I Think My Kid Is Gay: Now What?

I'm the author of books on assertiveness and private practice, in addition to the "How to be Miserable" books. To see my books at Amazon, visit: amzn.to/2VtGHjy
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[@jayros4269]

As a therapist what do you think is the origins of homosexuality? Do you think people are born with an attraction to the opposite sex or is it the result of parenting or early childhood experiences? I don't mean this question in an offensive or confrontational way but I'm just curious because the majority of people are straight. Do some parents who have gay children feel a sense of guilt in making the child gay if they have no prior experiences with gay people in their lives?

[@RandyPaterson]

As a therapist, I'm not really too interested in what causes either heterosexuality or homosexuality, any more than I am fascinated by what causes left- or right-handedness. Considerable research, however suggests that sexuality is a complex mix of genetic, prenatal hormonal, and postnatal environmental influences.
Yes, some parents feel and express a misplaced sense of guilt about having a gay child, just as I imagine in the 1800s, when left-handedness was regarded as a mark of evil, some parents may have felt personal responsibility for this. Some parents go so far as to engage in self-recriminations when talking with their LGBTQ+ offspring. Surprisingly, they often fail to realize how insulting and demeaning this is to their child, and respond with surprise to the scorn or dismissal that such protestations are met with.

[@nicolebaker7771]

Thanks for this! The only thing I’d add is purposefully using gender-neutral language until/unless someone tells you what pronouns they take for themselves. Referring to your server as “they” rather than assuming and using “she” or “he” can help both normalize gender neutral pronouns and show that you don’t make assumptions about other people so why would you make assumptions about your child. Even better… making a point of using gender neutral words for your kids, in general. Some parents are raising their kids from birth using gender-neutral pronouns and words for them until/unless the kid identifies themself. I love that. If using “they/them” for your infant doesn’t work for your family, even just avoiding “my son” and “my daughter” and using “my kid”, instead, could make it easier for a kid to self-identify if/when they’re ready.