. My father spoiled both my sister while growing up and my daughter. He also turned my daughter against me. He does not not have access to my second child. His narcissistic ways played a big role in their narcissism. I was always the scapegoat of the family and the one that he pressed on the hardest to succeed whilst my sister who is younger than me was always coddled and spoiled, never was successful. Both her and my daughter always have had their hands out and are greedy non compassionate selfish people that use others for their own gain.
Maya you can break free of narcissism. Most people don't want to hear the God heals all speech so I'll not go there but I will say that Jesus definitely changed my life for the better. I finally have peace and that is worth more than all the money in the world to me. I already mentioned that my sister and daughter are narcs. Two of my closest family members that completely wrecked my life and broke my heart. Not to mention my health struggles that they cared nothing about lending a helping hand with. They could care less if I died tomorrow. Coming to grips with that was so hard, having a huge change of lifestyle and dealing with a lifelong battle without family is devastating but then I found hope in Christ and things turned around. I had hope again. I had love. I wasn't alone. Through him all things are possible.
The first red flag of a narcissist is isolation. First they have you questioning your friends. Or make you feel you did something wrong if you're having a conversation with a man. And you're not even cheating. They give you the hmm look and act like they moved on from it. But they didn't. That's more to see how they can push you. Then they show you love by love bombing you once they you are putting it together of what's going on. Yeah i know my stuff.
I mean there's nothing wrong with that. Men are naturally suspicious of anything a woman does. There's a reason women file divorces, get money in court, get custody of children. Get away with a lot of fucked up shit. It's only natural for a man to want to keep his woman if he really likes her. The difference in men and women being women are the ones who initiate the most breakups. They look at a man not as mate with unconditional love, but instead as a trophy and what can this man provide for me. It's biological. Women are the ones who always want to chase to get someone better. Woman are loved unconditionally. Just you are good enough. Men are loved conditionally. Under the condition that they provide and offer something.
May I recommend you search out a good trauma counselor, I mean a good one specializing in this area. ? I can’t say it’s going to be an immediate fix, but you will find peace & joy again. Hugs!!
It's weird. I recently saw an Instagram account of someone who is fully transparent about having NPD. He goes to therapy and stuff to try and learn healthy ways to cope with his insecurities that don't involve manipulation. But he's also pretty open about what his narcissistic instincts are in different situations, and that part is what I was reminded of in this video.
I think we saw the same account/guy. It was honestly very validating at first to see his content because it felt like he was saying the things I wanted to hear from my mom but once I started to heal from her abuse specifically & stopped craving her love & attention his content was suddenly triggering instead. It was weird but I assume it was because going no contact with her & then randomly seeing him again was like "oh no their back" or something.
Always remember its not just romantic. You can be friends with one, related to one… my time spent healing from my ex-best friend’s narcissistic abuse has been tricky. Realising that they always made it about themselves. Narcs are never ‘wrong’ and make you feel like you’re always the one causing problems. They will never apologise for anything. They guilt trip and gaslight. My ex-friend used me financially for years by guilt-tripping me into buying things for them because they were broke. If i hadn’t have gotten out when i did, it only would have gotten worse.
That last line is so freaking true.... a narcissist will tell you who they are either through actions and behaviour or by literally telling you. It tricks you into thinking that they acknowledge their wrongs and have changed. Its a very clever and very damaging tactic that i have been burned by before.
Im thankful for my narcisstic ex-wife. I spent ten years trying to make an impossible relationship work, and it took a couple years after the separation for me to realize she was an abusive narcissist. I honestly never understood how people could stand with somebody who abuses them for YEARS, until I was the one who was terrified of being alone again after building a life with a partner. Thankfully, I never have to worry about it happening again, because i know the exact red flags to look for.
I learned this the hard way with my marine ex boyfriend. I fell in love with a man that doesn’t exist and then had to grieve that man while his body and real self was still alive. It’s a very hard thing to go through.. it should be illegal
So glad my relationship only lasted 6 months before i saw the red flags and damage he was doing to me. And yes, i literally blamed myself for all the issues. And he did too. And i tried to defend myself. Until he blamed me for things i knew i WAS NOT doing. I did stand my ground there. I think that's when i started to have the balls to walk away. Things kept getting worse but i wasn't ignoring it or dismissing it anymore. And i definitely was not taking the blame anymore. I waited until after christmas and new years (cause I was trying to be nice) but that first day i saw him after the new year, i pulled the plug. Never saw him again. Not in person anyways. Best decision.
@BlinkinFirefly i wasn't happy. And i cried too much over him. That was my sign to get out. I had a friend who was in a relationship for 4 years as well. At the time i was dealing with the breakup, she shared her breakup with me as well. Saying how she got out. She is now in a wonderful relationship and is very happy. I'm still single, and I'm completely fine with it. The important thing is you got out! I have another friend who is in a toxic relationship of 6 years and still has not left him. I am so afraid she will waste her life with him. But only she can decide she's had enough and want something better for herself. I'm so glad you are free. Enjoy your life and take care of yourself. And heal.
‼️ Oh, if only I could email this to my young self...it would have saved me so much wasted time and misery. I'm sharing this with many friends; it needs to go viral asap!
Never experienced a romantic relationship with a narcissist but I was raised by one and man, is it a wild and confusing ride... Cut ties with my narcissistic dad and it was the best decision I've ever made. My heart goes out to others who have dealt/currently dealing with narcissists
I grew up with mine... Took the majority of my life just to break through the glass and start questioning if they were a narcissist. Started looking into it seriously a few years ago and the healing has been life changing. Narcissistic abuse is so real. This video gave me goosebumps. I'm glad I never entered into a serious dating relationship before because that would have messed me up even more.
My family calls me a narcissist for crying and being too sensitive and always wanting love affection and attention and because I tend to make it about me. They think that’s what narcissism is and they’re always accused me of never admitting when I’m wrong and blaming others when the reality is I blame myself for every mistake I make and I always feel like everything’s my fault and they gaslight me on a daily basis. I’m autistic and my autistic brother treats me the same way they do. They’ll gaslight me and deny they said anything later making me out to be crazy. My psychiatrist says they are the narcissists not me because she says narcissists never feel guilty or cry and the fact I blame myself means I’m not a narcissist. She says people often confuse narcissism with attention seekers and it’s not the same thing. An attention seeker is someone who’s highly sensitive and just wants to be loved and makes it about them. A narcissist is a completely different ballgame.
many autistic people are deeply sensitive and emotional. i wish this was more understood. there’s nothing wrong with you wanting love affection and attention, that’s what makes you human. once that need is met, i’m sure you wouldn’t “make it about” you. love to you, friend
@@clementina3350 The psychiatrist is accurate in the information taught. Your question is unnecessary, unsupportive and unhelpful toward ANY victim of ABUSE. Here are 3 questions to ask yourself before questioning a VICTIM: Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind?
Go away from this "family". If they don't love you now, they will never love you. Don't make the mistake to beg for there love all your life. Find a good church with people you can trust and find Jesus! 21 years ago I did this and it changed my life completely. From misery to healing and stability.
I just came out of a relationship with a guy who could've said all of these things word by word if he'd ever been honest and I'm so thankful for this video pointing it out
It's important to remember that this does not just apply to romantic relationships. As a teenager/adult I had a friend exactly as he described in the video. This friend was incredibly manipulative over me but on the surface he was charming, witty, polite to others, easily fooling them whilst for years he attempted to emotionally manipulate me in so many ways. When he sensed his grip loosening he'd give or offer me a token gesture to try and keep me on side which sometimes worked but his grip over my life tightened. Crazy to think I actually considered him a friend, as I said he could do nice things, but always to gain much more in return. He very nearly made me homeless after moving in to my apartment. That's when I finally had enough and knowing how venegeful he was going to be I said enough is enough. Thankfully I moved away and cut all ties. Right move. Guys - don't limit yourself to thinking only romantic partners can be controlling narcissts.
I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I've been free and in a healthy relationship for almost 8 years now. I still struggle from the trauma. I wholeheartedly feel so very sorry to anyone who has been through it.
Same here! Have you learnt how to deal with the trauma? Because it has made me so insecure, given me anxiety issues and has completely broken my self esteem
Thank you for summing up in 30 seconds my 30 year marriage and enabling me to communicate it to my family! You Rock. Keep it coming bc explaining the effects of NPD to others has been the most difficult part of my journey. You’ve summed it up perfectly💯
I've been separated from my husband for 3 years. We have been married for 20. I wish I had waited and not gotten married at 18. Of course, nobody could tell me anything about my relationship then and me actually listen.
YEP. 30 years of being with one, with the last 3 in EMDR trauma therapy that helped me heal enough to plan my way out of the relationship. In the beginning, there were clues that were couched in such a way that I didn’t see them as red flags prior to the relationship. When I look back, I can see them now as the truth. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to believe them, because I had been raised to see this kind of behavior as “acceptable”. I know better now.
@@robertmadison1205 He told me who he was and I didn’t believe him. He projected such a loving gentle nature in public and anger/criticism in private. Dealing with the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde aspects of his personality was challenging. They were so diametrically opposed to one another. The confusion from that made decision-making very difficult. It wasn’t until I found a trauma therapist who used EMDR and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy modalities that I was able to heal my brain and begin to see him and his behaviors for what they were. Once the healing began, I was able to do what was necessary to leave. Basically, saying one thing and doing the complete opposite, denying accountability, lying, keeping secrets, spending time with people who saw only his good side, then treating me like sh**. Hard to pinpoint the red flags in the middle of the confusion. Therapy that heals one’s brain makes it possible to see REALITY and get out. The fantasy life, the future-faking, promises never kept, bad behaviors never changed, and on and on and on….
Seeing everyone as inferior really is spot on. My ex would do the most horrifying/heartless things to people and then shrug. If I continued to look horrified after the shrug he would suddenly remember that he is supposed to care and turn the charm back on. Giving a long, heartfelt lie excusing his actions. Once he even started to tear up as I refused to be convinced, passionately explaining how sorry he felt and how he had apologized profusely to the person he had wronged. He would relax once I was convinced and pretty much just get right back to doing it in secret. I’m still confused at what creates a monster like that. All I can think is you’d just have to be so certain of the utter worthlessness of everyone but yourself that you’d cancel out the feeling of remorse completely.
I think the key is learning to spot the red flags BEFORE you fall for a narcissist. NOBODY can keep up their act nonstop the entire time. They will show you signs, in word or action, but either you’re not paying attention or you justify the behaviour or you minimise it. Many people are not what they present themselves to be. Be aware of the signs they show you.
These narcissists can also be absolutely perverted sick freaks too. I’ve had first hand experience of dealing with these monsters. I stayed trying to get revenge on him to protect other people but I just can’t take it anymore letting this freak touch me. I’m getting away from him.
This one short video nails down the narcissists so well! Even the narcissists would be shocked to see their secrets revealed in this mirror reflection!
Don't let yourself be fool by them. My ex is a narcissist, I think I spotted it pretty quickly comparing with other stories I've learn about after our breakup(which was painful) but such a MUST DO. Never before that relationship was I able to be aware of the sick mind games some people use. I'm grateful to my ex, I learned so much from that experience. Yes it was toxic, from that I came to realize how much respect I have to/for myself, and how much I validate my own journey and learning how to love myself. I'm proud of myself because I knew I deserved better, regardless of that inner urge to be loved by someone else. Which I don't feel anymore after that relationship. 😌, so. Thank you 😌🙏🏽 plus now getting better than ever and I'm attracting really genuine, nice hearted and hot people just being myself 😅.
Yep. The ex-partner taught me what NOT to accept in the behaviors of others. Love is an action. Since I hadn’t learned that in my childhood, from my parents, I listened to the words the ex spouted, expecting follow-through which never came. His actions were despicable, so they couldn’t be love. I’m grateful for the learning, if not the abuse.
I feel like God sent this to me. I don’t even want friends now. I really enjoy the lord and my own company! He’s been with me every step of the way. Haven’t needed ANYTHING but him! I love you lord!! ❤🙏🏾
And a narcissist trying to claim their partner is a narcissist has got to be worse than hell. But I’ve seen it and it is pure evil. Cruel and painful like a dagger to the soul.
This is exactly how it is. It's unbelievable to what lengths narcissists will go to to have power. It's also true that if we knew this up front we would definitely be saved years of after effects. Thanks for bringing them into public awareness.
I laughed hard😁😁 brilliant video Jimmy👏I can laugh now coz 16 years ago I was getting divorse from my Narc ex husband. I didn't realise how much his behaviours towards me destroyed/damaged me emotionally/mentally until last relationship. Eye opening. Thank God I found help.
I wish my ex had been as honest as this video. 15 years in an abusive marriage and a divorce process that is never ending. It was a hard lesson to learn about narcissists.
I’m currently married to one. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to endure. Wish I’d known about this 13 years ago. To all those living in this abuse or have escaped it, God bless you all. Does anyone know of any support groups for folks like us?
Trust me, most of them won't take heed. I am a high school teacher, and I can speak only on behalf of my female students. They think, "Oh, I'm smarter than that. "This will never be me"....🙄😨 I know because I thought like this when I was their age.
Veeeeeeery accurate! I mean, not the "honest" part, but all the rest. I would save 13 years of my life if my ex would be so honest. Now I'm single by choice to avoid further drama, which is sad, because I wanted to have a family of my own.
A veces queremos una pareja o una familia tradicional pero olvidamos que como seres humanos necesitamos a buenas personas en nuestras vidas (comprobado científicamente) a veces nuestro compañero de vida puede ser algo no romántico, con quién tengamos hijos puede ser sólo un amigo y podemos involucrarnos en una proyecto de vida con alguno de nuestros familiares en quien mas confiemos... sí aún quieres relaciones estables en tu vida no reemplaces la posible felicidad por miedo, porque si es por el miedo deberíamos temerle a cualquiera solo porque no sentimos que seamos capaces de superar una decepción
@@orianatorres502 No excluyo la posibilidad de tener una familia en futuro y de hecho ahora estoy interesada mucho más en un hombre de confianza, con el cual tener una relación igualitaria. Pero necesito mi tiempo para que las heridas se cicatrizan después de años de mentiras y maltratos y conocer a mi misma para evitar de caer en otras trampas. También tengo que recuperar mi vida después el desastre que dejó mi ex novio (que - casualmente - es español, por eso puedo contestarte). Mis futuros hijos y pareja merecen una madre feliz y estable en todos los sentidos.
This situation also exists in friendships, work relationships, and families. Not all narcissistic abuse is romantic.
Truthfully I find the work narcissists the most unbearable. And they're at every. f-ing job, it seems like.
The medical industrial complex is filled with narcissists! They even teach them in medical school to blame the patient! What a caring, loving system we have!
Yes.
In my case it's my mother. I've applied to school now, so hopefully I'm out next year. I plan on getting an apartment after that.
The confusing part is that recently she has actually treated me better. Less guilt tripping, and can actually support me without always making it about herself and making it a competition for who has it the worst.
She's still the narc she is, but it has been a relief to my mental health that she's actually treating me better, and like she cares at least a bit, and not just about herself.
I was depressed about three years ago, and she was awful during it. She caused a lot of my worst episodes, and even guilt tripped me about my worst episode, making it about everyone else but me.
I fell to the floor scream-crying, and she looked at me with cold, dead eyes, and told me straight to my face that she couldn't feel sorry for me. That was the day I saw her for who she really is.
My "hero" died that day. Everything she'd done to fight for my life growing up (I was severely malnourished) didnt matter anymore. I didn't talk to her for a full year. She was now a monster in my eyes.
Her mother only told her she loved her while yelling at her "you have understand I'm doing it because I love you! 😡" so I understand why she turned out like that, but that does not make the abuse ok.
Growing up, I too developed narcissistic traits, but thankfully influence from others helped me break the cycle.
Narcissism first and foremost is a coping mechanism. If no one else is going to care for and about you, you have to look out for yourself. Only yourself.
I've gotten even more depressed this year, but this time around my mom has actually been supportive. Basically doing the opposite of guilt tripping (unless she directly feels criticized) and validating my struggling without having to make it about herself.
Maybe it's because she knows I'll most likely get into school, and that after that I will be out, and not move back home.
I also do feel like she does know deep inside that she mistreated me last time I was depressed, and wants to do better this time.
Regardless I'm relieved I don't have to live in that same extreme toxicity every day until I'm out.
Most cases of narcissistic abuse I've personally heard about have been parent-child relationships.
Three years. My first husband kept up the act for three years. Until literally, THE VERY DAY he got a ring on my finger, and that was when I finally got to “meet” the man I had been with for three years. I threw away another 12 years trying to get back the man I fell in love with. Don’t underestimate how long they can keep up the act in order to trap you.
33 years, can't believe I'm still alive
Yep mine was two years and with days of being married I said why are you acting like this? He said I got you now. Joke was on him cause I was out of there a year and a half later. I stayed too long!😊
That's scary 😮 Mine showed his true colors about a year in thankfully, I guess... Your experience makes me kinda scared to date again 😅😢
@joannagipson12 just keep getting clued up since my divorce I've spotted two narcs that had me on their radar. Keep your cut off game sharp!
@@dodibenabba525no wonder the church doesn’t want women to leave after marriage. It was orchestrated and created by narcissists in order to keep a victim for life.
Once you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist and you do the work after the breakup, you immediately know how to spot them. I have a “narcissistic friend” who still thinks I just don’t know.
That's the healing and enlightening process that comes with the dark night of the soul. Still to this day people feel surprised Im always alone after a five year breakup from a narcisist partner. You literally learn to spot them and u start to value your alone time and energy much more... So much so that u might close your heart altogether which is bad but also good and protective in a lot of ways.
@@carolinecavalcante5778I can completely relate to what you're saying, they end up having that affect on you, that you are happy in your own company, and don't seek a partner, but like you say you have to be careful that you done close your heart off, it's a balancing act.❤
@@angelakeely5859You can still love a pet, they are faithful and loving and never let you down. Could never do it again, and friends are not what they seem either.
This What Some Parents Should Tell Their Newborn Babies 'This Relationship Is A Trauma Bond'
That was good
My father was a narcissist. It took me about 30 years of therapy and surviving countless depressions and years of suicidal thoughts to heal from having been his daughter... but here I am! A whole woman again, with the ability to spot a narcissist just from the way they breathe. 😂 I am sometimes amazed myself at the fact that I'm now psychologically healthy, with my own teenage kids, a husband and a contented life... This seemed like an unattainable mirage to me in the past.
Can we talk about this breathing thing? For real, I'm curious.
@@InexplicableBill - It's hyperbole... a joke. 😁
Wow you gave me hope, I'm 21 and still living with my mine, I'm currently going to therapy and during the journey, I realized that he affects every little aspect of my life, even when I'm asleep, I'm having nightmares of which he chases me or I'm being trapped with no escape. My social life, mental health and physical health are all in an awful state.
Hi @danielaf1487 my father is one too, I suffered a lot, glad I left at 17, I attracked the wrong people, businesses,.. narcissits, my mother stayed you should see her, she is 72, such a shame.
I am still single at 44 how did you find your husband❤
I want to recreate my self.. tips? Being on my own really hits hard especially with health issues and no time to burn out
My father is also a narcissist and I'm still working through the trauma (at 25 years old) that He caused me throughout my childhood and adolescence. The good news is that he doesn't live with my Mom, brother and I anymore, but he and my Mom still aren't legally separated yet, even after 2 and a half years now. I can tell that he's really trying to hold onto the little control that he was on the lives of my Mom, brother and I.
For my father, it's always been about having control in a myriad of ways. He forced me to blame myself and to be ashamed of myself when I didn't measure up to his expectations. He even blamed me for ruining my first laptop. And he thinks he knows more than he actually and knows and doesn't really respect anyone in his family. He's never treated me like an intelligent person who has her own thoughts, opinions or beliefs. I always hated that he always tried to make me agree with him and to always do things his way even when I had good reason to disagree or to do things my own way. He never tried to make my Mom happy either and almost never helped her with anything and never wanted to know how her day went and didn't provide well enough for the family. I actually thought that we were poor at one point. That's what it seemed like at the time anyway.
My mental health, my sleep, and physical health aren't great, but I want to move on and heal. From reading some of the comments for this video though, I realize it's going to take time to get to a place in my life where I am happy, healthy, and fulfilled again. It's going to take a while. I have a whole childhood and adolescence of emotional abuse from my father that I need to work through after all.
Thanks for reading! I wish all of you well! I hope that you get to finally live the happy lives that you need.
"I tend to blame myself even though I am the one being neglected", my God, this was so eye opening!
Me af I’m like damn it
Same. I was married to one of these idiots. I used to think I just wasn’t making myself clear. So I’d have more conversations with him trying to improve communication. I blamed myself. Turned out he was just always gaslighting me by pretending to be listening when I tried to work things out with him. They’re like…psychopaths.
@@angelwings7930Not like.....definitely are! Went through the same, thought if we could just improve our communication. With MOST folks, that is important. But as you learned, waste of time trying with a narcissist.
@@MJ-gj6mj Yes. An absolute, utter waste. If you’re a decent person it’s hard to believe what’s going on, or to have a clue, since you believe in the best of them if you love them. So I kept forgiving him. There was no real awareness of narcissism back when I was married to the one I knew. I wish I had all my wasted years back.
@@angelwings7930 Definitely understand that. I try making the most of life now but it is hard knowing how much time you wasted.
Notice that last line:
"Well, if there's one thing I am it's honest and transparent in the beginning."
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Ecactly!
Plus _in the beginning._ People know there needs to be some trust in the beginning so they gain it by being honest. As soon as you grow fond of them lies and gaslighting take their place.
It says "Said no narcissist ever" straight after. They would never be honest with you, especially not during the lovebombing phase which is all lies and manipulation
Yup
YES!!! I had a gf ask me once why I was with her. She said "I'm not a nice person". I just thought it was self esteem issues and I could help her overcome it with encouragement and support. 17 years later I was wanting to kick my younger self in the balls...
The narcs actually are though; honest in the beginning that is. That very, VERY first few seconds when you first meet them the narc will tell you exactly who they are. It will seem like a self-deprecating joke. “I act like a Karen sometimes!” “I’m not the nicest person.” “I tell it like it is!” “I get a little obsessive sometimes.” “I like being in control and people usually dont like that about me.” So on and so forth. PAY ATTENTION! If you think it is just a self-deprecating joke and take it as such, the narc takes that as PERMISSION for their behavior. To them, they warned you and told you exactly who they are from the outset. If you still choose to stick around, to them, that is you giving them PERMISSION and CONSENT to abuse you. THAT’S why they act so butthurt once you turn against them. Inside their minds, unconsciously, if you stick around after they tell you who they are, it means you must be ok with who they are and are blanket-consenting to what they have done, are doing, and will do to you till the end of time with no take-backs. Hence the butthurt betrayal feelings narrative angle of emotional abuse they feel so entitled to use on you once you leave or try to leave, or even disagree with them. When a narc tells you who they are, believe them, and RUN. It’s not a joke. It’s your first, and should be your last, warning.
Thank you. It annoys me so much when people are like "Well you picked 'em!". No, we picked the person they pretended to be.
But then when the pretending is over, the other person stays. That's annoying too.
Exactly! They lied... pretended and played games. Those of us who don't go around with an agenda would never dream of using people and manipulating them to gain control. So why would we ever imagine someone else is doing that?!
"YOU picked them" says the Narc to the abused.
My Mom said people wear Masks
It's even worse when others are accusing you of being with one that you have never met or seen in person, especially when they are displaying most of all of the same behaviors of the one who they are calling the narcissist.
Anyone who is being secretive and/or expects you to trust them using blind faith obviously has serious control issues and the potential to be an abusive partner
If they accidentally exposed themselves in the beginning...you just..RUN..run for your life.
Fr
Yup. As fast as possible.
Some people would think he is just joking.
I wish I had run! Saw many red flags in the beginning...
Though I assume I did run, but not fast enough. Took me a couple of weeks. I'm glad it took me just weeks, though, and not months or years!
@@adloziOr some others (the ones with the savior complex) would be more than willing to start a relationship with him to prove themselves that they are so special that they could redeem him.
Hi ho 👋 Narcissist here
Wanted to say that there ARE narcissists who are aware of their issues and work towards eradicating/controlling their behaviors
Narcissists are made, not born. My mother was a narcissist and basically raised me to be one.
When I met my wife, she pointed out this behavior and I immediately started doing my own research and started therapy.
Fast forward to today, we have been married for over 6 years now and I love her more than anything. I still hace the occasional narcissistic bursts, but I keep chipping away at it with therapy and help from my wife. I have improved tremendously in my own self esteem and now truly know what it means to be empathetic towards others. If it wasnt for my wife, I would probably still be a absolute hate filled narcissist
Not all narcissists are evil. We are aware that we are toxic, and most of us want to be better and do better. Hope this helps people understand the other side of the aisle more.
Good for you 👍
Tough room.
Speak on your own experiences, but do not make a statement that "most of us want to be better", because let's be honest, that's not true and victims already have a hard enough time leaving their abusers without your comment adding to it
I think each one of us is narcissistic. The only thing is some falls at the extreme end of spectrum. It's upto an invidual to realise it and work on it. It depends on when one get reality check in life.
Good on you both
I believe it's less that the narcissist has a 'fear of rejection' and more that they lust for power. They love to have power over others.
I'd say control rather than power, but to be honest I think it's both. They do have a deep seated fear of rejection which is why they seek to control everything, and everyone. They assume that no one would willingly stay around, so therefore the only way to keep people from leaving is to control and manipulate them.
It's both. I used to go straight for their insecurities (before I got away from them) and they cracked. They aren't secure and they're as smart as anyone. People with cluster B have strange motives, which creates the illusion of intelligence.
Depends on the narcissist. There’s covert narcissism and grandiose, and one leans more towards one or the other I’d say.
I’d say that’s a sort of chicken or egg situation- the power they crave is to soothe their insecurities and fear.
@@Poodle_GunNice, using the narcissists games against them. Except, after a while, stooping to their level also makes us problematic in the relationship. It's best to set boundaries or to just leave.
Yep, my childhood buddy became a sexist narcissist. I watched it happen through the years. His mother abandoned him repeatedly and screwed him over until he couldn’t see my friendship any longer. He just saw my gender, didn’t trust me even when I was helping him, and when I couldn’t stand his behavior any longer he put the blame all on me. I feel sad for the little boy, but I had to shut the man out of my life.
It's really bizarre to watch people develop into worse versions of themselves, even when you're right there trying to support them. I also watched a guy friend become slowly sexist. My two best childhood friends were guys, but after one moved away the other decided he was bored hanging with just me and wanted to be more popular...which, like, good for him because we three had always been the unpopular trio. So he kinda just told me his plan and dumped me a friend, which I accepted because he was my friend and I felt he deserved better than keeping our loser crew of two together, and went to play with the boys. A few years in and he was acting way more of a jerk to the girls and acting like we were a different species. I wonder if he actually did convince himself of that or he just got good at acting...
@@conspiracypanda1200It was a weak and selfish move on his part, but I'd say you're better off.
@@stephaniestevens4873yup and you were a great friend being so supportive
You said “his mother abandoned and screwed him over”. So, his mother is the root for his problematic behavior.
My psychologist told me, “there are a LOT of abusive men out there who come from a situation of maternal abandonment or neglect”. They hate & resent the woman that raised them- but it spills out all over the OTHER women that get close to them, usually romantic partners or coworkers.
Ironically, I bet being this transparent would actually make him more attractive to some. "Omg, he's so broken, I'm gonna fix him". 😖
Lol
True. Seems guys can also do the fix her thing too. We have the “white knight” syndrome or “Captain Save-a-hoe/narc” syndrome.
How bad is it that that would be my first response? 😬
Right!! 😢
@@ErinLastNameRedacted I think it's good, it tells me you care and want to help people, but I suggest finding people who want to be helped bc you can't help someone without their participation.
My ex wasn’t even very good at hiding it but by the time I recognized the red flags for what they were, I was already in “I can fix her” mode. Add raging alcoholism I didn’t immediately balk at because of how normalized it became in my childhood, her violent tendencies, and a generous sprinkling of my own martyr complex and you have a toxic combination. Spoiler alert: I could not fix her.
I feel you man. Biggest lesson I learned this year... Can't change others. Period. We need to learn to accept ourselves as we are and work on our growth and anyone who would like to come along in the growth needs to be vetted, that's what I learned.
Hope you're doing better now man, sounds like hell
sounds like me but with my husband i’m glad your out and ok
@@samk.970aaamen
When I was going through bullying at work and dealing with constant issues with the neighbours (constantly had the cops over because they were in a domestic violence relationship) my ex told me I needed to fix myself. He now has children and I'm horrified.
When I was dating my husband, there were red flags, but it was easy to justify them away. I spent 5 years married and 2 separated from him and his narcissistic traits. Tomorrow my divorce will be finalized and hopefully I can heal and find new purpose in life.
Tuesday is our 8th anniversary. After three years of separation, I'm filing for a divorce.... on Tuesday.
I wish I had known when I first met him.... but the light at the end of a deep dark tunnel is better than no light at all.
I pray for your full recovery. And mine.
Praying for you! Congratulations on breaking the cycle and I hope he is the last narcissist you will ever have to deal with. Since they like people who are vulnerable in some way go to counseling to deal with what ever trauma you may have in your background, so you’re not such an easy target next time. If think your self-worth was in tact figure out just how he managed to undermine it, so you can avoid being made into a victim again. I tried counseling and unfortunately I didn’t have an effective one that jived enough with me the first time. I need a gentler person and I should have keep looking for a better fit. So the bad experience made me negative about counseling in general. So on my own I didn’t know how to let go of victimhood and I was still to vulnerable for a very long time. I finally let go of it with age and wisdom but I suffered so much in relationships in the meantime it is very sad. I missed out on finally have a good relationships that I could create a family with. I now have a better counselor and at least I am not sinking into total despair, but I have a lot of grief regarding the good relationships I could have had because I could not see the forest for the trees at the time and I did not truly know myself and what I wanted. Now I know what I want and it seems too late. So dig deep and find the help to connect with the trauma that cause your loss of self creating the vulnerable ship at sea narcissist look for. Counseling can help but be vigilant in finding the right one or looking for a support group and then always no matter what give yourself the permission to indulge in self care it is not selfish it is necessary to survive and also look for better connection with health people and have someone help you identify toxic people that will only hinder your progress. Find something you care about that you want to protect, so much that it teaches you to stand up for yourself when someone starts to undermine you for the sake of pulling you away from it to focus on them/become co-dependent. No one should do this to you they should respect you need time to do what you love and need time to nurture yourself. Good luck! We all need to learn this and it take focus if can’t focus consistent find out why and get help staying on track either with coaching, counseling or a good friend. My vulnerable was I was unable to stay consistent because I had undiagnosed adhd and trauma that I had buried that I need to discover and deal with, also my make up to begin with as a child was to be timid disposition wise and I need to be encouraged to go out and have experiences that would build myself self-esteem. Not to mention taught what it take to make true friends that can support you. Good luck on your journey, do the work it will pay off even though it is hard.
@@MissFrisky1221girls I wish u luck. U deserve better❤
The worst with narc is their lack of true Love ❤😢 And they always look for making the other Wrong. Sad people 😊
Did you have children?
I had a friend who told me she was a jezebel and a complete jerk…it made me feel weird and I awkwardly told her I didn’t think she was…until 5 years into our friendship I realized she was being honest. 🤯
My family wounds and people pleasing tendencies couldn’t hear her.🤯😫
@@itsmeorwhatever627 ha! That’s good. Next time something like this happens? I hope to tap into your vibe. I’m so over manipulative people. I’m too old for this!!!🥴🫶🏻
@@itsmeorwhatever627 amen!! Thank you! Have a great rest of your week.🫶🏻💞
@@JuliaShalomJordanI had an exact “friend” like yours who claimed she doesn’t care about hurting someone’s feelings and likes to say mean stuff to people on their faces. In her mind she was the quirky queen of sarcasm until I joked about her on something petty I don’t even remember. All hell broke loose she grabbed my hand and started scratching like a wild cat. I couldn’t believe that was happening as we were in a moving crowd. After we split up I got to see my bloody forearm. I wanted to punch her in the face but I was desperate to be a part of her fake friend group that I let it go. Fast forward to the end of our university days where I was called selfish for only hanging out with them when I needed something. I was so done with their fake ness I started cancelling my plans with them and that hurt their ego. I literally had no friends to attend graduation ceremony with and they thought they’d humiliate me by ignoring me in front of everyone but God had different plans. The ceremony and after parties kept getting postponed and were canceled altogether because of the first lockdown due to pandemic. I was crying thinking about being alone on my graduation but God saved me. It’s been 3 years and I’m still healing from those “friendships”. Maybe I’ll make some friends in the future but I’ll never allow myself to be treated like that ever again.
Lol I had a friend one time tell me she was a douchebag and I was like awwww no ur great! Anyways she stopped talking to me when she realized I was annoying
The worst part is, some of them don’t even realize they’re pretending. They’re in such denial that they’re perfect that they can’t even admit to themselves that they’re treating you wonderfully and then terribly on purpose just to control and manipulate you. They’re so focused on how great they are that they don’t have the self-awareness to realize, accept, or confront any of this about themselves.
Literally my husband
@@stephaniediego4068 I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you ❤️
Not all of them though!!! Some are well aware of what they're doing and why they're doing it!!😐😑
This was my own mother. She once proclaimed in frustration "why can't anyone just recognize that I'm perfect?!" and stared daggers into me when I smirked because I initially thought that comment was *sarcastic.* Everything was always about her. Even when my grandfather was dying in hospice and reached out to hold my hand, my own mother literally pushed me out of the way and obstructed his view of me so she could make his last moment with his family all about her.
Many people who met my mother thought she was charming and funny, but those who knew how to recognize the red flags thought she was an insecure witch.
All I can wish is that every narcissist finds enough humility left in their hearts to seek therapy and learn to accept that there's nothing wrong with their normal, humble place in the universe and that they learn to stop harming others to find a sense of fulfillment.
My mother was the same! Never could please her,everything was about her. My Father was a Saint the most beautiful being. When he died at 66 the whole town showed up,I miss him every day, My mother hung on until 80,I'm not sorry to say I didn't shed a single tear! 6 people showed up at her funeral, that includes family! I still bare the scars both mentally and physically! What made things worse I married the same type of person. Thank God I got out 25 yrs ago but it took me years of therapy to get where I'm at today. I'm 66 and have a lot of medical issues but I'm the happiest I've ever been!
@@dianewilliams1125 im glad you've finally found happiness
@@LilChuunosuke Thank you! PEACE!
Just like my mother. She has never apologized about anything..I remember only one time she said 'You're right'. Only for a second. She has always thought she was right. She was pretty toxic towards me and my dad. I have been seeing a therapist for years and struggling with the judge she created inside me. Luckily, I have proceed much and wended my way.
@@omurkurt9805 We were all in the same mess! So glad we got help! Be strong! PEACE!
That is the reason why it's hard to forget about a narcissist, because they seem to be so nice at the beginning until you start falling for them, then they start playing games... and you try to figure out what happened to the persona you initially met.
yes - i am struggling a bit w that. it's devastating
Plus they give that excitement at times we crave 🙄
I fall for the person for how they ARE, not how they WERE. And if they are not how they were anymore, I'm no longer in love.
I get it- we want the "old person" back- but you have to realise that they chose to become that way. You also have to realise that people change. If they wanted to, they wouldn't have turned to becoming abusive. No way should we "stick around" , because the only reason why we fell in love is because they treated us well, and we in turnntreat them well because we both are in love with each other.
"But what about all the things we went through together". Again, it is WAS. And in that WAS you didn't abuse me- we were a team. You are abusive NOW. You are manipulative NOW. Your NOW is not what I am in love with. That is not how love works. If I stay with a person whose abusive, its not love- its complacency, fear, delusion, false hopes- but not love. Because that's not how people in love act.
Every female I know
@datguy2061 - Get help. There used to be a saying, "If a man's lips are moving, he's lying." Are you ok with that?
Thanks for informing people. I suffered from narcissistic abuse and none of the therapists I went to mentioned it, let alone tell me ways to deal with them. I would have tried to explain myself every time and try to tell them my side of the story, not realizing I can't treat them like normal people. I found people on the internet sharing golden information like this and it seriously can change someone's life.
Yeah it's difficult to find quality therapy. Most are charging you for over the fence chats as I call them with no real useful, usable information. Actually a chat with a good friend is of more help.
A lot of therapists are narcissists, perfect job for them when you think about it.
Therapy can help but for narcisist abuse I would say only other victims of such experience can truly understand what u have gone through. I'm not a therapist but I can tell u if u see a photo of yourself before one during and one after the break up u will spot the damage done and if u are advanced in your healing u will see the improvement too
Dodievenabba525, You’ve got that right! I once had an honest psychologist tell me that the people in his profession were all there to cure their own mental health problems. He also said he would be scared to death if he actually needed mental health help because of the people in the field. I trusted this man because this is exactly what I saw and had to fire several to find one that’s not disordered. Best wishes.
@@soniabrannan412 I am on my fourth therapist and he is the best one I have ever seen. The other three were not good. I am thankful to have found mine.
"You, by chance, don't struggle with a lack of boundaries and self-esteem issues do you?" ... my jaw just hit the floor!! WOW!
The best way to describe missing a narcissist you used to love and care for after cutting them off your life is "i like the thought of you more than i like your presence"
They make you feel how they feel about you
Thank you for this .
Im so lost now. I wasted .my fertile years with on for 11 yrs. I wanted a family so bad and still do. Now I'm too old they say and so damaged that I don't trust any man. And now I'm alone.
I don’t like the thot of him
I don’t even think of him lol
I loved a myth
Never ever him
I miss what I thought I had
I think of them as two different people. The man I fell in love with, who died, and his evil twin who stole his memories
The complex trauma bond is so real. I still struggle deeply with those feelings and romanticizing our good times, which results in missing them.
It's okay to miss the good times, but make sure that it doesn't mean they are good for you.
Eventually you get to the point where you understand the good times were just an act. And then thinking about those fake moments will actually make you sick to your stomach, that you fell for it. That's how you get over them.
I might add, it also helps you to get over them by thinking through what they thought they were gaining by being with you. Usually it's something monetary. The more you think about it, things changed when they realized they weren't going to get that, whatever it was. When you realize how hard they fooled you in order to get what they thought they wanted, you can't help but to be insulted at how they would use you for their means. It's especially bad when you realize how you gave your all for the relationship, with nothing in return. Divorces will be especially lopsided. That's when you pick yourself up and start over, and put that energy into yourself and your new life. Without them.
I get over them by believing that the "good times" was an act by the narcissist.
And if the thought "but it felt so real" pops up, then I acknowledge that yes, it felt real because that's how we humans perceive emotions and actions. It WAS real because that's how it was supposed to feel- real.
And you know what helps me never entangle myself with a narcissist? If they aren't able to give me the same "realness" - aka if they switch up their act- I'm gone. If they pretend to be "back" and sprinkle in abuse in between their "realness" - I leave and never look back. Frankly, the first sign of abusive behaviour is when I bounce- because it's a can of worms, there will definitely be more abuse.
I have enough self respect, and not enough time for bullshit. If I'm treated me poorly, I purge them from my life- no contact, no memories, no images, no association. I don't give a crap because how dare they play games and fool me.
The best remedy for narcissim is to completely ignore their existence, not tolerating an ounce of disrespect, being ruthless with red flags, being wary of "too good to be true", and never being afraid of being single and living your life. When you are desperate, you'll take anyone. Don't. You have no idea how good you are living life until you are in a relationship- especially with an abuser/manipulator/narcissist.
Yes! Mine was because he was a real man who could fix anything. I felt so safe even though he was very controlling and abusive. He killed someone and then shot himself almost two years ago. I have a son with him. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.
I held out hope for the longest time thinking things would change or get better with my ex, but came to terms with the cycles and patterns that would never end as long as we were together. Once you learn to take of yourself in a different way, healthy choices and habits are easier to maintain.
I also came to think of it as a rickety bridge. It feels scary but maybe exhilarating when you cross it, so you keep going back for the emotional intensity. A stable bridge may not feel as exiting in comparison, but you can get used to the stability it provides = new life w/o the narcissist
😂 I laughed way to hard at this one. Oh, how I wish they all did this. The world would be a much better place if they were that self aware. But then again if they were self aware they wouldn't be a narcissist...😢
exactly
Preach!
No self awareness doesn't cures narcissism. Helps it sure but doesn't heals it. Requires work to heal
So apparently I don't exist? (I'm a self aware narcissist)
@@farmcottage5404I have never seen a change no matter what age.
20 years of my life. 20 years. And once they're gone you're left trying to rebuild everything they tore down... but, you're still the bad guy, the one who broke it...
20 years for me as well.
I healed pretty quickly, with help from our Father, Yahweh.
20 for me too... creepy... Too long, too much, there's nothing left but I'm glad this is now a known thing and it will help people avoid giving up decades and losing everything.
30 for me, across 2 relationships. Getting therapy after that was the smartest thing I ever did.
This is perfect. It needs to be a PSA video to show to high school seniors.
I was just about to say this!!! They need to teach this in schools.
Why wait until senior year? I think show it at the beginning of high school. Narcissist behaviors don’t wait until senior year or after high school to “kick in”
@@michellebloch8970exactly!! I met my first (relationship-wise) narcissist in the 7th grade. He was a schoolmate.
I wish I had known anything about narcissists from middle school before entering high school, where it all began. From there on out, I literally just did not know or understand what was happening. All I knew about any abuse was from movies, the woman would have a black eye & wear sunglasses. Smh
@@MJ-gj6mj sounds about like me when I met my first. From there I was caught up in an 8 year mess.
If a person you recently met tells you “I’m not a good person” , believe them. Don’t try to comfort them with “no, don’t say that, you’re great”.. they’re telling you who they are. Narcissists will reveal themselves early on and most of us sane people wouldn’t ever fathom someone is telling on themselves in that way. Run. Save yourself heartache. I ignored red flags galore early on, and was in Tears for 2 years as a result
This. He did the same thing with me. Straight up saying he didn't think he was capable of love. That he's been described as moody. And he described himself as a selfish person and that he sees himself above most people intellectually. And I didn't take the message because I thought he was just being hard on himself. I feel like I will never give the benefit of the doubt to anyone ever again. The first sign of narcissistic abuse and I'm out. My trust in people wasn't great before. Now it's utterly destroyed
@@BlinkinFirefly I had to learn what a narcissist was through that experience. Years later, I did therapy to help me discover why I have a bad picker. I choose men who exhibit narcissistic tendencies from what I recalled of my dating life. Ofcourse, it had a lot to do with my own parents and childhood traumas. I would advise you to do the same. It will help you to heal yourself and reprogram your mind.
I'm glad you made those discoveries and got better. I'm sure you're right, both my biological dad and step dad are big narcissists. Seems my mom had the same deal I got. She kept falling for the narc :L@@vibesz
damn i should improve myself...because when i say im not a good person...i meant i feel im not kind/good enough or outgoing like others..i feel i neglect people for whatever reason i have problem inside me...this comment is a reminder to improve muself
I’ve gotten the I’m not good enough for you. Or your too good for me. Signs I didn’t heed. They are warning you.
The saddest part is that narcissists LITERALLY SAY ALL THESE THINGS JUST LIKE THIS, this is not even a parody
that’s the deal the narcissist made with the devil. They have to inform you (however deceitfully they can) that they are doing the very things they accuse you of doing.
Only to further manipulate
Its like having a conversation with The Devil.
💯👹👺
"The devil" was just chilling 😂
They are the devil's envoy!
I'm a slow learner...I've inhaled so many fumes from being gaslit..I can barely breathe. 50 years, 3 men, all used me financially, promised the world and walked away. I just wanted happiness and someone to share it with. But I have survived 100% of my worst days. I am strong. Sad but alive.✊✊✊
"I just wanted happiness and someone to share it with" resonates with me on such a deep level. That's literally all I want. And to not be lonely and die alone. And I keep getting stuck with narcissists because I'm a co-dependent people-pleaser, with low self esteem and a ton of trauma.
@@BlinkinFirefly omg are you me??? My last one used his 'christian' beliefs to justify his behaviour after dogging me for 3.5 years. Total hypocrite.
Ugh, I hate when people use their religion to justify their toxic abuse. It's so disgusting :( I'm sorry you went through that@@Elizabeth-vw1vb
@@BlinkinFireflyyou can stop pleasing and set boundaries and prioritize yourself to change the pattern. You won't die alone, you'll find people who will respect you and eliminate those who won't
Don’t be sad…be happy that you are free from them. Been there done that as well and couldn’t be happier now that I am single and calling my own shots and living in peace and happiness!
Raised by a narcissist, married her twice. First marriage 12 years, second marriage 11 years after leaving the first 9 years…plus 50 years of narcissist parent, until she died. Took a breakdown at 52, and the wonders of the internet to learn that a) I was not the problem and b) my upbringing had literally groomed me to be the perfect victim for narcissists, hence the two abusive husbands. I wished I’d understood all this at 20. The beauty of the internet is that it can help the people who are essentially prey to narcissists, to know that about themselves and to be extra vigilant about the people who they attract! Unfortunately narcissists are *so* good at what they do, and they can keep up the act for a long time, until you marry them, and the change is instant..they can be hard to identify, but there will be red flags, don’t ignore them.
Really hope u guys❤find peace and healing 🥺 these ppl who screwed u over can never experience it
But you can and i hope u have experienced peace
Same, and because I'm a woman and my narc parent is my mum, I never realised that the "you marry your parent" cliché applied to me. My dad is weak and passive so when my xh was bossing me around, I never connected the dots and realised I'd married my mother. .
Even though I noticed that my relationships were never with men like my father. He is good deep down but too weak to stand up for me. I'm stronger than he is. I don't need a manager or a yesman.
@@SusanaXpeace2uSame. I married my mother. So much so that my ex husband and her got along great. Birds of a feather...
I am raised by two, married with one and had six in a row as romantic relationship. So yes, children of narcissistic parents usually become one of two things. One of is a narcissist fodder, other is a brand new narcissist. It seems you and me are the fodder type. I am so sorry what you've been experienced but I am hoping you the best. It is possible to learn to protect yourself. I am doing if for quite some time now and it works. I am agree with you, those red flags are always there, we shouldn't ignore that.
I am really grateful for internet too ❤
As someone who is (trying to become "was") a narcissist, one thing I realised early on is that even if you are brutally honest upfront, most people don't believe it or laugh it off until it's too late.
Because your honesty is being mistaken for humility, you can't be upset that someone would like to see you in a good light. That's like the opposite of a problem lol. I hope you're able to work things out and heal from it. I've learned that in many cases narcissistic personality is a learned behavior, either from a guardian or as a coping mechanism in early childhood.
Maybe therapy might help?
@@radioactivepower600nanaspersec Doing it since 7 years now.
@@TigerFucker Oooohhh, and how's it going?
It's unlikely that you get healed. But you might learn to live with your affliction without harming people.
All those mental health and psychological videos to heal. All i needed was this 1 minute video of him to remind me things i already know
It’s weird- it took me A LONG time to truly understand what narcissism actually is. Probably like most people, I confused narcissism with vanity and conceitedness. It wasn’t until about a year ago, when I noticed the pattern in fights I was having with my girlfriend, that I truly came to understand what narcissistic personality disorder actually is. The you-better-apologize-for-the-argument-I-started, the double standards, the projection, the gaslighting, and where it all stems from. Lucky for me, I realized I grew up with a narcissist father, and I learned how to navigate my way around that kind of person. When you realize the tricks and games, and that it’s all just hugging and puffing, it gets so much easier to deal with. You just have to see the traps ahead of time and avoid them.
In the other hand, grow up around a narc makes things so difficult… yeah we know how to handle it, but we take a long time to see the red flags for what they’re cause for us is all too familiar. Internalizing that no, not all people do x or that y isn’t normal was one of the hardest things in therapy cause even when rationally you understand, emotionally is way too easy to fall back prey to such abusive patterns cause you were raised to do so.
@biazacha This definitely! I realized today that every person in my family has been in an abusive narcissistic relationship at some point (except my younger brother, who is the narcissistic one). When you grow up seeing it, it's so easy to fall into a "this myst be normal" kind of mind set even when you know it's wrong. And you constantly tell yourself that you never find that kind of relationship, and then one day wake up to realize your exactly where you didnt want to be. We're so used to navigating the traps we forget how easy it can really be to be led into them.
Don’t feel bad, l grew up with it and it took me 25 years to realize it in relatives.
In a romantic relationship, I was in it too and it’s been over a decade, get this - my ex uses his niece’s friends to act like he moved on, so pathetic! His cheap azz could have atleast took photos of WOMEN on dates but he’s a freaking psychopath. 😂
I met someone in group therapy that was a self proclaimed narcissist. She was brutally honest about her condition and wanted to wait to start seeing people again until she worked through her issues. Hope she’s doing well now, it took guts to accept it and seek help.
the way it was explained to me, is that someone that really has NPD, will never ever seek help or treatment for it, because to them they just dont have that self awareness of what they do... they may seek treatment for other things and go to counseling for that, but its more than just someone with narcissistic tendencies. a real deal NPD is like a real psychopath or sociopath, they are like wolves in sheeps clothing and completely unaware as to what they are.
@@xisotopex sociopath, psychpath and narcissist are different things. Psychpaths a.k.a Antisocial personality disorder is genetically determined plus environmental factors also come into play. In case of sociopaths, they are made. Lack of remorse is common among psychopaths and sociopaths. But that's not the case of narcissists. To a certain extend, they have guilt or shame when they indulge in bad things. Afterall, they've concerns about their social image. It is said that narcissists can be able to figure out their condition when they end up alone or due to some other factors. But the chances are rare.
I think the person seeking therapy was convinced by her narcissistic spouse that the problem was this person. If they were in therapy and started to self examine, then by definition they can't be narcissistic.
Wow, that is super rare.
I call BS
Ugh!!! 😩
12 years of the narcissistic cycle described to a tee!!!
Glad I’m off that rollercoaster.
36 here. And me too.
10 years of abuse 5 years of healing and to this day I still prefer to be alone than in another relationship
@@carolinecavalcante5778 At least you like the person you’re with.
Better to be alone than in bad company. ❤️🩹
@@carolinecavalcante5778With you there, I am just not going to try again. Trying to work someone out is just too much effort.
Try whole life of narcissistic parental abuse, being convinced that's how everyone acts and it's normal, doing the same f*cked up stuff to your partner for 10 years, come to a shocking realisation that you're the bad person. Get therapy, feel guilty, heal trauma, forgive yourself....
Spot on. Not even with narcissists but many abusers. They ALL appear charming at first, never ignore the red flags. ❤❤
Easy to say. It’s not that easy to do. In way too many cases They don’t start to show red flags till they’ve got us so deeply in love with them they know we won’t pick up on the real them. They’re pure evil and dead cunning. And when they tell us after an insult or humiliation, oh, I was only joking, haven’t you got a sense of humour. Or say, you took that the wrong way, you’re just too sensitive…..we immediately question ourselves. Bit by bit they chip away at our confidence, our self esteem, our mental and emotional health.
It’s only when they’ve squashed us so far down we are physically, mentally and emotionally ruined, that we start to realise there’s a problem.
Been there done that with my insecure, unintelligent, narcissistic, gaslighting ex husband. It wasn’t until our divorce (his cheating on me was the final insult I couldn’t forgive) that I realized I’d been gaslighted for 25 years, literally half my life!
Never too late to rebuild and love yourself. His problem, not yours!
Well done girl! Time to focus on you.
23 for me. Welcome to the club.
@@Dbb27 Sorry to hear about that, I hope things are improving for you.
@@lisaanderson7924 divorced over 24 years ago. Absolutely the best day of my life.
Met a great guy and have a good relationship for almost twenty years. Blessings to you and yours!
I love how the power balance is flipped when the Narcissist unwittingly dates a psychopath, who uses their manipulation to feed into the narcissists delusions to manipulate them.
what the holy hell Batman...😨
That sounds very interesting 🤔 can you give an example?
@@tikaroxanne7286 Well psychopaths attach to you by flattery. They kinda become your biggest fan and they pretend to strife to be more like you but “naturally” they will never be as good as you are, you are the unbeatable virtues original. You think you are the dominant part in this relationship and you have control. These are all things narcissists love, they are the easiest victims for psychopaths. I am not a psychopath myself btw but I have friends who are employed by businesses to root out psychopaths from offices as they can severely drain productivity from an office environment.
@@benwest2112 Thanks for the breakdown 👍🏾
ah yes, psychopath and narcissist, a match made in heaven 🙌
The thing is, a narcissist has nothing on a truly strong, witty person who knows how to dish it out when required. They're very predictable. It's like chess. You gotta see ahead and bounce back. Once they realise you're stronger than them, they're afraid to challenge you and eventually just give up.
That definitely depends on the type of narcissist and at what level. If only that were a tried and true method though...
@@BlinkinFirefly It is. My brother is the best at it. Put me through everything growing up, but I eventually came out on top. He's the highest level, the most vicious. Nobody has anything for me now, all thanks to him. Still love him though.
@@SavingPrivateBob Lol you're giving just one example and suddenly you think it's all the same for everyone
This video is so accurate. My father was and is a narcissist till today. Everything is all about him. He believes other people have got nothing much better going on their lives. He makes sure all of us tend to his needs and make sure even if we do the good deed he gets the credit for it. He behaves to be the most nicest and most polite person ever outside the house. However at home all he cares about is himself. My mother used to laugh it off and joke about it. I never found it funny. He is very dominating and manipulative about every single thing in the house. After being in my 30’s I distance myself from him.
I thought it was my fault. Even went to a therapist to get myself fixed. The more I talked the more I realized it was not me. I couldn’t believe the things coming out of my mouth. My therapist couldn’t either. She said you are in an abusive relationship and it will only escalate.
This is absolutely goddam true, and I have determined over the past year that I am the narcissist. I'm not proud of it, just affirming that what he said speaking as a narcissist is spot on. We're actually drowning in our own self hatred, and the only relief we get is belittling others.
That's very brave of you to admit, it's hard to face that. I hope you are able to heal in time.
Would you say you're an overt, or covert narc?
@@yeh.80 Covert, for sure. Most people think I'm really nice. I only let my freak flag fly with the people I shouldn't hurt at all.
@@ThepupsnameisBrianvery interesting, do you think some people see through you? How would you treat someone who sees through you or someone who sets firm personal boundaries?
@@forestofthoughts4223 Let's start by saying, I only realized I was a narcissist fairly recently. After reviewing my interactions with family (and the secret things I think about complete strangers), I realized that my insane jealousy, my need for control, and my use of humiliation to get my targets to understand that I am clearly better and smarter than they are (sarc) made me a narcissist. I haven't yet had the experience of someone seeing through me. As I said, most people-that I keep at arm's length- think I'm very nice, and no, I'm not just assuming, I've had many people tell me what a "sweet girl" I am. Frequently, when told this, I mentally think, "If only you knew", but I have more brains than to say it. My immediate family bears the brunt of knowing who the real me is, and unfortunately (for them) they all love me and are willing to excuse my abominable behavior.
I truly believe victims of narcissist abuse are here on earth to learn how to love themselves and put them first. This is the mission and goal of this life. I hardly think we are capable of finding true love because we are here to learn how to love, but it is to love ourselves - the journey from within
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💖💖💖💖💖💖
Or maybe we need to love ourselves first, in order to find true love, if true love is what you want and believe
Wish the Internet had been around longer for such alerts though. This clip is doing just that-warn potential victims to watch their precious hearts and minds.
Sound the alert, break the spell, fast. So fake love doesn't stand a chance. At all. To those still coming out of the damage, strength to everyone in your recovery and worthwhile personal growth 🌱
Tip/Alert: Self worth comes BEFORE romantic love.
Yeah, no. I was able to love myself without the extreme distress and years of sadness
❤❤❤
They are actually to some degree honest and transparent in the beginning
HOW COME I IGNORED THE RED FLAGS!?😭😭😭 he clearly told me he was baaaad😭
I lost 6 years of my life that I will never get back with a narcissist. Despite of all that hardship I got a beautiful son from that relationship and we’re liberated from him now. We’re blessed and on a new journey forward.
Wishing lots of love and Great energy for you on your next chapter in life.
Ps, please remember, this Man hurt you as a partner, that's not to be portrayed to your child as that 'man' ,as it his Father , and will always be.
Lots of laughter and happy times again for you.
@@marieO07Just stop with the unsolicited advice regarding her relationship with her child. It's none of your business.
@unrulypeasantr3911 Wow, What's with your rudness? Maybe you see that behaviour as OK, but it's not healthy for anyone. I wish you kindness and love in your heart and life.
( edit, Remember this is a post online, I believe that's her opening up her "business " )
I had a guy friend who complained about women always picking the jerk. And I told him that generally speaking, they didn't pick that guy because he was a jerk at first. They're usually the most doting, caring people at first
As a person with narcissistic personality disorder since 4 years I can confirm this is 100% true. I'm not ashamed of my mental health condition and anyone who suffers from this should consult a psychiatrist asap before it's too late.
Being a narcissist freaking sucks because you're self-obsessed all the time and you can't maintain healthy relationships with people plus a lot of other shit. I sometimes wish I was normal 😭
@mayajs5927 The Fact That Youre Self Aware Is The First Step To Working On Yourself! This Is What The MAJORITY Of Narcissists Will NEVER Do! They Cant Face All The Shame & Guilt. So, The Fact That You Have Admitted This Is Wonderful & Freeing. Now You Dont Need To Live Miserably.🎉 KUDOS
This condition is terrible and unfortunate to those with it but the sad thing is the victims of narcissists, including myself, don't know how to deal with it no matter how patient we are. I waited so long and was so understanding and then she would use my own patience against me. After a while victims just go from sad to exhausted and eventually just bored until the breakup.
Awareness of narcissism needs to be spread to inform others about issues like this. Some people end up wasting quarter or even half of their lives on narcissistic relationships.
Edit: Like the other commenter said, congrats on noticing your struggles, I wish others could be as educated on this to stop the pain of both narcissists and their victims. ❤
Can I ask how you became this way? If you can trace it back to the way you were raised or something that happened in your childhood? I have two children and one of mine is a narcissist. I also have a sister that is one. I am not. I am a an empath. My father spoiled both my sister while growing up and my daughter. He also turned my daughter against me. He does not not have access to my second child. His narcissistic ways played a big role in their narcissism. I was always the scapegoat of the family and the one that he pressed on the hardest to succeed whilst my sister who is younger than me was always coddled and spoiled, never was successful. Both her and my daughter always have had their hands out and are greedy non compassionate selfish people that use others for their own gain.
What do you mean by "before it's too late"?
Maya you can break free of narcissism. Most people don't want to hear the God heals all speech so I'll not go there but I will say that Jesus definitely changed my life for the better. I finally have peace and that is worth more than all the money in the world to me. I already mentioned that my sister and daughter are narcs. Two of my closest family members that completely wrecked my life and broke my heart. Not to mention my health struggles that they cared nothing about lending a helping hand with. They could care less if I died tomorrow. Coming to grips with that was so hard, having a huge change of lifestyle and dealing with a lifelong battle without family is devastating but then I found hope in Christ and things turned around. I had hope again. I had love. I wasn't alone. Through him all things are possible.
This is the funniest description of a narcissist and codependent that I have seen!! 😂 Every word is spot on!
That was years of psychotherapy summed up in 1 minute and 8 seconds....bravo!
You know what's good? That we are getting wise to them and that means less victims :)
Of that they just learn to become more covert :(
The first red flag of a narcissist is isolation. First they have you questioning your friends. Or make you feel you did something wrong if you're having a conversation with a man. And you're not even cheating. They give you the hmm look and act like they moved on from it. But they didn't. That's more to see how they can push you. Then they show you love by love bombing you once they you are putting it together of what's going on. Yeah i know my stuff.
I mean there's nothing wrong with that. Men are naturally suspicious of anything a woman does. There's a reason women file divorces, get money in court, get custody of children. Get away with a lot of fucked up shit. It's only natural for a man to want to keep his woman if he really likes her. The difference in men and women being women are the ones who initiate the most breakups. They look at a man not as mate with unconditional love, but instead as a trophy and what can this man provide for me. It's biological. Women are the ones who always want to chase to get someone better. Woman are loved unconditionally. Just you are good enough. Men are loved conditionally. Under the condition that they provide and offer something.
You clearly don't know how to spell
Sounds like my ex.
My trauma is so devastating I don’t laugh at any jokes on the situation, I feel like crying.
Im so sorry, you should seek therapy
May I recommend you search out a good trauma counselor, I mean a good one specializing in this area. ? I can’t say it’s going to be an immediate fix, but you will find peace & joy again. Hugs!!
My mother is a narcissist and the manipulation and emotional abuse inflicted by these people is just unreal. I’m still messed up as an adult.
Mine (a musician) literally now has a quote on his album description, saying that the ability to inspire fear is absolute power. Eye opening.
WOAH😳, what a sick 8astard!
Oof, that's scary! 😬🤯
Are you a fan of Brand New?
I grew up loving them, but now I hear all Jesse Laceys lyrics with this new awareness of who he was.
Same, mine was a metalhead/guitarist Another one was obsessed with going to concerts…. Hmmm maybe music was a hint
Literally my mother. My whole family can see how jealous and insecure she is... except her of course..
I was a victim for almost 10 years, the video is extremely accurate.
Nah. You was an idiot for almost 10 years. Stop blaming others for your own actions.
It's weird. I recently saw an Instagram account of someone who is fully transparent about having NPD. He goes to therapy and stuff to try and learn healthy ways to cope with his insecurities that don't involve manipulation. But he's also pretty open about what his narcissistic instincts are in different situations, and that part is what I was reminded of in this video.
I think we saw the same account/guy. It was honestly very validating at first to see his content because it felt like he was saying the things I wanted to hear from my mom but once I started to heal from her abuse specifically & stopped craving her love & attention his content was suddenly triggering instead. It was weird but I assume it was because going no contact with her & then randomly seeing him again was like "oh no their back" or something.
Always remember its not just romantic. You can be friends with one, related to one… my time spent healing from my ex-best friend’s narcissistic abuse has been tricky. Realising that they always made it about themselves. Narcs are never ‘wrong’ and make you feel like you’re always the one causing problems. They will never apologise for anything. They guilt trip and gaslight. My ex-friend used me financially for years by guilt-tripping me into buying things for them because they were broke. If i hadn’t have gotten out when i did, it only would have gotten worse.
That last line is so freaking true.... a narcissist will tell you who they are either through actions and behaviour or by literally telling you. It tricks you into thinking that they acknowledge their wrongs and have changed. Its a very clever and very damaging tactic that i have been burned by before.
I married one. She's never wrong and NEVER lets me forget that she's intellectually superior.
Where were you guys 32 years ago😅
Yeah, can relate. Thirty three years for me.
Im thankful for my narcisstic ex-wife. I spent ten years trying to make an impossible relationship work, and it took a couple years after the separation for me to realize she was an abusive narcissist.
I honestly never understood how people could stand with somebody who abuses them for YEARS, until I was the one who was terrified of being alone again after building a life with a partner.
Thankfully, I never have to worry about it happening again, because i know the exact red flags to look for.
I learned this the hard way with my marine ex boyfriend. I fell in love with a man that doesn’t exist and then had to grieve that man while his body and real self was still alive. It’s a very hard thing to go through.. it should be illegal
So glad my relationship only lasted 6 months before i saw the red flags and damage he was doing to me. And yes, i literally blamed myself for all the issues. And he did too. And i tried to defend myself. Until he blamed me for things i knew i WAS NOT doing. I did stand my ground there. I think that's when i started to have the balls to walk away. Things kept getting worse but i wasn't ignoring it or dismissing it anymore. And i definitely was not taking the blame anymore. I waited until after christmas and new years (cause I was trying to be nice) but that first day i saw him after the new year, i pulled the plug. Never saw him again. Not in person anyways. Best decision.
You got out so early...I almost did. But then I gave in time and time again until four years of abuse have gone by.
@BlinkinFirefly i wasn't happy. And i cried too much over him. That was my sign to get out.
I had a friend who was in a relationship for 4 years as well. At the time i was dealing with the breakup, she shared her breakup with me as well. Saying how she got out.
She is now in a wonderful relationship and is very happy. I'm still single, and I'm completely fine with it.
The important thing is you got out!
I have another friend who is in a toxic relationship of 6 years and still has not left him. I am so afraid she will waste her life with him. But only she can decide she's had enough and want something better for herself.
I'm so glad you are free. Enjoy your life and take care of yourself. And heal.
‼️ Oh, if only I could email this to my young self...it would have saved me so much wasted time and misery.
I'm sharing this with many friends; it needs to go viral asap!
Never experienced a romantic relationship with a narcissist but I was raised by one and man, is it a wild and confusing ride... Cut ties with my narcissistic dad and it was the best decision I've ever made. My heart goes out to others who have dealt/currently dealing with narcissists
I love this! It's the narcissists' playbook every victim wish they knew before committing to them.
No kidding lol. 🙄
I grew up with mine... Took the majority of my life just to break through the glass and start questioning if they were a narcissist. Started looking into it seriously a few years ago and the healing has been life changing. Narcissistic abuse is so real. This video gave me goosebumps. I'm glad I never entered into a serious dating relationship before because that would have messed me up even more.
I look back at meeting my husband and wish we’d had that conversation, he was indeed charming but they can never keep it up for long
My family calls me a narcissist for crying and being too sensitive and always wanting love affection and attention and because I tend to make it about me. They think that’s what narcissism is and they’re always accused me of never admitting when I’m wrong and blaming others when the reality is I blame myself for every mistake I make and I always feel like everything’s my fault and they gaslight me on a daily basis. I’m autistic and my autistic brother treats me the same way they do. They’ll gaslight me and deny they said anything later making me out to be crazy. My psychiatrist says they are the narcissists not me because she says narcissists never feel guilty or cry and the fact I blame myself means I’m not a narcissist. She says people often confuse narcissism with attention seekers and it’s not the same thing. An attention seeker is someone who’s highly sensitive and just wants to be loved and makes it about them. A narcissist is a completely different ballgame.
Good distinction!
many autistic people are deeply sensitive and emotional. i wish this was more understood. there’s nothing wrong with you wanting love affection and attention, that’s what makes you human. once that need is met, i’m sure you wouldn’t “make it about” you. love to you, friend
Has your psychiatrist ever talked with your family members? Or do they only get your side of the story?
@@clementina3350 The psychiatrist is accurate in the information taught. Your question is unnecessary, unsupportive and unhelpful toward ANY victim of ABUSE.
Here are 3 questions to ask yourself before questioning a VICTIM: Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind?
Go away from this "family". If they don't love you now, they will never love you. Don't make the mistake to beg for there love all your life. Find a good church with people you can trust and find Jesus! 21 years ago I did this and it changed my life completely. From misery to healing and stability.
"but you seem so nice"
"Oh im pretending"
Had me rolling for some reason
They really are so lame 😂
I just came out of a relationship with a guy who could've said all of these things word by word if he'd ever been honest and I'm so thankful for this video pointing it out
It's important to remember that this does not just apply to romantic relationships. As a teenager/adult I had a friend exactly as he described in the video. This friend was incredibly manipulative over me but on the surface he was charming, witty, polite to others, easily fooling them whilst for years he attempted to emotionally manipulate me in so many ways. When he sensed his grip loosening he'd give or offer me a token gesture to try and keep me on side which sometimes worked but his grip over my life tightened. Crazy to think I actually considered him a friend, as I said he could do nice things, but always to gain much more in return. He very nearly made me homeless after moving in to my apartment. That's when I finally had enough and knowing how venegeful he was going to be I said enough is enough. Thankfully I moved away and cut all ties. Right move. Guys - don't limit yourself to thinking only romantic partners can be controlling narcissts.
I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I've been free and in a healthy relationship for almost 8 years now. I still struggle from the trauma. I wholeheartedly feel so very sorry to anyone who has been through it.
Same here! Have you learnt how to deal with the trauma? Because it has made me so insecure, given me anxiety issues and has completely broken my self esteem
@@rachelmichael I am still a mess. I didn't get any therapy. But I will say that at least we know what we are facing and that we need to work on it.
Thank you for summing up in 30 seconds my 30 year marriage and enabling me to communicate it to my family! You Rock. Keep it coming bc explaining the effects of NPD to others has been the most difficult part of my journey. You’ve summed it up perfectly💯
I've been separated from my husband for 3 years. We have been married for 20. I wish I had waited and not gotten married at 18. Of course, nobody could tell me anything about my relationship then and me actually listen.
YEP.
30 years of being with one, with the last 3 in EMDR trauma therapy that helped me heal enough to plan my way out of the relationship.
In the beginning, there were clues that were couched in such a way that I didn’t see them as red flags prior to the relationship. When I look back, I can see them now as the truth. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to believe them, because I had been raised to see this kind of behavior as “acceptable”.
I know better now.
What were the clues, the red flags?
@@robertmadison1205
He told me who he was and I didn’t believe him. He projected such a loving gentle nature in public and anger/criticism in private. Dealing with the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde aspects of his personality was challenging. They were so diametrically opposed to one another. The confusion from that made decision-making very difficult.
It wasn’t until I found a trauma therapist who used EMDR and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy modalities that I was able to heal my brain and begin to see him and his behaviors for what they were. Once the healing began, I was able to do what was necessary to leave.
Basically, saying one thing and doing the complete opposite, denying accountability, lying, keeping secrets, spending time with people who saw only his good side, then treating me like sh**. Hard to pinpoint the red flags in the middle of the confusion.
Therapy that heals one’s brain makes it possible to see REALITY and get out.
The fantasy life, the future-faking, promises never kept, bad behaviors never changed, and on and on and on….
51 years old and this is hands down the best video I have ever seen on RUclips.
Seeing everyone as inferior really is spot on. My ex would do the most horrifying/heartless things to people and then shrug. If I continued to look horrified after the shrug he would suddenly remember that he is supposed to care and turn the charm back on. Giving a long, heartfelt lie excusing his actions.
Once he even started to tear up as I refused to be convinced, passionately explaining how sorry he felt and how he had apologized profusely to the person he had wronged. He would relax once I was convinced and pretty much just get right back to doing it in secret.
I’m still confused at what creates a monster like that. All I can think is you’d just have to be so certain of the utter worthlessness of everyone but yourself that you’d cancel out the feeling of remorse completely.
The part where he spits out the water 😂😂😂😂
It's perfection!!!
Wine!
I think the key is learning to spot the red flags BEFORE you fall for a narcissist. NOBODY can keep up their act nonstop the entire time. They will show you signs, in word or action, but either you’re not paying attention or you justify the behaviour or you minimise it.
Many people are not what they present themselves to be. Be aware of the signs they show you.
These narcissists can also be absolutely perverted sick freaks too. I’ve had first hand experience of dealing with these monsters. I stayed trying to get revenge on him to protect other people but I just can’t take it anymore letting this freak touch me. I’m getting away from him.
@@ykwtfim Thank you! ❤️
Rule #1 when dealing with a narcissist--run!!
This one short video nails down the narcissists so well! Even the narcissists would be shocked to see their secrets revealed in this mirror reflection!
The more 'honest' and 'transparent' they are the more the victim becomes entangled and unable to leave later.
Don't let yourself be fool by them. My ex is a narcissist, I think I spotted it pretty quickly comparing with other stories I've learn about after our breakup(which was painful) but such a MUST DO. Never before that relationship was I able to be aware of the sick mind games some people use. I'm grateful to my ex, I learned so much from that experience. Yes it was toxic, from that I came to realize how much respect I have to/for myself, and how much I validate my own journey and learning how to love myself. I'm proud of myself because I knew I deserved better, regardless of that inner urge to be loved by someone else. Which I don't feel anymore after that relationship. 😌, so. Thank you 😌🙏🏽 plus now getting better than ever and I'm attracting really genuine, nice hearted and hot people just being myself 😅.
Yep. The ex-partner taught me what NOT to accept in the behaviors of others.
Love is an action. Since I hadn’t learned that in my childhood, from my parents, I listened to the words the ex spouted, expecting follow-through which never came. His actions were despicable, so they couldn’t be love. I’m grateful for the learning, if not the abuse.
‘Well if there’s one thing I am, it’s honest and transparent from the beginning.” Haha. I wish.
I feel like God sent this to me. I don’t even want friends now. I really enjoy the lord and my own company! He’s been with me every step of the way. Haven’t needed ANYTHING but him! I love you lord!! ❤🙏🏾
“Yea well I just want people to know what they’re getting into.” Said no narcissist ever
Incredible script writing and acting. Also, very helpful facts included to understand the mechanisms of controlling behaviour.
And a narcissist trying to claim their partner is a narcissist has got to be worse than hell. But I’ve seen it and it is pure evil. Cruel and painful like a dagger to the soul.
Every person on the planet needs to see this video.
Why
This is exactly how it is. It's unbelievable to what lengths narcissists will go to to have power. It's also true that if we knew this up front we would definitely be saved years of after effects. Thanks for bringing them into public awareness.
I laughed hard😁😁 brilliant video Jimmy👏I can laugh now coz 16 years ago I was getting divorse from my Narc ex husband. I didn't realise how much his behaviours towards me destroyed/damaged me emotionally/mentally until last relationship. Eye opening. Thank God I found help.
I love these skits! They are SPOT on. He describes everything so well and succinctly as possible. Extremely funny but also so sad.
I wish my ex had been as honest as this video. 15 years in an abusive marriage and a divorce process that is never ending. It was a hard lesson to learn about narcissists.
I’m currently married to one. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to endure. Wish I’d known about this 13 years ago. To all those living in this abuse or have escaped it, God bless you all. Does anyone know of any support groups for folks like us?
Rebecca Zung channel for legal.
Doctor Ramani channel for emotional.
@@TawnyC_ Outstanding. Thank you so much. May God Bless and Keep You!
@@travislee9396 👍
Leave them, life is too short!
What’s the reason of u not leaving?
I love your role plays and you're incredible is clarifying this interaction for us... spot on as always!
This is So Very Accurate. It Plainly Explains how seriously disordered and Abusive Narcs are!
Love it! Thank you! What you are doing is so important. Your videos should be obligatory and shown in schools, before it's too late.
Trust me, most of them won't take heed. I am a high school teacher, and I can speak only on behalf of my female students. They think, "Oh, I'm smarter than that. "This will never be me"....🙄😨 I know because I thought like this when I was their age.
This short is one of my new favorites and packed with solid wisdom.
Veeeeeeery accurate! I mean, not the "honest" part, but all the rest. I would save 13 years of my life if my ex would be so honest. Now I'm single by choice to avoid further drama, which is sad, because I wanted to have a family of my own.
A veces queremos una pareja o una familia tradicional pero olvidamos que como seres humanos necesitamos a buenas personas en nuestras vidas (comprobado científicamente) a veces nuestro compañero de vida puede ser algo no romántico, con quién tengamos hijos puede ser sólo un amigo y podemos involucrarnos en una proyecto de vida con alguno de nuestros familiares en quien mas confiemos... sí aún quieres relaciones estables en tu vida no reemplaces la posible felicidad por miedo, porque si es por el miedo deberíamos temerle a cualquiera solo porque no sentimos que seamos capaces de superar una decepción
@@orianatorres502 No excluyo la posibilidad de tener una familia en futuro y de hecho ahora estoy interesada mucho más en un hombre de confianza, con el cual tener una relación igualitaria. Pero necesito mi tiempo para que las heridas se cicatrizan después de años de mentiras y maltratos y conocer a mi misma para evitar de caer en otras trampas. También tengo que recuperar mi vida después el desastre que dejó mi ex novio (que - casualmente - es español, por eso puedo contestarte). Mis futuros hijos y pareja merecen una madre feliz y estable en todos los sentidos.
This is the direct result of "Fake it till you make it". I was baffled when I saw people advising this to others unironically.