Criticism - especially from those we feel close to and admire - can be really difficult to take with grace and humility. I think it’s something most people struggle with.
I think criticism is a huge factor for most people. For me sometimes it’s just not possible to FEEL things are reasonable even if I can follow them on a level when I’m splitting, I have to just go …away.
Feelings aren’t logical. My feelings and logic sit in two different places in my brain. I can understand both, but the logic isn’t usually helpful to deal with the emotion.
Hi Xannie, (and the rest of the BPD Bunch!) first off I just want to say that I absolutely love this channel. You guys have made accepting the fact that I have BPD, so much easier, and I have learnt an enormous amount from watching your channel. So thank you for that! ❤ I was wondering if any of you had an issue of not being able to be alone? Like when doing hobbies or just being on your own in general. I find that I can't engage in any activities without being with someone else - it's like I have to talk to other people or show them what I am doing, and I can't just enjoy my own company. It is different to the fear of abandonment, because I am not scared of being abandoned, I am just not comfortable in my own company. Does that make sense? I was just curious if anyone else felt this way, and thought it could be a new video idea. :) Thanks again for all you guys do. Lots of love from Australia! ❤
Hey I'm new here...recently found out I have bpd...37 years old and I've never understand why I felt so empty and depressed all my life...never understood why I'm the sweetest kindness person on4 minute and then the other I'm a bad person
Having a friend (platonic) with what I think is BPD I find your show very enlightening. Thank you. In today's episode I realized that some of my friend's behavior I understood better than I thought and some I was way off. For example, In her rages I believed she was in great pain and felt some imaginary criticism but I also believed her rage was to pawn off the pain onto me.....(I'll show you how it feels mentality) but it seems it may have been motivated by wanting to push me away. Is there anyway to stop the madness in one's friend's behavior? Any soothing words to stop the tirade before it crushes me?
That’s a great question and unfortunately, it’s so individual that it’s hard to give specific advice. That’s because different people with BPD don’t find the same things to be validating. For example, a lot of people might feel comforted if someone else gives them a tissue while they are crying. Xannie, on the other hand, used to think that being handed a tissue meant “stop crying. No one wants to see that.” It’s probably best to talk to your friend about the kinds of things she might find soothing when she is upset and give those things a try!
Can not agreeing with a BPD person on something make them split? What if they're being totally irrational, and you want to make them not do it? More like constructive criticism
Ohhh yeah I split on my husband once because I wanted a house plant and he didn’t see the point of them. He didn’t say no - simply that he wasn’t into them. I flipped!! You can’t really make them not be irrational. In my experience, it only really works when both people are working on it. For example, if I react strongly to some thing, my husband might ask me what about the intensity of the reaction, and then that helps give me pause to implement some of my skills and figure out whether I am being rational or not. But if he told me I was being irrational, I would really not react well to that .
Yes. Trying to "make them" not do something would likely cause the situation to work. And often the person doesn't "feel" they are being irrational so arguing is futile. It's better to wait until the person has a better state of mind unless you're really good at helping them out of the state and they are receptive of the help.
Criticism - especially from those we feel close to and admire - can be really difficult to take with grace and humility. I think it’s something most people struggle with.
I think criticism is a huge factor for most people. For me sometimes it’s just not possible to FEEL things are reasonable even if I can follow them on a level when I’m splitting, I have to just go …away.
Feelings aren’t logical. My feelings and logic sit in two different places in my brain. I can understand both, but the logic isn’t usually helpful to deal with the emotion.
@@user-no2mz9hl4f yeah, that’s the wise mind part of DBT I think. 😅
Hi Xannie, (and the rest of the BPD Bunch!) first off I just want to say that I absolutely love this channel. You guys have made accepting the fact that I have BPD, so much easier, and I have learnt an enormous amount from watching your channel.
So thank you for that! ❤
I was wondering if any of you had an issue of not being able to be alone? Like when doing hobbies or just being on your own in general. I find that I can't engage in any activities without being with someone else - it's like I have to talk to other people or show them what I am doing, and I can't just enjoy my own company. It is different to the fear of abandonment, because I am not scared of being abandoned, I am just not comfortable in my own company. Does that make sense?
I was just curious if anyone else felt this way, and thought it could be a new video idea. :)
Thanks again for all you guys do. Lots of love from Australia! ❤
Yes this is a very common issue! BPD & loneliness is on our list of things to talk about and this topic will be part of that for sure!
@@thebpdbunch That's great to hear - I look forward to seeing more videos! ❤
My trust issues if I feel they are being disingenuous or two faced and I get defensive and split.
I split whe I am suffering from a PMDD episode. Therapy and Prozac during PMDD helps.
Love you guys
Hey I'm new here...recently found out I have bpd...37 years old and I've never understand why I felt so empty and depressed all my life...never understood why I'm the sweetest kindness person on4 minute and then the other I'm a bad person
Having a friend (platonic) with what I think is BPD I find your show very enlightening. Thank you. In today's episode I realized that some of my friend's behavior I understood better than I thought and some I was way off. For example, In her rages I believed she was in great pain and felt some imaginary criticism but I also believed her rage was to pawn off the pain onto me.....(I'll show you how it feels mentality) but it seems it may have been motivated by wanting to push me away. Is there anyway to stop the madness in one's friend's behavior? Any soothing words to stop the tirade before it crushes me?
That’s a great question and unfortunately, it’s so individual that it’s hard to give specific advice.
That’s because different people with BPD don’t find the same things to be validating. For example, a lot of people might feel comforted if someone else gives them a tissue while they are crying. Xannie, on the other hand, used to think that being handed a tissue meant “stop crying. No one wants to see that.”
It’s probably best to talk to your friend about the kinds of things she might find soothing when she is upset and give those things a try!
Can not agreeing with a BPD person on something make them split?
What if they're being totally irrational, and you want to make them not do it?
More like constructive criticism
Ohhh yeah I split on my husband once because I wanted a house plant and he didn’t see the point of them. He didn’t say no - simply that he wasn’t into them. I flipped!!
You can’t really make them not be irrational. In my experience, it only really works when both people are working on it.
For example, if I react strongly to some thing, my husband might ask me what about the intensity of the reaction, and then that helps give me pause to implement some of my skills and figure out whether I am being rational or not. But if he told me I was being irrational, I would really not react well to that .
Yes. Trying to "make them" not do something would likely cause the situation to work. And often the person doesn't "feel" they are being irrational so arguing is futile. It's better to wait until the person has a better state of mind unless you're really good at helping them out of the state and they are receptive of the help.