Our brains are very powerful, holding onto what the brain holds onto. I've wished before for the "bad" characteristics to stop...Thank you for reaching out Carolinablue Bear! You put into words what most do!
I think I have done the same thing to myself but im figuring out he is not going to change. He told me after his therapy he changed so i moved back home. It was a total lie. He didn't change anything. He is abusive
I'm not afraid of being alone. I've been alone most of my life and much of it perfectly content. I just thought I had met someone I connected with deeper than anyone before, but I'm afraid that version of herself may be temporary, or maybe just a fantasy.
Both my parents died and I got extremely suicidal and depressed. Someone was working with me helped me out extremely with positive comments, which were the exact opposite what my wife was doing. My wife was blaming my parents deaths and my situation on me, just like my dad did... Once I started reading and going to therapy it was eye opening. I realized the foundation of my relationship with my wife was never good. She was not someone I should have allowed in my life. At this point I realized what boundaries were. Once I held to my boundaries she left and my life got extremely better. Thank you for your videos they help a lot.
I am in the middle of a separation. I have been married for 12 years. He is emotionally abusive. I still love him but I am trying to work on myself. Your videos have been really helpful. Thank u
This was exactly what I needed to hear right now! The knots in the stomach and knowing that I need to put boundaries in place is exactly what I’m feeling. I’m doing the work currently (ongoing), and in doing that I can suddenly see the red flags that I was ignoring and minimizing. I was diminishing my own value, and accepting less than I deserved. The most powerful thing I’ve done for myself is to be alone until the discomfort of loneliness transformed into the peace of solitude! You have such a great way of explaining things! You absolutely hit the nail on the head! Thank you Ashley!
In some cases people stay in bad BDP relationships, especially marriages because they cannot financially afford to get out even though it is killing them emotionally. I am married to one and my finances are so out of whack with my wife being in and out of jobs due to her BPD but that doesn't keep her off Facebook or messenger messaging old boyfriends but I will digress and save that for my therapist and attorney when I can afford one.
Thank you Ashley.. it's been 11 months since my BPD wife left me. I finally realized that we were Co dependent. She had her fame and I have mine. It's been a struggle to reach out to her but have maintained the no contact. She was the poster child for BPD amnesia. When we met we were looking for love.. we had a great life together until the BPD finally surfaced after all the years of gaslighting and devaluation. Thanks for all that you do for us.
56 years old and I am blessed. I did put in the work and I love myself and am worthy of happiness and peace . Love being with me :).. 2 years now and am so grateful for my life
I have known myself for years. I have known I was codependent for years. As long as I was in a relationship I was good and my life was moving forward. When I'm single everything stops until I find someone else to love. It's wrong but being this way for 30 years has worked up until now.
Still gathering key points to guide my +60 life. This is a gem... you don't have to keep the persona from the past when people picked on you and put you down.....and your current worth is very high and I want the best for myself. Priceless What changed... 1) I just had a birthday that ended in 0. 2) My life has slowed way down and I have time to think. 3) Since life has slowed I have time to observe the world I live in and what my own world is like and what I want to change. 4) Some people close to me have died in the last 10 years and I thought..what kind of jacked up life were they living.. I'm not ending my story as a walking mess.
Your words have touched me. I need to work on my self-love and self-esteem as I feel I destroy and I need to get out of this marriage that is killing me every day. Thank you for making this channel!
@AshleyBerges you have such a way of explaining things that helps ease the mind. I’ve listen to other people but by far you are on point. Thank you, for all that you do. I’m working on getting out of a toxic relationship and this just puts things into perspective for me. I’m building up the courage now to move on.
Because I have low self esteem, see only the good in others and ignored the red flags. Bottom line is you need to love yourself and be happy on your own first, then you will never take this crap from anyone else again.
This is the most REAL and TRUE words I've heard spoken in a really long time. And done so in such a great way that it can be truly understand and grasped. Amazing job ashley!! Keep up the good work. Your videos are helping me learn to stay true to myself
Hi Ashley. I’m a 56 yr old woman. A retired Mental Health Professional. I was raised by a narcissistic mother, who is still living and attempting to hold me adherent to my life scripts. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I know it wasnt healthy, for the primary reason... I was in it. Aside from that I have never been in a relationship that was not physically abusive. I am coming to the realization that with physical abuse, I knew I was being abused, and I could leave. I know what it means to love someone. I have an awesome 36 yr old son who is honest to the core, compassionate, but not to a fault, and has no guilt to ppl’s reactions to the boundaries he set. I took my baby and I ran. Divorced 3 abusive husbands before he was 8 yrs old, because my baby, my son, deserved more than seeing his mother accept anything less than what she believed his worth to be. He is awesome, successful, the father of my gson who has Cp and very involved and committed to his child’s happiness now and his whole life’s future. I’m blessed that he and I genuinely like eachother as ppl too. I am breaking free of a 7 year long relationship with a man who never raised his hand to me or verbally assaulted me. Therefore, I care to believe he was the nicest man I had ever known. He made me feel worthy and valued.... when we were together. However, he spent more time making plans with me, and making excuses as to why he couldn’t honor them. He spent more time giving me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, when he had stood me up and then allowing ME back into HIS life after I had profusely apologized for being confused, hurt, disappointed and angry due to his actions. I’ve been reviewing my past. I am a great advocate to ppl in less than fortunate circumstances. I am great in dealing with other ppl’s crisis, making them safe and empowering them to honor the gift they have not only of survival, but their very life. Yet! Just wasn’t getting it myself! My whole life has revolved around saving other ppl from the tragedy that is my own life. Needless to say I burned out and have withdrawn. I lack interest, motivation or desire enough to even care! I am receiving counseling, but I needed more. Counseling makes me feel like I have the “right” to live, but it doesn’t make me care about it. I want more, before I die. I’ve wasted to much time trying to fix the world and trying to fix me for the world. Who cares whose fault anything is, myself included. And so what if what everyone says about me is true. I don’t have to allow them to abuse me. I don’t have to apologize for their abuse. And I don’t have to chase after them for more!! It’s insane! And I’m still not feeling worthy! 🤦♀️ lol. Not to mention no ones happy either, but not for my lack of trying. I started listening to you on utube. It’s so clear! You said it and explained it. 2starving halves don’t make a full whole!! In my experience it’s just made me a whole fool!! Thank you so much. I have made a date with myself tonight. I even laid out pretty clothes. I’m taking myself out to eat ...and leaving my phone at home. I’ll see how that goes... I’ve been pretty sure it was going to have to be surgically removed from my hand when I died! It’s been a month. I have put all toxic’s out of my life, except my mom and she’s limited. I have no “friends”, but it’s easier to make one clean sweep than to prolong the pain 1 idiot at a time. It’s hard. But it’s time. I feel it in my soul. I just want to say thank you for sharing your gift of guidance. It’s offering me info, understanding, solutions, strategies and hope. God Bless. And thank you. It’s great to know I REALLY don’t have to live like this. And quite honestly! I have been lighter in my step being by myself than I ever was with the “support” of my pretend friends. My head is starting to clear. I don’t want that crap in my life, but I don’t always want to feel I have to be alone. What I have to do is change within myself.
One thing I did learn in counseling, is that I have the right to choose my friends rather than wait to be chosen. And, if I say I love someone, but they give me more information (abuse, degradation, humiliation, etc), about themselves, I have the right to change my mind. My words don’t have to keep me loyal to someone who would allow me to sacrifice my life to make them right. Sorry. Just felt the need to share that tid-bit. Thank you again.
OK. This video has the itiner for the next 3 years of your life. Mindblowing how many small but interrelated mechanisms are shown here. This is kind of the reason internet was created, 4 real. I am immensely grateful.
Yes, I agree Ashley. The journey of self discovery is the most important journey of my life. Coming to know me again, and reconnect with my purpose for living has been the best healing I have had so far. When I love myself like this, I have compassion for myself for choosing some connections that were not healthy for me. It is so much better to get out of a bad situation and go to work on yourself, anyone sitting on the fence. You, are worth it :-)
What a fantastic analogy with the ‘food at the friends house’ 👌 so simple yet so clear in conveying the profound meaning of love and where it meant to be born at in the first place. Your talk genuinely encouraged me to get into relationships with myself, get to know me and dedicate time to like and love me. The right love will ‘fall at my knees’ at the right time for I know I will have standards I won’t be afraid of voicing out 🌹 Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏻😊
Additionally, if we are loving and our house of love is loaded with food, whomever we want to feed and they were starving they won’t be able to eat it all, the stomach of their heart would stretch in pain and they would be totally put off, sick even and our food of love completely wasted ... Also in another aspect, despite the hunger, would they like our food of love ... ?
Dear ashley thank you so much for this video ! I suffered myself in a bad realtionship . I finally did make the descion to leave . And watching your videos are making so much sense and helping me to find my strenght and self love back .
There is so much to digest here. Over the course of life we all are evolving or at least have some self reflection. We hope. You definitely give a plate full of self realization. To be completely honest with oneself is what I am taking from this. I don’t think I can improve my life or anyone else’s unless I answer the many questions with in all that information you just put down. Thank you for sharing.
You are Amazing I love your content and am following you. Thanks for putting your talents out there. You are addressing things that are not commonly talked about and I love that.
yes you are correct always thought my relationship would get better! it did not.. i thought you had to stick it out because my parents were married for 63 years. though they had an okay relationship.. it was nice to have someone to come home to but sometimes you didnt know if she was a sex kitten or a growling tigress. Dealing with BPD was a big factor along with gaslighting.. thank you Ashley
I think this is the best of your talks here - amazing the way you explain this - we have to look at ourselves before looking at the other person in the relationship - do you think this is really an individual project or the couple can work together at discovering each other?
Thank you for reaching out, good question, I feel it begins with the individual-working on ourselves and seeing ourselves with clarity and understanding. This allows us to see the situation clearly, and then it takes the other person to work on themselves as well. I feel couples are either growing and growing together or not growing and growing apart. We can't carry the other person.
OMG where have to been!! Iwas talking to my daughter the other day about my boyfriend and I and how I'm always defending him and how are relationship is so toxic and trying to understanding why he's still here ever since I was diagnose with deep depression and how he abandoned me during my nervous breakdown. And why he's always so judgemental and critical of me and if I'm that bad of a person why is he still here. And my answer to that was he has low self-esteem issues just like I do!! And I know it's time to let go
Thank you very much for your great videos! They opened my eyes totally and helped me to break toxic relationship and move on with my life. Greetings and blessings from Croatia. ♥️
Your right about that thats what held soooo many individuals back in this universe .... Ias for me iam in love with my self .... I will never chase anyone in this universe for approval ......
I stay with him because he has some really great personality qualities and we have a strong physical attraction. I've tried leaving him and meet other men, but I don't connect with any of them at all. I don't enjoy being single. So, I stay with him even though we have a toxic relationship mainly because he is an alcoholic. The crazy thing is that I was raised in a healthy household and now I'm living in a dysfunctional one.
Ashley, for me it's financial, health and age related. Im 62 and it's hard in my physical state. I can hardly walk and I know that I can't work anymore. If I were young I wouldn't he here anymore. It started off great and he turned into Mr a"Jeckel". Mr. "Hide"was such a sweet guy.
About the last step: Starving love. Well, I am not talking now about love-friendships only. I just think about single people. I think that we should find friends who are happily married if we ourself would like to get a nice relation. I have noticed that sharing time with "starving" single people is not helpful at all. It is forever starving. To see an example of a happy couple and have some other talking subjects than "where could I find a good man fast" and get advice from other single people who DO NOT have experience of good relationships, would do good.
Wel Ashley, I glad you asked how I’m doing. I won’t feel guilty about telling you now. I’m doing ok. However! I did everything wrong... after I said goodbye! Ugh!🤦♀️. The new supply of me 7 yrs messaged me. Now I’ve known about her for awhile, but he wasn’t completely truthful about their relationship. I caught a clue when I was a secret to her. I just kind of asked general questions, right before he pulled his discard, and the idiot thought he could trust me with everything. Well, he always has been able to... but! I was aware. Paying attention. And, if I knew nothing else, his behavior wasn’t congruent with his words... and he wouldn’t let me continue my denial!! He kept asserting his subtle control. Making plans. Then standing me up. When he’s suppose to be here. Off the radar. It kept me in a spin. So much so that I wonder if I’m the Pd! Cuz I sure can relate some of my behaviors and I have the history, to match. I don’t want to slug my part in it. But, I believe it was a set-up, every time. Anyway, new supply, who really isn’t that new actually. He’s been supporting her in his house. And then he left to Ms, where he’s been for 7 mos. I told her the truth, from my own experiences, with him. I told her I didn’t want to hurt her ( she kept calling with questions. Normal questions. I understood. I didn’t ask her any, although I thought I should be a little more curious. 🧐I’m done. I pulled out my professional hat. Told her it was not my business what she did. Staying and leaving is hard. But, here’s some references if your curious. She’s a Pd too, tho. He saved her from prison then a friends house where she ripped off friend’s mother... there’s some pathology there too. Essentially what it seems I have done, is sic them on each other with referrals! It’s a sick satisfaction in regards to him. And, I’m really not too worried about her. And they made it about me. I have no doubt he’ll be back. Even tho I castrated him, only to him tho, but he is a spineless bastard who needs to pull his skirt out of his panties! I told him I was a little passed that I was more man than him too! I have not been miss maturity! It’s kind of an aha moment when I realized how manipulative I am!! OMG! I closed it all down. It’s not healthy. Is it kind of normal tho? Or, am I the Pd?! I referred her two videos. One him and one is her. I know she’ll tell him. And I know he’ll be more interested than her. She’s not giving up her meal ticket. I just feel like I’ve lost it.
Great video.... Unfortunately it seems that the first person that I was only communicating with may suffer from BPD now that I I have researched ...this condition could be a few more folks one a family member only 23... Also a family member with a heavy drug addiction he definitely fits... I'm glad I moved out the country where all of the above mentioned lives... Can't and ain't doing it...over half of century in age ...not going out the world backwards.... Loving myself first. I know who I am ...limitless sprinkled with selfishness balanced. Great video... I need this on my RUclips channel I love your vibe. Inner Work BeautyFull journey within ❤
My Girlfriend left me because I never got my hair cut the way she wanted (because I was not comfortable with the style), she had been trying to force me to dress, behave, cut my hair etc... the she wanted for a whole year. I always stood my ground and she finally got tired of it and left. I am so badly hurt but she essentially left me because she couldn't control and mold me into some who she wanted physically (someone that looked like her ex by the way!). I love her for who she is and never made demands for her to change. It's a shame her love was conditional despite what she said. I also believe my ex had BPD with strong Narcissistic traits, mainly because she could never see how her behavior was hurting me.
Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate what you just wrote. You are awake and aware. I love the fact you love her at the core but knew it was not right what she demanded! Right on. You can love someone but not stay with them. We can love someone but not respect or accept their control or manipulation.
Dude ....she left you because she had low interest in you ,good job on maintaining your self respect ✊and setting boundaries! Don’t feel hurt that she’s gone ,feel grateful that she saved you a lifetime of hell ! The lesson to you should be ,always make sure your girls interest in you ,remains higher than your interest in her ! Always!
I meant to say “no contact” in my last message. I was no contact. Felt the need to say goodbye. Said it And blocked him, deleted him. And rid of him. Just correcting my previous comment. I talk a lot. I’m sorry. But, I feel free. Like I have tools. And I want to share it. Thanks.
I do have a counselor. She just started with me. My one of 7 yrs just retired. I think the new perspective will be good for me. But, I don’t think she’s going to approve. But between these videos I’ll learn strategies to overcome myself too? Please say yes?!
Yeah I realized I needed to focus on myself individually in isolation and seperate from my relationships with my family and past friends because I was put in a mental hospital and abused there in and outside of it. I realized I could handle and face any mental state because what I had experienced was so horrific. I never really felt alone after that
I worked on myself for so long, and I "Woke" up and realized everything in my relationship has and continuing him picking me apart little by little until I felt like nothing until 2019 when I took a chorse called, "Love is a Choice". And after that, everything was clear but I'm still trapped in the relationship because he won't divorce me because he doesn't want to pay alimony and I can't make it on my own with only being on disability. What can I do? What should I do, Ashley?
Another reason people stay is physical. One just doesn't enjoy the idea of another being intimate with their prospective ex, even though we know they are not good for us.
I hope you really have a good relationship to your love one God Bless you, I love you sometime you are funny. I think you help a lot of people more than you ever know
People always talk about self love yet they smoke, drink, have unprotected sex ect....yea I love myself enough to eat healthy and workout daily yet a hate myself enough to drink and smoke.
Hi Ashley. I just watched you unconditional love video again. I am going to take my narcissistic mother out for Thanksgiving. I can’t stand the thought of leaving any 85 yr old person alone on the holiday. 🤷♀️. However, the 7 yr relationship with a THAT man, I had to get ahold of, for me. Not for me, for him. He never has a real answer to anything, when he comes back with that intermittent-reinforcement crap. I was led to believe that HE was a gift!! I believed it! Then I tried to believe it! Then I begged him to make it true!! He’s right! I’m a crazy person!! Well, I really got mad when I thought that... about myself!! I am not crazy! He’s mean!! I went to contact. I told you about. But, I HAD to HAVE an answer!! So rather than wait for him (forever) to give me one. I told him I was using words to tell him the answer to me. Granted I was still mad, so I added a slight. Don’t hate me. 🙃. On every device I had access too ( 3 of them were “just my access only”, to him). Anyway those were turned off, but he gave me to new email addresses... before he turned off “my” phones. I know!! Pretty obvious discard coming!! DUH! Point is I needed an end. I’m ready for it to be over. So, I said, for me, I said “Goodbye”. I blocked everything I couldn’t delete. But say “goodbye” really finalized it for me. Im not worried about him coming back. Im not waiting!! I take myself out, get dressed, instead of not getting dressed after a shower, because he might call, and I don’t know what I’ll want to wear!!! I walk out the door! I don’t run to it to see who it is!! Ashley! I got the gift of goodbye, and I’m still watching your reason why! Thank you!! I believe you and it’s permission to think about ourselves without feeling selfish!! It’s not selfish. It’s self- defense!! It’s our protection! Awareness of ourselves worth, is love!! I even feel like sharing it. 😀. Instead of begging someone to pleeeeze share theirs with me... even it’s not for me!!! What the hell have I been thinking!! What I was told to, obviously. WELL! It feels better when I let you tell me what to do. I feel included. lol. Thanks again. Happy Thanksgiving. When you count your blessings, don’t forget to count you.
How do you when back your spouse after you have valuated there trust? This is not about either person having an affair of any kind. This about trust in general.
Good stuff but I was lost at 2 starving people will always starve yet we can feed ourselves? If I'm starving, how can I feed myself but not someone else?
I hang to along in bad relations or situations. I passively hope that they would get better, and they do not - without any actions. For example jobs. I hang on jobs even I feel that the juice is gone. Then I get so frustrated that something happens or I just leave without a good plan. This same goes with people and even FB groups. Recently I noticed that actually, I do not enjoy at all about certain FB group. But I TRIED. I tried to agree, I tried to belong to the group. Then: BUM: I blew up and I was kicked out. Later I just wondered: why did I not just leave when I felt bad? What did I try to get? After the "divorce", I felt the relief! It was not bad. it was a relief but at the moment I pondered: What's happening now?
By the way. Right now I’m a saint. They’ll need to be done with me “I’ll be trying to break them up” of course. I really don’t care. But, I know it isn’t over and I’ve been far too easily entertained. It’s wrong. But, ... again... UGH!! I’m playing when I was so done. I feel like I can’t even trust myself. I am done. I just have to close every avenue, to him more so, and to her. I’m just sick about backsliding and engaging any conversation with either of them. My own pride and ego has slammed me.
I wish I could figure out how to make my husband sign the divorce papers and set me free because I can't live on just disability and my lawyer told me he has to pay me alimony but that's why my husband won't divorce me, he doesn't want to pay the alimony! We've been together for 36 years, and for the past decades, it's been horrible!!!!! I want to leave, but I'm stuck! What should I do?
P.S. If you want to e sure your donation is used. Hit the streets with blankets, thermal socks, sleeping bags, anything that you need. Churches, abandoned cars, bridges, any place there might be some shelter, that’s will you’ll find the ppl who need you most, this holiday season. Some ppl find more of a support system on the streets than they do in a shelter. Shelters are full, this time of year. Don’t be afraid to make someone a witness to the miracle of brotherly love. I know! Sappy! But better than the venom I’ve been spewing lately. Step out and reach out.
If I were in prison for life, at least I would survive listening and watching all of Ashley's videos on every Topic, and time would fly by till my death and it wouldn't be in vain. 😅Lol!
I am alright or even better alone, I am not scared to be alone. I dont have lowself esteem either, I know what I want, yet I cant leave him and neither can he. I am his temp punching bag, and I allow it, why? He has so much displayed anger. I just love his voice the way he makes everything cute he is so sexual and open, but there is no respect or boundries. The thought of him being with another makes me feel jealous when he is so mentally abusive towards me. He is like a drug, it might be a sexual relationship is all I can think of.
I guess I always thought, what if I think I'm magnificent and I really suck and am selfish or self centered. I think it comes from being around adults that didn't know themselves, and didn't know they didn't know themselves, so what if that's what I'm doing. When they'd tell me how great they were, even at 11 or 12, I thought wow they do not see themselves! Then I didn't want to be that person. I know, it's a lot of confusion.
IKR, We cling to False Hope the “Good Times” will Eventually Return, that they will change and we don’t want to miss out. FOMO Lol 😂 We hang on like a tenacious pit bull, enduring everything that comes our way with sheer determination to succeed. We will make it happen if we try harder we think, lol 😂 Love conquers All we mistakenly believe, ha! Missing out on the return of all the blood, sweat and tears 😭 to make all the misery and suffering worth the effort. To get all the money and stuff back that we spent. To make all the time and energy worth it, so that all the wasted years finally pay off. We have to learn to cut our losses on every level and accept that a poor investment yields poor returns 😕 drop the false hope. That Self Respect ✊ is Priceless and Self Worth Value comes from within ❤️ We need to accept that a bad relationship stays bad and generally gets worse never better. Get out sooner than later, life is short ✌️
Getting to know who I am is new. Crazy but true. Our ability to see our worth and authentic identity as loved by God and designed with power to love and be loved . . . effects everything in our life. I am so thankful for being set free from religion and now know that I am accepted on the basis of what Jesus did for me to change my identity. Inherently we know by nature we are not perfect and holy like God, and Jesus set me free from having to try to measure up or be religious. In Him I am forgiven of all sin and stand as a child of God, simply by believing he indeed is who he said he was and did for me what he said he did. It's amazing though how long I have been a Christian and haven't really understood who I am, with true authentic feelings of self worth. It's not until we see the depth of the programming by the world and the narcissist family we came from. I am speaking for myself. Becoming aware of the cycles of insanity I participated in and the degrading ways of relating was huge, but finally deciding to walk in obedience to God and be authentic to the person he made me to be. . .not until I saw the two sides of the coin, the disobedience and willful rejection of him and the ironic degradation to my own self worth and blessings in life. . . did I start to change and be set free. Jesus said, if I set you free you will be free indeed. He came to forgive sin and to reconcile sinners to God, not white wash it and mask it with religion. Religion is a trap of trying to please God by performance. That's a system of degradation and never measuring up. It's bondage. The gospel message is freedom and complete restoration to our original intended open and honest and guilt free relationship with God our creator. I share this because Christianity is seen as a religion and it's not. It's a relationship with the Lord who rose from the dead in victory over death and condemnation. My relationship with Jesus is the root and reason I can finally begin to examine my foolish partnership with evil and my compromise and my selfish misdirected drive to fill my needs for love in toxic relationships. My identity was forgiven and accepted and worthy to be called a child of God (because of Jesus sacrifice and atonement) but it hadn't sunk in. I am just now beginning to walk out the victory that Jesus already won for me.
Unconditional love is unreasonable. There are ALWAYS conditions. They're called boundaries. Of course you won't love (aka give attention to) someone who hurts you! Unconditional love is total BS! I guess the discrepancy here is that I see love as an action and she sees love as a feeling.
Because the good parts are so good & my brain holds onto that & clings to hope that their bad characteristics will stop
Our brains are very powerful, holding onto what the brain holds onto. I've wished before for the "bad" characteristics to stop...Thank you for reaching out Carolinablue Bear! You put into words what most do!
I think I have done the same thing to myself but im figuring out he is not going to change. He told me after his therapy he changed so i moved back home. It was a total lie. He didn't change anything. He is abusive
@Julie Sprik im on my way to making the big change
Kim Smith Best to you 🙏🏼🤞
Wishful thinking
Denial
I'm not afraid of being alone. I've been alone most of my life and much of it perfectly content. I just thought I had met someone I connected with deeper than anyone before, but I'm afraid that version of herself may be temporary, or maybe just a fantasy.
Same. 😕
Both my parents died and I got extremely suicidal and depressed. Someone was working with me helped me out extremely with positive comments, which were the exact opposite what my wife was doing. My wife was blaming my parents deaths and my situation on me, just like my dad did...
Once I started reading and going to therapy it was eye opening. I realized the foundation of my relationship with my wife was never good. She was not someone I should have allowed in my life. At this point I realized what boundaries were. Once I held to my boundaries she left and my life got extremely better.
Thank you for your videos they help a lot.
Your good at explaining this stuff Ashley. GOD bless you for helping others with their most intimate selves!
Thank you for reaching out BJ, let me know if there's any particular subject you'd like me to discuss!
I am in the middle of a separation. I have been married for 12 years. He is emotionally abusive. I still love him but I am trying to work on myself. Your videos have been really helpful. Thank u
Thank you for reaching out, are you still in separation? How are you doing?
This was exactly what I needed to hear right now! The knots in the stomach and knowing that I need to put boundaries in place is exactly what I’m feeling. I’m doing the work currently (ongoing), and in doing that I can suddenly see the red flags that I was ignoring and minimizing. I was diminishing my own value, and accepting less than I deserved. The most powerful thing I’ve done for myself is to be alone until the discomfort of loneliness transformed into the peace of solitude! You have such a great way of explaining things! You absolutely hit the nail on the head! Thank you Ashley!
In some cases people stay in bad BDP relationships, especially marriages because they cannot financially afford to get out even though it is killing them emotionally. I am married to one and my finances are so out of whack with my wife being in and out of jobs due to her BPD but that doesn't keep her off Facebook or messenger messaging old boyfriends but I will digress and save that for my therapist and attorney when I can afford one.
O Moore Sorry to say this is my story too.....
Love being alone .. it’s freeing and peaceful.. I love myself .. bless God 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Wow I've listened to a lot of spiritual stuff over many years but u make the most sense ever...@
Thank you for reaching out to me Kim, I appreciate your amazing feedback! I feel good that my message connects with you.
Thank you Ashley.. it's been 11 months since my BPD wife left me. I finally realized that we were Co dependent. She had her fame and I have mine. It's been a struggle to reach out to her but have maintained the no contact. She was the poster child for BPD amnesia. When we met we were looking for love.. we had a great life together until the BPD finally surfaced after all the years of gaslighting and devaluation. Thanks for all that you do for us.
56 years old and I am blessed. I did put in the work and I love myself and am worthy of happiness and peace . Love being with me :).. 2 years now and am so grateful for my life
Wow! You are the greatest healer of the soul around. Thanks a million.
I have known myself for years. I have known I was codependent for years. As long as I was in a relationship I was good and my life was moving forward. When I'm single everything stops until I find someone else to love. It's wrong but being this way for 30 years has worked up until now.
Still gathering key points to guide my +60 life. This is a gem... you don't have to keep the persona from the past when people picked on you and put you down.....and your current worth is very high and I want the best for myself. Priceless
What changed... 1) I just had a birthday that ended in 0. 2) My life has slowed way down and I have time to think. 3) Since life has slowed I have time to observe the world I live in and what my own world is like and what I want to change. 4) Some people close to me have died in the last 10 years and I thought..what kind of jacked up life were they living.. I'm not ending my story as a walking mess.
Ashley, this is an awesome & powerful video! Thank you!!! 🤗
You are so amazing, Thank you so much for how generous, opened, direct, and constructive professional you are!
Thank you for this information Ashley 🤓👍
Your words have touched me. I need to work on my self-love and self-esteem as I feel I destroy and I need to get out of this marriage that is killing me every day. Thank you for making this channel!
Thanks! Very helpful discussion. It's difficult to put feelings into words and you have an effective way to do that.
Thank you Tom! I appreciate your feedback. I try to put into words the way we feel to connect and help to explore our feelings. Keep being awesome!
@AshleyBerges you have such a way of explaining things that helps ease the mind. I’ve listen to other people but by far you are on point. Thank you, for all that you do. I’m working on getting out of a toxic relationship and this just puts things into perspective for me. I’m building up the courage now to move on.
Because I have low self esteem, see only the good in others and ignored the red flags.
Bottom line is you need to love yourself and be happy on your own first, then you will never take this crap from anyone else again.
This is the most REAL and TRUE words I've heard spoken in a really long time. And done so in such a great way that it can be truly understand and grasped. Amazing job ashley!! Keep up the good work. Your videos are helping me learn to stay true to myself
Hi Ashley. I’m a 56 yr old woman. A retired Mental Health Professional. I was raised by a narcissistic mother, who is still living and attempting to hold me adherent to my life scripts. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I know it wasnt healthy, for the primary reason... I was in it. Aside from that I have never been in a relationship that was not physically abusive. I am coming to the realization that with physical abuse, I knew I was being abused, and I could leave. I know what it means to love someone. I have an awesome 36 yr old son who is honest to the core, compassionate, but not to a fault, and has no guilt to ppl’s reactions to the boundaries he set. I took my baby and I ran. Divorced 3 abusive husbands before he was 8 yrs old, because my baby, my son, deserved more than seeing his mother accept anything less than what she believed his worth to be. He is awesome, successful, the father of my gson who has Cp and very involved and committed to his child’s happiness now and his whole life’s future. I’m blessed that he and I genuinely like eachother as ppl too. I am breaking free of a 7 year long relationship with a man who never raised his hand to me or verbally assaulted me. Therefore, I care to believe he was the nicest man I had ever known. He made me feel worthy and valued.... when we were together. However, he spent more time making plans with me, and making excuses as to why he couldn’t honor them. He spent more time giving me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, when he had stood me up and then allowing ME back into HIS life after I had profusely apologized for being confused, hurt, disappointed and angry due to his actions. I’ve been reviewing my past. I am a great advocate to ppl in less than fortunate circumstances. I am great in dealing with other ppl’s crisis, making them safe and empowering them to honor the gift they have not only of survival, but their very life. Yet! Just wasn’t getting it myself! My whole life has revolved around saving other ppl from the tragedy that is my own life. Needless to say I burned out and have withdrawn. I lack interest, motivation or desire enough to even care! I am receiving counseling, but I needed more. Counseling makes me feel like I have the “right” to live, but it doesn’t make me care about it. I want more, before I die. I’ve wasted to much time trying to fix the world and trying to fix me for the world. Who cares whose fault anything is, myself included. And so what if what everyone says about me is true. I don’t have to allow them to abuse me. I don’t have to apologize for their abuse. And I don’t have to chase after them for more!! It’s insane! And I’m still not feeling worthy! 🤦♀️ lol. Not to mention no ones happy either, but not for my lack of trying. I started listening to you on utube. It’s so clear! You said it and explained it. 2starving halves don’t make a full whole!! In my experience it’s just made me a whole fool!! Thank you so much. I have made a date with myself tonight. I even laid out pretty clothes. I’m taking myself out to eat ...and leaving my phone at home. I’ll see how that goes... I’ve been pretty sure it was going to have to be surgically removed from my hand when I died! It’s been a month. I have put all toxic’s out of my life, except my mom and she’s limited. I have no “friends”, but it’s easier to make one clean sweep than to prolong the pain 1 idiot at a time. It’s hard. But it’s time. I feel it in my soul. I just want to say thank you for sharing your gift of guidance. It’s offering me info, understanding, solutions, strategies and hope. God Bless. And thank you. It’s great to know I REALLY don’t have to live like this. And quite honestly! I have been lighter in my step being by myself than I ever was with the “support” of my pretend friends. My head is starting to clear. I don’t want that crap in my life, but I don’t always want to feel I have to be alone. What I have to do is change within myself.
One thing I did learn in counseling, is that I have the right to choose my friends rather than wait to be chosen. And, if I say I love someone, but they give me more information (abuse, degradation, humiliation, etc), about themselves, I have the right to change my mind. My words don’t have to keep me loyal to someone who would allow me to sacrifice my life to make them right. Sorry. Just felt the need to share that tid-bit. Thank you again.
OK. This video has the itiner for the next 3 years of your life. Mindblowing how many small but interrelated mechanisms are shown here. This is kind of the reason internet was created, 4 real. I am immensely grateful.
Yes, I agree Ashley. The journey of self discovery is the most important journey of my life. Coming to know me again, and reconnect with my purpose for living has been the best healing I have had so far. When I love myself like this, I have compassion for myself for choosing some connections that were not healthy for me. It is so much better to get out of a bad situation and go to work on yourself, anyone sitting on the fence. You, are worth it :-)
What a fantastic analogy with the ‘food at the friends house’ 👌 so simple yet so clear in conveying the profound meaning of love and where it meant to be born at in the first place.
Your talk genuinely encouraged me to get into relationships with myself, get to know me and dedicate time to like and love me.
The right love will ‘fall at my knees’ at the right time for I know I will have standards I won’t be afraid of voicing out 🌹
Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏻😊
Additionally, if we are loving and our house of love is loaded with food, whomever we want to feed and they were starving they won’t be able to eat it all, the stomach of their heart would stretch in pain and they would be totally put off, sick even and our food of love completely wasted ...
Also in another aspect, despite the hunger, would they like our food of love ... ?
You know it isn’t right for you
but you overstay, that was me
Dear ashley thank you so much for this video ! I suffered myself in a bad realtionship . I finally did make the descion to leave . And watching your videos are making so much sense and helping me to find my strenght and self love back .
Absolutely great video Ashley! Really struck a chord with me!
Ashley so true everything u say defines me. For the past 50years of my marriage trapped in this web. No idea how to break loose.
Best informative video I've found 🙋🏻♀️
There is so much to digest here. Over the course of life we all are evolving or at least have some self reflection. We hope.
You definitely give a plate full of self realization. To be completely honest with oneself is what I am taking from this. I don’t think I can improve my life or anyone else’s unless I answer the many questions with in all that information you just put down.
Thank you for sharing.
Very powerful words to reflect on. I can now answer the question 'why am i still there? THANK YOU
Thank you Ashley.
Nobody asks me TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. I m always asking each person to give my abundant giving attention.
Awesome helpful talks Ashley! Thank you!
You are most welcome Carolinablue! Thank you dear one:)
You are Amazing I love your content and am following you. Thanks for putting your talents out there. You are addressing things that are not commonly talked about and I love that.
Damn I needed to hear this years ago!!! So helpful!!! Thanks for such a great video!
Great video. You are amazing 💜💜💜💜
So many important points in your video. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. 💜
This is a most excellent video -- after the unexpected death of my husband in july, I'm learning so much about myself, thank you Ashley
Godzilla man streb ...so sorry and condolences for your loss .🙏
Oh my God, you solve my puzzle, I suffer a lot due to sick relationship.
yes you are correct always thought my relationship would get better! it did not.. i thought you had to stick it out because my parents were married for 63 years. though they had an okay relationship.. it was nice to have someone to come home to but sometimes you didnt know if she was a sex kitten or a growling tigress. Dealing with BPD was a big factor along with gaslighting.. thank you Ashley
I think this is the best of your talks here - amazing the way you explain this - we have to look at ourselves before looking at the other person in the relationship - do you think this is really an individual project or the couple can work together at discovering each other?
Thank you for reaching out, good question, I feel it begins with the individual-working on ourselves and seeing ourselves with clarity and understanding. This allows us to see the situation clearly, and then it takes the other person to work on themselves as well. I feel couples are either growing and growing together or not growing and growing apart. We can't carry the other person.
OMG where have to been!! Iwas talking to my daughter the other day about my boyfriend and I and how I'm always defending him and how are relationship is so toxic and trying to understanding why he's still here ever since I was diagnose with deep depression and how he abandoned me during my nervous breakdown. And why he's always so judgemental and critical of me and if I'm that bad of a person why is he still here. And my answer to that was he has low self-esteem issues just like I do!! And I know it's time to let go
Great advice and video
Thank you keep em coming
God bless
So True!
Design your self love blueprint like an architect 😎💪💖
Thank you very much for your great videos! They opened my eyes totally and helped me to break toxic relationship and move on with my life. Greetings and blessings from Croatia. ♥️
Your right about that thats what held soooo many individuals back in this universe .... Ias for me iam in love with my self .... I will never chase anyone in this universe for approval ......
Again...you are amazing. Thanks for all you do. 💕
I stay with him because he has some really great personality qualities and we have a strong physical attraction. I've tried leaving him and meet other men, but I don't connect with any of them at all. I don't enjoy being single. So, I stay with him even though we have a toxic relationship mainly because he is an alcoholic. The crazy thing is that I was raised in a healthy household and now I'm living in a dysfunctional one.
Ashley, for me it's financial, health and age related. Im 62 and it's hard in my physical state. I can hardly walk and I know that I can't work anymore. If I were young I wouldn't he here anymore. It started off great and he turned into Mr a"Jeckel". Mr. "Hide"was such a sweet guy.
About the last step: Starving love. Well, I am not talking now about love-friendships only. I just think about single people. I think that we should find friends who are happily married if we ourself would like to get a nice relation. I have noticed that sharing time with "starving" single people is not helpful at all. It is forever starving. To see an example of a happy couple and have some other talking subjects than "where could I find a good man fast" and get advice from other single people who DO NOT have experience of good relationships, would do good.
Wel Ashley, I glad you asked how I’m doing. I won’t feel guilty about telling you now. I’m doing ok. However! I did everything wrong... after I said goodbye! Ugh!🤦♀️. The new supply of me 7 yrs messaged me. Now I’ve known about her for awhile, but he wasn’t completely truthful about their relationship. I caught a clue when I was a secret to her. I just kind of asked general questions, right before he pulled his discard, and the idiot thought he could trust me with everything. Well, he always has been able to... but! I was aware. Paying attention. And, if I knew nothing else, his behavior wasn’t congruent with his words... and he wouldn’t let me continue my denial!! He kept asserting his subtle control. Making plans. Then standing me up. When he’s suppose to be here. Off the radar. It kept me in a spin. So much so that I wonder if I’m the Pd! Cuz I sure can relate some of my behaviors and I have the history, to match. I don’t want to slug my part in it. But, I believe it was a set-up, every time. Anyway, new supply, who really isn’t that new actually. He’s been supporting her in his house. And then he left to Ms, where he’s been for 7 mos. I told her the truth, from my own experiences, with him. I told her I didn’t want to hurt her ( she kept calling with questions. Normal questions. I understood. I didn’t ask her any, although I thought I should be a little more curious. 🧐I’m done. I pulled out my professional hat. Told her it was not my business what she did. Staying and leaving is hard. But, here’s some references if your curious. She’s a Pd too, tho. He saved her from prison then a friends house where she ripped off friend’s mother... there’s some pathology there too. Essentially what it seems I have done, is sic them on each other with referrals! It’s a sick satisfaction in regards to him. And, I’m really not too worried about her. And they made it about me. I have no doubt he’ll be back. Even tho I castrated him, only to him tho, but he is a spineless bastard who needs to pull his skirt out of his panties! I told him I was a little passed that I was more man than him too! I have not been miss maturity! It’s kind of an aha moment when I realized how manipulative I am!! OMG! I closed it all down. It’s not healthy. Is it kind of normal tho? Or, am I the Pd?! I referred her two videos. One him and one is her. I know she’ll tell him. And I know he’ll be more interested than her. She’s not giving up her meal ticket. I just feel like I’ve lost it.
Thank that hit home with me!
broke up with her tonight. thank you
How are you feeling?
joden liberated. Pardon my Spanish...
Great video....
Unfortunately it seems that the first person that I was only communicating with may suffer from BPD now that I I have researched ...this condition could be a few more folks one a family member only 23...
Also a family member with a heavy drug addiction he definitely fits...
I'm glad I moved out the country where all of the above mentioned lives...
Can't and ain't doing it...over half of century in age ...not going out the world backwards....
Loving myself first.
I know who I am ...limitless sprinkled with selfishness balanced.
Great video...
I need this on my RUclips channel
I love your vibe.
Inner Work BeautyFull journey within ❤
So begin dating myself is what I’m hearing. Okay will do.
My Girlfriend left me because I never got my hair cut the way she wanted (because I was not comfortable with the style), she had been trying to force me to dress, behave, cut my hair etc... the she wanted for a whole year. I always stood my ground and she finally got tired of it and left. I am so badly hurt but she essentially left me because she couldn't control and mold me into some who she wanted physically (someone that looked like her ex by the way!). I love her for who she is and never made demands for her to change. It's a shame her love was conditional despite what she said. I also believe my ex had BPD with strong Narcissistic traits, mainly because she could never see how her behavior was hurting me.
Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate what you just wrote. You are awake and aware. I love the fact you love her at the core but knew it was not right what she demanded! Right on. You can love someone but not stay with them. We can love someone but not respect or accept their control or manipulation.
Dude ....she left you because she had low interest in you ,good job on maintaining your self respect ✊and setting boundaries!
Don’t feel hurt that she’s gone ,feel grateful that she saved you a lifetime of hell !
The lesson to you should be ,always make sure your girls interest in you ,remains higher than your interest in her !
Always!
Thank you
All SKILLS are powers we have. Empowered.
I meant to say “no contact” in my last message. I was no contact. Felt the need to say goodbye. Said it And blocked him, deleted him. And rid of him. Just correcting my previous comment. I talk a lot. I’m sorry. But, I feel free. Like I have tools. And I want to share it. Thanks.
I do have a counselor. She just started with me. My one of 7 yrs just retired. I think the new perspective will be good for me. But, I don’t think she’s going to approve. But between these videos I’ll learn strategies to overcome myself too? Please say yes?!
Two people that has no love equals = empty hearts 💔 💔
Yeah I realized I needed to focus on myself individually in isolation and seperate from my relationships with my family and past friends because I was put in a mental hospital and abused there in and outside of it. I realized I could handle and face any mental state because what I had experienced was so horrific. I never really felt alone after that
I worked on myself for so long, and I "Woke" up and realized everything in my relationship has and continuing him picking me apart little by little until I felt like nothing until 2019 when I took a chorse called, "Love is a Choice". And after that, everything was clear but I'm still trapped in the relationship because he won't divorce me because he doesn't want to pay alimony and I can't make it on my own with only being on disability. What can I do? What should I do, Ashley?
Another reason people stay is physical. One just doesn't enjoy the idea of another being intimate with their prospective ex, even though we know they are not good for us.
Yes, it is about the power we have within. Awsome
Great video!!! 💜💜💜
Thank you Kimberly! Thank you for reaching out:)
Perhaps we all need to understand that we don't need to be in relationships to be complete and happy.
If they are Bad, I no longer stay in it.
I hope you really have a good relationship to your love one God Bless you, I love you sometime you are funny. I think you help a lot of people more than you ever know
Me, myself, and I.That's what my reflection in the mirror said to me. 😉
because the price of living is through the damn roof! alot of us have nowhere else to go!!
Enhancing OTHERS with ones learned SKILLS with
Others!!!
People always talk about self love yet they smoke, drink, have unprotected sex ect....yea I love myself enough to eat healthy and workout daily yet a hate myself enough to drink and smoke.
I need to listen to this on repeat!!!
Hi Ashley. I just watched you unconditional love video again. I am going to take my narcissistic mother out for Thanksgiving. I can’t stand the thought of leaving any 85 yr old person alone on the holiday. 🤷♀️. However, the 7 yr relationship with a THAT man, I had to get ahold of, for me. Not for me, for him. He never has a real answer to anything, when he comes back with that intermittent-reinforcement crap. I was led to believe that HE was a gift!! I believed it! Then I tried to believe it! Then I begged him to make it true!! He’s right! I’m a crazy person!! Well, I really got mad when I thought that... about myself!! I am not crazy! He’s mean!! I went to contact. I told you about. But, I HAD to HAVE an answer!! So rather than wait for him (forever) to give me one. I told him I was using words to tell him the answer to me. Granted I was still mad, so I added a slight. Don’t hate me. 🙃. On every device I had access too ( 3 of them were “just my access only”, to him). Anyway those were turned off, but he gave me to new email addresses... before he turned off “my” phones. I know!! Pretty obvious discard coming!! DUH! Point is I needed an end. I’m ready for it to be over. So, I said, for me, I said “Goodbye”. I blocked everything I couldn’t delete. But say “goodbye” really finalized it for me. Im not worried about him coming back. Im not waiting!! I take myself out, get dressed, instead of not getting dressed after a shower, because he might call, and I don’t know what I’ll want to wear!!! I walk out the door! I don’t run to it to see who it is!! Ashley! I got the gift of goodbye, and I’m still watching your reason why! Thank you!! I believe you and it’s permission to think about ourselves without feeling selfish!! It’s not selfish. It’s self- defense!! It’s our protection! Awareness of ourselves worth, is love!! I even feel like sharing it. 😀. Instead of begging someone to pleeeeze share theirs with me... even it’s not for me!!! What the hell have I been thinking!! What I was told to, obviously. WELL! It feels better when I let you tell me what to do. I feel included. lol. Thanks again. Happy Thanksgiving. When you count your blessings, don’t forget to count you.
Thank you Lea for reaching out, you are amazing and I am thankful for you. How are you doing? How was your Thanksgiving?
How do you when back your spouse after you have valuated there trust? This is not about either person having an affair of any kind. This about trust in general.
Good stuff but I was lost at 2 starving people will always starve yet we can feed ourselves? If I'm starving, how can I feed myself but not someone else?
I hang to along in bad relations or situations. I passively hope that they would get better, and they do not - without any actions. For example jobs. I hang on jobs even I feel that the juice is gone. Then I get so frustrated that something happens or I just leave without a good plan. This same goes with people and even FB groups. Recently I noticed that actually, I do not enjoy at all about certain FB group. But I TRIED. I tried to agree, I tried to belong to the group. Then: BUM: I blew up and I was kicked out. Later I just wondered: why did I not just leave when I felt bad? What did I try to get? After the "divorce", I felt the relief! It was not bad. it was a relief but at the moment I pondered: What's happening now?
Settled for. We are are own best friends. We are extremely highly VALUE: a MILLION PLU$ for SIMPLY BEING ME"! 👌👌👌👌👂👂🔑
By the way. Right now I’m a saint. They’ll need to be done with me “I’ll be trying to break them up” of course. I really don’t care. But, I know it isn’t over and I’ve been far too easily entertained. It’s wrong. But, ... again... UGH!! I’m playing when I was so done. I feel like I can’t even trust myself. I am done. I just have to close every avenue, to him more so, and to her. I’m just sick about backsliding and engaging any conversation with either of them. My own pride and ego has slammed me.
My first girlfriend had borderline personality disorder, how much do you know about that?
I wish I could figure out how to make my husband sign the divorce papers and set me free because I can't live on just disability and my lawyer told me he has to pay me alimony but that's why my husband won't divorce me, he doesn't want to pay the alimony! We've been together for 36 years, and for the past decades, it's been horrible!!!!! I want to leave, but I'm stuck! What should I do?
Been trying to figure it out for a while
P.S. If you want to e sure your donation is used. Hit the streets with blankets, thermal socks, sleeping bags, anything that you need. Churches, abandoned cars, bridges, any place there might be some shelter, that’s will you’ll find the ppl who need you most, this holiday season. Some ppl find more of a support system on the streets than they do in a shelter. Shelters are full, this time of year. Don’t be afraid to make someone a witness to the miracle of brotherly love. I know! Sappy! But better than the venom I’ve been spewing lately. Step out and reach out.
If I were in prison for life, at least I would survive listening and watching all of Ashley's videos on every Topic, and time would fly by till my death and it wouldn't be in vain. 😅Lol!
I am alright or even better alone, I am not scared to be alone. I dont have lowself esteem either, I know what I want, yet I cant leave him and neither can he. I am his temp punching bag, and I allow it, why? He has so much displayed anger. I just love his voice the way he makes everything cute he is so sexual and open, but there is no respect or boundries. The thought of him being with another makes me feel jealous when he is so mentally abusive towards me. He is like a drug, it might be a sexual relationship is all I can think of.
Amen to that. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
They know they lie and you know they lie and play tricks.
I guess I always thought, what if I think I'm magnificent and I really suck and am selfish or self centered. I think it comes from being around adults that didn't know themselves, and didn't know they didn't know themselves, so what if that's what I'm doing. When they'd tell me how great they were, even at 11 or 12, I thought wow they do not see themselves! Then I didn't want to be that person. I know, it's a lot of confusion.
I’m am valuable powerful 💟
IKR,
We cling to False Hope
the “Good Times” will Eventually
Return,
that they will change
and we don’t want
to miss out. FOMO
Lol 😂 We hang on like
a tenacious pit bull, enduring everything that comes our way with sheer determination to succeed. We will make it happen if we try harder we think, lol 😂 Love conquers All we mistakenly believe, ha!
Missing out on the return
of all the blood, sweat and
tears 😭 to make all the misery and suffering worth the effort.
To get all the money and stuff back that we spent. To make all the time and energy worth it, so that all the wasted years finally pay off. We have to learn to cut our losses on every level and accept that a poor investment yields poor returns 😕 drop the false hope. That Self Respect ✊ is Priceless and Self Worth Value comes from within ❤️
We need to accept that a bad relationship stays bad and generally gets worse never better. Get out sooner than later, life is short ✌️
How come you know the human brain so much?? I am amazed
Went through all that . It was end game when she started holding out sex because I didn’t do what she said .
Because of kids
Getting to know who I am is new. Crazy but true. Our ability to see our worth and authentic identity as loved by God and designed with power to love and be loved . . . effects everything in our life. I am so thankful for being set free from religion and now know that I am accepted on the basis of what Jesus did for me to change my identity. Inherently we know by nature we are not perfect and holy like God, and Jesus set me free from having to try to measure up or be religious. In Him I am forgiven of all sin and stand as a child of God, simply by believing he indeed is who he said he was and did for me what he said he did. It's amazing though how long I have been a Christian and haven't really understood who I am, with true authentic feelings of self worth. It's not until we see the depth of the programming by the world and the narcissist family we came from. I am speaking for myself. Becoming aware of the cycles of insanity I participated in and the degrading ways of relating was huge, but finally deciding to walk in obedience to God and be authentic to the person he made me to be. . .not until I saw the two sides of the coin, the disobedience and willful rejection of him and the ironic degradation to my own self worth and blessings in life. . . did I start to change and be set free. Jesus said, if I set you free you will be free indeed. He came to forgive sin and to reconcile sinners to God, not white wash it and mask it with religion. Religion is a trap of trying to please God by performance. That's a system of degradation and never measuring up. It's bondage. The gospel message is freedom and complete restoration to our original intended open and honest and guilt free relationship with God our creator. I share this because Christianity is seen as a religion and it's not. It's a relationship with the Lord who rose from the dead in victory over death and condemnation. My relationship with Jesus is the root and reason I can finally begin to examine my foolish partnership with evil and my compromise and my selfish misdirected drive to fill my needs for love in toxic relationships. My identity was forgiven and accepted and worthy to be called a child of God (because of Jesus sacrifice and atonement) but it hadn't sunk in. I am just now beginning to walk out the victory that Jesus already won for me.
Unconditional love is unreasonable. There are ALWAYS conditions. They're called boundaries. Of course you won't love (aka give attention to) someone who hurts you! Unconditional love is total BS! I guess the discrepancy here is that I see love as an action and she sees love as a feeling.
How do I cut ties with my bpd girlfriend when you have a child with them?