the d word
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- (sum trigger warnings im sorry)
this is a school assignment
thank you bernice for the sweet sweet melody :]
thank you celine, jun heng, zad, bernice, zuirfan, reinald, gordon and my dad for listening and helping with the mix and arrangement :]
guitar: at2020, me in my bedroom
ukulele: di, in my bedroom
cello: at2020, me in my bedroom
vocals: at2020,me in my bedroom
midi: di, me
lyrics: me
---
dead
she's been dead
for a while
once, i tried to
smile
dad
he's been dad
my whole life
taught me
how to lie
and i know
i tried to
love you more
but now
im sore
if i lied
you'd call me
a whore
i am
insecure
she
loved me
with her skin
but i
treated her
like sin
he
loved me
with his fist
guess
you can call me
a sadist
and i know
i tried to
love you more
but ive
been so sore
if i lied
you'd call me
a whore
i'd be
insecure
i guess
ive grown to become
your worst fear
has just begun
i see that you're
trying your best
but she died
from a lumpy breast
if i
had one wish
i'd trade my life
for you
if i
wanted
i would've killed
myself too
really love the effects you put on the vocals to make it sound so dreamy and light, and also your little 'synth-y' melodic lines you put towards the middle of the song. great song!!
hope u felt like a feather HAHA thank u! :D
The simplicity of the song is very nice, and nothing overpowers the vocals but instead supports the vocals rlly well so good job on that. love the reverb added just nice for the vibe and feel of the song
-Derick
thank u!
very good arrangement. Love the effects you put on the vocals and guitar + the background canteen sound. The only thing that I didn’t see fitting might just be the choice of patch from the 0.56 onwards, the melody playing at the higher register. 很好.
right,,, i see.. well, I did create those synth patches hoping to achieve a bell-like sound but a sharper timbre ? wasn't aware that it didnt fit the song HAHA guess it just takes a lot of learning and practice :] than, for sharing wenzing
Very very very nice
everything component of this song complemented very well and it's very soothing and sweet to listen to though the lyrics contradicts the vibe, but that's also a very interesting approach. i love this song
suyin
thank you for sharing your thoughts suyin!
I like the simplicity of the song, I think the cello fit in great, as well as the sound effects so good job
-Russell
thank russell :D
Remarks: Melody is nice. Lyrics very deep. The cello at the ending compliments the song. Mixing for the vocals suits perfectly. Overall great song 10/10 listen
thank you 10k drumset
it feels really sweet but when i read the lyrics it made me even sadder, it feels like through the very full instrumental, that the character is trying to pull herself together, and that makes me feel even more empty compared to the very full music. the vocals reverbs also enhanced that feeling.
-weelin
thank you weelin! :]
really love how the melody sounds chill and sweet but the lyrics in contrast, has a deeper and sadder meaning to them!bubble sound effect is an interesting element which gave a small surprise :) -rachel
cool! thank you for sharing your thoughts, rachel! :]
Simple and sweet melody. Clear message and I really like your lyrics and the way they rhyme :) It's nice that the song ended on a somber note and the video just cuts to black.
thank you!! but did you feel anything when the video was cut out to black? haha
@@ulfahirwan It fits the idea of "killing oneself" in the last line, like how it can be sudden and abrupt. And when everything ends, it's just all black.
The instrumentals give off a happy vibe but the lyrics are sad. Really interesting contrast. The synths are really nice too. I fell that there could have been some light percussion added though. - Reinald -
ah I will take note in future compositions :] thank u reinald
I think you did a really really gud job friend. I love the choice of instruments, love the lyrics, love the video. Feels like a dream. I really like the ukulele at the end, made it feel like the person was slowly growing tired of the thoughts.
Bernice :]
it's all thanks to you, my friend. ure The Dream. thank you for always listening and always sharing your thoughts :D
HELLO, Zuirfan here. Amazing how the first couple of lines already got me hooked into the song. I wouldn't change a thing, the song works.
HELLO, :/ thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts :]
I really like the doubled vocals; along with the melody, i feel that it adds to the nocturnal setting of the song. When the guitar came in at @2:13 with the vocals, it was sort of like a palate cleanser from the previous section, though still continuing the mood of the song.
Zad
wao.. thank u zad! all, thank u for helping me with the creative process of this and always listening
loved the song ever since you asked me to listen. i honestly want the main vocals without the filters/eq(?) to be a bit louder than the rest. and the water part at 1:39 i think could've been louder, automated in, since it's just instrumental!! i also like the pickup when i thought it was going to end after 2:10 :D good job ulfah
-celine
:
hey ulfah! i particularly like the structure and phrasing of the words in the song. for example when you said dead and then dad after that like wow! i appreciate that colour of the words. also i love the simplicity of this song and how you inserted a little cello solo in there because i feel that it gave more body to the song. the only thing i wish could have been executed more was the vocal range and instead of doubling the vocals, how about more harmonies? also i think this song would benefit from abit of ear candy! otherwise, good job ulfah
thank you for sharing, tiara!! i will definitely take note of these in future compositions :]]
I like the simple melody and how u used ukulele, it makes it sound more like relax / cute kinda thing? maybe u can add in some percussion like shaker or something to make it less stagnant.
- Stephanie -
ah I see.. I used the ukulele to try and balance out with how stagnant the whole track sound with just the guitar, added some muted strumming as well to give a slight percussive feel, but I guess it didnt really add anything to the song percussively. haha thank you for sharing steph!!
lyrics are really amusing, "he loved me with his fist... if I lied, you'd call me me a whore". Get that the song is going a simple direction but it would be nice if the chorus was more identifiable. But overall, its a fun song to listen to.
very very sweet melody! love the effects u started using after the first chorus, really brings the song up abit more and less stagnant the mix was great!
Vincent
THANK YOU VINCENT
really like the 'distorted' and slightly creepy tone of the song cuz the instrumentation sounds happy but the lyrics are sad asf :(
maybe the vocals could be less modulate-y to bring out the lyrics more idk its just me kek
great song friend
kakak pRosOdY
junheng
dont cry friend, im here if you need me :,/ HEH yes, i actually do agree, that the vocals could be less experimental-ish to really bring out the lyrics so THANK YOU BUN BENG
herrosss! I really like the lyrics for the song!! the cello and the bubbly sound were very cool additions to the track in my opinion. But I feel that maybe you should try adding variation to the melody, like adlibs because I feel that the song is a little too stagnant. But overall, good job!! -Kelly
yes!! more variations to the melody! haha thank you kelly! :]
Good use of the fade out at the ending! I wish there was something more you could add to the fade out to make it have a deeper impact on the listener for such a strong phrase. Your thoughts?
hi chris! in your opinion, what's good about the use of the fade out ending? overall, i think the song lacks conviction and i could've made use of ear candy, like a gunshot or something that would sound like the last phrase of the song.
@@ulfahirwan I think ear candy could be a good choice for making the ending more defined. I think your choice of fading out the instrumentation to highlight the lyrics at that point is a good paradigm shift towards playing with the expectation of the listener. Whether or not you want the song to have more definition by adding more conviction with the performance or whether you want to use the different elements of ear candy to add more dimension, I feel the song has a certain vibe that needs to be highlighted with an element of direction or continuation.
WOW i really loved the strings a lot and when the first bells came in, it for real gave me chills. your arrangement and use of instruments towards the end is crazy good, i really really like it! the use of high pitched bells, combined with the strings and that clav in the back works too perfectly together! I think u should lessen the layers of your vocals ! or maybe lower the volume of it a little at some parts because it seemed to be overpowering the instrumentals. u never held back when it came to the lyrics and i respect that! overall, solid track. that's an 8/10 from me
- mateen
hi mateen! ahh thank you for sharing your thought, they're great. yeah now that I listen back to the song, the vocals could have just been one vocal track with harmonies rather than doubling to let the sole focus be on the lyrics and not just the vocals. I will take note of this in future compositions man thank you very much :]
Simple but yet catchy melody I like the layering of the vocals. Creates a lovely effect together with the harmony. :) But to me the accompaniment of the peice seems to happy and does not suit very well with the message. As like the part "she died from a lump breast' instrumental seems too happy. I really like the fading out as you end the song. enjoyed the piece, made me relaxed in a way, GOOD job Ulfah. Nice lyrics too!!
- Shirley-
ah.. i see.. although I had no intention of making the song sound happy with such sad lyrics, I guess it just turned out to be this way? haha thank you for sharing shirley!
Melody is really nice and soothing. Lyrics are meaningful. But maybe you could try something new next time? Cuz I always hear the same instruments in your songs 😂 Gr8 job on the execution, the harmonies were really nice too. The bubbly sound effect is rly cool. Keep up the good work!!
-Shirleen
HAHA THANK YOU yeah trying to stay away from all that bell stuff :/ this was kinda out of my comfort zone so it was uncomfortable to arrange LOL i keep coming to the bell-like timbre but i'll eventually learn and try :] thank u for ur honesty friend