Yep!! People seem to think I’m naive, too soft, too sensitive, and younger than I am (not necessarily in a good way). I got a neuroscience PhD in a field dominated by men and Thinking types, in spite of struggling with a sleep disorder and other health issues. If I did part of my job right as a postdoctoral scholar, then people actually wouldn’t necessarily notice that I’d intervened. Pretty much, I’d help administrative issues go smoothly in the lab, and I’d try to help people get along and feel valued and encouraged. I also had my own research to do. Sometimes people don’t realize how much I do until I leave. I tried not to just leave and dump everything on other people, but me leaving that job was inevitable since it was designed to be temporary (2 years). I tend to be self-sacrificing and I might find value that way, but then it can become codependent and unhealthy for both people. I also can’t control what other people decide to do. I’ve learned that I have to put myself first and say no more often, and to speak up or walk away if I don’t feel respected.
Absolutely yes. I used to be, but that changed when I became more myself on the outside. Now I rearely care if I'm underestimated. There are different reasons why people underestimate. Many more reasons lie in the psychology of the other person than perhaps in us. Above all, it is not only what we send / have sent to the outside world, but also more limited perspectives or self-stabilizing patterns of others. Good input Miss Rock! Oh, does anyone know how people suddenly try to convince you that they can and are more without it fitting the context? Then it's probably a combination of triggers and appearances. The world is an exciting place. Boring would also be... boring. I'll see you on Wenzday (sorry, I love neologism and fun is important).
When I changed my view of helping people as a "transaction" with no expectation of reciprocity, my life became better. There is no relationship with a transaction, which is where we tend to get hurt, thinking there is a something other than a transaction in the interaction with people. I treat things that I do for people like I am paying a bill, or shopping, or delivering a service. It still gives me a chance to do for others and take the emotion out of it. As sad as it sounds, I am able to walk away knowing I have done my best and what I was meant to do.
I am in burnout mode right now. So many expectations get placed and when you achieve them ALL it's either , this isn't what I asked for or you get ignored but you know your effort has benefited them because the results are always visible. They choose not to acknowledge it. Just leave them alone and struggling. I don't feel bad anymore.
@@asmas19 You have the INFJs. We see you are special. They on the other hand watch within a few weeks of you not helping it all crumbles not just worse then where it was but even worse. Hi :).
Could you explain why most people don’t value INFJs until after we leave? It’s unfortunate, but this is what happens to the majority of us, which just goes to show other people have the ability to appreciate us, they just choose not, take us for granted, or start feeling entitled. Nonetheless, if people don’t want my help, I suspect they don’t want to be bothered by me, or there’s some other issue, I respect others’ boundaries and back away. I didn’t use to be this way, but I’m more careful who I help now. In some cases helping someone is actually enabling them to feel sorry for themselves or be comfortable in some toxic behaviors. I’m not trying to be anyone’s savior. There’s only one true savior and his name is JESUS CHRIST. I can pray for and advise, but it’s not my job to fix anybody.
They are best described by 4 letters here they are D U M B If your ever in doubt look at their actions. They are so dumb that when you help them some don't say "wow they helped me get better" then when your gone sometimes they are beyond dumb and think damn how did my life get worse. They have trouble with cause and effect. Although animal's understand cause and effect some of the humans you may help will be dumber then some animals you help. I have no idea how it's possible but it is lol.
Dziękuję za ten film i żałuję, że tak późno dowiedziałam się, że jestem INFJ a z drugiej strony cieszę się, że to odkryłam i mogę spróbować zacząć cieszyć się sobą i życiem. Teraz jestem kompletnie wypalona. Wczoraj znalazłam Twój kanał i teraz zaczynam leczyć moje rany. Dziękuję za to, że jesteś 🌞.
I am in burnout mode right now. So many expectations get placed and when you achieve them ALL it's either , this isn't what I asked for or you get ignored but you know your effort has benefited them because the results are always visible. They choose not to acknowledge it. Just leave them alone and struggling. I don't feel bad anymore. Get as much rest as you can and give no more than 60% at most. Our 60% is more than their 110% i guarantee . Be very intentional and conscious. Always document efforts because you will.be accused of not making enough effort. Im INTJ or INFJ depending on the day
Your safe it's going to be okay. Pull back. Retreat. Give less. Rebuild your energy. Explain to them what you give and what you want after your healing break of resting good.
Also this came in great timing- husband’s friend and his partner were in town. We had plans and then without telling us, they went ahead and did our plans without us. Didn’t tell us until they finished. I didn’t mind if they wanted to do it themselves/without us, it’s the fact that didn’t communicate it with us. So from now on, I’m not offering any plans with him anymore. I’m always the one who has the exclusive to store openings or events, etc… so yes, I choose myself ❤
Most people have massive egos and don't want to admit to themselves that they have faults or need help. If you point out ways you can help them, they may feel resentful because it removes the illusion that they are perfect. It also puts them in a place where they are reliant on you, making them lower in social status to you. It's stupid, but that's my experience. People only appreciate help if they ask for it.
Yes, such a great point. My sister changed her way of communicating and I have noticed the power of it. She stopped rescuing/advising people. She started listening and verbally reflecting back what she heard and validating their own insights. Then IF anyone ASKS for her advice, then she shares her perspective. That has been a radical shift that draws people in as it is not threatening and encourages them to grow based on their readiness, and their own insights more than from dependence on her. It opens up so much space in the conversations. ❤
I don't think most people think they are perfect. They are rather afraid to admit that they are flawed - because nowadays most (normal) "flaws" are weaknesses - and given the wrong people, they will be torn apart for it. If you are at ease with your own flaws, openly admit them and stand by them others will feel much more comfortable. At least that is my experience. Appearances nowadays are everything from the use of language up until the lack of authenticity. I always hated that sharade - people sitting in a meeting, nodding but NOONE has an idea what is being said. But nobody asks because it would show incompetence. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. Quite a prison to be in.
@@christine-kht Good point. But to be fair, I didn't quite say people actually think they're perfect. I just said there's an illusion that they are. But yes, their goal is to make any flaws unknown so they can't be bullied. I'm hyper vigilant so I can see right through people's masks and the self-hating uncertainty that lies behind the facade of charisma and charm. People hate it, and I can't turn it off. It makes conversing with inauthentic people really uncomfortable. And that's 99% of people. But I really like your analogy to meetings. It is very sad and extremely unproductive.
I help without cost to those in need. But i cañt fix anyone, i can only encourage and show people the way. Healing has it's own time. People need to be ready to heal before it can happen. Light and love, infjs ❤❤❤
I never seek to make a person see my value, I'm just am as an INFJ cause I know my value. It's not about overestimation or understimation. I realized that lots of people put in efforts to convince others of their value. It's all fleeting though.
I stepped out of my family almost 2 years ago. I doubt they’ll ever come back to me and admit they miss my attentiveness and are sorry for their lack of motivation and respect, I’m free! I’m learning boundaries, self respect and the adventures of living a life no longer suffocated by their neediness :) Building a healthy support system is a learning experience and I often don’t know where I’m headed, but it needs to be a two way street in the future….or is that an INFJ’s reality.
I dont know how INFJs can rationalize being this kind of martyr or savior for others without recognizing that the root was performing this role for a parent. I just dont see any other way we could make it to adulthood while being so self-neglecting if we didnt experience severe neglect in childhood. I know my childhokd was awful and i was surrounded by immature and abusive adults behaving horribly. I see so many INFJs acting like its normal to be this way as an adult. Its not normal. The easiest way to change that reality is to accept the abuse that caused it.
INFJ I have met and interacted with all have an abusive childhood, either physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally. It can even happen with families who seem fine on the outside- all needs met, social esteem in the community, etc Those are called “tricky” families and people from those families have a hard time seeing these roots causes, because “ everything was fine “ outwardly …
"Porque no momento em que você se escolhe é quando as pessoas veem o seu valor". Isso tem sido uma realidade em minha vida, mas não é tão fácil no início. Quando você está muito disponível, dependente da validação dos outros, é aí que não te dão o devido valor. Viver essa autoescolha é uma verdadeira libertação pra nós. Obrigada pelos videos!
Não necessariamente, o que mais tem hoje é gente que se escolhe e geralmente no caminho dessa pessoa está cheio de vítimas.😖 Infelizmente, se doar (Disponibilidade) é algo que poucos dão valor, tem que ter maturidade e é aí que fica complicado.😞 Libertação ? Não existe, tudo se resume a sair de uma gaiola para outra maior... De onde vem as nossas escolhas ? 🤔😅
@@Pr0fetaSama Quando me refiro a libertação, é sobre a necessidade de estar agradando por insegurança, medo de ser rejeitado. Viver agradando sem limites é uma prisão, assim como só viver pra si mesmo. Tudo é questão de equilíbrio. Mas essa consciência só é alcançada quando a pessoa enxerga esse desequilíbrio. Muitas vezes esse estar sempre disponível não é da forma correta. É fruto não de verdadeiro amor ao próximo, mas de falta de amor próprio e consequentemente não haverá uma percepção clara, madura sobre o que é um doar saudável. Escolher a si mesmo no sentido que falei, é saber que você também é gente e precisa se cuidar, até pra ter condições de cuidar de alguém. É quando você ama sem esperar nada em troca, nenhuma validação ou reconhecimento. Isso é liberdade.
You choosing yourself helps others to grow. Thanks so much for echoing this. As self sacrificial INFJ are they need to be told early enough and encouraged to care for themsleves, empowered on the best practices to care for others, which always start from caring for themsleves. INFJ sees the bright side of the world and calls out the best in people, doesnt always mean ppl are at the best or want the best for themselves. I have learned the hard way to focus more energy building and sustaining myself while should anyone be interested in doing well in life, I can asssit, not by imposing my will on them but getting them to do the work themsleves.
Major Pane :) Major Payne is a military badass. He takes his life and his work seriously but he begins to lighten up a bit during the movie. He even has a little fun on the dance floor with some sweet robot moves. Lesson: There are times in life to be serious, but it's ok to lighten up :);):).
Just found your work on YT, so thankful! Its really confirming the changes I've gone through in the recent past as a person - the guilt from having to cut off toxic relationships but in spite of it becoming and building the self-reliant mountain.
I am with you in this journey and I actually feel and resonate with this value issue. I have been dogged for showing deep empathy for people. You continue to enlighten me with your profound understanding
It would be great that you do a video with the evolution of the journey of some people you have coached, even without names but some personal evolutions :)
The more you take them treating you like nothing for granted, the more you are far from your true self where you can thrive. This has been my biggest issue for years, people out of nothing but unmerciful greedy ego keep putting me down and once I step up and say the truth I am suddenly the bad guy. This doesn't make me anything less of a man, but their not valuing me and even not respecting me just because I seem weak for disregarding their acts makes me feel sorry for them.
04:08 OHHH 😲 I USED TO ACTIVELY VOLUNTEER! I haven’t done that in about 12 years. I absolutely enjoyed volunteering and participating in community outreach.
The way i delt with this is by allowing others to be who they are despite the fact that i can see there wound and know i can help. Trying to help without their invitation is imposing on them- of course this will create a subconscious resistance and a wall up. Focus on my beingness and dismantling ego structurse frees up a lot of space to reside in allows me to follow my impeccable intitive guidance clearly and be an Inspiration for myself and to others...
I really don't care what they think. That, and, on occasion, I'll snap back (just a little) with a clever retort. Combined, it usually shuts them up for a while.
Listening to Wenzes’ videos and reading the comments, all I can say is I am most definitely in the right place, though I can’t say I have any INFJs in my immediate circles, not that I know of. One of the more challenging parts of my overgiving, one sided relationships, is once i recognize it, is finding a way to withdraw without it turning into drama. I know this is why INFJs end up door slamming, but if these people are in your larger circle that might not be a great option. However i find if i just simply stop over-efforting, the other person sniffs it out like a bloodhound, starts putting on the pressure, until I am forced to say something, speak truthfully, and sometimes make an ultimatum - step up or go. They blame me of course, take no responsibility. That creates even more conflict. I take responsibility for my side of things (this behavior is as much trauma response as it is INFJ), but I am at a point in my life where I just want peace, to focus on myself, reciprocal relationships or none at all. My generosity goes to those people and animals truly in need, and obviously I expect nothing back. With my friends and loved ones I do - I expect respect and reciprocity. With new people, if I am energized and inspired by them. I will endeavor to match this, and hopefully the relationship strengthens. But with others, all the losses in my wake, people I truly loved, it is a sadness and regret I feel deeply.
Right? How often have I offered someone some wisdom they needed, and then they go and publish it far and wide as their own idea, and come back to me and say it to my own face as if they are gifting this wisdom to me? This has happened to me countless times. It makes me feel like I don’t exist or don’t matter.
@@rennie-syeah I hear you you would think that they would feel like a butthead doing that so I remind him that he is and ask him if he has attention deficit but I know that it's hepeating it's frustrating for him though when I think it's because he's dumb
I stopped giving so much of myself and completely detach from everything. Things that were important weren’t important anymore. My work doesn’t value me as they should so I don’t give me all anymore. Currently looking for a job that will acknowledge my skills and appreciate my work ethic. Also, I started saying “no” to all invitations. My time is precious and I don’t want to come across as desperate even though I know I’m not. I’ve reserved that space for self care instead.
Yes alot of time! It try to notice in the beginning. who see my value and who doesn't. And then try to figure out what to do with that. Good people are nice to walk & talk with. Bad people I try to avoid or use those bad people as filter to see who's more bad for me. And also use boundaries and who to help and when to help. If i have a good idea I try to talk about it or let them see it first by example and that doens't change in one day but after a while people start to notice that i'm bring new thing inspiring thing to the table. There people who dislike me or don't want my help. But I'm ok with that because cup is full so the rest is extra. Using smalk talk helps me give other people an idea of who I'm so people know what there dealing with after that they tknow I'm a good person and leave me be, becauuse they trust me. At the end focus on yourself and the rest will follow eventually.
It works. I guess it's their choice. I notice this mostly with two extroverted thinking types. A. Leave them alone B. Let them fail and decline C. Later show off massively how much they lost. Flaunt wealth material jewelry shallow idiocy how (it works!) every (idiot) thing of value in front of them. :):):):):):):):):).
After Long research, wrong guesses, and analyzing.. I think I found the best relation I could now. I am: INFJ-H, EII, Enneagram 8w9, Sx/So Tritype: 8-5-2 Delta Male Sigma Empath I also share Delta and Sigma traits equally. It depends on my goals in life. I don't claim this as absolute, but these terms reflect me the Most.
I actually don't care if people take what I do for them for granted and never mention or return it. What pisses me off however is when they are disrespectful and even rude and expect more as if it was all my duty.
@@Stumpybear7640 Thank you! ❤My time, however, is running out, I'm elderly now, I never realised why I didn't 'go with the flow' so to speak, until later in life, realising my potential as an INFJ at constantly finding out new info, especially about health matters and wanting to share what I found with people close to me, only for them to refuse to even look. I gave up in the end, they want to unburden themselves of their problems on me and I'm supposed to be their emotional sponge, whilst they ignore things that would have really helped them; So a more distanced relationship now is better for me and for them. Hopefully they will wake up soon, I still care.
@@Stumpybear7640 Thank you! My time, however, is running out, I'm elderly now, I never realised why I didn't 'go with the flow' so to speak, until later in life, realising my potentials as an INFJ at constantly finding out new things and wanting to share what I found with people close to me, only for them to refuse to even look. I gave up in the end, they want to unburden themselves of their problems on me and I'm supposed to be their emotional sponge whilst they ignore things that would have really helped.
One day worked 12 hours on a Sunday. I sent an email asking to meet with the top boss. I was transparent about how this has gotten too much and asked for a slight increase. Did get the increase in salary and people started to change.
I think this and also the fact that many people expect something in return are the problems. It's unbelieveable how many people get extremely bitter because they were not treated as well as they believed they treated others. Nobody owes you anything. If you feel like you want to support someone, don't do it expecting that it will be repaid, but because you believe it's the right thing to do. I believe that this makes the world a better place. I do not expect anything in return but often I get more positivity back than I could have imagined as a consequence. Is it a waste of energy in some cases? Maybe. Do I feel like efforts were really wasted? Not really. I do what I believe in and not what others expect of me. And that sometimes means that you are giving news to people they should hear much rather than want to hear. (In a respectful manner ofc!) Usually that is being respected a lot - because it's not overly complementary and fake.
I really like what you are saying except I wouldn't personally phrase it as putting myself as the priority above everyone else. I prefer the Bible definition of priorities, of first being filled by God's love directly as He is the source of all love. Next, loving God with all of our being and then loving others AS OURSELVES. So filling our own cup, praising, worshiping, and thanking God...and the excess spilling over into the lives of both ourselves and those around us. It isn't a selfish love. It's is not putting ourselves as God or any other person as God. Not putting ourselves above or below others. But it requires us to be full, from the source, to have been self responsible enough to do our inner work each day to connect directly. To guard our hearts from unkind and immoral people than can corrupt us, and hurt us. To not cast our pearls before "swine." That requires the type of discernment you are referencing, to go where wanted, called on, and appreciated. I agree that we have to consider the others' free will and growth capacity instead of shoving our unasked for, or unwanted advice down people's throats. Just sharing our hearts back and forth where there is that natural reciprocity. I appreciate your reminder that it is our example which is the true teacher, not empty words. I really appreciate contemplating this topic today, so thank you for sharing your insights and using your outlet. It encouraged me to look at this topic more deeply.
I used my helping abilities to create a monetary outlet for myself lol it still had some times where it hurt me but at the same time it helped me grow my larger plans so they see I used them instead 😂😂😂😂🥰🥰🥰🥰
The truth is people will be who they are you can try to help but it's up to them if they want to change so if you dont want to change i can say no bcz that person would be living in negative energy. i wont let a person live in suffering, if you dont want to listen my songs i still love you but i can't judge you. God gives the judgement and we serve God 😊😊😊😊 i never knew salvation was so sweet i want to stay in this vibration i want to increase my wisdom, people dont get the last say in nothing we do. Finding your worth your purpose mine is saving souls thru my music and my words. I speak the truth bcz a lie is a sin, a problem
Bet you that most INFJ's if they were to leave a company or be absent for a situation. People would realize how things start breaking down. But only in the absence
Sigma describes an individual who doesn’t prescribe to the alpha/beta power dynamics. Someone who sees the game but prefers to not play life by those rules and so skirts around the socially expected discourse in order to make their own path. A “lone wolf” allegory if you will.
Don't offer up your help unless they ask for it or are accepting of your offering right out of the gate. This could be an error in the reality testing of the infj.
There is rarely any human on earth liked by everyone and we all have to deal.with the fact we may not be liked instantly by who we are at that moment, but if we don't then we keep up current the social standard which is leading nowhere except to more lies and deception. This is why sometimes it is better not to wake everybody up at the same time. But some think it should be better to wake them all up at the time so hey it is their call and their responsibility
Which by the way does not mean i do not believe in some forms of Hierarchy because even though as an INFJ archetype it may feel a certain way but the fact of the matter is that there is a hierarchy but does not necessarily have a lot of similarities with these local ideas of hierarchy. Some but not so much as they presume.
What we must know our interest comes first.... i got God so i can notice when satan comes with temptations I can say no! I know the correct thing and i depend on God not satan or man so if its not my God i have the right to say no! I wont hurt you but its the truth. Bcz others are awakening some shocked frighten bcz now i am able to say no! I know whats right. I droped smoking weed and the temptations come Tempting even when i said no! I still get a erge to doit but god doesn't want that so im strong enuf to say no once more. Only smoking weed is making me sick and satan want mi to do this but God doesnt want it. No. I learn how to say that bcz when i say that it shows my faith in God and demons are afraid when you do bcz it shows your power, your Knowledge, wisdom, understanding,faith, logic, reality just that simple word no is magical😊😊😊😊Devine love and light
It's rough. I think anyone with decent Fe gets into that hellscape. At least ya'll got decent Ni. Ne only makes it much worse. Good ol' fashioned cynicism is the answer. Unfortunately that means innocent sprouts getting burnt out first. Hopefully you reach some younger INFJs out there and they actually take it to heart.
As a strong INTJ I hate the title. If you are a decent person, a thoughtful person, a loyal and caring person, and so on (add other like insightful etc.) Your value should be innate for folks who get to know. If however, folks can't see it, then those are folks you would be better off not having in your life.
Yes while we are researching how to understand stupid the stupid keep getting dumber. I give exceptions for some people. But in general I've noticed stupid people tend to kind of act smart but then there is not alot of depth. I actually repeat the ones who are straight up dumb at least they are honest.
Have you been in situations where it is mindblowing, just HOW much people have underestimated you?
feels like that nearly all of the time, but I just don't care about it anymore, it's on them now to find out
Yep!! People seem to think I’m naive, too soft, too sensitive, and younger than I am (not necessarily in a good way). I got a neuroscience PhD in a field dominated by men and Thinking types, in spite of struggling with a sleep disorder and other health issues. If I did part of my job right as a postdoctoral scholar, then people actually wouldn’t necessarily notice that I’d intervened. Pretty much, I’d help administrative issues go smoothly in the lab, and I’d try to help people get along and feel valued and encouraged. I also had my own research to do. Sometimes people don’t realize how much I do until I leave. I tried not to just leave and dump everything on other people, but me leaving that job was inevitable since it was designed to be temporary (2 years).
I tend to be self-sacrificing and I might find value that way, but then it can become codependent and unhealthy for both people. I also can’t control what other people decide to do. I’ve learned that I have to put myself first and say no more often, and to speak up or walk away if I don’t feel respected.
I think everyone under estimated me ! Wenzel‘s ….. 😊 1:43
@@petervervaene5301you can’t help someone see value where they don’t know where to look.
Absolutely yes. I used to be, but that changed when I became more myself on the outside. Now I rearely care if I'm underestimated. There are different reasons why people underestimate. Many more reasons lie in the psychology of the other person than perhaps in us. Above all, it is not only what we send / have sent to the outside world, but also more limited perspectives or self-stabilizing patterns of others.
Good input Miss Rock!
Oh, does anyone know how people suddenly try to convince you that they can and are more without it fitting the context? Then it's probably a combination of triggers and appearances. The world is an exciting place. Boring would also be... boring.
I'll see you on Wenzday (sorry, I love neologism and fun is important).
So true! Wish I hadn’t wasted 60 years sacrificing myself for rejection, being put down and accepting it as normal
Same!!
Yep same... 60 years ugh
Yep. 56 years.
You know better, now you can demand better❤ xxx
Same 🥺
"know your own worth. attract folks that recognize it." 💛
Be warm and protected.
When I changed my view of helping people as a "transaction" with no expectation of reciprocity, my life became better. There is no relationship with a transaction, which is where we tend to get hurt, thinking there is a something other than a transaction in the interaction with people. I treat things that I do for people like I am paying a bill, or shopping, or delivering a service.
It still gives me a chance to do for others and take the emotion out of it. As sad as it sounds, I am able to walk away knowing I have done my best and what I was meant to do.
I'll try doing that this sounds good.
I am in burnout mode right now. So many expectations get placed and when you achieve them ALL it's either , this isn't what I asked for or you get ignored but you know your effort has benefited them because the results are always visible. They choose not to acknowledge it. Just leave them alone and struggling. I don't feel bad anymore.
@@asmas19 You have the INFJs. We see you are special. They on the other hand watch within a few weeks of you not helping it all crumbles not just worse then where it was but even worse. Hi :).
thank you for this mental perspective. i’m going to use it🙏
Great realization! yeah the shift from transactional is transformative..
I learned a long time ago that helping is not always helping
Could you explain why most people don’t value INFJs until after we leave? It’s unfortunate, but this is what happens to the majority of us, which just goes to show other people have the ability to appreciate us, they just choose not, take us for granted, or start feeling entitled. Nonetheless, if people don’t want my help, I suspect they don’t want to be bothered by me, or there’s some other issue, I respect others’ boundaries and back away.
I didn’t use to be this way, but I’m more careful who I help now. In some cases helping someone is actually enabling them to feel sorry for themselves or be comfortable in some toxic behaviors. I’m not trying to be anyone’s savior. There’s only one true savior and his name is JESUS CHRIST. I can pray for and advise, but it’s not my job to fix anybody.
They are best described by 4 letters here they are
D
U
M
B
If your ever in doubt look at their actions. They are so dumb that when you help them some don't say "wow they helped me get better" then when your gone sometimes they are beyond dumb and think damn how did my life get worse. They have trouble with cause and effect. Although animal's understand cause and effect some of the humans you may help will be dumber then some animals you help. I have no idea how it's possible but it is lol.
Praise the Lord thank you Jesus for your blessings I agree.
Just when you feel like giving up or are tired. God and another Wenzes video comes to drop a lesson to keep you winning.
I really needed to hear this today. It’s insanely difficult to figure out these truths when you’re so close to the problem. Thank you for all you do.
Dziękuję za ten film i żałuję, że tak późno dowiedziałam się, że jestem INFJ a z drugiej strony cieszę się, że to odkryłam i mogę spróbować zacząć cieszyć się sobą i życiem. Teraz jestem kompletnie wypalona. Wczoraj znalazłam Twój kanał i teraz zaczynam leczyć moje rany. Dziękuję za to, że jesteś 🌞.
I am in burnout mode right now. So many expectations get placed and when you achieve them ALL it's either , this isn't what I asked for or you get ignored but you know your effort has benefited them because the results are always visible. They choose not to acknowledge it. Just leave them alone and struggling. I don't feel bad anymore. Get as much rest as you can and give no more than 60% at most. Our 60% is more than their 110% i guarantee . Be very intentional and conscious. Always document efforts because you will.be accused of not making enough effort. Im INTJ or INFJ depending on the day
Your safe it's going to be okay.
Pull back. Retreat. Give less. Rebuild your energy. Explain to them what you give and what you want after your healing break of resting good.
We don't chase, we attract 😎👌
A lot of this is rooted in co-dependency
Also this came in great timing- husband’s friend and his partner were in town. We had plans and then without telling us, they went ahead and did our plans without us. Didn’t tell us until they finished. I didn’t mind if they wanted to do it themselves/without us, it’s the fact that didn’t communicate it with us. So from now on, I’m not offering any plans with him anymore. I’m always the one who has the exclusive to store openings or events, etc… so yes, I choose myself ❤
That's pretty weird of them.
A.T.T.A.? Yes.💜
The more I listen the more you resonate with who I am. Im glad your outlet is available to the world through RUclips. Keep loving, caring and giving!
She's amazing I'm glad she's helping the world.
Most people have massive egos and don't want to admit to themselves that they have faults or need help. If you point out ways you can help them, they may feel resentful because it removes the illusion that they are perfect. It also puts them in a place where they are reliant on you, making them lower in social status to you. It's stupid, but that's my experience. People only appreciate help if they ask for it.
Resentful that you helped them get better smh. Life can be crazy.
Yes, such a great point. My sister changed her way of communicating and I have noticed the power of it. She stopped rescuing/advising people. She started listening and verbally reflecting back what she heard and validating their own insights. Then IF anyone ASKS for her advice, then she shares her perspective. That has been a radical shift that draws people in as it is not threatening and encourages them to grow based on their readiness, and their own insights more than from dependence on her. It opens up so much space in the conversations. ❤
@@ChristianOne I want to do that more.
I don't think most people think they are perfect. They are rather afraid to admit that they are flawed - because nowadays most (normal) "flaws" are weaknesses - and given the wrong people, they will be torn apart for it. If you are at ease with your own flaws, openly admit them and stand by them others will feel much more comfortable. At least that is my experience.
Appearances nowadays are everything from the use of language up until the lack of authenticity. I always hated that sharade - people sitting in a meeting, nodding but NOONE has an idea what is being said. But nobody asks because it would show incompetence. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. Quite a prison to be in.
@@christine-kht Good point. But to be fair, I didn't quite say people actually think they're perfect. I just said there's an illusion that they are. But yes, their goal is to make any flaws unknown so they can't be bullied. I'm hyper vigilant so I can see right through people's masks and the self-hating uncertainty that lies behind the facade of charisma and charm. People hate it, and I can't turn it off. It makes conversing with inauthentic people really uncomfortable. And that's 99% of people. But I really like your analogy to meetings. It is very sad and extremely unproductive.
I absolutely needed this at this moment.
I help without cost to those in need. But i cañt fix anyone, i can only encourage and show people the way. Healing has it's own time. People need to be ready to heal before it can happen. Light and love, infjs ❤❤❤
Thank you for your beautiful service.
Another awesome lesson
I'm just glad there's other people like me out there love to you all
We here love you too.
I never seek to make a person see my value, I'm just am as an INFJ cause I know my value. It's not about overestimation or understimation. I realized that lots of people put in efforts to convince others of their value. It's all fleeting though.
Interesting very unique observation good I am impressed.
I stepped out of my family almost 2 years ago. I doubt they’ll ever come back to me and admit they miss my attentiveness and are sorry for their lack of motivation and respect, I’m free! I’m learning boundaries, self respect and the adventures of living a life no longer suffocated by their neediness :)
Building a healthy support system is a learning experience and I often don’t know where I’m headed, but it needs to be a two way street in the future….or is that an INFJ’s reality.
I dont know how INFJs can rationalize being this kind of martyr or savior for others without recognizing that the root was performing this role for a parent. I just dont see any other way we could make it to adulthood while being so self-neglecting if we didnt experience severe neglect in childhood.
I know my childhokd was awful and i was surrounded by immature and abusive adults behaving horribly. I see so many INFJs acting like its normal to be this way as an adult. Its not normal. The easiest way to change that reality is to accept the abuse that caused it.
I agree. We were groomed for abuse.
INFJ I have met and interacted with all have an abusive childhood, either physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally.
It can even happen with families who seem fine on the outside- all needs met, social esteem in the community, etc
Those are called “tricky” families and people from those families have a hard time seeing these roots causes, because
“ everything was fine “ outwardly …
Your safe now :):).
Unite!!!@@bebopbonsai
I love you 🫴🏽💚
"Porque no momento em que você se escolhe é quando as pessoas veem o seu valor". Isso tem sido uma realidade em minha vida, mas não é tão fácil no início. Quando você está muito disponível, dependente da validação dos outros, é aí que não te dão o devido valor. Viver essa autoescolha é uma verdadeira libertação pra nós. Obrigada pelos videos!
Não necessariamente, o que mais tem hoje é gente que se escolhe e geralmente no caminho dessa pessoa está cheio de vítimas.😖
Infelizmente, se doar (Disponibilidade) é algo que poucos dão valor, tem que ter maturidade e é aí que fica complicado.😞
Libertação ? Não existe, tudo se resume a sair de uma gaiola para outra maior... De onde vem as nossas escolhas ? 🤔😅
Yayayayaya I agree.
@@Pr0fetaSama Quando me refiro a libertação, é sobre a necessidade de estar agradando por insegurança, medo de ser rejeitado. Viver agradando sem limites é uma prisão, assim como só viver pra si mesmo. Tudo é questão de equilíbrio. Mas essa consciência só é alcançada quando a pessoa enxerga esse desequilíbrio. Muitas vezes esse estar sempre disponível não é da forma correta. É fruto não de verdadeiro amor ao próximo, mas de falta de amor próprio e consequentemente não haverá uma percepção clara, madura sobre o que é um doar saudável. Escolher a si mesmo no sentido que falei, é saber que você também é gente e precisa se cuidar, até pra ter condições de cuidar de alguém. É quando você ama sem esperar nada em troca, nenhuma validação ou reconhecimento. Isso é liberdade.
É a verdade. Wenzes sabe muito sobre esse assunto; acho que ela é a melhor.
You choosing yourself helps others to grow. Thanks so much for echoing this. As self sacrificial INFJ are they need to be told early enough and encouraged to care for themsleves, empowered on the best practices to care for others, which always start from caring for themsleves.
INFJ sees the bright side of the world and calls out the best in people, doesnt always mean ppl are at the best or want the best for themselves.
I have learned the hard way to focus more energy building and sustaining myself while should anyone be interested in doing well in life, I can asssit, not by imposing my will on them but getting them to do the work themsleves.
Major Pane :) Major Payne is a military badass. He takes his life and his work seriously but he begins to lighten up a bit during the movie. He even has a little fun on the dance floor with some sweet robot moves. Lesson: There are times in life to be serious, but it's ok to lighten up :);):).
Just found your work on YT, so thankful! Its really confirming the changes I've gone through in the recent past as a person - the guilt from having to cut off toxic relationships but in spite of it becoming and building the self-reliant mountain.
I am with you in this journey and I actually feel and resonate with this value issue. I have been dogged for showing deep empathy for people. You continue to enlighten me with your profound understanding
It would be great that you do a video with the evolution of the journey of some people you have coached, even without names but some personal evolutions :)
The more you take them treating you like nothing for granted, the more you are far from your true self where you can thrive.
This has been my biggest issue for years, people out of nothing but unmerciful greedy ego keep putting me down and once I step up and say the truth I am suddenly the bad guy.
This doesn't make me anything less of a man, but their not valuing me and even not respecting me just because I seem weak for disregarding their acts makes me feel sorry for them.
Hey at least your smart and can express yourself. Good job they go low we go high ;).
04:08 OHHH 😲 I USED TO ACTIVELY VOLUNTEER! I haven’t done that in about 12 years. I absolutely enjoyed volunteering and participating in community outreach.
The way i delt with this is by allowing others to be who they are despite the fact that i can see there wound and know i can help. Trying to help without their invitation is imposing on them- of course this will create a subconscious resistance and a wall up. Focus on my beingness and dismantling ego structurse frees up a lot of space to reside in allows me to follow my impeccable intitive guidance clearly and be an Inspiration for myself and to others...
I really don't care what they think. That, and, on occasion, I'll snap back (just a little) with a clever retort. Combined, it usually shuts them up for a while.
“Yes, I can help people but it doesn’t have to be that one!” Exactly!!!
i am understanding myself better listening to you teaching.
great message I needed to hear today, thank you!
Great talk thank you
It took a looooot of videos from you
But i FINALLY get it
Thank you so much, Wenzes ❤❤❤
Listening to Wenzes’ videos and reading the comments, all I can say is I am most definitely in the right place, though I can’t say I have any INFJs in my immediate circles, not that I know of. One of the more challenging parts of my overgiving, one sided relationships, is once i recognize it, is finding a way to withdraw without it turning into drama. I know this is why INFJs end up door slamming, but if these people are in your larger circle that might not be a great option. However i find if i just simply stop over-efforting, the other person sniffs it out like a bloodhound, starts putting on the pressure, until I am forced to say something, speak truthfully, and sometimes make an ultimatum - step up or go. They blame me of course, take no responsibility. That creates even more conflict. I take responsibility for my side of things (this behavior is as much trauma response as it is INFJ), but I am at a point in my life where I just want peace, to focus on myself, reciprocal relationships or none at all. My generosity goes to those people and animals truly in need, and obviously I expect nothing back. With my friends and loved ones I do - I expect respect and reciprocity. With new people, if I am energized and inspired by them. I will endeavor to match this, and hopefully the relationship strengthens. But with others, all the losses in my wake, people I truly loved, it is a sadness and regret I feel deeply.
Doesn't think we're capable. Then they take credit for our ideas.
Let them, you have more than enough amazing ideas 💡👍
Right? How often have I offered someone some wisdom they needed, and then they go and publish it far and wide as their own idea, and come back to me and say it to my own face as if they are gifting this wisdom to me? This has happened to me countless times. It makes me feel like I don’t exist or don’t matter.
@@rennie-syeah I hear you you would think that they would feel like a butthead doing that so I remind him that he is and ask him if he has attention deficit but I know that it's hepeating it's frustrating for him though when I think it's because he's dumb
When i died i started living
Consideration and Reciprocity is what I look for, these days.
I stopped giving so much of myself and completely detach from everything. Things that were important weren’t important anymore. My work doesn’t value me as they should so I don’t give me all anymore. Currently looking for a job that will acknowledge my skills and appreciate my work ethic.
Also, I started saying “no” to all invitations. My time is precious and I don’t want to come across as desperate even though I know I’m not. I’ve reserved that space for self care instead.
Thankful for you. Perfect video for this moment in my life. Goodness, it's nice to have your help.
Yayayayayayayayyayayayayayayayayayayayayaya 😊😊😊😊❤❤❤😊😊.
Thank you 🤍
Remove your presence. People will take you for granted until you walk away.
Awesome and deep, thank you always
I agree hope business is well.
Yes alot of time! It try to notice in the beginning. who see my value and who doesn't. And then try to figure out what to do with that. Good people are nice to walk & talk with.
Bad people I try to avoid or use those bad people as filter to see who's more bad for me. And also use boundaries and who to help and when to help. If i have a good idea I try to
talk about it or let them see it first by example and that doens't change in one day but after a while people start to notice that i'm bring new thing inspiring thing to the table.
There people who dislike me or don't want my help. But I'm ok with that because cup is full so the rest is extra.
Using smalk talk helps me give other people an idea of who I'm so people know what there dealing with after that they
tknow I'm a good person and leave me be, becauuse they trust me.
At the end focus on yourself and the rest will follow eventually.
Be warm and okay.
It works. I guess it's their choice. I notice this mostly with two extroverted thinking types.
A. Leave them alone
B. Let them fail and decline
C. Later show off massively how much they lost. Flaunt wealth material jewelry shallow idiocy how (it works!) every (idiot) thing of value in front of them.
:):):):):):):):):).
This one doesn’t wish to understand someone , however , this seeks to comprehend .
2:23- 2:39 Yes yes yes!! That made me tear up
I know that was my favorite part too.
@@braxtonmills1235 👍👊
walking away from them without closure is the way being seen our values
Such profoundly beautiful and inspiring words 🤍
Extremely timely. TYSVM!
I agree.
Actually it's kinda funny, whatever video you upload right somehow it happened right now in my life XD
Thank you 😊
This is brilliant! ❤
After Long research, wrong guesses, and analyzing..
I think I found the best relation I could now.
I am:
INFJ-H, EII,
Enneagram 8w9, Sx/So
Tritype: 8-5-2
Delta Male
Sigma Empath
I also share Delta and Sigma traits equally. It depends on my goals in life.
I don't claim this as absolute, but these terms reflect me the Most.
Most people have been blinded to an extraordinary degree, utterly lost in this chaotic world without knowing how to see reality. It's a sad state.
I actually don't care if people take what I do for them for granted and never mention or return it. What pisses me off however is when they are disrespectful and even rude and expect more as if it was all my duty.
Amen!! Preach it lady
Excellent video. Vielen Dank !
We all have free will and if they don't appreciate your help that is their choice don't take it personality help those who want your help .
They have a free will to fail.
I'm afraid I just withdraw from them, you can only try to help them so much, so at least I tried, I can do no more.
Everything has it's time ❤
@@Stumpybear7640 Thank you! ❤My time, however, is running out, I'm elderly now, I never realised why I didn't 'go with the flow'
so to speak, until later in life, realising my potential as an INFJ at constantly finding out new info, especially about health matters and
wanting to share what I found with people close to me, only for them to refuse to even look. I gave up in the end, they want to
unburden themselves of their problems on me and I'm supposed to be their emotional sponge, whilst they ignore things that
would have really helped them; So a more distanced relationship now is better for me and for them. Hopefully they will wake up soon, I still care.
@@Stumpybear7640 Thank you! My time, however, is running out, I'm elderly now, I never realised why I didn't 'go with the flow'
so to speak, until later in life, realising my potentials as an INFJ at constantly finding out new things and
wanting to share what I found with people close to me, only for them to refuse to even look. I gave up in the end, they want to
unburden themselves of their problems on me and I'm supposed to be their emotional sponge whilst they ignore things that
would have really helped.
One day worked 12 hours on a Sunday. I sent an email asking to meet with the top boss. I was transparent about how this has gotten too much and asked for a slight increase. Did get the increase in salary and people started to change.
The outlet you talk about, is so very important. Thank you for the reminder 😊
I feel called out! 🥺
Called out for being so cool!.
I think this and also the fact that many people expect something in return are the problems. It's unbelieveable how many people get extremely bitter because they were not treated as well as they believed they treated others.
Nobody owes you anything. If you feel like you want to support someone, don't do it expecting that it will be repaid, but because you believe it's the right thing to do. I believe that this makes the world a better place. I do not expect anything in return but often I get more positivity back than I could have imagined as a consequence.
Is it a waste of energy in some cases? Maybe. Do I feel like efforts were really wasted? Not really. I do what I believe in and not what others expect of me. And that sometimes means that you are giving news to people they should hear much rather than want to hear. (In a respectful manner ofc!) Usually that is being respected a lot - because it's not overly complementary and fake.
I really like what you are saying except I wouldn't personally phrase it as putting myself as the priority above everyone else. I prefer the Bible definition of priorities, of first being filled by God's love directly as He is the source of all love. Next, loving God with all of our being and then loving others AS OURSELVES. So filling our own cup, praising, worshiping, and thanking God...and the excess spilling over into the lives of both ourselves and those around us. It isn't a selfish love. It's is not putting ourselves as God or any other person as God. Not putting ourselves above or below others. But it requires us to be full, from the source, to have been self responsible enough to do our inner work each day to connect directly. To guard our hearts from unkind and immoral people than can corrupt us, and hurt us. To not cast our pearls before "swine." That requires the type of discernment you are referencing, to go where wanted, called on, and appreciated. I agree that we have to consider the others' free will and growth capacity instead of shoving our unasked for, or unwanted advice down people's throats. Just sharing our hearts back and forth where there is that natural reciprocity. I appreciate your reminder that it is our example which is the true teacher, not empty words. I really appreciate contemplating this topic today, so thank you for sharing your insights and using your outlet. It encouraged me to look at this topic more deeply.
I'm not what society sees as perfect I am who I am and that makes me happy. That's deep. Winning Wenzes Yay.
Even though Wenzes is winning in society. Some are too dumb to see it.
I used my helping abilities to create a monetary outlet for myself lol it still had some times where it hurt me but at the same time it helped me grow my larger plans so they see I used them instead 😂😂😂😂🥰🥰🥰🥰
Good job hopefully business is going well.
The truth is people will be who they are you can try to help but it's up to them if they want to change so if you dont want to change i can say no bcz that person would be living in negative energy. i wont let a person live in suffering, if you dont want to listen my songs i still love you but i can't judge you. God gives the judgement and we serve God 😊😊😊😊 i never knew salvation was so sweet i want to stay in this vibration i want to increase my wisdom, people dont get the last say in nothing we do.
Finding your worth your purpose mine is saving souls thru my music and my words. I speak the truth bcz a lie is a sin, a problem
Bet you that most INFJ's if they were to leave a company or be absent for a situation. People would realize how things start breaking down. But only in the absence
That‘s how we turn into a Sigma after all. 🤷♂️
What is Sigma?😊
bruh i swear INFJ and sigma are damn near synonymous 🙏🏽
Sigma describes an individual who doesn’t prescribe to the alpha/beta power dynamics. Someone who sees the game but prefers to not play life by those rules and so skirts around the socially expected discourse in order to make their own path. A “lone wolf” allegory if you will.
Sigma doesnt exist in spycholgy
her: "I am speaking my truth"" me:
Don't offer up your help unless they ask for it or are accepting of your offering right out of the gate. This could be an error in the reality testing of the infj.
I think if they can’t see it, let them be. Find others and if no one will, love yourself.
There is rarely any human on earth liked by everyone and we all have to deal.with the fact we may not be liked instantly by who we are at that moment, but if we don't then we keep up current the social standard which is leading nowhere except to more lies and deception. This is why sometimes it is better not to wake everybody up at the same time. But some think it should be better to wake them all up at the time so hey it is their call and their responsibility
Which by the way does not mean i do not believe in some forms of Hierarchy because even though as an INFJ archetype it may feel a certain way but the fact of the matter is that there is a hierarchy but does not necessarily have a lot of similarities with these local ideas of hierarchy. Some but not so much as they presume.
People need to learn their own lessons in life..we can't live their lives for them. It's very hard for us to see this...but it's the only way...
Very timely to expand my understanding. Thanks!
The other perspective... when we don't see the value in them😮..
Imagine INFJ world. It would self destruct in a broken feedback loop.
Gracias, un abrazo para toda la comunidad
What we must know our interest comes first.... i got God so i can notice when satan comes with temptations I can say no! I know the correct thing and i depend on God not satan or man so if its not my God i have the right to say no! I wont hurt you but its the truth. Bcz others are awakening some shocked frighten bcz now i am able to say no! I know whats right. I droped smoking weed and the temptations come Tempting even when i said no! I still get a erge to doit but god doesn't want that so im strong enuf to say no once more. Only smoking weed is making me sick and satan want mi to do this but God doesnt want it. No. I learn how to say that bcz when i say that it shows my faith in God and demons are afraid when you do bcz it shows your power, your Knowledge, wisdom, understanding,faith, logic, reality just that simple word no is magical😊😊😊😊Devine love and light
It's rough. I think anyone with decent Fe gets into that hellscape. At least ya'll got decent Ni. Ne only makes it much worse.
Good ol' fashioned cynicism is the answer. Unfortunately that means innocent sprouts getting burnt out first. Hopefully you reach some younger INFJs out there and they actually take it to heart.
As a strong INTJ I hate the title. If you are a decent person, a thoughtful person, a loyal and caring person, and so on (add other like insightful etc.) Your value should be innate for folks who get to know. If however, folks can't see it, then those are folks you would be better off not having in your life.
I agree. Our value is not dependent on others seeing it. The title sounds like living for other people to see our value.
it's childhood programming my man. INFJs are mostly co-dependent, I surely was.
Very nice Wenzes🎉
YAY.
I only called after you manipulated me
INFJ. The last of the list is Judging. The irony of judgmental people feeling bad about being judged cannot be overstated.
100%
so true
You cannot fix stupid nor can you outsmart it.
Why would be so foolish as to expect people around them?To have the same level of understanding
Yes while we are researching how to understand stupid the stupid keep getting dumber. I give exceptions for some people. But in general I've noticed stupid people tend to kind of act smart but then there is not alot of depth. I actually repeat the ones who are straight up dumb at least they are honest.
Wait…y’all are having value?! Where can I get some of that? 😂😂 Laugh now, hate me in an hour. 🤔
Lol you already got the talent.
GO SAY THAD TO A NARCISSIST PERSON ‼️ 16:18
Well , see ? , I appreciate very much your videos , ...
🪔
Thank you!
Thank you ❤