Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
I've envied those who were able to argue with their parents and tell them what they really want. Because in my case, I was always taught and forced to be silent and follow what my dad wants. Sometimes, I would want to yell at them and let them know how much anger I keep inside.. it's actually really depressing and by that way, I would always bottle my feelings from everyone.
I had to explain to my dad that when we have discussions is for a healthy exchange of opinions and ideas, not to hold a grudge after that. I like these discussions because they help me to understand the whys of some things.
i feel and understand the urge to yell at them and argue. though with my dad, the reason i try and keep quiet is because i know it'll only make him act worse. he also calls my mom a bad mother if my brother or i do something that upsets him
@@kd0524 that's exactly what I thought too. I'm trying to loosen my anger bit by bit and have me understand that my parents probably had things harder than me.
My father is definitely the emotionally unavailable one. He feels as if his only job is to provide for his children and somehow not interacting or cultivating a relationship is enough. Me being a firstborn daughter I feel I take this even harder
I relate to you so much, I am a firstborn daughter, and idk why he always has something bad to say about me or my life. It's really tiring me out now, my grandma says that he says this out of love he just doesn't know how to show his emotions and my mother says don't worry I am always with you I will always protect you. I just miss my old loving dad who used to spend so much time with me. nowadays we don't even have proper conversations. I really don't know what to do I am trying really hard to be strong
hey, I have a similar experience to you :) recently i read a book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents” truly life changing, highly recommend!
YES! It's getting better but after being emotionally manipulated by my dad our relationship has not been the same. I love him dearly but I struggle daily to trust him.
I find this as a stricking coincidence how this video comes out the night after my father "gifted" to me a heartache induced mental breakdown.. Nearly every trait reminded me of him. Thank you for helping me truly realize the kind of man he is.
1.) 0:33 He's an absentee father 2.) 1:06 He's emotionally unavailable 3.) 1:38 He's overly controlling 4.) 2:14 There are unclear boundaries 5.) 2:46 There's a lack of open communication 6.) 3:11 There are unrealistic expectations/constant comparisons
1, 2, 3, and 5 apply to me and my dad. That's possibly the reason for my failed marriages and relationships. I became too independent to handle, I guess. I'm still trying to figure it out. I have forgiven him to give myself peace of mind. He probably had his own problems and didn't know any better. We're all products of our parents, so are our own parents products of their parents. Don't start blaming. Forgive and start healing. Spread love.
As a person who has a very healthy and close relationship with my father, I now realize that I completely take our relationship for granted. I always think “This is it” “This is how it is for everyone.” But I know this isn’t the case. I feel bad for people who had the situations mentioned in this video. I really hope everything worked out for anyone who had to deal with any toxic relationship. ♥️
I'm really happy for you but also jealous that I never got to experience how it feels to be in a healthy relationship with my dad... Never take any relationship for granted, especially your parents. Some of us wish we had what you think it's normal 😩
@@SuperBullet78 I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know what it’s like to have to deal with that but I’m sure it was hard. I hope everything is better for you now. 😔♥️ And I totally agree with you. Everyone, without knowing it, takes their parents or any relationship for granted sometimes. We just forget how much they do for us. But it’s so important to remind yourself. (Was that to corny?)
HAH! Be lucky you have a good dad because mine just spit in my moms face which provoked her to pull his hair and he still thinks he did nothing wrong... Be LUCKY you have a good dad...And I'm not speaking as a Dabi roleplayer... *I'm serious*
My daughter and I have a very close relationship. She's 8 and her mom has been out of the picture since my daughter was 3. My daughter knows she can come to me for anything and everything. I'm trying to let her learn to do things her own way without me standing over her shoulder, but she knows I'm always there if things go wrong. I'm trying my best to raise a strong, independent young lady who will be able to take care of herself and never depend on a man.
Without a doubt you are doing an amazing job with your daughter. I was raised by a single father, my mother was in and out of my life and abusive. My dad has been and will always be my best friend because of the effort he put into building our relationship from day one. I’m sure your daughter will thank you when she’s my age and calls you to tell you everything, just like I do with my dad 💕
I can relate to EACH AND every line.... Despite living in the same house... I don't remember when was the last time I spoke to my father... Funny isn't it 😅 I'm grateful that he provided me with the best education I can possibly get but the emotional gap, the lack of love and other things that my friends had with their fathers left a deep hole in my heart and now I have a flawed personality... I have a million insecurities...
Oh god i cant even explain how much i relate to this. I always feel guilty beacuse he had always supported me and my sibling financially in the best way but he just doesnt make an effort to build a bound with us. He always says he wants us to have a good life after he passes away but he doesnt try to create good memories with him.
I’m sad that I had unhealthy relationship with my dad, but I’m also happy that there’s a lot of good dads out there too. If you have a good dad, give him a hug and tell him you love him ❤️
Aww... I'm so sorry to hear that very unfortunate that you have to go through of those very hard difficult situations. And nobody else should have to go through that. And I had an experience by going completely no contact with my actual father at the age of 20 just because he would always trying to control me by making those types of decisions for me in a very unhealthy way. As well he does not value my emotional feelings or even my own opinions in a very healthy way. Like you know what I mean. And I am sending a lot hugs to you too my friend! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
@@chaleikaesterroseedwards3052 I had to cut contact with my old man too. It was hard, but it’s brought me a lot of peace. Thank you so much. Im sorry for what you went through as well. That’s so, so hard to do.I’m sending you a big hug back. You’ve been strong and I’m very proud of you 🤗 🤗🤗 🤗
NUMBER 6 for me! All I have to do is make one mistake them bam I’m in trouble with my dad. He always claims he’s not bad but his tone spirals otherwise. The youngest in my family gets away with everything because my dad always focuses on my minor mistakes and ignores the siblings major ones. I think my dad expects me to he perfect and never mess up and he NEVER thinks he’s wrong ugh. My dad can be challenging but I choose him over the horrible younger sibling any day.
This video was posted right when I was wondering if my feelings about my relationship with my dad were valid. I’m in my late 20’s and I don’t know if it’ll ever be “fixed.” High expectations and an absent father that can’t communicate well really did a number on me. Thank you for making this video.
Im right there with you.. I blocked my dad and have often questioned since if Im overreacting... This video has helped me a lot too... Your feelings are completely valid ... Hang in there
When I was 27, walking down the street, the realization hit me that the man I called my father would never love me. I collapsed in a heap and sat against a building shaking, sobbing, unseeing. But I got up stronger if sadder because I finally accepted that all my efforts for him were useless and that freed me to begin to live my life. I'm not fixed yet but my life is my own and I'm happier for it. You deserve your own version of success. All the best.
Welp, I started crying after watching the video and knowing that I am the way I am because of how I was raised. I'm trying to take responsibility of myself since I am an adult, but it's very hard to change.
How does those affect u as an adult. Im 17 and i have no relationship w my dad at all. Everyone around me has one. I feel lost, and crying about it doesnt help.
As someone with BPD growing up with a narcisstic father covers all points perfectly... Luckily, my parents are divorced for some years now and my wonderful mother has a caring partner now who treats me really good as well. But the scars my biological "father" left are deep and need years of therapy for me to have a happy life that is free from comparing myself to others and not feeling worth of anything. I wish everyone all the best who was or is still suffering from such a father. (Please don't mind any spelling mistakes, because english is not my mother tongue^^)
As a father (and a regular on this channel) I've basically watched this to prevent huge mistakes. Sometimes I've got struggles with emotional expressions - guess that's on part due to my Aspie tendencies, but I'm working on it. Thanks for all your very helpful content and all the best to you all, watchers and creators alike!
Thank you for educating yourself. For the longest time my own father was never willing to admit he's wrong, and even now he's still unwilling to change his mind. He just represses his feelings to little to no positive effect. But yeah, the capacity to understand is what drives change because with that comes empathy and the willingness to learn more
A father shouldnt feel like a stranger you share a roof with, a stranger that doesnt want anything to with you but demands that you follow his sick rules. I remember (when I was like 4-5 maybe) me and my sister would always try to get his attention by hiding the remote control thinking our father would laugh but in the end he would just get mad and beat us so bad. Even tho he kept doing it we though something would change thinking we were the problem. When I found out not every father was like that I was soooo happy and always loved hearing about other people's healthy relationships with their parents!
@@19powpow91 Hey! Sorry for the late reply. We still don't talk much, he's really judgemental of me and my sister and doesn't show any love or even respect. I'd say the only thing that has changed is the physical abuse that stopped now that we're older. But of course me and my sis gave up on trying to make him a better person so we're basically just strangers sharing the same roof! I wouldn't say I hate him, I know he's been through some stuff his whole life and my mom has told me a lot of stories from when he was young.. he was a really good person and I believe it's still there deep inside him, it's simply not my job to bring it back at this point. I'm thankful he's not abusive anymore tho, that made it a little bit easier! Sorry for the bad english, not my first language! Stay safe and I hope you have a nice day/night❤️
@@isabellalora6533 sure! His father passed away when he was 8 years old, he was left alone with his mom right after then (he had like 8 sisters and a brother but they all left them) and his mom had serious mental issues that were untreated due to poverty, so people say she passed away because of those issues. Sadly tho he was there with her when her illness took her life so he saw both his parents die, and they weren't the best either! They used to mentally and physically abuse him (even his sisters abused him) he then grew up basically working, couldn't go to high school because of it and at the age of eighteen he had to enroll in the army because there was a civil war in our country, although he doesn't say he hated the war I'm sure it couldn't have been nice. And that's what's been told to me about my father, he grew up in a remote county so he uses the old ways of doing stuff. Take care!
I never realized how unhealthy my relationship with my dad was until he passed away. I remember after I left my step mothers, how much more freedom I had as a 16 year old. The fact that I was able to go outside after school, was such a huge thing for me. Even being able to have my door closed all the way, was a big adjustment.
It’s truly incredible how having a poor relationship with your father can have life long effects. I hope anyone affected by this grows and heals from this 💜
Through this channel & a couple others... I'm getting to be more consistent with my boundaries. My father is narcissistic and gaslights. Hope you are well.
Growing up i did dance and i still do (im 12 yrs old), whenever i had concerts my dad would barely come, either he would be there for like 10 mins and then he would love to go home because he was bored. When i was younger my dad was my favorite person. He would come to my room and ask me who i love the most i would always say him and he would me. Growing up i started realizing who he loves more, it was obviously my older sister. He would talk with her more open that me, and i on the other side feel uncomfortable talking to him freely because i just dont know him. I dont know anything about him, what he does,likes anything like he was a stranger. I started watching your Channel and it made me realize how my dad acctualy is. I always thought my mum was the problem but i soon realized it was my dad with anger issues. I just wish to have a dad that doesnt have anger issues. I can never make him upset or mad because i fear what will happen next. Will he smash his phone again like he did once when he was fighting with my mum, will he leave us... I am watching this video crying for like 2 hours, i want the relationship i had with my dad back. Ever since my sister left for college this year he changed.. a lot. He started being distant towards me, would barely talk to me, listen to me, spend time with me like he did before. This might sound childish but oh well, my dad used to always say goodnight to me and that always made me happy. But now he barely does, now mostly i say it. He started being distant towards my mum asweel. He would always ask me if anythings wrong and would say how i can tell him everything. I did that once and never again. Instead of comforting me when i cried, he would say that im overreacting, its just a phase, and how i shouldnt take it to heart, because i overthink a lot but he thinks thats dumb. To all the people who struggle with abbusive dads, divorced parents, distant dads whatever exist i hope youre doing good and please be strong. Dont let them ruin your life❤
My dad is all of these, As a child my dad was never really around, I’d only see him everyone awhile. I remember when my first pet died, instead of comforting me and my sister he let my mom comfort us while he simply left to hangout with his friends, he didn’t check in on us once and went about his day like nothing happened. My dad also has extremely dumb rules; no cutting your hair, no going out with friends. There’s no clear reasoning either. My dad also doesn’t respect my personal boundaries either. I’m very private and he constantly pesters and pushes my boundaries. For example I was texting a friend and laughing, the casual stuff. Then he asked what it was about, I told him it was just something funny, then he proceeds to pester me for exact details, I got annoyed asked him why he needed to know he proceeding to get mad his excuse was, “Because I said so,” then he pretended to stand behind though he was obviously looking at my phone. My dad is also constantly comparing me and my sister to really smart people. Honestly it’s annoying, he’ll say things like; “See this girl has never missed school, why can’t you do that,” “See those girls are working out at your age, you should too,” etc. basically some passive aggressive degrading stuff. Another thing is that he’s extremely lazy, he constantly needs me to do stuff for him, I don’t mind at all but there some dumb things that I don’t need to do, if I’m upstairs he’ll tell me to grab him water while HES ON THE COACH! It’s only a few steps away and I’ll be upstairs in my room. I constantly am wondering if I’m being over dramatic. Maybe I’m being a stupid angsty teen. If anyone read this far thanks for listening.
Hello. This is my dad. Narcissistic, have no boundaries, belittling and takes advantage of me. Their responsibilities are "my responsibilities". Because I'm their little robot maid while they are the ones available and doesn't have any difficulties doing the work. Will start arguments out of stupid reasons and the violent narcissistic man always have the last say. He once said he wants to leave us but deep down my heart, I'll be celebrating when he's gone from this planet Earth. He does the bare minimum yet tries to make us feel like we owe him and acts as a perfect, religious man in front of others. But behind closed doors, I know he's the opposite of his fake character. My stepmom is also narcissistic and my grandpa is an enabler. I hate the fact that me and my siblings are so affected by all of this trash, even though we didn't do anything to trigger them most of the time.
My father falls in the category of 1, 2 and 6. He never attended any of my award ceremonies when I was in school. He called them "unnecessary" and "worthless". Though they were just prizes for the best poet recitation, essay writing and also places at math competitions, I put in a lot of effort in them and just wanted him to accept me but to this day he just ignores my accomplishments. The thing that annoys me the most is the fact that he wants me to excel at studies (I am an average student; 4th place in my class). But nothing seems to satisfy him. Now, I barely speak with him.
My dad died 2 years ago, and every single abusive father video, text, and testifies I see just confirms how an anazing father he was. He was present, respectful, supportive, and even our fights were in equal ground of us telling each other how we trully felt. My dad never raised a hand against me, or opened his mouth to bilittle me. Honestly I think he drserved a way better daughter than I was for him. He died in a very tragic way and losing him was heartbreaking for me and my mother. He is missed and always loved. My grandfather however, is the biggest fucking bastard I ever knew. A child abuser, molester, drunk violent prick. So I know not all fathers are good. Actually good fathers are rare, and I am grateful to have had one. To those coping with trauma of abusive fathers, my deepest condolences and wishes for recover. You all deserve better.
This sounds like my mother too 🤦🏾♀️ she was not as absentee as my father. My big sister was my motherly figure until I inherited that position. They robbed me of my carefree child hood. All is well. I am resilient, resourceful, and reassured that everything is always working out for me 🥰
I can relate to most of the points in this video... Even before watching this, I always knew i had a bad relationship with my father.. When i was a child, he was like my best friend, i loved him so much, but as i grow older we slowly started to go apart, i don't know what happened, he became stubborn, controlling and watching and i hated that... I started protesting and it made everything worse.. I could never imagine having an open conversation with him, but its ok with my mom... I hope je understands me as me one day rather than imposing his own concepts on me... I always fear his reaction for everything i do coz that's the kind of impression i have on him,and as a result, i could never openly talk and enjoy with him mostly, there is always tension and silence whenever i am around him and i don't feel comfy at all... I already accepted all this fact, he infact has to mangae his own things, but he usually never finds time to deal with me or family.. Btw thanks for this vid :)
Building up self-esteem and self-confidence has been a life-long journey for me. Through years of working on myself, I've recognized that my father was a wounded adult child who never dealt with his own issues. This taught me a very important lesson about relationships, which is to love yourself first before seeking out love from others, and work on your own issues before getting involved with anyone else.
0:33 Absentee Father 1:06 Emotionally Unavailable 1:39 Overly Controlling 2:15 Unclear Boundaries 2:47 Lack of open communication 3:12 Unrealistic expectations/constant comparisons Hope this helped yall, have a nice day/night ✨
I've never felt more understood in my life. I can finally justify how I feel towards my dad. I've always felt a bit guilty because everytime he was away it was for the air force, then a job that required him to travel, then he quit that job and went back to school which meant he was locked away in his room for years. All things for the good of the family or his career, but go figure he missed so much. What he was there for was when I got in trouble. In my favor "wait until your dad gets home" could have meant days, but I digress. I don't blame him for being gone, I never have, but I do blame him for coming back for good when I was in high-school and expecting me to treat him like I did when I was like 7. He didn't know who I had become in his absence, and he was a stranger to me and the more we lived together the more it became clear we were toxic to each other on so many levels. I just bring out the worst in him and he still can't figure out why I have trouble showing him affection, and he's the only person on this planet that can make me absolutely livid when all he's doing is breathing...or make me angry period. There are other reasons why I can't stand him but I'll put it like this, he's a good man, but to other people. Anyways that's enough venting in the comments section, thank you for being my therapist, I'll see you next week.
Agh, videos like this sometimes leave me feeling empty inside. Unrealistic expectations, no open communication, no boundaries, emotionally distant.... What a wild grab bag. I keep trying to see the best in my dad. He did stick up for me a decent amount, since a lot of the more turbulent parts of my childhood were because of my relationship with my step-mom, but his actions left an impact too. He wasn't my "savior" from my "wicked step-mom" - at the end of the day, he is the one who put me in that situation. Growing up, I would get yelled at for the stupidest things, mostly by my step-mom but sometimes he'd be in on it too... But I was never very good at talking back. And yet sometimes I would be yelled at for not answering questions and sometimes I would be yelled at /for/ answering questions. And every time I would inevitably start crying because I was being yelled at, I would get yelled at more for crying...
"he's emotionally unavailable"I related to that part of the video a lot....I feel jealous of many kids in my class.... it's been 2 years that I have barely gone out of my appartment except my school ....he never take us anywhere....he never talks to us....he always be in a room and just sees us while eating lunch or dinner...it's so funny coz even if i hear my frnds say that they got scolding from thier father for smth he expected have not been accomplished by them for example ...grades and stuff ....I'll always wonder coz my father don't even know if there is exam or not...i have heard him saying that.."I'm paying for ur education...paying for groceries and many household things...wat else do you expect from a father"...like...pain in my ass
I grew up with three of these things! My father was fully present in my life, but he was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Not to mention a huge dose of narcissism!
I'm very happy I can call my father "dad" or "father dearest", and I feel horrible for everyone who doesn't feel like they can. Make sure to take care of yourselves everyone! And be safe. It's a cruel world out there right now..
My dad(step-dad) has been in my life since I was 5. Over the years our relationship has gotten weird. His only goal from what he tells my mom is to have stability (financially) for the family. And I feel that because we don’t connect emotionally. It’s always a gamble with how he would act, whether it’s silent and distant, or being hype and open. For me, I don’t trust my dad with being sincere about our interactions because I remember the times when my mom would tell my dad to engage with me more (behind my back), and when he did, it always felt forced. Also knowing that he had to be told to engage with me, rather than genuinely wanting to made me feel like it’s something wrong with me. I’m 19 now, and I still feel this way. He definitely supports the family financially tho! Also he went through trauma with his most family (the same one that never support me), so that has a large part to play with him being emotionally unavailable.
5 out of 6 for my father. I disowned him a few years ago and have stood my ground ever since. Both of us have moved on despite still living together for financial reasons. It feels good to draw my line in the sand. I wish anyone else going through the same the best of luck and lots of happiness. I love the little fandom here ❤️.
My father is a Cover Narcissist and I relate to all of this. Sometimes, I'm happy watching and listening to this cos it feels like someone is comforting me that everything is not my fault. Growing up with a NPD father, I feel so suffocated and depressed. I'm now an adult but even then, I still feel alone and have a hard time forming relationship with others. I have trust issues as well.
#3 is a bit too real. My dad loves me, but because I had a lot if health issues growing up, he felt like he needed to protect me. Which is fine, except he never let me try things I wanted to do. I'm going off to college soon, and I think he's gonna be sad without me there all the time
I’m not specifically looking at this for myself, but rather for my sister. She’s had a strained relationship with my father ever since she was 12… She’s 18 now, and nothing has changed. I remember it started when my dad chased her up the stairs after she did something, which I can’t remember. Ever since they’ve had a super toxic relationship and sometimes it’s super hard to even go downstairs due to the harsh tones they use against each other. She’s about to move out soon, but I still want them to reconcile in some way, but I just don’t know how to help them.
Me and my dad were always emotionally distant, and he left when I was in second grade. He caused so much family drama and hurt me and my brother. He passed away about a month ago. I wished I would of had a father that was there for me. Despite all this, I still love him. Rest In Peace.
I’m not sure if this is an example of an unhealthy relationship between father and daughter but this is how my father acts towards me: He usually barges into my room with little to no reason other then to “jump on me” as in, he comes in and grabs me and either drags me out of bed or bounces me up and down on my bed He tends to throw stuff at me (whether soft or hard) - He once threw my cat at me, my cat had his claws out and he ended up scratching my hand really badly, my father just laughed and brushed it off without apologizing He gets too close for comfort, whether that’s getting into my bed and cuddling me, or tickling me in places I feel like he shouldn’t (inner thighs) When he thinks something I’m doing is wrong-or I’m putting something off because I mentally can’t handle doing it, he ends up yelling at me, which usually causes me to cry, then after a few minutes tries to make me feel better, but if I give him an ounce of sass in those moments he’s trying to “help” he just goes back to yelling at me There are more but its late and I don’t feel like typing them all out lol
that is a very clear breach of boundaries and is just straight up disrespectful. i would definitely reccomend talking to someone about this, if you're able or if you have someone.
When you are inside your room, just close the door and don't let anyone in. Just tell them that I am busy with school work/assignments etc etc. Hope this works!
@@englishapplications6323 it doesn't 😔 my dad was the same, didn't matter the reason he'd barge into my room whenever he wanted because I was under "his roof". It was even bitter because he let my brother put a lock on his door but when I tried he ripped it off. If they cross boundaries they don't respect the reasons you want to be alone, they just keep pushing - it sucks.
Thanks for the video, my dad passed away when I was 8. He taught me to have a lifelong learning attitude and love of the family and home. He was meek and gentle. Welcoming and humble. I love him and I look forward to seeing him again heaven. Thank God for dads, they are the rock of family. I 🙏🏼 for all forgiveness and mercies for those who are struggling to have healthy daughter and father relationship. May strength, courage and understanding be with you as you learn about yourself and your father relationships. 💟🛐✝️
Thank you so much for this. I just cooled down from a argument with my dad and i looked back through the years and noticed a lot of these signs. Your videos help a lot thank you
my dad doesn't trust me whatsoever, even though I'm a quote on quote, "good kid" (I'm in high school) When he's in a bad mood he makes sure everyone knows it, so even if the whole house including me is in a good mood then he just turns the household bitter. he snaps at my brother a lot who has add and anger issues, and gets mad at me to take out his anger on my brother, always apologizes later on but then goes right back into the same pattern. at school, I always act happy and carefree and I have a lot of good friends, but they never come over, I only go over to their houses because me being around my dad makes me feel sad and uncomfy. my friends don't know that part of my life with my dad. My dad def thinks that I am an ungrateful bitter person because I have stopped trying to be kind and nice to him, because he only responds back in a good way If he's in a good mood. it just seems like he has 2 different moods, 1 silly happy goofy, 1 angry. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, because I am a sensitive person, but me and him have grown apart over the years and nothing seems right in our relationship anymore. sometimes he makes me feel like im the bad person, when im just so done with him and I have no energy interacting with him anymore. I dont know if I believe him about me or not. I bet no one will see this but these are my feelings about my dad. sorry for it being so long xoxo Ella
I have a very unhealthy relationship with all of my parents (I have 3) and none of my family really likes each other we are just tolerating each other. Thank you for this vid
I was mostly raised by my grandparents. My father was a abstentee, I always wonder what is he like when I was living with my grandparents, but when I come to meet him, our relationship wasn’t really good, he was toxic.
I am a firstborn daughter, and idk why he always has something bad to say about me or my life. It's tiring me out now, my grandma says that he says this out of love he just doesn't know how to show his emotions and my mother says don't worry I am always with you I will always protect you. I just miss my old loving dad who used to spend so much time with me. nowadays we don't even have proper conversations. I don't know what to do I am trying hard to be strong. sometimes I think I should just harm myself to ignore all these comments and I sometimes ignore these and try to be strong so everyone thinks that I am not affected but it hurts sometimes, I can't pretend to be strong all the time. sometimes I wish I could turn back time when we weren't so rich and not the most a happy family but still, I was the happiest in that time, when I would go everywhere with my dad and have a lot of fun when the three of us would go to the park and enjoy ourselves.
I really love my father, he's the only one who has been there for me. Even when he went out of the city we constantly talked and he was the most supportive with all my problems and issues. This video just made me more grateful for him. Love you daddy!!
Well oh well...I relate to this too much, growing up my father wasn't always emotionally available for me. BRUH HE WASNT BESIDE MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS BORN, for almost a quater of my life my papa worked abroad whereas me and my mother tolerated the trashy paternal relatives. Whenever I used to cry he would just ignore my wails or mock my "cowardice" & at most times lower my self-esteem by expressing his disappointment over the fact that I was his daughter 💔 He still lacks open communication with me whenever I try to talk to him in order to know more about his personal life he would say his repeated lines-"those are NoStAlGiC mEmOrIeS they are of no use to you". We always get into heated discussions that end up ruining things even more!! He's just so unpredictable like at times he pampers me but in a minute he becomes dominating to me and controls me. I'm just 17, currently completely depended of him for everything, he has set such high expectations on me that I feel so bottleneck when he asks me questions about my college/career.
I'm honestly really confused about my relationship with my dad, interestingly enough I've actually been thinking about this issue for a while now. Not feeling as close as I feel like I'm supposed to be with him, makes me feel guilty and sad. Don't get me wrong, he's a kind man who's always ready to provide for his family, but most of the options pointed out in the video, and a few other relatively private problems, take me back from loving him.
i have an absent and emotionally unavailable father and it hurts me so so much . I have so many mental health issues and anxiety and depression all through my teen years and still going through it . i have mild panick attacks when i see my father drunk. But no one at my family knows i have have panick attacks and anxiety attacks. I know they would not understand and just brush it off. It really hurts me to know my father was always absent when i really needed one. I pray no one goes through or face this ever in their life . every daughter deserves a better father
I'm a dad, to a 17 year old girl. Question, what type of dad am I who calls on his kid to spend time with him just to get nothing, until it's her birthday? Answer please.
I could relate to everything here,Like...He says he loves me,But he doesn't understand my needs,He thinks providing me money is the definition of love when it's not Tysm for this video!
Me and my dads relationship had expectations (he didn’t compare me to anyone but still) lack of open communication, and controlling. I’m now 17 (almost 18) and he’s figured out what he did was bad, he’s fixing it even if it’s to late. I’m just happy that he is fixing it now, because I was genuinely thinking of cutting him out. Sorry if this is weird to comment this, but I just needed to know someone would hear me.
my dad is a genius photographer, but he don't care about the family.He work inside his room and come out just for meals.After working he will spend his time on gardening and he will go back to work again repeating the same routine everyday.We usually don't meet each other, it's like roomate. My mum said it's okay cuz that's what my dad's personality is. In my opinion, I think he does not really care about the family.He likes ignoring people too. How should I talk this problem with him? I feel hopeless with my dad lol
Thank you for this video. I’m divorced but with 50/50 custody. I’m so intent on being both physically and emotionally available to my now 13 yr old daughter AND giving her the space she needs. This video reminds me how important this is for her.
Y'all my mother, brothers and I have been actually afraid of being around my father since I can remember. I'm just realizing this right now and how my mom used to tell me " Don't let dad see you crying" when he came home
I have one just like this, I moved in with him a bit before I turned 13, I became depressed without realizing it, everyone used to judge me, which caused me to develop anxiety and on top of that I have ADHD. His ex moved out after my 14th birthday and I fell deeper in depression. Months after he takes their baby, whom I have to raise because he blames me for part of the reason she left. His father wasn't a good one and his mom was unavailable, which leaves him a bit mentally unstable. I don't have a mother, mine has been absent since I was born. Anyways, my father gets upset easily and keeps beating me for simple mistakes, but all he does to my brother is curse at him. He takes the advantage of me not having a mother to control me. It's a miracle seeing this video. Thank you.
I once had an unhealthy relationship with my dad due to lack of open communication from both sides . It continued for years. He loved me, my mom and sister to the core, but couldnt express it. He wouldnt talk to me for days when we had a fight. As I grew up, I started feeling envious on seeing father daughter bonds.. It continued until I started having panic attacks. Then, my dad stood up for me. After a few rounds of open communication with each other and understanding each others point of views, our relationship started getting better. A few sessions with my pshychologist, I understood that we had a toxic relationship back then. It had affected my mental health a lot. My father also understood that his approach of parenting was not entirely right all the time. But, since then, we are having a wonderful relationship. It affected me such that even after clearing all the chaos, at times, I feel anxiety and fear when I notice dad's change in expression or voice. I still fear it when mom and dad fights. It continues till now. Dad has improved a lot, and dosent behave tough anymore. Now, after clearing all the issues, I started feeling a lot better, and I am living a better and colourful life now. This is how parental behavious affect children at tender age. They are traumatized for life. They wouldnt even be able to see life as it is.. So, all the parents out there.. kindly see what kind of a parent you are to your child .
0:35 absentee father 1:07 emotionally unavailable 1:40 overly controlling 2:49 lack of open communication 3:13 unrealistic expectations/ constant comparisons
I needed a video like this I just had the deepest conversation about healing childhood trauma and how my whole life my dad has shown me all these traits I honestly think it’s just who he is but I want to talk to him and forgive him I think that’s what I need to do to heal.
An awesome video! I'd love if you guys could do an "Unhealthy Mother-Son" relationship, too. That one isn't always spoken about. I saw you did Mother-Daughter, do you plan to do any Mother-Son or Father-Son ones?
My father was constantly blaming me for the things he did for me (maybe one or two things) and constantly reminding me how grateful I should be to him, until the moment I said to myself so wait he is my father, he should do those things for me and more and not me for him...and he was never present in my life when I needed him the most, he never drove me to school, he never made any effort, he only knows how to talk about himself...and so many empty promises.So I decided to cut off communication with him, and now I’m much happier but no one will fill in the gaps he has dug.
For the first time, I saw something on internet which talks about this side of a father daughter relationship or else people are obsessed with how they're made for each other! I don't feel comfortable around how they make that relationship so beautiful on internet!
Being a dad of three girls. It's good to see something that could possibly help someone who has this struggle. I'm very passionate about being a father, my only fear is that the mother and I are going through a toxic divorce and the distance it may cause. My parents went through a divorce and my father was never around. Now that I'm older I found out it was my mother who prevented him to see us. I fear of this exact situation happening to me and my kids.
Yes unfortunately i live with a toxic father who’s demanding he always expects me to be perfect but i’m not at all perfect and the constant emotional abuse has lowered my self esteem
I actually have a very good relationship with my father but there is definitely some clashes sometimes but overall he is the best!! and I love my dad 💗💫
My dad has always been my rock. Though the time that was hardest is whenever he had to travel for work. It was tough but 80% of the time? He went above and beyond for me & my sisters.
My dad wasn’t exactly bad. I mean, he has some quirks about him, but my stepmom was mainly the toxic one. Being that I’m totally blind, they would take advantage of that by pulling cruel jokes on me. One time when we were leaving a store, she ran me into a poll as a “joke.” And there were times where I’d go to sit down in a chair, and my dad would pull the chair out from where I was about to sit in hopes that I’d fall on the floor. Another time he opened the closet door wide enough in hopes I’d run into it. They’d also sneak up quietly behind me while I was intensely focused on something and scare me. And if I ran into something, sometimes headfirst, they’d laugh about it. I would get mad for all these jokes, and they would give me the whole “it was a joke. Come on, take a joke and stop getting so mad” treatment.
Thanks for posting this video, it helped me realise that my relationship with my father isn't going great. He's usually out on business trips every month for like 2 weeks so I don't get time to talk to him and so makes me feel awkward when I actually HAVE to. He thinks I'm a mommy's girl amd maybe I am, and so called me an idiot once. It's most likely not going to improve in the future due to my personality of being shy, but I'll still keep hope :)
I often still think that I could be doing more in my life because me simply being an adult and working full time, still wasn’t enough for my dad to tell me he was proud of me.
My dad is…..ok. He is a really nice and funny guy, when he’s not yelling. Sadly, he’s almost always yelling. He always seems to be mad. I am currently a young teen girl, and I still live with him. I tend to hide in my room almost all day, not seeing him besides at dinner, as I am afraid he will yell at me. Also, he is very different from me, and wants to change that, but not by changing himself, but by changing me. He is a farmer who loves country music, and I am a girl who wishes to become an artist in some way, shape, or form, who loves hyperpop music. Whenever he’s driving the car, he will play country music, even though I hate it, and he knows this. I believe he’s trying to make me be more like him by forcing me to listen to the songs he likes until I like them, and hoping I’ll go from there. I know he’s given so much for me, but from the way he acts most of the time, it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to be a good dad at all.
Relate to the controlling one and without boundaries. I think I am a trophy for my father to show his greatness. It doesn't matter to him whether I am happy or not, what matters is am I providing him with success and achievements to boast about.
Thank you for this video. It's important for so many people. Points 2 to 6 were so overwhelming in my life, that I WISHED my father was never there in my life. But he was. Every single day, even when I had moved out to go to university, even when I had graduated, began my grad studies, found my job, he was in my head all the time, making all the decisions for me and keeping me small, humiliating me. I'm 37 now and my father died two years ago. It's hard and sad to have to say it like this, but the day he died was the first day of my own life, also my mom's and brother's own lives. I wish I could be sad that he is dead. But I just can't.
My parents divorced when I was 3. The crazy part about this is, a maternal family relative said to me growing up “at least you have your father; some people never one,” and from that day on, I never surrounded myself around her. I was mad! Like I get it but he was not there physically, when I needed him most; he was more into his other priorities, in which one he kicked and has now been 30+ years clean.
Are there videos that you would like us to cover next?
Among us
The five stages of grief
@@MrRoboto2000 thats actually a good one
Signs of unhealthy/healthy relationships with your parents after divorce.
How to not be codependent/ How to be independent mentally
How to not play the victim card
Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
I've envied those who were able to argue with their parents and tell them what they really want. Because in my case, I was always taught and forced to be silent and follow what my dad wants. Sometimes, I would want to yell at them and let them know how much anger I keep inside.. it's actually really depressing and by that way, I would always bottle my feelings from everyone.
I had to explain to my dad that when we have discussions is for a healthy exchange of opinions and ideas, not to hold a grudge after that. I like these discussions because they help me to understand the whys of some things.
i feel and understand the urge to yell at them and argue. though with my dad, the reason i try and keep quiet is because i know it'll only make him act worse. he also calls my mom a bad mother if my brother or i do something that upsets him
@@kd0524 that's exactly what I thought too. I'm trying to loosen my anger bit by bit and have me understand that my parents probably had things harder than me.
@@CrisOnTheInternet good for you! I've wanted to have healthy talks with my parents about my life but, it seems I still have a long way to go.
"Children are meant to be seen, not heard."
My father is definitely the emotionally unavailable one. He feels as if his only job is to provide for his children and somehow not interacting or cultivating a relationship is enough. Me being a firstborn daughter I feel I take this even harder
I relate to you so much, I am a firstborn daughter, and idk why he always has something bad to say about me or my life. It's really tiring me out now, my grandma says that he says this out of love he just doesn't know how to show his emotions and my mother says don't worry I am always with you I will always protect you. I just miss my old loving dad who used to spend so much time with me. nowadays we don't even have proper conversations. I really don't know what to do I am trying really hard to be strong
hey, I have a similar experience to you :) recently i read a book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents” truly life changing, highly recommend!
Same as mine
" Trust takes years to build, seconds to breaks and forever to repair"
That's an amazing quote right there 🥰
YES! It's getting better but after being emotionally manipulated by my dad our relationship has not been the same. I love him dearly but I struggle daily to trust him.
Dang ppl just trying to spread good vibes and advice and people are in the reply section rejecting the advice. I guess ppl like to stay ignorant.😞😞😞😞
@@AngelCake4433 ikr
@Tsv Yurri how is the bot bad if it is giving advice? I know bots are annoying most of the time but this one isn't cuz it is giving advice.
@@AngelCake4433 the comment was probably copied by someone
I find this as a stricking coincidence how this video comes out the night after my father "gifted" to me a heartache induced mental breakdown.. Nearly every trait reminded me of him. Thank you for helping me truly realize the kind of man he is.
Same, let's talk if you want....
@@AquaBubbles22 I also need someone to talk out can you give me your email?
@@letrical2923 i can give you mine if you need it
@@brixgoinginsane7220 yes please give me yours
@@letrical2923 did you get it?
1.) 0:33 He's an absentee father
2.) 1:06 He's emotionally unavailable
3.) 1:38 He's overly controlling
4.) 2:14 There are unclear boundaries
5.) 2:46 There's a lack of open communication
6.) 3:11 There are unrealistic expectations/constant comparisons
6/6 🙃🙃
damn, my dad is 3/6 with me... but with my brother he's all of them :/
Only 2, 3, and 5 apply to my dad. Guess that's not bad.
1, 2, 3, and 5 apply to me and my dad. That's possibly the reason for my failed marriages and relationships. I became too independent to handle, I guess. I'm still trying to figure it out. I have forgiven him to give myself peace of mind. He probably had his own problems and didn't know any better. We're all products of our parents, so are our own parents products of their parents. Don't start blaming. Forgive and start healing. Spread love.
1,2&5 for me… he’s literally non existent 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ lately 6 too as being constantly brainwash by narc mom… 🙈🙉🙊
As a person who has a very healthy and close relationship with my father, I now realize that I completely take our relationship for granted.
I always think “This is it” “This is how it is for everyone.” But I know this isn’t the case.
I feel bad for people who had the situations mentioned in this video.
I really hope everything worked out for anyone who had to deal with any toxic relationship.
♥️
I'm really happy for you but also jealous that I never got to experience how it feels to be in a healthy relationship with my dad... Never take any relationship for granted, especially your parents. Some of us wish we had what you think it's normal 😩
@@SuperBullet78 me too, jealous but happy for those that had good parental relationships
@@SuperBullet78 I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know what it’s like to have to deal with that but I’m sure it was hard. I hope everything is better for you now. 😔♥️
And I totally agree with you. Everyone, without knowing it, takes their parents or any relationship for granted sometimes.
We just forget how much they do for us.
But it’s so important to remind yourself.
(Was that to corny?)
HAH! Be lucky you have a good dad because mine just spit in my moms face which provoked her to pull his hair and he still thinks he did nothing wrong... Be LUCKY you have a good dad...And I'm not speaking as a Dabi roleplayer... *I'm serious*
Man, my dad decided to dip when I was a year old
My daughter and I have a very close relationship. She's 8 and her mom has been out of the picture since my daughter was 3. My daughter knows she can come to me for anything and everything. I'm trying to let her learn to do things her own way without me standing over her shoulder, but she knows I'm always there if things go wrong. I'm trying my best to raise a strong, independent young lady who will be able to take care of herself and never depend on a man.
You sound like an amazing father thank you for trying your best ♥️
aw man wish i had a dad like you... I'm sure your daughters will turn out amazing ❤️
I'm soo proud of you 😭✨
Without a doubt you are doing an amazing job with your daughter. I was raised by a single father, my mother was in and out of my life and abusive. My dad has been and will always be my best friend because of the effort he put into building our relationship from day one. I’m sure your daughter will thank you when she’s my age and calls you to tell you everything, just like I do with my dad 💕
You're a Good man Steven and dad
I can relate to EACH AND every line.... Despite living in the same house... I don't remember when was the last time I spoke to my father... Funny isn't it 😅
I'm grateful that he provided me with the best education I can possibly get but the emotional gap, the lack of love and other things that my friends had with their fathers left a deep hole in my heart and now I have a flawed personality...
I have a million insecurities...
Find happiness within yourself. 💓
@@Just1Independent1 how?
@@satrch6952 I recommend watching YT videos and/or reading books on how. 💞🙏🏾
Oh god i cant even explain how much i relate to this. I always feel guilty beacuse he had always supported me and my sibling financially in the best way but he just doesnt make an effort to build a bound with us. He always says he wants us to have a good life after he passes away but he doesnt try to create good memories with him.
@@idillidil6503 Can totally relate
I’m sad that I had unhealthy relationship with my dad, but I’m also happy that there’s a lot of good dads out there too. If you have a good dad, give him a hug and tell him you love him ❤️
Aww... I'm so sorry to hear that very unfortunate that you have to go through of those very hard difficult situations. And nobody else should have to go through that. And I had an experience by going completely no contact with my actual father at the age of 20 just because he would always trying to control me by making those types of decisions for me in a very unhealthy way. As well he does not value my emotional feelings or even my own opinions in a very healthy way. Like you know what I mean. And I am sending a lot hugs to you too my friend! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
@@chaleikaesterroseedwards3052 I had to cut contact with my old man too. It was hard, but it’s brought me a lot of peace. Thank you so much. Im sorry for what you went through as well. That’s so, so hard to do.I’m sending you a big hug back. You’ve been strong and I’m very proud of you 🤗 🤗🤗 🤗
Me too.. it’s sadly but make me peaceful.
As a person with a unhealthy father and daughter relationship tysm for this video
It’s good to notice these things. I’m glad for you ✨
I can TOTALLY relate...
Mines my mom who I don't have much of a relationship with unfortunately
same
NUMBER 6 for me! All I have to do is make one mistake them bam I’m in trouble with my dad. He always claims he’s not bad but his tone spirals otherwise. The youngest in my family gets away with everything because my dad always focuses on my minor mistakes and ignores the siblings major ones. I think my dad expects me to he perfect and never mess up and he NEVER thinks he’s wrong ugh. My dad can be challenging but I choose him over the horrible younger sibling any day.
This video was posted right when I was wondering if my feelings about my relationship with my dad were valid. I’m in my late 20’s and I don’t know if it’ll ever be “fixed.” High expectations and an absent father that can’t communicate well really did a number on me. Thank you for making this video.
Im right there with you.. I blocked my dad and have often questioned since if Im overreacting... This video has helped me a lot too... Your feelings are completely valid ... Hang in there
When I was 27, walking down the street, the realization hit me that the man I called my father would never love me. I collapsed in a heap and sat against a building shaking, sobbing, unseeing. But I got up stronger if sadder because I finally accepted that all my efforts for him were useless and that freed me to begin to live my life. I'm not fixed yet but my life is my own and I'm happier for it. You deserve your own version of success. All the best.
Welp, I started crying after watching the video and knowing that I am the way I am because of how I was raised. I'm trying to take responsibility of myself since I am an adult, but it's very hard to change.
I feel that dude. As much as they're part of the problem the heartbreaking part is only you can fix it for you. Tough times.
How does those affect u as an adult. Im 17 and i have no relationship w my dad at all. Everyone around me has one. I feel lost, and crying about it doesnt help.
As someone with BPD growing up with a narcisstic father covers all points perfectly... Luckily, my parents are divorced for some years now and my wonderful mother has a caring partner now who treats me really good as well. But the scars my biological "father" left are deep and need years of therapy for me to have a happy life that is free from comparing myself to others and not feeling worth of anything.
I wish everyone all the best who was or is still suffering from such a father.
(Please don't mind any spelling mistakes, because english is not my mother tongue^^)
As a father (and a regular on this channel) I've basically watched this to prevent huge mistakes.
Sometimes I've got struggles with emotional expressions - guess that's on part due to my Aspie tendencies, but I'm working on it.
Thanks for all your very helpful content and all the best to you all, watchers and creators alike!
Thank you for educating yourself. For the longest time my own father was never willing to admit he's wrong, and even now he's still unwilling to change his mind. He just represses his feelings to little to no positive effect. But yeah, the capacity to understand is what drives change because with that comes empathy and the willingness to learn more
I wish my dad was like u , he dosent even try
Thank you so much for caring enough to learn & educate yourself on how to be a good a parent for your kids. Bless you, and the health of your family ♡
A father shouldnt feel like a stranger you share a roof with, a stranger that doesnt want anything to with you but demands that you follow his sick rules. I remember (when I was like 4-5 maybe) me and my sister would always try to get his attention by hiding the remote control thinking our father would laugh but in the end he would just get mad and beat us so bad. Even tho he kept doing it we though something would change thinking we were the problem. When I found out not every father was like that I was soooo happy and always loved hearing about other people's healthy relationships with their parents!
How is your relationship with your father now? Do you guys speak and has he apologized for his ways?
@@19powpow91 Hey! Sorry for the late reply. We still don't talk much, he's really judgemental of me and my sister and doesn't show any love or even respect. I'd say the only thing that has changed is the physical abuse that stopped now that we're older. But of course me and my sis gave up on trying to make him a better person so we're basically just strangers sharing the same roof! I wouldn't say I hate him, I know he's been through some stuff his whole life and my mom has told me a lot of stories from when he was young.. he was a really good person and I believe it's still there deep inside him, it's simply not my job to bring it back at this point. I'm thankful he's not abusive anymore tho, that made it a little bit easier! Sorry for the bad english, not my first language! Stay safe and I hope you have a nice day/night❤️
@@hanabiyasuraoka474 how was his childhood if you don’t mind me asking? 😔
@@isabellalora6533 sure! His father passed away when he was 8 years old, he was left alone with his mom right after then (he had like 8 sisters and a brother but they all left them) and his mom had serious mental issues that were untreated due to poverty, so people say she passed away because of those issues. Sadly tho he was there with her when her illness took her life so he saw both his parents die, and they weren't the best either! They used to mentally and physically abuse him (even his sisters abused him) he then grew up basically working, couldn't go to high school because of it and at the age of eighteen he had to enroll in the army because there was a civil war in our country, although he doesn't say he hated the war I'm sure it couldn't have been nice. And that's what's been told to me about my father, he grew up in a remote county so he uses the old ways of doing stuff. Take care!
Trust takes years to build, seconds to breaks and forever to repair
I never realized how unhealthy my relationship with my dad was until he passed away. I remember after I left my step mothers, how much more freedom I had as a 16 year old. The fact that I was able to go outside after school, was such a huge thing for me. Even being able to have my door closed all the way, was a big adjustment.
I don't even want things to be fixed anymore, i just want to move out and live away from them and start healing myself.
It’s truly incredible how having a poor relationship with your father can have life long effects. I hope anyone affected by this grows and heals from this 💜
Thanks
Through this channel & a couple others... I'm getting to be more consistent with my boundaries. My father is narcissistic and gaslights. Hope you are well.
Growing up i did dance and i still do (im 12 yrs old), whenever i had concerts my dad would barely come, either he would be there for like 10 mins and then he would love to go home because he was bored. When i was younger my dad was my favorite person. He would come to my room and ask me who i love the most i would always say him and he would me. Growing up i started realizing who he loves more, it was obviously my older sister. He would talk with her more open that me, and i on the other side feel uncomfortable talking to him freely because i just dont know him. I dont know anything about him, what he does,likes anything like he was a stranger. I started watching your Channel and it made me realize how my dad acctualy is. I always thought my mum was the problem but i soon realized it was my dad with anger issues. I just wish to have a dad that doesnt have anger issues. I can never make him upset or mad because i fear what will happen next. Will he smash his phone again like he did once when he was fighting with my mum, will he leave us... I am watching this video crying for like 2 hours, i want the relationship i had with my dad back. Ever since my sister left for college this year he changed.. a lot. He started being distant towards me, would barely talk to me, listen to me, spend time with me like he did before. This might sound childish but oh well, my dad used to always say goodnight to me and that always made me happy. But now he barely does, now mostly i say it. He started being distant towards my mum asweel. He would always ask me if anythings wrong and would say how i can tell him everything. I did that once and never again. Instead of comforting me when i cried, he would say that im overreacting, its just a phase, and how i shouldnt take it to heart, because i overthink a lot but he thinks thats dumb. To all the people who struggle with abbusive dads, divorced parents, distant dads whatever exist i hope youre doing good and please be strong. Dont let them ruin your life❤
My dad is all of these,
As a child my dad was never really around, I’d only see him everyone awhile. I remember when my first pet died, instead of comforting me and my sister he let my mom comfort us while he simply left to hangout with his friends, he didn’t check in on us once and went about his day like nothing happened. My dad also has extremely dumb rules; no cutting your hair, no going out with friends. There’s no clear reasoning either. My dad also doesn’t respect my personal boundaries either. I’m very private and he constantly pesters and pushes my boundaries. For example I was texting a friend and laughing, the casual stuff. Then he asked what it was about, I told him it was just something funny, then he proceeds to pester me for exact details, I got annoyed asked him why he needed to know he proceeding to get mad his excuse was, “Because I said so,” then he pretended to stand behind though he was obviously looking at my phone. My dad is also constantly comparing me and my sister to really smart people. Honestly it’s annoying, he’ll say things like; “See this girl has never missed school, why can’t you do that,” “See those girls are working out at your age, you should too,” etc. basically some passive aggressive degrading stuff. Another thing is that he’s extremely lazy, he constantly needs me to do stuff for him, I don’t mind at all but there some dumb things that I don’t need to do, if I’m upstairs he’ll tell me to grab him water while HES ON THE COACH! It’s only a few steps away and I’ll be upstairs in my room. I constantly am wondering if I’m being over dramatic. Maybe I’m being a stupid angsty teen.
If anyone read this far thanks for listening.
yikes..he is a true narcissist! stay far away from that toxic guy!
I relate to the taking stuff for him thing. My dad doesn't let me have a phone in the first place.
But holy, that's toxic
So relatable. Also in not allowed to have my own money and they must know ALL of my passwords to everything.
Same here
Hello. This is my dad. Narcissistic, have no boundaries, belittling and takes advantage of me. Their responsibilities are "my responsibilities". Because I'm their little robot maid while they are the ones available and doesn't have any difficulties doing the work. Will start arguments out of stupid reasons and the violent narcissistic man always have the last say. He once said he wants to leave us but deep down my heart, I'll be celebrating when he's gone from this planet Earth. He does the bare minimum yet tries to make us feel like we owe him and acts as a perfect, religious man in front of others. But behind closed doors, I know he's the opposite of his fake character. My stepmom is also narcissistic and my grandpa is an enabler. I hate the fact that me and my siblings are so affected by all of this trash, even though we didn't do anything to trigger them most of the time.
story of my life. its take me more than 40 years to understand that i had toxic parents and nothing wrong with me
thank you
My father falls in the category of 1, 2 and 6. He never attended any of my award ceremonies when I was in school. He called them "unnecessary" and "worthless". Though they were just prizes for the best poet recitation, essay writing and also places at math competitions, I put in a lot of effort in them and just wanted him to accept me but to this day he just ignores my accomplishments. The thing that annoys me the most is the fact that he wants me to excel at studies (I am an average student; 4th place in my class). But nothing seems to satisfy him. Now, I barely speak with him.
My dad died 2 years ago, and every single abusive father video, text, and testifies I see just confirms how an anazing father he was. He was present, respectful, supportive, and even our fights were in equal ground of us telling each other how we trully felt. My dad never raised a hand against me, or opened his mouth to bilittle me. Honestly I think he drserved a way better daughter than I was for him. He died in a very tragic way and losing him was heartbreaking for me and my mother. He is missed and always loved.
My grandfather however, is the biggest fucking bastard I ever knew. A child abuser, molester, drunk violent prick. So I know not all fathers are good. Actually good fathers are rare, and I am grateful to have had one. To those coping with trauma of abusive fathers, my deepest condolences and wishes for recover. You all deserve better.
I don’t know how I will cope when my dad dies. The day I lose him will be the worse day of my life.
I guess one of the main reasons he was the best father is cuz he didn't want you to suffer what he himself had. He is always there watching you dear
This sounds like my mother too 🤦🏾♀️ she was not as absentee as my father. My big sister was my motherly figure until I inherited that position. They robbed me of my carefree child hood. All is well. I am resilient, resourceful, and reassured that everything is always working out for me 🥰
I can relate to most of the points in this video... Even before watching this, I always knew i had a bad relationship with my father.. When i was a child, he was like my best friend, i loved him so much, but as i grow older we slowly started to go apart, i don't know what happened, he became stubborn, controlling and watching and i hated that... I started protesting and it made everything worse.. I could never imagine having an open conversation with him, but its ok with my mom... I hope je understands me as me one day rather than imposing his own concepts on me... I always fear his reaction for everything i do coz that's the kind of impression i have on him,and as a result, i could never openly talk and enjoy with him mostly, there is always tension and silence whenever i am around him and i don't feel comfy at all... I already accepted all this fact, he infact has to mangae his own things, but he usually never finds time to deal with me or family.. Btw thanks for this vid :)
Building up self-esteem and self-confidence has been a life-long journey for me. Through years of working on myself, I've recognized that my father was a wounded adult child who never dealt with his own issues. This taught me a very important lesson about relationships, which is to love yourself first before seeking out love from others, and work on your own issues before getting involved with anyone else.
0:33 Absentee Father
1:06 Emotionally Unavailable
1:39 Overly Controlling
2:15 Unclear Boundaries
2:47 Lack of open communication
3:12 Unrealistic expectations/constant comparisons
Hope this helped yall, have a nice day/night ✨
I've never felt more understood in my life. I can finally justify how I feel towards my dad. I've always felt a bit guilty because everytime he was away it was for the air force, then a job that required him to travel, then he quit that job and went back to school which meant he was locked away in his room for years. All things for the good of the family or his career, but go figure he missed so much. What he was there for was when I got in trouble. In my favor "wait until your dad gets home" could have meant days, but I digress. I don't blame him for being gone, I never have, but I do blame him for coming back for good when I was in high-school and expecting me to treat him like I did when I was like 7. He didn't know who I had become in his absence, and he was a stranger to me and the more we lived together the more it became clear we were toxic to each other on so many levels. I just bring out the worst in him and he still can't figure out why I have trouble showing him affection, and he's the only person on this planet that can make me absolutely livid when all he's doing is breathing...or make me angry period. There are other reasons why I can't stand him but I'll put it like this, he's a good man, but to other people. Anyways that's enough venting in the comments section, thank you for being my therapist, I'll see you next week.
Agh, videos like this sometimes leave me feeling empty inside. Unrealistic expectations, no open communication, no boundaries, emotionally distant.... What a wild grab bag. I keep trying to see the best in my dad. He did stick up for me a decent amount, since a lot of the more turbulent parts of my childhood were because of my relationship with my step-mom, but his actions left an impact too. He wasn't my "savior" from my "wicked step-mom" - at the end of the day, he is the one who put me in that situation.
Growing up, I would get yelled at for the stupidest things, mostly by my step-mom but sometimes he'd be in on it too... But I was never very good at talking back. And yet sometimes I would be yelled at for not answering questions and sometimes I would be yelled at /for/ answering questions. And every time I would inevitably start crying because I was being yelled at, I would get yelled at more for crying...
"he's emotionally unavailable"I related to that part of the video a lot....I feel jealous of many kids in my class.... it's been 2 years that I have barely gone out of my appartment except my school ....he never take us anywhere....he never talks to us....he always be in a room and just sees us while eating lunch or dinner...it's so funny coz even if i hear my frnds say that they got scolding from thier father for smth he expected have not been accomplished by them for example ...grades and stuff ....I'll always wonder coz my father don't even know if there is exam or not...i have heard him saying that.."I'm paying for ur education...paying for groceries and many household things...wat else do you expect from a father"...like...pain in my ass
I grew up with three of these things! My father was fully present in my life, but he was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Not to mention a huge dose of narcissism!
I'm very happy I can call my father "dad" or "father dearest", and I feel horrible for everyone who doesn't feel like they can.
Make sure to take care of yourselves everyone! And be safe. It's a cruel world out there right now..
My dad(step-dad) has been in my life since I was 5. Over the years our relationship has gotten weird. His only goal from what he tells my mom is to have stability (financially) for the family. And I feel that because we don’t connect emotionally. It’s always a gamble with how he would act, whether it’s silent and distant, or being hype and open.
For me, I don’t trust my dad with being sincere about our interactions because I remember the times when my mom would tell my dad to engage with me more (behind my back), and when he did, it always felt forced. Also knowing that he had to be told to engage with me, rather than genuinely wanting to made me feel like it’s something wrong with me.
I’m 19 now, and I still feel this way. He definitely supports the family financially tho! Also he went through trauma with his most family (the same one that never support me), so that has a large part to play with him being emotionally unavailable.
5 out of 6 for my father. I disowned him a few years ago and have stood my ground ever since. Both of us have moved on despite still living together for financial reasons. It feels good to draw my line in the sand. I wish anyone else going through the same the best of luck and lots of happiness. I love the little fandom here ❤️.
Ah, sadly my father gets mad at me pretty easily. i could ask for help for something and he will get super mad. I usually ask my grandma.
My father is a Cover Narcissist and I relate to all of this. Sometimes, I'm happy watching and listening to this cos it feels like someone is comforting me that everything is not my fault. Growing up with a NPD father, I feel so suffocated and depressed. I'm now an adult but even then, I still feel alone and have a hard time forming relationship with others. I have trust issues as well.
The fact that there is a video about toxic relationships right below this one-
#3 is a bit too real. My dad loves me, but because I had a lot if health issues growing up, he felt like he needed to protect me. Which is fine, except he never let me try things I wanted to do. I'm going off to college soon, and I think he's gonna be sad without me there all the time
I’m not specifically looking at this for myself, but rather for my sister. She’s had a strained relationship with my father ever since she was 12… She’s 18 now, and nothing has changed. I remember it started when my dad chased her up the stairs after she did something, which I can’t remember. Ever since they’ve had a super toxic relationship and sometimes it’s super hard to even go downstairs due to the harsh tones they use against each other. She’s about to move out soon, but I still want them to reconcile in some way, but I just don’t know how to help them.
You're such a sweet sister.
Me and my dad were always emotionally distant, and he left when I was in second grade. He caused so much family drama and hurt me and my brother. He passed away about a month ago. I wished I would of had a father that was there for me. Despite all this, I still love him. Rest In Peace.
I’m not sure if this is an example of an unhealthy relationship between father and daughter but this is how my father acts towards me:
He usually barges into my room with little to no reason other then to “jump on me” as in, he comes in and grabs me and either drags me out of bed or bounces me up and down on my bed
He tends to throw stuff at me (whether soft or hard) - He once threw my cat at me, my cat had his claws out and he ended up scratching my hand really badly, my father just laughed and brushed it off without apologizing
He gets too close for comfort, whether that’s getting into my bed and cuddling me, or tickling me in places I feel like he shouldn’t (inner thighs)
When he thinks something I’m doing is wrong-or I’m putting something off because I mentally can’t handle doing it, he ends up yelling at me, which usually causes me to cry, then after a few minutes tries to make me feel better, but if I give him an ounce of sass in those moments he’s trying to “help” he just goes back to yelling at me
There are more but its late and I don’t feel like typing them all out lol
I think… boundaries are being pushed in ways they really, really should not. Especially the tickling thing.
uhh this isn't just unhealthy it sounds like straight up abuse...
but same.
that is a very clear breach of boundaries and is just straight up disrespectful. i would definitely reccomend talking to someone about this, if you're able or if you have someone.
When you are inside your room, just close the door and don't let anyone in.
Just tell them that I am busy with school work/assignments etc etc. Hope this works!
@@englishapplications6323 it doesn't 😔 my dad was the same, didn't matter the reason he'd barge into my room whenever he wanted because I was under "his roof". It was even bitter because he let my brother put a lock on his door but when I tried he ripped it off. If they cross boundaries they don't respect the reasons you want to be alone, they just keep pushing - it sucks.
I feel like my father said to himself "Catch them all", i mean, every single one of these is very relatable...
Thanks for the video, my dad passed away when I was 8. He taught me to have a lifelong learning attitude and love of the family and home. He was meek and gentle. Welcoming and humble. I love him and I look forward to seeing him again heaven. Thank God for dads, they are the rock of family. I 🙏🏼 for all forgiveness and mercies for those who are struggling to have healthy daughter and father relationship. May strength, courage and understanding be with you as you learn about yourself and your father relationships. 💟🛐✝️
Thank you so much for this. I just cooled down from a argument with my dad and i looked back through the years and noticed a lot of these signs. Your videos help a lot thank you
Oh my God. I can't believe someone just mentioned everything that made me feel so alone coz I thought no one else went through it.💔
my dad doesn't trust me whatsoever, even though I'm a quote on quote, "good kid" (I'm in high school) When he's in a bad mood he makes sure everyone knows it, so even if the whole house including me is in a good mood then he just turns the household bitter. he snaps at my brother a lot who has add and anger issues, and gets mad at me to take out his anger on my brother, always apologizes later on but then goes right back into the same pattern. at school, I always act happy and carefree and I have a lot of good friends, but they never come over, I only go over to their houses because me being around my dad makes me feel sad and uncomfy. my friends don't know that part of my life with my dad. My dad def thinks that I am an ungrateful bitter person because I have stopped trying to be kind and nice to him, because he only responds back in a good way If he's in a good mood. it just seems like he has 2 different moods, 1 silly happy goofy, 1 angry. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, because I am a sensitive person, but me and him have grown apart over the years and nothing seems right in our relationship anymore. sometimes he makes me feel like im the bad person, when im just so done with him and I have no energy interacting with him anymore. I dont know if I believe him about me or not. I bet no one will see this but these are my feelings about my dad. sorry for it being so long xoxo Ella
That sounds like my dad too
@@Brease-j8g 😞sorry about that
This is why I’m glad I subbed to you, it actually shows me why I’m so messed up
I have a very unhealthy relationship with all of my parents (I have 3) and none of my family really likes each other we are just tolerating each other. Thank you for this vid
I've had a good father relationship other then my rebelle phase, but I just want to say this was a amazing video!
Rebel*
This video made me cry because it makes me realize my relationship with my dad has always been toxic, and most likely always will be.
I was mostly raised by my grandparents. My father was a abstentee, I always wonder what is he like when I was living with my grandparents, but when I come to meet him, our relationship wasn’t really good, he was toxic.
I am a firstborn daughter, and idk why he always has something bad to say about me or my life. It's tiring me out now, my grandma says that he says this out of love he just doesn't know how to show his emotions and my mother says don't worry I am always with you I will always protect you. I just miss my old loving dad who used to spend so much time with me. nowadays we don't even have proper conversations. I don't know what to do I am trying hard to be strong. sometimes I think I should just harm myself to ignore all these comments and I sometimes ignore these and try to be strong so everyone thinks that I am not affected but it hurts sometimes, I can't pretend to be strong all the time. sometimes I wish I could turn back time when we weren't so rich and not the most a happy family but still, I was the happiest in that time, when I would go everywhere with my dad and have a lot of fun when the three of us would go to the park and enjoy ourselves.
I really love my father, he's the only one who has been there for me. Even when he went out of the city we constantly talked and he was the most supportive with all my problems and issues.
This video just made me more grateful for him.
Love you daddy!!
Well oh well...I relate to this too much, growing up my father wasn't always emotionally available for me. BRUH HE WASNT BESIDE MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS BORN, for almost a quater of my life my papa worked abroad whereas me and my mother tolerated the trashy paternal relatives. Whenever I used to cry he would just ignore my wails or mock my "cowardice" & at most times lower my self-esteem by expressing his disappointment over the fact that I was his daughter 💔 He still lacks open communication with me whenever I try to talk to him in order to know more about his personal life he would say his repeated lines-"those are NoStAlGiC mEmOrIeS they are of no use to you". We always get into heated discussions that end up ruining things even more!! He's just so unpredictable like at times he pampers me but in a minute he becomes dominating to me and controls me. I'm just 17, currently completely depended of him for everything, he has set such high expectations on me that I feel so bottleneck when he asks me questions about my college/career.
I'm honestly really confused about my relationship with my dad, interestingly enough I've actually been thinking about this issue for a while now.
Not feeling as close as I feel like I'm supposed to be with him, makes me feel guilty and sad.
Don't get me wrong, he's a kind man who's always ready to provide for his family, but most of the options pointed out in the video, and a few other relatively private problems, take me back from loving him.
Aw
i have an absent and emotionally unavailable father and it hurts me so so much . I have so many mental health issues and anxiety and depression all through my teen years and still going through it . i have mild panick attacks when i see my father drunk. But no one at my family knows i have have panick attacks and anxiety attacks. I know they would not understand and just brush it off. It really hurts me to know my father was always absent when i really needed one. I pray no one goes through or face this ever in their life . every daughter deserves a better father
I'm a dad, to a 17 year old girl. Question, what type of dad am I who calls on his kid to spend time with him just to get nothing, until it's her birthday? Answer please.
I could relate to everything here,Like...He says he loves me,But he doesn't understand my needs,He thinks providing me money is the definition of love when it's not
Tysm for this video!
This is an interesting topic to discuss, and I just know that this video will be able to explain things well ^w^
Me and my dads relationship had expectations (he didn’t compare me to anyone but still) lack of open communication, and controlling. I’m now 17 (almost 18) and he’s figured out what he did was bad, he’s fixing it even if it’s to late. I’m just happy that he is fixing it now, because I was genuinely thinking of cutting him out. Sorry if this is weird to comment this, but I just needed to know someone would hear me.
You guys are amazing and I love your videos ❤️
my dad is a genius photographer, but he don't care about the family.He work inside his room and come out just for meals.After working he will spend his time on gardening and he will go back to work again repeating the same routine everyday.We usually don't meet each other, it's like roomate. My mum said it's okay cuz that's what my dad's personality is. In my opinion, I think he does not really care about the family.He likes ignoring people too. How should I talk this problem with him? I feel hopeless with my dad lol
Thank you for this video. I’m divorced but with 50/50 custody. I’m so intent on being both physically and emotionally available to my now 13 yr old daughter AND giving her the space she needs. This video reminds me how important this is for her.
Y'all my mother, brothers and I have been actually afraid of being around my father since I can remember. I'm just realizing this right now and how my mom used to tell me " Don't let dad see you crying" when he came home
good job!!! : )
I have one just like this, I moved in with him a bit before I turned 13, I became depressed without realizing it, everyone used to judge me, which caused me to develop anxiety and on top of that I have ADHD. His ex moved out after my 14th birthday and I fell deeper in depression. Months after he takes their baby, whom I have to raise because he blames me for part of the reason she left. His father wasn't a good one and his mom was unavailable, which leaves him a bit mentally unstable. I don't have a mother, mine has been absent since I was born. Anyways, my father gets upset easily and keeps beating me for simple mistakes, but all he does to my brother is curse at him. He takes the advantage of me not having a mother to control me.
It's a miracle seeing this video. Thank you.
I love your videos ty :)
I once had an unhealthy relationship with my dad due to lack of open communication from both sides . It continued for years. He loved me, my mom and sister to the core, but couldnt express it. He wouldnt talk to me for days when we had a fight. As I grew up, I started feeling envious on seeing father daughter bonds.. It continued until I started having panic attacks. Then, my dad stood up for me. After a few rounds of open communication with each other and understanding each others point of views, our relationship started getting better. A few sessions with my pshychologist, I understood that we had a toxic relationship back then. It had affected my mental health a lot. My father also understood that his approach of parenting was not entirely right all the time. But, since then, we are having a wonderful relationship.
It affected me such that even after clearing all the chaos, at times, I feel anxiety and fear when I notice dad's change in expression or voice. I still fear it when mom and dad fights. It continues till now. Dad has improved a lot, and dosent behave tough anymore.
Now, after clearing all the issues, I started feeling a lot better, and I am living a better and colourful life now.
This is how parental behavious affect children at tender age. They are traumatized for life. They wouldnt even be able to see life as it is.. So, all the parents out there.. kindly see what kind of a parent you are to your child .
0:35 absentee father
1:07 emotionally unavailable
1:40 overly controlling
2:49 lack of open communication
3:13 unrealistic expectations/ constant comparisons
I needed a video like this I just had the deepest conversation about healing childhood trauma and how my whole life my dad has shown me all these traits I honestly think it’s just who he is but I want to talk to him and forgive him I think that’s what I need to do to heal.
An awesome video! I'd love if you guys could do an "Unhealthy Mother-Son" relationship, too. That one isn't always spoken about. I saw you did Mother-Daughter, do you plan to do any Mother-Son or Father-Son ones?
I DEFINITELY relate to this ,,and deep down in my heart it makes me emotional and sad ,,I just don't cry about it ,,my heart does 🙁
Everything in this video is identical to my life
It’s just that I am a son
My father was constantly blaming me for the things he did for me (maybe one or two things) and constantly reminding me how grateful I should be to him, until the moment I said to myself so wait he is my father, he should do those things for me and more and not me for him...and he was never present in my life when I needed him the most, he never drove me to school, he never made any effort, he only knows how to talk about himself...and so many empty promises.So I decided to cut off communication with him, and now I’m much happier but no one will fill in the gaps he has dug.
Thank u!
For the first time, I saw something on internet which talks about this side of a father daughter relationship or else people are obsessed with how they're made for each other!
I don't feel comfortable around how they make that relationship so beautiful on internet!
Combination of 2&3 is definitely something to deal with in a father
Being a dad of three girls. It's good to see something that could possibly help someone who has this struggle. I'm very passionate about being a father, my only fear is that the mother and I are going through a toxic divorce and the distance it may cause. My parents went through a divorce and my father was never around. Now that I'm older I found out it was my mother who prevented him to see us. I fear of this exact situation happening to me and my kids.
Hey!
Yes unfortunately i live with a toxic father who’s demanding he always expects me to be perfect but i’m not at all perfect and the constant emotional abuse has lowered my self esteem
I actually have a very good relationship with my father but there is definitely some clashes sometimes but overall he is the best!! and I love my dad 💗💫
My dad has always been my rock. Though the time that was hardest is whenever he had to travel for work. It was tough but 80% of the time? He went above and beyond for me & my sisters.
My dad was there at first but he stopped when he got married but he tries and I know it
Teaching such extreme levels of misogyny that the daughter feels accepted only while passing as a son.
My dad wasn’t exactly bad. I mean, he has some quirks about him, but my stepmom was mainly the toxic one. Being that I’m totally blind, they would take advantage of that by pulling cruel jokes on me. One time when we were leaving a store, she ran me into a poll as a “joke.” And there were times where I’d go to sit down in a chair, and my dad would pull the chair out from where I was about to sit in hopes that I’d fall on the floor. Another time he opened the closet door wide enough in hopes I’d run into it. They’d also sneak up quietly behind me while I was intensely focused on something and scare me. And if I ran into something, sometimes headfirst, they’d laugh about it. I would get mad for all these jokes, and they would give me the whole “it was a joke. Come on, take a joke and stop getting so mad” treatment.
Thanks for posting this video, it helped me realise that my relationship with my father isn't going great. He's usually out on business trips every month for like 2 weeks so I don't get time to talk to him and so makes me feel awkward when I actually HAVE to. He thinks I'm a mommy's girl amd maybe I am, and so called me an idiot once. It's most likely not going to improve in the future due to my personality of being shy, but I'll still keep hope :)
This video might be better named “6 types of unhealthy father-daughter relationships” as opposed to 6 signs of one. Good content though!
I often still think that I could be doing more in my life because me simply being an adult and working full time, still wasn’t enough for my dad to tell me he was proud of me.
0th
Yes
Ja
Each point is so relatable... how I wish adults knew about their behaviors too.
What are the signs of a healthy father daughter relationship?
My dad is…..ok. He is a really nice and funny guy, when he’s not yelling. Sadly, he’s almost always yelling. He always seems to be mad. I am currently a young teen girl, and I still live with him. I tend to hide in my room almost all day, not seeing him besides at dinner, as I am afraid he will yell at me. Also, he is very different from me, and wants to change that, but not by changing himself, but by changing me. He is a farmer who loves country music, and I am a girl who wishes to become an artist in some way, shape, or form, who loves hyperpop music. Whenever he’s driving the car, he will play country music, even though I hate it, and he knows this. I believe he’s trying to make me be more like him by forcing me to listen to the songs he likes until I like them, and hoping I’ll go from there. I know he’s given so much for me, but from the way he acts most of the time, it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to be a good dad at all.
Relate to the controlling one and without boundaries. I think I am a trophy for my father to show his greatness. It doesn't matter to him whether I am happy or not, what matters is am I providing him with success and achievements to boast about.
Thank you for this video. It's important for so many people.
Points 2 to 6 were so overwhelming in my life, that I WISHED my father was never there in my life. But he was. Every single day, even when I had moved out to go to university, even when I had graduated, began my grad studies, found my job, he was in my head all the time, making all the decisions for me and keeping me small, humiliating me.
I'm 37 now and my father died two years ago. It's hard and sad to have to say it like this, but the day he died was the first day of my own life, also my mom's and brother's own lives. I wish I could be sad that he is dead. But I just can't.
My parents divorced when I was 3. The crazy part about this is, a maternal family relative said to me growing up “at least you have your father; some people never one,” and from that day on, I never surrounded myself around her. I was mad! Like I get it but he was not there physically, when I needed him most; he was more into his other priorities, in which one he kicked and has now been 30+ years clean.
how do these videos always come when i need them
And it hurts that how every part of the video relates so hard..🙂