When you complain to an abuser about their treatment of you, to try to get them to stop, and then they try to gaslight you into taking it back by accusing YOU of being the manipulator.
Don’t try overly hard and force a relationship to happen because of your loneliness. Check yourself, if you are putting too much effort to make something happen, you can waste time and drive yourself crazy. Know what makes you happy and don’t settle for less.
This is so true❤ If you can't be happy on your own, then how to do you expect to be happy with someone else. It starts with you first, knowing your worth and like you said NOT settling for less.
When I was in college I had a BF that would always threaten to kill himself if I left him. It happened enough times that I finally figured out he was bluffing and I moved away to get away from him.
You described Every vacation I’ve ever taken- Always controlled by other people. Went to Las Vegas last week and we walked 15 miles in 2 days. It was a joke, I didn’t get to relax on my vacation because of complete narcissists. I hadn’t had a vacation in 3 years. Never again
Perfect description of my x husband, major toxic relationshit, hardcore manipulator you’ve perfectly described him going to hurt himself, everything I did was wrong/not good enough, the I wAs just kidding card. Leaving him was the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental sanity and piece of mind. These individuals will never change and the same pattern will take place in the next relationship. I also believe they carefully target their prey on who they do this to. I promised myself to love and respect myself moving forward and I can immediately see these character traits when getting to know someone. Self empowerment is key and I hope this video sheds light in the lives of those putting up with this. Great video ♥️ god bless !
You do a fantastic job of explaining the behaviors, just like you knew that person on a1 to 1 level. I'm 62 ,and not in the best health anymore. I allowed him to drain every ounce of life and happiness out of me. I still try to keep an upbeat appearance, but it gets harder to do all the time. I'm so tired of pretending. It makes me sick to see him when we're out and he's this nice sweet caring guy with a compassionate voice that I don't recognize. People say to me , that he's such a sweet guy and for me to always treat him good. If they only knew the monster that I live with.
I've described this dynamic as someone making you the "Manager" of their happiness. They're not happy? Well, they'll be taking it up with the Manager for sure. If you've been trying hard to manage their happiness (and falling short), you might encounter an attitude from them such as "Well, if you're trying so hard, why am I still shouting ?!?!"
I have started to notice that some people try to set you up to get what they want by asking for one small thing but what they're really doing is testing you to see whether your someone who will give to them what do they give you? What do they do for you? These people Don't last long with me !!!
No matter what ,they have the best and quickest answers to overpower, our thoughts and decisions. Their way is always so much better. It's almost like they're not even human. Also they want to remind you how lucky you are to be with them. You could never manage or take care of anything or anybody without them.
You're the best I've heard yet! Thank you Ashley! In a world where we are devalued from more than one side, it's helpful to remember we have value! We are important. There are many self help coaches out there, and many are really great in being clear, and making you understand what's happening. But you are the first one I've heard the words, "you have value!", spoken from. Those words are generally left unspoken, though you know they are part of the entire delineation of the cat and mouse games played by manipulators etc. However, to hear those words, the verbal utterance reminds you to NOT FORGET your own value. 🤗
I have been in the first situation. My ex would say “If you’d love me you would do this” and it was always related to sex. It felt awful. It made me feel really disgusting.
OMG, it’s like a complete check list of his behavior. I started writing memories down on dry erase tape so I can say no you did this. It also makes me feel foolish for not seeing it sooner.
One form of manipulation I have noticed is when someone tries to get you to do something that sounds like it would be good for you but what they really want is to start controlling you by looking at this person's behaviour during the short time I knew them they would try to get me to do things that weren't good for me so they tried another tactic that didn't work either this is about control I got rid of this person very fast
This helped not only realize a bad friendship but that I do some of these things without realizing it and after thinking about it I now know I was taught this behavior but I can learn new healthier behavior :-) ty for sharing
I just started watching your videos let me tell you they are contagious they are full of information that I applied to my life and I want to tell you Young lady,, that absolutely love you!!!
“If it hurts, and it’s a joke it’s full on manipulation” thanks dangerous to say as a blanket statement to people who are self diagnosing themselves or someone else.
A lot of your videos are opening my eyes for certain. I was with someone with BPD for a while and their lies and manipulation to control got worse when I moved into her house during lockdown. The worst thing I could have done. But that was due to emotional blackmail and my co dependency. I felt like I had to move in cos I knew she'd end the relationship. But if it was a healthy relationship then the roots of it would have been strong enough. I realise that things with the ex were not solid
I've known psychotherapists, who were highly educated professionals, who used tactic #7 against me. "You can't take a joke" and "you're too sensitive" were their fallback position to excuse themselves after expressing their malicious senses of humor at my expense. At least three different therapists, all at the same clinic, used that tactic against me. I had to sit in front of them and suffer obnoxious remarks at my expense, and if I protested against this, they would accuse me of not having a healthy sense of humor - and that my lacking a sense of humor is one sign of me being a self-serious, grandiose narcissist. Their logic could sometimes be that circular, self-serving, and abusive. Side note: I never got to hear these three therapists use their "very healthy" sense of humor to poke fun at themselves. They only used it to poke fun at me.
Ms Berges, I am so glad I found your channel. You have a great presentation style. Detailed and to the point. Thank you for helping those of us out here who are hurting at the hands of disordered people. God bless. ☺🙏👍
Hi Ashley, Rae (my partner), live back home with her mom, our 21 months and 1 month babies. She was married with 2 kids, not annuled yet but they were separated before we got in this relationship. To cut the chase, I committed myself to her and their kids and has given all reasonable and necessary support. I love them. The kids love me. I planned to marry her but up until now, the paperwork for annulment has not been processed. I am a flawed individual. I regret those days. I asked for forgiveness. I am ready to move on when I made my commitment to her. On many instances, I see symptoms of trauma or personality issues from her. On slight mis-communication or mis-understanding, I get devalued, disrespected, ignored, gaslighted, hoovered. It is painful. But there's more to that. We have 2 babies. With all these selfishness, I cry for my babies. They are too innocent for this. I want to help Rae heal as I know that she have a wounded soul. She have a broken family from the beginning. I understand what she is going through. So this email is not more about me but about trying to help her heal, and giving our children the rights to have a happy family. Also, I think I have a BPD before. I just realised. Please advice. Bobby
I get treated like I'm living under a rock! Until someone needs something! Narcissist traights are in all of us just some have way worse then others. I'm a loner but I don't want to hurt any one I just don't want to be sucked up into the drama! I get treated like I'm selfish! Not true!. Just want to be by myself mostly.
I always get the , "I guess you don't consider us you're family" line , which has kept me back from doing a lot of things. There is also the "After all the things, I've done for you" line followed by a list of either past, or present things that have been done for me. I end up feeling down, afterwards, and wondering if that's how they really feel, why did they even help me , in the first place.
Seems like no matter what I listen to I can’t quiet figure out if I’m in a manipulative relationship. If I am I wonder if he’s even aware that he’s being manipulative or if he’s just letting his emotions run amuck . I wish there was an easier way to tell . You’re videos though are the most clear ones I’ve came across yet . I especially learned a lot about my own values and to not question them just because they different than someone else’s . So I suppose ( like you said in that great video lol ) it all boils down to that and whether he’s willing to care about my values. It’s helpful to just take the whole “is he this or that “ out of it and ask instead …. Is this right for me personally. It’s good to know what to look for though so I see it next time before I get too involved with them .
Ashley, could you perhaps produce a video with advice for those who have had the court system used against them to manipulate and control and sully their reputations?
I've been threatened with my life several times from these psychotic narcs then they just laugh and say I was just joking & don't take things too personally .
When a guy asks for sex and you say no, then they just ask to make out or cuddle instead...do not fall for it. They will coerce or pressure you for more. It’s classic manipulation.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
I'm usually manipulated in two reoccurring ways by my wife, who I believe has an undiagnosed case of BPD. The first way is if I'm being yelled at or belittled, and I dare say that I don't appreciate being spoken to like that, I'm accused of attempting to control her speech. Either that, or I am trying to change who she is. the second way it when I'm being blamed for something that isn't my fault. If I mention that I feel as if I'm being blamed for something, her reaction is is to get upset because we're just having a conversation, and there shouldn't be any labels put on who's right and who's wrong. When clearly if that were the case, there wouldn't be any conversation to begin with.
Leave and don’t look back! Your mental and physical safety is the upmost importance. If you have children it is all about getting them out of that situation. I was married for 26 years and am going through a divorce and a major medical situation at the same time. The situation my not seem real and no one may believe you. Believe me it is real and you need to get out!!!!! She is right!!!!
Oh, the first thing that comes in my mind are network marketers who try to push me to do something that I od not want to do: "Do you know that the more you give the more you get!" and "How do you know that you do not like it id you have not done it?" Well, I have not tried to be an astronaut, either. I just have no interest in that! I have lots of other things to do!
Your first sign is usually issued in the opposite manner. At least that's been my experience period what the person will say to you is since you don't do X Y or Z you don't love me. It's coercive in that if they have you under their control you will then be put on the gerbil wheel trying to do all the things that they see you're not doing just to prove that you do love them. The only problem with that is that they will find an endless list of other things that you don't do to prove once again that you don't love them.
Yes. It's the moving target. Once you complete one task they will just keep coming up with more things that you can't do and prove that they are unloveable. Even tho you are trying to make them happy. Hamster wheel to nowhere
i am curious. if someone is trying to gt you to do someting with them when you are not rsponding back to them much, and they text you " so are we still on for 630 tonight?" and you nkow full well you never discussed that. is that a form of gaslighting/ manipulation?
The more intense the manipulation, the more it can feel like they have your vein & have pulled it & let it go like a rubber band. They've got a hold of your emotions & showing you who is in control & by the time it hits you, it has snaps back to hurt you & that obligation is very painful. They want you to pay for their dirty deeds, should they be caught, so they can point the finger @ you!!
You just described the relationship I have with my son. all seven points. He has tried it all. Right now he's gaslighting me. telling me that I "have problems" and is aggressive about always telling me what's wrong with me. Yet, at just under 50 yrs old, he still doesn't have his act together as to his calling in life. Yes, he is making some positive steps. but almost never answers if I call him. Lately he acts annoyed if I want any kind of family relationship with him. I am "the bad guy". I could go on and on. but you get it. also an old "friend " who is politically exgtremely R wing(and I'm not), continually sends to me offensive cartoons, etc. Finally I said "enough". and he does the "oh lighten up, what's the mattter with you? it's just a joke". Fortunately he lives far away. ANd I keep putting off MY LIFE to deal with these characters. I have a therapist but she's more interested in watching the clock.we are getting nowhere. Even my dog manipulates me. How do tell the therapist she's lousy? Frankly because my son is a drinker, I need to get back to al anon. I'm so tired of being a doormat.
You said it…you are a doormat…stop living there. Start by saying no to anyone who is taking advantage of you. Start doing things to entertain, validate or heal you. Your middle aged son is responsible for his life, and you are responsible for yours. I was a lot like you, letting people walk all over me until I realized the only person who could change this was ME! Start with small steps, and start saying no…it gets easier, and you will discover how much better your life gets…good luck!
My wife gaslights the hell out of me. Highly protective of her Ipad and phone now. No sex but sexual innuendo teases me. Criticizing me. Regularly doesn't listen to what I am saying, etc.
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges Dealing with it maturely as possible. It's complicated and I'm hoping that a change will save our marriage. And coincidentally just got an offer on the house today so hopefully moving soon to "our' retirement place will do just the trick.
You had me throughout this whole video up until you attempted to manipulate me into "therapy". I do have very healthy sense of self worth and I do know how to adjust and recover from events or situations that may shake my confidence in my own abilities to solve my own problems. You appear to be attempting to to use number 4 to get me to depend on someone else (yourself as a life coach or therapist) to guide me through "unknown" territory, namely, myself. I know who I am and what I am therefore I see when others are 'playing' me. I'm also very literate in reading body language. One trick of manipulation is to get us to believe that we will be wise and better off, or even not be a fool if we take their advisement. You asked for comment from me, well, here it is. Take it or leave it. Like it or not. This is my take away from this message. Thank you. You have helped me to see how we are being manipulated by the supposed 'professional'. While it may be true that some people may feel that they need someone 'trained' to help them out of their 'problems',. that's not me. I know who I AM. And I see who you are. This is clever advertising.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
@@iniubongnkanga9390 415 the Bay area. I'll thank you now because later I'll be busy. I'm grateful that people still care for the each other and don't have to make a dollar off of helping people.
Thank you so much Ashley. I stayed friends with my ex boyfriend, he constantly put me down in the guise of a joke, and would say "I'm just kidding" remarks were about my gray hair, which is something I'm doing for myself. Nobody but you have nailed this as abusive behavior. Esp since I asked him several times to stop, even explained how it made me feel, he still did it. We no longer talk as of last month. He had a tendency of popping in & out of my life to no avail nor honorable intentions, if you catch my drift? lol
I feel its too much words involved or it not explainable about my relationship with my husband. What i get is guilty and fear for my every action even to eat in front of others.Thanks for helping me to understand. I like to know, can i help him anyways!!
I have a son with a narcisst girlfriend. His attitude is changing. We used to be close and now he won't text me nor call or visit. Whenever I do want to have a personal one to one conversation he says he won't do anything without letting her in on everything we do or talk about. Because he says she's family now and she should know everything..what is your recommendation on what I should do? Thank you.
You should be able to have quality time on your own. that is coming from the mother because she wants to have control over everything. You need to set boundaries and stand up to her manipulation.
@@djwendy Set both of them down and talk to both of them. Be nice about it.. If you start a argument you will just drive him away farther.. He will turn on the mother if she says anything bad about his kitty. He just does what she wants just to get her to stop bitching! He will get tired of it eventually. No man can stand nagging that bad for to long. Talk to them together and let her know how hurt you are that you can't have quality time with your son. Tell her your getting older and don't have much longer on earth. Guilt trip. Son will turn on her if she smarts off to you. Just stay calm and sound sad. Manipulation. Lol!
It took 4 years when we got in a disagreement and he walked out the door. I told him if he wouldn't sort it out with me that we were done. So he kept walking. I should not have given the ultimatum but I feel it resolved a question I knew that he really didn't give a damn.
The 7 signs can be interpreted not only in terms of a person's love life and friendship... but even in the relationship between a parent and a child, right? The signs are obvious, except for the examples, coz they'd be different in terms of "who". Regardless, the 7 signs can take a form from anyone, right? Family, friends, love life etc. I really need the answer to this question. 😅
you are your best friend,if someone was to hurt your ''other human best friend'',you'd lay into them-why not for yourself...because we are programmed to feel-standing up for yourself makes you the aggressor...which is simply bs...jeff a. comment.
When you complain to an abuser about their treatment of you, to try to get them to stop, and then they try to gaslight you into taking it back by accusing YOU of being the manipulator.
It becomes a catch 22 and makes it all that much worse.
That is so sick!
“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”.
I left him.
He’s still alive.
Hahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💪
I hate people like that
shame...
But we never really know for shire,suicide should not be takin lightly.
😂
Don’t try overly hard and force a relationship to happen because of your loneliness. Check yourself, if you are putting too much effort to make something happen, you can waste time and drive yourself crazy. Know what makes you happy and don’t settle for less.
That's great advice
I like this better. So what if the first one she just said you compromised with that person but they don't? So will that still be manipulation?
This is so true❤ If you can't be happy on your own, then how to do you expect to be happy with someone else. It starts with you first, knowing your worth and like you said NOT settling for less.
Yes ! I agree ! That's my horrific experiences !
When I was in college I had a BF that would always threaten to kill himself if I left him. It happened enough times that I finally figured out he was bluffing and I moved away to get away from him.
I wouldn't consider myself a manipulator but I have been guilty of a couple of the things you mentioned. Thx for opening my eyes!🙂
Especially when you're young and don't have you're emotions in check it can happen... but if it's a pattern then you are a shitty person
We are all guilty of manipulation. as long as you are aware and actively work toward not doing it you are good.
Wish more people had your sense of self awareness 👍🙂
You described Every vacation I’ve ever taken- Always controlled by other people. Went to Las Vegas last week and we walked 15 miles in 2 days. It was a joke, I didn’t get to relax on my vacation because of complete narcissists. I hadn’t had a vacation in 3 years. Never again
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 just a joke that must of hurt a bit or not
Perfect description of my x husband, major toxic relationshit, hardcore manipulator you’ve perfectly described him going to hurt himself, everything I did was wrong/not good enough, the I wAs just kidding card. Leaving him was the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental sanity and piece of mind. These individuals will never change and the same pattern will take place in the next relationship. I also believe they carefully target their prey on who they do this to. I promised myself to love and respect myself moving forward and I can immediately see these character traits when getting to know someone. Self empowerment is key and I hope this video sheds light in the lives of those putting up with this. Great video ♥️ god bless !
How did you leave? I want to leave my toxic husband but don’t know where to start :/
Jessica Jugs
Just leave !
I guess how much you have to lose ? Nothing to lose just leave !
They target their prey; so true!
You do a fantastic job of explaining the behaviors, just like you knew that person on a1 to 1 level. I'm 62 ,and not in the best health anymore. I allowed him to drain every ounce of life and happiness out of me. I still try to keep an upbeat appearance, but it gets harder to do all the time. I'm so tired of pretending. It makes me sick to see him when we're out and he's this nice sweet caring guy with a compassionate voice that I don't recognize. People say to me , that he's such a sweet guy and for me to always treat him good. If they only knew the monster that I live with.
Ashley, you come across as incredibly strong woman with integrity. And it makes it even more impactful to hear that even you had to deal with this.
I've described this dynamic as someone making you the "Manager" of their happiness.
They're not happy? Well, they'll be taking it up with the Manager for sure.
If you've been trying hard to manage their happiness (and falling short), you might encounter an attitude from them such as "Well, if you're trying so hard, why am I still shouting ?!?!"
This was my ex. And when I told her “I’m not responsible for your happiness” that’s when she discarded me
I heard once: I would like to make a party for MY friends at your apartment. Got rid of that relationship soon.
I have started to notice that some people try to set you up to get what they want by asking for one small thing but what they're really doing is testing you to see whether your someone who will give to them what do they give you? What do they do for you? These people Don't last long with me !!!
Ive experienced everyone of these in my lifetime-- with various people.. luckily, I saw it and ran!
What about hardly ever agreeing with anything because they always know everything better?
They are manipűle.... lots .... and lots more than i did. I actually didnt manipüle @all
No matter what ,they have the best and quickest answers to overpower, our thoughts and decisions. Their way is always so much better. It's almost like they're not even human. Also they want to remind you how lucky you are to be with them. You could never manage or take care of anything or anybody without them.
@@jamiepan7650 Men.
The way you explain things is great and very helpful.
You're the best I've heard yet!
Thank you Ashley! In a world where we are devalued from more than one side, it's helpful to remember we have value! We are important.
There are many self help coaches out there, and many are really great in being clear, and making you understand what's happening. But you are the first one I've heard the words, "you have value!", spoken from.
Those words are generally left unspoken, though you know they are part of the entire delineation of the cat and mouse games played by manipulators etc. However, to hear those words, the verbal utterance reminds you to NOT FORGET your own value.
🤗
I have been in the first situation. My ex would say “If you’d love me you would do this” and it was always related to sex. It felt awful. It made me feel really disgusting.
That's awful. My ex tried that a couple times. Basically rape.
Man, stifler's mom is really good at this
If woman didn't have nose, the could eat.............need to understand each other's and need more tolerance.
OMG, it’s like a complete check list of his behavior. I started writing memories down on dry erase tape so I can say no you did this. It also makes me feel foolish for not seeing it sooner.
angie orourke dry erase tape? I don’t get it
What is dry erase tape? Haha
But indeed, write the okie doke bs down with dates.
One form of manipulation I have noticed is when someone tries to get you to do something that sounds like it would be good for you but what they really want is to start controlling you by looking at this person's behaviour during the short time I knew them they would try to get me to do things that weren't good for me so they tried another tactic that didn't work either this is about control I got rid of this person very fast
This helped not only realize a bad friendship but that I do some of these things without realizing it and after thinking about it I now know I was taught this behavior but I can learn new healthier behavior :-) ty for sharing
I just started watching your videos let me tell you they are contagious they are full of information that I applied to my life and I want to tell you Young lady,, that absolutely love you!!!
“If it hurts, and it’s a joke it’s full on manipulation” thanks dangerous to say as a blanket statement to people who are self diagnosing themselves or someone else.
THIS IS GOOD ADVICE ! RECOGNIZING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS..
THANKS FOR POSTING. 👍
I SUBBED .
Oh my god the “beck and call” reliance! So true
This is so accurate ....thank you Ashley.....I just dropped a so called friend who tried to pull the favor ploy off...it was the last straw..
A lot of your videos are opening my eyes for certain. I was with someone with BPD for a while and their lies and manipulation to control got worse when I moved into her house during lockdown. The worst thing I could have done. But that was due to emotional blackmail and my co dependency. I felt like I had to move in cos I knew she'd end the relationship. But if it was a healthy relationship then the roots of it would have been strong enough. I realise that things with the ex were not solid
As someone who was with someone with bpd most likely, I sympathize with how the lies and manipulation play such a controlling part.
I've known psychotherapists, who were highly educated professionals, who used tactic #7 against me. "You can't take a joke" and "you're too sensitive" were their fallback position to excuse themselves after expressing their malicious senses of humor at my expense. At least three different therapists, all at the same clinic, used that tactic against me. I had to sit in front of them and suffer obnoxious remarks at my expense, and if I protested against this, they would accuse me of not having a healthy sense of humor - and that my lacking a sense of humor is one sign of me being a self-serious, grandiose narcissist. Their logic could sometimes be that circular, self-serving, and abusive. Side note: I never got to hear these three therapists use their "very healthy" sense of humor to poke fun at themselves. They only used it to poke fun at me.
Trust your intuition, listen to your gut
The body knows
Very true. It's ironic how when we are being manipulated, it's the gut feeling we first put aside
Nailed it.
Especially how my grandchildren are used as weapons
Ms Berges, I am so glad I found your channel. You have a great presentation style. Detailed and to the point. Thank you for helping those of us out here who are hurting at the hands of disordered people. God bless. ☺🙏👍
I've been blamed, shamed and guilt tripped.
I've learned to walk away from people who don't validate,
Respect or acknowledge me or my feelings.
Excellent video, thank you again.
#5 is actually taught in business, sales & personal goals coaching
Hi Ashley,
Rae (my partner), live back home with her mom, our 21 months and 1 month babies. She was married with 2 kids, not annuled yet but they were separated before we got in this relationship. To cut the chase, I committed myself to her and their kids and has given all reasonable and necessary support. I love them. The kids love me. I planned to marry her but up until now, the paperwork for annulment has not been processed.
I am a flawed individual. I regret those days. I asked for forgiveness. I am ready to move on when I made my commitment to her.
On many instances, I see symptoms of trauma or personality issues from her. On slight mis-communication or mis-understanding, I get devalued, disrespected, ignored, gaslighted, hoovered. It is painful. But there's more to that. We have 2 babies. With all these selfishness, I cry for my babies. They are too innocent for this.
I want to help Rae heal as I know that she have a wounded soul. She have a broken family from the beginning. I understand what she is going through. So this email is not more about me but about trying to help her heal, and giving our children the rights to have a happy family.
Also, I think I have a BPD before. I just realised.
Please advice.
Bobby
Another WIN! Thanks for your spot on perspective, Ashley.
Thank you Bizz Noir! :)
I get treated like I'm living under a rock! Until someone needs something! Narcissist traights are in all of us just some have way worse then others. I'm a loner but I don't want to hurt any one I just don't want to be sucked up into the drama! I get treated like I'm selfish! Not true!. Just want to be by myself mostly.
Excellent, excellent, excellent list. Very enlightening. Thank you!
Thank you for reaching out! Great to hear from you and glad the content is enlightening. Let me know of any subjects you'd like me to discuss/cover.
I always get the , "I guess you don't consider us you're family" line , which has kept me back from doing a lot of things. There is also the "After all the things, I've done for you" line followed by a list of either past, or present things that have been done for me. I end up feeling down, afterwards, and wondering if that's how they really feel, why did they even help me , in the first place.
I recently lost a few friends of 25+ years because of their lies and deceit. Purposefully keeping me out of the loop. I'm so disappointed.
Seems like no matter what I listen to I can’t quiet figure out if I’m in a manipulative relationship. If I am I wonder if he’s even aware that he’s being manipulative or if he’s just letting his emotions run amuck . I wish there was an easier way to tell . You’re videos though are the most clear ones I’ve came across yet . I especially learned a lot about my own values and to not question them just because they different than someone else’s . So I suppose ( like you said in that great video lol ) it all boils down to that and whether he’s willing to care about my values. It’s helpful to just take the whole “is he this or that “ out of it and ask instead …. Is this right for me personally. It’s good to know what to look for though so I see it next time before I get too involved with them .
This was really eye opening. Everything related to my relationship thank you
Ashley, could you perhaps produce a video with advice for those who have had the court system used against them to manipulate and control and sully their reputations?
Thanks for sharing these as manipulation can be such a subtle tactic.
"Your the only one who does that " If you really love me , you would do anything for me!
Thanks for these videos. This kind of information from your channel and others has helped massively.
Thank you for reaching out Steve. I am glad my content is helpful. Let me know of any subject you'd like me to discuss.
Your videos are awesome you have really really helped me understand my own children
I just want to say I love your channel it’s simply amazing so much wisdom thank you very much
every word u said is true
First tome on your channel. Wow! You're good. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you for reaching out Mary-Anne! Glad you're here!
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges its my pleasure. I've watched a few more of your videos since this one. Very professional. Thanks.
Thanks Ashely. Your videos are great.
I've been threatened with my life several times from these psychotic narcs then they just laugh and say I was just joking & don't take things too personally .
Major mind fuck.
Thank you - great video
❤️🩹🙏
Thank you for reaching out Michele. Appreciate you. Hoping you are doing well.
Thank you Ashley! You are gold!
When a guy asks for sex and you say no, then they just ask to make out or cuddle instead...do not fall for it. They will coerce or pressure you for more. It’s classic manipulation.
You are 💯 right this is exactly how my ex treats me.
"Don't forget to live your true life"
Excellent Ashley. Thank you. Great video and message.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
Wow u speaking on the moving to other persons place reaallllyyt sealed in what I already knew... THANK U
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
I think the best thing you can do is take some time off from the person, take a step back and analyze everything.
💯!!
The Cluster B wheelhouse.
I'm usually manipulated in two reoccurring ways by my wife, who I believe has an undiagnosed case of BPD. The first way is if I'm being yelled at or belittled, and I dare say that I don't appreciate being spoken to like that, I'm accused of attempting to control her speech. Either that, or I am trying to change who she is.
the second way it when I'm being blamed for something that isn't my fault. If I mention that I feel as if I'm being blamed for something, her reaction is is to get upset because we're just having a conversation, and there shouldn't be any labels put on who's right and who's wrong. When clearly if that were the case, there wouldn't be any conversation to begin with.
Leave and don’t look back! Your mental and physical safety is the upmost importance. If you have children it is all about getting them out of that situation. I was married for 26 years and am going through a divorce and a major medical situation at the same time.
The situation my not seem real and no one may believe you. Believe me it is real and you need to get out!!!!! She is right!!!!
Totally off the point, but I always love your clothes! Fashion inspiration as well as a great counselor!
Like her taste in skirts.
Great video Ashley thank you..
I had to learn all of that though first hand exp. Great summary of the topic .
Oh, the first thing that comes in my mind are network marketers who try to push me to do something that I od not want to do: "Do you know that the more you give the more you get!" and "How do you know that you do not like it id you have not done it?"
Well, I have not tried to be an astronaut, either. I just have no interest in that! I have lots of other things to do!
Very helpful,thank you!
Your first sign is usually issued in the opposite manner. At least that's been my experience period what the person will say to you is since you don't do X Y or Z you don't love me. It's coercive in that if they have you under their control you will then be put on the gerbil wheel trying to do all the things that they see you're not doing just to prove that you do love them. The only problem with that is that they will find an endless list of other things that you don't do to prove once again that you don't love them.
Yes. It's the moving target. Once you complete one task they will just keep coming up with more things that you can't do and prove that they are unloveable. Even tho you are trying to make them happy. Hamster wheel to nowhere
i am curious. if someone is trying to gt you to do someting with them when you are not rsponding back to them much, and they text you " so are we still on for 630 tonight?"
and you nkow full well you never discussed that. is that a form of gaslighting/ manipulation?
"if you leave me,my life will be empty" well, your whole being has been extremely empty,I still left him.
Love your videos. Thank you so much for your work :)
The more intense the manipulation, the more it can feel like they have your vein & have pulled it & let it go like a rubber band. They've got a hold of your emotions & showing you who is in control & by the time it hits you, it has snaps back to hurt you & that obligation is very painful. They want you to pay for their dirty deeds, should they be caught, so they can point the finger @ you!!
great video
Thank you for this message...
How can we raise our self esteem other than going to therapy?
Great question. Heathly self esteem is so important.
Yes responsibilities are our own
Great video! Thanks!
so how does this work? is it manipulative if I saw 4-5 signs out of 7?
You just described the relationship I have with my son. all seven points. He has tried it all. Right now he's gaslighting me. telling me that I "have problems" and is aggressive about always telling me what's wrong with me. Yet, at just under 50 yrs old, he still doesn't have his act together as to his calling in life. Yes, he is making some positive steps. but almost never answers if I call him. Lately he acts annoyed if I want any kind of family relationship with him. I am "the bad guy". I could go on and on. but you get it. also an old "friend " who is politically exgtremely R wing(and I'm not), continually sends to me offensive cartoons, etc. Finally I said "enough". and he does the "oh lighten up, what's the mattter with you? it's just a joke". Fortunately he lives far away. ANd I keep putting off MY LIFE to deal with these characters. I have a therapist but she's more interested in watching the clock.we are getting nowhere. Even my dog manipulates me. How do tell the therapist she's lousy? Frankly because my son is a drinker, I need to get back to al anon. I'm so tired of being a doormat.
You said it…you are a doormat…stop living there. Start by saying no to anyone who is taking advantage of you. Start doing things to entertain, validate or heal you. Your middle aged son is responsible for his life, and you are responsible for yours. I was a lot like you, letting people walk all over me until I realized the only person who could change this was ME! Start with small steps, and start saying no…it gets easier, and you will discover how much better your life gets…good luck!
The narcissist I know begged me to get pregnant.... Then once I got pregnant, he went completely silent and discarded me .
Talking to a therapist or a psychologist is never private . The Judge or government can dig into your file. Don't do it.
My wife gaslights the hell out of me. Highly protective of her Ipad and phone now. No sex but sexual innuendo teases me. Criticizing me. Regularly doesn't listen to what I am saying, etc.
Not listening is an interesting sign -I appreciate your input. How are you dealing with her actions and attitudes?
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges Dealing with it maturely as possible. It's complicated and I'm hoping that a change will save our marriage. And coincidentally just got an offer on the house today so hopefully moving soon to "our' retirement place will do just the trick.
Of course. I can't loae or win without manipulation.
You had me throughout this whole video up until you attempted to manipulate me into "therapy". I do have very healthy sense of self worth and I do know how to adjust and recover from events or situations that may shake my confidence in my own abilities to solve my own problems. You appear to be attempting to to use number 4 to get me to depend on someone else (yourself as a life coach or therapist) to guide me through "unknown" territory, namely, myself. I know who I am and what I am therefore I see when others are 'playing' me. I'm also very literate in reading body language. One trick of manipulation is to get us to believe that we will be wise and better off, or even not be a fool if we take their advisement.
You asked for comment from me, well, here it is. Take it or leave it. Like it or not. This is my take away from this message.
Thank you. You have helped me to see how we are being manipulated by the supposed 'professional'.
While it may be true that some people may feel that they need someone 'trained' to help them out of their 'problems',. that's not me. I know who I AM. And I see who you are. This is clever advertising.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...
@@iniubongnkanga9390 415 the Bay area. I'll thank you now because later I'll be busy. I'm grateful that people still care for the each other and don't have to make a dollar off of helping people.
Thank you so much Ashley. I stayed friends with my ex boyfriend, he constantly put me down in the guise of a joke, and would say "I'm just kidding" remarks were about my gray hair, which is something I'm doing for myself. Nobody but you have nailed this as abusive behavior. Esp since I asked him several times to stop, even explained how it made me feel, he still did it. We no longer talk as of last month. He had a tendency of popping in & out of my life to no avail nor honorable intentions, if you catch my drift? lol
I like your style how things with you
@@daviddickenson1243 I'm great thanks! Happy, healthy & healed🙌🏻
It is so Nice to hear that I would Love ❤️ to get to know more about you
Love your videos
This video is for me.Thank you
I was in a really bad situation a couple years ago ... wish I could comment on it here
Heather Raike why can’t you comment on it here?
@@genevawelch9865 it's too long of a story haha
Heather Raike Oh ok I thought you were gonna say because you are being stalked
Heather Raike Some narcissists cyber stalk
I feel its too much words involved or it not explainable about my relationship with my husband. What i get is guilty and fear for my every action even to eat in front of others.Thanks for helping me to understand.
I like to know, can i help him anyways!!
Thank you so much for this video
Thank you for opening my eyes.
I have a son with a narcisst girlfriend. His attitude is changing. We used to be close and now he won't text me nor call or visit. Whenever I do want to have a personal one to one conversation he says he won't do anything without letting her in on everything we do or talk about. Because he says she's family now and she should know everything..what is your recommendation on what I should do? Thank you.
gcervantes1985 Sorry. They like to isolate the spouse from his family. My brothers wife is a witch who keeps their children from the family.
Professor Layabout Why do narcissists like to isolate their victim? So they can use/exploit them?
You should be able to have quality time on your own. that is coming from the mother because she wants to have control over everything. You need to set boundaries and stand up to her manipulation.
Hope he comes to his sences,we are to respect our parents! God expects us to.
@@djwendy Set both of them down and talk to both of them. Be nice about it.. If you start a argument you will just drive him away farther.. He will turn on the mother if she says anything bad about his kitty. He just does what she wants just to get her to stop bitching! He will get tired of it eventually. No man can stand nagging that bad for to long. Talk to them together and let her know how hurt you are that you can't have quality time with your son. Tell her your getting older and don't have much longer on earth. Guilt trip. Son will turn on her if she smarts off to you. Just stay calm and sound sad. Manipulation. Lol!
Very helpful and informative
Funniest thing I heard was you knew how I was when you met me.😆
It took 4 years when we got in a disagreement and he walked out the door. I told him if he wouldn't sort it out with me that we were done. So he kept walking.
I should not have given the ultimatum but I feel it resolved a question I knew that he really didn't give a damn.
I can’t stand the playing victim role
The 7 signs can be interpreted not only in terms of a person's love life and friendship... but even in the relationship between a parent and a child, right?
The signs are obvious, except for the examples, coz they'd be different in terms of "who".
Regardless, the 7 signs can take a form from anyone, right? Family, friends, love life etc.
I really need the answer to this question. 😅
i am going to agree.
It could be in any type of relationship. Manipulative people are everywhere.
I needed this
you are your best friend,if someone was to hurt your ''other human best friend'',you'd lay into them-why not for yourself...because we are programmed to feel-standing up for yourself makes you the aggressor...which is simply bs...jeff a. comment.
The first couple gave me chills