My Mother-In-Law Is A Hoarder, Can I Help Her?
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
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Hoarding is awful. There's usually a dozen other problems that go along with it. Great advice, Dr. John, this can't be done without a mental health professional. I lived this with a friend. She asked me for money. I'm in tears watching this.
There’s a fine line between helping and enabling . We can be destroying others by “helping.”
Dealing with hoarders is the ultimate exercise in compassion. The mental illness tied to it is very difficult to deal with. Especially when they react with victimhood and vitriol.
I'm impressed with how well this call was handled by Dr. JOHN. Perfect answer!
I really love the caring answer, sometimes people need help even when they don't realise
Dr.D did great with this call and explaining the mental health issues involved.
Hoarding is one of many addictions . You can’t just stop .
I have a hoarding friend. You can't help someone that doesn't see a problem.
I’m confused. Why would she not want anyone to know about her divorce especially her family?Won’t they notice that her current husband isn’t living with her anymore? Some of us live in real denial. Prayers for this woman🙏
Shame and denial. She needs professional help.
if Dave would have been there: "Sell the Mother In Law"
Hoarding is a symptom of metal illness. The best thing is to get her into therapy pronto!! Making her home safe and secure is secondary to therapy because of hoarders won’t work on decluttering if they’re not working on their mental health issues.
Haha. Hoarders want everything but therapy. Easy to give unrealistic advice.
@@ernestogalvan143 True. Not every problem has a neat little solution. As someone who was a soc. w'kr. for 20 yr's., I can say that hoarding is very tough to deal w/. Hoarders usually do not see themselves as having a problem, or mental health issues.
@@dresser6135 👍
@@dresser6135 “mental issues” is a very broad vague term. If someone tells another person they have “mental issues” of course they will not take it seriously. It must be more concrete and constructive and understanding why she is the way she is.
Sending love and peace to her mother in law. 🤍
She needs to get in control of her acquisition habits and learn to stop bringing stuff into her house so she doesn't have anything new to develop attachments to. Then she needs a professional to come over and help her sort, clean and release what she already has.
Hoarding is a symptom, and it’s a hard thing to deal with as everyone around the person doing it has to be very vigilant, and most aren’t.
My mom is a hoarder. I’m not looking forward to the day she passes because I know I will have to go through her belongings in two homes and a 2 car, RV garage full of stuff. I already know my brother will deal with the logistics and want me to take care of the grunt. I have to make sure her grandkids get what belongs to them and not the rifling thieves that are not family.
I am in the same future situation someday. I know when my mom passes I will be the one going through her stuff that I will need thats important. I have had many talks with my mom about her hoarding but she ignores me like she has no problems. My passing away will be hard but her leaving me a mess will upset me too.
Dr Zazio from Hoarders and a whole cleaning crew.
Family can ruin your life.
Only if you let them. Boundaries are healthy and an important part of a happy life.
You can't reason with a hoarder because what they are doing makes no sense.
The hoard means more to them then relationships and everything they have is needed and they cannot get rid of.
Sounds like you don't appreciate the value of a plastic Grimace toy from McDonald's in 1988.
just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean it doesn't make sense. Hoarders hoard for many different reasons and in many ways. Try support versus judgement
Just show compassion, love, support for his mother as a person and let her know you are available to help if she ever wants that. Sometimes "things" are clinged to because other people don't provide that feeling of permanence when they are critical and finding fault. No one wants to be "fixed" by critics. Everyone simply wants to feel accepted and loved despite their flaws. People are not perfect and the imperfections are different for each individual. Please don't judge her too harshly since it is really her life and her choices to hold onto things. There are reasons she needs to do that regardless of what others think and disapprove of.
This is SO true. Many who hoard are filling an emotional void. They need lots of love and support, and to know they're not going to be abandoned. Boundaries are still important and can be supported equally with love.
Carla Ritchie I understand what you're saying about showing compassion and love for the person, but the biggest problem I see (as described in the video) is that the mother is living in a home that is filled with mold. The difference is that if a hoarder is in a dangerous situation like that, then the family might have to do something to remedy the situation, and do whatever they can to try to find a way to get her out of a moldy house so that she doesn't become physically ill, even if that means calling in some authorities to help get her out of that bad situation. Listening to the video, the caller made it sound like her mother in law was living in a very dangerous situation for her health.
True it depends on how serious the mold issue may be. If it is in a small area where it can simply be removed by cleaning or if it is throughout all the home. That is a fairly common problem to address in humid areas. Vinegar, bleach or mold killer spray works easily to remove it and a dehumidifier to prevent future issues (or find the source if caused by a leak). They could certainly offer to help her with that especially if she's not able to do some of those things by herself. Very sad that her husband left without helping to mitigate any signs of mold to maintain their home!
@@carlaritchie331 Yes I agree with you.
? Did not the soon to be X husband not see the hoarding issue before marriage? This poor DIL is trying to handle her husband's lane. He should be man enough to get the siblings together and if they are not willing to help then it's all on him. Hard truth you can't make a grown person do something they do not want to do is so true. She blew 200 grand??? Did no one see 🙈 what was happening? Very good advice.. professional help is needed ASAP
Maybe she wasn't hoarding then. One of my relatives started in their mid to late thirties. Certain life events can make problems like this arise.
@@colleenduffy1139 true,but I think if one of my in laws spent over 200 hundred thousand dollars without a Cadillac or Lamborghini in the drive way I would have been suspicious. I totally understand hoarding and the mental issues and it does start at different times in this type person's life. 200 hundred grand tho sure buys a house full of trinkets. I just hate the DIL feels like she has to take the step to deal with it. Get your point though.
Dave: "What's your household income?"
Very sound advice.
It has been said that the #14 chromosome can be the cause of this form of ocd..hoarding is an illness. .It is treatable. .not necessarily an addiction...of course intervention is absolutely needed for her health/safety.. There are several things that are possible drivers..perfectionism, fear, misguided retirement planning, daunting by the physical requirement of cleaning up.
It's truly sad that someone would seek divorce because their spouse has an illness whatever happened to in sickness and in health even mental health
I kinda agree with you, but on the other hand if they can't live in the house anymore because it is full of mold and should be condemned, and if the spouse is destroying their finances.....I can see the best thing is to protect themselves with a divorce. It doesn't mean they can't still be active in their ex's life and help them if the ex is ever willing to get help.
How long are you supposed to try and help someone before you stop enabling them and leave?
Judge much? You don’t know how long he tried, plus if they don’t want help there really is nothing you can do to stop it.
In sickness and in health implies that all people will take responsibility to deal with their illnesses, not bury their heads in the sand and deny it. Its one things if an ill person is definitely doing everything they can to deal with their issues. But if they don't, There is no reason for somebody else to drown because the other person refuses to deal with an illness that is solvable. It's OK to have boundaries. no person should have to sacrifice their own health and welness just somebody else doesn't have to deal with theirs.
@@rnopes21 that's not exactly right and I say that because marriage vows are a sacred promise before God and a divorce should only be an option for infidelity or abandonment besides that have you ever heard of inpatient therapy a parent or a spouse can actually have their children or partner committed to an institution for their own wellbeing
I wish these were done for youtube instead of whatever legacy media "we have to rush through this to time our ad break" format this is. My parents (and thus me as well) are just on the cusp of being hoarders, and I would have loved a little more in depth discussion.
Radio slot. Don’t hord
@james dreger. Dr John deloney has his own call in show, you can see it on RUclips He gives great advice
@James Dreger you may want to follow A Hoarders Heart on RUclips, she is recovering from hoarding and gives a lot of information and great tips
Having a hoarder MIL is my worst nightmare. Good luck to Mary!
Personal problems don't let her live with you. It's her mold her problem. Stay out of this.
Agree, she will wreck their home in short order!
@@alleykeosheyan4779 Yeah the DIL is a busy body she needs to stay out of this. It isn't even her family. Let the neighborhood call the city. If this woman calls the city and MIL is homeless then it will be her fault and she will need to take her in. If neighbors call the city and she because homeless it won't be her (DIL) fault and she can leave her to her (MIL) self
Right, just don't go visit to her MIL house if she doesn't like it. Invite her to visit at the son's home where everything is perfect and no one is criticizing within the family.
I disagree. If it were just hoarding ok. But mold is toxic and will kill her. It is not loving to let her continue in this situation.
Ya
RUN
I think it's the place of the husband to decide what interventions will or won't be done. Not hers. All we need to keep in mind is how God loved us and His kind of love is what we give to others regardless of styles of parenting being raised as that could be way different. Sometimes part of loving is knowing when to let go of a situation.
The only thing worse than dealing with your Mother-in-Law is dealing with your wife.
Or husband😂
No you can’t.
Is this woman and the 'I feel guilty for getting a bigger inheritance than my brother' the same person? Both Mary from Kalamazoo MI and they sound the same! 🧐🤔
It can be treated with medication
Dang
Seek professional help.
I'd rather watch a Coy & Vance Dukes of Hazzard Episode than these two
This is all wrong. Very bad advice. Doubt the divorce was due to hoarding, but to abuse, likely from the ex.
How about mind your own business
Sounds like she involved them.
First
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