As a therapist who was in an emotionally abusive relationship any time I tried to request to talk diplomatically by asking specifically for reflections, I statements, not blaming, or name calling, thinking flexible, identify the problem and solutions I would be accused of having a God complex and self righteousness. I felt like I could not use the knowledge that I have to help our conversations. I tried to water down my language. It was unfortunate because the person I was in relationship with was a doctorate educated person.
Thank you. I am not a trained therapist but I had done so much personal development before my marriage that I did all that too. It all backfired. I was told “You are not my spiritual guru.” And called a controlling. #+&* (swearing) when I clearly used my boundaries. This relationship being talked about is exactly like mine was. And all the people helpers just got mad at me telling me to do the same stuff I had already tried. And our marriage evaluation with MRC just resulted in more swearing. Your comment has been an enormous validation for me. Thank you so much. ❤️
I will say my husband suffer from emotional trauma that is he is angry and blames me for every action someone does that he thinks is against him. It is confusing and constant walking on eggshells afraid to speak what is on my mind and heart because it may come as an attack. I do not belittle my husband and he does that effortlessly to me. I am seeking divorce because of how his behavior is affecting the peace in mine and my children life.
My marriage is exactly like suitableemployee68's. The toxicity got the point where I was done too--I was done enabling my husband's childish behavior. So I packed up the kids and myself and left him for a short period. We returned because my kids missed their dad, and as a whole we need a dual-income to keep going. My husband agreed to couples counseling, so we did 3 sessions, but now I'm moving on to my own individual therapy sessions. My husband is still not in a place where he's ready to be open and vulnerable about his past hurts and trauma, but I'm ready. I'm ready to be a strong, independent person again, for my children.
Be great if you spoke about ego states as that’s what your talking about.. be great if you could talk about that more! It also feeds into everyday human interaction
Why would God allow me to stay in any form of an abusive marriage? Like I should of made better decisions and like my life is ruined now? I made my bed and I lay in it?
Amber God gives us a choice. I hope you treat your self better. I had the same black and white thinking. It was rigid and lack self compassion and self nurturing. My husband tricked me into marrying him. He hid who he was. He knew I was religious. He knew my mother was controlling. He chose me because I was a perfect victim. After my third suicide attempt. I realized I had to get out to save my children. I felt I deserved the abuse because I had made a bad decision. My self deception and legalism spirit were brutal. I had been properly conditioned and programmed (brainwashed). I remembered my husband live to read books by hitler and the art of war. You have a choice to leave. We suffer from our own choices. God will not force you to leave him. You are not bound by your vow. When you married. I imagine he was love bombing you and being kind and cared about little things. It is the bait that abusers use. If you decide to stay trapped that is your decision. I hope you realize that you are responsible and accountable for your decision. He is accountable and responsible for his decision. I pray God beak the spirit of self anger and hatred. You are loved. But God will not force you. Seek treatment from abuse recovery programs and try to keep it hidden. I think of how in the Bible of how the prostitute lied to protect the Jewish Spies. God even list her a being faithful to God. She was rewarded for her lie. Listen to the voice of your Heavenly Father. Do not listen to the lies of the Accuser / Father of lies.
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This is the most practical advice I have ever seen on the subject of emotional abuse.
As a therapist who was in an emotionally abusive relationship any time I tried to request to talk diplomatically by asking specifically for reflections, I statements, not blaming, or name calling, thinking flexible, identify the problem and solutions I would be accused of having a God complex and self righteousness. I felt like I could not use the knowledge that I have to help our conversations. I tried to water down my language. It was unfortunate because the person I was in relationship with was a doctorate educated person.
Thank you. I am not a trained therapist but I had done so much personal development before my marriage that I did all that too. It all backfired. I was told “You are not my spiritual guru.” And called a controlling. #+&* (swearing) when I clearly used my boundaries. This relationship being talked about is exactly like mine was. And all the people helpers just got mad at me telling me to do the same stuff I had already tried. And our marriage evaluation with MRC just resulted in more swearing. Your comment has been an enormous validation for me. Thank you so much. ❤️
I will say my husband suffer from emotional trauma that is he is angry and blames me for every action someone does that he thinks is against him.
It is confusing and constant walking on eggshells afraid to speak what is on my mind and heart because it may come as an attack.
I do not belittle my husband and he does that effortlessly to me. I am seeking divorce because of how his behavior is affecting the peace in mine and my children life.
My marriage is exactly like suitableemployee68's. The toxicity got the point where I was done too--I was done enabling my husband's childish behavior. So I packed up the kids and myself and left him for a short period. We returned because my kids missed their dad, and as a whole we need a dual-income to keep going. My husband agreed to couples counseling, so we did 3 sessions, but now I'm moving on to my own individual therapy sessions. My husband is still not in a place where he's ready to be open and vulnerable about his past hurts and trauma, but I'm ready. I'm ready to be a strong, independent person again, for my children.
So glad you are working on yourself and what you need to be healthy and happy regardless of what he chooses. Thanks for sharing.
I’m in a similar place as you. Wondering if therapy would really help. Did therapy work on you guys?
Narc injury
Reaction Machines!!!
That’s it. Yes. Wow.
My husband is like this. Sick.
This is very good!
Be great if you spoke about ego states as that’s what your talking about.. be great if you could talk about that more! It also feeds into everyday human interaction
Why would God allow me to stay in any form of an abusive marriage? Like I should of made better decisions and like my life is ruined now? I made my bed and I lay in it?
Amber God gives us a choice. I hope you treat your self better. I had the same black and white thinking. It was rigid and lack self compassion and self nurturing.
My husband tricked me into marrying him. He hid who he was. He knew I was religious. He knew my mother was controlling. He chose me because I was a perfect victim.
After my third suicide attempt. I realized I had to get out to save my children. I felt I deserved the abuse because I had made a bad decision. My self deception and legalism spirit were brutal.
I had been properly conditioned and programmed (brainwashed). I remembered my husband live to read books by hitler and the art of war.
You have a choice to leave. We suffer from our own choices. God will not force you to leave him. You are not bound by your vow. When you married. I imagine he was love bombing you and being kind and cared about little things. It is the bait that abusers use.
If you decide to stay trapped that is your decision. I hope you realize that you are responsible and accountable for your decision. He is accountable and responsible for his decision.
I pray God beak the spirit of self anger and hatred. You are loved. But God will not force you. Seek treatment from abuse recovery programs and try to keep it hidden. I think of how in the Bible of how the prostitute lied to protect the Jewish Spies. God even list her a being faithful to God. She was rewarded for her lie. Listen to the voice of your Heavenly Father. Do not listen to the lies of the Accuser / Father of lies.