Loving spirit but not a push over. Allow me to be myself y knows what’s right or wrong. Stand up for injustices y know karma exists. Try new things on our adventures. Time to ground myself in nature or silence. Self truths. Have fun y help each other grow through different phases of life. My husband gives me all this y more 😊
Honesty, loyalty, responsibility, a good EI level, intelligence, mentally, emotionally, and financially stable (or working on it such as school, starting a business, working, and self-improvement. )
In class we were asked top 2 traits we were looking for, I said dependable and spontaneous. The class laughed and said how is that possible? I said show up on time and then be able to go with the flow. It still holds, I need someone who can be dependable but who can also move with my off the beat path. I think INFJs can be very unpredictable but still take commitments serious and need partners who prioritize the relationship as well. Casual relationships no, but casual life yes, I can see many future paths that could all be exciting but I'd rather do it by myself than with casual partners who can't be relied on. Thanks for the great video Wenzes!
We Spiritualist are different. Hell, I'm sitting off Interstate 20, it don't matter which way I go. Rubber Tramping and living in the moment. No wonder people shy from us. Namaste
@@larrywright4728 Hello fellow life traveler, I've done that a few times myself 🙃 I'm sure if I drew my lifes path it would look more like spaghetti, but I like spaghetti so all's good
Well said and they are not mutually exclusive. I am consistently punctual to a fanatical degree and yet I am very spontaneous when in my comfort zone with my woman and friends. So I think you have the right idea and that it is in fact achievable.
I want a partner that I can express my feelings with..that has a good sense of humor..who I can do fun activities with sometimes..I do need some space..I like to learn new things all the time..I want someone who can deal with that..I like a to do list..the J part but I'm known for going..list..what list?..too..if I'm up for an adventure..if that thing can wait..the dog ate my list today..😂..I need someone who has compassion for me & other people but has a backbone..
1. Can give you space. 2. You can share your truth with them. 3. You need somebody who can go against the grain 4. You need somebody who wants to grow 5. You need somebody who is more of a giver than a taker
If they are busy improving themselves and their lives , working,and taking care of themselves and their things there is automatically the space you need.
Yeah I don't feel I have ever had that problem finding space as an adult either. I don't think that is too much of a concern with today's grind and I can make use of whatever down time naturally exists to clear my head and process my thoughts. I can even do it while they watch TV because I have zero interest in it. Maybe for some it is different but for me it is not a problem I have had since being a teenager.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together, it was a really bad phase but we got through it.
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
@@wonhur885 its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
What I’ve learned: Never date an ESTP or ESTJ or for sure any “S”. I don’t mind extroverts but only if they are intuitive. “S” types are not deep enough for me. Prefer feelers to thinkers (who can be too cold for me). Sometimes P’s can drive me crazy but can be fun too. Probably the ideal partner would be another INFJ (or ENFJ) but I have never had that opportunity. I always end up being the giver in the relationship.
Agree on the "Not ESTJ×INFJ couple" as a daughter to an ESTJ... Their SiFi is adorable but their TeNe is hard for us. I agree with Wenzes on the "Don't seek for an specific type" because it can trigger our judgement and we may assume wrong things...
I am enjoying spending some time with another INFJ right now but I actually just found out she was an INFJ last week. We have been seeing each other off and on for about a year or so and it has been hit and miss at times but there is a bond there that I enjoy even if it doesn't go any further. The connection has been made regardless of the destination. It does have me wondering about other INFJs though because I think there are some insurmountable obstacles in our lives for this relationship and it has piqued my interest in the compatibility of the type. Either way I didn't put any emphasis on it going in and don't think it matters much what type if a serious relationship type attraction is there for me like that. They are fairly rare I find, so I don't get too hung up on the type. That generally happens long before I have the time to find out their type anyway, just like with the INFJ I am talking to now. Another girl I am interested in is definitely an introvert but I don't know what her type is beyond that. It is still in that early phase where no one has made a clear move but I think it is right around the corner. Something happened Wednesday that I think has made that inevitable. I just go with the flow and once we are talking find out the type to help understand each others compatibility, needs, wants, and desires better. Other than that it isn't much of a factor and I have just realized that I have probably dated two INFJs in the past without even knowing it. It is better not to focus on seeking out a particular type in my opinion. 🕊️🌌🤙😉
I just want to say thank you. I've been very lost in life. From drug addiction, trauma, toxic relationships. I've never understood who I was and what I needed till I found you and your videos. They have helped me out tremendously. And I just want to say thank you. You've changed my life for the better and have inspired me to choose me over anything else. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
INFJ wants to be loved just as they love the other person which they cannot find because no body loves the INFJ the way they do 😢 and it is the saddest reality of their life.
Out of these, number 4 is probably the deal breaker for most infj's. If you listen carefully to the person infront of you, number 4 will reveal things instantly. Great video! 👍 ❤
Absolutely 💯. The most attractive girl I ever dated, and I have had a few who were really hot, was someone who had no vision of her future, no plan for how to advance in life, no career plan, and no goals or ambitions to work on at all. I was stunned and immediately thrown up into my head wondering what was going on with her. I even passed up the chance to hook up with her when she made a clear move I was so done after hearing that. I didn't want to risk letting that chemical cocktail loose so it could start working my brain over into making excuses for her.😉😆😆 It almost hurt to walk away and sometimes I wonder if I made the right call on the hook up 😂, but I knew it was in my best interest because there is something really wrong when you have zero future plans or lack even a vision of where you want to go in life. An incredibly beautiful girl but absolutely devoid of what I need to form that connection in a healthy way. So I even avoided the unhealthy possibilities just to keep my own self in check. 😂😂😂 I think that really says something right there.🤙
Good words. I never knew there was a INFJ Life Coach. I need a whole team. Before the Net, Spirituality was a tough hit. Now we got Coaches. Hello 4D! Namaste
Great advice,one gets used to the one sidedness, focusing on the genuinely unique and fascinating qualities, while at the same time disregarding the energy drain of their negative qualities. Wenzes is a genius!
4) You need somebody who wants to grow That's so eye opening. That's the main reason my marriage failed. After a very difficult time for me I found my path again, and started to grow. But my Ex - even he was very patient with me - he likes to stick to the status quo. I'm a really typical INFJ, but I found myself and started to understand me better and better, knowig what I want. And he couldn't keep up. Thanks to your videos I finally get it, what to pay attention to when finding a new partner. But as all INFJs I'm happy to be alone with myself too. :D So no rush!
I’m still mourning an 8 year relationship with an ISTP that ended, but I did always have to give too much and was in charge of being the motivation and direction for anything to happen which did always weigh me down :( things got very unhealthy by the end
I met and have been seriously dating an ENFP for the last couple months and she's awesome! Feels like a puzzle piece. Extroverted Feeling and sensing. She draws me out but also loves me for who I am.
These excellent Five Points could really apply to any personality type, but I do agree that they are especially important for us INFJs. In fact, this is one of the best lists I've read about what to look for in a partner. I think I may have been subconsciously thinking about these qualities a long time ago, and without the advantage of seeing them spelled out so carefully. But every one of them rang true. We definitely need our space, whether others think we do or not. We need to be completely ourselves and be able to be honest with their partner. As far as going against the grain - I think that even if we're doing a job that has definite instructions to it, we can still be creative with how we carry it out. Being willing to grow, I believe, is necessary for relationships to flourish. And being more of a giver than a taker is necessary for both. Super list.
My needs: 1. Money / financial support 2. Interesting to talk to 3. Committed to personal development 4. Sexual Fulfillment 5. Same faith and fidelity to our marriage
Honesty, Integrity and loyalty... I've had 3 failed marriages due to the lack of understanding the person that I am and ultimately, they strayed away from the relationship towards other men... Partly due to my need for companionship, partly due to my upbringing and disconnecting from myself to please others. Then, I woke up and realized during a class I was taking with Carl Jung, why I was motivated by these types of people and why I was a miserable human being... In the past 8 months I've changed and those who know me, don't know what to think 😂 but I know who I am and won't compromise for anyone... I know what I'm seeking in a relationship and and the type of personality I can live and grow with 🙂
Thank you and let me guess.. Mr Husband is also the eldest child in his family of origin (ISTJ). Super interesting. The "spot" and culture in the family of origin, no matter what personality type, also has great bearing on our choices and decisions and lifestyle. ISTJs are usually calm, stable, supportive and intelligent if healthy, and accommodating. Similar world outlook, but very different internal processes to an INFJ.
Oof I really feel this. So often I go into romantic interactions (or any interactions really) feeling like I need to apologize for who I am or pretend I'm a more put together and excited version of myself and I'm tried of it! Thank you for putting this feeling in the spotlight.
How did you cope during your divorce? For these very reasons in this video a "friend" will be dissolving their marriage of 15 years in the near future. Thanks in advance for any insight you are comfortable sharing!
I'm 62, Spiritualist, I get a lot of fem attention. It's crazy that at the end of the day, I'm going to be alone. You get where you prefer it. Love and Light!
That first point is something I never thought of before, but it's so true that I love my space. I thought it was just because I'm an introvert, but I also noticed that some guys would flake after a short time and I would wonder what happened. Maybe they thought I wasn't interested by needing my space when in reality I was always enthusiastic about wanting to go out. It makes me concerned that I'm not coming across in the right way, so now I don't even try to show interest anymore.
Wenzeslawa, I really appreciate that you present face-on to the camera and, therefore, the viewer. It engages with and shows respect for your audience, be it one or one million. I have never been a fan of off-angle camera techniques that have proliferated since the 1980s. They add nothing artistically and are wholly disengaging, and disrespectful. Thank you. x
Loyalty honesty and emotional stability provide for me and protect me main standards no I'm not high maintenance these are basic needs in any adequate relationship be it parent-child,sibling a friend or significant other
I always attract men who are unreliable! I don't know why. As in they don't confirm dates, they are always the one who want to make plans but always cancel or don't call to confirm in advance, unreliable with keeping promises etc.
Romantic crap might not be the point. The butterflies for example are often a sign of trauma. Your bodies way of saying you've been here before and it sucked! Love, real love is boring, and that's actually good in the long run!
I married a super great guy I respected and appreciated who was madly in love with me but who I wasn't super attracted to. It took me about 2 years of marriage before I started to see his features as attractive and eventually was super drawn to him because GOOD PEOPLE get more attractive over time. (Hot people who are mean, don't look hot to you for very long.) We fell more in love every year, and even a decade in, had barely ever argued...just solved problems together in a win/win way. I had a girl friend that I gave this advice to, and in trying to copy our awesome marriage, she married a guy she was actively REPULSED by, and didn't respect...she just thought he'd treat her well because he said he would. They were divorced within a year because he was deeply selfish, immature, a liar, and they were TOTALLY sexually incompatible (mostly because he was selfish). So, um, some type of attraction and respect matters to draw you together...good character, a beautiful heart, a caring personality...etc. He was repulsive to her sexually because he was just a repulsive man inside and out and neither of them deeply cared about the other's well-being so there was no glue holding them together.
Then he’s not the guy for you. Move on. There are others who have these qualities, too. Btw: don’t stay to “be nice” or because he needs you or you can help him. You are only wasting his time and yours, and in the end it will be that much worse for both of you. The kindest thing you can do is stop a relationship when you know there’s no future. It won’t get better, you won’t learn to like him, in time you’ll just be staying bc you’ve invested so much time and energy and you’ll feel your days of dating have passed and you’re stuck. It’ll still end, bc you can’t sacrifice your own happiness forever and yes never going to become someone you’re attracted to - so for everyone’s sake, be nice when you end it and firmly move on.
@@ChristianOne interesting! Glad to hear it worked out for you. I believe that may happen to me but I'm unsure since I literally find him annoying and sort of silly...not becuz he's a bad person, in fact he's a really great solid person and I feel arrogant for thinking these thoughts, but it's like I don't respect him in the conventional way and have affection for him and it's just his personality to be that way...I do respect him in the important ways but not in the mundane average way...does that make sense?
I hear ya. There is no way I can live with him. Lol. Wonderful man in many ways…. But just not for me. I thought maybe for a long time however as this dance played out and you just know. I’m pretty sure with what is compatible in a living position. Haha. So lady I agree with you. 💜⭐️💜
I tend to need a person who can be honest at a deeper level than most people are comfortable with. Also able to receive deeper truth. Not sure if this is common
Interestingly, ENTP seem to fit all the points mentioned and then some! There's a reason why they are said to be our ideal match, and vice versa... Everything we need can be found in abundance in the other if both types are mature and healthy enough Wonderful video yet again! I love it tremendously. Thank you 💖
I don't feel number 1 is that important for me personally because I can make use of what time I have but the others I agree with completely. 2. I always wanted someone who can accept my faults and be ok with it. That is my dream, that is my nightmare when it goes wrong. 3. Going against the grain is something I am actually really dialed in on at the moment. I am thinking that I need someone who is a nonconformist like myself and who doesn't want the all too illusive fairy tale. Who is willing to try things that are different and I find I am more attracted to that type of woman anyway. 4. Room to grow together is a must. I won't even humor a person who has no vision of the future and I have walked away over just that problem. No goals, no vision, no direction in life is a nonstarter. And 5. More giver than taker is another good one. I have a history with narcissistic types and know from experience that this is what I need to avoid those pitfalls. I don't need to be constantly drained by toxicity and not have my needs met because the other person is self interested and self absorbed. So this is high priority just like going against the grain is.
Good stuff! Illuminating...i recently viewed some content on the in depth facets of transformational leadership- In doing so, I remembered some aspects of your observations on Alpha/ Sigma INFJ characteristics. Your deep insights are precisely accurate. I gain more and more appreciation for your guidance! Forward! Thank you!
Whenever you feel the need to learn a bit more about how to handle THAT state (NiFeTiSe would be ShadowPerfect for your type) that is so natural for us, here we will be, if it helps... Great luck (not only good luck) with the use of your inborn powers (Ideation Ne, Valuing Fi, Structure Te and Stability Si) Your ShadowPerfect
My goodness, you just nailed why one of my romantic relationships ended: points 3 + 4 about going outside of the box and growing. They were very rigid about pre-existing "rules" and lacked vision for going forward. I didn't really know back then why it bothered me so much but you told it in an elegant, neat way here. Lucky, my current partner is used to following their own path and humble enough to recognise they need to grow personally all the time. 😊
Thank you Wenzes. All narcs didn’t give me my space. They would cry and moan or nag that someone else is taking up our time together. Then they didn’t give me our time together anyway. Demonic. Yes couldn’t share anything with narcs. They would tell others others. No one’s business. Go as far as to make it their joke. Demonic. Yes don’t question me when I do help someone. Don’t say “ I don’t know why you do that?” Yes narcs didn’t have any ambition to grow. Couldn’t go on vacation to sons by them self. Crazy. Yes narcs take take take take take take etc. Thank you Wenzes. Are two INFJs more difficult in a relationship than two separate personality types ? I don’t know if I don’t ask. Thanks.
If you see red flags than your gonna get an average relationship INFJ or not seeing from my own experience it's not bad if the relationship is difficult you can't call him or her toxic on a whim
I'm the opposite. I'm an INFJ who doesn't need space. I never want to be alone, I want the person I love to be with me all the time. I'm dating an INTP, and _she_ needs space. She can disappear and not contact me for a day or two, which makes me overthink and assume the worst, and she doesn't understand why I'm upset.
I got space but then they get drunk or smoke something and meet the girl willing to get on the gravy train of them. the era does not get that you are not hear to serve and honor them like their mother
I noticed that not only I am an INFJ but also that I have so many other issues when it comes to dating... I never had these teen experiences. My life for a long time was filled with self-doubt, fear, betrayal and loneliness. People used me, bullied me, and stabbed me in the back in my school years. Only recently I found help and it got better. But dating is such a difficult task still... I know what I want in my partner. But nobody seems to be able to deal with me... I can't flirt and express my or describe my feeling when it comes to loving someone or feeling attracted to someone. And also the intimate stuff... I feel overwhelmed... I want to learn, I want to understand, but nobody is willing to deal with that. At this point, giving up on dating seems reasonable.
Every video i search on this type, they all say they need space, but how much? What is it? Just a few hrs a day? A whole day alone not doing the roles of the marriage? Not tending to kids? Or need to go in a hotel for a week? What does space mean to this type? I’m an Esfj, the more mature and older i am now, i enjoy alone time but its just to go think and smoke a joint, be it a walk, gardening, go fish, or go out and shop or eat. That’s it. But this type act like they want to live alone and still want a loving partner.. i just don’t understand! Lol
It's true that the INFJ type is often said to need a lot of time alone. But that doesn't mean INFJs need more time alone than other introverted MBTI types. I know INFPs, INTJs, ISFPs and ISTPs that need as much alone time as I do or even more. For example, my INFP friend often goes on one or two week trips alone. And for her it's ok. If I went alone for two weeks on the trail, I would feel terribly lonely. So why is there so much talk about INFJs needing time alone? Well, probably because we have a much bigger problem with it than, for example, ISFP or INFP. When Fi users feel they need to be alone, they just do it. We have Fe aux and Si blind, so we pay more attention to the expectations of others than our own comfort. That's why we feel pressured to be more sociable than we actually are. And this is the reason why in many INFJ videos the creators often remind us that we need this time for ourselves (just like every other introvert). And I don't think that's a barrier to having a happy relationship, especially if the INFJ is forming a relationship with another introverted type (or someone who understands introvert needs).
I am a SIGMA Male and an INFJ male so what is the difference ? I Iove who and what I am and have no need for validation from anyone and I give my personal power to no one.
Guess I am a weird INFJ because I don’t “need” as much space with a person I am seeing because it won’t matter if they are next to me or across the country in another state, I will pick up on their energies and sense them. So I call bullshit. If anything it can be harder because when I’m not with the person and yet I still feel their energies but I have no clue what they are doing and yet it confuses me because I don’t always know what it is a am sensing. Example if they are at the gym and I am sitting at home and I sense them moving around weird and I don’t know they are at the gym and it will be confusing for me. However if I know they are at the gym working out then I will know what I am picking up on and it’s less of a distraction and annoying on my end.
Most people like narcissists. The best way to manipulate someone is to get them to like and trust you. Thus narcissists spend their lives perfecting their ability to lure people in. You feel a connection and that the person genuinely cares about you. Then they start twisting reality making their victim think every problem is because they did something wrong. It's a vicious cycle where the victim thinks if they could just be better the relationship would go back to how it was initially, they just are still lacking and that caused problems. Along with this the narcissist starts manipulating those around to mimic what they are saying, driving the person further into isolation and self doubt. Bottom line, narcissists are just con artists and the victim is unaware of what is going on. People high in empathy are easier targets as they want to believe the best in others. Narcissists tend to also sell sob stories and INFJs believe they can help them, which further commits them to the person. The initial attraction phase also gives the narcissist knowledge of how you tick and your insecurities. These will be used on the victim later. Unfortunately INFJs tend to attract narcissists as we are high in empathy. We are seen as easy targets but if an INFJ catches on to what is going on you will door slammed so hard the perp will be left dumbfounded. People have situations that can cause them to unintentionally hurt others, but if you are caught doing it on purpose an INFJ is highly unlikely to forgive you. Anyways, you like a narcissist like you like anyone, and you want a good relationship, but for people who don't understand their bully tactics, they simply fall into an emotionally destructive trap that leads them to believe if they could just improve then they could return to the loving relationship they once had
Narcissists just go for it. I admire people who make a decision about what they want and then just make it happen. INFJs are always thinking about what's best for everyone and whether they'd be a good fit for a situation, we don't just go for it. Narcissists also tend to be very funny ( and good at conversation) - again they don't worry about saying the wrong thing or hurting other people or not being understood - they just let it fly. I wish I could be that way. The narcissists I've been attracted to are very creative people, they'll rip out a wall if they have a vision - I hate to even put a nail hole in plaster. I love creative projects but I always worry about wasting material or ruining something so I hesitate. Now, I live in a crappy, cracker box house , later in life, so I just shrug and say whatever creative project I'm planning isn't gonna make things worse - narcs don't worry about that stuff. Them making things worse is someone else's problem.
My narcissist husband mirrored my best qualities in the beginning (felt like I was seen) and showered me with attention (felt heard) and all around "charming guy". He painted his past as being the victim of a bad upbringing and a bad breakup (relationship produced a child) - I felt like I could save him be the rock he needed (😅) - needless to say - this is an energy costing - one sided - non-reciprocal relationship -
No such thing as attracting people. 1 most people are narcissists. 2 if someone finds you attractive/you find them attractive, you cant know they are a narcissists until you've spent time with them. No one is psychic. What we are responsible for is whether this person stays once we find out who they are.
I f you use your Ni you will not be in situation with selfish people Frank James who is a INFJ he said that their are four different subtypes for INFJ'S he mentioned that those who are in their Se too much their Ni will be weak which is what your displaying and that your subtype is the most extroverted INFJ you need to strengthen your Ni otherwise your going to sucked into situations with toxic people .
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What qualities are you looking for in a partner as an INFJ?
Loving spirit but not a push over.
Allow me to be myself y knows what’s right or wrong.
Stand up for injustices y know karma exists.
Try new things on our adventures.
Time to ground myself in nature or silence.
Self truths.
Have fun y help each other grow through different phases of life.
My husband gives me all this y more 😊
Monogamous and person with high emotional maturity
Honesty, loyalty, responsibility, a good EI level, intelligence, mentally, emotionally, and financially stable (or working on it such as school, starting a business, working, and self-improvement. )
The character of personality, integrity and blunt honesty.
I would add one more Dependable.
When u say you will do something…. Do it. Lol.
Great video. Much gratitude.
💜⭐️💜
In class we were asked top 2 traits we were looking for, I said dependable and spontaneous. The class laughed and said how is that possible? I said show up on time and then be able to go with the flow. It still holds, I need someone who can be dependable but who can also move with my off the beat path. I think INFJs can be very unpredictable but still take commitments serious and need partners who prioritize the relationship as well. Casual relationships no, but casual life yes, I can see many future paths that could all be exciting but I'd rather do it by myself than with casual partners who can't be relied on. Thanks for the great video Wenzes!
We Spiritualist are different. Hell, I'm sitting off Interstate 20, it don't matter which way I go. Rubber Tramping and living in the moment. No wonder people shy from us. Namaste
@@larrywright4728 Hello fellow life traveler, I've done that a few times myself 🙃 I'm sure if I drew my lifes path it would look more like spaghetti, but I like spaghetti so all's good
Well said and they are not mutually exclusive. I am consistently punctual to a fanatical degree and yet I am very spontaneous when in my comfort zone with my woman and friends. So I think you have the right idea and that it is in fact achievable.
I want a partner that I can express my feelings with..that has a good sense of humor..who I can do fun activities with sometimes..I do need some space..I like to learn new things all the time..I want someone who can deal with that..I like a to do list..the J part but I'm known for going..list..what list?..too..if I'm up for an adventure..if that thing can wait..the dog ate my list today..😂..I need someone who has compassion for me & other people but has a backbone..
Beautifully stated, me too
1. Can give you space.
2. You can share your truth with them.
3. You need somebody who can go against the grain
4. You need somebody who wants to grow
5. You need somebody who is more of a giver than a taker
Someone who competes or sabotages or incapable of stepping UP to a "together plan" should not be in the picture.
Just scrolled through hoping someone had done this. Thanks!
I love people who break it down like this so I can take it in quickly - thank you for too 5 listed out 🎉
@@JustineAdlong yeah, i look for this too now. Not enough hours in the day sometimes
Trouble is, givers attract takers.
If they are busy improving themselves and their lives , working,and taking care of themselves and their things there is automatically the space you need.
Yeah I don't feel I have ever had that problem finding space as an adult either. I don't think that is too much of a concern with today's grind and I can make use of whatever down time naturally exists to clear my head and process my thoughts. I can even do it while they watch TV because I have zero interest in it. Maybe for some it is different but for me it is not a problem I have had since being a teenager.
@@theprinceofcrows8691 Remember to be weary of the trickster. ✌️🙏😇
@@jessmason2112 Oh yes, I made that mistake a few years back. I just got my sanity back. 🤣🤣🤣 I met one that was like something out of a movie too. 😆
@@theprinceofcrows8691 They live for that shit. They twisted and were as dark as night itself. ✌️🙏😇
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together, it was a really bad phase but we got through it.
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
@@wonhur885 its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
@@SalvatoreFerrell this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too.
@@wonhur885 kindly look her up online and you won't regret it.
What I’ve learned: Never date an ESTP or ESTJ or for sure any “S”. I don’t mind extroverts but only if they are intuitive. “S” types are not deep enough for me. Prefer feelers to thinkers (who can be too cold for me). Sometimes P’s can drive me crazy but can be fun too. Probably the ideal partner would be another INFJ (or ENFJ) but I have never had that opportunity. I always end up being the giver in the relationship.
ENFJ doesn't work for me...since they are overly social...
Agree on the "Not ESTJ×INFJ couple" as a daughter to an ESTJ...
Their SiFi is adorable but their TeNe is hard for us.
I agree with Wenzes on the "Don't seek for an specific type" because it can trigger our judgement and we may assume wrong things...
I am enjoying spending some time with another INFJ right now but I actually just found out she was an INFJ last week. We have been seeing each other off and on for about a year or so and it has been hit and miss at times but there is a bond there that I enjoy even if it doesn't go any further. The connection has been made regardless of the destination.
It does have me wondering about other INFJs though because I think there are some insurmountable obstacles in our lives for this relationship and it has piqued my interest in the compatibility of the type. Either way I didn't put any emphasis on it going in and don't think it matters much what type if a serious relationship type attraction is there for me like that. They are fairly rare I find, so I don't get too hung up on the type. That generally happens long before I have the time to find out their type anyway, just like with the INFJ I am talking to now. Another girl I am interested in is definitely an introvert but I don't know what her type is beyond that. It is still in that early phase where no one has made a clear move but I think it is right around the corner. Something happened Wednesday that I think has made that inevitable.
I just go with the flow and once we are talking find out the type to help understand each others compatibility, needs, wants, and desires better. Other than that it isn't much of a factor and I have just realized that I have probably dated two INFJs in the past without even knowing it. It is better not to focus on seeking out a particular type in my opinion. 🕊️🌌🤙😉
Married to ESTJ 😮
Totally agree. Just cant be with P and S by far. Can be with only with N - J type. T could work if they got their EQ well developed.
I just want to say thank you. I've been very lost in life. From drug addiction, trauma, toxic relationships. I've never understood who I was and what I needed till I found you and your videos. They have helped me out tremendously. And I just want to say thank you. You've changed my life for the better and have inspired me to choose me over anything else. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
best wishes!
I agree with every word of this.❤
A person i can be just me with...
Nothing more or less :)
INFJ wants to be loved just as they love the other person which they cannot find because no body loves the INFJ the way they do 😢 and it is the saddest reality of their life.
Out of these, number 4 is probably the deal breaker for most infj's. If you listen carefully to the person infront of you, number 4 will reveal things instantly. Great video! 👍 ❤
Absolutely 💯. The most attractive girl I ever dated, and I have had a few who were really hot, was someone who had no vision of her future, no plan for how to advance in life, no career plan, and no goals or ambitions to work on at all. I was stunned and immediately thrown up into my head wondering what was going on with her.
I even passed up the chance to hook up with her when she made a clear move I was so done after hearing that. I didn't want to risk letting that chemical cocktail loose so it could start working my brain over into making excuses for her.😉😆😆 It almost hurt to walk away and sometimes I wonder if I made the right call on the hook up 😂, but I knew it was in my best interest because there is something really wrong when you have zero future plans or lack even a vision of where you want to go in life. An incredibly beautiful girl but absolutely devoid of what I need to form that connection in a healthy way. So I even avoided the unhealthy possibilities just to keep my own self in check. 😂😂😂 I think that really says something right there.🤙
That last one is the biggest thing. I try my best for others and just want someone who will be there for me too for once.
Good words. I never knew there was a INFJ Life Coach. I need a whole team. Before the Net, Spirituality was a tough hit. Now we got Coaches. Hello 4D! Namaste
Years ago I started dating a guy who wanted to see me daily. I was so out of sorts. I need my space. Daily.
Great advice,one gets used to the one sidedness, focusing on the genuinely unique and fascinating qualities, while at the same time disregarding the energy drain of their negative qualities. Wenzes is a genius!
4) You need somebody who wants to grow
That's so eye opening. That's the main reason my marriage failed. After a very difficult time for me I found my path again, and started to grow. But my Ex - even he was very patient with me - he likes to stick to the status quo. I'm a really typical INFJ, but I found myself and started to understand me better and better, knowig what I want. And he couldn't keep up. Thanks to your videos I finally get it, what to pay attention to when finding a new partner. But as all INFJs I'm happy to be alone with myself too. :D So no rush!
I’m still mourning an 8 year relationship with an ISTP that ended, but I did always have to give too much and was in charge of being the motivation and direction for anything to happen which did always weigh me down
:( things got very unhealthy by the end
😢! Hope you find yourself healed and validated!
I met and have been seriously dating an ENFP for the last couple months and she's awesome! Feels like a puzzle piece. Extroverted Feeling and sensing. She draws me out but also loves me for who I am.
I'm just taking in how right this really is for me...and this time around I'm going to pay attention!!!
These excellent Five Points could really apply to any personality type, but I do agree that they are especially important for us INFJs. In fact, this is one of the best lists I've read about what to look for in a partner.
I think I may have been subconsciously thinking about these qualities a long time ago, and without the advantage of seeing them spelled out so carefully. But every one of them rang true.
We definitely need our space, whether others think we do or not. We need to be completely ourselves and be able to be honest with their partner. As far as going against the grain - I think that even if we're doing a job that has definite instructions to it, we can still be creative with how we carry it out. Being willing to grow, I believe, is necessary for relationships to flourish. And being more of a giver than a taker is necessary for both.
Super list.
Yes definitely they're more generic but very applicable to the ISFP as Wenzes is a Fi-Ni convergent
My needs:
1. Money / financial support
2. Interesting to talk to
3. Committed to personal development
4. Sexual Fulfillment
5. Same faith and fidelity to our marriage
but what do you have to offer?
modern dating is in a nutshell
a list of demands, but nothing to offer in return.
Do you know what men want?
Honesty, Integrity and loyalty... I've had 3 failed marriages due to the lack of understanding the person that I am and ultimately, they strayed away from the relationship towards other men... Partly due to my need for companionship, partly due to my upbringing and disconnecting from myself to please others. Then, I woke up and realized during a class I was taking with Carl Jung, why I was motivated by these types of people and why I was a miserable human being... In the past 8 months I've changed and those who know me, don't know what to think 😂 but I know who I am and won't compromise for anyone... I know what I'm seeking in a relationship and and the type of personality I can live and grow with 🙂
Spot on again Wenzes. It took me nearly 50 years to work It out on my own!I have had this for about 10 years now. It doesn't get better than that.
Consistency and humor
Thank you and let me guess.. Mr Husband is also the eldest child in his family of origin (ISTJ). Super interesting. The "spot" and culture in the family of origin, no matter what personality type, also has great bearing on our choices and decisions and lifestyle. ISTJs are usually calm, stable, supportive and intelligent if healthy, and accommodating. Similar world outlook, but very different internal processes to an INFJ.
your first child will very likely be an ISFJ, a smaller chance is an INTP. And the second child an ESTP maybe
Oof I really feel this. So often I go into romantic interactions (or any interactions really) feeling like I need to apologize for who I am or pretend I'm a more put together and excited version of myself and I'm tried of it!
Thank you for putting this feeling in the spotlight.
4 and 5 sum up why my marriage disolved
How did you cope during your divorce? For these very reasons in this video a "friend" will be dissolving their marriage of 15 years in the near future. Thanks in advance for any insight you are comfortable sharing!
I don’t even have a potential pile😭 I’m 52 and I think I’ll be single forever
I'm 62, Spiritualist, I get a lot of fem attention. It's crazy that at the end of the day, I'm going to be alone. You get where you prefer it. Love and Light!
That first point is something I never thought of before, but it's so true that I love my space. I thought it was just because I'm an introvert, but I also noticed that some guys would flake after a short time and I would wonder what happened. Maybe they thought I wasn't interested by needing my space when in reality I was always enthusiastic about wanting to go out. It makes me concerned that I'm not coming across in the right way, so now I don't even try to show interest anymore.
Wenze's I concur with all of that so true it is.Wenze's I like your expression on the image.Jerome❤❤❤
Wenzeslawa, I really appreciate that you present face-on to the camera and, therefore, the viewer. It engages with and shows respect for your audience, be it one or one million.
I have never been a fan of off-angle camera techniques that have proliferated since the 1980s. They add nothing artistically and are wholly disengaging, and disrespectful.
Thank you. x
You are wise Wenzes.. I always come back to your videos to seek advice.
Thank you 💕
Loyalty honesty and emotional stability provide for me and protect me main standards no I'm not high maintenance these are basic needs in any adequate relationship be it parent-child,sibling a friend or significant other
I always attract men who are unreliable! I don't know why. As in they don't confirm dates, they are always the one who want to make plans but always cancel or don't call to confirm in advance, unreliable with keeping promises etc.
#1 was the main reason my last relationship ended
Accurate! I kept thinking of ex-girlfriends as you spoke. Along with one who isn't "ex" and for the very list you quote...
Loyalty,honestly and emotional stability
I have recently found these things out for myself and realised there can be no compromises on this
Excellent video Wenzes! I needed this. Thank you for all that you do with helping us INFJ's.
Hope you had an amazing weekend, my friend. 😊🌹❤👍🏼
This is very powerful and unquestionably accurate. I wish i saw this many years ago
What if there's a person who literally has all these qualities but I don't like him romantically😢
Romantic crap might not be the point. The butterflies for example are often a sign of trauma. Your bodies way of saying you've been here before and it sucked! Love, real love is boring, and that's actually good in the long run!
I married a super great guy I respected and appreciated who was madly in love with me but who I wasn't super attracted to. It took me about 2 years of marriage before I started to see his features as attractive and eventually was super drawn to him because GOOD PEOPLE get more attractive over time. (Hot people who are mean, don't look hot to you for very long.)
We fell more in love every year, and even a decade in, had barely ever argued...just solved problems together in a win/win way.
I had a girl friend that I gave this advice to, and in trying to copy our awesome marriage, she married a guy she was actively REPULSED by, and didn't respect...she just thought he'd treat her well because he said he would. They were divorced within a year because he was deeply selfish, immature, a liar, and they were TOTALLY sexually incompatible (mostly because he was selfish). So, um, some type of attraction and respect matters to draw you together...good character, a beautiful heart, a caring personality...etc. He was repulsive to her sexually because he was just a repulsive man inside and out and neither of them deeply cared about the other's well-being so there was no glue holding them together.
Then he’s not the guy for you. Move on. There are others who have these qualities, too.
Btw: don’t stay to “be nice” or because he needs you or you can help him. You are only wasting his time and yours, and in the end it will be that much worse for both of you. The kindest thing you can do is stop a relationship when you know there’s no future. It won’t get better, you won’t learn to like him, in time you’ll just be staying bc you’ve invested so much time and energy and you’ll feel your days of dating have passed and you’re stuck. It’ll still end, bc you can’t sacrifice your own happiness forever and yes never going to become someone you’re attracted to - so for everyone’s sake, be nice when you end it and firmly move on.
@@ChristianOne interesting! Glad to hear it worked out for you. I believe that may happen to me but I'm unsure since I literally find him annoying and sort of silly...not becuz he's a bad person, in fact he's a really great solid person and I feel arrogant for thinking these thoughts, but it's like I don't respect him in the conventional way and have affection for him and it's just his personality to be that way...I do respect him in the important ways but not in the mundane average way...does that make sense?
I hear ya. There is no way I can live with him. Lol. Wonderful man in many ways…. But just not for me.
I thought maybe for a long time however as this dance played out and you just know.
I’m pretty sure with what is compatible in a living position. Haha.
So lady I agree with you.
💜⭐️💜
Was zoning out through the video. Had to pause to zone out some more😄
Thank you Wenzes I feel you were looking out for me and I will never forget you ❤️
I tend to need a person who can be honest at a deeper level than most people are comfortable with. Also able to receive deeper truth. Not sure if this is common
Interestingly, ENTP seem to fit all the points mentioned and then some!
There's a reason why they are said to be our ideal match, and vice versa... Everything we need can be found in abundance in the other if both types are mature and healthy enough
Wonderful video yet again! I love it tremendously. Thank you 💖
Enfp
She wants to grow and match up
OK noted and remembered!
You're 💯 with this stuff
I don't feel number 1 is that important for me personally because I can make use of what time I have but the others I agree with completely. 2. I always wanted someone who can accept my faults and be ok with it. That is my dream, that is my nightmare when it goes wrong. 3. Going against the grain is something I am actually really dialed in on at the moment. I am thinking that I need someone who is a nonconformist like myself and who doesn't want the all too illusive fairy tale. Who is willing to try things that are different and I find I am more attracted to that type of woman anyway. 4. Room to grow together is a must. I won't even humor a person who has no vision of the future and I have walked away over just that problem. No goals, no vision, no direction in life is a nonstarter. And 5. More giver than taker is another good one. I have a history with narcissistic types and know from experience that this is what I need to avoid those pitfalls. I don't need to be constantly drained by toxicity and not have my needs met because the other person is self interested and self absorbed. So this is high priority just like going against the grain is.
Good stuff! Illuminating...i recently viewed some content on the in depth facets of transformational leadership- In doing so, I remembered some aspects of your observations on Alpha/ Sigma INFJ characteristics. Your deep insights are precisely accurate. I gain more and more appreciation for your guidance! Forward! Thank you!
I watch more videos about INFJ's than I do about my own ENFP type... hoping I'm on the right track. 🤞
Whenever you feel the need to learn a bit more about how to handle THAT state (NiFeTiSe would be ShadowPerfect for your type) that is so natural for us, here we will be, if it helps...
Great luck (not only good luck) with the use of your inborn powers (Ideation Ne, Valuing Fi, Structure Te and Stability Si)
Your ShadowPerfect
My goodness, you just nailed why one of my romantic relationships ended: points 3 + 4 about going outside of the box and growing. They were very rigid about pre-existing "rules" and lacked vision for going forward. I didn't really know back then why it bothered me so much but you told it in an elegant, neat way here. Lucky, my current partner is used to following their own path and humble enough to recognise they need to grow personally all the time. 😊
INFJ’s don’t usually want to marry ourselves I’ve heard of more complimentary opposites finding each other ,not carbon copies.
Everything you’ve just said describes me spot on 😭
Thank you Wenzes. All narcs didn’t give me my space. They would cry and moan or nag that someone else is taking up our time together. Then they didn’t give me our time together anyway. Demonic. Yes couldn’t share anything with narcs. They would tell others others. No one’s business. Go as far as to make it their joke. Demonic. Yes don’t question me when I do help someone. Don’t say “ I don’t know why you do that?” Yes narcs didn’t have any ambition to grow. Couldn’t go on vacation to sons by them self. Crazy. Yes narcs take take take take take take etc. Thank you Wenzes. Are two INFJs more difficult in a relationship than two separate personality types ? I don’t know if I don’t ask. Thanks.
search for 'What Types Are Socially Compatible With INFJs'
If you see red flags than your gonna get an average relationship INFJ or not seeing from my own experience it's not bad if the relationship is difficult you can't call him or her toxic on a whim
I resonate so much Thank U Wenzes God bless U God loves U
Thank you!!
I'm the opposite. I'm an INFJ who doesn't need space. I never want to be alone, I want the person I love to be with me all the time.
I'm dating an INTP, and _she_ needs space. She can disappear and not contact me for a day or two, which makes me overthink and assume the worst, and she doesn't understand why I'm upset.
I can share my truth with her
Thank you
She's more of a giver than a taker
Helpful video!
I got space but then they get drunk or smoke something and meet the girl willing to get on the gravy train of them.
the era does not get that you are not hear to serve and honor them like their mother
Love this ❤️
I need someone reliable...that's #1.
Thank you for this wonderful video
Bang on!!!! Every point is so correct 💯
She's as hardworking as they come she's more of a street smart I'm both book and street smart
Most infj are June babies
I’m a June baby 😁
Hmmm Id venture to see how many are November born...
I am an infj woman who is so blessed to have a husband that has all these qualities!
What is his MBTI?
@@beatrizfroes7228 he is an ENFP :)
My gf does give me space just like my Mom does
I noticed that not only I am an INFJ but also that I have so many other issues when it comes to dating...
I never had these teen experiences. My life for a long time was filled with self-doubt, fear, betrayal and loneliness. People used me, bullied me, and stabbed me in the back in my school years.
Only recently I found help and it got better.
But dating is such a difficult task still...
I know what I want in my partner. But nobody seems to be able to deal with me...
I can't flirt and express my or describe my feeling when it comes to loving someone or feeling attracted to someone.
And also the intimate stuff...
I feel overwhelmed...
I want to learn, I want to understand, but nobody is willing to deal with that.
At this point, giving up on dating seems reasonable.
Alhamde liAllah الحمد لله
Great video!
Good information to know.
Thank you Beautiful!
Weeeennnzzzeeeeeesssss
What up
Cute hair do
God bless 🙏💚
Every video i search on this type, they all say they need space, but how much? What is it? Just a few hrs a day? A whole day alone not doing the roles of the marriage? Not tending to kids? Or need to go in a hotel for a week? What does space mean to this type? I’m an Esfj, the more mature and older i am now, i enjoy alone time but its just to go think and smoke a joint, be it a walk, gardening, go fish, or go out and shop or eat. That’s it. But this type act like they want to live alone and still want a loving partner.. i just don’t understand! Lol
It's true that the INFJ type is often said to need a lot of time alone. But that doesn't mean INFJs need more time alone than other introverted MBTI types. I know INFPs, INTJs, ISFPs and ISTPs that need as much alone time as I do or even more.
For example, my INFP friend often goes on one or two week trips alone. And for her it's ok. If I went alone for two weeks on the trail, I would feel terribly lonely.
So why is there so much talk about INFJs needing time alone? Well, probably because we have a much bigger problem with it than, for example, ISFP or INFP. When Fi users feel they need to be alone, they just do it. We have Fe aux and Si blind, so we pay more attention to the expectations of others than our own comfort. That's why we feel pressured to be more sociable than we actually are. And this is the reason why in many INFJ videos the creators often remind us that we need this time for ourselves (just like every other introvert). And I don't think that's a barrier to having a happy relationship, especially if the INFJ is forming a relationship with another introverted type (or someone who understands introvert needs).
@@mdudziak thanks for the explanation!
I am a SIGMA Male and an INFJ male so what is the difference ? I Iove who and what I am and have no need for validation from anyone and I give my personal power to no one.
Have you read the book "Sigma INFJ"?
Give me someone with four legs. Covered with fur…hee hee. Safe and be well. Love from Canada. ❤
Just met someone with all of these qualities but she is in a different country 😢
So pretty
@@MetaTron3693 I'm 50 post invested I figured I should comment something considerate.. Fuck it I take it back
@@jamilsmith9505
Maybe that you enjoyed the video. 😊
@@MetaTron3693 I enjoy your videos
💙
Guess I am a weird INFJ because I don’t “need” as much space with a person I am seeing because it won’t matter if they are next to me or across the country in another state, I will pick up on their energies and sense them. So I call bullshit. If anything it can be harder because when I’m not with the person and yet I still feel their energies but I have no clue what they are doing and yet it confuses me because I don’t always know what it is a am sensing. Example if they are at the gym and I am sitting at home and I sense them moving around weird and I don’t know they are at the gym and it will be confusing for me. However if I know they are at the gym working out then I will know what I am picking up on and it’s less of a distraction and annoying on my end.
I am always attracting depressed guys :(
❤❤❤❤❤
What causes you to be attracted to narcissists? Like, what do YOU get out of it and what caused the attraction in the first place?
Most people like narcissists. The best way to manipulate someone is to get them to like and trust you. Thus narcissists spend their lives perfecting their ability to lure people in. You feel a connection and that the person genuinely cares about you. Then they start twisting reality making their victim think every problem is because they did something wrong. It's a vicious cycle where the victim thinks if they could just be better the relationship would go back to how it was initially, they just are still lacking and that caused problems. Along with this the narcissist starts manipulating those around to mimic what they are saying, driving the person further into isolation and self doubt. Bottom line, narcissists are just con artists and the victim is unaware of what is going on. People high in empathy are easier targets as they want to believe the best in others. Narcissists tend to also sell sob stories and INFJs believe they can help them, which further commits them to the person. The initial attraction phase also gives the narcissist knowledge of how you tick and your insecurities. These will be used on the victim later. Unfortunately INFJs tend to attract narcissists as we are high in empathy. We are seen as easy targets but if an INFJ catches on to what is going on you will door slammed so hard the perp will be left dumbfounded. People have situations that can cause them to unintentionally hurt others, but if you are caught doing it on purpose an INFJ is highly unlikely to forgive you. Anyways, you like a narcissist like you like anyone, and you want a good relationship, but for people who don't understand their bully tactics, they simply fall into an emotionally destructive trap that leads them to believe if they could just improve then they could return to the loving relationship they once had
Narcissists just go for it. I admire people who make a decision about what they want and then just make it happen. INFJs are always thinking about what's best for everyone and whether they'd be a good fit for a situation, we don't just go for it. Narcissists also tend to be very funny ( and good at conversation) - again they don't worry about saying the wrong thing or hurting other people or not being understood - they just let it fly. I wish I could be that way. The narcissists I've been attracted to are very creative people, they'll rip out a wall if they have a vision - I hate to even put a nail hole in plaster. I love creative projects but I always worry about wasting material or ruining something so I hesitate. Now, I live in a crappy, cracker box house , later in life, so I just shrug and say whatever creative project I'm planning isn't gonna make things worse - narcs don't worry about that stuff. Them making things worse is someone else's problem.
My narcissist husband mirrored my best qualities in the beginning (felt like I was seen) and showered me with attention (felt heard) and all around "charming guy". He painted his past as being the victim of a bad upbringing and a bad breakup (relationship produced a child) - I felt like I could save him be the rock he needed (😅) - needless to say - this is an energy costing - one sided - non-reciprocal relationship -
No such thing as attracting people. 1 most people are narcissists. 2 if someone finds you attractive/you find them attractive, you cant know they are a narcissists until you've spent time with them. No one is psychic.
What we are responsible for is whether this person stays once we find out who they are.
She also goes against the grain
I f you use your Ni you will not be in situation with selfish people Frank James who is a INFJ he said that their are four different subtypes for INFJ'S he mentioned that those who are in their Se too much their Ni will be weak which is what your displaying and that your subtype is the most extroverted INFJ you need to strengthen your Ni otherwise your going to sucked into situations with toxic people .
Bah. Feminism has destroyed relationships. Y’all are busy working for some company that hates you nowadays.
This lady just read my mind 😌🫶
Thank you, I wouldn’t know what was changing until I found you. Needed this today and every day until I’m living it. 🩵
Thank you.