The TRUTH About Friendship | Mel Robbins

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  • Опубликовано: 18 сен 2018
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    What do you do when your friends judge you because you are trying to do things that improve your life?
    That’s a big question, and it’s one about friendship in general.
    In this video I am not holding back when it comes to who you have in your life and how that impacts who you become. The reality is, you can love someone and still not enjoy hanging out with them because of how it affects you. To improve your life sometimes means losing people who are in another stage of theirs.
    Watch the entire video. There’s a lot of information here that will help you understand who your reason, season, or lifetime friends are.
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Комментарии • 767

  • @gkadnams
    @gkadnams 5 лет назад +972

    The only people who will be upset by you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.

  • @querida1809
    @querida1809 3 года назад +144

    The older I get, I realize the value of privacy of cultivating my circle and only letting certain people in. Dont be trapped by dogma. You can be open, honest and real while still understand not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

  • @rachellecox7658
    @rachellecox7658 4 года назад +357

    I am at a point in my life where I don't have many friends. And even though I feel the lonlines, I am reluctant to let just anyone into my life.

  • @CzarinaMcCoy
    @CzarinaMcCoy 5 лет назад +295

    🔹Friends for a Reason
    🔹Friends for a Season
    🔹Friends for a Lifetime

    • @lydiacarels774
      @lydiacarels774 5 лет назад +5

      Yep! I've also written it down. It should go on a proverb tile! 😂

    • @missmayflower
      @missmayflower 4 года назад +2

      Friends of the Road
      Friends of the Heart

    • @blacksam1984
      @blacksam1984 4 года назад

      Amazing speech 👏🏼

    • @crystalianike
      @crystalianike 4 года назад

      Just like love

    • @reg8297
      @reg8297 3 года назад

      Believe u me people do have enemies

  • @idontknow-ms8mc
    @idontknow-ms8mc 5 лет назад +433

    Some of this doesn't only apply to friends but family too.

    • @maddiegrant1189
      @maddiegrant1189 5 лет назад +4

      Indeed!

    • @jantjaden836
      @jantjaden836 5 лет назад +3

      Kayohem 2 You are so right!!!!!

    • @ZenithZoneWellness
      @ZenithZoneWellness 5 лет назад +1

      K 2 that’s right!!

    • @jenrich111
      @jenrich111 5 лет назад +1

      Definitely

    • @jenrich111
      @jenrich111 5 лет назад

      Mel I love you so much. You exude passion in your voice. You are one of my favourite motivational coaches! You consistently show up to you events for a decade probably.. & you will make a pile of cash
      ($1 000 000) from book sales alone and you deserve it. I wanna be like you in my way.

  • @YogiRed
    @YogiRed 5 лет назад +504

    As Oprah once said (non-verbatim), If you have one good friend you are lucky. The older you get the less good friends you have.

    • @adrianamatamoros7256
      @adrianamatamoros7256 5 лет назад +36

      She also said that sometimes we have to divorce friends, specially those who when you see them in stead of feeling energized you feel down.

    • @aernoutkraaijeveld
      @aernoutkraaijeveld 5 лет назад

      Horseshit keep telling yourself that and you will end up without any and its all on you

    • @aernoutkraaijeveld
      @aernoutkraaijeveld 5 лет назад +3

      Why is she giving me advice on friendship, i ask? Shes a life coach now?

    • @karenzhang1020
      @karenzhang1020 5 лет назад

      True.

    • @casperlory
      @casperlory 5 лет назад +21

      Your circle of friends changes as you do. Seldom do things/friendship remain unchanged. These so-called "friends for life" is a wishful myth.

  • @apriljoyce4932
    @apriljoyce4932 5 лет назад +387

    I wish I still had friends! Once I Changed for the better I lost some...when I didn't want to do drugs I lost more....when I Realized my Worth & discovered the guilt free No...I lost the rest!!
    Making new ones at 40 who aren't dramatic, miserable or totally fake is Impossible! Where I live anyway😕

    • @KarinaSwan
      @KarinaSwan 5 лет назад +64

      I completely understand what you are saying, but as Mel mentions here, everyone comes and goes, except the "lifetime" ones. I went through stages like that as well and lost pretty much every "friend". I thought I'd never have any friends, real friends, because of age, as you said... but after some time they started coming again, the new kind, the ones that fit my personality now, of course it's not dozens of people the way it used to be, it's a few, but they matter more than a dozen would. Just wait, the transition takes time.
      You are so amazing for making a great change in your life for the better! It takes will power and courage not many have 🤗

    • @captainshiggles
      @captainshiggles 5 лет назад +23

      So it’s not just me then. At 43 I thought I would have close friends by now but all I’ve had were seasonal friends. And I live by The New York area.

    • @KarinaSwan
      @KarinaSwan 5 лет назад +9

      Captain Shiggles ask yourself what you want in a friend, then you'll get it

    • @landit
      @landit 5 лет назад +16

      april joyce - I have a handful of women I socialize with, but I wouldn’t call them friends. It’s drinks after work or movies after work of dinner after work. It’s hard to find woman my age without children/family to connect with. Weekends and holidays are family time. And it’s hard to ask a woman w/afamily & job to give up more of her time for me and my needs, and therefore I just take what I can get & keep a boundary so I don’t get hurt.

    • @alexandraAclayton
      @alexandraAclayton 5 лет назад +40

      I’m 42 and trying to make friends is hard. It would be great if we could do what we used to do at 5 and just say “do you want to be my friend”. But doing that at 42 I think I’d get some funny looks.

  • @kristimeenan4317
    @kristimeenan4317 5 лет назад +119

    OMG-I just lost two incredibly close friends - one was a lifetime friend and one was "my person." As I started changing, standing up for myself, they weren't use to the new me and chose to leave. It hurt like hell but I guess their "season" was over. Thank you for this.

    • @kmoy
      @kmoy 5 лет назад +14

      Kristi Meenan I had a close friend for 20 years that I no longer hang out with or consider a “close friend.” Sure she’s known me a long time but does she really know and care about me? Likely no. I know you will continue to do well and meet more wonderful ppl.

    • @lovetoplayharp
      @lovetoplayharp 3 года назад +4

      This happened to me too. Heartbreaking. But I’m trying to move forward now.

    • @kaznosa
      @kaznosa 2 года назад +3

      This exact thing happened to me. Except she had to insult me and say that I "don't change or try" even though that's all I was doing. I was just standing up for myself. I think it was just deflection but, either way I'm glad we went our separate ways. It was getting toxic

    • @ONLYLOVEIZATION
      @ONLYLOVEIZATION Год назад +2

      Yes it hurts when you think they were a lifetime friend and the friendship falls apart - I can relate.

    • @stevenflores972
      @stevenflores972 Год назад

      Funny...
      4 years later I'm now going through this.
      Very lonely
      This to shall pass is an understatement.
      I'm molding my every day to the best it could be .
      I wonder how you're doing 🤔 now...

  • @johnschaal5866
    @johnschaal5866 4 года назад +81

    Setting boundaries can intimidate others, that’s because you’re growing, expanding and experiencing self-actualization! So, others don’t know who you are, who you have become, you changed. They embrace it or walk, tough crossroads!

  • @nouramy4038
    @nouramy4038 4 года назад +163

    When u dnt hav frnds but still watch this

  • @rajubose9773
    @rajubose9773 4 года назад +22

    We have came in this universe alone and will have to go alone . So enjoy the beautiful gift call LIFE. Try to find a lifetime friend within you......

    • @Sandra-lb5pu
      @Sandra-lb5pu 4 года назад +5

      Thank you for pointing out the most important thing: befriending ourselves.

  • @mspixiedust100
    @mspixiedust100 5 лет назад +45

    A friend who's who's there for you in need, is a friend indeed.

    • @patrickbateman9242
      @patrickbateman9242 5 лет назад +3

      A friend with weed is better. A friend with breast and all the rest. A friend who dress in leathers

    • @ElnaKristin
      @ElnaKristin 3 года назад +1

      @@patrickbateman9242 not a weirdo! just a fellow Placebo lover, i assume

  • @monicamejia1687
    @monicamejia1687 5 лет назад +29

    "You can tipically put friends in three buckets:
    You have friends for a reason
    You have friends for a season
    You have friends for a lifetime."
    💕💕💕

  • @tamaro9641
    @tamaro9641 4 года назад +31

    I respectfully disagree. I believe that friendships deserve just as much nurturing, reciprocity, love, and attention as any other relationship in your life. To say going to their funeral means that, that is your friend is mind blowing to me. Give your friends their flowers while alive...not dead! Cheers to those who take time to put the work in. It's worth it.💕

    • @Nepthu
      @Nepthu 4 года назад +7

      I see your point, but most people who complain about friendship problems expect too much from others.

    • @CodyCole80
      @CodyCole80 3 года назад +6

      Exactly! 💯 I go to funerals for different reasons, not all the time because I really loved the person. 🙄 Calling people only when you have a need is selfish. I’ve cut off friends like that because they aren’t friends at all; those are people who use and benefit from.

    • @yellowmoon4564
      @yellowmoon4564 Год назад +5

      You didnt get it then lol

    • @arthurcoppola8303
      @arthurcoppola8303 Год назад

      A nice friend is always good
      Chat talk about when you young

    • @anikatasnim6001
      @anikatasnim6001 Год назад +3

      Mel's advices are more opinionated than backed up by evidence based research. Anyone who is blindly following influencers like her is bound to meet dead end at some point. It's so important to meditate on your intuitions and thoughts and also do your own research and read books written by experts to develop good habits and decision making skills.

  • @ashleystardust2513
    @ashleystardust2513 5 лет назад +107

    I've never known how to make friends. People think I'm odd, and most of the time I'm disinterested in the material issues of life. Growing up I went to a new school every year, new city new people, always the new kid. I didn't learn how to do division, nor did I learn social ability . I love your content Mel.... Thank you... So much

    • @beebuzz959
      @beebuzz959 5 лет назад +17

      I don't think anybody does. Just plot yourself out there and smile and say hi to people. Embrace your uniqueness and have fun with it! It's good to be odd! Own it and just be nice and realize the world deserves to get to know you and you it. Being odd isn't a deal breaker, but being mean is, or hiding so nobody can meet you Is.

    • @muhammetnurgeldiev2673
      @muhammetnurgeldiev2673 4 года назад +3

      U r exactly copy of me

    • @lovely-mk4rt
      @lovely-mk4rt 4 года назад

      I came from a military family........ I am the same way

    • @shytisefitness8743
      @shytisefitness8743 4 года назад +2

      I am the exact same way.

    • @dancemonkeydance2813
      @dancemonkeydance2813 3 года назад +5

      Being odd can be a good thing. I pride myself on being weird. I like strange things I'm awkward and goofy and cheesy. My friends and co-workers just get used to it cause I'm entertaining. Normal people are boring. 💝

  • @evelinboerner2160
    @evelinboerner2160 5 лет назад +42

    I guess it's also a question of cultural background. As a German, I noticed Americans refer to people as friends very easily. You meet someone several times, he/ she is a friend. And then, the question if you would go to their funeral to find out if they are a true friend applies...
    My notion of a friend is very. very different. I left my former best friend back in Germany after I decided to do a massive life change and move to the USA. We had already grown apart before and I feel like she is still stuck in her patterns. We barely talk, both of us have moved on with our lives. Would I still go to her funeral? - I would go above and beyond to help her out in situations, before it even gets to a funeral...

    • @kirk1007
      @kirk1007 4 года назад +5

      Yes we do that. It is very superficial like we claim everyone is a friend. I am trying Not to do that anymore. It's kind of like name dropping. Ugh. I do have Real friends, forever friends. Ride or Die . Lol

    • @msr1116
      @msr1116 4 года назад +5

      Describing people as an acquaintance may have a sort of coldness, an emotional distance to it, however accurately it defines the association. Friend has evolved into a word with numerous unspoken levels or degrees of initimacy, not just the one traditional definition in use for decades.

    • @msr1116
      @msr1116 4 года назад +2

      @Brad Smith .....Facebook was a lame concept back when it was first conceived at Harvard. It's since evolved into a platform for popularity and self promotion. The idea of Facebook Friends is at least widely accepted there as having its own distinct meaning and no-one takes it in the strict Oxford dictionary sense. The concept of genuine friendship as we once knew it has largely gone by the wayside, in the same way traditional marriage has, as well as decades long employment at one company.

    • @EvanNDoan-ry8vf
      @EvanNDoan-ry8vf 4 года назад +1

      Oh my gosh i totally understand. Im from asian german american.. Raised in deutschland.. And yea people meet me 3 times and introduce me as friend home girl and im just lile huh?.
      Its just friendship is taken serious there when it takes time n takes off if ur brave enoug... Here it never gets deeper.. My experience...

    • @ursulamullikin4723
      @ursulamullikin4723 3 года назад +2

      It is a cultural background because I think the same way I also came from Germany and some people still think I'm aloof or cool, Weather the gym or when I play tennis I made a lot of acquaintances and that's great but I don't bring them home with me I was blessed to have 4good friends in the US but they all moved and most people I meet are friendly but shallow and they think they're my friends I'm still in touch with a couple of friends in Germany and that's it , I like my dog a lot better than most humans

  • @xofancy
    @xofancy 5 лет назад +113

    YESSS! I am a firm believer in the adage "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with." It's hard to level up if you allow yourself to be influenced by people with no goals or different goals. I had cancer a few years ago now, and I learned quickly who is there only when it's fun and who is there until the end. Don't feel guilty for looking after yourself, your family, and your goals. Great video, Mel. xo

  • @irreduciblerascal
    @irreduciblerascal 5 лет назад +651

    No one is your friend, no one is your enemy. Everyone is your teacher.

    • @blue_cameron
      @blue_cameron 5 лет назад +23

      Mr Limitless except some of your teachers who are actually your enemies

    • @olivialoveworthy
      @olivialoveworthy 5 лет назад +2

      @Agua de Estrellas, beautifully said.

    • @ZenithZoneWellness
      @ZenithZoneWellness 5 лет назад +2

      Well put!

    • @paulramone5443
      @paulramone5443 5 лет назад +2

      Very clever

    • @sharonchevalier922
      @sharonchevalier922 5 лет назад +1

      I AM a Creator God
      Yes! So succinct! I appreciate how you put that. Thank you for your words. Namaste

  • @samanthasponder1280
    @samanthasponder1280 3 года назад +7

    Never feel guilty about moving on!

  • @kimlock9440
    @kimlock9440 4 года назад +6

    True friends accept you no matter what and with your transformation weed out the false ones.

  • @marmadukethedog4598
    @marmadukethedog4598 4 года назад +7

    You... nailed it. I really feel like this point needs to be highlighted: you cant receive the new friends if you are holding on to the old!!! Your new patterns will attract the new! Hello!

  • @rfs441
    @rfs441 4 года назад +33

    its been ruff outgrowing your friends. it has not been easy to make new friends over 40. and I find most women are so insecure they cant truly be friends bc of their jealousy.

    • @Niasmar
      @Niasmar 3 года назад +4

      Big facts. Keep your heart open, your tribe is out there

    • @tamarastone141
      @tamarastone141 3 года назад +2

      Yes, i agree.

    • @lovetoplayharp
      @lovetoplayharp 3 года назад +1

      I agree too.

    • @AnnAndNala
      @AnnAndNala 3 года назад +6

      I agree. I'm astounded at the insecurity, jealousy and competition that goes on. It's quite disgusting really.

    • @taralangton2417
      @taralangton2417 3 года назад +2

      Going through this now. A friend who "seems" to have everything is jealous of me and puts me down in front of others.

  • @lolam.9291
    @lolam.9291 5 лет назад +164

    Wow!! I just realized something... I have no reason, season, or lifetime friends 😳

    • @rachellecox7658
      @rachellecox7658 4 года назад +9

      Same here

    • @susantomkins8798
      @susantomkins8798 4 года назад +5

      Same here

    • @nicholakilian8692
      @nicholakilian8692 4 года назад +9

      Me too but I am not fazed

    • @jimwilliams4088
      @jimwilliams4088 4 года назад +5

      Same here

    • @amandaroberts6822
      @amandaroberts6822 4 года назад +7

      That sounds hard. I am so blessed to have mine, but it’s such a revolving door. I recommend just asking ppl to go to coffee or lunch and connecting. I joined a professional organization that helped.

  • @TheHealthKitten
    @TheHealthKitten 5 лет назад +147

    I guess I have a small problem related to this. My friend got really serious about working out and usually works out 4 days out of the week. She’s committed, never misses a workout. She doesn’t budge for a dinner date, movies, and other things that would take away from her goal. I’m very proud of her for that. However, she expects me to drop whatever I’m doing to hang out when she wants to, or when she has free time even if I have something else planned. She makes me feel bad for hanging out with my family instead of her when I’ve known I’m going to be with my family a week in advance and she hits me up last minute. I guess a caveat for this is don’t expect your friends to drop their plans for you when you won’t drop your plans for them.

    • @raven-kn6lv
      @raven-kn6lv 5 лет назад +41

      She needs to learn to take other peoples times to consideration . the world doesn't revolve around her.

    • @edenevolution451
      @edenevolution451 5 лет назад +34

      Sounds a lil narcissistic.

    • @user-hc1di8bb2u
      @user-hc1di8bb2u 5 лет назад +25

      Toxic friend

    • @beebuzz959
      @beebuzz959 5 лет назад +21

      Tell her, if you haven't, that you love and miss her, and that you admire her dedication, but that you've got dedications too you can't just up and ignore, and that you'll make time for her IF she makes time for you.
      If that doesn't work, sad to say, but let her be and go find another friend. Maybe one day she'll come around, but don't depend on it. But you'll find others.

    • @WhiteHatDance
      @WhiteHatDance 5 лет назад

      Kendra S try to go to the gym with her

  • @aidanoleary636
    @aidanoleary636 5 лет назад +73

    I am shocked to think that people would only attend a funeral if a person was their “friend” (of which it seems people have very few). Perhaps this is just a US thing but in Ireland it is much more common to attend funerals to pay respect for people that are just acquaintances and even to attend funerals of their family friends and acquaintances members. It’s sad to think that people care so little about a person (or those left behind) when they die. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but certainly not what I am used to in Ireland.

    • @eclecticvee
      @eclecticvee 5 лет назад +5

      We do too in the US..I specifically have been to too many to count to pay respects, I think she was trying to make a point? But it really doesn't work because like you said if you know someone on any level you SHOULD attend if you are able.. and anyone that you consider ANY kind of friend or acquaintance should not even be a second thought

    • @Rysngphnyx2822
      @Rysngphnyx2822 5 лет назад +2

      I agree

    • @user-nn7mn9xu4v
      @user-nn7mn9xu4v 4 года назад +6

      I love what you said ..in Israel pp are attending feunaral without the need to be just a freind or family
      Mor then a year i lost my dear mom and non of my pp that i use to call freind show up ‼️‼️
      Thats change everything in my new life i mean i forgive but it wont be the same ...

    • @69LOLIN
      @69LOLIN 4 года назад +1

      Good you live in Ireland! 😊

    • @gu3sswh075
      @gu3sswh075 4 года назад

      Aidan O'Leary too many selfish people without any morals. That's why religion is so important

  • @bensk8in467
    @bensk8in467 Год назад +1

    Making the conscious decision to accept losing some friends if you’re going to make some changes takes balls. I’ve done it. If your bonds are hinged on vice and/or lame activities though you’re not losing anything if you want to find better things to do. If people can’t be happy for you if you turn a new leaf, kick some bad habits, etc, they’re not your friends.

  • @kmoy
    @kmoy 5 лет назад +16

    You hit the nail on the head Mel. I’ve been agonizing over this issue with a friend I’ve had for almost 20 years. Last year was the first time we did not hang out over the Christmas holiday. This year we did not either. You know what I did differently? Not care what she’s doing or saying about me. I chose not to react negatively. She’s my fiend but I chose not to hang out with her. Thank you thank you thank you for saying it’s ok to do what’s best for me. Not that I need your approval but it just makes all the doubt in my head go away. After 2 years everything comes back full circle. So glad I found you.

  • @ithacacomments4811
    @ithacacomments4811 4 года назад +2

    At age 70 I have no close friends. I find friendship and interacting with others to be so disappointing. I have given up. I have a good life and many acquaintances but no intimate friends.

    • @pennyc7064
      @pennyc7064 4 года назад +1

      Yes I can total relate to what you said. Maybe it's about finding your "tribe" ...people with common interests.

    • @karmasutra4774
      @karmasutra4774 Месяц назад

      Same here at 51

  • @Ab.eNormal
    @Ab.eNormal 3 года назад +3

    I was/am a therapist to two of my closest friends, talking about relationships ALL THE TIME! Its exhausting, I can't do it.

  • @connielamech1290
    @connielamech1290 5 лет назад +4

    Amen Mel! I struggled with this for so many years. When I made changes in my life and saying NO being part of that change, it was hard. Many looked at me as being mean. Now, I feel so much happier and free from the guilt of saying NO every time!

  • @Peach-yh9ri
    @Peach-yh9ri 3 года назад +7

    This was so great to hear about, I thought I was the bad friend for feeling these things, but knowing that it is normal when things start to change... that eases any guilt I felt over it or doubting myself as a person. Thank you Mel!

  • @marisamartinez5246
    @marisamartinez5246 5 лет назад +1

    So true !!! I have one friend that is my friend for a lifetime, I don’t see her much but she is the first one to call when I Need my Friend !!!

  • @kathyeulert8104
    @kathyeulert8104 3 года назад +5

    I need more positive friendships in my life.

    • @kathyeulert8104
      @kathyeulert8104 3 года назад

      I need more positive friends in mu life you Mel your AWESOME how to do I get more positive friends in my life

  • @tabithabishop3329
    @tabithabishop3329 4 года назад +3

    This is freeing from guilt over feeling like I’m not a good friend when things change and life moves on!

  • @RandomProjectsatHome
    @RandomProjectsatHome 5 лет назад +3

    thank you. loosing friends especially those we've spent all our adulthood with is very difficult. i just need reassurance, i guess. thank you again.

  • @markodejanovic1635
    @markodejanovic1635 5 лет назад +12

    Mel, thank you. I love your teaching, I learned a lot from you and still learning. Recently I started new chapter in my life and you are part of it. Love you Mel💙💙

  • @shad0wCh8ser
    @shad0wCh8ser 3 года назад +2

    Sometimes, you just outgrow your friends. The high school me is not the same as the college me and the college me is not the same as the professional me. Life is about growth -evolving oneself, so it's an inevitability that you grow and develop. I think the friends that stay are the friends that have similar goals in life so you move at the same pace.

  • @margaretburniston3075
    @margaretburniston3075 5 лет назад +9

    One of my favourite sayings about friendships. Thanks for sharing!

  • @rabiefashiongala
    @rabiefashiongala 5 лет назад +80

    I needed to hear this for a long time.

    • @happyagarwal9506
      @happyagarwal9506 5 лет назад +1

      you are one decision away from a totally different life!!! @melrobbinslive

  • @KarinaSwan
    @KarinaSwan 5 лет назад +39

    Everything you said is very true, I've had stages of all of it and used to get very upset about losing "season friends" when I was going to the next level of my life. I now understand it is part of the process and some of them I wouldn't want to have in my life anymore, because when thinking about it they were not true friends at all.

  • @patwright8691
    @patwright8691 3 года назад +10

    This was so timely! I have a friend that I made at work and when my husband and I separated she was a good person to talk to and support me. We became close but as time went along (and we didn't work together anymore) our friendship seemed to change. As I got stronger after my divorce and started going out with others and my life went in a different direction she seemed different towards me. It was almost like she wanted to control and run my life and didnt like it as I branched out. We never had a fight but I have found myself pulling away from her as she drags me down and I don't enjoy her company as much as I used to and it now seems that we don't really have anything in common. My question would be "how do I turn her down for lunch / coffee etc when she calls"? I like her enough but don't want to hang out or go for lunch! Thanks

    • @ggbouvier9897
      @ggbouvier9897 Год назад

      Say yes to coffee, but tell her you have an appointment at the bank or another appointment.

    • @Claudia-yc8xk
      @Claudia-yc8xk 6 месяцев назад

      Can I just ask, in this scenario did you lean on her when you were hurting but feel like you don't need her anymore ? Not a cool thing to do, this has happened to me before and its so painful to be dropped when you essentially get what you want and don't need that person anymore.

  • @lifeslessons9889
    @lifeslessons9889 3 года назад +1

    Reason, season and lifetime!!! Wow , I'm glad I heard this . I have in the past took it personally when 'new friends ' pop into your life, then ghost you or find a reason to do something similar. I always wanted to know WHY ?? Now I am excepting to just let them go without question. Thank you from my heart for this valid information.

  • @financialminimalist344
    @financialminimalist344 5 лет назад +19

    I love this video! This is a huge topic especially for women! Change can be lonely! But ultimately for the better! Thanks for the video!

  • @beili5766
    @beili5766 4 года назад +1

    Good subject matter....friends come and go...being comfortable with yourself is the lesson to be adhered to.

  • @hninoowai1431
    @hninoowai1431 4 года назад +2

    Friends are ppl who care about you as you do in vice versa. To deserve better friends, let them go

  • @someperson2500
    @someperson2500 4 года назад +43

    I don't do funerals. I'm not having one either 😂

    • @janemills1839
      @janemills1839 3 года назад +1

      Some Person Nor do I, I didn't go to either my Mum and Dads Funerals, it was made very clear I wouldn't be welcome. I have two Sisters who did nothing for my Parents, I bought them two homes (they didn't like the first one), and I'm the black sheep, so be it, I sleep at night, I didn't wait until they died to show them my respects, No regrets.

    • @ursulamullikin4723
      @ursulamullikin4723 3 года назад +1

      😂

  • @goodflowh
    @goodflowh 5 лет назад +1

    Don't expect anyone to be your friend, just ignore faults and get along for your own good. Unless someone is lawfully trouble then stay away.

  • @mayuri_mdk
    @mayuri_mdk 4 года назад +3

    The last thing she said "friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends who are for a lifetime".. amazing! Its the truth.

  • @robertivers4200
    @robertivers4200 Год назад +1

    I have learned to lower expectations of friendships to avoid getting hurt. Let people be who they and realize the depth of the bond is limited. But I draw the line when it comes to loyalty. People show who they are and at this point I only want true friends not lukewarm or users. Age does bring wisdom

  • @mahalaxmiathithan44
    @mahalaxmiathithan44 5 лет назад +1

    "just loose the drama...", Really your speech made me feel less guilty! Thank you ma'am! Nice advice.

  • @ChitChatChik
    @ChitChatChik 5 лет назад +2

    This video was uploaded at the right moment. I’ve been searching for advice. Thank you

  • @belindaalderson7209
    @belindaalderson7209 3 года назад +1

    I let go of my best friend because she disapproved of the man I was involved with and the choices I was making. Though I deeply miss our friendship, I can now see clearly that taking a stand for myself and my choices was the best course of action for me. I have changed and healed so much through this new connection. I am glad I trusted myself and decided to follow my own path and not be discouraged by her or I would have missed out on so much growth, healing and love.

  • @mrs.kathleenantuna7701
    @mrs.kathleenantuna7701 4 года назад +2

    Yes even friends, family, and lovers can come into your life and then go out. Sometimes they reconnect at diffetent points in time. We live in a vibrational universe... We attract what we send out vibrationally to the universe.

  • @mariihespana
    @mariihespana 5 лет назад +2

    Mel, this is exackly what I needed to hear about friendship. Thank you. I have strugged a lot with drama.

  • @maryjane2815
    @maryjane2815 Год назад

    wow thanks mel! going through tough time with my friend. we used to be so close but then i realised she doesnt care when i achieve something good. im distancing myself because it hurts and now im getting better although she’s bitter about it. yeah truly friend for a season

  • @kennethspeaks2408
    @kennethspeaks2408 5 месяцев назад +1

    Should have found you sooner, but thankful that I have found your site. The wife was trying to explain her feelings about friendships at this stage on her life. Got it, thank you

  • @MaxineAGGuess
    @MaxineAGGuess 5 лет назад +2

    Great advice Mel! Everything you said resonated! My patterns have changed and I have accepted it. It's all okay. I've learned to get to know myself better as a result.

  • @jammyjay917
    @jammyjay917 Год назад +1

    I don't think we have many true friends who completely understands us and is always there for US... i have changed my life for the better, their silence is an answer....no more chasing from me, that is done...they can get in touch with me if they want to, they never intiate anyway... it was always me.. I'm done with those types of people. Most of them are users, they use you for what you can do for them... time to start living our own lives without these draining people ❤

  • @aishah2536
    @aishah2536 3 года назад +1

    2 minutes in and subscribed already. I love how eloquently you explain things

  • @abundanthealthservices
    @abundanthealthservices 3 года назад +3

    So glad to see you doing this Mel we needed your voice again Keep shining and sharing your gifts with the world my sister you are impacting more than you know on RUclips #made2love #walkamerica

  • @mingleflock9707
    @mingleflock9707 4 года назад +3

    💯is always do you. If you try and they fall off from your radar, they can be jealous, bitter, maybe it's habits they need help with etc. Ask them to join in but if they the same ,toxic,or take from you etc.. Gotta cut them off. Sad but true. Keep your circle small.💜

  • @federico83bg
    @federico83bg 5 лет назад +3

    probably one of the best videos around about friendships! well done Mel!

  • @dawnshaffer6869
    @dawnshaffer6869 5 лет назад +2

    Ms. Mel I don't know where you have been but I am so happy that I have found you.

  • @williesmith3466
    @williesmith3466 3 года назад +1

    I am glad that I came across your talk about friendships. Recently, a so called friend, dropped me because I said to her that she didn’t trust my friendship with her. She would constantly ask me, will I be there for her when she get sick and I would constantly tell her yes, that I would be there for her when she get sick. But, she also have a husband and he is there for her so, she says.

  • @swatichauhan7912
    @swatichauhan7912 5 лет назад

    your message is so helpful to me my doubts are vanishing now ... thanks a lot for your experienced words and sharing your knowledge with us means a lot !

  • @toribrown5608
    @toribrown5608 5 лет назад +2

    Gosh I love your raw honesty! Needed this one today!!! Thanks Mel!

  • @muhammetnurgeldiev2673
    @muhammetnurgeldiev2673 4 года назад +5

    I always listen to her... cos she always tells the truth!

  • @redwoods7370
    @redwoods7370 3 года назад +3

    True friendship is a sturdy relationship. There are a lot of pretend friendships. I've had them in my life and they are always fragile or temporary.

  • @Bochanable
    @Bochanable 4 года назад +11

    Honestly, I have decided that having a funeral or memorial for me is just not important. I won’t be there and isn’t it more important that people should be there when you’re alive not dead.

  • @DLFfitness1
    @DLFfitness1 4 года назад +1

    People come and go. You are the only constant.

  • @angelamarchbanks2621
    @angelamarchbanks2621 5 лет назад

    Absolutely! My only caveat to it would be that hopefully if they are also truly your friend you would be communicating your change in habit and/or goals and desires. Instead of distancing yourself to change, as you never know they may fully support your change and be your biggest supporter.

  • @surfnsky70
    @surfnsky70 5 лет назад +1

    This helped me settle some tough decisions. WONDERFUL!!!! THANK YOU 🙏🏻❤️

  • @MariahGlenn
    @MariahGlenn 5 лет назад +7

    So good. I love “lose the drama about it” 👌🏼👌🏼

  • @danderson4740
    @danderson4740 5 лет назад +4

    I call this "friend shifting". I've had a lot of situational friends because of my kids being in school. But that time is almost over and I'm realizing it was what it was, and I'm grateful for those years and times. But, it's time to move on. It might take a while, but new friends will come.

  • @angela-thebooknerdess2110
    @angela-thebooknerdess2110 5 лет назад +4

    I needed to hear this. I'm grateful I really am.

  • @unknown-lf6zx
    @unknown-lf6zx 9 месяцев назад +2

    I so struggle with female friendships bc I had an abusive mother. When your origination point…wasn’t a good compass, it is hard to trust other women. Now at 51, I usually don’t put much weight into female friends. Especially in the south lol with the bless your hearts. I find more benefit from nature, god and my dog. It saddens me that I don’t have many female friends, but I’ve tried. I have a few dear ones and grateful for them but definitely still struggling with female friendships. It’s been hard because we need them to be healthy, but when they are not healthy for us, we need to reevaluate to make space for ourselves

    • @karmasutra4774
      @karmasutra4774 Месяц назад

      51 here and totally get this :) I am very social when I want to be, but forming deep nice female friendships is so hard. I get you ❤

  • @khushboopidiyar618
    @khushboopidiyar618 5 лет назад +1

    This is phenomenal advice. Thanks a ton for it . I really needed to see this. I hope my friends accept the new and improved version of me . 😀😇🤗

  • @zq1612
    @zq1612 4 года назад +7

    Sometimes you just take a break. When my female friends had children, their life shifted. Some came back as their children matured. Now they have grandchildren. 😊 So seasons change. 😊

  • @Hyunx999
    @Hyunx999 3 года назад +5

    This set me straight, time to loose some people.

  • @mulekickhandmadeguitars8465
    @mulekickhandmadeguitars8465 3 года назад +4

    I have TONS of acquaintances, and while there are some I like more than others, they're mainly just people I know to varying degrees. I don't have, and never have had, what most people seem to call "friends". Truth is, I really don't understand the definition of that word. I've never felt lonely, or felt rejected, or felt that I needed, or wanted friends. I sometimes wonder if the people who say, "Oh, I have lots of friends", really mean to say that they just have lots of people they're closely acquainted with. And, one thing I often hear from lots of people is, "Well, I thought she was my friend, but now I see that she's not." I'm also wondering if, once you classify a person you know as a "friend" in your mind, you might possibly be assigning to them a long list of your personal expectations that they're eventually going to fail to meet -- just because they're human.

    • @karmasutra4774
      @karmasutra4774 Месяц назад

      I feel this way. I tend to just have more acquaintances

  • @timlonggone
    @timlonggone 3 года назад +2

    drinking or no drinking is not an issue, personally I feel friendship is overrated.

  • @jpcuevas
    @jpcuevas Год назад +1

    Changing the patterns for the better is evolution, and self-love. The ones that stay behind simply aren't compatible with you anymore. Be compassionate, understand, and respect their process. With love. You can let them go.

  • @princesssela6204
    @princesssela6204 Год назад +1

    I recently had a friend of a friend take offence to a comment she thought was about her. I told her it had nothing to do with her but she reacted with a nasty text. At first I wanted to respond to her words but then realized, she is not my friend so I am losing nothing. I also don't want to put our mutual friend in the middle. I don't like not being liked but this person is just an acquaintance so quiet is best. We have to decide if people we meet are really friends.

  • @TheMejiaFam
    @TheMejiaFam 4 года назад +1

    Thanks for making this video Mel. It’s so relatable and anyone can benefit from hearing this! Thank you! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

  • @FM-ke1wb
    @FM-ke1wb 5 лет назад +1

    Wise words. I never looked at it this way. Thankyou thankyou for sharing this information.

  • @easymed1015
    @easymed1015 4 года назад +1

    Thank u so much. It really cleared for me, the definition of a friend.

  • @beenjalo
    @beenjalo 3 года назад

    Thank you Mel! I really needed to hear this; thank you for sharing your insight with the world.

  • @digitatissue8502
    @digitatissue8502 3 года назад

    Amen! So many people are always threatened with choices.

  • @Golhaa27
    @Golhaa27 5 лет назад +4

    I also needed to hear this today!

  • @mariamassey5468
    @mariamassey5468 3 года назад +1

    VERY ENLIGHTENING & HELPFUL...IT CANNOT BE OVERSTATED HOW VALUABLE MR'S ADVICE IS AS MOST OF US WOULD NEVER FIND IT ELSEWHERE...PLEASE POST MORE VIDOES

  • @gwenmcclure2312
    @gwenmcclure2312 5 лет назад

    OMG, I'm going through this right now with a friend I've had for 38 years. He makes me wrong for everything and I've had enough. It's painful and sad to think I'm moving away from a friend who's been in my life for 38 years. It's taken me a year to make the decision to downgrade him from the good friend category to the acquaintance category. I don't tell him about the important things in my life, I keep our conversations short and I reduce the amount of time we spend together. I've also decided to call him on his negativity next time he jumps in with making me wrong.

  • @TheBritishActingCoach
    @TheBritishActingCoach 2 года назад +1

    "If you have friends that make you wrong for changing your life for the better, that's their issue, not yours." Thanks Mel

  • @candicekelly5136
    @candicekelly5136 5 лет назад +2

    Love the Impact Theory cameo in the background! Such an inspiration Mel

  • @pareihahuata9691
    @pareihahuata9691 2 года назад

    Thank you Mel for everything you help with your beautiful teachings very greatful that I can appreciate the truth in me

  • @thatswickedxx4068
    @thatswickedxx4068 5 лет назад +1

    This was very helpful, thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights on this topic.

  • @shyamalidasgupta671
    @shyamalidasgupta671 3 года назад +2

    True about relatives as well !
    So nicely explained, thank you!

  • @jujuwuu
    @jujuwuu 5 лет назад

    OMG ty soo much.. Ive been dealing with a couple of friends for 6months+ and i thought they were nice to begin with. But no Mel ty soo much. Cause what you said here is soo true. They were trying to make me change. I didnt like this. I was always apoligizing. They wanted me to be the same as they. I was trap. They are a type of people who kept making drama's and trouble. TY soo much. Finding friends is really hard..

  • @aema5124
    @aema5124 Год назад

    Truth!!!!!!! Pay Attention Y’all !!!! Soon !!!! Agree keep best friends and family members as “besties” ❤❤❤

  • @suburbohemian
    @suburbohemian 3 года назад +3

    Wise lyrics from Al Stewart's End of the Day from Time Passages album:
    "Nothing lasts, well she knows, try to hang on
    When it's gone, you'll be burned
    Fashions and friends come and go
    Everyone travels that road in their turn."
    Not every relationship lasts;that's just life.

  • @happycamper2210
    @happycamper2210 Год назад

    Thank you for this topic. There isn't alot of resources out there regarding this. It's a very painful situation at every age.