5 Sneaky ways people are disrespecting you | Mel Robbins
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
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Calling out disrespect is an excellent way to learn how to respect yourself.
If you want other people to respect you, you must start respecting yourself first.
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Don’t forget about the person who constantly insults you but makes it out to be a joke or like they are just kidding. That’s disrespect!
Is that a form of a backhanded compliment? I’ve been searching the comments to find out what a backhanded compliment is instead of Google searching lol
@@JWoooolfeeee A backhanded compliment is one that has a positive and negative aspect to it like a compliment and insult tied into one statement so I would definitely say they are similar. The only difference in my personal experience is the insults are disguised as a joke. It’s passive-aggressive behavior but the person that does it to me is verbally abusive so I’m not surprised.
thats a form of gaslighting and should be dealt with
You are talking about the narracist
@@JWoooolfeeee
Examples of backhanded compliments:
You look great for your age!
We all do this sometimes.We need to self correct ourselves too.
As long as the awareness is there you can work on yourself, but if one is lacking in awareness or they are consciously being ignorant then such cases people will not correct themselves as they don't see anything wrong in their behavior.
Speak for yourself.
😂 “self correct” I’ve never heard that but I like it lol
Absolutely , I agree
Exactly 💯 need to check my self
Some of the best advice I read with more than 50 years ago by a woman who said, allow your friends to have three faults. Maybe you do have that friend that always late (I know I do) returns out those friends are some of the most kindest, generous and caring people that I know, so I grant them that fault.
Great advice
Yours is the first insight I would use (and actually do intuitively)with my beloved friends as I do not expect perfection. These aren't people they love if they are faulting them for being the flawed human beings we are.
They may be annoying, but hardly a reason to let go of a cherished friend. Maybe an acquaintance...
I totally agree . I'm often late , it is never about disrespecting the other person . ridged 'self important' people want to take it personally, that's on them .
.
TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH her on this one too! EVR HEARD OF AFRICAN TIME? AFRICANS AND LATINOS ARE OFTEN LATE BUT MOST LOVING PEOPLE. This is a rigid western value. You'll never have friends from other cultures if you're this strict and rigid. The other points, ok.
Number 5: some people never stop talking about themselves. The only option is to interrupt eventually XD
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then
I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about i
Wanna talk about number one, oh my, me my What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually
But occasionally, I wanna talk about me (me, me, me, me)
I wanna talk about me (me, me)
Why are you friends with them? 😂😂
@@PigeoneerToy workplace, no choice haha.
@@pilis.5681 but those aren't friends 😅
@@PigeoneerToy Did my original post mention anything about friends?? Nope.
#6: being judgmental without knowing all the facts
Nobody but God can judge anybody. Don't judge whether you have all the facts or not.
I had this one with someone today
Bravo
amen
This. Exactly.
When someone keeps talking endlessly, and you can't get a word i edgewise.
Ignore that person.
*in edgeways
I have a friend like that. She's the type of person who has never met a stranger and she always has funny things happening in her life. I have to interrupt her to say anything, but she doesn't take offense because she knows that she's a chatterbox.
This is my biggest peeve with ppl.. when they ramble on and on and don't acknowledge when I'm trying to say something.
@@adevore1971 I know it so annoying.
Someone who never shuts up will call you out for interupting them
Exactly
Right like that happens to me ❤
The double standards can be insane.
Yup
@Richard seems like Mel is talking about exactly people like you. You talked over someone "who wouldn't shut up" and they called you out. Good for them!
I am always on time but my friend is not. She is not disrespecting me. She just organizes different from me. I love her and don’t mind waiting a few minutes.
no, you just have weak boundaries.
I agree completely. Most of the time the people running late are making every effort and have every intention to be on time. They already are stressing about being late too. It’s not worth stressing and being upset over little things.
You're a gem Monika! I've had super friends like you that get that we're different, and for instance my Type B supported their Type A needs, and in turn they kindly helped me get things me together. Would never want a friend feeling disrespected and would hope they could talk with me. Cannot begin to tell you what a difference friends like you have made in my life, and I hope theirs! ❤️🙏💞
Late friends appreciate understanding friends like that.
Yes. I agree😊
"No is a complete sentence." I am so stealing that.
Larry - no ... ... No.
now that's a complete sentence 👍👍
This is so difficult for some people, me included. Ive always felt (still do a lot) that I have to explain myself if I say no. But just saying NO is fine all by itself, its hard to remember that.
No is a powerful word. It carries strength
Yeah you’re all not educated. No is an incomplete sentence. Watch bill burr talk about no and that will call you out on your bs in a funny way
Go for it, she did 😂
“No” is a full sentence.
I love that!
Its not though is it? Shes talking crap.
@@gemmawillis589 yes, I looked it up. It’s known as a “sentence word”. “Yes” is another one.
...depending on the circumstances yes. Be honest, if you asked a huge favour from some1 close to you & they simply said No without explanation, you wouldn't like that.
@@dorcasdhiran622 it’s happened many times and it’s fine with me. What is most frustrating is when they say yes because they dont wanna say no and end up not showing up. I’d much rather have a straight no. And an explanation is never necessary, it’s only wanted.
Also the friend who breaks appointments/dates with you at last minute.
That's worse than coming a few minutes late.
And calling it self care. Once, I understand. Over and over, I'm not making plans with you anymore.
But sometimes it’s due to extreme anxiety and being too sick to make it. It’s sad that people can’t have empathy for this 😔People think it’s easy or fun to live with??? To have to cancel when you just wanted to enjoy your day??!!
@@traciprovins3221exactly
This is a real thing and hard to talk about because you don’t want to burden friends with your anxiety but you want to show up but it becomes far too challenging and the easiest thing seems like cancelling
But the decision that lead to that cancelling was horrendous
@@traciprovins3221 Omg exactlyy, I have my inner struggles and sometimes I struggle to cope and deal with which is the reason why I cancel last minute. If I say my reason, people will never understand or they dismiss me and that feeling succs like shit.
Dad said you set the bottom line for how others will treat you. Tell them if something is unacceptable. They are strong enough to hear you.
Couldn't love this more, great Father! 👍🙏🕊️
"Don't argue with a stupid person.. they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience"
I love this comment!
Those persons maybe narcissists . It maybe worth your while to check out HG TUDORS channel , as all the Narssacistic types are discussed on that , by a Narcissist with psychopathic tendencys .
ditto I choose Not to argue with stupidity
So true!!! Wow
@@davidarundel6187 I agree. It takes a special kind of spoiled brat to call someone disrespectful for not giving them their full attention all the time.
I want to mention that a lot of people couldn't care less if they're disrepecting others and will get a kick out of hearing about it too! 🙁
If more people called people out when they do these things, and then others acted appropriately disappointed with that person… they would stop doing it. I notice now that people practically get congratulated and rewarded from their peers when they disrespect other people. We should all just treat each other with respect, and reward people who are doing so by showing them the same respect!
Easy: Cut them out of your life.
@@mirabella2154 , It's not that easy. Sometimes you work with these people.
@@rayj.9568 If a co-worker is disrespecting you, call them out. It is easy.
I learned my lessons. I don't play.
@@mirabella2154 Neither do I.
Also when someone makes plans with you then regularly cancels them last minute.
This can happen a lot with people who have chronic illness, so others need to have a little more understanding and empathy for that.
@@jennykvoxJust be careful about that. People that do this to others can use illness as an excuse for thier behaviour, to manipulate you. So you feel sorry for them instead of question them.
A person that I cut off for constantly cancelling last minute would always use sickness as an excuse (either her or her kids). Her child had a disorder.
I was empathetic for years, until one day she cancelled last minute saying her child was unwell again.
I told her don't worry as usual.
I decided to take my kids to the arcades instead, because they were disappointed about the last minute cancellation too (they were friends with her kids).
When we got there, (not even an hour after the cancellation), I saw all her kids including supposedly the sick one running around the arcade laughing and smiling. They were with their aunt and her kids!
It was in a different town so she probably wouldn't of expected us to be there.
I started cutting her off after that.
Some not only disrespect your time, but they also play on your empathy.
@@kizzy2874no, you’re just not empathetic or people don’t like you
@@florasarah7719
She was the one that kept making the plans with me. If she didn't like me then why would she keep trying to make plans lol.
I've only ever had to cut off 2 people that are like this, and I met other people who said the same thing about them. So its about patterns of behaviour.
You obviously didn't read my previous comment either as to lies I caught her out on, and many instances of just letting things slide!
Some people are just flaky af and just float around with how they feel moment to moment without a thought to how they are messing others around.
@@jennykvoxI have a chronic pain condition and try to plan ahead in this respect so I can still be reliable as much as possible for people. I get it’s not always predictable but sometimes you can manage and control it as best you can to maintain respect for others in your life as well. If you are making your best effort in this regard and occasionally need to cancel people will be more forgiving. I do this by spacing out my plans and trying not to overdo it. Basically, I don’t overcommit in general.
As someone with ASD and ADHD, I feel disrespected. I’m calling YOU out!
I am really shocked she put being late and being on phone especially since she claims to have ADHD herself.
For real!
I interrupt a lot when my adhd is strong because my meds wore off
Disrespect:
1) friends running late
2) back handed compliment
3) pressure to do things unwilling to you.
4) constant on phone while you're talking
5) Talking over you
You teach people how to treat you.
🙄🙄🙄🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😂😂😂😂😂😂
I really need to work on not being late. It's so hard with severe ADHD and I don't want to be disrespectful. :(
How tf is talking to others disrespectful? What if its a fucking family member?
@@Anna-jw2qqI feel this, the advice is meant for people with regular brains. Back into the depths we go I guess.
@@Anna-jw2qqI have adhd but I’m always on time at work. How I do it always a bit minutes earlier also going earlier to sleep. Try working always with 10 minutes next week
Honorable Mention: The person who shows up at your house unannounced. They have no respect for your schedule. They just assume you're not doing anything and have time to entertain them. 😒
I know that's what technology is for
I have that ongoing problem, snd it really really peaves me off big tine !
@@raphaelahons3479 I would love to trade places with you I wish people chased after me
Not necessarily. They made want to drop by something for you to surprise you. May be having a hard time, suffer from anxiety qnd struggle to pencil in times and try to do quick stop bys instead. Situations all depend on circumstances too!
I can totally relate! I used to have an annoying friend who would show up all the time unannounced and I stopped talking to him.. freaking annoying…!
I’m at the point in my spiritual development where I just don’t even want to waste my energy on calling it out. If they’re not that important to me I just peacefully detach myself and stop giving them time or attention. Bye bye and good luck to you. This is obv for people who don’t hold a super important place in my life. For those that do, I always make the effort, will bring it up with compassion, and loyal to the end.
Yeah, but you still have to brag about how far you've come in your spiritual development though.
I have too. Some are family and I keep thinking this conversation will be different, but it never is. I unloaded a lot of toxic people from my life over the last 2 years.
Agreed 👍🏽
This doesn’t sound necessarily healed. It sounds like avoidance.
Being able to face potential conflict, and stand up for yourself, is much further along than cutting others out without a compassionate, curious conversation.
Too many times, we can assume ill intent of the other person, and we bypass the opportunity to find out more, the “why” behind their behavior.
If we approached them with curiosity, humility, and vulnerability, and deeply listened…we often find out that our narrative of them was very wrong. We might get to know that they have deep anxiety, or that when the behavior came out it was the anniversary of someone’s death, or a myriad of other possibilities. We can sometimes give grace, and we can also establish our expectations and make our needs known. That takes vulnerability though.
Too often, people who don’t feel empowered, or secure, will cut people off without really exploring more.
If, after really exploring, and requesting your needs (honestly and vulnerably), they continue to ignore those, that’s when it shows wisdom to part ways. Anything before is fear.
@@Alphacentauri819 Stop gaslighting. Knowingly & continuously crossing someone's boundaries is disrespectful & it doesn't matter "why" they're doing it. We're not talking about misunderstandings
I have a bad habit of always running late and talking over people but im working on it, i swear its not intentional, im honesty a really nice person, i just need to work on things
Did you know both of those behaviors are indicative of adhd? You can find a lot online to see if you share any of the other symptoms associated with adhd or some other similar issue.
Time to be a good person and drop the labels.
Same here. :-(
Me too, I’ve got ADHD which I didn’t realise until recently. Both are signs of this. Give yourself a break.
Her : "the person who talks over you... They're disrespecting you.
Introverts everywhere: 😥😪
I have to admit I do this all the time to my close friends because if I didn't I wouldn't get a bloody word in edgeways 😂 and they in turn do it to me. We often are talking at the same time, we've all got too much to say in the allotted time 😁
I suppose it all boils down to who you are talking to. I wouldn't take it from someone I didn't know really well.
So is it introverts that are more likely to behave in this manner? Is that what you mean?
@Adriene introverts are most likely to be talked over and overlooked in conversations because we're such good listeners that people don't think we also need to chime in and say what's on our minds.
@@mmathabanampya8379 yes, overlooked until they suddenly cut you off.
Interesting point though
*"You teach people HOW to treat you!" Best advice I ever got, I was 19 years old. I was a people pleaser and never liked to tell people "no" and was working at a store that was open 24/7. The manager of the store had scheduled himself as the graveyard cashier, which meant he'd have to relieve me. He was late constantly and always had some excuse. I couldn't make plans after work because I never knew if I'd be off on time. Then, someone gave me that advice. The next day I told him that from now on I'm leaving at 10pm (when my shift ended) and if he wasn't here I was locking the doors and calling the DM to let him know. He only came in late once after that and he called to explain that his car wouldn't start and he had someone on the way to drive him to work. He was only about 20 minutes late.
I know how that goes and I have been teaching these people how to treat me .
Did you ever have a serious conversation with him and ask if he was OK and if there was a more genuine reason he was late? No?
You should have.
I am this person whos late for every shift. Yep.
When my co workers once ganged up making fun...
I explained why..
I was given a full exempt for my time keeping from the head nurse and management and the others have never felt so stupid and had a warning.
People are too quick to judge. Don't just listen to ignorant people like her and call someone out. Ask them if they are ok.
@@gemmawillis589 You missed the part "he was late constantly"?
Way to go!
I’m always late to everything, I have ADHD and suffer time blindness. I often avoid making plans to avoid being late. It’s not always disrespect.
time blindness? Does ADHD stop you from being able to see/set a clock?
@@07ikkin No but we can't accurately judge the passage of time and how long it actually takes to do a task. So we often think we can do 10 things in 5 minutes when those tasks take 30 minutes. It's a glitch in executive functioning and is very anxiety inducing. We can set alarms and reminders till the cows come home and still end up late frequently. It's not a disrespect it's an honest to goodness neurological problem.
While I hate being disrespected, it's always a good idea to have an open and honest respectful convo about MUTUAL understandings, reasonable expectations, needs, and boundaries first, then, follow up with trials and what will most likely be "mistakes" or learning curves of the other person, and them you. If they still cannot respect you after putting in some initial work, better have that talk and CALL IT OUT RESPECTFULLY!
Had a friend once that always talks about himself. You can't get one word in. So I quit being friends. Simple.
Good call
That's what she's talkin about you didn't put up with the disrespect
I had a friend like that. It's called pontificating. Always talking just to hear themselves ensuring everyone around hears also; especially if there are others around within ear shot. I am no longer friends either.
You had a friend once. Makes sense. Maybe they had a lot they needed to talk about. With a friend who didn't want to listen. I hope they have a better friend now
@@gemmawillis589friendships are more than one person having to listen while the other person complains. This guy should be able to talk and have someone listen too lmao
As a mother with a child that has adhd, I know that when he interrupts he doesn't even notice it. He doesn't do it on purpose and he certainly isn't trying to disrespect anyone. So though I understand how the receiver feels and might interpret it, sometimes the intention is not what you might perceive it to be.
This is me all the time. When I hold in my though then I have trouble staying in the conversation. I'm always waiting for the pause and I lose focus because I'm trying to keep the thing I want to say at the front so I don't lose the thought. Woof. It's rough.
I was going to mention ADHD as well. I have ADHD and two things I have tried very hard to correct but am mostly unsuccessful at, being late and interrupting. And I'm 52. So you're right, don't assume that the other person's intentions are bad until you know whether they are neurodivergent or not.
@@damepasty9203 I can get up 5hrs early for work and am still late! I am honestly trying, but my brain just doesn't process time the same!
@@sheenabudd925 Exactly! So I have to set a million alarms for every tiny thing. And neurotypical person would think I'm crazy if they saw my calendar. But it's literally the only I can gauge the passage of time.
@@damepasty9203 every 15min for 3 hrs 😂😂😂😂
#5 resonated and made me feel vindicated FOR calling it out. I lost that “friendship” for that plus a number of disrespectful incidents I had heretofore let slide but not my self respect and I refuse to be sorry I called it out or have regrets.
I love Mel she always keeps it real/ straight forward/ honest with no small talk. ❤
that friend that is late … has Adhd and already feels bad about it and losing confidence and getting depressed not able to time managemet even with friends they love most on world
Exactly! And that friend always interrupting either also has adhd and literally doesn't realize they're doing it or is just socially awkward and has trouble reading the conversation.
I found this woman’s entire demeanor to be aggressive and low key angry, despite her well meaning advice.
It almost seems like all of her friends are like this and she finally got fed up and decided to make a video about it.
I have friends who do some of the things she mentions, but they have done so many amazing other things that far outweigh their shortcomings.
Sure, you can call out someone, but it can also be done in a nice and kind way. Which I think someone like the woman in the video wouldn’t be capable of, if she has this attitude everywhere she goes
@@centillion5733 yep.. There is something a little angry about your woman Mel Robbins.
When you realize your parents do like 4 of these 🥺
@@sahardaves yep... Parents are the worst... I expect Mel Robbins is the same kind of parent.
Or it’s your amazing friend with Adhd that loves you so much respects you so much yet is always running late and gets distracted while you are telling a story. But not so perfect friends are sometimes the best friends you’ll ever have
Totally agree. Some people got so many issues they don’t even realize they’re doing any of this. I had to have a tough love conversation with a close family member because of some horrible stuff that went down throughout the lockdown. Our family really had to pull together. It brought me closer to one person in particular and I had to sit him down and explain the things he did that bothered me A LOT. He was so loving and incredibly glad I told him. It was not combative at all. He and I were mature about the entire situation because we had a family member that needed saving. We put all our bullshit to the side and saved a life. You can confront things that bother you in a loving way. It will be worth it and you and them will feel better. If it ends up not being a good outcome, then at a minimum you walk away getting all that off your chest. Holding stuff in isn’t healthy.
AGREED
Except for backhanded compliments. Whoever gives you one knows precisely what they are doing! Make no mistake!
Preach
Backhanded compliment "when I first met you I really didn't like you.... now that I know you a bit better, I do" 🤦♀️ I called her out on it and she got angry said I couldn't accept the compliment. SMH
My husband said to a coworker who interrupted him repeatedly "Oh I'm sorry, did I interrupt your sentence with the middle of mine?" 😂
“Nobody is going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself enough to call it out.” That hit hard
As a person who struggles with setting boundaries I really appreciate a video like this.
Me Too!
Solidarity
She's leaving out the friend that always wants to go out to EAT or PARTY but never has any money.
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Keep distance from em for the peace of your mind
😂😂😂😂 I forgot my wallet 🙄 I got you next time
lol somebody had to bring up money .. if u don't want ppl like that in ur life u know what to do it doesn't belong on this list
🦋🌿 Stop Enabling Them Then. When people learn there is a consequence, they either change their behavior or get out of your life
Anyone that talks over me I totally disconnect by doing something else or completely leaving. Gets the message out even more firmly without saying a word.
The late thing usually isn't out of disrespect. Some people are just really bad with time and are even late to things that are important to them. Particularly calculating time. I'm always late to EVERYTHING, and is apologizing constantly because I have a sleep disorder and usually can never fall asleep until about 3 hours before I'm supposed to be showing up somewhere. I am so thankful for the people in my life who give me grace in that area. I'd hate it if they just assume I'm doing this stuff to be spiteful.
I'm late a lot. I actually appreciate when friends remind me when I need to leave, or when I need to be somewhere. I don't want to be late, I underestimate time.
I also interrupt. Sometimes it's because I'm excited. Other times it's because the speaker just breezed past something I didn't understand. Yet other times it's because I'm annoying as hell :p
You may have ADHD, those can be symptoms for sure. I struggle with it, and those symptoms myself.
I ended a friendship after 2 years of not being able to get a word in the conversation. The years before before that was different than that. I said don't call me anymore.
@@janet1744 I just did this with a "friend" that does all 5 forms.
Same.
Yes. I have adhd do this
A girl I've known since elementary school was that way to me. I was very supportive of her when she had her first child and her second and when she got married. Whenever she would invite me to her functions it was like she wanted to parade her life in my face ,because she had her "besties" from college that would have been the ones that was helping her host and all of them would be all social and I'm sitting there not knowing anyone and her not introducing me anytime. Whenever we would talk she would always cut me off or would be the one to always want to talk and I never get a word in. My last straw was she invited me to have a playdate with her kids and my child and I agreed. There's was this other girl there with her child and I was ignored the entire time until the girl left and then she wanted to talk. I invited her on a playdate the following week to an event I already had planned to go and she was all excited to go. When the day came she was like oh I forgot my husband was off and we having a family day , I was thinking well damn how does that impact anything if they all could have came to where I was going to be at with my child?! I just told her ok and blocked her out my contacts.
👍
Good for you for getting rid of that 'friend' people like that only want an audience for their monologs and coudn't care less to hear about what's happening in your life
Good call...you were more patient than she deserved. Did she ever respond or even notice when you cut her out of your life and dropped her?
It could be a narcissistic trait, especially the talking over you without giving you time to talk. But it could also be that time with the other people is more rare. I wouldn't share my husband's rare day off with some friend and her kid, you need private time to keep those important bonds strong. Most married people understand this.
Also if a person themselves have narcissistic traits they may feel that if they aren't talking endlessly about things others can't engage with they are being ignored or devalued. Those people will be less likely to be inserted into more healthy interactions or introduced to people because person A knows that as soon as person B is inserted they will hijack all future conversations and person C will either be annoyed or become another hostage of person B's one sided run on soliloquies and person A and C will never get that precious time to catch up with person C.
Because narcissism comes with lack of insight they don't realize that they are the ones who aren't valuing others. They don't realize that they are either not talking about anything that has a thing to do with the others present, or they feel they are the ones being cut off if others talk about anything that isn't about the narcissist. They just don't get what a normal healthy flow is between people so interacting with them is fairly painful.
Good for u Michelle, don’t let her play in ur face she knew what she was doing ..
Also people that don’t return your calls or texts in a timely manner. Also people that say they will do something and they don’t.
Number 6 the person who only sees the bad and constantly "calls it out".
"That someone who always shows up late"
Me: 👀
Some people don't have reliable transportation and it is a struggle for them. Some people work physically demanding jobs or have kids and their energy level is not the same as yours is. Some people have ADHD, so the last one about talking over you depends on if it's just you or if they do it to everyone. If it's just you, call it out.
@@TribusCaputCanis I'm the late one 😅
Being late can be about executive function disorders and have nothing to do with disrespect. You do you.
@@insanity09100 exactly....I'm late everywhere for everything...I hate it and I can't help it
😂🥰
Some of these are traits of Asperger's and ADHD. It's not that they are being disrespectful, it's because of executive function difficulties. In fact these people are desperate to be liked and are misjudged and misunderstood ☹️. It's all relative to who the people involved are and not to generalize and box people up
Yup, same comment I made, glad to see others understand.
Having ADHD isn't an excuse to be rude
@@Lee-eo2by It's not being "rude." That's what you are not understanding. Educate yourself on ADHD & Aspergers, please. Or keep taking things personally and misjudge & vilify others who struggle with conditions that are not their fault.
The art of conversation includes keeping an eye on the people you’re talking to to make sure that you’re keeping them with you; that they’re following you and that they don’t need clarification or consideration. Oftentimes the reason people interrupt is when you’re not giving them a chance. The con- prefix in conversation means “together!”
Yes! Adhd here. I run late often but I try really hard not to and to even be early, but that doesn’t always work. Some days are better than others. It really is unintentional and I always feel so horrible when I make someone wait on me. It’s really a matter of not being able to focus and sift through the thoughts in my mind to get out the door with all important items completed or in hand. Also, understanding how long even 15 mins feels in time is very difficult sometimes.
What may take the average person 30 mins to do, can take a person with adhd literal hours to complete. Please be kind to those around you. You never know what other people are struggling with.
Edit: grammar error
Someone called me out on my lateness and it made me feel horrible because I was secretly struggling with an illness progression that I didn’t tell anyone about that would cause me to sometimes take more time doing basic things to get myself ready.
I'm sorry really sorry that you had to go through that .
❤Love: “No.” is a complete sentence ‼️‼️‼️
I do a couple of these things sometimes.. i dont even really realize it, its def not intentional.. I need to be a whole lot more aware of how im treating others..
Same.
Wait 'til you get old. Then you really won't give a crap what others think or want because you'll have realized 99% of it is a waste of you dwindling time.
@@johnchandler1687 Think you misunderstood what they were saying, they didn't say others affect on you , but your affect on others.
Being more conscious and "aware of how I treat others."
Not about caring about what others think or do; but having consideration for other people.
I agree with that aspect of what you said though. You do begin to care less what others think as you get older; but we shouldn't ever stop caring about how we treat others, or the potential impact our words and actions have.
Just my opinion. 🙂✌
I think she's very wrong. Some of the things she mentioned are quite okay, or unavoidable.
And no, not everything that others do and you don't like is disrespectful. DISRESPECT is a different thing
The exception to the interrupting/talking over boundary is when the other person talks incessantly with no pauses for dialogue.
Because they probably know you’re about ready to call them on their MESS, and not human enough to accept the truth about themselves. Or you could be dealing with over talkers enjoy leaving your standing there thinking they have burst your bubble or told you off.
Sorry but youre wrong. When my narcissistic control freak sister has to monopolize the conversation and wont let you get in a word edgewise, thats called talking over you. And when she and her loudmouth egotistical bullying live in boyfriend (who calls himself her husband, even though theyre technically not even married) start accusing me of everything thats wrong with the world and bring up all my past mistakes and wont even give me a chance to defend myself and just stand there and accept everything theyre saying and take their abuse, to the point where I just feel like taking a shotgun one day and blowing them both away….well you get the idea….okay rant over haha.
Agree
@@scottgould6590 My point exactly. Not letting you get a word in. Talking loud, etc
Yes. I once had a two hour "conversation" with the wife of my husband's friend. I think I said maybe 5 (half) sentences. It even got to the point where I stopped pretending to be apart of the "dialogue." She was confused when she paused and I didn't respond to her question. Well she cut me off two words into my all my previous responses so...
I actually called it out many times, but it starts a fight and one that I will never "win." I stopped calling it out because it's easier just to let them "win" from the start. People are trash.
Separate yourself from that. You're better than that
The fact that anyone has to be told this is worrying. This is obvious disrespect
Sometimes people who have massive anxiety, run late a lot, and don’t in any way mean to disrespect those they are meeting. I was one of these people for many years. (Therapy helps.) If someone had “called me out” in this aggressive way, saying I was being disrespectful, I would have felt horrible and just had more anxiety around meeting that person, and probably be later. This woman is missing the mark a bit.
Agreed. I'm thinking of Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe, who were both hagridden with fear and anxiety -- and famous for being late. Because they were afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being judged.
If the friend is consistently overwhelmed and runs late some consistent amount, and there is no real deadline, I just suggest we meet half an hour earlier. That often works to compromise the other person's ineffectual dealing with time deadlines and my need to use my time efficiently.
Unless you are a control freak. In which case you might as well release both of you from your frustrations.
Really? My anxiety makes me arrive early, not late
I mean you can be called out in a lot of different ways. How would you want it? Because not saying anything just allows the same person to constantly feel disrespected. Discuss it in therapy sure but when there’s no real change it does become difficult. And then that person doesn’t feel like there’s no difference or anything. I guess it depends on what you wanna do. It also depends on if the person feels like you’re disrespecting them really.
I agree, anxiety can cause several of these things.
Get some help with the anxiety. It’s rude to be late as a pattern. Period.
I've been feeling bad for calling out a friend of 35 years for the way she's treated me. She didn't take it well and we no longer speak. I'm heartbroken but seeing this and listening to you is making me feel better about my decision.
Oh I'm sorry this happened 😢
If she was such a good friend despite her mistakes she would want to work things out and listen
So you lost a friendship over what a stranger on the internet told you was important. Now you are heartbroken. And so is your friend.
For 35 years you accepted your friend as she was. She may have adhd. Which would make it hard for her to be on time. She is probably undiagnosed. Many of us are.
This lady is unbalanced. You accepted your friends lateness. What if her being late had nothing to do with how she felt about you? What if she was doing her best, and you made her feel like she wasn't good enough. After 35 years. Seriously. Was it worth the heartache? Your self worth is not determined by weather or not someone is punctual.
Nobody is perfect. So sad you and your friend lost each other over something so petty.
@@kpar4943 who said anything about her being late? What the hell are you talking about? She mistreated me for years. Every time a guy would come on the scene she'd actually disappear, change her number and move. When the relationships failed she'd appear again expecting me to pick up the pieces. She wasn't there for me when my mum was in a coma for 3 months, when my dad died, when I was ill with cancer. Which I've gone through TWICE!! but not once was she there. Any conversation would always be about her and her problems (with guys) and I supported her throughout. On my 50th birthday she disappeared off and I phoned her constantly and nearly went to the police as I was sick with worry, only to find out the next day she'd gone off with some random guy! So please don't come at me with your judgments before you know the whole story.
today's friendly friend is tomorrow's worst enemy
"No" is a complete sentence. I love it!!
I don't feel like showing up on time but my friends are always pressuring me to. Starting now,,,,Im Calling Them Out!!
I’m so bad at talking over people. I get really excited about what they are saying. It’s a terrible habit but it’s well intentioned.
Do you have ADHD?
@@VictoriaPaikin no. Just a learned family behavior. Everyone in my family does this.
@@yogalebrity It's realy cultural too.
@@VictoriaPaikin yesss very much so
Same. I too, get excited and start blurting. I have been working on this for a looooong time. It’s hard to stop. Also, if I’m quiet the whole time someone is talking, I forget what I wanted to say to the first part and then spend the rest of the conversation trying to remember. And every time they start talking I remember but have to hold it in, and then forget again. I need coaching. Haha
At least two of these are the symptoms of ADHD like running late and interrupting friends while talking.
Exactly
Sometimes, but sometimes people just have shitty personalities and they find ADHD easy to hide behind.
@@benkruger6992 that's also true
Yes she’s being a jerk
Yes !!!
*** Love this but would appreciate an example of #2 -- back handed compliment. I know what is is, but would love a perfect and appropriate example from Master Mel❤❤ Much respect and gratitude to all in this Community and esp. to Mel for guidance, leadership, solidarity, and unending support.
Lateness is easily a symptom of many mental illnesses. Someone could’ve mustered up all the strength they had in their body to see u and still ended up 15 minutes late which was in reality a win for them. Be grateful for someone’s presence period they didn’t have to come at all
💯
Unless you have ADHD and you constantly try to stop yourself from interrupting everyone but sometimes you do it out of excitement. Also Adhd is literally the inability to perceive time so makes it really hard to be on time. Otherwise these are great
Same with perpetual lateness. I have ADHD and I can't be on time no matter how hard I try...
Yep. I have to set an alarm for when I have to start getting ready and then set an alarm for when I need to be out of the door and in the car or else I will be late. It’s worked for me so far. I’m also constantly checking the clock now
@@KattMurr I hate this about myself.. I hate the constant "im sorry I'm late".... !! Definitely a bit ADD over here ..😒
The difference is trying to correct yourself. There are people out here they don’t even try.. and let’s just face it people can call it whatever they wanna call it just so they don’t have to stop.. not everyone can have ADHD and not everyone can have every other problem out here. At least you know you what’s going on with yourself. Lots of people don’t whatever reason.
@@KattMurr no disrespect, Try harder. Start getting ready like 2hours earlier and better to be a few minutes early then holding up another person time
As a person who is literally always a few minutes late, I have never ever meant to disrespect anyone. I am just very bad at time management.
And for my mother, who is also often a bit late, it's because she cares about everyone a bit too much, so that even in a hurry she will bake something like muffins for the person we're visitimg.
That's a wonderful excuse. Work on improving your time management skills then. Don't waste others time because of your incompetence.
@@OvertheHIL524 you better work on being polite then. I see no reason for you to call a random stranger's comment an excuse, when you know nothing about them or their live. I always try my best but most of the time I'm late it's for things I didn't choose to go to. And how do you expect me to miraculously adjust to things like the bus arriving a minute earlier or my brother accidentally putting my books where I can't find them when none of it has happened yet? I can't see the future, and I'm working on 3 to 4 hours of sleep everyday. Mornings are hell, and I really can't get up earlier for things I don't even know will happen.
@@yoghurt_is_a_fruit You just typed more excuses 😒
@@josephinebournes8212 who hurt you people?
I bet if you got a 1000$ dollars for every time you were on time you would be a master at time management, no excuse!
Best sentence ever.." no is a complete sentence " .thanks Mel. Hi from Australia ❤
I don’t think being late is always disrespectful, some people struggle with that and feel extremely bad for it.
In other words "how to make it all about you." Relationships are give and take. If you're going to 'call out' every minor annoyance, you'll soon find yourself alone wondering why you have no friends anymore.
On the other hand if your 'friend' does all or most of these things, you should probably just move on.
Jordan peterson clarify this ; wait for 3 times, so it's a pattern of behaviour, on the 3rd time you call it out if it really annoys you, yo friend will deny it ever happened but you say it happened here and there as well... obviously I agree with you because we both try to balance our lives best we can.
but I think the massage was for empaths who are constantly being taken advantage of and I support them being trained on how to stand up for themselves in the face of disrespect
@@claudinasoarestorres2503 Yeah, I get that. There are 'emotional vampires' as well, and narcissism abounds.
Yeah, I put up with this sort of crap bcs there's not many "friends" to choose from
Nicely summed up.
I’ll get better friends
"'No' is a complete sentence" Respecting others boundries is so important.
Do a few of these things and am working on calling myself out
Forgive yourself and others. Nobody is perfect.
Forgive yourself and others. No-one is perfect.
ruclips.net/video/MrhVlAnw8c4/видео.html&ab_channel=sadiaArain
No is an easy dis!
Sometimes when you say no to someone YOU are the one being disrespectful. For example, telling your boss you're not going to do your job, your parents that you're not going to do your homework, your husband or wife that you're not going to help them with anything, your friend that your too busy to go to their parents funeral, your children that you're not going to keep your promises. I'm sorry, but her statement wasn't mindful.
Want to lose friends fast? Start adjudicating each interaction for level of disrespect.
Destroy the coz they disrespect
I love her energy about disrespect, it doesn’t feel like she’s angry but she just won’t put up with it. That’s a bad-ass women right there.
Reevaluate is my feedback. The disrespect you speak of is situational. People with ADHD, and outside of the box thinkers and "doers" are not being disrespectful. What is rude to you, may not be the situation at hand.
Whats your disease adhd got to do with this!
@@sgtjoe2008 Problems that affect attention/concentration can have a direct impact on a person's effectiveness in accomplishing tasks, including getting ready to go somewhere or managing time effectively. Not sure how many disorders can result in this issue...anxiety, depression, ADHD, hypersomnia, chronic fatigue syndrome, to name a few... possibly even a heart condition. Not seeing the symptoms visually, it can be hard for a healthy person to be able to understand what it can be like for someone who has such issues. In such cases, expecting them to permanently change such symptoms may be unrealistic.
Thank you for your considerate response. 🙂
@@sgtjoe2008 lol ADHD isn't a disease.
@@heathertoribio5824 it seems that everything is a disease nowadays, unfortunately.
I feel it would be more helpful to give advice on how to be gentle with each other. We teach each other how to treat us. “Call it out” is not enough information. There are different styles of communication. People are often doing their best. Help each other. Why are people doing these disruptive behaviors? People feel unheard and unseen. Seeing everyone through the lens of “disrespect” isn’t how I want to interact in the world. It breeds outrage instead of connection. Find away to communicate your needs without shaming or being aggressive. Starting subtle and moving forward with stronger language will bring people closer instead of pushing people away.
Well said
Great comment, I love your mind
bravo
Well said. I'd also add that informing friends that they've been sneakily disrespecting you will most likely come off as extremely paranoid and guarded behavior. Expect fewer phone calls, fewer lunch invites.
The people she is talking about are narcissists. Being gentle with them doesn't work.
Amen to all of this! I call this behaviour out all of the time, and always get hit with " Lighten up. You're too serious. Can't you take a joke?" I always reply: "Your jokes aren't funny." Honesty, only a coward would joke with that kind of passive-aggressive meaning.
I liked this down-to-earth advice.
Yes! My mom always talked over me, even when I was answering one of her questions. I eventually just kept talking at the same pace & volume without pause rather than popping a gasket.
When people interrupt me I just stop mid word and they don’t even
Notice.. I don’t waste my time with them.
True, respect yourself first, the rest will follow. You will weed out the people who don’t serve you anymore.
#5 is something I go through ALL the time & it's one of my biggest pet peeves. I agree that interrupting & talking over someone is disrespectful.
I agree with all except the person running a little late. Many people with ADHD have time blindness & struggle with being on time no matter how hard we try. It is actually as distressing or more to us than the person we were late meeting & can makes us feel bad about ourselves for days afterwards.
Very much agreed. Friendly patterning can make a huge difference!
Remember there are also people that suffer from attention deficit it's hard for them to focus on someone looking at them or they have problems with eye contact so they have to be doing something else.
Don't be too quick to act on something that seems to be disrespectful from someone else and analyze the situation first. It's about getting to know the people and situation around us but of course that doesn't mean to allow others to be disrespectful. Study them first for a while then you'll know who they are what's going on on their head and how to handle it and what's worth it or not.
Also the friend that is always early. I’d rather you be late than early 😂
Lol, CALL IT OUT! 😂
The f’n worst
I stopped dating someone bc of this
If I show up period, that's a blessing. So early or late it shouldn't matter.
And than if they're looking at you as if you're late when you're on time!!!🤣🤪🤯
A lot of people struggle with being on time and their anxiety puts them in a place of fear. They over compensate for this short coming, in a show of respect and their concern over being late, by being early.
It depends on who the other person is. You can either stay and deal with them accordingly or you can remove yourself. Respect is definitely the key.💕✌🏽
That same friend who is always late and talks over you might have adhd or extreme anxiety 🤷♀️
This!
I partially disagree with some of these, as an adult struggling with untreated ADHD my whole life (I'm getting treated soon) I do things I simply can't help. e.g. I'm ALWAYS late to everything, even for people I have the utmost respect for.
Ok but is your adhd a secret ? Or do these ppl know you have that about yourself ? If they know I don’t believe she’s talking about that
@@lesriley2062 If you’ve read some of the comments, you might see that ADHD is seriously stigmatized. People who struggle with it are often invalidated. It is not always fair or realistic to expect someone to disclose that they have ADHD. If you are a close friend, you’ll know about it.
@@lesriley2062 Oh, and I should add that even when someone discloses this people will still react as if they are being disrespectful or not addressing the problem. If people with ADHD could simply “just leave early” or “get a clock” like some [absolute idiots] have suggested, then they absolutely would. Living with ADHD is a constant struggle, and there are a lot of comorbidities associated with it due to the social alienation that can occur.
@@drawitout as a person diagnosed with social anxiety, I still make it a point to tell my close friends why I do or don’t do certain things . I actually did read the a lot of comments and I still stand on what I said . The people who you aren’t disclosing to are not responsible for your mental problems you did not disclose . If you have disclosed and they still expect you to do these things that are hard for you all the time then they suck as friends . I don’t disclose to people that I don’t feel are worth time . Like I stated , if you’re not communicating then don’t expect people to think outside the box and consider your issues . Some people use mental health as an excuse to be shitty people too . And I wasn’t tryna come off rude so sorry if you felt like I was
@@lesriley2062
There's huge misunderstanding about ADHD and also stigma. It's good to ask for school accommodations for ADHD but in the workplace that's very risky. In the workplace the best we can do is ask for specific accomodations so we can work more effectively BUT NEVER ADMIT WE HAVE ADHD cause it will be used against us! Maybe 30 years from now the stigma will be gone and workers would be able to actually say "I need XYZ to work best cause I've got ADHD" but that day hasn't arrived yet.
As someone with ADHD I used to talk over others all the time and still do however not as much. It takes medication, practice and patience which all takes time.
Came to the comments for this. A lot of these examples are not disrespectful behavior. They are symptoms of executive dysfunction. Harsh but ok.
Yeah as someone with adhd (and I think my friend has it too). We often are late and she often talks over us. Still we've been good friends for almost a decade. If I would have problems they would help me right away, if I needed money they would lend me it right now. I trust them and I wanna believe they also trust in me. So yeah I don't think all the things she says are right
She’s a narcissist not to respect someone’s actual issue they can’t control. Hypercritical for sure. Take care fellow ADHD friends 🤘🏼😎🤘🏼
Sooooo much patience 🙈🙈 and I have to play with an object . . And then it’s gone in 3 seconds :(
I’m trying to get my partner to say. Please hang on a sec or to interrupt me. Because I need to know your taking time to think. Cus I’ve already got a mountain of things I wanna say 🙈🙈 I feel rude but it’s only times when what I need to say is important and someone has the wrong idea or your offended or something. . . I wish I could remember what I want to say and wait. So the other person feels respected. It’s not that I don’t respect them. My brain just can’t hold on to thoughts while your giving me information. 🙈 especially when it’s stuff I already know. I actually can’t stand that . . I wanna get screened for autism 😂
@@foggyfrogy omg I love chatting to my other nurodivergent friends because we both interrupt but there’s no vibe of disrespect . . You both do it in this smooth pattern like the checkered pastry on a pie. Layered over the top of eachother. It’s like we both get turns we both work the same. In small second frames even if we have an end goal. There must be something about the same wave length or maybe it’s just because weir working the same. And we know why their interrupting. I don’t have an interrupting issue with people doing it to me. I really don’t care. I wish I could stop doing it to people who hate it 🙈
Dang I didn’t know I was disrespecting a lot of people I always go late
I’m only 21 but I’ve learned to self respect myself especially at my job. I noticed that a lot of older co workers find it disrespectful if the young employee defends themselves. I always reply respectfully but with confidence. I hate being taken advantage of at a work place and it happens more often to young people. My work asked my to stay an hour extra on Saturday then they asked me again on Sunday I respectfully said “no not today”. I don’t have to provide a reason why I said no and they shouldn’t ask why I can’t stay as well. It’s about keeping it 50/50 if not they’ll take advantage of the young employees and since I’m a new employee it makes me more of a target I feel.
👏💯 Totally Innerstand this
Thanks for pointing these out. It makes me look at my own behavior, and I want to be the very best ME that I can BE ❣️
I hate when people just talk about themselves.
"لا تنتظر من لا ينتظرك"
I’m the one who’s always 15 mins late, I have three kids, two of them toddlers. It’s not going to change. You can call it out all you want lol
Well then people better start lying to you about what time stuff is or leave you be. At least you know what you’re doing. And it’s either they’ve deal with it or not. They’re not gonna be babies forever. Lol
Good on you for having the fortitude and self-esteem to not let others apply their pedantic expectations to you. My best friend has two kids and she is sometimes late, sometimes cancels. No matter what I never 'call her out' or make her feel guilty for it since I'm self-aware enough to realise that I'm not the centre of the universe and I won't die if I don't always get whatever I want. Plus, the luxury goes both ways. I never have to stress about 'disrespecting' or disappointing her if something comes up. We've been trying to schedule a night out for nearly 2 months! 🤣
These kinds of pedantic clock watchers just sound nasty and self-absorbed tbh. I could never be friends with people like that anyway.. Far too stressful.
Person calling me out for being late sometimes and then telling me I was hyperfocusing on my adhd when I was trying to explain it (adhd in general, not the reason I was late since that time I even wasn't) ... That's disrespectful!
don't share your personal or medical or mental information with anyone any more. they will use it against you eventually or share that info with someone willing to destroy you
@@claudinasoarestorres2503 Oh, dear! I can only be accused of being inventor talking about adhd since it's not even a thing in my country 😂😂😂
Well to be honest that person probably didn’t care what the reason was. I mean if you know you’re constantly late there are things to help you. Or take it for what it is.
@@blindpeopledostuff3587 Since adhd is not even a thing in my country, I can't get any help with it. Even if I get to be diagnosed which I've been trying in neighboring country, there are no meds for it nor psychoteraphist educated here and I'de have to continue going there which is impossible both physically and financially.
This helps me build boundaries. Esp that ,"talk over you".
So I need to call out my parents? This will totally not go down well... I will do it, it just won't be easy.
You need to take the person and the situation into consideration before “calling them out”. When my kids were younger, I was always late when meeting friends. Thank goodness they weren’t snobby and “called it out”. I would probably be afraid to schedule anything with them afterwards and would have been terrible if our friendships would have ended over something so superficial.
absolutely agree
That one point neither could I relate to
This is going to inflate some people's heads.
Thankyou for respecting humanity enough to reinforce the many ways disrespect can be shown. You have my respect. Thankyou.
This is my wake up call to be better to others
*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible.* 🙏🖤
I'm still searching for the right people...🤞
Nice job brother! Keep up the love💖
that goes with your goals too because many people don't want you to achieve what they can only dream of
@@8no1likeme-infinitestar65 when you find them don't trust them, be prepared for their betrayal in any case because you know how humans are
The “talking over you” one bothered me enough to call out a bigger issue. It’s common to trip across another’s words without intending to and recovering from the occasional awkward stumble is indicative of self worth and maturity. Culturally, we are talking [speaking our truth] more and more but conversing less and less. The other day I was listening to a person tell her stories as I was volunteering to assist her in a crisis. She needed to talk constantly, telling me story after story. At what seemed to be a natural pause, I reacted and she snapped back in anger; “you interrupted me; that’s rude!” That defensive reaction killed all possibly of intimacy, connectedness and my desire to give anymore compassionate listening. The concept of respect is complex and challenging. Striving to earn it and giving it earnestly in due course is equally important to receiving it. Everyone wants it, but simply calling someone out in a defensive way is highly ineffective. I give respect and feel respected when discords are discussed in the spirit of curiosity and with some measure of humility toward a mutual goal of improving the quality of two way communication. We all must chose our battles but choosing not to battle; choosing instead to converse to an equal with an undefended heart requires courage and will earn and demonstrate respect faster and more powerfully than any “don’t interrupt me” defense.
Well said
Bravo 👏👏👏
Good idea i will ask them why they do it at a later date Oboy then they will really go off for digging up the past.lol retarted is what they are.
Absolutely spot on, thanks Mel!!
I LOVED WHEN YOU SAID "NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE" CALL IT OUT❤
For the commenters saying they exhibit some of these traits due to ADHD etc, you're all exempt. She's referring to the narcissistic people in your life that are intentionally & deliberately doing these things because they don't respect you nor your time & feelings. In other words, she's referring to your family & "friends". Now that you know, keep it moving! ♥️
Mel, these are great! Please make a video on how to call it out assertively. I need help on this, thank you!
Same here.
What was shared with me is to address the person with:
"When you ______________, I feel__________ (disrespected, in this case). "
No one can argue with you about how you feel. Those are your feelings.
They might come back with another insult or comment but then you can just repeat your statement.
Focus on "I feel" statements
Walk a way from them after calling them out. Talk to people that listen to you
Speak with truth. you know how to speak, but wait 3 times to call someone out because they will deny.
then you should reply ; well you did it at the kitchen and during the meeting so it has to stop, you have to record those incidents in your memory to back up your statement and just be calm while you confront others because we All have to do and say things we don't want sometimes
@@jenninemorel7693 facts don't care about feelings, if you want others to play the victim role you are a failure at providing advice. we all should call bullshit for what it is not for what my "feelings " are being hurt. there's a difference between right and wrong and that should be the focus, respect is earned but i personally don't pull out the sensitive feelings card like many do nowadays
This is so so true. I would add another one to the list …when your man (or anyone for that matter) pretends like they don’t hear you ….
Thank you! When I talk to my sister, she often talks over me and it always upsets me.
15 minutes late... at that point I'd be wondering if I'm hanging out with a friend or showing up for an appointment.