Very interesting! I have the opposite type of relationship with my mom. We are not very close and it is hard for her to connect emotionally. I am very close to my dad, so that is good. I think because her father was an alcoholic, she never learned how to properly bond. My brothers are very close to her, but she never seemed to want to get close. Sometimes I am jealous of other people who are very close to their moms, because I have been on my own for so long, but watching this makes me prefer distant but cordial over so super involved.
YOU MIGHT NOT DO MORE OF THESE?! lol I love this because now you’re examining a totally different type of relationship than the romantic ones you have been doing! This is awesome because you’ve been speculating the family dynamics of the characters based on their romantic relationships. Now we focus on the family dynamics and we speculate about the romantic relationships. Please do more of these!
He has to look at Britney and her plastic mother taking an anema together and then plastic surgery together..... Plus the poor husband stapfather who gets talked to like an insignificant person ☹️
I'd love you to cover Dr. Phil. His approach to "counseling" is extremely abusive and exploitative and it would be great to a get a real counselor to shed light on what goes wrong on these type of shows
@@christinegermundson4286 wow that makes sense why I havent seen much criticism of him. Even a video just talking about your opinion after watching (not showing footage) could be super helpful!
I love Frasier, but this discussion of mother-daughter dynamics is what I actually need to see. This show seems like it might be terrible, but watching the reaction video has already made me re-evaluate some things I hadn't thought about in years and come to a different understanding of them. The idea of a "good enough" mother has been on my mind for awhile, but without someone skilled actually explaining what that is (and isn't) in a more detailed way, I have trouble putting my finger on some of the effects of my childhood on how I've navigated adulthood and relationships so far. I do go to therapy, but she can't sit with me explaining these things as often or as in depth as these videos, which make a spectacular supplement!
I rarely saw my father after they separated when I was 2 months. We even moved to a different country. My mum always relied a lot on me. My goal was always as far as I can remember to bother her with my problems the least amount I can. I always knew we don't have much money. I shopped with her, knew what things cost, how much she made, what the utilities were. I was cooking early on, baking, cleaning the apartment. She worked long hours and her mother was old by then. I studied alone, school was always my job, my responsibility. She really couldn't help me with anything from the 5th grade. While other kids watched cartoons, I watched documentaries, movies. I don't really remember ever feeling like a kid. I'm not even sure what that means. I was so happy when I became an adult, because I could finally have the advantages of being an adult. When I moved out on my own, my life barely changed. I was happy I no longer had to make sure everything was done the way mum liked it. Being forced to move back home because of economic situation, giving control back to my mother was the hardest.
I know how this feels. My mum is bipolar and has other mental health problems. She could not cope with the breakup of her marriage or life in general, so I had to run the house and look after my brother. Thank God I moved away and have my own space. I try to keep contact with her to a minimum.
You make it seem like it was bad to of had your mothers back and know the reality of how much she made and what it took to buy cloths and goods. I much rather had known how to deal with life at an early age then to be hit with the harsh reality when I’m grown. You said it your self you transitioned well into adulthood with ease. I’m not trying to criticize you I’m just curios as to how it so negative for you and it seems as though you are resentful towards her, what exactly was she doing wrong ? I know as an adult you kind of hide problems from Your kids so that they are not burdened. I wonder if you felt burdened by knowing every single issue? I’m so sorry if I offended or if I’m being invasive. I had a bad upbringing I knew everything but I loved my mom and I knew she was struggling. I did feel burdened a little bit but I don’t blame her. Do you blame your mother? Anyways sorry again I’m just interested in your story as I know that feeling of not feeling quite like everyone else or feeling like your not normal like other kids. Idk 😐 have a nice day .
I’m about a minute in and I just have to say... just wait till you get to the mom/daughter that share their bath water 🤣 I get weird af vibes from that mom
niftysheep see that’s completely understandable! But they appear to be doing well financially so 🥴 I like the daughter tho! I just find the mom super controlling and possessive and even slightly creepy LOL
I don't know if it's that weird, I haven't seen it yet. But just because something isn't considered normal, I don't think there's something inherently wrong about it. Maybe it seems a little bit to intimate for some people, but if they are comfortable with it..
K M I’m not even sure what to make of them. The mom almost seems like he’s putting on an act for the show. Which is totally possible, except I don’t get that vibe from the other cast members.
Please do more of these, we don’t have enough analysis of mother-daughter relationships and what a functional one should look like, because so many of us experience turbulent or enmeshed or dysfunctional relationships with our mothers, I think this series would be fascinating to unpack.
I agree! I just had my 1st child in Nov 2021, a daughter, & while this isn’t a parenting course, I feel like I can learn a lot of things that can be put toward raising a happy, well-adjusted young woman. I try to absorb different things from a lot of your videos. And a few other psychologists’ videos. I grew up with grandparents & mom, so a House with 1 child & 3 adults. Some things I can identify as being unhealthy or even leaning toward the manipulative/abusive side. But some minor things that seem pretty normal to me, may be serious issues. I want my tiny human to be raised to be the best she can be, and to have all the important values/ethics/knowledge/common sense/etc. so I rely a lot on the internet to help me with that (always fact-checking with reputable online sources). So please do more of smothered. Or at least some more things relating to ‘Things to Not Screw Up in the First 3-5 yrs of a Child’s Life.’
The point made around 20:22 is so important, I feel like a lot of commenters make the leap between "I personally wouldn't like that in a relationship" and "that's unhealthy".
I think keeping a pregnancy secret is perfectly acceptable especially early on or if you've had a history of miscarriage. May just be protecting herself from having to explain loss.
True I know many people who wait to confirm it wasn't a false positive. Hell one my friends only announced she was expecting to a small group of us until ~5 months due to her history of miscarriages and hating crushing people's hopes
I was raised like this girl in a lot of ways. I was adopted by my aunt who couldn't have children because my parents are addicts/criminals, and she tried to turn me into her. She wanted me to wear the same clothes, do the same things, eat the same way, watch the same shows, feel the same way about boys (they're the devil,) etc etc etc. She didn't want me to have my own identity, and she didn't want me to be able to do things on my own. To this day she still tells me things like "if you don't know how to do it, don't. Just ask someone else or wait for me to do it for you." She didn't teach me to be independent of her or in general. This caused A TON of friction, to the point where we'd get into screaming matches and she'd put me into therapy just because I wanted a boyfriend or wanted to pick out my own clothes. It was very toxic. Luckily now that I'm an adult we have a really good relationship (we live separately now,) but back then things were very bad and I fully admit that I have some resentment towards her for trying to make me a clone of her/not teaching me how to navigate the world on my own. I was also exposed to adult issues at age 4 due to my birth mother being an addict. By the time I went to kindergarten I knew everything about sex, drugs, murder, death, gangs, jail, etc because I saw all of it first hand when I was still with my birth mother. I'm sure that messed me up because when my friends were learning about how to apply nail polish I was wondering if my mom would be home when I got there or if I'd have to do the "jail protocols" again, which entailed going to the shed, getting the emergency notebook, going to the neighbors and calling a family member to come get me because my mom was gone. I did not grow up the same way that my friends did, which made me more mature, but also more damaged.
Yup. This is the kind of rel my mom wanted with me. I felt smothered, then she felt rejected when I refused to b think and act like her. I stayed 3000 miles away. Always felt like my boundaries were disappearing when in the "married woman" situation later on. Same as a mother--couldn't stop feeling like I had merged into her. It's freaking pathological and toxic. She cut me off for the last 20 years of her life. A totally tragic relationship that persists for generations. Can't watch this show.
Sorry to hear that happened. Sometimes we have to accept things are the way they are and it is your mother's own loss if she decides to do it like that
I feel you. It felt like I wasn't loyal enough to my mom if I had some life of my own. It's a kind of primal survival mode. But recently I've read "Recovering from emotionally immature parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson and this book helped me to move on- to see my parents' and my own immaturity and being stuck in old, unhealthy ways of coping. Great stuff, highly recommend it.
I think that my mom wanted a relationship similar to that with me. She convinced me that my dad didn't want to help me so I only went to her when I was bullied, and made sure that I would move with her when I was 11 and 12 by saying I could change school if I moved with her and my father would never allow me to change school (my parents broke up 3 times and I was bullied in my 2 first schools), she told me things that I wasn't ready to handle yet (she asked me to pull the plug (and break the law if I needed to) if she ever should become a vegetable when I was 8-ish and that I had to be the one to do it and seemed surprised when I started to cry that I didn't want her to die), and she told me about her sex life in detail from the time I turned 13. She also used a lot of time to say that she was my little sister to people and she have scared at least two girls away who could have become my friends when I moved to the other end of the country with her at almost 12. She has said more than once that she wanted to be like a friend to me than a mother and I've taken care of her emotional needs from I was small until she kicked me out from home at 15 while I read a story after having finished my homework that night. Luckily my parents had stayed apart when I was 12 so I could move to my dad and experience being a child. Mothers like this just want a doll, not a child. Of course it would be more of a 'I own you' situation than being friends or sisters if MY mother got what she wanted (I can't know for sure how this mom falls on that), but it's still strange to see some similarities in this video.
11:05 Survivor of this kind of relationship here. My parents were going through a divorce and my mother, with no friends to lean on, vented literally everything that was going on to my older sister. When my older sister left, it fell onto my shoulders and I proceeded to live in an abusive household for over a decade. I grew up extremely self conscious of my physically appearance (at the time I was very overweight, but also broad shouldered and have a small chest as a woman) and I ALWAYS felt inferior to the other girls in highschool around me. With losing weight and getting my own ducks in a row now that I have been able to move out, I am slowly but surely beginning to recover. I know there is so much more work to be done, as I have an unhealthy and illogical inner apprehension that arises whenever I am around other females, as if they are going to lash out at me like my mother did or bully me as I was in highschool. To others out there, there is hope and you aren’t alone
Thanks to all the people who have asked for Smothered reactions - I always feel the urge to ask and then I start feeling like I ask for too much from this man, he's a treasure lol
I just saw this pop up and I can't watch it right away. I just wanted to leave a comment that I'm excited to see Dr. Honda's reaction to this show. The thumbnail is already making me laugh.
I'm sooooo glad you are doing this show as it is the craziest one on TLC when it comes to relationships. My mom divorced my dad because my dad prioritized his mother before my mom so I am seeing similar stories when it comes to Cher and her mom. Cher and her mom are the most normal of this show, you should really show the rest of the participants, especially Angelica and Sunhe as their relationship seems pathological.
My reaction to watching this is the same as Dr. Honda's thumbnail. The fact that she says the pregnancy is her and her mother's special time and not her husband's, doesn't sound good at all. It's his child. I didn't/don't have a good relationship with my mom (various abuse) she tried to make up for it but I just ended up being very sheltered and socially awkward. Also I know I can't tell her secrets because she tells her husband even before they were married and that just made trusting her even harder because it reinforced the fact that I couldn't confide in her.
Yes please, do more of these! Anything mother-daughter related is very useful for me, since that relationship for me is the most difficult and probably a starting point for a whole lot of other issues. I was made my mother's best friend, confidant, and somewhat of a caretaker from a very early age, and it was very validating hearing you even mention how bad of a thing that is to do. 💛
Oooh, feel you there. I remember being angry at mom due to her pouring out her problems to me rather than to her friends. Why is a schoolchild more suited for this than adult people?
I feel like In the show it displayed the pitfalls of their reliance on each other . Like when the daughter dated the rich guy and gave up all her goals for his needs . Then freaked out at school . Plus the mom always struggled w her romantic relationships and w her own mom .
Dr Kirk please continue with this show, it's so so interesting to hear your views and what mistakes to be avoided in raising a child and not only . Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!
I’m a silent viewer but this video was amazing and I couldn’t stay quiet about this. Please do more of videos about family. I was shocked at how much I was able to relate to this
I would love to see more of this. I grew up with an abusive father and was very close to my mother, she relied on me a lot. This gives me a lot of ideas of what I could explore I my therapy.
"I don't think I will do another one of these". Umm, I don't think you understand how needed it is for you to do one! The next smothered situation that you clicked out of would be the most fascinating one to get your opinion and viewpoint on!
I'm pregnant right now and It's really empowering to hear that it is good and normal if your child thinks, you know how to rule life. Of course no one ever does 100%, but it gives me security to know I can be a stonghold for my child without being perfect. Thank you so much for this free content!
Ohhh there's so much more reacting to do on this little gem of a show. These two are probably the healthiest of all the pairs. We really need more more more. Although if it interrupts you watching and reacting to Colt and Mother Debbie on "90 Day Fiance" (the consensus is that they belong on "Smothered" too) then I want to vote for that first.
@@moomoopuppy5810 most people do baby showers to have friends and family helping with getting the necessities for a baby since the cost adds up. They're very common unless you're Catholic or other typical extreme religion ie Mormons, Jehovah witnesses, etc in my experience
The thumbnail told me everything i needed to know😂😂😂😂😂😂 and both my parents told me things i shouldn't and even asked for my advice, so now that i actually need their advice i don't trust them bc if they used to take advice from their 14 yo how are you going to help me now 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
@@PsychologyInSeattle She did such a good job Dr. Kirk, I received my "Take care of yourself" hoodie this morning and it's just perfect! Now patiently waiting for the more chilly days to wear it ;-)
I would really like to see more of this. Seeing relationships that on the surface look strange and off-putting to the majority of people and hearing a voice of reason might be very beneficial to a lot ofpeople.
I actually think Cher’s relationship with her mom is pretty healthy. Not sure I can say the same for her mom’s relationship with her, though. But Cher seems to be a well adjusted person. She has a good relationship with her spouse. Her mom must not have been that bad!
i had to a point that sort of relationship with my mother, when i attempted to assert my mom wouldn't retract she would collapse. any differing opinion or rebellion or honesty of negative feelings would be taken as her being a failure. it would devastate her. she has been abused by her mother(now passed) and husband her whole life, so even a healthy amount of honest discussion is impossible. at a certain point i managed to move away from the hometown i saw as hurting us and my mom stayed. my views and ideals changed a lot outside of her influence. we have a hard time talking now. when i first moved away and without realizing it started being more honest and open my mom flat out told me "you're so mean now" and that really struck me. just being honest and real with her was mean. after that i shut down a lot. i don't share with her.
I appreciate these videos so much! Dr. Honda, a weight has been lifted for my friend after sending this video to her. Her relationship with her mother is similar to the pathological one you described. She's now having more productive conversations with her about her childhood and feelings of resentment. Thank you so much, please keep doing these videos.
Never heard of this show, but this episode was FASCINATING! Please continue with this. I learned a lot. It's nice to look at a relationship dynamic that isn't just romantic.
I become so emotional watching this “smothered” series that you have on your RUclips channel. It is very relatable and unfortunately, every single thing that the mother says triggers me because it has been said around me/to me so often. This is so important!!! Thank you for sharing your psychology with us🎉
Please continue reacting to this show! Like someone already said, it's useful to learn about different kinds of relationships, not only the romantic ones.
PLZZZ DO MORE!!!! These are sooo insightful and probs the only reason i come to youtube anymore. Super engaging and informational and love Dr. kirk. PCE!
So glad your exploring other relationships other than romantic ones! I never comment but I had to same I hope you keep doing this series You talking about how moving a lot can affect a child really hit home. Everything you said really rang true for me after having moved around a lot in my earlier years. Until this day I always feel like the “new girl” which feels terrible.
Please do more of these. Your words have been tremendously helpful for me. Gave me so much insight. I do appreciate it very much that you are explaining these kinds of relationships. Your words help me to understand and express what I have been feeling in my relationship with my mom.
This is a great series to do an analysis on! I was super surprised and excited to see this in my notifications! I love watching this series since I myself have a complicated relationship with my mother. I like hearing your viewpoints bc you mention things that haven't occurred to me. I didn't even think about how much Dawn pushes onto Cher for example. I hope to see more in the future!
More of these please! I love your couple videos but it's so interesting to hear you talk about familial relationships when you have more data on a show like this, whereas on 90DF there's not as much family data to speculate on.
Yes I absolutely love this! Parent-child relationships are so interesting to me, as well as a personal struggle, so I would seriously appreciate this series!!!
YES pleaaaase do more of these!!! I have what I consider a rather healthy and close relationship with my mom, but growing up there was a ton of things in that dynamic that I've come to learn maybe weren't the most functional, and I'd love to learn more about it!!!
This is me and my mom to a T and I never have heard this explained in a way I can understand. It is nice to listen to dr honda and learn things about yourself that you didn’t fully grasp, he have so much knowledge to offer.
I'm here for you, Dr. Kirk, we will get through this together. I do similar work and I never think I have heard it all. Your website is great and you are the best teacher. Love listening to you and seeing your natural reactions. Take care!
Please do more of these videos. I have really flourished from the 90 day fiance series, learning more about parental relationships when you dissect Nicole and her mothers relationship was very exciting to see and hear. This show is a great way for you to break down parenting which is something the world needs.
These reaction videos have been enlightening. There's a 5-10' explanation that captures exactly what I've been through and I seem to have been impacted, but I couldn't see it so clearly, couldn't put the words on it, or explain exactly how it came to be. The smothered and the Paris trauma video comments have been spot on. Do carry on!
Kirk's face when Dawn admits to doing the exact thing he just spent 10 minutes explaining that parents absolutely should not do 😂😂
That was gold!
🤣💯🤣💯🤣💯
Classic 😂😂😂
So good 🤣
Priceless...
Dr Kirk is the gift that just keeps giving
Well said!
He is like trader Joe's. We already love you, but you insist on giving us more products we dont deserve ❤😍
mtgsk agreed but Trader Joe’s has hits and misses. Trader Kirks doesn’t, it’s all hits.
Yes, he really is. I'm thankful for all the wisdom he has shared with us.
Very interesting! I have the opposite type of relationship with my mom. We are not very close and it is hard for her to connect emotionally. I am very close to my dad, so that is good. I think because her father was an alcoholic, she never learned how to properly bond. My brothers are very close to her, but she never seemed to want to get close. Sometimes I am jealous of other people who are very close to their moms, because I have been on my own for so long, but watching this makes me prefer distant but cordial over so super involved.
YOU MIGHT NOT DO MORE OF THESE?! lol I love this because now you’re examining a totally different type of relationship than the romantic ones you have been doing! This is awesome because you’ve been speculating the family dynamics of the characters based on their romantic relationships. Now we focus on the family dynamics and we speculate about the romantic relationships. Please do more of these!
Exactly what I was thinking!
Exactly what I was thinking!
Yeeesss!!!!! I want more of these!!!
Agreed!
He has to look at Britney and her plastic mother taking an anema together and then plastic surgery together..... Plus the poor husband stapfather who gets talked to like an insignificant person ☹️
I really hope he watches Colte and mother Debbie. I'd love to see his assessment of those two
COLTY 😆
He did confirm that he will be reacting to colt and Larissa, I’m sure with that he’ll react to his relationship with Debbie too! Here’s to hoping 🤞
Yes!! Please react to 90 day fiancee with Colt and Larissa!
Michael and Angela too.
Yess!! My one wish
I only watch reality TV shows through your videos. No chance I would be able to watch this stuff on my own without any commentary
same LOL
Same! And whenever I do it anyway I'm waiting for the comment after each scene lol. And when it doens't come, I just imagine what Dr. Kirk would say.
Same!
Ha, me too! I wouldn’t even know about these shows. MUCH more interesting this way,
Same 💀😂
I'd love you to cover Dr. Phil. His approach to "counseling" is extremely abusive and exploitative and it would be great to a get a real counselor to shed light on what goes wrong on these type of shows
And what a better approach would be for these situations in the made for TV counseling
They copyright claim every video with their content in it (no regards to fair use), so that might not be possible
I came here to say this!
@@christinegermundson4286 wow that makes sense why I havent seen much criticism of him. Even a video just talking about your opinion after watching (not showing footage) could be super helpful!
Dr. Grande (another psychologist) has analyzed Dr. Phil. Look for Dr. Grande's You Tube channel.
I love Frasier, but this discussion of mother-daughter dynamics is what I actually need to see. This show seems like it might be terrible, but watching the reaction video has already made me re-evaluate some things I hadn't thought about in years and come to a different understanding of them.
The idea of a "good enough" mother has been on my mind for awhile, but without someone skilled actually explaining what that is (and isn't) in a more detailed way, I have trouble putting my finger on some of the effects of my childhood on how I've navigated adulthood and relationships so far. I do go to therapy, but she can't sit with me explaining these things as often or as in depth as these videos, which make a spectacular supplement!
Thanks! High praise.
I rarely saw my father after they separated when I was 2 months. We even moved to a different country. My mum always relied a lot on me. My goal was always as far as I can remember to bother her with my problems the least amount I can. I always knew we don't have much money. I shopped with her, knew what things cost, how much she made, what the utilities were. I was cooking early on, baking, cleaning the apartment. She worked long hours and her mother was old by then. I studied alone, school was always my job, my responsibility. She really couldn't help me with anything from the 5th grade. While other kids watched cartoons, I watched documentaries, movies. I don't really remember ever feeling like a kid. I'm not even sure what that means. I was so happy when I became an adult, because I could finally have the advantages of being an adult. When I moved out on my own, my life barely changed. I was happy I no longer had to make sure everything was done the way mum liked it. Being forced to move back home because of economic situation, giving control back to my mother was the hardest.
A lot of what you've written I can relate to. I'm sorry that you didn't get to have a childhood
I know how this feels. My mum is bipolar and has other mental health problems. She could not cope with the breakup of her marriage or life in general, so I had to run the house and look after my brother. Thank God I moved away and have my own space. I try to keep contact with her to a minimum.
You are not alone. Looks like it happens across racial and class lines. Had a similar upbringing myself
Sounds like your Mom did a couple forms of parental alienation to ensure you were close to her and didn't see your dad.
You make it seem like it was bad to of had your mothers back and know the reality of how much she made and what it took to buy cloths and goods. I much rather had known how to deal with life at an early age then to be hit with the harsh reality when I’m grown. You said it your self you transitioned well into adulthood with ease. I’m not trying to criticize you I’m just curios as to how it so negative for you and it seems as though you are resentful towards her, what exactly was she doing wrong ? I know as an adult you kind of hide problems from
Your kids so that they are not burdened. I wonder if you felt burdened by knowing every single issue? I’m so sorry if I offended or if I’m being invasive. I had a bad upbringing I knew everything but I loved my mom and I knew she was struggling. I did feel burdened a little bit but I don’t blame her. Do you blame your mother? Anyways sorry again I’m just interested in your story as I know that feeling of not feeling quite like everyone else or feeling like your not normal like other kids. Idk 😐 have a nice day .
I’m about a minute in and I just have to say... just wait till you get to the mom/daughter that share their bath water 🤣 I get weird af vibes from that mom
niftysheep see that’s completely understandable! But they appear to be doing well financially so 🥴 I like the daughter tho! I just find the mom super controlling and possessive and even slightly creepy LOL
That’s what I was thinking. He hasn’t seen anything yet! This episode is mild! 🤪
I don't know if it's that weird, I haven't seen it yet. But just because something isn't considered normal, I don't think there's something inherently wrong about it. Maybe it seems a little bit to intimate for some people, but if they are comfortable with it..
K M I’m not even sure what to make of them. The mom almost seems like he’s putting on an act for the show. Which is totally possible, except I don’t get that vibe from the other cast members.
just don't. They’re financial well off. It would be embarrassing af to have that filmed on reality tv. It isn’t hard to change the water.
A year from now Dr. Honda will be reacting to his own channel and critiquing himself...
I think if it hadn’t been for Dr. Kirk, I would have been more judgmental of this relationship. Thanks for the insight!
Please do more of these, we don’t have enough analysis of mother-daughter relationships and what a functional one should look like, because so many of us experience turbulent or enmeshed or dysfunctional relationships with our mothers, I think this series would be fascinating to unpack.
I agree! I just had my 1st child in Nov 2021, a daughter, & while this isn’t a parenting course, I feel like I can learn a lot of things that can be put toward raising a happy, well-adjusted young woman.
I try to absorb different things from a lot of your videos. And a few other psychologists’ videos. I grew up with grandparents & mom, so a House with 1 child & 3 adults. Some things I can identify as being unhealthy or even leaning toward the manipulative/abusive side. But some minor things that seem pretty normal to me, may be serious issues. I want my tiny human to be raised to be the best she can be, and to have all the important values/ethics/knowledge/common sense/etc. so I rely a lot on the internet to help me with that (always fact-checking with reputable online sources).
So please do more of smothered. Or at least some more things relating to ‘Things to Not Screw Up in the First 3-5 yrs of a Child’s Life.’
10:25 I feel bad that we’ve subjected Dr. Honda to this but I have to laugh 😂
He legit spent like 10 minutes on that subject, gotta love Dr. Honda
He was like “no no no...well” he always has hope 😂
“It borders on abuse” do you hear that MOM
The point made around 20:22 is so important, I feel like a lot of commenters make the leap between "I personally wouldn't like that in a relationship" and "that's unhealthy".
Dr Kirk always uploads a video when I need it the most
Thanks! I hope you're doing okay.
Psychology In Seattle THIS is so sweet
I think keeping a pregnancy secret is perfectly acceptable especially early on or if you've had a history of miscarriage. May just be protecting herself from having to explain loss.
True I know many people who wait to confirm it wasn't a false positive. Hell one my friends only announced she was expecting to a small group of us until ~5 months due to her history of miscarriages and hating crushing people's hopes
@@ayajade6683 oh that's the worst you're dealing with your own grief and then to have to let others down it's heartbreaking
@@ayajade6683 yea, I didnt tell people until I was showing and I couldnt blame it on quarantine weight gain anymore 🙈😬 I was like 6months by then
I was raised like this girl in a lot of ways. I was adopted by my aunt who couldn't have children because my parents are addicts/criminals, and she tried to turn me into her. She wanted me to wear the same clothes, do the same things, eat the same way, watch the same shows, feel the same way about boys (they're the devil,) etc etc etc. She didn't want me to have my own identity, and she didn't want me to be able to do things on my own. To this day she still tells me things like "if you don't know how to do it, don't. Just ask someone else or wait for me to do it for you." She didn't teach me to be independent of her or in general. This caused A TON of friction, to the point where we'd get into screaming matches and she'd put me into therapy just because I wanted a boyfriend or wanted to pick out my own clothes. It was very toxic. Luckily now that I'm an adult we have a really good relationship (we live separately now,) but back then things were very bad and I fully admit that I have some resentment towards her for trying to make me a clone of her/not teaching me how to navigate the world on my own. I was also exposed to adult issues at age 4 due to my birth mother being an addict. By the time I went to kindergarten I knew everything about sex, drugs, murder, death, gangs, jail, etc because I saw all of it first hand when I was still with my birth mother. I'm sure that messed me up because when my friends were learning about how to apply nail polish I was wondering if my mom would be home when I got there or if I'd have to do the "jail protocols" again, which entailed going to the shed, getting the emergency notebook, going to the neighbors and calling a family member to come get me because my mom was gone. I did not grow up the same way that my friends did, which made me more mature, but also more damaged.
wow. thats heavy!!!!!!!!
Yup. This is the kind of rel my mom wanted with me. I felt smothered, then she felt rejected when I refused to b think and act like her. I stayed 3000 miles away. Always felt like my boundaries were disappearing when in the "married woman" situation later on. Same as a mother--couldn't stop feeling like I had merged into her. It's freaking pathological and toxic. She cut me off for the last 20 years of her life. A totally tragic relationship that persists for generations. Can't watch this show.
Sorry to hear that happened. Sometimes we have to accept things are the way they are and it is your mother's own loss if she decides to do it like that
I'm sorry you went through that. It really sounds like it was extremely tough.
Sorry to hear that. Yeah, this show is interesting because it shows some potentially damaging pathology in a comedic manner.
I feel you. It felt like I wasn't loyal enough to my mom if I had some life of my own. It's a kind of primal survival mode. But recently I've read "Recovering from emotionally immature parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson and this book helped me to move on- to see my parents' and my own immaturity and being stuck in old, unhealthy ways of coping. Great stuff, highly recommend it.
I’m so sorry 😞
I think that my mom wanted a relationship similar to that with me.
She convinced me that my dad didn't want to help me so I only went to her when I was bullied, and made sure that I would move with her when I was 11 and 12 by saying I could change school if I moved with her and my father would never allow me to change school (my parents broke up 3 times and I was bullied in my 2 first schools), she told me things that I wasn't ready to handle yet (she asked me to pull the plug (and break the law if I needed to) if she ever should become a vegetable when I was 8-ish and that I had to be the one to do it and seemed surprised when I started to cry that I didn't want her to die), and she told me about her sex life in detail from the time I turned 13.
She also used a lot of time to say that she was my little sister to people and she have scared at least two girls away who could have become my friends when I moved to the other end of the country with her at almost 12.
She has said more than once that she wanted to be like a friend to me than a mother and I've taken care of her emotional needs from I was small until she kicked me out from home at 15 while I read a story after having finished my homework that night. Luckily my parents had stayed apart when I was 12 so I could move to my dad and experience being a child. Mothers like this just want a doll, not a child.
Of course it would be more of a 'I own you' situation than being friends or sisters if MY mother got what she wanted (I can't know for sure how this mom falls on that), but it's still strange to see some similarities in this video.
11:05
Survivor of this kind of relationship here.
My parents were going through a divorce and my mother, with no friends to lean on, vented literally everything that was going on to my older sister. When my older sister left, it fell onto my shoulders and I proceeded to live in an abusive household for over a decade.
I grew up extremely self conscious of my physically appearance (at the time I was very overweight, but also broad shouldered and have a small chest as a woman) and I ALWAYS felt inferior to the other girls in highschool around me.
With losing weight and getting my own ducks in a row now that I have been able to move out, I am slowly but surely beginning to recover. I know there is so much more work to be done, as I have an unhealthy and illogical inner apprehension that arises whenever I am around other females, as if they are going to lash out at me like my mother did or bully me as I was in highschool.
To others out there, there is hope and you aren’t alone
Thanks to all the people who have asked for Smothered reactions - I always feel the urge to ask and then I start feeling like I ask for too much from this man, he's a treasure lol
I just saw this pop up and I can't watch it right away. I just wanted to leave a comment that I'm excited to see Dr. Honda's reaction to this show. The thumbnail is already making me laugh.
I'm sooooo glad you are doing this show as it is the craziest one on TLC when it comes to relationships. My mom divorced my dad because my dad prioritized his mother before my mom so I am seeing similar stories when it comes to Cher and her mom. Cher and her mom are the most normal of this show, you should really show the rest of the participants, especially Angelica and Sunhe as their relationship seems pathological.
My reaction to watching this is the same as Dr. Honda's thumbnail. The fact that she says the pregnancy is her and her mother's special time and not her husband's, doesn't sound good at all. It's his child. I didn't/don't have a good relationship with my mom (various abuse) she tried to make up for it but I just ended up being very sheltered and socially awkward. Also I know I can't tell her secrets because she tells her husband even before they were married and that just made trusting her even harder because it reinforced the fact that I couldn't confide in her.
dr honda you are such a blessing to the world. I think you are, by far, the best therapists I've ever come across. I learn so much from you
Yes please, do more of these! Anything mother-daughter related is very useful for me, since that relationship for me is the most difficult and probably a starting point for a whole lot of other issues. I was made my mother's best friend, confidant, and somewhat of a caretaker from a very early age, and it was very validating hearing you even mention how bad of a thing that is to do. 💛
Oooh, feel you there. I remember being angry at mom due to her pouring out her problems to me rather than to her friends. Why is a schoolchild more suited for this than adult people?
This is making me rethink Lorelai and Rory's relationship in Gilmore Girls 😳
:/ nooo
@@aine7300 I KNOW UGH
I could never get into it because their relationship always made me feel some type of way 🙈😬
I feel like In the show it displayed the pitfalls of their reliance on each other . Like when the daughter dated the rich guy and gave up all her goals for his needs . Then freaked out at school . Plus the mom always struggled w her romantic relationships and w her own mom .
@@KS-op5hb omg i loved logan so yikes. dean is the one that was a big no.
I really want to see an analysis of Angelica and Sunhe’s relationship!
Does anyone else want dr Kirk to host a weekly book club?? I always wish we could get a clear shot of his bookshelf behind him
*Omg Dr Kirk THANK YOU !!!!! I'm ready for lols and side eye moments already*
Dr Kirk please continue with this show, it's so so interesting to hear your views and what mistakes to be avoided in raising a child and not only . Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!
A 40min long video? Yes please!! 🍿
I’m a silent viewer but this video was amazing and I couldn’t stay quiet about this. Please do more of videos about family. I was shocked at how much I was able to relate to this
I would love to see more of this. I grew up with an abusive father and was very close to my mother, she relied on me a lot. This gives me a lot of ideas of what I could explore I my therapy.
I found this to be incredibly interesting and I learnt a lot. Please do more on this show
"I don't think I will do another one of these". Umm, I don't think you understand how needed it is for you to do one! The next smothered situation that you clicked out of would be the most fascinating one to get your opinion and viewpoint on!
I'm pregnant right now and It's really empowering to hear that it is good and normal if your child thinks, you know how to rule life. Of course no one ever does 100%, but it gives me security to know I can be a stonghold for my child without being perfect. Thank you so much for this free content!
Ohhh there's so much more reacting to do on this little gem of a show. These two are probably the healthiest of all the pairs. We really need more more more. Although if it interrupts you watching and reacting to Colt and Mother Debbie on "90 Day Fiance" (the consensus is that they belong on "Smothered" too) then I want to vote for that first.
I dont ever remember gender reveals growing up either...maybe its only been around in the social media era?
It use to only be done at baby showers with the cake or decor now it's become a big thing on it's own.
@@ayajade6683 Makes sense, i don't think I've seen a baby shower take place in my family. Its usually all splurged on the birthdays/Christenings.
@@moomoopuppy5810 most people do baby showers to have friends and family helping with getting the necessities for a baby since the cost adds up. They're very common unless you're Catholic or other typical extreme religion ie Mormons, Jehovah witnesses, etc in my experience
Now there are baby showers, gender reveals AND naming days it’s nuts. Sounds exhausting for a pregnant women/new parents honestly
@@ayajade6683 My family is Catholic and usually, the family/grandparents constantly supplies whatever the grandchildren need.
Please do more smothered episodes!
Please do more of these. It's a really interesting topic and I feel like I am learning a lot already. You're putting the learning back into TLC, lol.
The thumbnail told me everything i needed to know😂😂😂😂😂😂 and both my parents told me things i shouldn't and even asked for my advice, so now that i actually need their advice i don't trust them bc if they used to take advice from their 14 yo how are you going to help me now 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
There‘s Merch!! 😍
Indeed. My wife spent months developing all the merch. Let me know what you think!
Wish there were magnets of the stickers if that's possible.
@@PsychologyInSeattle She did such a good job Dr. Kirk, I received my "Take care of yourself" hoodie this morning and it's just perfect! Now patiently waiting for the more chilly days to wear it ;-)
Women: “We have this connection, we can feel for each other!!” :D :D
Dr. Honda: *deadpan stare*
omg my dream came true...dr kirk reacted to Smothered!! Now my only wish is colt and debbie getting on that show lol
They have a few episodes where they all watch back the series and I felt it was really interesting and enlightening to see the different reactions.
I would really like to see more of this. Seeing relationships that on the surface look strange and off-putting to the majority of people and hearing a voice of reason might be very beneficial to a lot ofpeople.
I actually think Cher’s relationship with her mom is pretty healthy. Not sure I can say the same for her mom’s relationship with her, though.
But Cher seems to be a well adjusted person. She has a good relationship with her spouse. Her mom must not have been that bad!
Their relationship is normal in comparison to the others on this show
I think its unhealthy that shes fearful of not giving her mother her way.
Brenda Moon yeah, but then again I hate disappointing my parents too. She DOES stand up to her and put her own family first.
Omgsh!!! Yasss!!! I feel like I’m on an amusement park ride right now!! 😆 sooo excited!!
i had to a point that sort of relationship with my mother, when i attempted to assert my mom wouldn't retract she would collapse. any differing opinion or rebellion or honesty of negative feelings would be taken as her being a failure. it would devastate her. she has been abused by her mother(now passed) and husband her whole life, so even a healthy amount of honest discussion is impossible. at a certain point i managed to move away from the hometown i saw as hurting us and my mom stayed. my views and ideals changed a lot outside of her influence. we have a hard time talking now. when i first moved away and without realizing it started being more honest and open my mom flat out told me "you're so mean now" and that really struck me. just being honest and real with her was mean. after that i shut down a lot. i don't share with her.
I appreciate these videos so much! Dr. Honda, a weight has been lifted for my friend after sending this video to her. Her relationship with her mother is similar to the pathological one you described. She's now having more productive conversations with her about her childhood and feelings of resentment. Thank you so much, please keep doing these videos.
Never heard of this show, but this episode was FASCINATING! Please continue with this. I learned a lot. It's nice to look at a relationship dynamic that isn't just romantic.
Please continue to review this show, your insights are so valuable and teaching
You always make my day Dr Honda!
Yes!! I just finished this show and was hoping for this react
I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for a Dr Kirk x Smothered moment. Thank you.
I become so emotional watching this “smothered” series that you have on your RUclips channel. It is very relatable and unfortunately, every single thing that the mother says triggers me because it has been said around me/to me so often. This is so important!!! Thank you for sharing your psychology with us🎉
It’s 3am and instead of bed, I’m here. Let’s be clear, no regrets.
Shameless!! 🤣🤣 Greetings from the other side of the world
D.A. Robin greetings! 😂
I’m here now a week later 😂
"Let's be clear, no regrets" 😃 Ahhh I just love love love when the RUclips commenters make my day with their wit heheeehee
Yesss!!! I’m so happy you are watching it
I didn't even know this series existed. I absolutely love your channel. Please do more! I even told my therapist about you! :)))
Omg!!! I was literally thinking to myself the other day that Kirk needs to react to this show and here he is doing just that! Yes!
This is probably the most mild of all the M/D duos. Thank you for the reminders & insight! I’d enjoy any reactions you feel comfortable doing.
I am at work and your videos are often the highlight of my day. Love listening to your observations! Keep it up, Dr. Honda. 😊
Please continue reacting to this show! Like someone already said, it's useful to learn about different kinds of relationships, not only the romantic ones.
PLZZZ DO MORE!!!! These are sooo insightful and probs the only reason i come to youtube anymore. Super engaging and informational and love Dr. kirk. PCE!
So glad your exploring other relationships other than romantic ones! I never comment but I had to same I hope you keep doing this series
You talking about how moving a lot can affect a child really hit home. Everything you said really rang true for me after having moved around a lot in my earlier years. Until this day I always feel like the “new girl” which feels terrible.
Please do more of these. Your words have been tremendously helpful for me. Gave me so much insight. I do appreciate it very much that you are explaining these kinds of relationships. Your words help me to understand and express what I have been feeling in my relationship with my mom.
Smothered!!! I can not believe!! Thank you, Dr. Honda!!
Dr. Honda we don’t deserve you, you are a BLESSING!!!!
More episodes of this show would be great :) thanks Dr Honda
I love it. This has a significant effect on how I reflect on my own issues and family. Please keep going with this series, Dr. Kirk
I've been WAITING for this one. Turn it up!
This is a great series to do an analysis on! I was super surprised and excited to see this in my notifications! I love watching this series since I myself have a complicated relationship with my mother. I like hearing your viewpoints bc you mention things that haven't occurred to me. I didn't even think about how much Dawn pushes onto Cher for example. I hope to see more in the future!
More of these please! I love your couple videos but it's so interesting to hear you talk about familial relationships when you have more data on a show like this, whereas on 90DF there's not as much family data to speculate on.
Yes I absolutely love this! Parent-child relationships are so interesting to me, as well as a personal struggle, so I would seriously appreciate this series!!!
I love his reactions! He's hilarious. I love this channel. I learn and laugh
I’d love more of these! Thank you for uploading so often and sharing your knowledge
i loudly screamed YESSSS when i saw the thumbnail !!!!!
Dr Honda, your videos always get uploaded at the perfect time. Thank you!
Omg, YES thank you for doing this show!!!
I saw the title in my notifications and got pumped! Please continue reacting to this show! 🙏
Absolutely do more of this, please! I love this so much
Yes!! I'm so excited you're doing this. I've been so curious about the psychology behind these people forever.
Yes!!! Dr Honda gives new meaning to TLC
YAAAAAS!! Starting now...can't wait for your reaction!!
YES pleaaaase do more of these!!!
I have what I consider a rather healthy and close relationship with my mom, but growing up there was a ton of things in that dynamic that I've come to learn maybe weren't the most functional, and I'd love to learn more about it!!!
This is awesome. I personally am looking forward to more of this
Yay! I am so glad that Dr. Honda decided to do a smothered reaction video! Please, please do more!
Never watched this show until now... would love to see more of these from you!
I was so excited to see you review Smothered!! Loved the insight! Thank you!!
The thumbnail is perfect🤣🤣🤣
This is me and my mom to a T and I never have heard this explained in a way I can understand. It is nice to listen to dr honda and learn things about yourself that you didn’t fully grasp, he have so much knowledge to offer.
I enjoyed this reaction. I think some analysis on parenting could be helpful for a lot of people.
I'm here for you, Dr. Kirk, we will get through this together. I do similar work and I never think I have heard it all. Your website is great and you are the best teacher. Love listening to you and seeing your natural reactions. Take care!
You could talk about the emotional burden bread endures and I’d listen to the whole episode.
Please do more of these videos. I have really flourished from the 90 day fiance series, learning more about parental relationships when you dissect Nicole and her mothers relationship was very exciting to see and hear. This show is a great way for you to break down parenting which is something the world needs.
*fastens seatbelt for this review*
These reaction videos have been enlightening. There's a 5-10' explanation that captures exactly what I've been through and I seem to have been impacted, but I couldn't see it so clearly, couldn't put the words on it, or explain exactly how it came to be. The smothered and the Paris trauma video comments have been spot on. Do carry on!
YES! I was waiting for this!