Coffee Talk Chapters ✨: 00:00 - welcome to today's topic 03:16 - learning from fellow women & souls 05:01 - comparing ourselves to other women 08:01 - learning to understand & accept yourself 10:01 - your body, beauty, womanhood & sexuality 14:23 - ad break 19:43 - the stages of womanhood & growing 'old' 25:20 - protecting yourself as you explore your sexuality 28:17 - relationship patterns & behaviours
I realized that my mum wasn't always advising me what was best for me as she was advising me from her perspective not from mine. Obviously she meant well for me but still. I like to hear what she has to say, but the final decision is always mine. Mums sometimes can be blinded by their love for us and advise in a bit too overprotected way which is not always what we really need.
Yes! I think there's so much pressure for mothers to do it all perfectly when in all reality, momma's are just as human as the next person and can totally make mistakes. It's amazing you noticed and made sure to weigh her thoughts and lessons with your own experiences and judgement!
@@KalynsCoffeeTalk Exactly! I love her to bits but I need to remember that even though she is my mum, I need to be in charge of my own life so I don't have to blame anyone for anything!
I started my RUclips channel at 32 and I'm not going to lie it was scary. I have wrinkles and like you said I'm really conscious of the fact that I am not "in my prime," at least by society's standards. But I didn't let it stop me from creating because I actually feel like this is how we change the standard. I look forward to seeing you create in your 40s and 50s and beyond.. we can be a part of changing the narrative and showing that older women have valuable things to say, do and create. And the wrinkles and the grey hair just add charm and are evidence of a life well-lived :)
one thing I learned from my mom is to be independent and not be a needy person! and I learned that doing inner work and emotional healing before parenting is also important in creating a family❣️
*I have been beating myself up and a loathing the fact that I gained 15-20lbs ever since lockdown started because I use food as a buffer tool for loneliness and feeling sad. Your videos give me a bit of relief from my own inner mind by distracting myself. :).*
Hi! Same thing happened to me. A doctor explained to me that It’s normal to gain weight during this times, our brain is in survival mode so our bodies store food to survive. So everyone gained some weight. Don’t beat yourself up over it, work on reconnecting with your body and your mind and make mindful choices to care for it and the weight will drop. Sending you good vibes
I have struggled with using food to manage my feelings as well. What helped me was learning about healthy ways I can deal with my emotions. Not just to cope but actually feel through them and heal whatever needs to be healed that pops up from underneath them. My fav tools: Brad Yate's Videos on EFT tapping, meditation, sitting in nature while feeling my feelings. Walking down with my bare feet on the ground, journaling my feelings involving stress, making a list of everything I have to deal with that is just haunting my mind to get it out on paper and out of my brain. And then actually being able to deal with them by prioritizing and creating a small step plan. But the best one by far - becoming extremely present in my now moment by sitting my butt down and just feeling into whatever comes up in my body - all the painful energy fluctuating for example in my heart when I feel deep sadness. And I just sit there letting it express all it's sorrows to me. I hold it like a baby telling myself: that I am safe to feel my feelings and telling my feelings that they are safe with me. And then crying, screaming or whatever I need to release. Afterwards really important to rest, rejuvenate and recharge with something that brings me joy so that I don't stay in that exhausted state of "after-purge" - ex. dance party, gardening.
Never had a female role model, I think so far I’ve done pretty well for myself. What helped me along the way was reading, research , study and repeat. Usually my drive and passion comes within me, myself and I. I don’t know how to explain it but I’ve always had a burning passion to succeed and be the best version of myself. 🧘♀️
I'm 26 and I feel like we're starting to feel "older" because the next generation is just now becoming "adults." So I guess it's like we're level 2 adults or something, I don't know. Haha
I love this. My mother passed away way when I was young. And my dad tried very hard to be there for me when I was a teen girl. But he always told me to be myself, I can do anything I put my mind too. He also showed me to help those around me, and how to be a good person.
@@firesign4297 first, I'm a fire sign so I love the name! Second I just saw this! It was pretty tough growing up with out her. Like kaylyn said, I also had a really hard time accepting the changes in my body, and i didnt know anything about being a girl. I wanted to be just like my dad. Rough and tough dude. Or dude-ette I wanted my mom so much, and I still sometimes wish I had those mother daughter experiences. but I know she is still there watching over me. And now as an adult I know that my dad still brought me up pretty well, even though I'm just as weird and dorky as he was.
I "overvalue" my younger self all the time and it's something I really need to work on (both inside and outside of therapy) but it's hard.. especially as you get older people expect you to magically heal as it pertains to mental illness. It was more "acceptable" to struggle as our younger selves which is a reality I'm grappling with- that and the fact that she seemed so much more likable and there was more value there based on that "youth" aspect. Thank you so much for touching on that Kayln- you always seem to hit the nail on the head.
“One of the conundrums for the daughter of the emotionally unavailable mother is puzzling through how her mother can be physically present and emotionally absent at once. For the young child, this is emotionally confusing and, as the child matures, it may stay that way and create a well of deep self-doubt. She’s likely to wonder whether there’s something wrong with her-Is she too needy or demanding? Is she asking for too much?-or she may wonder whether she’s just making it up.”
It is hard, the pro that comes with it is learning how to go-it on your own and also all the things perhaps not to do in motherhood. Either way I'm with ya 💛
Kalynnnnnn! OMG I needed this. My mom is only 54 but recently started living in long-term care for a complicated type of dementia. Her life has been such a struggle and she didn't really get to mother me past 12. I've literally been finding signs from the universe about things she "would have" told me and then THIS video pops up. Thank you for making this. Xo
My mum taught me so much and I would not be the person I am today without her. Now I'm an adult I'm ready to discover new things in life for myself. Happy Friday☕✨!
Thank you my Soul mom 🧡✨ I've been growing up with you and learning how to get my life together which I didn't fully get from my parents. Many things in life around forming it in a way to actually be happy I had to research and figure out for myself and you Kalyn are a big part of that transformation 🧡
For anyone who particularly resonated with this (including Kalyn!): I strongly recommend the book "Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power" by Bethany Webster. I just started it but I can already tell it's going to be a life-changing read. I've been on my own journey of healing with regards to my mother. I discovered an article the author had posted online about what she calls the "mother wound," and it was so profound I immediately bought the book. I can tell it will be instrumental to my healing journey, and it might be to yours so I thought I'd share! 💖
Turning 30 this year and I'm overwhelmed. I feel I haven't done enough and it feels like I've wasted away the best years of my life. But this video made me think that its not too late to change the 'lane' and walk on the path of self love. I am not fully there yet but its got me thinking :) thank you Kalyn. I could literally feel your emotions throughout the video and it felt good to feel that connection. :)
Wow the last part of the video had me in tears, “we accept the love that we think we deserve”. I just met a sweet honest guy, and all I can think about is that I’m so afraid I’m going to hurt him, because I’m not sure I can return his interest in me. But maybe it’s all just a matter of me not feeling I’m good enough for that kind of interest or maybe that kind of love.
I so relate to not having a strong motherly presence in my life. I went through puberty on my own and felt a lot of shame. Thank god I had some great friends to talk with but it wasn't the same as the wisdom shared from a motherly figure. My mom was and still is very emotionally neglectful and it's not her fault - that's the way she was raised. I no longer feel anger and resentment toward her, I feel empathy for her experience. I had such an "awakening" when I had my own daughter and I attribute a lot of my awakening to your videos where you share your own experience and the impact it had because of being an HSP. I hope I can break that intergenerational cycle of emotional neglect in my family and be that strong motherly presence for my own daughter. Love you and love how your content has evolved ❤️
I remember a while ago you made a youtober video called 'to all the daughters' 🧡 and it was my favorite video you've ever made. I always hoped you'd make a similar one - thank you so much. I needed this and I really appreciate it. I've been watching you since I was a teenager and now that I'm an adult, this really feels like a full circle moment. you're a truly inspiring woman. thank you for this. please keep doing what you're doing ❤
I also found a grey hair right before my 28th bday last year, and I felt like that symbolised I'm a proper adult. Having grey hair makes me feel like I can do ANYTHING. It makes me feel like no one can patronise me anymore It also made me feel like I should embrace my female sensuality/sexuality FULLY, no holding back, no shame
You are such a light in the world , and I think in this season you’re in you are so beautiful and valuable ! Do not think otherwise! Chin hairs and all. You have brought so much wisdom and good energy to my life, and I think that is so generous of you, especially when you had to be so independent and hold your own hand the whole way through in the past 💜
I'm so glad you put this content up. I have been grappling with ageing recently. I kind of don't know where the last ten years have gone! Now at 31 I feel disposable from the messages I've received and I never thought I would. I think like you it is sacred to reach these milestones as some people do not get to so in that sense I am grateful to have done so. I just notice how when you are younger it is all cemented in what is yet to come and as you get older it is rooted in what has come to pass and it's almost as if you take a more vivid, cold, hard, sobering look and even though this is in a sense a blessing of wisdom and reflection it is also more reminiscent of depression of living in the past rather than anxiety or anticipation of living in the future. It seems harder to feel excited or satisfied and it shouldn't because just like with everyone the present is all that exists and at the same time all that is inevitable if we stay alive to see it and what we influence and mould to see is true for all of us no matter what age, stage or phaze we are in or at. I have to learn to separate this value and empthasis on youth portrayed through our media and society and how I feel about this and how I inform my own self image and self esteem and confidence. Would I dream of telling another person or woman to give up on certain dreams because she's not young enough or pretty enough or whatever? No, when it is someone else I can see these standards placed especially on women are ridiculous and should never hold any of us back from our true, divine power or talent or drive or trail yet I cannot give the same advice to myself. I have to break through these external, unmoveable barriers of age etc to even begin my journey or dream or art or impact and that is what I am sick of doing. I have to tell myself you're not too old to achieve this so get on with it before I do, and that wastes so much time, and energy which could be put to better use. I still consider 31 reasonably young in all truth and even on a micro level this is constantly reflected back to me. Yearning to be 20 again really serves no purpose as there are probably 50 years yearning to be my age but yet they can achieve more than me because they have more wisdom, life experience and have overcome more struggles and have a more sophisticated mindset and perspective based on their own barriers with age if you see what I mean. It is all swings and roundabouts and though the pressures in how society does respond to women being past that prime at a way younger age than they are exist, we don't have to let it define our worth or success or happiness and that is the example I want to give others. I am not my struggles, but my strength. I am not my age but my determination. I am not external, I am internal and it will become me if that is what I say, believe and fight for. It shouldn't be such a hard fight and reality but it is and it just means I need to fight harder but I will.
I think consumerism and commercials play a big part in this. When you realize there isn't a pill or cream that fixes it. You will never be younger than you are today so enjoy it. 🌷
25:14 Preach sister! I'm sooo glad I dont overvalue my younger self because I prefer feeling inner calmness and confident coming from experience. Yes, I didnt have wrinkles or single white (!) hair but I felt deeeeeeeply insecure about eeeverything. Like a little girl who got lost in a store screaming for mommy. So I value my maturity and the fact that I can count on myself, that I know my strength and weaknesses over my shallow exterior shell. Thanks for pointing these things out. Love from Hamburg, Germany
This was something special! For me I've been trying to connect with my "parents" all my life. Untill I started working on myself and get more aware and concious about myself, for my own good I had to "let them go" . Free them from MY definitation of a parent, and MY vision of what that is. Because they never will live up to that, and thats "ok". I say it that like that, because its abviously very painfull and it felt like deaths to me and it was a HUGE sorrow process of it all. BUT! Instead I gain a new perspective on the two people that gave me life, and I have grown soooo much in accaptance of others and what it means to truly give unconditional love. AND most importantly I have become the parent for my self that always wanted. And I must say that after all the pain and hard work, it has been sooooo worth it. Thank you Kayln for putting is on the agenda. Blessings
Kalyn I loved this talk so much thank you !! I been watching your podcasts since the beginning of this year I believe I been wanting to work on my self care and myself more this year I had a bad burnout this past year with a breakup and just the feelings of what the pandemic brought but watching your podcasts and chats it has made me feel more alive and not so alone I feel like Im not crazy and I am allowed to feel the way and feelings I do like I am able to express myself better and a big part of it has been through your talks I recently just became a mother this past month its been hard but I feel its so worth it I cant wait for my baby to start to grow up and talk where I can teach him things and motivate him and not to make girls feel bad about themselves but be a good friend and a good role model for men out there and just be good guy and a father himself one day! I know you arent a mom yet but I feel you would be a great mother just due to how you are as a person and friend I feel like I know you on a personal level you remind me alot of my sister she is not by blood but a really good friend and she is just my soul sister I feel and I am drawn to you she lives in AZ and works as a nurse so she wont be able to visit me for a while due to pandemic but its like when I listen to your podcasts I feel like I am able to talk to her or she is talking to me you both are really similar I love how beautiful and humble your soul is inside and out!! Please keep doing what youre doing I know I am not the only one benefiting from this !! Have a great and beautiful day Kalyn one day I wish I could meet you in person !!
ohh my god!!!!! girl i always used to think that these were the struggles that was limited to people of Asian culture/ eastern culture but it's soo surprising to know that no matter where you live how modern you are culturally the struggles are more or less same for all of us. my heart goes to you girl.
I feel like needed this talk!!! to visualize my life as my own lane feels so right, such a great way to stop and take a moment to realize what’s happening in the moment and understanding or even reconnect with myself✨
I love watching you film you are such a wise soul I’m 40 years old and looking at myself in a different and still learning my body some days I love my body and some days I hate my body I some time look in the mirror and think where is the young 20 year old gone even tho I don’t look 40 I look younger which is cool but some time the way people look at you and talking to you like your younger and sometime get me down and have to tell people can they talk to me as a normal adult I talk to all people of all ages in a way I would like to be spoken to as an adult keep up the good work on you channel and remember you and your fellow subscribe your all beautiful
Kalyn! the intro got me..i have a narc mother and we live together (culturally kids never move out of their parents house). its so terrible living with a judgemental motherly figure..as much as im healing that emotional wound i think its time to work towards the practical aspects of life and learning things which mothers teach their young daughters. this video couldnt have dropped at a better time ill be leaving for college soon soo...THANKSS A LOTT
YOU'RE WELCOME! I totally empathize with your situation, having to go on living in the situation would be such a challenge. I've learned through therapy a lot of the trauma responses that come from being raised by a narc parent, the most being constantly invalidating yourself, feeling like you can't express how you feel freely because it's 'selfish', making yourself small to make them/others comfortable, having difficulty deciphering your own judgment or fear of judgement plus the attachment styles that come from the constant neglect and then sudden shower of 'love' when something is needed or it's in their best benefit in the moment. All to say the journey to healing that emotional wound is so cathartic because you finally get to start validating yourself and experience and realize that these reactions are not who you really are ♥️ So happy you'll be heading off for school soon (congratulations!!) and getting some distance!!! Hang in there!
I also don't have a pretty close relationship with my mother but I'm 13 so I obviously live with my parents But I will remember your advice when I became an adult
OMG, this is one of the most beautiful and important videos on the internet!!! I‘m deeply thankfull that I found ist!!! Thank you sooo much for this Kalyn, I send u a big hug and a lot of ❤️
I think some of the aging part comes in waves. There are things I already miss about being in my teens and 20’s my hair grew faster, I never woke up with a backache, it was easier to recover from a season of too many tempting comfort foods. But there’s new good discoveries in my 30’s I embrace no makeup days, I don’t feel pressure to keep up on trends. I’m comfortable with myself which brings new confidence, if I can still find victories like this in my 40’s I’ll be doing well.
Honestly that is the truth! 24:10. Out society overvalues beauty and youth and there is this weird feeling of aging as a woman. Many women have problems with getting older.
I think this episode might be one of the best and my favourite episodes so far. I can relate to every topic that is mentioned in this episode. I love it very much. Thank you for having this deep chat with us. I appreciate it so much.
I grew up with and still have a very close relationship with my mom, yet quite a bit of what you talked about I still struggled with! And still do. Interesting to consider where it comes from if it isn’t necessarily the “mothering”. Great video 💙
Thank you for this video. Not having a mother figure or a fragile one can break us big time, but it's never too late. I'm reading Women Who Run with the Wolves and it has helped me a lot!
I'll only be able to watch it later, but I've looked through the chapters and I already have a question - how do you always know? You always know what I need to hear before I even know! Bless you, Kalyn 🙏🏻♥️
I completely feel it so badly! Especially with kids at 26 I’m like, damn where have the years gone! I hope I can teach my daughters a lot of what I wasn’t taught 😬
I really want to make it known that this morning on my Facebook memories was a picture from a year ago when I was struggling with an eating disorder and I was small. I shared it with the caption I miss being small and then as soon as I opened up RUclips today this is a video that popped up and I’m 25 minutes into it and I’m like holy shit
Wow Kalyn. I love how you word things. I have watched your videos for years now and I always come back and it just feels like home ..I should not have watched this video though late in the evening because now I went into deep thinking hole lol
My mum was pretty young when she had my siblings and me (all 3 of us by 21) and hadn't figured out who she was as a woman yet, I think this really effected how much she was able to help me when I was growing up, especially as I had an extra level of transitioning to go through with finding out I had a fairly uncommon condition that meant I only have a small amount of my reproductive organs (mrkh) and it was really difficult to be around all my friends starting their periods when I knew I'd never experience that, I'm 34 now and have only really accepted myself in the last few years. I try to share the wisdom I have learnt with other girls/ women around me to help make their transition easier :-) and I love watching other women do the same :-)
Babe. I understand your struggle growing up. I would say your situation with your mom can be so comparative to some people regarding either parent. I had dad issues. I learned over time that he is his own human/person and he can do whatever he wants. I think your advice about having self love and boundaries is very important. The ones who care will let you know that they care.
“...he is his own human/person and he can do whatever he wants.” Wow. Thank you for being blunt and putting this into words. This both hurts and is liberating to phrase it so truthfully. I too struggle(d) with my dad. It is tough, I hope you are doing better now💕
On the topic of Britney spears: she had songs that we're so clearly a cry for help that it's amazing people brushed it off as " unrelatable" and " unbelievable"
I feel like the fact that a lot of parents seem to consider that passed a certain age, it is no longer their role to raise their children (letting mostly school and technology do it) is a sign that our society needs to go back to more "instinctive" parental roles. My parents never taught me to ride a bike, to swim, to lace up my shoes, to read the time... And then were surprised when I told them that I had to figure all these by myself. Parents shouldn't rely on society to educate their children, it is THEIR role to teach the life lessons.
Can you do a video on taking the next steps in life? There are some pretty big milestones that are going to be coming up in my life, and I’d like to know how to take those next steps.
I'm 28 in June and I started feeling the same... feeling that I'm getting older. Like older older... I haven't been noticing that so far and every birthday was just another occasion for partying with friends and since this year I've started feeling that I am not gonna celebrate this date anymore :D shi.....t - getting older su....cks :P
Do you have video or can you make a video on how to deal with people who you just do not vibe with. People who are just rude and also people who are like this and you must see them at occasions or even work? How do we protect our peace and not letting them get to us!
All mothers are not like that. My mother wants me to hear her and do what she wants but never listens to me or gives good whatever. I hope to be better to my daughter but she will be the judge of that. Hopefully, I learnt from my mothers' mistakes. That is a good thing I got: mostly an example of how not to be =D Always look at the bright side. And I'm writing this at the 1:30 mark of your vídeo =)
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Coffee Talk Chapters ✨:
00:00 - welcome to today's topic
03:16 - learning from fellow women & souls
05:01 - comparing ourselves to other women
08:01 - learning to understand & accept yourself
10:01 - your body, beauty, womanhood & sexuality
14:23 - ad break
19:43 - the stages of womanhood & growing 'old'
25:20 - protecting yourself as you explore your sexuality
28:17 - relationship patterns & behaviours
I realized that my mum wasn't always advising me what was best for me as she was advising me from her perspective not from mine. Obviously she meant well for me but still. I like to hear what she has to say, but the final decision is always mine. Mums sometimes can be blinded by their love for us and advise in a bit too overprotected way which is not always what we really need.
Yes! I think there's so much pressure for mothers to do it all perfectly when in all reality, momma's are just as human as the next person and can totally make mistakes. It's amazing you noticed and made sure to weigh her thoughts and lessons with your own experiences and judgement!
@@KalynsCoffeeTalk Exactly! I love her to bits but I need to remember that even though she is my mum, I need to be in charge of my own life so I don't have to blame anyone for anything!
😳 WOW... I can feel the energy behind this. You have no idea how much of a gift this is to those who struggle with this. 💕💓
Are you clairsentient?
I started my RUclips channel at 32 and I'm not going to lie it was scary. I have wrinkles and like you said I'm really conscious of the fact that I am not "in my prime," at least by society's standards. But I didn't let it stop me from creating because I actually feel like this is how we change the standard. I look forward to seeing you create in your 40s and 50s and beyond.. we can be a part of changing the narrative and showing that older women have valuable things to say, do and create. And the wrinkles and the grey hair just add charm and are evidence of a life well-lived :)
one thing I learned from my mom is to be independent and not be a needy person! and I learned that doing inner work and emotional healing before parenting is also important in creating a family❣️
Yessss
You have been a big sister( motherly figure)
To alll of us
Thank you is not even enough!!!
God bless you 💗😊
"Stop over valuing the younger version of yourself "
Yes.💖
As a 31 year old single I am so thankful for the pep talk! You are gold, Kalyn 💛
*I have been beating myself up and a loathing the fact that I gained 15-20lbs ever since lockdown started because I use food as a buffer tool for loneliness and feeling sad. Your videos give me a bit of relief from my own inner mind by distracting myself. :).*
Hi! Same thing happened to me. A doctor explained to me that It’s normal to gain weight during this times, our brain is in survival mode so our bodies store food to survive. So everyone gained some weight. Don’t beat yourself up over it, work on reconnecting with your body and your mind and make mindful choices to care for it and the weight will drop. Sending you good vibes
I have struggled with using food to manage my feelings as well. What helped me was learning about healthy ways I can deal with my emotions. Not just to cope but actually feel through them and heal whatever needs to be healed that pops up from underneath them. My fav tools: Brad Yate's Videos on EFT tapping, meditation, sitting in nature while feeling my feelings. Walking down with my bare feet on the ground, journaling my feelings involving stress, making a list of everything I have to deal with that is just haunting my mind to get it out on paper and out of my brain. And then actually being able to deal with them by prioritizing and creating a small step plan. But the best one by far - becoming extremely present in my now moment by sitting my butt down and just feeling into whatever comes up in my body - all the painful energy fluctuating for example in my heart when I feel deep sadness. And I just sit there letting it express all it's sorrows to me. I hold it like a baby telling myself: that I am safe to feel my feelings and telling my feelings that they are safe with me. And then crying, screaming or whatever I need to release. Afterwards really important to rest, rejuvenate and recharge with something that brings me joy so that I don't stay in that exhausted state of "after-purge" - ex. dance party, gardening.
Never had a female role model, I think so far I’ve done pretty well for myself. What helped me along the way was reading, research , study and repeat. Usually my drive and passion comes within me, myself and I. I don’t know how to explain it but I’ve always had a burning passion to succeed and be the best version of myself. 🧘♀️
👏👏👏🙏🤗🎉
as someone without contact with my mother, also not having a motherly figure in my life to provide this space for me, thank you for making this video
I'm 26 and I feel like we're starting to feel "older" because the next generation is just now becoming "adults." So I guess it's like we're level 2 adults or something, I don't know. Haha
yesss this makes sense
I love this. My mother passed away way when I was young. And my dad tried very hard to be there for me when I was a teen girl. But he always told me to be myself, I can do anything I put my mind too. He also showed me to help those around me, and how to be a good person.
🙏😪🙏❤️
@@firesign4297 first, I'm a fire sign so I love the name! Second I just saw this! It was pretty tough growing up with out her. Like kaylyn said, I also had a really hard time accepting the changes in my body, and i didnt know anything about being a girl. I wanted to be just like my dad. Rough and tough dude. Or dude-ette I wanted my mom so much, and I still sometimes wish I had those mother daughter experiences. but I know she is still there watching over me. And now as an adult I know that my dad still brought me up pretty well, even though I'm just as weird and dorky as he was.
I "overvalue" my younger self all the time and it's something I really need to work on (both inside and outside of therapy) but it's hard.. especially as you get older people expect you to magically heal as it pertains to mental illness. It was more "acceptable" to struggle as our younger selves which is a reality I'm grappling with- that and the fact that she seemed so much more likable and there was more value there based on that "youth" aspect. Thank you so much for touching on that Kayln- you always seem to hit the nail on the head.
“One of the conundrums for the daughter of the emotionally unavailable mother is puzzling through how her mother can be physically present and emotionally absent at once. For the young child, this is emotionally confusing and, as the child matures, it may stay that way and create a well of deep self-doubt. She’s likely to wonder whether there’s something wrong with her-Is she too needy or demanding? Is she asking for too much?-or she may wonder whether she’s just making it up.”
I just started the video and it already hits home, growing up without a mother, or having an absent/neglectful mother is haaaard.
It is hard, the pro that comes with it is learning how to go-it on your own and also all the things perhaps not to do in motherhood. Either way I'm with ya 💛
Kalynnnnnn! OMG I needed this. My mom is only 54 but recently started living in long-term care for a complicated type of dementia. Her life has been such a struggle and she didn't really get to mother me past 12. I've literally been finding signs from the universe about things she "would have" told me and then THIS video pops up. Thank you for making this. Xo
My mum taught me so much and I would not be the person I am today without her. Now I'm an adult I'm ready to discover new things in life for myself. Happy Friday☕✨!
Thank you my Soul mom 🧡✨ I've been growing up with you and learning how to get my life together which I didn't fully get from my parents. Many things in life around forming it in a way to actually be happy I had to research and figure out for myself and you Kalyn are a big part of that transformation 🧡
For anyone who particularly resonated with this (including Kalyn!): I strongly recommend the book "Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power" by Bethany Webster. I just started it but I can already tell it's going to be a life-changing read.
I've been on my own journey of healing with regards to my mother. I discovered an article the author had posted online about what she calls the "mother wound," and it was so profound I immediately bought the book. I can tell it will be instrumental to my healing journey, and it might be to yours so I thought I'd share! 💖
Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
Turning 30 this year and I'm overwhelmed. I feel I haven't done enough and it feels like I've wasted away the best years of my life. But this video made me think that its not too late to change the 'lane' and walk on the path of self love. I am not fully there yet but its got me thinking :) thank you Kalyn. I could literally feel your emotions throughout the video and it felt good to feel that connection. :)
Wow the last part of the video had me in tears, “we accept the love that we think we deserve”. I just met a sweet honest guy, and all I can think about is that I’m so afraid I’m going to hurt him, because I’m not sure I can return his interest in me. But maybe it’s all just a matter of me not feeling I’m good enough for that kind of interest or maybe that kind of love.
I so relate to not having a strong motherly presence in my life. I went through puberty on my own and felt a lot of shame. Thank god I had some great friends to talk with but it wasn't the same as the wisdom shared from a motherly figure. My mom was and still is very emotionally neglectful and it's not her fault - that's the way she was raised. I no longer feel anger and resentment toward her, I feel empathy for her experience. I had such an "awakening" when I had my own daughter and I attribute a lot of my awakening to your videos where you share your own experience and the impact it had because of being an HSP. I hope I can break that intergenerational cycle of emotional neglect in my family and be that strong motherly presence for my own daughter. Love you and love how your content has evolved ❤️
I remember a while ago you made a youtober video called 'to all the daughters' 🧡 and it was my favorite video you've ever made. I always hoped you'd make a similar one - thank you so much. I needed this and I really appreciate it. I've been watching you since I was a teenager and now that I'm an adult, this really feels like a full circle moment. you're a truly inspiring woman. thank you for this. please keep doing what you're doing ❤
I also found a grey hair right before my 28th bday last year, and I felt like that symbolised I'm a proper adult.
Having grey hair makes me feel like I can do ANYTHING. It makes me feel like no one can patronise me anymore
It also made me feel like I should embrace my female sensuality/sexuality FULLY, no holding back, no shame
Thank you so much for making this video. I just turned 20, my mom abandoned me when I was 17, so I truly feel like I needed this talk
You are such a light in the world , and I think in this season you’re in you are so beautiful and valuable ! Do not think otherwise! Chin hairs and all. You have brought so much wisdom and good energy to my life, and I think that is so generous of you, especially when you had to be so independent and hold your own hand the whole way through in the past 💜
I'm so glad you put this content up. I have been grappling with ageing recently. I kind of don't know where the last ten years have gone! Now at 31 I feel disposable from the messages I've received and I never thought I would. I think like you it is sacred to reach these milestones as some people do not get to so in that sense I am grateful to have done so. I just notice how when you are younger it is all cemented in what is yet to come and as you get older it is rooted in what has come to pass and it's almost as if you take a more vivid, cold, hard, sobering look and even though this is in a sense a blessing of wisdom and reflection it is also more reminiscent of depression of living in the past rather than anxiety or anticipation of living in the future. It seems harder to feel excited or satisfied and it shouldn't because just like with everyone the present is all that exists and at the same time all that is inevitable if we stay alive to see it and what we influence and mould to see is true for all of us no matter what age, stage or phaze we are in or at. I have to learn to separate this value and empthasis on youth portrayed through our media and society and how I feel about this and how I inform my own self image and self esteem and confidence. Would I dream of telling another person or woman to give up on certain dreams because she's not young enough or pretty enough or whatever? No, when it is someone else I can see these standards placed especially on women are ridiculous and should never hold any of us back from our true, divine power or talent or drive or trail yet I cannot give the same advice to myself. I have to break through these external, unmoveable barriers of age etc to even begin my journey or dream or art or impact and that is what I am sick of doing. I have to tell myself you're not too old to achieve this so get on with it before I do, and that wastes so much time, and energy which could be put to better use. I still consider 31 reasonably young in all truth and even on a micro level this is constantly reflected back to me. Yearning to be 20 again really serves no purpose as there are probably 50 years yearning to be my age but yet they can achieve more than me because they have more wisdom, life experience and have overcome more struggles and have a more sophisticated mindset and perspective based on their own barriers with age if you see what I mean. It is all swings and roundabouts and though the pressures in how society does respond to women being past that prime at a way younger age than they are exist, we don't have to let it define our worth or success or happiness and that is the example I want to give others. I am not my struggles, but my strength. I am not my age but my determination. I am not external, I am internal and it will become me if that is what I say, believe and fight for. It shouldn't be such a hard fight and reality but it is and it just means I need to fight harder but I will.
I think consumerism and commercials play a big part in this. When you realize there isn't a pill or cream that fixes it. You will never be younger than you are today so enjoy it. 🌷
25:14 Preach sister! I'm sooo glad I dont overvalue my younger self because I prefer feeling inner calmness and confident coming from experience. Yes, I didnt have wrinkles or single white (!) hair but I felt deeeeeeeply insecure about eeeverything. Like a little girl who got lost in a store screaming for mommy.
So I value my maturity and the fact that I can count on myself, that I know my strength and weaknesses over my shallow exterior shell.
Thanks for pointing these things out.
Love from Hamburg, Germany
This was something special! For me I've been trying to connect with my "parents" all my life. Untill I started working on myself and get more aware and concious about myself, for my own good I had to "let them go" . Free them from MY definitation of a parent, and MY vision of what that is. Because they never will live up to that, and thats "ok". I say it that like that, because its abviously very painfull and it felt like deaths to me and it was a HUGE sorrow process of it all. BUT! Instead I gain a new perspective on the two people that gave me life, and I have grown soooo much in accaptance of others and what it means to truly give unconditional love. AND most importantly I have become the parent for my self that always wanted. And I must say that after all the pain and hard work, it has been sooooo worth it. Thank you Kayln for putting is on the agenda. Blessings
So many people desperately needed this ❤️ thank you for making this
Kalyn I loved this talk so much thank you !! I been watching your podcasts since the beginning of this year I believe I been wanting to work on my self care and myself more this year I had a bad burnout this past year with a breakup and just the feelings of what the pandemic brought but watching your podcasts and chats it has made me feel more alive and not so alone I feel like Im not crazy and I am allowed to feel the way and feelings I do like I am able to express myself better and a big part of it has been through your talks I recently just became a mother this past month its been hard but I feel its so worth it I cant wait for my baby to start to grow up and talk where I can teach him things and motivate him and not to make girls feel bad about themselves but be a good friend and a good role model for men out there and just be good guy and a father himself one day! I know you arent a mom yet but I feel you would be a great mother just due to how you are as a person and friend I feel like I know you on a personal level you remind me alot of my sister she is not by blood but a really good friend and she is just my soul sister I feel and I am drawn to you she lives in AZ and works as a nurse so she wont be able to visit me for a while due to pandemic but its like when I listen to your podcasts I feel like I am able to talk to her or she is talking to me you both are really similar I love how beautiful and humble your soul is inside and out!! Please keep doing what youre doing I know I am not the only one benefiting from this !! Have a great and beautiful day Kalyn one day I wish I could meet you in person !!
Honestly, you look like youre glowing. Happy you are always spreading the knowledge and wisdom you can
ohh my god!!!!! girl i always used to think that these were the struggles that was limited to people of Asian culture/ eastern culture but it's soo surprising to know that no matter where you live how modern you are culturally the struggles are more or less same for all of us. my heart goes to you girl.
What an interesting coffee take ♥️
“You have to have your best interests at heart”. Hit me like a brick wall, why don’t you.
I feel like needed this talk!!! to visualize my life as my own lane feels so right, such a great way to stop and take a moment to realize what’s happening in the moment and understanding or even reconnect with myself✨
Loved the "To All the Daughters" back when so happy you followed up with this video. Much much needed!!💖
I love watching you film you are such a wise soul I’m 40 years old and looking at myself in a different and still learning my body some days I love my body and some days I hate my body I some time look in the mirror and think where is the young 20 year old gone even tho I don’t look 40 I look younger which is cool but some time the way people look at you and talking to you like your younger and sometime get me down and have to tell people can they talk to me as a normal adult I talk to all people of all ages in a way I would like to be spoken to as an adult keep up the good work on you channel and remember you and your fellow subscribe your all beautiful
So important for us without mothers💕
My best friend miles miles miles
away ! ❤️
Kalyn! the intro got me..i have a narc mother and we live together (culturally kids never move out of their parents house). its so terrible living with a judgemental motherly figure..as much as im healing that emotional wound i think its time to work towards the practical aspects of life and learning things which mothers teach their young daughters. this video couldnt have dropped at a better time ill be leaving for college soon soo...THANKSS A LOTT
YOU'RE WELCOME! I totally empathize with your situation, having to go on living in the situation would be such a challenge. I've learned through therapy a lot of the trauma responses that come from being raised by a narc parent, the most being constantly invalidating yourself, feeling like you can't express how you feel freely because it's 'selfish', making yourself small to make them/others comfortable, having difficulty deciphering your own judgment or fear of judgement plus the attachment styles that come from the constant neglect and then sudden shower of 'love' when something is needed or it's in their best benefit in the moment. All to say the journey to healing that emotional wound is so cathartic because you finally get to start validating yourself and experience and realize that these reactions are not who you really are ♥️ So happy you'll be heading off for school soon (congratulations!!) and getting some distance!!! Hang in there!
I also don't have a pretty close relationship with my mother but I'm 13 so I obviously live with my parents But I will remember your advice when I became an adult
I just wish my mother could be 1% like kalyn! not comparing just stating facts
you'll literally be the best mother to your kids💞💞
OMG, this is one of the most beautiful and important videos on the internet!!! I‘m deeply thankfull that I found ist!!! Thank you sooo much for this Kalyn, I send u a big hug and a lot of ❤️
so grateful for your channel and you. ✨💕🌟
I always feel so much better when I watched your videos! 🌸
I think some of the aging part comes in waves. There are things I already miss about being in my teens and 20’s my hair grew faster, I never woke up with a backache, it was easier to recover from a season of too many tempting comfort foods. But there’s new good discoveries in my 30’s I embrace no makeup days, I don’t feel pressure to keep up on trends. I’m comfortable with myself which brings new confidence, if I can still find victories like this in my 40’s I’ll be doing well.
Honestly that is the truth! 24:10. Out society overvalues beauty and youth and there is this weird feeling of aging as a woman. Many women have problems with getting older.
Excited to see this once I get home 💕💕
I think this episode might be one of the best and my favourite episodes so far. I can relate to every topic that is mentioned in this episode. I love it very much. Thank you for having this deep chat with us. I appreciate it so much.
I had to raise myself completely, this video was beautiful thank you for making it, it helped alot
I grew up with and still have a very close relationship with my mom, yet quite a bit of what you talked about I still struggled with! And still do. Interesting to consider where it comes from if it isn’t necessarily the “mothering”. Great video 💙
As always, thank you❤️
Thank you for this video. Not having a mother figure or a fragile one can break us big time, but it's never too late. I'm reading Women Who Run with the Wolves and it has helped me a lot!
Love this video! Thank you for being so authentic. I've learned so much thanks to you 💛
I'll only be able to watch it later, but I've looked through the chapters and I already have a question - how do you always know? You always know what I need to hear before I even know! Bless you, Kalyn 🙏🏻♥️
Definitely needed this, bless your soul 🥺❤️
Was literally just talking about this in therapy and then this video popped up, what a gift this channel is
Ahh so excited to hear your words of wisdom!! 🤍
This video couldn’t have picked a better day to be released I needed to hear this x
I completely feel it so badly! Especially with kids at 26 I’m like, damn where have the years gone! I hope I can teach my daughters a lot of what I wasn’t taught 😬
Also yeeeeesss why do kids nowadays seem to grow up so much more faster than we did 🤔🙄
I really want to make it known that this morning on my Facebook memories was a picture from a year ago when I was struggling with an eating disorder and I was small. I shared it with the caption I miss being small and then as soon as I opened up RUclips today this is a video that popped up and I’m 25 minutes into it and I’m like holy shit
Wonderful topic 👍 Enjoy your down to earth honest approach to your Podcasts.
🦋 Gracias 🇨🇺 🍮 ☕
That whole aging process , I totally feel all that!
thank you so much for this. love you kalyn
Needed this ❤❤
thank you so so much for this😢🤍
This was so lovely. Struggling with something in my marriage and this is definitely something I needed right now. Thank you Angel Kalyn 💜
Wow Kalyn. I love how you word things. I have watched your videos for years now and I always come back and it just feels like home
..I should not have watched this video though late in the evening because now I went into deep thinking hole lol
I needed to hear all of this today
Thank you so much, I swear you can read my mind!!
this is exactly what I needed right now, I'm kinda floating between being a child and adulting
Excited for this video!
My mum was pretty young when she had my siblings and me (all 3 of us by 21) and hadn't figured out who she was as a woman yet, I think this really effected how much she was able to help me when I was growing up, especially as I had an extra level of transitioning to go through with finding out I had a fairly uncommon condition that meant I only have a small amount of my reproductive organs (mrkh) and it was really difficult to be around all my friends starting their periods when I knew I'd never experience that, I'm 34 now and have only really accepted myself in the last few years. I try to share the wisdom I have learnt with other girls/ women around me to help make their transition easier :-) and I love watching other women do the same :-)
Babe. I understand your struggle growing up. I would say your situation with your mom can be so comparative to some people regarding either parent. I had dad issues. I learned over time that he is his own human/person and he can do whatever he wants. I think your advice about having self love and boundaries is very important. The ones who care will let you know that they care.
“...he is his own human/person and he can do whatever he wants.” Wow. Thank you for being blunt and putting this into words. This both hurts and is liberating to phrase it so truthfully. I too struggle(d) with my dad. It is tough, I hope you are doing better now💕
On the topic of Britney spears: she had songs that we're so clearly a cry for help that it's amazing people brushed it off as " unrelatable" and " unbelievable"
Thank you so much!❤
Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
I feel like the fact that a lot of parents seem to consider that passed a certain age, it is no longer their role to raise their children (letting mostly school and technology do it) is a sign that our society needs to go back to more "instinctive" parental roles. My parents never taught me to ride a bike, to swim, to lace up my shoes, to read the time... And then were surprised when I told them that I had to figure all these by myself. Parents shouldn't rely on society to educate their children, it is THEIR role to teach the life lessons.
Can you do a video on taking the next steps in life? There are some pretty big milestones that are going to be coming up in my life, and I’d like to know how to take those next steps.
Can you do a video on relationship patterns and behaviours? Amazing video as always!❤️
Wow from this title this is going to be a good one!!
(Well they all are)
thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're like my big sister ❤️
This video put me it the right mindset
I love this soo much❤️
please make more of this i need it
I'm 28 in June and I started feeling the same... feeling that I'm getting older. Like older older... I haven't been noticing that so far and every birthday was just another occasion for partying with friends and since this year I've started feeling that I am not gonna celebrate this date anymore :D shi.....t - getting older su....cks :P
Hey kalyn quick question! I'm American and was just curious if it was actually illegal to order and drink an iced coffee in Canada ❤️
“I had jugs” I cackled
Do you have video or can you make a video on how to deal with people who you just do not vibe with. People who are just rude and also people who are like this and you must see them at occasions or even work? How do we protect our peace and not letting them get to us!
Yesss check this one out -- ruclips.net/video/1DCiATgHChs/видео.html ♥️
💜💜💜
3rd choice/possibility. i shave my legs not to see a look of disgust in the eyes of the people i meet. LOL
💕
"She seems quite young"🥸😂😂🤭 why did I feel called out for my daddy issues 🤫
Kalyn is this your natural hair ? You look gorgeous BTW
All mothers are not like that. My mother wants me to hear her and do what she wants but never listens to me or gives good whatever. I hope to be better to my daughter but she will be the judge of that. Hopefully, I learnt from my mothers' mistakes. That is a good thing I got: mostly an example of how not to be =D Always look at the bright side. And I'm writing this at the 1:30 mark of your vídeo =)
❤🙏