$350k mortgage at 81 years old??? Dad's uncontrolled spending isn't a new issue. They need to be talking to an attorney rather than a radio talk show host. Sounds like someone needs to be named Conservator over Dad's affairs.
I thought the same thing. When she said "We're trying to keep it," I can understand the sentiment, but in that type of situation, there's not any reason for an 81 year old to be living in a $550k house, especially that far away from family. Granted, I don't know their situation, so I'm making a lot of assumptions, but I would definitely sell it, pay off the debts, and have some money to live on to settle things out for a while.
@@Gravel22Gaming I'm unclear as to why they couldn't they have him declared incompetent, put him in a nursing home, sell their house and move into the nostalgia house if they want to keep it?
Selling it is dumb financially because then he needs to pay even moreee money to rent somewhere; and on top of that, they lose future years of house appreciation and paying down the principle. Only reason selling it makes sense is if she’s not on his inheritance
@@anacorreia8058 Not if they can't afford two mortgages, two insurance premiums and don't have the knowledge, skills, time, and/or money to manage an investment property.
I agree with this totally! My dad is 89 and is having trouble with house maintenance (which I have taken over) ... to move him would end him because Mom passed 6 years ago and 'she' is everywhere in the house. They were married 60 years. I am retiring 'early' to 'help out.' My uncle moved my grandma to another state and she was gone in a little over a year - where she had been healthy until then - it is soul crushing to have to move elderly. A note to the younger folks - people in their 80 (with no cognitive decline) are still in their 40s or 50s mentally - a lot of their 'anger' can be due to declining health issues.
Friend sold his mother's house and moved this elderly lady but I told him you shouldn't move her out her routine but he said she's fine with it, a few months he's back and dejected because mother gets confused and wanting to go back to her old place and routine which is impossible.
How do you owe 350k on a "family home"? How many HELOCs have been taken out over the decades? Their equity percentage should be wayyyyy higher than like 1/3.
When my father in law died we asked my mother in law if she wanted to move in with us, she jumped at the opportunity. She had the money to live alone but her whole life was her family and her husband. She would have been very lonely if she lived alone. 2 of our 3 boys had moved out and the last one was in high school. It was great she would come with us to high school events our kids saw how important it is to help family. The only sad part was she died 2 years after her husband on the exact day. I should add that is was a little hard on my wife in the last 2 few months watch her mother die but is was better then dying alone.
Yes. "Family house"? That's usually a home that's been in the family for generations. Or at least paid off by 81 years old. We're 58/56 and our family home has been paid off for 6 years.
My grandmother died with a couple of mortgages on her house at 82. Sometimes you do what ya have to in order to get your kid a good trial lawyer. And when you have nothing but 1200/month coming in. You do what you have to.
George made a fantastic point about a house with nostalgia and good memories becoming a place associated with bad memories if they wont let it go. 5 years ago my grandparents downsized from there nostalgic family home for very different reasons. They were emotional and so were we, but they agree that it was one of the best decisions they ever made. The home was getting old and they weren't even physically able to take care of it as much so they would have had to start throwing tons of their hard-earned money at a house with a list of problems longer than the Magna Carta. Instead they downscaled, which actually got them closer to family, which improved their quality of life and its been nothing but a blessing. This is great wisdom from George that people need to remember. It can be hard to let go of emotionally memorable houses, but it will be a memory at some point no matter what, let it be a good one.
I am in a very similar situation. My dad's doctor told him that he could not live alone anymore. This definitely helped in the decision making. It was not hard to convince my dad to sell his house and move in with my wife and I. We have to treat him like he is 4 years old. We try to give him as much freedom as possible without letting him hurt himself financially or physically. He is much happier with us than he was living alone.
Maybe he having someone sort of watching over his shoulder so to speak makes him feel better. I think fathers feel like they always have to be strong one for the kids, like the protector, so it is a little harder for them to admit they need the support of their kids.
Those scammers can rot in hell. They stole 10 grand from my grandmother years ago by pretending to be me - her “grandson” - saying I needed money desperately for bail.
Reminds me of my dad almost getting scammed shortly before he retired. He was looking for a used car and found a local ad on the internet. The car was listed way below its estimated value, so he contacted the seller. The seller's listed phone number had a local area code, so he didn't think much of it. The seller then kept insisting that my dad send thousands of dollars as a deposit before seeing the car in person. I'm glad he called me to tell me about it because everything about it sounded fishy to me. My dad was adament that the deal was too good to pass up. For the first time in my life, I angrily raised my voice toward him trying to convince him it was a scam. Thankfully he took my advice.
81 years old with a $340,000 MORTGAGE! He had 60 years to pay something off Two lifetimes of payments. Please don’t do this people. Sell the house-pay everything off. Set him up with a small apt to take care of & give him some breathing room.
When dealing with family members and money Dave is sooo right, document everything in a legal contract with every option laid out clear for everyone involved to sign. Family emotions and money are like vinegar and water, I learned the hard way. It only costed me $4K, but was worth the lesson.
Knew of two brothers locally that went thru an inheritance issue. The elderly parents co-signed a loan for one of the brothers for a business venture that went south. They bailed him out to the tune of $80k. A few years down the road both parents had passed away. The bailed-out brother shows up to get his half and the other brother wanted 80k subtracted from the estate before it was split. They don't speak to this day.
It's too bad that an 82-year-old still has a mortgage and a pretty hefty one (over $300K) at that. I'm 76 and would still be paying a mortgage had I stayed in CA. I got wise, moved to another state 20 years ago, took what I made by selling what I had in CA and bought a better house for cash, which I plan to live in until I go 10 toes up.
When Dave said "I assume it's a normal state with standard laws" about Oregon, I lost it. Both my husband and I laughed so hard. No Dave its not. Portland run the state. And Portland is far from normal. -SW WA resident.
We had a similar situation when my mother passed away, thankfully, the three children had an agreement in writing, because each of us had different means at the time. Great advice, Dave!
This is so sad. My mother is 'street smart' and fell into a scam after recovering from surgery. She wasn't thinking right. That was the only scam she fell for and she stands on the soap box when it comes to speaking out against these activities. My mother is almost 90. This is the generation that should be holding onto the family purse strings..... Some of the bad things about technology that makes this world an evil place.
90 and ill. Give your mom and those left of her generation some grace. As we age, our faculties fail us; add illness in the mix, it's a recipe for disaster. It's when the wolves come. Wolves don't attack the young and strong. They go after the weak. If my parents were alive today they'd be 101 and 93, but they passed in their 60s. My experience with my 94 year old grandmother however, was an eye opener! These Depression era people who counted every penny in their younger years, are defenseless prey to the worst among us. Laws need to be enhanced against these type of crimes.
Totally agree with Dave cause my parents left behind 40k in cc debt & 55k in mortgage. My sister wanted the house & had to buy it for 130k to settle their debt. House was worth 150k. Bro & I gave her a gift of equity so she could buy it. Hope she never sells it.
I was a nursing home administrator for a decade and then started helping all my mother's friends and relatives until I moved in with mom for 3 yrs until she passed at 86. My experience informed me that every family needs to talk about best case and worst case scenarios as mom and dad get old. Start today no matter what everybody's ages and financial pictures look like. 75 seems to be a magic age when updates to documents and changes in living situation need to happen to settle the elderly person into a safe and contented housing and lifestyle. Every year beyond that it is harder on the elderly people to make the changes. It is stressful and confusing to move your home at any age but especially for any frail elderly person with any cognitive decline. I heartily endorse Dave's advice and respect the caller's rational and caring strategy. I do NOT endorse dumping old people into nursing homes unless they are completely disabled mentally or physically. That's why I moved in with my mom.
I've also worked in the industry and denial amongst family members was a huge hindrance to getting their parent or grandparent into a suitable/safe situation for them. It was extremely frustrating, at times, because they would fall apart and need hand holding when it was their family member who was the one actually in crisis and needing intervention. I realise it comes with the job but it became too much for my patience and I felt I was not really helping the people I was supposed to be helping. Though, my absolute worst are the family members whose denial is rooted in not wanting to drain their inheritance so they leave their parent in an unsuitable and neglected situation so no extra money was spent. You really see the best and worst of humanity in aged care sector.
@@vanessac1721 So so true. I was the main contact for families regarding finances and was so disgusted by their selfishness about the elder's assets. One time I used the word "welfare" referring to Medicaid and the response was "how dare you insinuate she'll be on welfare!". This was an affluent family planning their "spend down" strategy. I'll just say for other viewers that even though caring for your parent who is regressing to infantilism, it was also the most rewarding thing I've done . I knew that my mother was content when a Hospice social worker asked mom how she was doing and mom with a big smile said "I'm just fine" and pointed at me and said "She takes good care of me and she's not even family". I was not offended but honored that I'd accomplished my goal of keeping her safe and comfortable, enjoying her own preferences of food and bedtime routines, etc, and spending time visiting friends and family rather than sitting in a geri-chair in the hallway or activities room with a crowd of other feeble and half-demented people she did not know. My five sisters all fully supported me, never asked about mom's money (she was not wealthy but had a small savings that we used up while living together). 12 years later they still thank me for caring for mom so they didn't have to stress and worry all the time. So bless you for trying and as the corporate geriatric cash cow keeps growing we need to keep talking about the spiritual and moral costs of neglecting our elders.
My parents, like many, thoroughly stubborn, utterly unrealistic. Lack of planning and when the inevitable happened to one of them the other was left incompetent, which required a tremendous effort by a sibling g who lived close to rectify a problem he had spent years warning them about. The will was a mess as well and all unrealistic.
@@patty109109 I think it's difficult for elderly people to take advice or instruction from their own children. Kudos to you and your siblings for trying. I wonder if people they respect would have more influence. Pastor, Doctor, Tax accountant, investment consultant.... Maybe the Ramsey team could put together a program for seniors with Dave being the messenger (his gentler side, lol,) not his younger acolytes. A special event that middle aged people could go to or watch WITH their aging parents to get some credibility for their advice.
the guy must reverse mortgage that thing a couple times . How can you owe 340k on a 550k house when you are 82 and that is your family house . He probably bought that thing in the 70s for 50k and took equity out of it everytime he could
It was probably refinanced at some point to bail out a family member, or family members needed a new boat or something. I've seen this with my own eyes. Some people view owning a home as a piggy bank that you get to raid.
My Father is the same age but was being scammed by his stepson. We just ended that thankfully and at least the house is paid off. People that scam the elderly will have a special place to go to in the end. 🤦🏽♂️
@@nicholasselke5214this is very true, but the deceased estate is liable. Just another reason to have the talk with mom or dad in setting up a protection to keep them from spending foolishly when their mind is not fully functioning with common sense.
the guy must reverse mortgage that thing a couple times . How can you owe 340k on a 550k house when you are 82 and that is your family house . He probably bought that thing in the 70s for 50k and took equity out of it everytime he could
Has Dave done a show on reverse mortgages? Anyone know? It could make sense to keep him in the house but it won't preserve equity for the inheritors. I see a lot of negative headlines on it but haven't looked into it.
Dave nailed this one as usual. The father needs to go into a home now. He's lonely and talks to the only people he can, scammers in Nigeria. He will be much happier
I had a friend that was the caretaker for a an unrelated family friend that was a sucker for every hard luck story that came his way. Usually people he knew and that honestly were having troubles. But he didn't have a lot of money and certainly not enough to be giving thousands to near strangers who in turn wasted most of it on booze and drugs rather than actually making their lives better. My friend had power of attorney so he could do some things to hold down the spending. In the end he died with less than 500K and had blown through over a million in his last couple years. He had one estranged son (he'd give money to strangers but didn't have the time of day for his own son, who had never done anything to deserve that treatment). At least my friend was able to ensure there was something left for him.
What I don't understand is that when I try to buy gas at the corner store my cc denies the charge, but CC's are fine sending 100s of thousands from an elderly person's account to Pakistan???
Same reason passwords lock you out of your own account but hackers circumvent the security. Lowest hanging fruit so financial institutions appear to be tight with security, until it hits their bottom line.
Outside of the credit cards why not downsize the house to one that is half the size and will have a far smaller/shorter mortgage. Then in short time it would be paid off and he would would be able to take care of himself.
Call the attorney general! I know in WV our attorney general will go after scams against the elderly. So sad to listen to this. My parents are in a similar situation. Screw nostalgia, sell that house! You can drive by and look at the house and not be in the same predicament when you are old.
My friend went through this & medical examination showed dementia. He couldn’t see the mistake of continuing to fall for scams. Get a good medical exam, too.
I’m sure the other sibling would help, if they were financially able. If you’re able, you do what you have to do to take if your family. I wouldn’t get petty about who’s paying what and who isn’t.
Family house with nostalgia but owe all that money in a mortgage. How many times did Dad cash out refi the house? Sad situation but very common with older parents living in a nice house and no money or retirement
I was in a similar situation and we decided to have my mother file a chapter 13 not a 7 which does not put a lean on your home. Yes we pay a monthly fee to pay back over time but its better then trying to haggle with creditors in hopes of trying to settle for less. And the debt was north of 40k
Move dad to Texas, Oregon is a trainwreck of high property taxes and crime, with a few small towns for Portlandia refugees. If you're OK with small-town life, make sure you're 80 miles from the crazy city, and well outside the Willamette valley!
a lot of people are living at these sort of expenses nowadays. Bringing in a certain figure a month and only having a few hundred dollars for expenses and food. It's so crazy where the economy is these days.
step 1: put the father on board to sell 2: find him an affordable place 3: put him on a budget 4: monitor his phone/computer activity remotely with the anydesk software or any remote control software for ios/android or mac/windows
Dad has to have some type of health concern to repeatedly keep falling for this. Not sure why they are so set on keeping this family house that's far from being paid off. She's in denial, the aging process is hard and this will get worse. The time to act is now.
I don't understand. Her dad is living in the family home, if it is the family home, why does he owe $340k? Shouldn't it have been paid for decades ago?
My god imagine being 81 with a 350000$ mortgage why are people this dumb my house also worth around 550k its paid for we got 200k in retirement 40k in savings me and wife 37 years old we have never made over 100k combined until the last 3 years
Yes. My eyes got big when she said he had a mortgage. I get if there are memories in the house, but how long has he 'owned' this house. Assuming he bought the house in his 30's, that's a 50 year mortgage. That makes no sense.
I wonder when he bought this house. Did he take out a second mortgage or equity loan? They need to check into all that. Tell him to sell the house and move into a Senior apartment. Then he probably could buy a decent car to drive.
Sell the house and settle the debt! Then have him move in with one of the kids and the siblings can chip in monthly for the expenses. Why is an 81 year old man living a $550 thousand dollar home!!??? Makes no sense.
Sell the house, he's already lost it and you'll hate the house by the time this situation resolves. Also, delete the computer, like seriously throw it out the window and cut the internet, He can't afford it and clearly has no idea how to use it safely. I've lived much the same thing, if we (The family) had gotten rid of the damn computer and sold the house it would have saved us so much blood sweat and tears.
sell the house! Keep the memories not the house. He doesn't need a big house at 82 years old and you don't need to continue to make payments on anything.
If this was like a 22 year old, Dave Ramsey would be hard and tell them to kick him to the curb. Instead he tells everyone in the family to get together and chip in to help keep a roof over the guy's head even though everyone already warned him about scams.
Option 1: Sell the house outright and use the $550k equity to fund the rest of his life. Sucks that he loses his family home, but them's the breaks. Option 2: Transfer the mortgage into your name (or a trust). You are already supporting him financially. At least now he can live out his days in his home, while you get security for the money you spend to support him. There really isn't a plan where he keeps the house in his name.
How do you have a nostalgic house that you still owe $340K on?. Most nostalgic houses have been in the family for generations and have been paid for long ago.
Dave will not say what the correct answer is here. He should get a reverse mortgage and pay off the existing mortgage with it, plus have a line of credit he can draw on to support himself as needed. Immediately, that $1,700 mortgage payment goes away, he has his entire income to work with each month, and he gets to stay in his beloved family home. When he dies, the house gets sold, the reverse mortgage is done, and there is no family drama about who gets what and recouping expenses.
Guilt is what’s keeping Dad in the house. Can Dad move in with any of the kids? Can another family member or close friend move in with Dad to supplement his income? Accompany Dad to his Doctor & find out if it’s safe for him to live alone. Call your local Board of Social Services to apply for Medicaid & see what services he might be eligible for. See if his town has a Senior Center, to get out of the house & socialize.
This is not adding up. How is this a family home that is so hard to get rid of if it's still 2/3 mortgaged? I understand it's hard to relocate in your 80s, but this doesn't sound like a heritage question, more of just a preference. Moving somewhere smaller will be better in maintenance and costs.
Yeah this makes zero sense. Sounds like dad makes stupid decisions all the time, like financing half a million dollars at age 70 or whatever. Oh and of course there's no retirement, no pension, no nothing. The family needs to divorce themselves from this cancer ASAP.
@@sharonfleshman6961 IKR... Why refer to the house as a "Family home" if based on equity, he's has it at most 10 years. It's not been in the family 100 years or anything, it's just a house.
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$350k mortgage at 81 years old??? Dad's uncontrolled spending isn't a new issue. They need to be talking to an attorney rather than a radio talk show host. Sounds like someone needs to be named Conservator over Dad's affairs.
Yea the house is only worth $550,000. How did that even happen?
Sell the house... at the end of the day, it's just a building at this point. Your memories will always be there. Good luck
81 years old and he still owes $340,000 on his house? Oh Sweet Baby Jesus! Honestly I'd sell the house and pay the debt and put him on a budget.
I thought the same thing. When she said "We're trying to keep it," I can understand the sentiment, but in that type of situation, there's not any reason for an 81 year old to be living in a $550k house, especially that far away from family. Granted, I don't know their situation, so I'm making a lot of assumptions, but I would definitely sell it, pay off the debts, and have some money to live on to settle things out for a while.
@@Gravel22Gaming I'm unclear as to why they couldn't they have him declared incompetent, put him in a nursing home, sell their house and move into the nostalgia house if they want to keep it?
Selling it is dumb financially because then he needs to pay even moreee money to rent somewhere; and on top of that, they lose future years of house appreciation and paying down the principle. Only reason selling it makes sense is if she’s not on his inheritance
@@derekd1510 is this a joke? With inflation, it’s much smarter to keep all of the properties.
@@anacorreia8058 Not if they can't afford two mortgages, two insurance premiums and don't have the knowledge, skills, time, and/or money to manage an investment property.
Note, keeping him in the house is also keeping him alive in many cases...Elderly people can't deal with significant change like younger people.
I agree with this totally! My dad is 89 and is having trouble with house maintenance (which I have taken over) ... to move him would end him because Mom passed 6 years ago and 'she' is everywhere in the house. They were married 60 years. I am retiring 'early' to 'help out.' My uncle moved my grandma to another state and she was gone in a little over a year - where she had been healthy until then - it is soul crushing to have to move elderly. A note to the younger folks - people in their 80 (with no cognitive decline) are still in their 40s or 50s mentally - a lot of their 'anger' can be due to declining health issues.
Friend sold his mother's house and moved this elderly lady but I told him you shouldn't move her out her routine but he said she's fine with it, a few months he's back and dejected because mother gets confused and wanting to go back to her old place and routine which is impossible.
How do you owe 350k on a "family home"? How many HELOCs have been taken out over the decades? Their equity percentage should be wayyyyy higher than like 1/3.
True
I searched the replies for this comment. It's exactly what I was thinking.
Exactly. This house must be already paid off. Dad is not and was not good with finances.
I was wondering the same thing.
I was thinking maybe he did a reverse mortgage???
When my father in law died we asked my mother in law if she wanted to move in with us, she jumped at the opportunity.
She had the money to live alone but her whole life was her family and her husband.
She would have been very lonely if she lived alone.
2 of our 3 boys had moved out and the last one was in high school.
It was great she would come with us to high school events our kids saw how important it is to help family.
The only sad part was she died 2 years after her husband on the exact day.
I should add that is was a little hard on my wife in the last 2 few months watch her mother die but is was better then dying alone.
Awe!! You guys are very caring people! ❤
81 years old and he still has a mortgage?! That is really sad.
Yes. "Family house"? That's usually a home that's been in the family for generations. Or at least paid off by 81 years old. We're 58/56 and our family home has been paid off for 6 years.
@@lot2196 We paid off our family house when we were 39/41. I’d have a stroke if I still had a mortgage at 82 (or even 51). Jeez.
Yeah, a $300k+ mortgage when he only makes ~$2k a month. Sad
My grandmother died with a couple of mortgages on her house at 82. Sometimes you do what ya have to in order to get your kid a good trial lawyer. And when you have nothing but 1200/month coming in. You do what you have to.
He should just rent at this point.
Or do interest only.
IDK
George made a fantastic point about a house with nostalgia and good memories becoming a place associated with bad memories if they wont let it go.
5 years ago my grandparents downsized from there nostalgic family home for very different reasons. They were emotional and so were we, but they agree that it was one of the best decisions they ever made.
The home was getting old and they weren't even physically able to take care of it as much so they would have had to start throwing tons of their hard-earned money at a house with a list of problems longer than the Magna Carta.
Instead they downscaled, which actually got them closer to family, which improved their quality of life and its been nothing but a blessing.
This is great wisdom from George that people need to remember. It can be hard to let go of emotionally memorable houses, but it will be a memory at some point no matter what, let it be a good one.
I am in a very similar situation. My dad's doctor told him that he could not live alone anymore. This definitely helped in the decision making. It was not hard to convince my dad to sell his house and move in with my wife and I. We have to treat him like he is 4 years old. We try to give him as much freedom as possible without letting him hurt himself financially or physically. He is much happier with us than he was living alone.
Maybe he having someone sort of watching over his shoulder so to speak makes him feel better. I think fathers feel like they always have to be strong one for the kids, like the protector, so it is a little harder for them to admit they need the support of their kids.
do the paperwork to get all the money back if you continue to help him. The correct thing to do is sell the house.
Sorry I ment yo sent this to Dave
Amber and her brother sound so nice to help him out. Not everyone would. I wish them all the best
It's her father. Sheesh. You sound nice. NOT!
@@miketheyunggod2534I don't know what this comment means. Just came to be negative?
It’s power of attorney time. This is sad to listen to as folks love to scam the elderly. Dave gave the right advice here.❤
No, it's conservator-ship time.
Those scammers can rot in hell. They stole 10 grand from my grandmother years ago by pretending to be me - her “grandson” - saying I needed money desperately for bail.
10k! Did she get it back? that's awful
hey i mean everybody gotta eat, they are doing what they can just be smart enough not to fall for it, its a cruel world .
@@tigranpotikyan782Okay, so you wouldn't be angry if someone just took your car?
@@tigranpotikyan782 taking advantage of elderly. Really.
You need to watch Scammee Payback
Reminds me of my dad almost getting scammed shortly before he retired. He was looking for a used car and found a local ad on the internet. The car was listed way below its estimated value, so he contacted the seller. The seller's listed phone number had a local area code, so he didn't think much of it. The seller then kept insisting that my dad send thousands of dollars as a deposit before seeing the car in person. I'm glad he called me to tell me about it because everything about it sounded fishy to me. My dad was adament that the deal was too good to pass up. For the first time in my life, I angrily raised my voice toward him trying to convince him it was a scam. Thankfully he took my advice.
Those Indians, man
81 years old with a $340,000
MORTGAGE!
He had 60 years to pay something off
Two lifetimes of payments.
Please don’t do this people.
Sell the house-pay everything off.
Set him up with a small apt to take care of & give him some breathing room.
When dealing with family members and money Dave is sooo right, document everything in a legal contract with every option laid out clear for everyone involved to sign. Family emotions and money are like vinegar and water, I learned the hard way. It only costed me $4K, but was worth the lesson.
My new book “Grandma, Don’t Click That Link!“ can help you educate your loved ones about digital scams.
Knew of two brothers locally that went thru an inheritance issue. The elderly parents co-signed a loan for one of the brothers for a business venture that went south. They bailed him out to the tune of $80k. A few years down the road both parents had passed away. The bailed-out brother shows up to get his half and the other brother wanted 80k subtracted from the estate before it was split. They don't speak to this day.
sounds like a deal
It's too bad that an 82-year-old still has a mortgage and a pretty hefty one (over $300K) at that. I'm 76 and would still be paying a mortgage had I stayed in CA. I got wise, moved to another state 20 years ago, took what I made by selling what I had in CA and bought a better house for cash, which I plan to live in until I go 10 toes up.
Dad needs to move to Texas and live with family. No sane person would move from Texas to Oregon in 3 years to live in family home with big mortgage.
In Oregon since he is a senior citizen they have strict laws regarding seniors and scams! I would call the Attorney General Office in Oregon.
If the scammers are in a foreign country, they can't be touched thru normal law enforcement.
Most scammers are outside of the US. It is very difficult to do anything about them.
When Dave said "I assume it's a normal state with standard laws" about Oregon, I lost it. Both my husband and I laughed so hard. No Dave its not. Portland run the state. And Portland is far from normal. -SW WA resident.
Oregon resident here. 👍
😂
That made me laugh, too. Oregon is a mess. It's not a normal state.
I think he meant in terms of the housing laws.
Dave assumes he's right 100% of the time...
We had a similar situation when my mother passed away, thankfully, the three children had an agreement in writing, because each of us had different means at the time. Great advice, Dave!
This is so sad. My mother is 'street smart' and fell into a scam after recovering from surgery. She wasn't thinking right. That was the only scam she fell for and she stands on the soap box when it comes to speaking out against these activities. My mother is almost 90. This is the generation that should be holding onto the family purse strings..... Some of the bad things about technology that makes this world an evil place.
90 and ill. Give your mom and those left of her generation some grace. As we age, our faculties fail us; add illness in the mix, it's a recipe for disaster. It's when the wolves come. Wolves don't attack the young and strong. They go after the weak. If my parents were alive today they'd be 101 and 93, but they passed in their 60s. My experience with my 94 year old grandmother however, was an eye opener! These Depression era people who counted every penny in their younger years, are defenseless prey to the worst among us. Laws need to be enhanced against these type of crimes.
Totally agree with Dave cause my parents left behind 40k in cc debt & 55k in mortgage. My sister wanted the house & had to buy it for 130k to settle their debt. House was worth 150k. Bro & I gave her a gift of equity so she could buy it. Hope she never sells it.
😂😂😂 she will. You got played.
I was a nursing home administrator for a decade and then started helping all my mother's friends and relatives until I moved in with mom for 3 yrs until she passed at 86. My experience informed me that every family needs to talk about best case and worst case scenarios as mom and dad get old. Start today no matter what everybody's ages and financial pictures look like. 75 seems to be a magic age when updates to documents and changes in living situation need to happen to settle the elderly person into a safe and contented housing and lifestyle. Every year beyond that it is harder on the elderly people to make the changes. It is stressful and confusing to move your home at any age but especially for any frail elderly person with any cognitive decline. I heartily endorse Dave's advice and respect the caller's rational and caring strategy. I do NOT endorse dumping old people into nursing homes unless they are completely disabled mentally or physically. That's why I moved in with my mom.
I've also worked in the industry and denial amongst family members was a huge hindrance to getting their parent or grandparent into a suitable/safe situation for them. It was extremely frustrating, at times, because they would fall apart and need hand holding when it was their family member who was the one actually in crisis and needing intervention. I realise it comes with the job but it became too much for my patience and I felt I was not really helping the people I was supposed to be helping. Though, my absolute worst are the family members whose denial is rooted in not wanting to drain their inheritance so they leave their parent in an unsuitable and neglected situation so no extra money was spent. You really see the best and worst of humanity in aged care sector.
@@vanessac1721 So so true. I was the main contact for families regarding finances and was so disgusted by their selfishness about the elder's assets. One time I used the word "welfare" referring to Medicaid and the response was "how dare you insinuate she'll be on welfare!". This was an affluent family planning their "spend down" strategy. I'll just say for other viewers that even though caring for your parent who is regressing to infantilism, it was also the most rewarding thing I've done . I knew that my mother was content when a Hospice social worker asked mom how she was doing and mom with a big smile said "I'm just fine" and pointed at me and said "She takes good care of me and she's not even family". I was not offended but honored that I'd accomplished my goal of keeping her safe and comfortable, enjoying her own preferences of food and bedtime routines, etc, and spending time visiting friends and family rather than sitting in a geri-chair in the hallway or activities room with a crowd of other feeble and half-demented people she did not know.
My five sisters all fully supported me, never asked about mom's money (she was not wealthy but had a small savings that we used up while living together). 12 years later they still thank me for caring for mom so they didn't have to stress and worry all the time.
So bless you for trying and as the corporate geriatric cash cow keeps growing we need to keep talking about the spiritual and moral costs of neglecting our elders.
My parents, like many, thoroughly stubborn, utterly unrealistic. Lack of planning and when the inevitable happened to one of them the other was left incompetent, which required a tremendous effort by a sibling g who lived close to rectify a problem he had spent years warning them about.
The will was a mess as well and all unrealistic.
@@patty109109 I think it's difficult for elderly people to take advice or instruction from their own children. Kudos to you and your siblings for trying. I wonder if people they respect would have more influence. Pastor, Doctor, Tax accountant, investment consultant.... Maybe the Ramsey team could put together a program for seniors with Dave being the messenger (his gentler side, lol,) not his younger acolytes. A special event that middle aged people could go to or watch WITH their aging parents to get some credibility for their advice.
Mr Ramsey is really generous and wise. His advice is invaluable.
Dave is 💯 percent right.
Completely agree.
there is no such thing as a forever house. its just a structure. SELL THE HOUSE. he can't afford it.
Exactly...sell it. Not worth the hardship
the guy must reverse mortgage that thing a couple times . How can you owe 340k on a 550k house when you are 82 and that is your family house . He probably bought that thing in the 70s for 50k and took equity out of it everytime he could
@@ericl6386and now his daughter is paying his bills.
How can that house be a family homestead when the father still has a $340,000 mortgage on it? That number looks like a current house price.
Probably a reverse mortgage scam!
If it’s about the nostalgic home from their younger days, why does dad at 81 even have a mortgage?
It was probably refinanced at some point to bail out a family member, or family members needed a new boat or something. I've seen this with my own eyes. Some people view owning a home as a piggy bank that you get to raid.
@@darkbee2359it was definitely the boat 😂😂😂
Nostalgia House??? He's 81 still has a mortgage of $300,000. Sell the house & go help the man.
My Father is the same age but was being scammed by his stepson. We just ended that thankfully and at least the house is paid off. People that scam the elderly will have a special place to go to in the end. 🤦🏽♂️
Relax girl my FIL left us with a $70k CC debt before he passed. Sell the house, Don't do this to your husband.
You are not legally required to pay the debts of another person, including your parents, when they pass away. More people need to know this
@@nicholasselke5214 His estate does before any inheritance goes out, though.
@@nicholasselke5214please elaborate
@@nicholasselke5214this is very true, but the deceased estate is liable. Just another reason to have the talk with mom or dad in setting up a protection to keep them from spending foolishly when their mind is not fully functioning with common sense.
@nicholasselke5214
But his estate does.
Poor woman sounds heartbroken. Legal action for sure needs to be taken if possible for his own good. He is clearly unable to take care of himself.
Lock credit so no one can steal his identity or open accounts.
Dave’s take is the best case. It’s incredibly likely that dad needs some end-of-life medical care has to tap into the equity and there’s nothing left.
Poor Grandpa. This breaks my heart 💔
the guy must reverse mortgage that thing a couple times . How can you owe 340k on a 550k house when you are 82 and that is your family house . He probably bought that thing in the 70s for 50k and took equity out of it everytime he could
Yep.
Has Dave done a show on reverse mortgages? Anyone know? It could make sense to keep him in the house but it won't preserve equity for the inheritors. I see a lot of negative headlines on it but haven't looked into it.
Dave nailed this one as usual. The father needs to go into a home now. He's lonely and talks to the only people he can, scammers in Nigeria. He will be much happier
I know of 2 Nigerian Princes that didn't get his father's cash, Fela Kuti and King Sunny Ade, both excellent Afrobeat bandleaders!
I had a friend that was the caretaker for a an unrelated family friend that was a sucker for every hard luck story that came his way. Usually people he knew and that honestly were having troubles. But he didn't have a lot of money and certainly not enough to be giving thousands to near strangers who in turn wasted most of it on booze and drugs rather than actually making their lives better. My friend had power of attorney so he could do some things to hold down the spending. In the end he died with less than 500K and had blown through over a million in his last couple years. He had one estranged son (he'd give money to strangers but didn't have the time of day for his own son, who had never done anything to deserve that treatment). At least my friend was able to ensure there was something left for him.
What I don't understand is that when I try to buy gas at the corner store my cc denies the charge, but CC's are fine sending 100s of thousands from an elderly person's account to Pakistan???
Same reason passwords lock you out of your own account but hackers circumvent the security. Lowest hanging fruit so financial institutions appear to be tight with security, until it hits their bottom line.
Outside of the credit cards why not downsize the house to one that is half the size and will have a far smaller/shorter mortgage. Then in short time it would be paid off and he would would be able to take care of himself.
Call the attorney general! I know in WV our attorney general will go after scams against the elderly.
So sad to listen to this. My parents are in a similar situation. Screw nostalgia, sell that house! You can drive by and look at the house and not be in the same predicament when you are old.
Family Home = Childhood home
It does not mean the family has owned the home since the 1800s.
My friend went through this & medical examination showed dementia. He couldn’t see the mistake of continuing to fall for scams.
Get a good medical exam, too.
I’m sure the other sibling would help, if they were financially able. If you’re able, you do what you have to do to take if your family.
I wouldn’t get petty about who’s paying what and who isn’t.
I can tell she is really hoping she will inherit her childhood home and gets to move into it.
Maybe she just wants him to stay in his home
No, what you are doing is assuming.
A real husband would say sorry pops. That is my truck & vacation money.
Why is it okay to not pay your credit card debt in full, but any other debt is “you signed the name on the line” kind of deal?
Family house with nostalgia but owe all that money in a mortgage. How many times did Dad cash out refi the house?
Sad situation but very common with older parents living in a nice house and no money or retirement
I was in a similar situation and we decided to have my mother file a chapter 13 not a 7 which does not put a lean on your home. Yes we pay a monthly fee to pay back over time but its better then trying to haggle with creditors in hopes of trying to settle for less. And the debt was north of 40k
Move dad to Texas, Oregon is a trainwreck of high property taxes and crime, with a few small towns for Portlandia refugees. If you're OK with small-town life, make sure you're 80 miles from the crazy city, and well outside the Willamette valley!
a lot of people are living at these sort of expenses nowadays. Bringing in a certain figure a month and only having a few hundred dollars for expenses and food. It's so crazy where the economy is these days.
How many heloc on that house, 81 years old with a mortgage is no way to live
Uncle David❤ I'm stressed out, annoyed, sick of stupid people.. NEED MONEY AND A VACATION
step 1: put the father on board to sell
2: find him an affordable place
3: put him on a budget
4: monitor his phone/computer activity remotely with the anydesk software or any remote control software for ios/android or mac/windows
This one hurt my heart
Dad has to have some type of health concern to repeatedly keep falling for this. Not sure why they are so set on keeping this family house that's far from being paid off. She's in denial, the aging process is hard and this will get worse. The time to act is now.
Thank you🥰✌🏽💐😍🤓❤️
I don't understand. Her dad is living in the family home, if it is the family home, why does he owe $340k? Shouldn't it have been paid for decades ago?
My god imagine being 81 with a 350000$ mortgage why are people this dumb my house also worth around 550k its paid for we got 200k in retirement 40k in savings me and wife 37 years old we have never made over 100k combined until the last 3 years
Yes. My eyes got big when she said he had a mortgage. I get if there are memories in the house, but how long has he 'owned' this house. Assuming he bought the house in his 30's, that's a 50 year mortgage. That makes no sense.
@@kasession they partied like a rock star amazing vacations nee cars high priced liquor no savings
Someone needs to move in with dad. Or students can rent 2 rooms from his house and pay low rent to supplement his income.
That is a great title! 🤣🤣🤣
Sell the house. Buy dad a small 1 bedroom condo. Pay off his debts.
Dad already took out a Heloc on the house
Owes 340k on a house at 81 years old? WTH are they thinking?
Hes definitely done a 2nd mortgage to finance his terrible behavior
Freeze his credit so he can't open more
81 yrs old and still has a mortgage! 😮
I wonder when he bought this house. Did he take out a second mortgage or equity loan? They need to check into all that. Tell him to sell the house and move into a Senior apartment. Then he probably could buy a decent car to drive.
This is nuts.. sell the house, pay the debts and take your dad in. Problem solved.
The house isn't nostalgic, the memories are. SELL SELL SELL
Sell the house and settle the debt! Then have him move in with one of the kids and the siblings can chip in monthly for the expenses. Why is an 81 year old man living a $550 thousand dollar home!!??? Makes no sense.
Only 2 siblings that are financially stable. But not necessarily mentally??
Go to court and get him declared incapacitated, so you get control of his bank account and no one can get a penny out of the bank accounts.
Sell the house, he's already lost it and you'll hate the house by the time this situation resolves.
Also, delete the computer, like seriously throw it out the window and cut the internet, He can't afford it and clearly has no idea how to use it safely.
I've lived much the same thing, if we (The family) had gotten rid of the damn computer and sold the house it would have saved us so much blood sweat and tears.
Uncle David CID MARINES Police Officer 25 years 😊 Jag hired me ❤
Sometimes you need to make the hard decisions, specially when it comes to elderly people.
sell the house! Keep the memories not the house. He doesn't need a big house at 82 years old and you don't need to continue to make payments on anything.
I cannot understand why you would torture yourself and your loves for a property you did not value enough to make plans for its maintenance.
At 82 with such a big mortgage I paid my mortgage off at 52 im 58 now 😮
If this was like a 22 year old, Dave Ramsey would be hard and tell them to kick him to the curb. Instead he tells everyone in the family to get together and chip in to help keep a roof over the guy's head even though everyone already warned him about scams.
Not the same situation.
Option 1: Sell the house outright and use the $550k equity to fund the rest of his life. Sucks that he loses his family home, but them's the breaks.
Option 2: Transfer the mortgage into your name (or a trust). You are already supporting him financially. At least now he can live out his days in his home, while you get security for the money you spend to support him.
There really isn't a plan where he keeps the house in his name.
How do you have a nostalgic house that you still owe $340K on?. Most nostalgic houses have been in the family for generations and have been paid for long ago.
Family house at 81 that is not paid off really? My house is the family house and it will be paid off by the time I am 50 years old
She just wants that house after he dies, that’s why her “heart is broken” 🙄
81 yrs old with a mortgage? WTF?
Dave will not say what the correct answer is here. He should get a reverse mortgage and pay off the existing mortgage with it, plus have a line of credit he can draw on to support himself as needed. Immediately, that $1,700 mortgage payment goes away, he has his entire income to work with each month, and he gets to stay in his beloved family home. When he dies, the house gets sold, the reverse mortgage is done, and there is no family drama about who gets what and recouping expenses.
Well now i want to know what unusual about Texas law ?
Guilt is what’s keeping Dad in the house. Can Dad move in with any of the kids? Can another family member or close friend move in with Dad to supplement his income? Accompany Dad to his Doctor & find out if it’s safe for him to live alone. Call your local Board of Social Services to apply for Medicaid & see what services he might be eligible for. See if his town has a Senior Center, to get out of the house & socialize.
Maybe include interest on each of those 1k you give per month... I mean in 7 years that 1k you help pay the mortgage will be like 2k...
2 words - reverse mortgage. Which is what they are doing anyhow.
Statistics are useful for predicting the life expectancy of large populations, and useless for predicting the life expectancy of individuals.
If everyone in your Family who dies of old age, lives to 100+ years old
At his age, he could get very sick soon, and expenses will go up exponentially.....Nursing Home ? Are you gonna pay for that too ?
This is not adding up. How is this a family home that is so hard to get rid of if it's still 2/3 mortgaged?
I understand it's hard to relocate in your 80s, but this doesn't sound like a heritage question, more of just a preference. Moving somewhere smaller will be better in maintenance and costs.
Yeah this makes zero sense. Sounds like dad makes stupid decisions all the time, like financing half a million dollars at age 70 or whatever. Oh and of course there's no retirement, no pension, no nothing. The family needs to divorce themselves from this cancer ASAP.
Yes, the problems are a lot deeper. Why did he take out the mortgage? Were the kids completely unaware that Dad is not able to handle his finances?
@@sharonfleshman6961 IKR... Why refer to the house as a "Family home" if based on equity, he's has it at most 10 years. It's not been in the family 100 years or anything, it's just a house.
5th GO: Salute all Colours not cased, especially in the line of Watch, always be observant of Commandant College and Officer's Attention Hut .. Farts are Art. 15s ..
How can it be a family nostalgic home? He couldn't have owned it long because he owes 340 of 550 value.
Heck, I could pass for a Nigerian princess with a NY accent.
😅
Damn. 😢
Aren't credit cards unsecured? Mine also have been unsecured.
81 years still mortgaged wow😮😮😮
How can it be a nostalgic home yet still have more than half the mortgage left?