The story of how I overcame HOCD and thrived - never before told
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- Опубликовано: 3 дек 2022
- I wanted to share my real life survivors story of HOCD. For many years I suffered from this awful condition but I overcame it.
I’m sharing with you how it manifested for me and how I came to navigate it and eventually overcome HOCD for good.
Please share your HOCD story with us so we can all learn from each other. I know there are many of you who suffer from HOCD so please know that you are among friends.
We have many other videos on HOCD and related topics so check them out. You can also hear about my life story in more detail on the channel as well.
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I can so relate to this. 😔😢Thank you for sharing these painful memories. The more we share, the stronger and fitter we become mentally, psychologically as individuals in our community. Let's reach out to anyone who is living with HOCD. This journey has made you the wonderful, loving person you are today, Mark.
Thank you so much dear Allan. This means a lot.
thanks for sharing man, I think it's really useful what you're doing here.
Oh gosh thank you so much for saying. Really appreciate your kind words.
you have helped me so much in becoming more confident and accepting of myself ever since I found your channel last week! I relate to you on so many levels. thank you for being a role model and representation for me!
Gosh thank you so much for taking the time to say this. It has made my day. Always here for you if you need support. I'm so glad you're here. Check us out @notdefining on instagram, twitter and tiktok if you use those platforms. Daily content.
Sending you so much love, Mark x
@@notdefining ❤❤
As someone who's been dealing SO OCD, I can say it is the most confusing OCD subtypes I have ever dealt with. I have been straight my entire life. But, back in 2019, I started having the fear that I was gay. But then it wasn't such a big deal. It wasn't until this year that it became so much that I couldn't handle it. I felt like I didn't know myself. I was afraid of who I possibly was or who I might become. For me, while it was also the fear of being attracted to men, in its full image, I had lost my entire identity (in my opinion, SO OCD/HOCD is really kind of Identity OCD). I would try to use my intuition; I would use different labels of sexuality for myself, and no label felt right.
For a really long time, SO OCD tormented me. I constantly ruminated, constantly analyzed people to see if I was attracted to them. At the end of the day, I was just confused. There was never any reassurance. I tried looking up signs of being gay or bisexual only to find I displayed none of any signs. But I could never go to sleep not being certain of my sexuality or fearing that I was attracted to men. Until one day, I "accepted" that I was bisexual. I tried looking at porn exclusively with men, only to find it wasn't arousing. I thought to myself that I was still resisting, that I was still afraid to admit it. So I tried harder to like it only to find I still wasn't aroused. Then I tried watching porn exclusively with women and I was aroused. I thought it was odd, so I would try again but I was trying not to be aroused, but still got aroused. This soon became a ritual. I'd watch exclusively male porn and then exclusively female porn. This went on for a while. Then, I made the Google search, "Why I am afraid of being gay even though I'm not?" And then I found an article about SO OCD and that's when everything made sense. Everything explained in that article was everything I experienced. As I kept learning more about OCD and all the subtypes, everything came full circle. All my life stresses and struggles were simply put.
My advice about SO OCD?
1. STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. Stop. You'll only become even more confused. You may be thinking you're an exception, that you can gain certainty. You can't. I thought the same way, but I still came to where I am today.
2. There's some comfort in the fear of what you might become.
3. Get out of your head. Of course, you will still have thoughts but don't dwell on them. Let them come and go.
4. Healing is a slow process. Just because you figure out you have SO OCD doesn't mean you can just go back to your old self quite yet. Take small steps when healing.
5. No porn. Nope. None. Absolutely none. Even when you're healing or healed. None.
6. OCD is creative. It'll do anything to get you to listen to it and do its bidding. Ignore it.
7. If you've had other OCD subtypes, chances are you're going through SO OCD. But that's not reassurance. No promises that's what it is you're going through.
8. Do what you would've wanted before the obsession came into your life. You can't trust the you that you are now.
9. Practice living outside of your head.
Hey thanks so much for taking the time to share your experiences and give this advice. I’m so glad you’re feeling better than you were. You’re right it is so hard. But we’re all here to support each other. Thanks for being part of that. Sending so much love.
so youre straight?
Do you mind explaining the question a little more please? Sorry I didn’t quite catch the meaning.
Your straight ?
Hey man question did you ever find out if you were straight gay or bisexual?
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Thank you si much for the kindness you are sharing to us !
It is from my heart to you.
Thank you for this video on such a specific subset of OCD that many people don't understand. I'm so glad you're in recovery. I am getting there too with my bisexuality-themed SO OCD! One thing I'd recommend to other sufferers, and yourself if you ever have a setback, is exposure response prevention (ERP) which is the gold standard for OCD treatment. It's a part of CBT, but I didn't really do ERP exercises with CBT therapy in the UK. Talk therapy did not help, which is often the case with OCD, but CBT only got me 50% of the way to recovery and I felt awful again after a few months. I am doing tailored ERP with a company called NOCD who understand OCD more than anyone, and it's helping so, so much. You force yourself to think about the things you fear the most in specific, heightened ways, and over time your SO OCD fears (and all other types) can decrease hugely. I'd recommend so much to anyone else who has been in a really dark place - I've stopped almost all compulsions and my anxiety, dread and depression have almost all gone.
Hey thanks so much for this excellent advice. ERP is a great and well respected treatment so brilliant to mention it. I'm going to check out NOCD. I'm so interested in the area. So glad you are in a better place now. Sending so much love and hoping you continue to feel better as you go. Thanks so much for sharing. We appreciate it.
@@notdefining I'm so glad! Your self acceptance work also sounds similar to the way you feel after ERP too and I'm sure they can compliment one another :)
Another thing I forgot to add to anyone reading this is that NOCD's therapy rates seemed super expensive so I was initially put off using them, but then I found out they do offers and I managed to pay half the price for the first two months!
@@christinamariawebb2508 Hey thanks so much once again. Really appreciate it.
@@christinamariawebb2508 do you had hocd an then realized you’re bi 🤯
@@leozelt2156 no, I was always bisexual and I knew that I was before I developed OCD. OCD will not reveal your sexuality. It is completely separate and not linked at all to your sexuality or any other kind of traits.
Thank you for this video 🙏
My pleasure 😊
I had a bad porn addiction which left me confused and disgusted, when my love life died I realised i had to stop and now i have had HOCD for about 4 months, trust me it is absolutely awful. I was watching dark stuff online but in real life i have only ever been attracted to women since i was 7 years old, never to men or trans people but i have that awkward groinal response now and i start to think 'i want to love women but deep down this is what i really want' and i fear that i might be a gay boy living in denial. The thought of actually having sex with a trans person or (even more) a man honestly disgusts me. But I can't get these thoughts out of my head and i constantly want to seek assurance. I may add I'm a person with a lot of self hate and self loathing, often from bullying and lack of being able to set boundaries.
Earlier this year (late Jan/early Feb) my theme related to SO OCD struck again after 7 years. I knew my previous experience with it was SO OCD, but i ignored the OCD aspect of it, especially when I was diagnosed with GAD at the time. Thankfully this year after being diagnosed with OCD, a lot more things in my life made sense.
I came across your video during my dark times this year and honestly was triggered as soon as I heard you were bi. I accept the shame I felt in those moments, but my brain just took that to mean, that means I’m bi, saw some comments and I shut down.
I watched your video again today, knowing that I had been triggered in the past, and I am very glad I did. I know people of the lgbtqia+ community go through this too, even if my OCD wanted me to think that wasn’t true at one time, but hearing your story was very impactful.
I cannot obviously speak for members of the lgbtqia+ community, but from the forums I am on, I do feel there is a lack of talk surrounding people from that community’s experience with this theme of OCD vs people like me who identify as straight.
You rock for posting this video, and creating a channel to help others with this terrible mental illness that is OCD. Keep up the great work!
Had this happen for like 3 months after my first big breakup with my college sweetheart, when I came out as bi. Everyone told me I’m just gay and I believed them. Wasn’t fun let me tell you
I hear you
Very interesting. I met someone with this decades ago in an OCD support group, but there wasn't really a name for it (that I knew of) at the time. Thanks for sharing your story.
You’re so welcome. Thanks for the support.
I would’ve killed myself if I didn’t know this was thing. I was going crazy
This is my story.
So basically this is all started 10 months ago when I had kind of a loss of attraction towards women. Then I started obessing that I was gay but deep down I knew it wasn’t true and this started happening for about 3 months and then it went away and I liked girls again and everything was back to being somewhat normal.
Then it came back and it was worse than ever the ruminating the compulsions were so bad I researched for hours and ruminated for hours and analyzed different photos to see if I was attracted to men and all of this. Then I watched a video on if you are bi or not. This guy basically said if you have ever had a dopamine release in your brain with the same gender you are bi I’ve never had that.
I felt straight and was so close to beating it then something came back and now I’m just ruminating again. I’ve been straight for 0-17 I don’t why this happened this is just so hard
Hey thank you so much for sharing your story. You are doing so well. It's so hard but we've got you. May I ask, do you have access to any GP or therapy support at the moment? No problem if not. Just seeing if we can get you feeling better and over this asap.
@@notdefining yes I’m seeing a therapist
@@vertile1x513 Hey that's great to hear. How is it going with your sessions. Here to support as well. Much love.
@@vertile1x513 That's good. How is it going?
Are you able to get over it?
I am more like scrolling through symptoms and then deciding my state ❤😂
OMG my experiences relate so much to what you explained! Except for the fact that I was obsessed about not being homosexual, but heterosexual. I know that's kinda weird. I was diagnosed with OCD around 14, but I had this disorder since my childhood. I used to get frustrated with doing certain things in a "way" or "pattern", was always confused when making decisions. During my early teens, I was afraid that I might be gay, bcuz those days I strongly felt same-sex attraction. In the end, when one of my friends came out to me, things flipped and I embraced my sexuality. Yes, it was the right thing to do, and I came out as gay as well. But then I was always obsessed if I would turn straight and lose my queer identity. Sometimes I got intrusive thoughts that I identified as gay just because I was interested in learning about LGBT, not because I actually felt gay, which is not true. Then like you explained, I analyzed my arousals, fantasies and opinions. Each time I just looked at a girl, I was bombarded with this anxiety that I might not really be gay. Later, I started writing down my feelings, opinions, and even fantasies to remember that I am gay. I couldn't speak to anyone about this either, because not only our society is too homophobic, but telling about my obsessions would paint a negative opinion about me and people would misinterpret that I'm being stupid and that I'm trying to be gay. That would certainly generate serious backlash and a negative picture of LGBTQ. I didn't want to risk that, so I kept all of this tension to myself. Sometimes I felt that I had enough of this life as I had to "qualify" for everything.
Anyways, I did feel turned on by a girl recently, and by this time I had found your channel and was learning more about bisexuality. I dropped out from the "gay" label because it would exacerbate things by narrowing things up. I kept reminding my head that being queer is not a choice. After a time of genuine questioning and research, I came to terms with this problem, and now I identify as queer or bisexual. I feel successful and more stable now. But sometimes those above intrusive thoughts can still pamper my head. But I think I have more control now. Being bisexual gives more spaciousness to my identity. There's nothing wrong having feelings towards both sexes.
I have to mention that a part of my mental reconciliation should be credited to you, sir. Without your videos of guidance and genuine advice, I would be still stuck dealing with those painful thoughts. Being a 15-year-old teen as of now, it's such a relief to know that I won't be obsessed with these thoughts and fears for the rest of my life.
THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤❤❤❤
Love from Sri Lanka 🇱🇰 🇱🇰
This is so relatable. I would constantly check my attraction towards people of various genders. I would get so worried about what that meant about me.
Weirdly, when I accepted I was trans, I was finally able to accept my bisexuality. I think finally being seen as the gender that I feel like has helped me so much.
Hey thanks so much for sharing these encouraging words. Acceptance is so scary but it's the way to break it. I'm so glad you seem to have overcome things. Big shout out to my bi trans family. Love you so much.
Also not many people know that bi is the most common sexual orientation for trans people. Makes sense if you think about it doesn't it?
Hi, I am a 17 years old girl and I recently start being attracted to girls but I don't like this I have been straight throughout my life but I don't know what is happening now its been 20 days since I started thinking about having a relationship with another woman and it's haunting me, it makes me anxious, I hate these feelings but my brain is not stopping I always try to reassure my feelings towards boys. I can't sleep at night and my heartbeat always increases whenever I see any female, no matter their age.I always got the wrong thoughts about them.nowadays I dont like to see any couples as it increases my anxiety I dont know what to do
Hey hey clam my friend it's just HOCD i know it I feel it iam a male 18 years , and you said you attract to girls it's completely fake don't stress if you didn't like to attract to girls why you think you like them . Yes it's just brain. Brain is tricking you and all of us with ocd . Like same i feel this after a wired moment I had HOCD when ever I see another male i got a bad nasty thought and i feel grosse. i can't even look into another face if I saw them my ocd said ( ah bro you looking them you gay 😂) and iam and stressed and anxious. But thnx to God now i Little but free not so but fine here what help me 1 (stop researching, beacuse there are a dumb people who didn't even who HOCD and they just giving lables ). 2 (stop overthinking remember sexuality is never change , a gay can't be straight and a straight can't be gay understand 😋 . ) 3 ( if you think you lesbian why you didn't like girls since when your child think about it you said it just started 20 days ago your not gay it's just HOCD )
I feel so sad of you because I feel everything you feel really i hope you better
Hey thanks so much for sharing what's been going on. We're all here for you and it's going to be okay. It sounds like you are having intrusive thoughts which are causing severe anxiety. If you would like to work through this via patreon.com/notdefining or notdefining.square.site I would be more than happy to support you through this. I work with a lot of people in similar situations and I myself have also gone through this. Alternatively, we can chat on here in the comments and I will always try to reply. Let me know what you think. I can guide you through a few questions on here which will hopefully help. You're not alone. Sending love, Mark x
Thank you so much for being community and showing support for our family. I'm here for you.
same I’m going through that right now 😢
Really helpful man. Congratulations on accepting your true soul. I want to be freed from and coming in to terms that if i really am bisexual, i shouldnt be offended.
But problem is, in 29 years of my life, i could not remember any instance where i get sexual thoughts over men or takes my heart away like women.
My problem nowadays when i see an attractive dude, my eyes would just glue to them and i think im afraid that i'll be judged as a homo. I should really stop caring and stop finding out what i am.
It's the only way to live my life.
Hey thanks so much for sharing. I completely feel what you’re saying. It’s can be so hard. You’re doing great though and I’m proud of where you’re at.
I dealt with this back in 2019 in my final year of highscool I got over it becuase my freinds reassured me I was straight becuase it didn’t feel right that I thought I was gay and I felt very confident in my self knowing that deep down I was straight so I moved on with my life and knew I was straight or more so I didn’t obsess over my sexuality. Now in June if 2022 it came back and my worst was in December 2022 I wanted to kill my self, I had high anxiety, through the roof when I’d wake up and it would stay through out the day. Now in February 2023 I feel much less anxiety but I still ruminate and have compulsions. When ever I have an intrusive thought I say “ok cool suggestion but I’m fine” or “nah I’m good thank you for the suggestion” I also tend to remember that I’ve always wanted a girlfriend and a wife (I think it’s a compulsion), it’s always my dream to have a girlfriend so I say “I’m going to grant my 9 year old self his dream” which is having a girlfriend. I don’t know if I’m dealing with it properly but I can’t wait for the day to have a girlfriend that loves me for me and I also can’t wait for the day to stop having these thoughts again. I doubt I’m in denial becuase I would already know if I was gay or I would have already have a sexual attraction towards a gay. In the past I’ve had very small attractions towards men but never the desire to be in a relationship or marry a man. But I don’t count them as valid points to say I’m gay because those were all event that happened before I was 13. I look to god and tell him to help me through this and give me courage to face this fear and not run. Sorry for the long paragraph just had to type this all out.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Hi I’m 22 year m I’m facing this problem last 7 months but last 2 months I’m not feeling axity distress sadness anxious etc and false attraction, arousal feel so real
My question is sometimes we feel loving to same sex not sexual but emotional loving so it’s mean you r not straight I hope you’re understand what I said?
I am having troubles, before in my past when I would look at women I would always get happy and feel something, nowadays ever since 2 weeks ago and now recently when I look at men I feel like I have a panic attack and my private gets aroused a tiny bit when I dont want it to and I feel sad and worried, I always loved females and until recently ive been in heavy questioning. any tips on how to recover from this because I genuinely dont think im gay
Hey it’s totally natural. Check out my HOCD playlist on my channel. There are lots of resources there. If you want to chat you can come see me on Patreon.com/notdefining. We can chat it out. You will get through this. Wishing you all the best.
@@notdefining I will thank you, currently I’m doing better but if I need it, I will chat with you
@@notdefining Update on my situation I dont get aroused by men at all even when im exposing myself to pictures of them or videos. I get scared that I might be attracted but I dont feel attracted to them at all. I get aroused by women and did a test yesterday to see and I genuinely love females. I still have the thoughts but I am working on bettering myself so they dont happen again
I feel you guys but i have similar feelings with my TOCD (transgender OCD) this ocd starts when im questioning about my gender but after few months i realize that i was cis I knew that I was male since I was younger but still TOCD still working to make me feel that im trans and feel delusion. Anyway im also gay being gay doesn't feel anxious or repulsed in same sex attraction and im enjoy attracted to my same gender. I know you guys what you feel dealing with HOCD because i have TOCD.
Hey thanks so much for sharing this
Hey I need your help I’ve been dealing with this problem for a week and it’s horrible and scary. I’ve always been straight my whole life and never questioned myself on anything about sexuality. My hocd started last week when I watched a TV show with my mom on Netflix. A particular scene that involved gay rape triggered me and I felt myself have a panic out of nowhere and I started questioning my identity. Now I have some thoughts but mostly just real vivid images that bring me panic. I just want this to go away so I can return to how I use to be. The images I see are unwanted. And I have thoughts like “What if it isn’t Hocd, you’re in denial.” Or sometimes I just have straight fear and anxiety of turning Gay, Which scares tf outta me. I haven’t ate in 4 days because of this and I keep throwing up when I try to eat and I lost my motivation in everything and can’t focus. I’m still attracted to girls but it feels like my attraction has diminished a little bit and not like it used to be. and I have a date with this really pretty girl in a couple of days but I’m so nervous because i feel like this condition has taken away some of my personality and I’m usually a real care free guy and out going, but I’m so uncertain of my self now. I just want to go back to normal. How long does it take?
Hi there do you do online consultations? I'm really struggling with sexual orientation I have ocd aswell
Hey there. I do. You can book a 1:1 session with me here - notdefining.square.site. Alternatively we have a Patreon site where you can write in to me and received dedicated answers any time of day and access group sessions with me and other like minded people. Patreon.com/notdefining. I would be so happy to support you.
Who was your therapist - I've just been through a severe phase of this over a breakdown of a relationship.... I need to find someone who knows HOC and Ego Dystonic
Rainbow Minds Ireland
I don't know if it's hocd or not
I have suffer from anxiety from last 2 yrs
Now when I was in class image come suddenly in my eyes (that I suck my friend.....)and I was confused what is it 😭 and I googled it and now when my friend hit me on ass my brain told hit again and I have intrusive thought about my family.i scold every body but it not me it is only in my mind please kindly replay what it is?
Hey thanks for sharing. It sounds like this has caused some anxiety and confusion my friend. I hear you. What do you think it is? What is the fear?
@@notdefining i don't want to become gay and i felt guilty
This gives me stress and anxiety 😔
I have consult with dr and they told it is ocd but I still confuse
@@vampire9274 It can be very confusing. That's okay. What has the doctor suggested in terms of treatment for you my lovely?
@@notdefining I am doing ERP and i am taking medicine it help me .when I stopped medicine anxiety attack me
And i attract towards girls sexually and romantically but my problem is my mind always told me you are homo .it gives me lots of stress and anxiety 😔.
If I talk about making girlfriend my mind take double meaning like you want girlfriend or boyfriend this is also my biggest problem.hope you will replay
Thank you for replying me
@@vampire9274 I hear you. The confusion is part of it. Watch my other videos on OCD and follow what the doctor says and you will be okay. Stay strong.
it feels like i need to accept the fact that i’m gay but i know i’m not i don’t understand what my brain is telling me, i just want to be back into women again
You’re not alone. This is something that does affect a lot of bi people.
I'm a 31 years old man been struggling with hcod for 11 years. I can say it's feeling worse than death but I still have a bit of hope to find the way out of this hell but honestly I don't even know how to live without it because I've spent my whole adult life this way.
You are not alone and I completely feel everything you’re saying. Check out the links to my mentoring and coaching if you need help and don’t struggle alone.
these intrusive thoughts are so confusing, i wouldn’t mind being bi sexual but i know i could never be with a man, i could never do anything with a man. but my mind tells me i could it’s torture. why is my brain telling me i’m gay but i have no fantasies about being with a man
This is natural but it’s complicated. If you want we can take a closer look at what’s going on for you. I provide this through Patreon.com/notdefining or notdefining.square.site. You’re not alone in this.
Hey can I please have help. I also have hocd but it has gotten a little bad and I feel scared almos all the time now with intrusive thoughts, I always think my heart is beating fast, witch it does sometimes. And I when I think sometimes it interrupts them and then I continue to add onto the thought. I just wanna feel regular again man. Been having this for about 4 months now. I’m 17
Hey there. You’re not alone. If you would like to chat things out you can come join us at Patreon.com/notdefining and talk to me 24/7. Alternatively you can book a 1:1 session at notdefining.square.site. As you’re 17 I could do 25% off for you. If not you can let me know what’s been going on and I will always try my best to answer on here. Do you have access to a doctor or therapist where you are?
@@notdefining thank you so much I’ve been doing better ever since and yes I have an appointment with my ace pediatrics next week. And thanks I will make sure to contact you!
@@4ortunateagng hey I’m so glad you’ve been feeling better. That’s great. Sending so much love.
Mark I need help my hocd is really bad but now I feel like I don’t like guys anymore I don’t have attraction towards them it was false attraction in the past but at one point I did like the thought of being with another man and now I’m worried that that means it’s true becusse I liked the thought but I’m so anxious that I liked the thought and that it must mean it’s true. I really don’t have attraction to guys anymore I have never felt that dopamine realese to another guy but I did like the thought of being with one and that felt like what I wanted but I only felt that for about a week and now. I don’t feel it anymore but I’m still worried and anxious at the fact that I liked the thought please help
Hey it’s okay my love. We’ve got you. What would happen if you were attracted to men for real? How would that feel? Not saying you are. It’s just helpful to explore this fear. We’ve got you. Have a think and let me know.
@@notdefining I’d prob be really depressed dude tbh but eventually I would probably get over it and jsut go through life but would hate it
@@sagaveina1558 I get you. What about it would make you depressed?
@@notdefining for me it's the fear that one day I will act out on my thoughts and feelings even though I think it's not what I want. I don't want to experiment because all previous experimentation has just left me more depressed.
@@igallagher4 I hear you. That's okay. I want to invite you to reflect on something. Let's say you did act out on your thoughts and feelings. Take a moment to imagine that person you were acting out with. Delve deep and try to tell me what the FEELING would be. What feeling are you craving? Let me know.
Mark please help. I have had hocd for a long time and recently I started testing myself more like you said in the video to see if I was attracted to different things. Today I started watching a femboy audio to see if it had an effect monitoring the whole time. And then a very big part came on like the climax of the audio and it happened I got an erectlon but it wasn’t a full one it was like maybe an inch or less than normal. But I’m freaked mark am I bi please help your all I have.
Hey thanks so much for sharing it's okay. You're okay. We've got you. Take a moment. Breath. It's okay. Testing is a common compulsion. The anxiety can be horrid. Are you able to access any GP or theraprutic support at this time? No worries if not but just checking to see what we can do for you.
I am stuck at intrusive thought that i have no sex drive by which I get so much into the analysis of thought that now i cannot even enjoy watching po*n because my mind keep analysing the thought even when i am watching po*n then i get another thought see you are not enjoying po*n because you have no libido damn
Hey thanks for sharing. You’re not alone. What is the fear attached to having no sex drive?
So i also accepted when u had hocd that ur attraction to woman was gone at that moment? And that it was oke. At the same time i accepted all the attraction to men en the feeling u changed to a gay lifestyle. After al that the real you and attraction to woman came back? And the attraction to al men and crush feelings feelings u wanted to kiss them became less and less ?
The confusion here is the notion that men and women are exclusively distinct. They’re not. But yes my attraction to women has disappeared and come back. There is no such thing for me as a gay lifestyle and I’m not gay when I’m attracted to men. People are just people. That’s what we have to accept. I’m attracted to some people at some times. And that’s fab. Neither are mutually exclusive.
@@notdefining but men and women are distinct. Otherwise, predominately hetero and homosexual people's orientation is made irrelevant. If you are just talking from a bi perspective, then perhaps. But even then, my attraction to male and female bodies (plus gender expressions) are distinct. I think you even acknowledged this in an instagram shared post (the ooh vs ah).
@@Volt35 Men and women are distinct in the same way that blue is distinct from green. But they are on a spectrum. There is no definitive line between the two and there's lots in between. Does that make sense?
@@Volt35 Yes but both can be true. For example, you can like chocolate cake and carrot cake in different ways but they are both still cake.
If I'm sure I have HOCD does that mean I'm not gay?
It would suggest that you are not gay yes that’s correct.
how can i know if i like my intrusive thoughts or not?
@@joaobaka8404if they're intrusive and you get anxious then I don't think you like them much
I want to ask a question
Can you be gay even if you have hocd ?
Please 🙏😭 Answer I am tired of this
If you have diagnosed HOCD and you have previously identified as heterosexual then no, that would strongly suggest that you are not gay.
Sexuality is not a choice. If that was true , all gay would become straight. We can find people attractive regardless of gender. Attracted to someone is something which is spontaneous reaction, it's nor you choose to feel. I live a complete straight life and am always sexually attracted to woman . It's impossible for me to have sexual feeling to same sex. Other than platonic friend I have zero interest in same sex. But HOCD continously create theme of gay stuff in my head. Despite the fact , I hate these thoughts.They are so annoying. I would rather be better if my obsession was related to woman , boobies etc. But , yea OCD can never change sexuality. Those who are gay , they were born that way , those who are bi , they are born that way , those who are straight they are born that way.Dont seek re assurance, whatever you were before OCD , you are still the same person, whatever you thinking about if I am attracted to , this is not feelings , these are just intrusive thoughts which traps you to seek re assurance and doing compulsion. All OCD works that way , if your theme is if I turn gay , then you are either bi or straight. If your theme is if I turn straight, then you are gay.
apparently you sell the idea that there is no such thing as hocd, just that people later discover they are bisexual, but "it is okay"
No that is wholly incorrect
So you had hocd bit know are queer? Great, so that’s my biggest fear 😔
I know. That’s the challenge of HOCD. But it can affect people of all orientations.
@@lister11811 yes, that’s exactly what he’s saying! You can have hocd and still realize/figure out later that your indeed gay. It’s mostly due to internalized homophobia
HOCD and internalised homophobia are very linked yes
@@notdefiningif these two things are linked, is hocd really a thing than? And how do you differ between these two?
OCD is when the fight or flight mode in your brain compulsively switches on in response to trauma triggers and links to the part of your brain that operates repetition. So the THING it gets triggered by isn’t necessarily important, OCD is the process that your brain goes through. HOCD (or SOOCD) just means that your brain kicks into this process when it is triggered by something related to homosexuality or sexual orientation. So if you have fears about your sexual orientation (which many people do. Society makes it very scary and confusing for us) then your OCD can get triggered. It will create a massive artificial fear that you are gay or that your sexuality is in some way not as you want it to be, and you trigger into obsessions and compulsions. Does that make sense?
I would like some help cause i don't know what Is happening to me. Im 22 years old i am Always been attracted to girls and i only fell in love with girls but these last years i started to have hocd but im starting to think it's not Just my ocd, i started to feel sexual attraction to femminime Boys porn, it's really weird, i've had intrusive thoughts of having sexual relationships with my male Friends only when i was sleeping in the same bed and i thought It was Just my ocd. I don't want to be bisexual, i fell in love with a girl recently and i want to be in a relationship with a girl, i don't want to be in a relationship with a male but those porn sexually attracts me. Im scared that if i go deeper with this stuff i could become trans or something. I don't want to be any of that. I'm scared i Need help please.
Hey thanks for reaching out. This can be extremely distressing but thankfully it’s possible to heal. If you would like to chat more about this you can speak with me 24/7 on Patreon.com/notdefining. If you would like to book a 1:1 coaching session you can do so at notdefining.square.site. I would also suggest checking out the playlist on my channel on HOCD where you can find lots of helpful information. You can also go to your GP and discuss your symptoms as there is plenty of support for you. Failing that you can always speak to me through these comments here and I’ll do my best to answer your questions. You’re not alone. Sending much love.
Porn its just porn. If you dont feel any urge about it then dont overthink it too much. If you are happy with your girlfriend then dont worry. Accept the fact that you can enjoy that type of porn and that can change you or complete you. I know It's hard, I'm in the same situation, but we can get over this. Be strong.
PD: sorry if I wrote something wrong, english its my second language.