Fern Brady - Heterosexual Marriages
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- Опубликовано: 30 ноя 2017
- Stand-up from Fern Brady
Follow the show on Twitter at / howardhour
Follow Russell on Twitter at / russellhoward
Become a fan on Facebook at / officialrussellhoward
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I'm deeply offended by the profound accuracy of her joke about lesbians and horoscopes.
Well... Wasn't there anything in your chart to warn you of the offence???
pfft.. typical libra
😁😁
i felt so attacked by that
Hahaha couldn’t be more correct
Can she narrate my intrusive thoughts from now on please?
WateverWatever04 true
Honestly an angry Scotswoman screaming in my head is definitely not what I need personally lmao
ashycloudy it is absolutely what I need
ashycloudy Honestly if we've got an angry voice screaming in our heads anyway, why not at least have it be in the melodic tones of an angry Scot? 😅
WateverWatever04 I’m just gonna start imagining her voice is the one screaming at me lol
holy accent.
ho-leh axe'n
Am from Glasgow lol
am fae glesga* lmao
Ross Miller,, aye a um haha,,, cheers fur eh correction pal.. 'preciate it
hi tink its sehksi.
Scots make great comedians
Frankie Boyle
Aye we do
too true
Aye,, that's true
It's Sodium Chloride hell yeah
"That's a lovely baby..." "Yeah but what if for no reason at all you booted that baby out this buggy... And it went flying like a rag doll... Into the sunset." 😂😂😂😂
Ah, I thought she said pterodactyl
Rag doll makes much more sense
But what a lovely image :-) Pram pterodactyl.
I do get those thoughts too. Mostly about punting cats though
@@drunkenrobot3976 LMAO, I thought the same thing at first, but then my brain said "ooh, 'rag doll', that makes more sense."
@@Ben-rz9cf Punting cats! lol, another great image.
Homophobe "I think a man and a man stood at the alter looks silly!"
Reasonable person "go home???? You weren't invited ???"
Benny Jet
Wot?
Benny Jet ???
Why do you care about other people’s private parts?
Benny Jet and a gay person would probably find the thought of heterosexual sex disgusting. You don’t have to enjoy picturing someone having sex to respect their right to be in a relationship.
@Benny Jet "I think a man with his cock up another man's arse is digusting" - So stop thinking about it?!
No-one else was until you mentioned it, you pervert! 😲😂
As a lesbian who loves to talk about horoscopes as if they're real and also has intrusive thoughts about kicking babies out of prams, this honestly Speaks to me.
Edit: @ ppl getting upset about the kicking babies thing, of course i don't actually want to kick babies, google intrusive thoughts lmao
go away as a Scottish lesbian who is EXACTLY the same, I think we should start a club
go away other lesbians that talk about horoscopes annoy me in a very superficial way because COME ON ladies why 😂
I don't actually believe in them buddy, I just think they're a bit of fun.
Tea same, what's your IG lmfao
Ew
Is it just me or is her accent is sooooo great
Huba2017
It’s _just_ you.
June how fucking dare you insult the Scottish accent!!!!!!
voldebean
Oh no, I adore the accent, I just want to offend the stupidity of this overused phrasing, it’s tiring.
_Of course you love her accent, it's SCOTTISH. SCOTTISH = FUCKIN AWESOME. SCOTTISH PRIDE YAAAAAS_
Huba2017 well then you'll like mine I'm Scottish to lmao
I was on the top floor of a shopping centre yesterday, looking down at the floor below me, and just thought... What if I jumped onto the choir just to ruin that Christmas spirit? Then I remembered that the singers were all NHS staff and I didn't want to put any pressure on them. Literally or figuratively.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Omfg that was beautiful.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
l'appel du vide
Good decision. The NHS are getting hit enough by the Tories
Love is... thinking about gouging your partner's eyes out while they're sleeping
Wait just so everyone's on the same page, it's lovely to think about, but kind of frowned upon to actually go ahead and gouge their eyes out?
dorgesh I think so, i mean is not clear so 🤷♂️
Love is taking a dive and then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
Wow really huh I’ve been doing it wrong the hole time
I'm not sure either. Maybe one of us needs to try it out and report back to the group?
I really liked her part about intrusive thoughts.
People tend to only recognize ones that are less freaky or if you freak out about them, otherwise you're not really suppose to talk about them
I didn't know this was a thing other people have, too! I get it especially with stairs
: )
@@bluebird1045 The reason why am afraid to drive because if I see a car in front, I wonder what would happen if I just drive infront of it. However, it has to be a speeding car.
I also have same thoughts with height. I always wonder what would happen if I just threw myself down.
This comedy made me realize I actually have a mental disorder and it's called Anxiety Disorder. I didn't know that and I often thought that maybe am suicidal and didn't know it. I promise am not.....
@@marzadky4934okay but... you might be. Like, I had those thoughts for years and then suddenly they started coming more often and being harder to ignore amd then suddenly I was in the emergency psych ward. So like, definitely talk to someone about that.
Her talking about her boyfriend was adorable!
Agreed
I relate with her on a spiritual level
You're quirky and unique!
This
I am not sure she is happy about that
How does her accent make her jokes sound that much better?
Cuz yer a feckin raycist mate
Chasers do a song about it. Look up scottish stand up comedian
@@atb1783 Massive raycist. Don't ever try to deny it.
Russel howard looks different but he's way funnier today
small bits is he sick or something?
I think he sold his soul to the devil in order to become funnier and old Luci had to change a few things to meet that request.
small bits hmmmm
I deleted my other comment because I have no sense of humour and that joke flew right over my head.
Turtle McDolphin That's some nice character development, right there.
"his wee walking boots"
I AM *WHEEZING*
I wish all of my intrusive thoughts came to me in Fern Brady’s voice lmaoo
That would be funny. I don't often have intrusive thoughts, so it wouldn't be much to me, but it would still be funny.
Mine sometimes come to me in the voice of Richard Ayoade. I’m not entirely sure why…
Now I do too. It'd make them a touch less disturbing.
@@McSkullmunI hate the intrusive thoughts, but I will see if Richard will narrate them for me now. It might be more fun? XD
What a lovely thought! I wish that, too, from now on. And I will try to make it happen!
she is terrifying. I love it.
if you see a homophobe that says gay marriages destroy the concept of marriage just show them pictures of themed straight marriages like a great example would be a Minions themed wedding
That's not technically sound reasoning. All gay marriage can destroy the concept of marriage but there can be some aspects of heterosexual marriage that destroy it too....let's face it those pricks that are against gay marriage are probably against minion marriages too
@@fuzzyfoods710 Statistically the exact same demographic stands in opposition to interracial marriage as well. So you might be onto something.
@@saradanhoff6539 But why? Nothing in the Bible is against interracial marriage.
@@catlady4858 nothing in the bible against gay marriage either. never mentioned it.
@Tom Myers 🤣
She was really funny 😄
Zikomo7 - Yep, truly, genuinely funny.
Think she should not give up the day job
Dat accent
its called scottish m8
it's called Bathgate m9
Hondaman scottish
Excuse me Fern, I need to marry you.
Same
Rosie Low Thanks
Are you a short Irish dude
rhea Alvares Who you directing that at
@@fernthegreenfairy someone didn't watch the whole video
This is too real...
I spent fruitless minutes on Google trying to find a picture of her boyfriend cos I wanted to see just how short he is
Like when you're walking down the road and you just think to yourself. I could push that person into the road. Yes I might go to prison, but there'd be nothing they could do to change what happened, They'd be dead. I mean I won't, I don't want to and I have morals...but I could '-' And then you just continue with walking down the road
Rachel Manning sometimes I think of driving into oncoming traffic. If I die, they can't do shit to me.
Very true haha. As I child I always had this strange urge to stand on the top of the stairs, lean forward and just let go...I was a weird child (not much has changed :P). I didn't wanna die, I could just imagine the feeling of freedom..then I could imagine the physical pain of breaking my neck XD so I didn't
I was the same way when i was little. I thought i was crazy for thinking such weird things. One day when i was 4 or 5 i was roaming the house when my mom was sleeping and i thought to myself as i passed the kitchen " right now, i could take a knife out the drawer and hurt mommy" I thought i was the worst for thinking that. i love my mother so much and would never want to hurt but at that moment i realized nothing can stop me from what i choose to do. I never acted on that terrible thought. instead i turned it into a positive. I thought well if i had the power to do something like that i have the power to make my dreams come true. To this day that's one of the very few things i regret thinking of.
When I get road rage I think to myself, "You only get one chance to kill a stupid driver with your car. Is this the idiot you're going to waste your chance on?" 😂😂
@@chibimoon1432 Haha, that's a pretty good one. I don't get thoughts like that myself, but my brother was always thinking about throwing himself off a cliff or a tall building...
You should not regret that thought, or any of the others - they are just passing things and they helped to make you the person you are. It seems that you learnt a lot from it so it was a good thing it happened, even if acting on the thought would have been awful.
Have a good day :)
Intrusive thoughts are so hard to explain to people without coming off like a legit psycho. I honestly struggle to dry sharp knives with family in the same room.
Part of my brain says “You should jump up and sing YMCA in the middle of the year exams”
Molly Baker or what would happen if I tripped the old invidilator.
Same
Listen to that part of your brain please
Love is the person knowing ur a little crazy and a little weird and loving u anyway.
I would say - love you because of the weird, not anyway. Normal people are boring.
Normal people _are_ boring.
I cackled like a witch at this!
sk8rgirlo that's cuz you are a witch
sk8rgirlo i cackle like a witch all the time hun
join the craziness of the internet
Just slap them with your broom stick.
Whenever I see a baby my brain just goes: "Take it and Run" and I'm like "wtf brain"
Fern, you are a bisexual icon and I am here for it because I’m an AGRESSIVELY BISEXUAL bisexual
I...... think i'm in love.
NIELS MICHIELS same
neilswann80
HAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK
I feel so much at home listening to a Scottish person doing stand up!'
I'm from Edinburgh, Scotland.
Andrea Middlemass I just went there a couple of weeks ago! Edinburgh is awesome! :)
Happy New Year from across the bridge!
Same!!
Studied in Scotland and I enjoyed listening to people waaaaay more than I should have 😊
Have you ever been to Scotland? Its full of Scottish people doing stand up!
Just to say it. Some researchers think that you get those thoughts because you as a human have no way to express the feeling that something is cute or that you love it so much that you can’t even explain. So your instincts are to just kill the thing so it stops being so cute and endearing. Crazy shit right?
This is not the case with this one, it's a simple intrusive thought. I've heard a similar thing though, when you get the desire to really squish a baby very hard, but you'd never actually do that or you think "this is so cute, I'm gonna punch a wall" - the theory I've heard was less dark though: when you get aggression caused by too much cuteness, it is because you have an inherent desire to protect the cutey. The aggressiveness gets you ready to fight off any harm that could come towards the baby, because you are its mighty protector.
@@baldbaldrik655 yes, their tiny little ears 😍
What's the scientific explanation for this impulse I get for dropping expensive things into the void whenever I'm in a high place?
@@yltraviole.. You are a cat
Ah, cute aggression 😗
AS A LESBIAN WHO LOVES HOROSCOPES, I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED
As a Libra, I feel calm and stable
Lesbian Gemini here.
I don’t feel personally attacked... now.
Might change my mind in a minute though.
Lesbian Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp here.
I feel okay.
Capricorn = Can't give a flyin tose still love horoscopes. 😂
I love her!!! The funniest comedian I’ve seen in ages.
must be the first comedian you have seen
Oh god intrusive thoughts.
I've had a thought of just pushing people in front of cars, kicking old ladies is the back of heel so they trip...
And I'm a really loving, sensitive pansy of a human! Why doesn't my brain tell me to be wicked to good people.
Furthermore, this was really funny.
Goth Mummi -Thank God for writing this! I worry I might be a nutter sometimes. Phew! 😶
lovingreds no! It's actually REALLY common! X
Goth Mummi because you're nice, so your brain just wanders sometimes and thinks about horrible things, I think it's pretty normal, at least more normal than you think
aliendisco 3779 I think it is, I just worry cos I wonder if I'm really a horrible person who's tricking myself into being nice....
I wonder if I'm over thinking it slightly Lol x
Goth Mummi but you choose to do the right thing, which is where your heart is
I'm Australian and whole argument was stupid, it should of been legalized ages ago
If you're behind america theres probably an issue
@@angie8110 yeah the issue is our politicians are weak willed morons who take fucking ages to make any sort of change because they are scared of rocking the boat and getting booted out of office. The vast majority of Aussie's thought the gay marriage referendum was a massive, retarded waste of money and that they should have just outright legalised it instead of pussy footing around. Kind of shitty how Fern makes it seem like we were all a bunch of bigots. Yeah there were a few people against it who were very loud, how the fuck is that any different to any other country? The hateful bigot types are ALWAYS fucking loud.
And you should "of" paid attention in English class.
@@tycepickett1238 have you ever been any elected member? It's easy to talk smack when you got no skin in the game. Someone disagrees with you and THEY are a bigot? LoL.
Snuggles McSquishbottom ‘Should have’ is correct, that’s where the short form ‘should’ve’ comes from. ‘Should of’ is incorrect. Maybe you should have paid attention in English as you don’t seem to know your basic grammar.
I used to dance with fern years ago and she was a right laugh was surprised she went into comedy because if we didn't laugh we would cry (which a lot of strippers done. Especially the ones with plastic surgery) so glad she's done well ❤️ well done fern ❤️
I just presumed those “what if I just jumped in front of the train” thoughts were standard 😂
They're not - and if it happens a lot, it's not just intrusive thoughts anymore, it's suicidal thoughts, there's a difference (the difference being whether there's *any* danger of it ever happening)
The intrusive thoughts bit is soooo true
Thank you for talking about intrusive thoughts!! It used to make me feel so sad and I thought I was crazy. Now I know it’s normal for someone with anxiety, but I would have loved to see this when I was younger. Thank you so much Fern!
"I don't like tallee smallee couples" But I like short guys, stop shaming me plz
Idk what Homestuck is I just like this picture you watch the second part or nah?
We dont kinkshame here. Unless that's your kink, you filthy filthy pervert.
@@saradanhoff6539 amazing answer, had me laughing out loud. Thank you
My sister is the second shortest in my family, and her boyfriend (husband in August) is well over 6 feet. It's funny.
@@camerondon3712 I love how you said husband in August. Like he was going to bloom.
My girlfriend showed me this, and now I'm sleeping on the sofa, with my glasses on.
omg i have intrusive thoughts aswell xD
Husker54 yeah same.... that’s when my panic attacks happened 👌🏽🙄
I thought everyone had them 😂 the baby one is really relatable 😂😂
Jakeus Baba true lmao!
@@TheStrangerschild00 everyone has them, you can google it. The difference is in how they affect your day to day life.
Everyone has them.
Fern you are hilarious! Hope to see more of your comedy ❤️
A breathe of fresh air! Lovely indeed.
this is a bloody brilliant way to make talking about intrusive thoughts normal and funny. Because if you take away the anxiety you link to them, some of the thoughts are actually quite funny.
I loved every single word that came out her mouth, so funny and so confident and so authentic. Awesome comedy.
As someone who has intrusive thoughts and was so scared that those thoughts were just in my head. It's nice to hear about someone else having them
this was absoulutely hilarious thank you for introducing me to new comedians
When my mum twisted her ankle and I took her to hospital and had to be in a wheelchair all I could think about was pushing down a hill and onto a road.
Finally, a comedian who A) knows what intrusive thoughts actually are, and B) has the exact same ones I have about my husband, all the goddamned time.
She’s got amazing timing!
I get those intrusive thoughts too. For some reason whenever I see a toddler running, sort of 2-4 year olds when there head is still proportionally large, I always have this urge to punt their wee heads like a rugby ball and watch them go flying.
I always get intrusive thoughts when I drive. "What if you just veered into the next lane, crashed into that car, caused a massive pile up and killed multiple people. Lol."
Radio 2 does that to me too
Bill Burr bit
UGHHH Scottish comedians will be the death of me and I mean that, I always laugh so hard when the accents come through 🤣
"I hope I die before you." So much freaking truth in that tidbit. Lol
there's an Arabic/Syrian expression Bury me, my love - sounds morbid but means the same thing ♥
I think she explains intrusive thoughts kinda well. I've tried explaining mine to friends and they were just mildly freaked out. I have no idea how widely spread that phenomenon is
"Who is that elegant widow"?
- that's me.
I’ve listened to transgressive comedians but this… this hits home. Would I EVER tell my wife my thoughts about what I could do SO easily, or the scenarios about how I’d take the news if the police came to the door with the news of her death in an accident.
But perfectly normal (?) novelists write gruesome crime thrillers all the time and rarely end up in the psych ward or prison. I think its just our brains tugging at that loose tooth. I’m thinking of showing this clip to my wife and then staring at her …
This is the first time I've ever seen stand up from her before and I would already die for her
Fern and her mom jeans. Love her.
💗 Fern Brady. Excellent live
"Smally tally couples" YAASS. Using this from now on.
She's more Scottish than Amy Pond, this is beyond science
Karen Gillian is Scottish though?
@@joshurban9778 I think she is. Can't tell you where from though.
As a lesbain she is cute and I like her accent.
I can’t get over her accent and big wife energy! :’>
Nobody cares. You BLT people are getting worse than vegans
Big Daddy Toyota Corola I don’t remember being a BLT burger honey 😘
I really like her accent as well.
Big Laughing Twerkers?
Boring Little Trolls?
I usually dont like stand-up, but I loved this and Fern Brady. She says aloud what everybody are trying to conceal. ❤❤
delivery is everything and her voice helps...nothing of what she says is groundbreakingly funny but just something about how she sounds makes it funny.
I need her to just, like... Read my inner monologue from now on. She's just got the best voice
I’ve not seen her before. Enjoyed that a lot.
I relate on the part where she’s like her mind gets a little artistic. My mind is actually dark. 😂😂
This is so creepily wholesome
Lol. Love her dark humour. XD
Fern's delivery is so spot-on in this set.
"Why is the stripper talking"..... killed me!
Hooooolllllyyy shhh*******t that was AWESOME! definitely going to follow Ferns other content
Surprised this is the first time I'm hearing of her, rather good!
Being Scottish I am very happy to see another funny Scot. Well performed Fern. Nice 1.
Excellent Work
SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT PUSHING MY THUMBS INTO HIS EYES
It’s good that I’ve watched enough JAMC interviews and 4 seasons of Outlander to understand her..
I grinned (nervously) more than I laughed towards the end. 😳
3:08 'who is that elegant widow?' I can't even...🤣 one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time!!
That blouse though! Where did she get it?? I want one.
Tbh would look amazing on you
@@AvaNightingale you've not seen her
I get those very same intrusive thoughts, when my anxiety and OCD start acting up again 😅😅😅
God the intrusive thoughts bit is perfect ahaha
my most common intrusive thought is to open car doors while its moving. i did have one recently where my brain went ‘what if you yelled bogies right now, here in this assembly hall while your headteacher is talking?’
She's the female version of Remus from Sanders Sides
yasss, sent here from instagram. No regrets.
fern brady is one of the best comedians out there by far
The intrusive thoughts thing happens to me to it's at its worst when the speak now or forever hold your peace line is said, and I I'm willing myself not to say anything for ten seconds
So relatable I love her omg
I didn't know they were called intrusive thoughts, I get them all the time. Interesting, off to Google I go!
Fern is so unabashedly psychotic. I love it to bits.
"I picked him up and I swung him round and his little legs went flyin" it's too cute
3:45 THIS IS HOW MY BRAIN WORKS LMAOOO
The more I listen to Scottish comedians. The more proud it makes me to have their blood running in my genes
Blood doesn't run in your genes, it runs in your veins...
You know what I mean
Please stop stealing blood from Scottish comedians
I'd recommend at least a 60'c wash for that
I’m half British, and half Scottish.
This might be one of my favorite comedy sets ever
I had made a d&d character and I needed a good accent for her and this lady is what my character's accent is based off of and I absolutely still love it!