After 2 yrs of my avoidant running hot/cold. Ghosting, blocking, stonewalling I've had to come to terms with we just aren't going to work. I've tried to talk to him & make compromises & boundaries & he always agrees only to go back to his old ways. He has another woman in his life whom I guess he feels more comfortable with because he always chooses her over me. It's not worth my mental health anymore.
Just out of curiosity... I understand that (fearful) avoidants have trust-issues and have problems with being vulnerable because of their vulnerabilities being used against them. But why have they (seemingly) no problem with breaking trust themselves and use the vulnarabilities of the other person against them ? We all need trust and not have our vulnarabilities used against us either.
I like this video but I’m not sure why later on in the video it seemed to me like the anxious is doing the work to kind of better understand and be more curious with the avoidant. How come you did not touch base on how the avoidant can show up better for the anxious ….i feel this imbalance all the time it doesn’t seem fair honestly. Better off being with someone secure. Nobody tries to understand the anxious dynamic we have to show up better for the avoidant when it’s very hard for them to show up for us unless we are the curious ones. Can we stop to ask how can the avoidant be curious about how their behaviors can essentially trigger our core wounds as well …. That was not mentioned in video in my opinion.
Your content 'found' me as I am new to my 12 year, 2nd marriage coming to an end when my spouse moved out 8 weeks ago while I was out of town. The 'no contact' mandate has been BRUTAL for me despite my 65 years on earth as an anxious attacher. Im literally dehydrated from crying for the last 8 weeks. Your information is incredibly helpful to understand this very odd dynamic and I wish I could share it with my spouse. Im watching all of your episodes at least twice. Im hopeful that my future is infinitely happier than this horrible lesson I am having to learn.
Recently, I discovered your videos, and I do like your straightforward style. This video is filled with really good insights and I do like how you speak to both attachment styles with understanding and good firm advice for both to work on and you’re doing it in a good encouraging way. This one is really excellent.
I feel like sometimes avoiddants lead from a place of distrust already which makes it very hard for me as an anxious to feel secure. Not saying it’s possible but still.
as an avoidant i definitely see what you’re saying. i know that in my experience with dating an anxious i often did feel like i couldn’t trust her to be honest as i had seen her display anxious and people pleasing behaviours to her other loved ones (eg. telling people what they want to hear, not being honest about your emotions)
Paused the video just to self-reflect. I am thankful to have found you and wish I had known sooner. There is someone whom I love and I know will not return. This was us. This video explains it all so well. And YES, he is a very kind person who deserves a wonderful love even if not with me.❤
Can you make a video like dismissive avoidant and anxious attachment style relationship. i'm just trying to understand why my relationship didn't work with him.
Whomever has been on the receiving end of your ways feels even worse. Perhaps you will feel better if you at least apologize to anyone you’ve strung along, or jerked around in these ways.
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After 2 yrs of my avoidant running hot/cold. Ghosting, blocking, stonewalling I've had to come to terms with we just aren't going to work. I've tried to talk to him & make compromises & boundaries & he always agrees only to go back to his old ways. He has another woman in his life whom I guess he feels more comfortable with because he always chooses her over me. It's not worth my mental health anymore.
Good for you! At the end of the day, prioritizing mental health is what matters most
Same here. My ex BF would choose his ex-GF over me too. It wrenched me. I saw no good resolution. Pain.
Just out of curiosity... I understand that (fearful) avoidants have trust-issues and have problems with being vulnerable because of their vulnerabilities being used against them. But why have they (seemingly) no problem with breaking trust themselves and use the vulnarabilities of the other person against them ? We all need trust and not have our vulnarabilities used against us either.
I like this video but I’m not sure why later on in the video it seemed to me like the anxious is doing the work to kind of better understand and be more curious with the avoidant. How come you did not touch base on how the avoidant can show up better for the anxious ….i feel this imbalance all the time it doesn’t seem fair honestly. Better off being with someone secure. Nobody tries to understand the anxious dynamic we have to show up better for the avoidant when it’s very hard for them to show up for us unless we are the curious ones. Can we stop to ask how can the avoidant be curious about how their behaviors can essentially trigger our core wounds as well …. That was not mentioned in video in my opinion.
Your content 'found' me as I am new to my 12 year, 2nd marriage coming to an end when my spouse moved out 8 weeks ago while I was out of town. The 'no contact' mandate has been BRUTAL for me despite my 65 years on earth as an anxious attacher. Im literally dehydrated from crying for the last 8 weeks. Your information is incredibly helpful to understand this very odd dynamic and I wish I could share it with my spouse. Im watching all of your episodes at least twice. Im hopeful that my future is infinitely happier than this horrible lesson I am having to learn.
Thanks for sharing your story. Anything in life can be a lesson if we allow it to be. I wish you all the best on your healing journey
We love you 💖
Recently, I discovered your videos, and I do like your straightforward style. This video is filled with really good insights and I do like how you speak to both attachment styles with understanding and good firm advice for both to work on and you’re doing it in a good encouraging way. This one is really excellent.
Thank you! I appreciate that :)
But why they don't receive call neither they block ,we had relationship between us now he is avoiding
Thank you for the great content, Charlie. I have really been enjoying your videos and learning so much. 😊
Thank you! I'm glad you've been enjoying my videos and that you've been learning in the process :)
I feel like sometimes avoiddants lead from a place of distrust already which makes it very hard for me as an anxious to feel secure. Not saying it’s possible but still.
as an avoidant i definitely see what you’re saying. i know that in my experience with dating an anxious i often did feel like i couldn’t trust her to be honest as i had seen her display anxious and people pleasing behaviours to her other loved ones (eg. telling people what they want to hear, not being honest about your emotions)
Paused the video just to self-reflect.
I am thankful to have found you and wish I had known sooner. There is someone whom I love and I know will not return. This was us.
This video explains it all so well.
And YES, he is a very kind person who deserves a wonderful love even if not with me.❤
The dog in the background deserves its own channel :)
Always trust the dog… the more you want to love them, the more they love you! they will never leave you ! Ha
@@BirdieHaze2207 Proper secure attachment style we should all take an example from ❤
But why they don't receive call neither they block ,we had relationship between us now he is avoiding
Can you make a video like dismissive avoidant and anxious attachment style relationship. i'm just trying to understand why my relationship didn't work with him.
20:06
I did all that I feel shity now .
Thank u for helping me realiza this .
Whomever has been on the receiving end of your ways feels even worse. Perhaps you will feel better if you at least apologize to anyone you’ve strung along, or jerked around in these ways.