4:11 Gaslighting 7:28 Becoming a Rage Machine 9:55 Hijacking the Issue 12:59 Ultimatums 14:03 Narrowing Your Options 16:57 Enforce Non-Existing Contracts 22:15 Using Identities Against You
Exactly!!! These maniacs are extremely DANGEROUS, and homicidal. They are also very well protected . They never pay for any of their crimes. However, one of these days, the PERP may MESS with the WRONG VICTIM, and end up DEAD BECAUSE of that.
Everything started to shift for me when I realized I was manipulative. I stopped being manipulative and started being more straight forward. Really being honest with yourself gives you so much inner power.
Awesome insight Ms. Cayenne! It's so much easier to just ASK for what you want, and be clear and direct. Easier for you and everyone around you... Thanks for sharing!
Melody Fletcher Deliberate Receiving it also makes it a lot easier to deal with manipulative people. If they are not straight forward I don't respond. It's really about staying on your sacred ground. Most people forget that when they are searching for ways to deal with toxic people they themselves are toxic. Likes attracts like. Could you do a video on that? I would love to hear your thoughts about this. Keep up the good work!
no ms. cayenne stop blaming the victim. yes victims are also toxic but they are not the abuser, its not the same thing. many times there are just evil narcissistic people and a victim who is being manipulated into being w/ them or the narc is the parent, and no thats not a situation of "it takes 2 to tango". some people just lack empathy full stop
corsican lulu I understand you because I used to believe what you believe now. I was raised by a narc and I experienced the soul crushing first hand. But a victim is always a match with a perpetrator. I was not responsible for what happened to me but I am responsible for my healing as an adult. Healing for me erased the victim mentality. Period.
Melody Fletcher: That is right, but not always easy for everyone to do, when vulnerable, thin-skinned, exhausted, weakened, traumatized over a long, long time, systematically broken down energetically and with the additional handicap of traumatized Aspergers etc. . I have felt their words like stabbings, but how walk away when depending on getting some state resources? How deal with when it is professional people, put to actually provide or refer one to assistence? 1. One is more exposed to them, with the power they have financially and in drawing their conclusions and making decisions of you and your life, what they write in the journal and claim/tell other important contacts.2. today there has come ways totally unlawfu, where they don't use and adhere to and correct themselves according the law, which along with all sorts of weakening gas-lighting, withholding of info, lying by ommission, and many many more things, gives long-term deep insecurity and fear, since I can't orientate and they don't reply my questions and statements. Is it possible for you to say sth about it when the court, police, doctors, authorities ppl manipulate and deceive and even mistreat and steal, please?, I also wonder how much aware they are of what they do, and how much is unconscious. A fine old priest once said: People wouldn't do evil if they were REALLY aware of what they were doing. That was comforting, but I think there can be more reasons: They can be hardened and shut conscience off for the sake of duty, like deceiving me to save money. The social control top said to me, they are not allowed to say "We have to save money". So they save money while pretending to intend to help clients? Serving 2 masters. I still don't get why the pretence of a functioning social security etc. Oh, it is of course in order to still get state money for services they do not provide.. Surely one can't use the same informal way as to friends etc? I want to show how dangerously they injure me, threatening my very existence, and call the right names, but think maybe they must be let to save face. Or will they only despise me and go ON if I am polite and let them save face? They acted unprofessionally/immorally, corrupt, and I don't know what to do. It has been going on with many ppl many years, and I am too broken over the years, not able to work all my chakras alone isolated without sleep. but really need someone to work with me. Is this too long for you, or why no reply yet, I wonder. If I write too briefly, there is risk of misconceptions, experience says.. Melody, How can one change/correct severe energetic/chakra imbalance on ones own? A TCM- Dr who examined me, said, there is no way you can recover on your own when every chakra is this out of balance. And that was in 1998...Still, I have come a bit further in insight since then, which should make up for physical worsening. I want a friend or supporter to work with, and also to help.others. It's hard to turn from ppl when you have very few and are very weak and vulnerable. Isolation is terrible, and one can accept someone bad not to be all all alone all the time. You know?. I'll try to get some more. listen again. Please answer if possible. Thank you.
@Heywood Juhblowme She gave away your game plan did she? Feeling a little threatened? So you insult her and throw tantrums? LOL You need a new plan, Like being honest and respectful. You would get a lot farther if you come correct.
Yes.. Because when your parents didn't teach you how to stand strong against manipulation weren't armed. And when parents are manipulators as well, there you go.
My husband does every one of these things.. and I don't give a shit at this point if he's doing it on purpose or not... sensitive people need to just move on from manipulative people immediately.. not trying to make it work by being gentle and having the conversation over and over again.. it just makes them believe that they can treat you however they want. This video is so helpful - thank you!!
that's so crazy my husband does every single eone of these tactics as well. for the last three years I have felt so crazy to the point where I don't even trust myself sometimes and it never occurred to me how bad it actually was until I reached out to people and started talking about it. I'm still trying to recover but it's so difficult I feel like my ways of thinking are completely altered now.... it almost destroyed me completely. :/ much love for this video and for sufferers and survivors altogether . knowledge is power man , it's always beneficial to educate yourself and reach out for help when you are finally able to! ❤️
my husband also does alnost all of these tactics. esp when he gets caught out on a wrong he has done. he plays it the other way he even uses tears😣 so I get soft and give in and walk away robbed of resolving the issue or getting an answer and he gets away with his crap. amazing how many men are manipulative.
Thank you, this is so clearly explained and exposed. I will remember the "no" when I'm being pressured by my sister into doing what she wants. My sister masters all these techniques.... I would add these : - "so and so said that about you..." : invoking other people, even our deceased parents, to make a point against me. - "Oh my God, it's a disaster, you must absolutely do this or that..." playing the catastrophe to get me to do something in her interest. - Playing the eternal victim, or the eternal savior of all situations.... to oblige people towards herself. - Calomny of others and victimisation of herself, to hide her violence. - Re-writing facts, events, conversations in her favor. - Re-inventing her character according to the popular thinkings of the moment. - Adjusting her character according to the immediate environment, to be liked by the multitude. - Consolidating her perfect image by constantly reporting all the praises other people say about her. - Exagerrated smiles and compliments when meeting someone new (or distant relationships). It works. - Playing people against each other. - Lying, lying, lying.........
I have never heard anyone describe gaslighting with such ease and grace in all my life. Even psychiatrists and psychologists struggle to describe it in a way that is simple to understand. Nice work! My ex used to gaslight me all the time. In the end, he even took it upon himself to secretly reach out to people I was closest with and tell them that I had a drinking problem (in fact he was the one with the drinking problem) so that if I ever went to them for help, they would be more likely to dismiss my claims of emotional abuse because in the back of their minds i was no longer credible. That’s exactly what happened. It was absolutely horrible. Thank goodness I loved myself enough to know I didn’t deserve to be treated like that and left him shortly after. I really find it strange that I went to a highly respected UC school and graduated with highest honors with a degree in Psychology and yet manipulation was never brought up a single time in any of my curriculum. It wasn’t until 10 years after that relationship ended that I discovered there was a word for all of the behaviors that come with gaslighting! Had I learned about it in school, I would have recognized immediately what was happening. That relationship messed with my head for a long time I knew how I felt he was making me question my sanity but it’s such a hard thing to describe and sounds so horrible that if I had come to someone saying that, they probably would have thought I was crazy too! That’s why it works so well. I just wish I had been more informed about the ways people try to take advantage of others because I was so trusting and naive, that it brought a lot of needless suffering and self doubt for several years after that relationship. I think these topics are so interesting (I’m still a social psych fanatic) and I took a lot away from this video because you are so articulate and fun to listen to. I foresee a night of binge watching your videos ahead 🤗
Hey Marisa, Thanks so much for your in depth comment! And congratulations on stepping more into your power and getting out of that relationship. The good news is that there are psychologists who are now developing methods for teaching and dealing with this kind of thing, even though it's not yet taught in schools. This information is coming through many, many different avenues. :)
OMG meeeeee toooooo! I knew he was a control freak, but our 'arguments' went from my feeling hurt & expressing that to absolute scorched earth warfare for him. SO not worth it.
have you seen the 1940s movie " Gaslight" ? i think you should watch it....her explanation of gaslighting wasn't very accurate......in the movie, the husband of a newly wed heiress tries to make her and her doctor believe she is going insane by manipulating the flames of the gas lights that light the home......there is a main control for the house.....when she is in her room it darkens without her turning them down,then flare.....her husband says it's not happening elsewhere, she starts believing she's losing it....so, gaslighting= you walk in, put your car keys on the dresser where you always do....later , you are going to go shopping....no keys...you know where you left them .....you go nuts looking.....then, your husband strolls in with them......"they were in your car , Honey !".....you know they weren't...but, he tells you you forgot....it's an endless stream of things like this.....Friday night your husband showers, gets dressed up and tells you "we're going to be late !"......for what?.....he insists YOU wanted to go out....not !....you call the restaurant and yes, YOU made a reservation on wednesday.......not, but he insists you discussed it.....confused & doubting yourself, you get ready & go wondering IF you are nuts !......master liar, manipulator.......they diminish you, steal your confidence,esteem, self-worth, dignity.....see the movie.....it's on youtube.....
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Bruce Lee says "Be like water", you definitely have to give way when they come out swingin'. If you're like Bruce Lee, you'll tire them out, because of the physics of being like water.
Again Bruce Lee said: The Strongest Trees are the trees that break. But the bamboo may sway, in that it may adjust to changing conditions without breaking. More Bruce Lee quotes at wisdomquotes.com. Bruce was not so much only a fighter, but a celebrity, so he dealt with many people trying to tarnish him somehow. That's why everyone needs defense mechanisms.
Here I am, listening to you again today-two days in a row! I like you. My husband is in background, giggling. I am seeing now how I manipulate. It is shocking. I want to be a better person, now I need to learn to change myself in a gentle, firm way without harshness.
Thank you! So helpful. I have found this with many "friends", who insist on treating me to a meal, drink, etc. They are acting so generous, etc. Then, they expect to be treated in return. And, it gets fuzzy, because, all of a sudden, they are ordering a more expensive meal. Or, suggesting we spilt the bill when their share is much higher, etc. That's why I always to prefer to get separate checks. Although, it's hard not to feel guilty or cheap about it. But, the other way makes me end up feeling used, or taken advantage of. I've found that those same "friends" are manipulative in other ways too. Watching videos like this, etc., has been very helpful to proactively weed them out.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
This type of person invested in having someone to provide for them in the future. They used you as a bank for their emotional and material need. Like what you explained is the perfect definition of a “nice” guy and why we as women don’t like guys like this. They are only nice when it benefits them and eventually they assume they deserve to be your boyfriend or deserve to have sex with you since they did things for you. It’s so fake.
Summary: 1- You don't need anybody but yourself 2- Walk away will be easy to apply if necessary Walk away is such a wonderful option for so many problems This is what I am applying for few years now 22:00
Yes, I heard one time that, 'people pleasers' are really very manipulative people...I had never seen that before....that they so try rescue you from being sad, or mad or upset, or stop the tears; so they are trying to 'make ' you feel the way they need you to feel, so they can feel ok about themselves in that situation.
I've seen manipulative people who have experienced some trauma in their past, and now try to manipulate other people to avoid the possibility of more trauma from those other people. It is based on fear.
A new friend, of just about two months, did this to me. I told this woman right away that I'm too old to manipulate. She denied being manipulative & told me to rethink our friendship & that she will continue to be a friend. Even up to the point when I told her to stop, she continued to manipulate! I dumped this woman as a friend immediately & blocked her in all social media. The end!
What do you mean too old? Is spotting these kinds of people something that comes with age? I feel like I have a friend that might be manipulating me but he’s 20 years older than me.
I'm a retired professor at 60 years old. That's way too much living to not see that you are manipulated. He's possibly manipulating you as he has 20 years of living & experience. Study & be aware.
I thought this video was really helpful. My one complaint is that you seem to be shaming the person who gets extremely upset over the manipulative behavior. I agree that raging is not a healthy response, but once you’ve been gaslighted/ manipulated multiple times by someone you gave your heart to, some rage might kick in because, after all, we are human. Sadly, it is the person who is extremely upset because the other person will not deal in an open, honest way that ends up looking like the ‘bad guy.’ I think this is one clarification that you should have made. Other than that, really good information. And I also agree that if you point out gaslighting tactics to other person and they refuse to change, you should just end the relationship.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
6:45 Controlling- You don't get to be this way Boundary- you don't get to talk to me this way 7:35 2) Growth Anger (explode at you with rage) 9:55 3) Highjacking the issue of conversation (distract from original topic) Tool: I am not gonna let you derail this conversation from something that important to me If they don't except it - walk away and come again later 13:00 ultimatums- either do this or else Tool: NOOOO!! You can always put a stop. You can always walk away 17:00 Enforcing non existent contracts. (I am gonna do this for you and now you owe me a favor (but you didn't asked for help) 22:15 use identities against you
Just brilliant, do not be misled by her very joyful/playful beginning and ending. What she is saying is a great FREE and important lesson. Until now, I still was unclear how exactly I have been manipulated all my life, by some of my very own family members and the emotional scars it left (struggling with my confidence, feeling sometimes there is no ending of all my troubled patterns). We all experience to some degree these situations (family, work situations). In certain societies, it is a primitive believe, parents have to destroy the confidence and install fear in children, so they can become obedient. I used to stay away from my family members and even sometime from the opposite sex to protect myself, but it left me without an emotional support and feeling I do not belong or matter to anybody. So understanding and lovingly setting boundaries is a key to heal the self and relationships.
Wow.... I can't wait to watch this again and again so that I can absorb all of it and be able to quickly know what is happening when I am being manipulated. The first five hit be like a rock, and four different people that I have already cut out of my life or limited their time in my life fit these descriptions like you were listening to what I said to them and what they said to me. Finding you today was heaven sent. Thank you, and I want your book!
By the way, I married into a family with a narcissistic mother in law as well. Codependent husband too. We are also no contact with them!!! (My hubby and I are going it alone as fellow empaths and scapegoats) I think that is why we were drawn to each other in the first place. Extended family is nothing but trouble!!! We will not let the cycle repeat with our 2 sons...I warn them to not marry a narcissist, their life will be hell.
Thanks for sharing Karin. When you get really good at setting boundaries, narcissists run away from you. If they cannot get what they want from you, they'll move on to another source. Eventually. I think staying away from people like this is often a great way for you to get strong enough to set those boundaries. So if they then happen to try to come back into your reality, you've not become unmanipulatable. Sounds like you and your hubby are well on your way. :)
Unfortunately, it is not a matter of if I am strong enough to set boundaries, because I have. The problem is that narcissists do not and possibly never respect them. They simply do not exist to them. This is why we are now no contact. Not by choice, but by necessity.
It's so rare and hard to find authentic friends that I think a lot of us know that we are being manipulated, but we allow it because we are lonely or insecure. Manipulators feed off people like us and know how to spot us.
Why would anyone thumbs down this video? This is an awesome video. I started a Word document to take notes. I came out of a controlling situation with a friend who worked at the ministry with me.
Yes its good to be aware of manipulation formed from evil, ( FEAR, lies, guilt, hopelessness,shame, control, revilers...Corinthians 6:9-10; its all called out on how mankind is free from hell on earth,, by returning to the Father ,God ,Jesus Christ our Lord. Thy Kingdom of Heaven is already within , but only the person thyselves can access it for thyselves. Even the mankind who never heard or read the word of God has it , has access to it always, Our Father never forsakes you. All that critical thinking can be harmful , your supposed to guard your heart by and through armore of God gives us to protect us from satan and sins or transgressions against one another. I agree If someone used God as a way to manipulate or control over selfless giving person of course bad business !Beware! But the devil is all that terrible emotional rollercoaster of lies and confusion that build you up to tear you down,, so don't engage with the person ,along with defuse that person with your exchanges of correct responses in the moment and if impossible to avoid an interaction ,, be neutral but confident that you are not or ever weak without God as your Father ,,,the rest you learned by research from factual studies to identify and coexist with such manipulative people that have no intention of changing or a careless realization of transgressions against thy fellow mankind . Remember none of those terrible things come from God, God tells us in the word that satan has lied from the beginning and will devour us like lions . God is Love, kind , patient, merciful,(Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offense or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end." I Corinthians 13:4-
Plus if your are a manipulative person and have identified it but refuse to repent of transgressions or sins to harm & control a selfless giving , humble , person along with - - not accepting Jesus as your Saviour,,for whatever reason will certainly continue to cause chaos or havoc, pursecute ,oppress , victimize , maltreatment... On earth to fellow mankind or to thyselves because the devil is their father or who they chose to imitate, follow, or belive . Two ways good way or evil way. Yes it starts with self-reflect come to Jesus moment and you are exactly right with perfecting your own power with the good way ,Jesus way.
I’ve watched this video of yours multiple times. It has helped me when dealing with a few manipulative people I know & have passed it along to many other friends. It is so helpful and you explain it so clearly with good examples. Thank you.
Omg...yes on the identity part. I am a happy and helpful person and have been manipulated by families and people to help them even though sometimes it is not something I want to do. This video was very helpful. I am working on myself.
This has been AH-MA-ZING!!! Thank you so much!!! My husband has done every single one of these things and I have been unable to work towards clearly expressing myself to him in the moment. I've always just wanted to walk away from the situations to gather myself and my thoughts so that I could coherently communicate with him. It literally came to the point that I stopped trying to talk and discuss things with him and just broke down and started screaming at him with the explanation that in our 8 years together I learned that if nothing else he would only listen if I yelled because he never bothered to listen when I tried to talk to him. It even went to the point that I walked out on him and left, which he totally could not believe I'd done and when we were back together gave me an ultimatum. I gave one right back that he could literally not believe, but I stuck to my guns on it and followed through with it. He has yet to state an ultimatum to me again since. We have gotten better in communicating with one another but we're now dealing with the situation of specific courtesies he wants from me, i.e. the phone call scenario you gave, however he will not apply the use of those curtsies towards me either in return or to begin with. In other words, the rules apply to me but not to him. This is a total no go in my book. If you want those courtesies from me you better damn well give them in return or start off with them in the first place. But this, this presentation has given me a basis to keep myself coherent in a disagreement, to approach the situation calmly and to know that it IS ok for me to walk away to gather myself to see that there are other options and that while I can compromise, if I feel it's the right thing to do, but that if I feel that it's is not, then that is ok. Thank you again so very much!! P.S. Not to bash the guys on all of this, women are master manipulators themselves...only surpassed by small humanoid, demon-like creatures called children and small furry animals.... ;P
Thank you for this video! I finally walked away from a relationship in which I had allowed my boundaries to be crushed. This all makes so much sense. I am now going to follow your videos and read your book!
1. Gaslighting / Invalidating your boundary 2. Throwing a rage fit in response to setting a boundary 3. Hijacking a boundary setting conversation 4. Giving ultimatums 5. Artificially narrowing your options 6. Enforcing non-existent contracts 7. Using identities against you
Melody, Nr 7 sounds like Karl Jung's Archetypes. "A hard worker"...."A good housewife"...a label we put on ourselves and others. Brilliant video. I totally enjoyed it.
I wish I had been able to watch this when I was younger since it took me many years and a lot of mental pain to finally get to the point of setting boundaries "without feeling guilty" Now as a senior I have learned all these points and I consider myself "freed" from these issues. I hope a lot of younger people listen to your suggestions...a hundred times if necessary..LOL This video is a great learning tool!!!
Videos like this is why I am so grateful for the internet. When I was younger I didn’t have someone to break this down to me. But If it wasn’t for great videos like this I would not be able to fully wrap my head around what has happened to me in the past and how to identify manipulation. Guys it’s all mind games with your psyche. If you have people in your life like this just cut em off. Thank you again for this easy to understand breakdown and helping me heal. ❤️
Thank you. I'm a victim and survivor of Narcissistic and Psychological abuse. The way you explained everything is very concise and helpful for me. Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate the words and actions of people in my life so this video is an amazing reference point. I shared it with the people dear to me.
When you were talking about the force of reciprocity and manipulation I reflected on my time in Japan and the way my Japanese coworkers in my new job talk about how "if you don't help us, then we no longer help you. That's the Japanese way." I had a really bad time in Japan and observed a lot of people being unbelievably subservient to abusive bosses and working far too hard. "Karoshi" is the word for "death by overwork" over there... their social contract is not very healthy in my honest opinion.
This is an extraordinarily great video. Extremely informative! I run into so many manipulative people...including my mother and sibs and just like you say, I came under a lot of "fire" for walking away and having nothing to do with them whenever they act in these ways. I've always felt better for making my own decisions about them and it feels good that you have verified it. The "hidden" contracts are another big problem when dealing with them so now, I keep away from them, period
That's awesome Esmereldan. It can be so hard to set boundaries and walk away when it comes to family. But it does get easier over time. And, as I've witnessed many, many times (not always, but often), at some point, your family comes back into your reality. But now they respect your boundaries. That can and does happen (but doesn't have to, in case that freaks you out...). You should be really proud of yourself. What you've done isn't easy, but it does feel so much better... :)
I told my friend I didnt want to talk...avoided his calls for two days. Finally, when I talked to him, I said I want to discuss what happed (what you did) two days ago. He replied, (highjacking the issue), "That was two days ago. We're living in the present today". I decided I dont want to deal with this type of person and the so called relationship is not worth it! Case closed...manipulation and this was just the beginning of the relationship. No thanks. I'm good.
I had a friend who was habitually late for work, even 2 hours late sometimes. When she arrived at work she would act completely stressed about the traffic or whatever else allegedly caused the delay. Basically, the message was, "Don't dare confront me about being late because I'm so overwhelmed already. If you confront me then you are just adding more stress to me." Essentially, the person makes you the bad guy. They flip it on you. It's a way of continuing the behavior without dealing with the consequences. That was like #3 Hijacking.
I have always been easily manipulated, my mum had a terrible childhood which reflected in her adult behaviour and was 'normal' to day to day life. I can't tell you what freedom this has given me. Thank you.
Thanks so much for being down to earth! It seems that if one happens to be a nicer person that a lot of people want to pick on them for their own purposes to get them to do something for them, etc.... I have never quite figured that one out! I was taught to do things for myself if at all possible. If I ask someone to help me, I do not try to manipulate them or give them a guilt trip if they cannot or don't want to. I move on to the next solution. Many people don't seem to have that perspective!
The identity part is huge!!! I always say I am helpful and don't mind helping anyone. I find people literally assume I will drop what I'm doing to help them. I could be literally working on a thing and they'll say I need you now without asking me if it's ok. I Got work to do on myself.
Sounds like if you are self actualized, or know who and what you are, and/or have health self esteem, you are less likely to be manipulated beyond your boundaries.
I love and appreciate every single word of this video! Every single person on the planet should watch this. This should be taught in schools, in critical thinking courses. Thank you, Melody Fletcher!
This is sooo on point!! I can remember being subjected to all of these tactics at one point or another. I couldn't articulate what was happening , I just used my instincts and stood my ground,. I initially had a hard time with the backlash but I'm glad I didn't cave in. Even though i was tempted to do so.
Sorry to hear that. My father was so manipulative that he he ordered me to go 200 miles by train to help him move house 10 days before my pre Uni A levels started. So I can totally understand where you’re coming from,
I'm a borderline living with a borderline. I'm used to be manipulative but DBT taught me how to be a respectful human. I'm not manipulative, but she is. Thank you for teaching me how to regain my power
Sickly sweetness n reverence works for me, I'm good at it BC I had narcissistic parents,so I make an awesome people pleaser. However, I went into therapy due to depression n anxiety BC of my marriage,and discovered I took alot of crap from people. So I got a divorce and quit that job. Didnt know life can be so easy.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
You are very good at what you do. Easy to understand and you make a lot of sense. Thank you so much for being here. I had a friend that started to do this to me and I had to just stop talking to her. When I told her over the phone why, she did say "That's stupid" "I can't believe you think that" and she went on. I said I was stressed and had enough. I have not talked with her since. :)
It's a painful truth the manipulated often feel is victim blaming,it's not, it's learning from it so you can be immune to it. A manipulator can't manipulate you if you are not manipulatable.
Yep #1... happened to me.. took about a week for me to realize that it didn't matter whether I was being too sensitive or not it was the way I felt and I had a right to it. I informed that person that I did not believe I was being too sensitive but if I was then it was obvious that I needed someone who was as sensitive as I was. RELATIONSHIP ENDED... and from that moment on that is how I managed relationships.. even if I was being "silly" (actually my instincts Kick It In) it was my right to be so & if a relationship forces me to ask "silly" then it's not the right relationship... And I have never had a problem about self-doubt again. Thank you for validating what I figured out for myself👍 My favorite saying is "it is not my desire to control ANYONE but my RIGHT to protect myself"
Thank you for taking the time to lay this out so clearly. Boundaries are hugely important and some of these manipulations can be so subtle. What about the bait and switch manipulation?
This has truly helped me understand some of the consistent patterns I find my self dealing with in my life. It especially empowers me to think of this situation between two parties, of one being manipulated and the other being manipulative, as two sides of the same coin. Thank you for making this video!
"They can learn to use their words".....LOVE IT!!! I used to say this to my children, and have adults in my life who I remind from time to time also... Thanks for the video!
How i fix my manipulative friends by blocking them as they speak... telling them i got things to do... ignore their everyday calls and tx msgs... and it works...
I ignored a toxic friend by not answering her phone and texts after realizing that she never cared about me...she have been calling me non-stop these days.
Texas. i think it is cruel of ppl to ignore without saying why, keeping me waiting and wondering. Ppl will not always know by themselves what they did wrong. We often presume that others are more aware of themselves than they really are. but may way of telling has not been that good either. It may be due to my imbalance rather than a band technique though...
That's a passive way to deal with it, eventually will stop working and you will have to confront them. Save yourself time and call them out,if they stick around after you tell them exactly how you feel, they are your friends if not they are self absorbed and are only using you.
When a car salesman put pressure for me to choose,I put my foot down telling him “ I am the one paying and riding not you”, That tends to put them in their place, it
Told a car salesman I wanted the car but i would spend 24 hrs thinking about it and he said it could go in the next 24 hrs and I replied then you won’t have a problem will you.
You are great. I'm an older woman who has probably been "too nice" all my life and I have heard some of this, but not presented with this sequence and clarity. Very, very helpful for someone like me.
My neighbor goes around calling herself an alcoholic so she can act terrible to you and manipulate you. Also she expects you to forgive whatever she does because she is not responsible for anything she says or forgets that she has said or done..
Classic example Cat. You don't get to feel annoyed or angry, because she's not responsible for her actions and behavior. Now, this isn't about losing our compassion for others. But it's also about not letting our compassion be exploited. She may not be to blame for her life and her pain, but she is responsible for how she handles it. Blame and responsibility are not the same thing. And you're only responsible for your behavior. Start setting boundaries and don't accept behavior that crosses them because she's ill (being ill doesn't give you carte blanche to be an assh*le...)
It's really a powerful feeling when you decode how people are trying to manipulate you. My boss used to have a lot of little habits to deflect blame from himself and on to others. One was to say I'm too sensitive. After I learned about that trick, I would just laugh at him.
YES THEYLL TELL YOU, YOU ARE READING A LITTLE TOO MUCH INTO IT. TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PARANOID. AS IF YOU DONT HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM. GIVE AN INCH AND THEYLL TAKE A MILE. DO A FAVOR ONCE OR TWICE AND THEYLL EXPECT IT EVERY TIME WITHOUT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS. THEYLL TAKE YOUR KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS, OR THEYLL SAY WELL IF YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD PERSON YOUD DO IT. THATS WHEN IVE SAID, WELL IM GLAD ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME AND NOT YOU. THATLL WEED OUT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS RIGHT QUICK!
You have a gift! I recognized a lot of my own manipulative behaviors, which is embarrassing. I love how clearly you're able to define concepts that I couldn't quite get before. Thank you!
Wow this woman is incredible! She explains so easily the ways I’ve been manipulated without being able to explain it myself to anyone! Growing up in two abusive homes it’s been very hard for me to decipher who is good and who isn’t. I really want to send this video to both my ex husbands and my current interest. Hahahaha
Glad I seen this because I swear all the life has literally been sucked out of me from constantly dealing with these type of people. I’m usually a strong person, but that’s how I know I made the huge mistake of ignoring all the red flags that were thrown at me from the beginning of my last relationship. That contract tactic was the biggest issue.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
This is one of the best video's I've seen about surviving from toxic people, in general. I've seen it twice and I'm writing all these seven tactics down, for not ever forget them. As a single female with a strong will for my own life, I've been manipulated by female "best" friends, lovers, and bosses. All I can say is they are all fully aware of what they are doing, so yes, I've coached myself to automatically say "NO" and just disappear. So, yes, this video is based in true life facts and tactics, so, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU and I am so grateful.
I helped a 17 year old that Lives downstairs. I’m a Nurse that’s disabled n fighting Cancer. She told me her friends stole her concert money. I was not able to buy the ticket on the Phone. I only had enough gas to see my son with Autism. She lied n I wasted my gas. Then it seemed that she then enjoyed telling me how it was her friends buying liquor n weed. So I replaced drug money. She looked dress pretty bad so I gave her to choose from two outfits. She never even thanked me. Then a day or two later she’s knocking on my door saying she’s here to pick up her dress. I explained that’s not her dress I was letting her pick one of the outfits. She immediately said lend it to me. I told her I’m going to use it but the truth is I don’t know her n I know I’m not getting anything back. Then she knocked again asked me did I have WIFI. I said yes n she immediately said she needs it. I said the one with my private information n my password n she can do what she wants with it. She said yes. I said no. Then she knocks again. She says she’s locked out of her iCloud n she needs my device which is my IPhone. I said no. Then she knocks again n ask me if I have a Computer. She saw my IPAD. Again I said no n I told her I feel that an act of kindness is being taken as weakness. She’s always talking about beating people up. A few days later her mother called me to ask if I have coffee. Her mother also told me she needed to use my Phone. She meant for me to give her my cell phone. When they’re admitted drug addicts. How can I handle this because my Landlords are acting like it’s non of their business
Do NOT answer the door unless you know who's there. Same with your phone. These people will try anything to get some reaction from you. It won't stop til u go silent on them. Once u go totally silent, they'll stop.
It's obvious you care & sense the 17yr old is from a dysfunctional background etc so a psychological strategy developed to help her take responsibility for her drug choices & the violent ideation type behaviour is called 'tough love'. Her thinly veiled threats referring to beating people up, seriously, normal people don't drop those sorts of hints in conversations with a kindhearted disabled person. Your intelligence was truly underestimated by both mother & daughter. Give local police all info needed towards a potential future arrest etc & cut off all contact. Don't think it's harsh, your politeness is being used as a trap, they are trying to take advantage, to bully/violate your boundaries. Watch out please & maybe have a fellow nurse visit you at home regularly. Do join a support group so your not socially vulnerable to any further manipulations.
@@jussaraarundel9953 i agree about giving the police all your information,,.......that might not even be her mother, it could be a ruse. you might also put on another lock. this sounds like a possible couple of grifters, and could be dangerous.
When you said manipulative and manipulatable are the two sides of the same coin..I know it's just what I have been all these years.. Don't wanna reveal my past don't wanna blame anybody, but I just understood recently that I was just being either faces of the same coin.. being a prayer and a victim in a cycle. After draining out completely now I understand the real value of honesty and sincerity. I'm putting a lot of effort to heal. Thank you for your kind support to open our eyes. I hope you help thousands and millions of others with your voice.
Thank you for this good and clear presentation. It reminds me of a working colleague who years ago manipulated me into a submissive stance, which I realized only later after the job. I saw him again at another job some years later, only this time, I was prepared! He had no chance. That was a both satisfying and valuable experience indeed. Sometimes nice things happen though: I witnessed a professional hara kiri when one day I tried to discretely correct a person's math (simple addition). He went rage machine in front of everybody, only to conclude his rant by declaiming: "...ok seven and eight, sixteen!". Poor guy didn't make it past probation time. Thank you for the wholesome brainfood! ;) Cheers from Germany! PS: "If you wait long enough by the river, you will eventually see the corpse of your foe float by." (sometimes it is an African, sometimes a Chinese saying ;)
I have subscribed because of this video It's so good. I've been working on boundaries in knowing when & how to apply them. I was a part of a church years ago where I friended somebody manipulative. This person seemed to have a hard time all the time & would use scriptures as a way to manipulate to get me (or anybody) to take the little I had & help her. After a year I guess my pastor heard about this somehow and took me aside and had a conversation about the situation so I distanced myself little by little. She was very upset and when I had moved to NY state with family because I had become homeless she (not the pastor) called me once to tell me I was out of order & not right with God for leaving the state where I had no where else to go. She didn't talk to me after that ☺. And I'm good. I realized that in NYC there are a lot of manipulative people here and go figure this is where she was born and raised.
I wondered, you say that it is 2 sides of the same coin, however, I wonder if that is not being too harsh? I notice that in some way people are being asked to take responsibility for being abused.? One of the absolute distinctions of abusive types is that they have a *hidden* agenda, they do not come right out and start with their worst behaviours, they start off being reasonable, mirroring you, and being easygoing. That does not seem to me like 2 people who are going into a relationship with their eyes wide open and being set on playing 'victim' and abuser. Also, it is usually when the relationship has apparently settled and a significant event happens that the true character begins to emerge, basically when the abuser feels entitled to be their true self, though interspersed with good times to make you feel unsettled. If you are not abusive by nature, then you are not going to see that coming. If you are not abusive by nature, then you will assume the best of people. I think that is reasonable. I do not think that is blameworthy, it just means that you have unexpectedly got caught in a trap set by an abusive personality type. I also think that there is a lot that goes in favour of abusers in this day and age. We are surrounded by media and societal norms that are dysfunctional, and that can prime people to accept treatment that they would otherwise never consider acceptable.
Hey Asiya, It sounds like you have quite a bit of experience with the abusive energy. You bring up a very important point, and that's the difference (which is vast) between blame and responsibility. We HAVE to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, because it's our reality. It's our life. But that's not the same thing as taking blame. A victim is not to blame for the abuse, but they do have to take responsibility, because that's the only way they can step into their power. Abuse isn't just random. I know that's hard to hear. But even in psychological, non-energy terms, abusers CHOOSE their victims. Sometimes even consciously. And it's not about what people are wearing, or how they're behaving. It's an energy thing. And if you take responsibility, that means you're willing to change your energy, so abusers don't even see you anymore. You become un-choosable by them. So you can notice the red flags well before the abuser exhibits really telling behavior (the part where they're still pretending to be nice). They'll FEEL off to you, and you'll trust that off feeling and move away. You can't do that if you don't know how (so again, no judgement and no blame). But you can learn how. I did.
Hi! I don't think I would like to change who I am -because that would feel as though I have become someone I'm not familar with in order to be self protective, but I do agree, keep the alerts on. I had someone spend more than a year getting to know me [not being open about it either!] . what he did was discreetly follow me, find out what I like, do not like etc.. I remember about a year in our relationship another friend of his [ a famous person in his circle ] utterly confused me, he reminded me of an incident where I had met him [personally] through my ex, but the thing was, I was not with my ex at that point, I barely knew him! I also did not know the person either [he is famous in his 'field'. So it was utterly confusing when he sat a nd told a dinner tale. I felt weirded out, but did not know what to make of it, and my ex quickly turned the situation around by making a really unpleasant remark about the famous guy hitting on me - it was surreal! I was very young and extremely embarrassed. It was a great diversion tactic too, wasn't it? We stopped discussing that original incident because my ex had made us both feel defensive for a current imagined incident! I think it is really important to realise, that sometimes, people like that do their homework, and are prepared to play in a role until they have got you exactly where they want you. Does that make sense? I would *never* have seen myslef being with someone like him in a million years, but, he really played me. I'm an empath, so he really played on my sense of wanting to help. He seemed a really nice and shy guy, was incredibly successful, and seemed misunderstood. I'll never fall for poor misunderstood again! =) He really was my worst nightmare. Even till today, the affects of him endure [family, especially our son!] and he has been dead for a few months now [perhaps that is why I am trying to reconcile what happened? =/ ] I feel for anyone who has found themselves in the clutches, or even the vision of someone like that. I think he was a bit more than narcissist, I think by some of the things he did, he was a psychopath. but one thing is for sure, I never knew him. I only ever met his personas, not 'him'. I agree with you, though, it is so important to protect yourself. One thing that people like that do not feel is regret for harming you, regret for choosing someone innocent and harmless. If anything, I think that makes it more fun for them. It is good though, to see that so many people have recognised that this type of personality exists, and that they leave devastation in their wake. The flip side is though, it means that there are more and more people acting out like that, and that is worrying, isn't it?
Hey Asiya, Your ex feels like a sociopath to me. Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are all on what I call the sociopathic spectrum (just to different degrees). We don't have more sociopaths now than we've ever had. They've always been around, and they do serve a purpose. They're willing (on a soul level) to perform the functions that would be too painful for the rest of us. They challenge us to wake up and stand up for ourselves (because they will NEVER do that for us, unless it's tied to an agenda). But... we are becoming more and more aware of this energy, or our reactions and how awful they often feel to us (powerlessness feels bad). So it seems like there's more of it, but there isn't. You're just seeing it, which is a good thing. We can't heal something we don't see. And we don't have to heal THEM, we have to heal ourselves. I hope that makes sense. And huge congrats on realizing the strength to get away from him. And even if you're like "yeah Melody... but he died", you still manifested your out. And you should take credit for that.
Thank you =) I did leave him, I fought him in court [family] and I moved on, and away [he did not take to being left very well!] he actually got custody of our son, but, I realised, our son is very much as his father was, so we have a very light relationship, and, I have to keep him away from my children as he has issues with them - he is very much like his father sadly. It is shocking that so many years on, he left a trail of destruction that is still ongoing. I have though got a much stronger character than I had at the outset, and I now have learned to be self protective and am careful who I allow near [especially my children!]. I've learned that being an empath is a serious magnet to people like that [how do you stop being an empath? ] I have learned though, to second guess myself, to step back and really think about what kind of help [if necessary] I can give and redirect some peeps to certain professionals to help them. I think that is the single biggest change for me, and to maintain my boundaries, which makes for living. Nothing is ever such an emrgency that you cannot give yourself time to think and decide if *you* personally have the time/energy & ability & especially, the desire to be in someone's life. I think you are spot on, always give yourself time to think things through. And to create space and distance between yourself and that person who seems to have focused upon you. That really matters. I'm glad you survived. and yes, it is a surprisingly high number of people who have these dangerous personality traits. I think I'll look into the sociopath a bit more, I only really remember watching a hollywood film about one, and that one was extreme! =) Take care.
This video is so amazing and helpful. Now I know why nice guys get trampled by the manipulators or the low self-esteem bullies. I am greatful to hear this.
When you talked about the rage beast, that reminds me of my mother. She would also act like a victim if I placed a boundary and act like I was doing something TO her. That was so confusing because I would start thinking I was doing something bad and wrong because why else would someone get mad and/or act like a victim ESPECIALLY when its your mom and you think she has your best interests at heart and then I would drop.my boundary because I thought I was hurting the person or I was wrong about my boundary. I've met lots of people like that since then such as friends, boyfriends, etc., and I always get confused when they get mad/hurt when I TRY to put down a boundary.
I have to say this that I have seen a lot of videos about similar content . But your content and choice of words made it just so much more clearer and understandable...also the stuff you have just talked about I havent come across before. Its a sad reality that a lot of people in our lives do try to manipulate you and in turn making you feel worse about yourself even for bringing up the issue with them...thank you!
Yes, I lived a childhood in fear and judgement, and early adulthood. This led to being controlled in every relationship and job in my adult life, now at the age of 42 I am trying to find myself
This should be part of every sex ed course!!! I realize, of course, the content is valuable and applicable in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
Melody, although I’ve heard of the various ways and reasons people (narcissist) manipulate, but it just made sense when I heard you say at the beginning that they do so “to see where they are” with you in the relationship. That brought it home. Thank you!
Omg this literally just happened. My girlfriend just hijacked my conversation when i told her that idk when to take her seriously bc when she says something that rubs me the wrong way and when i voice my discomfort she walks away in the middle of me speaking, she said that, “what’s wrong? You’ve been knitpicking me for the past few days.” She couldn’t even give an example as to what she was referring to. She obviously tried to distract me. Finally i just let it go. She barely touched me while we were in bed and then she left in the middle of the night, say that she couldn’t sleep and she could be doing more at home since she can’t sleep. I know that i was right in standing up for myself but now i feel like this relationship is probably not worth continuing.
Hey, Thoughts of a Gemini Presents...Let’s Vibe! Yes, that does happen. When you begin to set boundaries, other people get upset. You're changing the rules and they don't like it. When you've been someone's crack dealer and you refuse to be anymore, they throw a tantrum, too. She might come around yet, though. Many people do, after they throw a tantrum. But think about it: if you can't be honest about how you feel, without getting your head bitten off or getting "punished' in some other way, if you can't express YOUR opinion and concerns, then it's not much of a relationship, is it? Relationships are a two way street. You can't just be there for her. She has to show up for you, too. And if she's not willing to, let her go and find someone who will.
I wish there was a ‘thumbs up’ counter number because I hit the ‘thumbs up’ multiple times as if I were shouting to the roof tops: I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!!! Thank you so much. In tears and gratitude. Peace.
I have no doubt, MzShonuff. I guess that would be another video.... I've met some great therapists, but have also seen some heavy manipulation (one of them tried it on me once, which was funny. Read the room, dude...) But it's highly unethical behavior, because it can trap troubled people in a relationship that isn't serving them. Oooh, I feel another soap box moment coming on... :P
Melody: Its even dangerous, as they can gang up against a lone, sick, weak patient, also withholding the actual therapy, and mostly provide empty, superficial, distanced speech instead of giving some real therapy that does GOOD.
@Tewdy Quew Me, too. And pastors. I've met great ones, and manipulative ones. One even said to me, "Until you can treat your child - molesting father with the respect a father deserves, don't talk to me." I've never talked to him since. The nerve he has! My father deserves no respect.
@@tonette11000 I'm sorry to hear this. I was told that the reason why my father was so abusive was because I wasn't submitting to him as according to the Bible. So if I submit to him and do what he wants, I break a Bible law about sex. If I disobey my dad then I break a Bible law on submission. I just couldn't win in that particular church. Alot of churches preach this submission thing so I usually don't go to church. I won't submit to cruelty or disgusting things. Its a pity that true teachings of Jesus have been lost to B.S.
EXCELLENT! Your presentation covers so many things we face. A situation comes about sometimes when you've done a favor, free and clear of obligation. Next they want it expanded upon..using their method, when the person (friend) knows nothing about the process steps or work involved..Say what? Wasted time and was exhausting. No money had been involved.
I find Dr. George Simon’s theories on disordered people to make more sense. Some people are just manipulators. They aren’t trying to quell some fear or anxiety based need. They just are that way.
pevitzachast True. But are the boundary setting tactics any different? Maybe they could be. If they are just manipulators with no underlying malice, I suppose they could be educated. But that seems to be making the victim work too hard to try and figure out what kind of manipulator they are.
I so wish I could have seen this video years ago. I so Thank You, Melody, for helping me take back control of my life. Everything you expressed was so true and clearly explained. You are beautiful person with so much positive energy and full of essence of "real life." My inner boundaries moved me to willingly press the "subscribe" button as quickly as possible. Thank you for also helping so many others. I send you all my positive energies and keep you in my prayers. I wish everyone here well and a strong spirit to redirect their lives for better.
MARRY ME! Omg. This literally has been happening to me for the past two months during my journey through Thailand!!! Gas-lighting in EVERY direction and I KNOW it's something I need to strengthen in myself. I humbly thank you SO very much for sharing! xoxoxoxoxo.
The problem with hijacking a conversation is when it comes from your teenage child. is much much more complex. When you try to tell them that you're feeling taken advantage of and they begin crying and telling you how they wake up everyday wanting to die, etc,... then what do you do ?
Hoo boy. Teenagers are a totally different subject, lol. You have to give them a lot of emotional leeway. I think I have to make a video about teenagers...
Wow I just stumbled upon your videos and I like them. Thank you for your time and video. My husband had been gaslighting me to the point I second guess myself to death. Help! I'll be anticipating the video for the boundaries. I've heard cold hearted murderers say they're GOOD people.
Hey Sirley, Welcome!! I'm glad you found your way here! I've already published quite a bit on Boundaries. Here's a video from my 30 day video challenge: ruclips.net/video/KKaoyOY-BwQ/видео.html Hugs! M
This is excellent material. I have a book on systematic assertiveness training which I use as the backbone in the way I deal with people. This material fits with it perfectly. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Melody. I have blindly been manipulated all my life by nearly every one in my life. When you have been brought up in that way, you don't recognize it. Seems "normal". I read an article about manipulative people recently, and your video helps bring it home. So much for looking for the good in most people. It's not there. Fox Mulder was right. "Trust no one". No more "giving" trust. Trust can only be EARNED. Now that I'm becoming more aware, I'm making it a point to avoid them. I'm used to being alone, so am I actually losing anything? Don't think so. If anything, GAINING self-esteem. And of course, I'm "crazy" for that too. I believe you are correct. Disregard them personally as meaningless by walking away. They try to guilt you, tell you that you are "crazy" or "paranoid", etc., laugh in their faces and walk away. Put up a massive steel wall, and NEVER let them back in. Keep it up the rest of my life if necessary. 51 years of being shit on is more than enough. They made their bed. Let them "lie" in it. That is their problem now. Not mine.
4:11 Gaslighting
7:28 Becoming a Rage Machine
9:55 Hijacking the Issue
12:59 Ultimatums
14:03 Narrowing Your Options
16:57 Enforce Non-Existing Contracts
22:15 Using Identities Against You
Wendy Pippin-Yarberry cheers
Wendy Pippin-Yarberry yes
Thank u. This takes forever to get through.
Exactly!!! These maniacs are extremely DANGEROUS, and homicidal. They are also very well protected . They never pay for any of their crimes. However, one of these days, the PERP may MESS with the WRONG VICTIM, and end up DEAD BECAUSE of that.
Ur a god 🤘🏽
great video, but why doesn't anyone mention the banned book called the manipulation enigma
Everything started to shift for me when I realized I was manipulative. I stopped being manipulative and started being more straight forward. Really being honest with yourself gives you so much inner power.
Awesome insight Ms. Cayenne! It's so much easier to just ASK for what you want, and be clear and direct. Easier for you and everyone around you... Thanks for sharing!
Melody Fletcher Deliberate Receiving it also makes it a lot easier to deal with manipulative people. If they are not straight forward I don't respond. It's really about staying on your sacred ground. Most people forget that when they are searching for ways to deal with toxic people they themselves are toxic. Likes attracts like. Could you do a video on that? I would love to hear your thoughts about this. Keep up the good work!
no ms. cayenne stop blaming the victim. yes victims are also toxic but they are not the abuser, its not the same thing. many times there are just evil narcissistic people and a victim who is being manipulated into being w/ them or the narc is the parent, and no thats not a situation of "it takes 2 to tango". some people just lack empathy full stop
corsican lulu I understand you because I used to believe what you believe now. I was raised by a narc and I experienced the soul crushing first hand. But a victim is always a match with a perpetrator. I was not responsible for what happened to me but I am responsible for my healing as an adult. Healing for me erased the victim mentality. Period.
Melody Fletcher: That is right, but not always easy for everyone to do, when vulnerable, thin-skinned, exhausted, weakened, traumatized over a long, long time, systematically broken down energetically and with the additional handicap of traumatized Aspergers etc. . I have felt their words like stabbings, but how walk away when depending on getting some state resources?
How deal with when it is professional people, put to actually provide or refer one to assistence? 1. One is more exposed to them, with the power they have financially and in drawing their conclusions and making decisions of you and your life, what they write in the journal and claim/tell other important contacts.2. today there has come ways totally unlawfu, where they don't use and adhere to and correct themselves according the law, which along with all sorts of weakening gas-lighting, withholding of info, lying by ommission, and many many more things, gives long-term deep insecurity and fear, since I can't orientate and they don't reply my questions and statements.
Is it possible for you to say sth about it when the court, police, doctors, authorities ppl manipulate and deceive and even mistreat and steal, please?,
I also wonder how much aware they are of what they do, and how much is unconscious. A fine old priest once said: People wouldn't do evil if they were REALLY aware of what they were doing. That was comforting, but I think there can be more reasons: They can be hardened and shut conscience off for the sake of duty, like deceiving me to save money. The social control top said to me, they are not allowed to say "We have to save money". So they save money while pretending to intend to help clients? Serving 2 masters. I still don't get why the pretence of a functioning social security etc. Oh, it is of course in order to still get state money for services they do not provide..
Surely one can't use the same informal way as to friends etc? I want to show how dangerously they injure me, threatening my very existence, and call the right names, but think maybe they must be let to save face. Or will they only despise me and go ON if I am polite and let them save face? They acted unprofessionally/immorally, corrupt, and I don't know what to do. It has been going on with many ppl many years, and I am too broken over the years, not able to work all my chakras alone isolated without sleep. but really need someone to work with me.
Is this too long for you, or why no reply yet, I wonder. If I write too briefly, there is risk of misconceptions, experience says..
Melody, How can one change/correct severe energetic/chakra imbalance on ones own? A TCM- Dr who examined me, said, there is no way you can recover on your own when every chakra is this out of balance. And that was in 1998...Still, I have come a bit further in insight since then, which should make up for physical worsening. I want a friend or supporter to work with, and also to help.others.
It's hard to turn from ppl when you have very few and are very weak and vulnerable. Isolation is terrible, and one can accept someone bad not to be all all alone all the time. You know?.
I'll try to get some more. listen again. Please answer if possible. Thank you.
Imagine if we taught this sort of stuff in schools.
The world might be a much better place
@Heywood Juhblowme She gave away your game plan did she? Feeling a little threatened? So you insult her and throw tantrums?
LOL You need a new plan, Like being honest and respectful. You would get a lot farther if you come correct.
Anita Ares they deleted their comment, lol
ade spade agreed
I totally thought that, too.
Yes.. Because when your parents didn't teach you how to stand strong against manipulation weren't armed. And when parents are manipulators as well, there you go.
My husband does every one of these things.. and I don't give a shit at this point if he's doing it on purpose or not... sensitive people need to just move on from manipulative people immediately.. not trying to make it work by being gentle and having the conversation over and over again.. it just makes them believe that they can treat you however they want. This video is so helpful - thank you!!
If you can cook look me up when you divorce him.
that's so crazy my husband does every single eone of these tactics as well. for the last three years I have felt so crazy to the point where I don't even trust myself sometimes and it never occurred to me how bad it actually was until I reached out to people and started talking about it. I'm still trying to recover but it's so difficult I feel like my ways of thinking are completely altered now.... it almost destroyed me completely. :/
much love for this video and for sufferers and survivors altogether . knowledge is power man , it's always beneficial to educate yourself and reach out for help when you are finally able to! ❤️
I couldn"t agree more it's the best way to deal with controlling people.😎
Strongs to you !!
my husband also does alnost all of these tactics. esp when he gets caught out on a wrong he has done. he plays it the other way he even uses tears😣 so I get soft and give in and walk away robbed of resolving the issue or getting an answer and he gets away with his crap. amazing how many men are manipulative.
Thank you, this is so clearly explained and exposed. I will remember the "no" when I'm being pressured by my sister into doing what she wants. My sister masters all these techniques....
I would add these :
- "so and so said that about you..." : invoking other people, even our deceased parents, to make a point against me.
- "Oh my God, it's a disaster, you must absolutely do this or that..." playing the catastrophe to get me to do something in her interest.
- Playing the eternal victim, or the eternal savior of all situations.... to oblige people towards herself.
- Calomny of others and victimisation of herself, to hide her violence.
- Re-writing facts, events, conversations in her favor.
- Re-inventing her character according to the popular thinkings of the moment.
- Adjusting her character according to the immediate environment, to be liked by the multitude.
- Consolidating her perfect image by constantly reporting all the praises other people say about her.
- Exagerrated smiles and compliments when meeting someone new (or distant relationships). It works.
- Playing people against each other.
- Lying, lying, lying.........
I have never heard anyone describe gaslighting with such ease and grace in all my life. Even psychiatrists and psychologists struggle to describe it in a way that is simple to understand. Nice work! My ex used to gaslight me all the time. In the end, he even took it upon himself to secretly reach out to people I was closest with and tell them that I had a drinking problem (in fact he was the one with the drinking problem) so that if I ever went to them for help, they would be more likely to dismiss my claims of emotional abuse because in the back of their minds i was no longer credible. That’s exactly what happened. It was absolutely horrible. Thank goodness I loved myself enough to know I didn’t deserve to be treated like that and left him shortly after. I really find it strange that I went to a highly respected UC school and graduated with highest honors with a degree in Psychology and yet manipulation was never brought up a single time in any of my curriculum. It wasn’t until 10 years after that relationship ended that I discovered there was a word for all of the behaviors that come with gaslighting! Had I learned about it in school, I would have recognized immediately what was happening. That relationship messed with my head for a long time I knew how I felt he was making me question my sanity but it’s such a hard thing to describe and sounds so horrible that if I had come to someone saying that, they probably would have thought I was crazy too! That’s why it works so well. I just wish I had been more informed about the ways people try to take advantage of others because I was so trusting and naive, that it brought a lot of needless suffering and self doubt for several years after that relationship. I think these topics are so interesting (I’m still a social psych fanatic) and I took a lot away from this video because you are so articulate and fun to listen to. I foresee a night of binge watching your videos ahead 🤗
Hey Marisa,
Thanks so much for your in depth comment! And congratulations on stepping more into your power and getting out of that relationship. The good news is that there are psychologists who are now developing methods for teaching and dealing with this kind of thing, even though it's not yet taught in schools. This information is coming through many, many different avenues. :)
OMG meeeeee toooooo! I knew he was a control freak, but our 'arguments' went from my feeling hurt & expressing that to absolute scorched earth warfare for him. SO not worth it.
have you seen the 1940s movie " Gaslight" ? i think you should watch it....her explanation of gaslighting wasn't very accurate......in the movie, the husband of a newly wed heiress tries to make her and her doctor believe she is going insane by manipulating the flames of the gas lights that light the home......there is a main control for the house.....when she is in her room it darkens without her turning them down,then flare.....her husband says it's not happening elsewhere, she starts believing she's losing it....so, gaslighting= you walk in, put your car keys on the dresser where you always do....later , you are going to go shopping....no keys...you know where you left them .....you go nuts looking.....then, your husband strolls in with them......"they were in your car , Honey !".....you know they weren't...but, he tells you you forgot....it's an endless stream of things like this.....Friday night your husband showers, gets dressed up and tells you "we're going to be late !"......for what?.....he insists YOU wanted to go out....not !....you call the restaurant and yes, YOU made a reservation on wednesday.......not, but he insists you discussed it.....confused & doubting yourself, you get ready & go wondering IF you are nuts !......master liar, manipulator.......they diminish you, steal your confidence,esteem, self-worth, dignity.....see the movie.....it's on youtube.....
brenda mills that’s a very extreme gaslighting
Marisa Ericson @1
Stand your ground! Don’t let anyone sway you! Follow your intuition. Great advice. Thank you!!!!!
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
👍
Bruce Lee says "Be like water", you definitely have to give way when they come out swingin'. If you're like Bruce Lee, you'll tire them out, because of the physics of being like water.
Again Bruce Lee said: The Strongest Trees are the trees that break. But the bamboo may sway, in that it may adjust to changing conditions without breaking. More Bruce Lee quotes at wisdomquotes.com. Bruce was not so much only a fighter, but a celebrity, so he dealt with many people trying to tarnish him somehow. That's why everyone needs defense mechanisms.
I needed to hear this especially #1. Everyone has the right to set boundaries
Here I am, listening to you again today-two days in a row! I like you. My husband is in background, giggling. I am seeing now how I manipulate. It is shocking. I want to be a better person, now I need to learn to change myself in a gentle, firm way without harshness.
Dave Spang. Me too! All the best to you Imelda x
Imelda Pear y
Thank you! So helpful. I have found this with many "friends", who insist on treating me to a meal, drink, etc. They are acting so generous, etc. Then, they expect to be treated in return. And, it gets fuzzy, because, all of a sudden, they are ordering a more expensive meal. Or, suggesting we spilt the bill when their share is much higher, etc. That's why I always to prefer to get separate checks. Although, it's hard not to feel guilty or cheap about it. But, the other way makes me end up feeling used, or taken advantage of. I've found that those same "friends" are manipulative in other ways too. Watching videos like this, etc., has been very helpful to proactively weed them out.
DazedShow Show a
DazedShow Show your name
You know what worst a manulative mom
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
This type of person invested in having someone to provide for them in the future. They used you as a bank for their emotional and material need. Like what you explained is the perfect definition of a “nice” guy and why we as women don’t like guys like this. They are only nice when it benefits them and eventually they assume they deserve to be your boyfriend or deserve to have sex with you since they did things for you. It’s so fake.
Summary:
1- You don't need anybody but yourself
2- Walk away will be easy to apply if necessary
Walk away is such a wonderful option for so many problems
This is what I am applying for few years now
22:00
Yes, I heard one time that, 'people pleasers' are really very manipulative people...I had never seen that before....that they so try rescue you from being sad, or mad or upset, or stop the tears; so they are trying to 'make ' you feel the way they need you to feel, so they can feel ok about themselves in that situation.
Good person is WISE & NOT RESPONSIBLE for anybody's feelings.
I've seen manipulative people who have experienced some trauma in their past, and now try to manipulate other people to avoid the possibility of more trauma from those other people. It is based on fear.
Doesn't mean they get to turn around and traumatize other people
Hmm..sometimes it works
A new friend, of just about two months, did this to me. I told this woman right away that I'm too old to manipulate. She denied being manipulative & told me to rethink our friendship & that she will continue to be a friend. Even up to the point when I told her to stop, she continued to manipulate! I dumped this woman as a friend immediately & blocked her in all social media. The end!
On the brink of blocking someone
Do it, you know you want to. Do it now, you won't change them but they might just change you if you let them..
What do you mean too old? Is spotting these kinds of people something that comes with age? I feel like I have a friend that might be manipulating me but he’s 20 years older than me.
I'm a retired professor at 60 years old. That's way too much living to not see that you are manipulated. He's possibly manipulating you as he has 20 years of living & experience. Study & be aware.
Good for you. I find myself stopping manipulators at the door and not letting them into my inner-circle!
This is a great video. It's extremely clear and articulate and you move seamlessly into each tactic like you're telling a story. Fantastic job Melody.
Nader Nadernejad true,she is intelligent.
Nader Nadernejad My thoughts exactly! I love this vid.
I thought this video was really helpful. My one complaint is that you seem to be shaming the person who gets extremely upset over the manipulative behavior. I agree that raging is not a healthy response, but once you’ve been gaslighted/ manipulated multiple times by someone you gave your heart to, some rage might kick in because, after all, we are human. Sadly, it is the person who is extremely upset because the other person will not deal in an open, honest way that ends up looking like the ‘bad guy.’ I think this is one clarification that you should have made. Other than that, really good information. And I also agree that if you point out gaslighting tactics to other person and they refuse to change, you should just end the relationship.
Nader Nadernejad in
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
“It’s not that serious” is what they say sometimes as well.
I love where you say, "If it was actually good for you then no one would have to manipulate you into it." You're so right!
6:45
Controlling- You don't get to be this way
Boundary- you don't get to talk to me this way
7:35 2) Growth Anger (explode at you with rage)
9:55 3) Highjacking the issue of conversation (distract from original topic)
Tool: I am not gonna let you derail this conversation from something that important to me
If they don't except it - walk away and come again later
13:00 ultimatums- either do this or else
Tool: NOOOO!! You can always put a stop. You can always walk away
17:00 Enforcing non existent contracts. (I am gonna do this for you and now you owe me a favor (but you didn't asked for help)
22:15 use identities against you
Just brilliant, do not be misled by her very joyful/playful beginning and ending. What she is saying is a great FREE and important lesson. Until now, I still was unclear how exactly I have been manipulated all my life, by some of my very own family members and the emotional scars it left (struggling with my confidence, feeling sometimes there is no ending of all my troubled patterns). We all experience to some degree these situations (family, work situations). In certain societies, it is a primitive believe, parents have to destroy the confidence and install fear in children, so they can become obedient. I used to stay away from my family members and even sometime from the opposite sex to protect myself, but it left me without an emotional support and feeling I do not belong or matter to anybody.
So understanding and lovingly setting boundaries is a key to heal the self and relationships.
Wow.... I can't wait to watch this again and again so that I can absorb all of it and be able to quickly know what is happening when I am being manipulated. The first five hit be like a rock, and four different people that I have already cut out of my life or limited their time in my life fit these descriptions like you were listening to what I said to them and what they said to me. Finding you today was heaven sent. Thank you, and I want your book!
That's awesome Melissa! Can't wait to hear what you think once you're read it. :)
By the way, I married into a family with a narcissistic mother in law as well. Codependent husband too. We are also no contact with them!!!
(My hubby and I are going it alone as fellow empaths and scapegoats) I think that is why we were drawn to each other in the first place. Extended family is nothing but trouble!!!
We will not let the cycle repeat with our 2 sons...I warn them to not marry a narcissist, their life will be hell.
Just to clarify....My father in law is codependent, not my husband.!!! I meant my mother in law's husband in above reply!!! :)
Thanks for sharing Karin. When you get really good at setting boundaries, narcissists run away from you. If they cannot get what they want from you, they'll move on to another source. Eventually. I think staying away from people like this is often a great way for you to get strong enough to set those boundaries. So if they then happen to try to come back into your reality, you've not become unmanipulatable. Sounds like you and your hubby are well on your way. :)
Unfortunately, it is not a matter of if I am strong enough to set boundaries, because I have. The problem is that narcissists do not and possibly never respect them. They simply do not exist to them. This is why we are now no contact. Not by choice, but by necessity.
Hey Karin,
Staying away from them IS setting a boundary. You're doing just great! :)
It's so rare and hard to find authentic friends that I think a lot of us know that we are being manipulated, but we allow it because we are lonely or insecure. Manipulators feed off people like us and know how to spot us.
Why would anyone thumbs down this video? This is an awesome video. I started a Word document to take notes. I came out of a controlling situation with a friend who worked at the ministry with me.
Alan Chambers YEAH !!! Maybe maybe we dont know , but this IS GOOD TO US 😁
Alan C. Disturbing Music,high-pitched voice, rapid speech
Because that viewer might think that SHE is being manipulative because they're blind to their own manipulation.
Yes its good to be aware of manipulation formed from evil, ( FEAR, lies, guilt, hopelessness,shame, control, revilers...Corinthians 6:9-10; its all called out on how mankind is free from hell on earth,, by returning to the Father ,God ,Jesus Christ our Lord. Thy Kingdom of Heaven is already within , but only the person thyselves can access it for thyselves. Even the mankind who never heard or read the word of God has it , has access to it always, Our Father never forsakes you. All that critical thinking can be harmful , your supposed to guard your heart by and through armore of God gives us to protect us from satan and sins or transgressions against one another. I agree If someone used God as a way to manipulate or control over selfless giving person of course bad business !Beware! But the devil is all that terrible emotional rollercoaster of lies and confusion that build you up to tear you down,, so don't engage with the person ,along with defuse that person with your exchanges of correct responses in the moment and if impossible to avoid an interaction ,, be neutral but confident that you are not or ever weak without God as your Father ,,,the rest you learned by research from factual studies to identify and coexist with such manipulative people that have no intention of changing or a careless realization of transgressions against thy fellow mankind . Remember none of those terrible things come from God, God tells us in the word that satan has lied from the beginning and will devour us like lions . God is Love, kind , patient, merciful,(Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offense or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end." I Corinthians 13:4-
Plus if your are a manipulative person and have identified it but refuse to repent of transgressions or sins to harm & control a selfless giving , humble , person along with - - not accepting Jesus as your Saviour,,for whatever reason will certainly continue to cause chaos or havoc, pursecute ,oppress , victimize , maltreatment... On earth to fellow mankind or to thyselves because the devil is their father or who they chose to imitate, follow, or belive . Two ways good way or evil way. Yes it starts with self-reflect come to Jesus moment and you are exactly right with perfecting your own power with the good way ,Jesus way.
I’ve watched this video of yours multiple times. It has helped me when dealing with a few manipulative people I know & have passed it along to many other friends. It is so helpful and you explain it so clearly with good examples. Thank you.
And this becomes a way of life, it begins at home it became a culture.
You are right !
I have made a playlist just for you with only your videos. You're just that freakin awesome
Thanks sunshinexoxo20!
Omg...yes on the identity part. I am a happy and helpful person and have been manipulated by families and people to help them even though sometimes it is not something I want to do. This video was very helpful. I am working on myself.
That's awesome maikor3! I'm so glad it was helpful.
Melody Fletcher Deliberate Receiving thank you for making this awesome video it was very informative 😊
This has been AH-MA-ZING!!! Thank you so much!!! My husband has done every single one of these things and I have been unable to work towards clearly expressing myself to him in the moment. I've always just wanted to walk away from the situations to gather myself and my thoughts so that I could coherently communicate with him. It literally came to the point that I stopped trying to talk and discuss things with him and just broke down and started screaming at him with the explanation that in our 8 years together I learned that if nothing else he would only listen if I yelled because he never bothered to listen when I tried to talk to him. It even went to the point that I walked out on him and left, which he totally could not believe I'd done and when we were back together gave me an ultimatum. I gave one right back that he could literally not believe, but I stuck to my guns on it and followed through with it. He has yet to state an ultimatum to me again since. We have gotten better in communicating with one another but we're now dealing with the situation of specific courtesies he wants from me, i.e. the phone call scenario you gave, however he will not apply the use of those curtsies towards me either in return or to begin with. In other words, the rules apply to me but not to him. This is a total no go in my book. If you want those courtesies from me you better damn well give them in return or start off with them in the first place. But this, this presentation has given me a basis to keep myself coherent in a disagreement, to approach the situation calmly and to know that it IS ok for me to walk away to gather myself to see that there are other options and that while I can compromise, if I feel it's the right thing to do, but that if I feel that it's is not, then that is ok. Thank you again so very much!!
P.S. Not to bash the guys on all of this, women are master manipulators themselves...only surpassed by small humanoid, demon-like creatures called children and small furry animals.... ;P
Thank you for this video! I finally walked away from a relationship in which I had allowed my boundaries to be crushed. This all makes so much sense. I am now going to follow your videos and read your book!
Well done Janet!!! And can't wait to see what you get from the book. :) Hugs! Melody
1. Gaslighting / Invalidating your boundary
2. Throwing a rage fit in response to setting a boundary
3. Hijacking a boundary setting conversation
4. Giving ultimatums
5. Artificially narrowing your options
6. Enforcing non-existent contracts
7. Using identities against you
Melody, Nr 7 sounds like Karl Jung's Archetypes. "A hard worker"...."A good housewife"...a label we put on ourselves and others. Brilliant video. I totally enjoyed it.
I wish I had been able to watch this when I was younger since it took me many years and a lot of mental pain to finally get to the point of setting boundaries "without feeling guilty" Now as a senior I have learned all these points and I consider myself "freed" from these issues. I hope a lot of younger people listen to your suggestions...a hundred times if necessary..LOL This video is a great learning tool!!!
Videos like this is why I am so grateful for the internet. When I was younger I didn’t have someone to break this down to me. But If it wasn’t for great videos like this I would not be able to fully wrap my head around what has happened to me in the past and how to identify manipulation. Guys it’s all mind games with your psyche. If you have people in your life like this just cut em off. Thank you again for this easy to understand breakdown and helping me heal. ❤️
You are wonderful woman
Calvin vinyoh why Thank You! 😄
Thank you. I'm a victim and survivor of Narcissistic and Psychological abuse. The way you explained everything is very concise and helpful for me. Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate the words and actions of people in my life so this video is an amazing reference point. I shared it with the people dear to me.
When you were talking about the force of reciprocity and manipulation I reflected on my time in Japan and the way my Japanese coworkers in my new job talk about how "if you don't help us, then we no longer help you. That's the Japanese way." I had a really bad time in Japan and observed a lot of people being unbelievably subservient to abusive bosses and working far too hard. "Karoshi" is the word for "death by overwork" over there... their social contract is not very healthy in my honest opinion.
This is an extraordinarily great video. Extremely informative! I run into so many manipulative people...including my mother and sibs and just like you say, I came under a lot of "fire" for walking away and having nothing to do with them whenever they act in these ways. I've always felt better for making my own decisions about them and it feels good that you have verified it. The "hidden" contracts are another big problem when dealing with them so now, I keep away from them, period
That's awesome Esmereldan. It can be so hard to set boundaries and walk away when it comes to family. But it does get easier over time. And, as I've witnessed many, many times (not always, but often), at some point, your family comes back into your reality. But now they respect your boundaries. That can and does happen (but doesn't have to, in case that freaks you out...). You should be really proud of yourself. What you've done isn't easy, but it does feel so much better... :)
I feel you. I have had a very similar experience.
I told my friend I didnt want to talk...avoided his calls for two days. Finally, when I talked to him, I said I want to discuss what happed (what you did) two days ago. He replied, (highjacking the issue), "That was two days ago. We're living in the present today". I decided I dont want to deal with this type of person and the so called relationship is not worth it! Case closed...manipulation and this was just the beginning of the relationship. No thanks. I'm good.
I like the win/win situation commentary. Everyone deserves to find a compromise that works for both parties, if it possible.
I had a friend who was habitually late for work, even 2 hours late sometimes. When she arrived at work she would act completely stressed about the traffic or whatever else allegedly caused the delay. Basically, the message was, "Don't dare confront me about being late because I'm so overwhelmed already. If you confront me then you are just adding more stress to me." Essentially, the person makes you the bad guy. They flip it on you. It's a way of continuing the behavior without dealing with the consequences. That was like #3 Hijacking.
This is terrific, Melody! You explain so well, with clear examples.
Thanks Carol!
I have always been easily manipulated, my mum had a terrible childhood which reflected in her adult behaviour and was 'normal' to day to day life. I can't tell you what freedom this has given me. Thank you.
Thanks so much for being down to earth! It seems that if one happens to be a nicer person that a lot of people want to pick on them for their own purposes to get them to do something for them, etc.... I have never quite figured that one out! I was taught to do things for myself if at all possible. If I ask someone to help me, I do not try to manipulate them or give them a guilt trip if they cannot or don't want to. I move on to the next solution. Many people don't seem to have that perspective!
The identity part is huge!!! I always say I am helpful and don't mind helping anyone. I find people literally assume I will drop what I'm doing to help them. I could be literally working on a thing and they'll say I need you now without asking me if it's ok. I Got work to do on myself.
Sounds like if you are self actualized, or know who and what you are, and/or have health self esteem, you are less likely to be manipulated beyond your boundaries.
Right on the money Gary!
I love and appreciate every single word of this video! Every single person on the planet should watch this. This should be taught in schools, in critical thinking courses. Thank you, Melody Fletcher!
I'm not even half through with your video, and think it's the first time I hear this in this context. Great!
Greetings from Berlin/ Germany.
This is sooo on point!! I can remember being subjected to all of these tactics at one point or another. I couldn't articulate what was happening , I just used my instincts and stood my ground,. I initially had a hard time with the backlash but I'm glad I didn't cave in. Even though i was tempted to do so.
I am getting so mad and pissed as I listen to this. I cannot believe how much I let people manipulate me. I think I just want to cry.
Sorry to hear that.
My father was so manipulative that he he ordered me to go 200 miles by train to help him move house 10 days before my pre Uni A levels started. So I can totally understand where you’re coming from,
i literally cried, pal ....haha
You have a lot of time to grow. This video sure puts things in perspective
@@jackkruese9929 Oh NO!
I'm a borderline living with a borderline. I'm used to be manipulative but DBT taught me how to be a respectful human. I'm not manipulative, but she is. Thank you for teaching me how to regain my power
Please make a video with dealing with rude and mean customers in the work place and co-worker.
Hey Joann, I've added it to the list. Thanks so much for submitting your suggestion!
Get a new job.
Have a big mirror behind you so they can see their ugliness coming out.
Sickly sweetness n reverence works for me, I'm good at it BC I had narcissistic parents,so I make an awesome people pleaser.
However, I went into therapy due to depression n anxiety BC of my marriage,and discovered I took alot of crap from people.
So I got a divorce and quit that job. Didnt know life can be so easy.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
You are very good at what you do. Easy to understand and you make a lot of sense. Thank you so much for being here. I had a friend that started to do this to me and I had to just stop talking to her. When I told her over the phone why, she did say "That's stupid" "I can't believe you think that" and she went on. I said I was stressed and had enough. I have not talked with her since. :)
you make some good points; manipulation is a two-way street
It's a painful truth the manipulated often feel is victim blaming,it's not, it's learning from it so you can be immune to it. A manipulator can't manipulate you if you are not manipulatable.
Yep #1... happened to me.. took about a week for me to realize that it didn't matter whether I was being too sensitive or not it was the way I felt and I had a right to it. I informed that person that I did not believe I was being too sensitive but if I was then it was obvious that I needed someone who was as sensitive as I was. RELATIONSHIP ENDED...
and from that moment on that is how I managed relationships.. even if I was being "silly" (actually my instincts Kick It In) it was my right to be so & if a relationship forces me to ask "silly" then it's not the right relationship... And I have never had a problem about self-doubt again. Thank you for validating what I figured out for myself👍
My favorite saying is "it is not my desire to control ANYONE but my RIGHT to protect myself"
Thank you for taking the time to lay this out so clearly. Boundaries are hugely important and some of these manipulations can be so subtle. What about the bait and switch manipulation?
This has truly helped me understand some of the consistent patterns I find my self dealing with in my life. It especially empowers me to think of this situation between two parties, of one being manipulated and the other being manipulative, as two sides of the same coin. Thank you for making this video!
I need to manipulate myself to lose weight
I have found just eating enough to cover my work for the day keeps the weight off... It might only be 800 calories depending on your body exercise
Lmao
Hahahaha
Haha me too!
😂😂😂😂😂
"They can learn to use their words".....LOVE IT!!! I used to say this to my children, and have adults in my life who I remind from time to time also... Thanks for the video!
How i fix my manipulative friends by blocking them as they speak... telling them i got things to do... ignore their everyday calls and tx msgs... and it works...
Texas Muscle how anoying , its easy to say but tell them NO
I ignored a toxic friend by not answering her phone and texts after realizing that she never cared about me...she have been calling me non-stop these days.
Texas. i think it is cruel of ppl to ignore without saying why, keeping me waiting and wondering. Ppl will not always know by themselves what they did wrong. We often presume that others are more aware of themselves than they really are. but may way of telling has not been that good either. It may be due to my imbalance rather than a band technique though...
That's a passive way to deal with it, eventually will stop working and you will have to confront them. Save yourself time and call them out,if they stick around after you tell them exactly how you feel, they are your friends if not they are self absorbed and are only using you.
Ignoring is very effective. They'll go bother someone else.
I rarely watch anything more than 10 minutes long. Every minute of this was gold. Thank you
When a car salesman put pressure for me to choose,I put my foot down telling him “ I am the one paying and riding not you”,
That tends to put them in their place, it
LOL.
Told a car salesman I wanted the car but i would spend 24 hrs thinking about it and he said it could go in the next 24 hrs and I replied then you won’t have a problem will you.
Lmao! Good job!
You are great. I'm an older woman who has probably been "too nice" all my life and I have heard some of this, but not presented with this sequence and clarity. Very, very helpful for someone like me.
My neighbor goes around calling herself an alcoholic so she can act terrible to you and manipulate you. Also she expects you to forgive whatever she does because she is not responsible for anything she says or forgets that she has said or done..
Classic example Cat. You don't get to feel annoyed or angry, because she's not responsible for her actions and behavior. Now, this isn't about losing our compassion for others. But it's also about not letting our compassion be exploited. She may not be to blame for her life and her pain, but she is responsible for how she handles it. Blame and responsibility are not the same thing. And you're only responsible for your behavior. Start setting boundaries and don't accept behavior that crosses them because she's ill (being ill doesn't give you carte blanche to be an assh*le...)
I've been there and had that!
Boundaries limitations to protect ones dignity & Self Respect, Self-esteem. & Ones SELF Value.
Oh my gosh. When I called her out she told me I was too sensitive!
Yep, that's a manipulation technique... Now that you see it, you don't have to play that game anymore. :)
It's really a powerful feeling when you decode how people are trying to manipulate you. My boss used to have a lot of little habits to deflect blame from himself and on to others. One was to say I'm too sensitive. After I learned about that trick, I would just laugh at him.
YES THEYLL TELL YOU, YOU ARE READING A LITTLE TOO MUCH INTO IT. TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PARANOID. AS IF YOU DONT HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM.
GIVE AN INCH AND THEYLL TAKE A MILE. DO A FAVOR ONCE OR TWICE AND THEYLL EXPECT IT EVERY TIME WITHOUT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS.
THEYLL TAKE YOUR KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS, OR THEYLL SAY WELL IF YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD PERSON YOUD DO IT.
THATS WHEN IVE SAID, WELL IM GLAD ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME AND NOT YOU.
THATLL WEED OUT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS RIGHT QUICK!
Mercy Me me too
@@oliviapsalms9111 Thank you for SHOUTING.
You have a gift! I recognized a lot of my own manipulative behaviors, which is embarrassing. I love how clearly you're able to define concepts that I couldn't quite get before. Thank you!
Wow this woman is incredible! She explains so easily the ways I’ve been manipulated without being able to explain it myself to anyone! Growing up in two abusive homes it’s been very hard for me to decipher who is good and who isn’t. I really want to send this video to both my ex husbands and my current interest. Hahahaha
Glad I seen this because I swear all the life has literally been sucked out of me from constantly dealing with these type of people. I’m usually a strong person, but that’s how I know I made the huge mistake of ignoring all the red flags that were thrown at me from the beginning of my last relationship. That contract tactic was the biggest issue.
Love this Melody! Thank you for making these videos
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
This is one of the best video's I've seen about surviving from toxic people, in general. I've seen it twice and I'm writing all these seven tactics down, for not ever forget them. As a single female with a strong will for my own life, I've been manipulated by female "best" friends, lovers, and bosses. All I can say is they are all fully aware of what they are doing, so yes, I've coached myself to automatically say "NO" and just disappear. So, yes, this video is based in true life facts and tactics, so, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU and I am so grateful.
I helped a 17 year old that Lives downstairs. I’m a Nurse that’s disabled n fighting Cancer. She told me her friends stole her concert money. I was not able to buy the ticket on the Phone. I only had enough gas to see my son with Autism. She lied n I wasted my gas. Then it seemed that she then enjoyed telling me how it was her friends buying liquor n weed. So I replaced drug money. She looked dress pretty bad so I gave her to choose from two outfits. She never even thanked me. Then a day or two later she’s knocking on my door saying she’s here to pick up her dress. I explained that’s not her dress I was letting her pick one of the outfits. She immediately said lend it to me. I told her I’m going to use it but the truth is I don’t know her n I know I’m not getting anything back. Then she knocked again asked me did I have WIFI. I said yes n she immediately said she needs it. I said the one with my private information n my password n she can do what she wants with it. She said yes. I said no. Then she knocks again. She says she’s locked out of her iCloud n she needs my device which is my IPhone. I said no. Then she knocks again n ask me if I have a Computer. She saw my IPAD. Again I said no n I told her I feel that an act of kindness is being taken as weakness. She’s always talking about beating people up. A few days later her mother called me to ask if I have coffee. Her mother also told me she needed to use my Phone. She meant for me to give her my cell phone. When they’re admitted drug addicts. How can I handle this because my Landlords are acting like it’s non of their business
Linda Rivera please ignore this woman! This is awful behaviour.
Do NOT answer the door unless you know who's there. Same with your phone. These people will try anything to get some reaction from you. It won't stop til u go silent on them. Once u go totally silent, they'll stop.
Sounds like leaches (people that take take take n take some more) they're really desperate to get your wifi
It's obvious you care & sense the 17yr old is from a dysfunctional background etc so a psychological strategy developed to help her take responsibility for her drug choices & the violent ideation type behaviour is called 'tough love'. Her thinly veiled threats referring to beating people up, seriously, normal people don't drop those sorts of hints in conversations with a kindhearted disabled person. Your intelligence was truly underestimated by both mother & daughter. Give local police all info needed towards a potential future arrest etc & cut off all contact. Don't think it's harsh, your politeness is being used as a trap, they are trying to take advantage, to bully/violate your boundaries. Watch out please & maybe have a fellow nurse visit you at home regularly. Do join a support group so your not socially vulnerable to any further manipulations.
@@jussaraarundel9953 i agree about giving the police all your information,,.......that might not even be her mother, it could be a ruse. you might also put on another lock. this sounds like a possible couple of grifters, and could be dangerous.
When you said manipulative and manipulatable are the two sides of the same coin..I know it's just what I have been all these years.. Don't wanna reveal my past don't wanna blame anybody, but I just understood recently that I was just being either faces of the same coin.. being a prayer and a victim in a cycle. After draining out completely now I understand the real value of honesty and sincerity. I'm putting a lot of effort to heal. Thank you for your kind support to open our eyes. I hope you help thousands and millions of others with your voice.
Thank you for this good and clear presentation.
It reminds me of a working colleague who years ago manipulated me into a submissive stance, which I realized only later after the job.
I saw him again at another job some years later, only this time, I was prepared! He had no chance.
That was a both satisfying and valuable experience indeed.
Sometimes nice things happen though: I witnessed a professional hara kiri when one day I tried to discretely correct a person's math (simple addition). He went rage machine in front of everybody, only to conclude his rant by declaiming: "...ok seven and eight, sixteen!". Poor guy didn't make it past probation time.
Thank you for the wholesome brainfood! ;)
Cheers from Germany!
PS: "If you wait long enough by the river, you will eventually see the corpse of your foe float by."
(sometimes it is an African, sometimes a Chinese saying ;)
Thanks for sharing your experience John! Servus! :)
I have subscribed because of this video It's so good. I've been working on boundaries in knowing when & how to apply them. I was a part of a church years ago where I friended somebody manipulative. This person seemed to have a hard time all the time & would use scriptures as a way to manipulate to get me (or anybody) to take the little I had & help her. After a year I guess my pastor heard about this somehow and took me aside and had a conversation about the situation so I distanced myself little by little. She was very upset and when I had moved to NY state with family because I had become homeless she (not the pastor) called me once to tell me I was out of order & not right with God for leaving the state where I had no where else to go. She didn't talk to me after that ☺. And I'm good. I realized that in NYC there are a lot of manipulative people here and go figure this is where she was born and raised.
I wondered, you say that it is 2 sides of the same coin, however, I wonder if that is not being too harsh? I notice that in some way people are being asked to take responsibility for being abused.? One of the absolute distinctions of abusive types is that they have a *hidden* agenda, they do not come right out and start with their worst behaviours, they start off being reasonable, mirroring you, and being easygoing. That does not seem to me like 2 people who are going into a relationship with their eyes wide open and being set on playing 'victim' and abuser. Also, it is usually when the relationship has apparently settled and a significant event happens that the true character begins to emerge, basically when the abuser feels entitled to be their true self, though interspersed with good times to make you feel unsettled. If you are not abusive by nature, then you are not going to see that coming. If you are not abusive by nature, then you will assume the best of people. I think that is reasonable. I do not think that is blameworthy, it just means that you have unexpectedly got caught in a trap set by an abusive personality type. I also think that there is a lot that goes in favour of abusers in this day and age. We are surrounded by media and societal norms that are dysfunctional, and that can prime people to accept treatment that they would otherwise never consider acceptable.
Hey Asiya,
It sounds like you have quite a bit of experience with the abusive energy. You bring up a very important point, and that's the difference (which is vast) between blame and responsibility. We HAVE to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, because it's our reality. It's our life. But that's not the same thing as taking blame. A victim is not to blame for the abuse, but they do have to take responsibility, because that's the only way they can step into their power. Abuse isn't just random. I know that's hard to hear. But even in psychological, non-energy terms, abusers CHOOSE their victims. Sometimes even consciously. And it's not about what people are wearing, or how they're behaving. It's an energy thing. And if you take responsibility, that means you're willing to change your energy, so abusers don't even see you anymore. You become un-choosable by them. So you can notice the red flags well before the abuser exhibits really telling behavior (the part where they're still pretending to be nice). They'll FEEL off to you, and you'll trust that off feeling and move away. You can't do that if you don't know how (so again, no judgement and no blame). But you can learn how. I did.
Hi! I don't think I would like to change who I am -because that would feel as though I have become someone I'm not familar with in order to be self protective, but I do agree, keep the alerts on. I had someone spend more than a year getting to know me [not being open about it either!] . what he did was discreetly follow me, find out what I like, do not like etc.. I remember about a year in our relationship another friend of his [ a famous person in his circle ] utterly confused me, he reminded me of an incident where I had met him [personally] through my ex, but the thing was, I was not with my ex at that point, I barely knew him! I also did not know the person either [he is famous in his 'field'. So it was utterly confusing when he sat a nd told a dinner tale. I felt weirded out, but did not know what to make of it, and my ex quickly turned the situation around by making a really unpleasant remark about the famous guy hitting on me - it was surreal! I was very young and extremely embarrassed. It was a great diversion tactic too, wasn't it? We stopped discussing that original incident because my ex had made us both feel defensive for a current imagined incident! I think it is really important to realise, that sometimes, people like that do their homework, and are prepared to play in a role until they have got you exactly where they want you. Does that make sense? I would *never* have seen myslef being with someone like him in a million years, but, he really played me. I'm an empath, so he really played on my sense of wanting to help. He seemed a really nice and shy guy, was incredibly successful, and seemed misunderstood. I'll never fall for poor misunderstood again! =) He really was my worst nightmare. Even till today, the affects of him endure [family, especially our son!] and he has been dead for a few months now [perhaps that is why I am trying to reconcile what happened? =/ ] I feel for anyone who has found themselves in the clutches, or even the vision of someone like that. I think he was a bit more than narcissist, I think by some of the things he did, he was a psychopath. but one thing is for sure, I never knew him. I only ever met his personas, not 'him'. I agree with you, though, it is so important to protect yourself. One thing that people like that do not feel is regret for harming you, regret for choosing someone innocent and harmless. If anything, I think that makes it more fun for them. It is good though, to see that so many people have recognised that this type of personality exists, and that they leave devastation in their wake. The flip side is though, it means that there are more and more people acting out like that, and that is worrying, isn't it?
Hey Asiya,
Your ex feels like a sociopath to me. Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are all on what I call the sociopathic spectrum (just to different degrees).
We don't have more sociopaths now than we've ever had. They've always been around, and they do serve a purpose. They're willing (on a soul level) to perform the functions that would be too painful for the rest of us. They challenge us to wake up and stand up for ourselves (because they will NEVER do that for us, unless it's tied to an agenda).
But... we are becoming more and more aware of this energy, or our reactions and how awful they often feel to us (powerlessness feels bad). So it seems like there's more of it, but there isn't. You're just seeing it, which is a good thing. We can't heal something we don't see. And we don't have to heal THEM, we have to heal ourselves. I hope that makes sense.
And huge congrats on realizing the strength to get away from him. And even if you're like "yeah Melody... but he died", you still manifested your out. And you should take credit for that.
Thank you =) I did leave him, I fought him in court [family] and I moved on, and away [he did not take to being left very well!] he actually got custody of our son, but, I realised, our son is very much as his father was, so we have a very light relationship, and, I have to keep him away from my children as he has issues with them - he is very much like his father sadly. It is shocking that so many years on, he left a trail of destruction that is still ongoing. I have though got a much stronger character than I had at the outset, and I now have learned to be self protective and am careful who I allow near [especially my children!]. I've learned that being an empath is a serious magnet to people like that [how do you stop being an empath? ] I have learned though, to second guess myself, to step back and really think about what kind of help [if necessary] I can give and redirect some peeps to certain professionals to help them. I think that is the single biggest change for me, and to maintain my boundaries, which makes for living. Nothing is ever such an emrgency that you cannot give yourself time to think and decide if *you* personally have the time/energy & ability & especially, the desire to be in someone's life. I think you are spot on, always give yourself time to think things through. And to create space and distance between yourself and that person who seems to have focused upon you. That really matters. I'm glad you survived. and yes, it is a surprisingly high number of people who have these dangerous personality traits. I think I'll look into the sociopath a bit more, I only really remember watching a hollywood film about one, and that one was extreme! =) Take care.
Beautifully stated!!!
This video is so amazing and helpful. Now I know why nice guys get trampled by the manipulators or the low self-esteem bullies. I am greatful to hear this.
When you talked about the rage beast, that reminds me of my mother. She would also act like a victim if I placed a boundary and act like I was doing something TO her. That was so confusing because I would start thinking I was doing something bad and wrong because why else would someone get mad and/or act like a victim ESPECIALLY when its your mom and you think she has your best interests at heart and then I would drop.my boundary because I thought I was hurting the person or I was wrong about my boundary. I've met lots of people like that since then such as friends, boyfriends, etc., and I always get confused when they get mad/hurt when I TRY to put down a boundary.
I have to say this that I have seen a lot of videos about similar content . But your content and choice of words made it just so much more clearer and understandable...also the stuff you have just talked about I havent come across before. Its a sad reality that a lot of people in our lives do try to manipulate you and in turn making you feel worse about yourself even for bringing up the issue with them...thank you!
Thank you for such clear explanations.
Yes, I lived a childhood in fear and judgement, and early adulthood. This led to being controlled in every relationship and job in my adult life, now at the age of 42 I am trying to find myself
This should be part of every sex ed course!!! I realize, of course, the content is valuable and applicable in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
Melody, although I’ve heard of the various ways and reasons people (narcissist) manipulate, but it just made sense when I heard you say at the beginning that they do so “to see where they are” with you in the relationship. That brought it home. Thank you!
Omg this literally just happened. My girlfriend just hijacked my conversation when i told her that idk when to take her seriously bc when she says something that rubs me the wrong way and when i voice my discomfort she walks away in the middle of me speaking, she said that, “what’s wrong? You’ve been knitpicking me for the past few days.” She couldn’t even give an example as to what she was referring to. She obviously tried to distract me. Finally i just let it go. She barely touched me while we were in bed and then she left in the middle of the night, say that she couldn’t sleep and she could be doing more at home since she can’t sleep. I know that i was right in standing up for myself but now i feel like this relationship is probably not worth continuing.
Thoughts of a Gemini Presents...Let’s Vibe! You're correct.
Hey, Thoughts of a Gemini Presents...Let’s Vibe!
Yes, that does happen. When you begin to set boundaries, other people get upset. You're changing the rules and they don't like it. When you've been someone's crack dealer and you refuse to be anymore, they throw a tantrum, too.
She might come around yet, though. Many people do, after they throw a tantrum. But think about it: if you can't be honest about how you feel, without getting your head bitten off or getting "punished' in some other way, if you can't express YOUR opinion and concerns, then it's not much of a relationship, is it? Relationships are a two way street. You can't just be there for her. She has to show up for you, too. And if she's not willing to, let her go and find someone who will.
I wish there was a ‘thumbs up’ counter number because I hit the ‘thumbs up’ multiple times as if I were shouting to the roof tops: I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!!! Thank you so much. In tears and gratitude. Peace.
The most manipulative response is always, "You're so selfish."
The most selfish ppl say that to the caring ppl when they aren't able to get what they want
Great material and delivery. I've been explaining "THE FULL SPECTRUM OF NARICISSISM" And everything you said is so true, thank you.
I work with psychologists all day and I guarantee you they’re consciously doing this, very much on purpose.
I have no doubt, MzShonuff. I guess that would be another video.... I've met some great therapists, but have also seen some heavy manipulation (one of them tried it on me once, which was funny. Read the room, dude...) But it's highly unethical behavior, because it can trap troubled people in a relationship that isn't serving them. Oooh, I feel another soap box moment coming on... :P
Melody: Its even dangerous, as they can gang up against a lone, sick, weak patient, also withholding the actual therapy, and mostly provide empty, superficial, distanced speech instead of giving some real therapy that does GOOD.
@Tewdy Quew
Me, too. And pastors. I've met great ones, and manipulative ones. One even said to me, "Until you can treat your child - molesting father with the respect a father deserves, don't talk to me."
I've never talked to him since.
The nerve he has! My father deserves no respect.
So true
@@tonette11000 I'm sorry to hear this. I was told that the reason why my father was so abusive was because I wasn't submitting to him as according to the Bible. So if I submit to him and do what he wants, I break a Bible law about sex. If I disobey my dad then I break a Bible law on submission. I just couldn't win in that particular church. Alot of churches preach this submission thing so I usually don't go to church. I won't submit to cruelty or disgusting things. Its a pity that true teachings of Jesus have been lost to B.S.
EXCELLENT! Your presentation covers so many things we face. A situation comes about sometimes when you've done a favor, free and clear of obligation. Next they want it expanded upon..using their method, when the person (friend) knows nothing about the process steps or work involved..Say what? Wasted time and was exhausting. No money had been involved.
Remember you can always so no, Bonnie.
I find Dr. George Simon’s theories on disordered people to make more sense. Some people are just manipulators. They aren’t trying to quell some fear or anxiety based need. They just are that way.
pevitzachast True. But are the boundary setting tactics any different? Maybe they could be. If they are just manipulators with no underlying malice, I suppose they could be educated. But that seems to be making the victim work too hard to try and figure out what kind of manipulator they are.
I so wish I could have seen this video years ago. I so Thank You, Melody, for helping me take back control of my life. Everything you expressed was so true and clearly explained. You are beautiful person with so much positive energy and full of essence of "real life." My inner boundaries moved me to willingly press the "subscribe" button as quickly as possible. Thank you for also helping so many others. I send you all my positive energies and keep you in my prayers. I wish everyone here well and a strong spirit to redirect their lives for better.
You said some mind-blowing things! I really like you.
Becoming self aware helps me to understand when I am at fault vs someone else telling me its my fault .
Thank You! This was helpful, insightful, intelligent, valid, and so very interesting!
MARRY ME! Omg. This literally has been happening to me for the past two months during my journey through Thailand!!! Gas-lighting in EVERY direction and I KNOW it's something I need to strengthen in myself. I humbly thank you SO very much for sharing! xoxoxoxoxo.
The problem with hijacking a conversation is when it comes from your teenage child. is much much more complex. When you try to tell them that you're feeling taken advantage of and they begin crying and telling you how they wake up everyday wanting to die, etc,... then what do you do ?
Hoo boy. Teenagers are a totally different subject, lol. You have to give them a lot of emotional leeway. I think I have to make a video about teenagers...
@@DeliberateReceiving yes please, for us teachers too!!!
Where have you been all my life?!!? First video in a very long time to ring true thank you so very much. Love you Naysayers, think of you often!
Wow I just stumbled upon your videos and I like them. Thank you for your time and video.
My husband had been gaslighting me to the point I second guess myself to death. Help!
I'll be anticipating the video for the boundaries.
I've heard cold hearted murderers say they're GOOD people.
Hey Sirley,
Welcome!! I'm glad you found your way here!
I've already published quite a bit on Boundaries. Here's a video from my 30 day video challenge: ruclips.net/video/KKaoyOY-BwQ/видео.html
Hugs!
M
This is excellent material. I have a book on systematic assertiveness training which I use as the backbone in the way I deal with people. This material fits with it perfectly. Thanks for sharing.
Good video !! Looks like a handful of Manipulators didn't like it...
Thank you Melody. I have blindly been manipulated all my life by nearly every one in my life. When you have been brought up in that way, you don't recognize it. Seems "normal".
I read an article about manipulative people recently, and your video helps bring it home. So much for looking for the good in most people. It's not there.
Fox Mulder was right. "Trust no one". No more "giving" trust. Trust can only be EARNED. Now that I'm becoming more aware, I'm making it a point to avoid them. I'm used to being alone, so am I actually losing anything? Don't think so. If anything, GAINING self-esteem. And of course, I'm "crazy" for that too.
I believe you are correct. Disregard them personally as meaningless by walking away. They try to guilt you, tell you that you are "crazy" or "paranoid", etc., laugh in their faces and walk away. Put up a massive steel wall, and NEVER let them back in. Keep it up the rest of my life if necessary. 51 years of being shit on is more than enough. They made their bed. Let them "lie" in it. That is their problem now. Not mine.