The older I get, I realize the value of privacy of cultivating my circle and only letting certain people in. Dont be trapped by dogma. You can be open, honest and real while still understand not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.
Mel I love you so much. You exude passion in your voice. You are one of my favourite motivational coaches! You consistently show up to you events for a decade probably.. & you will make a pile of cash ($1 000 000) from book sales alone and you deserve it. I wanna be like you in my way.
I wish I still had friends! Once I Changed for the better I lost some...when I didn't want to do drugs I lost more....when I Realized my Worth & discovered the guilt free No...I lost the rest!! Making new ones at 40 who aren't dramatic, miserable or totally fake is Impossible! Where I live anyway😕
I completely understand what you are saying, but as Mel mentions here, everyone comes and goes, except the "lifetime" ones. I went through stages like that as well and lost pretty much every "friend". I thought I'd never have any friends, real friends, because of age, as you said... but after some time they started coming again, the new kind, the ones that fit my personality now, of course it's not dozens of people the way it used to be, it's a few, but they matter more than a dozen would. Just wait, the transition takes time. You are so amazing for making a great change in your life for the better! It takes will power and courage not many have 🤗
april joyce - I have a handful of women I socialize with, but I wouldn’t call them friends. It’s drinks after work or movies after work of dinner after work. It’s hard to find woman my age without children/family to connect with. Weekends and holidays are family time. And it’s hard to ask a woman w/afamily & job to give up more of her time for me and my needs, and therefore I just take what I can get & keep a boundary so I don’t get hurt.
I’m 42 and trying to make friends is hard. It would be great if we could do what we used to do at 5 and just say “do you want to be my friend”. But doing that at 42 I think I’d get some funny looks.
OMG-I just lost two incredibly close friends - one was a lifetime friend and one was "my person." As I started changing, standing up for myself, they weren't use to the new me and chose to leave. It hurt like hell but I guess their "season" was over. Thank you for this.
Kristi Meenan I had a close friend for 20 years that I no longer hang out with or consider a “close friend.” Sure she’s known me a long time but does she really know and care about me? Likely no. I know you will continue to do well and meet more wonderful ppl.
This exact thing happened to me. Except she had to insult me and say that I "don't change or try" even though that's all I was doing. I was just standing up for myself. I think it was just deflection but, either way I'm glad we went our separate ways. It was getting toxic
Funny... 4 years later I'm now going through this. Very lonely This to shall pass is an understatement. I'm molding my every day to the best it could be . I wonder how you're doing 🤔 now...
YESSS! I am a firm believer in the adage "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with." It's hard to level up if you allow yourself to be influenced by people with no goals or different goals. I had cancer a few years ago now, and I learned quickly who is there only when it's fun and who is there until the end. Don't feel guilty for looking after yourself, your family, and your goals. Great video, Mel. xo
Setting boundaries can intimidate others, that’s because you’re growing, expanding and experiencing self-actualization! So, others don’t know who you are, who you have become, you changed. They embrace it or walk, tough crossroads!
You... nailed it. I really feel like this point needs to be highlighted: you cant receive the new friends if you are holding on to the old!!! Your new patterns will attract the new! Hello!
I've never known how to make friends. People think I'm odd, and most of the time I'm disinterested in the material issues of life. Growing up I went to a new school every year, new city new people, always the new kid. I didn't learn how to do division, nor did I learn social ability . I love your content Mel.... Thank you... So much
I don't think anybody does. Just plot yourself out there and smile and say hi to people. Embrace your uniqueness and have fun with it! It's good to be odd! Own it and just be nice and realize the world deserves to get to know you and you it. Being odd isn't a deal breaker, but being mean is, or hiding so nobody can meet you Is.
Being odd can be a good thing. I pride myself on being weird. I like strange things I'm awkward and goofy and cheesy. My friends and co-workers just get used to it cause I'm entertaining. Normal people are boring. 💝
You hit the nail on the head Mel. I’ve been agonizing over this issue with a friend I’ve had for almost 20 years. Last year was the first time we did not hang out over the Christmas holiday. This year we did not either. You know what I did differently? Not care what she’s doing or saying about me. I chose not to react negatively. She’s my fiend but I chose not to hang out with her. Thank you thank you thank you for saying it’s ok to do what’s best for me. Not that I need your approval but it just makes all the doubt in my head go away. After 2 years everything comes back full circle. So glad I found you.
Should have found you sooner, but thankful that I have found your site. The wife was trying to explain her feelings about friendships at this stage on her life. Got it, thank you
This was so great to hear about, I thought I was the bad friend for feeling these things, but knowing that it is normal when things start to change... that eases any guilt I felt over it or doubting myself as a person. Thank you Mel!
Making the conscious decision to accept losing some friends if you’re going to make some changes takes balls. I’ve done it. If your bonds are hinged on vice and/or lame activities though you’re not losing anything if you want to find better things to do. If people can’t be happy for you if you turn a new leaf, kick some bad habits, etc, they’re not your friends.
I like that...the patterns have changed and yes mine have and I have no new friends as of yet, because I hunker down and work on myself. Oh and my gym is at home, so I don't go far, just work. Great video.
Everything you said is very true, I've had stages of all of it and used to get very upset about losing "season friends" when I was going to the next level of my life. I now understand it is part of the process and some of them I wouldn't want to have in my life anymore, because when thinking about it they were not true friends at all.
I guess it's also a question of cultural background. As a German, I noticed Americans refer to people as friends very easily. You meet someone several times, he/ she is a friend. And then, the question if you would go to their funeral to find out if they are a true friend applies... My notion of a friend is very. very different. I left my former best friend back in Germany after I decided to do a massive life change and move to the USA. We had already grown apart before and I feel like she is still stuck in her patterns. We barely talk, both of us have moved on with our lives. Would I still go to her funeral? - I would go above and beyond to help her out in situations, before it even gets to a funeral...
Yes we do that. It is very superficial like we claim everyone is a friend. I am trying Not to do that anymore. It's kind of like name dropping. Ugh. I do have Real friends, forever friends. Ride or Die . Lol
Describing people as an acquaintance may have a sort of coldness, an emotional distance to it, however accurately it defines the association. Friend has evolved into a word with numerous unspoken levels or degrees of initimacy, not just the one traditional definition in use for decades.
@Brad Smith .....Facebook was a lame concept back when it was first conceived at Harvard. It's since evolved into a platform for popularity and self promotion. The idea of Facebook Friends is at least widely accepted there as having its own distinct meaning and no-one takes it in the strict Oxford dictionary sense. The concept of genuine friendship as we once knew it has largely gone by the wayside, in the same way traditional marriage has, as well as decades long employment at one company.
Oh my gosh i totally understand. Im from asian german american.. Raised in deutschland.. And yea people meet me 3 times and introduce me as friend home girl and im just lile huh?. Its just friendship is taken serious there when it takes time n takes off if ur brave enoug... Here it never gets deeper.. My experience...
It is a cultural background because I think the same way I also came from Germany and some people still think I'm aloof or cool, Weather the gym or when I play tennis I made a lot of acquaintances and that's great but I don't bring them home with me I was blessed to have 4good friends in the US but they all moved and most people I meet are friendly but shallow and they think they're my friends I'm still in touch with a couple of friends in Germany and that's it , I like my dog a lot better than most humans
Amen Mel! I struggled with this for so many years. When I made changes in my life and saying NO being part of that change, it was hard. Many looked at me as being mean. Now, I feel so much happier and free from the guilt of saying NO every time!
I guess I have a small problem related to this. My friend got really serious about working out and usually works out 4 days out of the week. She’s committed, never misses a workout. She doesn’t budge for a dinner date, movies, and other things that would take away from her goal. I’m very proud of her for that. However, she expects me to drop whatever I’m doing to hang out when she wants to, or when she has free time even if I have something else planned. She makes me feel bad for hanging out with my family instead of her when I’ve known I’m going to be with my family a week in advance and she hits me up last minute. I guess a caveat for this is don’t expect your friends to drop their plans for you when you won’t drop your plans for them.
Tell her, if you haven't, that you love and miss her, and that you admire her dedication, but that you've got dedications too you can't just up and ignore, and that you'll make time for her IF she makes time for you. If that doesn't work, sad to say, but let her be and go find another friend. Maybe one day she'll come around, but don't depend on it. But you'll find others.
I respectfully disagree. I believe that friendships deserve just as much nurturing, reciprocity, love, and attention as any other relationship in your life. To say going to their funeral means that, that is your friend is mind blowing to me. Give your friends their flowers while alive...not dead! Cheers to those who take time to put the work in. It's worth it.💕
Exactly! 💯 I go to funerals for different reasons, not all the time because I really loved the person. 🙄 Calling people only when you have a need is selfish. I’ve cut off friends like that because they aren’t friends at all; those are people who use and benefit from.
Mel's advices are more opinionated than backed up by evidence based research. Anyone who is blindly following influencers like her is bound to meet dead end at some point. It's so important to meditate on your intuitions and thoughts and also do your own research and read books written by experts to develop good habits and decision making skills.
Mel, thank you. I love your teaching, I learned a lot from you and still learning. Recently I started new chapter in my life and you are part of it. Love you Mel💙💙
So glad to see you doing this Mel we needed your voice again Keep shining and sharing your gifts with the world my sister you are impacting more than you know on RUclips #made2love #walkamerica
I am shocked to think that people would only attend a funeral if a person was their “friend” (of which it seems people have very few). Perhaps this is just a US thing but in Ireland it is much more common to attend funerals to pay respect for people that are just acquaintances and even to attend funerals of their family friends and acquaintances members. It’s sad to think that people care so little about a person (or those left behind) when they die. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but certainly not what I am used to in Ireland.
We do too in the US..I specifically have been to too many to count to pay respects, I think she was trying to make a point? But it really doesn't work because like you said if you know someone on any level you SHOULD attend if you are able.. and anyone that you consider ANY kind of friend or acquaintance should not even be a second thought
I love what you said ..in Israel pp are attending feunaral without the need to be just a freind or family Mor then a year i lost my dear mom and non of my pp that i use to call freind show up ‼️‼️ Thats change everything in my new life i mean i forgive but it wont be the same ...
That sounds hard. I am so blessed to have mine, but it’s such a revolving door. I recommend just asking ppl to go to coffee or lunch and connecting. I joined a professional organization that helped.
I don't think we have many true friends who completely understands us and is always there for US... i have changed my life for the better, their silence is an answer....no more chasing from me, that is done...they can get in touch with me if they want to, they never intiate anyway... it was always me.. I'm done with those types of people. Most of them are users, they use you for what you can do for them... time to start living our own lives without these draining people ❤
I let go of my best friend because she disapproved of the man I was involved with and the choices I was making. Though I deeply miss our friendship, I can now see clearly that taking a stand for myself and my choices was the best course of action for me. I have changed and healed so much through this new connection. I am glad I trusted myself and decided to follow my own path and not be discouraged by her or I would have missed out on so much growth, healing and love.
VERY ENLIGHTENING & HELPFUL...IT CANNOT BE OVERSTATED HOW VALUABLE MR'S ADVICE IS AS MOST OF US WOULD NEVER FIND IT ELSEWHERE...PLEASE POST MORE VIDOES
Reason, season and lifetime!!! Wow , I'm glad I heard this . I have in the past took it personally when 'new friends ' pop into your life, then ghost you or find a reason to do something similar. I always wanted to know WHY ?? Now I am excepting to just let them go without question. Thank you from my heart for this valid information.
Yes even friends, family, and lovers can come into your life and then go out. Sometimes they reconnect at diffetent points in time. We live in a vibrational universe... We attract what we send out vibrationally to the universe.
I am glad that I came across your talk about friendships. Recently, a so called friend, dropped me because I said to her that she didn’t trust my friendship with her. She would constantly ask me, will I be there for her when she get sick and I would constantly tell her yes, that I would be there for her when she get sick. But, she also have a husband and he is there for her so, she says.
its been ruff outgrowing your friends. it has not been easy to make new friends over 40. and I find most women are so insecure they cant truly be friends bc of their jealousy.
💯is always do you. If you try and they fall off from your radar, they can be jealous, bitter, maybe it's habits they need help with etc. Ask them to join in but if they the same ,toxic,or take from you etc.. Gotta cut them off. Sad but true. Keep your circle small.💜
wow thanks mel! going through tough time with my friend. we used to be so close but then i realised she doesnt care when i achieve something good. im distancing myself because it hurts and now im getting better although she’s bitter about it. yeah truly friend for a season
Changing the patterns for the better is evolution, and self-love. The ones that stay behind simply aren't compatible with you anymore. Be compassionate, understand, and respect their process. With love. You can let them go.
This was so timely! I have a friend that I made at work and when my husband and I separated she was a good person to talk to and support me. We became close but as time went along (and we didn't work together anymore) our friendship seemed to change. As I got stronger after my divorce and started going out with others and my life went in a different direction she seemed different towards me. It was almost like she wanted to control and run my life and didnt like it as I branched out. We never had a fight but I have found myself pulling away from her as she drags me down and I don't enjoy her company as much as I used to and it now seems that we don't really have anything in common. My question would be "how do I turn her down for lunch / coffee etc when she calls"? I like her enough but don't want to hang out or go for lunch! Thanks
Can I just ask, in this scenario did you lean on her when you were hurting but feel like you don't need her anymore ? Not a cool thing to do, this has happened to me before and its so painful to be dropped when you essentially get what you want and don't need that person anymore.
I call this "friend shifting". I've had a lot of situational friends because of my kids being in school. But that time is almost over and I'm realizing it was what it was, and I'm grateful for those years and times. But, it's time to move on. It might take a while, but new friends will come.
I so struggle with female friendships bc I had an abusive mother. When your origination point…wasn’t a good compass, it is hard to trust other women. Now at 51, I usually don’t put much weight into female friends. Especially in the south lol with the bless your hearts. I find more benefit from nature, god and my dog. It saddens me that I don’t have many female friends, but I’ve tried. I have a few dear ones and grateful for them but definitely still struggling with female friendships. It’s been hard because we need them to be healthy, but when they are not healthy for us, we need to reevaluate to make space for ourselves
Sometimes you just take a break. When my female friends had children, their life shifted. Some came back as their children matured. Now they have grandchildren. 😊 So seasons change. 😊
Absolutely! My only caveat to it would be that hopefully if they are also truly your friend you would be communicating your change in habit and/or goals and desires. Instead of distancing yourself to change, as you never know they may fully support your change and be your biggest supporter.
Great advice Mel! Everything you said resonated! My patterns have changed and I have accepted it. It's all okay. I've learned to get to know myself better as a result.
Wise lyrics from Al Stewart's End of the Day from Time Passages album: "Nothing lasts, well she knows, try to hang on When it's gone, you'll be burned Fashions and friends come and go Everyone travels that road in their turn." Not every relationship lasts;that's just life.
Sometimes, you just outgrow your friends. The high school me is not the same as the college me and the college me is not the same as the professional me. Life is about growth -evolving oneself, so it's an inevitability that you grow and develop. I think the friends that stay are the friends that have similar goals in life so you move at the same pace.
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The only people who will be upset by you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.
Great one 👍🏻
Dang. That's deep
Yes!! Well said!
Smart comment!
So true
The older I get, I realize the value of privacy of cultivating my circle and only letting certain people in. Dont be trapped by dogma. You can be open, honest and real while still understand not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.
THIS
Nah dude at this point no one deserves a sit a my table, fuck that
Like that point you made “not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life…” well put!
PERFECT!!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't have many friends. And even though I feel the lonlines, I am reluctant to let just anyone into my life.
Same here
This is exactly where I am, too in my life.
Same here
Me too.
Same here Rachelle.
🔹Friends for a Reason
🔹Friends for a Season
🔹Friends for a Lifetime
Yep! I've also written it down. It should go on a proverb tile! 😂
Friends of the Road
Friends of the Heart
Amazing speech 👏🏼
Just like love
Believe u me people do have enemies
Some of this doesn't only apply to friends but family too.
Indeed!
Kayohem 2 You are so right!!!!!
K 2 that’s right!!
Definitely
Mel I love you so much. You exude passion in your voice. You are one of my favourite motivational coaches! You consistently show up to you events for a decade probably.. & you will make a pile of cash
($1 000 000) from book sales alone and you deserve it. I wanna be like you in my way.
I wish I still had friends! Once I Changed for the better I lost some...when I didn't want to do drugs I lost more....when I Realized my Worth & discovered the guilt free No...I lost the rest!!
Making new ones at 40 who aren't dramatic, miserable or totally fake is Impossible! Where I live anyway😕
I completely understand what you are saying, but as Mel mentions here, everyone comes and goes, except the "lifetime" ones. I went through stages like that as well and lost pretty much every "friend". I thought I'd never have any friends, real friends, because of age, as you said... but after some time they started coming again, the new kind, the ones that fit my personality now, of course it's not dozens of people the way it used to be, it's a few, but they matter more than a dozen would. Just wait, the transition takes time.
You are so amazing for making a great change in your life for the better! It takes will power and courage not many have 🤗
So it’s not just me then. At 43 I thought I would have close friends by now but all I’ve had were seasonal friends. And I live by The New York area.
Captain Shiggles ask yourself what you want in a friend, then you'll get it
april joyce - I have a handful of women I socialize with, but I wouldn’t call them friends. It’s drinks after work or movies after work of dinner after work. It’s hard to find woman my age without children/family to connect with. Weekends and holidays are family time. And it’s hard to ask a woman w/afamily & job to give up more of her time for me and my needs, and therefore I just take what I can get & keep a boundary so I don’t get hurt.
I’m 42 and trying to make friends is hard. It would be great if we could do what we used to do at 5 and just say “do you want to be my friend”. But doing that at 42 I think I’d get some funny looks.
OMG-I just lost two incredibly close friends - one was a lifetime friend and one was "my person." As I started changing, standing up for myself, they weren't use to the new me and chose to leave. It hurt like hell but I guess their "season" was over. Thank you for this.
Kristi Meenan I had a close friend for 20 years that I no longer hang out with or consider a “close friend.” Sure she’s known me a long time but does she really know and care about me? Likely no. I know you will continue to do well and meet more wonderful ppl.
This happened to me too. Heartbreaking. But I’m trying to move forward now.
This exact thing happened to me. Except she had to insult me and say that I "don't change or try" even though that's all I was doing. I was just standing up for myself. I think it was just deflection but, either way I'm glad we went our separate ways. It was getting toxic
Yes it hurts when you think they were a lifetime friend and the friendship falls apart - I can relate.
Funny...
4 years later I'm now going through this.
Very lonely
This to shall pass is an understatement.
I'm molding my every day to the best it could be .
I wonder how you're doing 🤔 now...
YESSS! I am a firm believer in the adage "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with." It's hard to level up if you allow yourself to be influenced by people with no goals or different goals. I had cancer a few years ago now, and I learned quickly who is there only when it's fun and who is there until the end. Don't feel guilty for looking after yourself, your family, and your goals. Great video, Mel. xo
As Oprah once said (non-verbatim), If you have one good friend you are lucky. The older you get the less good friends you have.
She also said that sometimes we have to divorce friends, specially those who when you see them in stead of feeling energized you feel down.
Horseshit keep telling yourself that and you will end up without any and its all on you
Why is she giving me advice on friendship, i ask? Shes a life coach now?
True.
Your circle of friends changes as you do. Seldom do things/friendship remain unchanged. These so-called "friends for life" is a wishful myth.
Setting boundaries can intimidate others, that’s because you’re growing, expanding and experiencing self-actualization! So, others don’t know who you are, who you have become, you changed. They embrace it or walk, tough crossroads!
So true John!
When you start setting boundries others can't control you and that can make them angry!!! Their insecurities not yours!!!
A friend who's who's there for you in need, is a friend indeed.
A friend with weed is better. A friend with breast and all the rest. A friend who dress in leathers
@@patrickbateman9242 not a weirdo! just a fellow Placebo lover, i assume
No one is your friend, no one is your enemy. Everyone is your teacher.
Mr Limitless except some of your teachers who are actually your enemies
@Agua de Estrellas, beautifully said.
Well put!
Very clever
I AM a Creator God
Yes! So succinct! I appreciate how you put that. Thank you for your words. Namaste
You... nailed it. I really feel like this point needs to be highlighted: you cant receive the new friends if you are holding on to the old!!! Your new patterns will attract the new! Hello!
"You can tipically put friends in three buckets:
You have friends for a reason
You have friends for a season
You have friends for a lifetime."
💕💕💕
I've never known how to make friends. People think I'm odd, and most of the time I'm disinterested in the material issues of life. Growing up I went to a new school every year, new city new people, always the new kid. I didn't learn how to do division, nor did I learn social ability . I love your content Mel.... Thank you... So much
I don't think anybody does. Just plot yourself out there and smile and say hi to people. Embrace your uniqueness and have fun with it! It's good to be odd! Own it and just be nice and realize the world deserves to get to know you and you it. Being odd isn't a deal breaker, but being mean is, or hiding so nobody can meet you Is.
U r exactly copy of me
I came from a military family........ I am the same way
I am the exact same way.
Being odd can be a good thing. I pride myself on being weird. I like strange things I'm awkward and goofy and cheesy. My friends and co-workers just get used to it cause I'm entertaining. Normal people are boring. 💝
We have came in this universe alone and will have to go alone . So enjoy the beautiful gift call LIFE. Try to find a lifetime friend within you......
Thank you for pointing out the most important thing: befriending ourselves.
True friends accept you no matter what and with your transformation weed out the false ones.
People come and go. You are the only constant.
You hit the nail on the head Mel. I’ve been agonizing over this issue with a friend I’ve had for almost 20 years. Last year was the first time we did not hang out over the Christmas holiday. This year we did not either. You know what I did differently? Not care what she’s doing or saying about me. I chose not to react negatively. She’s my fiend but I chose not to hang out with her. Thank you thank you thank you for saying it’s ok to do what’s best for me. Not that I need your approval but it just makes all the doubt in my head go away. After 2 years everything comes back full circle. So glad I found you.
Should have found you sooner, but thankful that I have found your site. The wife was trying to explain her feelings about friendships at this stage on her life. Got it, thank you
This was so great to hear about, I thought I was the bad friend for feeling these things, but knowing that it is normal when things start to change... that eases any guilt I felt over it or doubting myself as a person. Thank you Mel!
Never feel guilty about moving on!
Making the conscious decision to accept losing some friends if you’re going to make some changes takes balls. I’ve done it. If your bonds are hinged on vice and/or lame activities though you’re not losing anything if you want to find better things to do. If people can’t be happy for you if you turn a new leaf, kick some bad habits, etc, they’re not your friends.
Really, it will benefit you more to set boundaries. People go and come, principles and boundaries matters..
I am feeling better 😍😍😍😍 thank youuuu
This is freeing from guilt over feeling like I’m not a good friend when things change and life moves on!
I like that...the patterns have changed and yes mine have and I have no new friends as of yet, because I hunker down and work on myself. Oh and my gym is at home, so I don't go far, just work. Great video.
Everything you said is very true, I've had stages of all of it and used to get very upset about losing "season friends" when I was going to the next level of my life. I now understand it is part of the process and some of them I wouldn't want to have in my life anymore, because when thinking about it they were not true friends at all.
I guess it's also a question of cultural background. As a German, I noticed Americans refer to people as friends very easily. You meet someone several times, he/ she is a friend. And then, the question if you would go to their funeral to find out if they are a true friend applies...
My notion of a friend is very. very different. I left my former best friend back in Germany after I decided to do a massive life change and move to the USA. We had already grown apart before and I feel like she is still stuck in her patterns. We barely talk, both of us have moved on with our lives. Would I still go to her funeral? - I would go above and beyond to help her out in situations, before it even gets to a funeral...
Yes we do that. It is very superficial like we claim everyone is a friend. I am trying Not to do that anymore. It's kind of like name dropping. Ugh. I do have Real friends, forever friends. Ride or Die . Lol
Describing people as an acquaintance may have a sort of coldness, an emotional distance to it, however accurately it defines the association. Friend has evolved into a word with numerous unspoken levels or degrees of initimacy, not just the one traditional definition in use for decades.
@Brad Smith .....Facebook was a lame concept back when it was first conceived at Harvard. It's since evolved into a platform for popularity and self promotion. The idea of Facebook Friends is at least widely accepted there as having its own distinct meaning and no-one takes it in the strict Oxford dictionary sense. The concept of genuine friendship as we once knew it has largely gone by the wayside, in the same way traditional marriage has, as well as decades long employment at one company.
Oh my gosh i totally understand. Im from asian german american.. Raised in deutschland.. And yea people meet me 3 times and introduce me as friend home girl and im just lile huh?.
Its just friendship is taken serious there when it takes time n takes off if ur brave enoug... Here it never gets deeper.. My experience...
It is a cultural background because I think the same way I also came from Germany and some people still think I'm aloof or cool, Weather the gym or when I play tennis I made a lot of acquaintances and that's great but I don't bring them home with me I was blessed to have 4good friends in the US but they all moved and most people I meet are friendly but shallow and they think they're my friends I'm still in touch with a couple of friends in Germany and that's it , I like my dog a lot better than most humans
I’ve listened to this 3 times
When u dnt hav frnds but still watch this
Me me
Right
Looser
Im on this table
I felt this
Amen Mel! I struggled with this for so many years. When I made changes in my life and saying NO being part of that change, it was hard. Many looked at me as being mean. Now, I feel so much happier and free from the guilt of saying NO every time!
The last thing she said "friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends who are for a lifetime".. amazing! Its the truth.
Good subject matter....friends come and go...being comfortable with yourself is the lesson to be adhered to.
I love this video! This is a huge topic especially for women! Change can be lonely! But ultimately for the better! Thanks for the video!
I guess I have a small problem related to this. My friend got really serious about working out and usually works out 4 days out of the week. She’s committed, never misses a workout. She doesn’t budge for a dinner date, movies, and other things that would take away from her goal. I’m very proud of her for that. However, she expects me to drop whatever I’m doing to hang out when she wants to, or when she has free time even if I have something else planned. She makes me feel bad for hanging out with my family instead of her when I’ve known I’m going to be with my family a week in advance and she hits me up last minute. I guess a caveat for this is don’t expect your friends to drop their plans for you when you won’t drop your plans for them.
She needs to learn to take other peoples times to consideration . the world doesn't revolve around her.
Sounds a lil narcissistic.
Toxic friend
Tell her, if you haven't, that you love and miss her, and that you admire her dedication, but that you've got dedications too you can't just up and ignore, and that you'll make time for her IF she makes time for you.
If that doesn't work, sad to say, but let her be and go find another friend. Maybe one day she'll come around, but don't depend on it. But you'll find others.
Kendra S try to go to the gym with her
I always listen to her... cos she always tells the truth!
I respectfully disagree. I believe that friendships deserve just as much nurturing, reciprocity, love, and attention as any other relationship in your life. To say going to their funeral means that, that is your friend is mind blowing to me. Give your friends their flowers while alive...not dead! Cheers to those who take time to put the work in. It's worth it.💕
I see your point, but most people who complain about friendship problems expect too much from others.
Exactly! 💯 I go to funerals for different reasons, not all the time because I really loved the person. 🙄 Calling people only when you have a need is selfish. I’ve cut off friends like that because they aren’t friends at all; those are people who use and benefit from.
You didnt get it then lol
A nice friend is always good
Chat talk about when you young
Mel's advices are more opinionated than backed up by evidence based research. Anyone who is blindly following influencers like her is bound to meet dead end at some point. It's so important to meditate on your intuitions and thoughts and also do your own research and read books written by experts to develop good habits and decision making skills.
Love this. I so identify with it. Thank you
Mel, thank you. I love your teaching, I learned a lot from you and still learning. Recently I started new chapter in my life and you are part of it. Love you Mel💙💙
So glad to see you doing this Mel we needed your voice again Keep shining and sharing your gifts with the world my sister you are impacting more than you know on RUclips #made2love #walkamerica
I am shocked to think that people would only attend a funeral if a person was their “friend” (of which it seems people have very few). Perhaps this is just a US thing but in Ireland it is much more common to attend funerals to pay respect for people that are just acquaintances and even to attend funerals of their family friends and acquaintances members. It’s sad to think that people care so little about a person (or those left behind) when they die. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but certainly not what I am used to in Ireland.
We do too in the US..I specifically have been to too many to count to pay respects, I think she was trying to make a point? But it really doesn't work because like you said if you know someone on any level you SHOULD attend if you are able.. and anyone that you consider ANY kind of friend or acquaintance should not even be a second thought
I agree
I love what you said ..in Israel pp are attending feunaral without the need to be just a freind or family
Mor then a year i lost my dear mom and non of my pp that i use to call freind show up ‼️‼️
Thats change everything in my new life i mean i forgive but it wont be the same ...
Good you live in Ireland! 😊
Aidan O'Leary too many selfish people without any morals. That's why religion is so important
probably one of the best videos around about friendships! well done Mel!
I needed to hear this for a long time.
you are one decision away from a totally different life!!! @melrobbinslive
Wow!! I just realized something... I have no reason, season, or lifetime friends 😳
Same here
Same here
Me too but I am not fazed
Same here
That sounds hard. I am so blessed to have mine, but it’s such a revolving door. I recommend just asking ppl to go to coffee or lunch and connecting. I joined a professional organization that helped.
I don't think we have many true friends who completely understands us and is always there for US... i have changed my life for the better, their silence is an answer....no more chasing from me, that is done...they can get in touch with me if they want to, they never intiate anyway... it was always me.. I'm done with those types of people. Most of them are users, they use you for what you can do for them... time to start living our own lives without these draining people ❤
I let go of my best friend because she disapproved of the man I was involved with and the choices I was making. Though I deeply miss our friendship, I can now see clearly that taking a stand for myself and my choices was the best course of action for me. I have changed and healed so much through this new connection. I am glad I trusted myself and decided to follow my own path and not be discouraged by her or I would have missed out on so much growth, healing and love.
2 minutes in and subscribed already. I love how eloquently you explain things
VERY ENLIGHTENING & HELPFUL...IT CANNOT BE OVERSTATED HOW VALUABLE MR'S ADVICE IS AS MOST OF US WOULD NEVER FIND IT ELSEWHERE...PLEASE POST MORE VIDOES
Reason, season and lifetime!!! Wow , I'm glad I heard this . I have in the past took it personally when 'new friends ' pop into your life, then ghost you or find a reason to do something similar. I always wanted to know WHY ?? Now I am excepting to just let them go without question. Thank you from my heart for this valid information.
Truth!!!!!!! Pay Attention Y’all !!!! Soon !!!! Agree keep best friends and family members as “besties” ❤❤❤
I see you as a mother figure I never had, thank you
Ms. Mel I don't know where you have been but I am so happy that I have found you.
Yes even friends, family, and lovers can come into your life and then go out. Sometimes they reconnect at diffetent points in time. We live in a vibrational universe... We attract what we send out vibrationally to the universe.
So true !!! I have one friend that is my friend for a lifetime, I don’t see her much but she is the first one to call when I Need my Friend !!!
One of my favourite sayings about friendships. Thanks for sharing!
Friends are ppl who care about you as you do in vice versa. To deserve better friends, let them go
I am glad that I came across your talk about friendships. Recently, a so called friend, dropped me because I said to her that she didn’t trust my friendship with her. She would constantly ask me, will I be there for her when she get sick and I would constantly tell her yes, that I would be there for her when she get sick. But, she also have a husband and he is there for her so, she says.
It's called knowing yourself a lot of people don't know themselves and don't even want to try
its been ruff outgrowing your friends. it has not been easy to make new friends over 40. and I find most women are so insecure they cant truly be friends bc of their jealousy.
Big facts. Keep your heart open, your tribe is out there
Yes, i agree.
I agree too.
I agree. I'm astounded at the insecurity, jealousy and competition that goes on. It's quite disgusting really.
Going through this now. A friend who "seems" to have everything is jealous of me and puts me down in front of others.
💯is always do you. If you try and they fall off from your radar, they can be jealous, bitter, maybe it's habits they need help with etc. Ask them to join in but if they the same ,toxic,or take from you etc.. Gotta cut them off. Sad but true. Keep your circle small.💜
Gosh I love your raw honesty! Needed this one today!!! Thanks Mel!
wow thanks mel! going through tough time with my friend. we used to be so close but then i realised she doesnt care when i achieve something good. im distancing myself because it hurts and now im getting better although she’s bitter about it. yeah truly friend for a season
Changing the patterns for the better is evolution, and self-love. The ones that stay behind simply aren't compatible with you anymore. Be compassionate, understand, and respect their process. With love. You can let them go.
True about relatives as well !
So nicely explained, thank you!
I need more positive friendships in my life.
I need more positive friends in mu life you Mel your AWESOME how to do I get more positive friends in my life
thank you. loosing friends especially those we've spent all our adulthood with is very difficult. i just need reassurance, i guess. thank you again.
"If you have friends that make you wrong for changing your life for the better, that's their issue, not yours." Thanks Mel
Wow powerful and true..am getting healthier friends as I become healthier with my choices
You won my subscribe
This was so timely! I have a friend that I made at work and when my husband and I separated she was a good person to talk to and support me. We became close but as time went along (and we didn't work together anymore) our friendship seemed to change. As I got stronger after my divorce and started going out with others and my life went in a different direction she seemed different towards me. It was almost like she wanted to control and run my life and didnt like it as I branched out. We never had a fight but I have found myself pulling away from her as she drags me down and I don't enjoy her company as much as I used to and it now seems that we don't really have anything in common. My question would be "how do I turn her down for lunch / coffee etc when she calls"? I like her enough but don't want to hang out or go for lunch! Thanks
Say yes to coffee, but tell her you have an appointment at the bank or another appointment.
Can I just ask, in this scenario did you lean on her when you were hurting but feel like you don't need her anymore ? Not a cool thing to do, this has happened to me before and its so painful to be dropped when you essentially get what you want and don't need that person anymore.
Wow I just realized what an amazing friend I am to my friends
I was/am a therapist to two of my closest friends, talking about relationships ALL THE TIME! Its exhausting, I can't do it.
Mel, this is exackly what I needed to hear about friendship. Thank you. I have strugged a lot with drama.
I call this "friend shifting". I've had a lot of situational friends because of my kids being in school. But that time is almost over and I'm realizing it was what it was, and I'm grateful for those years and times. But, it's time to move on. It might take a while, but new friends will come.
This set me straight, time to loose some people.
I so struggle with female friendships bc I had an abusive mother. When your origination point…wasn’t a good compass, it is hard to trust other women. Now at 51, I usually don’t put much weight into female friends. Especially in the south lol with the bless your hearts. I find more benefit from nature, god and my dog. It saddens me that I don’t have many female friends, but I’ve tried. I have a few dear ones and grateful for them but definitely still struggling with female friendships. It’s been hard because we need them to be healthy, but when they are not healthy for us, we need to reevaluate to make space for ourselves
51 here and totally get this :) I am very social when I want to be, but forming deep nice female friendships is so hard. I get you ❤
Thank you for this topic. There isn't alot of resources out there regarding this. It's a very painful situation at every age.
So good. I love “lose the drama about it” 👌🏼👌🏼
Sometimes you just take a break. When my female friends had children, their life shifted. Some came back as their children matured. Now they have grandchildren. 😊 So seasons change. 😊
True friendship is a sturdy relationship. There are a lot of pretend friendships. I've had them in my life and they are always fragile or temporary.
Thank you Mel for everything you help with your beautiful teachings very greatful that I can appreciate the truth in me
Absolutely! My only caveat to it would be that hopefully if they are also truly your friend you would be communicating your change in habit and/or goals and desires. Instead of distancing yourself to change, as you never know they may fully support your change and be your biggest supporter.
"just loose the drama...", Really your speech made me feel less guilty! Thank you ma'am! Nice advice.
Great advice Mel! Everything you said resonated! My patterns have changed and I have accepted it. It's all okay. I've learned to get to know myself better as a result.
Wise lyrics from Al Stewart's End of the Day from Time Passages album:
"Nothing lasts, well she knows, try to hang on
When it's gone, you'll be burned
Fashions and friends come and go
Everyone travels that road in their turn."
Not every relationship lasts;that's just life.
Sometimes, you just outgrow your friends. The high school me is not the same as the college me and the college me is not the same as the professional me. Life is about growth -evolving oneself, so it's an inevitability that you grow and develop. I think the friends that stay are the friends that have similar goals in life so you move at the same pace.
People need to be able to distinguish better friends and acquaintances.
Amen! So many people are always threatened with choices.
👍🏻I love the way you explaining things!!! Short and simple!!!👍🏻
When your life takes on different patterns so will your circle of friends! I love this analogy.
I needed to hear this. I'm grateful I really am.
This video was uploaded at the right moment. I’ve been searching for advice. Thank you
Awesome Video! This's an under-discussed topic! Greatttt. Thank you!!!!!
Thank u so much. It really cleared for me, the definition of a friend.
Thankyou so much 🙂🙂🙂🙂
That was very helpful advice-Thanks I needed that!
I só loved this one! The funeral criterium, friends reason/season/lifetime....I've written it down! Thank you só much! 😘
At least now funerals have moved to zoom due to Corona.
You have to do what's right for you. I've left a number of toxic relationships. The friends will support you, maybe get involved, or come with you :)
I think you have been in my head lately! 😳 Thank you❣️😊